How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - How to Date Wonderful Women without Approaching or Using Apps

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

So you want to attract a wonderful woman into your life, for love, companionship and hate-watching “Emily in Paris” together. BUT… dating apps don’t work for you. And the thought of approaching random women makes you more anxious than an IRS audit.Well, what if you could get great dates and find your ideal girlfriend, and never have to swipe on an app, or nervously hit on random women?In today’s episode of the Dating Transformation podcast, host Connell Barrett welcomes Robbie Kramer, a dating expert who helps men meet women by using their social circle!In this episode, Kramer, the founder of Inner Confidence, will help you…✔ Meet smart, attractive women not by swiping on the apps but by using your social connections✔ Create a step-by-step plan to get more dates, no nerve-wracking approaches needed✔ Uncover the biggest dating mistake that you don’t know you’re making, and help you fix it✔ PLUS: Connell and Robbie talk about unlocking the power of true authenticity, so that desirable women will like you for YOU.Listen now so you can stop endlessly swiping on the apps and start meeting great women using your social connections. It’s time to take your dating confidence to the next level.To Learn More or to Work with Robbie:http://www.innerconfidence.com/QuotesWomen are going to be incredibly flaky and the hotter they are, the more likely they're going to be flaky. - RobbieOnline dating is just riddled with flakes. Like you're going to get at least 50% to 75% flakes if the girls are really hot. - RobbieThe best dating hack I've found is to shift from a hunter mindset of chasing one girl at a time to a farming mindset of cultivating an environment with a favorable ratio. - RobbieOur HostConnell BarrettFounder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite: https://datingtransformation.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformationBook Your Free Call Today and grab a time that works for youClick this link:https://datingtransformation.com/contact/Get the number 1 Amazing Bestselling book “Dating Sucks, But You Don’t”Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Dating-Sucks-but-You-Dont-ebook/dp/B08LDZL3GXFeatured GuestRobbie Kramerhttps://www.instagram.com/robbie_kramerhttps://www.tiktok.com/@robbie.kramerhttps://innerconfidence.comTo Learn More or to Work with Robbie:http://www.innerconfidence.com/Chapters00:00 Introduction00:04:23 A sample story of heart surgeon on his dating life00:07:03 An Internal tip and external tip from Connell00:15:25 Book a call with Coach Connell to give you advice in the dating space00:17:00 Introducing our guest, Robbie Kramer00:19:35 Robbie’s problem before with his dating life00:24:04 Robbie’s breakthrough moment00:35:00 Why are women flaky?00:43:52 Get our best selling book on Amazon Today “Dating Sucks But You Don’t”00:45:35 Robbie’s practical tips to be successful on dating00:54:25 Another successful story from one of Robbie’s friend01:00:17 Rapid fire question time01:08:56 Takeaways from RobbieProduced by Heartcast Mediahttp://www.heartcastmedia.com

Yeah, I mean when it comes to approaching women confidently and getting results you you have to embrace uncertainty. I mean to quote Benjamin Franklin the only certainties in life for death taxes and crappy Adam Sandler movies Welcome to the dating transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. All right, welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I am here to help you gain confidence, learn to flirt, get dates, get a great girlfriend,

and do it all with total authenticity. No creepy pickup artist tricks needed. It's all about being authentic, the real best you. So on this episode, by the time you're done listening, you're going to have three really great takeaways. Number one is I'm going to give you my single favorite tip on how to approach women and get results and do it in a non-creepy way and do it

with charm. The second thing you're going to get by the end of this episode is you're going to get a roadmap, specific actions you can take literally today, tomorrow, this weekend to go get some dates. And then the third takeaway is our very special guest, Robbie Kramer, dating coach Robbie Kramer is going to be here. He's actually going to tell you how to get dates, how to get a successful dating life without approaching women. Because some guys don't want to be out approaching women. Some guys want to do it on the apps or they want to do it in the way Robbie teaches. Robbie has this really cool technique about meeting women through your social circle and creating social connections.

No approaching needed. So stick around because we've got a lot of great tips to help you. And what I want to start off with is, I think the biggest problem, maybe the problem I hear most often from men who come to me and they want help with their dating life, is they come to me and they want help with their dating life is they come to me and they say,

Connell, I just want to see that really attractive, intriguing woman and go approach her and know what to say and not get rejected. Maybe it's maybe it's that attractive woman you see at the gym or at the coffee shop. Or maybe you go out to the bars every couple weekends and you're out with your buddies. And you see that attractive woman or maybe a group of girls. And you would love to go over and say hi. But something holds you back. You can't do it. It's almost like there's that little voice inside of you that stops you.

Sometimes that voice says, oh no, you're going to get shot down. Don't do it. Or you don't know what to say. You don't know what to say. And then she's going to reject you and you're going to look like a schmuck in front of your friends. And sometimes it's more, more a matter of just feeling like this is creepy and wrong. It's wrong and it's weird to go approach women. I don't want to be that guy. And the bottom line is if you consistently want to meet women out in the real world, but you don't do it, then it takes a toll, right? It really can wear you down and make you feel like, well, my only hope for success is the dating apps.

Or maybe getting introduced to somebody I work with. Or somebody in my social circle. And the bottom line is if you struggle with approaching, what's called approaching anxiety, that means that you see women out in the real world and you would love to talk to them, but you rarely or never do. Something stops you. And I think approach anxiety is probably the single biggest problem that men struggle with, or at least it's the problem I hear most often. And it really sucks. I wrote a book called Dating Sucks, but you don't. And approach anxiety sucks because it creates this sense of cognitive dissonance, right?

You almost feel like you're two different people sometimes. You're like, oh, I'm really confident at work. I'm relaxed with my friends and my family and my guy friends, hanging at the bar, watching sports, whatever it is. But then there's a really pretty girl five feet away from you. You can't even say hi. I think the most, and I'm going to give you a tip on how to fix this like right now in about three minutes, but a quick

story. So I had a client I used to work with. I'll call him Douglas. Douglas is a doctor. He's a physician. And he came to me with really bad approach anxiety. And he said, Connell, I don't know how to explain it, but I literally operate on people's hearts. I spread their ribs. I do open heart surgery. I have had people's hearts, hundreds of people's hearts literally in my hand, Douglas told me when we first started talking.

