How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Online Dating Is Brutal in 2026—Here Are 26 New Rules to Finally Get Good Matches (Part 1)

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

You’re exhausted by the dating apps, right? The endless swiping, the scarcity of matches, the ghosting. The problem? Online dating has changed, and most guys are still using outdated strategies. In this two-part episode, dating coach Connell Barrett breaks down his 26 new rules for online dating in 2026. It’s time to match more, get ghosted less, and finally find your dream woman in the new year.Episode Highlights:03:30: The Biggest Myth About Online Dating that Changes Everything07:20: How to Choose Photos You KNOW Will Work (Backed by Data)13:27: Survival of the Spiciest: The Prompt Women Respond To19:02: Replace Your Opening Photo with This33:12: The Secret to Taking Your Bio from Boring to Swipe-ableBOOK A FREE CONSULTATION WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW HIS COACHING CAN HELP YOU MEET THE GIRLFRIEND YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED: www.DatingTransformation.com

I just launched a brand new dating app specifically for guys to use when they're on the John. I call it plenty of flush. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I am the real-life hitch, helping you attract incredible women on the dating apps this episode and doing it with authenticity. No sketchy, weird, toxic pickup artist moves needed. And we are near the end of 2025. And because it's 2026, I want to do an episode, actually, a back-to-back episode two-parter,

sharing the 26 new rules for online dating in 2026. If you're like most men, the dating apps just don't work for you. And that can be so incredibly frustrating. I know this all too well. I struggled with online dating when I first started to try to figure this out many, many years ago. And then I've cracked the code. And a big reason why you're struggling on the dating apps is because you're just not sure what's actually working on the apps in 2026. The rules of online dating change, are changing and have changed.

And here is a brutal fact. What's the opposite of a fun fact? Here's an unfun fact. Unfun fact. The average guy on Tinder matches with just 2.5% of the women he swipes right on. That's the average guy. Think about that. The average guy gets two or three matches for every 100 right swipes.

And many men get zero matches or at least zero good matches. Online dating is very competitive. There's more men than women, and it's a buyer's market for women. And so it's a competitive environment, but I have good news for you, is these two back-to-back episodes. I'm going to share 26 new rules for how to date online, how to get matches, how to get dates in 2026, so you can boost your match rate well above that 2.5% average. We want to get that up to 10, 12, 15 matches out of every right 100.

right swipes, maybe even more. I want to help you quadruple the number of matches you get. And if this is your first time here, my name's Connell Barrett, dating coach, author. I wrote a book called dating sucks, but you don't. And I coach men in three primary areas. I coach men with online dating. I coach men with approaching how to confidently, competently approach women in real life, and also with flirting, how to be charming and flirt with women and the ways that women like, and to do it all with authenticity. I am so not a pickup artist, dude, although I worked with a lot of those guys back in the day, so I know what not to do.

So one of the three big realms I help men with is online dating. That's what we're going to talk about for these next two episodes. And I met my girlfriend Jess on a dating app. Many of my clients have met their partners on dating apps. And I want to help you meet your future partner on a dating app. do it in 2026 so that we can make 2026 the year where you find love, where you find your girlfriend. So let's get to it. Here we go. 26 new rules for online dating in 2026. Let's start with rule number one. Rule number one is online dating isn't really dating. It's digital

marketing. It's digital marketing. Think about that. Online dating isn't really dating until you meet up with that woman in person or you start chatting and texting, okay, then it's dating or you have the first date. Of course, that's dating. But until then, to get the matches, it's not really dating. It's digital marketing. You're basically running a digital ad for yourself. That's what any dating platform profile is, just a digital ad for you. And most guys run terrible ads, sadly. Your profile is a piece of marketing designed to get your audience to want to choose the product, the product of you. And the reason, funny story for what it's worth, the reason, I wrote a book called Dating Sucks, but you don't. And the title came from a conversation

I had with a man back in the day a few years ago when I said to him, his name is Rocco, Rocky, Rocco. I said, Rocco, you're not getting matches. He's like, yeah, because women don't like me. I suck. And I said, dude, you don't suck. Your profile sucks. You're amazing. You're a great catch. But your marketing is bad. Your profile is bad. So that's where my book title came from. Dating sucks, but you don't. You're incredible. Online dating can suck. It can feel very, very frustrating because it's so competitive and it can be very, very difficult to get the matches and the success you want. But I just want you to know that the problem is not you. The problem is not you.

