I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 1 - Fires

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

We evacuated the LA fires and started a podcast. Please enjoy the very first episode of At This Moment (ATM) with Jim Jefferies & Amos Gill At This Moment (ATM) with Jim Jefferies & Amos Gill SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: https://www.jimjefferies.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies FB: https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies Twitter: https://twitter.com/jimjefferies   Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/ Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

Hello and welcome to ATM at this moment with me, oh let me start again. We're off to a flight. And welcome to At This Moment, ATM with me, Jim Jefferies and Amos Gill. This is our first episode, hello Amos. Hello mate, and as everyone who on Facebook saw it was very funny to point out, it's asked a mouth. We didn't know, we didn't know. We didn't know. We didn't know. I thought we were going to keep that secret the whole time,

but it lasted seconds. Isn't there egg on our face? It turns out that there's a porn search called asked a mouth. We were illuminated by it. Yeah. And we're rethinking the whole thing. So good on you guys for finding that. I thought it was a money machine.

Which this podcast will not be. So at this moment, the podcast is at this moment in my house. And we're gonna talk about what happens in the week. We're gonna talk about what happens globally, what happens locally, and what's happening in our private life. So what's happening globally this week is there's been bushfires all across Los Angeles

where we live. This is where the podcast was sort of born rising out of the ashes of this fire. I had a pretty horrific time. You know, the fire started and you, first of all, you left Glendale, didn't you Jack? And then I thought, oh geez, Jack's evacuating. Then I came, we had an arson burn two houses down over there. You had arsonists here?

Yeah, we had arsonists. They're everywhere, but for people that don't know this, I don't know how the original fire started but there's a lot of meth head homeless people with gas canisters wandering around LA setting fire to things. A lot of time it is the homeless just trying to cook in their little cardboard boxes and stuff like that. That's how some of the fires have started. I've been told. I've never been invited to a homeless dinner party but that that's the, that's what people reckoning. If you think they're doing a puree salmon and they're doing blowtorch. It could be, it could be the glass barbecue. It could be blaming on the glass bar. They could have a teppanyaki type thing going on there. Maybe a raclette for cheese. Anyway, so a lot of the homeless start the fire.

Then if you have never been to LA, there's a lot of homeless people. But a lot more now. Yes. Oh, golly. Yeah. She's controversial. Hey, any young man. a lot more now. Yes. Oh golly. Yeah. Jeez. Controversial. Hey, any young man tell everyone you joke you made. Tell everyone the joke.

Well, we evacuated and then the day of the fire. I went to the comedy magic club in Hermosa beach. And my joke was, um, the LA fire department chief said she wanted more diversity. That was her mission was for more diversity. And I said, well you got to give credit where credit's due. The Palisades has never been this black. So she's very good. It's a good joke. She's followed through. But it's too soon. Hurtful. Hurtful to a lot of people who already lost their homes. And well you know let me caveat that. The Palisades people I don't feel as bad for.

Obviously it's sad, it's sad. It's horrible. These people are doing very well. The Alta Dina fires. That's how you know where you're at in life. You've got more friends. You're rich. You've got friends in the Palisades.

My friends all live out in the poor fires, which are not in the news. I don't discriminate against people being burnt. I'm, I'm, I don't mean the ones that are dead. Let's not pull the rip cord on me this early. I'll tell you the ones that are dead. Let's not pull the ripcord on me this early in the show. I'll tell you a joke that I made. I walked out on stage to a half sold theatre in Pittsburgh. Already funny.

Yeah, already funny, right? 3000 a seater and I sold about 1800 or something. Is that where I get you in your career when you can't even sell anymore? I get you here on the podcast. I said, if I sold this theatre out, they got it and sell this theatre out. Because if I sold this theatre out and I was more successful, I would have bought a house in the Palisades and lost everything by now, right? See that's a lot fun because I'm making fun of myself

I'm making fun of myself not at minorities and people who have lost their houses. I had to listen I live in the Santa Monica area I got a message to evacuate because my girlfriend has asthma and We didn't know where to go. We had to leave. Wait a minute. Wait a minute Why did you get a message because you had asthma? No, we got a message on our phone that said, if you've got breathing problems, you need to get out now because the particulates in the air are bad. All right.

So my girlfriend said, we need to leave somewhere. Where can we go? And I didn't want to pay for anything. Yeah. Even though my girlfriend was coughing. So I called you and you have a place in Palm Springs. I'd already accepted. I'd already escaped with my family to Palm Springs.

When the fires started in Studio City, which were put out in like a matter of hours, right? I went, all right, the whole city is going down. And I said to my family, I said, it's time to go. Like this, right? And so I sent my son upstairs, I said, get him a couple of things. And I told my wife to get a couple of things. And what we got was a few little valuables and some paperwork. And then I looked at the house and I don't know if I'd felt this light in my life.

Like I was like, Oh, you liked the Mary Kondo element. Oh, let the rest of it burn. I got in my car with my, and then I had to get my cats, right? So we have three cats, right? Which by the way, I want to say Jim did a post on Facebook. Lost subscribers. cats right which by the way I want to say Jim did a post on Facebook lost lost subscribers I lost followers on Facebook on Instagram because I posted me with

cats people fucking hated people hate men that with cats my wife is more a cat person I am but I'm an animal person I like animals that you've never seen me being mean to an animal I like animals except for the ones I eat I eat but I still want them to be treated humanely and stuff like that. But so we didn't have the cat boxes. We had like one cat box to take one cat at a time to the veterinarian, but we didn't have three cat boxes. So we had to physically pick up the cats,

throw them inside the Tesla, which is hard with those gullwing doors because they take so long to shut. Like in a normal car, you just crack it open a little bit and shove a cat in and then shut it, right? This one, it was like herding cats, right? I had bloody cats. Well, that's good. It's because the Tesla now has a car for conservatives and they're not cat people. So we don't want you fucking pussy. This is the other thing with me. So I was, I, this was the most, this was the most, uh, divisive tweet I've ever had me

driving in a Tesla with three cats because a lot of lefties are into cats, right? And they hate Tesla, right? I like the cats. I hate the car. That's what people are writing. So I get in the car, I get the three cats and I get my two boys, my wife, my ex is up the road who's Hank's mother and she's gonna drive to Palm Springs and off we go. We escape, we get down there and then Amos you came and joined us but before that I was driving along in autopilot with like literally a cat just sitting on the dashboard just hissing at me just like freaking the fuck out that it was being driven. On the way back the cats were completely chill. I think now I

think I could plausibly just drive around with my cats on a regular basis now. I think I've trained them up. Yeah. Well, let's not have you do that because we don't need the perception that you've completely lost your fucking mind. What? What's wrong with having free cats in your people who fucking fly on planes. Your audience can't accept that you have cats at your house. You had learned that you travel with cats.

I would have a dog. I would have a dog if I didn't live such a busy lifestyle. I'm not home enough for a dog. I'm not home enough to walk it. Cats, you can just say, I can just send Jack over to feed a cat. They don't care, they don't even miss you. Can I ask you a question?

Why do you, let's touch down on it. Why do you think that your audience was genuinely fucked off to see you have, because I'll be honest, you had like this light colored hat that you're wearing there and some glasses and cats. And I was like, it is a diff, you are a different guide to the alcoholic degenerate from the early work. I couldn't have seen that guy traveling around doing coke with cats.

There's one of me child, children in the background. He's all right. Anyway, Freddie Mercury had cats. He had lots of cats and AIDS. Yeah, exactly. And he, and he did some really freaky things. He did. If the stories are true, there was meant to be midgets on all fours with bloody

glass, like cocaine mirrors on their backs at his parties. That's what I've been told. I'm telling you. And that guy was a cat guy. Your audience is saying, Jim, you've got cats, you're gay. And your defense is, well, Freddie Mercury, Adam, you've got them. Freddie Mercury, he had a mustache and everything. Tough guy.

But Jim, Jim was nice enough to, this is what happened. He said, Hey, look, we've got to Palm Springs. Get out of there. You don't need to stay down there. And I said, nah, we're, we're good because we were going to go to Hawaii. We were looking for flights to Hawaii and it was too expensive. So then the next day I said, oh, actually we might, you know, we might come down. And I, you know, you got to grab your valuables

because my girlfriend's a panic merchant. And so she was, we have to leave, we have to leave. So I brought, I brought my golf bag and we were driving down to Palm Springs and my dad called and you Know what Australian dads are like with you already everyone in Australia all my family are like, what are you bloody? What do you live there? You get shot by some bloody idiot and you got you know Trumpy and you've got you know Fires move home and dad said he's watching the news and the Australian news made it seem like, you know, we're all burning alive here. Well, it was the worst fire in LA history.