And he said, but I can't, I can't talk to an attractive woman. I can, I can literally hold somebody's life in my hands, but I can't talk to an attractive women and it's driving me crazy. And it can, you know, if you can't approach women, it leads to datelessness. It can really hurt your confidence and it just really gets you stuck in your head so he and I work together in fact part of what I do as a coach is I take guys out out on the town and we go up and we approach women together in field coaching where I go out I'm literally their wingman side by side shoulder to shoulder and he and I got together. His higher self name, by the way, is he, I love this. He called himself the badass. So every client I have, I work with, they get a, they give themselves a

higher self nickname, that higher confidence self. So Mr. Badass and I went out and we spent the weekend socializing, talking to women. And by the end of the weekend, the badass was going up and just effortlessly approaching, going up to different women. We went to coffee shops. We went to a couple bars, a couple lounges. And I literally saw him. I even recorded it. I can't share it with you, but I have a video recording

of the badass getting his very first phone number from a really pretty blonde woman from Eastern Europe. And I watched him go up to her in a club and all of a sudden, by the way, the badass is about 50 years old. He's an older guy. And I saw him have some really major breakthroughs. So what was the main breakthrough that the badass had that I want to share with you right now before we get to the rest of the episode? It's this. Two main things. I'm going to give you one internal confidence tip and then I'm going to give you an external technique to go out and try this. So here's the internal tip. The first internal tip is you need to make an internal shift and you need to remind yourself and give yourself specific reasons why

you are a very worthy and attractive man to women. Because when he came to me, the badass, wasn't feeling like a badass. He was feeling like a sad ass. He just felt like, oh, yeah, sure. I mean, women just don't like me. I'm too old. I'm not cool enough. I don't have the awesome biceps or whatever. And I'm like, dude, you're a heart surgeon. You're a doctor.

You have the most amazing, arguably the coolest, most high status job in the world. You're a heart surgeon. You're a doctor. You have the most amazing, arguably the coolest, most high-status job in the world. You're a physician. But he wasn't focused on that. He wasn't focused on his career. He wasn't focused on being fit and being a big-hearted guy. He was focused on what he thinks he lacks. So the first thing you want to do if you want to get over approach anxiety is understand that approach anxiety, 80% of it comes from doubting your worth to women. You feel that you are not enough. You feel that women would not want to be approached

by someone like you and date you. And what happens is we feel that way as men. It's a misinterpretation. It's a misinterpretation, but it's how it feels. And you fear or feel, hey, maybe I'm not enough for women. And if I go up and approach her and she rejects me, that will mean I'm not enough. And then I'll have to be alone or settle for a woman I'm not that attracted to or settle for a inflatable woman. So anyway, that internal story is what creates most of the approach anxiety. And first thing you want to tell you want to give yourself specific reasons why you are an amazing choice for women. So want to make that internal shift, right? And then what you want to do once

you do that. So here's what here's a quick way to do that. After this podcast is over, I want you to take out a piece of paper or go on your computer, go on your phone, I want you to write out 25 specific reasons why you are a great choice for quality, attractive women. 25 specific reasons. It could be, and there's no way to get any of these reasons wrong as long as they're specific and as long as they connect you to your value, your worth. Okay.

So that list might be number one, I'm a great cook. Number two, I have a steady job. Number three, I'm pretty funny. Good sense of humor. Number four, I love my mom. Number five, I have a cool car. Number six, I'm a good kisser. Number seven, I make a mean bourbon infused French toast. Whatever it is, you want to get in touch with all the things you offer and that will help give your brain that needed proof to feel significant to attractive to women. That will make in time, that will make most of that approaching anxiety disappear. Okay. So that's the internal shift is you've got to get clear on what you offer. Instead of focusing on what you think you lack, you got to focus on what you know you offer. Okay, that's the internal shift.

The external tip I'm going to share with you, the actionable practical move to go out and apply is don't even call it approaching women. Think of it as breaking the ice opening, opening with short, very short openers. And here is your mission. Should you choose to accept it, you, my honorary client slash podcast listener, you want to go out? I would do it this weekend. Take action Sucks But You Don't. And so you could get all of the specifics on how to approach, how to deliver a great opener in my book. But I'll give you the quickest, fastest tip right now. The best way to break the ice with a woman is to give her a specific compliment. Something genuine, authentic.

And then you share that compliment with her and then you want nothing in return. You're not trying to get her phone number. You're not trying to get a date. You're not trying to create attraction. You're certainly not doing some pickup artist BS of some fake line. You want to find a genuine thing that you like and appreciate about her. Don't make it about her looks, or at least don't make it about her body. You could make it about her look, her style. One of my favorite ways to open a conversation with a woman and break that ice is you just notice a great piece of style she has. And you say something like, excuse me, miss, I really like those boots. Those are really cool. Or excuse, I like to say excuse me, miss, a lot in the daytime.

That's a way we can be, show that gentlemanliness, that politeness. Excuse me, miss, I just want to say you have a great, that's a really cool jacket. Very stylish. I like that leather on you. Or I was once at a Barnes and Noble and I saw a really pretty girl in the fiction section. And I said, I walked up to her and said, hey, pardon me. It's just nice to see that pretty girls still read books. So if you're going to compliment her looks, make it more than just about the physical. I was basically saying, sure, you're pretty, but also it's cool that you read because, hey, I'm well, I'm in a relationship. But when I was out there approaching women, I was looking for an intelligent, well-read

woman. So think of these short little compliments, these short little icebreakers. Think of them as small gifts that you get to give. If you make this internal shift toward, hey, I'm worthy, I'm enough, and you start thinking of approaching, not as approaching to get attraction, but you think of it as, let me give a small little gift, five, 10 second little opener, and then anything that happens after that is a bonus. So your mission, should you choose to accept it, go out and deliver five compliment openers. Think cool tattoo. Where did you get it? Why did you choose to have a dragon tattoo? It could be a piece of style. She's, it could be the cool hat she's wearing, her cool sneakers. It could be something

unusual that you notice. I was once walking out on the town in New York City, and I saw a woman standing outside of her yoga class or a gym having just taken her yoga class. And she had this yoga mat under her arm. And she was smoking a cigarette and I thought that's different so I said hey pardon me but you must be really complex because yoga mat smoking a woman of contradictions right and she laughed she immediately knew what that was about so I noticed something unusual and I called it out so go out there start delivering some openers, start taking action. And again, always do this from a lens of liking and respecting women. We are not trying to pick them up. We're trying to make genuine connections. And of course, always do it through this lens of

authenticity, being that cool, amazing best self. Because women out there already like you. They're already attracted to you. They just have to meet the real, most authentic you. Okay, now let's take a little break and we'll be right back to talk with Robbie Kramer. Stick around. I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women,

get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun.

Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. All right, we are back. You're back with the Dating Transformation Podcast, and I'm super

psyched to welcome today's guest. He is a lot like me. He's a dating coach for men. He's a white dude. He's a guy who's been doing this a long time. He's sort of like my evil twin. I don't know. I'm not so evil twin. His name is Robbie Kramer. And Robbie coaches men who have achieved big world-class success in their careers. And he helps those guys learn how to achieve that same level of success in their love life. So whether you want to land your perfect 10 or cross off every fantasy on your bachelor bucket list, Robbie has a step-by-step process that he teaches. It's based on the art of attraction and the science of evolutionary biology. And the idea here is that he works with guys and helps them engineer the dating lifestyle that they've been dreaming of.

And he does it without fluffy new age woo-woo stuff and without the cringy pickup stuff. What I like about him is he veers toward tested, proven, actionable, practical advice. Every so often, I'll have a question from one of my clients and I'll shoot Robbie a text and he'll have a really good quick tip. And he's going to have a lot of really good quick tips today. And also, Robbie's been a full-time dating coach since 2008. So even longer than me. He's the creator of innerconfidence.com. And again, that's innerconfidence.com. And also he hosts the Leverage podcast, which recently surpassed half a million downloads, probably because I was his guest.

