How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - From Dateless to Dates on Demand! How to Improve Your Profile and Get 2 Dates Per Week (Part 4 of 4)

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

Are you struggling to get great matches on the apps? Get ready for the game-changing finale of a 4-part series on the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Profile. Your host, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett, reveals how to troubleshoot and fix 7 hidden profile problems. Want to land two dates a week? Listen now!Highlights of this Episode Include:01:52: The 12 Essentials You Need for Great Results06:15: Ben’s Success Story: From 3 Matches to 87 Matches (!) in Just 2 Days09:44: How Connell Diagnosed His Own Profile to Go from Crickets to Dozens of Matches14:41: Problem 1: Crickets After Launching: How to Diagnose the Issue16:42: Problem 2: Only Getting Mediocre Matches: What to Adjust20:27: Problem 3: Matches, But No Replies: Why She’s Not Messaging Back25:14: Problem 4: Matches, But No Dates: How to Fix the Issue27:15: Problem 5: Not Seeing Women You Want to Date: A Simple Solution30:07: Problem 6: Your Profile LOOKS Good But Still Flops: The Key Photo You Need34:26: Problem 7: Getting Ghosted Often: Why Women Disappear Suddenly39:44: PLUS: Why You Must, Must, MUST Use Hinge!Listen now to make your phone a date-generating machine!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO FIND OUT IF DATING COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU:http://www.datingtransformation.comWANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[e-mail]

And I just want you to know that you can, and if you want to, you will, find success and dates and love on dating apps. ["Dating Apps"] Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, Dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a lot of matches and dates on the apps, and find a great girlfriend.

Yes, finding her from online dating. And I know it's possible because that's how I met my incredible girlfriend, Jess. I met her on a dating app and I've met many many women on dating apps as have my clients So yes online dating success is possible Even if you've never had a date from the apps, even if you struggle on the apps, it is fixable Welcome to part four of four the special four part series I've been doing called the twelve essentials of an irresistible online dating profile to get you matches and dates. If you haven't listened to parts one through three, I suggest you go back

and check them out because today's episode won't make a lot of sense to you otherwise. Basically there are 12 essentials that you need to have handled to get a lot of good matches on the apps. And today's episode is about once you have those 12 essentials all in place on your profile and you've relaunched your profile, today's episode is about troubleshooting some issues that might come up along the way in case you have some roadblocks. So go back and listen to parts one through three if you haven't already. First let's do a really quick review of what the 12 essentials are and then I'm going to go through seven problems and seven fixes that you might come across

once you relaunch your profile with these 12 essentials in place. So today's episode is about troubleshooting, problems and fixes. But first, let's review, do a really fast review of what the 12 essentials are. Number one, a swipe magnet first photo. Basically a really great portrait in that first slot. That's essential number one. Essential number two is a second really good portrait. I call it the one-two punch.

You want your first two photos on your profile to be really good magnetic authentic portraits of you. Well dressed, looking good, but also different outfits and different vibes. So essential number two is a second portrait in the second slot to help you get more matches because women like to see those first two great portraits. Essential number three is an action-oriented or quote masculine photo. You doing something action-based.

Essential number four is social proof. A photo of you doing something out in the world, living a cool fun social life. social proof. Essential number five is a heartstrings element. What I call the ah photo, or it could be an ah prompt. Something to tug at her heartstrings, because hey, dating is not just about good photos. Online dating isn't just about good photos. It's about tugging at people's heartstrings, making them feel the feels.