How bad? Okay. First of all, we have to do the obligatory, uh, thank you for all the firefighters and thank you for all the people who are the second responders. The people who are clearing away debris and stuff like that. That's important because these fires bring out the best and the worst in people. You get the people who volunteer and then you get the people who f*****g loot those c**ts.

Um, and thank you to the workers at Nobu who did not take a day off. They were, they survived. Nobu Malibu was still there. Yeah, of course. And there's a conspiracy theory around that. Is that Nobu paid people off, but Geffen's 83 million dollar house got burnt down, he would have paid people off.

You reckon Nobu's like right in with the fucking fire people that his place gets protected first. So our house also survived, which is very important to the culture here. Yeah, well, that does destroy the argument of a lot of, because a lot of the States in America, there's a lot of negativity to LA. Where they're like, you, you're gay, demons,

you know, kitty fiddlers and so God has punished you. They don't like that we do all those things. Yes, we disagreeable to that. And you've got us on that. Yeah, yeah. We have a different lifestyle here. But

you know, the movies here are not good. I could go on adrenal gland right now. Well, that unfortunately, yeah. Can you imagine the amount of them that would have gone up in freezers? Unbelievable. Nothing burns like adrenochrome. All right. It's just freezers. You're going to lose some valuable bits of artwork, some million dollar

baseball cards and some adrenal glands. That's what that's what Mel Gibson's all his stuff. Mel Gibson lost all the Braveheart stuff. Um, but they can still find the tapes of him saying the N-word. So, who knows what was in there? Yeah, nothing could burn. Mel Gibson was super chill about it because he was like, there was a lot of cancellable tapes up there somewhere. A lot of blackmail lost up in the Palisades.

No, but I was driving up there and my dad called and he goes, you know, like, are you all right? You're safe. He goes, it feels like, you know, you're in a war zone. And when you escape with golf clubs, it isn't that bad. No, because I've seen a lot of trauma in the Middle East and very few of them, you know, going to a Red Cross tent with a pickleball bat. Oh, you know, I'm Palm Springs restaurants were all filled with people that had just lost their house that day like, well, we have Mexican. Yeah.

Well, that's the thing. All the Palisades people just went down to the desert to play around the golf. Oh, we couldn't get a tee time. Yeah. It's it. So that's what I'm saying. There's some people that have been terribly affected. Other people lost, you know, one of many homes and they were okay.

They were in Palm Springs. Oh, look, it's going to be hard to get insurance moving forward, but as you said, people don't really like us and it's, and it's sort of, it's the same as Luigi or that type of stuff. Like people, people are rejoicing in mayhem at the moment. Well if I was the CEO of an insurance company, yes, because you know, they're not paying out. What do you mean they're not paying out? Well, they actually pulled out like State Farm and farmers no longer offer insurance

to people in those areas because they're like, it keeps burning. Stop going there. We're not going to give you. Well, this is the thing. I reckon pick your poison against earthquakes versus fire. Right. Cause a house in Australia made out of brick takes an hour and a half to burn down in intense heat and intense heat.

These houses in California take 15 minutes, right? Because it's all made of wood. This plucking place is made out of fucking cardboard, right? You could poke your finger through the minutes, right? Because it's all made of wood. This place is made out of fucking cardboard. Yeah. Right. You could poke your finger through the wall, right? Like, like this thing would go up in seconds. If you could light this light with a sparkler, right?

Right. And someone will try. Keep a look at it. So, so I reckon in the time I've been here in the 15, 16, 17 years of being here, I, I've experienced more bushfires than I have earthquakes and the earthquakes have always been a bit of fun. Your house just wobbles a bit and then you move on with your day, but maybe it would all fall down if it was brick, but how big does it have to be?

I don't know. What, why don't we, under your logic there saying that the bricks take the heat. Why don't we build a house? The chimneys are all still standing in the power. I know that the chimneys and the safes, but let's be logical. Why don't we make it out of the same material as the safes? Great big steel places with a huge door. What about make it out of make it out of pizza oven? You open it up it's like a fucking it's like a Barbie house where you can see all the different levels. Well you've seen those

pizza ovens that the Italians have like forest used to have on the South Side. Just sort of big pizza oven domes. Cause they, they're fire retardant. No, but that's concrete. It can still crack and some stuff. I'm down with the- I pick holes in my architecture.

I'm down with the steel idea. A big safe or tents. Yeah, well tents are, listen, the homeless people that are sleeping in tents have the right idea. You move. You're transient. You were sleeping in Malibu on the beach and then you just had to move down to Venice and you're good again. Every time I go to the homeless, you don't like the homeless.

Yeah, you pick on the homeless. I'm saying the homeless are smart. No, you mean spirited about the homeless. That's not mean spirited. And the minorities. If you spend 20 million on a home. Yeah, how do you feel about lesbian firemen? Go on, say what you want to say.

Well, let's play a clip. I'm going to go to the next clip. mean-spirited and the minorities if you spend 20 million on a home yeah how do you feel about lesbian firemen go and say what you want to say well let's play a clip because there's been some problems with these lesbian firefighters teeing me up as always yeah now Jack can I play some clips I gotta put my mic to this obviously I watch more conservative news than you, Jim. That will be somewhat of the dynamic here. No, I saw this news story as well.

This is bad. I was going in between the two stations. You listen to CNN, they were saying it's global warming and you listen to Fox. They said it's Gavin Newsom. And the truth is somewhere in the middle. Yeah. As the government didn't do enough and there is global warming. Why can't it be both?

That's right. That's what I'm saying. No network was saying it's both. I believe it was both. I want a network in the middle. That's where you and I live. I just flick back and forth. When I get too depressed, I flick to the other one and then I get too happy

and I flick back and forth. Okay. So I'm going to play you a clip because I, this is just to me, all politics society and most of my news I watch is on airplanes. I've seen it on Fox and airplanes for five hour flights. Like, I better catch up on the world. Okay, so the LA Fire Chief Assistant Chief, this clip came out and it is kind of insane.

Her what came out? Her clip came out, which excited the other Fire Chief because a lot of lesbians there. Yeah, a lot of lesbians. All right, so she was asked what her mission was and what and why there should be more diversity in the fire crews. And this is this is the clip. You want to see somebody that responds to your house, your emergency,

whether it's a medical call or a fire call that looks like you. It gives that person a little bit. No, you don't. No, no, no, you don't want somebody. Well, I do. I want I want a six foot tall. No, you don't. No, no, no, you don't want somebody. Well, I do. I want a six foot tall man. Not you though. No, not me.

Look at those little hands. I don't want them to look like me. No, all hunched over. But when people say, why do you dislike the hyper intense diversity stuff? Who gives a fuck what anyone looks like? Are you strong and brave? And give me a fireman. No one.

There is not one black person that goes, oh, it's a white firefighter who's putting the fire out of my house. If anything, they'd be done for the blackface with all the suit and whatnot. Yeah, that what I want from a firefighter is- Am I right? Is anyone.

Ted Danson. Yeah, Ted Danson. Everyone can Google Ted Danson blackface. Which brings me to I'm recording a new special. Come and see me at the Vic Theatre in Chicago coming up. But this woman who says you want somebody who looks like you, I mean this is the sort of modern racism that we have where it's the equivalent of an old white person at a nursing home saying I I don't want an Asian nurse, they hurt me in my sleep. That's just racism. Okay, the problem with her theory is flawed because you don't know who's gonna knock on the door.

Like 911 doesn't go to you and what ethnicity is you? All right, we'll be sending a trans Mexican to you as we speak. I have to. Excuse me, there is a man trying to break into my house. Is that Ecuadorian? Where are you at? I'm trying have to. Excuse me. There is a man trying to break into my house. Is that Ecuadorian? Where are you at? I'm trying to pick up the accent.

We don't have many Ecuadorians on roster at the moment. You got to be OK with Venezuela? So I'm happy. I'm happy with anyone who can lift me up. That's the point. That's the non racist thing. That's where the diversity is racist. Who gives a shit? Just get strong people. It's an emergency thing. But when I go to the bank, I want someone who looks like me.

No, you do. I'll tell you what, there was a girl at my bank that, um, she is, she's a teller and she's deaf, right? She's very nice, right? But during COVID and the masks and through the bulletproof glass, her job was a nightmare. Because people are writing things down on a note and sending it and that always seems like it. She couldn't lip read people because we were all wearing masks. It was like the poor thing. Anyway, I don't know how we got to that.

That looks like a hostage thing where you like write something and slide it to them. You get shot for doing that. You put it underneath guard, I need some money. And then the security guard, you're like, no, she's deaf, mate. It's not a stick up. I'll play the rest of this clip because it gets worse. A little bit more ease, knowing that somebody might understand their situation better. Is she strong enough to do this? Or you couldn't carry my husband out of a fire, which my response is.

