HR BESTIES - When the Watercooler's Lit AF

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Today’s agenda:  “There was a bug!” Cringe corporate speak: Executive Presence  Hot topic: Gossip in the Workplace Why is office gossip harmful?  Personal vs. professional gossip Gossip is a symptom of lack of effective communication in the office.  Information hoarding for job security.  When gossip is used as a weapon.  The executives are the worst gossipers!  How HR can help you curb gossip.  If they’re gossiping about you - it’s not a you issue, it’s a them issue!  Questions/Comments  Your To-Do List: Grab merch, submit Questions & Comments, and make sure that you’re the first to know about our In-Person Meetings (events!) at https://www.hrbesties.com. Tantric Success: https://www.tantricsuccess.com/ R U Ok? Resources: https://www.ruok.org.au/ Follow your Besties across the socials and check out our resumes here: https://www.hrbesties.com/about.  This episode is sponsored by SixFifty - https://www.sixfifty.com/ and head to sixfifty.com/besties for more information. We look forward to seeing you in our next meeting - don’t worry, we’ll have a hard stop! Yours in Business + Bullsh*t,  Leigh, Jamie & Ashley Follow Bestie Leigh! https://www.tiktok.com/@hrmanifesto https://www.instagram.com/hrmanifesto https://www.hrmanifesto.com Follow Bestie Ashley! https://www.tiktok.com/@managermethod  https://www.instagram.com/managermethod https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleyherd/ https://managermethod.com Follow Bestie Jamie! https://www.millennialmisery.com/ Humorous Resources: Instagram • YouTube • Threads • Facebook • X Millennial Misery:  Instagram • Threads • Facebook • X Horrendous HR:  Instagram • Threads • Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'd love to share with you all the most embarrassing thing I've ever done at work. Yes. And this is something that I've been meaning to make a TikTok on for the last couple of years. No shit. But every time I start doing it, I start laughing. I laugh. I laugh too, too hard and I just can't, you know what I mean?

And then it's like, I'll get to it. Man, two and a half years later, I'd be able to do it. But I was on a business trip with my boss and it was one where we took the company car, which is rare, right? Because typically, especially being in Texas, I have to fly everywhere, right? It's a big, big ass place. What's the company car? What kind of car?

Big truck. Oh, okay. Like huge truck, like extended cab, double whatever, spoken like a Jew tux and I can't even describe a truck. I was envisioning like a limo. So, okay. No, but like massive, massive truck. And because my boss, he was such a prima donna, I had to drive, of course, you know, which

is fine. Mr. Daisy. Yeah, driving Mr. Daisy, which is fine. High maintenance. Anyways, we were, you know, headed back after our trip and we decided, of course, to drop the truck off so we can get our vehicles go home, whatever. And I said, gosh, but the truck is so dirty, right? Like I always want to return things better than I got them. And driving in the middle of nowhere, it's like all fly. It's nasty. So just the whole truck, the windshield just covered in bugs.

And so I said, hey, let's just run through the car wash here before we drop the truck off. And he's like, oh, great idea. And he's like, go ahead and fill it up too. Oh, OK, thanks, bitch. So I get up, I fill up the truck, and fill it up too. Oh, okay. Thanks, bitch So like I get up I fill up the truck and then you know, I have to wash it basically I can't believe he didn't make me do it by hand but you know, yeah, exactly, you know, but but I take it, you know through the through the car wash and

We get in the car wash again. It's my boss and myself and I Pull into the car wash and I love lights. You feel like a NASCAR driver? Love that shit. But anyway, that's a random aside that has nothing to do with the story. But there was a bug. There was a bug on the steering wheel. And I freaked out. And I rolled the window down. In the middle of the car wash. In the car wash, right as it was starting.

And I didn't make that connection, I was just freaking out about the bug. And so I rolled the window down, and, oh God, again my boss is here watching all this shit, and I'm like, oh my gosh, trying to get this bug out, and the window, like the they're slow, right? And so, you know, I get the bug out. But when I get the bug out,

that's when all that rainbow, lucky charms looking soap comes into the satisfying. Yeah, it's so gorgeous, right? I mean, it's absolutely beautiful, except when it's on you. And so at that same time, I'm trying to roll the window up, which is just? I mean, it's absolutely beautiful, except when it's on you. And so at that same time, I'm trying to roll the window up, which is just the button and it's all slow coming up. All the liquid lucky charms are coming in to the truck and I'm covered now, like a rainbow. Like, yeah, I'm Roger DeBiven, you know?

