How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - Will You Find True Love—or End Up Settling? It All Comes Down to ONE Thing

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

Have you ever deleted a dating app in frustration? Or stopped yourself from following up after being left “on read”? Quitting too soon only leads to settling—or staying single. The solution is resilience. In this episode, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett reveals how grit and tenacity can help you land more dates, build confidence, and find the relationship you want. Love or loneliness—the deciding factor is resilience.BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION WITH CONNELL TO LEARN ABOUT 1-ON-1 COACHING: http://www.DatingTransformation.comEMAIL CONNELL FOR A FREE COPY OF HIS BESTSELLING BOOK, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON'T”: [e-mail]

That's how a nerdy ginger golf journalist walked out of the coolest club in Vegas with the most beautiful woman there, a hot rock chick. The nerd that I am, how did I do it, essentially, resilience. Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend and all by being authentic. No sketchy pickup moves needed.

This year, I'm celebrating my 20th year actively working on dating. I have been a dating coach for about a dozen years, 13 years. But it was 20 years ago, 2005, when I ended a long relationship that I was not happy in. we were both settling, I decided to get my dating life in a good place and to stop settling, stop battling self-doubt and start dating the kind of women I wanted to and eventually get a girlfriend I wanted. And that's what I have now. And I'm thinking back over these last 20 years, what are the biggest lessons I can share with you? And today I want to share with you a super powerful trait that I cultivated that helped me so much. In fact, I wouldn't be talking to you

today if it wasn't for this trait. It's resilience. What is resilience? Well, here's your definition of resilience. Resilience is the ability to keep going and bounce back from a setback, a challenge, discomfort, failure, and just refusing to quit until you achieve what you set out to do. And here's a quick story about approaching women, a night when I had to use resilience. It was about, I was circa 2010. I'm in Las Vegas. I'm there as part of a program as a student of the coach and the coaches I was working with

at the time. So I'm there to approach women for basically a four-day weekend. And I was at a club, a nightclub called XS, XS at the Win, the Win and Encore Casino. And I'm approaching women. I'm having a tough night. I'm pretty early on in my approaching journey. I was still overcoming anxiety. I was still dealing with a lot of discomfort. And I was just getting rejected a lot. I was hearing, leave me alone. Not interested. One woman said, fuck off, Ginger. And the rejections were raining down pretty hard that night in Vegas. I believe it was a Saturday night. And yes, I'm in this interesting, really cool open-air nightclub excess. It's filled with beautiful women, but it was a really rough start for me that night. And I had done a few approaches. And then the rejections stung. So I was going to call it a night. But on my way out, to leave, I pop into the men's room to wash my hands. And I looked in the mirror. And I looked in the mirror and I just saw a quitter.

I saw a guy who had been going out consistently, but giving up after one or two unfriendly responses from women. And that had been a pattern for me. I would go out. I would do a couple of approaches. And then I'd say, I'll go home, watch some TV. I'll come back tomorrow and do better. And I looked in my reflection in the mirror that night.

And I literally said out loud, you little bitch, would LeBron go two for 14 and leave it a half time? No, you're not a quitter, you little bitch, be resilient. I remember the bathroom attendant was looking at me like, are you okay, dude? You all right? And I told myself, all right, let's go out and do a few more approach. is. So I had a little bounce in my step after that. So I go to the bar, I get a drink, and then I order a Jameson, and I hear a friendly voice to my left to say, oh, hey, I order the

same thing. And I turn. And I see this really bright, beautiful woman, bright smile, curly brunette curls. I remember she was wearing a cut-off Bart Simpson's T-shirt, like a little belly shirt that revealed a very toned stomach and a little sparkly belly button ring. She's the most beautiful woman there, in my opinion. And I introduced myself. Her name's Nora. I'll call her Nora, not her real name, but I'll call her Nora. And we began chatting. And when I told her what I was, who I was, I was a writer, I'm a journalist at the time. I was not a dating coach. I was a magazine journalist. And her eyes got really wide. She was into writing in books as well. We talked about our love of Hunter Thompson, political writer from the 60s and 70s. And we talked about her passions.

