How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Stop Freezing Up! What to Say to Meet Women in Real Life (No Weird Pickup Lines Needed)

Episode Date: December 26, 2025

You see women you’d love to meet IRL, but you just don’t know what to say. So you freeze up. In this episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend,” dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett shares his What-to-Say Method, a simple, rejection-proof framework that makes it easy to meet women in bars, coffee-shops, or the gym. Learn how to start light, flirty conversations without memorized scripts or awkward pickup lines—and finally feel confident talking to women anywhere.Episode Highlights:02:17: The What to Say Method: 3 Simple Ways to Break the Ice Anywhere05:52: Option A: The Charming Compliment07:15: Option B: The Insightful Question10:39: Option C: The Playful Observation17:15: Client Win: How Robbie Went from Anxiety to Instant Coffee Dates20:45: What to Do if You STILL Freeze When You Want to Talk to WomenBOOK A FREE CONSULTATION CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO APPLY HIS WHAT-TO-SAY METHOD AND MEET WOMEN IRL:www.DatingTransformation.com

Yep, just those three options, not 12. We want to keep it simple. This isn't a cheesecake factory menu. All the new one just begun And so this is Christmas All right, welcome To be had a good To be how to get a girlfriend podcast

New Year. It's Christmas Day. Let's hope it's a good one. All right. If you listen to my podcast, you know what a big Beatles fan I am. John and Paul, those are my two prophets. The Gospel of John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Hey, Merry Christmas.

This episode is dropping on Christmas Day. And I want to give you a Christmas gift of sorts. I want to give you what I think is the most valuable 20 minutes of dating advice I can give today's guy, you in 2025. I want to help you fix what may be your biggest sticking point in the area of technique. The biggest, most common thing I hear from men, like you, more men asking me this. than anything else. They say, Connell, I don't know what to say to women. I want to break the ice with women. I want to talk to the cute girl at the bar or in the gym or at the Christmas party.

I want to ask my crush out. I want to start conversations with attractive women. I'm so sick of the apps, but I don't know what to say. And that's what I want to give you today. I want to give you a brand new framework that I call the what to say method. And the what to say method, and the what to say method is a very simple framework to authentically break the ice with women with a 0% chance of being creepy and a very high percent chance of having it go well. And I would say the what to say method that I'll share with you now, it's 90% rejection proof. Nothing is 100% rejection proof. We can't control women. We can't control other people. But the what I'm going to teach you for how to break the ice with women, you're going to know exactly what to say. And you're going to

rarely, if ever, get rejected and you're going to start getting phone numbers and dates. If not knowing what to say is the only thing stopping you from talking to attractive women, then let's fix it in 20 minutes or less. Because right now, you see women all the time, right? You want to talk to in bars, in cafes. For me, it was always the coffee shop. You overthink, you freeze up and you try to think of the perfect thing to say, you get in your head and then you don't do anything. But what if you could know exactly what to say without memorizing anything and never get rejected or at least never get a bad response and never bother women? And that's what I'm going to share with you, how to do that today. This is a framework,

sort of a system you might call it that my clients and I use. I developed this, the what to method of approaching. It's how my clients and I have dated hundreds of women. It's how I have met girlfriends and many dates. And I'm going to teach to you right now. And once you get the hang of this, you're not going to have to worry about what to say. You're going to feel more confident. You're going to get more dates. And you can finally, if you want, delete the dating apps. You probably just want to get off the dating apps because I think the world becomes your dating app when you know what to say and you can break the ice with any woman anywhere. The world becomes your Tinder and you get a lot of real world matches. Okay, here's my what to say

method. Stick with me because we're going to move pretty fast here. So let's go. Here's the what to say method. So talking to women is all about being authentic. So, That's what it's about. And you want to be spontaneous. You don't want to plan anything. When you see a woman you want to meet and talk to, you don't need a perfect line. You just need one of three options. Option A, option B, and option C.

Option A is you give her a G-rated compliment. Option B is you ask her a genuine question. Option C is you share an observation, something you notice about her or what's happening around you. Complement, question, observation. It's as easy as ABC. Yep, just those three options, not 12. We want to keep it simple.

This isn't a cheesecake factory menu. We want few options, just three options. And that's your entire approaching toolbox in terms of starting conversations, those first words, because the first words, that's the hardest. Once you start having conversations with women, I trust and know that you're going to have really good interactions because you're a good guy.

You have a lot to offer. You're a good catch. And hopefully you know that and feel that. So let's go through each of these options, ABC. A, compliment. You see that woman you want to talk to? You give her a compliment. You might say, hey, that's a great tattoo.

