How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - ‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

A proud veteran with a big heart, Kyle was lonely and struggling to get dates—until dating coach Connell Barrett showed him how to approach women with real confidence and charm. “It’s amazing, but authenticity really does work,” Kyle says in this live coaching call. Soon he was going on two dates a week and had landed a girlfriend. Now newly single, he’s ready to level up again. Listen as Connell reviews Kyle’s Hinge profile and shares 3 simple ways to get more matches today.The Moments You Don’t Want to Miss:07:11: From Lonely to “Dating Like Crazy”—Kyle’s Big Breakthrough08:32: How Kyle Overcame Approach Anxiety and Attracted Women IRL15:08: Connell Reveals the 12 Essentials of an Irresistible Online-Dating Profile17:35: The Photo You Need to Add to Get More Matches25:30: Should You Pay to Boost Your Profile? Connell Breaks it Down31:33: How to Write a Prompt that’s Funny and Flirty47:07: The Approach Opener Kyle Used to Meet a Large Group of Women at a BarDO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND? BOOK A FREE CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN ABOUT 1-1 COACHING:http://www.DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL FOR A FREE COPY OF HIS NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”:[e-mail]

you have to offer some value, right? You have to add some value. What? You saying women don't wanna see your resume and treat it like a job interview? What? I know. ["Dating Coach"]

Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I am your host, Dating Coach, Connell Barrett's I'm your dating coach on the podcast. Anyway, I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a lot more dates and Get an incredible girlfriend in your life and to attract her by being authentic No sketchy weird pickup artist moves needed. This is about being an authentic confident gentleman, that's what women want. And today you're going to meet a very special client of mine. You're going to meet Kyle. Kyle has an incredible success story that I want to share with you. And he also has a new goal in his dating life. So Kyle came to me last year, and by the way, Kyle's in his mid-30s, he's a veteran, he

served our country, and he came to me because he was really down on his dating confidence. He was afraid to approach women. He came to me because he said, Connell, I've seen 250 beautiful girls walk by me in the last year and I haven't talked to any of them. And that was really bothering him. So he wanted my help with his approaching anxiety. And he was also just not getting any good leads on the dating apps.

So we worked on his online dating profile and we worked on his approaching confidence. And basically, he had an issue feeling like he just wasn't enough for women. In his mind, he said, I have a blue collar job. I'm not some rich, fancy New York City penthouse guy. I'm not some Wall Street master of the universe. I'm just Kyle. I'm just a regular guy. Why would a woman want me? And over the course of working together, Kyle went on lots of dates. I helped him start approaching women, showed him

how to do it, but also how to do it comfortably and confidently. And by the time we were done working together, he had an incredible girlfriend, a woman, I don't want to identify her for privacy reasons, but a woman who had a high ranking job in the New York City government. Let's say that a public important job. He was dating a very high profile, quality, attractive woman who works in New York City government. And so all of a sudden, Kyle had gone from a scarcity of options to a lot of good dating options and a lot of good dating options

and a lot of confidence and he had this wonderful girlfriend in his life. And that's where I had left him until recently when he reached back out to me and said, Connell, we broke up. It ended. We had a tough conversation. We just looked at our lives and realized that there were some big picture things that we both didn't want. So they decided to end their relationship.

And that was painful for Kyle. Breakups are hard. Even when you've got a new and improved sense of confidence and you've got lots of dating leads, if you end it with somebody or if somebody ends it with you, a woman ends it, and you care for her, that's going to hurt. That's going to really be painful. And so Kyle has just recently come back to me saying, Connell, time to get back to it. Let's go get some more dating options.

So he came back to me for a little bit of, to restart, reboot his dating life. And essentially what we mainly looked at today is his online dating profile. And I think you're gonna get a lot of value from today's episode. First of all, I think you're gonna be really inspired by Kyle and just realize, wow, if he can succeed

and date some incredible women, then I can too. That's what I would love for you to feel. And also, pay special attention to when I go through a checklist. I'm going to go through a checklist today of what I call the 12 essentials of online dating success. There are 12 core essential things that a man needs to have handled correctly on his online dating profile to make sure we get him, you good matches and good online dating

results. If you're not getting matches on the dating apps, if you don, you good matches and good online dating results. So if you're not getting matches on the dating apps, if you don't get good matches anyway, or not very many of them, chances are that you don't have many or most of these 12 essentials handled. So I'm also gonna be speaking with Kyle about that too. So get ready to meet Kyle,

I think you're really gonna like him. He's a great guy. It was so, it was my pleasure to serve him and help him as his coach and help him find a relationship albeit temporarily. And now we're gonna get back at it and help him find the one he's gonna be with long term. So you're gonna enjoy meeting Kyle

and also learning some online dating secrets as well. And by the way, so obviously today is an 80% coaching session, 20% success story. That's what today's episode is about. And by the way, if you are interested in working with me, if you want to know more about like what is dating coaching? How does it work? How does Connell help guys? How do we go out and get dates? Then what you're welcome to do is you can go to my website,

datingtransformation.com. And I do one-on-one personalized coaching with men. I only do one-on-one coaching. I don't do like large groups. I only do one-on-one because personalized coaching is what works, is what works best. And if you wanna know more about how online,

or sorry, how my coaching works, then you can do a free call with me. Go to datingtransformation.com and click the book a call button and you can book a call with me. Talk for free. And I'll help you identify some of the dating problems that are holding you back.

