How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - How to Charm Beautiful Women: 7 Simple Flirting Moves

Starting point is 00:00:00 You're getting very sleepy. You are falling in love with me right now. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. All right, welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and find a great girlfriend all by being truly authentic. No toxic pickup moves needed. No manipulation. No hypnosis. You're

Starting point is 00:00:36 getting very sleepy. You are falling in love with me right now. Anyway, today's a really fun episode because in the last few episodes, I've been going pretty deep on some inner game things, values like resilience, confidence, mindset, and these things are really important. It's also fun sometimes just to talk about straight-up practical flirting moves simple flirting moves and so I want to give you seven eight nine of my favorites straight-up flirting moves what I call man-to-woman communication now before I give you these moves, keep in mind that flirting, how to flirt with women, what to say, how to say it, it's not the most important thing in need to have handled is to be in touch with the authentic value you have to offer women, to feel and connect with your significance, your worthiness, your attractiveness. I've never met a single woman who does not want to be with a man who's confident in himself, who feels like he's really worthy, he's enough. So nothing is more important than feeling that you're enough, you're worthy, you're attractive to lots of wonderful women. However, once you have that in place, you also want to be really

Starting point is 00:02:27 good at flirting, at what to say and how to say it. And that's what today's episode's about. Just the fun flirting moves. What I call man-to-woman communication. Just a quick overview of what man-to-woman communication is. That's a frequency. It's a frequency that we want to get on when we're talking to a woman who we're attracted to. If you think about it, there's really only three ways to communicate with other people in the world. I should say three. It's like there's three channels, not counting family. Obviously, family is its own beast. But outside of family, every single social interaction you have falls into one of three categories. Those three categories are number one, a friend-to-friend, basically a friend-based conversation. The second category is man to woman. Again, if we're talking about straight single men like

Starting point is 00:03:28 you and the third category, the third kind of social interaction is let's call it business slash patron customer business or transactional. So think about this other than family, you've really only got these three channels. You're at the office all day. You're having business transactional conversations in that context. You go to the store. You pay for your groceries. You go to the bartender. You order the drink. That's a transactional business-based conversation. Hang out with your good friends. That's obviously friend to friend. And then, of course, there's dating, or I should say there's the man-to-woman context or frame. And the big mistake that men make, the single biggest mistake men make, at least on dates or when talking with women,

Starting point is 00:04:25 is that by default, the big mistake men make is they get stuck on that friend-to-friend channel, that friend-to-friend context, usually by being safe, by not flirting, by not treating her like she's a woman you're attracted to by not playing romantic cards. That's the most common mistake guys make. A similar mistake would actually be you're at the bar and you're really attracted to the cute bartender. And then you ask her out. But up until you ask her out, the conversation has been totally business-based, transactional. You've only talked about her job and she only sees you as a customer. And then all of a sudden, you try to go from that business patron context to the man-to-woman

Starting point is 00:05:21 one. And that's jarring to her. She's like, wait, what? No, I'm not going to go out with you. You're a customer. I'm going to read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt.

Starting point is 00:05:48 You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun.

Starting point is 00:06:19 Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can.

Starting point is 00:06:57 Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. So that would be an example of getting stuck in the transactional one. If you've ever had a really attractive, charming waitress or a woman at the store helping you pick out clothes and you're thinking, oh my gosh, I would love to go out with her. Odds are you stayed in that business context and you didn't even try to go out with her. But even if you did ask her out, it wouldn't have worked because you were in the wrong frame. You were in the wrong context. So anyway, when talking to a woman you're attracted to and want to date or maybe are on a date with, I'm going to give you a bunch of tools here right now to help you get onto that man-to-woman wavelength. So here are some ways to do it. I'll just get right to it. By the way, there's a lot more of these in my book,

Starting point is 00:07:55 Dating Sucks But You Don't. I have a ton, ton, ton of man-to-woman tips and moves. Here are a handful just for the sake of this pod, some of my favorites. Number one is give her what I call a power compliment. What's a power compliment? It's letting her know you appreciate her and find something internal about her really attractive. We all want to be appreciated for what's inside. So one thing you can do with the woman you're into is let her know that an inner quality you like about her is standing out. So maybe it's her smarts, her wit, her sense of humor, her big heart. Tell her what you notice and why you like it. And then use a word that adds some emotional resonance to it. Tell her that, hey, you're really smart. You're really witty.