He got himself in the wrong place if I have to carry him out of a fire. What? What? What? Let me just play that again. That was a fire person He just said he's got himself in a wrong place If he need it is like so a bit of woods falling from the from the roof onto his legs His legs are crushed. Oh, well someone's buddy made a mistake. Are they what we doing up there Steve? Hey, what was that? What were you up on the roof?

I was trying to hose off the bloody roof so the fire wouldn't get onto me thing and clean out me gutters. Well, you look like an idiot now that your roof's caved in, don't you? You think that I'm going to pick you up. Don't have her for the police. You got raped. What did you wear? Why'd you go out?

It's not my job to protect you. Yeah, no, that's saying he's asking for it. That's very wrong. My first thing. And also, you know what's terrible about this clip? This isn't from an interview where she's been put on the spot and she said something stupid.

This is something the fire department has put out with editing. And music behind it. This is a beautiful story. Like you're in emergency services. You know, I've broken my leg on a hike. Why would you hike? It's a dumb activity. I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't mind, I don't mind if a lesbian comes and picks me up, but you

know, maybe you have to send a few of them. This happened when my mother passed away, right? They, she broke a leg at home and the ambulance drivers that were there, when she broke her leg in front of people, right? The ambulance drivers that were there couldn't pick her back up. She was a big lady and it was a man and a woman. So they called another ambulance with two other men and they couldn't fucking pick her up. Right. So they got a fire department. We had nine emergency people pick up my mother.

At no stage did they look at her. They probably did. I wasn't there. I was about to go. At no stage did they go. Why have you fallen over? Why'd you get this heavy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a bit too fat to carry.

Up, Gunter, up. I know your son's work. Oh, the up Gunter up over the years, some local kids many years ago, about a decade ago, figured out where my childhood home was. And they would ride the bikes by the house yelling up Gunter up. Oh God, that was a hard,

that was a heavy weight for me to carry with my mother. That's what you did to her. Yeah, and she couldn't move. She's just in a lazy boy chair with the doors open, you know, because it's fucking Australian heat. She's just got the fly screens. Like she heard it as clear as they were sitting right next door.

Did Gary like it or was he like, bloody mean? Did he ever step up to defend the honor? I'll tell you what, my dad got out, got out of LA, um, two days before the fire, three days before the fire. And then he never rang me afterwards. And I rang him and he goes, you would have called me if there was a problem. Spot on. Yeah, true.

True. Yeah. And he goes, he goes, you go off to Palm Springs. He goes, I like your hot tub. You should use that. That'll, that'll, that'll make you relax. That was my, I like your hot tub. You should use that. That'll make you relax. That was my, that was my,

At that stage, at that stage I was like, dad, I could lose my house. Oh, you got that other house in Palm Springs with the hot tub. Use the hot tub. And which we did. Yeah. Gary was Gary.

Now let me play the last clip for you. Okay. Because there is a lot of, But if you, why did, my first question, you shouldn't be asking any questions when you see someone laying in the ground. There shouldn't be my first question. Be how did you get yourself into this predicament? Well, yeah, I mean, imagine any situation where a firefighter basically goes, uh,

I have to justify what were you doing? Were you stupid? Yeah. Do you deserve to be, you know what I mean? Do you deserve to be saved? Yeah. I mean? Do you deserve to be saved? Yeah. All right. It's a lot of effort for me to get up there.

I'm a fat, I cut this. Um, all right. Well, do you want to talk about non fires? Yeah. Okay. So that's what's happening at this moment in LA time for an ad break. All right. No, I've got more for you.

And we're back. Oh, so speaking of, um, we're okay. Actually, we are of, um, we're okay. Actually, we are with our adverts. We haven't sold the adverts yet. So what we're going to do to begin the show is we're going to give you some. So the problem with podcasting is this is that they only sell adverts in America, but we have a podcast.

So it's going to be listened by people in the UK, South Africa, Australia, uh, possibly all five people in New Zealand. Helsinki. I saw someone from Hels people in New Zealand. Helsinki. I saw someone from Helsinki who was excited yesterday. Helsinki. I do quite well in Holland, right? And we can't sell adverts to these other countries. It's all just like advertising within America.

We want to change that. So we haven't sold the American ads just as yet, but we do have some foreign ones for you. Which we'll be popping up. Check this out. Hello everybody my name is Johnty and I'm here with my good friend Bob. Hello everyone. Say hello. Hello everybody I'm Bob and welcome to Bob's Biltongue. If it walks, swims or flies you can rest assured we've killed it and dried it into a barely tubule stick like small good. It's like you Americans may not have tried this before.

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all of our meat is very ethically raised etc etc but we have had some problems with Peter. Peter is the one vegetarian in South Africa. Hey Peter, don't tell me what to do. I don't know what to do. You do what you do. Peter, Peter the Carrot Eater. That's what we call him, it gets under his skin.

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the Biltong you will need some type of mega computer to put all those digits on the screen that's right our meat is also 100% South African none of that Namibian shit yes and Zimbabwe they say you shit as well no good from there so it's John D and Bob the best way to remember our company is to remember us John D and Bob's. Built on we believe you. And we're back. I'm gonna buy some. I want to talk about whatever that is I'm getting it. Fire insurance. How about helicopters that have great big blankets? Stop it, because I'm sick and tired

of hearing the word retardant. It feels too close. I get worried about the PC-ness of dropping retardant. Yeah, the fire chief is non-retardant. Yeah, yeah, non-retardant. That was one of my medical reports once, was non-retardant. That's it, that sounds was non-retarded.

That sounds like mine. Pretty good. The thing about me is I'm non-retarded. Don't do the voice. I can do the voice, bruh. Oh no, okay. But people just think you're doing someone mentally ill. This is why voices is this is called Aussie walk.

What you're doing is you're doing an Australian like Greek guy or something like that. This is just what happens in Australia. I'll quickly explain it. It's a little bit like Jonah from Tonga. Hey bro, it's my culture. It's my costume. All right, sorry. So like in Australia, all us ethnics, my family came from Croatia.

Our food is better. We all came to Australia and then instead of picking a natural accent, we all just unionized and picked one. They picked this one. We made one big accent. This is the one that we use and we say that all the Australians are skips

and their food has no flavour. Fucking doggers mate. Before we came, seriously man, this country, the food was shit. The food was shit and the fucking women, they got hairy boxes bro. Oh they did. Our bitches are so hairy we made them waxing. They had to get rid of it, get rid of all of it. That's where the fires came from, from these hairy we made them waxing. We had to get rid of it get rid of all of it That's where the fires came from from these hairy bitches these lab chicks

Anyway, so that's how that's how Amos and his kind speak. That's what that's why I made my girlfriend I told Tula you need to walk wax your legs. We're in a fire area That's dangerous to a family. You know what else I always suggest with your girlfriend, back burning. She needs the back burn. That's the way you get rid of the hair on her back. These chicks, if they don't get rid of the hairs on their backs, you know that could be done for attempted murder. But I like it, something to hold on to when I fuck your mum with a hairy back. Now let me think your mum will be listening to this. Absolutely not. She didn't even turn up when I performed in an arena. So Amos once opened for me at an arena in Perth, 10,000 people and Amos's mum was coming to the show. Amos was on before the interval doing the warm-up, doing like 20 minute spot.

And his mother showed up with her boyfriend during the interval, missed all of Amos's stuff, just came to see me. I said, where were you? Just said dinner ran a little bit over. She goes, oh, we were at Elito's and we were going to leave on time, but we decided for desserts because they have really nice panna cotta. Yeah, rather than see her son perform in front of 10,000 people, she had fucking panna cotta. And then how about this one? Clotted cream.

You wouldn't think there's a woman who's digested more clotted cream than this fucking woman. And now this is what she was doing. And then I go to her, you missed me. What's the whole point of you being here? Oh no, but we made it for Jim. I mean, that's the show. That's the show. She's not wrong. She's not wrong. Now let me read some comments about the show. Welcome, by the way, to at this moment. One thing quickly, when I met your mum, what was your mother's nickname?

And you said, call her this nickname. She'll find it really funny. So my mum's nickname from her brother is Trots. Cause she has the legs of a little pig. Yeah. The legs of little pig. Right. It's like she's walking around on hoofs, mate.

She walks around on hoofs. Right. So, so he called her Trots. And then Amar said to me, when my mum comes in, call her Trots. She'll find it funny. Her whole family calls the trots. And she walked in and I went, trots is here, everyone, g'day trots.

She went, oh. And she went, that was my nickname when I was a little girl, Jim. Dude, she was bulimic for three weeks because of that comment. Yeah, yeah. I bet he told me she'd laugh at it. I mean, so if you're listening, trots, cheer yeah. I bet you told me she'd laugh at it. I don't think so. If you're listening trots, cheer up. She's not listening.

