I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 14 - We're Gonna Join the Amish

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

At this moment Jim and Amos hypothesize about joining the Amish after Palantir got the go ahead to create a master database of every American. They also talk about an Australian woman lighting her partner on fire, Tinder adding a height filter, Sydney Sweeney's new soap, and Heat magazine's circle of shame. SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: https://www.jimjefferies.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies FB: https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies Twitter: https://twitter.com/jimjefferies Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/ Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys #JimJefferies #ATMPodcast #AmosGill

Hello and welcome to the ATM podcast with me, Jim Jefferies and Amos Gill. We're recording the beginning of the show here to let you know that we had quite a few interesting discussions in this one. We just recorded the episode. We're going to talk about Elon Musk, of course, my hemorrhoids. How could we go an episode without mentioning them? You're not to be trusted. We're going to talk about a woman who set a man on fire. That's going to be fun. We are going to do that. We're going to talk about the new filter on Tinder that is making people furious. We'll also discuss a little bit of Trump's administration and the new tech overlords that he's signed over all of our freedom to. I'll be honest with you, we

didn't really nail that topic. That one got a little bit lost in there somewhere. And we're going to talk about Jordan. Michael, maybe. Check it out. Also, we've got to advertise our gigs. Yeah, where are you heading? I am in Saskatoon this weekend, next weekend, and other places in Canada. Go to JimJeffries.com.

Regina and Casino Roma. Regina and Casino Roma. Also, check out The Snake on Fox and check out The 1% Club on 7 in Australia. Good on you. I don't have anything to plug at the moment other than my Chicago shows which are well into the future, but if you're a Chicago person I am coming to Zany's in July and excited to do that. But if you want to, if you have any vague interest in me, I'm putting out some stand up on my Instagram and my YouTube, but go to a bit of Amos Gillan Instagram. I've got a new joke on there about Sydney Sweeney.

Give that a like and a share because I need you lovely people to share my stuff. Although we actually say that joke on this podcast. So enjoy. But I did it much better when I was paid to. Ah, that was all the good stuff. That was good. Yeah better when I was paid to. Ah, that was all the good stuff. That was good, yeah, I thought that was funny. If you don't enjoy this podcast it's because Jack misses all the good stuff and anytime he hits record it's rubbish, unfortunately. All right, that's a good start. Hello everyone, welcome to the ATM podcast. That was our new topic, that's how we start the podcast

now. We talk about the things we're about to talk about. We haven't actually talked about the things yet. This conversation could go in any direction. We had a meeting earlier today with the company that produces this day. We should be a little bit slicker. So I got a 2013 iPad. We're running off the iPad now. I have an iPad that I went out to England

for my father-in-law's funeral. And then I ducked over to Dubai for a gig. Then I went back to England to meet my wife and child. And in that time, I lost my iPad on two flights. You put it in the chair. Yeah. Yeah. Put it in the put it in the front bit and then all the time. And then and then it was at the airport waiting for me each time I got back.

Really? I just rang him up and said, yeah, I left this thing. I'll what seat you in. And then I went and got it from lost and found. God, that's a nice level of money to be at where you're like, I just keep losing an iPad so I go down and pick up another one. No, it's the same one. Oh, but why do you even bring them? It's just for watching.

Cause you don't do work. Yeah. Yeah. I lost it in the front section. I got stoned on the phone, which is what you're meant to do on the way to Dubai. Better get rid of it there. I'm going to be put in prison for the rest of my life. Well I'm you with my iPad I've decided we're gonna get straight into some stories from around the world but I want to start off with a story from our fair country of Australia okay this is

the top story at home yeah 24 year old Australian woman. I like it already. Yeah. It's nice. Isn't it? Nice. 24 year old Australian woman. She'd speak like this. Oh, this show has got, this is, this story has got two years before we're disinterested in it. 26 year old Australian. The sun, the sun has done real damage by that point. You must understand that a 26 year old Australian is a 40 year old American. You gotta understand that. It's real Floridian skin by that point. It's not good. We all end up looking like wallets if we stay there. That's where the RM Williams boots come from. I've got useful skin for a smoker.

I'm an Australian normal person. Yeah you've got really great skin. That's because you don't do anything active outside. That's all right. It's been very good for you. Keep hats on my head. The baldness has made my skin look good. So a 24 year old Australian woman is in court at the moment after setting her friend on fire. This is her. So you see, hold her up to the camera so we can all see her.

There she is. Jack could also add this woman. Her name is Corby Jean Whipple. Corby Whipple? I went to school with Corby Whipple. Jeez. No, I don't know. That someone would say that.

You repeated a few years. Someone would say that. No, I was one of the, I was a gardener. Yeah, he was a gardener. Corby Whipple 24 pleaded guilty in Albury District Court to arson after an attack on Jake Loda, saying she felt overwhelmed at a gathering by his antagonistic behavior throughout the night before. She was set off by a sexist remark he made during a house party in New South Wales last year.

Now, according to the ABC. What was the joke? He said to her, now imagine this, they're all sort of, it's an Australian sesh. You play Corby Warble, I'll play Corby Warble. You play the guy. All right, so we're drinking sort of, I imagine, Bacardi Breezers, Vodka Cruises.

We'll have some hard solos. We had some hard solos. Hard solos, it's like lemonade with aerated with alcohol. Now we don't know what had been going on the lead up, but Mr. What's his fucking name? The fella, he goes, you should stay in the kitchen and make scones if you can't keep up with the band and with the boys.

Right. Is this guy from the 1940s with scones? Go make scones. Oh, bitch, get us some clotted cream. Yeah, they don't understand because Americans call scones biscuits or whatever. It's more like a scone, but it's like a small version of a biscuit and you have it with cream and jam and you'll get it on a British Airways flight if you sit up the pointy end. So Jake has asked her to go and make some scones.

I'm a very relatable fella. You do all the translating. That's why he loses the iPads on the flights is because he's eating the scones. I don't want my jam fingers touching the screen you get it out of there for me. So she's heard that and she's fucking raging and she's probably a little lit up. She wouldn't have done too much though. She would have taken it in a stride surely. So she grabbed a gallon of gasoline from the garage and doused Loda with it and waved a lighter at him threateningly, the publication has reported. Jake said, go on, do it. I dare you. Loda yelled at his friend who was drunk

and had consumed cocaine. She has confessed to court. Oh yes, she assumed. Okay, cocaine, cocaine's a bastard of a drug to fight with. It's good in the good times, cocaine. If you're having a good time, cocaine adds to the good times in the bad times. There's not a good drug in the bad times.

It puts a microscope, it's salt. You know what I mean? It elevates the flavor of the mood. Elevates the flavor of the mood. But you can over salt. Well, she's obviously thought, you know what, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to set him on fire. And even he, who's probably on cocaine as well, yeah, whatever.

He's like, oh, she's just flirting with me. Well anyway, Loda sustained burns to 55% of his body. Oh, wait a minute, she actually lit him. She didn't just wave it around and go, whatever. Oh, she lit him. So in the kitchen, she's just set him on fire in the hang. 55% of his body was burned

and some of his sweat glands are completely burned off. So I guess he is like Prince Andrew. He will no longer be able to sweat. And you know what, even after being burnt the whole time, people will always ask the story and he has to tell people, I told a woman that she should go in the kitchen and make scones. They'll be like, listen, that is very sexy. I don't support what she did, but that's come on. Have you grown? It's a bit rough.

He was put into a, this is crazy lesson. He was put into a medically induced coma for eight days after the attack, according to his victim impact statement. He wouldn't have even known what's happened in the Ukraine. He would have been behind on the news and everything. So let's have a listen. I want you to give this a go. He made a victim impact statement, which he read out to the court after having 10 operations.

He spent 74 days in a burn unit at a Melbourne hospital. The friend can no longer step outside into the sun anymore because of the extensive epidermal damage. So he has to be fully covered up from now on. Walpole told the court that she'd been abusing drugs and alcohol since she had a breakup with a boyfriend in 2022. Obviously he had a penchant for scones

and it triggered her in some way. And she does regret. And then it goes on to say. She does regret? She not sorry? You don't say. Oh, I do feel some regret for pouring gasoline on a fella and lighting him.

I should have used my words. That's for the pay gap, she said. No. To this day, I feel horrible. To this day? How many days has it been? It's been, it must be a year now. Oh, okay. To this day. To this day.

