How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Unlock the 3 S’s for Unshakable Confidence—and Attract the Women You Want!
Episode Date: April 29, 2025There’s a big dating mistake you’re making—and you don’t even realize it. Most men obsess over tactics (what to say, how to text) instead of building the real foundation for success: a bulletp...roof mindset. In this episode, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett reveals the 3 S’s of dating success. The 3 S’s will build you unstoppable confidence and attract the women you want, all while being authentic. Listen now to start transforming your love life.DO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT YOUR DREAM GIRLFRIEND? BOOK A FREE CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN ABOUT 1-1 COACHING:http://www.DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL FOR A FREE COPY OF HIS NO. 1 AMAZON BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T”:Connell@datingtransformation.com
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When you have a panic attack in the men's room stall,
that's not butterflies, that's vampire bats.
And that's why it was really hard for me to approach women.
["How to Get a Girlfriend"]
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.
I am your host, dating coach, Connell
Barrett. I am your podcast dating coach, helping you confidently meet, flirt with, date wonderful
women and get a great girlfriend all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup artist moves
needed. This is about dating with authenticity, what I call radical authenticity, because
women like you for you. That's you at your most confident and your most authentically
attractive self is that core you inside of you. And we are in the middle of a four part
series about the 12 essentials of a great online dating profile that gets matches. This
episode is a brief interlude, like half time of the Super Bowl.
I'm actually gonna take one episode detour.
I wanna talk about a really important topic
of why you may struggle with confidence around women,
or why you are down on dating,
why you might hate the apps,
why you might have approach anxiety.
I wanna talk with you about some of the mindset
challenges you have that make dating no fun
and that bring your confidence down.
And I wanna help you fix it.
It won't happen in this one episode,
but I at least wanna give you,
I wanna help you to see the matrix.
Oh, this is why I struggle with confidence. Because once you understand why you struggle with confidence
or struggle with dating, then you can fix it or begin to. And so today I'm going to
get really nerdy on you. I'm going to go into full self-improvement coach mode through the
lens of dating, of course. But yeah, I'm going to, I I'm gonna go full on self-improvement nerd. So I
hope you like this episode. It's not gonna be 27 tactics to say the perfect thing. It's gonna be
about mindset because mindset is 80% of it. So really this episode is about helping you fix
maybe the biggest mistake that men make in dating today. What's the biggest mistake that men make in dating today. What's the
biggest mistake that men make in dating? I think it might be this. So many men,
maybe yourself, you're focused on what's the right thing to say, what's the
right strategy, what are the right mechanics? And strategy and mechanics are important in dating,
but they're not nearly as important as having a strong sense of self-confidence and worth
and feeling positive about who you are and feeling like your dating results are coming
your way. That you know and you believe and feel that you bring
a lot to the table, a lot of women are going to like you. And
also you have a good empowering belief about dating. And so big
mistake men make is what are the tactics? What are the strategies?
And if you focus on tax tactics and strategies, and don't focus
on a core sense of self-confidence,
what I call a story, then you struggle.
You struggle.
And I could teach you the world's best opening lines.
I can teach you the best things to say
when you walk up to a woman and approach
or when you go on a date.
But if that woman is talking to you
and you're nervous and shaking and anxious and in your
head, none of those lines, none of those tips are going to work all that well because your story,
your sense of worth and confidence isn't handled. So let's talk about how to fix this and get this
handled today. I want to talk to you about what I call the three S's. What are the three S's?
about what I call the three S's. What are the three S's? Well, these are the three most important pieces that you need to have in place if you want to get an incredible girlfriend.
If you want to find love, if you want to get lots of dates and find that wonderful relationship,
it takes what I call the three S's. And I'm going to give you the three S's in order of importance
because basically you're listening to this podcast, I assume, because you want something And I'm going to give you the three S's in order of importance.
Because basically you're listening to this podcast, I assume, because you want something
wonderful.
You have an outcome you want.
You want a girlfriend.
