HR BESTIES - HR Besties: Our Top Ten Most Memorable (and Cringe) Watercooler Stories

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

Today’s agenda:  The a** itch salad bar The pantless employee Motion lotion Hide your kids at work day The (broken) decorative periscope Malicious salsa Growling at work The world's greatest email subject line Plan B receipt Ear licking Your To-Do List: Grab merch, submit Questions & Comments, and make sure that you’re the first to know about our In-Person Meetings (events!) at ⁠⁠⁠https://www.hrbesties.com⁠⁠⁠. Follow your Besties across the socials and check out our resumes here: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.hrbesties.com/about⁠⁠⁠.  Subscribe to the HR Besties Newsletter - ⁠⁠⁠https://hr-besties.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠ We look forward to seeing you in our next meeting - don’t worry, we’ll have a hard stop! Yours in Business + Bullsh*t,  Leigh, Jamie & Ashley Follow Bestie Leigh! ⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@hrmanifesto⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/hrmanifesto⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.hrmanifesto.com⁠⁠⁠ Follow Bestie Ashley! ⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@managermethod⁠⁠⁠  ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/managermethod⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleyherd/⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠https://managermethod.com⁠⁠⁠ Follow Bestie Jamie! ⁠⁠⁠https://www.millennialmisery.com/⁠⁠⁠ Humorous Resources: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠Threads⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠X⁠⁠⁠ Millennial Misery: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠Threads⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠X⁠⁠⁠ Horrendous HR: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠Threads⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠ Tune in to “HR Besties,” a business, work and management podcast hosted by Leigh Elena Henderson (HRManifesto), Ashley Herd (ManagerMethod) and Jamie Jackson (Humorous_Resources), where we navigate the labyrinth of corporate culture, from cringe corporate speak to toxic leadership. Whether you’re in Human Resources or not, corporate or small business, we offer sneak peeks into surviving work, hiring strategies, and making the employee experience better for all. Tune in for real talk on employee engagement, green flags in the workplace, and how to turn red flags into real change. Don't miss our chats about leadership, career coaching, and takes from work travel and watercooler gossip. Get new episodes every Wednesday, follow us on socials for the latest updates, and join us at our virtual happy hours to share your HR stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We have a lot on the agenda today. Shall we dive in? I think we shall. Ass itching hands. I once had somebody come into my office very, very upset because at lunch they were in the salad bar line and the person in front of them, using the tongs, took his hand, and stuck it down the back of his pants to itch his ass, and then proceeded to put his salad together. And this person is watching this in absolute horror. Absolute horror. And then proceeds to come to my office to fricking tell me about it.

Like, what can I do about someone's ass itching hand? Right? I mean, come on. I mean, that is HR. What did you do about someone's ass itching hand, Lee? I said, what the fuck you want me to do about someone's ass itching hand, like 20 minutes in the future? I mean, did you continue to eat the salad? Yeah, ass itching hands in the workplace. Have you ever experienced an ass itching hand in the workplace? You guys know from season one, I had someone who I had to tell to wash their ass. Their nooks and crannies. But I would think like the person who complained probably immediately lost their appetite. Like I couldn't.

Let's play this out. How's this going to go? So let's say that the person had told you Lee, and then you go to this individual in either two things, one, they're gonna deny it and be like, I didn't itch my ass, or, and then what? Get the security camera footage, because that's exactly, that's gonna be the next step. Let's pull the footage. And so all of a sudden it is Encyclopedia Brown.

Let me smell your hand. What I've learned working in HR and how I did handle that situation is that, no kidding, 90% of the time, people just want someone to talk to, right? They just want someone to listen. So it's like me just there like, oh, okay. So then what happened? He stuck his hand down the back of his pants. He itched his ass. He dug in deep. Okay, great. Thanks for that visual. And he pulled it out and then he grabbed the tongs for the spinach. So you decided to have romaine. Okay, got it. Thank you so much for that beautiful

visual. Manager catches employee pantsless on video. Oh my God. Lee, is this you? No, I wasn't pantless that day. Not that day. At work. You were, but you were not caught on camera. No, I wasn't caught. That. No, I wasn't caught. That's it. I wasn't. Exactly. I'm more clever than that. So the manager got emotion detected notification around 2 a.m. and started reviewing footage because there was no sign of like a break

in or anything that had happened. So as reviewing, he sees one of his female, who's a lead, pantsless, walking around at 2am. Come to find out. When he starts having a conversation asking why she was at work at 2am, pantsless, she had been out drinking that night before at the bar. And she was pretty wasted and unfortunately made a terrible decision to get in her car. And on her way home, she hit a deer and totaled her car. In that moment, she decided that work was close enough that she was going to go to work because her car was totaled. It was no longer drivable and she was going to hide out at work. But she had an accident and I'm not talking about with the deer, I'm talking about

in her pants. So she went ahead and took her pants off also at the scene of the crime. And so that's why she was pantless at work walking around. I have so many questions. You know what workplaces rarely have on-site HR, but are probably the ones that most need HR? Restaurants. That is the truth. People always say that, right? There's no HR in restaurants, but there should be. Yeah, God.

