How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Tired of Being Ignored on Dating Apps? Steal My 10 Best Flirty Openers: #1 Works 81% of the Time!

Episode Date: February 9, 2025

Sick of sending openers that women ignore? Not sure what to write on Hinge, Tinder, or Bumble? In this episode, dating coach Connell Barrett shares his top 10 best flirty online-dating openers—tested and proven to get responses. You’ll get copy-and-paste openers for every type of woman to get them writing you back and going on dates with you. Plus, Connell reveals his no. 1 opener that works on ANY woman … and gets him replies 81% of the time!You’re about to learn:05:30: Connell’s Lowest Online-Dating Moment06:45: His Comeback: 3 Great First Dates in 3 Nights—All from the Apps!09:30: Flirty Opener #10: What to Write… when Her Bio is Empty12:52: Flirty Opener #9: …when She Has Lots of Selfies14:31: Flirty Opener #8: …when She’s into Partying and Socializing16:25: Flirty Opener #7: …when She Has a Dog in Her Photos19:09: Flirty Opener #6: … when She Has Bold, Flirty Pics (Bikini shots, Cleavage)23:30: Flirty Opener #5: …when Her Bio is Witty or Sarcastic30:01: Flirty Opener #4: …when She’s Really into Travel33:40: Flirty Opener #3: …when She’s an Artsy, Creative Type37:00: Flirty Opener #2: …when She’s Highly Career-driven40:03: Flirty Opener #1: The Best Opener that Works On Any Woman 81% of the TimeListen now and use these flirty openers to get women writing you back… and get dates!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE GREAT FIRST DATES:http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30WANT A FREE COPY OF CONNELL’S NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”? EMAIL CONNELL AND WRITE “FREE BOOK” IN THE SUBJECT LINE AND YOU’LL GET IT INSTANTLY:[e-mail]

Of course she ghosted me. Her desperate guy alarm was going off. Welcome back to How To Get A Girlfriend. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get dates with some wonderful women, and choose a wonderful girlfriend from some really wonderful options. And do it all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves needed.

This is about dating with integrity and what I call radical authenticity. And let me ask you a question. Have you ever sent an opener on a dating app and gotten no response? I'm sure you have, every guy has. If you've ever sent hey and got no response or you've ever just didn't know what to write to a woman

and she went quiet, maybe you sent her a cold open and she didn't respond or even more frustrating, you got a match, you finally got a good match on Tinder, on Bumble, on Hinge, you sent an opener and she went quiet. Well, let's fix that today. I wanna help you make sure that you get lots of women writing you back on the dating apps

so you can get some dates and get a great girlfriend. So I'm gonna count down my top 10 best fun flirty openers that I and my clients use. And these aren't just random 10 random fun flirty openers. I'm actually gonna give you different openers that I and my clients use. And these aren't just random, 10 random fun flirty openers. I'm actually gonna give you different openers for different kinds of women you see on the dating apps. For example, when you see that profile and she doesn't really write anything,

she's just got photos but she says nothing. What do you say to her for your opener? When she's got five selfies and three bathroom selfies, what the heck do you write to her to get her writing you back? So I'm gonna help walk you through the most common types of women you see on dating apps, give you the best 10 flirty openers to use. And stick around until the very end. You're definitely gonna want to your number one because number one is the opener that is the single best performing opener I've ever come up with. It gets me a response 81% of the time.

I actually tested it. I'm a big data and research guy. I tried this 100 times on 100 women who I matched with on Tinder, Hinge and Bumble and 81 out of 100 times the opener that I'm gonna share with you at number one got me a response and I've seen similar results with my clients So stick around because if you're tired of a lack of matches you want to start getting some women Matching with you and writing you back. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna fix that right now and Before we get into the top 10 list. I just wanna tell you a really quick story because I know what it feels like

to be struggling on the dating apps. My heart breaks for guys who struggle to get matches, who rarely get matches, or who get matches but don't get women writing you back. I know how hard it is to write good openers because I used to struggle with this myself. So way, way back before I began working on my dating life, when I was really lonely and struggling with dating, I had no dating options and I was on the dating apps and I was on

the apps and by the way, I live in New York City. I was on the apps and I had one good dating lead and it wasn't even in New York City she lived in San Francisco her name is Veronica so I was I was on online dating platforms but I really only had one attractive woman who was interested in me so here's a story for you that kind of dating scarcity that lack of options can create problems. And if you've ever gotten way too into one girl, then it's because you have a scarcity of options on the apps. And I was way too into Veronica.