And like just my whole body is covered in soap, right? And I mean, like my face, everything like this. And did you think that soap was hot? You probably, you made the assumption it was hot, right? Maybe? I don't know. I always thought it was hot. It is cold as shit. It's Arctic cold.

And so I'm covered in this RGBIV, these liquid lucky charms. It's beautiful. It's cold as shit though. I'm shivering, I'm cutting glass, gone of course. And I turn and I look and my boss is like up against the door, like plastered up against the door

and he's looking at me like, you are the stupidest fucking person that I've ever seen in my life. And you know, I turned, we're like looking at each other, I turned slowly and he goes, what the fuck? And I said like this, I mean, I'm covered, I'm dripping in soap and I'm freezing, I'm already shivering.

And I just, I go, there was a bug. There was a bug, you know what I mean? Because he just sees this. He didn't even see the bug. He just thinks literally, I'm just starting to go into like some sort of shock or something. And I rolled the window down. So then I'm covered, I'm freezing.

My hair's dripping wet. I mean, I'm not kidding. I mean, that's a lot of soap, right? It's to cover a car, right? I'm just a person, you know? So I'm covered in this, I'm shivering, of course I still have to drive. And I'm driving back to the workplace or whatever

and he's still like up against the car door. He's just looking at me like this. No, he's like, why the hell did I even hire you? I mean, really that's the vibe, right? Now, of course he loved me, I was so entertaining. But obviously, you know? So then we get back to the vibe, right? Now, of course he loved me. I was so entertaining. But obviously, you know. So then we get back to the office, we exchange cars, I come back into the workplace,

and people start calling me Soapy. So that's how I got the nickname Soapy at work. So that bitch told everybody. Of course! As the leader. Yeah, well, I don't blame him on that part. That's a funny story. I wouldn't keep that to myself.

I would have taken a picture and or a video though. Yeah, I know. I was like, I wish that there was a photo. I was like, don't wipe it off yet. Now, when you were driving, did you have a towel? I assume you didn't have a towel in the company. I didn't have shit. You shouldn't have a towel in your company car. That's suspicious. But did you like, it's not like a cartoon where when you're dirty, you like, they wipe it, it's gone.

Like it's still like on you as you're driving, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I was covered in liquid lucky charms. Did it smell good at least? Yeah, good question. Yeah, I mean it was soap, right? Yeah, you're clean. I was kind of sticky and I, no kidding, I thought that would be hot, right? Because I don't know about y'all, but I love the soap.

Oh, the soap, yeah. I thought the soap like would be hot, right? Like kind of like, oh, you I love the soap. I thought the soap would be hot. Kind of like, you're in the bath, you know what I mean? That shit is freezing. It is freezing. I can't wait to tell my kids this story. No, it was probably 33 degrees. I mean, it was like, no, and obviously,

that's an exaggeration. I get cold real easy. But I mean, it was freezing. And I mean, it was freezing. And I mean, no kidding, lines of the rainbow. It's a great, embarrassing story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a good one. But that's how I got the nickname Sophi at work.

If that happened to someone, would you have kept that a secret? No, I would have told everybody and I would have made a TikTok about it. Yeah, that's right. I wouldn't have named them. So that's why I still owe the world a TikTok on that one. You do. Yeah, that's right. I wouldn't have named them, you know. So that's why I still owe the world a TikTok on that one. You do. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, boy, that was embarrassing as hell.

Recreate that one. Yeah. It wasn't that long ago. Like, I'm like a grown person. Right. That child. Yeah, I've got a couple of grad degrees and you know what I mean? I've been an exec since my 20s. I mean, so it's like there was a bug. But there was a bug, you know? And that's like one of those kryptonite things.

Yeah, that is a good… That will stick with you forever. And I think it was a stink bug. Oh, I don't know. I don't have time for that shit. Which obviously got into the car when I was pumping gas, you know what I mean? And he could have swatted that out there. Yeah.

