How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - “I Approached a Woman and 2 Strangers Literally Applauded Me” (Live Coaching with Andrew)

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

Andrew was the dateless, anxious guy who never approached women. Now, he gets numbers and dates—and after one especially bold effort, two strangers literally applauded him. In this live coaching session with dating coach Connell Barrett, Andrew breaks down the simple, practical strategies that changed everything. Andrew isn’t a natural extrovert. He just did the work. And if he can do this, you can too.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS02:10: From Anxious to Approaching Women Anywhere35:55: The Daily Confidence Ritual that Changed Everything38:25: Exactly What Andrew Said to Her that Sparked an Instant Make-out43:47: The Exact Moment Andrew’s Fear of Approaching Vanished46:42: What to Say When A Woman You’re Dating Asks, “Are We Exclusive?”BOOK A FREE CALL WITH BESTSELLING AUTHOR CONNELL BARRETT TO LEARN IF 1-ON-1 COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU: DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL TO GET A FREE COPY OF HIS BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”: [e-mail]

people recognize me in my friend group as somebody that has the social courage to go up and talk to a group of women or, you know, a group of a girl. And I love it. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett, helping you attract some incredible women by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed. And today I have a really special guest. I have a former client slash returning client who's coming to talk about some advanced dating questions. His name is Andrew. He's taken so much amazing action. He's approached lots

of women, gotten lots of dates, and had some pretty big breakthroughs. And now he has some questions and still has some advanced problems that he wants to talk about. Because once you have this goal of getting a great girlfriend, the art of getting her, it's about a series of fixing increasingly higher quality problems, which is what Andrew and I are going to talk about. So let's get right to it. I'm going to let you listen in on this coaching call. Welcome back to the podcast. Andrew. Thank you. I'm very excited to dig in with you, Connell. super stoked yeah and yeah you still got things you want to achieve and i think they're higher quality issues than when you and i first spoke but there's still problems right until you get that girl the

woman in your life that you want on on your circumstances and hers in a win-win way it's about solving increasingly higher quality problems um maybe start by just sharing a little bit about just for the the guy who's listening to this just sort of where you were when we first spoke some breakthroughs you have had, and then we'll talk about where you want to go from here. Cool. Yeah. When we first started on coaching, my dating life was basically non-existent. I mean, I had been sexless for a couple of years and hadn't really dated. I was going on dates exclusively through online dating and failing. And I had, you know, break. races. It was not the best looking, you know, most confident person in my life. And through coaching and the work that we did together, I started building a lot more confidence. I started doing things I had never done before around approaching and meeting women around where I live at events on the streets and parks in the mall. And that's for.

really transformed my dating life in a way where I've been able to date a lot over the past year and a half. Awesome. And Andrew later on, he's going to share some tips on or just maybe some stories about approaching that might help you because a lot of guys listening to this are like, oh, I want to get off the apps. I want to meet women in real life. And you've certainly done that. So stick around for some. I'm going to deputize Andrew to share some dating approaching tips. But let's get to what you want to work on today. How can I stare at you, man? What's on your mind?

How can I help? Yeah, cool. So, you know, I'm in a spot where approaching and getting, like going on dates with women is going okay. Like I'm, I feel a lot more confidence in an area. I'm getting high quality women into my life. And I'm running into a problem where now, you know, I have, I want to be. be in a place where I build a relationship with somebody. And I don't, I want to do that in a way where I don't lose myself. I still feel like I have, you know, the things that I want in life,

that the freedom to be myself. But I don't mislead anyone. And I want to kind of figure out what relationship style fits me, how to communicate that while being, you know, a high value man and and making it a win-win situation. So that's what I'm, that's what I'm working on and where I've, I feel like I've lost in my dating life recently. Keep talking. What do you want? What's your ideal outcome? Yeah, my ideal outcome is to understand two things. One, like, what, like, what relationship type fits me, an open relationship or monogamous or, like, open for a period of time, and then it turns more monogamous. and also how to have a relationship conversation with somebody when a girl brings it up and be honest,

but frame it in a way that is good for me and good for the woman, particularly if I do want an open relationship, or at least not ready for exclusivity at this point. And do that in a way that feels really authentic, but ideally makes it a win-win, because I don't want to lose a girl and I really do care about a relationship and I believe I can have a deep connection

with somebody but sometimes I'm just not ready for exclusivity. I guess it starts with knowing what you want. Here's a way that might help you do that. If I handed you a magical pen and paper and said whatever you write down

on this piece of paper in your love life will transpire as long as it's real world, rewarding and amazing but real world. In other words, you can't have Gal Godot and four of her identical twins, as great as that would be. I'm projecting my own desires on you. But if I gave you this magical pen and paper, this Harry Potter pen and paper, and you could write out the romantic relationship that would fulfill you for the indefinite coming

months, what do you think you'd write down? I think I'd write down a relationship that. that grows over time or we both really know each other. We are committed to spending time together and building a path together. But that does leave some openness to casually see other people. And that probably gets less often over time. But it has kind of that element to it, that I can go out and see other people and meet other people. And honestly, what I've found is that when I've done that, for the people that really matter, it makes me care about them more.

It makes me want to commit even more. But I like having some of that freedom. So you want to be, you want to have a very special woman, but you also want to have the ability to see other women. Is that correct? Yeah. Okay. Great clarity. Sounds like you know what you want.

