I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 2 - Inauguration, Bonnie Blue and Starbucks

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

On this episode of ATM, Jim and Amos discuss the many eccentricities of Donald Trump's inauguration. They also fawn over Bonnie Blue's new record and pitch counter-ads against Starbucks after they make it mandatory to buy something if you use their restroom. We posted this one early so this series could remain topical. The plan is to release every Tuesday and record as close to Tuesday as possible.   SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: https://www.jimjefferies.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies FB: https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies Twitter: https://twitter.com/jimjefferies Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/ Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ATM with me, Jim Jefferies and Gilly Gilly Gilly Amos Gill. I don't know why you've had to go straight into our Australian FM radio characters. I've just done morning radio. I'm an Australian comic who's given up on my dreams and now wake up at 4am in the morning to go and do morning radio. How have you been mate? How's your week? You said give up on the dream. That's how I started. So you can imagine it was a bleak existence. Okay, so a lot of people don't know this about you. Before you became how you say it, a Nazi or whatever you are, right? Before that, you were a children's TV presenter. I don't like talking about the children's TV presenting years. I used the fake name because it was so bad.

You used to present yourself to children. But you didn't want, at the age of like what 18? No like 19 I did a show called Wacky World Beaters. Yeah. And they gave me the gig. Some guy watched me do stand-up and goes I'm producing Hamish and Andy but for kids. And Hamish and Andy is like a comedy duo in Australia. Very popular. And he goes look everyone that's come down has been a bit lame. I still want it to be kind of comedy. So can you audition? Yeah. So they flew me to Sydney and there was an ice cream eating contest with kids. Right. And I looked at these four handsome guys and they were like grabbing the ice cream and

they're licking it and looking at the camera going, oh brain freeze. Oh, you don't need to eat too much of this. Sugar's not good for your teeth. Yeah. And you just walked up and smashed it into the kid's face. What I did is. And said white face. I stole the ice cream off the kid I was competing against, ate his and mine. And they went, you've got the job. That's how low the bar was. But the producer and one of the heads of the ABC saw my stand up and said, we can't have you talking to kids. So come up with a fake name.

So they went with just Silly Gilly. That's what I'm credited as. You're Silly Gilly. Silly Gilly. Where can we find footage Silly Gilly? It'm credited as. You're silly gilly. Silly gilly. Where can we find footage silly gilly? It is on YouTube. Wacky world beaters. Right and you still get along with kids to this day, right?

My son adores you. Yeah I like kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Soundbite. Soundbite put it down. Something he says racist and then I like kids. Hold on, put it into his file. Just so we're very clear, if you're trying to paint me as a pedophile, you regularly let and then I like kids. Hold on. Put it into his file. Just so we're very clear,

if you're trying to paint me as a pedophile, you regularly let me babysit your kids. So you're complicit. So if you think I'm a pedophile, then you're a very bad father. I just think you'd be a bad fuck and it'd be over quickly. Oh, take that out. That's terrible, Gilly.

Oh, I'll give you. How's your week been? It was good, I was in Canada. The gigs went well, you sold out? Minus 30 degrees. Gigs went well, you sold out? The gigs went well, thanks to everyone in Kelowna. And Vic went to Victoria. The smaller the longer. Victoria is, it's filled with newlyweds and nearly-deads.

That's the big joke there. We didn't even really debrief. There was a lot of Canadian people who came to see you and Jimmy Carr. I told them about this podcast and they were like, you haven't even spoken about us yet. Did you enjoy your tour with Jimmy Carr? We loved the tour with Jimmy Carr and they, I told them about this podcast and they were like you haven't even spoken about us yet. Did you enjoy your tour with Jimmy Carr? We love the tour with Jimmy Carr. I want to find more cities me and Jimmy can do that in. We did, what did we do, 12 in total. We've done Canada. Canada's done for that tour but no I would like to do, if Jimmy's listening I'm sure he's listening

to the, he does listen to things. He's got a Google alert on his name no doubt about it. Yeah he's right now like he's like... I reckon his Google alert goes like this. Oh, oh! Well, that's... every time he's mentioned... I've got a message. Oh, oh! I said that every... to my audience, I kept saying, every time I do a really darkly offensive joke, I'm just going to add that laugh.

And, you know, and that makes it okay. But after my third or fourth one, I was like, I feel like I'm taking the piss out of Jimmy. So I didn't, I meant no offense. I was just saying, if you are Jimmy Carr, you can look at a person and go, oh, you look like an ugly loser. Your wife thinks of someone else when you fuck.

Ha ha! And everyone goes, ha! That British guy, he's charming. We started off the tour like we were gonna go, like, dual headliners. So one was going to open one night, one was going to close one night, then we'd swap it, then we'd swap it, then we'd swap it, then we'd swap it. And we swapped it once and I went, I like going on first, I was just happier going on

first because his jokes are so much more offensive than mine. When he says a joke as well, he says a joke like, anyway, the bad thing about babies is they're so hard to have sex with. Like that, right? Having sex with children is disgusting, particularly when you've got to take the nappy off. Anyway, so he can get away with it because he's got perfect comedy timing and everyone knows he's joking, right? But if I do that joke, I'm too shambolic and my timings aren't that good and people think he might have done that. And that's the big difference.

So I wanted to take the shock value out of the room for me and not have him take the shock value out for me. And they were great shows and I managed to upset you at the end of this big tour where you performed to about 80,000 people overall. I said, do you think you'll ever do an arena again, mate? No, you didn't say that. You turned to me and you go, when do you think you'll do an arena again?

Who would fucking say such a thing? I've only ever done about maybe 20 arena gigs in my whole career, and each time I always think to myself, all right, take this in, these are hard to come by, not many people get to do these, and then you're like this, you think you'll ever do one again? It's like coming up to me after I've had sex with a supermodel do you think any good-looking women want to fuck you? It's not my choice is it? Hope you've put that

in the wank bank that'll never happen again. Yeah true that. But it was great I enjoyed it how about yourself mate what did you get up to in the weekend? My wife has been sick so she's been a pain. No she's very moody when she's sick. My wife, like the flu. Yeah. She's got a cold and she's just outright mean to you. And you can't say anything cause she's I'm sick right now. Like there was like a cup on the, on the, on the bench and she leaves cups everywhere.

Who left this here? And I went, ah, it was me. I've been trying to clean all day. Go upstairs, Go to bed. No one needs this. Is she, well, I don't really see you as a soft nurturing type. Yeah, well, anyway, I said something stupid. I said, I tell you what, if you ever get cancer, I'm leaving you.

Now, that's a hard sentence. That's a hard sentence to come back from. It's so true though. If she got cancer, you'd go, here's a million dollars and the number of a chemotherapist, but I know I'm only going to make this worse for you. No, no, no. I wouldn't leave my wife if she got cancer because there's no point splitting things up that close to the end. You know what I mean? I'm not going to divvy all me property 50-50 when I've made it this far. I can see the cancer out. I just got to eat each day.

Oh, is she getting better? You would be on within one week going, oh, you might want to think of a wig. It's getting hard to come with all that stringy hair. That's the thing with cancer. Women they can wear wigs. Men why do all men with cancer go bandana? What's wrong with a baseball cap? When did the bandana thing begin? Do you think it's signaling to people

for a bit of sympathy? It's a sympathy, yeah. Because I would just wear a beanie or a hat, but they always go bandanas. Blokes that I know who have gotten cancer who never wore a bandana in their whole life in any way, not even in their back pocket, they go the bandana on their head.

If you go beanie, you look like that guy from the internet, Tim Poole. If you go hat, no sympathy, bandana is park anywhere you want. You get out with a wrapped up bandana, particularly unless you're a Latino, like Latin guys wear like a bandana

and it's like a gang color thing, but if you're a white guy, no one thinks the... I see. He likes kids. The other day I went to the doctor. I got a shot of testosterone. I'm wanking like, like more than I've ever wanked in my whole life. I went and did that.