What I mean is I got way too excited about her. I thought she might be the one. And I actually, I'm so embarrassed to admit that, I'm not embarrassed, but it's hard to talk about this sometimes, I actually flew to San Francisco without telling her to surprise her. I'd seen too many movies, I'd seen too many movies where the male character does a big grand romantic gesture. So Veronica, because Veronica was my one dating app lead,

I'm in New York, she's in San Francisco. I say, hey, I'm gonna go surprise her. So I buy a ticket, I fly to SF, I rent out a hotel suite, I go to her home, she's not there, I go to her home, I leave a dozen roses and a box containing Victoria's Secret lingerie as a gift for her on her doorstep and I'm thinking oh my god she's gonna be so swept off her feet

Connell's here from New York City he's gonna she's gonna text me and say oh my god I got your flowers where are you and she's gonna come to the hotel suite we're gonna meet for the first time in person because we'd only done some phone dates and some texting. So I leave the flowers, I leave the Victoria's Secret lingerie, and I go back to my hotel room and I'm waiting for her to text. Just waiting and waiting and waiting. And I never heard from her.

She ghosted me. I messaged her many times that weekend, she never responded. And I was crushed at the time. At the time I was really angry. I thought, oh, women are so cruel. How could she do this to me? She's such a tease.

But of course, of course she ghosted me. How desperate, how needy did I seem, flying all the way across the country to meet the one woman who seemed to like me from online dating. And of course she ghosted me. Her desperate guy alarm was going off. And the lesson for me was, oh, you know what if I had had good options if I had some good Multiple matches and a few couple dates a week here in New York City. I never would have gotten on a plane I never would have gone to SF. I wouldn't have gotten so into her. I really wasn't into her It was just an infatuation that came from place of loneliness and the lack of dating options and that came from a place of loneliness and the lack of dating options.

And that's what dating scarcity can do. It can make you feel lonely. It can make you get way too into a woman way too soon. So if you don't have very many good dating leads, or if you are thinking, well, there's that one girl four states away, maybe I'll go see her. I want you to find three, five, ten wonderful dating options in your

zip code. And that's what we're going to work on today. So let me tell you one more quick story as a show you what's possible. Fast forward about a year, year and a half later from my Veronica disaster. By then I had gotten competent, maybe a better than average on the dating apps and platforms. And I remember there was one week, Thursday I had a date, Wednesday night, Thursday night and Friday night with three different women,

three different first dates, all from dating profiles, all because I'd gotten good at sending openers, at having a good profile. And I remember I had three different first dates. I made out with all three women on each of these first dates, three nights in a row. And I remember walking home after that third date

on, must have been Friday night, really cute girl, nice connection, we kissed, and it was my third first date make out in three nights. And I walked home sort of half buzzed from beer and also from just what's possible. And I remember thinking, yeah, this is what I wanted. I wanted options. I wanted to know that girls liked me and I wanted to know that I could get some dates. And that's what the dating apps can do for you if you do it right. So the dating apps are a wonderful source of options and dates. I met my girlfriend Jess

on a dating app. So let's get to it. I want to help you have three amazing first dates in three nights with three different women if you want to. The way we need to do that is we need to get really good at openers, at sending fun, flirty openers. So here, let me count these down. Now, I'm about to give you 10 copy and paste openers. These are openers you can use pretty much with any woman who fall into any of these categories I'm about to go through.

And the number one opener at the bottom of this list, or I should say the number one at the top of the list, the best one, you can use that with literally any woman. It's going to work really well. All that said, keep in mind that the best openers I've found are going to be personalized. You actually call out something about her profile and use a personalized specific to her opener. Those are going to work best.

I'll do a whole separate episode about how to create the perfect personalized openers. But these copy and paste openers, what I like about them is that they're, they seem personalized. They feel really personalized to her, to most women. And so, so yeah, again I'm more into a personalized approach than copy and paste. I'm all about authenticity. I'm all about finding something that speaks to the authentic her and sharing your authentic self. All that said, I just want you to get matches. I just want you to get, or I should say,

I just want you to get responses. I want you to stop getting ghosted, start getting dates. So these are the 10 best flirty openers that you can use on any dating app and let's get to it flirty opener number 10 Number 10. This is what to use when she barely writes anything in her bio so you match with her but her bio is literally just an emoji here or You know, she writes nothing nothing. She just has her photos.

So instead of overthinking it and not knowing, instead of saying, writing something like hey how are you? How is your week going? Don't do that. Don't do cliched openers like that. Use this. This works really well. And by the way, as I go through these openers, pretty much for all of them, use her first

name. Okay, that helps these copy and paste openers come off as more personalized. So always use her first name in that first message. Remember, everybody's favorite word in the English language is their first name. So for this one, number 10, when she barely writes anything on her bio, here's your opener. All right, name. Let's say Katie. I'm gonna go with Katie. Katie is my practice, is my one size fits all name

for this episode. All right, Katie, so your bio tells me nothing. So I have to assume that you're either a spy, a wizard, or just really bad at typing. Which one is it? Thinking emoji. Okay, rewind if you need to hear that again. Notice what I did there and you're going to notice some recurring patterns here. It's playful, right?