She's at a restaurant. Uh, I want to read a comment. Feeding from the trough. So, so, so Jim put up a, we're starting a podcast post and there was some comments there, which were not too bad, but AI Meta does this thing now. So the Facebook and Instagram, they surmise the AI reads all the comments and it gives you a rundown of what the public really thinks. Let me read to you. Oh, I don't need this. No, no, this is good. This is good. You edited something.

It says, you know what you did. You're in a lot of trouble. All right, it says here, what people are saying about ATM. Excitement builds for the upcoming podcast at this moment with Jim Jefferies and Amos Gill. Fans are expressing eagerness, share fond memories of live shows where they've seen the duo and inquire about future projects. One fan humorously likens Amos to a low rent Jon Snow.

Yeah, true that. Setting a lighthearted tone for the podcast reception. So Mark Zuckerberg. You're a lot better looking. Starts fucking lifting weights all of a sudden. Now he's roasting my appearance via AI. You're very handsome in the flesh, but on camera you're rough to look at.

Got a big head. Yeah, yeah. Fat cheeks. If you meet him in the flesh, not that bad. Not that bad. Also. That's why Jim lets me open up for him. Also, there's a clone that, if you sit him in the car. Not that bad. Not that bad. Also, that's why Jim lets me open up. Also, there's a clone that if you sit him in the car for long enough, he odourizes the whole vehicle. I don't want to do the voice, but I'll say that

they're hairy and stinky. Fucking unbelievable. What? Who did I say was hairy and stinky? You're insinuating that because of my ethnicity I stink and them hairy. My mum has an hairy back. No, I say every back. No you work alone You smell good. You smell good. You smell fresh like like timber that has been rinsed in citrus Let's move on your mama's hairy back She's got big legs to a little tiny trotter legs. I got the legs myself. I'm a short-legged person Hello Leon, there's one of me. There's one of me cats Yeah, keep the cats out. If this thing's gonna go anywhere. I was swimming in pussy and I still got abused. Can't win with these people.

These fucking bros. Alright, let's talk about some other stories that aren't just fucking fires. Oh yeah, I was gonna talk about looters. I say let them loot once the house is called off. Like I think the fire department and police department go, your insurance is going to cover the common contents. It's too dangerous to go in. If you're desperate and poor enough, have at it. No, because I think we make a reality TV show. That's like the one where they buy those lockers. You know the one?

Storage Wars. But you do it, you buy a block of land and all you can see is from the aerial shot and you have to pick over from the aerial shot whether you get it or not and then you're driven up to your thing and then you get to shovel around. No it's called Black Friday sales. Jeez, he's not good is he? I've just given you the tag time. sales. It's unpleasant comedy. It's unnecessary. It's witless. So we'll tell you what happens. On the 1% club we have a guy called John Leahy. He's a good guy. John is the major producer on the show. He's the guy that's in me here all the time on the 1% club, we have a guy called John Leahy. He's a good guy, right? John is the major producer on the show.

He's the guy that's in me here all the time on the 1% Club. And when Amos was writing jokes, me and Amos went down to a comedy club after the 1% Club. If you haven't seen the 1% Club in America here, it's hosted by Patton Oswald, but I do the Australian version, right?

And there's, what's his name? Lee Mack does the British one. Anyway, so we went down to do a comedy club and Amos was opening as he does and afterwards John came up he goes Jim I really enjoyed your show today but Amos I found your jokes about Catholicism to be witless. Witless? That's a good name for a podcast. We should call this witless. Witless. Witless. That's a good name for podcasts. We should call this Witless. Witless. Witless.

You know, the joke was if you got molested by Cardinal Pell, in the deep recesses of your mind, you'd have to think, well, at least he's high ranking. He's not some suburban, you know, bishop. Oh, no, no. It's back in the days. If you got fingered as a kid, it was Michael Jackson. That beats the creepy guy. That's what I was saying.

I said, I'm arrogant. At least you get a roller coaster ride out of the bloody thing. And you probably get to play in a video arcade. John. Witless. Fucking Witless. Well, I've never come back to work on the show. Witless.

You hurt my feelings. Hurt your feelings. You were asked back. It's true. You have to be asked back because you hurt my feelings. And I'm not coming back. I could have come back to season two. I did not want to write any more jokes about percentages.

I'm getting good at it now. I think I'm getting to the stage where I can host the 1% club without actually having any written jokes. The jokes that are written are the ones that are over the top of the show, over the top of the 30 seconds. And they're the bits that everyone mutes anyway. It's a painful process. I get people write to me every day like, can you shut up during the 30 seconds and they're the bits that everyone mutes anyway. It's a painful process. I get people write to me every day like can you shut up

During the 30 seconds. I'm trying to enjoy this says you talk too much of that He goes he's putting the people off what chance do they have when he asked a question and then he's bloody droning on with gags It's not a time for him. I'm trying to think you know who I'm trying to entertain at that stage the people who have given up The people who are like I don't get over the 50% question. I'm trying to entertain at that stage? The people who have given up. The people who are like, I don't get over the 50% question. I'm too dumb. I'm just going to listen to the occasional joke. But this is the problem, mate.

You know, now you've got your game show, you're positive, you've got cats, you wear a light colored blue hat, lounging around shoeless in your Hollywood house that's still standing. Often I'm just high walking around the house. And here I am, witless. Every time I say something vaguely nasty.

You're bigger than you used to be. I've got a big head. Yeah, big head, big round head. And I come up here and I make a remark like, it's a real Black Friday sale. It's not my best stuff. And immediately you're thinking, I'm associated with a bloke that's gonna lose me

in my bloody game show. It was terrible and your best stuff. You fucking... Alright, so what other stories? What other stories we got? This is gonna last episodes this podcast. Stop. Okay, alright.

Back to the Black Friday style. I'm gonna whip this to hells further. Okay, alright, okay. I'm just saying let them pick through the ash. Yeah, let the looters go through the ash. The way you looked at me there. Yeah. That's your point.

Is it after all that? You said on storage wars, it's like storage wars. I said, yeah, it's a real black Friday sale. I'm just trying to tag you up. Storage wars. Those people could picture what I was actually suggesting. You made it about race or something or lesbians. You haven't gone five minutes without fucking mentioning lesbians.

Speaking about that, I've got another clip here. All right, here we go. Here we go. The fat Friday. You haven't gone five minutes without fucking mentioning lesbians. She's speaking about that. I've got another clip here. Here we go. The fat Friday. You're lucky I haven't fucking got into my other concern. So here we go. So talk about what's going on around the world. So we will leave the California files behind and we could probably edit that into a good 12 minutes we've gone for around 45, but it's where we live.

It's what's affecting us. Here's some global stories that I want to go through. Uh, the football club Lazio. Lazio is the second team of Rome. There's AS Roma, which is the red team. And then there's Lazio. Lazio is the blue team. And historically, the fascist team. Okay. They have... I like how you just said that. Like, okay. Okay. Just letting it go, man. I said the WOG's coming back out of me right now. Okay. Okay. You explained to the Americans what the word wog means and you can use it. Yeah. It's just Mediterranean folks.

Mediterranean. Okay. You know, it's a slur that they've adopted that they say. And for the most part, everyone can say it now. It wasn't in the seventies, but everyone could sort of say it, but I'm not saying it because I'm, you know. Lazio is the fascist team.

So here's what you need to know about Lazio. Fun facts. Mussolini's great grandson plays for the team. Well, he's an okay grandson. Black Friday was bad. He's a great grandson. And when he scores, they do the Mussolini salute. Duce, duce, duce, duce.

Which is very similar to the Nazi salute, but with less effort. Yeah, it's a bit more like... Yeah, you know, if you extend another 15 degrees, you're a Nazi, a bit lower. What's this? You're an Italian, yeah. So it's the equivalent, this is the equivalent of like Adolf Hitler's great, great grandson playing for Bayern Munich and them going like, is it Kyle? When he scores like that's the kind of fan base we've got here.

Okay. Um, and they're not a bad football team. They have a Falconeer before every match. Now who does that here? They do that. They do that at LAFC. And sometimes, uh, Will Farrell actually does the Falcon. He comes out of the thing and actually gets the Falcon. Yeah. So they have a Falcon here and he's like, you know, a famous mascot for the team. And, uh, he flies the Falcon, which is the, the bird of Rome.

Yeah. Um, and this guy, his name is, ohgioli fucking Juan Bonabe someone fucking mangioli and I'll become the voice of reason let me read the story I'm lucky why do you think I was gonna to do an Indian slur? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were going to do something. I was going to be like, I thought you were going to start wobbling his bloody head. I love this. Yeah, yeah.