You want love.
Maybe you want to be a dad one day.
Maybe you want to be a father, a dad, a husband.
Bottom line is you want something wonderful.
And so you have this incredible
powerful result, this outcome you're moving toward. And that's important to have in place.
And to make an incredible outcome happen, you want to have these three S's handled.
Okay. So let's say for example, let's say your ideal dating outcome is you say to me, Connell, here's what I want.
I want a beautiful, gorgeous girlfriend, 5'10", brunette,
intelligent, professional, looks like gal Godot.
Even dresses up like Wonder Woman for me for some fun, sexy role playing.
She's flirty, she's feminine, she's got her own career, she's funny. I want
great sex. I want my best friend. I want a woman like that in my life. And I say to you,
boom, let's do it. Let's make that happen for you. So you start with this incredible
outcome. And that's where motivation starts from. We begin with, hey, what let's begin
with the end in mind. What's the end game for you?
And so then how do we get you your gal Gadot girlfriend
or whatever your type is?
Well, then what we wanna do is make sure
that you have the three S's handled
in a healthy, awesome, empowering place.
What are the three S's?
Here they are.
Here's how we're gonna get you that girlfriend. Here are the three S's to attract your are. Here's how we're going to get you that girlfriend.
Here are the three S's to attract your dream girlfriend. They go in this order. And by the way, this is order of importance. So we're going to start with the most important S. Number one S
is your story. Your story, the story you tell yourself about yourself and your worth and
attractiveness to women.
This is the core and most important story.
Everything starts with a sense of self-worth and confidence.
This inner narrative has to be,
has to have a positive, empowering story
that you're telling yourself.
First, about your worth to women,
and also about your story about dating in general,
what you believe you deserve.
Your story can be empowering and positive and awesome, or it can be neutral, kind of
dodgy, or it can be really, really shitty, which I'll tell you about what those are.
So number one is your story.
Number two is your state.
Second, the second most important one is your story. Number two is your state. Second, the
second most important S is your state. You need to be in a good emotional state.
You need to feel positive, hopeful, in motion. You need to feel some momentum
and essentially you also want to get good rest, good sleep, good health, good
fitness. Your emotional state needs to be
in a pretty positive, empowering place.
You ever have one of those days where, you know,
you got four hours sleep, steady your full eight hours,
and you didn't eat well,
and you're just in a really shitty mood?
That hurts your state.
Your state goes down.
You fall into what I call the lower self.
Lower self is that side of us who says,
you know what, everybody's a jerk.
The world's against me.
Ma, that comes from a bad state.
So we need to be in a really good state.
Women wanna be on a date with a guy who's feeling good,
he's feeling positive, he's feeling himself.
So let's call that state.
That's the second most important S.
And the third most important S, and it's also the
least important, and this is your strategy.
This is dating strategy, the mechanics, the mechanical stuff, what to say, writing openers
on the apps, how to flirt, how to approach, how to handle a woman when she doesn't write
you back, all the mechanics. And so the huge mistake,
the way that the world of content creators
of so-called dating experts, they've actually failed you.
They fail you because they talk so much
about strategy, strategy, strategy.
Here's what to say,
here's what your profile bio line could read,
here's how to get a girl chasing you.
You can't get a girl chasing you with tactics and lines. Women only chase men who have a
lot of value to bring to their romantic lives. But basically, the world of dating advice
content and I'm guilty of this too at times, they get so focused on strategy, the mechanics,
the how to, they ignore number one story, number two state. Now
why am I hammering on about this? Well, it's a huge mistake because even the
best, most well-meaning coaches or experts in this area make this mistake.
They start with strategy. They say here are the tips, say this, walk up with this kind of eye contact,
tease her, nag her if it's an old school toxic pickup type dude, all the tactical things.