That's what it's for. I thought you wanted to go low T. I know, but I like the energy, the energy you get from it. I've done it a couple of times. I don't know if it's for me. I'm just giving it one more go. So talk me through this. You get it, you go to the doctor and he shoots testosterone

in your ass. In my ass yeah. With his dick. Do you notice? He said it was a procedure. Do you notice yourself being more aggressive? Yeah on the way, okay I walk out of there. Because the body doesn't suggest to me that you're high T. It's been a week. Anyway I get out and there's a woman, there's a disabled vehicle behind me, not the vehicle's disabled, it's got the thing hanging on the revision mirror, the disabled sign. And a lady crosses the road, this is Robinson in Beverly Hills, she runs across the road in stilettos. Like that's, you're not disabled if you can do that. She gets into a car with a disabled thing, she looks like a right arsehole, I can tell.

And I almost said something, hey what's your disability I thought what am I doing that's the testosterone in you yeah yeah I would never have done that I was like this and I looked like I gave her a bad look but you got to be careful with the T-shots because I don't know if you watched at the inauguration and we're gonna get into this in a second Mark Zuckerberg went viral in there because you know he's on the testosterone he started like like doing jiu-jitsu, he's exercising, he looks good. What is with everyone doing mixed martial arts now? Right?

It's the Joe Rogan effect. Yeah but when I was a kid, no one put anyone in chokeholds. I guess fighting evolves. If you were fighting, it was boxing really when we were kids. Yeah but all the jiu-jitsu people ended up winning everything. The two kids would size off to each other and there'd be a punch and a punch. You'd both feel pain and you'd go, oh, alright, well you got as good as I got and you bloody moved on with your day.

It might have ended with you sort of rolling around the ground trying to punch each other or whatever. But there was never like, get him into a grapple hold! The crowd never went like, get him into an arm break thing. That's where it's evolved to. But I guess- That's something that older brothers would do is they'd hold you down in locks and stuff and say tap.

I guess, no, see I'm younger than you. I never had to hold you down in. This is why punching is one thing, but to put someone in a grapple means that they have to ask for mercy. Oh no, we would. And that's why it's more demeaning because you go, do you want me to free you? Do you submit to my will and know that I am the alpha over you? That's why they like it.

No, of course. And also punching people can break your hand really really easy but also if you go back a generation two generations before me when people got into a fight they box like this. What you're a stick em up pal. Yeah I go like I'm on me toes I'm moving around. Let me show you something. So my brother used to my brother's technique was Scott I'd run after him like I'm gonna kick this shit out here he'd run to the couch and he'd get on his back and his move was he'd have his legs ready to go like this and he fucking... That's fucking, that's the older system

manoeuvre. Yeah and he went to kick you up right like that and then you think to yourself, all right all I gotta do is I gotta jump in there, I'll get one blow to the face and then I'll be on top and I'm swinging. Yeah you're a nasty fucking creature. Why're a nasty fucking creature. Why? I would have seen you as a sort of nasty fighter. Like you go for the balls and... I was the youngest. Yes. I had to do what I had to do. Like okay so Danny, my eldest brother, who was a sergeant in the riot squad, who's a cop. Didn't he used to put you in holds for fun? Okay he used to, I used to get woken up in the morning like this you'd be asleep he would grab me by the shirt like that and then he would wake you up like this kaboom kaboom so your whole body was going like that right?

Hold on I've lost my headphones. So you're saying that the violent bully older brother ended up choosing... Yeah, be a cop. So he'd go kaboom, kaboom, kaboom. Then I'd get in the shower and Scott, the middle brother, would get a glass of cold water and pour it over the top. That was the move we all did. Now with Danny, I used to... Mum always said that I would be bigger than him one day. And I used to fantasize about walking up to him and punching him in the face really hard. And winning a fight. But I was bigger than him as a two year old, I was bigger than him as a four year old,

I was bigger than him as a 10 year old, I was bigger than him as a 13 year old. Every sort of milestone step. And then at like 15 I just stopped growing. And he was six four and I'm six foot, right? And so I never, and then by the time I got taller, he was a cop who knew all these holds and stuff like that, right?

So I couldn't be, so I had to pick me moments. So I realized that at home in our house, we had one toilet and it had a door, right? My mother died in that toilet, mind you. Anyway, she had the injury. Anyway, so there was a toilet and my brother was tall enough that if he was doing a shit, only if he was doing a shit, only if he was doing a shit it would work, if he hadn't locked the door I could swing the door as hard as possible, wha bang! And smash it into his knee, right? He couldn't get up, there's half a turd hanging out of his body. Right? Now also I'd have me bike ready in the driveway

like this because I had to get away for a couple of hours until he had to go to work or something like that. So you got the getaway vehicle. Yeah I had to figure out he's not going to be home for a couple of days he's going out with his girlfriend he's doing this this is how I can injure the bastard but I still have a big toe that clicks with every step of my life each time I go like this my big toe clicks because my brother would hold me down and crack my toes. So here's what's happened Jim told that story to his therapist and they referred him for testosterone shots yeah and said when because my brother would hold me down and crack my toes. So here's what's happened. Jim told that story to his therapist and they referred him for testosterone shots.

Yeah. And said, when you're going home this time, you can finally beat the shit out of your elderly brother. Well, this is the thing, right? I don't know if my brother's on the testosterone. He's shrinking. Yeah. I'm staying the same size.

It's an arms race. My time has come. See, in life, you have to pick your moments. At the end, I was a better fighter than Muhammad Ali. At the very end, I could have taken that cunt. In his last couple of weeks, even recently, I was at the Dodgers, I saw Sandy Koufax throw a pitch. Fucking hopeless.

Hopeless. Couldn't make it from the mound over the plate. Do you think if you punched your brother in the, would you challenge him to a fight now? Do you think you could beat him? No, I couldn't beat him right now. I got away. He would need Parkinson's Yeah, like if if if one day I go over to his house and he's wearing a bandana I'll be like now's my time. Even your wife sick this week. I think would have you. I don't see you as a no I can't I can't win things. No, I'm not

I'm not my mother used to beat the living snot out of me and that woman you could, she could, you could really push her. And your son, I think he will eventually, because you know, his mother was a tall lady. He's learnt the ways of the force a little bit. We've taken him to self-defense and that type of stuff. He's alright. Yeah, Hank can scrap. Because there's a moment in every relationship with a dad where you realise... We've all done this. I know what you're about to say. Where you punch your father once in your life. Or you tentatively push him in the shoulder. Like this, he says something to you and you come back with, You've always shit on my dreams.

Anything I've wanted to do you've always said I couldn't do it. Well I'll tell you this! And then you push him in the shoulder and he's hit you a thousand times. You're not gonna punch your dad in the face because it's your dad and you love him, et cetera, et cetera. It's a forceful shove. But he has no issue, right?

I did it with my dad. You can fuck off into the shoulder and then, ka-bang, into my face, dad hit me in the nose. Yeah, he's gotta maintain order. Oh, you're a big tough guy now. That's what the right police is for. Because at the moment he doesn't fight back. Then there's a whole power shift through the entire home.

I once had my dad go to me, you're a fucking smart ass, mate. And I finally said, well, mate, better that than being a fucking dumb ass. And that's exactly what Mum says you are. Now when you're in a divorced family. If your dad figures out how to download a podcast, you're fucked right now. It's on YouTube as well, I'm in big trouble about that. He can go, Google Jim Jefferies and show.

Anyway, so what did he say? Because if you grow up in a family that's broken, if your parents are divorced... Yeah. If you're from a good... I used to dream of my parents getting divorced. If you're in a good family that's together, the highest praise you can get is, is you're just like your dad. Yeah. Okay? And that's like your mum going, I love your father and you're just like that man.