Starting point is 00:08:57 And that's really sexy. I'm not easily impressed, but damn, that's really impressive. So feel free to use words like sexy or beautiful. You know what's really beautiful about you? I mean, obviously, Megan, you're super attractive. Any guy can see that. But you know what's really beautiful about you? Is you have such a great sense of humor, and you're very caring. That's really attractive. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, back to the date. So what we're doing here is complimenting her inner qualities. And what you're doing is you're raising your stature. You're letting her know she's creating a romantic interest from you, but it's coming from something from her depths, the real girl inside of her.

Starting point is 00:09:44 Lots of guys have told her how beautiful she is on the outside. You are the rare man who sees that beauty within. And that elevates you in her eyes while also clarifying that this is a man to woman conversation. I still remember, of course, I still remember. I remember my first date with my girlfriend, Jessamyn. We were on my rooftop having drinks after we'd gone to a bar and we were on my rooftop and I was just so blown away by her wit. She's so quick-witted. She's so funny. And I'm used to being the funny one on dates. I'm used to being the one who's clever and quick witted. And I was just trying to keep up with her. And at one point I said something to the effect of, you know what's really, really sexy, beautiful about you? It's you're so quick witted.

Starting point is 00:10:40 You're so smart and funny. I'm not easily impressed, but damn, I'm very impressed. And now she kept her cool. She said, oh, well, thank you. But I could see that she liked it. And she later told me that that just made her melt inside when I said that. Because many people have told her that she's pretty, she's really cute, she's beautiful. Very few men, I would argue, ever told her what incredible inner beauty she had. And I meant it too. Totally authentic, totally genuine. And she could feel that. So tip number one, compliment her inner qualities. Tip number two, give her a quote unquote deal breaker. A really fun way to spike a date or a conversation with a woman is to take an innocent detail about her and pretend, playfully of course, that it's a deal-breaker, that it won't work out for the two of you. So for example, she might say,

Starting point is 00:11:40 oh, I'm more of a cat person than a dog person. And then you would say, what? Oh, that's too bad. That's a deal breaker for me. I knew you were too good to be true. And then that might get her to say, oh, no, no, I like dogs. I just love cats more. And then you would say, sorry, I just don't think I could be with somebody who has a coat made of Dalmatians. And that probably would make her laugh and say, no, no, I really love dogs. So in addition to generating really fun banter, giving your date fun little challenges like this, like telling her why she has, again, playfully telling her why she's messed up her chance with you can actually make a woman chase you a little bit and get her more invested in winning you over. And it's just a general truism

Starting point is 00:12:33 that the more invested in something a person is, the more they want something. Now, to be clear, I'm not saying you genuinely are telling her that it's not going to work out. Don't do this as some kind of weird, fake, harsh nag. It's a joke. It's a joke. But there's a grain of truth in it because only a guy with a lot of self-confidence in himself would even say to a girl, you know what? It was going great until you told me that you like Justin Bieber. I got to go. I got to go. Can I walk you to the subway? Again, it's all done with a little wink. So give her a deal breaker. It's number two. Tip number three is move your eyes in a seven pattern, the number seven. So to dial up sexual tension, especially on a date, a first date, what you can do is move your eyes in a seven

Starting point is 00:13:25 pattern. That is from her right eye to her left eye and then down to her lips, creating a seven. And this will amplify your attraction to her, which can enhance something that's called emotional state transference. In other words, you're literally looking at her and allowing yourself to feel that romantic attraction. And then you're, and she'll feel that on you. And oftentimes a woman will feel what you're feeling because emotions are contagious. What you feel, a woman will feel. So if you let yourself get lost in her liquid blue eyes, you can transfer that desire that you feel onto her. Does this make sense? hopefully have this click in your mind, is think back to any time an attractive woman has looked at you with desire, looked you right in the eye, given you that look of sexual or romantic desire. I hope that's happened at least sometimes. Think back to that. Do you remember how that actually

Starting point is 00:14:41 made you feel the feels she was giving you. So it's the same thing. You're basically moving your eyes in a seven pattern and allowing your romantic attraction to her to come out from your facial expression, and that can transfer onto her. Okay, the next tip, number four, is say the scary thing. Say the scary thing. In other words, be vulnerable. We're all searching for truth and realness in the world. So get into the habit of sharing scary but honest feelings with women, as long as it's not vulgar or negative, of course. And this emotional nakedness can be really powerful.

