HR BESTIES - All Aboard!

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

Today’s agenda:  The secret meaning behind a heavy sigh.  Cringe corporate speak: FUPA Hot topic: Onboarding and the first 90 days The First 90 Days 90 day probationary vs introductory period.  Workers make a decision whether they’re staying in the first 2 weeks.  The first day experience.  “Where's the bathroom?!” A first week survey - setting up your employees for success.  Questions/Comments  Your To-Do List: Grab merch, submit Questions & Comments, and make sure that you’re the first to know about our In-Person Meetings (events!) at https://www.hrbesties.com. Want Ashley’s New Employee Guidebook? Get it on Amazon: https://a.co/d/2xotdtE  Follow your Besties across the socials and check out our resumes here: https://www.hrbesties.com/about.  We look forward to seeing you in our next meeting - don’t worry, we’ll have a hard stop! Yours in Business + Bullsh*t,  Leigh, Jamie & Ashley Follow Bestie Leigh! https://www.tiktok.com/@hrmanifesto https://www.instagram.com/hrmanifesto https://www.hrmanifesto.com Follow Bestie Ashley! https://www.tiktok.com/@managermethod  https://www.instagram.com/managermethod https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleyherd/ https://managermethod.com Follow Bestie Jamie! https://www.millennialmisery.com/ Humorous Resources: Instagram • YouTube • Threads • Facebook • X Millennial Misery:  Instagram • Threads • Facebook • X Horrendous HR:  Instagram • Threads • Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did I ever tell you the time that I got called into the boss's office about my quote-unquote heavy sighing? I legitimately got scolded early in my career. I was probably 24 and I was called into the VP's office saying that my heavy sighing was a distraction and it showed that I was not happy in the workplace. Did you sigh like you started this? Yeah, I did a lot. I'm glad they called you in. Yeah. And you know, I'll be honest, I wasn't really aware I was doing it. Of course, it was, you know, I was working in the benefits department. Well, that's, that calls, that calls, you know, self-defense is the least you can do. And I would get off the phone sometimes with an employee and that, like, instead of saying,

you fucking idiot, it was like, and truthfully, my cube was right outside of the VP of Benefits office. So she wasn't in the wrong. But I do find myself making a lot of noises throughout my day. Like what else? You're squeaky. I think we talked about this in season one. Like Lee did a guttural grunt. Or even, yeah.

Or I talk to myself a lot. And for some reason, I think it helps with my self-diagnosed ADHD where I'm like, I do play by plays. Like first I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do this. And I was sharing my office last week with someone. Remember, I'm new to this company. And she was like, wait, are you talking to me? And I'm like, fuck, no girl. I'm sorry. Yeah, so, but I still do sigh quite frequently. Yeah. When you're talking to people or when you, like, when you sign at the benefits conversation. Yeah, like, I'm doing it after the fact or, like, I'm not doing it with the employee or even with my boss.

She could definitely hear me, clearly. But I tried very hard, you know, especially in a communal space like that, like a cube farm. It's different, you know? You're trying to be quiet. So that was my way of like, instead of saying, like I said, God, this person's an idiot, or how did you miss benefits open enrollment when I literally emailed you 14 times? It was like, ugh. She didn't have a compelling enough subject line is probably why. I know. It needed is probably why. Right. I know.

It needed to be R.E. John Bonet's murder. I mean, it's people will click. Solved. Yep. Oh, gosh. So you're squeaky. You're noisy and you're squeaky.

I am. And I hate that for me and I hate that for other people, but I... Be you, girl. Yeah. Own it. I know, just be you.

Own it. Benefits are hard, though. Benefits are... It is hard. They're really hard. It is worth a sigh.. Yeah. Own it. I know, just be you. Own it. Benefits are hard, though. Benefits are hard. They're really hard. It is worth a sigh. It is worth a sigh. Our healthcare system in the U.S. is tied to employment. It leads to a lot of things, the best of which being a sigh.

