How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - How to Describe Yourself on a Dating App: 15 Moves for More Matches

Starting point is 00:00:00 Yeah, online dating is just more fun if you're having fun and if you're having scotch. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. All right, welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. It's me, your host, Conal Barrett. I'm a dating coach for men. I help guys gain confidence, learn to flirt, and get a great girlfriend, all by being radically authentic. And today we're going to talk about how to be authentic and really magnetic in how you write about yourself on your dating profile,

Starting point is 00:00:39 so that you get lots of matches and some dates. And that basically, so you just know what to write, what to say. And a big, yeah, so a big problem we wanna fix today is answering the question, what the hell do I write? What do I say about myself? How do I write about myself in a way that makes women want to swipe right?

Starting point is 00:01:04 And this is a big sticking point. And you probably struggle with this because it's like, what do I say? Do I brag? Do I talk about my favorite TV shows? It's like just staring at that blank screen can just give, put that, make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. So let's talk about how to write a really good bio, how to write about yourself, both on the bio and also with prompts on apps like Hinge and Bumble and essentially the art of writing about yourself. So here we go. I'm just going to throw a whole bunch of tips at you and we'll see which ones resonate. So, um, first thing you want to do is understand that when you're doing a dating profile, most dating app bios of men suffer from

Starting point is 00:01:55 a fatal case of, I like, I like long walks on the beach itis. They're just dull and they're cliche. They read like a resume. So you want to avoid the dullness and the boringness of, I like long walks on the beach. I like the office. So how do we do that? Well, there's some core key elements you want to have in your bio. When I say bio, by the way, I might be talking about that core bio like on Bumble or Tinder where you get to write a few hundred words about yourself if you want to, or I should say a few hundred characters, but I'm also talking about the prompts and basically any written part of your profile. So here's some core elements you're going to want. Here's what you do. In other words, here's what you do want in your bio. You want clarity. First clarity. Women want to burn the minimal amount of mental calories when they're reading

Starting point is 00:02:58 about you. So if you confuse, she'll snooze and you will lose. So we want we want things to be clear, just crystal clear. Clarity comes first. Next is personality. It should be light. It should be fun. It should be authentic. It should show you. And also, it should have some humor or at least some fun.

Starting point is 00:03:24 It doesn't have to be stand-up comedy funny. But part of the way we want to present our personality or you want to present your personality is have a little fun, have a little humor. Making her laugh is better than having six-pack abs. Okay? Also, positivity is a key. It should be good vibes only. No bad vibes. Brevity, less is more.

Starting point is 00:03:52 It should be sincere. Again, authentic, sincere. It should have some heart. Let her glimpse the real you with some specifics. It should also have what I call chick bait. Chick bait. That is stuff that women are just kind of drawn to, you know, dogs, yoga, the beach, surfing, a cool job, great food, great guac, great coffee, basically

Starting point is 00:04:17 things that make people in general, but women in particular, go, oh that's a nice, that's a topic that feels good to talk about, right? Sidebar, there was a study done by Zoosk, the dating app Zoosk, that found that men who mentioned guacamole on their profile saw their match rate go up by 144% on average. So just saying, using, mention guac if you're into guac, potentially. Your profile also needs to have, or your bio needs to have, a call to action. Basically, a call to action that tells her what to do or ask her a question. It makes it really easy for her to reply. So a call to action might be, you know, would you rather date John, Paul, George or Ringo? Right. Or swipe right if you love Pop-Tarts or swipe right if you hate Pop-Tarts. Something that tells her what to do as opposed to just not giving her a directive. You know, we just we like being told what to do.

