I Don't Know About That - ATM Episode 10 - Can-I-Kaze?

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

At this moment Jim and Amos bring up Japanese imperialism and if you can still "kaze." They also discuss what a Gordita means, beauty standards, bringing back Alcatraz, and RFK's voice. SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: https://www.jimjefferies.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies FB: https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies Twitter: https://twitter.com/jimjefferies Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/ Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

Hey ladies and gentlemen before the podcast start I would like to say I'm in Poughkeepsie this weekend. Where else am I Jack? Rochester. And Rochester, Rochester and Poughkeepsie. Come and see me and I'll be recording my new special next week in Chicago. There you go and I'm coming out to Dubai. Check at jimjeffries.com but this weekend Rochester and Poughkeepsie. Where will you be Amos? You can see me in Toronto 23 23rd, 24th of May. And I also have to make an announcement. Maybe I can use it here. I have been chosen to be a part of Just For Laughs'

nasty show. Yeah! I'm coming to perform at the nasty show. I started in North America in the nasty show. Good work. I'm coming to Just For Laughs to do that. So look up when that is. It's early July.

Welcome to At This Moment ladies and gentlemen. This is your time, not ours. You sit back, you enjoy. I hope they just got all that good stuff we've been talking about. We'll leave that in. Were we rolling? No, no, no. Oh, we weren't?

We're not putting in the massage thing. All the good stuff is there. We were just saying all of our massage preferences. I don't like them at all. You don't like them at all. I despise it. And there's certain agenders that I enjoy more. He likes a small Filipino man touching his back. Not Filipino! What are you talking about? Hey I want to tell you

something about my hat right. So this hat me and Amos went golfing a long time ago in Detroit. Detroit Country Club right. It was designed by an infamous golf designer called Donald Ross as you can see on the hat there Donald Ross who's a famous golf course designer I have been told and the golf course there is really cool because it was for the Ford Motor Company executives in the heyday of the automotive industry and all the houses that line it are what we used to think was decadent houses but now they look like they're from the Munsters. But yeah, so that's what's going, but it's a country club.

We were actually there on a Mother's Day, so it was all the richest people of Detroit actually came in and actually, you know, because they were doing the Mother's Day thing. Anyway, so I'm wearing this hat in Vegas, and somebody looks at it and goes to me, like someone saw me before I went to my gig, looked at the hat and they went, what does your hat say? And I said, oh, of course. And they went and they read the Donald

and they went, hmm. And I'm like, all right, all right. We all know I'm not a Donald Glover fan, but- Glover? No, I was making a joke. I'm not a Donald Trump guy, right? But is his name so bad now it's the equivalent of Adolf? Like you can't have- It's the hat design. You can't wear his first name on an item of clothing. Has he fucked up the name Donald so royally that I'm not allowed to wear a different-

Like what's happening to Donald Duck? You wear a t-shirt now and people are like this, fascist. But where are the dons now? Where are the dons now? Don Draper, Don Duck, Don Trump. But I don't know, Donald Bradman in Australia and even Donald Bradman, the greatest straight pick in it. There's no dons I grew up with. Is the name Donald on an uptick for babies right now or is it on a decline? For conservatives?

For anybody anybody he's the most famous man on earth yeah right are they baby Donald's baby Donnie's? You will see a boom of it. Because normally Donnie's back of the day like my age Donnie's all Italian all Guido-y type type of people right hey Donnie hey Donnie hey Donald. Now it's gonna be through the Appalachia. And now it's gonna be some white area looking Donalds. Hey Donald! No doubt about it man.

Is the name Donald on the rise? Prediction. You know what, I can get the stats up if you like. All right, well we have a Jack for that. Jack, do something. He didn't move. You know, Joe Rogan's got that guy that's, he's into it all the time.

Yo, Jack, pull that shit up or whatever. This guy's scratching my balls while we had the shot just on your face and they went wide shot again. It hit a record low. Did it? Yeah, he was down and out then. Yeah. But you reckon now that he's back, there's going to be like, if you go to post January

6, if you go to a kindergarten in five years, is there going to be Donald's as far as the eye can see? It's down. It's down. So I just I thought that was funny that I was seen as some type of right wing nut for having the word Donald on me. I think just having a golf hat. A golf hat called Donald is pretty. Like if you're you're already in his territory. Oh, from a country club in Detroit. If you're you're already in his territory from a country club in Detroit

Could there be a bigger divide of us and them than golfing in a country club in Detroit? It's a golf country club in a place that wants the auto industry back. That's a kind of yeah That's a layup for a Trump fan. No, no, no I think I could get into a Trump rally pretty easy without a ticket. Yeah tickets for those you just go in You get the tickets are free, but you have to go on a waitlist. I'm not speaking for experience. You've been. I went to the Bronx one, remember? Yeah, I know. I remember you were sending me pictures of different ethnicities that you saw throughout the day.

It was crazy. You were like this. Look, some Jewish people are here. A lot of Jewish people were there. Ascetic Jews were there. There was like so many Ascetic. And then you sent me another photo. Some Mexicans? No, they were Puerto Rican. It was big Puerto Rican vibes. Oh, OK. All right. And and then it was really funny because I remember catching the the subway home.

I was going back into the city and every stop you got closer to actual downtown in New York. More people got off. More and more people were getting abused because there was some like there was like a lot of Puerto Rican dudes and Black dudes wearing like the Trump hat who were coming in and then other black guys would get on be like Put that shit off your head and it was like it got weaker and weaker in Trump support The further you go into the train station, right? So you started seeing people taking their merch off as they got taking their merch off as they go further in. They're like, nah.

It's not a Manhattan hat. It's not a Manhattan hat at all. No. It was a weird experience, man. People were there like 10 hours, saving a seat, to try and get into that fucking thing. Yeah, you want to be out of the blast zone. But I always wanted, I just wanted to see it once in my life.

I'm glad I went now, because you will never see that again, unless of course he does run for the third time but I'm sure he'll do another show in Nuremberg eventually. You know I was doing a joke about that the other day you know that famous picture at the at the Nuremberg rally and everyone's zig hailing but there's that one guy that has his arms down yeah yeah that's like this iconic photo but I always thought it'd be funny that that guy actually just has a torn rotator cuff and he couldn't get his arm up that day. And he's been made into a hero, but it was because he was so vigorous with it beforehand.

OK, so you know on my show that I have a two limb policy and I'll be speaking about this on my new special coming up. But if if you're disabled and you have two limbs that are stuffed up, I have a two limb policy. You can go to the meet and greet for free and take a photo with me. Lucky you, right? If you're disabled, you get a photo with me. What a win. It's like, it's like life's giving you some hard cards, but silver lining, silver lining over here. When life gives you lemons, lemons, we give you Jim Jefferies. There you go. So anyway, so I said to, I said, I say you've got to be missing two limbs or they've got to do nothing or they've got it. You know, I won't do the joke because what's the special. But anyway, this guy gets into the meet and greet, he's got a coat on and he's missing

his arms and he got past the security and he got in there and he's, oh, I got no arms. Right? And he was just wearing a baggy shirt with his arms obviously tucked into his pants or behind him or something like that. But the security didn't pat him down to check he had no arms. He just went, oh, he got no arms. So he walks up to me. He's like, I got no arms.

And I'm like, first of all, someone with no arms. Don't have to tell that to people. Be so used to people looking at them with the no arms. Right. And that did he and did he had like a heavy like trench coat? Yeah. So he had a jacket. It looked real. It looked like he had no arms. And I said, you got arms. He goes, no, I don't have arms. I go, you have arms. And I go, you're wearing cowboy boots.

What does that got to do with it? Because if you got no arms, you're not wearing cowboy boots. Because they're hard to get on. They're harder to get off. You're wearing slip-ons. You kick the boots off. No, you need a boot remover, actually, where you put it in the stirrup and you do actually you could do it without your arms. It's one of the few.

But for the most part. Of all of the shoes, I think you can kick the boots off. No, no, no. It's very hard to get the boots off. Sometimes you can't get it off without the boot removal thing. The boot removal thing is the key. Man, being a guy with no arms, hard to be a fascist. You got a stub high.

No, he didn't even have one on his shoulders. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't do anything. I'm just saying he was a slip-on wearer. And as soon as I went, you weren't cowboy boots. That's not the shoe of the armless. No arms in Nazi Germany. That's tough. You just gotta be like, I'm into it. I love him. I'm a big fan of the guy. I just can't. I reckon. Even when you were telling the story then you went, I'm a big fan of the guy. No, you gotta keep your arms down. You're an armless guy.

Look, all I'm saying is saying hail does a lot of the heavy lifting. If you were an armless man in Nazi Germany, the jokes you could have made. I'm a big fan of him. Hey! I know you're killing off the disabled as well, but not me. I fight for your right to bear arms. I could only wish. I can't join the army, can I? All day. What did you have all the run now?