Starting point is 00:15:33 And by going first, you get to free your date to do the same. And here are some phrases you can use to start things out. Okay. You can start off sentences this way. You can say, you know what I like about you? And then fill in the blank. Or here's what scares me the most and then share that. Or, hey, I want to share something with you, but I'm not sure if I should. Oh my God. Imagine saying that to your next date. She's going to be begging you to share that thing. So if you want to be really brave, say one of these scary phrases that I just shared. Say them to your date without knowing how you're going to finish the thought. It's going to be really scary. It feels like walking on a high wire. But as long as you're being honest and present, your brain's going to figure out the right words and your date is going to know that they're real, they're authentic. So start saying

Starting point is 00:16:26 those scary things. There's real power in its invulnerability. It's also very attractive. So let her know what scares you. Let her know what you like about her. Share some things with her that maybe you're not sure that you should. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity.

Starting point is 00:17:17 Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great looking. always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold, in paperback, Kindle and audiobook.

Starting point is 00:18:02 Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Okay, the next one. Number five, give her a nickname. Give her a cute nickname. Troublemaker, kiddo, freckles. Giving a girl, a woman a nickname, it means, it sort of assumes that you, not only that you like them, it also suggests familiarity. So the night I met my future girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, but the night I met her, her name's Carrie. And she started calling me Ginger Man. So she used this move on me. She's like, hey, ginger man. And that just kind of made me more into her and made me feel like we had a deeper rapport. So this, this,

Starting point is 00:18:52 all this stuff works on me too. Um, number six, make her the seducer, her, not you. So I love to misinterpret an innocent comment that a woman makes as quote unquote evidence that she wants to seduce me. And a lot of women really love this. By flipping the male-female dynamic and accusing her of objectifying you, you're subtly telling her, I'm not like other guys. And also, this helps take things from that logical friend-to-friend context to the man-to-woman context. And plus, it's just super fun. So look for opportunities to misinterpret what she's saying as her trying to seduce you. Again, it's a joke. You're not literally accusing her of this. But even as a joke, there's truth in it. So if she says, oh, yeah, so I recently redid my bedroom,

Starting point is 00:19:50 you would say, listen, I'm not going to bed with you tonight. Look, I know I'm sexy, but we just met, so let's take it slow. So if you catch her looking down at your shirt, you can say, excuse me, my eyes are up here. Please don't treat me like a piece of meat. You could say things like, just so you know, is I don't hold hands until the third date. That's a really funny thing to actually text, by the way, before a first date. Hey, just so you know, is that I don't kiss until date number 12. I don't hold hands until date number seven. So just so you know. Yeah. And by the way, some women love this role reversal so much that they actually fully commit to the seducer role. And they insist that they go back to your place or that you take her to yours. Anyway, so it can really have a powerful effect. The next one is be the buyer,

Starting point is 00:20:50 not the seller with women, and especially that first date or so. Be the buyer, not the seller. This is a concept that came to me from my old coach, Owen. So props to Owen. I always love this. Men often try to sell themselves to women who they've just met. And that can come across as desperate. It's better to adopt a buyer-seller vibe with you as the buyer. So let's imagine you're going to Best Buy, shopping for a new TV. You're not going to buy the first TV you look at, right? You don't try to convince the salesman that a certain model is right for you, and you don't try to impress him. First, you see if the TV is what you're looking for. Does it have the right sound qualities? Is the picture enough pixels? Is it going to look good in your house?