I started out, and I mean from quick service restaurants, which some people call fast food in the industry, we call it quick service. Yeah. To like the fine dining. Oh yeah. There is some, I guarantee you your finest meal. If you could see a peek behind that into the dishwasher station, into the line, the language.

I mean, I think I grew up every year growing up, except for when I worked in a restaurant when I grew about 10 years in two months, meaning that I 17 year old 16 year old man Ashley innocent AF to still innocent but have heard like Yeah, I worked at an Italian restaurant in Louisville and it was the most fun workplace because it was one of those situations that like all my friends and I worked there and Also, we worked with them like the crew that was like in their twenties had worked in restaurants for a while and then we had some of the lifers. And then the restaurant owner and the language like, you know, like a customer complaint

about this is why I would never complain in a restaurant because I'd be like, um, excuse me. Um, the woman at table four, you know, she had fuck her fuck out of here You know Will translate that for her I was like 17 and I was making so much money cuz it was in cash. I wanted to say yeah Yeah, I just want to get in trouble. So I certainly didn't tell my parents what it was going to happen. Of course not. Invent a later.

What? It was like, I remember they'd like run out once we ran out of like a cheesecake. And so we ran out of the strawberry sauce for the top. And he was like, you know, the owner was like, yo, good the fuck, I'll get my motion lotion fuck a putter on the. And I have no idea what he's talking about. I'm like, okay. I'm like motion. I'm just a little. Motion. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, a little.

Anyway, here comes this jar of stuff on there to this day, to this day. He put his lube on there. He put a strawberry lube on there. From the back office, you know, whatever it was, I just remember being like, what in the actual, once we ran out of lasagna, go to the Kroger, go to the Kroger. No, literally I had to do that. I thought we sold it.

You know, we had no doubt. We sold 399, you know, lasagna for 3299. You know, well, this is the 90s. But like every ounce of that. So anyway, but like the things that go on, like the complaint mechanism, you know, when you're getting those hotline complaints, like if you get one hotline complaint from a restaurant, you know it is like Pandora's box. Have you ever taken your kids to work? Yes. Have you ever done a take the kids to work day? I have.

I have. Have you ever taken your kids to work on a day that wasn't a take your kids to work day? Yes. I have. I'm guilty of that. Have you ever worked the full day with your kids hidden under your desk? No. No. Okay.

All right. I barely worked the day that I brought my daughter. Yeah. Yeah, I tried to. So, I was sitting in my office working one day, and I get a call from somebody in engineering stating that, oh, one of the engineering managers has their kid hidden under their desk. I was like, wait, what? They're like, yeah, yeah, he brought his stepdaughter to work, and she's just hidden under his desk while he is taking meetings

in his office, going to meetings, leaving her there at a very dangerous, regulated work site that requires PPE and you name it. And he has an eight-year-old, if I recall, hidden under his desk. She's doing an earthquake drill. Right. All day. Well, I'm thinking like, does he also have like a bowl of water down there for her? For real. How sweet. I mean, it's summertime.

Yeah. Right. I mean, I don't want to go off on a tangent of lack of summer support for children. That's true. But because that is quite the tangent. That's like, you know, four episodes. That's another podcast. Yeah, that's another podcast episode. But I was like, Oh my God, you have got to be kidding me. Oh, gosh. All right. Well, where is he? Oh, well, he is at lunch. Like he was gone. And I was like, No, no, no, no, he is no, he's telling me he's still in the building. No, he's walking out. He's leaving. He's running probably to go get food or whatever. My ass jumps up. I run to the front of the building. I can

see that he's walking. Like, you know, he just got out of the building was walking through the parking lot. I run out there and I was like, Hey, hey you. And he's turned. I was like, come here right now. Get over here right now. You always know where you stand. Oh, you always know where you stand with me. And he was not in a good spot. Okay. He was in quicksand. He wishes he was under that desk. Oh man. And I tell me, tell me there is not a child under your desk right now. Are you fucking kidding

me? I was like, you turn your ass, no, I have to go run an errand. I have to go do it. No, no, no. You turn your ass around right now and you go get her and you leave for the day. Well, we don't have childcare. Then you work from home. And this was back in the day where that wasn't a thing, right? And it wasn't really for this employer at this site. And I was like, you just please model the right behavior. You do what you have to do, okay? And it's like, oh, like he was freaking out. No, I have to do this, I have meetings.