He reckons that cricket games in India, they give them still heads. As a promotion. Terrible. Terrible. The things he says. Lazio. Let's stop it. They just call him a football team. Don't say, oh, that's the actual name. Terrible. The things he says. Lazio. Let's stop it. They just call him a football team. Don't say, oh, that's the actual name.

Lazio. That's what they're like in the office. Come on. All right, come on. Lazio. Did you get to your point? There's a falcon here. Lazio has fired the man who handled the Italian soccer club Eagle mascot after he posted photos

and videos online of his own prosthetic penis. Falconer Juan Bernabe shared the images on his private social media accounts after undergoing a surgery for a penile implant, which he said was for non-medical reasons. It's to catch the bird. Give it a little bit of a perch. I got a mate who does penile implants and he does it and he says it's very hard to was for non-medical reasons. It's to catch the bird. Give it a little bit of a perch. I got a mate who does penile implants and he does it. And he says it's very hard to get people

to actually endorse them. He's done like 5,000. His company's called HimPlants, right? If you check out HimPlants, there'll be a video. You know where I met him, right? I met this guy and we've become friends. He's come to a couple of my shows and I actually really like him.

I think he's a good dude, right? I met him at a three year old's birthday party, at least a van to pump's house. The life I live, live. And so I'm at a three year old's birthday party. And I, and he said, I used to watch legit and I said, oh yeah. I, and then I talked about myself for about 20 minutes. And then I did the obligatory, you know, you do this one. And when, what do you do?

Like, like to be polite, I asked him what he does. What were you expecting? Thinking that it wouldn't be as exciting as what I did because I'm too arrogant, right? And I thought he was gonna go, oh, I work as an entertainment lawyer or something. You know, you meet these people all the time. I work in blah, blah, blah.

Or I researched this, that and the other. And he said, I own a penis enlargement, penis implant company, the largest in the world that does penile implants. I've done over 5,000 and it's a, it's like a silicone sock that goes, you can only do it if you're circumcised and it's him. He's Arab. It's an Arab, a Jewish guy and a gay guy. They've covered all the dick bases.

And what's the story? Is it good? I haven't had one yet. Well, didn't you say, you said to me, no, you said to me, I don't think he'd give me a deal. No, well, this is the problem. He would definitely, he would do it for me for free. If I just went on and said how happy I was with my results. You got to endorse it.

If I did it, he'd do it for free. If I'd endorse it, but I'm not going to endorse it. Usually an athlete will do, you know, they'll do like Invisalign. There's a lot of athletes are like I did Invisalign, I got my confidence back with it and I smiled. Not many like NFL players will be like I had a little dick in the locker room. You know, I didn't feel comfortable walking around with the rest of the 49ers. They reckon there's a lot of athletes that are getting them done. Well, that's the thing. You've actually got to beat your cock out all the time. But anyway, so this balconyer gets a dick implant. He tells everyone I've got a dick implant.

So he said basically the same thing. I got a penile implant. I've never felt better. And he plugged the surgeon who did it. That's why you have plastic surgery to feel better about yourself. OK. So then the club wrote this. We are shocked to see the photographic images and video of Mr. Juan Bernabe and have decided that we will stop and cease with immediate effect.

All relationships with this person, given the seriousness of this behavior. Lutio is a masculine and proud club. So basically they've gone you've given us a bad name, you've got a little cock, a real man wouldn't get a penile implant you're against. I mean we'll do the Zig Hile. I'm unhappy with this because this is a double standard This is like when I was talking about what's the name we lost a hair And how she could have had a week. What was her name? Oh, Jada Pinkett Smith Jada Pinkett Smith, right this double standard that we're meant to cry for women who go bald

But not for men who go bald right and now a standard of a guy who wanted to make his dick bigger He does it and we all call him a loser and an asshole. He wanted to have his dick bigger. He does it. And we all call him a loser. And he wanted to have his dick bigger. He wanted, he wanted to feel good about himself. When a woman get her breasts done, we don't, maybe there are some assholes who do it, but she's not getting fired from a job is my point. There's no one who's showing up to work and going, Oh, you're not allowed to have those. If anything would be encouraged in my workplaces, I would encourage that.

Yeah. To get like the luscious implants at my work. The Lutziere football club is like get, to get like, to get pickin' plants at my workplace. The Lazio Football Club is like, we had to let one of the cheerleaders go, she refused to get her tits done. It's fucking embarrassing. Is that serious? No. Oh, right.

Because I thought they didn't have cheerleaders in, in football or soccer, as the Americans call it. They never do. Because the game's entertaining enough. Just doing a bit. It's like, you've gotten three goals the whole day. What more entertainment do you want? So I just thought that was a sad thing.

There he is. Little chubby bloke. And he's got to spend his life in the locker room with Italian lads. And he wanted to improve his penis and he's been made to see it for. And I feel bad for the fuck. Are you circumcised? You're not circumcised? I'm circumcised. Okay, yeah, yeah, your one's good to go.

So you can get the implants as well. You can get the implants. I can get the implants. Jack. And how big does the penis go? Like you can't is we're not at the level where you can go 11. You can't make the head bigger. You can. It's a sock that goes. Okay. So if you Google him plants, they'll show you a video and that'll, that'll like a medical video. Do you think we could get this guy on? Would he come on? Yeah. 100%. 100%. He's a great dude.

I'd love to hear about this because he must be a billionaire. Nah, well, he's doing all right. What does he charge to get your cock done? I don't know. I I'm getting it for free. If I go to your office and there's pamphlets and brochures down there, it does it. It can't improve you on the erecto.

It's no, it doesn't, it doesn't make you go erect because it's still the three tubes that make the cock, it's going around those. It's the flesh around it so it makes it bigger like a silicon sock. And so your dick will be bigger all the time. There we go. This is a Him Plant. Embrace the next generation of excellence. World renowned session, Dr. James Illist. Ellis that's him he's not we go no no the inventor of the him plan I'm not gonna name him until he's okay with being named he's on the fucking internet yeah no oh I see it look at that look

yeah look at that's the fucking and it cuts from the base cuts from the base and it goes in over the top and it scoops around this is good scoops it's like when you're childproofing a coffee table edge. This is funny. So I'm reading about it here. These are its key features. Yeah. Number one, FDA cleared.

Yeah. That means there was a Senate inquiry meeting. Of course. Where someone had to get one of these cocks out and all the senators are going around having a look at it, going like, looks all right to me. Of course. Not to me. Of course it has to be cleared. How do you think it's going to work? Of course it has to be cleared. How do you think it's gonna work?

Of course it has to be cleared. No, I know, but I would like to see that set of inquiry hearing where they go about, does it increase girth? Is it lumpy? Because that used to be the big problem was people used to suck fat and inject it in and then you'd get like a ribbed penis.

Look, this is one of the many differences between men and women, right? Every man knows the size of their dick, down to the centimeter, millimeter, whatever. We've all measured our dick at one stage or another. We've all done it. Women will never know. I can tell you the size of my dick. It's a standard iPhone with the head over the top.

So picture that iPhone with a, that's my dick. Cause I was holding, watching porn next to it. And then I went, oh, that's a good measuring. Then I googled how big's an iPhone and then I worked off that measurement. Simple, simple, not complicated. Right? Was it a Max? No, it's one of these. It's just a standard one. Anyway, anyway.

Don't want to brag there. Standard iPhone. But mine would be the size of that one now. I want to brag, but I'm $79 a month for Verizon. So I got the big phone. Anyway, my point is, at least we know, at least we have the information. The amount of women I've had sex with over my life have been like this, have been like, you're like that tight pussy.

Isn't that pussy tight? And you're like, yeah, yeah. Every woman who's listening to this podcast right now, you have no idea. If you're truly honest with yourself, you have no idea because visually you can't tell if it's going to be good or bad. It's, it's, it's a lucky dip. How did they tell you? You got to get like sonar mapped in front of those fishing depth charges that they

get. Well, I know a girl who had, who, I know a girl who had the retread, who had it tightened up. You could crack a finger in there. Let me read this to you. Bloody good work it was. I'm on the website. Bloody money well spent that. I'm on the website and they're talking about

how it's a success and it saves people. Now normally I would expect the number one quote would be a guy who goes, I suffered from low self body worth, blah, blah, blah now Now I feel good about myself. You want to know the quote they run with here? They're ready for this. I'm writing on behalf of my husband, says Olivia T.

Satisfied wife. Saved our marriage. Not that we were not happy, but we were having big difficulties in bed. And now it's much more enjoyable for both of us. If a plastic surgeon for women did breast enlargement surgery and he had a quote, satisfies husband, the flat chested chick had to picture someone else.

