HR BESTIES - HR Besties: Coaching Difficult Coworkers (Without Losing Your Mind)

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

Today’s agenda:  Yep, that's a power trip! Cringe corporate speak: one off Hot topic: coaching and dealing with difficult coworkers: how to work effectively (even when they're jerks!) Defining what "difficult" means is hard, especially in the HR world Assuming the best intent and playing dumb Are you okay? Gatekeeping and lack of consideration Productive conversations can make things better BTW: check out our Besties newsletter this week for helpful discussion guide questions and prompts Knowing when to document and escalate You can only control yourself (so don't waste your time or peace on someone else!) Questions/Comments  Your To-Do List: Grab merch, submit Questions & Comments, and make sure that you’re the first to know about our In-Person Meetings (events!) at ⁠https://www.hrbesties.com⁠. Follow your Besties across the socials and check out our resumes here: ⁠https://www.hrbesties.com/about⁠.  Subscribe to the HR Besties Newsletter - ⁠https://hr-besties.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠ We look forward to seeing you in our next meeting - don’t worry, we’ll have a hard stop! Yours in Business + Bullsh*t,  Leigh, Jamie & Ashley Follow Bestie Leigh! ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@hrmanifesto⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/hrmanifesto⁠ ⁠https://www.hrmanifesto.com⁠ Follow Bestie Ashley! ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@managermethod⁠  ⁠https://www.instagram.com/managermethod⁠ ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleyherd/⁠ ⁠https://managermethod.com⁠ Follow Bestie Jamie! ⁠https://www.millennialmisery.com/⁠ Humorous Resources: ⁠Instagram⁠ • ⁠YouTube⁠ • ⁠Threads⁠ • ⁠Facebook⁠ • ⁠X⁠ Millennial Misery: ⁠Instagram⁠ • ⁠Threads⁠ • ⁠Facebook⁠ • ⁠X⁠ Horrendous HR: ⁠Instagram⁠ • ⁠Threads⁠ • ⁠Facebook⁠ Tune in to “HR Besties,” a business, work and management podcast hosted by Leigh Elena Henderson (HRManifesto), Ashley Herd (ManagerMethod) and Jamie Jackson (Humorous_Resources), where we navigate the labyrinth of corporate culture, from cringe corporate speak to toxic leadership. Whether you’re in Human Resources or not, corporate or small business, we offer sneak peeks into surviving work, hiring strategies, and making the employee experience better for all. Tune in for real talk on employee engagement, green flags in the workplace, and how to turn red flags into real change. Don't miss our chats about leadership, career coaching, and takes from work travel and watercooler gossip. Get new episodes every Wednesday, follow us on socials for the latest updates, and join us at our virtual happy hours to share your HR stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So I've talked before about getting angry at work, right? And I mean, I can only count definitely on one hand. There's like three incidents, right? I think I've shared two of them where I just got so mad. Oh my gosh, so angry. And one I had to get up and walk away. The other one I growled. But the other time I got really angry was with an asshole colleague in HR. Surprise, I know. And boy, she was

just a piece of work. Oh my goodness. Basically what happened, the short version, is that I was the HR leader at a remote site, and I'm the business partner or the HR exec with the GM of that business, and we are all off in the middle of nowhere working together. Well, corporate made the decision to realign resources and have all the functional folks kind of report in centrally as opposed to at their sites. And so my team was now going to somebody else, which is okay, I guess, in theory, right? I mean, you want kind of that synergy or connection between the ops HR teams. Great. connection between the ops HR teams. Great. Except that we're out in the middle of nowhere

and we're all together and I'm an easy button. I just figured, well, I'd still help and support and whatever because this HR team is supporting my business basically. We'll still be connected. Anyways, TLDR, that new boss called me and told me that I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone on the HR team at my site any longer. The fuck? How can you get anything done? What's your first question? I mean, there's so many questions, but what's your first question when they say that to you? I was like, excuse me? Like, what? You know, like, and she just thought it'd be for the best because my team had already voiced concerns to her that they didn't want to report into her and how would that work

and whatever. So she just thought it was best to rip the bandaid off basically and, you know, have me be the bad guy and just ghost the team and ignore them. This team that is helping me make my business successful, right? They're working literally for my business, but now they reported somewhere else. Okay. I mean, I got mad. I was like, are you fucking serious?

