How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - From Playdates to First Dates: The Single Dad’s Dating Reset (Live Coaching with Zach!)

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Online dating is tough for most men. But when you’re a single dad, it’s hard to find the energy and motivation. In this live coaching session, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett helps his client Zach—a single dad re-entering the dating world—improve both his online dating profile and his mindset. Don’t miss Zach’s breakthrough moment (at the 42-minute mark) when he realizes the real reason he’s not meeting the kinds of women he’s into. Listen now!Episode Highlights:13:36: The Funny ‘DILF’ Prompt that Gets Women Laughing and Writing You Back26:02: How to Navigate Your Busy Schedule and Still Get Dates43:10: Zach’s “Aha!” Moment: “This is Why I Haven’t Had more Dates!”59:25: Zach Unlocks the Power of Fearless Flirting1:08:09: The Secret to Motivation, Action… and a Date by this WeekendDO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND? BOOK A FREE CALL WITH CONNELL TO SEE IF 1-ON-1 DATING COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU:http://www.DatingTransformation.com

That's kind of awesome and douchey what you just did. And then she gives me her number. Welcome back to another episode of How to Get a Girlfriend. I'm your dating coach, Connell Barrett. Think of me as your podcast guru here to help you get better on the dating apps, get more matches, flirt with women. and get a great girlfriend. And do it by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed.

And today I have a returning client for the first time ever, a two-timer. Welcome back to the podcast, Zach. Welcome, bro. Thank you. I don't know if that's good or bad. Since I'm back, it means I still need help. If I were doing better, I wouldn't need to be here. And I would be a one-timer.

You're doing great. Just for context. So, Zach, you were here many months ago as a single dad. You are getting back into the dating game and you're back on the apps and you're slowly but surely getting back into going out to meet some women. And you're also my personal trainer. So if for you, for those of you who are watching this video on Spotify, where there is video, you're seeing I have rippling huge muscles.

It's clearly because of this man. So anyway. You have a 10 pack. You have a 10 pack. At this point, right? I feel like I have a two-liter, not a six-pack. At least some days when I eat too much. But no, you got me looking good.

Anyway, so, yeah, let's just get to it. I know we were doing a little chat before we hit record today, and you were talking about some issues with the dating apps, some mindset stuff, and just some questions about the dating profile. So let's just make this a no-holds-barred question and answer. You're a single dad late 30s, is that right? 40 coming up on 41 i don't know how i'm sorry i thought you were okay 41 okay so early 40s 40 sorry that's right 40 is not early 40s it's actually 40 i'm counting or anything but uh yeah for sure

cool well yeah so you're a good guy looking to get back out there and you're on the apps where would you like to start what are you frustrated with what isn't working what can i help you with yeah all right cool well i think the last time we spoke i was kind of like slowly kind of gearing out but I would say really over the last couple of months I started taking it a lot more seriously and like really putting in the time I have this this guy that I know you may know him I think his name is Connell Barrett who keeps telling me that you have to do the work if you want any results and I hate to give you credit where credit is due but you are right so it's been on the on the

plus side on the on the positive side really over the last couple of months is it was like really put time away every day do this things kind of follow for lack of better term, I kind of like follow the steps and keep analyzing what's working and what's not. Definitely moving forward, definitely making progress, which has been awesome, matching with a lot more girls, a lot more texting back and forth, which has been great. A little frustration over the last week or two, which I'll kind of get into it a little bit, but it's kind of wanted to send your praises a little bit. So thank you again, because I mean, you know, we've talked about this lot during our sessions, but a lot of the guidance you've given me up so far to now has really helped

get me to where I am and which is away from where I was right and then also just you know going out and approaching I still want to vomit and have an anxiety attack and pee my pants half the time when I go out and I have to like cold approach but I still do it and then every time I do it it goes way better than I think it's going to go right okay so thanks man I appreciate it nice by the way vomiting in your mouth is my favorite opener yeah that's approaching so I did that on the last one, and we totally hooked up. It was weird. Didn't kiss it all. She probably vomited back. Yeah, it was, well, we kissed. It was weird. There was a lot of vomiting involved. But anyway,

let me stop messing around. So I think what I'd love to do, first off, is just do a quick profile check with you and just see what you think of my current profile. I don't know if we can do that over this. Should I just hold the phone up to the camera? Sure. Yeah, we can do that. I don't take, unless people are watching on Spotify, they can't see it. This is an audio medium, Zach. I don't know if you know that. Spotify is audio? Get out of here. No, a podcast is audio. Spotify is video. Has video on it. Spotify does have video? Yeah, we're on video on Spotify.

I didn't realize that this goes, our man. Yeah, Spotify is doing a whole YouTube thing where they're like video baby, so people will see your handsome head of hair. Okay, yeah, thanks, man. Here's my question. How can I get, I don't really care about it? How can I get a coach who's not an asshole. Yeah. One talking I get a coach who's not an asshole. The first step is firing you. And then if you need a coach who's not an asshole, your step is firing me.

So we're really off to a great start here. All right. Where's my profile? Okay, dude. My hinge. All right. While you're looking for that because you're such a good planner, you have told me about how you updated your

photos recently. You change your opening photo from, I forget what it was before, but a photo where you're making eye contact and you've seen an uptick in matches, right? This was the one I had as my open profile. Okay. Portrait of you, seated, laughing, looking to the camera, well-dressed, cool. And then I just kind of changed it. Honestly, this is like a professional headshot I use, but it was a big difference, like a big, big difference. This is from like six years ago so I'm a little worried about like false advertising but I still think I look similar enough that it's probably oh that is way older than I would have expected you look very much the same okay that's good so that was actually going to be one of my questions which is do I look enough

like that photo still that I can still use it I mean as long as you're not clearly very different now than you were when that photo was taken but I don't think you do I normally would say don't use a photo that's six years old, but that actually looks, you might be part of vampire. I don't know if you know that. Nice. Awesome. Okay. But I think that's probably working better. Well, you never know what's going to work, any piece of marketing, which is essentially what your online dating profile is.

You just never know what's going to resonate with your audience. But there's something pretty powerful about a nice, tight headshot that is a real smile, nice backdrop, a natural backdrop. What I like about that one you show me is it doesn't look. like a LinkedIn headshot, it looks like a warm, inviting, tight portrait. So I'm not surprised it's working for you. Okay. Sweet. So I still have, so up on the prompts, right? There's still the one thing you should know about me is we went over this together and I still have it up there and I really like it. I'm a total DILF, dedicated, invested in loving father to my son who is my

absolute guy in the center of my world. And then in parentheses, what did you think I meant by DILF? Sheesh, get your mind out of the gutter. And that one, I think, has gone pretty well. Actually, I think really the only thing, for prompts, I also have, I'll fall for you if, your kind, thoughtful, curious, and warm, but also whip smart, love to laugh, and have a ridiculously silly side running through your bones. What do you think about that? Still good, solid?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, anything that works is what I care about, but that seems a little bit generic. Okay. Have women liked that or responded to that? Not really. Oh, well, that's the proof in the pudding, of course. I'm fine with whatever works, as long as it's fairly genuine.