And you will be doing this special. Who's the most disabled person that's come backstage? Because I've seen a lot of people really just sneak in and go, you've got depression. Yeah, people try to sneak in. I've had, you know, I've had some, I've had some people who are non-verbal come backstage. Non-verbal people. I saw a thing in the news the other day. It was a guy who had no arms and no legs. It looked like he had been potentially, I didn't read the story, but maybe he'd been taken out in an ID or something.

He was from his stomach. His stomach was encased in some kind of machine and he was just a torso yeah and a head yeah and you know the guys live in his life yeah I just think you know what I'd be saying to chicks who wants a pillow that would be my big thing you can lean on me I'm a comforter. We'll save on pillows. You buy me one and then we don't have to buy one for you and then we'll just sleep in a rotation on a right angle. But how does that guy not, because I am often extremely depressed. Can't kill himself. Can't kill himself. Can't kill himself.

Wants to, can't jump off anything, can't even turn the engine on and leave the garage door down, can't even take pills because you know the missus tries to keep him alive. No cutting the wrist. No cutting the wrist, they've already been cut, didn't work the first time. You're like suicide proof. You've been nerfed from ending it. You're just gonna sit there. What do you do in that situation? You ever think about that? Go on holiday and youth in Asia. Sorry, pay for youth in Asia. That's when you're that age.

Well, that's Canada. They're killing everyone over there at the moment. Well, they had I used to talk about they used to have in Britain out of people used to go on this cruise out of out of Holland. Yeah. Now the Dutch can do it. But you could get a suicide cruise. Yeah. Suicide cruise. International waters. Well, who was the the Dutch can do it, but you can get... What a suicide cruise. Yeah, your suicide cruise. International waters.

Who was the comedian they booked? That's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. You reckon they still... Because you know when you leave a cruise they throw streamers. Yeah. Do they still do that? Or do you bring the kids to say wave goodbye to everyone.

Have a good cruise. We'll see you when you... Or at least make it Titanic themed. Take them out and make them jump into the cold water. Make it themed. OK, so if the suicide cruise hits an iceberg, hits an iceberg and sinks,

is that as big a tragedy as a regular cruise? Absolutely not. No, that's what they're talking about. Well, there's staff working there. Yeah, no, no, no, no. OK, I understand what you mean. OK, there's the person who did make the surface of the lake. Well, the staff making the lifeboats.

Yeah, they do a bit of a show and they do the buffet. Yeah, there is no doubt about it that there'd be so much fun for those people that they wouldn't want to die. I reckon, do you reckon on the cruise you get to bring a partner with you so you have, I imagine you would, you'd get to bring one partner with you, right? What an awful thing for that person. Everyone would be able to bring one person. Yeah, but if the murder is on the same day, imagine how many people or their partners be copying off. They've been taking care of an elderly, sick person for many years.

You're saying the so the crews there. The crews back is got they're kind of relieved. The crews back as Congolans going around the different vibe. That's for sure. A mass cremation. That it did it. around the cruise. A different vibe, that's for sure. A mass cremation. Death. Yeah, man, I mean, listen. Life's for the living. Of all the ways to go, isn't drowning in the cold like that you just pass out?

No, you take the injection, you go, you lay on a deck chair, you enjoy the first thing on your last like, so I saw someone who traveled to America and who who traveled to, to America and who traveled recently to Holland to get it done and they document it and they're trying to arrest the woman right now, the wife, because she facilitated and helped him on the plane and then helped him to the doctors and helped him to the thing and they're trying to get her and it's like, it's every, most people in the world are like, fuck you on that one, right? Because

people can still kill themselves, we're not banning that, it's just they want to do it in a not at their own I don't but I've never understood like I'm gonna kill myself and I'm gonna go to Switzerland into the Alps into one of those glass Encasements that kills you and you get to watch the Alps. It's like Are you suicidal if you're thinking about the last bit of enjoyment like no, I think it's because they dispose of the body You're not gonna be a hindrance to anyone else. It's going to be pain free.

You're not going to fuck it up, which you could with drugs. You could vomit it all up and that type of stuff. And you get to look at the Alps. Yeah, but if I want to be I want to commit suicide in Detroit. No, they don't have the nice chocolate. You want to have chocolate. You don't want anything good. You've given up on the idea of there being anything to live for.

So what's the point of going somewhere that's so lovely? OK, what would be the movie that you would watch in the last three days? Oh, probably the one I watched the other day, that fucking shit New Avengers movie. And I'd say there's nothing good being created on this planet anyway. So we might as well call it. Oh, no, I would just watch Back to the Future again. It's making you happy. You want to be miserable.

So the whole point of suicide is I'm ending the suffering. If you have a bit of joy. On one screen and then a video of my wife being fucked by someone else on the other. I'd have it. Get into that. I'd have it. I'd have it. I'd have it.

Picture in picture. Did anyone ever use picture in picture on a TV? Ever? I've seen it. It's PIP. I've seen it. Well I've done it on my phone. On the phone, I can do it. But on the TV, it never felt like your cable plan logged in to that.

You can never get like Netflix over here in a sports game. You can never put the sports game. I'm sure some people can do it, but I could never figure it out. It's crazy. I do that on my phone. Like I'm watching clips and that's not enough stimulation anymore. So you do that thing where you're out of screen and you put that up and then you're reading Twitter. And then you're also watching that. Then you've got something on the main screen.

Then maybe I'll game as well. And it's like- Do you ever have a shit, look at your phone for a bit, get distracted, watch a bit of porn, have a wank, while you haven't cleaned your ass yet? No. I have done that a couple of times.

That one you always feel ashamed of yourself afterwards. You're like I've made so many different messes. I don't want to be too Freudian here. If a crime breaks off in this bathroom It's all me going to prison. What was it about your asshole beginning to gape that got you in the mood? Well now I'm just of the opinion. It is what it is. It is what it is. I am who I am. I'm Popeye. Yeah, you had a I mean I think I maybe had a wank on a toilet once because it was the only place to go when you're not standing

just like you don't want to stand up because you haven't wiped your ass you know what your ass like everyone stood above a toilet bowl and had a wank of course. My mother-in-law listens to this podcast. She's having a good day Becker. How you going? You know my sister-inlaw, because we spoke about it the other day and about the wedding and I tell her stuff. She posted us doing the podcast. That was nice. I feel like shit today.

Can I tell you? You know, I did yesterday, I was driving home from the comedy store. Yeah. It's good. And every comedian kept talking about Cinco de Mayo. Yeah. Tomorrow. Which was, which was yesterday.

Yesterday. And every comedian said Cinco de Mayo thing. And so I went, oh yeah, I don't know. Which was yesterday. Yesterday. And everybody was getting some Cinco de Mayo thing. And so I went, oh yeah, I'm driving home. I got Taco Bell. Cinco de Mayo. To celebrate Cinco de Mayo, which is probably one of the most offensive Mexican cuisines you can have. And I, because we've discussed this before about Taco Bell.

I don't really know what any of the meals are. I just go that. Yeah. Chuck us one of those cheesies. And Gordita Crunch. Gordita Crunch, which means little fat girl. Does it? Yeah, Gordita is apparently a little fat girl.

Little fat girl crunch. A little fat girl crunch. That's my favorite item in real life and on the menu. Yeah, and at Epstein's. Yeah. I'm not saying she's a child. I'm just saying like a short fat chick. Like a little short dumpster. Like a snooki. Yeah. Yeah

mmm, but my god, I Woke up this morning couldn't even see my out of my eyes the level of puff immediately salt Just and the shit I took this morning. It's just I know on this podcast I talk about how unhealthy I am in this country. I've got to go Your head has changed shape dude. It's big today. You see in this country, I've got to go. Your head has changed shape. Dude, it's big today. You see it? Yeah.

I've swelled up. I think this is the best reception we've ever had on the podcast. I'm trying to move further back in the chair. Yeah, you've got to stand further behind me. And I've got a big... I need a different camera. I've already got a big head. All right, so let's see if this hat fits on your head, right?

Because my head's big. I think my head looks smaller than yours. I'm also really bad in a hat. Look at it, look at it. You look good. Oh yeah, that's, well, it's because it's a Republican hat. Give it back, I haven't done me here. Yeah.

Give it back, I'm wearing it for one purpose alone. The balding man, the balding man. So I want to talk about some things that are happening at this moment and it's not just eating apart from apart from. I got a guy from Rakey. A guy with no arms no legs. What was the end of that?

Tell me about what? Oh, we're just talking about all the different people with disabilities. Is he all right? Is he doing all right? No, he just sits there all day and they were saying that he's like he's not depressed. He's made peace with his life. And I always think there's a lot of talk for people who struggle with mental health about perspective and gratitude journals. And I always think there's a lot of talk for people who struggle with mental health about perspective and gratitude journals.

And you think, fuck me, that's like if you wake up in the morning and watch that, it's hard to be upset at your own problems. Like Taco Bell wasn't nice. The people who have the most life in the world are the people who have told they've only got a fine amount of time to live it. Fine amount of time to live it. Yeah. I know someone who is dying and she is very I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this. There's nothing to put off.