Anyway, Ravi, I'm kidding. Ravi, thanks for being here, man. Yeah, Connell. Thanks for having me. And it probably was because of your show, which we recently aired. So great to be here. I take full credit for things that I did not do. That's sort of my thing. Hey, let's start with a really simple question. I like to look at a big problem that first got you into this area of trying to get better with women and dating. Because really,

what we're trying to do here is solve problems, help men get girlfriends, get confidence, overcome all the things that got in their way. For me back in the day, my big two big bad wolves were just lack of self-confidence around women. I did not feel attractive. And also that led to that unworthiness that I felt I had led to a lot of approach anxiety. But today's not about me. Today's about you. What was the big dating problem that you needed to get handled way back in the day? Yeah, I think if I can answer that in a two part, because I had two really big problems. And once I solved the first one, then I could kind of focus on the second one,

which I think will be a pretty interesting one to talk about. But the first one was I was really insecure about my appearance. And it's not like I was, you know, horrible looking, I was probably 50 pounds heavier than I am now. But wasn't obese, I was just a little bit chubby. And that was something that ever since like seventh grade, when I asked a girl out and she, you know, said she just wanted to be friends. It was something I always kind of like hid behind. I didn't take much action when it came to meeting women because of that. I was always afraid that they were going to reject me. And the reason was going to be because I was overweight.

And even, you know, I got into the dating coaching stuff and, you know, finished college. I wanted to be a professional golfer, became like an NCAA All-American, but just wasn't quite good enough. And then when I got into the working world, I started studying dating coaching and pickup and all that stuff that was out there. But I kind of reached a plateau with all of my skills because I kept bumping up against this sort of like inner validation, inner game issue around my weight. So I lost the weight back in like 2009. And that really transformed just how I felt about myself. It allowed me to kind of get past that story that I wasn't worthy of the women that I was really attracted to. And then so once I got over that, that's when I kind of bumped into the different problem, which was how do you succeed with the most sort of sought after women? Because I got to the point where I was doing okay with the women that I, you know, that I felt like were kind of in my league.

But there was this other level that I wanted to kind of achieve the women I really wanted. And I just, you know, those ones were kind of not so easy to get. I had to really kind of change my strategy. I'm happy to kind of go into that too. Yeah, we'll get into that in a second. I do want to ask you about being heavier, carrying extra weight. Because I was always thin as an adult, but I was chubby as a teenager, late puberty, early teens. My name is Connell Barrett, of course. And my nickname in grade school and going into high

school was Corn Oil Bear Fat. Eric Sundermeyer gave me that nickname in sixth grade, that little asshole. And only a kid could make that up. And anyway, I know I carried some of that baggage into my young adulthood because even though I wasn't heavy anymore, maybe I felt like my inner child was fat. I guess for men who are heavier than their ideal weight, they're carrying an extra 10, 20, 30 pounds, whatever the number is. How important is that to dating success? I should say, how do women look at a guy who's heavier? Does it matter at all? Is it in our heads or is it something that can hurt a man's dating results? That's a great question because I really think it matters to the degree that it matters to you. Because I've seen lots of guys

who are heavy do tremendous with women because it doesn't bother them. It's just kind of like their persona. Like Jack Black is a good example of that. You know, he's heavy, but he totally owns it. And he's attractive, you know, and it doesn't matter. Like women find that appealing, actually, that he's kind of like maybe has that dad bod, you could say. But it really bothered me. And I thought it mattered a lot to the women that I was going after. I thought, well, why would she be with me when she could be with a guy with a six pack? And it was, you know, my it was my own sort of internal sabotage that would be like, Oh, I'm not gonna approach that girl because she's too hot. And why would you know, why would you want to be with a chubby guy like me? So it

stopped me from taking action. And if it doesn't stop you from taking action, it doesn't bother you if you're a little bit heavier. I don't think it matters a whole lot. But because it mattered to me, it mattered a whole lot. Okay, that makes sense. So you lost the weight. And share any stories or moments that stand out of a big breakthrough moment you had with women in dating, whether it was maybe you lost the weight and all of a sudden you had more

confidence to approach or you clicked and connected with that first really, as you called her or called them sought after women. What was a big breakthrough moment for you? So I was traveling in Europe and I was with some friends and they invited some of their friends as well. We were kind of doing like this little road trip around France, started in Paris, drove down to Cannes, over to Milan. And one of the girls who showed up was kind of everything I was looking for in a woman. Just totally my type. Very sweet. She's from Germany.

And I thought she liked me. She would kind of cuddle with me the first few nights, but she wouldn't kiss me. And then we ended up like on this road trip for about two weeks. And the only thing that happened was cuddling. She never friend zoned me blatantly. So I had hope. So when, when I came back from the trip, a few, a few months later, I invited her to stay with me in LA. And, you know, she wanted to come out to do like some acting school and stuff. So she comes out. And again, it's just nothing but cuddling. And it's, I'm like, what is going on? This is kind of like driving me crazy.

And, you know, it's been, we'd probably spent three weeks sleeping in bed together. As a man, when, you know, you're hard all night and you can't do anything about it. It was just like a really shitty, like, just, you know, a very, what's the word for it just it was exhausting i guess you could say so sure we um at one point a buddy of mine calls me up and he says hey i've got a i've got a girl let's let's go on like a sort of double date sort of thing like bring bring your girl and uh we'll go get drinks and i'm like well i usually didn't like to go out with this guy because he was always stealing women from me. He was slightly, slightly.

What a friend. Yeah. He was a little bit better looking than me, a little bit taller, a little bit more confident. He kind of just had me beat in a lot of these areas. But he was bringing a girl. So I said, hey, what the heck? So we go out to the bar and I go to the bathroom. When I come back from the bathroom, he's making out with his girl and my girl.

And I'm just like, what the heck is going on? Quickly, like, you know, within 10 minutes, they all leave and go back and have a threesome. And I'm just like completely crushed and devastated. Like how could this guy who knew this girl for literally 10 minutes already be like doing the things I wanted to do without putting in any of the work? And that's when I had like – You probably just wanted a twosome, let alone a threesome. Dude, yeah. You decided for a twosome instead of your cuddlesomes. Exactly.

How about a menage a deux? Menage a deux. That's just, you know, just give me one. That's all I'm looking for there. And that was like, that was a huge sort of turning point for me because I was like, first I was mad and I was salty and I was upset. And then I was like, all right, well, what is he doing that's different than what I'm doing? Because, you know, like I said, he was a little bit more confident, a little bit this, a little bit that. But I'm like, that's ridiculous to have like that big of a, you know, like

impression on her versus what I was doing. So it really forced me to kind of study guys like him. And up until that point, I had done all the pickup stuff. I'd studied from all the dating coaches, taken a ton of boot camps. And what this guy was doing was totally different. And that's really what like threw me for a loop. He was more of like a club promoter type. And what he was doing to meet women and to attract women was on a whole nother level than what the dating coaching industry was kind of teaching at that time.

