How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - “How Do I Get More Dates on the Apps?” Your online-dating questions answered!

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

It’s another installment of “Ask the Dating Coach!” This week, your host Connell Barrett helps you solve your trickiest online-dating problems. Today’s questions include: “How long should I text a girl on an app before I ask her out?”, “Should I boost my profile, or is that a waste of money?”, “What’s a smooth way to ask for her digits?” And much more.Yes, online-dating is challenging, and you’re probably struggling in some areas. But Connell has ALL the answers. (Got a question for him? Email him at [e-mail].)It’s time to STOP swiping without luck, and START getting quality matches and dates every week. Listen now!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL, TO LEARN HOW TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactGET CONNELL’S NO. 1 BESTSELLING GUIDE FOR MEN, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T,” YOUR PRACTICAL GUIDE ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND BY BEING RADICALLY AUTHENTIC:www.amazon.com/Dating-Sucks-but-You-Dont-ebook/dp/B08LDZL3Quotes"On the apps, it's better to have great photos and mediocre texting skills than great texting skills and mediocre photos." -Connell BarrettFeatured in the episodeConnell BarrettFounder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite: https://datingtransformation.comInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformationChapters00:00 - Introduction03:15 - Navigating Dating: Quality Over Quantity05:17 - Unveiling the Texting-Profile Connection08:07 - Building Connection Through Giving and Asking10:13 - Texting Turn Offs: Avoiding the Over asking Trap11:09 - How to Avoid Common Pitfalls in Dating Apps13:48 - The Sweet Spot: Striking a Balance in Asking Her Out15:35 - The Dos and Don'ts of Taking It Offline24:08 - Navigating the First Week After Getting Her Number31:17 - The Profile Makeover: Crafting a Winning Online Dating Persona36:17 - Decoding Match Ratios in Online Dating40:12 - OutroProduced by Heartcast Mediahttps://www.heartcastmedia.com

Don't ever say, okay, cool. Here's my number. Shoot me a text. Don't do that. If you do that, I'm coming to your house and I'm going to throw eggs at your house. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and have lots of babies all before the end of this episode. That's right. I'm that good. Thanks for being here. And I have a really fun episode today. I thought we would dial in on some of the biggest online dating problems and questions I get from men.

Because, hey, you are very likely a guy who struggles on the dating apps. Most men do, actually. Here's a... What's the opposite of a fun fact? Here's a... Here's a sucks fact, which is that according to a Pew Research poll I read, 51% of men who have used dating apps have never had a single in real life date from the dating apps. Let that sink in. Over half of the men who use dating apps have never actually met a woman

in real life. And heck, probably a lot of the other guys, when they met that woman, she turned out to be, I don't know, a big fat guy janitor who was not who she said she was. So bottom line is online dating is rife with problems and frustrations. There's lack of matches. There's not knowing how to text, asking boring questions. Women ghost. They go quiet. It's just, yeah, online dating can create a lot of pain. If you're like most men, you've probably felt a little bit of that pain. I have a client I'm working with this great guy I'll call

Martin and Martin came to me because he was just feeling devastated, just devastated by his struggles. And using some of the strategies I'll be sharing with you today. Martin went from getting basically two or three matches per week and not quality matches to, he sent me a screenshot the other day. I know we're in an audio format here, but well, I would hold this up to the camera. I'll do a screenshot on my website. But using the strategies I'm going to share with you today, he had 83 matches.

And they were really quality matches. Cool, cute, attractive women he, Martin, is into. Based on some core profile changes. And that's what I want for you. And I want you to go from very likely scarcity, a lack of good matches, a lack of dates from the apps. And I want you, you don't need to have 83 or 87 matches like Martin. You just need, I don't know, five to ten good matches a week. And then that will become four or five solid numbers. And then that will become one or two dates with bright, beautiful, cool women.

