How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - How to Start a Conversation on a Dating App: 23 Quick Tips!

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

You finally get a good match on a dating app with a cool, attractive woman you’d LOVE to meet. You craft the “perfect” opener, send it, and wait for her reply.And wait… and wait… and wait. Crickets, tumbleweeds, radio silence.Bottom line? You’re just not sure how to start a conversation on a dating app. You doing something wrong but you’re not sure what. It can make you feel like the apps will never work for you. Another dateless weekend approaches.Let’s change all of that!In this episode of the Dating Transformation podcast, host and dating coach Connell Barrett shares 23 of his best tips for starting conversations on the apps, so you can get women writing you back… and go on dates!Connell is about to teach you…✔ The No. 1 biggest secret to writing dating-app openers that start fun, flirty conversations✔ How to quickly write a personalized opener that makes her EXCITED to write you back✔ The 5 kinds of openers you never, ever want to send to women… and the 5 “power openers” that are sure to get her writing you back.✔ His 7 funniest copy-paste openers you can use to get girls giggling, just in case you get stuck with what to writeAnd you’ll learn how to start a conversation on a dating app while showcasing your best, most authentic personality… because women like you for YOU.Listen now, to STOP getting ghosted on the apps, and START having flirty conversations that lead to dates.FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL, TO LEARN HOW TO ATTRACT YOUR DREAM RELATIONSHIP:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactGET CONNELL’S NO. 1 BESTSELLING GUIDE FOR MEN, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T,” YOUR PRATICAL GUIDE ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND BY BEING RADICALLY AUTHENTIC:www.amazon.com/Dating-Sucks-but-You-Dont-ebook/dp/B08LDZL3

Your dating app openers don't have to be amazing, like something Shakespeare would write. To be ghosted or not to be ghosted, that is the question. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. And we are back here in the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I help men gain confidence, learn to flirt, and get a great girlfriend, all by being truly authentic. And today, I'm psyched to help you fix one of the biggest problems that guys struggle with in dating, which is how to write an opener on a dating app when you match that gets her to reply that gets her to write you back to begin a fun flirty conversation and go on a date and let's

be honest you know what really you know what really sucks is when you do all the hard work that goes into getting some good quality matches who you're excited about. And that's the hard part. The hardest part is getting good matches. You got the photos, you got the profile, you finally are getting some nice matches. And then you get that cute girl who matches with you. And you send her that opener. And it's crickets. It's silence.

It's tumbleweeds. And it's just, you feel like, oh, I'm so close and yet so far. And that can really be frustrating because you're thinking, why didn't this woman write me back? She matched with me. Why didn't she write me back? And it makes you frustrated and it can leave us feeling dejected. And the thing about online dating is your results are only going to be as good as the weakest link in the whole process, right? So you don't just need good matches. You need to know how to send a good opener to get her to write you back. Otherwise, all is lost. Otherwise, you're just getting matches that don't go anywhere. So here we go. I'm just going to give you this.

So today's lesson, today's pod is just a bunch of, a bunch of, I don't know how many, 5, 10, 15. Let's see how many openers I can give you, how many opening strategies I can give you. And that's great. So when you finally get those openers, I'm sorry, when you finally get those matches, it's awesome because you're like, huzzah. And now it's the fun part. Now you get to flirt, chat and connect and lead things to a great conversation and a first date. So tip number one is what not to do. Tip number one is don't begin with, hey, or how's your day or what's up or any variation of hello. It just bores women and it shows them that you're just not making any effort. So starting with hey is akin to saying, hey, will you please ignore this message and ghost me and unmatch me?

We don't want that because remember, she likely has a lot of guys messaging her. You have to stand out. By the way, here's a fun little sidebar. Find a woman in your life. Find a relatively intelligent, good catch of a woman and, you know, attractive and ask her how many likes likes she has on her tinder or bumble or hinge you might be shocked at how many she has i was on a date once with a woman it was actually right after the pandemic ended it was like literally my second date after the pandemic ended and i was on a date with a single mom, very attractive woman in her forties. Um, and she, I said, Hey, can I see your bumble? How many matches do you have? I was just curious.