But from a broken family, the number one insult you can get is, you're just like your mother. Or you're just like your father. Alright, the number one insult in my house to my children is, you're just like your father. The number one insult in my house to my children is you're just like Amos's dad. Yeah. I say to my kid, you have the legs of trots. Amos's mother. My dad will genuinely be upset. You understand me Charlie, your three year old? Well you know what Jim's son would be lucky to work at toll priority. I did 30 years of sales for a tracking company and and all the goods got where they needed to fucking go We have a very similar sort of childhood. Our dads are similar blokes. Yeah good

Sold of the earth. Country Aussie men. Country Australian men. We we we both know many lyrics to John Williamson songs Oh true. John Williams. John Williams songs. John Williams songs. Like not many people know Raining on the Rock like we know. Mally Boy. Mally Boy. Right. These are real songs. My father when he dies at his funeral he wants True Blue to be sang. Which when you listen back to it it's a little bit supremacy. Little bit. Little bit. But with a charm. Yeah. No I love this song. But you know when he says in Hey True he goes Hey True Blue and he goes are we really disappearing just another dying race. Many people think is he saying the But you know, when he says in Hey True Blue, he goes, Hey True Blue, and he goes, are we really disappearing? Just another dying race.

Many people think, is he saying the white man's been taken over? But you and I know what he's really saying is that the Aussie bloke, even the white Aussie bloke, his children are weak little bitches. Yeah, what he's talking about. And the Ocker, the big strong Aussie man is no more and these little metrosexuals have moved to Los Angeles and have done a podcast. Yeah exactly, we have lost real men and I'm not saying I'm real, my father, your father, real Australian men. Oh that's finished.

And they don't exist anymore. Globalisation means that we're all, the whole world is becoming sort of one mushy group. Men who lived without an ozone layer or sunscreen and worked in construction. Like these are... I love going, that's when people say to me do you miss Australia? And I go well if you go back to Melbourne or Sydney, no. But would you do miss Australia? I'm Charlene from the Gold Coast and I miss Australia. What I'd want for the world is like a good environment and the Great Barrier Reef to return. Yeah, I want the country to be white but not the reef. Alright Charlene.

If that isn't a great logo for Pauline Hanson. No, she doesn't believe the reefs, doesn't believe there's a problem with the reef. Yeah, there's got to be a new like a left-wing fascist Australian chick that goes countries white reef is full of color all right so let's look the whole point of this show is meant to be that we go going on at this moment at this moment there's probably lots of that that we could tidy up but I thought we'd whip around for the biggest story in the world yeah some people would go with the inauguration I'm not gonna go with that let's start off with Bonnie blue yes and Lily Phillips for those who don't know And for the biggest story in the world. Some people would go with the inauguration, I'm not going to go with that.

Let's start off with Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips. For those who don't know, how could you not know? Every tabloid on earth is pumping these two girls. They're in a arms race like the Soviet Union and the USA in the 80s. Instead of nuclear weapons, it's how many men can they fuck in one day? They are making money upon money upon money. They're not putting the men's heads in there look I'd like to put myself out there that I will have sex with as many women a thousand women I'll do a thousand women I'll beat the record two thousand women. They'll line up for

it. Wednesday Wednesday. In here in this warehouse at the All Things Comedy Studio. Yeah if they line up they come here on Wednesday, all the women who want to have sex with me, I'll have sex with 2,000 women. Will you pay them? That's just for the privilege. No, well do these men get paid? No they don't, they do it for free. Who's the last bloke?

I reckon, okay, because everyone goes, everyone goes, you wouldn't want to be the last bloke. Well, we've got to say how many there were, 1,057 in 12 hours. Okay, so I think, I think you don't want to be the last bloke, but... You don't want to be any of the blokes! No, in saying that after 50, it really doesn't matter which bloke you are, right? I actually think... 50? I think after 2! I'm gonna say after 1, it's already got a bad vibe.

You'd be falling... You'd go 50! You'd be falling in there if she was a virgin, mate. Anyway, like after 50, after 50 it doesn't really matter so I actually would like to be the last bloke because you'd get a bit extra time and you'd get to chat to her and get to know a bit better. You wouldn't be rushed on. It's like whenever we do the meet and greets after shows I always know the person who's at the end of the line they want to talk to me a bit longer or they got a question they want to ask me. You've seen it.

Yeah well they end up sort of probably coming back to the hotel because they... I reckon blokes fought to be the last person. That is truly one of the most revolting things I've ever heard. And do you reckon when people were lining up... You're probably the one, you're the straw that breaks the camel's back. Everyone had to be tested, right? Or they're all just using condoms? Is that the way they do it?

They use condoms. Can we actually hear it from the mother? So the mother of Bonnie Blue actually she helps run her career yeah okay and she was on British television. Alright mum. Here we go so let's let's find this. What does she look like? The mother? Yeah. She's just sort of just looks like a northern blonde woman you know. I find Bonnie Blue very attractive I think she's very attractive. Really is it the fact that she's been run through by so many people you know call me old fashion but I like a good old-fashioned British slapper I lived in England in the early 2000s I'm a nice northern lass I'm all I'm all in I just want to hear

this all right all right you're gonna come on my face. Where's number 156? Number 56, your number's up. Come on in love. Taking it like a fucking deli meat tray. Picking it up. Number 157! Alright, finish on my face.

Mom! Mom! I need the squidgy! Can you get me the squidgy? I can't see mum! I can't see mum. I can't see anyone. Oh is this you mum? Oh this is a penis. That's not me mum. I'm trying to find this fucking mum. Okay so it's her, this is what I like about it though,

it's her versus Lily Phillips as I try and find this mum thing. I don't go Lily Phillips, I go the original and the best. I was never a Rolling Stones guy, I was always the Beatles. Well these two are competing against each other. One did a hundred. Aren't they friends? They're best friends. And just like comedians who sort of like, how many did you have last night? Did you do a theatre? Did you do an arena? I can't find this Bonnie Blue footage of the Thousand Men. Have you seen any of the footage?

No, well I'm not an OnlyFans. I refuse to pay. No, I don't pay on OnlyFans. But I would for that. What, you think you... I just need to see it. Because it's a record. There's certain moments in history that, where were you? Where were you in this? You know what I like? You know what I like when you're about to watch porn, you do a routine of this, and they had the adverts,

and the advert always starts on PornHub like this. Are you tired of masturbating alone? No, it's your favorite way to do it. Yeah. Are you alone? I so much prefer masturbating by myself than others in the room. I've seen both worlds and I've decided that I'm better off on my own. Are you alone? No way. Uncle and Aunty are actually here. We're catching up.

And I'm just going to knock this one out and then we're going out for lunch. Why do they try and shame you as though masturbating by yourself is some kind of sordid act? Are you sick of masturbating on your own when there are grandmas in your town who want to fuck? No, I'm happy masturbating on my own. And I'm not masturbating on my own. I've got my webcam here and no doubt the NSA are watching me as I do it right now and I'll give them a little wave.

I can't find the fucking mum. So you have a bit of a bad illegal teens? Yes. Do you enjoy it? Love it. What about it do you enjoy? I love taking vajitas. Why do you do it? I get pleasure from it. How do you turn it into a business? I film it and sell the videos. How much have you made from it? Millions. They're young, immature and unaware of the world. How do you justify doing it? They consent and they love it. What countries have you done it in? Mexico, Australia and the UK. Rank him best to worst, which was your favourite?