I know, exactly. Like, can we all just sigh on that note? What? Welcome to our staff meeting hr besties okay so today's agenda first things first cringe corporate speak brought to you by ashley and then we're going to move into our hot topic of this meeting and that's the first 90 days so all things on boarding all the things onboarding. And then, of course, we'll save room at the end for questions and comments before we have that

hard stop. All right, Ashley, so can you kick us off? Happy to. My corporate cringe speak is FUPA. I got one of those. My big fan. Okay, how do you define FUPA? Because I'm sure it's not what some of us think it might be. Is it what I'm thinking? How I define it. Fatter, uppy, earthy, or better. You can look that up online. I don't need to find and research the origin story for that because it's an acronym that you can find. But the other acronym was in my first job that I've talked about when I

did cold calling. And this is a professional environment. The acronym FUPA was used for follow-up phone appointment. No, it wasn't. I remember during training when they said FUPA. I know people find that funny. That's what we call it. Well, why the fuck are you, do you still call it that? Maybe let's not. So my job is a cold caller or internal sales for those familiar. It means, you know, I sat at my cube farm and, you know, dialed for dollars to my, I set up meetings for someone else. And I made that person sound very important who was about seven months older than me. You know, my director's going to be in town, you know, whenever you'll the fuck you'll meet with them. But this date in particular, you know, this the sales sold sales tactics. But so would

be to have the person would have the meeting and then the follow ups after that, then the person would say schedule a FUPA. And in our like CRM system, it was like meeting FUPA and you'd have to. But people would then use that to other people say, oh, we wanted to schedule a FUPA. Nobody. No. I am legitimately curious if other people use this terminology at work for this reason. I mean, I've never personally heard it other than the other thing. Exactly.

Yeah. I've never heard of the FUPA, but it's like it reminds me of like some orgs out there where they call for their performance management system. Like they say PMS, right? I mean, you know, like if there's already an acronym for something that's like literally global, like people know that, I mean, don't change it. But people know, but it's the corporate acronyms that when people say it and you're like, it's like the same as like short-term disability, STD, the STD policy. And I am very guilty myself of what I'll do because I've more than likely I've handled FMLA at almost every single company because I actually am an FMLA expert. But what goes hand in hand with FMLA, short-term disability, right? So I will type it out the first time and then I'll put in parentheses STD. So you know what I'm referring to. I actually

posted a meme earlier like this week and someone used the term, the acronym BDSM for business development, sales and marketing. No. I'm like, actually, no, that's not. It's, it's, I mean, it really is the corporate, the corporate ones are really funny, but let me ask you this. Do you pronounce FMLA, FMLA? Or FEMLA? Or do you call it FEMLA? Well, you already know what I call it. FMLA. FMLA. You do not say Femla. I don't say Femla. Oh, my God. I don't say Femla, but you have to.

Like, sometimes I feel. Are people saying Femla? Yes. No, they're not. So sometimes you have to like, you have to, you know, go with the flow. And as a recovering people pleaser, I try to adjust to someone. So, you know, if they call me the wrong name, I just, well, do I, you know, I'm doing the mental, do I correct them? Do I say, well, I'll move on with

life. You're like, sure, I'll be Jane. Yeah, sure, sure. So I've done, I'll do seminars. Like I've done like speeches, you know, at HR, putting the human back in human resources. Well, I'm trying to test my humanity. When someone, you know, raises their hand, do you have a question? Well, I'm trying to test my humanity. When someone, you know, raises their hand, you have a question. When someone's out on FIMLA, and I'm dying inside, and someone, what's FIMLA? Oh, you mean FMLA? Oh, it's pronounced either way, you know, both ways, both, all sides.

No, it's, I'm an FMLA person. But I do. I think it's a Southern, but not Texas thing that people call it FIMLA. Yeah, because Texas is not the South. Yeah, we should establish that. This is so fascinating. But yeah. Are you serious? People call it FIMLA. People call it FIMLA like it's F-I-M-L-A.

And hey, you do you, right? I'm just saying. I've never heard of that. That sounds like FEMA to me. Yeah, it is very FEMA-ish. Very FEMA-ish. Oh, gosh. Well, we've learned something.