And if you're going on a couple dates a week, man, you are in a good place. And that's all totally doable for you. It's what I do with my clients, and it's certainly doable for you as well so let's get into it so here are these so basically we're gonna do some of the most frequently asked questions I get from different from either clients or men out there on social media or just guys who shoot me emails. Okay. First question comes from Doug. Doug is in Houston, Texas. And Doug says, hey, Connell, I struggle with texting women. They tend to go quiet. I think my texting, texting is super important. And actually, it's never been more important to dating results. Now, I will say that good

texting is important. Let me preface this by saying what's more important is having great or at least very good compelling magnetic photos on your profile, especially two really good portraits, because the better your profile is, the more women are going to write you back. Let me rephrase that. The better your profile is, the less perfect your texting needs to be. Your texting can be good enough and you'll be in a great place. So there's a big myth about this. Guys think they need to text amazingly. And it's a nice bonus if you text amazing, if you're witty and funny and just so compelling. But man, that puts a lot of pressure on you. So the best thing you can do for your texting other than, well, I'll give you a simple system in a second, but first thing you can do is just make sure your profile has lots of great,

good photos, good portraits, test your photos, your portraits on PhotoFeeler. You get some feedback from women before you put them on the apps, that's going to help your texting so much. So for example, Martin, the client I mentioned, the reason he's getting 83 matches and so much investment and interest from women is because his profiles, sorry, his portraits and his photos are just making women say, yeah, oh, look at that guy with his surfboard. He's so attractive.

He's so cool looking. He's got a cool surf life. I want in. And that's going to get women to write you back more often than you'd rather have really great photos and be an average texter. That's going to do better for you than having mediocre photos and being a great texter. So I want you to have great photos and I want you to be a good enough texter. I'm going to read your mind.

Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news.

Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self,

so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. Back to the tip. So here's my tip for you, Doug. It's a four-word system that I teach all

my clients. Here's how we text women. Give, give, give, ask. I'll say it again. Give, give, give, and then you ask. Most of your messages should be giving her something of value. Jokes, compliments, teases, cat memes, song lyrics, thought-provoking questions. And it can also just be simple, sincere, authentic conversation. It doesn't have to be amazing content. It just has to give her at least a little give. So you mostly give with texting. And then every so often what you do then, of course, is ask for what you want, which is usually a phone number or a date or a second date.

Because when you give women a lot, a woman is much more likely to say yes when you ask for something. Now, she'll actually want to give back because a single woman is looking for a guy who can make her feel special, who can bring value to her life, who can help her to thrive and survive romantically. So it's about what you give, not what you get. So give, give, give, ask is the magic potion here. But too many guys text the opposite way. Too many guys ask, ask, ask, and then they ask some more. They ask boring questions. How's your day? They ask for dates before she's even gotten to know you. Hey, great matching with you.

Want to go out Thursday? Don't do that. It's too soon. Don't ask right away. They ask for validation. And all of this asking gets them nowhere. Because it basically turns a guy like that into a marketer, to a spam. You don't want her to feel like a match with you is like all of a sudden it's spam. Hey, you want to buy this? Hey, you want to date with me? Hey, you want to give me your number so I'll feel validation and not feel like an unattractive loser? Women hate that. They want to feel like they're getting something of value. So here's a quick texting lesson of what not to do. This is actually from my book. I'll read this to you. This is a guy who came to me. I'll call him Barry. And this is Barry right when he and

I first spoke. So Barry had a really good first date with a young woman named Rachel. They both go to the same college. And then things went well on the date, but then, ouch. And she went from liking him to ghosting him, all because all he was doing was asking. He wasn't giving. So his first message was at 12.03 a.m. right after their date. He wrote, hey, I'm home. Hope you had as good a time as I did and that we can go out again soon.

Okay, good start. Rachel replies, one minute later, I had a great time. I hope we do too. Exclamation point, happy face. Perfect. He gave. She loved it. Then let it go. One minute later, he wrote back, I'm looking forward to it. Okay, fair enough. Fine. Then he continues, when is the next day you don't have to get up early for anything?

So he immediately asks, right after the loop had been closed, she and him are both feeling great. Then he asks at 12.04 a.m., no response. The next day, actually the next evening, 9.07 p.m., How was your day? Oh, terrible. Boring question. Don't ever ask that. No answer from her. The next morning, Tuesday at 10.20 a.m. Hey, what are you up to? Come hang out with me.

What are you doing? Asking. No response. Barry, again, later that afternoon, about 3.45. Hey, were you at class today? Did you give up on class? I didn't see you. Are you coming to class?

