How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - What’s Your Dating Superpower? 6 Ways to Spark Connections!

Starting point is 00:00:00 Barry gets knocked down. He gets back up again. He's a human Chumbawamba song. Welcome to the Dating Transformation Podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. All right. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conal Barrett. I help men gain confidence, learn to flirt, and always know what to say, and eventually get a great girlfriend. Who knows? Maybe by the end of this podcast episode, you'll have found your dream girl. Okay. I don't usually work that fast, but anything's possible. So I'm excited about today's episode. I'm going to start with a question for you. Do you ever fear that you are just boring when you're talking to a woman or texting her?

Starting point is 00:01:00 Or do you ever get stuck in your head and just aren't sure what the heck to say? Or maybe your fear is a bit more internal, and you might go on a date or be talking to a woman at a social event and you just feel like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to turn this into something that makes sparks happen with the two of us. Well, let's talk about that because today I want to help you fix that and help you get in touch with knowing what your dating superpower is. That's right. I want you to know that you have some dating superpowers that at least one, but you're going to end up with more than one by the end of this episode. You've got dating superpowers that you can call on to help you flirt, help you know what to text that can give you confidence and just make you walk into that date or approach that woman or

Starting point is 00:02:00 send that text and know that you're going to probably have a really good interaction and that you know how to make some sparks happen. So what's an example of a dating superpower? Here's a quick story. I have a client named Barry and Barry and I recently went out on the town in New York City. And what I do here in New York is every couple weekends, I go out with a couple of clients and we approach women. We go out to clubs, to a bar, to lounges, coffee shops, parks, funerals. Just kidding, just kidding. We go to social places and I help them approach women. I help them chat, flirt, basically socialize and create some romantic connections. And I went out with Barry a few weekends ago. And Barry was having a tough night. Barry had had an incredible first night. He grabbed a whole pocket full of phone numbers for these,

Starting point is 00:03:09 what I call wingman weekends. I go out with guys for these wingman weekends and I help them get numbers. I help them get dates and just confidently chat with women. So Barry gets a pocket full of phone numbers on Friday night. On Saturday night, we're at a rooftop bar in Times Square. And Barry is struggling on the second night. He's in his head. He's essentially stopping action. I find him in a corner. Not in a corner. I find him on the phone by himself. And I say, Barry, what's up? Let's go talk to some more ladies, shall we? And we got to talking and he was kind of down on himself. And I said, all right, man, well, you know what makes you special? Because he was basically saying, I want to give up. I want to go home. I want to stop. And I said, you know what makes you special, Barry, is you are the most resilient client I've ever had.

Starting point is 00:04:06 He said, what do you mean? And I said, you never stop. Last night, you talked to 25 women. You were tireless. You were so resilient. And then I also reminded him about something in his personal life. He had undergone a recent tragedy. And he talked to me about how he had to bounce back from losing this person in his life. And he bounced back, and he just showed some resilience. And I said, you know what I love about you, man? You are so resilient. You always, when you get knocked down, you get right back up again. That pretty much sums up Barry. Barry gets knocked down. He gets back up again. That pretty much sums up Barry. Barry gets knocked down.

Starting point is 00:04:47 He gets back up again. He's a human Chumbawamba song. And he laughed. And then I said, so let's do something right now. Why don't you show me some of that resilience? Okay. He said, okay. And we did a drill that I do with sometimes with my clients called five in five. We do five approaches in five minutes or less. He's got to talk to five different women in five minutes or less. And he did five in about four minutes and 57 seconds. And the fifth and final approach he did, it clicked. He walked up to a very classy, elegant woman in a gorgeous dress, beautiful brunette. And they start clicking and hitting it off. And all of a sudden, Barry is back in the game and doing great. And they were pretty much together the rest of the night. And how did that happen? Well, Barry had to call on his superpower, the superpower of resilience, basically saying, I will not give up. I'm going to keep taking action. And that's a superpower anyone can

Starting point is 00:05:59 cultivate. Anybody can choose to be resilient. But now not all superpowers are available to everyone, right? Just like in the comic books, not every superhero can fly. Not every superhero has x-ray vision. But there are some overlapping superpowers that everybody has access to. So let me go through a couple of the dating superpowers that every guy has access to. So let me go through a couple of the dating superpowers that every guy has access to, give you a couple quick tips on how to access them and harness them. And then I'll also talk about some other superpowers that are more specific to different people. And then by the end of this episode, you're going to have some tools for putting some superpowers into action in your dating life.

Starting point is 00:06:48 I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Conal Barrett can help.

Starting point is 00:07:21 He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and helped them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does Thank you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to datingtransformation.com forward slash contact and transform your love life.

