How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - How To Talk To Women

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

How to Talk to a Beautiful WomanDo you want to learn how to talk to a beautiful woman, but you struggle with what to say? Are you not sure what to write when you’re sending a dating app opener, or texting a girl? Do you run out of things to say on dates?Not knowing how to talk to a beautiful woman leads to awkward silences, bad dates, and major frustration.In today’s episode of the Dating Transformation podcast, Connell talks to a man who can help you always know how to talk to women, so that your dates, texting, and conversations become fun and flirty.Tripp Kramer—author of the how-to dating book “Magnetic”—is a master at the art of how to talk to women. His insanely practical “How to Talk to Girls” podcast is one of the most popular pods in the dating industry. And has a LOT of wisdom to share today.In this episode, Tripp Kramer will help you to… -Avoid “interview mode” and have engaging conversations with women-Stop sending texts that go nowhere, and start texting your way to more dates -Use his top 3 “game-changing tips” for how to talk to a beautiful woman-PLUS: Tripp and Connell talk about how to be flirty WITOUT being creepyListen now so you can stop running out of things to say and start getting girls giggling, flirting, and meeting you for (great) dates.CHECK OUT TRIP’S PODCAST:How to Talk to Girls PodcastVISIT HIS INSTAGRAM FOR MORE TIPS AND ADVICE:@trippadviceTO LEARN MORE OR TO WORK WITH TRIPP:Trippadvice.comGO FROM SELF-DOUBT AND LACK OF DATES TO CONFIDENTLY ATTRACTING YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND. BOOK A CALL WITH CONNELL TODAY:DatingTransformation.com Quotes:"This crazy emotional rollercoaster we experience happens when we’re going through growth or going through something that challenges us." - Tripp Krazmer"As long as they do the homework and they stay consistent, it still shocks me sometimes, even though I'm the one who has the program for them." - Tripp Kramer"Being able to be successful with women will also give us good results and accomplishments in other areas too such as career and personal development." - Tripp Kramer"Shyness is temporary and it will not always be part of our personality." - Tripp Kramer Featured in the episode:Tripp KramerCEO at Tripp AdviceWebsite: https://www.coachedbytripp.com/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tripp-kramer-2b2a686/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trippadvice Twitter: https://twitter.com/TrippAdvice Podcast: How to talk to Girls by Tripp Kramer Book: "Magnetic: Cultivate Confidence, Become Rejection-Proof and Naturally Attract The Women You Desire" https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01BOFHRSW/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i0 Connell BarrettFounder and Executive Coach of Dating TransformationWebsite: https://datingtransformation.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformationChapters:00:00 Introduction01:54 Tripp’s dating problems in the past06:03 Connell approaches a woman for the first time06:56 Tripp’s breakthrough moment14:26 Tripp steals Tom Green's girl18:37 Learning from mistakes in dating24:39 How to take action30:23 Success stories34:58 How getting good with women is a gateway drug to success39:21 How to talk to girls42:35 Dos and don'ts of texting women45:34 Game-changing tip to get better dates49:14 Advice for the dateless 50:33 How to contact TrippProduced by Heartcast Media.https://www.heartcastmedia.com/

Oh, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned vast tracts of real estate. I owned mansions. I was basically a friend zone oligarch. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. All right. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Conal Barrett here, dating coach Conal Barrett, helping you attract women, learn to flirt, gain confidence, and find an awesome girlfriend. I'm very glad you're here. And stick around because by the time you're done listening to this episode, you're going to get some incredible game-changing tips on how to learn to talk to girls, whether

you're texting or approaching or on a date. My guest, Tripp Kramer, and I are going to go deep. Tripp's got some great, great tools for you that's going to help you. He's basically how to talk to girls. Tripp Kramer is the man. We're going to go deep on that. And in fact, why don't we start with that? Why don't I give you a couple quick thoughts here and then we'll get to Tripp, who's going to take center stage today.

Yeah, I'm going to guess that you probably struggle with how to talk to girls. You know, I think how to talk to girls, how to send that first text, what to say when you want to approach, what to say when you just meet a woman. It's probably the single most universal problem that guys deal with. I'll bet you've run into situations where maybe you're on a date. Oh, have you ever fallen into interview mode? Interview mode is the worst, right? Where you're on a date or you're just talking to a girl at a party and you can hear yourself interviewing her. So where'd you grow up?

How many siblings do you have? What college did you go to? How long have you been at your job? What's your social security number? How many numbers are there in Pi? Who killed Jimmy Hoffa? You're just like, oh my God god i have nothing else to say to this woman all i'm doing is asking questions and yeah you do not want to interrogate women you want

to connect with them so um and this can really bum you out right because if you don't know what to say and if you get stuck in that interview mode or it's just like boring mode, then it leads to those very dejecting words where it's like, she texts you the next day, right? Hey, it was nice meeting you. But, you know, I'm just not feeling that connection. But, you know, we can be friends if you want. And brother, I've been there. I, yeah, I used to live in the friend zone. I owned real estate in the friend zone. I was a friend zone billionaire. So let's talk about how to smash out of that. I'm going to give you a real quick tip, how to get out of interview mode, how to be more compelling in those first five to 10 minutes of a conversation with a woman, whether you're on a date or whether

you're approaching. Well, here's how you get out of interview mode. It's really simple, actually, as long as you're aware of how to do it. So you're talking, you ask five or six questions. And by the way, don't be afraid to ask questions. Do not fear it. Don't do what some pickup artist type dudes do where it's like only make statements, never ask questions. That's just weird. It's just fucking weird. People ask questions. It's how we learn about each other.