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Crypto trading evolves risk of loss. Kraken's registration details at kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer. So transitioning in, thank you so much for joining us for our staff meeting today. It's going to be a riveting one. Let's jump into the agenda. And so we will kick off this meeting with our cringe corporate speak. And that is going to be brought to us by Ashley today. Thank you, Ashley, in advance. And then we're going to deep dive into the hot topic of gossip in the workplace.

Oh my gosh. That's a thing, isn't it? Boy, is that a thing. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Hashtag job security. Okay. Okay. So there's a, there's a lot in that space, I think. And so we're going to deep dive on that. And then of course, because we do have a hard stop, it's Jamie's hard stuff. She's got to go get Taco Bell. But Jamie's got a hard

stop. But before we do that hard stuff, we, of course, are going to save time for questions and comments, as always. And so Ashley, would you like to kick us off with the Cringe Corporate Speak? I would. And my Cringe Corporate Speak is executive presence. Oh, yeah, no.

What that tends to mean is when people are talking about someone in a promotion or, oh, there's this person and they have a great executive presence. And what that can mean is, like, probably Lee, like a little bit, like, maybe taller, so I don't have that, maybe a bit of a deeper voice, but like a level of confidence. Gorgeous. Gorgeous, yeah, sorry. Rainbow colored. Rainbow colored.

So B. I definitely do not have an exact B. But it can be someone that's a good public speaker or convincing when they speak. And it's a lot about their style and their window dressing. Another word you hear sometimes is gravitas. Like, oh, they have this. That people believe what they say. And so you coach people like, oh, to move up, you need to have executive presence.

And what I would say is if people, no matter what you're doing, wherever you want to be on the organizational ladder, it is good to have communication skills and a thought process and, you know, be able to add value. But this thing of executive presence and gravitas, the problem that I have with it is that it does tend to skew mail and it tends to favor some really superficial characteristics that can mask actual substance underneath and it can make it hard for introverts or people that have really strong skill sets from feeling like, well, I can't get up

and be commanding like this person. So, well, my future is F-tier. So, thoughts. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, I had a leader use executive presence once, and I called them on it because I knew that, quite frankly, they were racist. You know what I mean?

After working with them for a while and things that they had shared with me. And they said, well, I just love that guy's executive presence. And I said, Oh, is that because they look just like you? He didn't, he didn't like that. But it was true. Yeah. And we know that like higher is like, right. But he was kind of like, of course, here you go again, you know. But there's a lot of that in that as well. So it's kind of anyone who doesn't fit the social mores or the stereotypes of a leader, they don't have executive presence, right? And the person that's typically saying that is someone that of course has this vision, like we all do, we all do we have biases right but they have this vision in their head from all of their experiences and background of what a leader should look like and be

like and they try to fit it in that box you know what I mean so it's like oh well they don't have the executive presence well what sometimes what they're saying is well I've never seen a leader that looks like them exactly like yeah yeah so I don't I don't think that's going to work. Yeah. You know, it's like, wait, what? You know, so that's how I've seen that unfortunately play out in the workplace when, you know, people use that term executive presence.

It's not always for good. No. I definitely have more of a clownal presence. Clownal? Yeah, like I'm a class clown, you know? Oh. Kind of like a clown in the workplace. Yeah, I just made it up.

Like the personality hire? I love it, actually. A hundred percent a personality hire. But you have a really, really incredibly strong skill set as well. So that's a benefit. I know. Well, that's cool then. I'm sure no one knows that though.

I'll tell you. Well, Jamie gets jobs because people she's worked with are like, come with me. Come with me and Come with me. I need you. And you'll see. Yeah. But I like that. So there's executive presence now and clownal presence.

I just made that up. I love that actually. That's a TikTok. I think there's a lot of stereotypes that people need to get in front of this stuffy boardroom and have these, you know, this puff, puff, puff that dress. But I think when people, the way people talk and the more real talk, it's the same behind all this corporate, double click, like this tech focused,

tech stack, like what tech stack? Do you use book fucking software? What software makes your job easier? Oh, what tech stack are you? Like people do it to try to sound like you like, you know, add a couple zeros behind your worth or your company name. But when you have people that just shoot at you straight

and they're not using the big words and they're not, you know, they're humble and they have a real touch with people. I'd rather hear from people like that all of the time. And I think if one of the gaps is that people don't get opportunities. They're expected at some point when you rise to like start doing presentations

and it's really hard to do that. And so valuing more real talk and people's personalities rather than stuffing them into this, you know, mold is I think is more 2024. Yeah, yeah. No, that's totally out. I mean, I just hate how it becomes so homogeneous, right? We've seen that in our boards, some of our boards and, you know, our C suite leaders, they all it's just a group thing. Yeah. They're all just cookie cutter. Yeah. And like, even when you just say executive presence, it just gives me like good old boy vibes.