And this was like back in 2012. So I made it my mission to like really study and like break down what these club promoters and these guys with really high social status and pre-selection were doing. And then and basically for the next few years, I found ways where I could sort of put myself into the same environment. So I was actually living in New York City at the time. And after meeting this guy

and some of these other club promoters, they were, they had a problem. And this is kind of an interesting situation. If you've ever, if you're listening to this and you're the type of guy who likes to go to nightclubs and you're not really sure how the nightclubs operate, I'd always walk into nightclubs and I'd usually see like a table of beautiful girls and then, you know, one or two guys and I'd be like, oh, this place is awesome. I should stay and spend money and buy bottles and do that sort of thing.

But what I learned from these promoters is those aren't real tables of girls. Those are, I mean, they're real, but these girls aren't really there for, for your, you have no, you have no ability to meet those girls because they're promoter tables. So clubs pay these promoters to bring girls and they give them free alcohol and the free table. And then the promoters make money by bringing other clients to pay for bottles. And they also make like a hundred bucks a head per girl that they bring. And these promoters had a problem that was getting the girls to consistently show up to the club. Because as we know, beautiful women are very flaky, especially the young ones who like to party. So when I realized that they had that issue,

and they wanted to start these model houses, which is a basically a free place for models to live. In exchange for the free rent, they have to come out to those nightclubs three or four nights a week. And that's an easier way to kind of like shepherd all of them to the club. And I had some Airbnb properties in New York. It was kind of like a side hustle that I was doing. I was renting places and then subletting them on Airbnb. So I made a deal with me and my business partner and these promoters that we would give them one of our Airbnbs and they could use that as a model house and put a bunch of models in there.

And we would get access to simply come out and join their tables and their parties without having to pay. So that was just totally like game changing for me because before I had been running around doing approaches, using online dating, doing all the kind of traditional ways to kind of build my dating funnel. But now I had access to these sort of like promoter tables and this inner social circle of really beautiful women. And I thought that would sort of change everything for me. But it didn't, it actually, I was getting no love whatsoever at these tables. I was using

all the sort of like game stuff that I had learned. You know, all the flirting. What kind of game things were you learning back then? Or how'd you learn? I was learning a lot of banter, flirting techniques, sort of push, funny, push, pulls, all that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. A lot of conversational games. So what I was doing, you know, I'd go to the nightclub and there'd be all these girls at my table uh other guys didn't really have access it would just like be me the promoter maybe a sub promoter like eight eight to ten girls so like a ratio of you know almost three to one women and men and i would try to talk to the girls and try to connect with them but they just weren't interested in in talking to me i mean it was a loud sort of nightclub environment. And it wasn't really easy

to talk. But you know, I'd flirt a little sometimes they'd flirt a little bit back. But at the end of the day, they'd all kind of go home and hook up with the promoters at the after parties. And when I really looked at like, what were those guys doing that I wasn't doing is they weren't chasing these girls at all. They weren't even really trying to talk to them. They were just kind of having fun with the other dudes table, sometimes flirting with the girls by like throwing ice at them or, you know, doing little like, sort of like teasing sort of things. But they would let the women come to them. And the ratio provided that as an opportunity, right? Because if the ratio is not in your favor, and you just do nothing as a man, like you're gonna get nothing. But when you have that ratio in your favor, the actual best strategy is to let them come to you and to let that ratio do the

work for you. So when I had that aha moment, and I learned more things around like, how do I simply push pull and make sure our investment levels are equal? That was a humongous game changer for me. And that's what really kind of allowed me to start dating those women that were kind of out of my league previously. So this was this was in New York. And then I wanted to kind of take, take these skills and build my own social circle because I was kind of relying on the promoters and, and these sort of guys in New York, I wanted to do it on my own. So I actually moved to Kiev, Ukraine, where I have some family roots back there. And I found the women to be incredibly beautiful. And just a great sort of geo hacking place because it was a lot cheaper lifestyle, the dollar goes a lot further. So I built my own

social circle over there in a very similar way that I did in New York and, and started throwing parties with a guy I met. And it was during COVID. So when everything locked down, I was able to kind of keep my social life really going strong by hosting parties when all the nightclubs were closed. And eventually, after kind of, you know, crossing everything off that like bachelor bucket list I had, and just having just a wild like five, five to seven years of debauchery. I met my wife. And it was a great timing. I met her through a friend. So the social circle I'd built kind of was providing amazing leads, right. And I got out of the game. And it's, I'm 40 years old. So I was in the game from like age 23 until 38. So it was a long time. And I'm very happy to, to kind of be in a new phase of life, I guess you could say.

By the way, if you ever write a book, you should call it five to seven years of debauchery. I would absolutely pick that book up and check out the cover in the back and see what's in this. Yeah, I've been meaning to do something. What I've been doing is I've been posting every like few weeks, I'll do a different style podcast. And I call it Story Time with Robbie. It's part of the Leverage podcast, but I'll tell one of these ridiculous stories about a Playboy trip we did or a trip to Cannes. Sometimes we'd rent yachts and bring all the girls and do photo shoots. The insanity was pretty next level.

Okay. Well, I want to hear some family-esque, friendly, debauchery stories before we're done. It is a family podcast. I do want to hear that. And I also want to ask you for a couple of practical tips for our listener. But before I do that, I'm curious, you said a word that a lot of my clients come to me and they complain about, which is, why am I getting flaked on? Why are women so flaky? Or some women, I mean, that's a broad brush. All women are not flaky. There are flaky men. I'm flaky with people at times. And what's your take on the how do you

answer the question when a client comes to you and says, Why are women flaky? Why do they flake? How do I get that? How do I get them to stop being flaky? What's your take on that? So most guys are going to experience a lot higher flake rate when they're using online dating. Just in general, women are extremely flaky. And the more beautiful they are, the more flaky they can be. And it's just... Why is that? Because no one's going to really call them on their BS.

You know, they're going to get a free pass in life just because they're hot. And they live in a different world, in a different world. A woman has the same access as a beautiful woman has the same access as a billionaire man, right? If you look at these billionaire guys and you look at these gorgeous models, they have the same access. And these billionaires did a whole lot of work to kind of get there, unless they inherited it. But what did the model do?

Nothing. She was just hot, right? And they grow up in this sort of like alternate reality where everything they say, everything they do, there's like a guy being like, yes, that's awesome. And he's just doing that to get in their pants, of course, right? So they don't live in the same world that we live in. And therefore, like flaking to them, it's like, oh, yeah,

that's not a big deal. There's no repercussions to that. And therefore, like flaking to them, it's like, oh yeah, like why would, that's not a big deal. There's no repercussions to that. Whereas like if you're a professional guy who has to show up and like get the job done and there are serious repercussions to being a flake and not having integrity. So we think that's a really big deal. But to them, it's really not

because there are no repercussions, like I said. So you just have to understand that that's kind of their default. Women are gonna be incredibly flaky and the hotter they are, the more likely they're going to be's like, sure, I'll meet you there. And then let's say around like six o'clock, she gets a text from her friend and her friend's like, hey, I'm going to this awesome like art gallery opening. You know, some famous artist is going to be there. It's like this VIP event, right? If she's a beautiful girl, she's going to get those invitations all the time. Literally every night, there's something

cool that beautiful girls get invited to. So what's she going to do? She's going to hit you back up and say, yeah, sorry, I'm not feeling so good. Maybe let's reschedule. But she's feeling fine. She's just going to, you know, a much cooler thing than what your date was. Or some other guy that she met through her friend, right? Who's, who's already preselected by her social circle. And she's going to flake on you for that guy because she doesn't know you from, you're just some guy on the internet, right? So like online dating is just riddled with flakes. Like you're going to get at least 50% to 75% flakes if the girls are, are really hot.