Oh, Mexico, UK, Australia. Oh, how rough is that? Make sure to like, subscribe and comment. Check out the link. That's because every one of those guys would have been like, yeah, he fucking did love that. Yeah, big Aussie dick. Yeah, yeah. Could you imagine? Must be better than a British cock, those guys would have been like yeah you fucking did love that yeah big Aussie dick yeah

yeah oh I better be you imagine must be better than a British cock even getting those uncircumcised dick but you wanna know why? Big fucking tanned Aussie cock mate. Because all those big fucking uncircumcised British dicks they can't really quickly because they got more sensitivity oh fucking you love that don't you yeah yeah fucking sluts yeah I can imagine those disgusts all of the more beanies by the way in the video all of the more of balaclava because every single one of them was like I do want to fuck this chick, but I don't want to be demeaned online. Yeah, but you also have job opportunities and stuff like that that you don't want to have but look look I, look, one of the privileges of being a woman is that you can have sex with over a thousand people in 12 hours

if you so wish. Men we don't get that opportunity but I'm putting it out there once again I will have sex with 2,000 women. You don't have to finish I'll only finish with two of you over the course of 12 hours. Two of you get a load. Two of you get a load. The rest of you can think about it. I Look, I hate to think of my conservative relatives. Yeah. There are times where you think, wait a minute. Okay. So this is the problem with the word conservative. Right? Well, here's what I might definitely say. Now the word is political, political, right? I have, I have a conservative auntie who's would vote liberal. You know what I mean? Like she's not, dude, I watched this video, like church going, I'm just saying, you know what I mean? Like she's not... Dude, I watched this video...

You're talking about like church going... I'm just saying, you know, people who aren't worshipping Satan. If you're fucking 1057, there is demonic forces at play here. Why? And I do think... If it's all consensual... From the moment the bikini was allowed at the beach, this is the final stage. We've gone from no bikinis to bikini on the beach, tits are out and everyone's like,

well, that's pretty good. Maybe we'll go backwards. Yeah, so I think we're going tits are out and everyone's like, well that's pretty good. Yeah, so I think we've gone back. I think that everyone's consenting, correct? Everyone's of age, right? If the age limit's not the age limit's not the thing, like everyone's of age, right? You can, in Britain, you know, no problem, right? They can have a beer and everything while they're there, right? And who's it hurting? Who has been hurt by this? It's not the only time in my life I've said consent's not everything, but people are consenting.

No, it's all consent. I'm saying people are consenting, sure. There's no doubt. People consent to do a lot of things that I think is gross. I'm not saying whether things should be legal or not illegal. I just think, are we in a great place in society? I would have as a kid done it if I could have gotten an express pass. Right? Whenever I go to theme parks now, it's the lighting up that bothers me. Right? If you could have got me one of those Disney tour people that actually just walk you onto the ride, it's five grand to go to Disneyland with eight people.

You know what I mean? But it's worth every cent. You pay $25,000 and her mother walks you to the front of the queue. Yeah, I have a flash pass. I have a bracelet that makes me go by people. You've got a photo next to her. Yeah, I walk a flash pass, I have a bracelet that makes me go by people. You've got a photo next to her. Yeah, I walk all the way through, yeah. Afterwards, I get a t-shirt to wash cum off me dick.

Other people's. A cum rag from her. Yeah. Well, where does it end though? Because she's done 1,057. Yeah. So now it's all about shocking. And the world is so...

I think if she's made 30 million dollars, which is what people are saying she's made, call it a day. This is what I reckon will happen with Bonnie Blue. I'm pretty sure this is what will happen with Bonnie Blue. She will retire. She will be in church in three years. She will retire and then say in some way that she was taken advantage of and porn is a terrible business and it all should be taken down and that she was under the influence of this, that and the other and that she's a victim in some way. I went to church the other day and it was so nice because you know the priest said that I'm a virgin again. They all find God. I'm a virgin again. You go any porn star that you haven't seen for a long time Google what

they're up to and they're hanging out with God. I tell you there's a few pastors in the middle of the English countryside that don't know how lucky they're about to be. Yeah. A couple of vicar's are are like, oh she just wandered in me lap. Don't worry, turn away from that dark life and join me here in the Anglican Church. Don't come to the Catholic Church, they won't have you. I've seen a lot of nasty things about her. She's satanic. I think Bonnie is a very attractive girl. To me it's disgusting. You foolish shit. You said said to me you were the one who told me about her And you said she's super hot you said that you're lying. Well, she's got

Good looking features, but you start to look at her over and there's a deadness behind the eyes. Oh, no. No, she's not I'm not marrying her That's what it's attractive. You haven't had a wank to Bonnie Blue? No, I haven't had a Bonnie Blue wank. Bullshit. Bullshit. I'd die Lily Phillips over Bonnie Blue. You, you, my, okay, I'm old school with porn. I like porn stars from the years 1995 to 2008.

That was when porn was in its prime era. Right? When you bought videos and DVDs. That's what I've always said about I don't like OnlyFans because it's not that I don't want to pay for it it's the quality of the production but I'm very upset with you think it's fallen away we used to have epic there was one about pirates that had like Riley Steele and Jane what's-her-name in it and stuff where it was a worth millions of dollars it was a big epic pirate movie too much animation doesn't have the fucking attention span for storyline we used to do a parody.

Oh we used to do one. I always like a parody where it's going oh yeah it's all I saw one the other day it was Gilligan's Island. I used to watch it as a kid. I'll have a wank to Gilligan's Island because it looked like the skipper and Gilligan were gonna have a threesome with with with ginger. Yeah because it's all about degrading everything that's pure. Yeah, but then the problem, you know what the problem was? Halfway through, fucking the skipper just puts his cock in Gilligan's ass.

And I'm like, I didn't sign up for that bit. How many times have I told you this? Yeah, yeah. I'm of the belief. Porn's making you woke. That porn, the PornHub website, is really trying to make me trans. Okay? Trans? Or like inter-trans. Oh, inter-trans. Because I'll be watching, if I've ever watched porn,

right, now they'll be like, oh two guys one girl, and if I've ever clicked on that I think, alright, these two dudes are gonna fuck this chick, and then next minute one of the guys is sucking the other guy's dick, and I'm like, you had to give me a warning on that, there had to be a special label to tell me that the dudes were gonna do something gay you've tried to lure me in thinking I'm gonna watch good honest fun healthy two guys one go action and next minute the guys are sucking each other off they are trying that's maybe it's China tick-tock got banned we should ban those videos because in the early 2000s all bisexualss. In the early 2000s that didn't even happen.

Didn't happen. You saw a nice heterosexual sex. It was one girl and eight men. And the eight men didn't touch each other's cocks. That's what I was going to say. They awkwardly sat there and maybe their nutsacks rubbed against each other. But they weren't happy about it. Of course if it was one man and eight women, the women had to lick each other out. That's a different matter altogether. Completely. And that's fine. And we all voted for that. But I... the trans... have you ever had a wank to trans? No. I had an argument with a relative who's very left wing and she said that, look I'm all for trans,

I'm all for plastic surgery if it makes you feel better about yourself as an adult and I don't believe kids should be doing it, fight me. But anyway, but my relative of mine, she goes, I said to her, I said, yeah, I would never have sex with a trans person. I just want to have sex with someone who's biologically a woman. And she goes, well, but she's, they've now a woman, they've become a woman. It's none of your business. And I said, well, they should tell me, they should tell me, I should know, I should have that knowledge and make my own decision up why should they tell you because it's a question I asked any question I ask in the world before I have sex with you you should answer or you can say I'm not gonna tell you and

then I can make my own decision up on what I want to do if it cars being in an accident right show me the cut facts no it is it's saying look I'll take it for a ride but has the back bumper been ripped off. Like I'm not Annie, I'll take it to a devilish derby or something, I'll sell it for parts. Yeah, what am I getting in for? That's all you're saying. Yeah, yeah I just want to know where I'm at. I think there was one many years ago that may have been because had a man's ass, fake tits and brilliant blowjob. Well there's the clip. Yep. Got the clip. Couldn't find the clip. Jim's dad's watching that's what he's become. Bloody Hollywood. I didn't do it on purpose. No, this is my favorite

thing about the trans movement over the years is You know is I was thinking about it because I worked in radio at the time when Caitlyn Jenner Came out. Okay. I say may I say one of the best-looking 65 year old women in the in the world took a man to do it and do it we We excel it's a joke. I remember reading the story, okay, I was on breakfast radio in Australia and we were talking about this and no one really, like trans wasn't a thing as mainstreamed as it is now and it became a political talking point and it's been a cultural hot button for about 10 years

but before that trans wasn't really something that got people angry it was something that most guys were like oh remember that trip to bloody Thailand well something weird happened there no one was angry about it no one really cared it's only when it gets made into a political football that's exactly right so it's actually bad for the trans community when it gets pushed exactly exactly they pushed too far and then people pushed back even further. Yes. Right? So I've known trans people in the stand-up comedy community for over 20 years. For over 20 years. And of course they get into the comedy because they're outsiders and they have a unique perception. What's the word?

