How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Ghosted? Not for Long! Here are 22 Funny Text Messages to Get Her Writing You Back

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

You texted, but she didn’t reply. So you assume you’re ghosted. Not so fast! Dating coach Connell Barrett says that one unanswered text isn’t ghosting. It’s just dating in 2026. On this episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend,” Connell breaks down why most “ghosting” isn’t actually ghosting—and he shares 22 funny, playful follow-up messages that get women writing you back and going on dates with you. Listen now.NOT SURE HOW TO TEXT WOMEN? TIRED OF GETTING GHOSTED? BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION WITH CONNELL: DatingTransformation.comGET A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”: Email: [e-mail] (Write “Free Book” in Subject Line)

Don't be the guy who gives up who says, well, I guess I'm rejected. I guess she doesn't like me. I guess I'm going to have to marry a real doll. Don't be that guy. Hey, welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, and author Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt and get a great girlfriend and do it by being authentic. No tactical, weird, sketchy pickup moves needed.

It's all about flirting and connecting with women authentically and playfully. Playfulness is the secret to flirting. And I have a hot take about ghosting. You might think you get ghosted a lot. You actually don't get ghosted nearly as much as you think. One unanswered text message does not count as ghosting in my book. You're not truly ghosted until you have sent three good playful messages to a woman, and she stays completely quiet. Okay, that's ghosting, and then it would be time to move on. But one unanswered text, that ain't ghosting baby. That's just dating in 2026. Here's a quick story. The last time I was single, before I met my girlfriend, I matched with a woman on Bumble named Jennifer. Jennifer, very pretty, blonde, about 30.

successful, a successful artist and painter, painter and sculptor. And I really wanted to meet her. She was what I call a wow girl, meaning, wow, that is the woman for me, or at least the woman to have a date with. So we're messaging back and forth on Bumble, and she goes quiet, unanswered message. Now, you or a lot of men might say, oh, she didn't message me back. I guess I'm ghosted. No.

women with a lot of dating options get a lot of incoming texts and guys trying to talk to them. So one unanswered message just means she didn't reply to that message. It doesn't mean she ghosted you. So Jennifer didn't respond to my last message. Last message. I waited a day or two. And then I thought, okay, how can I get her responding? She didn't respond to my last one.

What I didn't want to do is send some kind of needy message like, Hey, did you get my last message? Do you still like me? Hello? You don't want to do that. So I asked myself, all right, how can I make her smile? How can I make her laugh or smile? And I know that she's into sculptures and painting and art.

So I took a snapshot of this art installation and outdoor art installation of a cow, like a pink and blue cow covered in paper mache. And I took a picture of it and I sent it to Jennifer. I said, pop quiz. Is this A, a work of art? Or B, just a fucking cow. And she wrote back pretty quickly. L.O.L. Oh, my God, that's definitely a work of art.

I think it's great because of X, Y, Z reason. And then she said something like, oh, sorry, I've been really busy lately. but I'm glad you wrote me back. She actually said, I'm glad you followed up with me. And I've seen this happen a lot in my single days. Persistence plus playfulness equals getting unguasted. If you have an unreturned text message from a woman, don't give up. Now, don't send her 10 more messages, but send her one or two more fun, playful messages,

and you're going to show her that you're persistent and playful. which is really what flirting is all about. And then you have a really good chance of getting her to respond. Just like Jennifer did, long story short, Jennifer and I ended up going on a date, and we actually ended up dating for a little while. We had a very successful little call to fling. Wasn't meant to be long term,

but I ended up connecting with her, and we really enjoyed each other. And had I not sent her that follow-up message about the cow, I never would have met her. Here's how women look at men who are texting them. There are two extremes you don't want to be. Oh, sorry, I should have plugged, promoted the good stuff that's coming. So in two minutes, I'm going to give you 22 fun, playful messages that you can send to a woman who has gone quiet, who you might think has ghosted you.

22 of my funniest, silliest messages you can send to any woman. Okay, I've seated that, I hope. But a little lesson here from Coach Connell. Here are the two guys you don't want to be. You send the text. She doesn't respond. Don't be this guy. Don't be the guy who gives up who says, well, I guess I'm rejected.

