How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - The Truth about Liquid Courage + 9 Ways to Make Sobriety Your New Edge in Dating (Part 3)

Episode Date: December 3, 2025

Dating sober raises real questions: Will women find you less interesting without alcohol? How do you handle social anxiety at bars or parties without “liquid courage”? And is liquid courage even r...eal? In this episode of “How to Get a Girlfriend,” dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett answers 10 questions from sober (and sober-curious) men, revealing how to unlock core confidence, enjoy great dates, and make sobriety your new edge in dating.WANT TO MEET YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND IN 90 DAYS OR LESS? BOOK A FREE CALL WITH CONNELL TO SEE IF HIS 1-ON-1 COACHING IS RIGHT FOR YOU: http://DatingTransformation.com

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You can't think yourself out of anxiety. You can only act your way out of anxiety. Take action. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with incredible women, get more dates, and find an incredible girlfriend. And do it all by being authentic.
Starting point is 00:00:28 No sketchy pickup artist. no manipulation. This is about dating with authenticity, radical authenticity. And welcome to part three of my three-part series on sober dating. I recently, just last week, celebrated my 1,000th sober day. And I was in Chicago with my girlfriend on November 25th. We saw Paul McCartney do his last live show of the year. I'm a huge Beatles fan. And I wanted to celebrate my 1,000th sober day with the most important person in my world, Jess, my girlfriend, and watching my favorite musical artists in the world, Paul McCartney. I'm a huge Beatles fan.
Starting point is 00:01:07 For those of you watching on Spotify or YouTube, check out my t-shirt. There's Paul with his mullet in full flowing glory, and it was an amazing show. And this is a part three. And the first episode I talked all about how to overcome any addiction, whether it's drinking in my case or porn or masturbating too much or even just procrastination. If you are struggling in your dating life, there is probably some kind of dependency that's holding you back and I don't mean substances necessarily. It could just be being dependent on procrastination or settling or staying in your comfort zone.
Starting point is 00:01:50 So check out part one if that resonates with you. Part two, I talked about approaching sober. and some of the best approaching nights of my love life when I was single came when I was sober. And I go out with my clients here in New York City and I help them approach mainly sober. I don't insist on it. I have no problem with a guy drinking on a date or when approaching. But it's also really badass to go out and approach while sober because you can get drunk. Or I should say you can catch a buzz off of your own authentic confidence and awesomeness. And today, part three, I'm going to answer 10 questions I have gotten from you.
Starting point is 00:02:30 I've gotten a lot of questions from men who are sober or sober curious. They want to talk about some dating, sober related dating questions. So here we go. I'm going to give you 10 sober dating questions that I've been collecting by email, by Instagram, and a few other ways that guys find me. So let's get to it. Here we go. Question number one is, hey, Connell.
Starting point is 00:02:54 What do I do? If I have a first date with a woman, I don't drink and she does. What's the move? How do I navigate that? Well, if you don't drink and she does, then a lot of guys ask me, do I tell her in advance or do I wait until we get to the venue for the first date? Well, I believe in telling the truth up front. So before you even pick a spot, you want to let her know.