I feel horrible, remorseful and guilty for what I done to Jake. Not only to Jake, but his family, his loved ones and mutual... She fucking burned everyone. Yeah. Anyone who has been impacted by this case, she told the court, I find it hard to believe the injuries that were caused from my doing, Wobble added, I will do anything to go back in time. But I feel like I've burnt that bridge.

But that bridge along with a few other things, as well as a moped and a VL Commodore, she pleaded guilty to one charge of burning and maiming by using corrosive fluid, the ABC reported. She should go in for attempted manslaughter. How long has she been put away for? Tell me she's not getting out. I don't know how long she's going to get, but listen, I know they're going to paint this as,

well, unfortunately, like if you tease women, okay. No, I have to believe that they won't. I know where you're heading with this, that all the women are going to go up in arms and say, because he said the scone thing, he deserves it. No one could think that this man deserves to be burned. Third degree burns. I don't know dude there's some female there's some hardcore female influencers out there that I see online who are like well I

don't agree with this but you will think twice before you ask me to go back to the kitchen. If that's allowed I can't leave the house anymore I've said too much yeah if there's women with gasoline also who just keeps gasoline in the garage what are you for whippers for mowers oh yeah lawnmower all right yeah yeah fair enough yeah I've got gardeners but it's it is one way to reinforce it. I'm normally eating a scone in business place. This is gasoline over Tesla it's the old world man. You can say what you want about Tesla's but it never got a guy in trouble for a joke did it? No you can't well you could hook him up to a battery. Yeah true that. Like an ISIS terrorist. But I

just thought that was a quite an interesting, that's a bizarre story. What do you mean quite interesting? Where were they from? Let me pick the state. Oh it's Albury. Oh Wodonga. Albury Wodonga region. Yeah yeah yeah of course of course there's not much to do there but except for burn people. But like these are people in their 20s. So obviously like it's a mate, it's a mate group as well. Yeah. And that's a... And she's single.

It's not like she's some bloke's girlfriend who showed up. She's single. So she's there in the group. She's in the group. There must have been one guy who was like fuck... She's single and ready to burn people. Yeah. There must have been one guy who was like, fucking hell, Jake, we were in with her,

and then you've gone with that sexist remark, you got set on fire. What a cock block. Yeah, okay, look, just to make it all even, she should cook him some scones. You're saying she should go back to the kitchen? Yeah, if she went to the kitchen cooking some scones, in like a fucking sexy Halloween maid's outfit, like, God I've turned it, look the crime

and the punishment have to fit. Yeah, the judge has handed down a sentencing, she has to dress in a sexy nurse outfit and wait on him for a year. There isn't enough alivere in the world. Alright, well that's an Australian story. Now I'm going to go to Australian stories. Welcome to Australian stories. Our barren wasteland. I'm not representing us at our best. Different animals that you've never seen.

Snakes, spiders, burning men for comments. Australia. If it's difficult to find a partner, knowing that some of them, like she moving forward probably has to disclose that when she has a boyfriend, oh, listen, I have a bit of a temper. All I see is red fire, the red mist of when someone pours the water

over my victims. You know like, okay, so you know like back in the day, in like the 90s, in the 80s and 90s and 70s they reckon there was more pedophilia going on than there is now but because we have those apps where we can go like abusers and you can see all the sexual abuse and you know this guy's you know all around you. Terrible app. You don't want to turn that app on. It's terrifying. What's that citizen app? Well what I'm saying is was she got on that fire alert app? What, she's on the CFS Pest app? No, okay, did you remember, do you remember in Australia, people won't remember this,

in Australia we had safety houses? You would flee there if there was a bushfire? No, no, no, no. Yeah, if you were walking along, there was neighborhood watch, neighborhood watch safety house, right? Yes. And people would put a plaque on front of their mailbox that says, this is a good house.

If you're in danger, knock on this door and these people will take you in, right? So if you're- It's like a CIA safe house. No, no, it had a plaque on it. No, I understand, but like for the neighborhood, you go, if you're in trouble, run in here and we'll look after you.

Yes. It turned out a lot of- It's a honeypot. It turned out a lot of pedophiles applied for this thing. They had to fucking take, get rid of it. Yeah, you're taking it. Because we didn't have like computer stuff or anything. We just had someone check out the house and go,

yeah, if the kids are bloody having trouble away home from school, they think there's someone. There's sweets in here. All you gotta do is get your mate Phil, follow him around the street, down my road. That's all you have to do. I can't believe we allowed, we had the scouts everywhere, pedophiles did go everywhere and anywhere.

They're sort of like spiders. That's why they're called rock spiders. There used to be scout leaders that were blokes that had no sons that were just scout leaders in the scouts, right? And you think to yourself, like is that still happening out there's the internet? Are there still blokes that are showing up?

Because I think we should, I think the statute of limitation, we should just go back and find anyone who was a scout leader without a son. Well, let me ask you this question on a broad scale then. Do you think there are just kind, sort of strange men that wanna help kids without sexual impulse?

Or do you think all of them have a bizarre sexual impulse? Cause you wanna believe there's some kind old people? I think there of them have a bizarre sexual impulse. Cause you want to believe there's some kind old people. I think there's some school teachers who of course are dedicated school teachers who may not have kids who just want to, you know, the thing. And I think there's people who may even work, like try to help out like in some type of fashion somewhere. But I don't, I don't believe,

I believe that a priest who doesn't want to unless kids would be in the minority. And I believe that any scout master that doesn't have a son in the actual scouts is up to no good. Yeah. That's where I'm at. Why you should... Like, let's say, let's say you wanted to be a sports coach. Maybe you put... Well I coach grade two boys.

Exactly. But that's because I couldn't get a gig anywhere else. No, but actually because you're good at the sport and you want to pass your knowledge on. Yeah. In the scouts, come on, passing your knowledge on, learning how to make fire. We need knots.

And to do a few knots. Come on, we've got YouTube. Yeah. We don't need this knowledge from you. You're good. What I think is interesting, I did this show about ancient Greece in 2020 and I revisited the other day.

I was cleaning out my bloody filing cabinet. and you are taking it back in ancient Rome, ancient Greece for most of the old world before this modern one, which is very normal. That it would be like you get paired up with a bloke who teaches you the ways of the world. And he fucks you like Socrates, Aristotle, these guys, they would always have a young person. That's how we met. I met him when I was 17. You were my Socrates. I was 17.

And I just think like, is that deeply laden inside of us? Because men do look for... No, no. Well, maybe. For homosexuals, actually on a backtrack. For- Not in pride. For pedophiles. Yeah.

It is in them, I guess. Yeah. Because young people are always seeking sort of an older- I'm looking forward to when we did the little intro at the beginning of the actual thing. Amos Gills defends- We'll talk about a woman burning a bloke. We're going to talk about how Amos is a pedophile. We're going to talk about a few things here this evening.

No, I'm just saying, like I've always longed for, I had Greg Fleet, I had yourself, I like an older man to teach you the ways of the business. Yeah, yeah, yeah, in work, yeah, but that doesn't mean we have to fuck you. But at no point did anyone fuck me up the ass. No, no. Yes, that's because society has told them that it's wrong, but seemingly in the old days, just wandering around going, see, this is always the argument that school teachers that always hot the chag some 16 year old boy. And we're like, is it a crime like that one? Right. Is that what you're saying?

Yeah. What I'm saying is, obviously there's more of those people out there than you'd fucking think. And it's been going on for. I know. I think there's loads of people out there like that. They're really dangerous, really fucking dangerous. And don't go into safety houses, kids.

What other new story you got? Well, the story I was trying to get to before we I don't know how we fucking got there but I was... He brought up safety houses. That's right I was trying to do a really nice link. I'll tell you a funny story about my brother I think I've told this story before my brother like where he goes knock and run. This iPad has 2% battery left. I really need to get this out. Okay, get out, get out, get out. I'm sorry, this is how I limit the show now is I used old tech and go, we're running out of time. I need some money. So Tinder is blowing up on all this,

every social media app I have, they're saying the number one trending story out there is about Tinder because they have put a height filter on and short men are fucking furious about this because Like you have to say how I'm tall Yes, I meant to say how tall they are and then women can go used to be like distance and age and they can go distance Age you can also go six foot and under don't even shame me Yeah, that's not right. No, no, I'm not happy about that. So what do you think about that?

Well, I'm six foot, but I've always disliked when... Okay, so if you... Look, there's a certain body type of women that I don't like, right? But I don't say it out loud when I'm not on stage, right? But like women, when they just go, I couldn't date a short guy. No. Like, fuck you, dude.