Essential number six is flirty energy and good date vibes. We wanna have some kind of flirtatiousness on your profile. Essential number seven is a good profile hook, something that hooks her interest from the very first words that she reads on your profile. Humor, something unusual, something that creates curiosity. We gotta hook her interest or else she's gonna swipe left. Essential number eight is a

concept called show, don't tell. Show what a great guy you are. Don't tell her but show her. Go back and listen to the recent episodes for me to detail that. Essential number nine is specificity equals standing out. So be specific in how you talk about yourself. Specificity, not vague, not vagueness, not cliches. Essential number ten is showcase your personality and your humor. Specifically your authentic sense of humor. You want to make a woman laugh at least once. You can get her laughing out loud at your profile, you're going to get matches and

she's going to want to have dates with you. Essential number 11 is signaling emotional maturity. A prompt or something in your bio that shows you've been working on yourself shows you've learned a thing or two in your life. Women want to date an emotionally mature man. And the 12th essential of an online dating profile that gets matches is no red flags. Remove the red flags. Remove the things that'll make a woman go, I don't think so, he's drunk in that photo, or he's negative, or he seems toxic, or he's crass. We want to remove those red flags. Okay, so those are

the 12 essentials. Today I'm going to help you troubleshoot and because here's what could happen. You get your 12 essentials all handled, you launch your profile and then all of a sudden you're still not getting a lot of great matches and that's not actually that uncommon. So if this happens, don't panic, don't sweat it. I want to give you a mindset tip. Here it is. Once you relaunch your profile, I want your mantra to be bring the data, not the drama. You want data, not drama. You just want to look at your profile and look at the numbers. How many matches am I getting? How many good matches? How many women have hearted or liked me? If you have a profile on a platform that lets women do that, like on Hinge for example, you want to look at the data and not get sucked into drama. Okay?

Drama, panic, feeling frustrated, dejected, that's not going to help you. Best case scenario, it's going to bum you out and you're not going to have the kind of fun, enjoyable time online dating should be for you. Worst case scenario, you're going to say, oh, damn it, this doesn't work for me and you're going to give up. That's going to cost you. It's going to cost you something wonderful like a girlfriend or dates. So let me give you a quick story. This is my client, Ben, 37 year old, former client, Ben 37. He's an engineer, great guy. And he worked with me, we relaunched his profile. I used the same 12 essentials with him that I'm using with you.

Of course, with my clients, I can help them in a really personalized way. So we relaunch Ben's profile. And he does a little bit better. He was getting nothing at first. We relaunched his profile. He got like three or four good matches in that first week, but that's still not enough for him at least. And so we looked at his profile.

We started to troubleshoot. That's what today's episode is about, troubleshooting. So we looked at Ben's profile and I looked at it with him and I said, you know what? These first two photos, the first photo feels a little bit stuffy. He was wearing a jacket and tie, and it looked good on paper, but it just didn't say the real authentic Ben. It seemed a little editorial. And then I said, Ben, we took some photos of you on the beach, right? Because he's a big surfing guy. He said, Yeah, I said, let's swap in. Let's swap in two photos of you from that beach setting. Ben's a former lifeguard, he likes to surf. So we swapped

in two photos from the beach. One showed him holding his surfboard, looking at the camera, smiling, laughing his ass off, sun setting behind him. Very chick crack. Beach photos, very chick crack. Very attractive to women. And then the second photo, it wasn't a portrait. It was just him laughing and joking with some friends playing frisbee on the beach. So very active. So we added two photos, beach Ben, with his surfboard and flinging his frisbee. In two days, he went from getting two or three matches to 83 matches, literally 83 matches. And about I would say about half of those were really

good high quality matches. So 4045 quality matches 83 total. And that's the power of of a really good profile. And that's also the power of diagnosing what might be holding your profile back. By the way, if you want proof of this, go to my website, you can actually see a screenshot of Ben's hinge and you'll see all the giant queue of cute women who have matched with him. I have Ben's hinge profile, at least one screenshot on my homepage. So go to datingtransformation.com and about half scroll halfway down, you'll see a picture of Ben and you'll see 83 matches. So that's the Ben I'm talking about. And and the same as possible for you. Okay, maybe

not 83 matches in two days. Ben lives in New York City, where there's lots and lots and lots of women. But you don't need to live in New York City to get a lot of matches. What you do need to do is you need to have these 12 essentials and then be able to go through and diagnose possible issues if you don't instantly get tons of matches. So I'm going to go into these seven problems and seven fixes in a second. One quick story and I want to share a story about my own problem with online dating or I should say my own troubleshooting. So I'm a professional dating coach.