Now I've got somewhere to come. I can put me Dick in between them. I've got a new satisfied husband. Forest rang me up. If you know my old podcast, for sure. And you, you've probably still on the same link because this is the same feed. And forest rang me up the other day and he goes, you know what? He goes, uh, great tits are hard to come by.

And I went, but easy to come on. Now that's a bumper sticker. Oh, easy to come over. Oh, how did I do it? Great tits are hard to come by, but easy to come over or easy. Huh? Easy, easy. Easy to come by, but easy to come on anyway it makes sense

well we'll have to get that sorted for the teachers yeah but merch store Black Friday sale big tits big tits are easy to come by but easy to come across Jeffrey says easy to come across that's the line that's the line great tits are hard to come by but easy to come across. That's the line, that's the line. Great tits are hard to come by, but easy to come across. The across makes the joke. There you go, there's the t-shirt. Jack, don't edit that bit out. We want the audience to see the process behind Genius. You see the process.

That's not a bad line, man. It's not a bad line. It's a thinker. Edit out the slurs. It's a thinker. Don't edit out any of the slurs. I've got nothing to lose. I haven't said anything.

Yeah, he did. Yeah, it's his problem. You get him to distance, he can distance. I'm at this moment, I'm not talking to Amos Gill. Next. At this moment, me and Amos are estranged. At this moment, I wish Amos Gill in his court case, good luck.

This has got three weeks shelf life, this podcast. Yeah. All right. So Brad Pitt, let's talk about Brad Pitt. No, I want to talk about, we got, this has got three weeks shelf life. This podcast. All right. So Brad Pitt, let's talk about Brad Pitt. What I'm talking about. We'll do Brad Pitt. Where's the last one? I just thought I'd bring this up with you because I felt so relieved today.

And maybe I should feel guilty. I got an email from, we have a shared agency. Yes. Like our agents are the same. We have the same agents. Managers and agents. Managers and agents. Okay.

So I got this, which I love. This comes from my agent who said, hi, Amos. I'm happy with my agents. Thank you for all the work you've done. This is no, this is just great. I'm just getting in early before he says, hi, Amos. Anyway, you know what type of person he was like, come on, that's good. Let's wait for the penny to drop with this fellow.

You know, I was talking to my agents. Don't do that what is wrong with you what you think you think the only way to get noticed to be canceled you think the only way to be noticed there's no you want that was a personal joke it was witless but it was a personal joke for the black comedian we saw a French Canadian comedian who we didn't know what he was saying, but he went through every single stereotype. Did we show you this footage, Jack? Yeah, he went through it and he did it.

We can maybe put it in the podcast. He's like... We don't know who his name is, but it's the most edgy material I've ever seen and I didn't understand a word of it. All he did was he did every race, but because he's a black guy, he was a gay he did it as there is every race. He did bubble heads He did Italians. He did hairy

Arabs he's like Suicide bomber and then he don't do it. Don't do it. They did Jewish. Don't do it. Don't do it All right. Let me start this again, Jim Jim Jim you like this stuff. Yeah, we have shared agents. Jim, Jim, Jim, you like this stuff? Yeah. All right. We have shared agents. Yes. And, um, we don't check. You don't check your emails. No, I don't. But I got this. I figure if it's big enough, I'll make it to me. It

says hi Amos and team. We just want to ensure you have all the resources you need in this difficult and challenging time coming ahead. So I'm thinking it's about fires, you know, I need more telework and then it's about fires, you know, I need more telework. And then it writes this, as you may know, TikTok will be unavailable next week to support you in navigating the evolving landscape. Our department has given you a guide attached here to help you get through this difficult period where you may lose your online presence. I have never felt more relieved in my life that I never did TikTok. No TikTok baby.

Never did TikTok. Fuck. The crowd work clips I don't have to post anymore. I've never felt more relieved. Comedian kills heckler. Murders heckler. The amount of guilt I had every day that I don't have a TikTok presence. If you wait long enough one of the apps will be taken down because it's a Chinese. I'm going to be like Gary Newton. One day they'll just be flying over the deserts and they'll just be piles and piles of computers and people will look out from the plane and they'll say, what were those things? That's what my dad believes.

Yeah. He was, um, what were those things? He thinks, he thinks it was not long on computers. He thought he's expecting the computer fat to go away. He's just figured out how to get on the on to his phone, right? So he's just he's just got his first phone because my mother died. And now he's got Instagram and he can do the Instagram reels. And he's very clearly typed vagina into his search engine, right?

Because he's trying to get to porn. But this is as far as he can get is with the Instagram. So he typed in vagina at Christmas. My two boys were singing Christmas carols karaoke like, like they're singing Santa Claus is coming to town. Santa Claus is coming to town. And in the corner we see granddad and his phone goes like this. The vagina consists of three main parts, a labia, a clitoris and the other bit. Whatever they say. At least he's learning.

Yeah, yeah. And then he was like, no, I don't want that one. No, I want that one. And then he kept on flicking through and then he had another one that went like, even after a woman gives birth, that doesn't mean that the elasticity in her vagina will go away.

Jingle bells, jingle bells. Look at how he reads kids. Your son told me, he goes, yeah, granddad was looking at twerking videos. So he would sit next to the glass window. Me and Hank would go out of the house, walk all the way around the house, go stand behind him at the glass window and he was just looking at women twerking. He's well up for it. If my dad actually gets through past Instagram into the internet, he'll

die of dehydration. He's never seen the hardcore porn before. He's had a bit of playboy and all type of stuff. He'll be done. I'm sure you've told the story before, but I was doing a gig once and I said, I made a porn hub joke and Jim's dad, Gary pulled out a piece of paper sitting next to my wife and write down porn, and put it into his top pocket. Like, we'll check that one out later.

He had one of those little pads that had the spiral on top where you flip the pad over. Like he's a cop that just wants to get a couple of notes off you. And he just flipped it over and he's written porn hub and flipped it back and put it in his thing. Sit next to my wife. Well, TikTok's gone and they're worried for all of us content creators.

So we've, we've lived long enough to see the death of TikTok and I'm still waiting for my space to rise again. I just love the idea of Gary Nugent shorting Microsoft in 1995 with his stockbroker, worthless things. Uh, my dad always says that he goes I should have bloody bought in BHP. Someone told me I didn't buy enough. I bought a little bit but not enough. Australian dad has a story about fucking BHP or Santos. Yeah should have bought BHP. Bloody if I bought up in bloody BHP back in the day and BHP is just a steel company in Australia

that has been very successful that if you bought shares in the 70s it's sort of. That's us with Metta. My generation is crypto should have bought Bitcoin. Now that'll haunt when I'm dying, I'll be haunted by not buying Bitcoin. All right. Here's another story. Another one from the world. This comes to us from France and as a L.A. and actually a personal element to you, Jim, you know, the bloke, a woman was conned out of eight hundred and fifty five thousand dollars. Well, I've never met Brad. I've just sent him money.

I just want that to be known. So these stories are right. I've never actually met him. Yeah. I've talked to him though. We're mates. An AI projection. And I send him things.

Unfortunately for this lady, she fell in love with Brad Pitt. Well, she thought it was Brad Pitt. Yeah. Yeah. And he kept sending photos of himself in a hospital. Yeah. Many pictures in a hospital because he'd had a skiing trip in the French Alps that had gone awry. And he was asking her, Brad Pitt, international movie star, multi.

He's out of money because his divorce has been very hard on him, Amos. It says a French woman thought she was in a romantic relationship with Hollywood star Brad Pitt. She handed over eight hundred and thirty thousand euros to scammers as part of an elaborate year long column. I have an elderly relative and I'm told you this story before this is a blur. I have an elderly relative in her nineties. He's a very nice lady who has been on Facebook for a very short amount of time. And she believes she's been talking to Johnny Depp and Johnny Depp is at the

moment, as far as she concerned holidaying in Australia but he can't change over his money so she has been buying him vouchers at Coles. That's good. To get his groceries about 50 bucks a day she sends him every day Johnny Depp and maybe for Dan Murphy's I know he's a wine drinker. Yeah yeah yeah Johnny Depp yeah so so Johnny Depp he goes off and he goes off to Coles. He hasn't been spotted yet. The media hasn't spotted him yet,

but it's only a matter of time. He's a master of disguise. Yeah, and he always goes up to the counter and he just brings out a whole lot of vouchers. I can't change the money over. I'm like mentally challenged that when I get to the airport, they don't have those booths anymore. So I have to get, I have to get vouchers off women

who are in their nineties, who I'm really friendly with, who I approach. And how did this come out? This info? Um, I like, did she bring up, you're not the only one that knows famous. There's no, a relative who, who my brother's a cop and he's been trying to tell her that she's been getting scammed, but you can't tell people if they believe it. Look, okay. Okay. It's, it's, it's the, the, the, as once you said that again,

the double stance, I'll tell you a little story. So we went and saw the day of the fires came out. We went and saw better men with Robbie Williams movie, which I really, really liked. Right. And, um, uh, we went along to the thing and Robbie was there. And I've met Robbie once before and my wife had never met Robbie. My wife is British and Robbie walks up and he goes, oh you're Tazzy, oh you're so beautiful, oh look at you, aren't you really, you're really beautiful aren't you? My wife was floating, was like just, oh thanks, because this is a big pop star, he's just, she was, she was glowing,

yeah she was like, oh he's wonderful Robbie, Robbie, wonderful, oh, I like this, right? And I, as a man, you do this, it's all right, but if I can, Robbie Williams wants to fuck me, misses. I've done it right for myself. There's an element of pride as a guy, where you go, that's good, good. Yeah, you want the celebrity to want to fuck your girlfriend, not to follow through.

