How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett - You’re Flirting Wrong: The New Way to Talk to Women + 5 Flirting Fails to Avoid (Part 2 of 5)

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Chances are, you struggle with flirting. You’re not sure how to talk to women, and you run out of things to say. It hurts your confidence and your dating results. But what if you knew exactly how to talk to girls in a way they love, leading to great dates and deep connections? In part 2 of his 5-part series to help you get you a great girlfriend, dating coach Connell Barrett teaches you a new way to flirt. You’re about to harness the power of Man-to-Woman Communication, a simple way to confidently talk to women with charm and authenticity.In this episode, dating coach and bestselling author Connell Barrett will discuss:(4:58) The “Aha!” Moment when he Realized the Power of Man-to-Woman Communication(13:08) The Reason You Get Stuck in the Friend Zone(14:28) The 3 Pillars of Man-to-Woman Communication(16:20) How to Never Run out of Things to Say(18:30) The “80-20 Rule” to Help You Flirt with Genuine Charm, Not Manipulative Tactics(20:21) 10 Tested Flirting Moves Connell and His Clients Use(22:40) How to Make Her Swoon: the Right Way to Give a Compliment(29:37) The Difference Between Flirting (Good!) and Fawning (Bad!)(34:00) The Flirty Text Message that Helped Connell Charm His Future Girlfriend(37:11) The Right Way to Touch a Woman on First Dates… and the WRONG Way(41:40) The Most Potent Weapon in Your Dating Arsenal(43:15) 5 Flirting Fails You Must Avoid(49:20) 3 Back-pocket Questions to Assure You’ll Never Run Out of Things to SayAre you ready to stop struggling when talking to women and start flirting with charm and authenticity? Learn the art of Man-to-Woman Communication. Listen now!FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL TO LEARN HOW TO CONFIDENTLY FLIRT WITH WOMEN BY BEING AUTHENTIC (NO SKETCHY PICKUP MOVES NEEDED):http://www.datingtransformation.com/contactTO GET FREE ACCESS TO “THE FLIRTY 30,” 30 CHARMING QUESTIONS TO ASK WOMEN ON DATES, ON THE APPS, AND WHEN YOU APPROACH:http://www.datingtransformation.com/FLIRTY30Quotes"Man-to-woman communication is like turbocharged flirting—it simplifies and authenticates romantic connections." - Connell Barnett"I think the most powerful tool you can bring to your dating life is playfulness." - Connell Barnett

I don't like to ask a woman's permission to kiss her. That's a little too 18th century. Milady, might I entice you with a smooch upon your lips? Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach and author, Conal Barrett. I'm here to help you confidently flirt with women and attract your dream girlfriend all by being authentic. No toxic pickup tricks needed. I'm so glad you're here, taking a few minutes of your time for this coaching session with me.

I'm really honored because I know how busy you are and I know that you have a million other podcasts you could be listening to. So I'm going to try to make it worth your while today. In the last episode, part one of this series I'm doing this week, you learned all about the power of using radical authenticity in your dating life. Radical authenticity is about awakening your most confident, attractive self with women because girls like you for you. Now in part two of this five-part series, it's time for the fun stuff. I'm going to give you the good stuff, the moves, the tips, the what to say. You're going to learn all about how to confidently flirt with women using my flirting formula. And this means you're going to be able about how to confidently flirt with women using my flirting formula.

And this means you're going to be able to stop running out of things to say with women you're talking to, and you're going to be able to start attracting some cool, cute girls. So I'm going to give you my flirting system that you'll be able to pick up really quickly. I'm also going to share 10 tested flirting tips that you can use right away. And not done there, but wait, there's more. I'll give you five of the biggest flirting mistakes to avoid. And you might not even know you're making some of these flirting mistakes. By the way, stick around to the very end of the episode. I'm going to give you three of my favorite flirty questions to ask women. If you ever get stuck in your head, think of these as three back pocket flirting moves, flirting, flirty questions so that you always have something to say. No more awkward silences,

no more just getting stuck in your head, running out of things to say. All right. So I'll share that with you at the very end of today's pod. So here's my question for you. Do you struggle with what to say and how to flirt? Have you ever been stuck in the friend zone? I know I used to be. I have been there. I remember a date I had many years ago with a beautiful young woman named Brandy. And she wanted to like me, but I couldn't make her feel the feelings that I wanted her to feel. And at one point, I finally went for a kiss on like date three, after the right moment had passed.

We were standing on a romantic street in Brooklyn and I wanted to kiss her, but I was afraid, and I went out. Five minutes later, I tried to make up for the mistake. I went for the kiss, and she said, sorry, I've lost interest. You had your chance back there. She basically said, you're really bad at this. So back then, I had to learn how to do all these things myself. So I've been in your shoes. I know what it's like to struggle with flirting. So let me give you what I've developed as the secret, not the secret, but a flirting formula.

It's no secret. It's in my book. It's on the podcast. But it's a flirting formula that I think is basically the closest thing there is to a magic bullet with attracting women. Because bottom line is there's not magic bullets in this area. There's only magic bullets in werewolf movies. We were attacked by a lycanthrope.