I guess she doesn't like me. I guess I'm going to have to marry a real doll. Don't be that guy. That guy is not going to connect with her. She's weeding that guy out, the guy who gives up too quickly. But don't be the guy. the other guy. Don't be the guy who sends 10 messages who spams her with marketing bullshit. Don't be that guy. And don't be a needy guy who sends, you know, hey, are you there yet? Are you going to respond to me?

Hello? Why are you like this? Why are women so mean to me? You don't want to be that. Here's the guy you want to be. You want to be the guy who sends a funny, playful follow-up, at least one, maybe even two. And that's the kind of guy who's going to get responses. I remember this blew my mind when I started following up for a second and sometimes a third fun message. I remember a different woman way back in the Obama presidency years. Tinder match. I messaged her. No response.

I sent her a funny message, no response. Then I sent her a third message, a classic old school one I learned from one of my coaches. Dear Diary. Let's say her name was Amanda. Dear Diary, Amanda has gone quiet. Send search party, question mark. Something I heard from one of my coaches years ago. And Amanda wrote back to the third message.

And she said, hey, sorry, I've been busy. And I just wanted to see how persistent you are. Winky face. Let's do drinks on Friday. She told me straight up, hey, us ladies, we want to make sure a guy is persistent. and doesn't give up. So some women are actually testing you. And not every woman's testing you. Many women are just busy. But in a way, they're still testing us because women are going to notice if you give up. They're going to notice if you act butt hurt. And they're going to notice if you

send 10 spam messages. Don't do any of those things. Instead, send a follow up that's funny and light and playful. So I came up with 22. These are a little bit over the top by design. You do not have to be as absurd and silly. These are very much conal. These are very much me, but you're welcome to use any of these. So imagine, here's the setup, you're messaging back and forth with a woman, and she goes quiet.

She just doesn't respond to one of your messages. Here are some options, okay? Here we go. 22 funny messages to get women writing you back. Number one, happy hump day. I know it's not Wednesday, but I have scoliosis. I actually have a little bit of scoliosis, so I'm allowed to make that joke. Just don't send that on a Wednesday.

It's funny if you don't send it on a Wednesday. Number two, girl, I invented Left on Red, and I would throw a little laughing emoji in there. That's number two. Number three, you've been quiet for so long that I'm now rooting for the other guy. Think of the message that sends. You're self-aware, you're letting her know that, Obviously, there's other guys in the Knicks, but you're laughing about it. You're having fun.

And the recurring theme that's running through all 22 of these, the thread, playful. It's fun. You're amusing yourself. You're having fun. And if you're having fun, you become more attractive to a woman you're texting because that's sending her the message, oh, hey, he's persistent and he's got a good sense of humor. All right. Number four. Oh, sorry, number three.

Number three. Oh, no, number four. I lost count. Number four, lucky you're cute because the customer service here is terrible. Goes without saying. Number five, hey, Claude. This girl ghosted me. So you up?

The joke there is you're basically hitting on Claude now. I like this one. I like, I like meta jokes that make fun of that pretend you're sending her a message that you mean for chat or for Claude. And here's where you can and should innovate. You don't need to just, you don't have to just copy and paste these. I encourage you to find your own sense of humor. I teach philosophy.

My philosophy of dating is authenticity. I have two philosophies. Be authentic. Be radically authentic. Be yourself because that is your most attractive view. And also be playful or learn how to be playful if you don't know how. And women want to play. That's what flirting is at its core.

And women want to meet the real you. And the idea of, hey, Claude or hey, chat, GPT, you can come up with your own that make you laugh. These are the ones that make me laugh and that are an expression of my personality. Number six, quote, how to get laid on LinkedIn, end quote. That's the first message you send. And you immediately follow with, whoops. Oh, shit. Wrong search bar.

Again, that's an accidental text on purpose. Let's call that to quote Larry David. There's a Curbier enthusiasm episode where Larry sends accidental text on purpose. That's basically what we're doing here. Number seven. So we're not making out then. Number eight, my shrink says I should stop staring at this text thread. What do you think?