Starting point is 00:03:24 what your situation is with drinking, that you're not drinking if you are a sober guy. So you could simply let a woman know something, just text or something like, hey, just a heads up, I don't drink. It's totally cool if you do. But I wanted to mention it in case that impacts where we go. This does something really important for women. First is it shows her that you're considerate, that you're genuine, you're telling the truth. It also gives her the chance to weigh in. some women are totally fine going on a date with you if they drink and you don't they'll have a drink you'll have a seltzer or a ginger beer which is my go-to non-boos drink but some women will feel uncomfortable if you just hold if you if you don't tell them about your you're not drinking or
Starting point is 00:04:13 your sobriety until the date i have not personally dealt with this but i had a client who is sober, his date drinks, they get to the bar, he orders a water, and she gets insecure and feels like the spotlight's on her for drinking. Some women don't care at all. So you want to give women that heads up, okay? She might be totally cool with a drink, cool with having a drink at a bar while you are having your mocktail, but she might not be comfortable doing that. And you just want to give her that heads up. Now, part two of this question is, well, what do you drink? How do you navigate a date when she drinks and you don't? Assuming she now has signed off on you guys meeting at a bar, then drink whatever you're comfortable drinking. It could be a zero-proof mocktail or it could
Starting point is 00:05:06 be a mocktail. It could be seltzer. The goal is don't make your sobriety a big deal. It's not a big deal. It's just a part of who you are. Most women don't care if you don't drink. What they do care about is that you're confident in yourself. You bring a fun vibe to that date. So you want to mention your sobriety, but it's just part of the overall package that is you, a single, datable, great guy. Now, back to let me double back to something. Let's say she isn't comfortable having a drink at a bar since you won't be drinking and she does, that's great to know. You can then recalibrate the date idea. You can say, all right, cool, well, let's do something else.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Let's do putt putt, minigolf, do a fun event date like ping pong, pool, mini golf. You can do coffee. You can do fancy coffee. Bottom line is you could do lots of things that don't involve alcohol. any first date it's just a vehicle for the two of you getting hopefully getting closer and romantically connecting and if she's cool with a beverage an alcoholic beverage while you're sober fantastic she'll feel comfortable and if she's not it's good to know that in advance okay next question hey connell i am newly sober and i'm worried that i'm going to be boring on dates
Starting point is 00:06:35 without alcohol to loosen me up how do i stay interesting and fun well Well, you were never boring. You were just drunk and you couldn't tell the difference. Alcohol doesn't make you interesting. It might, all of what alcohol does is it quiets the voice of self-doubt. Alcohol quiets the voice of insecurity. So you turned off that part of the brain, what I call the lower self, that makes you in your head and nervous. And it allows you to just sort of be free flowing and expressive.
Starting point is 00:07:10 so you were not boring before and you're not going to be boring now alcohol doesn't make you interesting you make you interesting your sense of humor your life stories your point of view your heart your mind all of your perfect imperfections sir make you interesting at least to women who like your type okay just remember that alcohol doesn't give you liquid courage it doesn't make you interesting. It just switches off or makes it easier to switch off the voice of self-doubt. Okay. If you still want to be fun and interesting on dates, then remember that fun comes from one, from one, what, two core, there's two magic words here, two magic words about bringing fun and bringing a good, attractive, interesting energy to a first date. The two
Starting point is 00:08:07 magic words are authenticity and play. Authenticity, being the real you, this is you at your most attractive, your most singular, your most you. Always be authentic. But on a date, it's not just necessarily enough to just be quote unquote authentic. You want to bring some playfulness because that's what flirting is in a word, play. You know, Shakespeare said in Hamlet, Hamlet says the plays the thing. Well, on dates, the thing is the play. You want to bring playfulness. Flirtation is basically play. The definition of flirtation is literally playing at love. Look that up on Webster's, I think. It's either Webster's or Oxford, playing at love. That's what flirting is. So be playful. And you can kickstart your playfulness even without alcohol. Alcohol makes it easier,
Starting point is 00:09:01 but you don't need it. So find ways to be playful. Crack. You your crack jokes that are your sense of humor do playful things on dates play little games play two truths in a lie look around the room play a game of play a game of who else would you want to be on a date with in this room look around the room and see who you might want to go on a date and have her tell you um do a staring contest come up with little fun little games in the moment. Find ways to be, or playfully tease her a little bit. See if she likes it. Yeah, bottom line is you don't have to use alcohol to be playful and attractive and interesting to women. Your authentic self makes you enough and the playful flirtatiousness you bring to a date
Starting point is 00:09:55 will help you have more fun and keep it playful. Now, if you want to spike the punch a little bit, no pun intended, then you can spike the punch and keep a date fun by doing something fun on the date. You can, like I mentioned in the previous question, have fun baked into the date. You can go bowling. You can play mini golf. I once had a first date at a coffee shop where we played jenga and had coffee. This is before I was sober, but it was still fun and it was still booze-free. so having fun activities helps the fun playful banter come out more organically without needing alcohol because guess what if you're playing jenga if you're playing a fun little game you can trash talk a little bit you can tease each other and that can spike the kind of romantic chemistry that women like
Starting point is 00:10:45 to feel on a date anyway you're not boring you're just you're just still going to be learning how to show up as yourself without the crutch of booze You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating, too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone.
Starting point is 00:11:16 I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks, but You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend,
Starting point is 00:11:50 and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, next question. Connell, when is the right time to tell a woman I'm sober? First date, third date, or does it matter? So this question, I believe, is coming more from the place of a man who's in recovery.
Starting point is 00:12:23 or has who has gone out and sought help. There's two kinds of sober, right? There's, I had a problem sober, which was me. Now, I didn't go to a program, but I had a problem. And then there's the, I'm just living healthier, better life, which is a different level of sobriety. So this question is coming more from the former. So this guy is asking, when do I tell women and I had a problem?