It's not that you're not enough. It's that your profile isn't marketing the right way. So please know that. The reason you're struggling on the dating apps, if you are, is not because you're unattractive. It's not because you're not Hollywood handsome. It's because your digital marketing content. Your profile is not attracting your audience.

So we want to approach this a lot like marketers approach. a piece of digital marketing. And the two things that a piece of digital marketing has to do is to capture the interest of the audience is it has to offer value. And it has to say something. It has to have a message that says something different than all the other marketing that people are getting pummeled with in the marketplace. And we want to apply those same concepts to online dating.

That's what we've got to do in 2020. because it's just such a competitive marketplace, more competitive than ever. There's more men than ever on dating apps. And most of the men are trying to match with trying to date the top 20 to 25 most desirable, attractive women. So treat it like a piece of marketing. And once you do that, that takes a lot of the personal indictment out of it. It can feel personal opening your bumble, your hinge, your Tinder, and just seeing no new matches and feel like,

Oh, it must be me. No, it's not you. It's your marketing. It's your digital marketing. So you want to become a really good digital marketer. That's what gets the matches. And the good news is once you get a good piece of digital marketing, so called, your profile, you're going to get a lot more matches. And then you really don't have to do anything.

You can pretty much set it and forget it. I haven't changed my online dating profile in any significant way in many years, other than updating some photos and making it more up to date just because I know I have the marketing that works. Don't forget that rule. Online dating isn't really dating. It's just marketing. Rule number two for 2026. Use photo feeler and let women pick your best photos. You might think your photos look good. Your mom thinks your photos look good. Your dog thinks your photos look good. But what do women actually think? Find out before you put them on your profile, this piece of marketing.

You want to test. You want to test. And the best way to test, I think is photofieler.com. Upload a handful of your best portraits to photofieler. And let a focus group of women actually rate your photos. And it's not free, but it's very affordable. You pay a few bucks to have a portrait test. and you let a focus group of actual women rate which portraits make you look most attractive.

And you want to test portraits or photos that essentially show you looking at the camera, fairly good lighting. Don't test a photo of you hitting a golf ball or climbing a rock wall. Don't test a photo of you standing, you know, in front of the Eiffel Tower on your trip to Paris. Photo feeler is best for testing portraits. So keep that in mind. And you want to try to see if you can end up with photos that get you a score of 7.5 or higher on photo feeler. So photo feeler, on photo feeler, women can choose three. Women give you three ratings.

Attractiveness, trustworthiness, and intelligence. They're all important. But online dating is a bit more shallow than other parts of dating. it is largely a visual thing. So the most important metric you're looking at is your attractiveness score. And it'd be great if you could get to a 7 or 7.5 or higher for attractive. If you can get to a 7.5 or higher for attractiveness, that's what my clients and I have seen start to get the actual right swipes online.

So I'm a big fan of doing this. And the thing about photo feeler, it's so enlightening to me, I think. It's just really interesting what does and doesn't work. The results will surprise you. And this is how we make online dating more fun than it might be right now as you put your marketing hat on and treat it like a fun, social marketing experiment. What photos will work? What won't?

And you never know what pick is really going to get women excited and interested. I went to Paris, speaking to Paris a few years ago, I went to Paris and I took these photos of me, well-dressed, making the most attractive face. I could make, and I had the Eiffel Tower behind me. And I thought, oh, my God, this photo of me in Paris is going to be amazing. Totally tanked. I got, like, on a scale of 1 to 10, I got fours and fives, maybe even threes. And I think it's because of the lighting wasn't very good.