I mean, how does that make sense? You want me to just abandon this team I've led for years now? Like, wait, what? Like, that makes zero sense. Of course, she was new and new to the business and the culture and all of that, you know? But, so that's fun. Man, I was mad. I was so mad.

I mean, I was shaking. I was so mad. And I was like, I can't do that. Like I can't abandon my team here working, you know, for my business. Like, that makes no sense. I don't care that there's a misalignment. In the system, they're aligned to you. Fantastic. You and I can stay aligned. I can give you feedback off performance because you'd have no idea. You've never even been here. You've never even met these people. I mean, you know, like, come on, let's have this make sense.

You know, but nope. She like put the hammer down and then she called my boss, you know, like, come on, let's have this make sense. You know, but nope. She like put the hammer down and then she called my boss, you know, saying I wasn't a team player. My boss, the sociopathic narcissist. So that was fun. No, no. Yeah, the toxic boss. No, no, no. I was out of control.

You know, power tripping, you know. I want more direct reports. I want more. Oh, yeah, I want it all, you know. I want more direct reports. I want more. Oh, yeah, I want it all, you know. I want all the power. I just wanted to still talk to my people, literally. Well, yeah. It's so weird.

Like the function. How is the function supposed to function? Honestly, my head is like... Because I was like, what are they going to call you for everything? And you're not available because you're pretending to be important somewhere else. This is why people hate HR. We can't get in touch with anybody, because someone wants to carve out their plot of land,

and there we are. Yeah, I was so pissed. I wanted to just cuss her out so bad, because she was just power-tripping with me so hard. Your team doesn't need you. You don't need to talk to them. I don'tpping with me so hard. You know, your team doesn't need you. You don't need to talk to them. I don't want you talking to them. You're not allowed to. Oh man, crazy bitch. I was so hot. I was hot. I was like, this is ridiculous. I mean, I said that. I was so mad. Oh, I wanted to cuss her out so bad.

How long did you stay there after this all happened? I have a little bit in my head. Oh God, I can't remember. Not long did you stay there after this all happened? I have a little bit in my head. Oh, God, I can't remember. Not long though. No. That's consistent. I know that's consistent, you know, because I mean, that doesn't make any sense. I mean, my hands are tied.

I can't do anything, you know, and then I have to work with that person who's like next door to my toxic boss somewhere else. I mean, having it out for me. Just losers that don't know what they're doing. Just don't use common sense. I mean, come on, we're just trying to run a business here and support people. Like, please, don't make it hard.

But that's the mindset. Because I think people get that sense when people know that somebody else is talking badly about them and talking about badly about them to somebody else who's a receptive audience, so many times it can take over you and spiral because it's hard. I mean, it's awful. It's a terrible feeling as a human being, but especially when you're at work. And so how did you, I'm curious, like, I mean, now I know because I've heard you speak to other people about this, but how at the time did you deal with that knowing you have someone who's going to your boss and just, of course, talking smack?

Yeah. Well, obviously I didn't have the positive relationship with my boss. No. You know? So I just knew I was screwed. I just accepted the reality I was in, really. But both of those people are people that I didn't look up to or want to be or even be associated with, definitely don or want to be or even be associated with,

definitely don't want to work with. That made a lot easier, you know, to just try and like shut them out. And they're somewhere else, out of sight, out of mind. You know, they didn't give a shit about me until they thought I wasn't under their control. I just bizarre, just so toxic. Great business though. but man, sometimes you inherit toxic people. They get hired, they don't fit, and it's just like, damn, you had to work through that crap. Oh gosh. I'm glad you work with two people on this podcast.

You are non-toxic in the cryolisms of the world. Right, right, oh gosh. But it is a great segue to today's meeting topic, isn't it? Which is all about coaching difficult coworkers. How do you work effectively with assholes? Peace out, bitch. I don't know. I just gave a story about how I was like, bye. And that may be the answer sometimes.

But before we get to that hot topic, we do have other items on the agenda. We've got Cringe Corporate Speak today brought to us by Jamie. And we're excited to hear what that is. Then we'll do, of course, our hot topic for this meeting and then end with a little questions and comments. It's a big one. It's a fun topic. But Jamie, before we hit it, what do you got for us? One off. You got a one off.