But when you read it to me, it felt boilerplate. Yeah. And I'm not saying boilerplate can't work, but I typically like to have, if I'm going to have one profile that's talking to her, I want it to be a little bit more specific. I did like the silly part. I'll take that back. I like the silly part at the end. Like you're silly, you have a silly sense of humor. You like dad jokes, or whatever your definition of a silly sense of humor is.

When you start laughing and giggling, you can't stop. Something that feels a little bit more specific. There's an old quote I heard from a guy who used to write screenplays in the 70s and 80s. Marshall Brickman used to say, he's talking about movie writing. He said, if you write something that's going for the universal, you don't get anything. But if you go for something specific, you'll get the universal. So I like to try to get pretty specific when I'm talking to a woman. For example, for once I had a really great success with, I'm a writer, I'm a journalist,

and women who read and are into words are important to me, if you can spell definitely, we'll get along. I got so many women writing me back. I can definitely spell definitely. It's just like such a specific little thing, but for some reason it resonated with my type of woman. So maybe something to consider for that prompt would be, could you read it to me one more time, just before I totally shit on it?

Oh, it sucks. I don't think it sucks. I just, unless it's working for you, I don't know if it's helping you. It's not hurting. I don't know if it's helping, though. I'll fall for you if you're a total asshole and you push me in the face. No, no, no. I'll fall for you if you're kind, thoughtful, curious, and warm.

But also, whip smart, love to laugh and have a ridiculously selfish. side running through your bones what's what's something specific of all those things you just mentioned what's the most important thing that you're looking for in a woman i don't i don't know i actually as we're having this conversation would it make sense to back up and kind of outline like what i'm actually looking for first because i might not even be sure what i'm looking for yeah always start with what you want and i think this is something i've been thinking about more like you know i've been talking a lot about like my situation some of the roblox i have right and we're talking about a little bit, which is don't have a lot of time. But I also think like our

quick conversation today outlined, but I probably have a little more time than I think. But regardless, I think what I'm looking for, and this is going to, it's almost situational first than the type of women's second. Maybe this is backwards. But like, I'm looking for someone who I can go out on the weekends with, have fun with, go out on a Friday night, go out Saturday. day. And it's almost like someone, yeah, to have fun with because I am not in a place where logistically I'm going to be able to commit a lot of time. Okay.

During the week, it's very, very difficult for me, both between family obligations and kind of in the process of like really building out the larger parts of my business, which take up almost all my time. So I guess that's kind of. what I'm looking for. And I guess I'm being honest, right? Like, I'm not looking for just some flusy to go sleep with, but there is, there is an element of like, I'm trying to look for something that I guess might be a little more casual and is like, hey, let's go have fun. Let's have a great time. I'm going to treat you really well. Like, I'm looking for someone who's like cool and mature

and kind of comfortable in their own skin, but who's in a similar situation as me. Maybe you work a lot. Maybe you have some family stuff. Maybe you're not in similar situation is me, but at least your understanding of my situation. I don't know if I'm phrasing this correctly, and I don't know if I've articulated this enough. But that's kind of the situation I'm looking for. And I guess, I guess, candidly,

like right now, because I'm not looking for, like, a life partner, I'd be looking because I'm looking for a little bit more of, like, a, almost like a little bit of a badder girl than I realize where it's like, almost like a batter girl, where it's like, let's go out, have a little fun. Fun, casual dating. Yeah. Yeah.

okay some dirt um that might be the answer and I might be putting that wrong vibe on my profile I would say that then I would say we want to sound we don't want to sound like oh I'm looking for just the hookups

no because I'm not I'm starting to interrupt you like I would be looking for someone anyway I apologize let me not interrupt you go ahead you don't need to apologize I'm used to you interrupting me I guess what I'm hearing is again, I think of an online dating profile. It's just a piece of digital marketing.

It's all it is. The product is Zach. And the audience is a certain type of woman. You know this being a really good marketer. You found me to come work with you to get to pay you to train me. So you know about talking to the avatar who your audience is, right? If you were going to describe the avatar of this woman who you own a date, what's she like? man that's a really good question i have this vision so i'm going to be thinking out loud

because i haven't i guess i haven't thought this through nearly enough um it's probably very accompli i would say you know again yeah like she's smart she's accomplished she's mature she knows what she wants she is someone who probably again works long hours pretty intense job who is not who doesn't want who is not looking for like a life partner or for someone to like call her every night and listen to every aspect of her day but she is you know she would want somebody who oh fuck what the fuck is she like this is a really hard question this is really good if i could do a better job she's definitely she's she's sexy she's she's I don't know if assertive is the right word, but she would appreciate, she appreciates some assertiveness from the guy she's going out with.

Kind of more straightforward. Bonus points if she likes bantery, sarcastic guys with raunchy sense of humor. Very much. That would be very helpful. So now we kind of want to layer in. We want to sort of have a meeting of you and her in this prompt. Yeah. I'm just, here's a quick, rough draft of it that's not perfect.

at all but just to get something on the chalkboard you work hard you're you're not looking for mr. right but you want to meet a cool guy you want to laugh joke you're smart as how smart as how bonus points if you like cheeky banter from smart as men you want to basically convey a fun at least at first casual relationship or dating situation so that you're talking to a woman who wants the same thing. We want her to feel like, oh, he's talking about me and I want the same thing. That's what I'm going for here. Yeah, because I'm open to this going someplace. This is not something that I would put a limit on, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think to your point too, it's like you're not necessarily like you're open to Mr. Wright, but you're also very open to

Mr. Right now. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. I think, I think that that's, and I, this is one of the reason why I want to go over the profile, I have this sense that I'm, my profile is not conveying this correctly. Okay. Yeah. So I think that that that could be something that I can definitely change for sure. Sorry, I'm like dipping off the screen here in my bed. Um, okay. And I don't know, I haven't seen the rest of your latest profile on this call yet, but if you don't already have something, I'd love to, I guess you have the DILF one. The DILF one's pretty snarky. The I like the DILF one too, because it also is that, which is like, I have a son.

And I have felt much more comfortable being up front about that in the beginning because I just don't want to lead anybody on or anything else along those lines. And I really, I mean, again, that was one you really helped me with. I really like that one. Yeah. Could you read that again? I just want for the listener to hear what we're doing there. Okay. So the one thing you should know about me is I'm a total DILF, dedicated.