And there's nothing wrong with that. But my job is to tell you the truth. and say that that's not going to be a majority of women. I would imagine. I don't have any data on this, but I would imagine that it's not an insignificant number of women who feel this way. Let me take that back. It's a significant number of women want to be in a steady one-on-one monogamous relationship.

A reasonable percentage want to be or are open to an open relationship. I don't know what that number is, but I can't imagine it's sky high. It's probably low double digits. I don't know. So I'll just keep it real with you. If you want to meet this kind of woman in the real world, you're fishing in a pond where there's not a ton of fish. Even though you have changed your dating fortunes by meeting women out in the wild, have you ever thought about going on an app that like field or apps like that that speak to a more kind of sexually adventurous woman? and who might be more open to that?

Yeah, I have. I don't love online dating. I want to kind of dating to feel like it's a part of my everyday life in the way that I'm just kind of doing it naturally. And I've gotten into a decent point in that place. But that's a good point. Maybe that's the right path. There might be other paths that are outside of online dating.

I'm talking a specific app. Like, I don't know what the Polly apps are. I know Field is an app that has a lot of women and people who are open to that. So that's where my first instinct went is. Or maybe there are other places to go where all the open to Polly relationship women hang out at night. I don't know what that bar is. If you find out, if you find the Polly bars in New York City, let me know. I'd like to come check them out.

So you're asking for something pretty specific and pretty niche. It's just hard to do it out in the wild. By the way, I've never been a polydator myself, so I can't speak from my own experience. If I was single and did want what you're describing, I personally would go on an app like field. And I would essentially market to that kind of woman because then you'll have women who are like, oh, here I am. Let's do it. And then you can still approach. other women and if you're if you're in your open relationship with that woman but i think you'll

find somebody much faster on the right online platform than you would if you just went out to the wild and try to find that rare gem who is open to being open yeah makes a sense i i remember from some of the modules that you had alluded to dating multiple people at the at the same time maybe casually maybe kind of not like can you tell me more about how that's like how you set that up and like okay um and like how like that that's one of the things that i remember that i was like oh maybe this would be a good kind of conversation topic for us yeah um because um yeah i'm curious kind of how you set that up in a way that was like a win win for for you and the people that you were dating and um and with the idea of maybe emulating that for for myself if it makes sense

Well, I pretty much just, this was back when I was primarily meeting women through approaching. And you don't get me wrong. You didn't have lots of women in your life within reason as many as you have the time to go meet. It's just that I never personally went after a poly relationship. If I wanted a dating life where I was seeing two, three or four women in a given time, I just went out and I just approached a ton day and night, you know, two or three days a week, 12, 15 women a week. sometimes more and that was my journey back when I first got into this and the way I set it up was just tons of action and I would gravitate toward women who seemed open to casual dating but and then

that would go as long as it went maybe a couple months usually that would fizzle out after two or three months because if you're just looking for casual dating there's a there's a time limit on how long that's going to feel fresh to both of you, probably a two or three months time limit is my best memory and guess on that. And the other thing I did, I don't even endorse this. I'm a little bit kind of embarrassed by this, but I'll just be honest, is there were certainly some women early on who I let on. And I let her think, oh, I'm looking for a relationship. Truth is I was looking for fun. And that, I won't use her name, but I remember a woman finally said, hey, I really want to be exclusive. I want to be your girlfriend. She was so sweet about it. She almost like proposed

relationship. And that was about the three month mark. And I said, hey, that's just not how I feel. It wasn't about her at all. I'll call her Susan, not her real name, but Susan said, hey, you want to be my boyfriend? And I said, you know what? I really just don't feel like that's right for me at this time, but I'm crazy about you. I love to keep seeing you, and it was over. She wanted a boyfriend, and that wasn't me. So bottom line is I had a lot of abundance, and sometimes it was casual and fun, and it petered out after two or three or four months.

Other times it was a girl who I let on, or at least didn't tell her the whole truth. she didn't know that I was like really just going to enjoy it for as long as it lasted and that's all and and then most of the time there'd be a Susan type situation where they just said well clearly that you're not ready to have a relationship so I'm out of here so what I'm noticing now speaking out loud or thinking out loud is yeah there's roughly a three-month kind of window when you when you do find a woman in either category have you yeah I would say I'm in that exact spot like i mean i've had a great time like like i said i've had a great time getting more abundance in my dating life and um you know i'll date women some of which you know think women casually um over the

past year year and a half a couple of them have stood out and at the three or four month mark you know like that conversation comes up and then it and then it fizzles because i don't really want to commit to something um and so that's kind of where where i'm at i guess i'm curious how how you shifted from that stage, which is where I would say I'm at at this point, to knowing that, hey, you do want a long-term exclusive relationship and, like, how that went. Because honestly, I've never considered an open relationship until I got better at dating. And now I had, then I had more options. And then I was like, okay, maybe this is, you know, I'm having a lot of fun with it.

But I also really care about these women. I also really care about a special woman that I've brought into my life. And I'm not ready to give up the dating part, but I also really, you know, have finding women that I care about. So maybe that's the question. You know, I don't see, you know, if I died non-monogamous, I'd be surprised. Like that, I think that comes into my life at some point. Okay.