I'm not asking her a logical informational question. That's what you want to avoid logical informational factual questions or openers. Women aren't on dating apps to swap facts with men. They're on dating apps to feel the feels, to flirt, to play. All right? So notice how this is not logical. It's fun. It's light and playful.

And also notice how I'm giving her, you're giving her a multiple choice. You're making it easy to answer. You're not saying, oh, I see your bio tells me, tells me nothing of you. Write me 50 words so I know more about you. That's not going to get an answer because you're making her work too hard. Women don't want to work hard. They, or nobody does actually. It's not about women. It's just people don't want to put a lot of effort into their responses. They just want to laugh and smile and play. So I'll repeat this one. I'm not going to repeat every one

because you can just go back and listen. Hit rewind and go back to it. But I'll say it again just because this is the first one, number 10. This is for when she has barely anything on her bio. Hey, all right, Katie. So your bio tells me nothing. So I have to assume you're either a spy, a wizard, or just really bad at typing. Which is it? Thinking emoji. And it's a multiple choice

question, so you're making it easy for her to answer. She gets to choose, spy, wizard, or bad at typing. The bad at typing is a little bit of a tease. You're wondering if she's bad at typing, but it's a very light tease. So it's light, playful little tease, and it's a multiple choice, and it's playful, and it's easy to answer. And the thinking emoji at the end

just adds a sense of even more lightness to it. So use this one when she barely writes anything on her bio. Flirty opener number nine. This is for selfie girl. When she's got multiple selfies, lots of mirror selfies, maybe there's bathroom selfies, maybe multiple bathroom selfies. I've seen women with multiple toilets in the back of their photos in the mirror. So when you see a selfie girl, you know, she's all about aesthetics and looking good. So instead of stating the obvious, like, hey, you're pretty or hey, great photo. You want to engage her in a way that's fun and different.

So here's your opener for a selfie girl. Hey, Katie, let's be real. Did this selfie make the cut on the first try? Or is there a deleted camera roll that we'll never speak of? And again, you can throw in a thinking emoji for any question you ask. So yeah, very simple, right? It's playful.

It is talking about the selfie. So it is very simple, right? It's playful, it is talking about the selfie, so it is somewhat personalized to her. It's gonna feel personalized to her, and you can use this with any woman who has multiple selfies. So again, hey Katie, let's be real. Did this selfie make the cut on the first try? Or is there a deleted camera roll we never speak of? And again, you're asking her a question, but questions aren't bad. Questions are good as long as they're playful and light and really easy to answer.

We're giving her a binary option this time. Instead of multiple choice, it's binary, so it's easy to answer. So it's playful and easy to answer, and it's about her. And that makes it very likely that she's going to reply. So yeah, that's number nine. Number eight, this is for party girl, social girl. You know, she's got drinks in her hand,

she's got a lot of group shots, she's on a rooftop bar, she's at a festival with her friends. Here's what not to write. Most guys would write, hey, looks like you know how to have fun. It's okay, but it's not really giving her anything that she wants to engage with. Okay, here's what to write for party social girl.

Hey there, Katie. So be honest, are you actually this popular or did you hire all these people to act like your friends, parentheses, I won't tell. And then whatever emoji you wanna use there. I like winky emo parentheses, I won't tell. And then whatever emoji you want to use there. I like winky emojis, by the way. I like the upside down emoji. There's something light and playful about the upside down emoji and I like the thinking

emoji. So I'll do that. I'll say this one again. So be honest, Katie, are you actually this popular or did you hire all those people to act like your friends? I won't tell. Again, very simple question but a good question. A bad question is how's your day? How are you? What'd you do this weekend? What are you up to this weekend? Those are bad questions. Good questions are what I just shared with you so don't

be afraid of questions. Be afraid of boring logical questions. Use light, fun, playful questions. Again this gives her a binary choice. It's about her and it's also a tease. You're teasing, you're doing a little, you're pulling her pigtail a little bit suggesting that she had to hire her friends because think about that. What's the subtext there? The subtext is she doesn't have actual friends and that speaks to a lot of women. Most guys don't have the balls to tease a girl. Or they over learn the whole teasing thing and they come off as assholes and doing it too harshly.

This is that perfect balance. Okay, number seven, my seven favorite, flirtiest, fun opener. This is for a girl who has a dog in her profile. Lots of women have puppies and dogs. You're gonna come across so many of these. And by the way, having a woman with a dog in her profile, oh, that's great.

Definitely use the doggy. Girls love their dogs. What you don't wanna do is is just say, hey cute dog or hey what kind of dog is that? That's better than how's your day but hey what kind of dog is that? It's a bit obvious and it's factual. It's not playful. Now it is about something she cares about, her dog, but we can do better than cute dog or what kind of dog do you have. So let's make it fun instead.