Cause if, if a man, if, if a man goes, no tall chicks, yeah. We let it out in the app. Well, we can, we can filter by height too. We can go shorter. Yeah. We can all do height. All right. Well, we can't, but weight is the obvious one. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's get on the white weight. Like if we're being honest, but everyone would lie. But if we are going to enter into this, how about this one? Did you used to be a bloke? That's like a valid thing there, right? I would imagine that is new Dick, fresh Dick, fresh Dick, fresh Dick, old Dick. If you did wait, why normal cut shovel cut, I'd say what weight is actually,

weight is actually less unkind because height no one can change that weight also does sort of say something about whether you're active whether you're sort of gluttonous and also how many like great sort of guys are you missing out on in this world who are short who just have really like well I'm 5'10 so Dudley Moore right yeah Dudley Moore was about 5'2 he's one of those charming cunts that ever lived Angus Young 5'10". Dudley Moore, right? Dudley Moore was about 5'2". He was one of those charming cunts that ever lived. Angus Young, 5'2". Rock God. He's 5'2". Really? Yeah. Fucking rock God. That's why he's able to wear the school kid outfit. He doesn't need to get it made custom. He has a safety house of his dogs. He just goes to the actual school uniform.

Yeah, no, he doesn't have to. He's just buying a year six school uniform. Right. Yeah, so I think it's an interesting one because men are very... Look, we're piggish about what we want to fuck. Prince, five foot four or something. Yeah, but we... Rock God. What would you, if you went onto the apps,

what would you be ruling out? What filters would you want? Well, I don't, you know, I don't like large hands on a woman. I like a like large hands on a woman. I like a nice petite hands. There's nothing when they touch you with their big hands. You don't want that one. So smallish hands. Yes.

I feel it's a difficult one, isn't it? Like, I think I prefer short women. I prefer short women to tall women, but I've had some great relationships with tall women. So I feel bad, like I'm obviously, like I said, I'm under six women, but I've had some great relationships with tall women. So I feel bad, like, I'm obviously, like I said, I'm under six foot, so I'd be, basically this is a eugenics app at this point, when you just, you try to create a master race

through filters, where we're going, we just want women to fuck men over six, and then the rest of us- Are we allowed to comment on breast size? See, I've always hated that. Well, they don't have tit size on there. Yeah, exactly. But we obviously do via the visuals. Men will go, oh, I wanna fuck a that. Well, they don't have tit size on there. Yeah, exactly. We obviously do via the visuals.

Men will go, oh, I want to fuck a shit with big tits or I'm not a tit man. Are you boobs or ass? I am quality of character. I'm boobs. Boobs? No, I'm a leg man. I'm boobs over. I like it all.

I like it all. There isn't a bit I don't like, except for. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. Is it, is there a unique part of the body that you're into? You know, there's foot fetishes. I like boobs. I'm a boob guy. I like boobs. I like a nice hand. You like a hand. Yeah. You're always going on that hand jobs as well. I like a, you like a wristy. You always're always a wristy, wristy, wristy. You're always going on about it. That's your big thing. I got a wristy.

Well, I think deep down, if you really like a nice hand, you could always... If times were bad, if you got a pedicure and a manicure, if you got a nice mani, French tips, I could pretend in the dystopian future when we're sharing a bunker that you're a beautiful woman. Your girlfriend's trying to save you. You're being put inside a pressing machine and she pushes you out of the way but sadly both of her hands get chopped off. She's got nubs. Saving your life. Now she's just got the nubs. Yeah. She can put a hook on to do like casual chores and what have

you or to tell you off or to put like a dildo on there. Attachments. Yeah. Attachments. All attachments. Are you less attracted to her now? It depends. I'd like to save your life, bro. I'm not less attracted, but I would want her to get that hand from Happy Gilmore that was his name. Chubbs has, you know, that you want just like a rubber hand. I want the wooden one that collapses all the time. Or if I, cause I like petite too. So maybe just two tiny little Barbie hands like Kristen Wiig has in SNL.

Those haunting little hands. Like Trump's hands. Yeah, those tiny little fucking hands. That's a bit of fun. Or she could get one whisk and one... And go in the kitchen and make fucking scones. And get back in the fucking kitchen. That's actually my dream, is a woman,

it's like Edward Scissorhands but with whisks. Let me whisk you away to Paris. Because I think about that all the time. I want a French omelette. You know how like OnlyFans is there to satisfy this hole that men don't get? Yeah. So women sell sex. Ultimately in a world where gender roles have gone away, we get sex. Most men, you know, reasonable men are getting some pussy, but what we don't get is essentially... I just saw a tear go down Jack's face, like an Indian looking at a dry riverbed. My point is, if I was to subscribe to an OnlyFans page, it would just be a woman doing chores.

Like just watching a woman use the Dyson and cook it. I'd go, oh. You ever driven past those advertisements that are on the side of a bus? They're in LA, and it's like Naked Maids. It's just like you could have a Naked Maid. Now, I've never bought a Naked Maid. Do they clean, or do they just show up naked,

and you go, oh, that's cool? Like is it like a Stripagram, or is it like an escort service, whatever? Because if they do clean, yeah yeah I'm good with that if you've got money mate just get good naked people and good cleaners I don't need the muddling the two yeah but I don't it's like the one thing that I'm happy about is when I was a teenager I don't have everyone naked except for me. Oh, that's your power move? Bit of fun. Yeah, I don't know.

King of the culture. And then I rubbed cum into my nipples like pity. And watch me on the snake on Fox, Fox five or something. That is that is tough. It's coming out. All right. Well, so your move on this is you don't really, you don't really mind because listen, I think women are just becoming as shallow as well.

I forgot what we talked about. It was about Tinder. I know. No, I don't really, you don't really mind because listen, I think women are just becoming as shallow as well. I forgot what we talked about. It was about Tinder. Oh no, no, I don't like that. When they, when they mentioned, when women go, oh, I couldn't go with it. It's the same as when someone says that about people with red hair.

Oh, I couldn't with a ginger. Just don't say it out loud. And it's also, it's like, I like, oh, some guy with a little dick. Oh, he's got a little dick. He's got a little dick. No woman, no woman truly knows the size of their vagina. None of us have ever been honest with you, ever.

We all go in there and you dirty talk while we're fucking and go, oh, you like that type pussy? And we go, yep. Yeah, so you're saying none of us are canaries in the flesh mine. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Coming out and letting people know what it's like down there. Exactly, we go in, all women think they have a tight vagina.

I've never met one that has gone to me. I know men who go, I got a small dick. I know men who say, I got a small dick. I've never met one woman who's gone, baggy vagina me. Oh Christ almighty. Cavernous. It's like the sails on a pirate ship. Can you build a sort of like a false cervix

to sort of fill it up a bit? Well, we were talking about this up the end. So we were in South Africa. That's why I led you into it like a false cervix to sort of fill it up a bit? Well, we were talking about this up the year. So we were in South Africa. That's why I led you into it like a pro. We were in South Africa doing a field piece and there was a bloke who was an Indian witch doctor. Now I'm not, that's not racist. No, not Indian, he's African.

Oh no, African, sorry, African. That was racist, say Indian. Spiritual healer. Yeah, well, no, he said he was a witch doctor, didn't he? No, spiritual healer. We kept saying witch doctor behind his back. He had medicines. He had medicines.

He had medicines. And all of his medicines looked like just like roots and sticks and berries and stuff like that. And you boiled them up and you drank some tea. Yes. Right. And I said, hey, the hemorrhoids, how do I fix the hemorrhoids? Incidentally, going to the doctor tomorrow, so don't be jealous.

I'm going to get him rubber band doctor tomorrow, so don't be jealous. Gonna get him rubber banded tomorrow. Are you really? Yeah, I do it about once a month. I'm getting him rubber banded, a few injections up the asshole. That's what I'm up to tomorrow. So busy, busy day. At this moment.

Busy day. Yeah, this witch doctor said that he could cure you with a bunch of- He gave me a bag of sticks and said, "'Drink this, your hemorrhoids will go away.'" And then he rolled some chicken bones and some dice and went like that. And he did some things. He was my profile picture.

I had, I took a photo with him. I loved him. So I took a photo with him. He's my profile picture of about three years. And he said, I can bring back a woman's virginity. He did say he could bring back a woman's virginity. And we said, how do you bring back a woman's virginity. And we said, how do you bring back a woman's virginity? He goes, the husband will bring her to me

and I will get a balloon filled with rice and put it in the pussy and it would grip it. And then I will put a smaller balloon and it will slowly grip it. Balloon is a loose term. These were Hessian sacks filled with rice. It was very close to cornhole. Very, very close to cornhole.