Starting point is 00:12:53 Well, if sobriety is core to your identity, you know, you're in recovery. It's a part of your value system. If it shapes who you are, then mention it early. I would say mention it by the end of date number two. You don't need to bring it up on the first date if you don't want to. You can keep things late. And then you don't need to dump a whole traumatic story on the woman if you don't want to. But you can have a one or two minute.
Starting point is 00:13:23 story ready to talk about. You know, so if I was going to be doing this, if I was single and dating and I got sober, I got sober while with my girlfriend. So I never had to have this conversation. But I have had the conversation outside of dating. And my answer would be, you know what? I used to drink a lot. It was a, it was kind of like a toxic relationship. We had some fun early, but then it got toxic and we had to break up. And now I'm just just committed to my health. And I said, you know what, I'm done drinking. I don't need it anymore.
Starting point is 00:13:59 And I feel so much better. I feel like a new man. And that's pretty much what I would say if I was going to go on a first date today. So you could frame it in a very conversational way like that. But if you are actually, and so you don't have to say that you're in recovery if you don't want to, you can. I'm on a huge fan of vulnerability in opening up. You can certainly own that and say, oh, yeah, by the way, I'm in recovery. or I go to a meeting twice a week, whatever it might be.
Starting point is 00:14:27 And it really depends on you and how vulnerable you want to be. But I would say you want to bring it up in the first couple of, by the end of date two, and essentially have an honest, truthful, but not trauma dumping answer for that question. Now, if you're just a guy who's taken a month off of drinking, you can have the shortest, simplest answer ever. You can say, I'm not drinking today. I'm not drinking this month. I'm taking the month off just to see what happens. So many people do it.
Starting point is 00:14:56 More people do this now than ever. Sober January or any sober month. In fact, the data, the numbers on the number of people who drink regularly regularly drink alcohol, the number of adults, it's at its lowest, I believe, ever in recorded history, I believe. So it's a very trendy thing. Not only is it nothing to feel insecure about, it's something that will probably make a really good impression with a lot of women who are impressed by a guy who's
Starting point is 00:15:25 taking good care of his health. Anyway, the big mistake to make is don't hide it. It don't feel any shame. There's no shame in having had, in being sober. There's no shame in having had a drinking problem. Think of it like it's just a fact you're sharing about you. It's part of who you are now. Okay. Next question. Question number four. Hey, Connell, I quit drinking. Because it was making me anxious and depressed. Should I be honest about that with women, or will that make me seem weak or damaged? Okay, a very similar question to the one I just answered. No, it's not going to make you seem weak or damaged, at least not to the right woman for you.
Starting point is 00:16:12 Being honest about growing as a man is not weakness. It's actually a sign of strength. but again there's a difference between sharing your sobriety journey and turning a first date into a therapy session which you don't want to do that so my little rule of thumb is share your story but not the wreckage share the journey of your sobriety ship but not the wreckage right so again you don't want to spend 15 minutes talking about a deep dark pit of terrible stories if you do have a very dark story about alcoholism or any other addiction. But you do want to be honest with a woman.
Starting point is 00:16:54 So roughly, but by the end of date two, you want to say something like, yeah, I quit drinking a while back. I had a problem. I've gotten help. And it was messing with my health, my mental health. But I feel much better now. I've come through the other end. And every day I make that decision to be sober and I've never felt better.
Starting point is 00:17:14 So I do want you to frame your, if it's truthful to do this, I do want you to frame, express the narrative of your sobriety in a way that conveys strength, that conveys a man with his shit together. We all have things in life that knock us down. We all have weaknesses and chinks in our armor. So please don't think that you're going to come off as weak or damaged. I don't think you will, at least not with the right woman for you. If she's the right woman for you, she'll respect that you took control of your life. She'll see it as a man who's got his life together. And every woman, every woman wants, every quality woman anyway, wants to be with a man whose life is together.