Now also if that guy's not dying he's got no arms and no legs you'd get really into TV wouldn't you? You get so into TV and the good thing is it's never been better to be a person that can't move than it is right now. Growing up in Australia I had three channels four, if you count the ABC, five channels, if you count SBS. But we didn't have the right coat hanger in the back of the TV. But and I still found a way to fit in seven, eight, nine hours of TV every single day, every single day. It was objectively worse.

But for some reason, I don't know, you're willing to put up with a lot of crap. I watched old movies, whatever my mother was watching, whatever the fat woman and the lazy boy was watching. I remember I watched Zulu with Michael Caine like ten times in my youth just because it was always on when you'd work school. Well, do you remember there was a guy that used to do the Sunday movies called Bill something, and he's just like an old gay fella, I think he I think he was anyway in a suit he used to just go and this next movie coming up has Shirley Temple in all of her glamour and he'd talk you through it a little bit on Australian TV and then you'd watch the movie? I didn't have that I was more of a ready steady cook person. Jack can you

find me some guy who presented old movies on Australian TV? Right, gay Aussie bloke Sunday movie. Sunday movies, old bloke, it was like a Bill something or other. And who we got? Who we got, Jack? You can edit this down. I'm sure this is not making your life harder. Bill Collins?

Bill Collins! Get me up a picture of Bill Collins, right? So Bill Collins, that was that was Yeah, there is there is my mother if he if that guy said a movie was good There is and this is the next film to come out of the Warner Brothers lot from the 1875 movie classic toro toro toro. Let me ask you a question You got built you got this Bill Collins guy. Yeah, I don't know made him an authority. Then there was Roger Ebert with the two thumbs up. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Name me a film critic today. We don't need critics anymore because the whole society has become a critic. Now, there used to be a comedy critic. There's a famous comedy critic in Britain who follows me around and they write for a major newspaper and gives me one star every single time and it has for 20 years, right?

It's not going to change. The opinion is not going to change, right? And then there was Kate Copstick who was one of the big ones who always liked me, who always gave me a four star. It's whether the person likes you, whether the person doesn't like you. They don't have any more authority in comedy. Food, the same thing. Do we need Michelin star things now or do we just say... Well, we have Instagram sort of does that for people now. Instagram does it and also movies are the same thing. We go on to Rotten Tomatoes. There'll be all the critics there. But is there a famous movie critic? Not anymore. One of these people who just goes... Look, a taste maker.

I believe that this is a quintessential bit of film. Let me ask you a question then. Yeah. Do you think the world and art was better when there were tastemakers who would set the agenda of what was good or do you think democracy of heart is better where you go this got 89% from Rotten Tomatoes ergo I trust the public. Okay there's pluses and minuses to everything the problem with the public voting on things is they give one star or five star there's nothing in between. No one is subjective with their reviews.

I love it, I hate it, I love it, I hate it. Right now with actual reviewers, actual taste makers, if we have someone with good taste, there's the same reason you employ an interior decorator. I know what I like, but I can never get it out there. My vision on what this thing should look like can never get out there, right? So I need someone who has better taste than me, who I go if I like a lot of this, I like a lot of wood panels, I like a lot of that, they can actually feed into what I need, right? Now, where critics and taste makers have in say for decades, my whole life.

I've been listening to, oh, women being objectified on magazine covers and these aren't real looking women and all that type of stuff, right? And we all have these string bean really tall women. And then it turned out to be true to a certain extent because then when the Instagram came out and we had our Kim Kardashians, we had short women with big asses and big tits, men all went, that's actually what we've been enjoying the whole time. Yeah, it was because it was gay guys that ran fashion. Gay guys and women were telling us what attractive women were and heterosexual men were having no say in the matter.

Oh, there is nothing worse, Jim. Think about how much grief straight men received about giving women bad body image. Yeah. And we realised the entire time it was themselves and gay guys who don't want to fuck you. This is the thing. It was never us. Not one time. We never gave you that.

And then as soon as women had the opportunity to filter their own photos, they fucking took to it. Oh my God. For all of us. You men are objectifying. It's all, they airbrush, they airbrush. And this isn't what a real woman looks like and you men are disgusting. And we go, alright, what about these women with big tits?

She looks like a porn star. I know! Oh, you're just like, sluts then, don't you? It's a simple code. Yeah, I don't want a tall woman with no tits. I don't know what the big thing is here. It's like, how hard was it for them to understand? We want childbearing fucking hips. We wanted... That's the evolution of recoding.

Kobe, Kobe, Kobe, Kobe. And so, so women were, women were airbrushing those photos and gay men were airbrushing those photos and we never had anything to do it. And as soon as women had their own opportunity, they airbrushed their own photos. The end. Yeah.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And we're the toxic ones. We're not the toxic ones. Women are so toxic to other women. You gave me an eating disorder. No, your eating disorder was the reason we broke up. I wanted to go out with you and enjoy a meal. Yeah. And you, I was never saying you should eat less. Did I? It was your gay friend who is apparently, oh he's just like the greatest guy, really. He wants you to be an ectomorph giraffe. Did I make pig noises whilst you ate your dessert? Yes. But she was eating grubble.

Because I'm funny. I'm a funny person. And you said you didn't want any dessert. You'll just try some of mine. I had to roll my eyes and play the game. Okay. I didn't. Well, I'll get a dessert. Would you like two spoons? I would. Thank you. Just in case. And then you shoveled it down. Of course I was gonna make a noise. We didn't make the insecurities. We did manipulate them. Oh! All day. All day. Did I leave those magazines turned to certain pages with like a little bit written underneath? My ideal woman. Sure. Was Kate Moss my screensaver? As motivation.

Yeah, but we didn't create it. That's all. We create the wound. We did put our finger in it. Yeah. But speaking of that, I think about that with comedy. Yeah. OK, so we can speak about our own industry. We know a bit about this.

I know nothing about women. But I know a little bit about I'll tell you this about movies. OK. I went and watched the Marvel. OK, so I'm not a lover. I don't like the... Despise it. I like DC more than Marvel in the cinematic. But I'm superheroed out.

No one was a bigger superhero than me. I'm superheroed out. I will say, I know I have no right to be a snob. You know, everyone's got their own taste. I went and watched this fucking movie and maybe it's also just Americans. But I didn't want to go and Annika said we watched Warfare which I quite liked, new movie about about Lin-Felusia. Yeah. So we were out of any other good movies. Lin-Manuel Felusia. So we we went and watched the new Marvel movie and I was like

I don't really want to watch this. She said come on it's just a dark place to eat popcorn which you know I like just going to the cinema. I'm hating the movie I think it's garbage. People, you know, the audience is laughing and you go, what was fucking funny there? Oh, and then I start to think, and my girlfriend's getting angry at me going, who are you to be mocking people for having fun?

And I go, yeah, you're right, I'm a cunt. But then every time a character would come on stage on the screen, the whole crowd, woo! Yeah, okay, so. And I was like, you're all fucking simpletons. So, non-Americans don't know this, The character would come on stage on the screen, the whole crowd, whoo! And I was like, you're all fucking simpletons. So, non-Americans don't know this, but the rest of the world may not know this, but Americans at times will cheer at movies. And it's so jarring when you first get here.

Sometimes when the names, the credits come up and it goes Arnold Schwarzenegger, they will clap like he might hear it in some way. This is a culture that claps when the plane lands yeah and so it's the same energy yeah okay they like one bit of dialogue that they like and then I'll be back and it makes me so fucking angry and Annika my girlfriend is like she's looking glaring at me like how can why can't you just have fun? And I'm going because this country is full of people that haven't fucking grown up. They're worse than children They never do it in the old pornhouses In the old x-rated cinemas on Times Square you never saw here comes out this porno. Whoa, whoa

No, they were too busy going.o looking at Pee Wee Herman Poor Pee Wee. If you're not going to have a wank in there what are you doing? What are you doing? What's the target demo? Who is the person who was offended and went oh he's a pervert? They're all perverts in there I can tell you right now. Is that what it was? He was tossing off in a dirty flick scene. In an X-rated movie cinema. And you're not allowed to?