It's part of connecting. So don't be afraid of asking questions. What you want to do is be afraid of asking like five, six, seven, eight questions in a row and never offering anything. Okay. So here's what you do. Notice when you, when you catch yourself asking a lot of questions, stop and simply answer one of the questions yourself as if she had asked you. Some women might not be as aware about, oh, I should ask questions. Sometimes women might not be as aware about, oh, I should ask questions. Sometimes women don't help as much as we would like.

Sometimes they do, but not always. So, for example, you're on a first date. 10 minutes in, you just caught yourself asking a fourth or a fifth straight question about what she loves to do for fun. Oh, what do you love to do for fun? And then she says, oh, I like to go skiing with my family every year in Colorado.

Awesome. Catch yourself and say, okay, what do I love to do for fun? Or what do I love to do with my family? And then you simply answer your own question. Oh, cool, I don't know much about skiing, but you know what I love to do? I love running marathons. I love to do? I love running marathons. I love hiking in the mountains, whatever it is. It's so simple, you just answer

your own question. And because remember, and Tripp is going to talk about this in today's episode, which I'm super psyched, women need to get an imprint of who you are. Women, yes, it's good to be interested. But if you're only asking questions, then she's not really getting a sample of who you are. That authentic self, that radically authentic, high value man who you are or are turning into, and you will if you keep listening to this podcast and taking the action and acting out on some of these tips. She wants to get an imprint of who you are. So answer your own question. So if I'm on a date and I ask three or four straight questions, I'm going to take that information and I'm going to ask myself the same question.

Hopefully she'll already have asked me. But yeah, I'll say, oh, cool. So what's your favorite movie? She'll say whatever. Mean Girls. And I might tease her a little bit and say, what? Mean Girls? Why do I always meet girls who love the dorkiest movies?

You could always throw in a little tease, which can be really fun. But then I'm going to say to myself, all right, Connell, what's your favorite movie? And I'll say, well, Mean Girls is OK. But my favorite movie of all time is, I don't know, Goodfellas, or Singing in the Rain, or I have a lot of favorite movies. So I'm going to answer that question. And by you answering your own interview questions, you're now giving her something to respond to. You're now letting her take in your opinions, your views, your thoughts, and she can agree and disagree with you. So if you get caught into interview mode, answer your own question. And then pretty soon you'll have a nice conversation that's bouncing

back and forth where it's not all you asking questions, it's you offering insight, value, opinions, and of course, offering that core awesome you. All right. I hope that makes sense. Let's take a break and we're going to come right back with Tripp Kramer who's going to go deep, deep, deep and give you a blueprint on how to talk to girls

and attract the kind of desirable women you want. Stick around. I'm going to read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm,

and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends.

So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell, or a team member, will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, you can make authentic, romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and grab a time that works for you.

Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. And we are back. And I'm really psyched to talk to today's guest. Today I'm talking to an absolute shining light in the dating industry. Tripp Kramer is an international dating coach for men. He created his TED system, which helps shy men confidently attract the women they desire. In his earlier years, he was a shy guy himself who figured out through trial and error how to get better at meeting, dating, flirting, and finding the right type of women for him back then. And now he helps guys

like you find the right type of woman for you. He currently has a popular podcast on iTunes called How to Talk to Girls. I know it's really good because I was on it and I listened to it. He's also got a really good book called Magnetic, which teaches all of the secrets on dating and attraction. And Tripp also has a very results-oriented training curriculum called the Tripp Advice Accelerator Coaching Program. To learn more, go to trippadvice.com. That's Tripp with two Ps, advice.com.

Tripp, thank you so much for being here during launch week I'm psyched to have you Connell man this is great thanks for having me I love when you know I have guests on my podcast and then I hear that they start a podcast and I get to be a guest on theirs and we just get to do it all over again so thanks for having me man well this is week one for me and you've been podcasting since uh the BC I think a little few years before christ so i that's right i'm humbled to be in your podcasting presence uh speaking of who you used to be let's start with that shy guy who you used to be because the guy listening to this is probably on the shy introverted side and he's got some dating problems totally um what problems did you have back in the day with women and dating?

A lot. We'll start there. First of all, I was a shy person. I consider myself a shy person around new people. I wasn't super shy, maybe a little bit, but not super shy around friends or around people I was introduced to. At that point, it would be a little bit easier for me. But if I wanted to meet anybody new, especially a woman I was attracted to, I would be very shy. And this was my whole life. And on top of that, I call myself the friend zoned nice guy. because that was me all the way up until my early to mid 20s where I started to learn how to get out of that mindset and stop getting friend zoned and really understood and learned what women were attracted to and what they wanted. I would consider myself lucky if I ever got a date in the few and far between times that I did in my college or early 20s years.

And I basically had a breaking point where I said, I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to leave so much up to chance. Okay. Which means I just don't want to, you know, settle for a woman that I may end up matching on a dating app with. Although at that point there was no real matching. You just kind of like message people. Cause I was doing the online dating apps back in 2008, 2009. Right. Pre-Tinder basically, right? Yeah. Pre-Tinder. And then I wasn't meeting any women outside of that ever at all. So I was fed up and I went through my own, long story short, my own journey where I had to learn how to go through the process of meeting women.

Because I wasn't getting any results online and there wasn't any gurus out there who were teaching online dating and how to get good at it, there was pretty much nobody because it wasn't hot at that point. I had to go out and meet women. I had to go out and approach women, whether it be during the day or at a bar or wherever I could, or maybe I was invited to a party and have to do it there. And so I put myself through a long one to two year regimen of consistently socializing and approaching and putting myself out there. And it was every emotion you could ever think of. It was scary.