That's literally what my head goes to. Yeah. All right. Oh, that's it. Let's not say that. I know. I know. What could we say? Clownel, clownel presence. I'm going to change my LinkedIn clownel presence. Clownel presence.

Chief Clown Office. Oh, Chief Clown Office. Clown, Chief Meme Office. I know, I know. We know, we see you at the top of the world chart. That's the way you are. You're our C-Sweet. CMO.

CMO. CMO, I love it. Well now let's take a deep dive into all things gossip in the workplace. I know it never happens, right? I know this is a weird topic for us to even discuss because it's so uncomfortablet. But gossip in the

workplace. I know, like all the collective sighs here on this one. What do we think? Is it a thing? Is it a problem? You know, it's unfortunate, to be honest, because I feel like sometimes it's high school all over you. And it's really disappointing because if you know anything about me, I am very inclusive. I genuinely like everyone usually and it always just hurts when I hear that there's gossip. Not about me. I'm not worried about me. I'm talking about like just within my place of business.

And it just, it bothers me because, and I said this on season one, but you know what? We're all there to do a job. And you know, we don't need to have that extra gossip or hurting people's feelings in the mix. Now, do I gossip? Oh yeah, I partake in the gossip. But usually it's with the trusted work bestie and you know.

What kind of gossip? Oh, like, I'm trying to think of- HR gossip. I've partaken the goss. But usually it's with the trusted work bestie and you know. What kind of goss? Oh, like I'm trying to think of... HR goss. Yeah, like HR goss. You know, so and so has to be let go on Friday because she stole $30,000 or something. You know what I mean? It's going to be $37,000 by Friday.

I know, right? You've got to wait until Friday. You know, but like something've gotta wait till Friday. But something like that. Got it. Not as much as like, she's on Ozempic. I'm thinking like, girls wise right now. Do you know what I mean? Yes.

That's I think, because there's the two harmful types of gossip I see are personal gossip and professional gossip. And the personal gossip, I think you've hit one on the head that I think, you know, with Ozempic and Wegovi, is when people have lost weight and people go, oh, how have they? Yeah, how do they do that? You know, it's nobody's business.

It's absolutely none of their business. And absolutely things like, oh, did they get a boob job? What do you think? How do they afford this? And so, did you see what kind of car they had? Oh, so some of that, or people's relationships, statuses, and things like that. And it's, it is, it's harmful,

because especially when you have things about people's personal appearance and things that matter, and everyone else is talking about, and it just creates, you know, just unprofessional atmospheres. But the flip is the professional aspect, which is when people like, this person is the absolute worst and it's the things that happen,

but nobody ever has a direct conversation with that individual. And so they're not having that opportunity to perform. And so it's like the unsaid secret or a manager that's, nobody ever does anything about it. And so it just creates these environments and everyone's talking but nobody's doing. The say-do ratio, Lee's amazing phrase that she uses sometimes, is when nobody's doing anything about it.

What do you think, Lee? I always think, why does this happen? Because I have seen such, I have been a part of so many and have witnessed so many toxic work environments, fortunately and unfortunately. And I always reflect on, God, why is this happening? And for me, I believe it primarily happens when there's a lack of effective communications in an organization, when there's zero focus on it, right?

When there's zero focus on transparency of communications, because that's when you really get the weaponization of gossip and you get information hoarding for job security, because there's not that flow down from the top of information. And so that's what I've always seen as a consistent theme is when an organization puts zero focus or very little focus on communications. There's no one that owns communications. There's not consistent communications. People are always going to fill in the lack of information with

something negative, a negative assumption. And so then people start hoarding information. Information is power in organizations like that. And gossip is absolutely used as a weapon. And I hate that toxic shit. Yeah. And you know what is the worst is when you have those executives that are a part of the gossip train, right? Or they're the worst.