We've learned that there's multiple FUPAs in the world. And so we need to ask clarity when someone says FUPA to you. Are you talking about a meeting? Are you talking about my pouch? I mean, we've all had phases where we've had two FUPAs. So, you know, that's move right into our hot topic of the day, which is all about employee onboarding and the first 90 days. What do we think about the first 90 days? I know this is a topic that we've had lots of people write in about. Yeah, we've had quite a few besties reach out to us. So I think this is multifaceted. So I know in season one, we touched on the 90-day, quote unquote, probationary period, which we hate that term. The besties hate probationary. Introductory, fine. Remove probationary period from your handbooks. Just say introductory. Thank you. But I think another piece of the first 90 days is how are we setting our employees up for success in the first 90 days?

Because, man, I wish I could remember the statistic. But there's a statistic that essentially employees determine in the first two weeks of their new job if they're staying or leaving based on their onboarding. So think about it as you have two weeks to wow the shit out of them, but really it's the, it's 90 days in too. And, and what are, what are you putting in place? How are you setting them up for success? So you're not in my office, you know, at the end of 60 days going, I hate Jane. Jane is unproductive. Well, what have you done to, to train her or what, you know, what did you set her up for success? That's literally one of the first questions I ask. That's a huge part of HR's job, but it's not just HR's job. I think starting even

before the 90 days, there's things that people should know about their job before they start and before they hit that acceptance. I've talked about things like paid time off, but also, okay, well, we have that in the offer letter. We're all set. Okay. When people take that time off, what's the expectation? Are they allowed to recharge or are you expecting them to check in and log their email? Things like training and development. What does that look like? What's the actual experience like? Are people expected to travel? I mean, I've had situations where people start and then they're, oh, go to this, you know, location in three weeks time and they're trying to scramble and they don't want to lose their job. And so they're, you know,

trying to manage all the things behind the scenes. But some of these things like autonomy. And so one thing that I think HR could do is within an organization is or an employee survey or with that employee feedback, even talking one-on-one with employees, you know, during that first 90 days. I think that's better at times than just having the survey, but it is asking people in whatever way, what are things that surprised you as you came on board? What do you wish you knew before you accepted the offer? And if you can have a mechanism to ask that and get that feedback, then you can help as part of the interview process and offer, and you can help that flow of honesty and communication, which the HR besties are all about. But that's one thing

that I think can help with onboarding is the problem is when it can be a surprise. But Lee, question I have for you is like for onboarding, first 90 days, first two weeks, what about that first day experience? And what have you seen for better or for worse? I mean, I love this conversation because if you take nothing from it, just know that onboarding matters, right? Because you're literally, yeah, because you're literally looking at somebody that's starting and you're just like recognizing that, okay, you're a human being and you are a person and you are here and welcome. And that is so important for everyone to be seen and respected in that way. There's a lot of just unsaid in an onboarding and especially a day one. So I've had day ones personally where

like nobody talked to me. And then I had day ones where there were flowers and a team lunch and welcome cards and my laptop was there and it was beautiful. Right. And it's like, wow, thanks for recognizing me like as a person that you want to collaborate with. And you're including me, the special I word again, into this team. And I feel like somebody here. And I now feel connected. And so whatever you do on day one, and I do think it looks different depending on your organization, and that's okay.

There's no one right answer. But make sure it evokes feeling of connectivity, like that connection, it really matters. And it doesn't even matter like what that person is about or who they are or what they like. I mean, you don't have to broadcast them on the intercom or anything like that, but just shake a hand, look them in the eyes,

welcome them, we're thankful you're here. Here's your onboarding guide. Let's start talking about getting you all set up and ready before we just jump into goals. I don't want to inundate you with all of that yet. Take your time, meet the team, all those things. Just the time and attention you give someone on their first day matters. Yeah, I actually had, I was doing an onboarding survey. This was when I had first gotten into a company. And one of the comments

on the survey, this was, we gave them the survey after their first week. Like, what did we not tell you? And I had just gotten into this role and someone, this is so simple. They didn't show her where the bathroom was. This poor woman. I've had that. And so I went up to her after the fact and I'm like, I just want you to know, I read your survey and I feel terrible that no one showed you that and you had no idea where to use it. She was like, I held it all day.