I just don't know exactly kind of when. And that's kind of what I'm curious about now is I've gotten kind of more options. dating. Not that you ask for what I'm about to say to you, but I want to tell you that what you're doing right now and have been doing is very healthy and normal. You just never had very many good quality dating options until you really started to work on this area with me, because I recall anyway. So Tony Robbins has a little line on this, not talking about dating, but he once said at a seminar, rejection equals, rejection leads to obsession. I'm not saying you're unhealthily obsessed.

I'm just saying you're enjoying your newfound abundance, right? You went through life kind of feeling like you didn't have any options or very many good options, and now you got them. So why wouldn't you want more? Nothing wrong with that. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you. And sometimes women put you in the friend zone.

It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be

doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. I just wanted to say that, because this is where I was at a certain point in my dating past. So, but then I got to circle back to your question from a couple of minutes ago, what changed? It changed when I met my girlfriend, changed for real when I met my girlfriend. And I just saw this neon sign flashing above her girlfriend. This is the one. Girlfriend. This is the one. And the feeling was, I don't want anybody else. Don't get me wrong. I'm a man. I mean, I might see a beautiful woman when I'm out with my clients and think, oh, wow, I wonder what she'd be like.

Ooh, something different, variety. But I can't have that anymore. And I also kind of don't want it because I sewed my oats. And maybe you just have still have some oats to sew. And then you might, I expect at some point, you'll meet your bright neon shining girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend. This is for me. and then maybe there's a certain amount of fun you still need to have or a variety you still need to have on the path of finding her. Maybe, yeah. I'm curious like how long that journey took and how you, how you do. Like what were the, maybe less than more importantly, just like what were the signs, you know, besides, I guess,

I guess you felt really, you know, very strongly about this person very from the beginning. But, you know, I, I, I remember. This is kind of out there in the lingo. And also I've seen you use this and maybe blog posts and stuff. But like, you know, right person, right time, wrong, right person, wrong time, things like that. Like, did you kind of use that type of framework consciously, unconsciously? Like, how did you kind of maybe think about that or know when it was kind of? Well, the framework came after that.

Sure, totally. Where I met Jess, it was right person, right time. I didn't say that cognitively. It was just something I felt. Actually, I did say it cognitively. My book came out. And I say that in my book before I met Jess. But it was more of a feeling that in addition to an intellectual understanding.

So right time for me meant I've had my fun. And there's a there's diminishing, for me, there's diminishing romantic returns on abundance, on let's call it variety. Sure. when let's get super potentially super psychologically deep here what was happening for me for many many years of wanting lots of options by the way i pause a couple times and had some long-term relationships here and there it's not like i was 15 years of being a manhore quite the opposite i i'm a i'm a tailor-made boyfriend but once i was single i was like i wanted variety options and so what's happening kind of maybe between the ears, there's nothing unhealthy about this, is saying, hey, I have options now. I want to enjoy, you know, there's a reason why people go to Baskin-Robbins. A lot of different flavors taste really good. And then maybe you don't want one flavor.

But after a while, I guess I realize, you know what, I really like this flavor of vanilla. She's blonde and white. And I don't need all the other flavors anymore. I found my ice cream cone for me. I'm a believer metaphor. So I think what's happening with you, what I'm hearing is, hey, you've got some newfound approaching powers, dating powers, the power of options. And nothing wrong with wanting those and enjoying those.

I think what will happen is you continue to grow and evolve, regardless of what happens with your desire for a poly relationship, is if you do find that great, if you don't find it, my best guess, knowing you. as I do, Andrew, is you'll get to a similar point where you say, you know what, I've, I've had the different kinds of women. I've tasted different flavors. But wow, I met this wonderful woman, Allison. She's sexy. She's beautiful. She's your wow girl. And you might say to yourself, and then you'll have like a real sort of a stable, in a stable, warm connection where you just see yourself with her. And that doesn't mean you won't have any sexual desire for other women,

but you'll be getting your emotional and psychological needs met with her. And she'll also be your best friend. And she'll also be your fuck buddy. And she'll also be a sounding board. And she'll, check so many boxes for you that you'll probably get to the point where you say, you know what, I think, I think this is the one. I don't think I need other girls. That I might be projecting onto you. And if I'm wrong, that's totally cool. I just, I want that. You know, it's just like, I've never been in a situation where I've been with somebody and not just kind of wondered what else was out there.

And maybe that fades. Maybe that fades over time. Okay. I'm curious your opinion on that. It's only been about a year of you kind of. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's been a year, year and about a, yeah, a little over here.

But, but yeah, that's, you know, that's kind of what. i'm dealing with is like i i still kind of wonder i meet wonderful you know i've met a couple wonderful women that i've felt strongly for but have not been able to commit to um you know as an elusive relationship and i just kind of have dealt with this thought of like you know i'm just curious about other people um and maybe you're right maybe that fades honestly i want it to fade it just it just hasn't yet and like um if i could wave wave a magic wand and make it fade i feel like i would but i I also am like acknowledging that it's authentically it hasn't faded. Like I still have a desire to kind of understand or like go pursue women.