Yes. So I, thankfully, I admittedly have never used this, but I cannot tell you how many times I've heard this, right? Oh, that's a one-off, which, you know, the meaning is it's an anomaly. It's, you know, happened once, you know, it's not a part of a regular occurring event. It's a one-off, but usually one-offs are typically not a one-off. There's a pattern. They're never really a one-off. Right? Nope. Nope. When you said that. No. No. It's a 738 off is what it is. Is what it absolutely is.

But I think I've said, I do think I've said this. I think. I mean it means exception. But again, it means exception. It generally is not an exception. Because sometimes how you'll hear this is people say, Okay, we have a one-off request. In an HR's world, that means, here we go. Not you again. Markle up.

Not you again. Not you again. It's something to do with pay. Often it's like not following a policy that probably may not make sense for everybody, but everybody's not going to get the benefit of common sense. It's going to be the board member's nephew, or someone has a relationship, or they're a great performer, meaning from a revenue perspective, but they're a huge jerk. They're the difficult coworker. And, okay, normally we would coach on this. Well, this is a one-off. We

can't, we got to tread lightly. It's Q4. You know, we can't sacrifice that. And so, yeah, one-offs it's, I mean, maybe 2000 off. I mean, it's just going to keep going off. It's not, there's no such thing as a one-off. Lee? Yeah. I don't think I say that. It's not in my cringe word phrase bank. And I know it means like exception, but I think what I've said before is like, that's an outlier. Like you know, when I'm like, when we're talking more on that's a one-off, like it's an anomaly, you know what I mean?

Versus exception. But I'm like, oh, that's an outlier. That was an outlier. I will say that. Oh, outlier. That was an outlier, you know? I will say that. Oh, outlier. Oh, damn. Okay. The glass door view that says what every employee is thinking, but the executive's like, well,

that's an outlier. That's a one-off. That's a one-off opinion. Yes. Right? It is a little cringy though, isn't it? Because you could just say exception, no? Right.

Like how did it get started? Well, is it one dash, like O-N-E dash O-F-F? Oh, there's a dash you think? I don't know. I don't know. Michael, I have no idea. Go to the butthole and ask it. It's oh, Leish, you should like this. I'm looking at, I'm not. It started in the 1930s. It originated in British English because it means one of a kind, but it's something that is done or produced only once, not repeated. But it's not how

it works. And so it is one dash off. And so yeah, it started with British. So you should like it then, Lee. You like British things. I love it. British things and people. I do. I like it even more now. I'm going to start saying it. Anti-cringe. Oh, gosh.

Yeah, that is a bit cringy though, isn't it? So try and put it into your workday today. Try and fit it in. Have a one-off. And you know who you can say it to? To that asshole that you work with. Speaking of this meeting's hot topic. Well done.

I know. Co-trained difficult coworkers. How to work effectively with coworkers there, aka some of those assholes and jerks you work with. Just kidding. Respectfully, of course. Oh gosh. Have you all ever had some difficult coworkers?

Because people. Of course. Yep. People be people. But all the time though. Like they really do, don't they? I mean, difficult things I think can mean different things. It can mean difficult, like someone who's difficult for you, or you can have in the HR world,

I do think is a bit unique because you are often dealing with more people and there can be those people that make your life difficult. And it's not aimed at, it's not necessarily aimed at you and they may even try to like show me up to you, but the things that they're doing are like these one-off situations or they're like completely not following

any sort of like policy or common sense and you're left to clean it up. And so in the HR world, it can be an aspect that I do think has a dual like womp-womp of the people that are actual difficult to you in your face or behind your back, but also the people that make your life difficult. And they all suck. Yeah. I mean, I think the first time I encounter an asshole, I usually go, okay, I have to assume best intent. And so this is me assuming best intent. And then I like to play dumb a lot. And this usually works for me. So let's say they say something kind of snarky or,

you know, I'll literally play dumb like, oh, wait, what? I don't get it. I don't understand what you're saying. And if they have to repeat the asshole behavior, 90% of the time they won't. Also works on husbands. Come for the work tips. Well, Jamie, between Jamie's work advice and her Spotify wrapped, for those that heard that last year. Jamie's got a wealth of resources. Which we're almost halfway through the year, not really, but almost.

