How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Never Run Out of Things to Say: the 8 Topics Women Want You to Talk About

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Running out of things to say is a chemistry killer. It leads to awkward silences, and getting that dreaded text: “I didn’t feel a connection.” In this episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend,” dating coach and author Connell Barrett reveals the only 8 topics you need to have fun, free-flowing conversations with women. Goodbye, awkward silences. Hello, second dates!WANT TO ATTRACT A GREAT GIRLFRIEND IN 90 DAYS OR LESS? BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION CALL WITH DATING COACH CONNELL BARRETT:DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL TO GET A FREE COPY OF HIS BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”:[e-mail]

Women dread boring conversations more than almost anything. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm an author. I'm a dating coach. I help men learn exactly how to flirt and what to say and get better dates and more successful dates so you can find a great girlfriend. And I'm all about doing it with authenticity, being the true best real self you are,

not putting on some kind of mask, not having to be somebody. you think she wants, being the real you. And today I want to help you always know what to say when you're talking to a woman and never run out of things to say. I think perhaps the most common struggle men have in dating. I hear this from hundreds of clients. I hear this from guys who do consultation calls with me. Even if I don't work with the guy, I hear this from so many men, they say, Connell, I run out of things to say. I'm on the date and I don't know what to say or where to take it next and there's just an awkward silence. And that can hurt a date, but it's not even about dates. It's about texting. Guys run out of things to say. You're at a

party talking to a cute girl and you're just like, oh, I asked her these three or four questions and now I don't have anything else and it gets awkward. And she says, well, nice meeting you. Or on a second or on a first day, she says, well, I just didn't feel a connection. And I want to help you fix that. So today, enough preamble. I'm going to give you the eight things to talk about with women. This is going to rock your world. 90% of the things that women want you to talk about, I'm going to share with you.

These eight things cover basically 90% of conversation topics. So you're never going to run out of things to say. And what I love about today's training is I'm not going to give you. you scripted things to remember. You don't need to do scripted stuff. It's good. You could have one or two things in your back pocket. Absolutely. But here we go. Eight topics. These are the only eight, well, these are the main eight topics to talk about with women. This will have you covered. The only one not covered is talking about sex and sexual desires. Now, there is a time and place to talk about that. We're not going to do that today. So here are the eight topics women want you to

talk about so that you never run out of things to say. And the reason why this will help you so much is if you struggle with what to say, it's not because you don't know how to talk or socialize. It's because you think, okay, there's a really high bar for what I need to say. I've got to be charismatic or interesting or really funny or witty. And those things are nice bonuses if you are those things or can summon those things, but they're not required. All you really need to do is stick to these eight topics. And once you know the topic you're talking about,

you'll never run out of things to say. I mean, do you ever run out of things to say with your mom, with your brother, with your good friends? No. You just talk about the topics that come up with those people organically. and you know what to say because you know the topic.

So we're going to give you these eight topics right now. So topic number one, passions and hobbies. What you're into? What she's into? So let's imagine you're on a date. What might you say? You might say, what's your favorite thing to do this weekend? Or what's your favorite thing to do on weekends?

Or what do you love to do more than anything else? It's one of my favorite first date questions back in the day. What do you love to do more than anything else? you know, besides have dates with charming ginger guys with glasses, smile. So you can certainly layer in a little bit of playful flirting. I have a client, Rick, who talked for like an hour on a recent date, just talking about fitness and running. He's really into running.

He runs marathons. He said to his date, oh, I just love running marathons. that runner's high makes me feel so alive. And she was into that because she runs a little bit, not marathons. He got into a story about running the New York City Marathon. His whole family was there. Showering him with Gatorade at the end of it, it became a wonderful insight into his life. So here's my dating coach tip for you.

For each of these eight topics, I'm going to give you a very specific tip. Women want to date a man with passions. Women are just attracted to passion. So whatever you're really into, share how your favorite one or two hobbies, share how they make you feel rather than just sharing dry facts. Big secret of flirting. Flirting is not complicated. It's not about perfect lines. It's about playfulness. It's about light emotion. It's not about facts and figures. So, for example, don't stop at, I run marathons. I've run six marathons in my life. That's perfectly valid information to bring on a date. But really what's going to make her excited to talk to you is emotion.