It was Soweto cornhole. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you throw it in. That's worth three points if you get it in. If you get it, if it lands around like below the navel, that's just a point. And he said that after about two weeks of him treating these women. Yeah, their hymen will come back. And you know what's crazy about that?

I've kept tabs of this guy because I've had him so interesting and charming with these cures. You know where he is now? What? RFK's NIH. He's actually too icy right now. Well he was, and I was like afterwards, I actually- You can cure AIDS with a shower!

I actually, yeah, he was like, yeah, yeah, he was like AIDS, getting some beetroot juice or some shit. shit there was some beats that we had to do. Because you know Jacob Zuma he was the old Prime Minister of South Africa. Do you remember the field piece? And then afterwards I had the chicken bones and stuff like that I met a real doctor and I said does this stuff work? And he goes no and I go you're right yep you're right like that right? Anyway I said I'm gonna drink the tea for the field piece right and go he he goes, I don't drink it. It's filled with poisons. Yeah, he said it was hallucinogenic. He goes, I'd start to hallucinate and start vomiting up everything.

And that's how the illness would leave my body. It really did. Like that. He has two new characters. He also told me some interesting facts about Jacob Zuma. So Jacob Zuma was the president of South Africa. Yes. And Jacob Zuma was asked in the United Nations about AIDS and they said to Jacob, how do you cure AIDS? And he said, when you fuck a woman who has AIDS, make sure to have a hot shower. If you have a hot shower you will wash the AIDS. We've all been there when you've

slept with someone questionable and you get in the shower and you're really scrub. You ever done that one? I don't know if that was a good choice of life what I just did here. I'm gonna I'm gonna put in a second lot of soap. These children do not have running water which is where they have it. They need more pressure. Okay. Hot pressure. I can do that very well. I know it's one of your talents. It's one of my great gifts. I gotta say, I miss going over that trip to Africa. We had, it was so sick. I watched some of the,

I actually watched the videos the other day because I got a flashback, you know, the Facebook memories and it was those women who were widows that guard animals in the... Yeah, the Ashkasinger. Yeah, and they've got like that Aussie bloke the ashkasinghe girls the Aussie bloke who's over there sort of yeah ex special forces he goes down there and he teaches a whole lot of women to kill poachers

yeah if men poach he gets him to throw gasoline on them and set them on fire like I tried to walk through the bush without like being caught by one of them and they're all hiding in the shrubbery. With a ghillie suit on. That was fucking brilliant. Okay, we've got some more stories for you. We've had the Aussie woman set on fire. This is one that I was doing a lot on the weekend, which I enjoyed. Sydney Sweeney, the bombshell. Oh yes, Sydney. She's a good looking girl. I don't know much about her. I actually don't even know if I've seen a movie in her But I know of her from the internet. Yeah, so I was in Spokane, Washington doing comedy and thanks to everyone who came I Love spoke like the Pacific Northwest in the summer Not too crazy about lovely lovely legs lovely rivers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they like it for they got to close the curtains

Yeah, fuck me up a couple times, but I knew Sydney Sweeney had come from there. So I had high expectations I'd come over there. I had high expectations for how the people would look and it's fair to say she was the exception, not the rule, but I don't want to be too mean to the people of Spokane, but she's an elite beauty. So attractive is she in this era where everything has to be commodified.

Sure. She's selling her bath water as soap. So they freeze it or they churn it? She got into it, it's not butter. How do you make it into soap? I don't know how juicy that is. How do you think of it? So she took a bath and then they're saying,

and it's already sold out at eight bucks a bar, which I think is a good thing to invest in. She better afflict her being in that bath if she just did a normal just rinse off. Well I don't even know if she, how do we know? She has to have washed her pits or something. One of the great jobs in America. She must have taken one of those rice filled bean bags out. No doubt the guys are farting there, if I can open yourself up, get it washed in there, the pit. So it sold out and made soap.

Do you want to hear that I told you the joke on the phone that I used to do. I'd have to eat it because of my swearing. Well, there'd be a lot of kids in America right now. Is there still, I'll just keep touching you today. Is there still, is that still the thing you get caught swearing as a kid, you wash your mouth out with soap? Jack goes, no, but Jack was very loved by his parents

and encouraged all the way. I think that was finished by my time. No, I never got it either, but I had mates who had gotten it. Well, just a bar of soap shoved into your throat because you said fuck or something. Yeah, you just pull your tongue out and they rub the soap or they get soapy water and you have to go like that.

So it tastes gross. Wow, no, I didn't have that, but I will say. I tell you what, I had it for something else and it did stop me from sucking cock. Can I tell you my joke that I did? Yeah. It was a Sydney Sweeney has made soap out of her bath water that has sold out which is crazy because you know she's the hottest woman in the world right now but doesn't take

that long for people to no longer find you attractive. Sure. I said Brittany Spears her bath water has been sold as insect repellent. Which I thought was mean spirited but and then you know what I did as a gag? Isn't it weird that Britney's become an old lady's name now? Like not old lady, but like a woman late thirties. For sure. That used to be the name that I used to use in standup for when I was talking about a teenage girl

or a 20 year old girl. And then Britney came over and Britney that, and Britney that. And now it's like you meet a Britney and it's like, so you're a grandmother. So what I was gonna say about that is, I was trying to come up with a joke about blah, blah, blah, actresses bath water has been turned into vodka, right?

Like as if she's an alcoholic. And that, there was no modern reference. Lindsay Lohan has cleaned her life up apparently. People don't drink anymore. Britney, like Winehouse Dead. No one. Who is the trashy Hollywood celebrity, male or female, who's just a notorious drunk? People because of

camera phones. If they want to get drunk, they're doing it at home. They can't fall out of their house. Now I know a couple. I know a few that I'll tell you off there. Privately, who love a tipple. But I don't know of any that go out public. Like back in the old days. Elon Musk is going off his fucking head on Kett. Yeah, we're talking about girls. Talking about girls. Yeah. No, I don't know any trashy drunk girls that are famous. Look, that was that was that was that one that are on the apps.

When was that era, though? That was like mid 2000s, early 2000s, right up until camera phones, camera phones ruined it. Before that, people used to... The paparazzi used to wait out the front of nightclubs. Now the paparazzi is just the public. That's the paparazzi. It's the public.

And so now it's not like... I know there's still people that sort of get near cars and stuff like that, but for the most part, yeah, upskirting, remember that? That was a socially accepted thing that magazines would buy. Pictures of girls' pussies getting out of a car. That's our society.

There was a magazine that women all over Britain bought called Heat Magazine, and Heat was a gossip magazine, and Heat came out every week, and I did not date one woman who didn't purchase Heat Magazine. It was always seated next to the toilet. We used to have magazines next to the toilet, kids. That's what we did. We'd read things on the toilet. Now it's our phone that is obviously covered in shit feekies. Fecal matter. What's wrong with me? I've had a

stroke. Anyway, Heat magazine had a section in Heat magazine that women bought and it was called Circle of Shame. Right. Circle of Shame was when they found women or any celebrity that had something wrong with them that day, maybe a little sweaty pit mark. Circle of shame. You made the magazine. I remember Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker had really veiny hands.

Something she can't help. Very veiny hands. They closed up and they, circle of shame. I remember James Bond, that kind of, he had a brand new pair of up and they circle of shame I remember James Bond that kind of he had a brand new pair of shoes and they still had the price tag on the sole circle of shame you see that one's all right that one doesn't hurt your feelings too much you see it's men who gave women unfair body expectations they would all read like how dare they have a section of a magazine called circle of

shame well we could probably bring it shame back a little bit though. Google Heat Magazine Circle of Shame. Let's see what we can get up. I'll find something. Well, while Jack does that, I want to do a quick thing with you about people selling body parts because this generation has Sydney Sweeney's bathwater. My generation unfortunately had Gwyneth Paltrow's candle that smelled like a pussy, which wasn't as good. That only just came out though.

That was about five years ago now. Yeah, but your generation. Well, she was out, she was in Marvel movies and whatnot. But I had an idea to do some research off the back of this which was... She's as old as me. What body parts from famous people have sold, okay? So I'm going to go through them with you, I'll get your take on them. Okay.