And it's because maybe women just didn't want to see vacation photos, even though the Eiffel Tower is a beautiful structure. I thought those photos were going to crush, totally tanked. So I didn't put them on my profile. I'm only going to put photos on my profile, at least I'm only going to put portraits on my profile that I think, or that I know test well on photo feeler. And then what I did is I found a better photo or I took some better portraits, my photographer, amazing woman here in New York City, who works with my clients and me, Rianne, she took portraits of me, well-dressed, jacket. tie i should say a blazer not a not a not a suit and boom i got attractiveness scores of nine plus isn't that interesting now am i a four or am i nine well i don't know i'm somewhere in the middle probably in terms of what women find attractive but that's the cool thing about

photo feeler is you'll realize in some photos you're a five and some you're a seven eight nine I've got a client who's got like 9.8. I have a client in Kansas City who got a 9.8. He's so handsome. And I can get up to a 9. And if I can get to a 9, almost any guy. If a skinny middle-aged ginger can get to a 9, then you can get to probably a 7, 7.5.

And that's typically, typically what it will take to get good matches, but not always. I have a client in Jersey. I'll call him Barry, not his real name. here's why I'm not giving you his real name. He is not a conventionally attractive guy. I think he would tell you that. He's just not.

He's not ugly at all, but he's no handsome, handsome movie star type. And his numbers didn't get much higher than a five or a six. But because he has so much personality and his authentic self is coming out and the photos are taken in a very attractive way, he still got really good matches. even though he only got to, like, didn't even get to a seven. Anyway, bottom line is I want you to make photofieler.com a regular part of your online dating stress test, quality test. Make sure that the first two photos of your profile have the best possible scores on photofieler.com, and if you can't get good scores, then you're going to have to take

new and improved photos. That would be my advice. All right. Rule number three, no bathroom selfies ever. Women don't want to associate you with toilets, obviously. Unless, of course, you're using my brand new dating app. I just launched a brand new dating app specifically for guys to use when they're on the John. I call it plenty of flush.

Okay, sorry, I don't have sound effects for my podcast. I should have added a drum rim shot there. online dating new rule number four for 2026 have a hot take on your profile have a hot take on your bio or a prompt think of online dating in 2026 it's survival of the spiciest you know what a hot take is right social feeds are flooded with bold opinions clapbacks unpopular opinions and people who are trying to get attention and it works with podcasts i i love there's a podcast network i love called the ringer uh it's got a there's a movie podcast called the rewatchables i love it and they have hot takes here's my hot take about this movie you know a hot take in social media

there's a guy in my favorite movie podcast who says that his hot take was luke wilson could have been bigger than harrison fort hot take is something that that makes somebody go, wait, what? What are you talking about? Tell me more. Now, with your online dating profile, you can use the same idea. Have one hot take for a prompt or part of your bio. Because most guys have boring, boring, not hot takes, not spicy takes, cold room temperature

oatmeal takes. I like travel. I like having fun. I enjoy the office. Amazing. Great. just describe every human on the planet everybody likes the office everybody likes travel so you want to have one prompt that has some kind of edge to it that takes a bold stance okay you want to show women

that you're not a cardboard cut out you want to show some depth humor edge and a hot take helps you do that just like it does in social media so here's some good hot takes just things that my clients and I have kicked around and tested. Quote, unpopular opinion. Dating works better when two people stop pretending to be cool and admit that they like each other. That's a hot take, right? Hot take.

Busy is not a personality. If you want love, makes space for it. Hot take. Women love this one. Hot take. I judge people by how they treat the waiter. And I'm not sorry for that. That sends a really good signal to women because women know it as how men treat people who are working, you know, serving them.

You could do some pop culture hot takes. Oh, by the way, dating hot takes are really good. Women love dating hot takes. You know, hot take can be as simple as hot take, three messages, max. Then let's meet up and see if we have chemistry. No more pen pals. Something like that can work. You could do pop culture hot takes.

I tried this one. This one got some responses from some women. Star Wars peaked with Andor. If you disagree, you're allowed to be wrong. We could go with something like, quote, here's a funny self-aware one, unpopular opinion. I don't need to be the main character. I just want to date somebody who knows their side quests. So what we're doing here with these hot takes is you basically want to come up with an honest, real, raw opinion that is by definition polarizing.