It was fun. It was shitty. It was awesome. It was it all. Because anytime you're going through growth, or you're going through something that challenges you, that's what happens. It's this crazy emotional roller coaster and through that process again long story short I was able to figure out how for myself to be able to break out of the shyness how to be able to attract the women that I wanted and then it got to a point where I was so obsessed with my journey and my progress that I was like, if I could do this, other guys could do this. And I knew that other guys were learning this stuff. There were other dating coaches at that time. So it wasn't anything novel to think about like, I should teach this. No one's doing that. Plenty of people were doing it. But I thought I had a method that was a little bit different than other people's.

Teaching the kind of just like average guy who wasn't looking to be some like pickup artist because that's what was hot from 2005 to 2010. Oh, yeah. Just how to like meet women and do it in this really non-sleazy, non-manipulative way. So that was my journey from figuring it out myself to then starting TripAdvice where I wanted to help other guys do it. You mentioned fear and the scary part of this, especially when you start. And I remember, I literally remember the first woman I ever approached. I remember the first night. It was July 9th, 2009.

I was going out on the town in New York City and I had so much fear and anxiety inside that I actually went into the men's bathroom before I ever talked to a girl and I basically had a panic attack. I got the dry heaves. I didn't know what it was. I now realize it was just this fear of the unknown and the fear of basically finding out I'm not good enough. And then I approached a really cute girl with a white cowboy hat on.

It went fine. She wasn't into me, but neither did she like blow me off and laugh and just, you know, tell me to go F myself. She just was like, hey, nice meeting you. And I remember thinking, that's not so bad. I can take that. Do you have a memory from back when you were just learning this and you were out coaching yourself?

When did you feel afraid? What were some scary moments and maybe what was a breakthrough you had? Yeah, I mean, I have so many stories. I know where to begin, but I have so many different types. But I'll say the one that I think might resonate with the audience the most was I, so I wanted to learn how to be just like you, right? So I was just maybe doing it only like probably six months or like one year before you were doing it.

I was doing this in around 2008. And I, I'm trying to think actually, you know what, let's, yeah, okay. I'm going to start even earlier. So what happened was I know I wanted to learn this, but I wasn't confident enough to do it by myself or go out alone. So I remember that there was this group of guys on the internet and this forum that I found who were getting together and learning how to do this.

A lair? Was it a lair? It was a lair. Yeah, that's right. And it's funny because, you know you when you talk about it in the way like oh it was like a pickup lair it sounds a lot creepier than it really is and i thought it was creepy too until i met these guys and they were just great guys yeah they were really good guys really nice dudes all just like me you know it was just guys trying to figure out like personal development and then how do you meet women so became friends with some

of them and I I think I like texted a guy or called a guy and I was like who I wasn't even that close with I just met him one night I was like hey man I really want to go out tonight I know that you're better than me can you just like push me and as I was saying that I was really scared because I was like I can't believe I'm doing this like I really had to push myself to do it but I knew if I just had someone else kind of do it and help me then I was forced to go out and I had no choice so he's like yeah man for sure like it's not a problem and he was like this really social guy and he was like really he he's already gone through his process so we go out to this bar and I was trying to learn this sober.

So I didn't want to learn this with drinking and getting drunk because that wasn't even helping before. So I was like, all right, let's do this. So he goes out and this guy's like, life of the party is cheersing everyone and with his water that he got. And I was just like, okay, I was like, I don't know how to do this. And he's like, all right, just like, go, go talk to like that group over there. And it was like, I don't know, two girls and a guy or something like that. He could, and he said, use this opener. I don't even remember what it was. And I went over there and I used the opener and I said, whatever. And they all looked at me like

I was crazy. I was like, oh my God. I was like, really?, the first approach that I finally did and they all just... they looked at me like a deer in headlights. I said something and I remember what I said. I know it wasn't some weird pick a bee crazy line. It was something very generic, which is probably why I don't remember it. And I got the worst response. I was like, all right. And then that's my only memory from that night.

Maybe I approached a few others and it didn't really work out. And I was like, oh, god, this is terrible. So I said, okay, you know what, maybe I need to take this a little bit slower. Instead, I'm just gonna go out alone and go at my own pace and maybe not go to some heavy trafficked, very popular place. So then I decided to hit the streets of Hollywood at around 9 p.m. all alone. And I was out for three hours. Didn't talk to a single soul.

And I was like, oh my God. I remember this so clearly because I had a little journal where I wrote down kind of like my progress and like how I was doing. So it was like night one, three hours, nothing, nothing. Probably 15 times you want to do approach and something probably stopped you. Oh, at least that. Right. At least that. And what stopped me was, you know, everything, the fear and fear of rejection and, and also having, I didn't have a game plan. I

didn't know what I was doing. I just was putting myself out there. So then, I think it was maybe the next week or a couple days later, I went out again. And it was for like another three hours. But finally, at the end of the third hour, I said hi to one girl. It was literally like she walked by me and I was like, hi. And then I kept walking. And I had this moment. I was like, this is just so bad. This is going terribly. I was like, what am I going to do here? I mean, I was like, this is just not for me, I guess.

Like this is just not meant to be for me. I don't know. It's not going anywhere. And I thought, well, I could give up. And then what happens if I give up? All the thoughts just racing through my head. Okay, if I give up, I'll end up in the same place. So nothing's going to happen. But if I keep going, at least there's still some hope somewhere maybe. So logically, I was like, I guess I'll just keep going.

I don't have anything to lose at this point and so that motivated me a little bit and then i went out the next night and i said hi again to a girl but a little bit faster this time it didn't take me three hours because i did it the night before right and so now i'm like all right and then i went out uh then i think it was like a couple hours later i said hi to another girl. Maybe talk for two seconds. I was like, you know what? Okay.

I did better than yesterday. Progress. It's nothing crazy. But yeah, it was progress. Forward motion. Forward motion. I said, all right. This is something.