So this is a list called top 10 selling body parts belonging to famous Coming in at number you can buy Elvis's hair at auction at the moment. It's so I was his hair Yeah, I was his hey Napoleon Bonaparte's penis He was a short man he wouldn't have done well into it's it It was those rejections that Conquer the little course of life. What do you reckon his song would have been on like Rio like when he was showing pictures of himself?

I reckon Waterloo by Abba. I'm not sure. That was his circle of shame, Waterloo. Did you get any circular shame Jack? Yeah, it's a Napoleon Bonaparte's penis. It says its size has shriveled. It's currently at an inch and a half long. Still beaten, most of it. But its value has grownriveled. It's currently at an inch and a half long. Oh, still beaten, most of it.

But its value has grown to a colossal proportion. It sold as the so-called Vignale collection of Napoleonic relics for $800 in 1924, and it remains in private ownership. So ownership now would be, you know, what would you pay for Napoleon's penis? The fact that it's been passed down from generation to generation, if it was 1924, we we got three generations of penis here. They want it for $100,000 right now. No, yeah, bloody tell them this, Dream.

They can't be worth more than 60 grand. This could be our new segment, tell them they're dreaming. Can't be worth more than 60 grand. Number two, Albert. If you got it in conjunction with something else. Well, there was also the other- With his hat.

With a mini hat. Yeah Yeah he got the hat and the penis so you could lift the hat up and then show the shirled up penis. Coming in at number two is Albert Einstein's eyeballs. Didn't he wear glasses? I can't remember. He felt like a type of bloke that would have worn glasses. No his eyes were always popping when he was in that thing with his... yeah. Most people know that Einstein's brain was pilfered at his autopsy in Princeton New Jersey in 55. But few realize his eyeballs were also removed and spirited away by his ophthalmologist, Dr. Henry Abrams, who has kept them in a jar in his dresser for decades.

When you look into his eyes, he's quoted as saying, you're looking into the beauties and mysteries of one of the smartest men that's ever lived. Abrams is now 96 and lives in Beach Haven Jersey Shore. Albert Einstein's eyes have to forever look at the dumbest cunts on earth at the Jersey Shore. It's a cruel irony for him. Watching people fist pump. He's got those eyes just looking at Snooki. What was that guy that ended up DJing? Pauly D. Pauly D in the situation. What's your problem with Jersey Shore man? I Just saying. I don't think Albert Einstein's resting place for his eyes for eternity. He would have hoped we're at the Jersey Shore.

I tell you, the Jersey Shore kids, 20 years on, they've still got TV shows. More power to them. Number three, Che Guevara's hair. Yeah, he's one of these historical characters that I know more from the T-shirt than from any reading. Yeah I often find there's always a lot of modern communists who are fat and out of shape and have the Shay shirt on you think you would have been the first killed in his purge but I don't think Jay would have looked at he would be

like this guy's not gonna pull his weight in the revolution but nonetheless lost on them. Number four, Beethoven's ear bones. Why is his ear bones? Stolen at autopsy. He was deaf. There's a lot of stealing and autopsies back in the day. A lot of people just, a famous person was dead and then you'd go, I'm gonna get into the hospital and see what I can grab.

When I died, make sure they don't steal my penis. They can steal my eyes. That's your circle of shame. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just a weird looking thing. Circumcision was uneven. Well, Beethoven's ear bone is purchased by the University of California. And that's dum dum dum dum. Galileo's finger.

Oh yeah. He went that way. Fragments of Abraham Lincoln's skull. Yeah. Well, you can't get it complete, can you? Well, that's why it's fragments. John Wilkes Boots family have that somewhere. You can't get it complete can you well that's why it's fragments family have that somewhere can't have this the whole skull it's on John Wilkes Booth lapel was he shot in the head he feels like oh yeah like a hole

in the head yeah you were shot in the head yeah English military leader Oliver Cromwell's head is purchasable President Grover Cleveland's jaw lesions romantic poet oh Shelley's Shelley's Heart is available, author of the book Frankenstein. And then this one's an interesting one, John Lennon's Tooth. Right. Seems like something that you would purchase if you... Like Elvis's hair's up at the moment.

John Lennon's Tooth, I'm not that fascinated. I haven't kept my own children's teeth, let alone John Lennon's teeth. I know that my ex has kept some of the baby teeth of Hank, which I found really creepy So maybe make a necklace or something because it's more like a shark one Well kids teeth the fucking like you ever seen it a child skull You can never look at a child the same only in those Australian safe homes

Where they're displayed like a hunting lodge Google Google Google child skull. I'm about to change your life I can't watch it, but it's very upsetting. It's it's it's very upset. Oh, yeah. It's like a kid's coffin is one of the worst things to look at. OK. Look, no, no. There there we go. There because I've got double teeth, the double teeth. The double teeth is so fucking off putting the look at it.

Bloody it's disgusting. Yeah, that's fucking horrible. Ever since I saw that, I can't look at my kids the same. I'm just like, oh, you and your weird. You gotta put that up. No, no, no, no. You gotta put that up. Put that up.

It's bloody, it's upsetting. It's just, it's not for the faint-hearted. If you wanna Google it, Google it. But the double teeth. Well, maybe that's why they get targeted by, look at the, cause if you're a relic collector from like- so the bones grow if you're an outside species that hunted us you'd be like you'd think that's the scariest creature in the human race you would know it's too much teeth too many teeth what was that what was I was gonna say

born with all your teeth I didn't know that I thought maybe you made them or something you thought them up what there was a new calcium deposit that just popped through no yeah I didn't know that that the other ones were pushing the out like it's just it's not good. Oh fuck. When they're babies they're all teeth, their whole heads teeth. Ah I was gonna think I had something I wanted to talk about. What were we talking about before we brought up the teeth? I'll read your notes. No we've already touched on those. Russian drone attack. Here we go let's talk about that. That'll be that'll be good. From kids teeth to Russian drone attack. Here we go. Let's talk about that. That'll be good. From kids teeth

to Russian drone attack. Some of these Russian kids won't see a Christmas. What happened is the Ukraine, from what I gather, sent a drone attack onto Russia and did they get rid of what? 30% of the Russian military? Well, some people say that's propaganda. Some people say it's correct. Either way, it was a very successful mission that blew up a lot of their long range bombers. It was basically like a Pearl Harbor-like attack, right? Like it was getting rid of all their ships and trying to get rid of their bombers and all that stuff. And now Putin has gone on to say... Listen, I'm a little scared because Putin is bringing out the,

it's called the Oreshnik missile, which he released in November. But he'll drop that on the Ukraine before he drops it on us. Well yeah, I don't want the Ukrainians to be slaughtered either. I don't want anyone to be, but you rang me up and you went, Oh, a bit scared. We're close. You know, the LA is where they'll get first. They'll get a Los Angeles first. I don't want to be selfish here, but it's just like,

Look, just move to Austin. Just do it. I just want a European summer. Don't try to give me a reason. I'm not doing it because, you know, a certain podcaster has made me. I'm just, uh. Listen, I just want because you know, certain podcasters made me, I'm just... Listen, I just want my European summer. Don't take that from me.

And if he is gonna attack... I tell you what, if he drops it, you'll have European summers for fucking ever. That's what you'll have. No, winter. Oh, what is it? Oh, I thought it got really hot underneath the flames. It gets hot quickly.

It's a minute summer and a very long winter. Right, right. We're all gonna feel like we said the comment about scones. Yeah. OK, so I've got to get rid of this picture of the child's skull. It's upsetting. It is very, very upsetting. OK, this is what I wanted to go. Jack, just give me a second here, because I...

All right, give me the circles of shame you sent to you. Oh, you did? Yeah, give me the circles of shame. That's the cover. That's the cover. Cellulite. That's the cover. Beyonce had cellulite 20 years ago and they've put a circle around it with a light. Don't panic famous people get it too. They're trying to just say those people are just like us. Bloody mean. Bloody mean spirit in Heat Magazine. The target market of this is there's some working class English lass who's 140 kilos because she just eats horrendous amounts of pork pies all day. She just eats monster munches of snack all the time.