Whoa, now he's really getting eager and asking. And at this point, it's already finished. But then another text at 10.40 the next day. Good morming typo. He actually said morming. Watch for typos. A smart girl like Rachel who goes to college, she doesn't want to date a guy who can't spell morning correctly. So watch for typos. And this continued, and then she never once responded. Barry's big mistake is he just went into ask mode right away. And he did it less than a minute after she had said goodnight. We asked three more times in the next two days while also being boring.

That's also a way of asking or taking. How was your day? How are you? What are you up to? Why weren't you in class? So if you get stuck on how to give, ask yourself this question. Here's a good mindset or a good little tip. What could I write to her that might make her smile?

Just what might I write to her that might make her smile? Okay? So give, give, give. And then don't forget the fourth step is to ask. You do want to ask for the next date or the first date or whatever it is you're asking for. But to get, we got to give, right? Okay. So please make give, give, give, ask your new texting religion to Doug and you listening at home. Okay. Next question is, hey, Connell. This comes from Chris in Ohio. Cool. Connell asks, oh, wait one second. Okay. Hey, Connell, any tips on how the right way to ask a woman out?

I'm not sure if I, sometimes I wait too long. What's the right way to ask a girl out? On the dating apps, he's asking. Okay, Chris in Ohio. So yeah, the typical guy waits way too long to ask a woman out, ask a woman for her number. So what he either does is he either gets, she either gets bored because she thinks he's too afraid to take that chance and then she loses interest. But also other guys make the mistake of asking too quickly. Like before, the example I gave would be, hey, great matching with you. Are you free Thursday? The balance is somewhere in the middle, right? You want to have a little bit of rapport, a little bit of back and forth with most women

before you can then ask her out and expect her to say yes. So here's some guidelines about asking for her number, asking her out. One tip is before you go for the number, plan to talk about one or maybe two topics with her over the course of your messaging, and limit your messages to about a dozen total, about. So that said, now if a woman's really upbeat, if she's giving you like five heart eye emojis right out of the gate, and she's like, oh my god, hi, it's so nice to meet you, I'm so glad we matched, and she seems really upbeat, you don't need to wait 12 messages and play some weird game. You can go for the number after just one topic and a couple messages. So read the room. But guideline here is think of it as a dozen messages, 12 to 15, total back and forth, and one or two topics. Don't fall into the pattern of five topics, 27 messages. She does not want a pen pal. She wants a date with a cool guy who knows when to pull the trigger. So once you've exhausted those two or so topics, definitely go for it, right? She wants that date,

not to be exchanging messages forever. And the sooner you take things off of the dating app, the better. You want to graduate to texting as quickly as possible because by doing that, you've elevated yourself above all the other guys she's matched with. So get her off the app ASAP. Again, a lot of guys ask me, do I text? Do I stay on the app with her? Get off of the app as quickly as you can because then you graduate to, instead of the 79 men she's matched with or however many it is, bottom line is if she's an attractive, good catch,

she's going to have hundreds, maybe thousands of likes. She'll have, if she wants them, she'll have dozens of matches, maybe even more. It could be over 100, but she'll have dozens if she wants that many. And you don't want to be just another guy on the app messaging her. You want to be the guy who's now texting her on her phone, and she's texting you back. So get her off of the app first. Now, a lot of guys say, should I only ask for her number or should I ask her out first and then take her number?

It doesn't matter. Either can work. I prefer just saying something like, oh, hey, let's hop off the app. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed

all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates, become magnetic and attractive Even if you're not tall or great looking Always know what to say to make sparks fly

Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps And attract your dream woman You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon Or wherever books are sold In paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. We can talk a little bit and figure out a time to meet up.

So I like to do that. A woman will get it. If you're asking her to get off the app, she'll assume it's so that you can chat a little bit and then set up a date. Now, if a woman says, hey, I feel more comfortable staying on the app, totally fine. If a woman says, actually, I prefer Instagram, that's okay too. You can defer to her there. But I suggest you start by going for a number because it's just more datey. It's more datey and more personal. I don't love Instagram exchanges.

I'll take it. I'll take it if it's between that and nothing. But start by asking for her number after that nice 12 text or so rapport period. And women just like that as well. Please don't do this. Here's a big don't. Don't give her your number unless she explicitly asks you for it. Don't ever say, okay, cool.