Starting point is 00:08:22 Bye. And you're also going to hopefully be able to know, hey, I think I have my own superpower and knowing what your specific dating superpower is. So let me start by talking about some of the universal superpowers every guy has access to. The first one would be, well, resilience would be one of them. Going back to Barry, resilience is a choice to continue taking action and to continue to have a solution-based mindset in a given setting or in a given area of your life. So basically, Barry and I went out for the wingman weekend and he made a decision. He said, I am not going to stop taking action. I'm going to keep moving forward no matter what. And it's just this sense of inner steel. You decide you're not going to

Starting point is 00:09:16 give up until you reach XYZ finish line or until the timer goes off. So that kind of resilience is incredibly powerful. It's not super sexy. It's not like being the world's greatest, wittiest flirter or being the most charismatic person in the world, but every guy has access to it. So there are ways to leverage your resilience. So here's a quick story from my past about, oh man, this was over a decade ago. I was in Las Vegas taking a program where I was working with other dating coaches. And I was approaching women. And I was having a tough night. I was going out and I was at this club called XS, the letters XS. And I was approaching women

Starting point is 00:10:12 all night and nothing was really clicking. I was having a tough night and I was about to leave. I was actually walking out of XS. And then I stopped into the restroom and I splashed some water on my face. And I remember looking in the mirror thinking, don't quit. Don't be a quitter. Stick around. Do another half hour, just another half hour of socializing and talking to people, talking to women. Because I basically had promised myself I was going to stay out to a certain amount of time. My old coach Owen used to say, hammer it out to the bitter end. Go out until the very end of the night and you can walk home with your head held high. So I looked in the mirror and I said, no, I'm not leaving yet. I'm going to go back out here, talk to another two or three

Starting point is 00:11:02 women, and then maybe I'll leave. But not until I take one last little run around excess. And I leave the restroom. I go back to the bar. I grab a quick drink. And lo and behold, I order this beverage. And I hear a girl say next to me, oh, gosh, that's the same thing I ordered. And I turn and I'm looking at this really beautiful woman named Lisa. Let's call her Lisa. And Lisa was the most beautiful woman in the bar. Brunette, tight, toned tummy with a little stud in her navel. I remember she was wearing a Bart Simpsons t-shirt, but it was cut off at her waist. She was just absolutely gorgeous and really cool and

Starting point is 00:11:56 smart. We start talking about Hunter Thompson books and writing. I realized that she likes tall, nerdy, introverted dorks like me. And she likes tall, nerdy guys. So long story short, she and I hit it off. We ended up going back to my room to listen to Beatles songs. And we had a really wonderful romantic weekend together. And that, by the way, the very next day, I ran into some guy friends who I was with in Vegas for the weekend. And they came up to me and they said, dude, how did you hook up with her? We saw you leave with her. Every guy was staring at her. How did you hook up with her? We saw you leave with her. Every guy was staring at her. How did you do it? And the truth is, the answer to that question was resilience.

Starting point is 00:12:51 I did it with resilience. I didn't quit. I stuck with it. So anyway, resilience is not sexy, but it can get you a very sexy date. So be resilient. That's a superpower. Let's talk about some other superpowers here. The superpower of courage. Courage might be the single most powerful dating superpower that you have access to because everybody has access to it. Okay?

Starting point is 00:13:21 Everybody has access to courage. All you have to do is make a decision to take an action to the best of your ability in spite of the fear you feel. Doesn't mean it'll be a pleasant action. Doesn't mean you'll feel great before you do it, but afterwards you're going to feel fantastic and courage will serve you better than almost any superpower. What's a courageous action? It's any action when there's fear and you do it anyway. You want to go for that first kiss. You're afraid she won't be into it. You go for it anyway. Or you see that gorgeous woman at the bar and you really want to talk to her and you're afraid, move your feet one step at a time, walk up and say, hey, what's up? I just wanted to meet you. You are adorable. Hi,

Starting point is 00:14:11 I'm fill in name here. That's courage. Maybe you have a crush. Maybe there's a woman in your life who you have been meaning to ask out and you grab your phone and you send that scary text, even though you don't know what she's going to say. And you say, text, you text, hey, name. I've been meaning to ask you out because I think you're absolutely awesome. And I'd love to take you out on a date. Please circle yes or no. Whatever you text, it doesn't matter as long as you put courage on the line. And courage is going to change your dating results. Change and transform your dating fortunes if you put it to use. So courage is really important. Sometimes the hardest thing to do on a date is just saying something flirtatious because of that fear.

Starting point is 00:15:08 Oh my gosh, how is she going to receive it? How is she going to respond? Well, we don't know. There's only one way to find out using courage. And a lot of guys say, oh, how do I get more confident? I want to be more confident with women. Well, confidence comes second. Courage comes first. Courage is the currency that buys you confidence. Courage is the currency that buys you confidence. In other words, it's the superpower

Starting point is 00:15:38 that will help you fly. So use courage. So courage is available to everybody. A couple other dating superpowers that you have access to that you might not know about. Oh, here's a good one. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, your step-by-step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity.

Starting point is 00:16:27 Author and dating coach Conal Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into Dating Sucks But You Don't so that you can Confidently approach women and get dates become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking always know what to say to make sparks fly get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman you can find dating sucksating Sucks But You Don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook.