That's awful. That is awful. I know that not everyone's doing that, but something as simple as here's our cafeteria, these snacks, here's our coffee, here's our water, here's a quick tour. Oh, by the way, here's the bathroom. You need a key fob for this door or, oh, make sure if they're smokers. I know not a lot of people smoke anymore, but still, you smoke or vape, here's the door that, you know, those that go out and smoke or vape. And it's thinking of the simplest things that those new employees need to know, like the bathroom. Well, it's, I think, I mean, I think, and some of the best people at that are executive

assistants. Like some of the people that I have that are, they think about those things. They say, let me take you on a tour. And they walk you through these things and they think about those things. They say, let me take you on a tour. And they walk you through these things and they think about those details. And so I think some is in organizations and some organizations are eliminating those roles about making executive assistants support a multitude more of people.

And oh, you have technology and things like, okay, well, people be people. And so, but it's some of those roles of training. And sometimes we'll hear, hey, Jarbessies, I know I get this, like, how do you transfer roles? And we'll do more episodes on that. But for those admins that have that attention to detail and know what people ask. And I had, you know, I'd had for years this, you know, thought about things that, you know, questions that people can ask.

And I'd helped some people. Like, here's examples of questions to ask. That's helpful. So I made this new employee guidebook, made a TikTok where it was like, I had like four followers and it was like a role play with music and I'm wearing like a puffy vest, but like, oh, I didn't have time to put onboarding together. Like, you know, then the flip new employee. Oh, it's fine. I have this book. Like what? And it's the most simple thing, but it's things like, here's questions to ask your boss, questions to ask

colleagues. And it was like the comments, people are like, oh my God, that's so simple. And it's agnostic to industry. So we'll put a link in the show notes so you can certainly, and we'll give some charitable donations and talk about that. We'll try to do right by the HR besties. But it's this thing of setting people up for success. And it's not a cheat sheet and it's not dumbing down. It's showing that because there's so many people that, you know, you don't know how to have the conversation or a manager, you know, they may not have had time to put together onboarding materials, but giving people a guide of what you can ask and giving people a head start can lead to such great outcomes.

But I love that, like first week, I love the idea of a first week survey. Yeah. And I think it sets the tone. So what, like I know I've mentioned this in several episodes, but I'm new to the organization and they don't have a formal process right now. So what my goal is, is we're going to have an end of week one survey. We're going to have a 30-day check-in, a 60-day check-in, and then a 90-day check-in, and probably a six-month too. I'm not sure exactly what those are could consist of, but I think it's important that not only are they maybe quote-unquote face

to face, it might be a team's call, especially in the way the world is today, but physically getting in front of someone and asking the questions, hey, just a quick pulse check. You got everything you need? You're all set? Do you have any questions? Did you sign up for our benefits? I see you haven't enrolled in our benefits yet. Or, hey, you're now eligible to enroll in our 401k. Take advantage of that match. Oh, you didn't hear about it? Let me explain it to you. So this is, you know, when you work for a very large company, because I've worked for large and small, sometimes you don't have that level of service, but it's still providing employees day one where to get that stuff.

So maybe it's, you know, some internet site or the company SharePoint. Where do you get this information? And even having things you can flag certain onboarding systems to check back in. So you don't even have to flag yourself like, oh, all my hires from October, I need to check in with them. yourself like, oh, all my hires from October, I need to check in with them. You can have your system sometimes set up to shoot out those quick emails. Or I just think it's so important to touch base because after that first day or maybe even first week, they kind of get lost in the shuffle and they might have questions that they never got resolved. And the manager, they might have

asked their manager, but their manager might not know either. And it was never resolved. Yeah. So you mentioned something really interesting, Ashley, and now I'm like thinking about it. Managers and their part in the onboarding process. I was reflecting, I don't think I've ever seen training for leaders on onboarding. But yet we know from the research that people choose within that first two weeks whether they're going to stay or not. We also know how much it costs to backfill people and just bring anybody on. It's so incredibly expensive. Why isn't this a space that organizations

very thoughtfully invest in? I mean, are you trying to ask me to talk about my Manager 101 course, which has modules on onboarding, including remote onboarding? I love that shit, girl. But boy, I'm going to retire after this episode. But no, but it's for that exact reason. It's because I saw it. This was like a byproduct of having this guide. And then I have one for managers.