Perspective? Yeah. Perspective? Perspective. Perspective. Fuck, this water's hitting me hard. Um, so I- Nothing like being a male open mic of Hukkan anywhere.

So you go trans, suck a couple of bookers and you're all over Hollywood. I tell you what, there was a trans comic in Manchester. I'm not going to say her name or anything like that. But I was with her doing a gig. And she got into the car. The first time I met her, she got in and sat down. It was her first. She'd only had the surgery a week ago. And I think the biggest compliment I could have given her, she goes, I've just transitioned,

I've just had a sex change. And I think the biggest compliment I could have given her was, which way? I was so unsure. I just went, which way? Were you really though? I didn't know which way. I didn't know which way. It was, I don't know, but I think that's a compliment. I think that's a big compliment.

I thought you were going to say she was sore because... No, she sat in the seat because she just had a dick cut off. Oh, I thought you meant that she just got a pussy and it had been rooted for the first time. No, no, the pussy had just been built. It had just been a new pussy. They just put in new shelving. I always say about this, you know, the trans community has some of the highest rates of sex work.

And I've always done a joke about this where I say, yeah, it makes sense because you buy the investment of a vagina. And it's like a rental. You've got to get some revenue back to pay for itself. It is an immense amount. And it's also because every man has always said this. Oh, if I could get paid to fuck chicks, I'd fucking... If I could get paid to fuck, I would do it, right? And then as soon as we can get paid to fuck chicks, I'd fucking, if I could get paid to fuck I would do it, right? And then as soon as we can get paid to fuck it turns out we do it. Immediately. First thing, to the point where the surgeon's probably you have to give you some literature like how long to wait to be a prostitute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After the surgery give it four weeks before you sell your pussy.

Now you're probably thinking you can sell the puss. Yeah, we've put one of those tree overrises up there to make it smell all foresty and nice to begin with. It's ready to go. So anyway that's our point is that Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips are in an arms race to fuck as many people as possible. And that's what's happening at this moment. Well she's about to do an ass to mouth with 1,057 people as well. Yeah I'll you, Wednesday, come to the studio, line up. Okay, well that's how I know I am getting more conservative as I go.

I'm even off porn these days. You're getting more conservative. I am because I think it has... I'm like your fucking lefty old uncle. You are. I'm way more left-wing than you. I'm super conservative. Listen, I've lived through the libertine years.

You've lived through nothing. I've lived through the libertine years of my time and I've seen a lot of people my age who have been told do whatever you want and they sort of feel depressed, anxious and lonely and sort of in basements spanking themselves off and not fucking their wives or girlfriends anymore because we're becoming increasingly isolated. And that's why you're right wing? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm saying that's why I feel more conservative about like these situations. Like I don't think it's good for society.

Oh no no no no. It's not good, but the laws are how the laws are. Yeah. And if you want to, if she wants to do it. No I don't care about laws, I care about culture. That's all. It's all about culture. Look, look, porn, it's over. It's over. Kids brains now. Yeah. People growing up now, their brains are no good, right? I've never needed a blue tablet to get an erection, right? But I grew up on Playboy. I grew up on Playboy. I think this next generation now, it's like, oh, I get a blue tablet discreetly.

You have to, because you're so desensitized. Yeah, you saw a DP when you're in the pram on Mum's iPad. But I've watched so much stand-up comedy that I can hear a kitty fiddling joke. It doesn't make me wince whatsoever. I'm desensitized to stand up completely. Yeah. And there's other people who are shocked very quickly.

That's what I mean is I'm just sort of culturally coming around. I'm not saying I'm about to become Islamic but you see their cultures aren't. Oh fucking Cat Stevens over here. I'm about to entertain him. I'm just saying it all started with legalizing the bikini. Who was the chick that wore the bikini to the beach and it was a big furore? Do you remember? Oh, Ava Braun. Yeah, Ava. She was always in bikinis. Was she? She was always, Ava Braun would have been an Instagram chick. She was always taking videos of herself

like frolicking around the beach and stuff up at the Eagles Nest. Speaking of Nazis, let's go into the inauguration. All right. I never said that. I don't call Trump a Nazi anymore. He's not a Nazi. But you said it. Exactly. I'm the one who's on that side and I'm gonna get fucking painted with that. No, it's because Elon. Elon saluted. We all saw the salute. I won't actually do it but he went tap tap and then he ducked out, but he did it with a real snap, right? And that was the problem. Now, he's clearly, and look, I have sympathy for these folks, he's clearly autistic. He's got Asperger's. He was in front of a crowd. It's not one of his great talents. And he has pulled out what does look to be a Nazi salute. And I was reading about the fallout from this. And they're saying, it's disgusting.

Donald Trump says we're returning America to a golden age. And now we've got a guy doing Nazi salutes. And let me tell you something, Jim. This is the American golden period. A Nazi who's promising to take Americans to space is literally what made America great. NASA. How long have you been holding that in your back pocket ready to say...

NASA... You've been driving around with that little gem, you're like that, the Nazis helped us get to space, and now there's a Nazi helping us get to space, back to the golden era. When he says make America great again, we had Werner von Braun under Operation Paperclip, the German Nazi scientist took us to space,

now we've got another guy who engineers cars... Yeah....and is taking us to space. Now we've got another guy who engineers cars Yeah. and is taking us to space. This is a return to normalcy. If you're going to get genius figures like a Howard Hoos, a Nikola Tesla, they're fucking odd. He doesn't communicate well.

He's been given too much of a platform. He needs to go back to a basement, make some cool shit, and just take a break from public speaking. He's clearly a genius, right? And I, look, as we said on the last podcast, there's a picture of me in my Tesla with cats and I haven't had more anger.

First of all, I got the Tesla before he started becoming all Trumpy, right? And it's my third Tesla, right? I get them on leases. When the lease runs out, I'm thinking of going a non-Nazi vehicle like a BMW. Yeah, that's what I have. I'm going to go in a non-Nazi vehicle like a BMW. I'm going to go from Tesla to a BMW so I don't look like a Nazi. The world's crazy. Alyssa Milano said that she was like I'm quitting Tesla

and that I think she did get a Volkswagen. It's like the logo of Volkswagen is the swastika when it's in motion. Is it? If you look at the old Volkswagen logo when it spins it does give the appearance of a swastika. Well you know the Volkswagen Beetle was the design was approved by Hitler. The people mover. Hitler actually said more headroom. He said I want more headroom I don't like when me head hits the top. More headroom. Is that what it was? Yeah more headrooms. They made that fucking Beetle. So he could get the hand up? Yeah so he could get the head up.