And this is why I was saying, you know, I kind of have this crazy, like the crazy side of it feels like maybe I'm addicted to what you. I'm addicted now to to, you know, go finding attractive women because I have a new found ability to have that have that abundance. And so that's kind of what I'm, that's part of what I'm struggling with. You're not, you're not addicted per se. Well, you're not addicted in the pejorative sense of that term. You might be addicted to the buzz, the fun, the variety, the first kiss, the first sex.

I got lowercase addicted to that as well. So I'm not judging it at all. You're talking to a dating coach. And so, but something I learned through other teachers in the self-help world of self-development world is this idea. And I do mention this in my book, too. chapter nobody reads about mindset and how our psychology works this idea that so there's these different there's these different emotional and psychological needs we all have and there are um there are some that are lower i don't mean they're bad i just mean they're a little bit lower

frequency variety the spice of life nothing wrong with variety three girl three different girls three different first dates three nights in a row that's going to be addictive There's a sense of significance, the first, when a woman looks at you and gives you those eyes and you kiss for the first time or she calls you sexy, whatever it is, makes you feel significant as a man. That's addictive. Let's call that a lower need being met or at least not the highest need. And low levels of connection. That's a lower need. And the certainty that you are worth something, that's a good. That's a powerful need to feel. When things shifted for me was when I looked at my life and realized there are two higher needs that abundance of women can't fulfill, I don't think. The two higher needs are contribution, giving, giving of yourself to a woman, and also growing with her as a couple.

Now, you're still growing as a single man, perhaps, as a masculine man, as an authentic man. So you're having these needs that are being met with multiple options. However, I think there's a ceiling on dating lots of multiple women that we hit because if you're, if you are, if you're only two or three or four months and then either she's out or you're out, then it's hard to contribute to a one. woman in a real deep, powerful way. And it's hard to be growing with her. And it's hard to be growing in the evolution, the growth that happens when you're growing as Andrew the boyfriend, Andrew the fiancé, maybe one day, the husband. So I'm not saying don't keep doing what you're doing. I'm just saying usually there's a ceiling on the kinds of needs we're meeting that can't be met from dating lots of girls and that once you find that incredible woman who maybe you

just haven't met her yet and and it took me a long i didn't meet a lot of girlfriend neon sign flashing over the years and i'm i have pretty high standards and so um once it was right girl and right time that's when it was oh yeah this is me and jess i feel like for you it's not right time and maybe you haven't met right girl yet i don't know but it might not be just right time just because you still have some part in the cliche, some oats to sow. But it's really about different needs being met. And I think higher level needs will present themselves at some point. And you'll realize, oh, the only way I can meet those needs is I want that one incredible woman.

And that's when you'll be ready to settle down, quote unquote. Makes sense. And I don't know why this pops in my head, but as you were going on your, your dating journey you alluded to you know dating around maybe then being more committed for a while and like one of the other kind of silly things i have is like okay if like i need to keep up my dating skills and you know so like i'm like i feel like i'll lose momentum now or lose um you know the ability to be masculine and express my man being a man of value if i stop approaching or if i commit to somebody and maybe that's for a short time or long time or you know but it sounds it sounds like you had

some periods of that where maybe you you pause you know dating casually to to be with somebody which yeah I'm curious kind of what you think about what you think about that because one of the fears I now have is like losing this new power that I that I've got by not practicing it well just because you're not practicing it doesn't mean you have you lack the power. Remember, these women who you have connected with and succeeded with and the actions that spurred you to them, it doesn't come from them. It comes from inside of you, young Skywalker. The force, the worth comes from, the value you bring to women is why they're into you, not the skills that you're applying and the man to woman and whatever the approaching moves

that you might be engaged in. It's coming from you. The force is strong in you, Paduan. And so even if you're not using that force in dating and approaching, if you were to take a little time off and just see where it goes with one incredible woman, then there are other ways for you to be in touch with that worth and power. And I was just actually working out, or I was working out today with my trainer, Zach. And Zach just had his first, first date in years because he's a single down. recently got out of his relationship with his son's mom. And he was like, I don't know, 10 or 12 years since his first date.

And I said, how to go? And I was half expecting him to say, oh, man, I'm so rusty. It went terrible, you know, I was nervous and in my head. He crushed it. He crushed it. Had a great date. Everything went amazing. It sounds like they're going to see each other again.

And I said, well, well, tell me more. He said, you know what? I was just being myself, I was just interacting, showing up, having fun. Basically, what I do with my clients. He's talking about how he interacts with his training, personal training clients. And so he's actually been using that power. He's just been using it in different ways until this first date. So I think there's maybe a bit of a limiting belief that says, oh, if I settle down with one

woman, I'm going to lose my powers. Not only won't you lose them, you can just find different ways to use them. you're just rechanneling them in different ways cool so if i was in your shoes if i was going to go do some things that you want to do if i was a single man i actually before i give you that thought i'll come back to that let me ask you this um what is it you do or don't like about online dating um i i don't like that It feels like there's my life and then I take a pause out of my life and do online dating. And it feels like I go about my day and then I need to like get on the apps.

What I like about approaching is I can just go about my day. I can be hang out with friends and then also approach and meet women. It just feels like a more natural part of life. More like integrated. Okay. Yeah. And I will say that's that's true and not true because sometimes it will go out just to approach. Sure.