You might say, oh, marathons make me light up. I feel like I'm alive. I feel like an Olympian. I feel like a Greek god. It's 10 times. That's saying that is 10 times better than I've run five marathons. tell her how marathons make you feel. Flirting is about emotion.

It's not about math. It's not about facts and figures. Okay, let's go to topic number two. This is a big favorite of mine as a movie and TV nerd. Topic number two, pop culture. Movies, music, TV shows, books. You could have entire dates or entire long. text conversations where it's just you and her viving back and forth about hey what's your

desert island movie what's the best episode of Seinfeld what's the worst episode of Seinfeld what book are you reading now that you think everybody should read women love talking about well people in general love talking about things in pop culture one of my favorite questions on a first date or not even this is not all about first dates this is not all about first dates this could be about those first few text messages when you're not sure where to take it. Ask her, I'm curious, what's your desert island movie? Or what are your top three desert island movies? If she says a movie that you love, great.

You can say, oh my God, you have such good taste in movies. Damn, you're cute and you like good movies? I got to take you on a date. Boom. Now you're asking her out. A client recently said he probably took this line from me, but he said to a recent date, your favorite movie is the notebook?

Sorry, this isn't going to work out. I can't be with a woman whose favorite movie is the notebook. Come on. Obviously, he's teasing and joking. See the fun little, light, romantic tension there? He's playfully pretending that it's over. Sorry, you're in the front zone, if that's your favorite movie. I remember, I used to love asking women, what was the first concert you ever went to?

first pop rock concert got all kinds of different answers and one woman said nickelback i like broke out laughing what nickelback was your first concert i'm sorry i feel bad for you um or maybe it's a concert that's badass i was on a date once and her first concert ever was biance i was like oh my god i'm so jealous bay queen bay um here's my tip dating coach tip for you um for pop culture especially, if this topic or any of these topics are viking, lean into it. You can live in that topic for a long time. I was on a, I used to take a lot of improv classes and there was a woman in one of my musical improv classes. I'll call her Rebecca. And she and I went out for drinks after class one night,

which basically turned into our first date. And on this epic, three, well, it was a three-hour date. It turned into an overnight date. We basically all we talked about was Beatles and Seinfeld and books. Beatles, books, and Seinfeld. That's all we talked about. I remember we talked for a whole hour about underrated Beatles songs. We just nerded out. By the way, underrated Beatles song, Hey Bulldog. Here's a hot take. Hey Bulldog by the Beatles is better than Hey Jude. hot take for you. It's not true, but that's what a hot take's about, right, trying to make a case. And Rebecca and I just totally vibed about these things and literature. She opened up all about Russian literature. She's an incredibly voracious reader. And we hit it off. And basically,

then we went back to my place. Had a fun little fling for a while. She didn't become my girlfriend, but it was a fun little fling. And all we did was talk about pop culture for like three hours. So this is an important caveat. I should have mentioned this at the beginning. You don't have to talk about all eight of these things at once or on a date. In fact, it would probably be hard, not impossible, but tough to get all eight of these. I'm just giving you, these are the only eight you really need to worry about. This will cover every part of conversation a woman could possibly want.

So don't worry about hitting all eight. That's my main tip for you. Don't worry about hitting all eight. Please just focus on the one or two or three that really resonate with you. you and her. Are you getting this so far? So many guys think, oh, I need to be witty, amazing. No, you just need to talk about things that she's enjoying talking about. And choosing the topic that's relevant to her that she enjoys takes the pressure off you from having to be super witty, super charismatic, super amazing, which paradoxically lowers the bar for you and makes you wittier

and more confident and more likely to be charismatic and amazing because you're not trying so hard to be charismatic and amazing. I know. Brain melt. Hey, quick commercial interruption, go to datingtransformation.com. That's my website. Got lots of ton, awesome tips there, back episodes of this podcast, and you can go to dating transformation to book a free call with me if you would like to learn about my dating

coaching. I do one-on-one dating coaching for guys who are just so tired of not getting dates, so tired of struggling with flirting. And you just want to meet some awesome women. Get some dates. Get a girlfriend in a couple months. That's what most of my guys do. By the end of the two-month program I do with guys,

they're either dating a really awesome, wonderful woman or getting dates and having some really nice options. And some guys even have girlfriends. So go to datingtransformation.com. And you and I can talk for free and figure out if we're a good fit to work together. And if we're not, no worries. And if we are, hey,

I might be talking about your first date success story or the girlfriend you just got. Okay. Number three, topic number three of what to talk about with women. Your origin story and her origin story. Who you were as kids. How do you bring this up on a date or in a text or any conversation? You might say, hey, I'm curious. Tell me, tell me what you were like in high school.