You get those convertibles, those old-volts working beetles that just had clips. So Elon was, it is interesting because obviously, I've got a lot of Trump supporting friends, I lean more conservative and throughout the campaign everyone was like, oh this is so scary, this is the beginning of a new fascist takeover of America and I've always been like that's ridiculous. And then I turn on the news and I saw the from Elon and I thought we don't need the heat right now. Yeah, it was a bad time. It was misguided. But I will remind you he is a white South African. So shout out to Bill and Jontie. And they're, they're built. Oh Jontie and Bob. We don't want to lose the sponsorship. Bob and Jontie's built on.

Yeah, Bob and Jontie's built on. But, so the viral post was about Elon being there and he's so exuberant and happy and then everyone says there's another form of sort of autism with Trump's largest son, Barron, who I think is probably the future emperor of the United States. Did you see Barron? He's 6'9", he's looking good, hair slicked back, super tall. And he got the biggest clap of the night, I don't know if you saw the clip, but they introduced him at one of the balls and he got a louder clap than any of his siblings. Did he cover his ears and start screaming?

Well he actually did this, he pulled his hand out and was cheering the crowd up to give him a big laugh and it's like he's finally found his personality because he used to be super shy and everyone used to make fun of him. But in the end he was like a 14 year old kid and your dad's the president No, no horrible and your mom doesn't want to be there and you're like what's going on here? Okay, do you think Melania and Trump are still in love? I don't know What do you think there's obviously marriage of convenience elements, but at the same time dude, he's up there dancing with the village people everyone's Applauding him. He's made one of the great political comebacks.

Is that not sexy? Because I've always thought when women- No, it's not about being sexy. See, I think Bill and the other woman, who was he married to? Melinda Gates. Hillary. Oh, sorry. Bill and Hillary Clinton.

Now, obviously, Bill is fucking around, has been fucking around. That's his thing. Yeah, they're both power players who have been on the rise yeah and I think but I still think they have a marriage where they probably are best mates and they sit around the house I think they no no I think they still get along those two I still do and I think probably look it's as you as you get older you start to learn like look if my if my wife you get old you don't want to have another relationship. You're just happy with the one you got as long as you get along with the person day to day.

Well it's just a long conversation with someone. I think like Trump and Melania maybe... I don't think they're fucking. Let's put it this way, I don't think they're fucking. But I don't think she gives a fuck if she's fucking anymore. And he still wants to fuck. I think he... I reckon he gets it once a month or something. She comes over, I fist her with my small hands.

If the guy that wrote the art of the deal can't secure a route once a month in the White House, it's how old is he now? He's like 78. Yeah, who wants it more than once a month? If you're getting testosterone shots, he's getting testosterone shots. I don't, I've done it a couple of times, testosterone.

I'm not going to be a person who's regularly on testosterone. I can't do it. I just, at one stage, I just, you know, it's more than masturbating on the road. It would be funny if you keep taking it and you up the dose and we see how much of a Rogan-like podcast this becomes for you if you get into jiu-jitsu. Can we do that? Can we get you with more testosterone and then we send you to a martial arts class? My teeth counts weren't that low to begin with.

Weren't they? No, they were all right. They'd be higher than yours now. I'd have more testosterone. Because you know. I reckon me, testosterone as we speak, higher than you. In the time I've known you, you've become more and more of a bitch as time's gone by. I will agree with that.

It's the food. And that's why RFK has to be confirmed. You used to be. This is what I think of RFK. I think of RFK. They got rid of that red food coloring. Fantastic. Well let's do that now. You know when that red food coloring was invented? It was passed by the FDA. You know what year? 1910. 1908. 1908 it was passed by the FDA and we haven't touched it since and it's proven to give cancer to mice. We haven't proven it in humans because we can't test it enough to actually sit you know just test that many people.

Well it's not just that. So red dye 3. Pointless. This is what it's like. Any food dye is pointless. Give me bland colored food. I don't need it to be bright. This is what's so annoying when you're on the brand that a conspiracy person. I've said this about America for my whole life. The whole world knows your food is poison. And then suddenly someone who you don't like in RFK or Trump says the food's poison. And all of a sudden everyone defends like Kraft and big food companies goes they're good people. No, there's companies. McDonald's tastes different in Australia.

It tastes better. It tastes fres companies McDonald's tastes different in Australia it tastes better it tastes fresher it is better in Australia. Skittles don't have all these food colorings in other countries. Mac and cheese, boxed mac and cheese like these are kids foods but this is what's funny. It's mostly kids foods. Adults can still buy their stuff and not but kids foods are filled with fucking shit. I am all for getting rid of all the chemicals and unnecessary shit that just saves companies money. Like vaccines, I agree. And let's move on to the next.

No, but not vaccines. You're there scooping everything in the same thing, right? RFK is not a fucking scientist, nor is he a doctor. But he has common sense when it comes to food, not common sense when it comes to vaccines. I don't want to hear his rubbish about vaccines. But this is the situation. If the government and the FDA, which job is to regulate your food, now if every other country...

They're fucking useless. If every other country decided that things like red dye was bad for you and other food products, additives, were bad for human beings, why didn't America do it? It's not like they don't have the science. Because they're corrupt. Because they're corrupt. Now, why is it a strong extension to say, in medicine, is there a chance that the same body that's job is to regulate may also be protecting big businesses and giving us bad medicines or certainly not testing them rigorously enough?

For the most part. For the most part. No one's saying banned vaccines. Let's be honest. No one's saying banned vaccines. Loads of people are saying banned vaccines. Yes, they are, but they're saying... No one's saying ban vaccines. Loads of people are saying ban vaccines. Yes they are, but they're saying... No one's saying ban vaccines.

RFK, his point, right? When push comes to shove is, let's see all the data. Let's just be open and transparent about it. RFK should like me, I'm the gun control guy. Still have a fucking uncle and a dad. If you listen to me. Well, if you really think that the CIA couldn't have got a gun to a couple of those guys.

Oh you think the CIA did it. I think the CIA did everything. Bloody hell. It's a game of working back to what the CIA did. Conspiracy. Well this is what also is driving me mad. Conspiracy from a guy from Adelaide. This is what is also driving me mad about the Donald Trump thing.

I'm looking at all these lefties, many of my friends. Hello. Yeah. Hello Bob. The fact that all these people are going like, oh no, we're entering an oligarchy in America today. Today. Oh, it's an oligarchy. Now it's like, have you been paying?

It's been like this since about 1950. America has been a, it's been corrupt. Billionaires have called the shots forever. And only now are they going, this is maybe maybe billionaires are having too much of a control over things. You don't think that was happening for Biden. It's just the fact that we've got

this Asperger's, Elon Musk jumping up and down, drawing attention to it. At least Donald Trump's billionaires are so cartoonishly villains that it draws attention to it. But it's been going on. I don't believe that anyone who wants to be president is a good person. I don't believe that you can be because or you at very least you have to be a megalomaniac or what's the

other one the sociopath. If you if you can just sign off like like send this missile here send these soldiers here yeah and then just go to bed that day. That's tough going. Why would you want the job? Why would you want to campaign all that time and have everyone call you a piece of shit? That's psychotic to want that job. The only person where you think,

oh, he seemed like a nice bloke was Jimmy Carter, but even then he probably had- He wasn't very effective. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too many feelings involved. Yeah, exactly. You know, he calculated- But like Obama, for example,

a great talker, right? And you think, oh, the hope and all that type of stuff. He loved the power. Loved it. Loved the power. They all love it. Loved the wars because everyone ultimately in the United States is at the best of major companies, many of the military industrial companies. And only now, to all the lefties, as soon as this is what this is what sad as soon as Trump's in soon as Donald Trump is in all of the young lefties go oh we we have to stand with the FBI and the CIA and the institutions and then when a left-wing politicians in they go the institutions are corrupt and they the economy is bad and the military is doing awful things overseas and it's like they're always like this.