Yeah. They are the worst part of it. And so that's very difficult to deal with as an HR professional because that's a position of power that everyone looks as above them and they're one of the worst of being the gossip her. You mean like a leader that sees someone they're like, they look like shit. Oh yeah. I used to on some videos.

They look tired. What's wrong with them? Are they an alcoholic, you know, making these assumptions and creating these environments, as opposed to saying, because one of the things, a bit more of a serious topic, is in the workplace, that might be people's real only social interaction, whether in person, whether you're remote. And so people can often choose outside of work to really isolate themselves. But at times you may have to have those interactions. And so having conversations with people

that there have been unfortunate situations. And they said, people at work said they noticed something was wrong and they felt so badly because they'd never said anything to that person. And they thought, oh, I feel so badly. I just thought they were going through some shit and we all talked about it, but like no one wanted to say anything

to make it awkward for them. And so, you know, having some of those tools, like if you look at, Are You Okay Day? It's our, it says you, slash, okay, we've done a video on it a couple years ago. They have tools on there, it's out of Australia, but they have tools on talking about these things at the workplace productively.

And so just taking that pause, that if you see something, again, we're all humans. You see someone go kind of, you know, one day, flat chest comes in with Dolly Parton, and you're like, oh my goodness, okay. Fair enough, I get you. We are human. Like, we are not perfect, and we have all had our lessons.

And I'm sure there's certainly times in my career, especially in the earlier side, where I was like a fucking idiot. But taking that step and when you're in HR, talking to organizations about that and just if you feel like there's a situation, people are talking about something, check in on that employee because there sometimes could be something bigger going on and you could really have a positive impact on their life by proactively doing it from a place of support rather than it being your entertainment, which a lot of people fall, whatever. Pray to or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I think that that's awesome advice. And Jamie, I'm kind of reflecting on what you shared about sometimes the C-suite or top leadership being the worst. And of course, people are looking up and they are seeing that behavior and they know that they can act like that. They are getting permission to be the same way. And so those top leaders are modeling this very negative, gross behavior and everyone

else is just following suit. And now you have this incredibly toxic, politically heavy workplace, you know, that's just gross really to be a part of, you know, at least for the majority of people probably. But I was reflecting on, you know, a toxic leader that I've had that would always gossip about everybody to you, right?

And so, you know, you'd be on the one-on-one with her and she's just, you know, talking shit about everybody to you, right? And so, you know, you'd be on the one-on-one with her and she's just, you know, talking shit about everybody. And every time I was on a call with her, I'm thinking, God, if she's talking about everybody, she's talking about me, right? And it's just like, God, how gross is that? Like how unprofessional, how disgusting, how toxic, how pathetic really to be so little to where,

especially in that position, oh my gosh, you're just like, F that person and that person sucks and fire that guy and do this and that just like just wow, just like hot goss, just like crazy at that level, you know, just be mindful of course, you know, especially in HR and in leadership positions to model the positive way to be the right way, air quotes, you know, to be in the workplace, which is treating others with dignity and respect as much as possible, you know what I mean? Treating others how you want to be treated. I love how you say in HR, because again, with HR Besties, a lot of what we try to do is point out things and give things you can think about. And so, especially as you have those managers

coming up and maybe you have teams where a group of people, an individual contributor is now managing their peers, is now managing the people that they used to be that team. And that's a great thing because that's internal mobility. But what that person needs is that training and those tools. And some of it is those reminders. And what HR can do is like scenario, you know, scenario plan, okay, you know, what are you gonna do

if you were on a team and there's someone that really bugged you on the team, really bugged you on the team, because people's human instinct is gonna be to talk shit about that person. And that's gonna be natural. Or like, how are you gonna manage someone that's your friend that's not, you know, doing well?