And just so you know, we're doing great on our challenge. Anyway, those are two things that work for me with assholes is typically the playing dumb. I know that sounds really stupid, but I've even given this advice to people in an HR sense, right? Is they come to me and they're like, Linda's being a fucking bitch and this, this, and this. And I'm like, okay, well, here's what works for me. Maybe someone made a rude snide comment.

You play dumb, like, oh, I don't get it. What do you mean? I'm telling you, they won't repeat it. They can't repeat it most of the time because they know they were out of line. And two, if they have to dumb it down for you, oh my God, the struggle. Because they realize how out of pocket they were. Key tips. You know, if you aren't into playing dumb, the other thing you can do that's got the

same effect is saying, are you okay? Dead face too. Like that's like, there's all this is saying, are you okay? Dead face too. There's all this research on this, just pausing and be like, are you okay? Genuinely asking them because they kind of check themselves like, oh, shit, how am I behaving? Someone's actually showing concern. Am I out of control right now? They kind of check themselves. And it's

very rare, right? To like Jamie's previous point where they're going to repeat being an asshole. They're going to remember, oh, shit, like I'm at the office. Oh, I'm at work. Oh, I'm with Colleen. Oh, I want to stay employed. Oh, wait, like how was I just behaving or acting or oh gosh, okay. Maybe I'm not okay. You know? But that's a good one too. For those that are listening that are now wondering, oh shoot, am I a difficult coworker? No, you listen to our podcasts, so you're a wonderful coworker and a bestie. But what are the characteristics that you all would describe to make someone a difficult coworker?

I think someone who is constantly, well, and then see, I kind of like, well, well, I would think someone who's constantly questioning a process or a policy. And I think of this from the HR standpoint, I don't think questioning is necessarily a bad thing because we can find holes in processes and whatnot. But for some of those people that will literally pick things apart and just to almost like destroy what you've created, like I'm thinking like policies, I've also thinking this one woman in particular that I used to work with, where she was notorious for asking me a question and I would give her the answer but she didn't like it so then she would go to her next

person and then they would provide and she didn't like it so then she'd go to the next person what she didn't realize is she created a reputation for herself that we would all talk and be like hey she asked me for this heads up she's a forum shopper. Yeah. She created a reputation for herself that none of us, I mean, we were providing her the right answer. She just didn't want to accept it because it didn't fit what she wanted to do.

Difficult coworkers for me are those that don't want to collaborate or play nice, meaning like share information. It doesn't feel as though you're on the same team. That's really difficult for me, right? That's typically coupled with you hearing them talking shit about you, right? For whatever reason, they just don't like you. Maybe they're jealous of you, whatever. For me, that's rough. So just those disingenuous, untrustworthy colleagues. I try and lean in and build relationships with those folks, as superficial as they may be. But I try not to avoid them altogether because that's kind of dangerous, you know, because then they're just left to

their own devices. You have no idea what they're up to. And you do need to work with them, you know, of course, you know, they're probably some pivotal partner you need. It always ends up that way, I swear. But I try and blow rainbows and butterflies up their ass to do all I can to be a good partner to them. But man, those are the most difficult ones for me. Those two-faced, disingenuous, don't want to work with you, collaborate ones. Oh man, they kill me. I've had so many of those. I think you touched on something really good there too, was the gatekeeping. So the ones that don't want to share knowledge or don't want to share information that they receive.

Job security. Yeah. Those are the dangerous ones because they are scheming and plotting and they might not even realize they're doing it. I've worked with a COO who was like that and she would protect information even though it was vital for me in an HR sense so I could do my job, but she felt the need to almost keep it private so that I think she was that worried about her job, which she should have been to be completely honest, but guilty does things. But really that keeping of information, and you see this in a lot of different companies

where leadership keep a lot of the information. Now granted, no, employees don't need to know the nitty gritty of everything, but I do think knowledge is power. And I think providing your employees with information, company-based information, even if it's at a high level is super important. Not only are you bringing them in, but you're possibly getting great feedback that you didn't know about because you're sitting up here and they're sitting down here. Do you ever wish that you had an HR legal bestie in your pocket? 650 is just that. Your trusted, always available ally for your employment law questions, minus the hefty