D,LF, right? Capital D, capital I, capital L, capital F. Dedicated, invested, and loving father to my son, who's my absolute. the guy in the center of my world. And then in parentheses, we wrote, what did you think I meant by Delph? Delf, sheesh. Get your mind out of the gutter. And that one has landed really, really well because a lot of, a lot of women have

found it very funny, very cheapy, but also like a very, but again, it was like, hey, we're, you know, if I have a son and this is my homeboy and, you know, I, I take care of my, I think this also has helped to resonate in the sense where it's like, I take my family responsibilities very seriously. And I think that also does resonate with the type of woman. that I would be looking to spend time with regardless, where this is going to be a woman who only respects guys who handle their business. And if you have a child,

like taking care of your child is the number one priority by far over everything. So, yeah. I love it. That one, yeah. I like that one because that's very you. Yeah. Authentic.

It's, it's cheeky. It's funny, but it's also conveying something important. Your marketing part of your marketing proposition is I'm a single dad. And women need to know that. So you can weed out all the women who might not be looking for a single dad. Not that there's anything wrong with being a single dad.

It's just everybody wants different things. So that's great. We got humor. We got snark. Great. And I really like, so going back to the avatar who Zach wants to date, I think that we don't need to overthink it. But we just want it to be just specific enough so that a woman who fits that bill can go,

oh, that's totally me. I can totally see that. Like, for example, I've matched with a lot of theater-loving people in New York City. I do musical improv. I love Broadway. I have a not acting background, but as a fun side hobby. And I put things like, oh, if you're like a bubbly, if you're a bubbly actress type and like music, you like comedy and theaters and doing jazz. jazz hands, non-ironically, we'll probably hit it off. And that speaks to my audience. Now,

that's not to say I only wanted to date actor chicks, but I'm with Jessamine. She loves the theater. Something about that resonated with her. So, yeah, what you're looking for line. I'm just, I want it to be just a little tiny bit more specific than, oh, you're kind, you're smart. So I have a question. Yeah. What if, is this a good idea or a bad idea, where it's almost like, we tell it almost like a good story like I'll fall for you if you're also up for and I'm making this up off the cuff slamming a triple espresso renting a Porsche hitting a rock concert and finishing like for our first date and then finishing it off with a margarita on a rooftop in hell's kitchen watching the sun come up something like I love it okay cool all of those are different I've

never heard any of those, I don't think, and certainly not altogether. Okay. That's what I was trying to get at with going for universal can sound generic. If you go for something specific, Porsche rooftop, slamming a, what was it, espresso? Triple espresso. That says adventure. It says fun. It does not say, I want to get married by date seven.

Right. It says, let's have a fun, sexy, caffeinated Porsche ride together. and so much of online dating is just let's break let's break her out of her swiping pattern and give her something different so that's a great one okay or something that's a great one okay or something that's like i'm an adrenaline junkie right i'm up for fun i want something like i want to have a fun really fun dates with cute girls with cool girls and whatever you smart cool farts smart smart fun women cool farts and then who love to who love to fart in cool ways And then, but painting that picture, I've never heard a guy talking about revving a Porsche

and slamming triple espressoes. That sounded different and edgy and like, oh, this is different in the good way. All right. Okay, cool. That gives me some direction. I will work on that for sure. And then from my third one I said, what if I told you, I saw a ghost about visiting my godparents and their kids, the summer I was nine years old, remember every detail of

the event, every single one. that one's oddly gotten like a bunch of hits but i might change it up just to see what else there is um AI says sorry there's no feedback for that answer it won't give me whether that's a good prompt or not yeah i just won't you broke AI I broke chatbot um yeah so we can come back on that one but the second one I think was great I'm really glad we worked on that um Do you recommend having a video prompt? If you have a good video, if you have something that makes women want to learn more about you. It all depends on the quality of the video.

Sure. I have a little three second dog licking my face. It's so gross but cute video that women seem to like. So I use it. So yeah, if you have something good, that's a little quality, short little video bite, absolutely. And I'm assuming that video bite would kind of need. to fit the vibe that we just outlined for I'll fall for you if because that's

kind of the vibe that we're trying to put out so you got to make sure all the market yeah I mean you want to be part of the overall message doesn't have to be connected to the off all for you part yeah but it certainly could it could be in your case since you're looking for more fun

casual connected but casual dating then your video prompt could be you know you you know on a fun rooftop bar on a Friday night cheersing your friends and like having a party having a fun time that would appeal to your audience right if you're looking for a different type of vibe then you have a different

little video snippet yep right okay so yeah so yeah so i'm always thinking this thinking of this through the lens of these photos prompts and video all come together to tell a story the story is this is who I am, this is what it would be like to date me. And that will, and clearly conveyed, effectively conveyed, that says to women, okay, I get it. He's successful. He's snarky. He's fit.

He's ambitious, but he's not looking to be a husband anytime soon. In fact, he's just looking for a good, fun, connected time. And we want that to come out in ways great and small. Okay. Yeah, I think I need to remember that this is what it's going to be like to date me. I think that, out of what you've said so far, that's the part I need to really put in my brain and remember it for sure. Or to put it even another way, this is what's in it for you, date me.

Right. And as opposed to what I want. I know you're not that simplistic, but it's like, it's in it for me. No, no, I think that's important differentiation. Yeah. Actually, this is what's, can you say that again? What's in it for her? right so how would you

well like i said earlier this you know all these pieces come together to create this is what it's like to date me but then actually it's this is what's in it if you date me so it's this is all about her she's only on the app to fulfill her dating needs what bring to her table and that's what we're getting at here that's really what makes it effective okay or bring what what do you bring to your types table you're not going to attract everybody of course uh professional sexy cool, gorgeous woman who just doesn't have a lot of time.

She wants one or two fun, sexy dates with a super fit, super dad, business owner, successful guy. There's a lot of women like that. There's got to market to them, so to speak, without making it sound like marketing. Yeah, really. Yeah. Okay. No, that's, again, that's really helpful. Thank you.

Okay, man. I'm about to hit the wrong button on Hinge. I think that's it for the profile stuff. I think one of the questions I have for you, because I'm sure you've navigated this before, is how do you navigate, then this may be easier once I update my profile a little bit, but like, how do you navigate letting a woman that you're talking to, especially let's just say they're a little bit younger, maybe, because I'm 40, soon to be 41, if I'm talking to someone who's like 32, 33, right?