Are you popular? Were you unpopular? that's what you might ask. What you might say, I have a client named Harry, who was chubby when he was a kid. And he said to a woman he was texting, hey, here's an unfun fact. I was really overweight in high school. My nickname was Harold the House. And she wrote back, oh my God, I was chubby too. They called me this nickname. So they were clicking and bonding over what they were like as kids, both having been a little bit of, chunky, by the way, I was fat too. I was chubby. My name is Connell Barrett. My nickname in grade school was corn oil bear fat. Eric Sundermeyer gave me that. Thanks, Eric. No, it's all good. I'm over it. Kids can be rough. Yeah, topic three, your story of origin, her, basically what you were like as kids in high school. There's a quote in my book. I say, share vulnerable stories, be real, authentic. If you want to get naked with her, first you have to get emotionally naked. That's what I say in

my book, dating sucks, but you don't. If you want to get naked, great. We all want to get naked eventually. First, you got to get emotionally naked. Open up a little bit. And a great way to open up about a topic that she's going to love is what you and she were like as kids. Another question or observation and way I would bring this up back in my single days was, I would say to a, woman, or I wouldn't say this to her, but I would just come out and say, I'm curious, you're this beautiful, attractive woman, obviously. Were you like the attractive girl in grade school and high school all the boys had crushes on?

Or did you become, did you turn into this? Or I used to say, I used to say, are you the ugly duckling who became a swan? Or were you always like the most popular girl in school? It's such a relatable thing to have been a dorky, nerdy, not attractive younger person like me, like most women, frankly. And then she's going to probably say, oh, my God, I was the ugly duckling. She might show you pictures. You can show her pictures.

Women love looking at childhood photos. I show my girlfriend pictures of me when I was a little kid. She loves them. I'm pretty sure I did this on our first few dates. I don't remember. It's been a few years. But, yeah, topic number three. Just talk about what you were like as kids.

You can't run out of things to say. What are you going to run out of memories from childhood? No, of course not. I brought this story up with a date once. It was my one and only date during the pandemic. I left the house once. I was just like, I got to get out of here. I went on a really mediocre date.

But we had one great topic we loved talking about. Halloween as kids. And she told me this really funny story about dressing up as like a wit. as like a witch for school, but she went to school on the wrong day, and she was the only one dressed up. She's sitting in math class in a witch hat and witch outfit, and everybody else is dressed normally. That's a great, vulnerable, fun childhood story. Okay, topic number four, so you never run out of things to say. Topic number four is travel adventures. Travel adventures. So you might bring the topic up by saying, hey, what's your craziest travel story?

or you might talk about your most recent trip. I have a client, Barry, who has this incredible story. He went to Cuba back before Cuba opened up a little bit. Cuba's a little bit more open than it used to be. He went to Cuba. And Cuba has this, or maybe this is from the past, but Cuba had some kind of fee for leaving the country. Like you had to pay an extra 100 bucks or something.

And he and his friend spent all their money down to the last 20 bucks basically because they wanted to get the most out of Cuba. And there's no ATMs in Cuba at this point. There's no cash machines. And it was for some reason the credit card wasn't working maybe. Anyway, something about the fact Cuba is a very strange country. Anyway, they were out of money and they couldn't leave. So my friend Barry and his friend, Barry's really good at doing street magic. they had to go out into the streets of Havana and do street magic for money to get enough money to leave.

And they made like $85 or $90 just enough so that they could pay the fee to leave Cuba. Otherwise, they're stuck in Cuba for who knows how long. Just an incredible story. So yeah, talk about travel. And again, avoid, you know, where have you gone? and don't limit it to factual facts and information. Talk about, share stories. Women love storytelling, sharing and hearing them.