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Your journey to unlocking full potential starts here. I think that from the personal aspect, it's the people that you just can't count on. And it's not an aspect of someone commits to something, people over commit all the time and that happens. And I think that's actually a great opportunity to be candid about that with someone and saying, oh my God, Monday me thought that Friday me would be able to get this to you and I was flat out wrong and here's why and it's not that you're not important, but this is what came up and I apologize. You know, this is FYI and hopefully giving them a heads

up on like Wednesday, for example, when you see that this is happening. I mean, for me, it's the lack of the lack of just basic care and consideration is really a common point and not even communicating. And that's it. People often don't communicate because they don't want to share bad news or disappoint people. And so they just think to themselves like, okay, maybe I'll get it to them later. They won't notice. But people do.

And so just being upfront and communicating, that's the aspect when people try to hide stuff or really that they just flat out don't care. And so on the flip side is working in HR or in legal. I probably struggled with this the most for things like a sales role for a long time because people in those roles would often approach and be like, hey, you know, okay, like the more, you know, flower emojis or exclamation points,

like what do you need? And again, I don't, you know, they'd need something complex turned around in two seconds. And it used to really, really bother me because I would think, do they think I'm a wizard? And, you know, maybe I've, you know, if I make one thing look easy, then people think everything you do is easy and it's super easy. And the downside of that is then they assume you can do things immediately. And so like I said, that used to really bother me. I ended up flipping that and talking with some people on the sales team, ended up having productive conversations with like sales managers, even like individual salespeople and saying two things.

One is, you know, I am, whether I'm a very lean team or things, I sometimes can't do that. I can't move this to the top of the stack. I understand, and it helped a bit that I'd done sales, I understand what that pressure is. And I know it's really important to the stack. I understand, and it helped a bit, that I'd done sales. I understand what that pressure is, and I know it's really important to the organization. But that being said, if our client, our customer took two months to get something back, and we're able to flip that and get that back to them in 30 minutes, that suggests also a point of desperation. There is a psychological aspect to that. Me literally not physically

or whatever being able to turn that around so that, that me not being literally not physically or whatever, being able to turn that around so quickly, that's a reality. But also there's a benefit to that, that if they wait a couple of days, they get a sense, we're a great partner as well. And so this isn't just us like, oh, we'll do anything and rush because that kind of makes us look weaker than you'd think. And so that, some of that was helpful of having conversations and explaining it. And I even would say at times, you know, I'm sure this doesn't, I'm sure you're not

trying to come across as such, but it looks like you're assuming I have nothing going on in that. And that's just candidly, it's just not the not the case. And so I'm doing the best that I can over here. I assume you are as well. But just having an understanding that when you send me something, I'm not going to reply to every email to be like received just just generally, if you know, I'm going to get back to you within two business days, if for some reason this is an absolute emergency, let me know. Sometimes I'll be able to handle that, sometimes I won't. But that like cried wolf thing, it's just the basic lack of consideration and care of

what others have going on. And so I'll put that in our newsletter for this week. We have both questions for your discussion group, but also we now have some chat GPT prompts to help you. But we'll have a couple of these framed around thinking about how can you get individuals at work to think and care and more considerate of others on the team. So what advice do you all may have for folks out there dealing with difficult coworkers? I don't know about y'all, but I get asked this a lot online and in my DMs.

I think you need to be very concise. And I always say, whenever I'm giving advice is state facts, not feelings. Because a lot of times when you're like, well, you really pissed me off the other day, Just say, you know, here's the fact. You can follow up with feelings, but really stick to the fact of why, you know, I needed this report on X because I had to get it to this or upload it or whatever. And what outcome it created. But also document and know when to escalate. Which that's a shitty thing to say,

but if this person is possibly just sabotaging, if they're truly an asshole and they're being an asshole on purpose to you, know when to document and to escalate to HR. LESLIE KENDRICK That's a good point. You know, for me, I have a lot of people that write and they ask me, how can I get my coworker fired? Like my coworker isn't pulling their weight, my coworker sucks, my coworker is pissing me off, whatever the case may be. How do I get them fired?