I'll look at what confidence improvements we can make, what improvements we can make on your profile, and then we'll figure out if we might want to work together. So it's a free call. There's absolutely no pressure. You can go to datingtransformation.com to do that. Okay, let's get to my coaching session with my good buddy, my former and now current client, amazing guy named Kyle. Here we go. Kyle, long time no chat, man. How you been? What's up, brother? Just living life, man, you know, trying to get some success in online and in person dating and

very cool. I love it when a former client comes back and says, Hey, I'm out of a new I'm out of a relationship relationship and let's do what we can to take things to the next level and find you an even better dating option and the girlfriend you're going to settle down with. Before we do that, I wanted to ask you a couple quick questions. In terms of the coaching that you and I did together, where you came to me with some problems, can you talk a little bit about what progress we were able to make in our time together? Maybe some lessons you learned, things that helped you. Yeah, absolutely. We definitely revamped the entire online dating profile in a way I just

didn't understand the algorithms of the different apps and how they worked and stuff like that, how to be successful on them and between you and Rian we definitely were able to make all the necessary changes. I saw the results almost immediately, right? Yeah, what from the pictures and the order which again didn't realize that mattered, but it does. Right. Then the prompts and of course the openers, you know what I mean? What should they be? Are they personalized?

And you see the results. So whether it's generically changing it based on the modules, which helped a lot. Yep. Or even on a coaching call, you know, sending a screenshot. You know, what should I do here? You know? Right.

And it really helped me out. I exercised those muscles to the point where I didn't, every time I was launching into it, I just went with what felt natural, because I had practiced it so much. And I didn't need to rely on you as much anymore. You know what I mean? OK.

What about approaching girls? We're going to talk mainly you as much anymore. You know what I mean? Okay. What about approaching girls? We're gonna talk mainly about online dating today. Okay. And I know that the photos you got definitely helped you get more better matches online, it sounds like. At the same time, I know you were also out meeting women in real life.

And it sounds like we had a couple of nice funnels of dating leads coming into your dating funnel. What was the biggest thing that you learned about approaching women that you could share that maybe the guy listening to this doesn't realize he needs to know? Everything that you thought you knew, you have to forget, which if you realize it was wrong, that shouldn't be too hard, right? But we're analyzing it, you know, based on like trying to solve a traditional problem, you have to just kind of throw that away, right? So let's talk about approaching briefly. You said,

you said a few minutes ago to me that you got to forget everything you know. What is it that you thought you knew about approaching that I helped you with and that maybe the guy listening this to this needs to know? Yeah, so approaching is not uh Like you know conducting a business transaction at the dmv or something like that, right? It's not like going to the social security office. Hey next up. I'm kyle. How you doing? This is what I bring to the table, right? A lot of times she's just tuning that out. You have to offer some value, right? You have to add some value.

What? You're saying women don't wanna see your resume and treat it like a job interview? What? I know, and if we thought that that was the case, even if we didn't actually think that, but if that's the way we acted, right? Right. It wasn't gonna work out too well, right? He's looking for you to add value and

there's You know definitely enough regular business transactions in the course of everybody everybody's life Right. We want to feel good when we're approaching right? Yeah, we're being approached or the one doing the approaching. So we have to figure out how to add some value. Yeah. That's how I reframed it in my mind. You know what I mean? And what's that?

What was adding value for you? Cause I remember early on in our coaching, you told me a story about meeting a woman, I want to say it was a pool hall or a bar with a pool table, but my memory is you approached, it went okay at first But then you could sort of see her starting to really like you Kyle the guy and then you ended up going out that night And love happened in the night. Do you remember what what helped you that night with her? yeah, I tried to like read how she was feeling about the entire situation and and how she was feeling about the entire situation. And I assessed that she wasn't particularly enjoying it.

So I said what seemed to be the most authentic thing that I could think of, which was, hey, this doesn't really seem like it's floating your boat. You know what I mean? Let's talk about that. And she said something to the effect, well, everybody's just standing around here not talking to each other. Maybe, you know, I was like, well, how about an activity?

Why don't we like play pool or something like that? And that really worked well. And it kind of spearheaded the rest of the evening or into the early hours of the morning. I loved it. Yeah. Just leading with genuine and real Right, right and noticing how she's feeling. It's to me. It's about dating from from what you're offering It's that authentic value. Mm-hmm

Well at the same time noticing how she's feeling and being really kind and empathetic and trying to figure out Hey, you know, I can I can take off you don't want to talk to me and it wasn't about you is more She just wasn't yet comfortable in the social situation, but But started playing pool. She felt a lot better around you. Every, every, yeah, exactly. And every situation is different, of course. Right. And of course, when we're first approaching, we may not have the ability to assess how she's feeling about what. Right. So after we do our authentic approach, right, if there's a follow-up, if we're there long enough, right? Then we can stop and kind of go back to our whole problem-solving thing that we do as men and say,

okay, now I've added some value, right? Now I can take a step back and assess, how do I think she's feeling and what could I do about that? And then that'll have the rebound effect of adding even more value and I think it's going to work out pretty well for you. Well, I just want to say how proud of you I am. I remember the first night I met you, you came out with me in New York City. I do in-person one-on-one coaching in New York.