No, your number one obligation, I'll just never forget, is to that child. And he's like, well, she's not even really mine. Because, you know, they just had gotten married or whatever. And this is what I, yeah, it was crazy. And I was like, turn your ass around right now and you go take that child and take her somewhere safe and get her out of this facility building. She's not even registered at the front. No PPE. I'm all, I mean, just the horrific things that could have happened in this facility and building. And what if she would have gotten out from her desk cage, you know what I mean?

And went onto the floor or whatever. She probably called him Chuck. I mean, she could have been seriously injured. I mean, but just the selfishness on his part and the lack of just complete thought about being a leader, the responsibility of that, the responsibility of being a stepparent, or being in custody of that child, even if he didn't consider himself a parent, obviously. But you know what I mean? It was just like he brought a plant into the office.

I mean, I was just shocked. brought a plant into the office. I mean, I was just like shocked. And I really did talk like that. I can get cray because I, you know, I need, I do the HRIs and shit. You know, I will put the fear of God in you. But literally I was like, Hey, you come, come here right now. Tell me there's not a child. Like come here. Yeah.

Tell me there is not a child under your desk right now. Just the irresponsibility of that. I should fire you on the spot. That is so gross. Yeah. Like I was upset. He's like, Oh, turn your ass. No, I should fire you on the spot. That is so grossly negligent. Like I was upset. He's like, oh, turn your ass. No, I have things to do.

No, no, you're number one thing. You're number one thing. Can you believe it? Yeah, I can. Sadly. Yeah, because people. People be people. People be people.

People be people. Let's set the stage and we're in Amsterdam. Oh, that's funny. Now, I didn't live in Amsterdam, but I was there for work and I worked for a large global consulting firm. And I was there because I was on a project and I got together with a number of colleagues around the world. I was leading this project.

I said, I really thought we needed to sit in the same room. Just want to go to Amsterdam. Yeah, obviously. Obviously. But yeah, pretty much. So we are we are in Amsterdam and the office there was right on the canal. Oh, it was a multi story office. And so we're working very, very hard as we tended to do.

And one of the guys on our project worked in that office. And he's like, let's go upstairs because they have all free food, all free food. And while we're enjoying our free lunch, we can go and look on the rooftop because it's a beautiful rooftop overlooking these canals. And so we're out there having our food and you know, all that. And I was going to get something. He's like, actually, there's this cool periscope. And when you look off the top, you can see the whole city.

And I'm like, oh, that's so cool. And so I was going to get some more food. And so my colleagues had gone and we're looking at Periscope. They walked away. They're like, Oh yeah, that was very cool. And so I walk up to it and I'm like, and I look and I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, how did you all reach this? And I look, I'm like, y'all tall fuckers. And all my colleagues, I'm five three. They were all at least five, seven, five, eight. They're like Lee's height. And so my, this colleague was like, Oh, just pull it down. If you just, just pull it down, it's, it's mov eight. They're like, at least high. And so this colleague was like, oh, just pull it down.

If you just pull it down, it's movable. I'm like, okay. So I pull and I pull so hard. A big cloud of smoke comes out in this thing. I fall to the ground. A periscope falls from the ceiling along with like clubbing everywhere. And it's like this big golden thing. And my colleague gets big

eyes. He's like, Oh my God, I was just kidding. It's Oh my God. I was like, what do you mean? What do you mean you were kidding? He goes, that's not that's not like a that's not movable periscope. That's a piece of art that was installed for the 50th anniversary of this office. And you literally dangled on it with your whole weight. Did you dirty? Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck? And I'm like, what the fuck do I do? Like a hotel? Like I work there. Not in that office ever, obviously. But I was like, and suddenly it's lying there on the floor. And so I'm like, Oh, okay. I need to report. He's like, well, you need to go down and report this to the receptionist. And she's not the friendliest. And I was like, Oh great. What? I goes,

anybody else want to come with me? Fucking hands down. So I go and I slink down and take the elevator down and go to the receptionist. And I'm like trying to explain this and tell more details than is necessary. And this course fucking stares at me. And she's like, what? She's like, where is it? And I'm like, I, I leaned it against the wall just to put it there. And she's like, what? And she's like, where is it? And I'm like, I, I leaned it against the wall just to put it there. And she's like, what, it just looked at me and she's like, why did you think it would move it could actually move down? I was like,

because dumb ass told me my colleague said it could. And so she's like, I don't even know what we're going to do about this. I went back to the U S and for weeks, like I would email my colleague, like any update on the Paris scope, did they put the art in slate? And they had a bullet that he was like, like look they have a book right next to it Did you not see the book on that? No, I didn't look at this book I was trying to look at the beautiful skyline of Amsterdam of their commemorative book for it And so he's like, nope still not up yet. It's leaning against leaning against the wall

But we had like a secret Santa and one of my colleagues in the US office gave me a kids toy periscope and one of my colleagues in the US office gave me a kid's toy periscope for my secret Santa and so, but that was pretty fucking embarrassing to destroy property. Yeah. Well known organization. Well, that'll teach them. They should have put a stool there. That wasn't a very inclusive office. Malicious intent salsa.