No, not to follow through, but I was like this, I was like, well, you know, funny gets the women was like this, I was like, well, you know, funny, funny gets the women, you know, I was like, yeah, I'm your wife. So there is a badge of honor that your, your, your pop star is attracted to your wife. Right. And I was like, oh, from was there. So like, you know, I wish you'd dress something a little sluttier for Robbie's

eye. He didn't say anything to your girlfriend. No, we're still dealing with that as a couple. Oh, right. Has that been mentioned? No, I was like, you could have hoarded up a little bit for Robbie. I'm fucking embarrassed. So anyway, so, so I, I, the double standard, imagine if I went to a pop

concert with my wife and let's say Taylor Swift walked up to me in front of my wife and went, God, you're handsome. You're so fucking hot. Look how hot this guy is. And then point at one of the dancers, one of the female friends, how hot's this guy? This guy's fucking hot. My wife wouldn't be like, my husband's handsome.

No way in the world. Taylor Swift would be a fucking bitch, right? And then if I was to bring it up ever again, like I'd had this wonderful bit of information where Taylor Swift said I was hot, but I'd be never allowed to tell the story again. That's such a traumatic event to women. Dolly Parton wrote a song about it.

That's literally Jolene. Yeah. Like, like, like, like Daisy rang up a mother. Imagine if I rang up my dad the next day and went, yeah, you know, the one, the, the, the shake it off girl. Think some hot. She said she'd root me. Yeah.

Oh, Daisy must be happy. Oh, she's over the moon, dad. She's over the moon. What's her Instagram handle? I have root me. Yeah. Oh, Tazey must be happy. Oh, she's over the moon, Dad. She's over the moon. What's her Instagram handle? I'll have a look. Yeah, yeah, fucking. Now I have a story about this, which I do in standups. I probably won't be bothered doing it here, but this is the thing that got me cancelled

in Australia. You've been cancelled in Australia? I had my big news thing last year. I always wondered why you moved out and came here. Yeah, well, I had a fight with a newspaper. What I was doing a bit. Oh, yes, a while here. Yeah, well, I had a fight with a newspaper. What I was doing a bit. Oh yes, a while ago. Yes, yes, I remember this.

So I know someone whose mum got scammed as well online. Yes. And they're, you know, an Australian family. The mum fell in love with a bloke on the internet from Africa and she sent him like a couple hundred grand. And then he never came to Australia. The whole thing was a scam. That was Mr. Fife.

But they were in love. Men are pigs. Yeah. And, uh, it got like, it became a big story because the guy went on the news and everything and he started to go fund me for his mum. And it was like, my mum got love scammed and our family's rebuilding. We've lost a couple hundred thousand dollars. And if you could do anything. And my take on the stage was your mum is a woman in her seventies, wealthy

Western woman who could have met a bloke at the bowls club their own age, but she wanted to get fucked by a handsome black guy from Ghana as we all do. Right. So she's got some 21 year old cause she wants, you know, handsome good dick. And she got scammed more for her. Keep your mouth shut. If there was an old man who spent 19, 19 year old Thai girl, 200 grand and she stole it. No one would go start a go fund me page for Steve.

He was ripped off. They'd go, well done to that woman. He's a pedophile. Steve go back to the house and get some overalls from Carolyn. He's a pedophile. Yeah. And good on her. But as soon as it's an old woman, they're like, Oh, it's so sad.

What happened? It's like, she's a fucking, she's a greedy Western whore who should be. All right. Okay. And that's where I lost it. Yeah. Greedy Western whore. I didn't say it went well.

I got cancelled for a reason. It was a bad gig. We're one of the few people who get to call people cunts and you've even, you could have used that avenue. You think Greedy Western Whore is worse? She's a dumb cunt who, I think a dumb cunt is better than Greedy Western Whore. Would you rather be called a dumb cunt or a Greedy Western Whore? It sounds like something Russian state media would say.

Greedy Western whore comes off she want the big black dick. That's what Vladimir Putin puts into Pornhub. And then she gets money taken off her. Greedy Western whore. How many countries is that the number one search in Pornhub? Western whore. Western whore. I like Saudi Arabia. Do you reckon ATM will get taken down? Do you think people will figure out like I think it'll be alright The ATM the ass to mouth. No. Yeah. Well, we're gonna have a segment in future episodes calls Is this person talking out their ass or this person talking out their mouth? We got a lot of different ideas

Yeah, how about um, how about witless? Witless for the podcast. Yeah, witless is a good name, but ATM I think is gonna reach more people Because more people will know my mother-in-law knew. What about ATM? I said, we're going to call it ATM. And I said, it's actually a search for it. She goes, oh, I know. And I was like, my girlfriend's such an innocent Midwestern girl.

She was like, well, I Googled it. It's like awful. Oh yeah. She goes, it's like, it's like they put it in the bum and then into the mouth. That's so, that's why would you want to, why do you want to make that the title? Well, it's funny because when I was with your girlfriend, she thought different. I don't know. Robbie, Robbie Williams doesn't think she's hot.

So, you know, that's what you got to do. Thank you. You've picked up our confidence there. Jim Jeffries, Jim Jeffries said he'd fuck your ass and put it in your mouth. Chin up. Someone's got noticed. He's more known than Robbie Williams in America. Yeah, true that.

I tell you what, if Taisy had Robbie Williams saying that she was beautiful in London, it would have meant more. No, I'm not better known than Robbie Williams in America. I reckon Robbie Williams could still go from town to town and sell more tickets than I bloody do. Let's lay the gauntlet out. I think Robbie Williams could still go from town to town and sell more tickets than I bloody do. Let's lay the gauntlet out. I think Robbie's too busy doing arenas. I think in America, you know, why would you bother selling a few thousand tickets here if that's what he sells when he can sell big arenas in Australia and Britain? Like, like women of a certain age 40 and over, Robbie is the fucking the king,

cheeky chappy, and he's a nice guy and over, Robbie is the fucking the king. Cheeky chappy. And he's a nice guy. Wonderful. Thinks my wife's like. I mean, we've got, mate, we've got no platform really yet, but go and watch the fucking thing. It, cause I watched some Oscar movies. Yes.

To tie it all back up to the fires. There is no sympathy for this city anymore. And that's because we've always been bad people here, but we're bad people who made great movies, we don't even make good movies anymore so if you watch all the Oscar nominated films this year most of them are shit most TV shows are a rehash or a marvel if LA starts creating good films again we will get sympathy from the rest of the country. Well that would be the first thing I would do with this town because I love LA right but I'm thinking of

leaving right because the taxes are too high and the work that you do get is never in town. Right. So I filmed a movie in Albuquerque. I filmed a TV show up in Portland. I've, you know what I mean? And that's all my acting work, but it used to be that you made things here. And everything was made here. They got to give tax breaks back to the entertainment business.

They got to get the entertainment business back in the town because that's why the tourists come. Cause they want to see where the movies are made and the only things that made here now are things that are in studios. Even game shows now are being made in fucking Dublin and that you think they're being made here in LA. Well this is the problem they go on and on and on about you know we joked about it before the pedophile cults, the this, the that, the wokeness. That's always Hollywood has always been full of that except they had such good product

and made such good things here that we kind of let it slide. And the reason that they're so hated now is because they're like, you're doing all these satanic rituals and there's no good end product. The movies are shit. Name me an Oscar movie this year that you've watched. I used to watch Oscar movies 10 years ago.

We knew all of them and we had an opinion. Have they been, have the nominations come in? an Oscar movie this year that you've watched. I used to watch Oscar movies 10 years ago. We knew all of them and we had an opinion. Has that have they been have the nominations come in? Then how would I know which ones? Well, you know, the Golden Globe. I've watched Wicked. Wicked was wicked in there. Wicked was in there. All right. I watched Wicked.