Here's my number. Shoot me a text. Don't do that. If you do that, I'm coming to your house and I'm going to throw eggs at your house and I'm going to tell your friends that you suck. I'm just kidding. I probably won't do that. But I don't want you to do that. Here's why. If you give your number to a woman, you are basically putting her in the masculine frame. And you're putting yourself in the feminine frame. You're basically saying, here's my number. Come get me. Shoot me a text. That's what women do. There's some poll I saw on this. I forget where it was. But basically,

like 90% of women prefer when a man asks for her number. Uh, and I've had many women say that to me. I remember a woman on, on a hinge once said to me, um, thank you. Thank you for asking for my number. I hate it when guys give me theirs. So I've had anecdotal feedback as well. Um, okay. Oh, in terms of like some of the syntax for how to ask a woman out, don't overthink it. Simple is fine. Hey, what's up? I mean, hey, let's hop. I like using the word let's.

Hey, let's text off the app. Like I actually like to give a compliment. And then like here's a simple way to do it. Compliment, let's text off the app, what's your number? So, for example, hey, you have a great sense of humor, Jenny. Why don't we text off the app? What's your number? You could do that.

It could be that simple. Here's a funny one. A text you can send, like, if you, here's a good text you can send after she laughs at something you wrote. Or even if she doesn't, you could just say, hey, I got a question for you. How much are you enjoying this conversation on a scale of, and then you do, let's see here, how many would that be? 10 zeros, so that looks like a phone number. So basically it's like, hey, how much are you enjoying this conversation? On a scale of parentheses, three zeros, and parentheses, hyphen, zero, zero, zero, hyphen, zero, zero, zero, zero,

two, and then it's all nines, right? Parentheses, three nines in parentheses, and then nine, nine, nine, right? Parentheses, three nines in parentheses, and then 999, 9999. So the way it reads is, hey, how are you enjoying our conversation? On a scale of zero, zero, zero, basically phone number of all zeros, two phone number of all nines.

This reads better than it sounds on a podcast. If you get my book, go to page 113 of my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, which I'm reading from right now, and you'll see how it looks and you'll get it. And it's really smooth and funny. And she'll get the message. And then we want her, of course, to say, LOL, you're smooth. Well, on a scale of 0, 0, 0 to all those nines, I'm enjoying it this much. And then she gives you her phone number, 917, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, I love that move. I invented it. Or no, did I? I might have stolen that from somebody. I forget. But I use it a lot. Not stole, borrow. Okay. and once you do get her number, another tip is you want to text her sooner rather than later. In fact, you can text her right away. One of the questions I get a lot is, how long do I wait to text her? Text her right away. It's cool and confident to do that.

It shows you're not playing games. It also shows you're interested. And women like a guy who's interested in her. It's not needy. As long as you're following the give, give, give, ask system, you'll be in a really good place. So you can text her right away. One final point about getting the number is keep in mind that once you get a match and a phone number on a dating app, the clock is ticking.

The clock is ticking. What I mean by that is, in general, after you get her number, every day that passes, the iron gets colder. I would say you have ballpark anywhere from two to seven days. Well, I mean, it could be that night actually. Let's call it one. You have up to a week. You have one to seven days to get her out on a first date before the trail goes cold. The longer you put it off, the less likely it is that you and she will meet up. So think of any new number

close. Think, remember, the iron's getting colder. So strike while the iron's nice and hot. Ideally, you text her. You send that first text. Hey, what's up? It's Mitch from Hinge. What's going on? One or two quick messages back and forth. And then you say to her, hey, so we should definitely get drinks this week or whatever the first date is. What night are you free? What night are you free? Or what nights are you free? You can start setting up the date right away as soon as you go to texting. Longer you wait, the less likely it is to happen. So keep that in mind. Okay. The next question comes from Gerald in Columbia, Missouri. No way. I went to grad school

in Missouri, in Columbia. Very cool. Okay. Gerald asks, with online dating, he has actually two questions here. With online dating, do you suggest premium memberships or should I just do the free, cheaper ones? Definitely do the top tier memberships on any dating app. That assures that a maximum number of women are going to see your profile. And it only costs you, I don't know, 10, 20, 30 bucks depending on the app. To me, that's like two drinks. And that's a bargain, all things considered. A good profile is going to work on any dating app, but it's going to work best if you are doing the top tier you know tinder platinum or hinges premium so yeah keep that in mind it's kind of like yeah you pay for it but you're paying for more reach and you're paying to be