Is that a new flavor? It's very spicy. Malicious intent salsa. Is that a new flavor? Yes, it's very spicy. So I've been pretty vocal the last four years I've been on socials that I'm not a huge fan of office potlucks. And there's numerous reasons why, but I would say the main reason is my husband is an executive chef. And unfortunately, over the last 15 years we've been together, I'm very knowledgeable about

food safety standards from him. So the idea of just knowing some people's houses and how they prepare food. So I'm just like, I'll participate and I will bring store-bought cookies or soda or the plates. But usually you won't really see me eat unless it's probably my work bestie because I've probably been to their house and I enjoy it. So not that long ago we had an office potluck and I had an employee come in the day after and complain that they were rather sick from another coworker salsa that I had brought in. So spicy that I got very, very, very sick and was in the bathroom all night. That second level of detail is always one that you're like, okay.

You know that burn. So shortly after that employee came in, I had another employee come in and complain also about the salsa. And then I had another employee come in and complain also about the salsa. Uh-huh. And then I had another employee come in about the salsa. Now, what I will say is these three employees were all in the same department, so I'm sure they talked. And I did know that there was some beef between one of the coworkers and the person who made the salsa. Now I did not have the salsa, so I cannot tell you if it was super spicy or not. But I can tell you that we decided that

we were not going to do potlucks after that. I did ask a few people, my coworkers, if they found it spicy. They were fine. No one else had complained. Now, I don't know if they drank like a gallon of it, but yeah, she complained it was malicious intent. Yeah, salsa. And it purposely got her sick. Oh, gosh. So, I was going to ask if you kind of did a little, you know, informal investigating. Yes, definitely an informal. Yeah, yeah, I know, right? You didn't take it to the lab, right? Did you have diarrhea today? You didn't take fecal samples to the lab or anything. Yeah, I didn't send out a survey monkey with,

did you eat the salsa? Did you shit your brains out last night? Was it hot? Did you shit your pants? Did you have the chicken or the fish? If anybody gets that reference, I salute you. So my mind went to it wasn't laxative laced, right? Like they didn't put anything in there. No, it was not. It was not. I mean, well, I mean, two things. One is someone is home making salsa. Like if Lee told me that, like in San Antonio, I may be like, okay, maybe in Deza, Texas thing. That's really going above and beyond. I mean, I'd buy some Tostitos on my way into work and call it a day, but homemaking salsa, I've certainly never done that.

Salsa's pretty easy to make. Okay, well. That's a little next level though. I mean, depending on what type, but I'm just saying that is a lot of labor, especially if you're burning your peppers on the stove and stuff. Oh, is that what you have to do? Yeah. Then you have to blend them. It's a little effort. It wasn't a salsa competition or anything, just a potluck.

No, it was not. Or like a chili cook-off. Oh God, those are bad too. We've hosted one of those before. But here's my thing is, saying was hot. What like the delayed complaint? Like, didn't they notice at the time? Like, oh, that's, that's the spice they expected. They just kept going back and forth. Exactly. Well, apparently was from the shits. That's why they complained the next day to me. And they only had the salsa or did something else give them the shits? Like a potluck for more of them. Exactly. Like, let's be honest, Lord only knows. Plus I can be a picky eater too. So like that's why I'm not a huge potluck gal. I'll go in there, I'll socialize, I'll sit

down at the table. But like, I didn't try the salsa, though I kind of wish I would have now. Oh, I know. Just to see how hot. Just to test your mass, you are a masochist. I mean, the road to hell is absolutely paved with office potlucks. Oh, God, yes. Absolutely. You know, this is totally giving, buying coffee from McDonald's and suing them because it's

hot. You know what I mean? Like, you're going, it's hot sauce. I love though the text chain. They probably had to be like, I'm going to go tell Jamie. I'm going to talk to Jamie in the morning. But again, if you are in HR, every single time you do anything that you're trying to do to create that engagement that you're tasked with creating from a holiday party to a public