Starting point is 00:18:01 And pretty much every woman wants to date a man who's done real work on himself. And so let women who aren't into a guy like that, heck, fine. She can self-select yourself out. But you're not damaged. a guy who made a change for the better. So you can totally own that. It's all about that power of radical authenticity that I talk about. Okay. Next question, Econnell, how do I answer the question? If a woman asks me why I'm sober, what's a good way to handle that? Yeah, I would say have a nice, short, simple answer. Keep it short, confident, forward moving. You're not writing a
Starting point is 00:18:42 memoir. You're not writing a story. You're giving her a headline. You might say something like, I feel better without it. I have more energy in a clearer head. And then you don't have to stay on the topic. Part of our jobs on dates as men is to leave the conversation to a date-friendly place. So you can answer the question and then feel free to pivot. to a different topic or even pivot back toward her. What about you? Are you more of a wine girl or a cocktail girl? Or change the topic to something else.
Starting point is 00:19:24 Not to evade the topic, but just because you don't want to spend a lot of time on those first one or two dates, deeply diving into any sort of addiction or drinking problem that you have dealt with, just because we want to keep dates fun and positive and fairly playful. That said, don't apologize and don't over-explain. Sobriety is not something to defend. It's something that you can absolutely own. Or even better, just make it not a big deal. It's just who you are.
Starting point is 00:19:54 I don't make it a big deal. It's just who I am now. Okay, next question. When I'm out approaching women, and when I'm out approaching women, will I seem weird if I'm not holding a drink? what do I do when out approaching women? Okay, a couple options here. No, you're not going to seem weird. Women don't care what you're drinking or not drinking. They don't even notice. My clients mostly don't drink and I'm out with them, literally helping them approach women. And most of my clients are not
Starting point is 00:20:28 holding a drink in their hands. And they walk up to a woman and it often goes great and a woman doesn't say anything. Now, if you feel more comfortable holding a beverage, which I get, then you can just get a seltzer or this is not product placement by the way i just i just happened to have bought many cans of um there's a carbonated water called liquid death and it's brilliant marketing it's this uh carbonated water that has like an edgy badass kind of black sabbath design on the can liquid death it's just carbonated water but it looks like a can of alcohol I've bought many cans of that just because when I go to the bars with my clients, I want to be a good patron. I want to give the bar some kind of financial recompense for being there.
Starting point is 00:21:22 So I'll buy a liquid death, which is just carbonated water, but with a badass design on the can. For what it's worth, women don't give a damn. They don't even notice what I'm drinking. But if anybody did ask, or sorry, if a woman was looking at me, I would just look like another guy, holding a can of a beverage, which looks like alcohol. If she looked closer at it, she would see that it's not, but women just don't care. Bottom line is, as long as you don't care, women won't care. Again, I told a story in the last podcast episode of the first night I went out and really
Starting point is 00:21:59 committed to sober approaching many years ago. It was literally the best, it was the most confident, most in the zone I'd ever felt. and I was just holding a plastic cup with water. And I was in such an amazing authentic zone that a woman who I had a quick, fast makeout with said, hey, what are you drinking? I want some. And I was like, I'm sober. And I let her drink my water.
Starting point is 00:22:25 And she was like, no way. I thought you were buzzed. I was buzzed off of me. Anyway. So no, don't sweat it. Don't sweat it. Have a drink. Have a can or a glass of something if you want.
Starting point is 00:22:37 If you are very insecure about it, or if you feel more secure doing this, have them put the seltzer in a shot glass, in a tumbler, and that will make you look like a guy who's drinking women don't. But the bottom line is nobody's going to care. Nobody's going to care. Next question. Hey, Connell, should I put sober on my dating profile or will that scare women off? I would say, I've shifted on this.
Starting point is 00:23:09 I used to say, let's wait, wait and see to find out what your vibe is with her after you match. If she's a drinker, mention it. If she's not, don't mention it. But now I believe you should just put it on your profile and feature it as a virtue. Sobriety, not only is it isn't more in than ever, but it's actually, think, think of what online dating is online dating i should say your profile is just a piece of digital marketing that's all a profile is it's digital marketing and you want to market yourself in an authentic but attractive way and sobriety if that's important to you not only is it marketing
Starting point is 00:23:50 something truthful and attractive part of the secret to marketing is talking to your audience talking to the quote unquote market the customer quote unquote quote unquote customer. And in this case, you might want to be dating a sober girl. So many women are sober. I see so many women on the dating apps who say, don't drink, sober. They don't say don't match with me unless you're sober, but they do highlight it. And I think that if you put sober on your profile, you will magnetize a lot of sober women or sober curious women who are like, oh, cool, a guy who's not going to be blitzed and slurring his words at the end of our date because he's had so many drinks. So yeah, I would say put sober on your profile. It's core to who you are.