you're paying to have your profile pushed out in front of more women and also higher quality women because the dating app wants to make you happy because you're giving them a little extra money than the average guy is. So they want to make you happy. So they're going to show you more attractive women. One caveat though, paying for the top tier, it only works if you got a really good profile. It's all about the profile or it's at the beginning. It's all about the profile. So, uh, don't just randomly upgrade and think that's going to magically fix your profile. It won't, um, a profile that flops on the free app is going to flop on the top tier. Get your profile handled first, and then you'll see the good results. So yes, pay for the top tier, but only after your profile is really solid.

Gerald also asks, should I boost my profile? Yes. Yes. Boosting is very valuable, no matter what app you use. When you boost, your profile goes to the front of the line and the maximum number of cool, awesome, sexy, sweet, smart, amazing women are going to see it. I'm happy to say that it was having a boosted, souped up profile. That's how I matched with my girlfriend Jessamyn on a dating app called The League a couple years ago. I probably wouldn't have even seen her if I wasn't boosting. So that was a few

bucks that was very well worth it. I met the love of my life because of a profile boost. So yes, you should boost. Absolutely. Yeah. And when you boost, here's another bonus tip about boosting. So boosting does two things for you. Not only does it help you hopefully get dates, more matches and dates, of course, but also it's giving you valuable data. I want you to boost your profile immediately after you make any significant profile changes, because the app's algorithm is going to see that you're active and making changes and paying the money, of course, for the boost. So your profile is going to be pushed out to the best options, the best catches on that app. And then we're also going to find out how good your changes are.

And on an app like Hinge, where every single piece of your profile has the possibility of getting liked and matched with. Unlike other apps on Hinge, every single puzzle piece of your profile either will or won't get a like. And that's valuable data, really valuable data. So that's why you want to boost. Boosting has multiple benefits. Not just dates, but you get valuable data. Okay, another question is, oh, I get this a lot. Hey, what if I boost and I get poor results? Then what? Don't panic. Repeat after me. Bring the data, not the drama.

Bring the data, not the drama. This is a marketing mantra to help you focus on the numbers. And then, by extension, focusing on potential solutions rather than falling into a bad emotional place where you start to interpret your lack of results in a way that makes you feel like oh i'm ugly apps don't work women are shallow i hate the apps um this is really important what i'm about to say so please listen up a lack of matches does not mean that you're unattractive. It merely means that your marketing needs work, your online dating marketing.

I've launched many dating profiles, my own, and gotten poor initial results. But I improve it. I optimize it. I tweak it. I try one or two different photos. I mess around. And by fiddling with and testing the different photos and versions of my bio and prompts, then I see what works. I keep what works. I discard what doesn't. And then boom, by the end of it, I got a great profile that's humming and getting me matches and dates.

And well, I mean, I'm in a relationship, but when I was last single, getting me lots of matches and dates and my clients follow the same pattern here. I should say follow the same system. So yeah, if you launch your new profile and you get a ton of matches, party, celebrate. But if you don't, ponder.

Basically, either you win or you learn, okay? Don't think of it as win-loss. Think of it as win-learn. So if you don't get the initial kinds of matches you want, don't freak. Bring the data, not the drama, and then make some changes, okay? Revisit your featured photo. Are you sure your featured portrait is really good? Was it a taken for online dating or did you just grab something from your phone? Look at the rest of your photos. Look for a weak link. Are there any red flags? Is there anything that might turn a woman off? Are there boring prompts? Remember, every single piece of your online dating profile, it might be about you, but it's for her.

It's all about what you offer women, okay? So you want to say, are my photos making her smile? Do I look attractive and as handsome as I can look? Is my personality coming across? Am I painting the picture of some fun things that we can do together? Yeah, sometimes a small change can make a big difference. I had a client way back in the day, a guy named Randy. And Randy launched his Tinder profile. And he had really good photos. But his initial match results were kind of meh on Tinder. And what we did is we realized that his bio was a little bit too bland, a little bit too nice guy. So we swapped in a different photo

of him, found a photo in a black leather jacket. And we also changed the first line of his bio to, I forget what he had, but it wasn't something super edgy. It was just kind of sincere. We changed it to, quote, if you can handle a man who's a little bit cocky, then we might get along. And that new line, combined with the new photo of him in the black jacket,

all of a sudden he got like double, almost triple matches, like literally overnight. Like he had like 13 matches the next day and about half, seven or eight of those were really good leads. And I remember one woman, he said, one woman said,

so what makes you so cocky? So basically we realized, oh, you know what? I was a little too nice guy, a little too safe, a little too boring. We added some edge. Anyway, but first we had to look at the data and ignore the drama. A couple of final questions here. Let's see here. I'll take this one.