But it was like having this conversation to talk about the importance of this. Because I say, like, 10% of managers are great. They get it and they jump in and do things. 10% of managers should not be managing a paper bag. 80% of managers do just, they don't know. They don't know. They don't know what to do. And you don't always think proactively.

And you're not sitting here like us. Like I go through life and I'm like, oh, this is like management. And my kids are like, oh my God. But people, you just don't think about it. And organizations as well, because you make these assumptions about that people are capable. They know the questions. If I have a question, I'll ask. And I love that point about the bathroom, honestly, because it shows the power dynamic in that in some senses, I think it's a little bit uniquely American.

I do think employees globally, employees outside of the U.S., they have more awareness of, like, rights and protections. And it's more of that relationship. Employment protections. That's right. But in the U.S., it's this mentality and this work – it's a fear. And because you do not have those protections. And so people start a job frequently afraid not – afraid that they'll lose it. start a job frequently afraid that they'll lose it. And so they don't want to say things like,

where's the bathroom because I'm uncomfortable, or they don't know what to ask. And so this is another area. I do think things like a chat GPT can be helpful, like use a guide, or for managers, what are things I can do to help in onboarding if you have nothing else? But to your question, Lee, why do you think with organizations they're not investing in things like this, or what do you think they could do better? Yeah, well, I mean, first off, there are so many managers that, to your point, they can't even manage a paper bag. I mean, it is true, but that's because a lot of times organizations are promoting the individual contributor expert, the best SME into a leadership position. I know without actually assessing leadership ability or skills and absolutely not training on it, right? So just across the board, there's this lack of leadership development, investment in content

for, right? Organizations don't do that, but yet people leave bad bosses. They rarely leave what the entire organization, they're leaving a person, you know? So it is mind blowing that we don't invest so many resources right there. You know, I'm a psych nerd. I think that originates from the fact that the people making the decisions on the investment, a lot of times those folks are such egos, right?

They know what they're doing. They don't wanna be told. They don't wanna be told what to do, right? So they're thinking, I don't need development. You know what I mean? So it's just out-of-touch kind of ego psychology here. Yeah. It's the imposter syndrome. Things like imposter syndrome are things like the leaders. And well, let me tell you, you know, listen to my advice. My team, your team, do you know what they say about you on the anonymous survey? But it's the same and kind of getting to Jamie, one of the things you talked about is this level of failure,

that if you're not setting people up, then, and I think lead to the point of accountability and this ego factor is managers get so worried that their hires are going to fail. And so they want to cut them out. They want to show, they see strength as cutting them out, cutting them loose if they're not working out. And so you may have in sales in particular as someone that's, you know, not hitting targets, you know, six weeks in and they, oh, we need to make a change. This person can't close a door. Well, okay. Well, you know, they can't close a sale because you also haven't even trained them on the basics and haven't had conversations. Well, I'm not going to spend time with that. Yeah. Maybe you should have a FUPA. You should have. Yeah.

They're not having the initial meeting, so they're not getting the FUPAs. You can't close a sale. Damn, they can't even close the door. They can't close the door or paper bag. We probably need a follow-up episode, a FUPA about manager training too. All leadership development. Absolutely. We need a very specific, dedicated staff. And I know we've mentioned, I think actually it was in our holiday episode, how

important pre-onboarding is too. So asking those basic questions about special diet, or if you want to be celebrated, if you want your birthday to be celebrated. So there's, there's so many things that we can do before they even entered the door. And I just want to add one more thing, because I know we're running, we're running close to time. We got that hard stop. You're the one that tells us that. I'm very busy. There's always one, Carol. Yeah. stop, Jamie. You're the one that tells us that. I'm very busy. Very high maintenance. There's always one, Carol. Yeah. Oh, shit.