Starting point is 00:24:45 You don't need to go deep. Keep it light. Keep it fun. You can have, you can make it a flirtatious prompt on my profile recently. I've tested out things like, just so you know I'm sober. but don't worry, I'll catch a buzz off of you and your charming personality if we meet up, winky face. Women love that kind of prompt because I'm now telling women about myself, but I'm also letting her feel, oh, he doesn't need alcohol to feel good. He just needs to be with somebody like me. And so you could actually turn your sobriety into not a factual statement about you, but turn it into a light, fun, flirty prompt. And I just think you'll attract more matches this way anyway.
Starting point is 00:25:36 I really do. I see so many women who put sober or not into drinking and some beautiful, incredible women. So I think you'll only attract more matches that way. Connell, question number seven or eight. Connell, how do I handle it if a woman says she doesn't want to date somebody? who doesn't drink. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:26:01 Those women are in the minority, but they're out there. There are women who are like, hey, I want a guy who drinks. Don't argue. Don't try to change her mind. Just acknowledge it and move on. You could just mention, you could just text or something like, oh, totally fair. Sounds like we're not a good dating match.
Starting point is 00:26:21 I wish you the best. Bottom line is some women might be looking for a guy who, maybe she's a drinker. She wants to be with a guy who drinks. There's nothing wrong with that either. Don't plead your case. Don't try to convince her that you're datable. The truth is a woman who says that she needs you to drink is either deeply tied to the drinking
Starting point is 00:26:47 culture herself or she's looking more for a drinking buddy, not a romantic partner. And there's nothing wrong with those things, but that just means she's not for you. So I would say look at that as a just a sign that the two of you are not on the same dating page. Wish her well and move on. Okay. Next question. What are the best sober date ideas that are still fun, flirty, and spontaneous? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:16 A couple I've mentioned already. I'm a big fan of games. I've gone to trivia night. Didn't drink, though. I've done my clients have done things like any kind of any any sort of activity date that's not at a bar as a great option or at least not at a place where alcohol is the main point you can go to a bowling alley ping pong I once had a date once where I met a girl at a bookstore we met at a bookstore and we decided to find each other a book that we thought the other person would want to read. That was a super fun date. You could do dessert dates. I really like dessert dates as a first date, meaning you just meet for dessert. You find the best gelato in town or the best, the best cheesecake. I once had a really fun
Starting point is 00:28:17 first date. I met this girl at a park. We were both sitting on a bench and there were all these squirrels around here she was feeding squirrels she had like three squirrels sitting on her and i said are you like the the queen of squirrels here in the park we started chatting got her number uh and for our first and she was not i was a drinker at the time she was not so we had a donut first date we went to the donut plant a fun donut spot here in new york city so you could do a donut date again a first date any first date is just a vehicle for two people to see how they romantically connect so the idea here is you want to do something that has novelty that may be a little bit of movement i had i've had golf put put putt first dates driving range first dates um pizza crawl
Starting point is 00:29:14 first dates. I had a first date once where we went on a pizza crawl, tried to find the best slice of pizza in a certain part of the city. Yeah, alcohol is not required. Bottom line is women actually, more and more women online on their profiles, they're putting things like suggest a date that's not drinks, not even if they're sober necessarily, just because they're so tired of, hey, should we get drinks? So having a good fun, sober. a date idea isn't only good for a sober guy. It's also good as a way to break the pattern of what she's used to getting. And it just makes you stand out. Okay. Next question. I'll skip that one. That's a lame question. Oh, here's one. Here's a good one. Kind of a general question.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Hey, Connell, I quit drinking recently. And I feel a lot more anxious and in my head around women. especially when I'm at bars or at parties. How can I build confidence socially without alcohol? Good question. Well, you're not more anxious. You feel more anxious. You're just more aware of your anxiety. And alcohol was just numbing it, not fixing it.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Again, something I learned from a great book that I mentioned in part one of this series, a book by Alan Carr, called The Easy Way. to control alcohol. He writes about how alcohol doesn't give you courage. It's a myth that there's liquid courage. What alcohol does is it numbs your mind to your insecurities so that you then are freer to be more present and feel more confident because the insecurities are not pinging in your head. And alcohol, of course, is a fast way to quiet that mind of self-doubt, but it's not necessarily a very sustainable one, or at least it's not a healthy, sustainable one. So if you decided to go sober, that's awesome. What you can do, it's basically exposure therapy.