She's a, she at the time, she was in an all-girl rock band. She played bass and we were just totally hitting it off. And then eventually I got up the courage to invite her back to my hotel room. I was staying right there at the wind. My hotel room was a five-minute walk from the club to my hotel room. And she came back to my place. And then we listened to Abby Road, my favorite album. I love Abby Road. And I wanted her to listen to it because there was some really cool musical parts that I thought would resonate with her.

Nora, the beautiful musician, bass player, and she also played drums. And one thing led to another. and we hooked up. She spent the night. And we started a fling. She did not become my girlfriend, but we had a nice, wonderful, passionate little fling, and we started a month-long fling, situation, you might call it today. And the next day, a friend who had seen me leave with Nora came over to me, and he, like, high-fied me and said, whoa, dude, you are a That was amazing. I saw you walk out with that girl. You pulled. You really pulled last night. Pulling is the term for leaving a venue with a woman. He's like, dude, you pulled. You did it. Every guy was like looking at her. How did you do it? And the answer to how I did it was resilience. That's really what made it happen. I didn't give up. I decided I was going to not leave that venue until I had gone there to do. what I intended to do. Not to hook up with a woman, although that was obviously the result

that I ultimately wanted. I had made a decision that night to go out and take a certain amount of action. I forget what it was. It might have been do it, do 12 approaches minimum. And I was going to quit after three or four mean rejections, but I decided to use resilience. And And resilience is one of what I call the five super values that will help you get a great girlfriend. I talk about this in my book. I talk about what I call the five super values. And I don't mean value in the sense of the way we value democracy or value free speech. Think of values as players on the basketball game of your love life.

You want these five guys running in your starting five. You're the head coach of a championship-winning team. The championship is getting a great girlfriend. These are the five players you want on the court. Number one is authenticity, just being your true best self, aligning your thoughts, your words, your actions from a true genuine place, and letting women see the real you. The second is man-to-woman connection, meaning flirting a little bit.

You can and should flirt with women. You're a man, she's a woman, why wouldn't you? The third, what I call super value is courage, going for the approach that's scary, going for the kiss when you're nervous, telling the truth when it's not, you're not sure how she's going to take it. The fourth super value is fun and playfulness, you know, fun, playfulness, feeling good, that's, that's what women want. They want to have fun.

They want to play with you. To quote, Cindy Lopper, girls just want to have fun. And the fifth super value, which is what today's podcast is about, is resilience, tenacity, grit, determination. Look, if connecting with beautiful, incredible women were easy, every guy would already have his dream girlfriend. Every guy would be approaching women. But most men do not do it.

Most men don't have a great girlfriend. Most men are either alone, lonely, or settling for somebody who's, well, she's as good as I can do. And we want to make sure that I want you to have resilience showing up in your love life. So that's how I met Nora that night and walked out. That's how a nerdy ginger golf journalist walked out of the coolest club in Vegas with the most beautiful woman there, a hot rock chick. The nerd that I am, how did I do it, essentially resilience. So I want to give you some examples of resilience.

There's some famous examples. You might have heard how Thomas Edison failed to invent a light bulb something like 1,200 times. And then he did. And then he changed the world. Abraham Lincoln lost almost every election he entered until 1860 when he won the election and became the greatest president. J.K. Rowling failed to sell her manuscript, her first manuscript for her first Harry Potter book. It was rejected 13 times until it was finally accepted. She's now a billionaire. And I love this example. I'm a big movie fan. If you listen to the podcast, you hear me quote movies a lot. I'm a huge movie nerd. Basically, when I'm not coaching or when I'm relaxing, I'm either doing improv, comedy, or I'm watching movies. One of my favorite stories about resilience is Sylvester Stallone. Now, Stallone has become a little bit of a punching bag, no pun intended, a bit of a joke.