But in some of these tactics and techniques are good, some of them are trash, some of
them are neutral. But if you don't have a really good story, and if you aren't in a
really good state, then the best strategy in the world isn't
going to help you. You probably won't even take action if your story and state suck and if you
did go take action, if you did go on a date approach a woman, then you're going to be so nervous,
in your head, insecure that you're not even going to be able to
project that confidence that women are attracted to. Here's a quick story from
my dating past. The very first night I ever went out to approach women, it was
July 8th 2009, and I'm 38 years old and I said I'm finally gonna do it. I have
been dealing with approach anxiety, feeling frozen, insecure, not wanting to be
a creep, not wanting to bother women, feeling not enough.
38 years of feeling that way.
And I finally said enough, I'm going to go out and approach women.
So I hired this coach.
We went out on the town rooftop bar in Manhattan. This story opens my book,
by the way. If you want to read the whole story in detail, just email me, connell at
datingtransformation.com. Anyone who listens to this podcast, I will send you a free book.
So just email me at that email, connell at datingtransformation.com, and I'll send you
a free copy of my book. You can read this whole story. So the Cliff Notes version is this. 2009, July night, it's time to finally
approach women. I'm finally going to do it. Finally going to do it. Hire a coach, pay
them a few grand. And before we hit the rooftop bar at the Gansport Hotel rooftop bar in the meatpacking district here in Manhattan,
I say, oh, excuse me, I just need to hit the restroom.
I'll be right back.
And I went into the men's room stall and I had a panic attack.
Started hyperventilating.
I started to get the dry heaves.
I started to puke into the toilet.
I wasn't drinking, by the way.
I was totally sober.
I thought at the moment, I just thought, oh, I just, butterflies, performance anxiety, nerves.
I guess you call it social anxiety for sure. But no, it was a full on panic attack. It wasn't butterflies. When you have a panic attack in the men's room stall, that's not butterflies.
That's vampire bats.
And that's why it was really hard for me to approach women.
So I'm having this panic attack.
And I now realize why.
I didn't realize why then, but now I realize my story sucked.
Because here was my story, that first S. My story up until roughly age 38 was,
I'm just not what women want.
I'm a nerdy, skinny, shy ginger.
I'm not some muscular alpha male.
I'm a nerd, I'm a dork.
Women just aren't into me.
And the reason I'm hyperventilating
and having this panic attack is because my story
was telling me, Connell, you're about to find out what you're if if
what you're most afraid of is true, that women just don't like you. That's what I thought
was about to happen. And that's why I had that panic attack. So that's why that first
s is so important. My first s was, you're not enough. Women don't like you. They like
you as a friend, but you're too nice and shy. And a nerd. Women don't like you. They like you as a friend, but you're too nice
and shy and a nerd. Women don't want that. And that S is what kept me locked in dating
prison for so long. That first S. And you need a really good, strong first S. So my
question for you right now is what is the core story you tell yourself about you
and your attractiveness to women?
Is it a great story?
Is it I'm the shit, I'm successful, I'm funny, I'm a great guy, and hell yeah, I'm a great
catch?
Or is your story closer to what mine was?
I'll bet it's closer to what mine was,
at least if you're listening to this podcast, there's a good chance it's something closer
to meh, I'm just not what most women are into. Not good looking enough. I don't know, maybe
too short. Not toned enough. Not great looking, not rich enough. Basically, your story might have some version of,
I'm just not blank enough.
And we wanna fix that, we wanna change that.
We gotta get that first S handled.
That's the most important S.
If you wanna achieve something amazing in life,
getting a great girlfriend or becoming a millionaire
or building incredible business, you got to have these
three S's handled. If you don't, all bets are off. And my first S sucked. My first S
could have stand for suck. As in Connell, you suck. So that's what I thought about myself.
And that night I went out and I approached the first four or five, six girls, I was so nervous. I was in my
head, I was not very much on. But basically, about halfway
through that night, I realized, Hey, wait a minute, some women
are pretty cool and friendly. Some women aren't that into me.
But I didn't explode. When a girl rejected me. First girl I
approached, she talked to me for about two minutes.