Oh, a couple of quick ones. Should I use super likes on the dating apps? I guess that's a Tinder thing. Yes, use any feature that assures a woman will see your profile. On Tinder like, super likes, Bumble, I think they call them super swipes. That tells a woman that you're interested

and puts you at the top of her queue. And the more women who see you, assuming you have a good profile, the better your chances for matches. So again, yes to do that, assuming you have a good profile. Assuming your profile is as good as you can make it, that you've tried your hardest.

Should I use video loop features? Yes, definitely. I love video loop features. Most apps have some variation of these now. Short video clip. Video brings you to life, so absolutely I recommend it. In the clip, you want to be doing something that conveys something attractive, positive, or just as giving off good energy, right? Maybe you're water skiing, shooting hoops, making a funny face. On my most recent profile, the video loop I use, just a five-second video loop of a dog and licking my face. And I'm like kind of giggling and laughing and kind of, it's kind of gross, but also kind of cute. Like, you know, like when a dog licks your face, it'm like kind of giggling and laughing and kind of, it's kind of gross, but also kind

of cute. Like, you know, like when a dog licks your face, it's like, ew, gross, but also really sort of heart, heart meltingly sweet. Um, women just have gone crazy for that video. So yeah, once you find a video that works, boom, you're good. You don't have to change it, but yeah, you find, uh, tests and videos, some short video loops. Let's take one more question here. Oh, here's a good one. How many matches should I expect when my profile is really humming? This totally depends on so many factors. Again, my client here in New York, Martin, he had over 187 was the last number he told me he had. And I'm talking good matches too. You probably don't, you might not live in New York City.

So it depends on lots of variables, right? Like your city where you live, your dating market. Bottom line, though, is so it depends on the app and where you live. But if you're based in a major, relatively major metro area, or the suburbs, you know, of a major metro area, bare minimum that you want to shoot for is, I would say, a dozen good matches a week is a nice floor. A dozen good matches a week, quality matches. Okay? Because that's a really nice number to work off of. Because again, let's say you have 10 or 12 good matches a week.

And I'm talking about swiping every day for at least a half hour. Okay. So if you have 12 good matches a week, then you'll probably be messaging half of those and having a back and forth happen of those five or six you're messaging with. I'm talking about a fairly busy, bustling week online. Then ask out three or four of them, one or two of them, you and she can get your schedules together. Then you've got one or two dates a week. That sounds pretty good to me so yeah you can absolutely

i would say that we would make that i would make that your your how many matches to expect when your profile is humming after you've done all the things that i teach so it does take time to get there i'm not gonna bullshit you online dating is competitive You got more men than women. You got 80% of the men are all trying to match with the 20, 25 most attractive women. It is competitive. But the good news is I'm on your side. You've got your coach right here helping you. So helping you here on my podcast. And there's a whole chapter in my book about online dating. And really, all you have to do is get a profile that puts you in the top 10% of men. And that's not that hard. In fact, it's pretty much a done deal using the basics that I teach.

And once you're in the top 10% of men, then it's about optimizing, tweaking things, and then you can get a couple of dates a week. Don't be that guy like that poll said. More than half of men never have a single date. Don't let that dissuade you. Just know that it's because most guys don't know how to do online dating. You now know how, or at least will know how, if you listen to this pod and maybe check out the online dating chapter in my book. Yeah, it's just marketing. It's just a marketing challenge. Okay, that's today's episode.

Thank you so much. I hope I answered some questions that were on your mind. If you have any questions for me to take on my podcast, or if you have any questions at all, just shoot me an email. My work email is connell, C-O-N-N-E-L-L, at datingtransformation.com. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, your future incredible, amazing, awesome,

sexy, snuggly, gorgeous girlfriend, she's out there and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. See you next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation Podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.

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