Starting point is 00:05:17 All of us do when we're online. Right. Like how many times have you been told like and subscribe? Smash that like button. It's just part of how we're marketing ourselves to the world and yeah those are the core things with what to put in your bio what not to put in your bio negativity such as listing all the things you don't want in a woman those things may be true and it is good to have high standards and to know what you do and don't want but don't list those on your profile also you don't want to put any variation of no drama

Starting point is 00:05:51 no drama i don't want a woman with any drama women hate this justifiably because it's kind of like saying have no emotions be perfect everybody has emotions we're all doing our best on this crazy planet so don't feel so in other words we're all entitled to have good days bad days and drama's going to happen in life don't put that on your profile putting no drama on your profile is going to get a lot of swipe lefts i promise you that. No vulgarity, obviously. Now, that doesn't mean you can't have some sexual innuendo. That's okay. But no vulgarity. And of course, no, like, I'm sure this isn't you, but I have seen this. No fat shaming. No slut shaming. No bi shaming. You know, referring to yourself as clean.

Starting point is 00:06:47 I only want to date somebody clean. I'm clean. It's just, yeah, just stay away from that kind of stuff. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't sound good. And it can also get your profile banned on some apps. So just beware and avoid those kinds of things. Now, let's talk about the nitty gritty. Let's talk about how to write the bio, okay? I like to start off my bio or any bio with a hook because a hook is basically the first line of your bio. It's the first line that hooks your interest and makes you want to keep reading. Because

Starting point is 00:07:26 how do most guys start their profile, right? The cliches that I mentioned before, hey, I'm giving this a try, or looking for a partner in crime. You know, that's a cliche. Don't use looking for a partner in crime unless you're an actual bank robber. Then it's okay to say you're looking for a partner in crime. Um, the, the opening lines, more opening lines that don't work. And I'll tell you what, how, how a hook is different. Generic greetings don't work. Like what's up ladies.

Starting point is 00:08:00 Um, how many times have you seen this or written this? I'm bad at bios or just giving online dating a try. You know, why would you don't write? I'm bad at bios. Like if would you buy an iPhone? If Apple slogan was we're bad at technology. No way. And also just try to avoid quoting from really obvious movies and TV shows that everybody does, like The Office.

Starting point is 00:08:27 Like, hey, I love The Office. You love The Office. All of humanity loves The Office. We don't need to put that on your profile. I'm going to read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right?

Starting point is 00:08:50 But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Conal's coaching is right for you. On your call, Conal or a team member

Starting point is 00:09:19 will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pick-up artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at Thank you. Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. Instead, we want to write what I call a hook. So a hook is something that captures her interest in some way. For example, a humorous hook, something that makes her laugh, gives her something, right?

Starting point is 00:10:26 It gives her good emotions. Let me back up because I'm kind of moving a little too fast here. A hook is a line that gives her some value that makes her want to keep reading because she's enjoying it. And I guess that kind of leads me to a major overall point here, which is when writing about yourself, yes, it's about yourself, but it's not for you. It's for her. It's what's in it for her. That might be the biggest writing about yourself mistake that men make is they write about themselves. They write for them, the man, but he doesn't write for his audience, the woman. And the only reason she's reading your

Starting point is 00:11:14 bio is because she wants to know what's in it for her. So the art, this is, there's an art to this. And it's really about writing about yourself in a way that that makes it for her benefit. OK, so hopefully that made sense. So what is a hook? A hook is something that gives her something, helps her, benefits her in some way. So it might make her smile or laugh. It might paint a picture for her of what it'd be like to date you. It might it might just be something different and unusual. And you're giving her value by just

Starting point is 00:11:49 not being boring. You're saying something interesting, different, but also cool. Not different weird and like really weird, but different and cool. So here's some examples of hooks. The first line is a hook. So something like, um, danger, all capped danger. My profile may make you fall in love with me. Or another version of that, that I tested and had good, good experience with was danger. My karaoke voice will make you swoon. So the all capped danger, it serves as a pattern interrupt. It's not something she's used to seeing like danger. Wait, what's the danger?

Starting point is 00:12:30 I'm just on a dating app. Where's the danger? And then the next line is something that's in it for her danger. Ooh, his karaoke voice might make me fall in love. Interesting. I'm talking about what's in it for her. And I'm also I'm trying to market to my, my ideal date. I would love, I mean, I'm, if I was going out on dates, if I was single going out on dates, I would love to go on a karaoke date.