How do you navigate letting them know your time constraints and kind of what you're able to offer in that sense? Do you just be very straightforward with somebody that's like, hey, you know, I'm basically, because I'm basically unavailable during the week. And then I can go out on Fridays. I have some time Saturdays. How do you, how would you go about communicating that to somebody? How would I do it with my, but I have a, when I'm, when I was last single, I don't. a wide open schedule. You're saying how would I have you do it? Yeah. What would be your recommendation for somebody in my boat, aka me? The last time I was single within reason, I could

see a woman any night of the week. It's my job. And I, and I would, my go to is, hey, what's, what nights are good for you this week and work backwards from there? But that's not tenable for you because as I know about you, you only have one free night per week. Maybe a second day, like Saturday day, you said, Friday night. days I can do like I can get off of work and I can definitely do a daytime date on Saturday I just need to get back to pick my son up by like five so the way I would do that is a few days before that you know Wednesday or so Tuesday Wednesday you would say to a woman hey I'd love to meet up with you fine let's have our first date Zach meets Jenny a long

last I can do Friday night which would be amazing for me I could also do something quicker with you on Saturday for coffee or a smoothie. What's better for you? Just give her your schedule first. Okay. And give her a few days notice to have hopefully the flexibility that you use one or the other. Give her a choice, even though the choice is limited because you're so busy. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Cool. How have you been doing it? Well, the last one, the girl was texting with, I kind of fucked this up. I was like, hey, what is your schedule? Pardon my friend.

I'm sorry, I don't know if I can curse on this, but I was like, hey, what is your schedule in the coming week? I'd love to take you out. And she was like, oh, are you available Tuesday or Thursday? Yeah. And then I was like, oh, actually, I can't do either Tuesday or Thursday, but I can do Friday night or maybe Saturday. And then I kind of, again, I kind of dropped the ball on this a little bit too.

We were talking on a Sunday evening the last when we were texting because we got off the app and we exchanged numbers. And then Sunday night, I got. at home super late because I was at my exes with my son and then had like Sunday night I often have work I have to catch up on going into the week so I did a bunch of that stuff and I just crashed and then last week or two weeks ago when this happened like Monday Tuesday Wednesday it was it was just I don't know what I was legitimately working until 1030 every night and so I just because I would you know hard stop and you know my schedule but for those who don't

it's like I have a hard stop at work at four I go pick my son up we get back to my ex's house because my ex and I are still cool we do dinner. dinner as a family. I do bath. You know, we put them to bed together. And then I go home and I catch up on work and I finish up work. It's usually not that insane. Usually I'm done by like, I usually get home by 845 and then I'm done. Um, but this week it was just like 1030, 10.45, 1030. It was crazy. And I looked up and I was like, oh my God, I haven't texted this girl in since Sunday. And so I texted her on, I can't remember what day. And she was just like, Are you even a real person?

Crap. How many days had passed? Sunday to when? Without a text? I think Thursday. And had you gotten her off the app or was this still on the app? No, this was off the app. Oh, on your phones.

Okay. Texting. And then I admittedly, I think I like panicked. So I sent her a voice text and I was like, hey, I'm a real person. like i'm a real i'm a real boy i'm not i'm like i'm a real person i'm made of flesh and blood um i was just like i'm really sorry just here's what my situation like the last couple days have been very very intense and then i actually told her what my situation was in the audio text which may have been a mistake and then she was like oh no that's fine thank you i just

wanted some communication and then i've texted her a couple times since and nothing so um one The iron's always hottest, the iron is always hottest right when you match and it gets hot again or stays hot by getting her off of the app. And by having that three or four day lag between talking about setting up the date and then all that silence and the iron just goes ice cold. And that sounds like that's probably what happened here for understandable reasons. You're a busy working man, single dad. And I understand where she's coming from too. There was no bitterness or anything I was, I understood. So question for you, actually, because I remember you told me about this technique, do you think I should text her and be like, I remember you said this like, hey, I feel like, I feel like we've grown apart. I feel like our fire has gone out.

Didn't you say you've used that a couple times? I love that one. Okay, I might try it. It's not really, but it's not, not in this case. No, not in this case. That's the, I had a name for that. The. Yeah.

Basically, connect text or the back from the dead. text. Basically, you here, I actually just sent a version of it to somebody on Tinder. Who did I send it to? Let's see here. Okay, this is Kate. Kate, we matched, oh my God, we matched back in January. Send a couple of messages, no response, two or three messages, and then just for shits and giggles. Nine months later now, or nine or ten months later, I wrote, and she never responded once.

I'm just like, hey, wait, that Kate was really cute. I wrote, so I call this, this is like how to bring something back from the dead, if it's been seemingly dead for a long time. I don't know, Kate. I just feel like we're growing apart, baby. We don't talk anymore. We haven't made sweet, sweet love in ages. Have you lost that love and feeling? Or should we try one more time to make romance happen, that little kissy,

She writes the next day, hey, hey, you're hot. Miss these. Okay, it's back, I guess. And then that was the first interaction you've ever had with her? That was the first time she finally responded. And then I sent another one to a girl that got her right back. This is when she didn't write after three messages. Dear mom and dad, this cute girl from Tinder went quiet.

Do you think she found out that I still live in your basement? And then the guy, beautiful, beautiful woman, your type, wrote back, hi, L-O-L. Sorry, I've been busy. So anyway, when a woman goes quiet, you can send these funny, silly, third or fourth messages to bring it back to life. But back to your question. So I would say it's too soon. It's not the right context to send the baby. Baby, can we bring back that love and feeling?

it's more like you have to have been apart for weeks and weeks or maybe have lost contact and that's what makes it funny is you're looking to somebody that's almost gone completely quiet for a good period of time and then you're making her laugh out of nowhere. So I'm not saying you couldn't find a funny message to send that girl, but the, hey, let's make this work message is more for like, you know, three months of silence when there was when there was something going on, but it fizzled. That makes sense. Yeah.

So, I mean, I guess it's also another question for you is, like, if I were to text her again, should I just text her, like, let's just call her Abigail, just so I don't use her name because I don't know if she wants to be on a podcast. Sure. But, like, you know, hey, Abigail, hope you're having to, like, I don't know. I hope you've been having a couple of good weeks. I know, I don't even know. Like, I just, hey, how are you doing?

How the last couple of weeks been going? I hope it's been going well. I don't know. What would you say in this situation? I would say, but make it more. playful. Use your credible sense of humor and make her smile a little bit less generic. Hey, how are you? Hope you know well. I mean, that's just boilerplate and I don't just respect, but like you're funny and snarky. I would give something that gives more value. That's something

that might have a more impact. Like, I don't know. So by the way, the last exchange at all was she questioned whether or not you're real if you realize you are. And then, From, that was how long ago? Let me pull it up. She was very sweet. Let me. All right. So I asked her, let's see,

Saturday, September 13th, so only 10 days ago. I asked her what her coming week was like. Okay, now I got how to do that better. Um, and she said, uh, are you free Tuesday or Thursday? And I said, I'm actually not free either. Are you free Friday night? And she said, hi, hi, Zach, or should I say, Mr. Busy Buddy? Or busybody.