Or how are you gonna make sure that you're having those communications in that way and balance friendship and management and the gossip. And that's what can happen is when you have leaders that are friends with some people on the team and not others. And so giving some of that coaching and also telling managers, one thing I say

for in-person environments is to managers, think about visually the signs you're sending to your team. And are you stopping by some people's cubes, some people's offices, and then moving by everybody else? And you know, you don't need to have a stopwatch of, you know, now, you know, this is my speed dating time with everyone, but just think about if, if there's people that you never go up and talk to

and have one-on-one conversations, how that probably feels to that person. And just reminding them of like checking in with, with that individual and showing people a little bit of love equally. Yeah. No, I love that. Yeah. I worked at a place where the executives were incredibly bad about gossiping and I sat on

the C-suite floor and I would be scared to be sick or to have my children be sick or have to go out for a doctor's appointment because that was the worst was when someone wasn't there, whether it was a planned vacation, a doctor's appointment or an illness, you would get talked about. And that was one of the worst toxic environments I ever worked in. But like I would be physically ill, like from, let's say the stomach bug, and then the worry and the anxiety on top of that, that I was being talked about for being ill and I was missing work. And it's just like being a toxic workplace survivor, it's just so frustrating that we can't be grown adults in the workplace.

And it's not just women. It's men too. Men are just as guilty, but not have like, you know, this catty bullshit of gossip in the workplace. One thing you said was the C-suite floor. And I'm curious your thoughts because the C-suite probably could be a corporate cringe on its own in my mind because when you have leaders And you have this isolation and like like the like keeping all of these top leaders away from their teams

I'm curious what you all think about that and how that lends to Gossip in the workplace if you have you know all the executives together, but they're not present as much You know with their teams or function. Yeah, So I hate the idea of having an executive floor. Yeah. When you said that, I was like, huh. I will say in this particular case, it made sense because the clinic was downstairs. So upstairs were the offices. That's where the executive presence sat.

And well done. That's a lot of gravitas to bring that up, Jamie. So it made sense. But even the last company I was at, same thing, it was a nine-story building and the ninth floor was for the executives. So yeah, I mean, there's several places that's been like that. All the executives sit on the same floor together and it's like, they're up in their high offices with all glass windows that overlook the mountains or whatever.

So yeah, and that's where the gym is. And that's where the private bathroom is. I think it's kind of gross. And I did work for a company straight out of college, a large farm brand, great company. They had their executives in their respective departments. So like the, you know, the CFO was with all of accounting and finance and the head of human resources was with all of human resources. And that's kind of how I feel like it should, it evens it out better, right? So now you're seeing your executive for your department and you see them daily. They know you on a personal basis,

as opposed to some 108th floor, you know? Like, untouchable, you can't get up there unless you have the key fob and... Oh my God, exactly. I mean, which makes some sense, but... Yes. But I also like having teams next to each other across. Like, in legal, take legal, KFC we sit next to marketing,

because they bring their products by. Again, my legal, KFC, we sit next to marketing, because they bring their products by, again, my stretch pants. Oh, you want to try this new chicken product? Sure do. Absolutely. But it is, or the gossip about the offices, who gets what office.

Oh my God, yes. People will get, especially the new open concepts, which it's really. Yeah, what I'd love to share on gossip is that if people are gossiping about you, it's not a you issue, it's a them issue. You know what I mean? And so as much as you can, try not to personalize that

and don't let that change you, right? So I've been backstabbed so many times and I've had people be so political, it's called jealousy and try to throw me under the bus, literally throw me under the bus. Like mean girls? Yeah, hardcore mean girls in the workplace, I'll tell you what. Like a movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Regina. Regina George Sophie over here. But I've had people just be really, really cruel to me in the workplace, which is unfortunate. But you know what? I have not allowed that to change me. I'm always going to be kind. And so that's really been my focus as much as I can be.

I'm still going to defend myself. I'm still going to do all that I can, right? But I really do focus on treating others how I want to be treated, and I don't go to that dark side. And so that would be my message really to others is that try not to participate. It's really easy to get wrapped into that. It's really easy to go to that dark side. It's really, it's easy to be mean.

You know what I mean? But it sure hell doesn't feel good and doesn't solve anything. And so again, just remember that it's a them problem. It's their insecurities, it's their jealousy, it's their issues. And it's not a you problem. As much as you can, do not let that change you. You know what I mean?

So I've seen it change people and God, it breaks my heart, but stay strong and be that great person that you are. Well, and just like middle and high school, you know, there may be people that you feel like are popular or like you should be, you should be close with, because find your people. Find your people, find your people, find your people. And those people that you know are your people that are there for you.