It was just this small little baby fire that was just starting to get going. I was like, all right, let's keep going. Over the course of the next three to four months, every time I went out, I did a little bit more, a little bit more until I got to the point where I was having full conversations with women. Then until the point where I was starting to then feel more comfortable having conversations with women that I could focus a little bit more on flirting with them. And then I could focus a little bit more on maybe talking to groups of people.

There's multiple women and there's guys involved and all that and then grabbing the attention of the group. So it's this slow process. But it only took maybe about three to four months until I started getting a lot better at it, but only because I was putting so much effort into it. I wasn't going out once a week for three to four months. I was going out sometimes up to seven days a week. I was going out every single night. I was going out just to practice talking to women and sometimes on the Saturdays and Sundays during the day. So I really, really pushed it.

And that's how I got through my initial approach anxiety and talking to women and learning how to do it. If you can think back to that next that three to four month period after you said, OK, I'm going to keep doing this, what aha moment did you have or interaction that all of a sudden you took things to the next level? Do you remember any breakthrough moments during those three or four months? Yeah, totally. There was one moment where it was this bar that was in the valley and And the people were there that were a little bit older. So it wasn't like a super young crowd, even though at that point I was young. I was 23, 24 years old. And I was a little bit older, but also very attractive people.

And I remember also, do you remember who Tom Green is? Oh, yeah. He used to be Drew Barrymore's husband, talk show host. Yes. Yeah. Silly guy. So Oh, yeah. He used to be Drew Barrymore's husband, talk show host. Yes. Yeah. Silly guy. So anyways, funny. He was there that night. And I was trying to, well, I didn't know it was his girl, but I was like hitting on his girl. And he like comes over and gives me a dirty look. And he like pulls his girl away. And I'll never forget that. If you were around during this time going out, you would know who Tom Green is. and you would think that's a big deal.

But anyways, now he's not really very relevant. Later that night, I went up and I approached a group of people, a large group, like six people, men and women. Again, it's a little fuzzy. This is over 15 years ago or however much. I don't remember exactly what I said. But I know I went in and I said something. And I just went in with a lot of fun energy and just super positive. And they responded really well to me. And that was really nice to have because that showed me off the bat, oh, you know what, maybe this whole group interaction thing isn't so bad.

And it got to the point where I was talking to the guys, making friends with them, flirting with the girls, ended up getting a number from one of the girls. And it just blew my mind. And I look back, I go, I couldn't even say hello to a girl walking down the street. And now I got a number off of a girl who was in a group of guys and girls, all because I was just having a good time. And that was my mindset too. I wasn't really going in there to say like, oh, that girl's cute, I'm gonna get her number.

I was just like, it was one of those nights and many of those nights were like this where I was just like, I'm just gonna go and have a good time. Socialize, have fun, outcome independent, and just enjoy this process as much as I can. And lo and behold, what happens when you do that? Well, at least for me that night, I was able to get some numbers and just have an enjoyable experience socializing and meeting people. And I'll just never forget that night because that night really taught me, I guess to kind of sum it up, it taught me this is so much less of a big deal

than I've been putting, than I've been making it out to be. You know what I mean by that? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, that first night when I was in the bathroom dry heaving, not realizing it was a panic attack. Yeah. Talk about making it a big deal. I was making it, it was all about my value and worth was on the line. And if a guy goes out to quote, approach women and create attraction and puts his focus on outcome, to your point, if he's dependent on that outcome and tells himself a story that I need women to make me feel attractive and worthwhile as a man, you're raising the stakes to such a place where it's going to be hard to relax and just enjoy it and be authentic and then have fun do you agree yeah 100 100 and that's what the girl

that's who she's attracted to she's attracted to the guy who's just enjoying himself and having a good time and that and that energy is just really, really attractive. Now listen, it might be really hard for a beginner to access that energy when they start to go out because it's not a fun time. I mean, I did not have a fun time. It took me weeks until I was having a fun time. It was just work at that point and a process that I had to get through until I started to become a little less nervous. And then it started to become more fun. Now, that doesn't mean that that can't be for other people. Maybe for other people, they do start right away and it is fun.

Just for me, I had so much anxiety around it yeah similar to you connell that it just took a while for me to enter fun mode right totally uh okay here's my time machine question i was going to ask you this anyway but this is the perfect way to ask it if you could go back in time and get in your delorean your DeLorean, and go back to that first night, that three hour night, when you couldn't talk to anybody, if you could talk to younger trip, and give him one word of advice or encouragement, what would you tell your younger self? I mean, I would probably tell well, first, I'd like to be like, dude, I know this is gonna sound crazy. But one day you're going to be teaching this stuff.

But I know that's not what you're asking. So, okay. But what I would say to that guy, I would say to him, well, I mean, it's kind of in that moment, I didn't really know if I was right or going about it the right way. So it's almost like a reassurance that I would tell him, hey, you know, what you're doing in the process that you're about to begin here by taking it step by step. Yeah, you're right. You're on to something here. And this is correct. And just understand that. And I probably tell him the Tony Robbins quote, which I might butcher, but I think it's people overestimate what they can do in a month and underestimate... Or no, people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in 10 years.

Right. Okay. So that means that a lot of people kind of want a lot of fast results and they want a lot. They think like, okay, I need to get all this and achieve all this in the next year or the next whatever, the next week, the next month. But then they don't think about the longer term and realize that the consistency, you can achieve a whole lot.

In this case, it'd be nice to hear from my future self that the process that I'm about to go through, it's going to take a little bit of time. But if you just keep going with it, you're going to achieve results. Right. If I went back and talked to my younger self, my younger self would look at me and go, oh, my God, you're so fucking old. Whoa. And I would say, drink less whiskey. The other thing I would say to my younger self would be if I could talk to that guy who is hyperventilating in the bathroom, I would say, bro, women like you. It's okay.