I said, yes, I am, I am Mr. Busy body right now. A little upside down smiley face emoji. And she said, I'm wondering if you're real. And then I, I, and this was all on, I guess, Monday night, September 15th. That's what I shot at him. The audio text. And then she said, thanks for that. Let me jump in.

Sorry. So I don't lose track. So when you asked her out for that coming Friday on what day? When did you ask her out? Saturday, September 13th. You asked her out for Friday. I asked what she was, what her schedule was like the following week, the coming week. Right.

And then she told you. Yeah. Are you free Tuesday or Thursday? And then I came back with, unfortunately, I'm not. Are you free this coming Friday? And what day did you send that message? Monday. Okay. And then when did she respond to that? And what did she respond?

She responded pretty quickly on Monday. This was 8.39 p.m. So it's a little bit late too. She said, hi, Zach, or should I say, Mr. Busy Body? And then I said, yes, I know I am Mr. Busy Body right now. And then she said, this was all within like doop, do, do, do, do. Yes. Well, she said, I'm wondering if you're real. And then. It's on Monday. On Monday. Okay. 8.4 p.m. And that's when I sent.

the audio text, kind of explaining my situation. And then she immediately replied with, thanks for sharing. I was just looking for communication. That's all. Have a good night. Oh, I thought that, okay. So you were texting her Saturday and then again Monday, but she was still busting your balls about communication. Yes.

Okay. I mean, that's not unreasonable. It's just a little bit. She's like got a high bar for responsiveness. If it's only been two days, that's pretty. I think that's fair, but that's like her high bar. Okay, now I understand. So your audio is breaking up a little bit.

Are you getting that feedback on your end? It's happening on my end. Mine sounds okay. Okay, cool. Yeah. And then I texted her on Thursday. I don't even know what week this was. I mean, I messed this up.

And I, so I texted her a Thursday. Thursday of last week. I was just like, hey, Catherine. Let me, sorry, Zach. I'm sorry to cut you off. I don't mean to interrupt you. I just like to jump and I see something. So when you ask a woman out, you want, assuming you are on your phone and have the ability to be responsive as busy as you're like, then I always like to get her to an answer. Okay. If I can and not go too far down the rabbit hole of, of her figuring out, hey, Mr. Non-responsive, and, you know, stay on top of that. Oh, yeah, you know, I am pretty busy.

Why don't I tell you about it all about all about how busy I am on Friday when I'm charming you? Does that work for you? You want to try to get her to an answer because you had this window that was still open. And it sounds like you had to not defend yourself, but explain your situation. And you got bogged down into why you're not responsible as opposed to what I advised. I'd like to think, which is get her to an answer. and if it's no fine

or if she just doesn't answer that's fine too but you had kind of like the date on the hook maybe and then because you're busy and because she was pushing back a little bit

she was nibbling on the hook and the tasty this tasty little morsel but the fish got away it really felt to me like I've fumbled you know what I mean that's what it felt like

when I like kind of going through it it very much felt like I was like getting to the goal line and then just fumbled we all fumble it's okay we all fumble but i would say whenever i do ask the girl out i'm going to get her to an answer or at least try to unless she goes quiet or just says you know doesn't respond so i would have at least asked again or just tried to respond to her reasonable point about you not being

responsive oh yeah i'm so busy i'm just totally oh my god i've got all this going on but i'd love to get to know you and and if you're busy this or if you're free this friday that's a great night for me and kind of keep pushing toward the date, but with resilience. Is it cool, I guess, I probably know your answer, but like, especially in the beginning to, like, oh, yeah, I'm so sorry. I was so busy. There was, you know, I was out helping old ladies and fighting crime, and it's just been a lot. Because I don't know if I want to, like, give all the details yet with somebody.

But I think, yeah, I hear you. Set the date, get there. This also means, on my. I'm going to have to do a better job with certain parts of like coordinating with my ex about like what time I'm getting out of there on Friday because part of it was I was like I was getting there was a chance I was going to take my son to a play date which I ended up taking him to so I was getting back late so much stuff going on but neither here nor there um okay I gotcha set the date and you got to get it within that that window it's almost it's a little bit look sales don't have a lot of but if you've ever done sales It's like you've got to get that customer to an answer one way or another. Do you want this Porsche or not? Like, oh, well, you know, I don't know about that. Maybe.

And you address the question. In her case, it was, hey, dude, you're not being quite as responsive as I like. And that's her right to feel that way. So you handle the objection, maybe with some humor. Oh, I'm so busy, crazy. I mean, so busy the last day trying to think of the perfect thing to text you because you're so damn cute and charming. And get her laughing again. So yeah, anyway, how about Friday night?

And anyway, so that's what I would have hopefully advised you talking about that situation. No, this is great because this is the second time I've done this. And I know this is some of this is coming from a bit of a mental block I'm having, which is I need to commit myself to saying if I set a date with somebody on a Friday night or Saturday during the day, that means I am not available to stay late and help out with stuff at my ex's place or get there early on to Saturday. I think I mentally need to say, these times are mine, because I think, I know this might sound strange, but like when I was mentally doing these gymnastics with my mind of like, oh, would I need to stay late on a Friday to get our son home late on a Friday from a play date? Would I want to do that?

And like, oh, maybe I'll go out with a girl. And I'm like... I'm like... Real talk. Because we've been doing this dance for a while and you still haven't been on a date. Not because you can't get one, but because you're busy.

Burn the boats. Decide that you're going on a date next Friday. It's going to happen. You are going on a motherfucking date with a gorgeous, cool chick. It's just a matter of who she is. And from what app or from what approaching phone number

and clear your Friday night and be ready and treat it like this has to happen. Not could, maybe should. This is a must. And she's going to be hot and she's going to be cool. And she's going to love to meet Zach, the man. And treat it that way. It's like, this is going to happen. And if you don't have a date that night, come out with me and meet some girls with me and my clients.

And you can have an instant date right then and there. You could do that. I would burn the boats. Oh, fuck, I don't even think I realized how half in, half out and how, like, Luke War I've been, which is, and I know this from a million things in life, which is the worst way to approach something. But I think this is actually from like a, fuck, dude. Yeah, it's the second time I've done it.

I didn't even realize. You're at, yeah, I have, you're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. And I got a, man, wow, I didn't even realize that. What are you realizing? well again like just how how uncommitted to this process to getting the how uncommitted

to setting and following through on a date i've actually been okay where it's been like mess around with the apps get some messages do this this all feels nice blah blah blah blah blah then it has to go get real which then means meeting a girl for a date which i haven't done 16 years Is that all? Yeah, it's all. And then navigating any potential situations

that would come up with my ex. Thankfully, she's been relatively cool. So, like, I've like, wow. Wow. Yeah, so begin with the end in mind. This is the end. Here's Friday night.