You know I was feeling really down about myself the other day and I fucking saw that Beyonce has a tiny bit of cellulite and I thought we're the same, me and Beyonce. I feel pretty. Yeah, well that was every week. That was the one of this I do in the Frank covers. Best and worst Beach Bodies 2004. Yeah, Heat magazine. If there's a woman in Britain from 2000 to 2007 who says she didn't buy Heat magazine, oh fucking no, no way in the world. They all had it. They all had it. So you need to answer this, because you were there at this time. Never mind circles of

shame, there's something on this magazine cover that blows me away. What the fuck was Jordan all about? Okay, Jordan. Americans, you guys say Jordan. You think Michael Jordan. Brit's, I still think you say Jordan. It's a 50-50 split if it's this woman. Explain that. Okay, Jordan was a page three model. Now page three models if you don't know what's going on in America right in Britain on the on the third page so as soon as you open a newspaper the first page you looked at after that the third page would have a topless woman. This would be in reputable newspapers. This happened in Australia right up until the 80s. You would get a topless woman on the third page and

there'd be a called a page three girl. Then once they got rid of them out of the newspapers they started to have lads mags. Lads mags with things like zoo and nuts. I worked one of them. I used to write columns. It was the midpoint was before OnlyFans and they weren't porn stars. They were just birds with banging tits. Lucy Pinder, Keely Hazel, Michelle Marsh, have a Google boys, you're welcome, right? These were just women who were probably fucking Manchester United players. They all fucked Premier League players,

that was their whole thing, they all dated Premier League players and they were called page three models. Now Jordan, most of the page three models in the good magazines, you had to have real tits. If you're in the sun or something, you had to have, or the mirror, you used to have to have real breasts. Really? Yeah, yeah, but if you're in the Sun or something, or the Mirror, you used to have to have real breasts. Really?

Yeah, yeah. But if you're in Star magazine, yeah, that was the whole thing about Pinder, Hazel and all that. They all had real boobs, right? And then, and like Samantha Fox back in the day, all real boobs, right? And then there was the Trashier magazine, which was the daily sport, was a big one. Yes. Right? And it had Jordan in it.

And Jordan just had the big balloon tits. And she was this model called Jordan, right? Jordan went on to be in I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. She's... But they were like size F fakes or something. Yeah, they were big round basketball things. And did she... but she never went and got... She had a bit of a nice face to her. She's a bit older now, but she had a nice face. In fact, I saw her on a billboard for a strip club in New York when I was last there. And I'm like, that's Jordan. And people don't even know.

It's something like called like dances or fl... She goes by Katie Price now. Katie Price, yeah, Katie Price. And did she ever have like a billionaire boyfriend or she? No, she dated Peter Andre. Who's an Aussie? Peter Andre, who was in I'm A Celebrity Get Me Outta Here with Her, right? Who's saying Aussie? Peter Andre who was in I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here with her right who sang the song Mysterious Girl Just Close To You. That one right.

Let me ask you a question. Who would you prefer have one evening with and you can do anything? Peter Andre. Jordan? UK or Jordan America? What the shag? You just got 24 hours to do with whatever. I know I'd rather Jordan UK. Really? You still a fun girl who's gonna be like what we're doing. You get a full 24 hours with Michael Jordan at his pro. No! What am I gonna talk to him about? He was mean to Luke Longley wasn't he? No. You wouldn't shoot hoops with Michael Jordan. I wouldn't. I don't want to because he's too competitive and you don't want to meet your heroes. She's not my hero man. She's not my hero man.

Okay, let me... She's not my hero. You're allowed to root him in the arse. Alright, Michael Jordan. That's a story. It's a story. Yeah, yeah and then when I'm shaking... Look how gross that ear was.

Then when I'm shagging him up the bum and he farts out, I'll go, Ooh, hey Jordan. Like this era of British women... They were bloody good, they were good sorts So it's so borderline blackface. Oh, mate, the it's more Spanish. Right. I used to have as dark a bedsheets as I could have because you'd shag British women and your bedsheets would look like the shroud of Torino. Right. You would just have this.

The shroud of Tyneside. Yeah. It was just it was just fake tan and you can see the body shape of them on the actual bed. Now they all they all did it they all did the fake tan all of them did the fake tan and the further north you went the the browner the people got the more oompa loompas the orange. And so anyway obviously the reason we bring this up is because there was a Russian drone attack so yeah that's that's how we handle the news here. Yeah, that's what's happening at this moment. You legitimately give me my new Alzheimer's where I find myself talking about something and I go what the fuck

was what happened? I was talking about come back, you gotta be able to come back to the story. I'm a bad host because I was like because I looked at it went a Reshnick missiles and I just did not know how to reconcile those two topics. No, and then we show. We've got nothing to say. We showed a cover. OK, so so Russia sorted out. Circle of shame.

Oh, yes, yes. Circle of shame. And then there was a picture of Jordan. Yeah, yeah. OK, I got you. Everyone now is Googling Jordan. Oh, as you should. And also my comedy special is coming out, so I'd like everyone to Google Ted Danson Blackface. Just so you can be ready for the special,

so you're in, you're in. Little background work. I don't know how long we've gone, Jack, but I've got... Okay, so I'd like to talk about this topic as well, which is about AI. It's about the future. It's about Palantir. Do you know what Palantir is?

I know what a palindrome is. Palantir is Peter Thiel's company, which it's fair to say if you pay attention to MAGA world, right wing world, a lot of very unhappy people right now with the Trump administration, many saying that MAGA has been a Psi-Up just like hope and change was for the left wing. You know, Barack Obama comes in 2008, hope, change, end the wars, and then first thing he sort of does is bail out the bankers and then allow them to pay bonuses. And many people were like, oh no, you're just a deep state operator. And you didn't actually help people out.

Right. So as a Trump supporter, how do you, who would have you voted for? Well, I think there's two bad options and the problem is- Yeah, I knew that and I had to vote for one of them. I told you I would have voted for Bernie. I would have voted for Bernie as well. We would have agreed on that. A lot of people are saying that Donald Trump- I would have voted for Jordan.

Him or her. Either. He's passed this big, beautiful bill. And Elon Musk has been a part of the administration beginning with Doge. And it was all about cutting government waste, government spending. Now, just because Elon and Trump are toxic,

a lot of people on the left have obviously been like, oh, it's ridiculous. Why are they making these cuts? This is unfair cuts. We need these programs. But I think we can all agree, anyone who knows anything about government at all and every country knows,

there's a lot of fucking fraud and waste and a lot of grifters who get government contracts. He included. Yes. Okay. And it looks like that's failed because the big, beautiful bill has passed and Elon has walked away and today he's fucking snapped

and said he can no longer hold his tongue and the bill that was passed through is fucking shameful and the people should feel ashamed for it. Why is it shameful? Because it adds to the debt so the national debt and I've lost my bloody info that's what I had up the debt has gone from like two trillion to like 180 trillion these ridiculous numbers that make no sense. what it in the last hundred days no no no no no since since 2000s let me get off let me get off thank God I thought it was in the last hundred days oh oh that's all right then so you say in the last 25 years ah what are you gonna do here we go this is so

this is what he wrote we're good yeah The debt now is 36.2 trillion sorry. And Elon wrote and he's kept his mouth shut since he left. Hmm. Remember he was with a black eye. Oh it looks alright. That's his robo taxi. That's his way. Okay they've got to stop with gullwing doors right. Doors that slide up. There's only one door the one that pulls that way. I've tried all all the other ones my whole life as a kid I wanted a gull wing door I've got a gull wing door I fucking hate the thing with the passion just a regular or just weld them up like the general you know I'm getting through the window okay Jack can I start this segment again now because I said so

many mistruths yeah we're not going to edit it out for you edit it out for me how many billions we look at let me start from the beginning so Donald Because I said so many mistruths. Yeah, we're not going to edit it out for you. Edit it out for me? No, no, no. How many billions are we in debt? Let me start from the beginning. So Donald Trump's big, beautiful bill. You'd heard of this. We're not editing around that. I have to.

I did a good joke about the General Lee. So just tell us. The what? You wouldn't understand. It's my generation. It's American. Yeah. Jack gets it because he's an historian.

Yes. Okay. Just a good old boy. In the year 2000, the US budget deficit was 236. Now it's 1.83 trillion and this bill is going to take it to even higher heights, potentially like 6.75. Does that mean our dollar goes down? Of course. Does that mean Bitcoin goes up? You either have to be taxed or the government has to print taxed, or the government has to print or borrow more money. And when they print more money, the buying power goes down.

That's why I, as a holder of gold, I bet against the... You hold gold? I'm a gold person. That's just a fucking Casio watch, mate. It's real. This is the way that I... This is all my wealth is stored in this Casio. It might look like an $80 timekeeping device yeah but this is my family's future you

should do adverts on Fox News gold it's always been around and it always will be that's why I put my money in gold look at those laces mate everything I got I'm all gold because the dollar ain't worth shit yeah yeah what he does is he actually pans a gross lagerager. Get the flakes out. Is it called Goldschlager? Okay. So Elon today said this, I'm sorry, but I just can't stand it anymore. This massive outrageous pork field congressional bill is a disgusting abomination. Shame on those who voted for it.