There's nothing at stake here. It's okay to have butterflies, but don't think that any approach or any night out meeting women is going to be some verdict on your worth. You're enough. You have so much to offer. So have some fun tonight. And hey, that's what I wish I would have known.

That's good. I like that. Yeah, it's a shame we don't have our future selves to come back. But I think maybe it's about putting a little bit of, I don't really love the word here, but hope, I guess, into the future. But hope meaning, you know, field of dreams. If you book it, they will come, right? So if you put the right steps into place and you stay consistent with it, you will get there. I know that much. I mean, the guys that I work with and who we coach over here at TripAdvice, I mean,

even sometimes I think like, huh, this is a real hard case. I'm curious to see what happens. And as long as they do the homework and they stay consistent, it even still shocks me sometimes, even though like I'm the one who's has the program for them. Right. They do. Like I'm working with one guy right now and he is, he's got a lot of things against him in terms of what would make him attractive. He's very short. He's like five,2". He's not from America originally. That means that he has an accent. Obviously, it's going to be a little bit harder for you with an accent here in America versus if you're just from here. He's got that against him. He's over 40. He's divorced and has kids. We're starting off pretty rough here. Lo and behold, within just a few months, he was able to sleep with women he never thought he could sleep with. Then in just

a few months after that, he is close to having a girlfriend. Beautiful. Multiple dates, all that stuff. A lot of guys really put so much emphasis on their looks and I'm introverted or I'm this, I don't have money, I'm this and that, whatever it may be. But you would be shocked what can happen if you literally just put yourself out there. This is maybe another thing I'll say to your audience too and maybe what I would have said to myself, my past self, is if you just never listen to a podcast again, I say this a lot. If you decide to never listen to a podcast ever again, you never get a drop of dating advice on the internet or from a friend.

And you could just do one thing that would actually get you a lot of results. Meaning you don't have to read a book, read a tweet, watch a video. Let's imagine you do nothing of the sort, but you just dedicated three nights or days a week and just said, I'm going to go talk to people, I guarantee you, in three months, you'll have gotten plenty of numbers, at least slept with a few girls, you might even get a girlfriend. I think most guys just don't put themselves out there and they don't allow themselves to get enough volume. They stick within their shell because they're nervous, of course, I understand that. Maybe they just stick to their social circle where there's not a lot of volume there. And so sometimes it's just a numbers game.

Now, of course, I wouldn't actually tell any guy to do that. They should listen to podcasts like this. They should get advice. They should do that because that's going to make the process go faster and get better results. But if you couldn't and you just talked to enough people, a lot of very interesting things would happen. Yeah, well, it comes down to this. Information, no matter how good it is, I think information is overrated and execution is underrated.

In other words, taking action to your point. In fact, it's so funny that you brought this up because I wanted to quote something you said on a recent episode of your podcast, How to Talk to Girls. Because you said this and they had me just nodding my head. You said in the podcast that when you first began working on your dating life, you said, and I quote, I read tons of e-books and tons of information, but the real learning came when I just said, fuck it. I just went out. I was sick of reading and sick of watching. And I finally needed to put this stuff into practice. I threw

away my ego and took action. End quote. And I just loved when you said that because basically you just said what you said a minute ago, which is, which is hey information is great but you got to go out there and dive in and start swimming to see those results yeah and and you just i'd like to say to this on my podcast before you'll you'll learn things by going out that you won't learn from anybody else yeah that that myself connell you any other you know coach in this space won't be able to teach you because there's this experience that you're having when you're interacting with women that's making all these little connections and the neurons in your brain that's helping you progress forward that's giving you the references that you need that you can't just hear or watch, but actually experience that get the learning process to

happen that much faster. Here's a great example. Let's imagine I was learning how to do a squat. If anyone's learned how to squat before, there's a lot of little things that you need to do to make that form go well. I can watch videos, I can hear about it, but I'm not going to understand it really, unless I'm getting under a barbell and doing the squat. And then I can understand more about what does it feel like? Okay, this is what it feels like when my legs are this far apart or this. This is what it feels like when my neck is up versus down. All those little things that are going to help you progress further. It can be the same thing as anything else. I can give you another example like guitar. I can watch someone play the guitar all day long, but I'm not going to really understand how it works and how to learn from it or learn from the information if I don't

understand what those strings feel like under my fingers. Totally. Yeah, there's a line in my book, a Bruce Lee quote, if you want to learn to swim, jump into the water. On dry land, no frame of mind is ever going to help you. It's not going to get you in the water, no matter how much you think about it. Yeah. And I also tell there's an anecdote in my book where I talk about I used to be I became a bit of a seminar junkie. In other words, an information junkie instead of an action junkie, which is what I should have been. But I remember but I was taking action. I was I was seeing some nice results.

And I remember I think I think it's easy for men to use all this information out there. Amazing podcasts like yours and good books like both of ours. And hey, i'm pro positive information don't get me wrong but it can turn into a form of creative avoidance for doing uncomfortable action at least uncomfortable at first and i was at these seminars there's this guy named jerry gerald at all these seminars and he had tons and tons of notebooks stacked really high listen writing all these pick up, approaching, dating, flirting secrets and tips.

And I broke the ice. I finally talked to him one day. I said, hey, Jerry, how's it going? How's your journey going? Assuming he was gonna tell me about dates or approaches, at the very least. And he said, oh, I haven't talked to any women yet. I'm still learning the theory.

And I realized, oh no. I've heard that so many times. Yeah times yeah it's like don't be a seminar junkie don't be an information junkie throw away your ego and say all right let's go take some action and then you're going to learn so much more from taking action then it's going to be uncomfortable but it's going to be so much more valuable i mean i i said that too by the way i don't know if you ever said that. I said that too. I was like, oh, I'm just learning. I'm just, I need to learn the theory first.