I like this one. Hey, Katie, I hope you like your men like your doggos. Loyal, fun, and ready to give you unlimited tummy scratches. Parentheses within reason. Let me say it again. I'll give it back to you just so you heard that oh Sorry, I think I okay. I think I misspoke there. Let me let me repeat that one. I hope hey Katie I hope you like your men like your doggos

loyal fun and Ready to receive unlimited tummy scratches Again, I hope you like your men like your dog goes loyal fun and ready to receive unlimited tummy scratches. Again, I hope you like your men like your dog was. Loyal, fun, and ready to receive unlimited tummy scratches. And you can even add parentheses, within reason of course, if you want to. Now what you're doing is you're using some humor. And you're putting yourself in the doggy position,

so to speak. And you're basically using her cute dog as a way to flirt with her and comparing yourself to the way she might treat you. It might be similar to how she treats her pooch. Now if she responds well and things escalate, a couple messages later you can actually stick with this path and you can actually flirt a little bit more suggestively. If she responds, oh yeah, well, I love having a man who's like my dog. I'm very much into my dogs.

I want a faithful man. And you could be like, okay, great. Well, I'm your man. Wait, by the way, I assume your dog gets unlimited bed privileges and face licks. Would I get bed privileges and face licks? So you can escalate things. I wouldn't use that one to start. That's a little intense to start for some women, but you could certainly keep the dog

line of flirting going. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there, but I escaped Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love it's what I wrote about in my best-selling book dating sucks, but you don't and Radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.

So go to DatingTransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Okay, flirty opener number six. This is when she's wearing a bikini or showing off her great body, her great physique.

Maybe she's wearing something low cut, showing some cleavage, bikini, just looking hot. Basically a woman who's really saying, hey, look how hot I am. Now you might be wondering what the heck do I do with girls like that. What you don't wanna be is just another thirsty guy saying you're hot, oh my God, you're gorgeous,

oh my God, you look amazing. At the same time, I don't want to ignore how beautiful she is because she put time and thought into these photos. She wants us to see that great bikini body, that sexy curves in that cocktail dress. So you don't want to ignore it, but you also don't want to fawn over her and come off as thirsty.

So here's my favorite opener to use for this kind of woman. Here we go. Okay, Katie, that photo of you, and then here's where you do insert one specific thing. So let's say it's a bikini photo. Hey, Katie, or sorry, let me start again. Okay, Katie, that photo of you on the beach

totally melted my iPhone. Fire emoji. So, you owe me $1,200 for a new phone, dot, dot, dot. Should we do Venmo or PayPal? Thinking emoji. Let me restate that one. Okay, Katie, that photo of you on the beach or whatever the photo is, that photo of you on the beach totally melted my iPhone. Fire emoji. So you

owe me $1,200 for a new phone. Should we do Venmo or PayPal? And then if you want, I would actually add a laughing emoji after the Venmo or PayPal question. Because obviously here's what we're doing here. You're basically letting her know she's hot and looks good, but you're not fawning over her and saying, you look hot. You're telling her she looks sexy in a creative way, that she melted your phone. And then you're pretending that she literally melted your phone and that she owes you $1,200 Venmo or PayPal. So you're putting the pressure back on her to decide jokingly, playfully,

how she's gonna pay you back. Now here's one caveat about this one, okay? Make sure that this is totally crystal clear to her that this is a joke. Do not leave any doubt that you are kidding and joking. So the way I do that is I have the laughing emoji. The laughing emoji should do that job because here's the thing, I had one client who matched with a woman where English is her second language and she didn't understand the nuance of the

joke, she's a Latina. Latina, Latina. And she was like, wait, what? Are you asking me for money? She misunderstood because of the language barrier. So be careful with this one. Make sure that she's English is her first language or that she totally will understand the joke.

We just don't want to, I don't want a woman to flag you on a hinge saying this guy's trying to get me to give him money. We don't want, you never want your joke to be mistaken. But assuming you can give it that clarity, this is a really good opener because you're letting her know she's hot, but you're not fawning over her. You're actually turning into something playful and putting it back on her as to Venmo or PayPal. So I've had really good responses to this myself. A lot of women say things to me like, oh, well, that's a lot.

I don't do Venmo or PayPal, so how about drinks instead? How about I pay you back with drinks? Or if she doesn't, if she just laughs and goes, ha ha, very funny, then you could say, okay, fine, Venmo or PayPal might not be the right thing for you. How about we do this over a glass of wine instead? You can make it up to me that way. So notice you're showing her that she's sexy and attractive,

but you're not doing it in a fawning way where you're putting her on a pedestal. You're having fun. You're letting her know she's sexy and attractive, but you're not doing it in a fawning way where you're putting her on a pedestal. You're having fun. You're letting her know she's sexy while playing with her. That is the secret formula here. Okay, flirty opener number five. This is for when you see a profile where she has a really funny or sarcastic bio.