So my, you know, my conclusion to my clients is like, stay away from online dating if you can. Build your social circle. Do dating. Approach women in real life. Because if you do meet them face to face, there's a much higher possibility that they're going to show up.

Right. I found that you're going to get a much lower flake rate if you meet a woman in person. And it was a good interaction. It was a good, solid, mutual investment. You're both connected and interested in each other. That's going to be a much lower flake ratio than online. But it doesn't mean it will never happen.

So here's a quick story from my dating past and the before times. I met a woman at a bookstore. Her name is Adriana. And we went on an instant date after the bookstore. So we had, we spent about 90 minutes together. So we had a good amount of time and she, she,

I asked her out again and she flaked on that date. I gave her a pass because I felt like, Hey, everybody gets one freebie. Shit happens in life. And the second time she went to do it again, we had a second date set up and she flaked on that last minute. And I just thought, and you know this a little bit, you know a little bit about me, Robbie. My whole thing is just be really genuine, authentic. What's the truest, deepest thing

I'm feeling? And sometimes that thing is not a positive thing. It's not nice. Right. Right. And I just send her a text and I said, Hey, you know what? I feel like you're not that into this. This is the second flake and it's all good. No, no worries. But you know, maybe this, maybe you're just not that into it. And that's totally cool. And I left it there. And then 10 seconds later, my phone rings and it's Adriana and it's her saying oh my god I'm so sorry you're right I shouldn't have done it let's meet up uh and and we actually went out for a while after that and I wasn't really doing it as a move although I suppose I knew on some level it might be a good move but basically my takeaway from that was if a woman flakes on you or if it's a pattern anyway, then she needs to

feel that you're willing to walk away. She needs to have a sense of boundaries. Not, and I can't stress this enough. I'm not saying you wag your finger and say, little girl, act this way. That's not how I see women. But I do think there are moments when you have to say, look, it's not cool. And I think I'm going to bounce. And maybe being willing to walk away can actually make a woman say, oh, wow, this guy has just sort of raised his stature. I don't want to lose him. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, that's such a powerful story and such a great lesson because the way you handled that, the finer details of that I want to point out.

So what you didn't do was get salty. Yeah, give me some feedback, coach. I like that. No, I just wanted to dissect it a little bit more for the listeners because it's so powerful. Because what happens to most guys is they get salty, right? And salty is like... Butt hurt.

Butt hurt. Yeah. Exactly. And then... I don't have a... I actually can't get butt hurt because I don't have a butt. I have like the world's flattest butt but anyway a lot of other guys do get butt hurt well you've got that leg up on us i guess but uh but yeah almost proceed that that's what happens especially if if it's happening to you consistently like the more flakes you get the more salty you're

gonna get you're going to get. You're just going to kind of carry around this chip on your shoulder in your dating life. And women are going to see that chip and they're going to feel that salty energy. And nothing is more repellent than saltiness. It's like the worst cologne you could possibly wear. Wow. Yeah. And it's like, it's like obsession for men combined with Dracar combined with Axe body spray.

That's what happens when you're salty and butt hurt. And a hint of dog poop. Mix it all in there. The perfect aroma. Do I detect schnauzer feces? Yes, I think I do. So the text you sent her was so powerful because you were, like you said, you were creating, you were just basically creating a boundary or just saying like, you're calling it out,

right? You're like, yo, if you're not doing this, this is cool. But you know, it's cool. But like, this is, what'd you say exactly? If you're not, um, uh, it was something like, I hate, you don't seem to be that. She said something like, she was like, oh, we can reschedule again. I said, that's okay. You don't seem like you're that into this. Yeah, by walking away. Right. By walking away and not having those high expectations, not being salty and just saying,

like, you know what? It's cool. It gave her the space to really be like, oh, wow, I'm making a mistake here. And women won't realize they're making mistakes unless you do walk away, right? And it's just that whole sort of negotiation. The person who's willing to walk away has more power in any sort of negotiation. And you can look at dating as like a form of sales or a negotiation, right?

Those same principles apply. And so I love that you did that. And it's, like I said and it's it's like i said it's very opposite of what most guys would do in that situation they'd either like to say oh no problem they'd ask her out again the next week which would just be even a higher percentage of a flake or they would get angry and said send something rude and that would blow them out got it great great thanks for the feedback i. Flaking is a thing and men do it too. Look, it's not a women do this only thing. I've done it in the past, but I try to be the

change I want in the world when I was single last time. So let's get back to maybe talking about some strategies because I can hear my listener thinking, I want to make out with two girls at once. I want to not run around the club approaching a thousand women. I want to learn this sort of maybe social circle approach. But hey, so without becoming an actual promoter,

are there any practical tips and strategies that our listener can apply to get the kind of dating success with sought-after women that you're talking about. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic.

It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. Your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates, but you don't, so that you can. Confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great-looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman.

You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Yeah, that's a great question. And when I tell my story, a lot of the time guys will say like, well, that's cool that you did it, whatever, man. You had this setup with these promoters, but that's not going to work for me. And I say,

well, there's always some creative angle that you could find down the road to be a value add, you know, in a hot woman adjacent sort of industry, right? But before I get into that, I say you don't need to have access to promoters and promoter tables. You can do all the things you're doing with kind of traditional game to set up this lifestyle. So the only thing you do need is a wingman, right? Because if you try to start hosting parties and create a ratio that's in your favor, if you're the only guy there, it's just going to just doesn't work, right? You can't invite seven girls to your party that you met through day day game or online game. Hey, what's up? It's just me and you guys, right? So, but so you need at least one wingman. And that that can be a struggle for most guys that can actually be the hardest thing is to find that wingman, which is why I'm such a fan of guys like,

you know, finding local guys in their community that are into this stuff or joining a mastermind program with other guys that are going through this journey because the typical guys in your life usually aren't good wingmen, like your normal friends, I guess you could say that aren't into personal development and that aren't kind of doing these things like approaching. Most guys are too scared. So you really need to find a guy who's kind of at your level. And who's willing to kind of take this action, then what you do is you kind of row together. So rather than simply try to

set up dates, through the women that you meet, either, you know, in real life or online, you're going to instead you're, you're going to meet them face to face once for a short little date. And, you know, it would be the same as any other date. But in your mind, you're going to cut it off after like 30 minutes to an hour. Basically, what you want to do is you want to create some normal like attraction comfort, get to know her get kind of past that like small talk phase. And then you want to end the date. And what that'll what that'll do is it'll make her kind of want you more. She won't really be expecting that because most guys try to, you know, take it all the way to the finish line the very first night.