No one seems to care, blah, blah, blah. Really my advice is you have to worry about yourself. You can only control you and how you react to things and what you focus on. To Jamie's point, yeah, if there's things that need documented or reported, absolutely do that. But if just the vibe's off and you just don't get along with this person and they're still working and all of this, but you all just don't get along. You cannot control them or their behavior, nor should you. You can only control yourself. If it pisses you off that much, you can always make the choice to change your scenery, change departments, change whatever. If giving feedback to the boss or whatever hasn't worked. But I wouldn't waste your time, your energy,

and your peace trying to go and get someone fired. It makes you worse than they are, let's be honest. So I just say, hey, worry about yourself, really. Worry about yourself. You do your great work. You do what you need to do. But for some folks, I know there's kind of like this principle thing, like, I can't believe that person works here and I work here and ah, how dare they? Ah, you know? And it's like, hey, you just worry about yourself and do your great work and do all you can to try and make it work with that person. So it's a better culture and working environment for all. You have a hand in that too. So don't be trying to get anybody fired. Don't waste your time with that.

Yeah. And unfortunately, assholes are not a one-off. No. Hey! You're going to encounter them in just about every job. You may not have to work directly with them, but there's assholes everywhere, unfortunately. I think it's, it really is thinking about like how much of my mind am I spending thinking about them and, and trying to self-regulate to think, okay, is this person really effect or is it just the little like, it's like, um, gosh, what was the book? There was a book I read in like, you know, junior year of high school. So like, you know, a really like well, well-known book, but it talks

about, oh, I think it's Tessa, the D'Ubervilles, their D'Ubervilles. Ah, but it has this phrase of like talking about her husband. And it's like she loved him like you'd love a pebble in your shoe. Like just this like annoyance. I don't know why that line stuck with me. You can like, you know, whatever. But it's so it's like this mild annoyance. And so I've always thought about this of like the pebble in the shoe. And so if it's like a teeny tiny like this, you really don't need to think about this person, but you are, what can you do to reframe

yourself? I don't need to waste this time on them. If it's someone that you work with, to whatever extent, I do believe having a conversation to the extent you can. Sometimes you're going to look at that and know this person has relationships with leadership. So this conversation is not going to go well for me. Sometimes you got to make that choice. But oftentimes, I've found people don't realize how things are coming across. And when you can have a candid conversation that also empathizes with them to say, I don't want to make assumptions that you know how this is coming off to me. And I also, it could be super easy for me just to think about it or bug it or talk

shit to somebody else and I don't want to do that. I'd rather have a conversation and work together productively. I've seen from first person to like plenty of people I've worked with, relationships absolutely change from those awful relationships to sometimes like maybe not quite work besties, but like not just like, you know, having the peace, but people because someone truly appreciated getting that feedback in a productive way, and they ended up working together well, being friendly. And so where you can, I do think having that can help to put things at peace, and hopefully not a one-off situation. Mike drop. I love that. That's all great advice. Besties, hopefully you don't have a lot of a-holes where you're working. Should we shift to questions and comments? Yes.

Not a question, but a comment from me. Love the advice that you all gave. And I just like to add to that, that honesty is respect, respect is honesty, all of those things. And so, I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that.

I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that.

I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to leave it at that. I just like to add to that that honesty is respect, respect is honesty, all of those things. And so, I do think it's important to be honest with those you work with and see if you can come together and make things work. It's not always possible, but I have had the experience multiple times that Ashley referenced where things got better. Having those really cringy, very honest conversations, making people aware of what went down, how you're feeling about it. And it can change the relationship for the better.

So I've had a handful of those and things got better and I've had a handful of those and things got worse. So it kind of just depends on the people that play. But yeah, there's going to be assholes everywhere because there are assholes everywhere. So you're going to run into them. But how can you make the situation work, not just for you, but for your team, your business, your group, and really your own piece at the end of the day? So at least give it a shot.

I just have a quick comment. I think being talented or really good at your job does not excuse being toxic. No one that is good at their job earned the right to be an asshole. Remember that. Love that. To end the episode on a positive note, what is something that a coworker did for you that you still remember to this day? I love just like a little handwritten note, like in the mail. I'm a slut for a little handwritten note, like, especially when we're all remote and you send me a handwritten thank you note.