She's just funny, she's witty, she's got puns or jokes, you know, she's got some real something clever that just makes you laugh. And these are my, this is actually my type of woman. My favorite type of woman is this. My girlfriend Jess had a very funny sarcastic bio. Very silly and playful. So when you see that you might be tempted to just say hey I like your profile you're funny I like girls with humor. Now that's not terrible but it's not it's a five out of ten because you're not playing with her you're not hitting the tennis ball back. It's like you want to hit the ball back to her. You don't want to tell her that you like her swing. And if you just

compliment her on her wits and sarcasm, basically, let's call this banter. If you just compliment her on her funny banter, but you don't play with her, it's like being on a tennis court and saying, hey, I like your tennis swing, but what I want you to do is grab a racket and hit the ball back to her, because that is what's gonna get her responding to you. She wants to play with you. So here's a way to do it.

I actually two ways here. I have two here. This is a bonus, a bonus one. I like this opener. I call this the fake investigator opener. I just made that up. Let's call it the sarcasm investigator opener. So here's what you write to her.

Let's say she's snarky or sarcastic. Let's say it's that. There's a lot of sarcastic women online who are frankly they're my type. You could write her, hey, Katie, I regret to inform you that your bio has been flagged by the Department of Sarcasm Control. You're facing two charges, excessive wit and dangerous levels of dry humor. How do you plead? Awesome.

That is awesome. You're basically letting her know that you have a similar sense of humor and you are meeting her on her flirting wavelength. This women are smart, witty, bantery women are just aching for this kind of fun, playful opener. This is basically a role play. I call this a role play. I don't, not my term.

It's a role play where you are playing the role in this case of a sarcasm investigator. So I love this one. I also have another one that I just have been recently doing that's working great. It's called the time traveler opener. Here's the time traveler opener. I'm reading, I'm reading this to you literally right off my phone. I'll change the name though, of course, for obvious reasons. So this is, again, you see a woman who's got that funny wit coming off on her profile. Hey, Katie, I'm writing you from five years in the future

where we're married and madly in love, but we just had a big fight. Can I ask you an important question? Our future love depends on it. And you want to put like a robot emoji at the end. So this one is a bit more high concept, right? It's creating a comedic premise, a role. I'll read this one again. Hey, Katie, I'm writing you from five years in the future where we're married and madly in love. But... We just had a big fight Can I ask you an important question our future love depends on it?

So this is an opener that's setting up a second message so she will match with you or she'll respond It'll be something like lol. Yeah Hey future Connell sure what's your question? It'll like that that's all you're looking for just looking for some some kind of response. And then essentially and then this is this this episode is just about openers but i'll give you the next thing to write here. Okay so she writes back. Okay, so she writes back. Yeah, what is it? What is it future husband or future lover? So we want her to buy into the role, right? Well, basically we want her to do a fun little play play acting with you You say well our fight was about our first date

You said we went to a fancy cocktail lounge For our first date, but I said we went to a fun dive bar. Which was it? Lounge or dive bar? Now here's what this woman actually wrote me back on this is a hinge. Oh babe, I'm so sorry we had a fight. You were right. We went to a dive bar and we had the time of our lives.

Okay now she is fully buying in to this fun little role play no other guys are doing this by the way your openers are gonna go to such an elite place if you do these openers especially the role play with a witty woman. So i write back basically, okay, thanks for settling the issue. I knew I could count on you. And then what you want to do is basically say, well, I guess we should go ahead and meet up and redo that first date over again for the good of our future relationship. What night is good for you? So you're basically segueing right into asking her out after you do the little time traveler role play.

So there's a two for one for you. Try the sarcasm investigator opener, and then the time traveler one is great. Oh, by the way, I will, if I remember, I think I'll remember, I'll put a link into my Instagram. In the show notes, on my Instagram, I have lots of screenshots, so you can see what the openers actually look like

when I send them. It's good to see how I punctuate. It's good to see how I punctuate. It's good to have the right punctuation. I don't mean just grammatically, I just mean how to use emojis. So if you wanna see lots of these openers, the actual screenshots, you'll see them on my Instagram. So I'll put that in the show notes.

My Instagram is at Dating Transformation. Don't fast forward, This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach so that you can confidently connect with cool sexy

women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty 30 and that's F-L-I-R-T-Y three zero. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty 30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Okay, let's go with flirty opener number four. How about when she has a travel photo

or lots of travel photos? You know, lots of women are into travel. You'll see one or multiple travel photos. You know, she's standing on the beach in Bali or she, you know, holding a coconut. Now here's what not to write. Don't just write, hey, looks like you like to travel. Where was that photo taken?

Again, that can get you a response, but it's pretty logical, it's pretty boring. And we want to make it a bit more engaging. So here's an opener, actually two variations of the same opener. Here's what you can write. Hey, Katie, you've been collecting passport stamps like Pokemon cards. I respect that. I'm heading to country, fill in country, next.