A werewolf. I was murdered. An unnatural death. And now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted. Shut up. But in real life, there's not a magic bullet. However, what I'm about to share with you is the closest thing there is to a magic bullet. And here it is.

The flirting formula that I give all my clients is called, drumroll please, man-to-woman communication. Man-to-woman communication. Think of it as a turbocharged form of flirting that makes it so much simpler to romantically connect with women. And you get to do it in that real authentic way. So how does man to woman communication work? What is it? How does it work? Well, here was my aha moment. Many years ago, around about the time Brandy was friend zoning me, I was really struggling with dating, struggling with flirting. Date after date ended with women saying, Connell, you're a nice guy, you're funny, you're sweet, but I just don't feel a spark. And that was really frustrating to me.

And then I had a first date with a woman named Amanda. And Amanda is really smart, witty, very successful, a chef. She was a very successful chef at a big restaurant in New York City. She looked a little bit like Jennifer Lawrence, just to paint a picture for you. And I decided on this date, I wanted to try something different. I wanted to just shake things up. And really, I started working on this area of what I now call man-to-woman communication. So I said, I'm going to try some different things on this area of what I now call man-to-woman communication. So I said,

I'm going to try some different things on this date. I'm going to be a lot more bold, a lot more authentic, and see if I can take some more chances. It's really about taking chances. So Amanda walks into this bar, little wine and cocktail bar. She sits down next to me. And first, I tease her. I gently tease her for running late. I said, you owe me a drink for every minute you were late, so it looks like I'm getting trashed tonight. She laughed. She liked that teasing joke. After a little bit, we played some games, did some little playful games. I did a staring contest with her.

I thumb wrestled her a little bit. So I brought some playfulness to it, which is something I hadn't been doing. And I remember the moment where I kind of knew I had her, had her into me. At one point, she looked down at my shirt. I had a new button down on. And she looked at my shirt and I said, excuse me, my eyes are up here. Please stop objectifying me. I'm not a piece of meat. So I was making myself the sexual object, jokingly, but playing that card. And she giggled. She called me a smartass, which is very authentic to me because I'm a natural born smartass.

Now, that wasn't all I did, though. It wasn't all teasing. We got really real. We got really real. We got really vulnerable. I confessed to her that I was nervous to meet her. I gave her some really nice, clear compliments. I told her that she had a really sexy laugh. She liked that.

And at one point, I took her hand and we were holding hands. So this date was already going better with Amanda than the last eight or nine had gone. And then she says to me, I think I need to change seats. And she crawls over me and sits on my lap. And all of a sudden, I'm kissing her. We're sitting in a bar. She's sitting on my lap, and we're making out. And we haven't been there maybe an hour yet. And I could feel all the eyes of the bartender, the people in the room, this low lit, candle lit, dark room. Everybody was looking at me as if to say, hey, get a room. Although one guy was looking at me like, dude, how are you doing that? And that was a pretty

amazing date. She also invited me out for a second date. For our second date, she suggested a couple's massage. That's a pretty damn good second date. So I went from, how did I go from having all these women not into me to having a girl sit on my lap and basically chase me and say, I want to hook up with you at a spa. And I think I remember walking home that night, and I thought to myself, oh, that's how you flirt with women. That's how you make sparks fly. And I have not been in the friend zone since, not in any consistent way. Not every woman has wanted to date me. But I define the friend zone as she clearly likes you. You like her, but you don't know how to make the sparks happen. And I've never been in the

friend zone again since then. Not really. And so here's the takeaway here for you. I want you to know that when sparks fly between two people, it might seem random. It might seem like something that, quote, just happens, like a lightning strike. But the truth is, you can actually consistently learn to ignite that connection using what I call man-to-woman communication, which is the fun, flirty frequency that amplifies natural chemistry that men and women have if they are within reason each other's type. And by the way, this secret weapon isn't just for first and second dates. It's a lens I want you to use to flirt with all women you're into. Online, approaching, texting, at a party, anywhere. You can be man to woman with women anywhere. This is not something that you do so much as it's somebody who you are.

Look, you're a man. You have romantic desires. You have ways to express that. You have other ways to express your personality. Why wouldn't you want to put your real, authentic, flirtatious self out there? It's all part of being authentic. So let's break down the art of man-to-woman communication. And then I'm going to share 10 practical ways for you to use it and apply it, in addition to identifying those five flirting mistakes that you don't want to make. So here's a thought experiment. Imagine you're on a first date with a classy, gorgeous woman, but it's going nowhere fast. It's safe. It's platonic. You ask boring questions, informational questions. Where'd you go to school? How long did you work there?

When did you graduate? You don't know what to say or how to flirt. You don't try to kiss her. You try not to say the wrong thing. You worry about mistakes. And the next day, she texts you. And you know it's coming, right? She texts you, hey, you're a good guy, but I just didn't feel those sparks. But we can be friends, okay? That's the first part of this thought experiment.