You came out and I saw you were in your head and I saw you were not super comfortable socially and to think of all the dates and successful approaches and a girlfriend, you ended up dating for a while. I'm just so impressed. I'm not surprised, but I am impressed by the incredible progress you made. I appreciate that. Well done.

And now you're back because you recently had a relationship end and that is totally normal. Usually a guy might cycle through a few women he's seeing and dating one or two girlfriends before he finds the person who's the right fit long term. And I know you're back single after having recently ended a relationship with the woman you dated and let's get back to you on that path to abundance and great options. How can I serve you today? What can I help you with? Well, as a condition of this relationship that I was in, we had both deleted our dating profiles.

Now, essentially, I'm reverting back to the training that we had done before, and I'm just in the process of rebuilding it and Re-exercising those those muscles that we talked about, you know what I mean? So that's pretty much where we're at. Yeah, okay and What would you like my specific help with should we start by looking at your profile together? Is there something? Yeah That sounds good. I think there might be some modifications that we could make, so let's take a look at it. OK, great.

Let me check out your profile. And so what I did is I sent you something right before we hopped on this call. I sent you a list of what I call the 12 essentials. 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile. And I'm going to post this also on my Instagram for you listening to this if you want to be able to see a screenshot of these. But these 12 essentials, let's go through them real quick. Number one, a magnetic first photo. Number two, irresistible portraits.

And number three, a masculine or action shot. Let me stop there. So magnetic first photo, I'm looking at your profile and you've got really good portraits. So I think you're good there, right? Yeah, I tested on a photo feeler and that first one was the one that did the best so yes Great and you've got really good portraits taken by Rhianne my online dating

Portrait slash photographer. She obviously helped you out a lot and these are great photos. You look really handsome not surprised You got some really good matches and leads number two is irresistible portraits after in addition to that first portrait and I'm seeing some really good Photos here. So photo number one we have you seated white t-shirt You're sitting next to some water great natural authentic smile your second photo another great portrait different shirt Mm-hmm different backdrop.

You're smiling but you're not looking like it's fake. You just look really chill and confident and comfortable with that second portrait. And the third photo, if you go to that list that I sent you of what I call these 12 essentials, by the way, these 12 essentials, it's a good checklist. It's a way for a guy if you're struggling with getting matches, if you're struggling with online dating success, it's probably because you have many or at least multiple numbers of these 12 essentials not handled. So you're good on number one and two. And number three, a masculine slash action photo, a photo that shows strength and confidence in action, basically bold, active, taking action out in the world.

I think you're good there too, because you've got the third photo of you is you playing basketball, right? Oh, baseball. I'm sorry, baseball. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. And then we get to number four.

So here's where I think you can improve things, Kyle. Number four on the list is, let me just read number four. These are of the 12 essentials, is a social proof photo. A photo that shows you out in the world, engaging with other people, socially engaged, connected and fun. And when I look at your profile, I see six photos, all of which are pretty high quality photos, but every single one of them is a solo shot of just you.

There's nothing that shows you sort of out engaged in the world other than the baseball photo, but that's not a social engagement. That's a physical sport activity. So what I'm seeing in terms of the fastest way to improve your profile photographically is adding a photo of you out with friends. You're interacting, you're having cocktails at a cool lounge or a bar, or you're at a party clowning around enjoying other people. The social proof photo I have on my latest profile, it's actually on karaoke night and

I'm singing a duet with a friend I used to do improv with. And he and I, my old friend Billy are doing improv, or sorry, doing a karaoke duet together because it shows women, oh, this guy is out in the world socializing he's got a social life what are your thoughts about this feedback so far now I think that's really constructive right something I'm gonna I'm gonna add to my to-do list to improve the profile and I understand why it would be you know know, on the list, right? Because again, just like you said, you know, she would want to see that you're you're out in the world doing normal things.

You know, you hang out with your friends, stuff like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you have anything? I don't have anything right now, but I'm going to. I don't want to say curate it because then it sounds like you don't really have a social life but you're going to create one for the purpose of this. No, the next time I'm in that situation, then I'm going to get a pick. It doesn't have to be by Rianne or anything like that.

It just has to be me and my authentically social mode. I think it's important that I will take that my first available opportunity. Okay, yeah, a good social proof photo. The most important piece of real estate on any guy's profile are those good quality portraits where you're well dressed, smiling, an authentic smile in a natural environment that looks real world

but close second I would say is arguably a Social proof photo because it just conveys all the right signals to a woman Yeah, just as oh, yeah, this guy's out in the world. He's at a cool restaurant talking laughing with friends or he's at a party and maybe dancing on the dance floor at a wedding or holding court laughing having fun at a party so I would definitely encourage you to get a social proof photo here's a couple do's and don'ts on the do's and don'ts on the way to execute it you want to avoid just you're out with three people and the three of you are staring at the camera and smiling