She was drunk.
She was wearing a cowboy hat.
And she wasn't into me, but nor was she mean to me.
She was just a chick at a bar talking to a random ginger.
And she walked away and basically said, nice meeting you, you know, polite girl version
of I'm not interested in dating you, but okay, we talked. And I
remember in that moment feeling, that's what I've been afraid of all these years? My story?
Am I sure that my story is right? Because she was fine. I mean, she didn't want to
date me, but I didn't feel like I was this worthless person. But that's what my story
told me was about to happen. So the approach anxiety you feel, if you feel it, it's probably coming from a story that
says I'm not good enough, women don't like me.
Or the story might not be about you, your identity.
Story might be about the world.
Your story might be women don't want them.
Women don't want guys to approach them.
It's creepy to approach.
There's a story I'll bet you have in your mind.
So many men tell me that.
O'Connell, I want to approach women, but I don't want to be creepy.
It's creepy to approach women.
This guy on TikTok, these women on TikTok say, don't approach us creep.
Or the Me Too era has gotten you shoved in your head feeling like, well, I can't approach
women.
I don't want to do something, make them feel uncomfortable, do something wrong. So that first S has to be,
we want it to be empowering and positive. Some version of hell yeah, I'm enough for women.
And another version of hell yeah, I'm going to find a great girlfriend.
And here's why. We want that first S to be really empowering and positive.
Here's why. We want that first S to be really empowering and positive.
You struggle with dating, right?
Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the
apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone.
It's frustrating.
Hey, I struggled with dating too.
As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone,
I owned real estate there.
But I escaped using the dating philosophy
of radical authenticity,
which I've used to help thousands of men
in 17 countries find love.
It's what I wrote about in my bestselling book,
Dating Sucks But You Don't,
and radical authenticity is why psychology today
called me the best dating coach in America.
And now I wanna personally help you attract
your dream girlfriend.
So go to datingtransformation.com
and book a free call with me.
On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching
will help you find your dream girlfriend
and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence
and authenticity.
No creepy pickup tricks needed.
So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching
help you get a great girlfriend.
Now let's talk about the second S. The second S is your state.
What do I mean by your state? It just means how you feel literally energetically.
How you feel emotionally strong, well rested, kind of lit up in the zone. Oh, in the zone.
In the zone. That's a good phrase for it. If you went those moments in life when you
feel in the zone, you're crushing it on the basketball court. You're in the gym and you
got the music playing and you're seeing your pecs popping or you close the deal at work.
You're just like, yeah, I was so in the zone today. That means you're in a really good state,
good emotional state. You're focused on things that are positive and empowering.
You're feeling hopeful, confident, competent.
Also, if you're going to feel competent, that brings a state, a good state to us.
Basically just being rested, being present, and feeling good in your body and mind.
Let's call that state, kind of like being in the zone.
And the nice thing about having a really good story is that good story you
have creates a good state within reason or it helps anyway. So again, my old story up
until late 2009 or mid 2009 was was you're not good enough nerdy ginge women don't want
you and that that crushed my state. So my and by the way, when your state crashes,
guess what?
If you're watching on video right now on YouTube
or on Spotify, check out the video.
Shoulders slumping, your voice goes down,
your state goes down, your voice, you sound like this.
Hey, excuse me, miss.
Oh, hi, I just wanted to come say hi to you.
Hi.
You're not, by the way, if you're in a bad state,
you're not gonna approach anybody.
If you're in a bad state,
you're probably not even taking any dating action.
So there's a huge cost to a bad story.
It leads to a bad state,
it makes you slump your shoulders,
it affects your voice,
it makes you inactive,
keeps you stuck in an inactive
avoidance mode as opposed to an action mode.
But a good state, you stand taller, you talk more loudly, you feel really authentically
awesomely you, and you just, you seem lit up from the inside.