But that's what I don't like about it. It also, I just also get, you know, the apps are very consuming of my attention. And I would really like to be more intentional while spending it elsewhere. So I don't like how the apps kind of interrupt my, interrupt my day. I will say I've gotten back on the apps recently after more or less a two-year hiatus just because it's winter in New York and that's a new way to meet people when there's not as many kind of outside approaching options. And I'm filtering for more open relationships, at least at this point.

Okay. But yeah, I've recently got back on it for its worth. Okay. Got it. Sounds like you don't have a huge stumbling block there. It's just a bit of a mindset issue about how the story you tell yourself around dating apps, that it's an interruption. Yeah, I mean, I don't have results issues there.

It's more that I don't like how it affects my life. Okay, and what is the biggest negative effect? I get like my time and attention gets sucked into dating apps. How much time and attention when it gets really sucked in? I'd say like an hour to two hours a day. Okay. What if you did 15 minutes in the morning, 15 minutes at night? Yeah, that's probably the right way to do it.

It's just harder. They're harder for me to have that discipline around the dating apps. Because you are enjoying it or just because it sucks you in? Yeah, it sucks me in. I mean, I'm enjoying it. Okay. All right. Well, then you can just establish some kind of ground rules for yourself to minimize the pain

and maximize the results that you want. Because I'm just thinking, I just, you know, you mean, I like to deal in outcomes. Like, what's the ideal outcome for Andrew? Right now, as you stated earlier, it's, oh, I'd love to be in an open relationship with my one steady girl. We're both okay with the whole open thing and then keep having some fun on the side, or not side, but in a transparent, honest, truthful way of integrity. And so to get you there, it might be in your interest to go back on the apps,

create some ground rules to not feel like it's sucking your life out of you. I did an episode recently where I said, hey, you know, it's so easy to get fatigued, burnt out, dating apps can be a time suck. So there are certain rules you can put in place, just like we do with fitness, just like you do with fitness, I'm sure, right? Certain rules you follow or it's like a certain amount of time a day or certain days of the week where you're not going to be on the apps at all, but that it can still move you toward the outcome that you want. just because I would think that the fastest way for you to find the open relationship girlfriend would be online. Okay. Yeah, very interesting.

Then again, that's theoretical because I just, I typically don't coach guys in poly's open relationships. I'm not against it. I just just rarely, it's my, my ideal guy. And I personally never as much as I love, and I loved abundance with a capital L. but I never for a moment ever wanted to be in an open relationship okay that's just me just a total subjective thing before I forget let's circle back to approaching girls because I think that now more than ever as we move into 2026 so many guys were burnt out on the apps either because it's a time suck or they don't get results or both, which is the worst of both worlds.

It's like, oh, I put so much time and effort to it and getting nothing from it. And a lot of men just want to meet women out in the real world. In terms of the approaches that you did or have done in our time together, what are some of the biggest lessons you've learned or any fun stories from approaching that you want to share, whether it's entertaining or insight? Guys want to hear from somebody like you who are like so many guys listening to this think, oh, no, I can't approach a woman. I'll get banned from society.

What would you like to say to that guy? Yeah. Well, I guess first of all, I will recommend your coach, you know, your coaching a thousand percent, really changed my life. Ike was one of those guys who had, you know, unless, you know, it was a very rare occasion, racially never walked up to a woman and talked to her. we built a really, a really good foundation.

And I would say one of the things that made me get to a point of where I felt success and abundance here is, you know, we built out a code of conduct, which was, you know, how I was going to conduct myself after our coaching. And I really took that to heart. And, you know, it was something like a number, you know, eight or ten approaches a week or something like that, reflecting on those and things like that. And that being as consistent as I could about that was where I've really found the results. And I really, some weeks were painful.

You know, I didn't get good results. And I remember us sometimes being in contact about that. Some months were painful where I wasn't getting good results. But eventually the macro momentum of doing being in action over time and keeping to that code of conduct, I think is really what cemented it. for me. So I will say that's being consistent. Yeah, exactly. Just being consistent about taking some action, even if you don't really feel like it or feel like great, you know, looking back on the kind of mindset stuff, which I really also took a lot of lessons from around, I forget,

you know, I forget what we call it. Like the hour of power or something, which is really for me, like five minutes in the morning, just kind of like for me, I just started journaling about why I was a high-value guy and reminding myself about that every morning. And that really, and that really helped as well because I would start off the day with that type of, with that type of mindset. What are some of the things you came up with for your, I'm a high value guy because X, Y, and Z. What were some of the things? Or are some of the things? Sometimes they'd be really simple, like, because I talked to this girl yesterday. I was scared I talked to this girl yesterday. Or sometimes it would be like, you know, because I'm, I cooked myself dinner. Like, I'm a good cook. I cook myself dinner. You know,

Like, or it's like, you know, I hung out with my friends and we went to a concert. And like, that's something that I could bring up, bring a girl to in the future. Just like things like that that I wanted to acknowledge about my life that I could bring a girl into. And, you know, you had you taught me this line that, you know, something around, you know, I still have more to give to women or I still have more to, I still have more to contribute. And that would, and I would also like write that down. maybe not every day but like often when I needed to like coach myself in that I would write down that line so that few minutes every morning also really helped I think the line was something like you know a woman you're into goes quiet or says it's not happening or whatever and I think the line was

there's a thousand more girls and I have a lot more to give yes that one that reminds our brains hey I have an abundance of options and I have an abundance to offer And pain, frustration typically comes from a perception that we are losing and are stuck. And that little incantation just reminds us, hey, I'm not stuck. I got so much to give and there's a lot more options for me. So great job using that little mindset tip. Thanks. You want a couple of fun funny stories?