It used to be where people hooked up and stuff with dodgy type of things. Like you'd wait and you'd see someone and they'd go, I'm going into this booth. You know what I mean? Like some shit went down. You'd expect discretion at a joint like that. They used to have like... In Florida too. They used to have, in Florida, they used to have these ones where you'd go into a booth, you'd put some money in it and the shield would open up and there'd be a woman masturbating

behind the thing and that's how you'd get live porn, you know what I mean? And you'd wank off and then they'd have hand sanitizer to the side. They knew what you were doing and there was a guy with a mop who was just like, all right, just fucking... It's a rough summer job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Right? And so Peewee Herman, look, I've never had a wank in a cinema summer job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And so Peewee Herman, look, I've never had a wank in a cinema,

even in an X-rated cinema. I've never gone to an X-rated cinema for more than five minutes. I've always thought, well, I'd want to have a wank. I'm watching porn. What a terrible place. And then you're stuck for 54 minutes of the film? I've never understood that when porn ads come on,

are you tired of masturbating alone? No, it's the way I like to do it. It's my preference. I like to masturbate alone. Are you alone? No, I actually got my uncle and auntie over. I haven't seen him for a while. Are you tired of masturbating alone? I don't want to do it with others. Well some do. Okay, so what's happening at this moment? I'll tell you something else that I noticed at this moment. I'm at the cinema. When was the last time you saw teenagers having a fingering? Because I recall going to the cinema and always being like, oh, God,

look at this young Aussie couple back here, really petting hard. Oh, you know, you don't see them doing anything. The first time I did that with a young girl and I was about 15 or something like that I was like 14 type of thing And I told you the story how I met this guy anyway, so I was the movie I was that was strictly ballroom Right and that's all I really had in me pants at that stage. Oh, whoa Anyway, so so this girl but I'm we the lights went down. We started making out

We didn't stop making out for the two hour film, right? Just like, like kids, right? They're fucking the greatest. That's some of the greatest, uh, sexual memories. You know, we aren't even having sex. You're just making out. You were, you mean the wife don't make out for two hours. Are you ridiculous?

That would be silly. Right now. I know my wife contacts, my wife would be like that. I'd enjoy it, but you don't want the blah blah blah. Anyway, but you know the teenage making out all the fucking for hours and hours and hours, it's a bit of innocent fun. But we had to go to the cinema because my parents wouldn't let me keep my door shut. Her parents, I'm not allowed to go over there and keep my door shut.

I just think now that parents are more like, okay well as long as it's under my roof and as long as, me and my parents didn't talk about sex that is right it's more tolerated at home so there's more tolerated right at home so you don't have to go to a cinema to get your fingering on yeah I got my first fingering on with my high school girlfriend to the movie W the George W Bush you would have taken that was the only way that's the only way that I must could have kept an erection the whole time yeah Carl Rove and just getting a fucking moist fingering. She was like, did you have to say moist fingering?

Why is moist? I don't have any problem with the word moist. I don't know why. Everyone's like moist. It became this national joke that we all go, oh, isn't moist the worst word? No. It's nice. I had a girl who didn't like the name, who didn't like the word.

Why? Years ago, about 15 years ago was Adam and she didn't like it. Other people don't like the name who didn't like the word years ago back about 15 years ago was was Adam and she Didn't like it, but the other other people don't like the word cloth Cloth yeah cloth upsets people Moist cloth a moist cloth well that's because you're thinking of a chloroform rag at that point no no I'm not thinking of a clue. I don't even know where would you buy chloroform? Do you get it at the same? Yes? Is CVS. Is it in the hardware store? Is it used for other things? Is it like a cleaning product? Yeah, does it strip wood? G'day guys, I'm just looking to get

a rope chloroform. I've got a job back in the house. Might be waking up. Where do you have to know someone? Is chloroform, can I just get it? How do you spell it? This is why, by the way, we don't have any sponsors, but this is why you need a VPN. You really don't want to be doing chloroform. Chloroform also known as Trichloromethane, oh god, methane, is a volatile colour sweet smelling liquid. Why are people complaining?

It's primarily used as a solvent in the production of other chemicals like refrigerants and plastics. It does other things. It's used to be an anaesthetic but it's use in surgery is now limited due to its potential for liver toxicity. So I don't know where you can buy it but... I just ladies, look out for the fridge repair guys. That's what I'm going to tell you. Someone says he repairs fridges.

Run. No matter how sweet smelling it is. You get out of there. Well, I don't know why. Why are we bringing that? That's right. The movies. Cause I've actually, this brings to our first big story.

The movies. Donald Trump. Who would have thought we'd have to talk about him every fucking episode, but that's just what the news is as Proposed the new tariff to something right at home here in the United States I'll read you his truth social the movie industry in America is dying a very fast death He tried a little bit there. Okay, I was gonna go and I thought I thought it's very fast So other countries there offering all sorts of incentives, a lot of incentives to draw

our filmmakers and studios away from the United States. Hollywood and many other areas in the USA are being devastated. This is a concerted effort by other nations and is therefore a national security threat. It is in addition to everything else, messaging and propaganda. Therefore I'm authorizing the Department of Commerce, the United States Trade Representative to immediately begin the process of instituting a hundred percent tariff on any and all movies entering our country that are produced in foreign countries. That is not the secret to fix it. The secret to fixing the movie industry is to give tax breaks

to the movie companies like they do overseas and like they do in other states outside of California. California, your calling card was always that, hey, you've seen the movie, do you want to see the location, right? Do you want to come and see where the stars live? That's why the tourists came here, because we've seen the movies. They don't make fucking game shows anymore in LA. Well can I move them to Dublin? Can I play something for you? So Rob Lowe and Adam Scott were talking about this the other day. Well Rob Lowe hosts a game show that's hosted in Dublin. Have a listen to Dublin. Can I play something for you? So Rob Lowe and Adam Scott were talking about this the other day. Well, Rob Lowe hosts a game show that's hosted in Dublin. Have a listen to this. Oh shit. Hold on. Is that working? There we go. It's cheaper to bring a hundred

American people to Ireland than to walk across the lot, right? Fox, right? Pass the sound stages and do it there. Crazy. Do you think if we shot Parks right now we would be in Budapest? 100% we would be. We'd be in Budapest. We would be... It's so weird. There are nothing shoots in Los Angeles. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I had a... my next show already done, scripts, deals closed. Yeah. And they said we're shooting this in New York. And I said, I'm not moving to New York to do this.

And then it went away. The show's done. I'm not doing it. Wow. It's like, okay, so this is LA has an opportunity, not an opportunity, a bad opportunity of becoming Detroit, of losing its industry completely, all the people who worked in that business moving out because it doesn't matter anymore. We found that after COVID that a lot of celebrities and like I would I

could move to a different city. Yeah, well people were living here for that reason. But the problem is I have kids from different women and so I need to sort of stay near my children right so I can, but they fucked it up. The movie's being filmed in Vancouver. The fact that he said, a hundred Americans flying to Dublin, it's just a tax break. Now charging a hundred percent tariffs on Dublin, I guess we'll get some of it done,

but it won't fix LA, because then we'll still go to Atlanta, where they have the tax breaks. We'll still go to New Mexico, where they have the tax breaks. I was filming a movie in New Mexico, and in the lift have the tax breaks. I was filming a movie in New Mexico, and in the lift each, okay, so I'm filming a movie in New Mexico,

and they said, you gotta be on set at this time. And I was like, great. The car will be waiting for you. I said, great. I got in a car, introduced myself to the other actors, and all that type of stuff. Off we went. I was in the car for 10 minutes

before I realized I was in the wrong movie. What do you mean? There was another movie that involved a similar topic to the movie I was in, filming in Albuquerque at the same time and I got in the wrong car. Who were the, obviously there weren't big stars. You weren't like, I find myself with Matt Damon. No. You would be quite clear there was it there was another there was another guy who I met in in his name is

Nesta Cortez okay I can't remember anyway but he's a guy that I met out there who was another actor who's like famous of CSI and all type of stuff and I had some drinks with him once at the bar type of thing and then there's soft drinks and then and then so many movies going on in New Mexico and Atlanta unbelievable and Vancouver that's your filming place nothing gets filmed in LA anymore these Universal Studios lots of stuff are just things for tourists now there's there's nothing being made. Well in the same way that that in Detroit's the Henry Ford Museum. The actors aren't happy about it

yeah it's a production people aren't happy about it. Yeah, it's a studio museum. The production people aren't happy about it. Actors don't want to go live in a hotel for three months. They want to go back to their home. The best job for an actor in Hollywood is a multicam sitcom in LA because it's a nine to five job if you have kids. That's the best job. Doing a movie on different locations, that's a grind. That's months and months away from your kids.

Months. I'm curious about what institutes are for a made movie. Bad for your marriage. Really bad for months and months away from your kids. Months. I'm curious about what institutes a foreign made movie. Bad for your marriage. Really bad for your marriage being away from your partner for that long. But what is a foreign made movie? Let's say you're shooting a film and it has

it's a spy thriller. Yeah. And so it's an American made movie. But they're doing scenes in Paris because they're hunting down an international arms dealer. This is the thing. So what happens when we make a movie like Moulin Rouge, which

was made by Baz Luhrmann or Elvis was made by Baz Luhrmann in Australia. In Australia with all Australian extras, but the stars are American. You've got Tom Hanks and you've got Austin Butler. They're your stars. They're American actors. But the money's coming from a film production company. These film production companies have offices here and here and here and here and

here. Yeah, I just don't know what technically makes it count as made over soon. Exactly. Exactly. So is the movie Elvis and the movie Moulin Rouge, are they Australian films? I guess they are. I guess they are. I guess they would count as that. But they're made by the Hollywood machine.

That's what I mean. The Hollywood money is where that where it's coming from. You could say the same thing about like Apple is based here, but it makes all that stuff in China and then you're trying to stop that, which he's already pulled out on. He's already pulled out on that. But like for the same thing, the movie is like, what if there's an American made movie that is like, do we have to make Around America in 80 days?