Here's the second part. Imagine you're on a date with that same woman. It's still you, it's still her. But this time, the air is electric. She twirls her hair. She touches your arm. You feel really present, magnetic yourself. You compliment her. Maybe you tease her a little bit. But you're also open. You're very open and real and vulnerable. And most importantly, you're very authentic and playful. You're being open and real and vulnerable. And most importantly, you're very authentic and playful. You're being light and playful and yourself. And then at one point you read the situation, you see her giving you those big eyes and you move in for that kiss and now you're

making out. And then the next day you get your phone, you open your phone when you're going to message her and she's already texted you. And she writes you, last night was amazing. When do I get to see you again? A little winky face. So the difference between those two scenarios, in the first, you played it safe and you treated her like a friend. In the second, you connected on a man-to-woman wavelength. You used your secret flirting weapon, man-to-woman communication. And this is the aha moment I want you to have right now, which is that women don't put you in the friend zone. You do it to yourself. I did it to myself. How? By treating her like a buddy, not as potential lovers, or by treating her in a safe, timid way, not as somebody who you have interest in. Because all social interactions that you can possibly have in the

world, all these social interactions fall into a particular social frame. Every interaction you have with others, not counting your family, so put family aside for a second. Apart from your family, there's only three frames of social interactions you can have as a man. The first frame is friend to friend, the way you are with friends and acquaintances. And this is a purely platonic vibe with no romantic subtext. Friends and acquaintances, right? The second frame is professional slash business. That's you at work, how you relate to colleagues, your boss, employees, or maybe the way you talk to people at a restaurant, the server, the transactional conversation you have with that woman at Starbucks.

That's a professional business conversation. And then the third frame is what I call man-to-woman communication. And that's a romantic context in which your authentic masculine side and a woman's feminine essence clicks and ignites. So again, friend-to-friend, professional business, man- man to woman. So every encounter you have with a woman is going to fall into one of these three frames. It's kind of like clicking a remote control to one of three TV channels. Business channel, the what's a friend channel? I don't know. A safe, friendly, boring TV show.

And then Cinemax is the third channel. We want to switch to Cinemax. So your dating problems happen when you inadvertently click to the friend-to-friend or business-like channel with a woman you're into rather than flipping to man-to-woman, that Cinemax channel. I'm dating myself. You're like, what the hell is Cinemax? How old are you, Connell? Look it up. Google it. So bottom line is a girl may find you very attractive, but that doesn't mean you're creating attraction. You can be attractive without creating attraction. That's basically what the friend zone means. She might find you attractive, but if your vibe is really safe, timid, too friend-to-friend,

then she's going to feel, meh, I'm not that into him. Hello, friend zone. And by the way, if you don't know what to say or how to flirt with a woman, then what happens is that can automatically put you in the friend zone and you don't even realize it because you're not putting those cards on the table to let her know that you think she's sexy, attractive, that you're romantically interested. So let me give you what I call the three pillars of man-to-woman communication. Here they are. The first pillar of being man-to-woman is showing clear romantic interest. Your words and actions must let her know that you're romantically interested. Clarity. She needs to know that this is a story of boy meets girl, not friend meets

friend. A lot of men make the mistake of thinking, oh, I need to have amazing, witty, perfect, clever lines. That's a nice bonus, I suppose. But the first rule of being man-to-woman is just clarity. Let her know that you're interested. That's number one. The second pillar of man-to-woman communication is you need to communicate emotionally, not logically. Most men, especially men like you, who are career-oriented, professionally established. Maybe you're an engineer, a doctor. You have a very logical, analytical mind.

Most men do. Men tend to communicate in a very logical, analytical way. This is great in business. It's perfect for a business lunch. It's death on a date. Man-to-woman communication is primarily an emotional language, primarily about fun, playfulness, and increasingly flirtatiousness. It's not logic and information. To quote another dating guru, I forget her name, forgive me, whoever I'm forgetting, but logic is the opposite

of romance, this woman said. So don't be logical and informational with women. You want to be man to woman. You want to be more emotional, connect on an emotional wavelength. So basically you want to filter your language through an emotional lens, not a logical one. Basically you want to be Captain Kirk, not Mr. Spock. I prefer the concrete, the graspable, the provable. You'd make a splendid computer, Mr. Spock. I prefer the concrete, the graspable, the provable. You'd make a splendid computer, Mr. Spock. And the third pillar of man-to-woman communication is speaking your authentic thoughts, being your real self.

Women like you for you. Share your true, honest self with her. What's more authentic than saying to a girl you're into, saying to your crush, hey, I like you. I want to take you on a date. That can be all you need with some women, just that kind of clarity. And by the way, here's a quick tip. Here's a quick tip. The reason you so-called run out of things to say is that, with women I mean, is because you think you need great lines or great content to impress her and attract her. No, you don't. You need to share your authentic self in a clear way.