I've been working on online dating for 20 years and teaching it for 13 years. But even me, even I'm going to launch a profile now and then and my first version might not work very well. So when I first launched a profile on a dating app called Field, F-E-E-L-D, my profile tanked. I got virtually no good matches or leads. And I looked at it, I diagnosed it using the same diagnostic system I'm going to share with you today. And I looked at it and I said, okay, so field is it's kind of the it's the kink app. Although people just do regular dating there as well. Field is for people who are more sexually expressive, sexually

adventurous. Field is for everything from hookups to regular dating to some really crazy out there king stuff. No shame here. Anyway, so I launched my field profile and the first couple variations didn't really do much for me and I'm a professional dating coach. And so I tried to take my own advice. I said, Connell, bring the data, not the drama.

I looked at the numbers. I looked at, I just, basically I started to analyze my profile instead of judge myself or judge online dating. I avoided some negative story. Online dating just doesn't work. I'm like, no, let's look at the data. Let's diagnose this. I looked at my profile and I realized, oh, you's let's look at the data. Let's diagnose this. I looked at my profile, and

I realized, Oh, you know what you're missing? You're missing sexuality and flirtatiousness, especially on field where you can be much bolder and more direct in your sexual communication, much more so than, you know, 20, you know, match.com. I almost said 23 and me. It's a very different kind of platform You can be much more sexually Bold on an on a dating platform like field and I look at my profile and I thought you know what I've got good photos But I don't really have the kind of flirtatious quote unquote

kink friendly energy that I needed. Made some adjustments, changed the hook. I changed a couple of things I wrote and then I relaunched it and then boom, I had 8, 10, 12 really good matches in just a couple of days. And yeah, that's all you got to do. And so trust me on this. If you relaunch your profile with these 12 essentials, you very well might get a lot of great matches instantly. And if you do party, celebrate, enjoy it. But if

you don't, or if you don't get the level of matches that you want, don't sweat it. It's very normal to not have instant fast matches. Remember online dating is not really dating, it's marketing. Or at least your profile is a piece of digital marketing. So don't think of it like, don't take it personally. Bring the data not the drama and remind yourself hey I'm just a couple of adjustments away from success. So these diagnostic adjustments I'm talking about today in part four is gonna help you get the ultimate result we want for you which is

this. We want you having a profile that I call set it and forget it. Meaning once you've diagnosed these issues, if you have any issues, once you get these problems all ironed out and your profile starts working, then you're good. You can set it, you can forget it, it'll just bring you matches and bring you good leads and good options, pretty much indefinitely. I've been using the same basic online dating profile for five or six years now. I do make changes and adjustments just for fun and for testing because I'm a dating coach. It's good for content, it's good for my coaching and learning different things. But basically, I haven't really changed my profile in any inherent way because I know it's going to work. So yes, online dating is a lot of work. Yes,

it's frustrating at times. Yes, 12 essentials is a lot of essentials to have to go through. I'm just giving you what works. And it's worth it in the long run, because again, once you get that profile that's that's converting, it's good to go. Okay, and it'll pretty much convert on almost any dating platform too. So you can also move it around from app to app. Okay, let's get into it. Let's talk about the seven profile problems and seven fixes. Let's do it. Let's troubleshoot. Troubleshooting problem number one, you relaunch and it's crickets. It's crickets. Very few new good matches at least compared to what you want. Here's the likely root cause.

First thing you want to look at is your first two photos. Those first two portraits and see if they're strong enough. There's a very likely chance that your first two photos aren't strong enough, period. Here's how to tell. Use PhotoFeeler to test these first two portraits. And ideally you would like the first two portraits to both score a seven or higher in attractiveness on photofeeler. If your first two photos don't score that high that could be getting in the way and we want that number to try to get to a seven in attractiveness if possible. That doesn't mean you have to be a super handsome Hollywood handsome guy, it just means we need portraits that make a woman feel a seven or higher when she grades you. So if you're struggling, look at those first two photos and do a test on PhotoFeeler.