like we're trying to create this, block out your calendar, half day, full day, multi-day, depending on the event. And just know that informal or formal investigation is coming because that is the dessert of every office potluck. It is. It is. It is. HR's sweet investigation. Damn. Someone's going to tell you about their ring of fire. You know what I mean? Do you ever wish that you had an HR legal bestie in your pocket? 650 is just that. Your trusted, always available ally for your employment law questions, minus the hefty price tag of a lawyer. Compliance may not be your favorite chore in HR, but it's important and it's hard. But 650 is here to make it easy. With 650, managing multi-state HR compliance is a breeze. Their tools help you to understand

complex state laws and craft compliant documents effortlessly, but also keep everything up to date automatically. They have a comprehensive, what's the law in this state library, to a 50 state employee handbook builder. 650 turns compliance into convenience. So HR pros juggling multi-state teams simplify your compliance today. Visit 650.com slash besties. That's S-I-X-F-I-F-T-Y dot com slash besties and discover how to stay ahead with 650's seamless solutions. Imagine transforming your life by unlocking the power of your mind. I'm Amy Morin, therapist and bestselling author, and I'm here to teach you how with my podcast, Mentally Stronger with therapist

Amy Morin. With actionable strategies straight from my therapy office and wisdom from the world's leading experts, I'll equip you with the tools to conquer whatever challenges life throws your way. Whether you're overcoming mental health issues or aiming for peak performance, this podcast is your gateway to becoming mentally stronger. Subscribe to Mentally Stronger with therapist Amy Moran. Your journey to unlocking full potential starts here. Have you ever growled at someone at work? I can't say that I have. Probably in my head. Outside of work either.

Right. Well, I've done both, inside work and outside work. Can we hear your growl? Well, this one was, grrr. It was like that. That's kind of grunty. It's good. Yeah, it was a growl.

But oh gosh, one day I was in a meeting with my manager and we're on a phone call with people wherever, probably corporate. And he growled. He got so upset, he growled. And I was taken aback. He was like, rrrrr, like that. He did some noise like that, which stopped the people on the other end in their tracks because you have a human being growling at you in corporate.

And so we get off the phone, and I'm kind of like, what the hell was that? That was interesting. And he was like, well, that's one of the things that I do. I growl sometimes, or just grunt, to show that I'm upset, or I'm exasperated or whatever. And it just kind of shocks the room and it kind of shakes things up a bit. And that was like his advice on like handling conflict. Oh my God. He's like, I'm just going to freaking growl and let this shit work out.

You know what I mean? But he wasn't wrong. I mean, people were like, holy shit. I don't want to be growled at. That's crazy. He's so upset. What's he going to do next? He's growling.

And then what is he going to slash me with his paw or something? So I was like, OK, well, that's some interesting advice on leadership. So later that day, no shit, I go into a meeting and for like, this maybe was the second or third time, the senior executive throws me under the bus. And I am so upset. I'm dying inside and I'm cutting him with daggers. And I call them out because you're not going to throw me under the fucking bus with the head cheese here, you know? And it just really upset me. And I was like,

that's not how that happened. So and so, like not at all. Like just very corporate, like professional. So that head leader walks out, right? The meeting's over. And all that remains, that remains is just a couple of us that work intimately together. The bus thrower under her starts turning to me and I wasn't in the mood. I knew it was going to be disingenuous. I stand up and I walk past him and I go, and I growl right behind him. And he was like, Oh my God. He like clutched his pearls and shit. I was like, literally, I took the growl advice the same day. And I thought that was like the stupidest. I mean, because he was being funny when he gave me the advice. Like he was serious, but he gave me the advice. He was serious, but not, obviously. He was just pissed off and didn't want to cuss somebody out. So he

just growls. And so I used it that afternoon and it worked. It really did work. I will use that today. So it shut it down. He knew I was pissed. He later apologized. He never threw me under the bus again. I never trusted him again because I couldn't, OBS. But yeah, just a little, right there. It's going to keep you employed. You know what I'm saying? What I wanted to say was beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I mean, I was that hot, right? And so I will do anything to try and stay employed in that moment. Because, man, nothing like, you just feel so horrific when someone throws you under

the bus. It's so, like, you saboteur, you traitor, you know? Like you just want to out, you know? So instead I was just like, grrr, like that. You know? And so, I mean, people could have thought I was just clearing my throat, you know? But another colleague of mine saw me and she was like, oh my God, she was dying laughing later like, oh wow, like you really, you growled.