So here's a little quick tip. Stop asking yourself, what's the right thing to say? And start asking yourself, what's a true, genuine feeling I can share with her? Share feelings. That is the language women love to speak, the language of feelings and sharing, not amazing, perfect, witty lines. Okay? So back to my date with Amanda, that story. Sparks flew that night with Amanda, largely because I let my authentic authentic smart-ass side come out while also telling her that I thought she was cool and sexy. And I also played with her. We had fun. It was a very playful date. Cyndi Lauper was right. Girls just want to have fun. Okay? That's a truism. So we had fun. I was being man to woman and she felt, oh, finally a guy who's real and fun who makes me

feel sexy. She crawled on my lap and we start kissing. And it's not because I said anything magical. It's because I delivered that man to woman communication that made her feel sexy and feminine and made me come off as masculine and strong, but also real. And that's why she was sitting on my lap in about an hour. Man to woman communications. Okay, so now I want to help you turn that dial to the man to woman channel, which is kind of like going from PBS to Fifty Shades of Grey. So let's do it. So first, you might be asking yourself, well, how much do I flirt on a date? How much? A lot? A little? I'm going to give you a rule. I call it the 80-20 rule.

Follow the 80-20 rule. This means that, let's say you're on a first date, or even just any first conversation with a woman. You're messaging on a dating app, or you're texting a woman whose number you got, or you just approached her and you're two or three minutes into an approach. But let's say, generally,

we're talking about first dates here. 80% of your communication should be what I call baseline, which is you being authentic and sincere. Just normal, just being genuine, sincere, and authentic. And 20% of your communication at most should be what I call game or what would be called game. Emotional spikes, compliments, flirty comments, physical touch, suggestive eye contact, teasing, cracking jokes, being playful,

20% is plenty. Do not listen to the pickup dudes and these so-called male dating experts who fill your head with 77 fancy moves that you need to do all these tactics. You don't need all that. It'll create paralysis by analysis. It'll get you in your head.

It will make you seem unrelatable to a woman like a robot, like some weird pickup artist robot. Don't do that. Follow the 80-20 rule. 80% of your conversation is just you being normal, speaking your genuine, sincere thoughts, that baseline. And 20% at most is you throwing in those emotional, spiky things, the teases, the jokes, the flirting, basically. To find the right balance, here's a good image. Think of an EKG heartbeat monitor.

Imagine that heartbeat monitor and the baseline that runs horizontally. That represents your normal conversation. Just you being sincere and normal. Sharing just the way I'm talking to you right now. That should be 80% of what you say. And 20% can be these little peaks and valleys of emotional spikes. An emotional spike would be telling her she's sexy, complimenting her, or teasing her, calling her a dork or a nerd. Like I teased Amanda when she was late. Or like a physical move where you hold hands

or do a little bit of physical touch. Think of that as in the 20%. So 80% is baseline. 20% is that emotional flirting moves. And by the way, if you want to see this visual, my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, has illustrations to show the different kind of EKG visuals of what a flirty man-to-woman date looks like versus like a friend-zoney date. Now, in terms of what a friend-zone date looks like, here's a mental image for you. Imagine a flat EKG that's all baseline. It's just boring, logical conversation where it's like, get the crash pads, stat. That is probably you. If you're getting friend zoned a lot, that's probably you on a first date. I know it was me. So that's just a whole lot of interview

questions, informational, boring interview questions, talking about the weather, so to speak, and just being a little bit surface level and boring. Yeah, so I just wanted you to have those two images in mind. Okay, and again, check out my book if you'd like to be able to see these images. And by the way, if you want a free copy of my book, just email me, connell at datingtransformation.com, and I will send you a free copy. So I'm not trying to get you to buy my book.

I'll send it to you for free. Just shoot me an email if you want the book for free, and I'll send it a free copy. So I'm not trying to get you to buy my book. I'll send it to you for free. Just shoot me an email if you want the book for free and I'll send it to you immediately. Okay, let's go, let's talk about 10 simple ways for you to be man to woman. Here we go. I'm going to give you 10 strategies. You can use any or all these depending on the situation. Man to woman move number one, give her a sexy compliment. Early in a conversation with a woman, find a trait that you like about her that's not about her looks, or at least not purely about her physical body, and tell her that you find that trait sexy. Her laugh, her wit, her sense of humor. it'll sound something like this something like oh hey

amanda you know what's really sexy about you you have a beautiful feminine laugh i love the way you laugh it just makes me melt inside when i hear it so anyway blah blah blah and then back to getting to know her okay um let other guys fawn over her body. You want to be that rare man who sees her inner beauty. And this elevates you in women's minds so, so high. So on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, Jessamyn, she's going to be interviewed in a couple episodes. You're going to love hearing from her. On my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess, I was so blown away by how witty and clever she is.

She's just as funny as me, funnier, I think, just as quick-witted as me. And I said to her, you know what's really sexy about you? You're so funny and quick-witted. I'm just trying to keep up. I'm not easily impressed, and I'm very impressed. And she later told me that that really made her almost melt inside. Because she's a pretty blonde woman. She's used to guys telling her she looks good. I was that rare guy finding her true, authentic inner self sexy and attractive. And that helped to elevate

me into the top 1% of men. And she wanted to keep dating me. And she's now my partner. I'm happy to reveal. So that is man to woman move number one. Give her a sexy compliment. Tell her something about her is sexy that's not about her physical body. Make it a trait, something about her as a person. Man to woman move number two is talk the talk.