Yeah they're always like that. Why do you like the FBI all of a sudden? You fucking hack. What do you like the FBI? The institutions are corrupt. I'm either a fascist or a communist at this point. I don't know which one but I'm either way. So what's your opinion on healthcare?

Should we have healthcare? Should we have healthcare? Universal healthcare. Not here in America but back at home where I can escape to it. Yeah, do you want there to be universal healthcare in America? I think healthcare should be better. I mean, I'm not going to lay out a healthcare platform, but... What do you think? Should we pay for it or not? I mean, I joke about it.

Should everybody have access to it? They should have access to it, but I also think America needs to clean up its food. Alright, alright. I think it needs to clean up its food. I'm not, like, righty lefty, I just play issue by issue. The problem with the medicine thing is that it's medicine for profit. They're too fat. Oh yeah, they're too fat.

Because I used to joke about this a lot. Oh, but in Norway they get health care. They ice skate to work. These pigs cannot be ensured. Okay, first of all, it's 330 million pigs. A lot of pigs. Yeah, look, I am not a... What's the word? I'm not nice to the fat, right? You know my opinion on the fat, right?

My opinion. I feel like you have a responsibility as a morbidly obese person, if you're a parent especially, to get yourself into fucking shape. And that's why, Ozempic. Do we have them as a sponsor yet? Meth! Meth will do it. Aids! Can you get aids all the way to the end and then start taking those tablets that make it alright?

Yeah, the Fauci tablets. That'll get you thin. Now let me follow that up by saying, I've always thought about it, let me just think about it. You agree that people should have medical care? Of course, I love coming from a country like Australia. Abortions. What about abortions? Should they be legal?

I guess. But you know, my issue with abortion, I'm fine for abortions. I want them to be. What's the old left wing? I used to be, I consider myself an old lefty. Safe, legal and rare. But for some reason it's become this thing where people like later and later turn abortions and they glorify it as something great.

I think that it's a traumatic event. I don't believe that there should be unwanted people brought into the world. I believe that that's not good for anybody. Unwanted people, unloved people, it's not a good recipe for success. I mean you've seen me do stand up about it, but I think keep all the babies. Abort none of them, keep the babies, grow them in a lab and put them in the US military. You were slightly wanted and you're still struggling. And I've still got problems. Yeah you still got problems and you were somewhat wanted. More unwanted children means you know that are born means more comedians. Alright so basically

you're a lefty. No I consider myself to be an old left-leaning person. I don't like the veering towards a lot of the groupings where everyone's grouped up, like we spoke in the last episode, where it's all about your identity, your sexuality, what race you were born into. I'm more class conscious and think that we need left-wing politics that looks after people's economic interests rather than dividing us on what group you are and what you were born into. I don't really give a fuck about any of those things. I liked left-wing politics when it was like,

housing should be cheaper. You should be paid for a good day's work. You can't make housing cheaper. How do you make housing cheaper? Well, you need to limit immigration and you need to make it. Yeah, the population of the world is too big. I'm a problem.

I've come to this country and created extra demand. This is what I reckon. Deport me is what I'm saying. This is how I reckon you run the world, right? This is how you run the world. Get rid of borders. No more borders. No. The whole world's won, right? You're a fucking John Lennon song. Wait for it. The whole world's won. The whole world's won.

Just imagine. Right? You can live wherever you want, but the good places are going to be fucking expensive and you're not allowed to be homeless. We have container fucking village. Dude, what you're saying right now. Out in some country. What you're saying. That you can afford to live in for $5 a day, right? What you're saying is basically what most right wing people

think that the global cabal conspiracy is, which is they want the whole world to be governed by them and they get to live in good bits. No government, we all just run around. And we all have to move off. We all just run around. We have barbed wire fences like South Africa. Why don't we go to South Africa? And the world will be as one. Yeah, no, I mean, I haven't got a quick fix.

No, there is no quick fix, is there? There is no quick fix. Next thing, come on. Let's talk about... Talk about your salute you did the other day. It's the thumbs up. That's Trump's one, is he loves just getting the thumb up. I gotta give it up to the village people, like what they've done for a buck, right? Let's be honest, what is the YMCA song about? It's about, it's about... Dudes getting fucked in a hostel? It's fucking in showers in a hostel, right? When you're a young man who's been kicked out of your home, there's a place you can

go, I said young man, when you're short on your day. And everyone, all these right wing people are dancing around to it to basically a song about bumming in the shower yeah there's a lot of conservative people who go all this gay propagandas everywhere and then they go and clap the village people and Trump dancing with yeah and then they come out now they're five gay guys of different races yeah and they're like they just they shouldn't typically been voting for Trump right but that's their payday they're back in the charts they're making a lot of money again they get to do a big concert so that they've

sold their soul a little bit right maybe maybe even the village people understood that inflation had gotten out of control and they got rid of the Indian didn't they have you have you seen how expensive the Indian was still there he was there there was a guy there oh we Oh, the Indian was still there? He was there. There was a guy in a headdress. There was a guy there. Oh, he still had the Indian headdress? I don't know if it's a sand guy, but there is a guy in a headdress. No, no, no, no, it wasn't Indian.

It was Vivek Ramaswamy. Oh, I was going to, I was gonna, I was gonna be the sixth member of the village people, but I was just gonna do one of those hats with corks on it from Australia. If you haven't seen it, there's a stereotype of Australia where we wear a brimmed hat

and we have bits of string hanging off and we put wine corks on the bottom of the thing. you meant to go like this and they swish around and that stops flies from getting you but no one's ever worn one seriously. Only people have worn them as a parody. Maybe there's a bloke in the outback. I don't know where that came from. Have you ever seen anybody finish a party and be like, hey, Hey, hey, hey, don't throw those corks out. I might make a hat. Well, we've got mesh now.

You know, I think it was just, it was just an alcoholic bloke. Put up a photo of the bloke in the hat. They're very easy to find. So the one I wanted to discuss with you outside the inauguration is obviously, we'll do a lot of stuff about Donald Trump's term, but we should finish off Joe Biden. Hey, let me say, I wish Donald Trump good luck, man. I don't want this to be a shit four years. I hope it all works out good.

I hope the wars all end and everything he says is true and it's all going to be... I'd like to see the end of wars. I'm not optimistic. I think he's a buffoon, but good luck to him. I hope he goes well. He's got an interesting team around him that we want to see the end of war. And a lot of those wars... Never say we again.

Well, you and I. You and I. No, Jim loves wars. He'd like to send... We're actually raising money for more bombs for the Ukraine. You know, I don't believe we ever should make another weapon in this world ever again. That's how hippie I am, man. What are we making weapons for, man? What are we making weapons for? There has to be new weapons.

We've dropped two nuclear bombs. Yeah, do the research. What are we making weapons for man? What are we making weapons for? There has to be new weapons. We've dropped two nuclear bombs. Yeah, do the research. Make one prototype so it's ready to go if we need it. Have it on ice always. Yeah, have it on ice, ready to go. But we don't have to make them. I think those weapons still exist. We can beat China, we can beat Russia.

If Ukraine gets too big for their boots, we can, you know, anyone we want. Timor. Timor. No one in America knows what Timor is. We can give them a good going over. Barley, don't get too lippy, Barley. We already took over Barley, don't you worry about that. That's our island.

We're going to send in soldiers just the whole of Australia, like, oh, Bonnie Blue's there. So Joe Biden, we have to finish off his reign. He finished by pardoning all of his family members in perpetuity. First of all, before you get into him, let's just say one thing. He was more of a class actor than Trump was. He met him on the stairs. He left the note in the desk. He did all the things that he meant to do and the peaceful transfer of power.

I thought you were saying with the pardoning because, you know, No, the pardoning. They all did. Trump got in and he had a pile of fucking shit that he was turning over. His executive orders. With his fucking psychopath signature. Has anyone ever analyzed that signature? That signature is Jeffrey Dahmer's fucking signature or... Why? Because he does lots of squiggles.