I don't even remember what I was going to say. I knew you were going to. I sucked it out. I'm sure it was brilliant. Meeting accomplished. I know. I'm sure it was brilliant. Well, just interrupt us when we're talking about it and you think about it again.

Oh, damn. Oh. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Light bulb. Wow. Light bulb. I saw it physically happen.

Yeah, I we go. Here we go. Light bulb. Wow. Light bulb. I saw it physically happen. Yeah, I did too. You know, one thing I will say is there's no clear divide between onboarding, orientation, training. There's no clear line for each of those. And so you'll often have managers come to you and they'll want to know, well, when does this end? There is none. Orientation is typically a day one type thing. It's bare minimum basic information. Pre-onboarding is everything before they walk into the door. Training could

be a mixture of things. That could be the specific compliance training, HIPAA training in my case, because of all the healthcare. But it could also be the on the don't, maybe it's shadowing, maybe it's system training, but that can go well into six months, your training. So there's never a clear, like HR Besties is telling you, it's only a two week thing. It's different in every industry. It's different across even positions within a company, but there's really no clear cut. This is what works. It's what works for your company.

But remember, it is a process and you can't expect the 90 days. You cannot expect, if you did not do any of that in the first 90 days, don't expect those people to know what the hell they're doing and when you want to cut them before they hit their 90 days in their probationary period. It's a journey. It sure is. It's a journey. And make sure you coach your leaders that they own that. Yeah. They really do. You know, they just want to outsource everything to HR. We got the pre and we got the orientation, you know what I mean? Then we're going to trust you. Okay. All right. Well, I think we got a lot accomplished in that meeting today, like crossing off the agenda items. Look at us moving and shaking. And so moving into some questions and comments. Any questions or comments?

I actually have a quick comment about managers. You know, if they don't give a damn, we shouldn't give a fuck. Okay, well. We shouldn't give a fuck. Okay, well. I'd say that applies to all people. All people, you know, managers or not. I appreciate that. It's very poignant.

I'm going to do a comment, which is you mentioned HIPAA, and HIPAA is a U.S. concept. HIPAA is spelled H-I-P-A-A, not H-I-P-P-A. Yeah, not like HIPAA. That's it. And it also does not apply to most employers. It really applies to medical facilities. So two big errors I tend to see is the spelling and the usage. The spelling drives me nuts just because I've been in healthcare the last 10, 11 years.

That's it. I had to get it off my chest. All right, Lee. Well, not a comment, but a quick question for you all. Your worst onboarding experience. I'm just curious. Does anyone have a crazy onboarding story? Jamie, I saw. Jamie jumping at it.

Jamie, a floodlight. A floodlight go on. After I left hospitality, I got a job with, it was an HR job, with like a suit company. They made suits, like custom suits. with like a suit company. They made suits, like custom suits. And first of all, they wanted to start on my birthday, which I didn't tell them it was my birthday, but I was like, damn. So I started on my birthday and there was no orientation, no nothing. They sat me in a room with the handbook that was only like 40 pages. And for that week, I was to go over it. Like, I could have done that in maybe two hours,

probably not even, but it wasn't like go over, read it and tell us what you think's bad. It wasn't that. It was just like, understand it. And I think I got to like maybe the third or fourth page and the amount of religious jargon that was in there was a huge like, oh, no, this is I can't. This is not the company for me. And I didn't show up by that Wednesday. Oh, gosh. Yeah. I was like, no, you just you disappeared after three days, three days like God's son himself.

Yep. I said, peace out, bitches. Oh, well, happy Easter. Wow. Oh, wow. how funny is that wow but it is it is that was horrendous for me because i was locked it was literally a dark room it was it was more like a closet it was really long and confessional and yeah oh my god tomb. It was very tomb-like. It was dark, cold. And I just remember like texting

my husband and being like, this is awful. And he's like, girl, stop. You're so dramatic. And I'm like, no, this is terrible. Did you go back to an old job? What'd you do when you... No, I ended up finding my first healthcare job. This was like in 2013. So I ended up finding my first health care job. This was like in 2013.