And also by definition is something women haven't heard before. My girlfriend, Jess, she's not on the dating apps, obviously. But she gave me a hot take on our first date. That would have been a great hot take on our profile, which was that ketchup makes everything worse. So a food hot take is a really good one. What is your strongest, most counterintuitive food hot take or dating hot take or a cultural hot take? Play around with some ideas. And if you can get a woman dropping her jaw and saying, whoa, I've never heard that before. Then you're going to draw a woman into your profile.

And if she likes the rest of your vibe, guess what? You got a match. Okay. Rule number five, stop filtering out good matches. In 2026, the competition on the apps is fiercer than ever. There are literally three times as many men on the apps as women, on average, looking across at all the apps. So if your filters are too strict, then you're going to be invisible. So you want to expand your age and height filters by, follow this rule. Expand your age and height filters by at least three years and three inches in both directions.

So for example, my client Patrick, former client Patrick, I was only swiping on women age 26 to 33 between 5'6 and 510. And I told him, expand it. Do the three years, three inches rule. He did. A couple days later, he matched with Emily, 35, 5'4, but stylish, beautiful, charming. And she was outside of his old filters. They met, they hit it off, and they are now exclusive.

So you never know. Your perfect match might just be two years older or one inch shorter than your current filters. So check your filters. And if you have two limiting filters, stop filtering out good matches. Okay. Rule number six. Use video to get more matches, more hits. I matched with a beautiful woman recently.

And her first message to me was Connell, I love that photo of you. you on the beach. But is it real? Because of AI, women are more suspicious than ever of the photos they see. And women trust video so much more now because it's a lot harder to fake a video than a photo commonly. I know there's deep fakes out there, but for the average common person, it's just a lot harder to fake a video than a photo. And only, according to what I found, doing a little research online, only 12% of men use video on their dating profiles. And if you're one of the, if you're one of the, oh man, I suck at math, 88% of men who aren't using video, it's costing you matches. Video is more important to use now than ever. So you want to record a four, five, six second

video clip. And there's no real rules for this. You just want it to, again, think back to those core marketing concepts offer value and break the pattern of what women are used to seeing in a good way. So the simplest thing to do is just say something warm, authentic. It can be genuine. Hey, I'm Matt. I make a mean breakfast burrito and I laugh way too loud at my own jokes. I have a client named Taylor. I'll call him Taylor, not his real name. My client, Taylor, had a great little nine-second video he created. He's jumping into a lake. He's actually jumping over a female friend

who is seated in a beach lounge chair on a pier, and he jumps over her into the water and splashes. Very dynamic and fun. And he quite savvily, in a very savvy way, he shows a woman involved in the video, which conveys, oh, this guy knows women, women like him. That sends good social-proof signals. Oh, and then bonus tip.

Put the video in your first slot. I don't think Hinge lets you do that. I don't think, but I know Bumble and Tinder allow you to put video in your very first slot instead of a photo. Try that. When you do that, you're going to grab a woman's attention more quickly because video is just more dynamic than photos, all things equal, and also more trustworthy for women right now, because women, so many women have their guard up about AI.

Rule number seven. Online dating. Rule number seven. Add one mystery detail to spark curiosity. Again, repeating myself, your profile is a piece of digital marketing. One of the oldest, most powerful marketing tools you can use is curiosity. Think BuzzFeed clickbait, like a headline on BuzzFeed. your jaw is going to drop when you see what he tried to cook in his microwave. I'm like, damn, what did he, what did he do? What did that idiot try to cook in his microwave? That clickbait makes you want to answer. It creates curiosity that makes you want to answer a question.

So you can do the same thing with your profile. So add one mystery, but truthful, but mystery detail to your bio that will make a woman want to know more. It can just make a woman want to know more. three examples from my clients. Number one, three different clients. You won't believe why I had to go to court last year. Next one, I once had a date with a 90s movie star. Can you guess who? It's a really good one. And this is an old one going back a while. My client, Craig, used this one, quote, you'll be shocked when I tell you how I once snuck past customs into Canada. That made the woman who

we ended up dating, marrying, frankly, not frankly, lappily. She was like, wait, what? Why did you sneak into Canada? What was that about? Why are you sneaking into countries? And a woman has to match with you to solve the mystery. Oh, by the way, here's a little bonus tip. You can use the same concept of sparking curiosity in your openers on the dating apps.