Like, you know, oh, yo, Adrian, he's Stallone. But his story for how he made the movie Rocky happen is inspiring. He had to show so much resilience. So Stallone in the mid-70s was flatbroke. He was broke. He was eating dog food to survive. He had no money. And he wrote this screenplay, Rocky.

And he said, I want to star in this movie and I want to make it. I want to star in it and finally become a very successful actor. And so he pitched the screenplay around town. And a Hollywood studio offered him $300,000 for the script. And they said, we'll pay you $300,000, you poor, broke. actor eating dog food. And he said, no, I'm only going to sell you my script if I get to star as Rocky. Basically, they're like, here's over a quarter million dollars. And you can make a movie with your screenplay, but we're going to have somebody else play Rocky. I think they wanted

like Robert Redford. Imagine Robert Redford starring in Rocky. That would not work at all. stillone can you imagine that the kind of how tempting it must have been for him to take 300k finally not eat dog food anymore but he was resilient he chose a deeper purpose over a payday and obviously he became a superstar rocky won best picture he became a megastar i love that story of stalone So how do we use resilience? How do we use resilience? How can you use resilience? Let's go through a few areas of dating. Let's talk about approaching, first and foremost. Approaching is largely about managing your emotional state. When you go out to meet women by approaching

them, you're doing something that's very uncomfortable for most men. And so that takes resilience to do something that's uncomfortable. So the way to use resilience with approaching is essentially of your version of what I did that night in Vegas. When you go out to meet women, daytime or nighttime, you want to give yourself a process-based goal, a controllable goal. For example, tonight I'm going to go out and I am going to approach. five women minimum and once you approach five then you can call it a night if you want to now hopefully

you'll connect with one of these five women you might not even get to five approaches that would be an incredible night but essentially you go out to do the job you intended to do five approaches and if you get a phone number if something clicks oh fantastic you might all of a sudden be talking to a beautiful woman having a date set up up. But you just make a decision, I am not leaving this venue or I'm not going home tonight until I have talked to five women or 10 women or three women or whatever your goal is. That night in Vegas, that's all I did. I had a process-based goal in mind. I was going to talk to, I think it was a dozen women because it was Vegas. It was Saturday night. There were tons and

tons of women around. And I needed that moment of resilience to splash that water on my face and say, No, go back, keep trying. And then before I knew it, I'm chatting with Nora. And I had never been with a woman up to that point. I had never approached and succeeded with a woman of that level of beauty, beautiful, artistic, rock chick, intelligent, reads Hunter Thompson, just a total wow girl, what I call a wow girl. so that's resilience with approaching i remember i remember i remember going out with my coaches who who were taking me out on boot camps in my early dating a sorry approaching journey when i literally had a wingman with me my coach is my wingman and i remembered whenever i got a phone number

or got a date sorry i got a phone number from an approach my first instinct back then was to stop, hey, I got my number. I got an outcome. Now let me just have a drink and relax and enjoy the night. And my coaches were saying, no, Connell, keep going. Keep going. Get greedy. You got momentum. Talk to more women. Get more phone numbers. Have more experiences. That resilience to keep pushing, pushing, pushing was really eye-opening to me because I noticed how I would often settle for staying comfortable instead of using resilience to continue talking to women. So that's how you want to use resilience with approaching. Go out, give yourself a process-based goal, and then if you get a great outcome like I did with Nora, oh my God, that'll change your

life. But if you don't, you're going to go home feeling so good about taking the action that you took. I have a client named Eric. And Eric and I have been working on approaching. And Eric doesn't live in New York. I coach men all over the world. Eric lives in Australia. Eric's in all sea. And the first night Eric went out to approach women. He didn't get any measurable like phone numbers or dates or anything. But he did the job at hand. He showed resilience, and he texted me the next day, and he said, Connell, I feel incredible. It felt so good to just walk up to some real beautiful women, be vulnerable, be real,

crack some jokes, be myself. I didn't get any numbers, but boy, I felt incredible to go out and do what I wanted to do. And I said, did you have any moments when you wanted to quit? He said, yeah. There were a couple moments when I almost went back home and said, I'll get him tomorrow. but I kept going and I did my five and I felt so good for doing my job. He said it was like, I was just doing my job.