I absolutely was saying that. And in fact, so, I mean, I cringe when I say it, but I have to so everyone can learn and maybe laugh. Like I was studying this stuff. I mean, I downloaded eBooks on eBooks. I had little note cards, flash cards. If anyone even remembers what flash cards were, you did that with math. You'd have a note card be like five plus five and then you look at it and try to know what the sum was and

then you turn it around to have the answer. I had that for meeting women, different lines, different things to say. And I went through it. And by the way, none of it really helped me. It didn't do anything. And I was just trying to memorize all this stuff before I went out there. But finally, I was like, this is stupid. I literally threw away all the flashcards, I threw away the books that I printed out.

And that's when I decided to just go out. I was like, I just got to go out. I got to just see what happens was like i just gotta go out i gotta i gotta just see what happens because this is not getting me anywhere and i can't memorize all this shit it was too hard yeah rejection ghosting loneliness lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful

women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook.

Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Back to your coaching, or I should say when you got into coaching do you have a favorite client success story or maybe just a guy you helped back in the day maybe even before you became a professional dating coach and expert is there like what was there a success story that just lit you up so much you said oh my god i got to do this all the time This feels great to help men. Yeah. So I'll tell you that. Okay. So it was 2011. I first started TripAdvice. I had no idea how to market a business. So all I knew at that point was podcasting because I had a podcast, not the one I have now. It was another podcast that gave dating advice. And so I was utilizing that to try and get clients. But I didn't really know for sure if I could do this yet. So before I even advertised

on the podcast that I was offering coaching, I had to test it out. So I wrote an ad on Craigslist and I said, free coaching, something along the lines of I'm a dating coach for men. I'm offering this for free. The first person who responds, I will take you out and I'll help you approach women. Funny enough, I only got one response. Okay. And that's fine. I got one response. Okay. This guy, he was tall. He was handsome. He was actually somewhat charismatic. And he was like a popular DJ in the underground scene. So he wasn't like super popular.

The average person wouldn't know him. But apparently he had a pretty decent following from what I remember. And I was like, wow, this is so funny because here I am about to coach my first client. And who do you expect to see? A nerd, a short dude, a guy who's an engineer, but no, I got this DJ. And so who's like a decent looking guy? I'm like, listen, man, I got to ask you, you need help? You know, and I was, I think that was not really super cool of me to kind of state it

like that, or even be kind of ignorant to the fact that maybe other people needed help. And it's not just like the cliche person who you would think would need help. But I didn't know. And I was like, he's like, yeah, man, I'm super shy around women. He goes, when I DJ, I got all these cute girls around me and they're all loving what I'm doing, but I am freaked out. I can't talk to any of them. I said, wow, okay.

So that was my first lesson to know that it doesn't matter what your status is, what you look like, how much money you have or any of that. You could still be a super shy guy. So I said, okay, let's do this. I'm going to take you out. So I took him out to a bar in LA, and I helped him approach women. And I did it in the way that I thought, okay, this is probably the way I would want it to be done. Just starting off kind of slow. Like, okay, go over to those two girls. Say this line. You know, something really like easy.

And then over the course of the night, it went from him sweating bullets to go over to these women. To at the end of the night, he was socializing with everyone and having a great time. Yeah. Now, it wasn't a crazy story. Like, I can say like, and he got laid. Or he got a girlfriend. Or he got a, you know, that stuff didn't happen but he stole tom green's girlfriend he's exactly he's the one who's tom tom green's girlfriend um what ended up happening though was at the end of the night he was so thankful he's

like this was one of the best nights of my life this This is amazing. Thank you so much. This was great. I cannot thank you enough. I feel so much different than I did before. And I was like, wow, that's great. So that was enough to give me the fire to be like, that's it. I'm doing this. One and done. I don't need to coach anyone else for free. I can do this. So that was my very first client, so to speak, that really showed me that I can help guys. It's addictive. It's nothing feels better to me when I get that text message or see a guy have a breakthrough. It's just because I remember how that felt i was so introverted so shy so in my head about being this nerdy ginger who wouldn't women wouldn't like the authentic me and then

once i flipped that with my coaches help it just was like life-changing in ways way beyond dating yeah which is actually what i wanted to ask you next is i found a quote of yours i forget if this is from your book or maybe it's something you wrote, but I saw this online attributed to you. The quote is, getting good with women is a gateway drug to success. Could you elaborate on that idea inside of dating or outside of dating? Yeah, I think that was from my book potentially. What I found was I found a pattern that happened with myself and it happened with a lot of guys that I was friends with in this

community of guys learning how to get better with women and then I found it through the guys that I started a coach. And I found this theme where all these guys would learn how to meet women. And once they got good at it, it didn't stop there. They started focusing on all the aspects of their life. A lot of these guys became, who I'm talking about, guys became entrepreneurs and started businesses and guys who went on to do better at their work or guys who started to get really into, hey, I can do that. Let's lose weight. Let's get jacked.

Let's work on my health and got really into all these aspects of personal development. That happened to me. That happened to a lot of people I know. And so that kind of explains the quote is like, you get better at this and it's so hard for a guy that once you accomplish that, you almost say to yourself like, what else can I do? I did this thing that was so hard, What else can I do? And years later,

I realized too, a couple of things. First of all, the reason why this happens, at least my theory on this is because they've built their self-esteem, right? So someone who has low self-esteem, they're not going to really try to do hard things. They're not going to really push themselves because they already think that they suck. So nothing's going to really happen. do hard things. They're not going to really push themselves because they already think that they suck. So nothing's going to really happen. It's going to be really tough to get out of that hole. So self-esteem is built by keeping the promises that you make to yourself. And that can be in any form. And once you do that and you results, and you say, wow, I'm awesome, I just did something, that self-esteem pushes you to be able to do other things. So that's one thing.