Hell yeah. What do you got? I have a couple of mine. You're writing a book about approaching girls. What's the story that opens your book? This is the story that would open the book. I was I was walking down the streets of the streets of Brooklyn I was and honestly it wasn't even in the mindset of approaching I was just going to hang out with some friends for dinner or something like

that but there was this cute girl in front of me and I was like okay I have to I had to go talk to her so I sped up walked up to her said hey excuse me I love your green shirt something like that I can't even remember we had a it was a short conversation honestly it was not the best approach but we talked for a few blocks and she went one way and I went the other nothing actually came of it. But these two guys were walking behind us, basically the entire time. And it's when she turned the corner, those two guys just like caught out to me and started clapping on the street. I love it. You got the, the peanut gallery gave you thumbs up. Yeah. And so I don't, you know, I don't really have a long conversation with those guys. I think

they were just, you know, they, they were just impressed that somebody was going to talk to a cute girl on the street. Yes. And be okay with it. That reminds me of something. I might have shared this little story with you back in the day. I forget, but I was once in Union Square and a gorgeous, curvy brunette, sorry, blonde in like jean shorts walks by. Just like, you know, there she was just a walking down the street. Like songs were written about this girl. And I I walk over to her. I shoot my shot, you know, instant rejection. And I don't use the word of rejection lightly.

It was like, no, thanks. Just dismissive walked away. And I can't say I felt great, but, you know, I survived. And all of a sudden, who walks up to me, but a young man, I remember he looked like Urkel, the TV character Urkel, glasses, nerdy, kind of like, just Urkel. And he said, oh, my God, that was incredible what you just did. You just walk right up to her. And I was like, yeah, but I got blown out.

She didn't like me. He's like, oh, man, but I saw her five minutes ago. I didn't say anything. He just walked up to her. That was inspiring. His name is Phil. He became my wing mad. And I love that story.

And I love your story because a lot of things that keep a guy from approaching is, oh, I'll get socially judged. I'll get, I'll get. People will judge me and shun me. What if you impress people? what if you get applause like you got i will say i will also say you know just add on to that you know one of my one of my goals when we when we started working together was to to have people have my friends see a change in me where i transformed from somebody that wasn't talking to women to um you know being somebody that that would and i've i've realized this recently i think i was

kind of blind to it but i've seen that you know like people recognize me in my friend group as somebody that has the social courage to go up and talk to a group of women or, you know, a group of a girl. And I love it, you know, like I'm acknowledged for being authentic with my friends. At first I thought it was, they would hate me for, for, you know, pursuing this type of work and think it was weird or something like that. But it wasn't like that. And it's, you know, one of my, many of my goals, all of my goals that we had have come come true. But that was one of them that also got acknowledged that you just reminded me up. Nice. And another brilliant thing that you reminded me of is approaching a girl doesn't have to be win-lose. So many men look at it

is win-loose. Oh, either I get the girl she likes me or she blows me off. I got rejected. I feel bad. And what I love about that story you shared is, oh, you didn't get the girl, but you got a good story. You probably, maybe you felt courage. You, you impressed some dudes. And when we can turn approaching into a win-win or a win-learn or a win laugh, and so much of that anxiety goes away because you're not looking at in this binary, painful, potentially painful way. Yeah, totally. I mean, if I can just add to that, you know, at some point, I don't remember exactly when, but the anxiety turned into excitement. The anxiety of approaching turned into excitement.

Turn into excitement of approaching because it was an opportunity. It was an opportunity to express myself. It was an opportunity to be authentic. It was an opportunity to maybe get a good outcome. Maybe, maybe not. But the anxiety is always a little bit there in some ways. But I was able to, after and getting used to it and following the code of contact for a number of weeks, feel like that changed into, I cannot wait to approach this girl.

Nice. Because it's an expression of me. Yeah. Tell us a story about one of those moments when you approached and something good happened. What moment comes to mind? Sure. This was a night game approach. But the first one that comes to mind is I was out on a rooftop with a few friends.

I approached this, this woman who had just like a red dress on with a bunch of flowers on it. I think my approach was something like, oh, you look like a botanical garden. And she laughed and she had her friends and it was just me. And so, you know, I was chatting with chatting with the two of them. And then I brought in a buddy, a wingman of mine. We were chatting with these two women. and it was going fine, but I couldn't really tell that it was going great. And then just like kept the conversation going, which I will say is another thing I've learned,

just a little bit of persistence, like staying in a little bit, a little bit longer than it's comfortable can often lead to good outcomes. And then we were having a good fun time and it was like very, very, very comfortable. There was also a dance floor on one of the floors at this club. And I mentioned my salsa moves. I was like, okay, you should like, I'll teach you a saucy move before you go. Like they were about to leave. I was like, you know, I'll teach your saucy before we go.