Starting point is 00:12:55 So I'm basically saying, Hey, if you like karaoke, I'm your man. Um, another example, here's a, here's a good humorous one. The opening line of the hook is, I'm a man on the street with a dad bod and the sheets. I like that one. As a guy who's trying to get rid of his dad bod, I like that one. And it works because even if she doesn't know the Usher song lyric that this alludes to, it's very silly. It's funny in itself, effacing. Most guys are bragging on the dating apps, but you're talking about your dad bod. You're also being really honest and vulnerable, which is pretty damn attractive to women. Again, that radical authenticity. Here's one I like. If you're six feet or taller, I like this one for a hook. I'm six two,

Starting point is 00:13:44 or whatever your height is, but for me it's I'm 6'2", so you'll definitely be the little spoon. Make sense? Now I'm basically letting her know I'm tall, but I'm not doing it in a super lame, look how tall I am. I'm framing it as I'm tall,

Starting point is 00:14:02 and here's how you're gonna benefit. I'm 6'2", so I'm the perfect big spoon. What else? Oh, here's one that worked pretty good. This gets a little bit funky and weird, but this is my personality. I had a good hook that was working well a while back. And it is, it is, I'm a very good kisser, dot, dot, dot. At least that's what my cousin tells me. So now I'm being real smart ass and a little and very cheeky. Obviously that's a joke. My sister and I, my sister, my cousin and I, we do not kiss. So I'm showing my sense of humor. I'm also mentioning kissing. So I'm mentioning datey things like kissing and being tall and spooning. These are things that are part of dating, right? Sex, love, kissing, spooning. It's okay to mention these

Starting point is 00:15:01 things. We just don't want to be vulgar when we do it. So those are examples. Those are some examples of hooks. Oh, and then one that really worked for me just as a test was just simply not doing a joke, just saying an unusual, cool, but different fact about me. So sometimes just writing, hey, I'm a dating coach for men, just like the movie Hitch. Sometimes that worked to make women say, no way, really? What? You're a dating coach? I mean, my girlfriend, Jess, she told me that after we started going out regularly, she even said, oh, yeah, I just thought it'd be cool to have a date with a dating coach.

Starting point is 00:15:47 That just really caught my attention, made me want to keep reading. And then it made me want to meet you. So obviously, you don't have that card to play. But what is something unusual, different slash cool about you that can make a woman say, well, that's different, but also we want it to be high value. You know, we don't want it to be, oh, hey, I just got out of prison for seven years. That's different. Not super cool. So what's your version of I'm a dating coach for men, like in the movies, right? I had client who um he's a hollywood agent literally an agent for i should say he's he works with hollywood people so his hook was i'm a

Starting point is 00:16:33 hollywood agent just like the guy in entourage dot dot dot but i'm way but i'm not nearly as douchey as he is so that's one way to go go. If you have a cool, unusual job, you can do it that way. Even if you just have like, what's the best dish you cook? What's the best cuisine you would prepare for a woman on a romantic third date dinner at your place? Your hook could be something like, danger, my rigatoni bolognese will, might make you fall in love with me. With a little, like, pasta emoji. Now you're saying something that women have never read before. And you're also saying, hey, here's what's in it for you. Want to date me?

Starting point is 00:17:26 It's kind of the vibe here we're going for. Okay, a bit more about how to write about yourself. You also want to have details in your bio. What do you want women to know about you? What makes you different or awesome or a great catch? And what we want to do is show them with specifics, not tell them with vagueness. So remember in high school or college, you probably had an English teacher or writing teacher who said, show like, you know, you wrote an essay and they wrote, well, you told

Starting point is 00:18:02 me, but you didn't show me. So think of it like this show. Don't tell show. Don't tell. So, for example, don't say I like adventure. Okay. Or don't just say that. That's telling.