I love that design. Or, oh, I love your glasses. Very cool retro glasses. Or you might notice her t-shirt. I was at the gym ones and this really beautiful, cool woman was wearing an ACDC t-shirt. And I said, hey, I love your t-shirt. AC-D-C rocks. Start talking about heavy metal or hard rock.

Genuine compliments feel warm to women. They do not feel creepy. So just focus on her style, her vibe, an article of, clothing, not her body. Let's move to question. Option B in the what to say method. You want to ask her something that makes sense in the context. At Starbucks, you might say, hey, excuse me, say she's standing in line next to you. Are you thinking of getting a nice coffee or a hot coffee today? Or maybe you're at the gym. So many guys are afraid to talk to women at the gym. Oh, I don't want to be creepy. Well, is it creepy to say to a woman, hey, excuse me.

What's on your gym playlist today? What are you listening to on your AirPods? Is that creepy? I think a very reasonable, rational, most reasonable people would say no. That's just friendly conversation at the gym. So you ask a question that makes sense. And then option C is observation. Call out something unusual.

Call out something small and specific and slightly unusual at a bar. You might see that all these women have. very similar matching drinks. You might break the ice with all of them. Hey, ladies, you guys have matching drinks. Are you all in the same pinia collata club? Or are you all in the same club? Or let's say you're at a coffee shop. This is an example that I use once. You see her pouring a lot of sugar into her drink. I was once at a Starbucks and this woman put five or six packets of sugar in her one one coffee. And I said, hey, I see you take some coffee with your sugar. There's something about calling out a truthful observation that's a little bit unusual that that

plays a fun little playful game of gotcha with her as in gotcha i noticed i noticed something i have a client named um i'll call him trevor trevor in uh st louis was at a bar recently and he saw a woman pop a a little tobacco uh nicotine pouch into her mouth he observed that that's a little bit different he actually has the same nicotine addiction to get over and he knows what those pouches look like so he said ah hey i saw you pop that pouch i do that too and all of a sudden the two of them we're talking about their quit smoking journey together um so again notice how low the bar is for these right it's a low bar if you get stuck in your head not sure what to say to women It's because you think you need amazing game, something hilarious, something witty, something

pickup artisty. You don't. You just need to break the ice using A, B, or C, compliment, question, or observation. The bar is very low. In fact, a lower bar is better, feels better to women than you saying something perfect or witty. Because even if you do come up with something really clever and perfect and witty, that's not even relatable to most women. They might find it entertaining, but it's not really relatable. It's not the meet-cute moment they want. I approached a couple gorgeous girls. Many, many years ago, I approached a couple

girls. I was in, where was I? I was in Europe. I was taking a course as a student learning how to approach from my coach at the time. And I walked up to a couple, oh, it was in Oslo, Norway. It was an Oslo. The women of Norway are just beautiful. So I walk up to a couple of women in the daytime. like in a park in Oslo, Norway. And I had the perfect funny line. I made them laugh. And after two minutes, I said, hey, do you guys want to go get coffee or can I get your number?

And they said, oh, no thanks. But it was very entertaining talking to you. And they walked away. My lesson was you can be too funny or you can come off as a try hard entertainer. I was doing good stand-up comedy for them, but I wasn't connecting with them. wasn't being relatable. And the what-to-say method makes you relatable. Here are some more other examples of openers you might use. Complements. Hey, that leather jacket is awesome. You look dangerous. Or, hey, I like that nose ring. It's very early 90s, very grunge. I said that once

to a woman in Whole Foods. She told me all about her nose ring story. Or another one might be as simple as, hey, your hair looks fantastic today. A plus. My client Paul met has now girlfriend by just walking up, he, she was walking on the sidewalk next to him on a Saturday afternoon and a park, kind of a windy day. He said, hey, your hair is blowing in the wind, but it looks fantastic that way. I'm not saying it's the world's best quote unquote pickup line. I'm saying that's what makes it good. It's not a pickup line. It's just sharing something. And they were on a date. And now they're a couple. That's how it all started.

Okay, here are some more examples of questions. At a bookstore. Hey, have you read that author before? At the dog park. Cute dog. What breed is your pooch? At a clothing store. Hey, pardon me, miss.

I need a woman's opinion. Do you like this shirt? Women love giving their style opinions to men, especially in clothing stores. I'm colorblind. I can't tell you how many women I approached back in the day at a clothing store saying, hey, excuse me, can you tell me what color the shirt is? I'm colorblind. I need your help.