And see if you get a seven or higher in attractiveness. And if you don't, swap out a new photo that does, it could be as simple as simply swapping in new and improved portrait. And by now in the process, you should have already had a photo shoot done. And the reason why you want to have a photo shoot done is you want lots and lots and lots of good portraits of yourself so that you can test out different ones to find the photos that work. So you want to take dozens and dozens of portraits with a photographer and that gives you ammo to test lots of things. Okay troubleshooting problem number two or a second possible problem is you relaunch but you only get

low quality matches. You do get more matches, but they're not quality, not the kind of women you're attracted to. The likely cause of this is your profile is too safe or generic. You're getting stuck in the online dating friend zone basically. And really quality attractive women who have who have lots of options aren't seeing the value in your profile. Here's a solution. Add a prompt or a photo or both that signals some kind of edge or passion or boldness. You don't want to come off as too safe and bland. You want to have something that shows ambition or passion or boldness.

So if you're getting only low quality matches, look at your profile. Do you have something on there that shows ambition? Very attractive, very dateable women want a guy who's ambitious. Or do you have a photo or a profile or a bio or a prompt that shows some kind of passion? It could be that women are matching, some women are matching with you, but a woman who's got options, she wants to feel something. She wants a guy who's got some passion for life.

So it could be as simple as adding a prompt that says something like, nothing lights me up like seeing a new country just last week, or sorry, last year, last year I climbed XYZ Mountain and I stood at the top thinking, oh my God, I'm so glad to be alive. Like that kind of prompt, I mean, make it true, don't make it up. I just improvised that one. But that kind of passion for life can attract higher quality matches or boldness can attract higher quality matches. Or also, you also want to look at your profile and ask, is there something here that shows my authentic personality? Because sometimes a really quality, attractive woman, she will match with you, but she doesn't see something she can relate to. So, for example, here's a good example of me struggling with this once.

I relaunched once on a dating profile and I wasn't getting the quality matches I wanted. And I realized, you know what, I'm not leaning into authenticity. I was trying to be a little bit too generically dream boyfriend and I wasn't being specifically Connell and Connell is is hipster hipster and hipster hipster cheeky nerd I'm cheeky I'm a hipster I'm a nerd I'm also a musical theater lover and so I put a cheeky cocky prompt on my profile which is very much me, a little sarcastic. And I put a photo of me doing musical theater. And I started matching with some really attractive women,

including women who love musical theater, who are into Broadway, who are into performance. All of a sudden, I was speaking to higher quality women because they saw what they want in me. So that's another possible solution here. Ask yourself, is this really me? Am I watering myself down too much or is there a way to dial up the authenticity piece? Because if the authenticity piece isn't there, you're

going to struggle. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped. Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't,

and radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I wanna personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching Here transformation.com book a free call today and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Here is the next possible problem a third a third problem you might come across which is you do get matches but no replies. So this is the third way to troubleshoot the third problem you might encounter. You do get better matches, which is great progress, but you're just not getting replies

when you reach out. So the likely root cause of this is not what you think. Probably. A lot of guys think, oh, she didn't reply. My opener isn't good enough. Well, you might think it's your opener, but what's probably more likely is that it's something that's a bit more hidden, which is that your profile is good enough to get matches but not good enough to get her invested enough in you to reply to your openers

Put another way. It's kind of like your profile. Is it a six out of ten? So that's six out of ten is just good enough to get a match, but not good enough to spark emotional interest in her or to get her really invested in you. OK, imagine you get a match with a so so woman. She's cute ish, but not really your type. She seems like she's got her life together, but she's not your wow girl. And then she messages you. Could you imagine a scenario where you just might be like, I don't really feel like responding to her. It wasn't her opener. It's that she's a maybe to you, but she's not a hell yeah to you.