I'll stop. Stop. I'm going to cry. I do love that. Oh, gosh. I have a number of them. Stop, I'm going to cry. I do love that. Oh, gosh. I have a number of them. I can think of a moment, though, that really stood out

where someone came to my defense in a meeting that I wasn't expecting. And that just blew me away. I looked at them like, wait, what? Damn, okay. And for whatever reason, sadly, that's rare that that happens, especially if the shit is coming from the head person. People just tend to be quiet.

And so when people advocate for you while you are there and you can see it, oh my gosh. Because I do believe a lot of people are champion behind the scenes and advocating behind the scenes. But to see that live, I still think about that. Like wow, okay, someone has my back and is kind of risking it all here to support me and that, man, that felt amazing. I love that. And it's anything it's so telling that that basic thing that didn't cost anything stood out. And I think, and I think, but I, but I think, and I think it's a lot easier to champion

someone when things are going, things are going well, like, oh, I just want to give this person some recognition. Like, like those things, it's, and that's important, and not enough people do that. So do that whether someone's in the meeting or not. But when someone's talking to you and you have information or you have some counter facts or when you speak up, when they're there, when they're not there and you do that, when I see people do that in both situations, someone's in the room or they're not, whoo, I gained so much respect for that person.

It's so much more respectful than slogging someone down, which is so easy and so common. Or to just be silent. 100% also, also easy. What about you, Ashley? So I have one and this was when we were living in Australia, our, my kid's school was up at the top of this hill, it was Birch Grove Public School, uh, and right in Sydney. And my son was young and he was at home, couldn't get him full daycare.

So I was pushing him in the umbrella stroller and somewhere between our townhouse and the school, like five minute walk, whatever, we lost Little Monkey. Which Little Monkey was his like, his lovey, whatever stuff is stuffed thing. And we'd gotten it from Carter's in the US. So there was no such thing there. And so I was like, oh God.

And he was so upset. And like, I was like, oh, God. And he was so upset. Like, I put something on the Facebook group or whatever. Never found the original Little Monkey. So, I put it on my Facebook. And so, I will say one of the benefits to having coworkers on social media is that the company... And so, I was general counsel and head of HR of a company. I was located in Australia.

We were not based there. Everybody else was in the US. And the head of operations, operations guy, he reached out and was like, hey, we got to send you some equipment, whatever, like, can you confirm your mailing address? And so I'm like, yeah, here you go. I got this like tracking thing coming. And then he was like, there's a surprise. But in the meantime, please tell your son, look, little monkey's actually been on a on a voyage. Oh And so he sent me a replacement little monkey from Carter's and had gotten that figured out where it went But he also by Photoshop and I will put these on the HR bestie stories

He photoshopped little monkey like on the moon at a Yankees game, which were Braves and Mets family But aside from that, um, no, it was like at a Yankees game, like a Statue of Liberty, like took the time to do these things. That's so sweet. Like, still, I mean, I remember this was almost 10 years ago and it was such a level of kindness. I hope he expensed the shipping Monkey from a corporate fraud perspective. But no, it was so absolutely kind and it was always stuck with me. And so it's those kinds of things of someone just being generous and getting what it's

like. So anyway, the little monkey escapades were a favorite. I love that. That is so brush. See, I mean, just having a coworker like that, that makes up for any assholes you may encounter, doesn't it? True that. Almost.

Almost. Maybe not. Oh, gosh. It helps. It helps a lot. It helps for those bad days. It helps. So if you right now have been listening to the episode and are like, I hate my difficult

coworker. I don't want to talk to them. Think about talking to them if you choose to do so. And also think about the kind things other people have done for you and let those weigh more heavily. Wonderful advice. Take care, besties. But is it too whimsical? Priya oversees procurement for 900 bank branches. The experts at Grandin Toy provided supply solutions

that get each branch all the tech, furniture, and office supplies they need with seamless coordination. What about Green? Green says we're serious, but not stuffy. With the big things taken care of, she can sweat the color of the Post-It notes. Can a bank be whimsical? Don't overthink it. Go to grandintoy.com to connect.