Today's Tuesday. So I don't know what your week is like this week. So maybe this Friday is is not the night to do it. But essentially, mark the next free Friday you have and say, here's what is going to happen. Here's what I'm committed to having happen. And don't just do it because I'm saying be committed. Get excited. Imagine waking up Saturday morning with this beautiful woman in your bed, maybe if it goes really well. Or maybe you don't hook up, but you have the most incredible first date and a great connection and you're all over each other

and you can't wait to see each other or you make out in the rain and you're like, oh my God, I can't believe I waited this long. I forgot how great it feels to kiss another woman who smells differently, feels differently than my former partner. God love her, but time for somebody new.

And just fall in love with the outcome, fall in love with how good it's going to feel to finally get that first date under your belt and maybe take your belt off too. And the moment's right. Just kind of fall in how good. good it'll feel. And that'll give you maybe some added juice and motivation, burn the boats. Worst case scenario, come out with me on a Friday night with my clients or go out with some of your

wingmen and meet some girls that way. You might have an instant date if you don't find somebody for a Friday night date from the app. A guy like you, you're going to leave many a bar or a club with a cool woman on your arm or at least a couple numbers in your phone. So make Friday night Zach's Friday night is bang a clock Go out at bang 45 and see what you can do Or love 45 or whatever you want to call That's what I was doing. All right man, I hear you. Thank you.

Damn, I didn't realize like how badly I needed a little come to Jesus talk Okay, thank you. Yeah, I'm an atheist. It's called a come to Buddha talk. Come to Buddha talk. I was an agnostic. It's coming into the great unknown. All right, cool.

Very cool. Okay. Those were my main questions. Sweet. Anything else on your mind? Just random stuff approaching? Exting? Well, I think most of that stuff, I think you've answered a lot of the questions I've had in general.

And it's always just keeping advantage. keeping it playful. So one question, one question I have, this goes back to a conversation you and I have been having lately about the four flirting frequencies and especially about direct talk. And what are some of the signs, and I know you've talked about this a little bit with me,

but what are some of the signs and some of the signals when you're with someone, whether you're talking to them on an app or messaging them away from the app, or communicating with them in person that gives you an idea of whether or not like when to switch maybe from like banter to more direct talk because banter and direct talk to me seem to be pretty different and they're going to resonate quite differently right where it's like they almost seem almost like incompatible maybe i'm wrong about this but it's like banter and

being emotional. What was the four again? It was like banter, direct talk. Yeah, there's different ways to flirt with different women. There's a thousand ways, essentially, limitless number of ways. But they all fall into one of four categories or different ways to flirt. You've got banter. You've got clear statements of romantic interest. You're sexy. You're cool. You're cute. You've got good old-fashioned emotional connection, finding out you have the similar things in common and feeling the same way about things, commonalities, basically. And then you've got physical slash nonverbal, right? There's the way you look at a woman that's going to be different than the way you look at me,

as much as I know you like me. And there's physical touch, right? There's a way you touch a woman on a date that might be a little bit different than when you're putting your arm on your hand on my shoulder saying, here's what we're doing today with your workout. Anyway, so all flirting comes in basically one of these four channels. And in terms of what works, Your question was, how do you know

a kind of flirting vibe to be on? Yeah, because I think it's easy for me to banter with people, right? I think an area where I probably don't switch into often enough and is probably an area that would be beneficial for me to switch into is more of like that direct statements of intent, that direct communication, like changing out my physical touch a little bit. So I guess I have two questions, like one, do you have any recommendations?

for someone who's kind of like whose default is banter but who wants to start switching over a little more like are there certain ways that you might do this like certain statements you might make certain opportunities you would look for certain ways you might obviously appropriately touch somebody but then could be a little more suggestive in that sense yeah what context are we talking about a first date let's talk about being out at a bar let's say you've approached somebody you're talking you're at a bar and maybe Maybe this is either, like, when you're thinking about who you want to approach or you've approached, it's gone well, and now you're talking. You've been talking for, I don't know, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes, whatever.

I think, let's go with the second. Okay. You're five, 10 minutes into a conversation with a woman. Then, first, I always play to my strengths, which in your case, I think, or what comes naturally to you is just banter, shooting the shit, which you're great at. And you're just simply, what you're looking for is, is she bantering? with me. Is she hitting the ball back? Or is she just enjoying what I'm saying, but she's not engaging. She's not hitting the ball back. And that's not a bad thing. It's just that probably means she doesn't know how to banter, at least the way you do. And that can get in the way of you, the two of you really

kind of escalating things flirtatiously. It's not going to hurt you, but it might not be the best way to hit it off with her. And so, for example, my girlfriend, Jess, on our first date, our banter was off the charts. It was insane. It was like a rom-com movie. And then we just kept getting, it got better and better and better. And then different part of my date, my first date with Jess, and clinked, I said to her, you know what's really sexy about you?

It's really sexy that you're so funny and quick-witted. I love your intelligence, your humor. It's pretty rare. I kind of broke the mask of banter and just set a clear statement of interest. That's not a bad move, but I found out it's not a way she likes Menda Flore with her. She didn't hurt the date, but she later said, yeah, I just don't like that kind of back to your sexy. She didn't say I lost any points with her. I could just see she appreciated intimate, but it didn't land in a way that necessarily took things to the next level.

but she loves when I let her know she's sexy in different ways. So anyway, back to your question. You start with your strengths, which in your case is absolutely, oh, go ahead. So I'll actually have a follow-up question on that then before we go back, which is then like, if you're out on a date with somebody or you're kind of in the moment with somebody, how do you, like, how do you expect, like, you're obviously reading their body language, you're reading their nonverbal, you're getting a sense for them. And that's what's giving you, you know, the majority of your data in terms of what to go with here. But like, let's say you want to experiment a little bit, right? Because I think one of the things I've always been curious about, not always, I've been curious about as I've started getting more reps going out and, you know, meeting people and kind of seeing where the night goes, is I'm wondering if, if I'm a little more direct or a little more clear with certain women, if that may help progress things a little bit more. but I'm always like I wonder how the right way to slide this in if we've been bantering if it's been fun like how do you kind of like switch gears in that sense am I asking a good question that has an actual answer or am I just asking nonsense you just do it you just make a decision in your mind to go okay it's time to say and clear and specific and here's a story I think I told you this during off off mic at some point but I'll really

tell the anecdote quickly. I'm on a first date many years ago with a woman named Rebecca. And we are on a rooftop bar and I was drinking at the time. And so I had a few drinks. It was loose. It was fun. And banter is my comfort zone. Funny, witty banter on my better days anyway. It's my strength. And it wasn't really taking the date anywhere. She wasn't not enjoying me, but it was fine. I could see it going to a friend's own situation. So I'm thinking, okay, what is the deepest, truest thing? I'm thinking about her.