Like a group photo where everybody's looking at the camera. Those are pretty cliche. Yeah, and that doesn't have the social Proof effect that we wanted to have on women who are looking at your profile at least not as much as something more candid So ideally it would be a social proof shot where you're not even looking at the camera. It's almost like you're just somebody just happened to catch you in a moment of Kyle living as fun, enjoyable, high, you know, attractive, high status, or at least fun social life. So that could be yeah, you're on the dance floor, dancing with somebody or just you and two or three well-dressed friends at a cool lounge or at a cool restaurant having a cocktail, talking. I don't think you drink, but you don't have to have alcohol. It can

just be you at a social event. So one thing, one way you might go about it is make it, make it organic, you know, make it as authentic as possible, or keep your antenna open for future fun events, especially now that it's spring here in New York. Yeah, and there might be more opportunities to go out to the cool patio spot to meet up with some friends or come out with me when the next night I do a program where my girlfriend comes out and we're we're out Chatting and socializing we can get some photos of you That way that might do the trick too

Awesome, but another some do's and don'ts would be don't just have photos of you staring at the camera with three other people Do have you engaged if possible? Have you the one in the photo who's getting other people responding to you? you the one in the photo who's getting other people responding to you? If possible, like if you're the one in the photo who's talking and sort of holding court and two or three people are reacting to you, responding to you, laughing with you, that can take the signal up an even higher level. Yeah. Because women see, Oh, not only is he out enjoying a fun social life, but he's, he's getting other people sort of responding to his energy, which can be really attractive.

So those are some, it makes you seem like the catalyst, which is exactly, exactly. You're the one who's getting other people responding to you. You're giving that value. You're yeah, that high status person or higher status than most guys in their photos. So photographically, I think that would be one, one thing that would take things to the next level. All right. Before I go further, did you, did you have any specific questions about any other photo related questions for your, uh, in this case, we're looking at hinge, but I

know you're, you're, you're, you're on several apps, uh, nothing photo related. Okay. or you're on several apps. Nothing photo related. OK. OK, so the fourth photo, we have you in uniform because you served. That's cool. By the way, I know you are.

I'm looking at your hinge profile. Of the photos I'm looking at, do you recall which of these photos did and which did not get you hearts and likes from women on Hinge? Do you recall? I don't off the top of my head. I'm back on it now. So like when you when you go to your matches it doesn't tell you which which photo they liked, correct? It does it does if they liked you first, yeah No, but if they didn't like you first then it doesn't right? Well, right if you reached out to them if you matched with them and they matched back then it wouldn't tell you so yeah

So based based on the fact that it was the normal situation was that I liked it first and I really couldn't tell you off Top my head. Okay. One thing you might do is now that you're back in the game on hinge is do a couple of boosts. I Was just gonna ask you that I didn't I didn't ask you that yet because it wasn't photo related But I remember some great info that I had success with from the modules right was Boosting is important. Just like you said but Additionally when to boost, right? It makes a great deal of difference when you do it.

So can you just remind me, I think it was like Monday morning or something or Sunday afternoon. When was the ideal time to boost on Hinge? Well, the best time to boost is going to be when it's prime time, which would be Sundays through Wednesdays or Thursdays. Okay. And roughly from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. Roughly, that's when you're gonna get the most traffic

on a dating app, on pretty much any dating app. So that's one I like to boost. So what you could do is do one or two boosts for an hour here, an hour there, choose a couple of time slots in the next few days, and notice obviously, and be online as well while you're boosting for that hour, half hour, however long hinge does it, I believe it's an hour.

They also do a 24 hour boost. So it's cost extra, but it's more bang for the buck. And however long you boost, you want to be on the app swiping, sending at least some openers hearting or liking other women's profiles to show the app, hey, now this guy's engaging and he's paying for the boost. The dating app wants to make you happy. The dating app wants you to get matches because it wants you to have a good experience and it wants women to like you and heart you.

So obviously, just boosting and hearting gives you the best chance to sort of, it's almost like we're putting crash pads on your hinge profile to bring it back to life from being dormant for a while just because you've been dating, having a girlfriend. And so, but the added benefit of boosting is we're gonna get some quick data on how compelling and magnetic your profile is to women. Because if your profile is reasonably magnetic and attractive to a reasonable number of women,

you're gonna get some leads, or sorry, you're gonna get some likes, some hearts. Women will respond. And that's what I love about hinge. What I love about hinge is that you are able to get some real data on what women are reaching out to you and liking. They're going to like that photo of you. They either are or aren't going to like that photo of you playing baseball. And if they like it, you know, it's working so, of course we keep anything that's working and I would I would assume looking at your profile that the best two performing photos are probably gonna be those first two portraits

That's typically what does the best to get women hearting you? Well, I oriented it that way because those are the best two performing ones on photo feeler. There you go and great job You also went on photo feeler to find out What photo feeler comm is a really good website where you pay a few bucks for little? focus group tests where women will judge your photo on attractiveness Intelligence and trustworthiness three things that women are looking for before they match with a guy in a profile So good job doing some tests on photo feeler. But anyway, the reason I love hinge so much is it's the

only app that I know of, or every lit every single solitary part of your profile is an individual opportunity to get a heart and a like from women. And you find out what women are liking. So if a woman hurts likes you on Bumble or Tinder, you don't know what she liked. You just know she likes you, which is better than not getting the match, but you're not sure why she liked it.

So anyway, one of the benefits of boosting is you'll start to get some data and you'll know which photos or prompts get women responding and which don't. And of course, keep the ones that get the responses. And for the ones that don't, we can at least consider, do we, could we do better than these? We consider what we might wanna swap out.