And it can be hard to figure that out and you may get burned a bit, but finding the people that are there and support you and want you to succeed and at that point, not caring. And if you do find people that are talking badly about you, and sometimes if you're a manager, we talked about this in season one, like when I've had managers that found their employees

talking shit about them, and some of it was nasty personal things. But I'd said, you know, it is gonna be natural for people to talk shit about the boss a little bit, because that's camaraderie. Like, oh, I'm playing the boss. But if you talk and say, like, I saw these things, these are hurtful, like, in no matter, it is going to be natural for people to talk shit about the boss a little bit, because that's camaraderie.

But if you talk and say, like, I saw these things, these are hurtful. And no matter, if you call people on that and say, I'm trying to come to work and be professional, and it felt really hurtful to see that. And people do sometimes need to know that. Your outcome doesn't need to be that that person's your friend, but addressing that and standing up for yourself and then moving on to your people. Yeah, you know, it's so wild. It's the same thing on social. And I think we've talked about this personally offline. Like when you see people saying negative things about you or the negative,

you know, negative comments or same thing in the workplace, you hear people talking shit about you or whatever. What's so funny is that I know that their intention is to hurt me so that they can feel better, but what's so crazy is instantly I feel so sorry for them. The opposite is actually happening. I'm thinking, oh my God, who hurt you? Oh my God, I'm so sorry that you're in this place emotionally to where you're trying to hurt me or somebody else so you can try and get a quick high. Like I start getting all psychological about it,

but I actually just feel really, really sorry for those people, you know what I mean? And it's like, God, how can I help you? Oh my gosh, I feel so bad, right? Like instantly I'm like, oh my gosh. Who raised you? Do you need a hug? Like, do you need a hug? Like literally.

But it's a helpful reminder. And when your people go through those things at work or in life, like we'll have this sometimes and I'll take, God, a screenshot of a comment that's just mean and savage, either about looks or about content, like, you know, no one cares. Well, you did watch it and comment.

So, yeah. You scared a little bit. Evidence says you do, but whatever. But I will send screenshots sometimes in our group chat and I'm like, I feel hurt. I feel sad and it knocks me down. But what lifts me up even higher is Jamie and Lee will say like, fuck him.

Or fuck that guy. Jealous he's a bitch. Yeah, but also look at it and then like, or they'll go and send a screenshot of a positive comment. And be like, yeah, but this is what people actually, the people that matter really think. So don't stop doing, like Leigh had said this the other day, of something that was really, really not in a great place

about something that, and he's like, do not let this drag you down when other good things are happening. And so being that person for others, so it's not just not partaking, but when you see that happening for your. So it's not just not partaking, but when you see that happening for your people or people you don't know

that haven't found their people yet, be that person to the workplace and just remind people when they're going through their shit that it's okay and they're very capable individuals. ["The Hot Topic On"] Excellent note to end the hot topic on right there. Thank you, Ashley, for that. All right.

So because we do have a hard stop, let's be efficient here and go into our questions and comments. Do we have any questions or comments? I have a comment. Oh, let's hear it. Tantric success. Oh, do tell. Yeah. So, we were talking about things one day and people want quick success or quick wins, things like that.

And Lee said, but you know, it really does feel good over time to look back and see that you've put a lot of effort into something that you've built. And I said, yes, tantric success. And it literally came. And I- That's what she said. That's what she said. That's what she said. Yes, Tantric success and it literally came and I Usually it's referred to in another in another thing of you know, Tantric Yep, yep tasting taking a long time sting

Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, no, anyway. I got a busy schedule, like, let's do this. In and out. Literally. But from the professional context, because we are very professional at HR Festies. But I was like, Tantric Success, and I was like, oh my god, I'm like, I really like this saying, this idea of building up over time and seeing this success

at the end. Well, I looked it up, and I'm not the first person to think about that. Unfortunately, I bought the domain Tandricksuccess.com. Coming soon. Well, that's coming in a long time. Oh, yeah, that's right. Coming in a long time. Global success.

Oh my God. But so some of this is this idea of like you get fed this idea and an instantaneous culture and like this reply first type of thing, psychologically, it can really feel good. And so if you're listening to this and you're like, I'm not, I haven't hit the point, stop and think about everything you've done and think about yourself, you know, five, 10, 20, 30, 40

years at the beginning of your career and what you have built and these lessons and everything that has turned you into the individual you are. And so I think relishing the things that you're doing and spending your time on and finding success over time. So I don't know what we're gonna do with this. Pantantrixsuccess.com is taken.