Talk the talk. The way you use your voice conveys your confidence level, or lack thereof. So you want to cultivate a rich, confident vocal tonality. Right now, I'm talking to you in a pretty normal, well, hopefully confident sounding way. And it's something I worked on for years. How did I do it? Well, I'm going to give you some tips right now.

Record conversations you have with a friend. Get their permission, don't do it secretly. But record conversations and listen back to your voice and listen for too many flaws like up-talking and too many ums and ahs. And I noticed myself umming and ahhing a little bit. That's okay to have a little bit of that. But you want to listen for little tells that tell a woman that you don't have the confidence in yourself that women want you to have. So you want to monitor your vocal tonality. Listen for up-talking when a statement you make

sounds like you're asking a question. That lowers your confidence or projection of confidence in front of a woman. Another tip is whenever you're speaking to a woman, like on a date or an approach, imagine there's somebody standing directly behind her, almost like her twin is behind her, and talk loudly enough so that the person behind her will hear you. This will help you project your voice, since chances are that your voice shuts down at least a little bit when talking to a woman who you find attractive.

It's a very common unconscious reaction that happens when we feel insecure. Okay, man-to-woman move number three. When you approach her, look her right in the eye. Just that good, simple, focused eye contact is so attractive. I once dated a marketing director, a woman named Nicole. I approached her at Whole Foods in the frozen food section. I thought I had a really good opener. She's in the frozen food section. It was a couple days after New Year's. It was really cold in New York City.

She was wearing this really bold, bright, stylish winter coat with the fringe on top. And I looked at her and I said to myself, oh my god, she's like the cover of J.Crew winter catalog. So I walked up to her and I said, hey, excuse me, you look like the cover of the J.Crew catalog for winter. Her eyes lit up. She loved it.

We talked. I got her number. Fast forward to our first date. On our first date, I asked her, what is it you liked about me when we first talked? And I was sort of fishing for a compliment about my witty, cool, fun opening line, but she didn't mention it. I don't think she even remembered it. She said, oh, that's easy. You look me right in the eye. She said, you look me right in the eye and you stood up nice and straight. So look a woman in the eye, stand as tall as you can. It makes an impact. That's man to woman move number three. Man to woman move number four is on a date or an approach that's at least a few minutes into it,

and she's liking it. Look at her like she's dessert. Look at a woman like she's dessert. Let her know with your eyes and your facial expression that you find her attractive. Here's a quick story. I was on a first date once in Santa Monica. I was having drinks on a patio bar with the woman I'd approached a couple nights earlier at a hotel bar. And the date was going well. We both felt that romantic tension rising. We were both attracted to each other.

And it was going well. And at one point, my kind of wolfish eye contact was getting to her, dialing up the sexual tension. And she looked at me and she said, by the way, you're looking at me like I'm dessert. She said it in a good way. And toward the end of the date, we leave the patio bar

and we go back to my hotel, which was in walking distance. And this had never happened to me before. But we're walking into my hotel room. She was unbuttoning her top before I had my key in the door. She was taking her clothes off or beginning to in the hallway leading to my room. I cannot promise you that's going to happen to you. Your mileage may vary, but basically you want to look at a woman with a little bit of that romantic interest in

mind because that's one of the ways we convey that man-to-woman message that lets a woman know, hey, I'm a man and you're making me feel some feels. Man-to- woman move number five. Show her that her beauty is distracting you. Tell her, show her that she's having an effect on you. That's what I was trying to say. Sure, you could say to a woman, you look hot, but that's a little bit basic. That's what cat callers do. It's not what classy gentlemen do. A more classy way, charming way to let a woman know she's hot is you show her in a sense. So for example, you could, let's say her lips look just very kissable and distracting. Let's say she's talking on your date and you find yourself lost in her lips. You could say, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Your lips were very distracting.

Can you say that again? Or you look at her dress and you just say, hi, wow, you look wow. Let her feel the impact she's having on you. Another move I've used, I got this from Craig Ferguson, who definitely did this on his talk show. I was on a date once with a woman wearing a low-cut top. She definitely was showing some cleavage, and she leaned over to grab the candle that was sitting there on the bar. And I said, I'm trying to be a gentleman, so please don't bend over like that. It's very distracting. So I was letting her know, I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to be a good boy, but you're making it difficult. I think I told her, you're making it hard for me to clink fairly. So I let her know that her beauty was affecting me. There's something sexy and cool to women about, it's almost like you're giving yourself over to her feminine ways. It's almost like, I can't help myself.

You're too hot. You're too feminine. You're too gorgeous. Please dial it down. It's distracting. And that's a way to show that interest, but do it in a way that's not fawning. It's flirting and not fawning. Fawning would be, oh my god, you're gorgeous.

You're amazing. I can't believe you're with me. I can't believe I'm on a date with you. You're incredible. Don't do that. That's fawning. Flirting is, listen, you have to stop licking your lips like that because you're making it really difficult for me to focus on the conversation. Okay, Emily? A little smile. That. Women love that. Okay, let's take a really quick little break. You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends,

but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone, I owned real estate there. But I escaped, using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to datingtransformation.com

and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. All right, we are back. Let's continue with the man-to-woman moves. Move number six out of 10,ase her. Light, playful teasing can amplify attraction. So tease her a little bit if that's your style, if that's something you would do in your regular life. Don't do it if it's not you.

