How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - How to Make Her Your Girlfriend, in 7 Easy Moves

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

So you’ve been dating an incredible woman (YES! You deserve it!). But you’re not sure how to go from “just dating” to “boyfriend-girlfriend”? Should you bring it up, or should she? How many dates until you suggest being a couple? What if she turns you down? Could you end up losing her? It’s confusing.When you feel you’ve found The One, it helps to have a plan. In this episode of the Dating Transformation podcast, dating coach Connell Barrett give you the playbook to turn the wonderful woman you’re seeing into your romantic partner. How? He shares 7 simple moves to go from “seeing each other” to “loving, connected relationship.” Listen now!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL, TO LEARN HOW TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN: http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactGET CONNELL’S NO. 1 BESTSELLING GUIDE FOR MEN, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T,” YOUR PRACTICAL GUIDE ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND BY BEING RADICALLY AUTHENTIC:www.amazon.com/Dating-Sucks-but-You-Dont-ebook/dp/B08LDZL3Quotes"If you want an awesome woman in your life, you need an awesome life into which to invite her."- Connell Barrett"But when you settle, you miss out on finding the right person. So just don't settle."- Connell BarrettFeatured in the episodeConnell BarrettFounder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite: https://datingtransformation.comInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformationChapters00:05 - Introduction05:46 - Transition to Exclusive Dating: Richard's Success06:23 - Confidence for Dream Girlfriends07:23 - Timing Matters: When to Commit to Your Ideal Partner09:25 - Aligning Life Goals: Building a Strong Foundation10:22 - The Path to Your Girlfriend: Embrace Your Standards17:10 - The Key to Attracting the Right Partner18:32 - Confidence in Action: Taking Charge in Small Ways20:47 - The Manly Side: Acts of Protection and Care24:28 - Timing and Location: Choosing the Perfect Setting27:17 - Seeking Fulfillment: Embracing Meaningful Connections28:56 - Giving and Growing with Your Partner29:59 - Outro

By the way, if you turn into an actual heart eye emoji, consult a doctor immediately. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. All right. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, Conal Barrett. I'm a dating coach for men. I help men learn to flirt, get a lot of dates, a lot of confidence, and then get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. No weird pickup artist moves needed. And a lot of guys ask me, one of the most common questions I hear is, so Connell, basically, what do you do in a sentence or two?

And I say, well, if I had to boil it down to a sentence, I say, I help men authentically and confidently meet and connect with women, awesome quality women, get dating abundance, meaning have lots of good dating options, and then choose a great girlfriend from those options. And today I want to talk to you about the really fun part, which is when you get to that point where you have dating abundance, the self-doubt is gone, the lack of dates is gone, not knowing how to flirt. You essentially get to that point where you say

to yourself, boy, it's been really fun dating. Sarah was fantastic. And Ashley was a fun fling. And I thought it might work out with Sarah. But gosh, there's something special about this girl, Allison. I think I want to choose her. I think I want her to be my girlfriend. And that's a great place to be in where you get to choose a really wonderful woman from some nice, high quality options. Because guess what? If she's a beautiful inside and out woman, she's going to have lots of options in her life and she's going to be choosing you from a host of quality options. So today's podcast is about how to essentially seal the deal with that woman who is that dream awesome girlfriend who you've been wanting your whole life. And that's what this is about.