Where are you plotting your next adventure? Okay, I'll read that one again. Let's go with Australia. I'll say I'm going to Australia. Hey, Katie, I see you've been collecting passport stamps like Pokemon cards. I respect that. I'm heading to Australia next.

Where are you plotting your next adventure? Now you can absolutely change some of the words here. You don't need to have it sound exactly like me. In fact, it should sound authentically like you. You don't want your openers to sound like Connell Barrett, dating coach, wrote them for you. So feel free to tweak any of these to make them sound more like you. Okay. But yeah, why does that work? A little of cleverness you're comparing her passport to Pokemon cards, which is cute and clever and You're also saying where you're going next in my case, Australia

Now I'm not actually going to Australia. I just wrote that as a hypothetical here But all you have to do is pick a place that you would like to go to It's okay to tell a white lie. Where do you where white lie. Where do you want to be heading next? That's fine. You can use that. And then you're asking her where are you plotting your next adventure. Another way to basically frame this or write this, basically the same thing would be, hey Katie, I see you're a fellow travel addict. My next trip is Australia. I'm going to attempt surfing in Sydney and probably wipe out spectacularly.

Where are you dying to jet off to next? Do you hear all the emotion in that? The specificity? The emotion? That's what women get magnetized to. I'll read the last one again. Hey, Katie, I see you're a fellow travel addict. My next trip is Australia.

I'm going to attempt surfing in Sydney and probably wipe out spectacularly. Where are you dying to jet off to next? So in just, how many words is that? That's like literally 30 words. It's about as long as you want your opener to be. In just 30 words, I have let her know I have a cool lifestyle that involves traveling to Australia and surfing. I'm letting her know that we have something in common.

She's a fellow travel addict and I'm asking her an emotionally charged question. Where are you dying to jet off to next? Not where was your, where did you go last? It's like, where are you dying to go to next? So there's just so much emotion just emanating from this. So that's what to do with a time traveler, time traveler with a travel a girl who likes to travel. Alright, flirty opener number three. This is for this this is for the girl when she has a kind of an artsy or creative vibe. You know, think artsy types. She's at a museum, she's

reading books, she's at a concert i like a classical concert like a classy. Kind of you know cocktails and classical music type of setting. If you come across an artsy creative type of woman you're gonna want an opener that works for her. So you can go with this one this works really well. Hey name, you seem like the artsy creative type. Okay, would you rather paint the next Mona Lisa, write the next great novel, or be the next American Idol? It's a would you rather question through but there's three instead of two. Would you rather is usually have two this has three. I'll say it again because this is really this is a good stuff here if I may say. Hey hey

Katie you seem like the artsy creative type. Okay would you rather paint the next Mona Lisa, write the next great novel or be the next American Idol. You're talking to her in a language she's into, artsy fartsy creativity. And you're also giving her a nice three options here. Instead of saying what do you enjoy most about painting, that's okay, but you're making it easy for her to answer this question by saying would you rather do a B or C basically? Mona Lisa novel or Singing on you know becoming a music star on American Idol No matter what kind of creative type she is

It's very likely that one of these three things is gonna hit her pleasure center because you're basically saying would you rather be a great painter? a great novelist or a rock star Every woman's gonna fall into one of those categories. So this is a really good one. I get, actually, I was expecting most women would respond to the American Idol thing, the music thing. I get a lot of women responding to the novel saying, oh, I'd love to write a book. And if she says, if she's like, oh, I want to write a book, then you can play

with that and keep the conversation going and say, Oh, cool. Um, what would your novel be called? Or you could give her a funny name for her novel, right? Uh, you could say, um, yeah, what are you going to call it? That the Katie Chronicles, Confessions of Katie, women love talking about themselves in a fun, silly way like that. Or if she says, I wanna be the next American Idol, you can say, cool, what's your stage name gonna be? MC Katie, Katie Hammer, Snoop Katie Kate. Or if she says, I wanna paint the next Mona Lisa,

then you could say, all right, well, if you ever want to do a painting of a nude model, just let me know. So these openers aren't just ways to get a response. They're ways to open up a whole door into light, fun, playful flirting and messaging. And that is what's going to get you those dates and matches and all kinds of good stuff.

Okay, we're wrapping up here, almost done. Two left. Number two, when you match with a career-driven woman, a boss lady, you know the type. She's in her business suit, she's ambitious, she talks about her business. Yeah, career girl basically. A woman who leans into that career vibe

on a dating profile. Here's what you don't wanna do. You don't want to make her feel like she's on a LinkedIn interview. Hey, Catherine, looks like you've done quite well for yourself. Where do you wanna be in five years? How long have you been doing your business?