I like that one. Very self-aware. notice again all of these have the same thing in common they're all being a little bit cheeky they're all being fun and silly next number nine so are you intimidated by my looks wit and humility i like that one i like that one for a couple reasons again it's it's so over the top arrogant that it's actually the opposite. It's self-aware. It's confident but not arrogant. There's this concept that I teach my clients. Let's call it faux arrogance. Cheeky humor. One of the coaches who turned me on to this years ago called it cocky comedy.

Basically, you make jokes about how incredibly attractive you are and they're so over the top. she doesn't take it seriously, but it takes a really confident man who believes in himself to even make these kinds of jokes. And it's a really attractive signal to send a woman. So this would be an example of faux arrogance. By the way, I'm not literally telling her I'm, I'm witty and handsome. But because I'm joking about it, I kind of am, if that makes sense. Quick. sidebar, one of my best performing prompts on Hinge is, quote, if you like tall, handsome, witty, charming, financially successful, confident men who love dogs, little kids, and traveling the world, then you should meet my brother.

So there's a lot happening there, but the essence that's making. at work other than the twist at the end, the surprising comedic twist I like to think of at the end, is it comes off as me telling a woman I'm those things or making her think I'm talking about me. And so it's a fake faux arrogance that comes off as very confident. Anyway, back to the list. Number 10. So again, context here. she didn't answer one or two of your messages and you send her this.

Number 10, you'd be a terrible hostage. You'd be a terrible hostage negotiator. Number 11. So should I get your name lasered off my lower back? That's a good one. And by the way, with any of these, feel free to throw in whatever emoji makes sense. Basically, this is a tramp stamp joke. So you could put a little butterfly emoji with that one if you want.

Or like a pen, you know, ink of a tattoo. Make these your own by all means. Number 12. Oh, for number 12, you could just send her the GIF from Dumb and Dumber of Jim Carrey. So you're saying there's a chance. It's random. It's out of nowhere. Well, it's not random.

it actually makes sense. Part of what makes these work, other than what I've mentioned, the playfulness, the confidence it takes, the persistence, is that it works because it does make sense. You're calling her out on her quiet, her silence, but not in a but-hurt way. Not in a, why didn't you message me back way? You're doing it in a way that's just the right tone, but that isn't random. I shouldn't have said it was random. It's actually not random.

These messages make sense to a woman. As silly as they are, they make sense because she knows she didn't respond to you. And that's why these work. Okay. Number 13. No answer. Let me guess. You're busy making a talk tick, as my grandpa calls them.

So talk and tick. Kind of goes without saying. I forget somebody in my family, it might have been my dad, or somebody older in my family said, oh, so, Connell, are you on that talk, that talk tick? Talk tick. Number 14. If you're super into me, say nothing. I remember sending that to a woman.

And she wrote back saying, oh, hey, sorry. I've been so busy with blah, blah, blah. And I wrote back, oh, great. So you responded to me. So clearly you don't like me because you were supposed to go quiet if you really liked me. It became a fun little roleplay that she got into. And again, so much of what makes this work, it's just light playfulness. And you're reminding her that you're there.

But you're not just any guy who's there. You're that rare guy who's playful, who's fun, who teases her a little bit perhaps, or has a self-aware sense of humor. these are such great signals to send women. And by the way, a vast majority of the time when I sent these messages, it didn't lead to a date. Many times it did, many, many times, but maybe not a majority. But I would say a majority of the time I got a response and kept things moving forward just to give me a fighting chance for a date. That's all we want, just getting that response.

And keep in mind one more thing. Women notice everything about what we do. They're aware of our behavior very closely. They're noticing things like, does this guy give up? Is he fun? Is he joking? Is he sincere? Is he whatever?

And so what I love about these playful, fun follow-up messages is you're telling her what kind of guy you are on some level, persistent and fun, but not try hard and not insecure. Okay, a few more here. Number 15. Number 15. I gave you a cool nickname in my contacts, and now that feels premature. I use that one a few times, and women write back, oh, what name did you give me? That one actually has a built-in curiosity that women like, oh, what's my nickname in your phone? I don't literally mean she's in my phone, but now, now I'll pretend she is.