Starting point is 00:21:47 In the same respect, find out if a woman meets your standards. And this keeps you from appearing overly eager. So be the buyer, not the seller. Okay, let's do one more. Oh, I love this one. Tell personal stories. Share personal stories on dates. We're all hardwired to love a good story. A good anecdote from your life makes you more charismatic, helps hold her interest, and it invites her to share her stories. So basically, good storytelling is instant charisma. Here are some storytelling tips. Feel free, you don't have to do all these, but these are guidelines. One thing you can do is follow a three-part story structure. So it's setting, conflict, and resolution. Okay? Setting, conflict, resolution. So here's a story from my teenage years. I've told this on dozens of dates. So I'll just give it to you, Cliff's Notes version of it. So it goes like this. So I was in study

Starting point is 00:23:00 hall in high school. One day in high school, I was in study hall, that's the setting, before a geometry test. And I knew I wasn't ready to pass this test. And if I failed, I was going to end up in summer school. There's the conflict. So what I did was I went to the school nurse and I pretended to have back spasms. So when my parents came to pick me up at school, instead of taking me home, which is what I thought they were going to do, they took me to the hospital for x-rays. And the doctor diagnosed me with scoliosis, which I didn't even have. I had fake back spasms.

Starting point is 00:23:41 And the doctor actually diagnosed me with scoliosis. And my parents started crying. And that's the resolution. And years later, I revealed the truth to my mom. She got really, she got pretend upset. So there's the resolution, right? Now notice, so the next tip with storytelling is you want details.

Starting point is 00:24:03 Use details and specifics. Specifics and details bring things to life, bring stories to life. So notice all the specifics in my story. It wasn't just any test. It was a geometry test. It wasn't just, oh, I pretended I wasn't feeling well. It was back spasms, x-rays. When I actually tell the story on a date, not on my podcast, I get even more detailed. So details bring stories to life. And one more third tip here about storytelling on dates is avoid stories that make you look cool. You're going to be tempted perhaps to talk about the time you hit the home run to win the World Series, Little League World Series or whatever. Actually avoid that. Avoid stories that make you look cool. It's actually cooler to laugh about an embarrassing moment from your past.

Starting point is 00:24:57 The reason I tell the back spasm story is because I was such an idiot at that age. The story shows that I sucked at math, that I lie, that basically I'm a flawed person just trying to get through life. But what makes it powerful is I'm telling it through the lens of my grown, mature, hopefully more evolved self. So sharing an embarrassing story actually can make you look, even though it makes you feel embarrassed at the time of the stories happening, it actually makes you look really cool and attractive to the woman you're on the date with because it shows you can laugh at yourself and it shows how much you've grown. So choose an embarrassing story. Choosing an embarrassing story is a good option for a first date story. You know, the time you

Starting point is 00:25:52 struck out and lost the game. The time you got in trouble for, I don't know, cheating on a test and you got suspended for a couple days in school. You'll have to find the right story for you. But the thing to keep in mind here is that vulnerability is powerful and attractive. At the same time, don't overthink this. It doesn't have to be the world's most amazing story. Sometimes just a fun, weird, quirky story that's just out of this world strange is more than good enough. My client, Craig, loves telling his dates about the time his friends had to sneak him into Canada by rolling him up inside of a carpet and putting him in the back of an SUV, an issue related to he had lost his passport,

Starting point is 00:26:45 something like that. So they had to sneak him into the country or sorry, into Canada by rolling him into a, by sneaking him in a car. I just love that. So it can be as simple as that. Um, so yeah, remember that, um, that, uh, just a story that's really interesting and quirky is going to be a good story. Yeah. So embrace the power of storytelling. It's so simple. A lot of guys say, what do I say on the date? What do I talk about? Well, I'll talk about you and her. And a great way to talk about you is go into any date with a couple of go-to personal stories that are silly, weird, funny, or maybe that show you in an embarrassing light at the time, but now that you can laugh at it, you actually come across as very attractive. Because self-deprecation, as long as it's from the frame of a very confident

Starting point is 00:27:41 man who believes in himself, self-deprecation is very attractive to women. Okay. Those are today's man-to-woman moves to use on dates or just when you're talking to a woman for the first time. That's today's episode. Thank you so much for listening. And as always, don't forget that attractive, amazing, wonderful women, they're already out there and they already like you. They just have to meet the real authentic you. See you next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation Podcast.

Starting point is 00:28:15 For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time. Produced by Heartcast Media. datingtransformation.com. See you next time.

How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - How to Charm Beautiful Women: 7 Simple Flirting Moves

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