And she said, sure. And she showed me, and it was, if I recall, it was about 4,000 likes, not matches. She didn't like with match with most of them. But think about that. Thousands of women were trying to match with this. Sorry, thousands of men were trying to match with this woman. So just remember, the reason why boring openers don't work is because you just don't set yourself apart from other guys. So tip number one, avoid boring openers. Tip number two is understand what makes openers work. Okay. They have three things in common.

So this is tips three, two through four. I'm going to read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm and and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt.

You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice

to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you.

Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. First of all, they're personalized to her. They show her that you've actually read her bio. The next tip is you want to have openers that ideally are light and playful and friendly. They may be flirty, but you don't want to be overly, overtly sexual. And another tip, tip number four, is make sure they're not too long or too short. Generally,

one to three sentences is about right. One or two words probably is not enough. Don't send her your college post-doctorate thesis. Keep it to one to three sentences. Okay, here are some more tips. Those are the first four. I've already lost count of how many tips I'm sharing, but it's gonna be a lot. I'm gonna choose a number

that's gonna end up being probably 20, 25 tips. Here are actually though, I'm gonna give you three categories of ways to send openers. Category number one is the compliment plus a question. Here's what you do. Look at her bio and you see what strikes you as quirky or interesting or cool, whatever it might be. Maybe she's got great style.

Maybe it's her love of hiking, her fondness for Steve Carell. Whatever it is, let her know what impressed you and then ask her a question that she would enjoy answering. So it's compliment plus question. And because a great way to frame an opener is to make her an expert in something. Because, hey, we all love being experts. You know, you're an expert in some things, right? I'm an expert in some things, dating first and foremost. And it feels good to be talked to as an expert. So make her an expert with a compliment plus a question. And so it might go like this. So for example, let's say her name is Katie and she loves The Office and Steve Carell. She mentions that on her profile. So you could say, Katie,

I see you're a Steve Carell fan. Awesome. Okay, let me ask you, do you think he's better in comedies or in dramas? Okay, so you gave her a compliment and you asked her a question about something that you're making her an expert in. And it's a topic she likes. And you're also showing her that you read her bio. So she's much more likely to reply to that than to a generic copy and paste opener. So keep in mind that the best openers are going to be personalized or they're going to be they're going to feel personalized. So that would be one example. So find something on her profile that you like, compliment her on it, and then ask her a question about it.

So if I was out there dating, I, for example, I love tennis. And if I see a woman loves tennis, I might say, Hey, Rebecca, so cool. You're a tennis fan, just like me. That's fantastic. I love it. That's great. And then I would ask her a question about tennis. I would say, ideally one that makes her the expert. I might say, so who's the, who's the goat? Who's the greatest of all time? Is it Djokovic or Federer? Inquiring gingers want to know. And so the nice thing about the question is you want to make it a very easy question to answer. So notice with these two examples, they've been binary questions, either or. Do you like comedies or dramas, right? Do you like, is it Federer or is it Djokovic? Part of the art of

getting a person, a woman to reply to your opener is to make the question enticing to her. So it's something she cares about. It's relevant to her, but also it's a really easy question to answer. I'm not asking her to write me. I'm not saying send me a paragraph about your favorite tennis player of all time. I'm saying, who do you like better? Who's number one, Djokovic or Federer? And now at least that makes it, so that makes it really easy for her to reply. Okay. The next tip or the next category of opener is compliment plus tease. So basically, same idea with the compliment. You pay that sincere, specific compliment. But instead of asking a question, you tease her about something, such as her favorite TV show, or it could be an accessory she's wearing in one of her photos, like a big, silly,

funky hat, unusual outfit. So the idea of teasing is pulling her proverbial pigtails in a way that can dial up some really nice flirtatious sparks, but not through any kind of sexual language, which can be a red flag for women, more of that teasing playful. So it's a playful tease. And I want to be really clear about something. This is not a nag. This is not trying to find something to make her feel insecure about. Absolutely not. Any coaches who still teach that, and some do still teach that bullshit, just fucking ignore it because it's just nonsense. It's so outdated. It's so gross and creepy and pickup artisty. I'm talking about a tease that is with good intentions and is trying to basically say to her, hey, I think I might like you. Let's tease and flirt a little bit.