If you have Jason Bourne start his mission here and then he finishes his mission in Paris, is that what's happened? From now on, mission impossible, Tom Cruise is not allowed to leave the country. Mission impossible. Does this mean that I get extra acting work because I have an American passport, if they need an Australian, they can't afford a non-American Australian. All I'm saying is.

I could scoop up all that work unless the fucking Hemsworths undersell me again. I could have had Thor. I could have had it. My price was too high. Could you imagine if you did go to the studio and go, look, you're obviously into a buff Aussie. Yeah. Eight grand. Well, I told you, I once I once was almost cast in a movie and they go, it's between you and another actor and I'm like

Okay, great. This is like what 15 years ago when I first got to America and I was like, okay great great great And I said, who's the other actor and they went Ben Affleck And I went best day of your life and I'm like what? Yeah, it's like 15 years ago what and they and my management said to me they go They're trying to decide between the three million dollar option and the thirty thousand dollar option. Right. Right. The recession option.

Yeah. Yeah. Like like will the movie make three million dollars more with him in it? Yeah. Or will it? Or they'd spend money on a nutritionist and a like a trainer. The part was like a stoner guy with like long hair. It was just like fucking on the couch all the time. What was the movie? I don't know. Good Will Hunting.

It was many, many years ago. And it was a movie extract. And it was a Mike Judge film. And it had Jason Bateman in it. And what's his name I just mentioned? Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck and Mila Kunis. Right.

Straight out of the 70s show. And so, but it was like I never watched it because I went through about four or five auditions for this thing and I was like never happened. So if you were Gavin Newsom, surely you would do whatever you could. I mean this whole city. You should be making tax breaks to the movie industry because it helps the tourism industry because it's not just like, it's not just like, oh we get more tax break. The taxes in California are so horrendous for everybody involved because you pay your state income

tax and your federal income tax that if production can't have permits that are you know these permits are very expensive. So what are the Irish actually doing to get all this stuff? They just go you pay no tax to us here like or you pay way less tax it's like a 40% credit. You pay way less tax. And it wouldn't be a union issue as well though I mean they're always striking here. They're also happy because they get like you got to have a certain amount of local hires so it helps the normal, it helps the citizens of your town. Right, so if you're in New Mexico, you've got to have a certain level of New Mexico people, I believe, I've never done a movie contract, but that's what it feels like being on these sets.

And so it helps the local economy, also you get all these people inflexing in here, also a bit of tourism, it's good all round to have movies being made in your country, in your town. It helps unemployment immensely. There's so many people employed in a movie. I think California, I like, we just make trillions of dollars from having Silicon Valley, so they don't really care. This used to be the only thing they had, was Hollywood. And now Hollywood really isn't as important to them anymore,

because they're like, we've got Metta and Google. Have you seen the new like California tourist commercials? It's like, it's like, hey here we are surfing, here we are skateboarding, we're always having fun. And then it's like the last thing we get Magic Johnson going, hey why don't you come out here? And you're like, have we not had anyone new for a while? Like, well they've got LeBron but. No, no but Magic Mr. LA, right? But it's like, it's like this is what we're like. We used to go come and see where the movies are made.

It wasn't just like you can skateboard. We got a bit of surfing. The beaches here suck dicks. But like, honestly, anyone can tell me any different. I come from Australia. The beaches here are horrendous. They're not surf worthy. They're filled with fucking pollution. I had a skin rash. Needles everywhere.

Yeah, they're fucking, they're shit. I think it's also the Hollywood actors are like, if you're Australian, you're coming out to Los Angeles because you want to check out Venice Beach and Santa Monica Beach. Don't waste your fucking time. It's garbage. Garbage. In comparison to where we grew up, it's garbage. Not to dip into your material here, but it's like most people in the world

now think Hollywood actors are cunts. Yeah. There's also that. Yeah. I remember it was a big like there was proper Hollywood stars. Theyunts. Yeah. There's also that. Yeah. I remember it was a big, like there was proper Hollywood stars, they were like royalty. It was America's royal family. They should see lots of photos of stars and going. But all they do now is because of camera phones, they just party internally where everyone takes their phone away.

That's the only way that celebrities can do it. Where it used to be like this nightlife, you used to have a few cameras out the front, as you were walking in and you were looking good. But once you got into that nightclub, the cameras were gone. Right? Now we don't even see these people. They don't leave the house.

Well, yeah, they have the house parties at Diddy's and... Well, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Now the FBI sees these parties. They've pushed them into... They used to be these elusive things that we just saw them get out of a vehicle to the that's all we saw so you think even that's that go back 15 years ago girls were getting out of cars in London and in paparazzi were trying to take photos on up their dresses all right and the paparazzi as it is now

doesn't really the only people who are getting papped right now are people who desperately want to get papped So they're wearing scantily dressed clothes. They're trying to get noticed as much as possible But you're not getting any more fucking a George Clooney of this world going into a nightclub with a new girl that you haven't Seen him on the arm before just doesn't happen. Yeah, I always wonder what those star-lined tour buses here even do anymore It's like hey Brad Pitt used to live in that house he's not here anymore. Yeah yeah yeah you see you see a big fucking gate. Yeah you see Louis Seale. But even like the whole surrounds like Palm Springs is 99 miles away and and the only reason Palm Springs is this is studios used to have a term and a

contract to say three hours three hours. You have to be there. So all of this place is built on you know Hollywood land and making films and films in general moving forward. I mean, the reason we have superhero movies is because China is like the major market now and they want less dialogue and they want big special effects. And actors are going to be computer generated. And it's like, I think maybe California is going, the movie industry isn't going to exist anyway. It's all going to be special effects. And well, they've won that battle already with a sag thing, but I think we should have computer generated children in movies. I don't think children should any longer be in film.

I think there's too many horrific stories, too many stories of pedophilia and stuff like that, that come out that Nickelodeon documentary, et cetera. Right. And everybody who was a child star always has regret from being a child star. It is a few people. I'm sure Jodie Foster doesn't. But I was watching like that She's So Raven girl or whatever. She was being interviewed recently and she's like, I don't remember not working. So how is that not slavery of a certain time? She can't remember a time in her life when she wasn't on a TV show.

She was on the Cosby show as a little girl, and then she had, that's so right, she doesn't remember a time not being on. Sure, but she could also be digging for bauxite in a mine somewhere. That's the whole thing. Would you swap your life with her? She has a pretty chill life, she has money in the bank. I think so. You know what I mean?

But. I think also like the love of celebrity is about as low as it's ever been. I watched the Met Gala yesterday, and it's hard not to think of the Hunger Games of people in the central district wearing these ridiculous outfits. Well, wealth inequality's never been high.

The Met Gala, the idea that the Met Gala is for a charity, I don't know what the charity is, but you can all go fuck yourself. If you think you have to pay how many 10,000 to show up to look like a fucking wanker, this is, you hear it from me right now, I'm not going to the Met Gala. Even if my star rises, I get movies or whatever or something happens to my career, this podcast takes off. Anyway, so I'm not going to the Met Gala because it's fucking filled with

wankers. There's somebody I know in my life who wasn't a wanker, who I saw at the Met Gala and was a fucking wanker. The Aussie in me looks at it and just thinks that all these people. I'll tell you who it is off the air, but it's a person who was when I met them when they were young, were very down to earth human being, a person that I met at the Edinburgh Festival back in the day. And I, yeah. And now they look like a monumental cunt.

This town, if you let it, will, if you get any moniker of success, you can be warped into search a fucking... Was wearing gloves as a man, like just like, get the fuck out of here dude. I just don't know what, well that's another thing that's happening at this moment is that, I don't even know what that is. I don't know what they're, this is the same as like people who are running marathons for charity. Just give the money to charity and get out of my face. I always look like Ed Sheeran who I've spoken to once and I have a mutual friend. I have two mutual friends with

Ed Sheeran right and and from all reports solid-ass dude man meant to be well and not and part of his appeal is his everydayness. Yes. Right, everydayness that that he's kind of cool but he's not great-looking but he's also like if you're a girl and he's sang you a song you know we'd fucking mean it right and then I see him at the Met Gala I'm like come on Ed you're meant to be our but he didn't over dress it you know I've addressed it so what do you think would happen if Warren Buffett is currently liquidated most of his money he's got trillion I don't know how many billions he's got there like 250 billion right now if you said to all the celebrities this year

We know you're here to raise money for charity. It really matters to you We will pay double whatever you raise for you to not be in these dumb clothes and not attend Would they take that deal? This is the thing the people who go seem to be the cunts of the celebrity world. It seems to be the cunt fest. And I know people who love the Met Gala and they follow the Met Gala. And they're also cunts. And I'll tell you who that is off the end.

There's a long list of people that you will not disparage publicly. I won't publicly. No. There's a long list of people that you will not disparage publicly. I won't publicly. Some of these people I am friends with, related to, I've worked with for many years, married to. Our kids hang out, have children with pale child support too. Now let's whip through some more stories. I think are fucking amazing.