I was like, well, I took a play out of, you know, and she's like, I know, I've heard him growl too. Now the whole workplace is barbaric. Everyone's just growling at each other, you know? I will be trying that. Yeah, I highly recommend it. If you need a pull out of growl. Jamie, what's your growl? Let me clear my throat. That was pretty scary. I don't know if I'd go that hard. That was Yeti. I don't know if I could go that hard. you know, like it'd be, it'd have to be like,

cause then HR would get the complaint, right? Jamie growled at me. Jamie barked. She didn't bark. I didn't bark. I growled. Thank you. I sounded like a yeti. Thank you. Exactly. What's yours Ashley? I honestly, like I've never done this before. And so I'm worried that's going to be like, like I have. Beep beep beep. Um. Grrr. No. What the? No, okay.

Let me try again. Okay, let me try again. That was like a car. Um. That's gotta be guttural. That's good. Grrr. Oh wow.

Okay. That was a possum. No, I'm like my face. So Ashley can't growl. You can't growl, girl. I don't know. I realized. You're gonna work on that.

You should practice that later because the stress rate is going to be so high. I'm like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I don't know. I realize I was like, you're going to work on that. You should practice that later because the stress relief will be the... Oh, that's good. That was better. And you had some shoulder action there too. I mean, you know, doesn't that feel good though? Not really, honestly, because I felt like it was half-assed as I went through it. And as we know, I like to full ass things. And so I do. I'm now in empowered practice. Well, that was one of my questions to you is, did you have to practice beforehand?

But it sounded very natural. You're angry. Ashley, your husband's going to come up there and be like, are you OK? Totally. Oh, that's right. Oh, my God. Yeah, but just give a little. You know, it was better than me saying, fuck you, you traitorous bitch. Oh my gosh. You know, like, oh, you busts are under him, bitch. So anyways, highly recommend just a little growl because it could be played off as allergies, you know, but you got to

get that out sometimes, you know. Would you guys be surprised to hear that I was written up at work and in a professional job? Yes. You? Lawyer Ashley? Well, it wasn't lawyer Ashley. This was sales Ashley. So those in HR will listen and even those in sales will listen and know that sales sometimes can get an undue amount of attention from HR. And I knew about that. Before I went to law school and before I was in HR, I worked for two years in corporate sales. The first year was cold-calling, that time cold-calling

chief financial officers. And liberal arts Ashley becoming cold-calling Ashley was a real turn of the skill set. In our job, this was early 2000s. We were really trying to get the attention of these executives. Fax campaigns, phone numbers, how you use the phone system and get through the assistance to get directly to your prospect. I'd come early, stay late. But one of the main things that I was working on a skill set for was email subject lines.

And to this day, it's key to try, you want people to open your email. And so you want to get people's attention. So I'm a hard worker, I was trying to do the right thing. So I was at lunch with a friend and colleague. And so we were talking about, you know, great subject lines to get people's attention and, you know, sharing some of these practices. And I came back from lunch and decided to send an email to my team, which was all of us about 23 years old, cold Colin, and with list top 10 email subject lines to get your prospects attention. Now we're going to CFOs and

this is a time of like Sarbanes-Oxley things so like yeah those things will get their attention but you know what gets their attention more? Forward pictures of your wife with another man. Alternatively also compelling to open emails would be our E. I have your daughter in the basement So those were among the 10 my email My email subject lines that again, I thought I was sending this to my team as a joke Yeah, suffice to say everyone listening. I don't actually send those emails subject-wise. It's not really advised. Just because you'll end up in spam.

That's the only reason why, because you'll end up in spam. So I thought I was sending that to my team. Well, like a lot of corporate America, managers, some of their duties can be just to oversee other people. And so my manager's manager, manager, I didn't realize, she was also a recipient of every single, you know, sales account executives team emails. So basically the equivalent of the big boss was going through all the emails. And when she saw a list of top 10 email subject lines, she probably thought I had good initiative. And I did. But anyway, so I sent it to the team and Chucklein like, you know, he, he, he, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do you know, hee hee hee, do do do do do do,

about 7.4 minutes later, there came my boss, because her boss's boss had some concerns and wanted to talk to me about about my email. The blood loss in my face when I realized that my funny joke wasn't perceived as funny by someone perhaps in in power, but in the end they did think it was okay So no real consequences other than me Realizing very early on that lesson of the things you put in emails So I say these experiences I had working in sales have helped me tremendously to proactively Anticipate issues from a legal and HR perspective, but you know, I would open that email. Yeah Oh my I'm thinking about like my future use of those. Oh, I know.