Also, when it comes to men, one of the things that I feel like a lot of men relate their worth to. This is before they maybe learn any personal development or go through any therapy or anything. A lot of guys relate their worth to how women view them. It's just part of our nature. It's like if we end up with a girl, we lose a virginity or sleep with a bunch of girls, we feel amazing. We feel attractive. If we get rejected by some girls or we have some sob stories from high school where it didn't work out or you got friend zoned, you don't feel as great. You can even...

It's funny too because I work with a lot of clients who say the same thing. Oh man, my job is great. My personal life is great. Or not personal life Bob, but job is great. My personal life is great. Or not personal life, but job is great. My workouts are great. I feel like I got it all, but I'm missing that one piece of the puzzle and it's women. And they feel very incomplete without that piece. So there's something about our relationship to being able to be successful with women that I think is one of the hardest for a man. And so when he's able

to get some results or accomplishment in that area, it just really picks him back up. Right. Well, there's various ways to feel worthy, significant as a man, right? You can climb a mountain. You can become a billionaire or a millionaire you could build an empire become uh really ripped have six-pack abs those are all valid however i would argue maybe the most powerful way or at least the most universal for the straight guy listening to this is becoming feeling your worth your, your attractiveness to women. So if a guy's life, if your whole life is in order, you got the job, you got friends, you got cool hobbies, but there's just nothing happening in the dating front, then your whole life can kind of feel out of balance. It's like the analogy I use is it's like a bicycle

tire with one broken spoke. The whole tire is out of alignment. Or a guitar with one string that's totally off. The whole strum sounds off. So if you're dating life is, if you're hurting with women and dating, it's okay to realize that and work on fixing it because you're going to elevate, it's going to lift all the boats of your life once you get this handled.

That's my view. Yeah. Yep. 100%. Okay. So your podcast is called how to talk to girls and that's probably one of the most universal problems that guys come looking for help with it's like what do you say how do you talk to women what do you text the words how to communicate it's so important so i'm going to ask you for three game-changing dating tips uh everybody does this on my podcast so far uh i do this with all my guests and let's start with how to talk to girls i mean this is your area what would you say is the first game-changing tip a piece of practical advice you would like a guy to know to help him learn how to talk to girls okay one of my favorite ones, I do talk about

this quite a bit, especially my YouTube channel, but it's really important to help get out of that nice guy frame. It's going to take a while to practice this one because it's so part of who you are that it's going to be hard to get out of this, but it takes practice, which is try your best when you're talking to a girl, when she's talking about herself, whether you're approaching her on a date or wherever, not to agree and nod your head yes and verbally agree with her on everything she says. Because reality is that I mean let me shake my head and disagree hmm okay there you go you're fast learner practice it yes the reason why is because women don't like men who are

to agree I don't think anybody actually likes anyone who's too agreeable because it's fake. And it's not real. And it looks weak. And women are not attracted to emotionally weak men. So be careful to not sit down. I'm not even saying to fake disagree with her. But look for those moments in the conversation. You know, if she's like, you know, I really like country music or something.

And you don't, let her know. You like country music? Oh, that stuff's the worst. Yeah. Okay. A real great tip within that tip is if you're disagreeing or you're being playful or teasing, smile because smiling just allows you to get away with more and it's not going to come off so harsh

so don't be scared of that okay right exactly oh you like country music really really when did you break up with your cousin who's your last boyfriend uh yeah you can have a lot of fun with that that's great that's hilarious so my thing is all about authenticity right be truthful be your true self and that's going to include saying things that might not agree with her but it's also good advice to your point okay cool uh what's another how to talk to girls tip what do you got okay let's go digital now okay so texting i i actually said this to a client earlier and i was like, I got to talk about this in a podcast.

I'm going to quote myself. And it is right here. My client asks me, curious if you think there's anything clever, flirtatious I can or should say as a follow up to a call? Sorry, out of context, it was a girl that he's not going to meet up for a while. So he's asking, what can I text that's flirty and clever and stuff? And I said, the best flirting over text is no texting.

So, and then I said, makes her think about you more and that drives her wild. So guys, when it comes to texting, and I'm really trying not to sound like old man trip over here. Trust me, I understand that texting is so prevalent. I'm texting all the time as well. But I'm not talking about trying to be old school and not text. What I'm saying is there's so much more room for error. If you're texting all the time and you're trying to be flirtatious over text, there's more downside than upside to that.

Even if it hits and you say something flirty or funny, it's not really going to make that much big of a difference where she's going to go, oh, now I like this guy because she already likes you or she doesn't. But if you say something wrong, then you have a lot of downside because she's not going to like that text, whatever it may be. So stop trying to be flirty over text. Try to use texting more to meet up and less for trying to build attraction. Yeah, you're always using you, as I understand it, like to use texting primarily for, hey, let's move this towards meeting up because that's when we can make something good happen. Yeah. Is that right?

Yeah, exactly. And some guys go, well, what if I'm not seeing her for two weeks? Well, if you're not seeing her for two weeks, you should be dating other women on top of this that you hopefully are seeing a lot sooner and not just waiting around for her. And at the very worst, I know this is going to sound contradictory to my advice, but I do believe yes, if you have a date that's set up like 10 to 14 days out, that attraction can die because she's kind of forgetting about you. It's been a long time. If you have to do some sort of like ping, you can text her a picture of something that like you're doing that's interesting or somewhere interesting that you are and just send the picture and that's it.

And don't get into a long conversation after that. Just send her a picture of it and then move on. Right. Insert dirty joke here, but I think you guys know what to do with that picture. Okay. Awesome. We have time for one do with that picture. Okay. Awesome. We have time for one more game changing tip. Okay.