And then what you're going to do is you're going to add her on Instagram. It's important to also have an Instagram to make this work. And then you and your wingmen are going to set up weekly parties, or maybe you start with monthly parties. And if I could just, if I could just jump in real quick, please hold your thought because this is great and make it a good Instagram. Yes. You're doing good photos of you, cool lifestyle. Instagram is basically a permission

to show people a little fear of missing out, right? So high value, cool trips, travel, look good. In other words, not selfies of you in your garage, right? Exactly. Okay. I just want to say that. That's super important because guys who try to do this without a solid Instagram are just going to bump against a lot of resistance. And so yeah, that's a very vital ingredient. The wingman and both of you guys need to have solid Instagrams, high quality photos. And what you're going to do is you're going to kind of like use Instagram to market these little parties you're throwing.

And they don't have to be big parties. In fact, you want them to be like the maximum I recommend is 25 people total, right? And it's totally fine to start with an eight person party. What matters isn't the overall number. What matters is the ratio. You want to get close to that. I call it the golden ratio, three to one women to men. And guys will think, like, why would a woman want to go to a party where there's that many more women? And it's a bit counterintuitive, but women hate being at sausage fests because they're just

getting like hit on like a piece of meat, right? It's uncomfortable for them. They actually love being in an environment where there's more women because women are a lot more graceful in their social interactions. And if they see a guy who's able to cultivate that sort of ratio, they immediately say, wow, who's this guy who can pull this off? This is impressive. So you have that built in pre-selection simply by having that ratio in your favor. So let's say you go out, you do some day game, you do some online game. You get three girls to come to RSVP for your party. And most of the time, they're not going to come alone, right? They're going to bring a girlfriend.

Anytime, bring a girlfriend, right? And your buddy does the same thing. He gets three girls and they all bring a girlfriend. Now you've got both of you and you've got six girls at your party. And it could be like a little wine tasting thing or a charcuterie board or a movie night or a game night. You can have these sort of cool themed parties. And I'm always coaching my clients on how they can kind of create these cool little

interesting parties that women want to come to. They even make these flyers on to post on Instagram that are kind of funny and as a way to market the parties. And then so, you know, you get content from the parties, then you post them on Instagram, and you're creating a bunch of FOMO. So the girls who didn't come see that they missed out, they want to come to the next one. The other girls in your life are seeing you in the company of lots of other girls. And if you do this consistently, your social circle will expand and your options will just blow up. It's the best sort of dating

hack I've ever found is to transition from a hunter sort of mindset, like the approaching going to go after one girl at a time to more of like a farming idea where you're trying to, you know, cultivate an environment where you have a ratio in your favor. It is a promoter. It's more of a promoter mindset, isn't it? That's exactly what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I would imagine I did a little of this back in my training era, this meaning social circle dating and creating events. And what I found, and tell me if this is the case, if you've seen this with the guys you've worked with,

what I found was it was a lot easier to walk up to a woman, chat in a more friendly way, and invite her to a cool event and have her commit to that than it would be to get her to go out on a date with me. Have you found that to be the case? It's a lower bar for a number and having her show up to an event with two or three of her girlfriends versus a one-on-one date with me. What are your thoughts on that? That can be effective too. It really kind of depends on, it's interesting. If you have that mindset going in, it's like you're, you're, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Because what will happen is she's going to be like, oh, this guy must have cool events. And he's very confident in inviting

me to this thing and she'll show up. But what I find when I coach guys through this process, if they go out intentionally trying to get girls to come to their events, they can come across a little too salesy. And the event kind of loses it. Like the invite loses its luster, which is why I recommend if that's not working, like, sure, try your strategy if that sounds good to you. But if that's not working, just take them on that short little get to know you date, right? Coffee, grab a drink and sort of end it early. Okay, okay.

And so, but that's also a great way you can do it. I'm glad you added that. Whatever you can do to get them there, right? Like whether that's inviting them straight, taking them on a date first. Like if you already have, the beauty of this is you don't have to do that for very long because eventually your social circle is going to grow organically,

the girls are going to keep coming back, they're going to keep bringing more girls. And the trick here is to not be super thirsty and aggressive at the events. You want to kind of play the long game once they're over. And that's being that's being cool, being friendly, kind of friend zoning the girls, like if they're showing you a lot of love, sure, go ahead. Like hook up. Like if a girl is like staying at the end of the party and she's like, you know, like show me your room, you should probably. Maybe tomorrow. I'm busy.

Right. Yeah. Don't overdo it. But as time goes on. You play it too cool. Yeah. Be careful. But yeah, as time goes on, you're just going to,

it's just going to be a smorgasbord of love. That's your second book. You're after five to seven years of debauchery. Robbie Kramer's follow-up, smorgasbord of love. Or that's your cooking show. I want to watch that.

It's no surprise you're a best-selling author because you're pretty good at coming up with these titles i'm good at i'm good at stupid jokes uh okay i was gonna i was gonna ask you to kind of take us through what a what a successful event slash romantic connection might look at look like maybe there's a success story from one of the many men you've worked with uh with that could sort of show us that. Do you have any good success stories of a guy you met, he was struggling, maybe he was approaching or wanted to and that wasn't working and you took this more kind of smorgasbord of love social circle approach and he came up with a really good win at the end? Any good success

stories to share? Yeah, I have one recently from, I think he had his third party on Friday that just passed. So this is a guy, he lives in Austin, very successful entrepreneur, runs multiple companies, had a few exits. So doing very well financially. He's an attractive guy.

He's big, he's buff, he's got a bunch of tattoos. But he came to me and he's like, listen, I've worked with approach anxiety coaches. I've done all this stuff. I'm an attractive guy. I can do okay, but my quality online isn't super great. And I'm very uncomfortable when it comes to like escalation and just those sort of steps in the game. And I'm like, all right, well, let's use a social circle approach. And I told him, I'm like, listen, it's going to be much harder, because you haven't gotten over that fear of rejection, you haven't gone through that approach anxiety, which I think is super important for most guys in their journey. But, you know, we can work around that. So I had him start to use this party strategy, he found a wingman and a wing woman.

And the wing woman is a model. And she's like, also like kind of like a party planner. And he was like, here is my strategy. I want to like, you know, meet girls and throw these cool events in Austin, and his buddy has no problem approaching girls. So he uses them to kind of fill the parties, and he provides the space. He has an amazing like penthouse apartment, overlooking the city. And he kind of took all of my ideas for creating a cool party. And he just ran with them. Like he created these awesome, like funny Instagram sort of flyers that he sends out his invites. He has these ridiculous themes, like one of his

themes was like national cotton candy, naughty Santa party, like mixing two random things. So people see this, like, you know, this meme event flyer that, you know, on their Instagram, they're like national cotton candy, naughty Santa. I'm going to that party. That's cool. Yeah. And so, you know, he, he has like, he had the cotton candy machine there. He had a bartender. He had like a, a hot girl DJ, all of the staff are women. So that, you know, helps the ratio. And, you know, he was willing to put some resources behind this. Obviously, there's ways you can do this on the cheap by just having little parties. And that's cheaper than going out to the

clubs. But, you know, he's a successful guy. So he's like, yeah, let's do this right. So he hosted his third party, like I said, this past Friday. And his kind of goal was to every girl that walked in the door, he would introduce himself. And then he gave a little sort of toast and speech halfway through the event. And that built his status. Because the idea of the party is once you have that ratio in your favor, like you got to make sure everyone knows you. Because otherwise you're missing out on all the status, like an increase selection benefits, right? And at the second party, he was kind of like, hiding from a lot of the guests because of his anxiety. And he wasn't meeting everyone that came to his event. So I told him like at this party, make sure you

introduce yourself to people by just welcoming them to your home. It's not like you're having a hit on them or anything. And then one of the girls ended up staying over and, you know, hooking up this very cute Brazilian girl. So he was super happy about that. And she made it like very obvious that she wanted to stay. And another girl who was actually, you know, wanting him kind of saw that. And he was like, oh my God, I'm going to turn her off.