So we went down to the dance floor, danced a little bit, ended up, ended up kissing, and then got her number and she left. And, you know, but it was a great, it was a great out. It was a great, great time, fairly short interaction, maybe 30 minutes total max. Yeah. And then we've been on a few dates. have a great time and she just she just texted me today um so uh yeah that's that's a that's an this was the botanical garden yeah so this is a recent approach yeah this is a recent nice okay i love it so yeah you're using something that i teach now i didn't call it call this

with you but i guys a lot of guys say what do i say i don't know what to say what's the right thing to say and rather than asking what do i say i like to teach what i call the what to say which is give yourself three options. Option A, you give her a G-rated compliment or PG, if it's a bar at night. Option B, ask her a question that makes sense in the environment. And option C is what you did, which is make an observation and use that. You simply observed her shirt having, or her, sorry, her red dress having flowers. And you didn't just make an observation, but your brain does something really creative.

It turns it into a fun little, oh, that makes me think of botanical gardens. and she loved it, right? So ABC, compliment, question, observation. And what I love about the observation one is there's a lot of chance to play, let your mind get creative and fun, so that every approach can give us some kind of reward. And that's when approach anxiety disappears, or at least is reduced down to butterflies.

Once you know your worth is not on the line and you know something to commit to in terms of an icebreaker, that's when good things start to happen. typically. Let's finish up with a couple things I don't think we've gotten to yet that I think you might have wanted to ask about. You had texted me about maybe how to talk about when a woman says are we exclusive. Do you want to talk about how to handle that or anything you want to handle talk about how to handle things on dates or with a woman you're dating? Yes, I'm glad you brought up. That was kind

of the last topic I wanted to dig into, which was just like how to have the relationship conversation when a woman does does bring it up while being a man of value particularly if like i really like the girl but i'm not really ready for exclusivity yet like that feels a little confining which we've talked about maybe kind of isn't isn't a direction we've gone often but that that's what i that's what i found recently so yeah i'd love to you know either way whether it's in that that dynamic or just kind of a another dynamic, when somebody comes up with this, hey, I really like you, it should be the exclusive. How do you kind of approach that conversation? It really did, maybe without giving anybody's identity away, obviously, can you

tell, give an example of this having happened to you? How long you were dating her? Give her a fake podcast name. Just kind of tell us the situation. I can give you advice, better advice based on the context. Yeah, sure. I'll, I will give you the situation. I will say, I'm not the proudest of how this situation went. So it's not the perfect reflection of kind of who I want to be. Like I said, a lot of similarities to how you were, maybe how I am now to how you were where I feel I probably led this person on. But the situation was we met, we met maybe early summer, like May, August, She kind of brought this conversation up about, like, should we be exclusive? And I was like, I really love where this is.

We agreed that we weren't exclusive yet, but I could feel that she wanted it to be. And then it came up, and then it came up again a few weeks ago, right before Thanksgiving. We had to talk about it. And, you know, honestly, like you can tell, I'm kind of trying to figure out what's the right relationship structure for me. And so I didn't feel comfortable committing to being exclusive. And I would say it didn't go well. And I'm very sad that I lost this woman. She was a really good fit for me.

But I also did not feel comfortable committing to an exclusive relationship, given kind of where I am with my timing. So anyway, that's a little bit about the context. I can talk more about kind of what I said if you wanted to dig, didn't get into the details there. Got it. So you've been seeing each other consistently or off and on since May? consistently since then okay so she was five six months in yes but in november conversation it was

six months in yeah okay and she basically wanted a boyfriend wanted you as your boyfriend yeah yeah so that's an example of of that's about as far as you can go with a woman where she if she wants a monogamous steady relationship an exclusive relationship that's probably the ultimate ceiling that you can get to with a woman. And I feel like, I don't know what you said to her, but I, this is probably not the advice I would have given you 10 years ago. 10 years ago, I would have spouted off something a pickup artist probably told me. It's like, oh, well, tell her, we're moving forward, just want to see how it goes. Now I would say, yeah, tell the truth. Tell the truth, even if it's painful for what you might lose. There's a line in David Data's book, The Way of the Superior Man, where he says,

Women need two things from men. Truth and love. Truth and love. Those two things go together. And the truth is, as you say, the truthful thing, but you say it with kindness. But you still tell the truth. Something that I failed to do many times. I'm certainly not saying I was the perfect person to be saying this. So many times I led women on or just said what I thought I needed to say to buy another few weeks with her. Like that Susan girl, I mentioned, I had a rare moment of honesty with her, probably two, probably later than it should have been. So I don't know what you said to this lady, young lady, but if you told the truth, then even at the risk of losing what you wanted with her, then you did the right thing. Thank you. I appreciate that. It definitely, you know, this conversation suck and it stinks because I did lose someone I cared about, but I also was not ready to commit to, I think, what she wanted.

Yeah, I mean, years before I got into this whole world, and you're never going to have this problem because you've already addressed it. But, I mean, I was in a five, six-year engagement, right girl, wrong time. One of my biggest regrets ever from my dating past, this was before I ever had a coach. I clung to this woman and wasted years of her time because I was afraid to be alone or I didn't think I could do better. Not that she wasn't incredible, but I wanted to be outdating women, which I had never done before. I didn't have the balls or the confidence or both. So I spent four, five, six years basically leading her on.