You know you did wrong. You know it. Wait a minute. Same with the people who voted for Trump then. You know you did wrong. You know it. Well, what I was, have you met anyone who voted for Trump then. You know you did wrong, you know it. Well what I was... Have you met anyone who voted for Trump who's now gone,

yeah I shouldn't have done that, that was shit, that was dumb. No, I know a lot of people who are saying, we hoped that Donald Trump would push back against the deep state. A lot of talk about, you know, ending wars, ending, you know, military spend. My father who couldn't vote, who loves Trump, who loves Trump, who would bring him up at any opportunity he could bring him up just to shit stir at dinner parties or backstage at one of my gigs. He would shit stir people. Oh, and he does a little dance. My dad thought that was hilarious. Now my dad's like this.

Ah, it's best not to watch it really and just, you know, let things happen. Now they got to happen. I know, but this is the point I'm trying to make. He's backtracking so badly. Is what you realize is, is that... And all I have is a person who didn't vote for Trump is gloating that this is going badly. Where I'd like, I prefer it was going well, of course.

But all I have is, you fucking idiots. Well, what I'm trying to say is, is that there is... He loves him. I don't love him. You do love him. I'm saying he's pulled it. There's been a deep state trick on everyone. All these people that were about governments, like we need to cut, cut spending.

We must have footage of him where he says he loves him. There must be some historical footage somewhere. I only know it from you saying that he loves it. I haven't heard him say it. He used to call him Teflon Donny. He fucking loved it. Because he got shot and survived. Listen, there's lots of Donald Trump that I find engaging and funny.

Okay. The thing I said about Donald Trump. It's easy. It's easy. Do you know how hard it is to get a nuanced take on Trump when you interrupt every eight seconds? It's easy to love Trump when all your wealth is in the Casio. Okay. If I really love the US economy, I wouldn't hold gold in a watch.

Your stock market isn't going up and down. Your stock market, are you like this, you and me are like this. The stock market's down. Hasn't. Your stock market, you're like this, you're like this. The stock market's down. Hasn't affected me at all. Okay, carry on. No, when the stock market collapses, I enjoy it because I have nothing and I get to for a day just know that I beat you fuckers who have wealth.

Okay. Your whole life's the Great Depression. My point is, is that obviously Trump's rhetoric was a lie. Obviously Barack Obama's rhetoric was a lie. And you realize- Anybody who takes this job is full of course and I'm saying my generation is having its black pill moment potentially of turning off and realizing a red pill when did you make it a black pill a black pill red pill is going I'm aware of

all the issues black pill is going even though we know these issues exist they'll never ever ever ever be dealt with and that the oligarchs and the powerful have ruled forever and the idea that you think you're gonna effect some fucking change because you vote someone in is insane so you're best off just dealing with your own family and focusing on your own fucking life. Get as many guns as you can. Young people look at old people and go how come they're so disengaged with politics don't they care and you realize they did once for them it was the Jimmy Carter presidency and they thought the world was going to change and then it fucking didn't. I find old people are more into politics. My father gets worse

and worse with every year. He gets worse and worse. It's because he's alone. I do also think the older you are the less your vote should count. It doesn't have as much weight for the future. If you're not going to last a full administration, you can't break. Also, if you kill a person, you should only have to serve the years they have left on their life. So you kill a newborn baby, 75 years. Right? We'll give it just an average like, right?

I'm not sure I can stand. You kill an 85 year old, you get a good talking to. So if I killed Forrest, what would I do? Three years? No, because everyone gets the... because he could turn it around. And you've stopped him from turning it around. And if he dies in three years, I'm going to play this back and we'll have a laugh. No, okay. I don't want to get caught in this boring shit about is Trump doing good or bad. Let me get this bit out.

Yeah. Because what really worries me. Let me guess. Oligards. Oligar. He loves saying Oligards. Oligar. No, it's those things you put on skateboards to protect it. From doing ollies.

Yeah. Is that what is a little bit crazy at the moment, which worries me a lot, okay. Is that Palantir, which is Peter Thiel's company, which is a data collection service. They make those sandwiches in the press, right? It's the panini, too. Ah, paneer. Yeah. Panera bread.

Well, they're good too. Sometimes I really, I go, why do I? No, no, because there's no. All right, go on. So is it a sandwich press? Is it a sandwich press? I literally... Circle of shame. I'm just like, I'm gonna bring up like digital ID tracking and then Jim's gonna go, Ah!

Why did I become forest? What I need to track is my hemorrhoids. Is there an arsehole tracker? There is an arsehole tracker. It's called reddit. They're all arseholes on there. You don't need to. You can actually follow me from the red spots. You're canceling credit. Someone to track me wouldn't take very hard. Oh he's tried to push it back in here. You can see you can see a red hand up against the tree. A bloodhound. He's come down here he's stumbled. Oh he's eaten a Philly che he's come down here he stumbled oh he's eating a Philly cheesesteak right here it'll make it worse no fiber so anyway

Trump rules it's that show tracker with a good-looking guy the episode where that where I get lost all right so sorry here's my point. Here we go. Here's my point. I'm ready. Short men on Tinder. Let's go back to the old gold. Is that why Putin's upset? Is it?

So what I mean to say is there's short men on Tinder. We've got dating sites that have all your biometric data. So sexually, all your data is logged. Okay. Now Palantir wants every piece of information about Americans to track you where you go, Face ID services, so it'll be sold as security, which is we'll know everything about everyone, where they are at all times, a database, tax records, religion, everything. And the government has that.

They won't know about my hemorrhoids, will they? No doubt, you'll have your medical history there. But I've never mentioned them before. And I think a lot of people thought, well, Donald Trump's meant to be fighting against this sort of overreach in the deep state. And ultimately he's been commandeered by it because they would have sold it to him as it'll help you get rid of illegal immigrants. That's the back door in because we'll know where they are at all times.

He's just inside trading. That's his whole thing. It's to fill his pockets, man. That's his main thing is to fill his pockets. But I don't, this is what I'm saying. I don't care about all these things. And black air traffic controllers. There's these two things. And midgets. Yeah me oh you don't want a dwarf air traffic controller. But ultimately what terrifies me is. You can make a plane crash by just sitting the side of the chair and going shhh go there was a there was a paper a long time ago that spoke about China's control you know like I feel I

feel like my history professor at the kindergarten okay so there was China's control China is China is a state controlled you're upset organization you get a social credit score we don't get access to money you don't get access to certain things because you get a social credit source system, cameras are constantly watching your every behavior, it's a full Orwellian state, we all know that, but guess what, it helps them manage. Full control of people helps you manage freedom,

autonomy in people's lives, people doing all sorts of crazy shit, very difficult to compete against a place like China. Right, so you pour gasoline over someone, light them. There's records of that forever. Your credit rating goes down. Yeah. Okay, good. And you never have to get mad, you walk into a store, they don't let you buy goes down. Yeah. Okay, good.

And you never have to get Matt, you walk into a store, they don't let you buy matches because that's on your record. Yeah, she has to wear mitts at all times. Yeah. And Donald Trump's allowed that to happen. So that's obviously going to piss off a lot of his base because he was meant to be fighting against this idea of tech overreach. And then he sort of let these wolves in because he's got all the tech bros there. They're going to get the contracts. And so my question to you is eventually going to be with AI coming in the next few years, when we lose all of our jobs, it's definitely... I don't like the AI port, I've given it a go, I don't like it.

You just said AI coming and I just made that link. Yeah, with AI coming and we know that a lot of jobs will be gone. With all of the cities with complete surveillance systems, is it the right move now to read the tea leaves and try and get in with the Amish? Because I look at what's coming with a future dystopia and I think I would probably rather go Amish at this point. Where do you think technology... I tried to get to that point eight minutes ago. I thought we went too far with the internet, right? People being able to, the freedom of speech in the internet where people could write anything they want about people and people could hound kids at school.