Now imagine you match with Gal Gadot. Imagine Gal Gadot and you match on Bumble. How good does Gal Gadot's opener have to be to get you responding right away? She could write, hi, how's your day? How are you? She could write the most, how's your day? How are you? She could write the most boring cliched opener. But if she's gal good dough, you're gonna be like, Hi, hi, Wonder Woman. How are you? You're gonna write back. Why? Because you see her, you see her at a 10 out

of 10. You're super invested in her, right? So that's the way to think about this. If you're getting some matches, good matches maybe, but not getting replies to your openers, or she's going quiet, it's probably not just your opening skill set. It's going to be that she's only seeing you at a 5 or 6 out of 10. Good enough to match with, but not good enough to write back. Here's your solution. Go back and recheck your bio for one of these 12 essentials,

the one about humor and personality. I think that's number 10. Do you have a prompt that makes women laugh? Do you have something to make a girl giggle? Because you can have good photos, but if she thinks a date with you is going to be dull or boring, if she doesn't sense your personality, especially a personality that can make her smile and laugh, then you might get matches, but she's not going to reply to you and she's definitely not going to go on a date with you because women hate the idea of

a boring, dull, awkward date. So you could be attractive enough on your profile with your photos to get matches. If she doesn't write you back, you're probably lacking humor. So go back to those 12 essentials. Say do I have something that makes women laugh? This is funny. Yes. Test it with some female friends. Do some do some research here.

Make sure you have one part of your profile that makes women laugh. And I've got lots of tips for how to do that in previous episodes. Okay, here's the fourth troubleshooting tip, a fourth problem you might encounter. The fourth problem you might encounter is, yes, you're getting matches but you're not getting dates. You're just not getting dates. And this can be a couple of things. It could be texting related. That definitely is one possibility.

But in terms of your profile, the very likely root cause of you getting matches but no dates is that women aren't feeling a strong enough emotional connection. They see on paper that you're an attractive guy. Good photos, good style, employed, got some cool things going on in your life. You've got most of these 12 essentials handled. But if you're not getting dates, you just can't get a woman to go out with you, the likely root cause is she's not feeling an emotional connection, which means that we need to make sure that you have a good, that good heartstrings photo or heartstrings prompt. We want to make sure a woman has a sense for

who you are as a man, right? So make sure you have a heartstrings photo. You with a you, you and a good one, a cute photo of you and your dog interacting, your dog is licking your face, or your cat is trying to take your glasses off in a in a cute little video. Or maybe just a prompt that just talks about someone or something that you love something to make a woman we want we want every woman at some point to look at your about someone or something that you love. Something to make a woman. We want every woman at some point to look at your profile and somewhere go, aww. Okay, so

that can be a reason why you're not getting dates. Woman can feel like, oh yeah, good guy, good catch, but if she's not feeling an emotional connection to you, she probably won't go on a date with you. Okay. Troubleshooting tip number five, problem number five, which is you're not seeing women you're attracted to at all as you swipe. You're just not seeing women you're into. And the likely root cause there is that the algorithm is hiding higher quality profiles from you because your profile is not resonating with enough women.

By the way, I'm assuming you are doing a paid dating app. Always pay for dating apps. Always choose a tier that involves you paying them because that puts you in front of enough women for you to be able to get results. Okay, so if you're not seeing women you're attracted to and you're not and you're on the free version of the app, that could be the problem. So make sure you're paying for the app, whatever it is. Not because I want you to give your money to the dating platforms, just because you know you got to

pay a cover to get into the club to see the cute girls. It's like that. So anyway, likely root cause here is the algorithm is hiding better profiles from you. And that could simply be a side effect of you in the past having had struggled with online dating. Because every online dating platform gives your profile an internal score. The term is yellow score on Tinder, but different apps have different terms for it. Essentially every profile gets ranked on a 1 to 10 scale internally by the algorithm. The higher your score, the more attractive, datable, attractive, high quality women you'll be shown to. So if you're not even seeing options, assuming you don't live in the

middle of Nova Scotia, assuming you have some people who live around you, then the problem is the algorithm is basically saying your score is not high enough for us to show you to our top tier prospects. So a couple possible solutions. One is do some paid boosting. Boost your profile during prime time. At least a couple times. Do it two or three times, two or three nights in a row for an hour each night during prime time between 7 and 10 p.m. Or if you're on hinge, you could do a 24-hour boost. Do a 24-hour boost on hinge. Our goal here is to boost your profile and then not only will you see more women because you're boosting, you're paying for more

women to see, by reaching more women, knock on wood, you'll be getting more matches, some likes and matches that will tell the algorithm, oh Ryan here is starting to get matches and leads. Women are liking him and then your score goes up and then the platform starts showing you to other women, other people. So that'll fix the problem. Or another thing you could do is consider deleting and reinstalling the app. That's a last ditch effort. I don't like to do that unless you have tried first boosting, because I'm always a little bit nervous that different dating apps are catching on to the hack of deleting and reinstalling a dating app.