And that's a huge regret I have because, you know, I wish I'd been so much more honest with her so much sooner. trying my best. So six months is nothing compared to what I did. You're way ahead of me. I feel like there's a gray area here. You don't need to say to a woman on the first date, hey, I just want something loose and open, unless you a thousand percent know that's what you want, which is fine. I think you're allowed to have a few weeks of kind of feeling things out, maybe even a month or two, see how you feel, see what the chemistry is like, sexual chemistry, emotional chemistry, see how you're feeling. And then you might start to change and shift and change how you feel about her. But I like to, my unofficial rule is I want to let a woman know, or my clients

to let a woman know three months or less. Is this going somewhere? If that's what she wants. If you know that's what she wants and you know it's not going somewhere, then I feel like date it was right tell the truth but with kindness and love tell the truth because that's the loving thing to do and some women might bail like susan did or this woman did sounds like um but you're also doing a um a giving generous thing dating with integrity which i failed to do too many times but i'm always trying same question i feel like there should be sad music playing right now. I know.

No, all that makes sense. You know, I feel like, I don't know, I feel like I'm still learning about myself, you know, especially with this newfound kind of dating, dating on this. Like I said, one of my fears is that I'm kind of addicted to women now. You know, like I think about it every day, you know, I'm like going to go approaching this week, you know, some, you know, things like that. And maybe it's just kind of the excitement of being in this kind of period of my life. But I do want, you know, I also know I want a committed relationship at some point that feels real. And I don't know if that's kind of open for a period of

time or not. So I'm trying to kind of debate how to figure that out and how to do that. And I think we have some options. You mentioned kind of some of the dating apps kind of specifically around that. I think you're, I think, you know, this commitment to being honest and truthful,

obviously makes a lot of sense. I don't think I was perfect around that. I also wasn't really in that. I was in kind of the dating around mindset this year. So I think going into 2026, I'm going to be a little bit more intentional about that, maybe explore some of the apps. Okay.

That's what I, that's kind of where I am and kind of how I'm, how about leaving this with some curiosity about kind of figuring that out for myself. You're not addicted in any, with a capital A, it's a lowercase A. You're addicted to women like I'm addicted to veggie chips and dark chocolate. It's okay. It's not going to kill you. You're not like a sex addict.

You're not like I was addicted to booze. So again, I think you're just feeling these, these, we can off camera, off mic, we can go super deep if you want to get really nerdy with me about understanding how we have these psychological emotional needs and you're just having certain needs met at a high level that hadn't been met before variety feeling your significance your masculine strength your power yeah it's addictive and that's that can lead to a dark place sex addiction but that's not you at all but the higher frequencies the higher needs growing giving and love and connection.

There's low-level connection on a date, or medium-level, but then there's deep love, right? Those are things that are only going to come to you romantically from a deep relationship, maybe probably exclusive, but maybe not. Don't let me talk you out of having an open relationship with an incredible woman. Now it's probably the best time to try to do that in the world

just because it seems that that's a place where a lot of people are trending. more than used to be the case. It's just never appealed to me. So don't let me talk you out of trying to get into finding that primary wonderful partner and then you and she are cool with it. Hey, no shame in that game, as long as you're honest with each other,

which, of course, you would be. That said, it could just be that you need a few more months of fun. Keep tasting the different flavors at Baskin-Robbins. And you're so attractive. You offer so much to so many different women. It may just be a matter of weeks or months until you're like, damn, Connell, I'm with this girl, this woman, she's incredible, she's sexy,

she's amazing, and yeah, I'm ready to go all in. I don't, yeah, this is my, this is the one for me. That, I think that will happen at some point, just a matter of when. That said, I've never had an open relationship. So I'm not, it's not really what I'm advising you, I'm not doing that. That never blew my hair back.

Any final questions about anything? I think you want to share or ask. No, I think we went through. I think we went through everything. I will just say, you know, a few words of appreciation. I really appreciate your coaching. You're very good as a coach and very good at what you do. And so every time we get to interact, I get a lot of value out of it.

So thank you. You're welcome. You're why I do this. I love helping men have the kind of fulfillment and breakthroughs and options that they want. And you're going about this the right way. I really believe that. And you can probably find the kind of open. situation you want on the right app with a little bit of effort. Just guard against getting sucked

in. But I really admire you. I should take a step back and say that I'm just so impressed by how much action you've taken. I tell my current clients this, some guys who are crushing it, but when a guy is struggling, I've been having this pep talk with guys. I'll say, dude, you're doing the hardest thing in dating cold approaching women without the lubricant of alcohol or weird pickup lines without those safety nets you're doing the most vulnerable scary thing in dating and you have done the single scariest most awesomely a hard thing in dating and you've done it countless times and I'm just so impressed. So I tip my cap to you and don't stop.

Don't stop. Thank you, man. I appreciate that. You got it. All right, Andrew, until we speak again, and thank you very much for listening. By the way, if you have listened to Andrew over these last 60-so minutes or so minutes and you're thinking, damn, I want to approach some beautiful girls too. I want to have men applaud me when I approach. and get numbers and dates, go to my website, datingtransformation.com.

You can book a free consultation chat with me, and we can see about what I can do to hopefully help you with your love life. So anyway, datingtransformation.com, and thanks for listening until we talk again. All right, later. Thank you.