And then whatever you know is working on Hinge, guess what? You're also gonna wanna put that on Bumble, because odds are it'll work on Bumble as well, just as well as it's working on hinge Yeah, hinge is definitely the best for feedback and you can use that feedback on the other apps. That's absolutely and I Have a I have a thought or two about your prompts before I give you some feedback any questions for me about Anything that you've written on your hinge

No, I came up with those prompts on my own after watching the modules and stuff like that. You're talking about my training modules. Yeah, correct. And I think that we could modify, just like you said, bring the data, not the drama. So we're gonna see how these things actually work. You know what I mean? And again, consider could we do better?

So based on your initial concept, you know, looking at it, I'm gonna, I'll just ask you, what do you think in the prompts department could I do better with? Well, let's talk about what you're already doing really well. Okay. So going back over these, this list

of what I call the 12 essentials. So 12 essentials of an irresistible online dating profile. You've got number five of the 12 is tug the heartstrings. A warm, either some kind of warm emotional photo or prompt that signals kindness and connection because part of what women want in a guy is a kind, sweet guy. And I like that you have, where was it here?

Oh yeah, I love this monthly Chinatown trips with your mom. Yep. Super cute. I love that. That's adorable. And authentic as well. Yeah, I'm sure. Of course it is. Of course it is. So that handles the heart, heart tug element. Other heart tug elements could be photo driven. It could be a photo of you with mom having an adorable mom son brunch if you want to, or it could be you with your dog or cat, you at the zoo. Anyway, so yeah, it's good to have one element of your profile that tugs at the old heartstrings because Hey, that's part of dating is we want women want to be with a kind man who's got a

heart he's not just got good photos and let's see here so you're in good you're in good shape there with the tugging at the heartstrings and then essential number six here's what here's one more thing you're doing great and then I'm going to give you something to take things to up at least a half level on your prompts. The sixth essential of an irresistible dating profile, flirty vibes and date energy. And you've also got number 10 is make her laugh. So we've got humor as one essential and we've got, hey, let's flirt a little bit because it's a dating app.

Why wouldn't we flirt? And what I love about your profile is I don't know if you came up with this, this is great. Or I don't know if I helped you, I don't remember. But I love this. We'll get along if you like your men like your coffee, strong, sweet, and waking you up in the morning. Winky face.

That hits flirty, obviously, and funny. If you can combine in one prompt, something flirtatious and something funny, that's definitely worth testing to see how women respond to it. And I really like that you've got two birds with one stone here. So for the time being, I would, I like that one a lot. I'd like to see if that gets you responses, gets you hearts, gets, gets, see what women say about it. Okay. A lot of men are afraid to

flirt on their profile and then they get stuck in the online dating friend zone. It's like, yeah, he seems fine but you know just seems too friendly. In terms of taking things to a new level or one more level, here's something that I don't see that you can you might want to experiment with. One of the essentials is showing that you're relationship ready. A signal, usually through a prompt, that lets women know that this guy has grown. He's a guy who's lived a life, he's grown, he's open to a relationship, he's got some depth and self-awareness. Because I'm a big fan of flirtiness, playfulness, and fun, and I think those should be the core

elements of a profile. At the same time, if you are looking for a long-term great girlfriend relationship, then it's good to have a prompt that conveys something like something that shows kind of growth and shows a self-awareness what are your thoughts about that at least in theory yeah it sounds great yeah and this is a tip i got from a really wonderful dating expert named sabrina zohar sabrina was on my podcast a few months ago and she talked about how women and she really knows women and she was she's the one who sort of opened my eyes to this and talked about the importance of showing women that, hey, you're not a frat boy.

You're not a guy just looking to get lucky or just looking to hit it and quit it, or just here to flirt. You're looking for something deeper and you have some real depth. So here's a couple of thoughts on how you might do that. Here's a good little, a good fill in the blank prompt and you fill in the blank that works with you. You make a prompt read this way. I used to think love was blank,

but now I know it's about blank. Now what those blanks might be, again, I want them to be authentic. I want them to be from your heart, from something you've actually learned. On my profile, if I was going to, if I was single looking to get matches, I would say something like, I used to think love was all about chemistry and fireworks. And now I know it's all about trust and empathy and mutual support, something like that. I've learned that I learned that for sure. Or I like this one. And again, I'm not suggesting any of you listening to this copy and paste exactly. I do want this to be genuine to you.

I'm just giving you starting points here. Or I used to think love was all about fireworks and butterflies. Now I know it's about trust, friendship, and choosing each other every day. Like think about the message that would send to a woman who reads that. Yeah, it's pretty powerful. Right?

I mean, what's every other guy writing on his profile? I like the office and shrimp and sushi. Right, exactly. Yeah. Very surface level, you have shrimp and sushi. Right. Exactly. Very, very surface level. You have to differentiate yourself. Yeah. So this is a way to signal that. That, hey, we're all human, we're all flawed.

We've all. We're all growing in our way for which hopefully we're growing. We're evolving, you know, one step at a time, one day at a time. And, or it could be something as simple as, and this is true for me, I used to think love was about, was about impressing her. And now I realize that love is about two people being vulnerable and learning how to trust each other.