But yeah, tease her a little bit. See if she responds well. It's kind of like pulling a woman's pigtails, or sorry, pulling the pigtails of that little girl in fifth grade when you were a little boy. The girl you had a crush on in grade school, you might pull her pigtails to let her know that you like her.

We can still do that as grownups. It's just that we're not literally pulling their hair, I hope, unless she asks you to later. When teasing a woman, avoid areas that could bring offense, though. Do not tease her about things like her appearance. Don't tease her about her weight, about her appearance. Don't tease her about her weight, about her family. Don't tease her about her pet. I once teased a girl about her little dog,

saying it looked like a rat. Instantly pissed her off. Don't do that. Tease her about less touchy topics like her taste in movies, her taste in music, TV shows. I'll tease a woman about being klutzy. I had a date once where she kept spilling water on herself. And I'm like, you have a drink. You literally have a drinking problem. You cannot put a drink to your mouth. So I kept teasing her about that. So tease her, but make it surface level things, not big things.

One of my clients over-teased a woman about her drinking alcohol. He was like, oh, I think you're an alcoholic. I think you're a drunk. That did not go over well. Not because she's a drinker or alcoholic. It's just that's too personal. Keep the teasing about light things, okay? Surface level things. Man-to-woman move number seven. This is one of my favorites. It's an old school pickup move that actually is still super fun to use and not sketchy, as long as you do it with good intentions. Move number seven is use the push-pull.

What is a push-pull? Well, a push-pull is basically, it's kind of like a backhanded compliment. Think of it this way. There's a tease, right? You know what teasing is, and you know what a compliment is. A push-pull is a combination

of both a tease and a compliment. The positive comment pulls her close to you, so to speak, while the teasing comment playfully pushes her away, sort of teases her. So yeah, the push is like a playful tease or showing disinterest.

The pull is showing interest. And a push-pull combines the two. But you do it in a light, joking way that basically blends both. And this works, or can work, really well because there's something about the contrast of the positive and negative together that creates a compelling taste. It's like the Reese's Cup of flirting.

Chocolate and peanut butter, it just goes great together. Same with a push-pull. I'll give you an example. I used a push-pull on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jess. Actually, it was before that. It was something I texted her. I texted Jess before we ever met. We were messaging on the dating app we were on, and I said, by the way, you're either the coolest girl I've met in a long time on the apps or the weirdest. I'm just not sure which one you are. And she loved that. She later told me how she liked that, right?

Because most men are giving her a big compliment, maybe too much. Or some men might be doing that whole neg thing that pickup guys still teach. Neg, neg, neg. Make her insecure. Be a dick. Don't do that.

A push-pull is a light, playful little tease combined with a compliment. It's for her benefit. It's for her emotional good feeling. Other push-pulls that light, playful little tease combined with a compliment. It's for her benefit. It's for her emotional good feeling. Other push-pulls that I've used over the years or in the past, she says something that I disagree with or that I don't like,

and I might say, oh my God, Jennifer, I was totally falling in love with you until you told me you liked Coldplay. I think we should get the check now. So I'm telling her I'm falling for her, but also I can't date her because of X, Y, Z reason. Or it could be as simple as, okay, we'll go on a date,

but you have to promise not to stalk me if you fall in love with me, okay? So experiment with the push-pull. It's really fun. Man-to-woman move number eight is being physically expressive. It's really fun. Man-to-woman move number eight is being physically expressive, using your physical touch. Physical expressiveness is a simple, powerful way to be man-to-woman. So you can do this in lots of different ways. You can high-five. You can hold her hand. You can tap

her arm a little bit, touch her thigh, whisper in her ear, brush the hair from her eyes. You could inspect her jewelry. This is a classic. Early on in a date, you take her hand and you look at the jewelry and say, hey, cool ring. What's the story behind this ring? And it gives you a reason to touch her. And this is a really important point. A lot of guys make the mistake of saying, okay, I know I'm supposed to break the touch barrier. I've got to touch a woman. So here I am putting my hand on her thigh for no reason for five minutes.

That is creepy as fuck. Don't do that. The secret to physical touch is having a reason for the touch. So it's healthy and normal to be physically touchy with people to an extent as long as we're reading them as long as you're watching and noticing how she feels but um the biggest secret i think that really helped me so much when i was learning this from my coaches is to make her feel safe and comfortable with your touch. Have a reason to do it. Just a random touch is weird. A random hand on her lower back,

when you haven't touched her at all before then, that's weird. Instead, having a reason for the touch makes it makes sense to her. So if you love that she's a Beatles fan, oh my God, no way, you love the Beatles too? High five. You have a reason to do it. If you want to whisper in her ear, have a secret to tell her. Hey, come here. I got to tell you something. Whisper, whisper. I was on a date once and she's a personal trainer. And I said, no way, you're a personal trainer? Make a muscle for me. So she made a muscle. And I touched her muscle on her bicep. And then she touched mine.