Let's go more to Trump land. Here's a couple of good ones. He's going to pay people who are immigrants who have overstayed their visas one thousand dollars to self-deport. My visa is up on July 1st. I'm thinking July 2nd. I got a lax go. I'm here a day late.

You have to get your visa renewed. I have to get the visa. But if I want out, fuck it. That's probably the best career move I've got. That's what you're. That's your retirement plan is a thousand bucks from America. Even though you've been paying higher taxes here than you could have in Australia. You think that you're going to beat my wife. That's what I think of my career trajectory at this point, is that's my best chance. My wife always whenever we watch The Bachelor and they give the diamond ring, she goes,

I'm always like, oh, why do these people get bloody engaged? You need longer than a fucking six dates to get engaged on TV. You know what I mean? And she's there going, oh, yeah. She goes, she goes, I'd do it just to get the ring. So you'd go on the show, then you get the ring. I'm like, it's a fucking 10 grand ring. Right?

It's not garbage, but it's not Tiffany's. It's not Cartier. It's not. It's a 10 grand ring. right it's not garbage but it's not Tiffany's it's not Cartier it's not it's a ten grand ring ten fifteen thousand dollar ring nice ten fifteen grand you've been on the show for nine weeks you've had to travel the world and you have and be humiliated and you have to keep the engagement for one year to keep the ring otherwise you've got to give it back to the show right yeah there's a thing like you can't just like go get engaged, get the ring, and then you guys get divorced and split the money. No, you've got to keep it for a certain while.

Otherwise, you've got to give the ring back. That's not the best. I've seen better scams. I've seen better ways to earn 15 grand. That's my wife's big get rich plan. But if you think about all the 20 million immigrants supposedly came in with our papers, thousand bucks each to just leave instead of having a trial.

How many do you think would take that? That's good money going back to Mexico, thousand bucks, no record. Do you think they swam across the Rio Grande, jumped over a wall with a rope, went through the fucking thing to get to America, all to give it up for $1,000. Dude, I flew to Buffalo and did a gig for $200.

They've beaten me. Yeah, but you're going to do many of those gigs. You're going to do many. They've beaten me, dude. I went in the winter to Buffalo for $200. You could have had more opening for me. I offered you the same gig to open for me in Buffalo for more money than that. I gave it up to Forrest for different reasons.

I think a lot of people would take the thousand dollars if they knew that, you know, they're going to be hunted down. You just walk out for the grand. That doesn't stop you coming back. Yeah, but it puts you on a register. It doesn't mean that you can't you can't slip back in. Next story. Uh, Donald Trump considers this is a good one, reopening Alcatraz.

I've heard about this. He wants to reopen Alcatraz. He's not, I'm with him. And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Just let me give you info. Closed in 1963 as an operational prison. Housed Al Capone, amongst other famous...

The Escape from Alcatraz is infamous. One of my favorite movies is that Clint Eastwood film. I love it. Dude, they literally said to Donald Trump, what made you think of this? And 100% he was watching The Rock. For sure. He just must have watched that movie and it came into his mind. It's very hard to escape. Or the infrastructure is already there. It's decayed. You've got to do a. It's you've got to do a refurb. You got to do a refurb.

It needs a new kitchen. What does Doge say about that? It needs a new kitchen, right? But yeah, and you get those vents where they escape from. Seal them up. Seal them up. Yeah, for sure. We've learned. Well, yeah, what do you need vents for?

You've got bars on this side. You've got bars on this side. It's already vented. Put vents outside of the cells. So you'd like that open, because a lot of people are saying you should put the most high profile prisoners there. OK, first of all, it's a tourist destination

in San Francisco now where people get on a boat and go, I've been to San Francisco about 15 times. I haven't bothered to go over there because I don't want to see an old prison. I get what. I get what. It might be a nice view back, right? Also, so for a bloke like me who's never gone to visit, he just looks at it.

I'd love to look at and go bin Laden's over there or the equivalent thereof. OK, you think like international terrorists, the new Guantanamo is here. Well, it's a nice view, isn't it? It's meant to be a very nice view. But and also they get lobster there all the time because of the where it's at. Right. They get the. Yeah. So it's meant to be very nice. I might go.

So you're essentially you're essentially your pitch here is we get people like Osama bin Laden, leave them in Alcatraz and tourists come by and sort of throw rocks at them or something like that. Lobsters at them. You get lobsters to pinch the teeth. It's just like so you get the most you get on the Golden Gate Bridge and you drive over, I left my heart.

Hey kids, look out the side there. Bin Laden in San Fran. What do you just get the most notorious criminals like? You get like the Unabomber, Son of Sam. I get both of them. You get them all in there. Yeah. So you get the Unabomber.

And you can visit the most notorious people. Timothy McVeigh. I found out he's dead I watched that documentary. They already killed him. I thought he was still in death row. We're reopening Shawshank Unabomber also dead Shawshank we're reopening and this time we're gonna be looking out for posters You can't have a poster in a cell. You can't have a poster in a cell. No posters! How dumb was that warden?

Yeah, yeah. You can have pictures of women. I'm not made of stone. Just A4 size. You know those prisons were so good. A4 size with gaps. You know people would leave the prison and kill themselves because they were sad they weren't still there.

Mmm. Great prison. Brooks, I like his shoes and his suicide. Count of Monte Cristo. That's one of your favorite movies. We're going to open the Chateau d'Yves and put the worst of the worst. So what is the pushback to, because we need prisons, the prisons are overfull. Well they cost a lot of money.

There's a prison, yeah they cost a lot of money because we, okay. I think honestly, I think cost a lot of money. There's a prison. Yeah, they cost a lot of money because we... Okay, I used to joke years ago. I think, honestly, I think Donald Trump's going... In the land of the free, America has the least amount of free people. One percent of the population is incarcerated, which is an immense amount. It's more than double that of other countries, right? One percent of the population. So, look, how do you fix it?

How do you fix crime? You've got to start ground roots. You've got to fix the foster care system, the foster care system, so that people feel like they're wanted and loved in this world. Then you've got to fix the housing crisis so that people aren't homeless, so they aren't pushed into fucking crime. Drugs are way down on this fucking list, but you've got to fix that in a sense that they should be shooting galleries and stuff like that, so people can get clean drugs and they're not dying. There's so much stuff you have to do here. It's like rebuilding any sports team. The system you're using is old, the players are old, you've got to bring in youth.

So start with the young people, start making them feel wanted, start making them feel housed, start having drug programs, let people get abortions. That's a big one because we don't want unwanted people in the country. You bring unwanted people in the country, they're going to be treated badly, they're going to grow up with a chip on their shoulder, they're not gonna be happy with the society they live in, they wear a belt and that's where crime happens. This whole idea that is as simple as saying,

it's just drugs, or it's just this, or it's illegal immigrants. Well drugs don't help. They don't help, but people turn to drugs as an escape from the other shit. Why is it happening in this country and no other country? It doesn't happen as much in countries with socialist governments that give unemployment benefits and housing.

It just doesn't. I'm a little confused. I know. I sound like it. Do we open the rock or do we not? Okay. But if you're going to continue on with the program that you're doing of incarcerating 1% of your population

Open the rock. I just got a thing. He's he's sending people to El Salvador. Everyone goes that's cruel It's a bad person and he's like, okay, then how about? The Bay Area all the people on the Epstein list they like going to islands That was my best trap yet I think I think let's get the Tower of London back. The Tower of London had the Kray twins in it. Let's put Prince Harry in the fucking Tower of London. I went to the top of the Tower of London to do a field piece for the Jim Jeffries show that never aired. This field piece was going to be on the next season and we have a field piece from the

Tower of London. And I took a private guy because there was a comedian there whose father actually lived in the Tower of London who was like one of the top guys from the military who were running it and I sat, I sat on Hitler's toilet. What? They had a cell in the Tower of London that was made and built especially for Hitler and because they didn't want him in the cross population it was the only cell with a toilet. It was waiting there to be used. He never sat on used. He never sat on it He never sat on it, but it is referred to as Hitler's toilet

Jack you were there were you? Oh Okay, well you look so much Hitler you Jack has Jack has reverse Hitler beard Have you ever noticed that about Jack everything else is thicker except for the Hitler section. That's where his facial hair is the thinnest He's so anti-fascist. That's how little Hitler he is. He has a reverse Hitler beard. Even like coming up the sides, it's hairy, hairy, hairy, joining up in the middle bit. Gone. No Hitler. Is that a Japanese thing? No! Japanese loved Hitler! No, I know that, but I'm saying the facial hair pattern. Probably. Yeah. Have you noticed that he's got the reverse hit low? I only when I met Jack's dad recently and I did not know that your dad was like a full Japanese man. He's half Japanese. I know but Jack is just does not seem Japanese at all to me.