About how to talk to girls. It can be something completely off that topic, whatever you got, whatever you want to throw at us. Okay. Let me see if I can go a little bit more, a little wider with this tip, a little bit more macro. Okay. So I want to connect to what I said earlier about volume. or macro. I want to connect to what I said earlier about volume.

Remember earlier I said, you got to do a lot of volume and if it was just a numbers game and you learn nothing that you end up getting some results. Based on that concept, what I like to teach and what I found works really well, especially in 2022, and I can't imagine this changing in the next 20, 30 years, is you really do need to put in the volume. You need to be swiping on your dating app up to an hour a day. You need to be going out and talking to at least 15 women per week. Okay. Now to some people that are going to say that sounds fucking crazy. That sounds like a lot. And here's the thing. If you're not doing that and you're getting the results you want, that's great. You don't have to do that. Right. But if you're sitting here and you're going, Oh, I'm not doing that much, but I'm not getting the results I want. Well, then you

should be taking that advice. Yeah. And then if you end up taking that advice and it starts to work, you don't have to keep up with that. If you're like, oh, I'm slammed. I got a bunch of dates set up. Great. Then you can pull back. You know, but you have to put a lot of, even if you're super good looking dude, even if

you're super charismatic and you learned all this stuff, every guy... there's no exception here. Every guy needs to put in a lot of volume. Because there's so many women now... I can go on a whole rant. But there's the women now, they are becoming more entitled because they have so many options. I actually don't even blame them. Imagine a guy, imagine you as a guy, hypothetically, you had women clawing at you, trying to get your number, swiping on your left or right, you had all these options. What's going to happen? You're going to become a little entitled.

You're going to think that you deserve the best. And you're going to be more picky. Now that technology has gotten to the point where it's shown even an average woman that she has so many options, most women now are being choosier than they ever have been. What does that mean for you? That means for the average guy, he needs to put in a lot of volume to get results. So I don't want you to put some new photos up on an app, swipe for a couple minutes a day,

approach a couple women a week and not get results and go, well, I did it. I tried. Nothing happened. Nothing happened because you need to put more effort in. And that's just the name of the game. Yeah, that's like going to the gym. You do two crunches and then you have a smoothie.

And then you go home saying, well, at least I went to the gym today. It's like, no, you got to put in the action to get the results. Yeah. By the way, I'm really intrigued by this idea of old man trip. Like I envision like a 97-year-old old man dating coach who's like, oh, back in my day, we sent dick pics using the telegraph. There's a sketch character in here.

I want to write this sketch character so bad. We have just a minute or two left here. Two final things. Any parting shots? Is there anything I didn't ask you and you want to talk to that shy possibly dateless guy out there who's listening to this parting words of wisdom what do you got yeah man i mean just know that shyness is not it's not um permanent you know like don't look at shyness or in or like introversion extroversion all that stuff It's not permanent.

Don't look at shyness or introversion, extroversion, all that stuff. Don't look at that like that's who I am. We look in the mirror and we go, that's who I am. You see the person. Okay, my nose looks like that. This is the way my hair grows. I'm this tall. Yeah, okay, that is you.

But the shyness, that's not you. That is temporary. And I don't think I knew that when I was learning all this stuff. So even if it doesn't seem possible, try to trust at least what I'm saying here, because I promise you I've been there. And I've taken many people out of that. And so it's just a temporary thing. So instead of saying I am shy, you might want to say I feel shy. Nice. Yeah. Feel isn't real.

Feel is just how you feel in that moment. And I was paralyzingly shy and introverted back in the day. And it sounds like you were too in your own way. So that's a great one to end on. Trip, before we go, tell us a little bit about the TripAdvice Accelerator coaching. And also tell us how we can contact you if somebody's interested in working with you. Cool. Well, the way to contact is going to coachedbytrip.com. Again, that's coachedbytrip.com.

And if you want to get coaching, we have a team of coaches because obviously I can't do it all myself. We have a lot of people who want help. We have a team of coaches ready to help you in a one on one program so you get lots of attention. We help you with everything from completely redoing your online dating profile that's going to get you more matches. I know we didn't want to talk much about that today, but we do have a system that I learned

over time once online dating did get more popular and tested things out for many years to see what works and what doesn't. We have that down to a science. We help guys and there's no guy we've not been able to get tons of matches and tons of dates. That's for online dating. We also help you, of course, with going out and meeting women in person. We have strategies and formulas to help you get over approach anxiety, different scripts to use that are not cheesy or weird or pick up to help you meet any woman anywhere, anytime. And we've gotten guys to the point where they've... anywhere from guys who have lost their virginity while working with us to guys who are 55 years old and divorced. And we've gotten them

back in the scene and getting girlfriends, multiple girlfriends. So there's no one we can't help. Go to coachedbytrip.com and we can assess the situation and see if you're a good fit for the program and go from there. But can you help me get Tom Green's ex-wife, Drew Barrymore? Okay. There's one thing in this world I can't do. And that's the one. Drew, it's not going to happen. All right, my quest continues. Tripp Kramer, thank you so much for being here.

Check out Tripp's podcast, How to Talk to Girls. It's really good. Tons of great practical advice. And trippadvice.com. He's basically everywhere. Tripp, thank you so much for being here. Amazing stuff. Thanks, Connell. Thanks for having me. Your podcast is awesome., thank you so much for being here. Amazing stuff. Thanks, Connell. Thanks for having me.

Your podcast is awesome. I wish you so much success. And yeah, man, I appreciate it. It was today because of you. Thank you. All right. Until the next time, I'll see you guys. Be authentic.

Later. Thank you for listening to the Dating Transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.