This is five minutes into the date. We're both touching each other. Now, we're not groping each other. It's not romantic yet. But it does help to break that physical ice between two people. And of course, it helps to create that man-to-woman frame that I talked about. So I would say general guidelines is start with small touches early. Touches, taps on the knee, high five, touching her arm or upper elbow maybe. And first, just read her. See if she's

comfortable with that. And then she'll let you know if she likes it or not. If she clearly doesn't like it, stop immediately. If you're not sure if she likes it or not, stop immediately. But if she touches you back, if she returns the favor, if she shows you that interest, then keep doing it. That means she likes it. Okay, man-to-woman move number nine is make her the seducer. I love to misinterpret an innocent comment that a girl makes as evidence that my date, that she wants to seduce me. And a lot of women really love this because what we're doing here

is flipping the male-female dynamics and accusing her of objectifying you. And by doing this, you're letting her know that you're not like other guys. You're actually being very playful, and you're also letting her know that you're not going to play it safe. So you're playful, but not playing it safe. Also, this takes things from a logical friend-to-friend context to something that's very man-to-woman.

So for example, let's say like one of my clients, his first date was talking about how she redid his bedroom. Or sorry, she said, oh, I just redid my bedroom. And he said, listen, I'm not going to go to bed with you tonight. I barely know you. Stop trying to seduce me. We just met. Now he was joking. He was joking. She was not trying to seduce him. We just met. Now, he was joking. He was joking. She was not trying to seduce him. But just the fact that he went there created a fun man-to-woman vibe. So look for opportunities to say the kinds of things to women that women always say to guys. You're flipping the script. You're doing it as a joke, but it's still powerful because it shows that you are not

like other guys in a good way. So for example, tell her, hey, my eyes are up here. If you catch her looking at your shirt, or you might say to her, just so you know, I don't hold hands until the third date, or just so you know, I never have sex until the 94th date. So don't even try anything tonight, okay? Or I think I once told a girl, stop trying to kiss me. Like she leaned in to like say something to me. I'm like, why are you trying to kiss me? I barely know you. I'm a gentleman.

Again, it's all done as a joke. None of this is meant to literally make her think that she's trying to seduce you. But it's a fun role play. And by creating this fun role play vibe, sometimes a woman actually does try to seduce you, which is a nice bonus. Okay. And here's man to woman move number 10. I'm say, I saved this to the end because I think this is the most important one, which is to be playful. You might have noticed that a thread running through every single man to woman move that I've talked about is playfulness. Look, not every woman wants sexy talk early on. Not every woman likes physical touch too soon, but virtually every woman wants

a fun, playful experience on a date. So other than being radically authentic, which is the most important thing, I think the most powerful tool you can bring to your dating life is playfulness. So that means in whatever ways you can be playful, staring contest is a favorite of mine, thumb wrestling, playing two truths and a lie, playing a little game. Let's look around the bar. Who would you hook up with besides me? Who would you not hook up with?

Or what person at the bar looks like a celebrity? You could just make up fun games in the moment. And yeah, you might not, just like me, I don't have six-pack abs. You might not have six-pack abs. But if you can create a six-pack sense of fun and playfulness, that is the essence of being man to woman in my book. And you're going to become catnip to women. So look for lots of ways to be playful. Okay? It's so important. Now, in the home stretch, actually, let's do one last quick break.

I'll be right back. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's going to help you flirt with confidence. Because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt, right? Well, let's fix that. I'm going to give you what I call the Flirty 30. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach so that you can confidently connect with cool, sexy women starting today.

It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are going to make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. And that's F-L-I-R-T-Y 3-0. Datingtransformation.com slash flirty30. You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend.

Go get your flirty 30. And I am back. Let's finish strong with five very common flirting mistakes. I'm going to count them down from the biggest flirting mistakes. Here we go. Number five is getting stuck in interview mode. Now, you know about interview mode, I bet. But I'll bet you haven't heard my take on it.

I have no problem with interview mode. I have no problem with you asking women a lot of questions. Just make sure they're not logical, informational questions. That is what interview mode is. Where are you from? How old are you? When did you graduate? How long have you lived here?

Those are the kinds of questions to avoid. But if you ask women fun, flirty questions, that is a great thing. You can ask all the fun, flirty questions you want. And stick around because in a couple minutes, I'm going to give you three back pocket flirty questions to ask women in any dating context. So the flirting mistake number five to avoid is it's not interview mode. It's only asking logical informational interview questions. That's the interview mode to avoid. But if you want to get in flirty question mode, that's a kind of interviewing that women love.

Flirting mistake number four is not going for a kiss on a first date. You're never going to lose a girl if you go for a first kiss on a date, assuming she sees it coming. You're going to get points for trying, but you will lose a woman's interest in you if you want to kiss her, but you never try. It's going to happen. I know because Brandy told me. Brandy's the one who told me, sorry, dude, you waited too long. I've lost interest in you. So make sure you become that guy who goes for it. Just notice how she's feeling. In future episodes, I'll be talking all about different ways to move in for that first kiss. So just know that fortune favors the bold here. And if you're not sure if she wants to kiss

you or if she's ready to be kissed, here's what you can say to her. You can just look her in the eye and say, I want to kiss you. There's something magical and sexy about a man telling a woman what he wants. I want to kiss you. If she responds with something like, what are you waiting for? Then you kiss her. If she says, oh, I'm not ready yet. I'm not comfortable yet. That's totally fine. I don't like to ask a woman's permission to kiss her. That's a little too 18th century. Milady, might I entice you with a smooch upon your lips? Don't do that. But do say, hey, I want to kiss you. And then she'll tell you what you should do next. Flirting mistake number three, using canned scripted lines, being gamey.