So I ended up finding my first health care job in 2014 shortly after that. And yeah, the rest is history. I've been stuck in health care ever since. God bless. I actually really love health care though. I mean, I'd say mine aren't nightmares as much as certainly nothing like that. But it has been experiences where it's just not information. Like there's not a thought process to it. Like you kind of feel like you're a burden. Like you want to apologize. I'm sorry for taking up your, I'm sorry for trying

to learn the information to be more successful and, you know, I don't know, like do whatever my job is more quickly. And so it's that awkward feeling or some organizations, the law is certainly one, consulting is certainly one where there's like a hierarchy of how people, you know, how people are perceived in their jobs. And so the level of attention you get in onboarding can depend on your level in the organization or your role. Having been an attorney in law firms, I certainly saw that on one side. I've also been on support roles and seen how, again, you're kind of this afterthought in other organizations. And it's like, just have a consistent experience. But that feeling like

you're a burden starting a company is super weird. Yeah. It is super weird. That's ugly. Well, I've had my fair share of, you know, no laptop for a few weeks or, you know, my office was in the basement or, you know, I had a mouse hole in one, a little rat hole, little ratatouille friend. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was literally that guy. I've had, I've had a number of those and, you know, too many to count, but I'd say one of my first day, I'll just say first day horror stories. And it's just like embarrassing shit, like someone that's totally a weirdo like myself do. As I remember, I was meeting with my new boss, right? And I had taken a sip of water.

Well, he had said something funny, but it was very dry. And I was probably the only one of the only people that found him funny. And I think he was intentionally being funny. So I could have just been the only people that found him funny. And I think he was intentionally being funny. So I could have just been laughing at him is my whole point. I have no idea, right? But anyway, I spit that water out across the desk and over him and it came out my nose. I started choking on the water. I started choking on the water, like literally, you know, and the water, I started choking on the water, like literally, like, you know, and the water, the water, booger water is just like going down my top, you know. And what's so funny is he just kept talking and like reached back, grabbed the tissues and started wiping up.

And I was like, OK, I can do this. Like he didn't even stop to be like, ew, right? Like he was just like, he was probably complimented. I found him funny. I assume he's a parent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, yeah, that too, right? And so that happened. And maybe that, maybe that, right? Maybe that. But yeah, so that happened. And then I fell down the stairs. So that was like the worst first day ever. Of course, I bought new shoes, you know, shout out Rothy's. Oh my God. But their stairs

didn't, they're like industrial sort of place. You know, it's just that it kind of looks like rebar, but it's not rebar. You know, it's like that shiny shit. I can't even, steel, like whatever that material is. Whatever that high-tech material is. But they didn't have that gritty sticker stuff. Like, you need that gritty stickers. Oh, my God. I busted my ass. I was going to say, I bet you got that put in, though, didn't have that gritty sticker stuff. Like you need that gritty stickers. Oh, my God.

I busted my ass. I was going to say, I bet you got that put in though, didn't you? No, I didn't. No, because I tried to play it off, dude, because like no one saw it until like the person that was escorting me, my employee, Jesus, turns around and looks at me. And I'm there on my knees on this, no, literally on the stairs. Just like, are you okay? Oh, yeah.

I'm just a little, just a little slip, you know, like, and I had, I mean, big ass bruises for weeks. I was in so much pain. I like broke my hip. But you have to, but right. But that's the first, the first day new job energy where you pretend like I'm okay. I'm going to pretend I'm not neurodivergent. I'm going to pretend like I'm a normal person. I'm going to pretend I'm not neurodivergent. I'm going to pretend like I'm a normal person. I'm going to pretend I'm not clumsy. I'm going to

pretend like I have the ability to not choke on water. Yeah. They're going to pretend like they have their shit together. I'm not nervous. No. It's like dating. You know what I mean? Let's pretend like we're normal for at least one day. Well, it didn't work for me. And on that note, we sure do wish you all many happy first days. Not too many, though. Yeah. Not like Jamie. Don't be like Jamie, you know. But thank you so much for joining our staff meeting, besties. We'll see you at the next one.