Termination meetings. Yeah. Well, as I said, for employee benefits enrollment, because those who have in the HR space, especially my benefits coordinators out there in the audience, you're nodding along. Because how many emails have you sent and webinars have you helped? Just trying to help people understand their benefits

options. No one is going to open your email that says details about open enrollment, but there's some subject lines that you can send that have a little bit more sauce. So be judicious. Be judicious more so than I was at 22, 23. Well, I'm trying to think what were some of the other ones. I was trying to think of some that I could use, you know, I mean, I think it was like, you know, like in like the forward and I would include, I could be bad in my thing because that's always

the thing like forward, like, I found naked pictures of you. And this was like 20 years ago, like type, type levels of things, like those type of aspects. And so that was, you know, the type of things that really get to a person's greatest fears and doubts, you know, are probably ones that they're gonna click on the most. So that was my jokey jokey, not so jokey jokey. Yeah, don't do that.

So in my 21 years, I've seen some crazy shit on expense reports. So let me tell you about the one that was really the most wild. Plan B. Plan B. Like you, oh, the pill, not like you have a plan A, so you're going to plan B. Yeah, yeah. Like this trip, like this trip didn't go as planned. So we're going to do plan B. Yeah. Literally Plan B the pill. From a Walgreens, too.

So I had the... Wait, the Walgreens wrote that? Most of the times people talk about HIPAA, and HIPAA doesn't actually apply to most people, but did they have the receipts? Oh, questions. Well, okay. So here's the backstory. So obviously I'm not per se involved in finance, but it

came to my desk being HR. And this is how usually they come to my desk. So the VP of finance had gotten one of a receipt from one of our recent sales managers trips and it was a Walgreens receipt and it was kind of ripped. So he requested another receipt or a better receipt. And of course the guy's like, I'm sorry, I don't have it. That's all I had, blah, blah, blah, you know, all these excuses. And so it was actually quite a lot of money for a Walgreens. And if you know plan B, because I Googled it just a minute ago, because I didn't know how much it is, it's only $50. So that wasn't even the concern yet, right? We're not even concerned with

what we need to know what is on and what could possibly be personal expenses. So long story short, the VP of Finance goes around and around with the sales manager until finally he's able to produce the whole receipt. And on that whole receipt was a lot of things that like beer purchases, things that add a Walgreens to like anyway,, things that add a Walgreens too. Like anyway, random things, but on it is a Plan B pill. Now I don't remember, you know, this didn't happen that long ago too. I don't remember exactly what it said on the, I don't like, I don't think it said Plan B

on the Walgreens receipt. I'm not sure what it said. It's like the long medical name. It was something enough that the VP of Finance approached me and was like, we have an issue. The sales manager rang up, I think it was close to like $600 at Walgreens. Wait, what? Yes. In one trip? And so I get the receipt, which is, you know, this person actually is remote.

So it was like two halves of a ripped receipt. And like the first half is like normal stuff. You would like band-aids and I mean, yeah. But then the bottom half is where there's like so much stuff. And I'm like, well, how could, how'd you spend $600? But anyway, so the plan B is on there and VP is a finance like this guy ran this on corporate card. Wait, this guy? The sales manager was a guy who bought the plan B. Got it. Okay.

Why long travel? While on travel in Florida. And did you say sales manager's trip? Because all of a sudden things are making a little... Oh, huh. Always sales. There was a couple sales manager. It was a retreat. Did they need a retreat? Absolutely not. Why was the company paying for a retreat? I'm not sure. So anyway, I get the sales manager on the phone and I'm asking him questions. And he was like, well, we drank on it. That's

why the beer and whatnot isn't on the receipt. And I'm like, okay. And I was like, well, there was something else on there that, why this ended up on my desk? So I'm like, okay. And I was like, well, there was something else on there that, you know, why this ended up on my desk. So I'm just kind of, you know, just wanted to. He said, well, yeah, I had to buy that because it happened while I was at work, referring to the Plan B, because he was on a work trip and he needed to provide the lady the Plan B. So he put it down as a work expense. Look at this. I'm potentially saving you tons of money in future health care and all of this. Future medical claims.

Yes. I paid attention in open enrollment and I saw the difference between the single and... The family and the... What? I mean... So needless to say, we did make him pay back a portion of the Walgreens bill. And it was a good portion because, like I said, a lot of it, the bottom half of that receipt that was conveniently ripped was stuff that

was, you know, wouldn't be covered under a business trip. And also, he lost his credit card privileges. I mean, he lost his credit card privileges. I mean, listen, I'm sure people have very differing opinions on Plan B overall, but I think we can all unite under the idea that it generally should not be a reimbursable work expense. No. Wow. Exactly.

But I also love that the finance person is like, let me look at this. Let me look at it. Oh, shoot.. Let me look at it. Oh shoot. Let's have Jamie handle it. Well, yeah, because I think once he got that second half of the receipt, like I said, it was funny how it was ripped. I remember it so well. It was ripped where you could see some of the items on one side, but it kind of went

up where the price part was ripped. Like he did it intentionally And the bottom half was the beer. I thought that there was alcohol, but like wine. Maybe in Florida you can buy wine at Walgreens. I'm not really sure. But the Plan B stuck out like a sore thumb. Well, I mean, also if you're at the point where you're buying Plan B, then you're buying more alcohol? Right. Needless to say, a lot of the sales managers had to, that were also on that trip, had to have a refresher about expenses.