Starting point is 00:18:16 Showing would be I live for rock climbing in Colorado. That paints a much clearer picture. Right. Don't put I really love to travel. Everybody loves to travel. That's telling. Show them what you mean by that. So you can say, instead of I love to travel, you might say, I just got back. I mean, make it true, of course, but I just got back from Greece and next trip coming up is Machu Picchu, climbing the Alps, whatever your travel is. So just just getting by getting specific, you are you're showing and not telling. By the way, the same thing goes for your for talking about.

Starting point is 00:19:07 Humor, or I should say the topic of humor, you might be tempted to write something like, I have a great sense of humor. And I'm sure you do have a great sense of humor, but that would be an example of telling. It's much better to show what you mean by that. So think of there as being like three levels here for humor. Level one is I have a good sense of humor. That's just telling. Level two is showing, which would be I love dad jokes and raunchy Judd Apatow movies. Now we're getting into showing what that means. And women can feel that. It's more impactful than I have a good sense of humor. And then the third layer, which is best of all for humor is actually don't just show don't just say the types of humor you like is actually show your sense of humor, which is what I was doing on that, that hook that I mentioned, where I wrote, I'm a, I'm a good kisser.

Starting point is 00:20:06 At least that's what my cousin says. That's me making a naughty kind of a cheeky joke. That's just one example. Another example, excuse me, another example of my humor. And here I have a bit more of a dad jokey sense of humor, too. I had a really good success. I had really good success with this hook on Bumble. It was, what was it exactly? It was, I'll never send you a dick pic, but I might send you a duck pic.

Starting point is 00:20:37 And then I had a duck emoji next to it. I got so many matches and so many women on Bumble because they have to make the first move. So many women on Bumble said, where's my duck pick? What kind of duck pick are you going to send me? Tell me more about your baby ducks. And it was just very light, very playful. And I have, I genuinely have a pretty light, playful sense of humor. And so I just want that to come out. So again, with humor, don't tell, show. Okay, and then let's talk about that call to action. Actually, sorry, let me come back to that because that's going to be the last thing on your bio.

Starting point is 00:21:19 It's also good to have one line on your bio that basically says what you're looking for with relatively good specificity, but not so specific that you're going to exclude every woman. So it's good to screen for what you want, but not be screening so, you know, microcosmically that you screen everybody out. Like, I'm only looking to date women who are five foot seven, and have a mole, and whose last name ends in an I, and she's this religion and likes this TV show. Like, we don't want to get that dialed down. but we do want to get relatively specific. Um, and keep it simple, keep it to like two or three simple things. You know, it can be, it can, it can be very universal as long as it reads as specific.

Starting point is 00:22:16 So it could be something like, I'm looking for a fit, funny woman who loves Netflix, binging and karaoke parties. That's me, basically the kind of thing I would write. So yeah, that's going to speak to a lot of women. But also, it's going to make your type of woman feel Oh, that's me. I like those things. And that is going to make you come across as the selective guy you are or should come across as and hopefully are. And but not be so nitpicky and in the specific that you're going to weed out lots of good options. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend.

Starting point is 00:23:19 Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon bestselling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. Your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best

Starting point is 00:23:46 tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great-looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps And then... Writing sucks, but you don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. And then, yeah, the call to action. This is the last line of your bio on, say, Bumble or Hinge. And that's simply a call to action where you make it really easy for her to answer. Kind of like at the end of a YouTube video and they say, like and subscribe. Or kind of like on this podcast, the commercials say, hey, book a call with Connell. Buy his book. Because it just

Starting point is 00:24:55 helps to tell people what we want them to do to help them to do it. Also, a good call to action makes it a lot easier for her to write you back or to write you at all, especially on Bumble where they make the first move. So call to action is going to help you get more matches and help more women start conversations with you. Here are some good calls to action. You could do a would you rather. So a really fun, simple binary choice. So the last line of your bio is, tell me, would you rather have dinner with Lennon and McCartney? Would you rather shower in Evian or swim in Champagne? Would you rather