That's what this is about. Your job is to go take action. That's what men do. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you. And sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating.

Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there. But I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.

So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. And that's what approaching teaches you. let's talk about resilience in other areas of dating how about resilience on a first date i had a

first date once with a very beautiful intelligent confident russian-born woman late 20s tall thin blonde imagine a russian beauty you can do that right and uh let's call her svetlana i don't think that was her name but i'll call her svetlana so svetlana and i are on a first date and it's not going great. It's going okay. It's not going badly, but we just weren't clicking. We were talking a little bit too much about dating itself. Here's a little side tip.

Try not to talk about dating on a date for very long. It's a little bit like diagnosing a joke. When you diagnose why a joke is funny, all of a sudden the joke isn't funny. You're too analytical about it. Similarly, on a date, if you talk about dating, too much, it can take away some of the magic of romance and connection that the two of you want to have happen. So avoid like, oh my God, isn't dating hard? How are the apps treating you? Dating, you know, dating this. What do you want? What do I want? Try to avoid that. And that's what

Svetlana and I were doing to my detriment, to our detriment. We were talking about dating too much. And as a dating coach, that used to happen to me. So anyway, our date's not going well. It's flat. My jokes aren't landing. We're talking too much about dating. My moves aren't really working. Whatever magical, genius, cool dating moves I have, they weren't having much effect on Svetlana.

And I had another bathroom pep talk, I guess. I guess that's one of my, I just realized that's a pattern for me. I like to go take a break, wash my hands, splash some water on my face and go. What do I do now? And I almost ended the date. Part of me said, you know what? Maybe we should just call it.

I got to be up early tomorrow. Clearly we don't have chemistry. But again, I heard that little voice, that little dating coach talking to me saying, be resilient. Why not try something different? Tenacity, grit, determination. that higher self voice said to me, Connell, you have a beautiful, she's a trained ballet expert, trained ballerina dancer, beautiful, incredible woman. Why would you, why would you end a date with her?

You idiot. That's what my higher self said. And I was like, you're right. Be resilient. So I did one of my strategies, one of my strategies I like when a date isn't going well. location. I said, hey, I have an idea. Let's go to a different place. I know a really fun spot. By the way, the place where we had met, Svetlana and I, was kind of crowded. It was a little bit loud. That wasn't helping our conversation. So I said, hey, let's go to this cool little quiet spot nearby. And she agreed. We went to this other place a few blocks away. And it just, it kind of reset the date. It was like rebooting the computer. And all of a sudden, we started to click.

And I remember, and we didn't even kiss. I don't have some amazing success story to end this story with, but I remember something did change. She got a bit flirtatious. She got a little bit touchier. I walked her to the subway, and I gave her kind of a kiss on the cheek and a nice, warm hug. And she pressed her body against me, and she did a little leg pop.

very pretty very cute very sorry very feminine little leg pop oh and i remember she did a little ballerina twirl i was like show me your ballerina moves and she did a cute little twirl and that seemed to light her up and a hug goodbye kiss on the cheek and i could just sort of feel her now liking me and i felt really proud of that night by the way i never saw her again it just sort of fizzled out um yeah i don't have some glamorous win with Svetlana, but man, I felt so good that I didn't give up on the date. So that's something you can do. If you feel like a date's not going well, if she's still there, keep trying. Change your strategy. Change locations. That can be a really good way to reset a date. Moving to a different venue, psychologically, it creates a sense of, oh, we're starting

over. So you can start your date over. Oh, here's a really good success story. Another date A way to use resilience on a date. I had another first date with a woman. I will call her Annabella. Annabella? She is a, as I recall, Columbia graduate student, very intelligent. Latina origin, beautiful, exchange student, grad student at Columbia. And we had a first date.