Ear-licking. Here we go again. I know. Here we go again, right? But ear-licking. Oh gosh. Did you know that you can get in trouble for things that you do outside of work by your employer? Yeah. I, I, unfortunately. Did you know that Ashley, the here fuzzy attorney. I did, I do. I did know that. Right.

But, but I'm curious how that ties into ear licking. Ear licking. Okay. So imagine that you are at a bar having a happy hour with your team. That's like quasi-work, quasi-night. Yeah. See? So it's associated, right? With coworkers. With coworkers. That's right. There's no one else there with your party except your team. And you're having a good time and you're maybe an hour to win, right? So you're a little sloshy, right?

You're feeling it. You're feeling good. And then, you know, people want to take a group photo. Well, isn't that dumb? I was going to say sweet, but really that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's the beginning of the party. Yeah. That's not a six-streak set.

No, it's not. Right. But evidence, right? Oh, sorry. Evidence? That's not a six-streak set. No, it's not, right? Six. But evidence, right? Oh, sorry. Evidence? That's just Jamie? Evidence, yeah.

I mean, I would be doing happy hour evidence from the workplace, right? But during that photo, guess what happens? You can guess, right? Because I already kicked it off a little. An ear was licked. A supervisor licked the ear of one of his employees, his team members. His former team member at this point. Correct.

Because he don't work there no more. Somebody's either fleeing the job or going to be fled. And he did a little ear swirl in there. Because it wasn't, I was wondering what the position was and then where, if it was just the tip of the ear? Like a bite? Was it a nibble? It wasn't a nibble.

It was literally like a... Yeah, like a little, like a circular, like... Was that caught on picture? It was very close on the photo. That would be wild, I mean. Oh, I know. This is like, oh, live? He's like, what in the deck? Oh, I know. This is back in the day a little bit.

I don't think those photos were moving. It's like a boomerang. Like a boomerang. We got you on live photo. We can see it. Could you imagine? But that is so. I can, and now I'm here.

Yeah, you can. Those are things we would investigate. Oh, turn that photo on. Let me see it. No, I think it was a little bit back in the day before our photos came to life. But could you imagine having a supervisor do that? Which were you in the situation? Were you supervisor, Lee?

Oh, no. Uh-uh. No, I'm not into that. Well, maybe I am. But not in the workplace. That's a state school. I thought it would be a liberal arts school. That's a liberal arts level. We'll dip our toe or our ear. We'll try it out. But, you know, of course, as these things go, as you start investigating, you realize, oh my gosh, this is the workplace creeper. Yeah. You know, the supervisor's always doing creepy shit like this. What else can...

And no one had ever shared anything. Because people do make the assumption, I'm going to talk from my position as an HR leader, that we know everything. We do not. We only know what you all share with us and that we see. You know what I mean? Like we literally have to see it or someone has to tell us about it, right? We don't always get the rumor mill that, you know, so and so is a creeper down on the shop floor, believe it or not, you know?

So they have to be comfortable too, to share that information with us. Absolutely. Because there's always fear of retaliation, right? Because this was a supervisor who's doing the ear licking. Exactly. It makes it that much more difficult. But let's go back to that moment. Did the person jump scare?

What was the reaction in the moment of the person licking? I would have swung. Oh, yeah, no. I mean, I think. Oh, yeah. No. I mean, I think she took the photo. I think it was like a quick swish in the ear and then, you know, like we're taking the photo, you know, which is a gross exploitation of power right there. You know what I mean?

She's like paralyzed right there. And I think, you know, she had shared with somebody else who then reports that and you know what I mean? So then it kind of gets bubbled up and you start investigating and realize, well, this is the grossest person ever who's like going station to station out on the shop floor and like being uncomfortably close to people and, you know, like ghosts with the clay, you know, like Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore sort of shit. You know what I mean?

They're not looking as pleased as Demi is in that situation. They have that like paralyzed where you're like, what face do I have to make to not get fired? Yeah, and it's sad. I hate when those would pop, you know? I hate that shit. I feel like you in your HR career have had this like, game of operation of like, the different body parts that you've had in some of these like, between toes. I can't. I can't wait.

I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. But that't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. But that's something. Yeah. That's something. Let's see, they got jasmine, pomegranate, geranium, lemon. Andre is the procurement manager at a big hospital, ordering everything from cleaning

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