One of my first clients, a guy named Craig, he's in my book. He's married now. But the hinge prompt that got Craig a match with the woman who became his wife, it was, quote, I snuck past U.S. Customs in an SUV, rolled up in a rug. And then he tells that story on dates. Basically, he had to sneak out of Canada into the U.S. for some reason. He didn't have his passport or some paperwork. So his friends rolled him up in a giant rug in the back of an SUV. So these topics I'm talking about, this is for anything. This is for your online dating prompts. This is for texting. It's for what, you know,

what you talk about when you approach. It's not just dates. So travel adventures make great conversation. You can't run out of things to say as long as you had a little bit of travel. And even if you haven't traveled that much, don't sweat it. Talk about where you want to go. Have an aspirational conversation. Where would we go together if we were going to take a trip? What would a dream place be? Talk about where you want to go if you haven't done much traveling. Okay, topic number five. So you never run out of things to say, food and drink. Food and drink. Classic. On my first date with my girlfriend, Jess, We talked about Italian food, cooking, ketchup, our favorite and least favorite foods for at least half hour.

She's Italian or Italian heritage, and cooking is very important to her and her family. So yeah, you might say something like, hey, I hope you're a foodie like I am. I'm curious. What's your favorite dessert? That'd be a great question to ask on a date. And she'll probably ask you the same question back. You can talk about your favorite desserts, favorite ice creams. I have a client, former client, Sean, big pizza guy.

And he talked about eating pizza every day for 30 days as a challenge. Yeah, talk about pizza, talk about food, talk about drink. Now you might be thinking, Connell, food, really? Aren't we supposed to get to know each other? Well, you're getting to know each other through the lens of food and drink. Does that make sense? You're going to learn a little bit about her. My girlfriend hates ketchup, but she loves Italian food.

So I'm learning about her Italian heritage. I'm learning about something she loves to do. Also, it's just fun to talk about food and drink for most people, especially women who consider themselves foodies. Yeah, on dates or by text, I've asked a million women. So I live in New York City. if you moved from New York City, where would your last meal be before you moved? That's a really good question.

My girlfriend said Taco Bell when we first started talking. And I got her Taco Bell earrings for Christmas a couple years ago. What a great boyfriend I am. So women have strong opinions on food. And maybe you do too. Let her share them and you should share yours. Food. Okay, moving on.

Let's check out the next topic. The next one is your career. Here's a great one. Now, here's what you might say about career. This is topic number six. What you love most about your job or even what you don't love about your job. It's okay to have some honesty here and say, oh, you know what I love about my job?

Helping people. You know what I hate about my job? My boss is such a dick. What annoying jerk. That's part of being authentic and real. It's okay to show a little bit of humanity. So, yeah, you might ask her, what do you love most about your job? T her up to talk about what she enjoys about it.

Most guys make the mistake of talking about their career facts, figures, information. How long have you been there? How many years? When did you graduate? How did you get the job? What are your hours? Boring as fuck. I mean, it's not boring to start with facts and figures, but boring to stay there.

No, let's get into passion. Tell her, get her to tell the story. What was the greatest day you ever had in your job? What was the greatest win you ever had in that courtroom as an attorney, counselor? Get tear up to talk passionately about her job. And she's going to feel those good emotions about you because you're the guy helping her feel those good emotions. And that's what's going to make her want a second date in part. I coached a firefighter.

He had a great line on a date. He said, I'm a firefighter. The pay sucks, but saving lives is priceless. Such a great line. We put that on his profile, and he would say that on dates. So vulnerable, not trying to impress her with money, because he doesn't have money. He's a firefighter. Pay sucks, but man, saving lives is priceless.

Women love that kind of vulnerability and truthfulness from a guy. Here's my tip. Don't just say what you do, but why. That's where the emotion is. You know, let other guys ask about dull facts. Like, how long have you been working as an attorney? Snore. Help her talk about what she loves in her work and she's going to light up.

Because women want to feel feels, not facts. All right. Topic number seven. So you never run out of things to say. Fun hypothetical what ifs. I'll just give you a fun list here. These are fun brain teaser types of questions. Again, get the right woman.

on a date or over text who really loves this, this can be an hour of conversation. You might say, who should play you in the movie of your life? What celebrity would you love to have dinner with? Would you rather time travel to the past or to the future? When and where would you like to go? I asked my girlfriend this on our first date. She said, oh, I want to stay here in New York City, but I want to go back to the 1980s and go to like a CBGB, like a class. I'm a class. classic punk bar and here's some like early 80s punk music. And I was like, no way. I had no idea she would say that. I asked her why. She loves classic New York. Her dad is a punk rock drummer. It just felt like a certain way for her to experience the history of New York City more.