That's vulgar. She walks, she gets up, she excuses herself, or sitting on these couches next to each other at a cool rooftop spot. And she says, I'll be right back. I'm going to the ladies' room. She walks away. And as she walks away, I watch her walk.

and she's 5-10, very slender, really, really pretty. And I say to, and she's got a super sexy walk. And I said to myself, that is the sexiest walk I have seen in years. I could not take my eyes off her. And then that little voice, that little coach in my head said, tell her that. Tell her that when she comes back. Because whatever's happening now, it's going fine, but it's not going anywhere amazing, right? So she gets back, and she sits next to me, and I throw my arm over her,

shoulder, so I make a physical move as well. I wasn't thinking necessarily that. I just did it naturally. I threw my arm over her shoulder and I said, I got to tell you something. Pulled her close. I watched you walk to the ladies' room a minute ago. I could not take my eyes off of you. You have the sexiest walk I've seen since Barack Obama was president. Something like that. This is many years after Obama. And as I'm saying this to her, for the first time all night, she begins to melt into me and she puts her hands on my chest and all of a sudden we're basically embracing we look like we're about to make out we didn't at that point but it looked like it two minutes earlier we're sitting next to each other and just having a fun bantery conversation

and now we're like my arms over her shoulders she's like oh well I did some modeling you know in my 20s I know how to walk on the runway and I said yeah you do know how to walk on the one way. And then I said, okay, this is working. I'll just double down. I'm being really honest and direct. I said, oh, and just so you know, this is early in January. Just so you know, I gave up pleasuring myself for a New Year's resolution, and you're making it really hard right now. And she loved it. She giggles. She was like, oh, my God, do you talk to everybody this way? And it completely changed the tenor of the date. So the lesson here, if there is one is simply you don't have to make it smooth you just go you know what this bantering thing

hasn't really worked that well let me just fucking put it out there when in doubt just speak deep honest real truth as long as it's not vulgar or super weird and then sometimes a woman just wants to hear exactly what the guy's thinking and that really made rebecca i was definitely in the friend zone and all of a sudden i'm basically making out with her and it happened in less than five minutes all because i just said it's time to be direct so you just make a decision to put it in that gear. Okay. All right, cool. I'm looking forward to switching that gear. I think that's going to be a good gear for me to switch. How do you feel about the idea of direct statement like that? Telling a woman on a first date or 15 minutes into a conversation that you find her sexy? Scary, exciting,

horrifying, awesome, nothing, none of the above. Both. Okay. It feels kind of, it feels kind of in line with kind of where my brain is at, to be honest with you. And to me, it kind of seems like it will resonate with the type of women that I want to be spending my time with right now. And I'm obviously going to do it in an appropriate non-volver. Like, I would never make anybody uncomfortable with it. Sure. So it also kind of seems a bit like a filter in a good way where it's like if it turns

somebody off and they're like, I don't want to hang with this guy at the bar. It's like, okay, cool. I can move on to somebody else who might be a little more in line. with kind of what I'm looking for. And it also, like, it also, I think, how I phrase this? Yeah, it seems good. And again, and I also, I think it seems a little more authentic with kind of where I'm at. One of my aha moments, I think this is in the first chapter of the book, as my first

coach said in a little pre-brief that night before I went out to approach women for the first time ever in my life at age 38 this guy went by the name ryan not his real name he's he told me in the tour on the program with me here's your here's your religion for tonight memorize this phrase or tell yourself this mantra what what i'm thinking and feeling is what i'm saying and doing what thinking and feeling is what i'm saying and doing he said i want you to align your thoughts your words and your actions see a hot girl walk over to her and say hey you're hot If you're in your head and nervous because you're sober, say, oh, I'm in my head. I'm nervous because I'm sober.

He was like, don't try to filter everything through the lens of, am I good enough? What's the right thing to say? He's like, just speak the deepest truth. That's what he said. Speak the deepest truth. You're feeling. And I just remember that was what I essentially used to fuel me to walk over to that girl as written in my book.

This girl I'd hit it off with, these three Wall Street guys had been kind of temporarily away from me, he's just like, go over there, do what you want, say what you want, and do what you want. I walked over, took her back from that and said, hey, it's not cool of you to flirt with other guys in front of me. You're with me. And she was like, oh, okay. I was like, whoa, this shit works. What?

And that's, in that moment, that was what was called for. So it's a contextual thing. There are moments when different, there's a moment when a banter is perfect. There's moments when emotional vulnerability is perfect and there will definitely be some moments, Zach, with some women where they want you to look him in the eye and say, hey, I want to take you home and make you feel really good in my whatever it would be. And I actually think that's really good advice in the sense of, I don't think that they're, I don't think that what I'm saying and projecting is actually aligned with what I'm thinking and feeling. and I think that I am I don't know why I'm doing this but there's much more of like a

like a nicer guy kind of vibe that I'm putting out where it's almost like the person that I was at 24 is like what's on the surface where it's like hey I genuinely wanted to like get a like a girl and then like have a family and have this you know

and like go build a life and I don't even know if I've ever kind of thought or even acted or felt the way I feel right now. And again, it's all coming from a place of like, it's not about using anybody or doing anything wrong. It's about like making genuine connections authentically. They're just in a very different, a very different vibe. And I don't even know if I've ever tried this vibe on myself. Does that make any sense? Where it's like, I don't think I've ever acted or said what is on my mind in the way that it's on my mind now. And I think that that might be, I'm very excited to make that switch and see where it goes.

Give me an example. Give me a hypothetical example of you with the kind of girl. You're super excited to date and to get to know. What is something that you would say to her, if you had Wonder Woman's Rope of Truth around you and you're 30 minutes into a really good. first date with your type of wow girl what is that real thing that you would say to her possibly all right um so what's your name in this situation give me a name what's a cute what's a really attractive name for a girl how about a brook with an e that is a good name all right so it would

probably be something along the lines of like look bro i've been loving listening to you for the last 30 minutes but i like i got to think this through a little bit but it's something along the lines of like the way that you are moving and talking and your dress is making thinking of anything else next to impossible i'm going to rally please understand i am extremely extraordinarily distracted right now. Love it. That's great. That would probably be a big.

Yeah. That's great. Absolutely. And that's how you would, that would be if you want to get into my dating strategy's cap on. It's like, that's perfect for like, you kind of broke,

30 minutes of small talk, getting into each other, getting vulnerable in each other's space. And you're like, oh, God, damn, something about, she's feminine and soft and she smells good. and then that's the thing to say, I don't know, 45 minutes in. And that's only like a 6 out of 10 in terms of what you could say. And then two or three notches later, it might be something a bit more raunchy.