She's not going to like me anymore. And it's quite the opposite. There's a very high chance that she's even more interested in him due to that lack of thirst on his part. And clearly, he's a guy with a lot of options. Well, that's just ingenious what you just talked about. Because what you're helping a guy like that do is make a detour around his social anxiety, around approach anxiety, which is a big bad wolf for a lot of men. And you're helping him to do that. People coming

to your home, you've invited them to an event. There's no approach anxiety. There might be some social issues there, but there's not the fear, the white-hot fear that approaching a woman on the street can create. So you're making an end around. You don't have to deal with that. And also that social value, social status, the host of the party, not to mention he's a muscular, cool guy, successful guy. That's just going to be attractive to a lot of women, period. Right. Would you agree? Oh, yeah. And that's a great assessment, because it's, it's, it's exactly kind of what he needed. And he was so just sort of crippled by that approach anxiety, he was feeling

like, you know, because that's, that's most of the stuff you're going to find sort of on the internet. And he had worked, like I said, with other, like approaching coaches, and he was just kind of like at a wall, but this really opened up the possibilities for him. And, and, you know, I still recommend that he does get over that anxiety, because it'll help him in his, you know, just entire overall being. But But yeah, there's a workaround there. Nice. Okay, in our last five or six minutes here, I want to ask you a few rapid fire, short question, short answer. Are you game? I'm ready. There's been no planning, no pre-planning. I'm just literally making these up right now.

I swear. Okay. Rapid fire question number one. If you could go back in time and give your younger pre-game robbie self some advice some dating slash social advice what would your advice what would you tell your younger self um i would tell myself that you should approach women earlier um you know i i was always too scared to do it. I'd go out with my friends at the bars in San Diego, like this is in the first few years of college. And I would have a bunch of drinks, but it still didn't give me the courage to approach women.

I couldn't really ever consistently do it until I got some coaching and that push I needed. And then I grew so much just from consistently going out and facing rejection. Like, there's nothing better for your inner game, you could say. It'll make you more social, less approval seeking. And it's just going to reinforce the fact that you're the type of guy that goes after like what he wants in life. And I look at approaching kind of like the analogy of it's like leg day in the gym, right? If you skip leg day, you can look pretty good, but you're going to be pretty weak overall.

And you're never going to be really great, right? You're never going to be really strong if you skip leg day. Wait, you're supposed to work out your legs too? Because I only have, I only do from the waist up. Okay. That could be why the butt's eluding you, Cottle. Yeah, that's why I'm assless. I'm assless in New York.

Sequel to Sleepless in Seattle. Okay, next question. Rapid fire. They're making a movie about your dating life. A true story, the Robbie Kramer story. What is the opening scene of this movie? In other words, what's the moment that's going to pull us in? And whether it's a heroic success you had or an awful moment that would suck us in.

What's the opening scene of the movie of your dating life? That's a good question. I mean, I feel like it might be that story I already told. That was such a brutal, like, sort of visceral. I think it would make a great scene in a movie. Just like, because I feel like every guy at some point has gone through that. You know? That's Hall of Fame awful.

What that must have felt like. It's just that, like, you know, you put, you invest so much into a girl. And you think, like, she's going to be perfect. And you think like, oh, if I just do this and I do this and I fly here, do this. And like all you're doing is just reinforcing something that's not going to work out. Like even if you get that girl, the investment level on your side is so far above what hers is. Like you're never going to have that amazing sort of equal love back and forth. Can I just say that that, yeah, I mean, the way you bounce back from that is absolutely,

uh, it's just inspiring to have your date or the woman you want to be dating all of a sudden making out with another guy and another girl. And then they go off and have a Caligula of orgy or whatever they did for you to bounce back from that it just shows a lot of character and i think the lesson there for for you listening to this is there will be low moments where a result doesn't connect or a girl it doesn't hook up with you she chooses another guy or you get dumped or you get flaked on or whatever it is. And what's going to define your character as a man and lead to that success next time is, is dusting yourself off and getting up and saying, okay, let me do,

let me learn something new. Let me fix this. So that was, that was an amazing story. I appreciate that opening scene. Yeah. Thanks. It was, it was, uh, you know, luckily I'd, I'd been in the game for a while at that point. And so the, you know, it's not like those sorts of things were, were totally uncommon, but yeah, that was definitely the worst one. And you just have to, that's what you're signing up for when you go through this journey. But on the other side is, uh, you know, tremendous benefits if you're willing to sort of put yourself in those situations, which most guys aren't willing to do. Yes, and you have a beautiful – sorry, is it girlfriend or wife? Wife.

You have an incredible wife, gorgeous wife. I haven't met her yet. I'm sure she's a wonderful person. So look at the wonderful person you get – beautiful, gorgeous woman you get to share your life with. And that's also the outcome that we're helping men achieve. Okay. One more rapid fire question. Then we'll get to the game changing tips.

What is the biggest myth in dating that you're so sick of hearing? Cause it, and it's just total bullshit. Biggest myth, dating or pickup or anything in this area. What's just, what do people get so wrong? That's a really good question.

I guess I want to say something around online dating. I feel like, you know, these online dating sites do such a good job of marketing to the average guy. And they make it seem like it's so easy to, like, get linked up with people. And the reality of the situation is it's really, really hard. And, you know, it's never been harder, I think, in the history of men to find a woman as it's been right now. Just due to you've got feminism for the last 70 years or so. You've got these very unbalanced laws, antiquated laws when it comes to child... What know, child, what do they call it? You know, when you get divorced, right? Like divorce laws are very much stacked against men's favor.

Okay. You know, with online dating, women just get a flood of leads and a ton of attention, which raises their sort of like relative value sky high, and it lowers your value as a man, just a simple supply and demand marketplace. And so guys are like, what do I have to do to like just get a date or what do I have to do to just like, you know, find a girl? And then you see these guys like Dan Bilzerian who are just swimming in women, like they've got these 100 women harems, right? And it's like the richer getting richer sort of thing. And that's why I kind of went to that social circle strategy

because I'm like, there's these guys that are doing this and what everyone else is doing is just like totally floundering. And it's really hard. You know, like if you're kind of just doing, if you're not really putting a lot of thought and effort into this, it's really, really hard. And you're gonna get really poor results

because there are guys that are willing to like bust their ass like I was doing, and get the and like what you've done, obviously, and get tremendous results by really like, you know, getting a coach and looking at the stuff. So you know, I just feel for guys out there, because like, it shouldn't be this hard. But I think we're just kind of in a time with Instagram, it makes it even harder. And just the just the function of our culture with the internet. So it seems easy. It seems like, oh, I can go on Tinder and there's all these women. But actually getting them face to face is very difficult.