The last times I tried it on Tinder, I had no problems. Basically you delete the app, you say I'm done with you, wait a couple of days and then reinstall it and start again. And that should reset your dating app score. So you have a higher, better score with the algorithm, but you're basically starting over again. Last time I did it on Tinder and on Hinge didn't have any weird issues. I didn't get you know kicked off of the app or anything. But caveat here, your mileage may vary and I don't want to make you any promises. So I don't like to delete or and reinstall an app unless I've first tried to fix this with

boosting. Okay. Okay. Troubleshooting tip number six. Facing this problem. Let's say your profile looks great. You've got good photo feeler scores. You just know it looks good and good photos. But it's still flops. You're just not getting matches. Well, the likely root cause here is that it's too polished. It's too editorial. Your photos might look more like a branding campaign of you and showing off your good photo shoot, not showing the real you.

And I don't wanna lose sight of something super important, I haven't mentioned much today, but online dating success, so much of it is like real dating success which is authenticity wins. You need to make sure you are projecting an attractive, yes, but an authentic, candid, real version of you. We don't want it to be overly polished. So the root cause here, very possibly, is your profile feels like editorial. It feels like a piece of content you've created, which of course it is. But if women feel that way, it's tougher to match with them because it

takes her out of the moment and it makes it difficult for her to just sort of get lost in what it would be her to just sort of get lost in what it would be like to be with you. Remember you are telling a story with your online dating profile. Something I mentioned in the very first part one of this four part series, you're telling a story. The story is titled, look at what an attractive, authentic, great boyfriend I'll be. Look at what a great, authentic life I have. Don't you

want in? That's the story you want to tell. Your story is not, hey look at all the new photos I took in my photo shoot and that can hold you back. That can that can take women out of the moment. So the fix here is you simply want to go through your profile and look at it with through a new lens Ask yourself don't ask yourself. Are these quality photos ask yourself does this seem real? Does it seem like the authentic me? You might want to show this to a couple of friends or female friends and say hey does this seem like the real me the best Me or does this seem too polished and too editorial?

And what you could do then is one of the fixes you can try is make sure you break up, oh, and here's another way to test, do you have five, six, seven photos of portraits of just you looking at the camera? That's definitely too polished. Remember, first two slots on your profile should be good portraits, looking at the camera, but the rest should be very kind of slice of life,

raw, real versions of you. So if you've got five, six, seven portraits of you staring at the camera, add at least one, at least one, ideally two candid photos where you're not looking at the camera, caught in the moment photos where you're not looking at the camera, caught in the moment photos of you. That gives women that sense of like she's getting a glimpse into your life as opposed to looking at your cool photo shoot. Okay, and then here's troubleshooting

tip number seven. Number seven is you get good matches for this problem. You do get good matches, but you get unmatched a lot, or you get ghosted a lot, seemingly for no good reason. Like, why did she match with me? And then to totally go quiet or totally disappear or unmatch you. And this can happen. So what I'm talking talking, what I mean is you're texting your messaging, and then she goes quiet, she

unmatches you, or she just absolutely ghosts. And a little bit of that's going to happen. That's just the nature of the beast. But if it happens in a pattern, in a way that you've seen as a pattern, here's the likely root cause. The likely root cause is that your vibe feels off or inconsistent. You're messaging her in a way that feels different than the guy in your profile. There's an incongruity. There's an inconsistency. And here's a solution to this. Do not use chat GPT to write your bio. Do not use chat GPT or any AI to write your prompts or bio. You're going to sound like a robot. You're not going to sound like you. And then

you're going to, she's going to sense that as she's texting or messaging you, and she's going to disappear. She's going to feel This is going to feel off to her. Also having chat GPT write your bio and prompts can also keep you from getting matches in the first place because women, people in general, but women have a really good shit detector about computer written prompts and bios. It still doesn't really sound real. Sorry, it just doesn't. So do your profile the old fashioned way. Write it the old fashioned way.