So I want to tell you a little bit about my client, Richard. Richard came to me, and he had solved his biggest dating problem. His biggest problem was he just did not know how to talk to women. And now that he was dating some wonderful women, he decided he wanted more. So Richard is a real estate investor. He's of Indian ancestry. I've coached a lot of men of Middle Eastern and Indian ancestry. And he basically said to me, you know, in the Indian culture, in Indian families, you're basically encouraged not to date. And what I was able to help Richard with was he said, hey, you really helped me learn sort of the art of connection. I grew up focusing on studies, on my career, and I just figured I'd magically get married. And he had never learned how to flirt,

and those walls went up. It was really hard for him to, at first, meet women. So working with me, I'm glad to say, Richard was able to knock down those walls. And he found himself dating a few women at the same time. Having a quote unquote roster, I guess you can say. And having a roster, while that sounds good, and there's nothing wrong with it, it didn't really fulfill him. What he really wanted was a relationship, preferably with a woman whose name is Shara. Shara is a really sweet, smart, pretty, confident healthcare worker. And Richard and Shara had a couple dates, and it was going well, but he wasn't sure how to essentially take it further. I remember him saying a little way, like about five to six dates into their courtship, he said, what do you do? How do I tell her I want her to be my

girlfriend? Do I just bring it up? I'm not sure. What do I do? So I advised him to shift to go from dating mode, which was the mode he was in, into giving a woman what I call the boyfriend experience. That is showing her what a relationship with you would be like. Basically, you fake it until you make it official, make the relationship official. And you date a woman almost like she's already your girlfriend. Because if you know you want a woman to be your girlfriend fairly early on, what you can do is create a frame. And I call that the boyfriend experience frame. So instead of going out for drinks and dinners, which they'd already done a few times, Richard asked Sarah to pick out clothes with him at Urban Outfitters. They went to yoga class together.

They shopped at Whole Foods. I remember there was one date where he introduced her to his friends and coworkers. He booked weekly dates with her instead of sort of playing it loose, playing it more casual. And pretty soon she was reciprocating. She was asking him to join her

and her girlfriends for brunch. And he said that they just both clicked and it was becoming very natural as they began to both assume the boyfriend-girlfriend roles. So you're going from dating mode to boyfriend-girlfriend mode, even if you haven't put that label on it yet. And then when Richard asked her to date exclusively, she said yes. And eight months later... I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence

and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop

taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. While they were vacationing together in San Francisco, he dropped to one knee and proposed in the shadow of the Golden Gate Bridge. So awesomely cheesy. I love it. Romantic and cheesy in the best way.

Because when you found the one, that woman you want to be your girlfriend and you feel like she's your soulmate or is becoming your soulmate, it's good to have a plan. So in the rest of today's pod, I want to give you a plan, basically how to go from dating her to making her your girlfriend, if that's what you and she both want. So here's the first thought I have for you. When it comes to choosing, deciding whether or not you want to get into a relationship with a girl, keep in mind that the woman you're dating and the situation you're in will fall into one of four categories depending on where you are in your search for love. So here are the four categories. First category is wrong person, wrong time. This is when you can just tell the woman

you're dating is not a good fit for you and you don't even want a relationship. But dating sucks and you don't want to be alone so you relent and you just settle for dating her. This is the ultimate in settling, and unfortunately, it's what a lot of men do. So it's wrong person, wrong time. Second category is wrong person, right time. That's when you're ready to commit to somebody, but you have a scarcity of options. So you settle for what you can get. And this is most men. This is most men. Basically, I want somebody, right time, but I can't find the right person. And so I settle. The next category is slightly higher quality problem, but still a problem, which is right person for me, but the wrong time. That means you weren't looking for romance, but how could you not

lock this woman down as the one for you? She's too awesome. She's too incredible. That's a quality problem to have, but it's still a problem. And then the ideal situation is right person, right time. In other words, she's got the brains. she's got the beauty, she's kind, she's the whole package, and you guys totally click, and she just basically, she turns you into a human heart eye emoji. By the way, if you turn into an actual heart eye emoji, consult a doctor immediately. And in these situations, you just know you're ready to dive in. And this is the ideal, right person, right time. And as men, deep down, we all want true love, right? But we tend to settle for something comfortable and convenient, something quote unquote good enough. But when you settle, you miss out on finding the right person. So just don't settle. Don't