And then again, third category of the what to say method, observations. At a bar. Hey, I love that you're the only one here not looking at your phone. I'm impressed. Or at a museum looking at a woman watching a painting. Wow, you seem so immersed in that painting. What is it saying to you? Now, with that one, I just combined.

observation and then pivoting over to a question. Or at the gym, you notice a woman just killing it on the treadmill. She gets off the treadmill. She's at the drinking fountain. You walk over. Hey, excuse me, I think you set a treadmill speed record. Don't get pulled over. And what I love about the observation, one, the third part of the what to say option method is it gives you a chance to crack some jokes. Because once you call out an observation, you can often add to it. and make it fun or funny. Another time at the gym, I noticed I observed the woman's water bottle was shaped like a flask.

It was shaped like a whiskey flask, but it was clear, so I could see the clear liquid inside. I noticed that, I observed that, and I said, hey, I see you have a flask here for your bottle. Gin or vodka today, what gets you through your workout? She cracked up. She loved it. See? You can, you can, add humor and playfulness, but it all starts with these, with relatability. So the what to say

method tells you what to say in a spontaneous way. Women find it charming, relatable, and it's 90% rejection proof. Here's why. A G-rated compliment is innocent. It's not sexual. There's no red flags. And a simple environment-based question, very normal. What's a woman at Starbucks going to say you. How dare you ask me if I like ice coffee or hot coffee? I mean, okay, if a woman says that, fine, but she's the weirdo. She's the creep, not you. You're just a guy having a chill, authentic conversation at a coffee shop. And making an observation, that's just everyday human interaction. There is nothing creepy happening here with the what to say method that will trigger a rejection. You're not hitting on her. You're just chatting in a light way.

And women love this. And this works. You might be wondering, oh, why does it work? Why is it so effective? Well, it works because women are social beings. People are social beings. And we have unspoken rules about how to behave in public. There's a social compact.

And pickup artist and cat callers. These dudes violate those rules by coming on too strong or being sexual too soon. That's off-putting. but when you just make normal, genuine, authentic small talk, chit-chat, you're not being creepy, you're not bothering her. You're just talking. It's not bothering a woman to break the ice. It's bothering if you ignore her request to not talk and then you say five more things to her, but you're not going to do that. You're a good guy. You're a gentleman. Now, you might be tempted to prescript what you say. Don't do it. Don't plan anything.

That makes you sound robotic. You don't script your conversations with friends or coworkers, right? So yeah, don't do it when you're breaking the ice with women. Let the what-to-say method tell you what to say. And that's the big aha moment I really want you to have. The what-to-say method tells you what to say. So let me share with you the night that I remember mastering the what-to-say method. And I got three dates lined up with three women.

I was at a rooftop lounge. I saw a woman in a silvery dress. She looked like Jennifer Beals from Flash Dance, my crush from the 80s and 90s. And I walked up, I walked up and I said, you look like the girl from Flash Dance. And she lit up and said, oh, my God, I love that movie. We talked. I got her number. A little bit later that night, I joked with a Bachelorette party guest, a woman part of a

bachelor's party. I joked about there was, they were dancing. And I observed, I made an observation that they were dancing, and I'm like, hey, I'm here for the dance party. I'm the male stripper, who you guys hired. I got her number. And I remember that night, I was just going back and forth practicing the what to say method. I got three phone numbers with three different women. And I teach all of my clients this, by the way.

I'm not teaching you anything or suggesting anything that I don't teach my guys. My client, Robbie, he's a software engineer. we went out a couple months ago he had never approached a woman before he was afraid to talk he was afraid to make eye contact let alone talk to women he found cute oh he overthought things so he never talked to it to women once he was so he was so in his head that he wrote his phone number down on a post-it and he gave it to the cute cashier at his local trader joes thinking oh i'll give her a note but he didn't actually talk to her he didn't say anything. And I taught Robbie the method. And one Sunday afternoon, he goes out

at the coffee shop. He makes an observation. He notices what book this girl's reading. They start talking about books. Boom. They're on an instant coffee date. So from silently passing creepy notes at the grocery store on post-its to instant coffee dates, boom. That's what Robbie did. Okay. Here's two quick tips to make this work for you. Rule number one with the what-to-say method is say the first thing that comes into your mind, not the perfect thing. You don't need a witty, perfect line. In fact, trying to be perfect to just get to you in your head.

I was once at Whole Foods, and there was this woman shopping for oranges, and these oranges were stacked in pyramids. And I had the perfect opener. It took me a minute to think of it. I was going to make some joke about nothing rhymes with orange. I walk over with my pre-planned line. I grab an orange as a prop, and the tower or the pyramid of oranges collapses.