Make it real, make it authentic. Don't use a computer, don't use chat GPT. Be congruent, be really authentic. And so basically the solution is go through your bio, go through your prompts and ask yourself, does this sound like me? Is this how I talk? Again, you can show your profile or bio to women you know and say, hey, does this seem like me or does this seem like somebody else? It's got to sound like you. Okay. Also, another way to look at this is does my bio and do my prompts

Does it sound written or does it sound spoken? You actually want your bio and prompts to sound the way you talk We don't want them to sound written and that's the problem with chat GPT is it's gonna write you a written sounding prompt or bio And it's just gonna it's gonna take a woman out of the moment. I had an interesting little moment a few months ago. I wrote a really funny prompt. One of my favorite prompts is, it's original, totally original. I wrote, if you like tall, handsome, fun, articulate, witty, charismatic, charming, financially secure men who love dogs and kids, dot, dot, dot, then you should meet my brother. And I got a lot of matches with that, a lot of laughs.

One woman, however, said, hey, that's very funny. Did you write that or was that chat GPT? So women have an antenna up about this. They have a guard up about guys who are faking their bios and prompts. So don't do it. It just doesn't work. Chat AI is not good enough yet. Maybe it will be one day, but it's just fake. So anyway, beware of an inconsistent vibe that doesn't seem like you. I would just show your profile to your best female friend or a woman in your life and say, hey, read this.

Does this sound like me? Or does it sound like I'm putting on an act and get rid of the act? Because women can sense that they don't want an act. They want the real authentic you. Okay. because women can sense that. They don't want an act. They want the real authentic you. Okay and again what you want to do here, so those are the seven problems and potential troubleshooting solutions. Basically let's keep it even simpler though. If your profile isn't immediately performing, keep the diagnostic flow pretty simple. Three steps. Number one, look at those first two

photos. Are they both seven plus in attractiveness on PhotoFeeler? Number two, check your prompts. Are they fun, authentic, specific, playful? Are they you, in other words? Do they bring value to a woman, potentially? And then step three is make one small tweak, maybe two at a time, then test it again, and then just keep readjusting. Really the secret formula here is you test it, you bring the data, not the drama, make some intelligent, educated adjustments, test that. If that works, celebrate. If it doesn't work, adjust, try again, retest. Okay? And then one really important tip I want to add is that you definitely want to be on Hinge. Hinge is my favorite dating app for a couple reasons. One, women on Hinge are very invested in dating. They're there for the right reasons. I found that Hinge has the fewest number of fake spam, scammers, robots. The women on Hinge are looking for

love, which is a beautiful thing. The other reason I love Hinge is that every single part of your profile on Hinge, every single photo, every single prompt, every single piece of it, is an opportunity for a woman to like slash heart that little piece and then you'll be informed. And this gives you valuable, not only does it give you matches when a woman matches with you or tries to match with you, it tells you what's working and what isn't working on your profile.

So what you can do, what you should do, make sure one of your online dating platforms is hinge. And as you're using it, notice what women are hearting or liking, which photos are getting matches, or what women are hearting or liking. Which photos are getting matches or which which women what prompts are women responding to. And of course, keep what's working. But

then look and see what's not working. Maybe this photo this photo of me holding holding a sea bass hasn't gotten me any matches. Maybe get rid of that. Try a different photo. But keep the photo of you with your cat jumping, you know, making biscuits on your stomach. That's adorable. Women love it. Keep that one, of course. So what you can do is learn what's working and what isn't. what works swap out what doesn't and