And I thought we went too far with that, right? Now we're going much, much further than that. When do you think technology was at its peak? Well, I'm going to say the Atari. I wrote something in my phone the other day. I wrote this in the middle of the night. Space Invaders was enough, wasn't it? I said this, I want to be be Amish but always trapped in 2003. So you could go to an

internet cafe and send an email if needed. GPS I think GPS was good. But GPS was quite expensive then it wasn't affordable you didn't have the Tom Tom. The Tom Tom that was before that was pre Tom Tom. Tom Tom was like seven, 800 bucks and then Tom Tom got down to like 150 quid. But I think the GPS was good, even though you can be tracked with it, but ultimately it did help us a lot. Also, 2006, I had a level of celebrity

where I could meet girls. So 2006, 2003, I was nothing. Cause I was hardly paying my rent. Wouldn't you love a society, so what I thought about with the Amish is, at some point the Amish were just like everyone. No, they never were. They were religious cults. No, but they were very religious. But people were also much more religious back then. And so the point where the Amish started to look different,

so clothing started changing and they kept it plain black basics, they say it's around when the tractor and the car was invented that the Amish were noticeably different other than being more religiously intense right, right, right because other farmers got the tractors they got the cars which meant that they traveled around more and the Amish just stayed in their community and so Like that's why they now look so weird to us as we've advanced so much, but they stayed there I really think I I would rather go backwards at this point Then the future. Or am I being a doomer?

Do you like the idea of the future? The internet's come out, but it's still going wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee download over it days and then you could have a wank maybe. Yeah you'd want to make sure you're attracted to all members. I remember living in England and Limewire. Do you remember Limewire? Yeah Pirate Bay, Limewire. Limewire was the only way to get porn. You'd wake up in the morning and say let's see what we caught. Like a dragnet. Yeah you'd go through and then some of it oh that's horrendous Cape Horn. Oh no. But if I went to the Amish and got in. Yeah you know, are you allowed in? You wouldn't get in.

That's what I mean, do they accept you? Because I feel like they're a quiet society or are they always talking? Do they have quiet times? You're not good with your hands. You couldn't build anything with wood. I'm the son of a carpenter. Well, you can't do shit all. Hey, we didn't say the son of a carpenter to her.

You didn't know about this right the couple that Walked out. Well, I'm in Tampa. I'm on stage this couple stands up and just goes This is I had one of my favorite gigs of all time in Tampa and so even texture said I had a great gig great gig and this couple stood up and went oh Who are throwing their hands up in the end? They got in the foyer and then there's a few yelling and mutterings in the foyer. They thought it was gonna be a religious play. Oh no. They thought Jim Jeffries the son of a carpenter. They were coming along to see like me go, you know, so my mum was inseminated by an angel. I can tell you she was a virgin for sure. You know my dad Joseph was a great man. Yeah

yeah a bit of that. Like he wanted me to be a carpenter, but I knew I was destined for bigger things. Yeah, destined for bigger things. Although at the end, when I had to make that cross, it did come in handy. I was able to criticize the Romans work. Yeah, he didn't just know.

A lot of it was a dovetail joint, that. Anyway, so they stormed out because they thought it was a religious plate. this is the bit that bothers me yeah they stayed all the way through Forrest okay well Forrest got ten minutes into me and they went oh no this he's not gonna mention Jesus at all well Forrest talks about his gambling addiction or something on stage doesn't he? But he still talks about fucking chicks and stuff he's still like he still doesn't he's not tepid so my point is you think

they wouldn't let me in? No, I don't think you would be allowed in the armies. I don't think the armies community would welcome you with your blingy watch and your fucking, your greasy hair. You need to have a beard and be called something like two names like John Michael. Well that's, I would be a poison to them because I'd get in there and I'd start saying to the women, you know, you'd be like, you really sure you want to wear that? He makes you wear that? And they go, this guy's a fucking virus to society. You come in like this, all feministic, you'd come in like this. Maybe we should have a vote. What do you reckon? 100%. Everyone could have a go. Yeah, because because like, I looked into this. There's a housing crisis for young people. There's a feeling of being isolated away on your screens.

A lot of us can feel it and we know we don't want to go forward, but we have to move forward with part of society. Right. Young people want to live in big cities. We can't afford to. That's why I always think. You live in a big city. We live in a big city, but we don't live well.

We pay for rent. You're not that young anymore. I'm getting older. You'll be old before you know it. But I was thinking about like, why don't young people around my age, we should just move to a small town like Viamish and set up a new society with each other. It's like a new world. Like, we all work on the land and we have it all good. Sugar free Kool because and no red dye in the Kool-Aid okay it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't brand

named Kool-Aid flavorade are you looking after our sponsors Kool-Aid you can advertise with this bit of you want we don't blame you for Jonestown like okay Jack you're you're around my age 17 or 14. We're trying to live in Los Angeles, because people will go, I can't afford to live in New York or Los Angeles. It's like, yeah, you can't afford to live in the grandest cities in the world. You gotta go west, as they would say,

by the village people. It's out to the water. Go to new places, start your own society, maybe go tech-free, and would we have a happier life if we stripped it back? Of course. My father always said, he goes, one day you'll be flying over the desert. And when they look down, there'll be all these computers in the desert and they'll

go, well, what were they? What were they? That's what he'd always say. He said it like he really predicted this. And I'm like, how are they flying the plane? Yeah. Got to be a computer involved somewhere. Well, it's surely, I know they, you know,

the Wright brothers didn't use a computer. So you go back to like a, like you're in a, you're in a red Baron plane. That must've been when the red Baron planes came out in world war one and they went, we're going to have guys in airplanes fucking fighting each other. Yeah, with their own.

Yeah, it just, yeah each other with their own yeah just pistols yeah just with their heads sticking out the top of the airplane that was the height of technology who was the first like to go I'll give that a go what was the girl with the Red Barons name the Red Baron yeah Red Baron was that say wasn't that a man for the one Richterfun. Yeah, Red Baron. Manfred von Richterfun. Red Baron, that's a woman on a period who can't have kids. I needed an accent and we might have found it, maybe. Which is hard because she still gets a period, but they're useless.

You get all of the moods without end of the life potential. Little ghost periods. Well, I'm not sure, is there anything you wanted to discuss? I wanted to talk about your son, but... No, no, no, he's downstairs. Is that for another time? No, he's downstairs. Can I talk about your son's baseball?

We'll do that in a minute. We'll do that in a minute. I'll give you this one to finish, which I just thought was amazing. Kids baseball, kids sports, and I know we started this episode with pedophilic remarks. I have been attending kids sports. Why not end it with it? Why not end it? We circular.

I went and watched Jim Sun's baseball with my girlfriend. It was a little league final. It was amazing. Yeah, it was one of the best games of sports you'll ever see. Just because sport is so commercialized that when you go and watch kids who are playing with their mates around the age of 12, once they can actually play enough,

like they're not dog shit at it. Yeah, yeah. Turn and double plays, home runs, real baseball. Other kids shouting their names. Now, I'm not gonna say the real kid's name because you told me that's inappropriate. Let's say the kid's name is Frankie. He's a notorious big hitter.

He steps up to home plate, right? And he's getting ready to hit. And all these kids rush because they know he's the king. And they're all going, Frankie, Frankie, Frankie, Frankie and he just he's a big kid. There's always a kid that's almost that puberty before the others and he's tonking this ball and I'm watching with my girlfriend. He had two home runs the other day.

And she turns to me and she goes, she can tell that everyone loves Frankie and everyone's talking about Frankie. She goes, do you think, do you think Frankie noticed me? She goes, do you think, cause I did my hair like different today. Do you think Frankie would have seen it? And I laughed. I thought that was a good, that was a good one from you. Later that night we're in bed and I'm off to sleep. I wake up. She's still awake and I go, why can't you sleep?

She goes, I'm just thinking about Frankie. Do you think he knows my name? I thought that was so funny, but I couldn't have said that about a girl's ballet performance. Oh yeah, no, no, no. Like I couldn't do that gag. Little Michelle, oh, she's quite the swan. Yeah. It's like, it's like, I used to have that joke with, with Hank where the, the lady at the gym nays him. Like Kate used to go to the gym, and there was the lady in the daycare and she goes, here comes my boyfriend. Here he is.

And then she'd hold him and go, my boyfriend gives me kisses. My boyfriend gives me kisses. Imagine if I ran that with you. Hey, Amos, there's my girlfriend. Here she comes. Here she comes. She gives me kisses. She does. Oh, she leaves me kisses. She dances for me. Yeah, bloody hell. Terrible. Well, that's what's happening at this moment.

At this moment. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Now we're going to go back and record the intro of all the amazing things we talked about. I can't believe we didn't get to Elon Musk's K-Hulk for another time. you