You can't think of what to say. You can use a curiosity. opener. One of my favorite go-to openers. If I just, if my client just doesn't know what else to write, I'll give them this. I'll say, you know, let's say her name is Sarah. Hey, Sarah, do you want to know what's really interesting about your photos, dot, dot, dot, especially the third one, thinking emoji, question mark. So many women reply with, wait, what is it? What's, what's interesting about my photos? Because you're creating curiosity about something she put time and effort into, so she's going to be very intrigued. That's a good way to use curiosity for your

openers. Okay, online dating rule number eight for 2026, no sunglasses, no sunglasses allowed. This keeps women from seeing your eyes, which is how women connect with you on a dating app. They want to see your eyes. Now, unless you're one of the men in black, unless you're Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones, no sunglasses allowed. All right. Rule number nine, show her that you have standards. Show her you have standards. Most guys sell themselves to women. Either explicitly or accidentally, it's implied by writing things like,

I'm really easygoing. I'm down for anything. I just want to finally meet somebody. Or, man, is anybody here to really date? Energy that shows that you will take any kind of match or option you can get is going to be a turn off. Even if that's true, you don't want the seller energy to come off. Nobody likes to be sold to. Cellar energy comes off as needy and eager, and it says to women, pick me, please. And that can be really repulsive, really repellent. So instead, you want to show

that you have standards. Write a prompt like this, something that says you have options, something that says that you have standards, which implies you have options. Here's a good prompt. Quote, I want an incredible woman who can keep up with my sarcasm, my intelligence, and who knows the difference between your and your. So that's YOUR and YOU apostrophe R.E. I tested this prompt. I had a lot of women writing me back saying, Connell, you're in for a treat when you meet

me. Women want a man who has standards. And what is that prompt that I tested say to women? It basically says, hey, I hope you can keep up with somebody like me, which is a confident thing to say. And I'm also saying, by the way, I'm a writer. I'm an author. And good grammar is important to me. And that just shows women I have standards. Plus, it appeals to women for whom that's important. And many women do not like typos. They like good grammar. Shows intelligence. My girlfriend, Jess is incredibly smart. If I had a bunch of typos in my profile when she first saw my profile, she probably never would have matched with me. Okay, rule number 10. Your first photo should be magazine cover magnetic. Your first photo is really the deal breaker. It decides whether she sees

the rest of your profile or not. And most guys treat that first photo like an afterthought. You know, use a selfie or a cropped group photo or just some blurry nonsense. In 2026, that's just not good enough. So you want to ask yourself, if I were on the cover of GQ or men's health, what would that photo look like? This is what I do with my clients. I'm like, hey, Sean, dude, okay, if you were going to be on the cover of GQ men's health, what would you wear? How would you smile? What would the backdrop be, basically let's project the most attractive, stylish, real, swipable version of you. So don't treat your first photo like some kind of afterthought.

Treat it like a magazine cover. GQ or mental health or us choir. Rule number 11. Authentic smiles work. Fake smiles don't. Most guys. Not most. Many guys post portraits. When they do have photos taken for an online dating profile, they don't know how to smile. So the photo comes off as stiff. And that's, I totally get it. I'm not good at smiling either. When I try to smile a certain way, I look constipated. I do not look swipable. I look like a guy who needs peptobysmal. So, but most guys, if they're going to fall into a trap when they have photos taken, is their

smiles like stiff, say cheese, because they're just smiling with their mouth. Women can tell if it's like a face, a fake or forced smile, and it just does something it tanks your results, in terms of results, meaning how attractive your photo makes you look. Here's why this happens. when your smile is a sort of a say cheese forced fake smile you know smiling for the camera like we do all the time what happens is your eye muscles don't move which makes you look a little bit stiff or shifty so only the lower half of your face is conveying emotion the upper half of your face is not and that comes off as shifty or stiff or just meh a little bit off but when you smile

for real and by real I mean your smile is coming from a genuine warm place inside of you you're laughing you're actually laughing you're actually smiling because you're feeling the emotions that create that smile genuine joy genuine happiness then what happens is these muscles around the eyes called the orbicularis aculi the orbicularis oculi these muscles are activated these circular muscles that wrap around each of your eyes and then your eyes quote unquote light up your eye muscles smile too along with your mouth and then your whole face seems to light up and women love that they're magnetized by that look i am not the best looking guy in the world by a long shot