No Jack doesn't seem Japanese but no. If I had a Japanese dad like that I'd play up the Japanese element so much more. You know you don't do it you do nothing with it. You've never even asked me out for sushi. Nothing. You don't lean into any of the cool things. You never even have a hemorrhoid bleed under some white underwear. Have I ever told you about my Japanese friend Takashi Wakasugi? You don't have to do the voice. Just say Takashi Wakasugi. Do it in your own voice. Takashi. Donuki. Do it in your own voice. Takashi Wakasuki. Don't do that.

So he's like one of my favorite people in comedy. He's a Japanese dude that moved to Australia. And I was fascinated about this with the Japanese. I watch a lot of World War II docs. And he was staying with me and I was watching World War II documentaries. My brother used to live with me and he goes, dude, he can't be watching the Battle of Iwo Jima and World War II stuff with the Japanese dude here. He goes, what do you know't be watching the Battle of Iwo Jima and World War II stuff with Japanese

dude here. He goes, what are you putting out? He doesn't want to watch that. And Takashi was like, I've never seen any of this. Because the Japanese learn nothing. They learn nothing about the war. The kids that go out, it's just sort of like swept under the rug. They've gone on with it.

They don't really like to talk about their imperial past. And've just... And so he was looking at me and he's like, play more. And I went, you want to watch more? And I'm like watching a good three hours of Docco about the kamikazes. Did you do Pearl Harbor? Pearl Harbor. We did the whole thing, right? We watched it. Did he know about Pearl Harbor?

He'd heard like the vagaries of it. And so I am asleep and I wake up to him tapping me on the shoulder and Waka goes With a bayonet. And Waka goes to me, he goes, Do you have them more? Hitler documentaries, Nazi documentaries. I said, do I have more? I go, there's heaps more. He goes, You know, Japan, so brave. He goes, there's heaps more. He goes, you know Japan, so brave.

Japanese is a small country, so dominant. We are so brave and strong and so much dignity. And I was like, fuck, I've radicalized him. Like this is why- He got pro Japanese from these- Dude, he got so pro Japanese to the point where he was like, you cowardly Americans on your ships, we would fucking fly our plane into your ship

because we believed in the emperor and you were scared of us. We were the most unbelievable fighting force. A little higher than the conquered China. They were also the nastiest fucking prisoner of war camps that existed. They treated the prisoner of war, there's meant to be dignity with soldiers. It's meant to be a little bit like Hogan's heroes, right? It's meant to be more like Hogan's heroes. And the prisoner of war camps with the Japanese was no good.

And I could just see him dude, he's kind of like, Japan was a samurai. And I went maybe that's why they're not allowed to be shown this stuff because lurking under the surface, it can be turned on. It's like if Germany never- Maybe we'll get them fucking again. Start showing World War II documentaries. Listen, I mean we've taken all the testosterone out of the Japanese. Yeah. And we did that because we didn't want them to do any more Pearl Harbors. Start showing World War II documentary. Listen, I mean we've taken all the testosterone out of the Japanese. Yeah.

And we did that because we didn't want them to do any more Pearl Harbors. Now they're called Kanai Kazi? Kanai Kazi? They literally went from carving people up with samurai swords to being very delicate and intricate with cutting fish. Oh yeah, yeah. They've been completely neutered. Now back in the day they used to do the origami for the paper cuts. That's what you do to a proud culture when you do when you

demilitarize them they go we're so good at the fold of paper. That is a good name for the episode Can I Carsey? No you can't. Not anymore Hirohito. You carzied once, you'll carzied again. Hirohito. It should be called heroin hito. The way you're behaving. Yeah, okay. So we think, I think Alcatraz, a bit of fun, but anytime Donald Trump starts talking about movie tariffs and Alcatraz, you know, he's obviously doing that to hide something else that's going on. He loves to throw that out there like a picture of him. He clearly is watching The Rock. Yeah, yeah, he's clearly watching The Rock. They don't make movies like this anymore. Not in California.

They used to make them on The Rock with The Rock. Is that The Rock or is that Sean Connery? Who's The Rock? I'm ready to lose. That was Jerry Seinfeld as Donald Trump. Who's The Rock? What are we? Oh, you know Donald Trump. What's the deal with these immigrants? Oh no! My approval rating's so low! Tariffs, what's all that about? You tariff me, I'll tariff you! Are we finished? Yeah. Let's end on this one. I'm ready to lose all your, a lot of the people that like you. Another big thing that happened today was... Well, the people who like me, I'm saying people that, some people that

like you more politically than I, yeah, would make sense given it's your podcast. But we're in the middle, it's our podcast, we split the money 50-50, which there is none. Zero. We haven't got ads yet. I'm very proud of the fact that we haven't made a dollar. It makes me feel like the quality can remain low. Also you can tell with the information that's being carried out. Hey are you allowed to be cancelled for a project you made no money on? It's certainly harsh. I feel like that's unfair. Like what are you gonna judge me for all those home pornos? Donald Trump and a Robert F Kennedy Jr. yesterday were discussing their new executive order

was the end of gain-of-function research. Thank fuck that guy didn't become president because how would he do after a school shooting? Thoughts and prayers. Why does it sound like forest takers are shit? Our country has an epidemic. Autism. Yes. Gain of function research.

I said that to my wife the other day. I said autism has been around forever. They just didn't diagnose it. I said that to my wife and mother. I said autism has been around forever. They just didn't diagnose it. Back in the day, you had guys who were obsessed with trains and Star Trek.

And my wife went, you're just explaining daddy. Yes. And I went, huh, yeah. Well, what can you do? All right, well, we obviously doesn't wanna touch Game of Function Research because it's paid off by Pfizer. No, that was a big one, so.

What's the, tell me again, because I just wanna do. I'm a function research has been officially a game of throwing research. Yes. There's no more game of throwing. OK, it's stop doing that down the thing. People try to listen. I don't want to think. What's the click is this game? Something wrong with our bearings.

Function research. Game of function. What does that gain? Gain of function is when you're fiddling around with the virus to make it more effective, sorry, more. OK, I'm a believer that that's how we got COVID. Yes. So obviously... I don't think anyone ate a bat. I think I think they were just fucking around with virus as we do as well.

We do as well. Well, we did it. Not them. No, the bloody the COVID Virus Institute in fucking... In Wuhan. In Wuhan. Funded by? Oh, it doesn't. Now, now it's the same as the movies. Who made this movie?

Who made that movie? No, that was the Chinese. So in 2014, it was banned from being done. So it was banned by Richard Nixon. And then after, remember the anthrax scandals of 2001? And all that anthrax came in, which a lot of people think was fake. He was landing on the Indian comics. What's his name? He got all the anthrax. Everyone made an anthrax came in which a lot of people think was fake. Who was landing on that? Indian comics. What's his name? He got all the anthrax.

Everyone made an anthrax claim at some point. And then they brought back a lot of this research because they were like, we're in bio weapon era and so they did the gain of function. Then it was banned in 2014 by Obama onshore. So they offshored it. One of those places was Wuhan. And this is where this research was done. And that's where COVID came from. And now they've officially banned it there. And I do think all the time, COVID is obviously the biggest thing of our lifetime. If you think of the impact on the planet, we have a pre-COVID and post-COVID world. I would say the Luka-Donkic trade. That was very, that was certainly for the city of Dallas. It was very big. The Donkitsch trade. Very big. Left a big impact. Very big.

But what? That six foot seven guy. I don't understand how we've just all memory hold what happened and we had this lab leak of a fucked with weaponized virus. Millions died. Millions died, economy destroyed, the world will sort of be different now forever and there is no accountability. What happened? Doesn't the whole world want to know? How do we just let this go? So you think RFK is going to tell us? Well, they've just banned any more of that research.

I'm happy we've banned that research because I don't think we should weaponize viruses because it's too hard to not use against yourself. But it's also like you think you're God and you fuck with these viruses and then they're obviously going to leak. These things get out. There's no way to stop them. You don't know how it's going to mutate and what's going to happen.

And like COVID was crazy. And I just can't really fathom that we can't really point to who's to be blamed. You fucked the world and there's just nothing. Oh, we just move on. We just move on. And so I think whoever is found guilty for that, probably Fauci and his team, Alcatraz. Maybe that's what Alcatraz is all about.

And then we released the virus there, but no one's allowed off. Well, the movie The Rock was about a virus. Oh God, it's been a long time. And so we put Fauci on Alcatraz with all of the viruses that he did gain of function research on. And he has to try, he has to try and come up with a cure and we film it all. And that's an American movie.

I don't like that this studio is so far away from your home. You have too much time to think on the way here. Oh, yeah, I'll give you I'll give you one other conspiracy that we can finish on as we wrap up this episode. I mean, I like this one from the New York Post. New York Post. Bush official. And we're going to end on this. So, you know, the audience can think about this while they drive.

Driving around. Bush official claims the US built $21 trillion underground city for the government to exist in a post-apocalyptic extinction event. Billionaire, who believes this? A Bush official. He says this is a real thing. She says that there's an underground budget, a black budget, to build an underground city essentially for a near extinction. Oh there's a budget.