Pantantrily. So pantantrixsuccess.org, go ahead and grab that. Coming in a long time. So that's it. Coming, never. Oh gosh, yeah yeah we do need to assess that out don't we yes there's something there I can feel by the time you're listening to this we'll have it a fleshed out very strong

executive presence on that site. But yeah, Tantric success is really our tagline here. No more business and bullshit, but Tantric success. There you go, there you go. I like it. I have a quick question. And this is a weird one now to follow up with Tantric success, but fuck it. What was y'all's favorite board game when you were like younger?

Favorite board game? Candyland. Cause it's so pretty. Remember the board and then like the candy cane kingdom. Going on the slide. Stunning. Yeah. Yeah.

I'd say Yahtzee. Ooh. I love, I still. My son loves Yahtzee. Yeah, I like Yahtzee. Ooh! My son loves Yahtzee. Yeah, I like Yahtzee. We still, I think, at my parents' house have the board and have like a green felt and I like still, there's the scratches on it from when I was a kid. And I remember like, oh, my brother was like, yeah, yeah, you scratched the felt. And so we still had, now I love that scratch. And so over time, I've come to appreciate that. But I love, I'm a big Yahtzee person. So that'd be fun to play. That actually, Mall Madness. Matter of fact, I actually recently bid on eBay. Probably won't do much money.

When you said bid, did you win? It's still going. So when this airs, hopefully no one knows. I know exactly. Don't tell people about it. But it's the 1989 Mald Madness. Oh my God. So I had it probably early 90s when I got it for Christmas, and it was my most favorite game. And I would force my mom or my dad to play with me.

But yeah, that game is the absolute like... The mall, like you'd go fight all... I want to get a mall madness tattoo. And no, I'm serious, like obsessed. And like, yeah, I played it. Do you have tattoos? Oh, I have a bunch of tattoos. Um, but there's one part, like when it's starting to shut off, cause it talks.

What does it say? Like mall is closed. Yes. Oh my gosh. Closed. And then like, it'll be like, bing, bing, bing. There is a sale at the fashion boutique and at the kitchen store.

But it would go, so when it was shutting off, it would go, ooh, sorry, long line, try again later. And so I will randomly just say, try again later. And no one knows what I'm talking about. Now I'll know. I'll probably forget. But hopefully, hopefully I win it. We'll play that.

And I will bring it next time. Yeah, you've got to bring it. For season three. You go to the Walden books. Oh my god, it was so much fun. You had credit cards. Think about like Little Jamie playing with plastic credit cards. I would have loved Little Jamie.

I've never played that game, so you have to bring it. You have to win it. You pay anything for that. You know what I mean? It's worth it. Yeah. Priceless. It's priceless. Now don't tell my husband. I know. He will not be happy.

Spend anything. It's an investment in happiness. It is an investment in happiness. You know what I mean? That's vintage right there. That's some good stuff. You know? All right. Not a question, but a comment, right? And this is more maybe like a meditative affirmation that you all could repeat, right? But to the haters in the workplace,

fuck you, I just want you to know that you didn't change me. I am still a badass bitch. And it's a reflection of you and how gross and pathetic and disgusting you are that you treated me like shit. I didn't deserve that. You didn't value me. And that's why I no longer work there and you're bored as hell during your workday. Fuck you. Preacher, preach on. Thank you.

Oh, God, I am ready. Amen. Amen. Right? So just remember that. It's not you. It's wrong. I'm going to re-record. I'm going to go back. I'm going to hit the 15-second rewind multiple times and listen to that. Exactly. Just, okay, I will repeat that, but maybe 30 seconds.

And you didn't see, obviously, for those that are listening, you did not see Ashley and I having to come apart, like, praising Jesus. Yeah, namaste. And we're in the room. Namaste. Yeah. see, obviously, for those that are listening, you did not see Ashley and I like having like come apart, like praising Jesus. Yeah, we're Namaste. We're Namaste. Yeah. We're Namaste. I appreciate that.

We'll not stay with that thought very much. Exactly. So just repeat that like before your workday. Yeah. Enduring and after. Enduring and after. And oh my God, what's wrong with people? So much.

Oh, well, gosh, thank you so much for joining us on this episode of HR besties We love that you join our staff meeting and we cannot wait for the next one. See you soon besties