So you level up to that. You wouldn't throw that right away, as you know. But no, that's great. That's the kind of thing that were, so were that clear, direct, it's direct. It's direct. It's clear what you mean by that, right? So I would call that statement of intent. And yeah, maybe think about when in doubt speak your true thoughts as long as it's not

just say what you're thinking. And the truth is women really respect that. Most guys are so afraid to come off as creepy to say you do the wrong thing, that if you just like put it out there. I this is a weird thing to I'm not ashamed of this I'm not proud of it but it was honest in the moment so early like literally a few weeks into my

working with coaches this is literally 17 years ago I've got all this momentum I'm approaching girls I'm on a date with a woman named Courtney caller Courtney and it wasn't going great Courtney and I just weren't vibing on that second date on a Saturday night. We're at a karaoke bar called Tracy Jays, not there anymore. And Courtney is in the bathroom, and I'm just like,

oh, this date's going nowhere. And I'm wearing a skinny 80s tie because we had gone to an 80s themed dance place. And this really pretty girl, I'm up at the bar getting a drink, and this really pretty girl says, hey, that's a cute tie. And I could see she's kind of giving me a little. little bit of a look. And we start chatting. And I'm thinking, okay, what's the most honest thing? What is honest? What is honest? What's real? And I said, can I be honest with you? I'm on a date right now and it's not going well. She's in the bathroom. I only have about 45 seconds to talk to you before

she comes back. But you seem cool and you're very pretty and I would love to grab your number. and after I end this mediocre date, talk to you, and maybe find a time to meet you. And she's like, that's kind of awesome and do she what you just did. And then she gives me her number. She's like, but you know what? She basically said, but I appreciate the candor. She gives me her number. Let's call her Audrey.

I don't even know. And I'm like, cool. If you see me leave with her, you know the situation. it was great meeting you. I'll text you. She's like, okay. Do you think I stood out to that girl that night? 100%. So, the date, by the way, then my date comes back. I say, this is like gold. I'm just going to do the same thing with her. So I sit down with the actual girl I'm going to date with, and I say, can I be honest with you? I'm Jim Carrey and liar, liar. I'm just like, we're not vibe in tonight. And you said and did X, Y, Z thing that kind of annoyed me. And I know I

annoyed you. I'm sorry. Bottom line is, I think you're pretty fantastic. And I want us to restart tonight. And I just, you know, I think you're fucking off. Anyway, I kind of just, I didn't even say anything brilliant. It was coming from a really truthful place. And she was like, wow, I really appreciate that. So we went back to my place and the night ended well with the date that was going awful. And then two nights later, I had a first date with the girl who complimented my tie. So, yeah, that was like when I really got into this religion of, I'm just going to speak and say the truth and know it's honesty, that kind of raw, candid honesty, can actually

be the best dating policy, authenticity, baby. So I'm going to try. The Wonder Woman Rope of Truth is around you on dates. That was like the mental I always had in my mind. Like, oh, what would I say if I could not lie? it's a really good visual plus you get to think of gal Godot

oh she's the best she's the best and I think an under underrated actress I think she's good yeah for sure she's very good it's interesting this is a sec this is a bit of a non her and like duolipa

are like two of my favorite so I can tell my type that's like my doa dua um dua All right, parting final question with 60 seconds left. Anything you'd like to ask me real quick or just talk about?

Are you good to go? No, man. I think you answered so many questions. You really, this conversation helped me have some deeper realizations that I was not expecting to have. I think you need to bill me an invoice for a therapy session and not just a dating coach session. So in New York grades, I think it's like, what, $450 or $500 for a good therapy session. So, you just send the invoice over, man. But yeah, I know, I like to never leave a coaching session asking my guy to commit to a specific action he's going to take in the next seven days.

What specific action that gets you closer to your dating outcome are you committed to taking in the next, say, seven to ten days? Well, it's a really good question. I, if you're going out on Friday, I'll be there. I'm committed to that. Yeah, if I don't have... Fearless Friday. The night of a thousand. I do Fearless Friday.

I do a night. It's called Fearless Friday. Night of 100 approaches. My girlfriend and I go out and my local New York City guys, we talk to. I bring a little click. It's like, let's approach the girls total. And it's just a fun thing to do. So you were invited.

Okay. Thank you. What were we joking about before? But if I just ran around the bar, I was like your dress, I like your dress. I like your dress. I like your dress. I like your dress. Those don't count.

I don't know. If a woman hears you, it counts in my book. Okay, cool. And then the other thing I will commit to doing is the next time I am in one of those situations where it's about setting a date, giving my schedule. That is because, and that is something 100% I can commit to you. And then in the next seven to 10 days, that's a toughie. Oh, no.

Well, let me ask you this. This coming Friday. Yeah. do you have any here's we're recording this on a tuesday let me throw this at you this friday night will either be on a date with a woman preferably from a dating app or if not come out fearless friday meet guys and you're going to meet some from some ladies a Friday night no matter what that I can 100% committed that's committed that's more than enough for the sake of the pod I just, Tony, something I learned with the Tony Robbins, taking Tony Robborses and something he always said, which is never leave the, the, the, site, a breakthrough and insight, some kind of realization you've had without committing to a specific action to then, like, turn the realization into measurable action.

It's just, action's always the answer, baby. Almost always. Not that you wouldn't take action, but that's why I wanted to end with that. Well, this will be one of the first Friday is I kind of hope I don't. have a date because I've really, I've really fun coming out on. Well, I'm a big fan of search your ideal outcome. Here's your ideal outcome in my book. Ideal outcome is you do have a date. Cool, awesome girl. You guys hit it off. And on your way to having love in the night, you swing by fearless Friday. Say hi to me, meet some of my guys, and meet my girlfriend, and then you and this other lady friend

go off into the night. That's your ideal outcome. But then there's also other great outcomes. happen to. So I always like to assert what you want. This is awesome. This is great. Awesome. Thanks, man. All right. And then you listen. If you want to be coached by a middle-aged ginger guy who looks like the lead singer of Weezer, then all you got to do is go to datingtransformation.com. You can book a free call with me and I will help you with your dating life or at least we'll talk and see what kind of dating goals you have. And if I think I can help you. I'll tell you how I can do that. So go to datingtransformation.com and hit the book a call

button or just go to the website. I got so many great podcasts on my website, lots of great advice. And datingtransformation.com. Thank you, Zach, for my guest today, bro. Awesome. Thanks, Tom. I'll see you Friday, Zach, and I'll see you guys in the next podcast. All right. Good night. Bye. Thank you. You know, I'm going to be. You know,