So I guess that's kind of a myth wrapped in something else. Okay. Yeah, it's very competitive. Online dating is very, very competitive. And 75, 80% of the men are all right swiping on the top. 20% of the women is my perception. Totally. And so we're all elbowing each other trying to swipe on the beautiful women and they have so many options. It's hard to be the one to actually get a match with her, let alone get her out on a date with you. Now that said, I did meet my girlfriend Jessamyn

on a dating app. But even that, I think I was helped by the fact that I have the cool slash weird hook of being a dating coach. So I stood out. I stood out. She's like, oh, I want to have a first date with a dating coach.

That might be kind of cool and different. And who knows? If I'm not a dating coach, I probably never even meet her. So it is, it is tough if you don't. And what I do with my clients is, is we make their profile really high value, authentic, but also come up with some kind of a hook to help them get that, be that break that break, the swiping pattern of just women saying, no, no, no, no, no. Trying to be different. In our last few minutes here, let's get to the really good stuff. I'm going to ask you for your top three game changing dating tips.

They can all be social circle. They can be across the board in any area of dating, confidence, online dating, approaching, totally up to you in any particular order. What are your top three game changing dating tips? So the first one is don't chase women. Hopefully, that's kind of been a theme throughout and you told that really amazing story. That's just a testament to that. Guys who are chasing women are, you know, you just you lower your social status, you look thirsty. It's just a really bad cologne. And the more sort of, you know, desperate you get, the more chasey you're going to get to.

So it's kind of like a snowball effect. And a lot of the time you won't even know that you're doing it. So it's really important to kind of step take a step back and make sure you're not putting out that sort of chasey energy because that will just kill any result that you can possibly have, especially with the women you really want. You're just going to chase them even more. So, you know, learn some strategies to approach and to build a social circle. And like what you're teaching with this online dating with a niche or a hook is so important versus just doing what everyone else is doing, which is that chasey energy. So the next one I would say is I think the single biggest thing you can do to kind of like change your results overnight is really focus on optimizing your appearance.

And of course, that means your fashion, but it's not just your fashion. It's your body shape. It's your body language, your grooming, your eye contact, like those things I kind of all put in under under image. And like just simple like grooming stuff can make a huge difference. Like going to a barber, not once every two months, but like, you know, every few weeks and getting that nice like line on your beard so you don't have the gross neck beard. You know, having a really cool hairstyle. Most guys make the big mistake of they let their hair get kind of long on the sides. And if you're thin on top, it looks so much worse. You just look like George Costanza from Seinfeld.

Right. So keep that hair nice and short on the sides and the back, you know. I love it. And then I tell my I tell my guys who I coach both in real life, but also just Skype on the phone. I say, you, your, you can't do much about your looks, my face, your bone structure. That is what it is. But your look, clothes, style, body posture, eye contact, facial hair, all things that we are very controllable and that really can have an effect, positive impact on the women who meet you. So great stuff. And then tip number three. So the last one is, you know, get coaching or mentoring from someone better than you. Because you can try to do this stuff on your own. You can listen to podcasts,

watch YouTube videos, you know, and you can consume content, but it's a very slow process. And what's really, I think, sabotaging most guys is we're making mistakes that we're not really aware of. And it's not like your buddies, your friends, your family, they're not going to tell you that you're doing these things, right? If you have really bad breath, people probably aren't going to tell you that. And it's going to totally sabotage almost every single one of your date, like just something silly like that. Or like if you wear the same jacket to your dates, which I had a client that was doing that and the jacket reeked of BO, he had no idea. I'm like, how often do you wear that

jacket, man? He's like, oh, on my last like 10 dates. I'm like, dude, you fucking smell. Sorry for the F-bomb there, but like. It's okay. It's all right. Damn. And it's like, dude, just change the jacket. And he started getting results. It's like, so like, there's these little things that guys are doing that are totally screwing them over. But because they haven't hired a coach or someone who will give them that honest feedback, they just never know. So you think you're saving money by like, you know, only consuming content, but really

you're, you're, you're wasting time. And as the older you get, you realize that time is the most valuable resource we have on this planet. So the fastest way to improve at anything is to hire a coach who you can relate to, you know, who's someone that you can kind of like see yourself in and just do what they did. Like, just be like, what do I do? Tell me what to do. Go do it. And you're going to improve really fast. It's just guaranteed. Yeah, the notes, the feedback can sting a little. At least it used to for me because I'm a weird perfectionist.

But it was the coach who said, oh, Connell, your eye contact is terrible or your voice is too wimpy or you're slouching. Then I could correct it. So, yeah, information consuming content is overrated. Action is underrated. but action plus coaching, personalized feedback can really be a game changer. Yeah. I like how you said that. It's both really that action and then the, you know, the game changing feedback.

So. Right. I'm leaving this podcast. I mean, I'm about to, when we finish here, I'm going to take an improv, take an improv class. Cause I need that feedback from a coach. I want to hear what I can do better. I don't want to hear sometimes that I sucked in a scene, but I need to know how I can fix it so I can be better next time. Uh, Robbie, thank you. Thank you so much for joining us and, uh, telling us all about how you coach. I love your, your very, uh, intelligent, uh, in, in some senses, just a brilliant things that you're doing using social circle and, and, um, helping men use the

power of, uh, helping them kind of make an end around, around things like approach anxiety and, uh, just kind of doing this in a really creative way for anybody who might want to work with you or just learn more about you. Can you talk about how they can find you? Sure. Yeah. So I love when people just kind of hit me up personally on Instagram. You know, so if you listen and you like what I had to say, shoot, shoot me a message. I'm Robbie, R-O-B-B-I-E underscore K-R-A-M-E-R, Robbie Kramer. And I'm sure it'll be in the show notes. So yeah, hit me up.

And then also, if you want to check out my podcast and listen to the awesome interview that you and I did together, Connell, that's called The Leverage Podcast. You can find that anywhere you consume podcasts, or you can also go to my site, which is innerconfidence.com. And I've got a cool mastermind community with that guy in there where we talk about throwing these consistent parties and building the social circle. And that's called the leverage program. So if you just go over to innerconfidence.com, you'll kind of find everything. And don't forget about Robbie's upcoming book,

Five to Seven Years of Debauchery, coming out sometime in the next five to seven years. You're going to write the foreword for that, I hope. Yes, I'm in. I am in. Robbie, thanks for being here. And thank you for listening. And don't forget to go out, take courageous, authentic action. Because remember, women already like you.

They just have to meet the real you. All right. See you next time. Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast for lots of free tips videos and other goodies go to datingtransformation.com see you next time produced by heartcast media