Starting point is 00:25:35 date the Tin Man or the Scarecrow? Would you rather eat peanut butter crunchy or peanut butter smooth? This is a dumb one, but it's worked well. Would you rather eat a potato or be a potato? Yeah, so that's you can do like a binary option. That's a really good way to approach this because this makes it really easy for her to write you. OK, or to answer what we don't want to do is say, so tell me, send me a 300-word paragraph about why you love travel. It's like, no, nobody wants to work that hard. But if you just give them an either or, so much easier for her to take the 10 seconds and write you.

Starting point is 00:26:21 She wants to write you anyway. We just want to make it really easy for her, okay? Excuse me. Got to get a cough button on my pod. Also, you can do calls to action instead of a would you rather. You can do it as a directive, right? Just like like and subscribe or call now. Operators are standing by. So you can do, you know know swipe right if you love ben and jerry's chocolate chunk swipe right if you're too sexy for this app you want to get a little bit naughty and here's where you can get a little bit naughty not vulgar but a little bit entendre i just made up that word um you could say like swipe right if you got got a cute butt swipe right. If you like men who go after what they want,

Starting point is 00:27:10 swipe right. If you think you're a good kisser, dot, dot, dot parentheses, I'll be the judge. Winky face. Now we're adding some edge,

Starting point is 00:27:21 some cheekiness. Yeah, a little bit. I like that word edge. Or it could be as simple as tell me, thin crust or deep dish. And then you can add parentheses, pressure, there is a right answer. So you're putting a little like flirtatious pressure on her answer. So she wants to get the right answer. Yeah, so that's basically what a bio would look like. By the way, in my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, I have a whole chapter all about online dating. I have basically a lot of copy and paste bios and templates and samples. You can go way deeper on all these things. Yeah, I really, I guess I want to also mention just before we wrap up, I want to mention prompts, prompts on hinge and prompts on Bumble

Starting point is 00:28:13 are very important, especially on hinge. I love hinge. I'm such a fan of hinge. What I love about hinge is every single part of your profile is an opportunity to get a like, a heart. So it's almost like you have 10 bios in one or 10 profiles in one. And so every single prompt on Hinge gives you a good opportunity to get a like, a heart, and then get a match and start getting some dates. So quick overview on prompt writing. This goes for Bumble and Hinge. Let's say you're going to write three, right? Three on either Hinge or Bumble or whatever the app is. Think of it this way. You want to have three prompts and you want them all to, again, remember the golden rule here. What's in it for her? This prompt is a billboard for why she should date you or what she's going to get out of this.

Starting point is 00:29:18 A prompt is not, here are some words about me. I, my favorite color is blue and I, uh, really like to go jogging. Um, I, I, my clients, the guys I work with and the guys I, I help, I see a lot of, um, yeah, just fluff, fluffer. Uh, what do you call it? Um, filler, sorry, filler, not fluffer. A lot of filler. So no filler. Every prompt should have something that's in it of what your first date will look like. Now, because you want to entice her into, hey, sounds good. So one prompt can be as simple as ideal first date. Walk on the water, walk on the beach, followed by a couple of, uh, cool pina coladas as we listen

Starting point is 00:30:27 to the waves crash. Sounds good to me. I'll date you if she doesn't. That sounds great. The, um, it was a cocktails, classy, no cocktails, cocktails and flirty conversation at my favorite secret rooftop bar. And I put the word secret in parentheses. It was like strong cocktails and flirty conversation at my favorite secret rooftop bar. So think about how attractive that is to a woman who is at least attracted to my type and the idea of me to be able, she's on my profile. She's thinking, all right, I don't know know maybe i'll go out this guy maybe i'll write him back maybe i won't and then i'm painting a picture for her of