settle. My whole, my whole dating coach career is about helping men being able to choose a great loving relationship, a great girlfriend from some nice, nice options when it's the right time. So I want you to be in a right person, right time place. So don't settle for good enough. This is too important. This is your love life. So raise your standards. Go after a truly great relationship with a quality girl who is right for you. Now, if you feel like she might be the right person at the right time, you want to ask yourself three important questions before pursuing a relationship. Question number one is asking, do we just fit? Do your souls dovetail? Do you just fit? Listen to your gut. Your gut knows. Number two is asking the question, does our big life stuff align? Capital B, capital L, capital

underline. Does our big life stuff align? In other words, are you compatible in those big areas that are those core values like wanting a family, religious views, political beliefs, cultural backgrounds? Now, granted, you may only want a girlfriend right now, not a wife or a lifelong partner, but a great relationship should have strong long-term potential. So you want to have that big life stuff in common. And that's going to change from person to person. What I mean is your big life stuff is your choice. For me, my partner Jess, we had to have the same political backdrop background, which we do the same cultural background, which we do. And also just the same kind of sense of humor and

personalities. We dovetail in that way. And we have lots of other ways. We're different. We have those wonderful compliments, but we're aligned with the big life stuff. Like neither of us want children. For example, If she wanted to have five babies and I didn't, that'd be a problem or vice versa. Okay. And then the third question you want to ask yourself about a given woman is, will we grow together? Can you close your eyes and imagine the two of you growing together, complementing each other? Because if a relationship isn't growing, then it's dying. There's really no in between. Because if a relationship isn't growing, then it's dying. There's really no in between. So if you answered no to any of those three questions,

there's a very good chance that you're not with the right person. You may be settling, or it may just be the wrong time for you. So that's good to just know those three core questions. But if you answered yes to those three questions, then it's time to give her the boyfriend experience. Let's talk about that. So here are seven ways to make her your partner. If she's the one, here's how you can get it done. Or here's the best way to try. And we'll see where you are at the end of these. The first way or the first step is number one, build trust. Virtually all women want to trust their man. Who wouldn't, right? She likely won't want to become your girlfriend unless she can trust you. So communicate openly, be vulnerable, listen,

be consistent in your actions, admit your mistakes. Tell the truth. To quote David Data, from the way of the superior man, women deserve truth and love. Truth and love. So give her your truth. Give her your love. In other words, build trust. Number two is you want to bring her into your social circle. I met a woman who became my girlfriend.

We're not together now, but back in the day, she was my girlfriend. Her name is Diana. And I met Diana in a bookstore in a self-help section. And like many women of Asian heritage, she's beautiful. But what really struck me about her was her bravery, her sense of adventure. That's what wowed me. She had just moved to New York from halfway around the world to start a new career in the US. And I was just so impressed by that. And so I was very excited about meeting her.

And basically by our second, or actually it was our second date, I said to myself, this is totally a girlfriend possibility here. So I wanted to invite her into my social circle. So what I did is for our second date, I invited her to sit in with my pub trivia team called Trivia Newton John, because pub trivia is awesome. By the way, fun fact, as a pub trivia nerd, did you know that blood donors in Sweden are sent a text when their blood is used? Fun fact. Anyway, so I wanted Diana to see what my life was like. I wanted her to see my nerdy pub trivia, dorky trivia friends, nerdy friends. And I wanted her to meet my friends. And I just wanted her to get a feel for what it would like to be my partner. And so that way she could say, hey, I'm very much into entering this guy's world, if she felt that way.

Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book,

Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates.

Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great-looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold, in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence

and find your dream girl. And if she didn't feel that way, I wanted her to have that information too, because I'm totally fine with a woman getting a snapshot of what it's like to date me and say, hey, you know what? Not really a good fit for me. That's okay. Nothing wrong with that. So anyway, by the time we were done with that second, third date, we were both on that boyfriend-girlfriend path, and pretty soon we were dating exclusively. So introduce your potential girlfriend to your pals, your coworkers. You can even introduce her to your family. I'm not saying you have to have a big family dinner with mom and dad on the second or third date, but you could totally invite her to a family get-together. Meet your brothers and sisters. Meet your friends. And if you don't

have much of a social circle, then you want to get on that. Because if you want to invite a wonderful woman into your awesome life, then you have to have an awesome life into which you would invite her. I think that was proper grammar. You tell me. Okay. Step number three is do boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. Even in the early courtship phase, like beginning with date three or four, you can do boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. After a few, quote, regular dates, you can ask her to help you pick out jeans. You can go to the gym together, go grocery shopping, take a yoga class together. You could say, hey, let's cook dinner at my place. Meet me at Whole Foods. And all of a sudden, you're whipping up a dinner together.

Even if it's your third or fourth date, that's going to let her feel, see and feel what it's like to be in your life as your partner. And if she likes it, she loves it. Guess what? You guys are on that boyfriend, girlfriend path, that partner path. And there's a bonus to this, which is this breaks up the monotony or the predictable let's do drinks model of dating. And it gives her some nice romantic variety. Richard did this with Shara. And he said how much she liked that they weren't just going out for drinks every time. They were doing stuff like going sneaker shopping together and doing couple type stuff. And that allowed her to feel, hey, this is what it would be like to be with Richard full time. And she liked what she saw. Okay. Tip number four or seven, the fourth

of seven ways to make her your partner is to make her feel safe by, quote, manning up. What do I mean by that? Women tend to want to date guys who make them feel safe. This makes sense, right? Evolution has basically selected men to be the protectors. Now, unlike your homo sapien ancestors, you don't need a spear to kill the saber-toothed tiger, right? Or to impress your partner. You just want to do some manly stuff, but non-toxic manly stuff. So do some manly stuff. And that's a way to sort of let her feel like, hey, this is a great tribal leader I might want to couple up with. Here are a bunch of ways to man up, make her feel safe. First of all, be fit. Women like muscles. Doesn't mean you have to be a bodybuilder, but just be fit. Women will notice

that. My girlfriend, Jess, look, I do not have massive body, tons of muscles on my body at all. I'm a skinny ginger, but I have pretty nice arms. I guess I have nice triceps and she often notices my nice arms and she likes it. Makes her feel safe. Makes her feel like I'm a strong-ish man. What else can you do? Catch the mouse. Relocate that spider. Be the guy who's squashing or relocating the bug in the bathroom. Catching the mouse. Women love that. Change your tire. Do around the stuff, guy stuff, if you're good at that. Drive stick. Rent a car together, take a trip, make it a stick shift, and handle all the details. Be the one to lock the front door before bed. I remember my ex once told me how she just liked that I was the one turning off all the lights and clicking the locks. And then I got into bed with us. That just made her feel safe and protected.

Even just little things like offering her your coat. You can place... Here's a cool little move. Just act assertively setting date plans. Like, hey, we're doing dinner Friday, 8 o'clock, at that Italian place you like. Sound good? Women love that. stuff around the house. I am no Bob Vila, that's for sure. But I once changed a date's light fixture and before I was off the step ladder, she was dragging me into her bedroom because she was just so turned on by me doing guy stuff. So find ways, great and small, to do manly things. Okay, number five. Number five is show her your generous side. What I mean by that is be a good tipper. Women notice that. And letting her know in an unboastful way about your interest in charities or volunteering can be powerful. Richard learned this. Now, he didn't do this as a move, but he did it because he's just an honest, authentic guy. And so Richard is big into volunteer work. He donates money to fight

animal cruelty. He also does regular charity work with the Ronald McDonald House, which helps sick kids. And he was telling me how once Shara heard about this, or he shared this with her in the right way, not a bragging way, but, oh, hey, yeah, these are the things I'm into. He said, wow, she just turned putty. And hey, women want, yes, women want confident guys. Women want men who can flirt, but they also want a guy who's kind, who's giving, who's generous. So look for ways, great and small, to be generous. Be a good tipper. Women notice things like what you wrote on the check for the tip. They notice how much money you left for the bartender.