Starting point is 00:17:12 Get Dating Sucks But You Don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. Asking great questions to a woman or of a woman. Asking great questions to a woman or of a woman. Asking great questions on a date. Noticing when your questions are too boring or logical. And asking questions that are more thought-provoking, more emotion-based, right? Women love a guy who can ask good questions. And this takes a, I could do a whole podcast. I could do a three hour podcast about asking good questions of women on, on dates, but to boil it down to a simple tip, ask you, ask her questions that are not logical and purely informational. In other words, don't just ask what year did this happen or how long have you been at your job. Ask her questions that

Starting point is 00:18:17 encourage her to reveal some emotion or tap into some emotion? Those are good questions. Those are better questions. Instead of how long have you been at your job? Ask her, what do you love most about your job? Instead of, oh, how long, how many days did you spend in Northern Europe, in Scandinavia, ask her, what was your single favorite moment in Sweden? Or what part of Sweden did you fall in love with the most? Do you hear the emotional subtext of those questions? Feel-based questions are good.

Starting point is 00:19:03 Questions that ask her to dig a little bit deeper and go to a more emotional place. These are good questions because then you're getting you and your date to start feeling things rather than just mining. You're mining for emotions rather than mining for information. And logic and information is not romance and fun. I forget who said this. I'm going to quote someone and I forget her name. I'll remember on a later podcast and credit her. But a dating expert woman said something that I love.

Starting point is 00:19:43 She said, logic is the opposite of romance. So don't ask logical questions. Ask emotion-based questions. Ask how do you feel type questions. That's a superpower, asking great questions. And one other really great superpower is fun and playfulness. And this is something, again, you may or may not be good at this right now, and that's okay if you're not. This is something you can absolutely cultivate. You can learn to become more fun and playful when talking with date or slash on a date. So for example, on first dates, I have my clients do things like thumb wrestle, staring contests, bar bets, where you might make some kind of a fun wager

Starting point is 00:20:38 about something that the two of you are looking at in the bar. Like I remember I was on a date once, and I said, oh, that guy over there, he is definitely from New Jersey. And the girl I was on a date with, we got into this fun little back and forth. And I bet her 20 bucks that he was a guy from Jersey. And she said he was not from Jersey. And I lost the bet. We ended up going over and asking him. But it became a fun little back and forth game we turned it into. So look for ways to do fun, playful things on dates. Like play Two Truths and a Lie, Two Lies and a Truth. There's a whole bunch of games I have in

Starting point is 00:21:22 my book, which you can check out for in the dating sucks, but you don't. But anyway, cultivate, ask yourself, ask yourself what's fun and playful for, for me when, just when you're with your friends, what do you do with your friends or people you're very comfortable with? That's fun and playful. And you might be able to apply some of the things that you already do with people in your life on dates or when talking to women. Because anything you do that's fun and playful with your friends, it's probably a good thing to bring to a date. So the superpower of fun and playfulness is really powerful. Because bottom line is, on a date or any kind of romantic context, potentially romantic context with a guy, if a woman is having fun, if she's being playful with you, then chances are she's going to be having a good time and she's going to feel really good about you. She's going to essentially forget about all those logical worries she has, and you're the guy who's helping her have fun. And if you're the guy who's helping

Starting point is 00:22:31 her have fun and play, then you are going to be a superhero to her. And that's a dating superpower. Here are a couple other dating superpowers that not everybody has equal access to, but let me just throw a few ideas at you and then we'll wrap up. My dating superpower, I think my biggest number one dating superpower is my wit. My wit, my ability to use humor and wit in general, but also in a dating context. That's something that to an extent, I believe I was born with, but also I nurtured it. And not everybody has the quote, funny, witty gene. You don't need it, by the way. It's not required. It's a thousand percent not required. But definitely, a lot of the women I've had great connections with, they really respond to my wit. On my better days, I'm a pretty witty, funny guy. On my bad days, I'm worthless. But on my better

Starting point is 00:23:40 days, I'm pretty good. So that's probably my biggest dating superpower. There are other dating superpowers. Storytelling. I have some clients who are great storytellers. Storytelling, by the way, is something you can absolutely cultivate. One of the best things you can do on a first date is share a personal, vulnerable, or just funny story from your life, from your past. That's a great way to become charismatic, more's something that is learnable, totally learnable. It's also something that certain men are better at than other men, depending on the situation.

Starting point is 00:24:43 So yeah, what is your dating superpower? I guess that's a two-part question. Feel free to send me an email. By the way, you guys can always send me an email if you have a dating question. My email is connell at datingtransformation.com. So feel free to shoot me an email and say, hey, Connell, here's my dating superpower. I'd love to know what yours is. Or maybe you have a question for me about how to get better at one of the dating superpowers I mentioned. Or maybe you want to suggest another dating superpower that you have. I'd love to hear from you. Tell me what your dating superpower is or ask me any

Starting point is 00:25:28 question about any of the dating superpowers I talked about and I'll hit you back. So email me at connellatdatingtransformation.com. Okay, that wraps us up for today. Until next time, and remember, women out there already like you. They just have to meet the real authentic you. See you next time.

How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - What’s Your Dating Superpower? 6 Ways to Spark Connections!

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