Same deal. Chemistry wasn't great. Um, she was looking at her phone a lot. I got in my head about that. I was like calling her out on that a little bit, but a little bit too harshly. And we had a, a jenga first date. We met at a coffee shop, or sorry, we met at a bar, but, but they have, um, games, like those coffee shops that have games. It was like a coffee shop slash bar.

We're playing jenga. And the chemistry was wonky. It was just off. and basically we both felt it not working. But here's the thing. And the date ended and I said, well, you know, it was nice meeting you. I'm going to get going home. And we basically called it a night.

It was friendly, but it wasn't, it wasn't, there was no animosity. But there was also a sense of clearly this did not work. So I'm on my way home. And I'm thinking in the Uber. Something is off here, Connell. What I mean by off is, a little voice said, you two have potential.

You gave up. Basically, that little voice said you gave up too soon. Don't give up. It's not too late. Now you're thinking, wait a minute, Connell, the date ended. I grabbed my phone. I shoot a text to Annabella, and I said, hey, I've been thinking about something. And then I said, oh, I'm not going to send a text. I'm going to be more direct.

And then I actually called her. I'm literally on my way home 15 minutes after saying goodbye to her. And she picks up and she says, hey, what's up? And I said, I got to be honest with you. And here's where authentic, genuine expression is super important. I told myself, before I got on the phone with her, just be really honest with her. you're wearing wonder woman's rope of truth tell her the truth and i said i got to be honest with you i think you and i can do better than that date i think i was not a good date tonight

i was a little bit in my head you were on your phone i think i got a little bit my ego felt bruised but i feel like we have actually i feel like we could make something good happen here i feel like we have a nice chemistry or we could, and I want to see you again. Would you be up for a do-over? I think I even use the word mulligan. I said, would you be up for a mulligan? She laughed, and she said, what's a mulligan? And I said, oh, clearly you've never played golf. I said something like, how can you be so cute, but not no golf terms? And she giggled. And even right then and there, I could feel the potential we had. And she said a mulligan. I said, yeah, Mulligans and we do a do-over. Let's do a do-over date. Let's do a date. Let's do date 1, 2.0.

And she really liked that idea. And I think she liked that my, I was leading, I was being the man. I was taking a chance. I was putting it out there. In my mind, I was just being resilient. She said, yeah, let's do a do-over. And we had a second date a few nights later. And it went spectacularly, spectacularly. She and I were completely different people, not completely, but very different chemistry. Maybe we were just both tired the first night. I was a little bit ego bruised. Like, oh, if she's going to be on her phone, why is she even with me? And I put my ego aside and said, just be resilient. Listen to that little voice. And Annabella and I had an amazing second date. So that's an example of using resilience in dating, where you basically

basically you say to yourself, you know what? I feel like there's something here. Let me find out for sure. Now, this takes some vulnerability. I was being vulnerable. I had to call her on the date or sorry, at the end of the date and basically say, I think I, I think I screwed up a little bit here. I think you and I are capable of more. And she basically agreed that she apologized a little bit about being on her phone. She was nervous. It cleared the air in a really genuine real way. And then our second date was absolutely spectacular. And my instincts were right. We did have chemistry.

We did have a mutual attraction. We just had to get out of our own way and make it happen. And what helped me get there was resilience. Okay. Let's switch to another part of dating. How about texting? This is the simplest way to be resilient in dating, I think. Or simple but effective.