Your voice is resonant, you have more of a genuine heart centered masculinity
And even if you're shy guess what shy guy shy guys can be confident and outgoing
all it takes is a good story in a good state and
The third s is of course again strategy and again, this is where we fail you
This is where dating experts fail you.
And I suppose I'm guilty of this too,
because I probably do a lot of, okay,
what are the moves, what's gonna get the clicks,
what gets my SEO up,
how do I get people listening to this podcast?
What tends to sell is, here's what to say,
here's what you do, here's what to say,
here's what to write, here's the strategy,
here's the tactic.
And I love tactics and strategies and techniques.
They are valuable.
But honestly, the techniques,
it's 20% of the puzzle piece
of getting you your dream girlfriend.
80% of it is story and state.
80% of your success is gonna come from a great story.
Because if you have a great story and a good state, then you're your success is going to come from a great story. Because if you
have a great story in a good state, then you're going to be out talking to women, taking some
action, putting yourself out there, going on dates, approaching, talking to women at
parties, whatever it might be. Taking some risks, taking some chances. So much of dating
success is about, hey, I'm nervous, but I want to meet that woman. Or,
oh, she's my crush. I want to ask her out. She might say no, but you know what, I got to use
courage. I got to try. And then you take a chance. And if you're in a good state and have a good
story, it's so much easier to become a risk taker. So back to that night that opened the anecdote that opens
my book. I'm approaching women.
I've talked to eight nine ten women and then I met this incredible
woman named Kelly an aspiring actress beautiful blonde blue
eyes.
She looked like Ali Larder from the TV show heroes Google Ali
Larder.
You want to know what my first ever approach success looked like. And
we were hitting it off. We were talking. We were chatting. Then these three Wall Street
guys steal her away from me momentarily. And then with help from my coach at the time,
I marched over courageously, somewhat confidently, and I basically took her back from them. I said,
hey, come here, you're with me. I want to talk to you. And that really turned her on. And these
Wall Street guys were just standing there, their beers in their hands, these investment wankers.
And I took her back and I basically said, hey, I'm into you. Don't talk to Wall Street guys. You're
with me tonight. You're my girl tonight. Basically is what I said. And she swooned. I never made a woman swoon in my life till that moment. And I never could have done that
if I wasn't in a good state. I was in a good state. I was feeling better. And I was having a new story
that was beginning to show up in my mind. And at the end of that night, Kelly and I, she came back to my apartment. We spent the night together.
And I remember lying in bed looking at her as she slept, which yes, little creepy sounding,
but I was just like, I can't believe there's a woman this beautiful and cool in my bed.
I just walked up and approached her.
All of a sudden she's in my bed the next day.
Oh my God, I didn't know I could do this.
I remember thinking, wow, if this is true, what else might be true?
Who am I?
What am I capable of with women?
If I can approach this gorgeous Kelly girl, not just approach her, but steal her away
from these Wall Street dudes, these cooler, better looking guys than me, these outgoing guys, I could take her away from
them and bring her home? Who am I? So my result, my success with Kelly began to change that
first S, the story. My story started to change that weekend in July of 2009. And the story. My story started to change that that weekend in July of 2009 and
the story became something more like the new story. Something like, hey maybe women
like me, maybe some women like nerdy gingers, maybe I'm pretty witty, maybe I'm
funny, and maybe I'm funny in a way that creates some sparks.
Maybe I'm bolder and more attractive than I ever thought.
In other words, I am enough.
The story that I began to rewrite that night is,
I am enough.
I am enough.
That's the story you want.
Your story needs to be some version of, I'm enough. That's the story you want. Your story needs to be some version of I'm enough.
I have so much going for me.
I'm attractive in different ways.
I don't know if you're tall or handsome or rich, but you got to find the things that
you offer instead of focusing on the things that you lack.
That first story or that first S, we need an empowering positive story,
and that will help you get into a really good state.
You'll be hopeful.
You'll be optimistic.
You'll be lit up.
You'll get into the zone much faster.