That's good. Cheesy, maybe, but I really believe that. And there's really no perfect answer to this. I do want you to make this prompt genuine and real, whatever it means to you. It doesn't really matter exactly the syntax as long as it's from your heart. And wow, if you're really looking for a great relationship,

know that by putting this on your profile this Prompt that shows that you're ready for somebody special You're giving women something that they really want in a potential partner, which is is this guy Grown up enough as he evolved is he ready for a real relationship? And this is a nice way to signal that in a way that's honest and real. Yeah, so since we think pretty decent about the existing written prompts, would it be helpful to do that one as a video prompt or not?

Ooh, not a bad idea. I would actually, you know, I think it'd be best as a audio prompt. Oh, okay. Because that way she's hearing your voice, you have a great voice, a voice that is sincere and trustworthy, and hearing your voice say something like that, your vocal tonality and the words you would say, I think would really click, connect with a woman right in her heart.

All right, awesome. A video prompt, I think, is better to play up the fun, fun vibe. The social aspect. Yeah, maybe a social shot of you at a bar or if you're going to do something, sort of, maybe, actually video is really good for obvious reasons for because it's a video, visual aspect, something that's very visually arresting and exciting. You know, you're on a boat and you take a quick scan of the water and then pan it back to you and just with a big smile showing that you're enjoying your boat ride or you're doing

something adventurous, something fun, something visually powerful. I remember I matched with a girl once because she had these two sparklers. She was at a beach party like dancing with these sparklers. Couldn't take my eyes off her. Not just because she was pretty but because sparklers, beach. Oh my god. I wanted to be there so much with her. So the video prompt is best used almost like a hey look at my look at my fun cool adventurous life one do you want in right that's how I would use the video yeah it's offering it's

offering some value exactly yeah I see there's a new feature that I don't think it was there the last time I was on hinge it's called match note what do you think about that does that's a call it's called match note match note yeah so apparently the way this works I wasn't aware of it called? It's called match note. Match note? Yeah so apparently the way this works, I wasn't aware of it, I believe it's new. Okay. Is that any person you do match with it automatically sends you this note. Have you heard of this? I have not, I have not used that yet. I've not been on Hinge in a couple months myself. All right so maybe uh you can check it out and get back to me as to how guys would utilize that the best on their profile.

Okay. Be honest with you, I'm a little confused by it. I don't know how to apply it the best way. You know? Okay. Great. No, I'll definitely check that out. The other thing I was going to mention on your profile is I really like how you have, this

is a good tip that probably 95% of the guys listening to this aren't doing is you have a very fun, light way that you're doing the pole prompt. Your prompt poll is would you rather a eat Mr. Peanut and feel his pain? Be be Mr. Peanut or see none of the above. And I don't know how that's working for you yet But I do like that you're using the pole prompt in a very light fun playful way Well, you like I haven't I haven't tracked how it's working for me, but there is some I will just say like sexy confusion as which is the intended effect as to you know, what's wrong with mr. Peanut or nice why why would I eat him and that's that's really what we were going for, you know, any responses is a win

It's not supposed to make sense it doesn't make sense and now you're talking so there you go, you know, I like it I Would probably here's what I would do you might consider changing that prompt into a regular written prompt, or you write out, would you rather eat Mr. Peanut and feel his pain or be Mr. Peanut? And then you could use the pull prompt this way, which I've tested a lot and had some good success, is you could use the poll prompt to check off another thing from the list of the 12 essentials. One of my 12 essentials to getting matches and having an irresistible profile is painting

a picture for what a first date with you might be. It's kind of puts a little bait on the hook, so to speak. And a really good prompt would be basically ABC. And you make, and the poll prompt is you select the option that reads basically, together we could, or our first date could be, and then A, you write something specific and enticing, like together we could, A, see a stand-up comedy show.

B, then for B, you write out something else that you would like to do. Get the best cheesecake in town. And then C, you make a total joke. You make something so absurd that it's just absurd. So it might be C, meet my parents. Parentheses, what, too soon? Yeah, off the wall.

Yeah, something off the wall. Or I had a really good success with this back when Kanye West was going crazy in the media a couple years ago. Like he was having dinner with fascists and just acting out in really bizarre ways. He was trending. My prompt, I got so many matches with this,

my prompt was together we could A, go out for coffee, B, grab drinks at my favorite bar, C, taser Kanye. Just made a woman laugh. I also had good success with, I would choose two very normal first date ideas and then the third one was get matching tramp stamps or double date with Taylor and Travis because they were trending a lot of the time.

So anyway, you can make that third one fun. So a good way to do the poll prompt is you have two genuinely good first date ideas for A and B and you make the third one completely off the wall and bizarre. And what this does is it gives you three chances to get a match with one prompt. Because some women will be like, oh, I want to go to a comedy show and they'll match with you. Other women might say, oh, drinks at a classy rooftop bar.

I'm into that. And then some women might just laugh at the third absurd one that you throw in there and that shows more humor So you kind of you're getting two bites at the apple here. You're painting the picture of a fun first date and you're also Showing her that you have a sense of humor which lets her know. Oh gosh, no matter what happens with this guy I'll probably have a good time with him and that makes the match even more likely Definitely good bang for your buck with that strategy. Yeah, exactly No, but just let me just run through these 12 essentials because I didn't finish them earlier and I'll put this on my Instagram if you're listening to this and want to see a visual representation of these also also

Put them in the show notes. But basically the pure the 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile. Number one, a magnetic first photo. Number two, one or two more irresistible portraits. Number three, a masculine slash action shot just like your baseball shot. You're standing up with a plate ready to crush a home run. Number four, social proof photo. That's what you're missing. Number five, ready to crush a home run. Number four, social proof photo. That's what you're missing. Number five, tugging at the heartstrings.