Don't do that. There's so much content out there. Most guys who teach this stuff suck at it. They suck. And it's all too much. You don't want to over-game. I know I've done a whole podcast here about flirting, but in a way, remember the 80-20 rule.

80% of your conversation should not be super gamey or flirty. It should just be you being authentic and normal because you are enough. So don't make the mistake of doing too much game, too much teasing, all that nagging, pick up artist shtick. Just let all that go. Okay?

Let all that go. Flirting mistake number two is not touching a woman at all on a date. As discussed, you want to break that physical touch barrier and you want to at least touch her a little bit just to see if she's comfortable with it or not. Not every woman loves a lot of physical touch. Some like it more than others. So I would say you're going to want to always read the room, always be empathetic and notice how she's feeling. I like to think of it this way. Think of a date like four quarters. Here's how you might go about being physically expressive. In the first quarter, high fives, light taps on the knee or shoulder. In the second quarter, if she's relatively responsive to the touching so far, arm over her shoulder, whisper in her ear. Third quarter, assuming she's liking it, hold her hand.

Fourth quarter, go for the kiss. So don't not touch at all, but don't go for a kiss five minutes in. Follow my four quarter process. I think that'll serve you really well. And the number one dating mistake to avoid, this is the big one because, man, it gets guys in their heads, is making the conversational bar too high for how good your conversation has to be. You probably are under

the misapprehension that you have to be amazing, witty, funny, charismatic, incredible. You don't. You don't need to be the wittiest, most amazing guy in the world to get a woman into you. In fact, trying to up your game and straining to be clever and charismatic can create tension and make it really hard for you to just be authentic and be present and be that best self. So the fix is to think of flirting like frosting on a cake. But you're the cake. A woman doesn't want a whole bowl of frosting. She wants a nice slice of cake.

So think about how good your flirting has to be. It just has to be a little icing on top of the cake that is the authentic you. You being sincere, you being genuine. So if you just learn, if you just use some of the man to woman moves from this episode, that's more than enough flirting. Remember, you're just talking to a woman. You're not doing a TED Talk. You're not doing a stand-up comedy routine. You're just talking and being yourself. So lower that bar for how good you think your conversation has to be. Okay, let's finish up with the little bonus I promised you.

I'm going to give you three back pocket questions. Three flirty questions you can always have in any dating context. This way you'll never again run out of things to say. Here we go. This is from the list of my flirty 30. One question is this. I need a woman's opinion. What do you think of my style?

Women love talking about men's style. Just make sure you dress great. Because ZZ Top was right. Every girl's crazy about a sharp-dressed man. So you could ask the style question as an approach. If you're at a mall, you could be at a bar, walk up to a woman, hey, I need your opinion. What do you think of my style? You could do it online. These flirty questions work across all contexts. Just make sure you have kick-ass awesome style. The next question is, I like this one. So what do you do for fun? Besides get charming men like me

to flirt with you? This is great to ask after you approach or after you've matched on a dating app, or you could ask it early on on a date. This sets a nice, playful, flirtatious, cheeky tone. It's a great way to get out of the friend zone. And here's one more. You can use this question on like Mondays or Tuesdays after a weekend. You ask a woman, this could be in person, but you could also text it. What was your weekend highlight? Sleep, yoga, or lots of mimosas? A multiple choice question like this is way more engaging to a woman than the cliched, how was your weekend? So by giving her a multiple choice question, sleep, yoga, or mimosas, you're letting her choose the one to answer, and it's going to make it more likely she'll

respond to you and be engaged by you. Okay, so what did we learn today? Four things. You learned all about man-to-woman communication. This is your secret weapon for flirting. Number two, you learned that women don't put you in the friend zone. You do it to yourself, just like I did it to myself, but you also have the power to get out. Number three, you learned 10, 10 man-to-woman moves that you can make, plus five flirting mistakes to avoid. That's number three. And number four is we also learned that think of flirting like icing on the cake. It's just a thin layer of icing on top of the cake. The cake is you, your authentic best self, you being you. That's

what women are attracted to. So don't give her too much icing. Okay. Okay. So in the next episode, part three of our special week-long relaunch of my podcast, I'm really excited because now you know the basics of man-to-woman communication. I'm going to help you use man-to-woman communication and your newfound flirting skills when you are online. Sending women openers, how to send openers that women respond to, how to text women, how to use flirting by text and with online dating and openers in a way to get more dates and to get more women going on dates with you and way less ghosting. So listen to the very next episode. It's going to be a game changer for you. And if you liked this episode, please leave me a review or share the episode with a guy who needs a little dating help.

And remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there and she is going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go out and take authentic, courageous action. Carpe datum. Seize the date. Till next time.