So I teach my client something I call the three times rule. What is the three times rule? The three times rule is when you text a woman and she doesn't write you back, you get left on red, oh my God, left on red, don't give up. Be resilient. Follow the three times rule. The three times rule is you can and should send up to two more messages, so that's three texts total, before you make any assumption that she is ghosting you.

the three times rule. So if I message a woman, she doesn't respond. I don't assume I'm getting ghosted. That would be overreading the texting tea leaves. Some women don't message you back because they're busy. Some women aren't sure what to write you. Maybe your message wasn't even requiring a response from her. Don't take one unanswered text messages you getting ghosted. Send a second and even a third text message. Follow the three times rule. I have so many examples in my phone. Some of these are on my Instagram of women responding to that second or third text message. One woman even said to me, oh, hey, I didn't get back to you because I wanted to see how persistent you are. And I like it. How about drinks on Friday? So I literally had women

tell me that they were testing me a little bit. And I don't think all women are actively testing us, but women are busy. Beautiful, attractive women are busy. So follow the three times rule. Don't give up until you have sent three good text messages. And if she doesn't answer you after three, then move on. Absolutely. I don't want you to text her forever.

But I want you to give it more than one swing at the plate. I matched with a beautiful woman on Tinder named Abigail a beautiful blonde dynamite 10 basically your classic beautiful blonde 10 and we matched on Tinder we texted a little bit I got her number I should say we messaged and I got her number

and she didn't answer my first message hey Abigail it's Connell is this is this Abigail Gail or did I text Papa John's by accident? No answer. I thought a pretty funny text, but no answer. Second message was, I forget what my second message was, but it was something about, I don't know, what was the highlight of your weekend? Mimosas, sleep, or bagels, I don't know. And no answer to that. Third message, three times rule. So I wait about 24 hours between texts. Okay.

And then third message, I'm just thinking, okay, be resilient. Three times for O'Connell. Be resilient. And I messaged her something like a classic. I got this from one of my old coaches. Dear diary, cute girl named Abigail is missing. Send search party? And that was my third message to her.

And then she wrote back, oh, hey, sorry. I was out of town this weekend, super busy with my family. want to get dinner tonight, boom, a Tinder 10, Abigail the Tinder 10. By the way, I don't usually use the number system, but the number system. We know what that means. Abby, Abigail, the Tinder 10 was asking me out on a date. And all I did was I was resilient and I followed the three times rule. So please don't take one unanswered text message as you getting ghosted.

That's a false assumption. Send three. I can guarantee you that you will get dates with some wonderful women using the three times rule, who you will never meet if you give up after only one unanswered text. Desirable, quality, interesting, datable women with options, they're busy. They have things going on. remember how many matches they have hundreds maybe thousands of likes and matches on their dating app they have a busy life and sometimes they don't answer that text just because they've got a lot happening send that second or even a third text

follow the three times rule that's a really powerful way of being resilience and i have one more story of resilience. I'm actually going to fast forward to, I'm going to read you a couple. I'm going to read you a part of my book. I'm going to read you a little bit from, I'm going to read you the last chapter of my book. So I had to use a lot of resilience. It took me about a year and a half of approaching women to finally slay the dragon of approach anxiety. And I remember the night I felt so good on my 40th birthday. So I'm going to read you a little dramatic reading from the final chapter of dating sucks, but you don't.

I won't read the whole chapter, but I'll read you a portion of it. And this is basically my 40th birthday, May 25th, 2011. It had been a year and a half since I had gone out to start approaching women. And here is how Chapter 14, the last chapter of my book starts. A great insight struck me on a night when I had struck out. I went solo to what is arguably New York's hottest club, a spot harder to get into than Harvard. It was packed with stunning women in tight, tiny dresses.