What a great answer. What a great insight into her. I'm learning and getting to know who she is based on these answers. One client of mine told his date, I want to time travel and go see Jimmy Hendricks play Woodstock. He's a guitar guy. Here's my dating coach tip for number seven, hypothetical what-ifs. Women dread boring conversations more than almost anything. I mean, there are greater dreads than dating for women, of course. But the most common thing women want to avoid is, ugh, boring conversation. I just don't want it to be boring. Even if he's, even if he's not the right fit for me as a guy, just don't be boring. And these fun what-ifs keep things playful.

Flirting is all about play. All about play. And finally, topic number eight, so you never run out of things to say, talking about your loved ones, hers and yours. One thing I asked my girlfriend on our first date, I said, who are you closest to in your family? As soon as I met Jess, I said, I think this is going to be my future girlfriend. If I play my cards right.

And so one of the questions I asked her was, who are you closest to in your family? I wanted to know. I wanted to get to know her, connect with her, not just flirt and tease and joke, but also just really try to understand a little bit about what makes her tick. She's so close to her big brother. She told this really compelling story about a car accident they got into. She shared this on our first date. Neither of them were hurt, thank goodness.

So it wasn't a tragic, sad story. We want to keep things positive and light on dates. but she told this powerful story about about getting hit and the car flips over on one side and how she and her brother dealt with it and their near-death experience. Heavy, potentially heavy, but because they were okay, it wasn't dark. It wasn't depressing. And I opened up about my big sister. I lost my oldest sister a couple years ago, Kelly.

But she was alive at the time I met my girlfriend. And I remember talking about all about my big sister and me. We used to memorize Abbott and Costello comedy routines and do little plays in our backyard when I was a little kid. So we're both opening up about our loved ones. And that helps a woman get a window, a snapshot into your life and who you are. So she can make that decision, hey, do I want this guy in my life long term? And this helps her make that choice. And if you don't give her the choice, she'll choose no.

unfortunately. Here's my dating coach tip. I just basically shared it with you, which is bring her into your world. And talking about your loved ones, brings her into your world and helps her feel like what it might be like to be part of your life.

And that's what's going to make a woman choose to want to be your girlfriend eventually. Is can I see myself in his life and can I see him in my life? Does he fit into my life potentially? On many first or second dates, this topic came up of loved ones. And I told the story of the best day of my life. The best day of my life was my dad's 85th birthday.

My dad's birthday is on Halloween. He turned 85 in 2014. And I helped to co-plan his Halloween birthday party. And I came up with this incredible idea. I'm not saying that to brag. I feel like the idea came from above. I got the idea of a surprise party where all these people from my mom and dad's past

came to my mom and dad's house as a surprise on my dad's birthday on Halloween as trick-or-treaters. All these friends, family, the woman who introduced my mom and dad together 60 years ago showed up and rang the doorbell. My dad thought we had forgotten his birthday. In fact, we had this.

two-hour slow-motion surprise party where every single person who was trick-or-treating at the door was a guest for the party. And my dad was crying. My mom, who was dying at the time, was there watching and loving it, sitting in her wheelchair, just loving it. And it was just the greatest day of my life because I was able to give back to my family and to my mom and dad in ways that I'd never been before. At the time, I was working really hard in my life, not just on dating, but on being less self-centered and more about giving and contributing. So that's the best day of my life. And I've told that story on dates.

You can go deep on dates. You can get deep, open up, vulnerable, emotionally naked. Women love it. And that all started with topic number eight, talking about your loved ones. So those are the eight topics. That's pretty much almost everything you could ever hope to talk about with a woman. There are other things, of course. But 90% of conversation fits into these eight topics.

Put this in your back pocket and use this. And you'll stop trying to strain for the right, perfect thing to say. There's no such thing. Just ask yourself which of these eight topics is a good topic to talk about right now. And you'll stop running out of things to say. And conversation will be so much better and more free-flowing. All right. Thanks for listening.

Go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me if you want to learn about my coaching. Later.