Starting point is 00:31:35 When you're anxious in a social situation around women, or just a social situation in general, you want to expose yourself to the thing that you're afraid of. And really the thing you're afraid of is social rejection. That's really all it is. Or romantic rejection. But really, it's social rejection or social judgment. That's essentially what triggers the feeling of social anxiety. You're afraid that you're going to walk up to those two or three people and they won't want to talk to you.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Or you'll talk to those women and they will clearly not want you to have a conversation with them, regardless of whether or not they're romantically interested in you. And the ultimate fear factor, of course, is when you're at a bar or a party and you want to approach and flirt with a woman, but you're so afraid that she'll reject your romantic interest, right? That's essentially, and then what you're afraid of is what that quote-unquote rejection will mean if and when it happens. It's essentially what approach anxiety comes from. the anxiety that you will feel pain, the pain of I'm not enough for that woman, or I'm not
Starting point is 00:32:44 socially acceptable here to society. So what do we do instead of drink? Well, you expose yourself to the thing that you're afraid of. When you're at the party, give yourself a minimum of three social approaches. Walk up to three different groups of people at that party and say something authentic, vulnerable, engaged, present, ask them how they are, share something about you. You basically make yourself vulnerable to the thing that you're afraid of. It's sort of like you're stepping into the lion's den.
Starting point is 00:33:25 Alcohol takes the fear away, at least a lot of it. Without alcohol, the fear is there. But you have something that's so much more powerful than alcohol. and also it's not going to give you liver disease or make you gain 30 pounds like I did you have courage you always always always have the courage to walk up to those two or three people at the Christmas party and speak to them in an honest genuine authentic way you always can make an adult decision using good old fashioned courage to say hello to the intriguing woman who is sitting there in the coffee shop.
Starting point is 00:34:09 And that doesn't mean the anxiety will go away. You can't think yourself out of anxiety. You can only act your way out of anxiety. Take action. You face the thing that you're afraid of. You walk into the proverbial lion's den. And then the good news is what you'll find is that there's no lions there. You don't need, you have your chair, you have your whip.
Starting point is 00:34:33 You walk over to the woman, the people. and you face the thing that you're afraid of, and then you realize, hey, wait a minute, most people are pretty cool, pretty friendly, and every once in a while, you have a romantic chemistry with a woman, and that will change your life. That could be your next girlfriend. But the way you went over to talk to those people and maybe meet her was not through alcohol, because all alcohol does is it numbs the voice of self-doubt. Instead, you can tell the voice of self-doubt.
Starting point is 00:35:05 out to shut the fuck up, you are going to use courage, move one foot in front of the other, walk over to that woman, expose yourself to the thing that you're afraid of, and realize, oh, wow, I thought I had to come over here to tame a lion, but there's no lions here. Just kitties, just little kittens. There's nothing that's going to eat your face. And then you do this over and over again. And after two or three or four social approaches, you'll be out of your head. You won't feel anxious because the thing that you've been afraid of.
Starting point is 00:35:35 didn't happen. And you can be your most confident present in the zone self. And that's when good things happen, both socially in terms of just meeting and people and socializing and also flirtation approaching, getting phone numbers and dates. So the anxiety, the tempting thing about alcohol is, of course, it numbs that voice of self-doubt. So you feel like you have quote-unquote courage. But remember, you already had the courage. You don't. don't need liquid courage. You already have good old fashioned normal courage at your disposal all the time. It's just that you have to call on it. And then once you call on it, you'll realize, oh, man, I'm in the lion's den, but there's no lions. There's just some kitty cats. And then
Starting point is 00:36:22 you pet the kitties. All right. Thank you so much for listening to my three parts about sober dating. By the way, if you're looking to approach women in real life, especially doing it sober, and you live in New York City, or actually, even if you don't live in New York City, I was about to pitch you on my coaching, but you don't, I coach men all over the world, literally, in 20 plus countries. I do in person coaching in New York City, but I coach men all over the world. And if you're looking to do, to go out and socialize and approach women in real life with or without alcohol, preferably without, then all you need to do is go to my website. Go to datingtransformation.com. And you can book a free
Starting point is 00:37:03 call with my team. And if you and I are a good fit to potentially work together, then you'll hop on the phone with me, also free, and we'll chat about how I can help you overcome approaching anxiety and start meeting women in real life, which is an important, powerful way to do it, especially if you're doing it sober. So don't forget your dream girlfriend. She is already out there and she is going to love you. But she's going to have to meet the real most authentic you. Until next time.

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