Number 16, classic. I learned this from one of my coaches ages ago. Dear Diary, cute girl is missing. Send search party, question mark. Little flashlight emoji makes it work nicely. You can do variations of this. I do variations of this all the time. One of my favorites, I don't have it on today's list.

It's just, hey, chat, GPT. This really charming woman from Tinder went quiet. Should I message her one more time or should I just become a priest? So you can do your own variations of these. Feel free by all means to make it you. I don't want you to sound like Connell. I want you to sound like you. But if you like these, you're welcome to use any that you want, of course.

Number 17. This is a longer one. This is a longer one, but I like it. I've started narrating your side of the conversation. And honestly, you're being really. sweet about it. I like that one. 18 is good. I just came up with 18 today. Full disclosure, I haven't even tested 18, but I think it would work really well. Number 18, bad news. I bet my friends that you'd text me back. They're now taking my TV. Look, if it makes you laugh, go with it.

And this one's making me laugh, which is why I'm going with it. This one is not tested, but I think it would work really well. There's something about the image. Now they're taking my TV that I really like. Number 19, here's a good one, a recent one that really makes women laugh. You have to send number 19. You must send it during the day. Ideally on a weekday, like between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. Must be sent midday. Good afternoon. You up? Question mark. Letter you. up with like a tongue out emoji. So you're being that creepy lascivious guy who texts you up. But because you're texting it at 1 p.m., it becomes so stupidly funny.

To me, anyway, and to a lot of women. Okay, we're getting really crazy here at the end of the list. Not crazy, but extreme. Oh, let me do a quick program note, or not a program note, a quick commercial. I'm a dating coach. I don't know how much you know about me, but I do one-on-one personalized coaching with men anywhere. I can coach any man anywhere in the world. And for guys who ever want to come to New York City and work with me, I also do in-person

approach coaching where I literally go out with guys for a whole weekend as their wingman. I call it the wingman weekend. So if you want to learn about coaching, then go to my website, datingtransformation.com. You can book a free call and you and I will talk in depth about your dating goals. I'll diagnose what's holding you back mindset issues, flirting issues, and how to fix them. There's no charge for these consultation calls. If we end up working together, we work together. And if we don't, that's cool too.

So you can go to datingtransformation.com to book a call with me. If you don't want coaching, that's fine. Most guys don't. Then keep listening to this podcast. I'm here to help as much as I can. and the other thing you can do is email me book or free book email my email is conal at datingtransformation dot com email me free book and i will send you a free copy of my book dating sucks but you don't okay back to the list number 20 okay so you've messaged her she went quiet couple one or two messages

no response wait a day or two and then you send her this Anyway, how's prison? Any woman who doesn't respond to that with a big old L.O.L. I don't want to date her. Number 21. Hey, I hope your nap was incredible. There's something about the word nap that people love and women love. And number 22.

Last one. You're texting me from a rotary phone, aren't you? The joke there, of course, is that a rotary phone isn't going to come to you through text. Okay, I hope those help you. One last important thing. God, I should have said this at the start. Your follow-up playful fun messages, they don't have to be silly and funny. Snarky, cheeky humor is my personal sweet spot.

And it does work really well. That said, there are lots of ways to follow up. You can follow up in a more sincere way. You can ask her a question about something she cares about, kind of like I did with Jennifer asking her opinion about that piece of art. You can ask her a good question. Don't ask her how is your day. You could ask her a question about something she cares about.

You could share a cool, interesting update from your life. If you went on a cool boat ride this weekend, on the river, on the water, send her a snapshot of it saying, hey, I haven't heard from you, but I'll bet my Saturday beats your Saturday. And there's a picture of you on the boat. Are you doing something cool and fun and social? Give her a little window into your life. You don't always have to be funny and playful. It's just that that's what I found works best.

But as long as you're being authentic and you're following up and showing her persistence plus charm, that equals dates. So don't forget. One unanswered text ain't ghosting. It's not. It's not ghosting until she has disappeared and gone quiet after three good text messages. And if she still is quiet after three, move on. There's a lot more fish in the sea, of course. And that's how it works.

All right, until next time. Thank you for listening.