And then, that third S, let's not completely discount it,
strategy, flirting.
What to say, how to say it.
Here are the tips, here are the moves.
These things are important.
So many guys say to me,
Connell, what do I say when I walk up to a woman?
I say, how about, hi, my name is Sean.
What's your name?
I'm not saying that's a fancy strategy, but guess what?
If he's got that first S feeling good,
the story is, I'm an awesome guy. I
approach girls because I'm confident. And if he's in a
good state, then he can walk up to a woman and you dear
listener, you can walk up to a gorgeous woman. And if your
story is, is, is positive, empowering, and your state is
solid, you can walk up and say, Hey, what's up? I'm Ryan, I
wanted to meet you. And you can walk up and say, hey, what's up, I'm Ryan, I wanted to meet you.
And you can create instant sparks
with some women that way, instantly.
And there's no fancy strategy.
All you're doing is walking up
and putting an authentic card on the table.
Hey, I just saw you and I wanted to meet you.
It wasn't about a year after Kelly,
the next woman I dated, or at least the next story
that comes to mind from approaching, I'm at a Barnes and Noble.
And there's an absolute dynamite, beautiful woman.
Her name is Lane.
Lane, if you're out there, hi.
And I didn't know her name at the time, just a cute girl looking at greeting cards at Barnes
and Noble.
And I was feeling in
the zone. I was in a good state and I had a much better story. My old story was, Connell, you're
not enough and women don't want you to approach them. My new story became, Connell, you're the
shit to a lot of women. And a lot of women love guys like you to come chat them up. That was my
story. I'm in a good state. I walk up to this pretty
blonde and I say, Hey, I just saw you and you're really cute. She lit up. Her face was
like a billboard of brightness. She was so happy. She said, Hi, wow. Um, you're cute
too. Grinning ear to ear. We chatted for 15 or 20 minutes, I got her number, we're texting later that afternoon,
and she texted me and I quote, thank you for picking me up.
Thank you for approaching and picking me up.
That was a mindset shift there.
Like oh wow, a lot of women like it when you approach them and quote, try to pick them
up.
But what Lane really liked about me, I think, was that I was being really genuine, authentic myself. I wasn't using, I wasn't going crazy with the strategy.
No fancy lines. I just said, Hey, you're cute. I want to meet you. So many guys say,
what do I say? What do I say? What do I say? It's overrated what to say. What you say
is overrated. It's not unimportant, but it's overrated. What's underrated
is you have a story that makes you feel amazing about yourself and you have a state that helps you
broadcast how awesome you feel. You feel in the zone often. And that's what Lane was attracted to,
I think. I didn't say anything fancy to her. I just said, hey, what's up? You're cute. She was like, hi, you're cute too.
It just so happens her type is probably nerdy,
witty gingers.
Great, I'll take it.
So, I can and will teach you every strategy I know
on this podcast and I already do this with my clients.
What to say?
I know all the moves.
I know all the ninja dating flirting moves.
I invented some of them,
and I have borrowed many from some of my better teachers.
Bottom line though is that your strategy,
your mechanics, they're the least important S.
So if you're struggling with dating, if
you want to approach but you never do because you think it's because you don't know what
to say, that's not true. You're not approaching because you're afraid that you'll find out
you're not enough or you'll feel rejected or you'll feel like that creepy guy. And that
that's an issue coming from your story.
So I want you to, for this episode anyway,
I want you to think about, here's your marching orders,
two or three little missions here.
Ask yourself, what is the story I wanna tell myself
about me?
What I love to feel and believe?
What's your version of, hell yeah yeah I'm enough for women and give
yourself five reasons why you are more than enough and attractive to a lot of
quality women and come up with five specific reasons. That's how we start to
shift the story. Your brain needs evidence. You can't just listen to me on
a podcast saying you're the best. Yay go you. That's not gonna get you there, probably.
If it does, great, email me, tell me how it did.
But just me telling you, you're awesome.
You gotta find that, you gotta dig that out
from inside of you.