Then you can take The photos and the prompts that you know work from hinge and put them on bumble Put them on coffee meets bagel put them on whatever whatever other dating app you want to be on so you get a Get to kill two birds with one stone here you get matches on hinge Hopefully, I mean just hinge alone alone can, when it's working, will get you a lot of dates. But you can also use what you know is working from hinge because every single heart or like from a woman, you know what part of it she liked. And you can pour those proven pieces onto another dating profile. To the best of my knowledge, Hinge is the only platform that does this. You know, on Bumble, a woman pretty much likes the whole profile, but you're not sure what

part. On Tinder, she might like your profile, but you have no idea what she liked. On Hinge, you know that she liked your prompt about your addiction to matcha tea, whatever it is. On Hinge you know that she liked the shot of you with the jacket and tie sitting in the park. So just do what works. Yeah, well that's it. That is the end of part four. I guess the overall message I want to give you is a message of hope. I want to give you hope. Online dating does work. It can and does work. It's worth the effort. It's worth the toil. It's worth the testing because what we're taking you to is that place where once you finally get it dialed in, you don't have to do anything. You can set it and forget it. You're good to go.

Online dating is very competitive. It is very difficult for many, if not most men, to get a lot of matches, but it absolutely is achievable and attainable. It does work. I met my girlfriend Jess on a dating app. She's the most important person in the world to me. I love her so much. And there are countless women out there on dating apps, looking for good guys like you, looking for guys with a big heart, looking for cool nerds like me, looking for

nerdy nerds, for engineers, for software guys, for big hearted good gentlemen like you. And I just want you to know that you can, and if you want to, you will, find success and dates and love on dating apps. It takes work. I won't bullshit you. It's effortful, it's frustrating at times, but it can and does work. I have had well into three digits worth of dates. I've had probably a few hundred dates just from dating apps. And if I can do it, so can you. And last thing I'll mention is that, as you might know, I'm a dating coach, or of course you know that, but I do one-on-one coaching. And one of the things I do in my coaching is with the men I work with is we spend a

whole chunk of our time together overhauling their online dating profile, where I give my clients customized, personalized help. I'm literally writing their bio with them. I'm literally writing prompts for them and with them. I'm storyboarding out their photo shoot, giving them very personalized help. Literally, hey man, here's the first photo, here's what your third photo should be.

Here's a funny prompt, here's something that I think works for you This is what I was doing with Ben The guy who got the 83 matches in two days by the way, Ben was Ben was was Complaining quote-unquote a week later. He was like Connell. I have too many dates. I can't keep this up I have to turn down all these other women because I only have time to date Amanda Stephanie and Megan. I'm exhausted, LOL. That's the kind of success he was having. And that's the kind of high quality problem I want for you. So anyway, if you want to talk with me

about how dating coaching works and how I can help you with your profile, you can book a free call. dating coaching works and how I can help you with your profile, you can book a free call. All you do is go to datingtransformation.com, book the free call button, and then you'll fill out a really short, quick form. It takes 45 seconds and you can grab a time slot to chat with me about how to overhaul your profile. And again, it's no charge. Consultation calls are all free. And if we end up working together, amazing. You might be my next success story I talk about here on the pod. And if we don't, if we just have a conversation

and it's not a good fit, that's totally chill too, all good. Anyway, go to datingtransformation.com if you want some personalized help with your online dating so you can finally get matches and dates. Online dating changed my life. It really did. When I first got into working in my dating life 20 years ago, exactly 20 years ago, 2005. Man, I was so lonely.

I was hurting. I just felt like I was worthless to women. And I just didn't know how. I couldn't approach girls at the time. I never approached a girl until 2009. But back in the mid double zeros, when I started doing online dating, it really saved me. It gave me options. It gave me confidence once I once I figured it out. And yeah, online dating helped me find girlfriends, past helped me find the love of my life, Jess. And I hope it, I hope I want to help you. I hope this will help you find love using these 12 essentials. And if we end up working together, even better, I can help you one on one.

Anyway, datingtransformation.com book a free call with me if you'd like. Otherwise until the next episode, and don't forget, your dream girlfriend is out there. She's on the dating app right now actually. But she's gonna have to meet the real you with that kick ass great profile and the real authentic you. So go out there and find her and we'll talk next time. You