It doesn't mean done. Oh it has been built and these concrete concrete is and stuff. Where is it? I don't know where it's okay. So because there's a common belief that there is a city underneath not a conflict Disneyland underneath for pedophilia Denver airport. That could be it. I've heard about that often. Denver Airport's meant to have like trains and stuff and why did they build it so far out? There's meant to be bunkers and stuff like that and there's meant to be symbols in the marble on the floor and all that stuff. You can go down a real rabbit hole. I was down a big rabbit hole of billionaires building bunkers. And so it was all these famous and rich people that are building bunkers in the Swiss Alps into the mountain.

Life's not that long anyway. What are you missing out on? OK, you're a billionaire. So I would have to assume being a billionaire, you're old because it takes a long time to become a billionaire unless you're a young person. Or you fuck one. Yeah, you fuck one. Shout out. McKenzie.

But so, so, yeah. OK, so billionaire. If if the world ends, if the meteorite comes, I will hug my children and look up with them and I'll say to them, I'll go, you got to be part of this. We all got to be part of this. It's over now. Yeah, we're all going together. We're all going together. I'm all right with this all going together. I'm okay with this all going together. But they'll never let that happen. I'm not okay with just one city going. But if the meteorite, they'll never let it happen. They'll never let that happen. You think we have the technology to

fend off any meteorite that comes to it? It's not a meteorite. What this person was talking about. I'd rather the meteorite than global warming and the slow decline. This kept me up at night. Water levels rising. Magnetic pole shift and axis tilt. Have you seen that? So you

know there's the two poles. Yeah. They're drifting. Yeah. Like this. So they're drifting off center and supposedly if they keep drifting further and further up the top there then you'll have a full axis tilt and it's like to imagine the earth just starts spinning. Well we've already changed axis already several times. There's sort of cold animals, fossils that have been found in Australia, ocean-dwelling animals that have been found in the centre of Australia, you know what I mean? Like that should be swimming. So we've changed accesses and stuff like that.

Did I ever tell you, like what did you learn? How did the dinosaurs go away? We talked about this. This always upsets me. What did you learn in Australian school? Essentially there was one big flaming rock that hit and they all just basically perished like a nuclear bomb that went. There's a crater that they think is the crater in Mexico, which they know is like a meteoritis hit here. They think that turned the axis of the world, brought on an ice age, killed off all the animals, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Cut to 15 years earlier in the Australian school system, we weren't taught that. We were taught that the herbivores ate all the plants and the carnivores ate all the herbivores. They ran out of food. Can you fucking believe that? That was what I was taught. What do you mean?

There was no extinction event. No, we were taught. It was they were just greedy fact-tellers. In the 1980s in Australia, we were taught in the 1980s in Australia, we were taught by the school system that they ate all the food, stop asking questions. They ate all the food. That's the anti-veganism that runs rampant in Australia as we blame it on the animals

that ate the plants. The animals ate all the plants and the other animals ate all the other animals and because there was no more plants, we couldn't eat anything because they ate. They ate all the plants is what we were told. And I believed it for a long time until I finished high school. I was like, oh, they ate all the plants. I was saying that to people as like a conversation thing. Oh, if they didn't eat all the plants, they would have been all right. We don't eat all the plants.

We're fucking a plague on the world. What else did you ever read the book The Fatal Shore? Is it Chevy Chase's biography? Because if it isn't then I haven't. Was that the only book you've ever read? That's the last book I read, Chevy Chase's biography. I read the Chris Farley biography as well. Nothing annoys me more than the fact that you're about to be a published author and you've never read. Yeah but I'm legitimately writing this book man. I'm getting into it. I got a ghostwriter who helps me but it's all my words and I'm going up. I'm taking my time with it to do it properly. I know you're a man in

the writers guild who doesn't own a pen or a laptop. I have a pen. It's a good pen too. I haven't tested it. But Jim we're pretty much done. I just thought I'll end on one last thing so Jack can have an edit point for a nice finish. I just wanted to read the third most popular story in Australia today. Okay. Curious to get your perspective as an Australian identity. Sure.

Personality. News.com.au published this morning, the truth about female orgasms revealed in new study. Where do you think this is going? That they do exist. Yeah, just just like the dinosaurs. We can do anything that men can do. We're going to come now. Good on you. Here we go. Today, we have new research out of the US where some

academics have dedicated themselves to the burning question. Why aren't women having more orgasms? Sadly, big tech, big farmer, big porn and many other industries have combined with 21 trillion dollars and have failed to solve this. It's everyone else's fault is it? If you can't come after 21 trillion dollars... I used to do a joke like women like he couldn't make me come he couldn't make me come he couldn't make me come do you think you're making me come? I make me come.

It's because I put the work in. It's all the bad thoughts in my head that make me come. You're just there. Shhh. The study led by Carly Wolfer, a doctoral candidate in social psychology at City University of New York, asked 127 people in hetero relationships between 18 and 40 to keep sex diaries for three weeks. First of all, if you're the kind of person who's keeping a sex diary, you wonder you don't come. You know what I mean? You're a real type A busybody. You need to let go a little bit.

She found that men orgasm during 90% of sexual encounters where women only got to the same place over half the time at 54%. It gets worse. Not only are men 15 times more likely to come than women, but when they do, they have more satisfying orgasms. What? You think you've ever had a more satisfying orgasm than a woman? No, than a woman. No. When a woman orgasms... Aaaaaah! We should have just sort of grumped out poison.

I've never had a leg start jiggling uncontrollably. Yeah, it's just like we just go, oh, God. It's like taking a shit. Yeah, no, no. Yeah. Having an orgasm. You're like, I can get on with the day. Yeah. Having an orgasm is moving on from this activity. Done. That activity's done.

Yeah. I got rid of that. And now let's start the show. Honestly, I've blown my nose and felt as good. Like I really cleared it out with a Bushman's blow. Not that dissimilar. Anyway, they've written in here that women need to buy more apparently and this gets me up the fucking goat. We need to normalise sex toys she's decided. They're normalised. I bought Girls the Bloody Rabbit after it was on Sex and the City from a shop called Anne Summers which was on the High Street. The High Street all around Britain was in train

stations Anne Summers. They had a wall of vibrators. It was the hot Christmas gift of 2003. Dude they sell them in the Amsterdam airport next to Bo's headphones. Literally Bo's headphones and a vibrator so you could put noise cancelling on and just fucking flick the bean with an erratic vibrator In the airport lounge. They're normalized You know what? I think we need to do is we need to bring shame back because I think that's what makes people come better They they need permissiveness is not sexy

Previst permissiveness, you know when because like all the young people you talk to they're so outwardly speak about sex so much But none of them come or fuck. Yeah, I know this. They're the generation that speaks the most about their desires to have sex and what kind of sex they want. Do you want to know why? Because at the core of it, at the core of it, they're a group of rats, right? The young generation, right?

They're a group of rats. Go on. Okay. They notoriously breed a lot, rats. No, no, no. Because I mean in the mafia sense, right? They're a group of rats. Go on. Okay. They notoriously breed a lot rats. No, no, no. Because I mean in the mafia sense, right? They all extort each other, right? Because the phones, I've recorded this, I've recorded that, I have a photo, I have a text message of you saying this. So everyone's very guarded when it comes to sex now. I don't want to say anything out of hand. There's a webpage, are we dating the same guy?

You know what I mean? Like, they're too... They get fucked over too easily. So now, they all watch too much porn, they don't fuck, they know that if you do fucking slip up in sex, and sex now is such a multimedia thing, where it involves texting, it involves whatever. Your sex life will just be presented to the world and you'll be named and shamed if you do. Right?

Maybe not publicly but to the friends and stuff like that. So yeah, it's no, no there are different ways. You know the things about when Bluetooth is targeted at young people? They try, like, you shouldn't, yeah no, we'll do ads for them later. Like what kind of a society... Could you imagine telling... Gary Nugent doesn't take a tablet. Gary Nugent still gets erections the old fashioned way. Imagine telling men in the 60s on their way to Woodstock, do you need Viagra? What?

What do you mean? Do I need Viagra? I'm 20 going to a music festival. Oh no no no no. I'm 20 going to a music festival. Back in the day, they could still get an erection by looking at a vagina that had hair going down the thighs. Like, it's as if he chewed back at it. They could see one that was growing out, it was coming out the side of the underwear and they were still like, I'm in. Yeah, and then a dude now sees the most perfectly sculpted Pilates pussy that's waxed and he's like, I need a blue chew. I've got nothing going on. That's had the designer vagina deal done to it. And it's got what is also now with this last year

with body deodorants. It was just the pits we were worried about. Now the pussy smells good. It's waxed. She does Pilates. She's got a great diet. She's wearing yoga pants all day. All day.

And if your dick isn't working, son, you need to have a good heart. Look at yourself. You don't know how good you've got it. How hot people are now compared to back in the day. Oh, you look at look at the look at the beauties of the 1950s. I had girlfriends back in the day that you could go down on. And if you could see yourself in the mirror, you were like, I look like Lincoln. Probably because my big hat I was wearing. All right.

We'll leave it at that. Thank you everybody. Good night.