How is your business going? Understandable if a guy does that, but not the best strategy. Instead, you want to, again, engage with her in a way that's playful and flirtatious, or at least fun. By the way, fun and flirty to me is synonymous. If you're having fun with a woman on a dating app, that's flirting in my book. So you want to, you still want to talk about her career, but you want to do it in a light, fun way. Here's what I like to do. The pop quiz. It's the pop quiz for the career girl. Let's call this the career queen pop quiz. I love a pop quiz. Women love quizzes. Every women's magazine in the world and every BuzzFeed page is just filled with like quizzes, quizzes, quizzes and women really like them. So you

give her a pop quiz. Here's your opener. Pop quiz, career queen, exclamation point. What's the best part of being a boss? Or you could say what's the best part of being a boss? Or you could say what's the best part of filling her job basically. So here's how it goes. Pop quiz career queen. What's the best part of being a boss or being xyz career? A, running the show and making shit happen. B, outworking everybody while looking effortlessly cool.

C, pretending to answer emails while online shopping. And then you could finish it with, circle the right answer, pencils down, winky face. So keep it light. So again, pop quiz, career queen, what's the best part of your job? A, running the show and making shit happen. B, outworking everybody and looking effortlessly cool

or stylish, if you like stylish better. C, pretending to answer emails while online shopping. So again, you're talking to her and you're meeting her in a topic she cares about, being a boss, being a career woman, but you're engaging in an emotional way, in a playful way. And because it's a quiz, it's easy to answer. You probably noticed how so many of these openers are giving really simple binary or

three options to answer. And a woman who doesn't answer this, I don't know, she's probably not somebody you want to date. So this is a great one. I love the career boss opener. Okay, let's get down to it. Drum roll please. The number one best opener that works for me and my clients 81% of the time.

By the way, what I mean by that is, when I match with a woman and I send an opener 81 or so out of times out of 100, I get a response. Now for cold openers where you're just randomly messaging a woman who you've not matched with, that's the percentage will be lower, but it's still gonna be very serviceable. Like 30, 35% of cold openers that I've talked about here today, that's a really good percentage. You could absolutely send out 10 of those a day, get three matches and have a date by tomorrow.

So anyway, I just wanted to clarify where the 81% comes from. Okay, my number one best opener that's worked the best for me and my clients, and this is for any woman, if she doesn't fall into any of these categories, if you just don't know what to write, if you are just absolutely like, I don't know what the hell, I don't have any time to think about this, here's what you write. I'll use a recent one. This is Brittany from Tinder but you

just slot in the name. Here it is I've tested this a zillion times. Hey Brittany dot dot dot wow exclamation point. You know what I noticed about you? Something surprisingly charming parentheses no not what you think, lol. Any guesses? Winky, or sorry, happy face thinking emoji. Let me read it one more time and then go to my Instagram. You can actually see what this looks like because I know we're on a podcast. You're not looking at this.

Hey Brittany, wow, you know what I noticed about you? Something surprisingly charming. No, not what you think, lol. Wow, you know what I noticed about you? Something surprisingly charming. No, not what you think, LOL. Any guesses? Here's what Brittany wrote back. Hey, haha, I don't know. What did you notice? I'm so curious.

That's Brittany. Here's a woman named Nat. Hey, Natty. Wow, you know what I noticed about you? Something surprisingly charming. No, not what you think, LOL. Any guesses? Hi, no idea.

Please tell me, I really wanna know. I have like dozens more. So why does this work? This is clickbait. I mean, this is just clickbait. Clickbait is something that you're basically saying you notice something special about her and you're making yourself, you are the key that unlocks this hidden insight about her and that's what makes women want to know more.

Now by the way, she's also going to look at your profile. She's going to say, who is this guy? Who is this guy who Who is this guy who? Knows notices something about me. So you do want to make sure your profile overall is as good as possible Any any opener is really only gonna be as good as the overall quality of the profile But assuming you have solid good photos and a pretty good bio then this is gonna work like money for you So basically, yeah, I'll say it one more time and then I'll give you some variations on it. Hey, name. Wow. You know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly charming. Parentheses, no, not what you think. LOL. Any guesses? And I always end with a happy face and a thinking emoji. This is not really, the reason why this works at such a high percentage is it's not

Sexual it's not even romantic your it's it's It's moving toward flirty and romantic. It's more You notice something special about her. That's different and So it takes away any woman who does any woman who doesn't like a sexual come on, she'll be fine with this. Also, I think the magic, here are the three magic words here that make it work. Something surprisingly charming.

Who doesn't want to know what's charming about them? And who doesn't want to know what's surprisingly charming? Something they haven't heard before, something fresh. So this opener is a really powerful piece of clickbait that makes a woman go, what? Tell me. Basically you're making yourself the answer to the question, what's special about me? And everybody wants to know the answer to that question. Now you might be saying, what the heck do I write next?

Well, that's a whole separate episode about following up. But the first best option is you actually find something from her profile that you find surprisingly charming, if you can. But if you can't, I've had good luck with this next line. Again, when in doubt, be authentic. When in doubt, speak your true thoughts. I've had good luck with this next line. Again, when in doubt, be authentic. When in doubt, speak your true thoughts. When in doubt, keep it real.