You're good there. Number six, flirty vibes and date energy. You got that handled nicely. Number seven, hooking her interest fast. That's more for Bumble or Tinder. Not as relevant on Hinge, but basically having one funny or clever prompt that makes her want to keep reading. I think you have that handled.

Number eight, show, don't tell. In other words, don't say you're funny or kind. Show her, crack a joke or show her that you're kind. You're doing that nicely because you mentioned, for example, you're showing that kindness with Chinatown brunch with mom. Number 10 make her, sorry number nine stand out with specifics, specifics make your profile come to life what you're doing. Number 10 make her laugh, good job there. Number 11 show that your relationship ready, that's the one that you're also missing that could take things up a

notch. And the number 12 is no red flags. So what that means is, and you're good there, Kyle, no sunglasses, no shirtless bathroom selfies, no angry rants or just creepy vibes, which you're good there. So really, you're really in a really good place with 10 out of 12 of these. It's about getting 12 out of 12, and then just maybe experimenting, mixing up things every now and then, doing some boosting, seeing what combination works the best.

And I think you'll be very much back in the game with a lot of good leads coming in. Yeah, that sounds good, thank you. Of course. What else can I help you with, Kyle? Well, I'm also gonna utilize the other Avenue of meeting women in person and Haven't really done too much of that yet, but okay, you know next time you guys go out I'll definitely join in okay and

What's your well, let me ask you this what what worked for you in the past in terms of how you broke the ice with women? Let me ask you this what what worked for you in the past in terms of how you broke the ice with women? Approaching strategies that worked maybe share some successes or insights you had from from our time together Yeah, just a radical authenticity angle. What's the first thing that come to my mind and Don't wait right because that's just okay you know if you want to do it just go up and do it now really your mind is going to convince you to avoid it the longer you wait. So one particular instance, I saw a group of women all wearing orange, right?

So the first thing I thought to myself is like, this seemed like some kind of a carrot top convention or something. Okay. I was really only interested in one of the women there, but I have to approach them the way they are, right? You know, they're together. So I did the little group approach and I said, I walked up and I said, what is this like a carrot top convention here?

And it went over really well. Nice. Yeah. Kyle trademarked the Carrot Top opener. I did. I did. Yeah. You know, and it's for anybody else unless they're not wearing Lawrence and then you got to come up with something else. Well, let me underscore how great your opener was and why it worked and also give you a simple three part multiple choice so you can start doing that again as soon as you want to like today if you want to. Here's what you were doing. So I teach here's the way I like to teach men to approach women. I mean the philosophy of course is authenticity and doing it

with something real and genuine and trying to make a woman's day or night better. That's big picture, but the mechanics of it, think of it this way. I call this the natural authentic approaching method. A lot of guys say to me, Connell, what do I say? What the hell do you say when you want to approach a woman?

Well, it depends on the situation, depends on what you observe. So here's a way to think about it. Here's what you did that night, which is so great. Basically give yourself options A you see a woman or in this case a group of women and option a is Ask yourself. What's a g-rated compliment I could give them Or option B would be what's a question. I could ask them that makes sense Given the where I am and what's going on an option C is

given where I am and what's going on. And option C is, what is an observation I make about her or them that's a little bit unusual that I could use that as my way in? And you of course went with option C. They were all wearing orange, right? So you just noticed something unusual. Said, oh, all these women are wearing orange? Well, what can I do with that?

And you came up with something super spontaneous and in the moment, and it was about your Carrot Top convention opener, which is great. And you can't practice that. I should say you can practice the method. You can't practice the copy and paste one size fits all approach opener. It's intimidating, but when it comes to this stuff, I think you really do have to jump into the deep end of the pool. You know what I mean?

You can watch all the modules you want, and they're good to watch, definitely. But until you get out there and fuck up, right? Or maybe you're gonna be successful immediately. I don't know. Probably both. Yeah, a little bit of everything, right? Until you go out there and stub your toe a little bit.

And I guess the same thing would be said with online dating. You can curate something great, but then you gotta take the feedback. You know what I mean? Then maybe you did one approach, sit back down, take a couple notes, drink some coffee, and try something different. Or try the same thing, because it could be that it didn't work with her, but it couldn't work with the next one. You know what I mean?

Right. Sometimes it's totally random. Well you show a lot of courage. At least at first it took courage. I don't know if it took you courage as you continued going on. But the first few times you really dove in and started approaching women, did that take some courage on your part? Absolutely.

Yeah. Absolutely. So. Absolutely. So a lot of guys say, well, I'll approach a woman if I'm confident. And I say, well, no, approach a woman using courage and then you will become confident. But approach her unconfidently. Just commit to it. Just approach. Exactly.

And commit to it. Dive in all the way. And you're a baseball lover, right? Oh, yeah. And what I like about using a baseball analogy here is, as you know, the best baseball players in the world are gonna fail seven out of 10 times to get a base hit, right?