And then one more thing about teasing. Never tease about something that she would likely take offense at, such as physical appearance, weight, something really personal, her dog. Don't make fun of her dog. I once did that. I once jokingly referred to a woman's dog. Like I said, oh, is that a dog or a rat? Something like that. Not good. Not a good choice on my part. And she immediately unmatched me. And I don't blame her. So learn

from my mistakes. Anyway, so compliment plus tease, you give the compliment and then you take a little give her a teasing comment about something. So let's say, for example, in her bio, she mentioned traveling in Europe. And in one photo, she's wearing a really bold, colorful red hat, big, bright red hat, or a cowboy hat or something like that. So your opener could be, let's say it's Katie again. Could be Katie. Wow. You backpacked all over Europe. I'm impressed. But I'm curious... Did the fashion police in Italy arrest you for wearing that red hat? And then add a winking emoji. Just a little winking emoji is a good addition to that opening text, just to let her know you're you're saying this in a you're trying

to be flirtatious you're not actually making fun of her hat so um what and so the result we want here ideally is she's like oh hey this guy's got the confidence to tease me and then she might tease you back and we're creating banter we're creating banter. We're creating banter. You can't get banter going with how was your day? How are you? How was your weekend? That's not going to get any banter going. Teasing is a way to spike some banter. That's what we're looking for here. So yeah. All right. That's another one. Another opening category I like is a joke. A straight straight up joke it could be a knock knock joke it could be actually this is probably my favorite opener i'm sorry my favorite category of openers which is which is a joke it could be a dad joke it could be a knock knock joke um like you could literally just say, hey, knock, knock. And let's see, wait, you know, we're all conditioned to say

who's there for your opener, you could. Oh, for example, one of my favorite openers is, and this is copy and paste. But it's a jokey opener, and you can personalize it to her. And you say to her basically, hey, name, we matched, dot, dot, dot. So how does this Tinder thing work? Are we like engaged now? And then diamond ring emoji, question asking emoji or you know thinking emoji

rejection, ghosting loneliness, lack of dates and lack of confidence for many men dating just sucks but it doesn't have to there's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book,

Dating Sucks But You Don't. Your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great-looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps.

And attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold, in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. This is a really good, if you're going to go copy and paste, which I'm generally not a fan of,

but if you're going to go copy and paste, at least use her name. Make sure her name is in the opener because everybody's favorite word in English language is their name. And so at least using her name makes it feel somewhat personalized. So yeah, here's some fun, funny openers. You can do the, are we engaged now opener. You can say, hey, name, what do you you think should we engage in small talk for three weeks and then never meet you can do that you can do this one i like this one hey i know this is a fake profile and you're probably a dude but can you give me the name of the model

that you used for your pick question mark mark. Get that one. Great, because you're basically giving her the compliment of saying she's model caliber material, but you're not fawning over her. You're doing it with humor. Make sense? I like this one. I forget where I got this one. But it's so the opener is, how do I get laid on Tinder? Question mark. Then you send a second message. And the second one is, oh, shit, this isn't Google. Very silly, very fun, self effacing, too. And yeah, those are examples of humorous, playful openers. And a couple more notes here about general do's and don'ts for opening. Here are a couple things you want to avoid.