But I've gotten a lot of matches from women who say, Connell, I love your smile. You have a great smile. I don't think they're really saying my face has some perfect smile. I think what they're saying is your whole face is smiling. And that makes me as a woman feel good. So get portraits. When you have online dating photos taken, portraits taken,

get portraits taken of you and do your best to be authentically laughing or smiling while the photographer is snap, snap, snap. laughing away. How do we do this? Take photos while you're cracking a joke. Get good rapport going with your online dating photographer. My photographer, Riann, I will literally say to her, Riann, make me laugh. Crack jokes. We start talking trash back and forth, having fun. I'm laughing, I'm smiling, and that's when she's shooting. And that's when she captures the best photos with me. So put yourself in a loose, fun, emotional state when you're having a photo shoot done and have the photographer capture you while you're laughing. Those forced stiff smiles probably

aren't going to score very well or do very well. It's the authentic, captured in the moment, candid photos that are going to work the best because your whole face smiles, not just your lower, not just your mouth. All right, rule number 12. Use the awe photo. Have one photo on your profile that shows heart and warmth. I call this the awe photo because it makes women say, aw, that's so sweet. Could be you with your dog, you playing with your little nephew, although be careful of that. A lot of apps don't allow young kids, underage people for good reason to be in your photos, but it could be you with your dog, it could be you dancing with grandma at the wedding. It could be you at the zoo. One of my old clients had a great shot of

him at the zoo and the elephant was behind him and the elephant's trunk was in his arms. It was adorable. Women loved it. It made him go, aw. My awe photo is a photo of my niece at her wedding. It's just a selfie, but she's in her white dress. I'm smiling. We're having fun. It just shows me in loving uncle mode. I'm also well dressed, of course, because it's a wedding. So, yeah, women swipe not just for looks, not just for style and looks, although that's part. Although that's of it, women are swiping for heart. They want to see a guy who has a real heart. Okay, rule number 13. No more fish photos. No more fish picks. She wants to meet a good, solid guy, not the captain from Jaws. And even if you end up meeting up having a couple

dates, she's just going to end up ending it. It's going to end it. She's going to say, sorry, dude, it's not you. It's the halibut you're holding. No more fish photos. Rule number 14. Specific is the new sexy. Get specific when you're writing your bio. Writing things like, I like travel, food and having fun that doesn't tell her anything. Everybody writes that.

Online dating is so competitive, now more than ever, in 2026. And if you're generic, you're going to be invisible. So you want to get specific. Use details that reveal your personality. Here's the difference. It comes down to show, don't tell, or don't just tell, also show, right? So, you know, think back in high school, show and tell. I used to do write essays in English class, and my teacher would say, don't tell me, show me.

In other words, back it up with specifics. So it's similar on your dating profile. Here's a generic version of a bio. I love traveling, trying new restaurants, and hanging with friends. so boring here is a specific version of the same thing my trip to rome was life-changing so was the penna ala vodka and my friends and i are in competition to find the very best fish tacos in town right i love traveling as bland my trip to rome is specific i like new restaurants too vague I love Italian food, especially Pente ala vodka. Specific, right? My friends, I love hanging with my friends.

Fag. My friends and I are in a battle to find the best fish tacos in town. Boom. Specific. So get specific. That's how a woman will be able to get a sense for what it would be like to have a more specific, vivid window into your world. Okay, let's pause there. I just realized something. I went over the halfway mark here. We got 26 new rules for online dating. I knocked out 14 of them. We're more than halfway done. So I will do the second batch, the other 12 in our next episode. And we'll knock it out and get you more matches, more dates in 2026. Thank you so much for listening. Don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there and she's going to love you, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you.

Until next time.