Mm-hmm, yep. That'll probably get you in the Hall of Fame if you get a base hit seven out of 10 times for your whole career. But in approaching women, a lot of men make the mistake of thinking, oh, well, if I approach and she doesn't like me, doesn't go well, I did it wrong. It's like, no, once you get good at this, once you get really good at this,

three out of 10 is an awesome batting average. And that gives you permission to not get a result, to get quote rejected, or at least not have it go well seven out of 10 times. Of course, to see those kinds of results, you actually have to get out there ten times. You know. Totally. And you know you can't say to yourself well I'll do it when I'm ready because you're not going to be ready. Yeah exactly. My girlfriend and I went to see the Yankees recently and Aaron Judge struck out. But man why does he hit so many home runs? Because he's willing to strike out.

Yeah, it's definitely an exercise in failure, just like baseball. Right. But that's okay, because the more you go, the failures are also humorous and fun and stuff like, you know what I mean? Absolutely. Embrace the quote failure, and then in time,

you realize, hey wait, I'm not even failing. I'm not, this is the rules of the game. These are the numbers. I'm supposed to be producing right like Yeah, Aaron judges job is to swing for the fences With with the best to the best of his ability and of course striking out it's gonna come become part of that But that's also how he hits 60 home runs a year or whatever. He averages some insane number Exactly how he hits 60 home runs a year or whatever he averages or something. Same number. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So yeah, but if you don't swing, you're never gonna, you know, if you don't even go up to

the plate, you're never even going to get a chance to strike out or hit home runs. Yeah. And that first round of 10 is going to be more painful than the next round, than the next round. Of course, you're going to get better as far as the, you know, the numerator goes, right? You're going to get better as far as your success rates, but the failures that you do experience are gonna be less dramatic for you as you go along.

Exactly. And is it even a failure? There was a recent episode where I talked about a client back in the day. We went out together, I approached a woman right with him, she rejected me pretty instantly Right in front of him an hour later on the dance floor. She comes up to me starts Grinding on me and all of a sudden we're making out

Same girl who rejected me. So did I even fail the first time? Yeah, it was just her way of saying yeah, not right now. Maybe later. It's a good point. Maybe later Anyway, yeah, you right now. Maybe later. That's a good point. Maybe later. Anyway, amazing. You're definitely going to be surprised every time you do this in the way things happen, right? Yeah. They're never going to happen the way you think they're going to happen, right?

Yeah. Something's going to go different. That's what makes it fun. Yeah. And now, look, I know your relationship didn't last. That's OK. You have proven to yourself you can create a lot of sparks and connections with a lot of different women,

online, on dates, approaching. You've had a girlfriend. And now it's just about, hey, let's find an even better fit for you. It's just about who she is and when and how you meet her. Absolutely. And this program, as you fail, it kind of insulates you from maybe things that don't work out in the future, right?

So I would have been taking this breakup a lot harder had I not gone through the program and failed so many different times. It just seems like another roadblock, another speed bump in the road of life, you know what I mean? Which is the way it really should be. And it'll teach you that kind of resilience as you go through. You know what I mean? Well when a relationship ends, it can and should hurt. I'm not saying I want it to hurt, but it's normal. It's healthy to feel pain, to feel the loss and to feel however it ended to feel either rejected or just sad that you've lost something. But there's a great, great tip I got from another self-development coach who basically said, you know, when something happens to you, that's not what you want,

something painful. You can turn this into something that happens to you or for you. You can say, Oh, did this breakup happen to me, which makes me a victim and makes me bitter and sad, or did it happen for me? And I would suggest to you, Kyle, that in XYZ number of weeks or months from now, when you're dating the perfect girl for you and you're in the happy relationship and things are wonderful you look back on the recent relationship that ended and say all right it's stung that sucked for

a while but you know what it happened for me look who I'm with now look at the winds I've had since then and I think I know you'll feel that way it's just a matter of who she is and when and how you need her, but she's gonna love you. Yeah man, the emotions are natural. The whole, you know, what now is essential. What do we do now? You know what I mean? Right, that's what matters. That's what we actually have control over, right? So emotions are real, but they will fade, and then you'll have a choice to make. Yeah. And the other thing that always helped me when I had a relationship end, especially when

I was in your phase of growing into an even better, more confident, attractive dater, is I reminded myself, hey, wait a minute. It wasn't meant to be with her, but there are literally a million more women out there, and I have an abundance of options and I have an abundance to give and that's something that maybe what we can end on that which is Kyle you have and I know you know this but I'll say it anyway more for the listener but also for you you have an abundance of love of worth of value to give the world and to give women and there's also an abundance of women out there for you as you've already proven by having a lot of success and basically it's just a matter of who you're going to

end up with but you have so much there's a lot more women out there and I can't wait for you to find the right one for you. Thanks bro. Of course man I'm here to help you get there. All right. All right anything else I can help you with? Nah man I'm gonna take a look at our things we talked about and try to implement them

and see what happens, right? All right, cool. Stick around for 10 more seconds. I'm gonna chat with you after I wrap this up. And thank you so much for listening. By the way, if you would like to talk with me one-on-one about finding out if one-on-one dating coaching is right for you, just like Kyle and I work together,

all you need to do is go to datingtransformation.com. You can book a free call with me to talk about coaching and what your biggest dating problems are and how I can potentially help you. It's a free call. You just go to datingtransformation.com and do it that way. Thank you for listening.

And remember your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she's gonna love you, but she's out there and she's gonna love you but she's gonna have to meet the real authentic you so until next time