It could just be like, oh my God, you know what's surprisingly charming about you? You just have an energy that's so likable and warm and positive. You could say something like that. I like to say things like so many women here on hinge or on tinder are just taking You know mirror

Mirror duck face photos, but you are actually being your real self and that is so charming That is the coolest thing of all So it can be as simple as that. It doesn't have to be the most amazing insightful answer. Here's what I wrote to Natalie that she really liked. She's like, I have no idea, please tell me. And I wrote, I'll tell you,

but don't let it go to your head. It's the way you seem both super sweet and also very confident. Like in the pool photo, there's a swimming pool photo of her. That's hard to pull off. And then I add, so who's the real Natalie? Sweet or confident?

So I'm pushing things forward to get her to write me another message. And she writes back, how well, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm feeling really sweet, other times I'm feeling super confident. And now we've got a nice light banter and we can take it from there and move it toward a date. Some variations of this, this clickbait kind of approach, variations that I've tried. They don't have quite, this one doesn't have quite as high of a 81% but it has a very powerful response with women who like it. Basically, you substitute, instead of saying surprisingly charming,

you say surprisingly sexy. That's bolder. That's bolder. And some women might not respond to that because mentioning the word sex or sexy in the opener could be too much for some women, but other women who are super confident and frankly a bit more in touch with their sexual side

and wanna feel sexy, they'll be fine with it. So the way you would write that is, hey, Katie, you know what I notice about you? Something surprisingly sexy. No, not what you think. Cause she's gonna think, oh, it's my body. It's my TNA. And you're actually gonna give her something more internal.

But anyway, you would just, instead of surprisingly charming, you would literally just change one word, make it surprisingly sexy. The percentage of responses will go down, but the investment, the women who are like, wanna know, they're gonna be extra, extra excited to get the answer. And now you're talking about how sexy she is. So you are in a very man to woman romantic sexy place. And that's a great place to be on the dating apps. It's way better than how's your day?

How's it going? What are you up to? And this will help you get more responses, more dates, and eventually having two or three good dating options. Women you're seeing or women you're going on dates with so that you can choose a wonderful girlfriend from some great options. Okay, that was today's episode. Speaking of choosing a great girlfriend from some great options, there's something I say

here earlier in the episode in the commercial But I'll just mention it real quick here at the end If for any guy for you if you're interested in this if you are if you think you need dating help If you're looking for some dating coaching help and think one-on-one coaching can help you or you are you're interested in it Anybody listening to this podcast including you All you got to do is go to dating transformation comm and you can book a free call Where you and I would get on a call for free and I would essentially share with you how I coach and figure out Exactly how to improve your online dating success get you more matches

Get you better at flirting, help you approach women, and help you get three or four wonderful women in your life. And then choose a great girlfriend from some nice options. So if dating coaching is something that you're curious about and you're like, oh, how does it work? What kind of results? What would I do? You can go to datingtransformation.com and

you can just click the book call button and then you'll speak to somebody from my team but then you'll speak to me and we'll do a free consultation. Anyway, just throwing that out there if that appeals to you. Otherwise, thank you so much for listening. I know dating sucks sometimes. I know it can be frustrating. There's no dating problem that you've had, that you have, that I haven't had myself and fixed. I've had them all.

Lack of matches, lack of dates, loneliness, not knowing what to say, settling, because I couldn't get somebody better, so I settled for a girl I wasn't that into. I got married when I didn't want to. Approach anxiety, man, I've had every problem there is. And I'm here to help you fix any dating problem you have. So I hope you got something good out of this.

Go out there tonight. By the way, this episode is dropping, it's either dropping on a Sunday or Monday. I forget which but Sundays and Mondays are great nights to be on the dating apps. Valentine's Day is fast approaching and you're not going to have a girlfriend by Valentine's Day probably. But man, you could start getting some dates. you can start getting some matches, some responses. Use these 10 dating app openers, at least use some of them and stick around because later this week we've got I've got some really good stuff coming up. We're going to get off of the dating apps and we're

going to go out and meet women in real life. I'm going to help you approach. I'm going to help you know what to say so you can have those moments in coffee shops or in bars or at the grocery store where you just kind of catch eyes with a woman and help you know how to turn that into a conversation and a fun flirty conversation and a date. Because man, there's nothing like meeting women in real life. As much as I love the dating apps, dating apps help me so much. And it's how I met my girlfriend Jess. At the same time

I just love helping men have the freedom and confidence to meet women anywhere So anyway, that'll be the rest of this week's episodes coming up a special Multi-part series about meeting women in real life stick around for that and don't forget your dream girlfriend She is out there and she is gonna love you she just has to meet the real authentic you. So go out there take action Carpe Datum. Seize the date. Till next time.