You gotta give yourself proof, not promises, but proof.
Here's what you do.
Write down five, maybe 10 specific reasons
why you are an incredible choice for lots of women
Could be and don't overthink this under think it and it gets specific but get like
Micro specific that's a way to come up with tons of reasons. I have a steady job. I have a good heart. I'm funny or
I'm a good listener. I'm a good son. I'm a great single dad
I'm smart. I'm intelligent. I'm a good listener, I'm a good son, I'm a great single dad, I'm smart, I'm intelligent, I'm kind. Did you know kindness is the number one biggest thing
women most want in a male partner? Kindness. The top four things or top four
or five things women want according to a poll, a huge survey, kindness, intelligence, supportiveness,
confidence, and education. Those are the top five things women want in a male
partner according to Clue, a health app.
Top five things right there. I'll bet you don't have a lot of confidence or at
least not the level you want
but if you're intelligent and supportive and kind and well-educated, dude you got the top four things
women want. How's that for a story? You got the top four hits. You're like the Beatles in 1964. You
got the top four or five songs on the billboard charts. That's a great story.
Hell yeah, I'm enough.
Give yourself reasons why you're enough, okay?
And that second thing, number two, story,
I'm sorry, state.
Tell yourself this every morning, every day.
In my book, I talk about the confidence kickoff.
Every morning you wanna give yourself 15 to 30 minutes,
at least 15, to 30 minutes, at least 15,
ideally 30 minutes, of getting in touch with your worth and value to women.
Reminding yourself how awesome you are every single morning. I need to do this
as well. Not in dating anymore. I have a my dream girlfriend, but in other areas,
some areas of life, other areas of growth. I need to remind myself of
What I bring to this table in different areas, so I'm no different than you
I am cut from the same cloth as you sir. We all are actually as people as humans
So anyway that second state sorry that second s
State that's gonna come
largely from a great new story, a new and improved story,
and then ritualize this every morning.
Remind yourself of why you're a great choice for women.
Get a good night's sleep.
Eat well.
Do the things that keep you feeling good.
So that's your story.
I'm sorry, that's your state.
And the third S is strategy.
Yes, absolutely.
Make sure you know the basics of how to flirt, how to send openers on the apps, how to stay
out of the friend zone on dates.
All that important how to part of dating is so important.
But I'll tell you what, man, I could teach
you all the ninja moves of flirting, what to say, how to do all those things. But if
your hands are shaking, you're so nervous on that date. If your voice is soft and quiet,
if she can see the sweat on your forehead because you're so afraid that
rejection means you're worthless, I could give you the world's best mechanics and it's
not going to help you. Or at least not very much. Right? So yeah, these are the three
S's. And the big mistake that you are making, and it's not your fault, dating advice, the
industry has failed you. The big mistake is
we focus so much on tactics, tactics, techniques, how to how to how to because that's what gets
clicks. It's what gets clicks, but it's not what gets you chicks. Okay, you got to get
you got to get your story, your state, your strategy in a great place. So that's the episode today. The three S's.
Your homework is give yourself a new story and start doing a
morning confidence kickoff. And I lay this out in in details in
my book. Dating sucks, but you don't. And if you want a free
copy of it, I'll send it to you to shoot me an email connell at dating transformation dot com i'll send you an instant version but if you wanna audio version.
You can get my book wherever books are sold dating sucks but you don't but i'll send you a freebie happily.
Okay that's the end of today's mindset interlude in the next episode episode, we're going to get back to part three of the four part series about the
essentials of an online dating profile to get you lots and lots
of matches. So we're going to get back to to the strategy next
next episode. But until then work on your story. In other
words, work on your confidence. Because that's the most important S of all.
All right, thank you so much for listening.
And don't forget, your dream girlfriend,
she is out there, bro.
She really is, and she's gonna love you.
Just like mine loves me, and I love her.
But she's gonna have to meet the real authentic you.
Until next time.