There was that. I like Wicked. There was that Demi Moore movie, which was fine. She births herself. We should build a younger version of herself. Yeah. What are the ones that Jack, you're a filmy nerd. more movie, which was fine. Where she births herself. Where she births a younger version of herself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What other ones are there? Jack, you're a filmy nerd.

I don't know. The Brutalist. That's another Holocaust movie. We've seen that. Let's get an Armenian Holocaust film. Where are they? We could make that locally. It's always the same Holocaust.

One Holocaust to pick from. Why abandoning families? I know the things that get you in trouble. You know what I'm saying? Don't bring it up. I'm bringing up the Armenian genocide and they deserve to be heard. Yeah. What do you got a big audience in Istanbul?

I'm sure they have them. I'm sure they have. I'm actually, I actually am performing in Istanbul this year. I got the gigs going up. That's why you're not going with me on the Armenian stuff. You're looking for those fucking Turkey sales. Oh, I'm getting... That's what they... This is what also gives me the shits.

I'm going to come back with a fez on my head. I'm fucking sick of this also. Turkey. We have to say Turkey now. No, I still say Turkey. Listen, we don't say Deutschland. We say Germany. I think countries should name their country in whatever language they want, and we have to repeat it the same way that they say it.

Right. So I've never understood why Deutschland over Germany, if they want to call it Deutschland, they'll call it Deutschland. But then I have a push for that. So Wales wants to be a comrade now. Oh, silly country. Wales. I've, I've beenymru now. Oh, silly country Wales. I've been to Wales.

It's a silly place. Too small for their language. What are you bloody? It's a small island. You want to have your own language and the language isn't good. Telephone. No. Clannidhwyrdddhwels.

Fachryndachyllhwys. Like that type of stuff. What are you doing Wales? Stop it. And they all love a sing. They all think they can sing. All right. Last topic. Well, we're going to do Cunt of the Week. Cunt of the Week, Cunt of the Week.

Jack's going to write a theme song. I'll put this out to the public. Can you write us a theme song for Cunt of the Week? We will be accepting submissions for Cunt of the Week. What needs to happen in this song is we need to hear the words, Cunt of the Week or whatever melody you want to use. It could be game showy, probably game showy. Or do you want to be heavy metal?

That's one of the options. See, I just think, can't have the week. Can't can't can't have the week, week, week, week. That's obviously jeopardy. You don't do jeopardy. We don't want to be sued by the people of jeopardy. Well, while I've got you, how about, um, greedy Western horror of the week?

Give me one of those. Yeah. Your mom's got to be employee of the month every fucking, she's going to have more plaques on a wall than anybody I've ever seen. Trots would like that. She needs a bit of a boost. Okay. So before we finish, we are going to do a bit of a boost. Okay, so before

we finish, we are going to do Cunt of the Week. I'm glad my mother's dead because it would be hurtful to say things like that about my mother. It's a nasty, isn't it? Yeah, horrible thing. Yeah, so your dad would be more respectful. He would. Because he'd be trying to get the leg over. Yeah, all right, so Cunt of the Week, who you got? Cunt of the Week, I mean, I'd have just a genuine level here. We are trying to build a podcast out for what people like. Maybe we have a segment where, you know, at the moment you need help with the problem. You could write into Jim. He's wise.

Give us feedback on which bits you liked, which bits you didn't like. Don't don't let's not do that. You know, I've I've got a feeling myself. I'm not a better person than you. I've just lived on this planet longer. I'm just wiser. I just know that you get nowhere with some of these comments. But anyway, carry on.

So, count of the week. It can't be a nation of people. Just has to be one person. Now, this is your segment. I mean, let's be frank. This is your show. No, I don't know. I'm splitting the money 50-50.

We all get zero of zero. We've got that. Jack, put down the board. 50-50, 50-50. Cancelations are your own. Cancelations are. Every man's on their own. If we were to look through the week, here's some nominees.

Looters? Any insurance company that's saying they're not going to pay up for the fires, they could be cunt of the week. Massive cunts. Massive cunts. I'd say- At this very moment, there's a big deal going on between Israel and Palestine. There might be a ceasefire. So I'm going to, if that fails, they're cunts of the week. Both sides are cunts of the week on that one. I did like when Joe Biden was asked, do you think the deal will hold? He said, yes, I'm pretty sure this is going to hold. Well, I mean, it's only been going on for about a thousand years. I don't know if this is going to be the deal that ends all deals.

The deal will hold until he's out of government. But then, so do you believe that the ceasefire has more to do with Trump or more to do with Biden? Trump. I think it's more to do with Biden. I think, I think it's because, because Trump would have waited until he was in office to do it in the first week. Then he would have said, can you hold it off for a few weeks? Just like Reagan and the, and, and Carter, when, when there was hostages

and all type of stuff to be taken care of. Right. So I think his transition team has been discussing with Israel and he has a closer relationship with them at the moment and he's been, well, Bibi Netanyahu said this is thanks to Trump, but it is true, he obviously wants to get favor with Trump, but listen, the Democratic Party could have stopped the war a long time ago. Israel exists because of America. All right, we don't want this, do we?

Who's Canada of the Week? Canada of Who's Cunt of the Week? Cunt of the Week. Cunt of the Week. My nomination for Cunt of the Week is Megan and Harry. That's Cunts of the Week. They're the cunts. Multiple. Yeah look. Cunt-I. Did you watch them wandering around the Pacific Palisades? They care. They're very important people and they care and you don't like her because you're racist and you don't like gingers because you're bigoted. But they're bloody wonderful people. They're part of the royal family, the fabric of our Australian society.

The thing that has held us up for over... No, they're not. They left. Oh, okay. Fuck them then. Fuck them. Yeah, cunts of the week. Absolutely cunts of the week for abandoning the crown first and foremost.

And then to come out to Hollywood to live, and she's an actress, and then she found a job only more vacuous than being an actress, which is being an activist, and she's an actress, and then she found a job only more vacuous than being an actress, which is being an activist, where she wandered around the palisades like a disaster tourist. You're not an elected official. Politicians wander around and go, we hope you rebuild. No one there gives a fuck.

You're not the royal family of America. We 1776'd the UK. They live in Santa Barbara. They came down from Santa Barbara and did a walkthrough while she's also launching her terrible Martha Stewart like fucking Netflix show that they paid her $500 million to do. Her lifestyle show where she teaches you how to bake.

We don't speak badly about Netflix. New special coming soon. I did audition for Netflix last night. Oh yeah, okay. Kind of the week? Yeah, I lost them on the last night. Oh yeah, that guy. Oh, kind of the week. Yeah, I lost him on the diversity joke. Yeah. Well, you know, my opening joke to them was what's the point of even getting a Netflix

special anymore? You can't even buy a house or go to a Diddy party anymore. There's no fun in LA left. It went well. I look, I was never famous enough to buy a house in the Palisades and ever famous enough to be invited to Diddy. My mediocrity has saved me so many times. I always said that through the me too movement, like me having a small dick, stop me from whipping it out.

Thank God. Small cock meant no dick out. Yeah. If I, if I went to Jarrool's parties instead of Diddy's. Oh yeah. And you moved to the Valley. Yeah. Yeah. I moved to the valley. Yeah. Yeah. You've skated past it all. I'm all good. I'm all good. It turns out the thing that gets you is

doing this podcast with me. Doing it with a Croat. See, mediocrity. And now there's be the three million Croatians just like what did you say? What did you say? Zubac for the Clippers is upset right now. I don't play for LA no more. Right, they can't play for LA no more. They can't comprehend what we're saying. They're fucked off their head on Rakhia right now. They don't care. What? What are the Croats? Croatians? Is Croat derogatory? No. We call ourselves the nation of Croats. Okay, so what are they? There was some alcohol?

Rakhia is just like that rocket fuel white, you know. Every culture on earth has like a heinous... Like a grappa. that rocket fuel white, you know, every, every culture on earth has like a heinous, like a grub, heinous grub, that's like 60% proof that their grandpa makes, you know, it's rough. Yeah. It's moonshine. Yeah. It's good on moonshine. For those who don't know, Croatia is used to be in the Yugoslavia. We invented Cravats and the Dalmatian dog is from there. And inbreeding.

And Jevapcici. Yeah. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think we covered a lot of bases. I hope that this podcast has brought you some solace in your life and maybe made you think about your actions and what you do. Um, we're going to start up a social page. Uh, Instagram will have a page. Um, if you, if you, uh, like the, I don't know about that podcast, keep on listening cause this podcast could fail really quickly.

And we could go back to that one very quickly. Right now, forest is somewhere rubbing his hands together. They all come back. Yeah. Forest is going, I don't know about that. you