I approached for a bit and nothing really clicked, but I didn't mind. I was in great spirits because it was my 40th birthday. It was a night to pause and appreciate how much I had grown in the almost two years since I'd begun working on my dating life. Plus, I'd recently started seeing Kerry, a bright, beautiful graphic designer who I was starting to fall for. I felt hopeful and full of gratitude. So I changed my plan. No pressure to approach. Instead, I would solely focus on enjoying the night. I would have fun on my terms. As corny as it may sound, what's fun for me is giving. So instead of approaching women, I decided to simply share my

good vibes with those around me. I fist-bumped a well-dressed husband and wife. Hey, I dig the threads, guys. We got to talking about theater, and they turned me on to an improv community that would enhance my life for years to come. Next, I befriended a table of fun-loving Australian guys. One of them said, Oie, mate, how do you talk to girls so easy? So I gave him some tips. Then I saw a brunette. I motioned for her to come over to our table, and I introduced her to the Aussie. She was soon loving his accent, and I thought, man, this coaching stuff is fun in shorts i let go of chasing what i wanted and i tried to give others what they wanted it was my birthday but i was the one handing out gifts it felt so good after 20 years of

hating dating i finally loved it and that very enjoyment of the journey i realized is what creates the quote results in romantic connections not every day or night perhaps but definitely in the long term. To get better at dating, find ways to enjoy dating, fall in love with the process, make it feel good, and share those good feelings with women and with others. It's all about the feels. You see, when dating feels bad, you take little or no action, your confidence sags, and your love life sucks. But when the process of dating feels good, you take tons of action, your confidence soars, and you start to attract the kinds of women you want. This applies to so much of life. If something feels good, you'll do it more. You'll do more of it, and you'll do it with your

whole heart. Anything that you value and enjoy pursuing, you tend to do more often, which helps you get better at it faster. Think of any rewarding hobby or passion. Maybe it's traveling or working out or playing a musical instrument. The reason you're so motivated by this thing is twofold because it's good for you and because it feels good. It's playtime, not work. And that's what keeps you coming back.

In Hamlet, Shakespeare wrote The Play's the Thing. Well, in dating, the thing is the play. Play. A sense of fun and playfulness is irresistible to women. have more fun and you'll get the girls but more importantly a playful approach will light you up and keep you taking action until you reach your outcome and get an amazing girlfriend

okay so that's the end of that part of the chapter i wanted to read that to you because that night i was feeling so grateful of all of the growth and progress i had experienced And what got me to that point of finally breaking through, I was no longer struggling with approach anxiety. I had a great girlfriend in my life almost at that point. We were steady. And what got me there was resilience. Resilience.

I kept going. There were so many times I wanted to quit. There were so many dates that went nowhere. There were so many times I got friend zoned. There were hundreds, hell, thousands of women. over the years, I wanted to approach but didn't, but I finally showed some grit, some tenacity. I said, I am going to become amazing with women. I'm going to become confident. I'm going to be able to approach any woman anywhere and have some of the most incredible women in my life

and do it with little to no fear and do it as my authentic self. And that night, I realized how far I'd come. And what got me there more than almost anything, other than authenticity, what got me there was resilience, grit, tenacity. Anyway, hope you enjoyed that. Remember, tenacity, grit, that is, it might be the second most important thing in dating. I would say the most important thing is authenticity, being yourself. Women like you for you. Mom was right. Girls like you for you. Girls like you for you, Connell, my mom would always say. Connell, girls are going to like you for you. Be yourself.

Mom was right. That's the most important thing. Maybe the second most important thing is resilience, is not giving up. You know, when you go out to approach women, approach one more girl. Don't give up. When a woman doesn't respond to that first text, be ready to follow the three times rule and send her two or three more. If the, if you're, if your new dating profile or your current dating profile isn't working, don't give up.

Don't delete the app. Change your photos. Don't blame Hinge or Tinder. Blame your shitty profile. It's not, it's not Hinge's fault if you're not getting matches. It's the fault of your profile. So be resilient. Take action.

that's a absolutely essential part of you getting a great girlfriend. All right. Thank you so much for listening to today's thoughts. Until next time, don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is absolutely out there and she's going to love you. But she's going to have to meet the real authentic you, and she's going to want to meet a resilient you. Women want a man of resilience of steel that makes you so attractive,

and it makes you finding your dream girlfriend a done deal. All right, until next time.