First and foremost, you want to avoid being too sexual too soon. So avoid commenting on her body parts. Avoid talking about sexual acts. Please avoid that. I doubt you would do that anyway. But I was messaging with a woman on Bumble once and she saw I was a dating coach and she said, oh my God, can you please make guys, tell guys to stop making comments about my lips? And I said, what do you mean? What would a guy say to you? And this woman has very attractive lips. And she said, Oh, I get all these oral sex openers or things like, Hey,

I wonder what else you can do with your lips. And that's just, that's just so demeaning to women because it makes them just your, not you, the listener. I know this isn't you, but some guys do go to that place. And it objectifies women and it just makes them sex objects. And it's just not sexy. It's not cool. It's not gentlemanly. And anyway, so avoid any sort of sexual act reference. Okay. So avoid that

kind of basically getting too sexy, too sexual too soon. Now, there will be a time and place for you two to get more sexual whenever the moment's right, assuming you meet up. So it's going to be on maybe one of your dates. Or it could even happen when you start texting. And I'll do podcast episodes about how to get more sexual when it's clear you're both enjoying it. But basically with openers or those first several messages on the dating apps, don't do it. Doesn't work. You're going to get flagged. A woman could flag your profile. Then you could get banned or shadow banned from an app and you just don't want to do it. So don't get sexual. Now, all that said, you can get flirtatious.

What's the difference? What's the difference between sexual and flirtatious? Well, it's a fine line, but I guess what I'm talking about is feel free to experiment with innuendo. Innuendo, double entendres. This is okay to do. You have to practice it though. So for example, I had a client once who matched with a very attractive, successful attorney, female attorney, very curvaceous, by the way. And so the opener I wrote for him was, and I quote, counselor, you have a rebuttal that just won't quit. So that worked.

She loved it. Now, so it's not that you can't ever allude to a woman's beauty. You just never want to do it in a way that's vulgar, that says like, oh, I love your curves. I love how you look in that dress. If you can find a way to use double entendres to have a little bit of cleverness. Now, cleverness is not required for good openers, but it does help. And these are all the kinds of things that my clients and I do. I help them with clever openers, flirty openers, silly openers, funny ones. And yeah, we even throw in a few copy and paste openers.

Okay, a couple other final thoughts on openers. I think it really all comes down to this. Let me boil everything down to one core, really important tip here. Your opening message to a woman should give her something. It should give her something. It should offer her some small enticing something, a smile, a laugh, an interesting question. The art of an opener is about giving something that makes a person say, I want to answer that. I'm engaged by that question. Or I laughed at that question. Like, for example, I came up with a good one that is really good to use on Fridays. So here's one you can use on

Fridays. Here's an example of giving. If you match with a woman or message her after you've matched on a Friday, you can say this, hey, name, TGIF, dot, dot, dot, which in your case stands for this girl is fire. And then you do a little fire emoji. So that's an example of being flirtatious, but not vulgar. And you're also having a little bit of cleverness using TGIF in a whole new way. And you can use that literally on any Friday with any woman you match with. So that's what I'm talking about here. It's about giving her a little something to just make her day a little bit better. And if you give to women with those openers and make them smile, make them interested in the topic, entice them to write you back, they're going to write you back. And yeah, final thought here.

Your openers don't have to be Shakespearean. You don't have to have amazing, fancy shakespearean openers you know otherwise it's like to be ghosted or not to be ghosted that is the question um actually but but it's think of it more like oh just keep them light fun and usually about her what has value to somebody? Something that is about what they care about, about themselves or about something on their profile, right? So yeah. So and basically once you get good at the art, once you get that first response back, then you can really get to the fun, enjoyable, back and forth banter that leads to a date. So down the road a ways, I'll talk about how to go from messaging to getting the date. But for now, practice those openers, give value, keep it light, fun, flirty in a G-rated way, a non-vulgar way. And as always, remember, be authentic, be yourself,

let your personality, your sense of humor come out when you're sending these openers because wonderful, awesome women out there, they already like you. They already want to date you. They just have to meet the real, authentic you. See you next time. Thank you for listening to the Dating

Transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.