They notice whether or not you put a buck in the tip jar at the coffee place. So just know that they're watching and be generous. And just do it because it's the right thing to do. But as an added bonus, it's also attractive to women and makes her say to herself, yeah, I want a generous giving guy to be my boyfriend. Number six, schedule at least one date per week, maybe two, because the more often you see her, the more it feels like a real relationship. So minimum one date a week. And you can even do two if you guys were really getting close, two or three even, if you know you want to be in a relationship. Number seven is a big one, which is pop the question. Think about making her your girlfriend sort of like a miniature proposal. You pop the question just like you would if you were getting engaged. The good news is it's not nearly as scary as that, but it will create some butterflies.

So after you've been dating for, say, a month or two, it's time, roughly, that's a good time for you to make your coupledom official. So think about that. Plan ahead. Make it a moment. Choose the right place and time to pop that question. A good way to do it would be, you know, during a nice relaxing Sunday in the park, you know, chill moment between the two of you as opposed to in some loud bar. Be sincere. Speak from the heart. And tell her how much you enjoy her and what she's added to your life.

Now, a lot of guys ask me, should I use the L word? Maybe. It depends. If you feel it, absolutely. You can absolutely let her know that you love her. If you don't, that can come later. You don't have to say I love you before you become a couple. It really depends on you and her and how you both communicate. But what you could say is something like this, something like, hey, I'm crazy about you. And especially I love the way you, and then fill in the blank with something specific you love about her, her sense of humor, her heart, her kindness. With my girlfriend, Jess, it would be something like, hey, I love the way you volunteer with cats every Saturday. You have such a big heart that you give to charity, that you're so funny and witty and funnier and wittier than me. So yeah, insert something specific that's

personalized toward her and then say, I don't want to date anybody else. I want to be your boyfriend and I would love it if you were my girlfriend. Or if you prefer the word, I would love to be your partner. And I'd like to know if you want to be my partner, my person. Would you like to be my partner? And if she says yes, celebrate. Laugh, kiss, grope, rip each other's clothes off. If you're in a park, wait till you get home. That's my advice. Absolutely celebrate. In other words, celebrate your coupledom. If she says no, in the event she says no, that will probably sting, but that's okay. Listen, what are her reasons? Does she need more time? Is she not ready for something serious or does she just need more time? No matter what she says, even if it's no or

not yet, be proud of yourself for going for it because that's what radically authentic men do. They go for what they want in a win-win way and if you and she both want it, fantastic. If she's not ready yet, that's okay. You went for it and let's see what tomorrow brings. Anyway. Yeah. So when I was struggling with women back when I was first learning how to date and I was struggling, I always thought that having a quote unquote rotation was going to make me happy. Don't get me wrong. It was definitely exciting and fun and my ego loved it. But it didn't make me happy. Having three, four or five girls in my life at any given time, being a little bit of a player, which was a phase I went through, that did not make me fulfilled. Not in any kind of long-term way anyway. And I'm totally cool with dating around for a while, getting a quote-unquote

abundance of success with women. But what I've learned is that sex without love, sex without that true connection, that's just candy for the ego. It's a sugar rush, but there's no real nourishment there. So just know that dating to gratify your ego is not going to fulfill you because it's all about you. Real romantic fulfillment comes from growing with and giving to a really wonderful partner. So give her the boyfriend experience. Cool. All right. Thank you so much for listening.

As always, if you have any questions for me, you can shoot me an email at connell at datingtransformation.com. Ask me any dating question. I will answer it on this podcast if I can. Until we speak again, remember, women out there, they already want to date you. They're already attracted to you. They just need to meet the real authentic you. See you next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.