Starting point is 00:31:30 oh i like strong cocktails i like flirting i like rooftops it sounds glamorous it sounds pretty pretty romantic pretty cool right it's that simple it's just painting a picture. And I had a lot of women messaging me saying, so tell me about this secret bar. What is it about? What's secret about it? And the secret was, I just, she didn't know about it. And I did, I didn't really have a secret to it, but that word worked really well. So feel free to use that. If you want to say, hey, I'll take you to my favorite secret cocktail bar hideaway. Just saying secret hideaway is probably going to tempt more women than just saying I'll take you to my favorite bar. So make one of your prompts something that is painting the picture of the first date. Make the second prompt or make a second prompt make it something that is sort of cool and

Starting point is 00:32:30 lifestyle-y maybe something active like a typical Saturday you'll find me going for a three-mile run followed by shooting hoops with the boys and then uh oh crack open the ben and jerry's something to kind of paint a picture of you out in the world uh doing something being something being the man you are so for me it's like oh i love playing tennis when i'm not playing tennis i'm on the improv stage making up songs doing improv and uh yeah kind of just painting a picture for women of sort of like what a day in the life is for me. But again, in an attractive way, right? So think what activities do you do that you might mention? And then a third prompt, I can do a whole episode on this third prompt, but a third prompt, I'd love to see

Starting point is 00:33:26 something that's a little, a little bit flirtatious, a little bit. Um, yeah, flirtatious. It's a dating app, right? So one of the reasons why guys get stuck in the quote friend zone, both in person, but also on the dating apps is there's just no sense of like sexuality or flirtatiousness. So there's a lot of different ways to be flirtatious. It can be kind of like G rated flirtatious. Um, like, um, mentioning, well, kind of that first date prompt I mentioned is flirtatious, um, flirty conversation and cocktail bars. That's a little bit flirtatious. I had a pretty edgy prompt that did a lot better than I expected when I was testing it. This is an edgy flirtatious prompt, but it was, I won't break your heart, but I might break your headboard. Now, that's obviously a sexual innuendo, but notice that it's not vulgar. I'm not going to get banned from Hinge for that.

Starting point is 00:34:33 It'll be polarizing. And the women who matched with me when I wrote that are basically telling me, hey, I love the sexual confidence. I'm not saying that's you. I'm not saying you should just do that one if that doesn't sound like you. But that's one that you can go that far if you want to with flirtatiousness. Another nice way to do the flirtatious one is I borrowed this from my buddy Brian, a dating coach who's been on my podcast. Basically, it's you know how Hinge and Bumble gives you the option for describing your ideal relationship.

Starting point is 00:35:07 Basically, it's ideal relationship. Trust, you know, like trust, laughter, friendship, dot, dot, dot. And amazing. You know what? So, again, we're alluding to sex, not saying making graphic sex jokes. We're alluding to sex in a way that's PG rated and lets a woman know, yeah, I'm a cool guy. I'm fun. I'm funny. I'm authentic, but also I'm a man. And part of dating, part of intimacy, of course, I should say part of dating is at some point sooner or later sex. So it's OK to have one prompt that is a little bit flirtatious.

Starting point is 00:35:51 Oh, here's one more I really liked from my client, John. He came up with this. This was great. He wrote a prompt. It was I'm a big book nerd, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Reading, reading in bed together is sexy AF. I love that one because it combines his intelligence and his desire for a smart woman with doing something in bed. It's not sex, but you're in bed together. So there's a romantic, there's that romantic aura to it. So yeah, that's just another example. So yeah, when you're writing your prompts, remember, those prompts are meant,

Starting point is 00:36:32 even though they're about you, usually, they're actually for her benefit. It's what's in it for her. Okay. Look, there's, we could go so much longer on this, but I wanted to keep it fairly short and sweet for this episode. We'll do a lot more in the future about what to write, what not to write on profiles. And thanks so much for listening. Remember, be radically authentic because women out there already like you. They just have to meet the real you. I'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation Podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time. Produced by Heartcast Media.

How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - How to Describe Yourself on a Dating App: 15 Moves for More Matches

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