We both laugh. And my actual opener, the actual thing I said was, isn't gravity a bitch? Because that came out of the moment. So be spontaneous. Be perfectly imperfect is the lesson here. Say the first thing you think of. Be present and spontaneous.

The simpler your opener, compliment question or observation, the better it will go. And tip number two is avoid gimmicky openers. Women hate scripted lines that sound like you Googled them. Don't be that guy. My girlfriend, Jess, was at a rooftop bar once. She was out with me as I was coaching clients. My girlfriend comes out and plays wing woman for us sometimes.

And I left her alone for a few minutes to go help a client. and a guy walks up to Jess and he had this really dumb line. It was something like, oh, hi, I just saw you. I'm a pirate looking for some treasure. Will you help me find the buried treasure? And it was just so weird and scripted and planned. And he said it in a very robotic mechanical way. So it was very gimmicky.

And she wasn't mad. She was just like, dude, you need to talk to my boyfriend. So remember, compliment, question, or observation, no gimmicks. You don't need gimmicks. You are enough. You are enough. You don't need a gimmick when you're a great guy like you are. So yeah, that's the what-to-say method.

It's so simple. Here's what I want you to do. Don't just listen to this podcast. Go out and apply this this weekend between Christmas and New Year's or the coming week. do five ice breakers compliment question observation put the what to say method to the test and i bet you will not get rejected once and i'll bet you'll feel so much more confident you'll feel so much better now here's the thing if you go out to try to apply this and you still freeze up you still aren't doing it you want to but you don't if you want to go try the what to say method but you find

yourself still freezing up, then it's not about what to say with you. That's not your real problem. The real problem is actually what's happening inside of you. The real problem is because if you want to go out and try this method and you don't do it, the real problem is not knowing what to say. The real problem is self-doubt. You fear that you're just not enough for incredible women. I know this because I battled approach anxiety for years. I used to think that, think it was about not knowing what to say. But that wasn't the problem. The real problem for me was that I didn't approach women because I thought I was just not what women wanted. Not enough. Too nerdy, too boring. The first night I ever went out to approach girls, I actually had a panic

attack in the bathroom stall before I did my first approach ever. And that's because I was so terrified that women would reject me. And by the way, my coach that night had given me an opener to use. I had something to say. The problem wasn't what to say. It was that I felt worthless to women, ugly, unattractive, just not enough. And if you feel that way, if you go out to try to apply this, but you just don't do it, you freeze up, your problem is not, I don't know what to say. Your problem is self-doubt. Your problem is thinking, why would any woman want me. But I want you to know here on Christmas Day, my gift to you, small little honest, sincere thought from my heart, you are enough. You are worthy of love. You are good enough.

And you can and will if you want to make 2026 the year you finally find love and self-worth in the area of women and sex and confidence and a year from today, if you want, you can be with your beautiful new girlfriend celebrating Christmas morning, celebrating the holidays. And I just want you to know that. And if you really are ready to finally walk up to a gorgeous woman and to do it with confidence, then I want to help you. I want to give you a little free thingy here. Go to my website, datingtransformation.com. book a free chat with me, book a free call, and I can share with you how my coaching works, and I can give you a personalized plan to overcome self-doubt and become really confident

so you can approach women and, of course, know what to say. The call is free. It's a consultation to find out if you and I might want to work together. It's not a free coaching session. It's a free consultation. So go to datingtransformation.com if you want to do that. I'll leave you with one more thing. I owe you the, I owe you truth. I owe everybody truth. I owe myself truth. Here's the truth.

If you want to approach women and you don't do it and you continue to not do it for the coming weeks and months, you're going to lose more than just time, you're going to lose love, you're going to lose dates, you're going to miss out on sex. And a year from now, you could still be lonely. on Christmas morning with nobody. I had so many lonely Christmas mornings in the past before I figured out my dating life, especially approaching. Or if you want to make a decision right now, then you can say, hey, I really want to find out if this approaching thing works

and how to overcome my confidence issues and approach girls. And if you feel that way, then just go to datingtransformation.com and click the link to book a free call with me. And if you don't feel that way, no worries. Go out and apply the what-to-say method. It's going to blow your mind. It's going to work so well. And let me know how it goes.

And email me at Connell at datingtransformation.com. And tell me how the what-to-say method goes for you. Have a Merry Christmas. A happy 20-26. And I will talk to you in the new year. Remember your dream girlfriend. She is out there for you in 2026. she's just going to have to meet the real authentic you.