No, it's just up and down and up and down. It's like sloot, sloot, sloot. Like it's just slew slew slew like it's just bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang It goes up and down up in it And then he tries to sell watches and that's the big centerpiece of this shit your watch is a shit mate Until Trump wears one of his own watches He's there wearing the presidential Rolex and he's telling fucking mugs to go buy shit watches that are the same price as Rolex's. Well if you buy a Trump coin you can save enough money to get a Rolex. A lot of friends made a lot of money on the Trump coin. Was that like a Doge thing? Yeah I didn't love it. I didn't love it. I don't like the president

pumping his own crypto I must say. I don't like the president selling shit. We didn't like Huk Tua doing crypto and then the president gets some fucking crypto. No, we shouldn't be selling shit. Well I want to talk about Biden for God's sake. Let me have my moment with Biden. All right. All right. We've got four years ahead of us where you can mock me for Trump. OK, so he pardons Fauci. Yes. This is going to be the big one.

He gives a blanket pardon for Dr. Tony Fauci for any crimes he may have committed over COVID. It's not a great look for your innocence when you're begging to get... Will we still get to find out the crimes even though he's pardoned? Well, that's what you need the day in court to find out what exactly did go on because Dr Tony Fauci, I know a lot of your lefties, they love Dr Tony Fauci. I don't like Fauci. The man, the level of lies through COVID

that we're starting to uncover. Such as? Such as, oh, it came from a wet market. No, the wet market never came from a wet market. Never came from a wet market. And you know why they said wet market? They said wet market to us because we all didn't know what a wet market was.

And then everyone said wet market with a lot of confidence. A wet market. It just means that it's stuff that's, what does wet market mean? You've been to the Chinese places where it's just all the animals are laid out. Yeah, but why is it called wet? I think it was the fish because you know they throw water on the fish and it keeps them... Oh that's disgusting....flapping alive. They don't put them on ice over there. They're cutting filets out of fucking fish and the fish is still alive just looking at you like that. It's fucking horrendous. But anyway, we obviously find out that-

Didn't come from the wet market. It came from Wuhan in the virus laboratory. And that the United States in secret programs has been doing gain-of-function research to weaponize viruses. And then there's a massive fuck-up and a leak. And it goes on to create COVID. And there's no accountability about it whatsoever.

I think the Chinese were fucking around with it. I don't think it was us. It was us. It was us. Why was it us? Because we set up these laboratories. In China? In Ukraine and in China. We've got co-share programs with them where we were testing those weapons.

It doesn't feel like we'd be co-sharing with China. I'd have to see more information. The problem with you is you've fucking read a few things that may or may not be true and I've read nothing. So you have the upper hand right so I've read zero things so you can say anything and I have to go all right I guess to quote my last podcast I don't know about that I don't know he also created aids but that's didn't create have you ever seen whose patient zero and aids yeah that's all bollocks he was a Canadian air steward you You look at that fella, he

spread more AIDS than he was like the first one. Google first AIDS fraction. Yeah and he's like he's like a sort of Peter Allen type guy. He has like a little bandana tied around his neck and he went he just went from because he was an air steward he went from country to country. Just fucking yeah the worst guy and he brought it around the world. Canadian. Would have been so polite about it. I'll look that up. You look that up. You look up Dr. Tony Fauci's work with the CDC that he's done for a very long period of time,

investigating and fucking with the... Why are we fucking with these viruses? Just in general, because we want to make them basically a weapon we can unleash in another country that wipes them out. It could be that we're looking to find cures for these things. It could be that there was another COVID that was similar, it could be that you're looking for a vaccine. There's a lot of reasons. I believe they were fucking around with viruses. This is what I

believe, right? I believe they were fucking around with viruses and it got out either on purpose or by accident. And I can't tell I wasn't there. I wasn't in the Wuhan laboratory. You know, you know how I think it got out? I think it got out the same way that everything gets out. Someone was shit at their job. The end. Someone was shit at their job. If you've worked at any employment in the entire world, there's always someone who's shit. What I want to finish on with this is, what pisses me off is all the establishment people blame Donald Trump for everything. Oh, the decay of democracy and the institutions. The truth is, the institutions let us down and not all of them. There's lots of good people inside them, but they lied about COVID. They lied about social distancing because

they always think, listen, we can't tell. Wait a minute, so social distancing didn't work? It did work. No, there was a lie. It was an airborne thing. They made it up. The six feet they made up. Well, you had to have some distance. This is what I'm saying. Then they said, don't wear a mask. Don't wear a mask. At the beginning they said don't wear a mask because what they said that for was they didn't have enough and they didn't want to create panic. So they said save the mask for the doctors.

Then when they did get enough they said actually we made that up. You do need a mask. Little lies like that treat people like they're idiots. So you're always better off being honest. And this has happened with the media. The media has lied about way too many things because in their heart of hearts, they think if I'm, if I'm giving them a fair criticism, well, it's hard to actually be completely honest. So let's just try and give you our basic facts that miss out on certain details. Just like when Donald Trump, you know, he's, they said

when he gets to office, he said he's going to cause a bloodbath. When he never said bloodbath about that, he was talking about a bloodbath to the economy. These little lies have all added up and now no one trusts anything mainstream anymore. Okay, tell me this then. Is there anything? They committed suicide. Is there anything untrustworthy about Donald Trump? Oh my God, absolutely. And if so, what? Listen, Donald Trump is a very obvious grifter type who's come along at a perfect time.

And a guy like that could only come at the end of an institution. Or when millennia fists are arsehole. They have lied so many times about so many things that this became the best option. And so when Donald Trump beats you twice, at yourself and say how rotten must we be it doesn't matter anymore because it'll be over in four years just right now Baron will take over as emperor. That's what's gonna happen and then Donald's gonna become vice you can still become vice you know. Even his son? Yeah. Dude that's Darth Vader. He can fucking make Donald Jr. become president and there's no terms. We don't want Don Jr. we want Barron. Nah we want Don Jr. No we want a 6 foot 9.

Then you don't have to change too many things. Lithograms on the fucking tiles and shit. Yeah it's funny. You just have to change a J to an S. That's it. Don Sr. Don Jr. But that's what I think is gonna happen and so And so if you're a young, angry lefty, and you think that the mainstream TV and the FBI and the CIA were wonderful institutions, they weren't. They fucked up to the point where this is what you get. So enjoy it. And while you're there, buy a crypto scam. All right, Kate, let's give it now. Give us your predictions so we can record it right now for this government for a year's time from now.

My prediction. What's good? What's bad? What have they done right? What have they done wrong? My predictions are this. When you are at the end of Empire, stop trying to get a job and buy a house. That's an opinion.

No, what's your prediction? Stop trying to get a job, buy a house and do everything right. Now is not the there's no middle class anymore. Whatever money you can get, buy any scam crypto coin you can and gamble because we are picking over the ashes of a decayed empire. That's what I really think. If a Nigerian scammer sends you an email, give him the money. Who knows?

What laws do you think Trump will bring in that will make the world better? Do you think immigration will be less? Do you think the will bring in that will make the world better? Do you think immigration will be less? Do you think the economy will be better? Do you think housing will be lower? Fact number one, definitely they will stop a mass stream of people coming into the country unchecked. Now, I don't care if you're a fucking lefty or a righty on that one. To me, the pure common sense as a foreigner was I spent $10,000 and had background check

after background check after background check to get to this country. You bet. Obama turned away more people at the border than Trump did. That's just a fact. And Clinton built more wall. Yeah, I'm aware of this. Right? That's what I'm saying. So why was it when Donald Trump came that they painted it that he was some evil fascist that was controlling immigration?

I don't believe in illegal immigration. I believe in legal immigration. No, no, but what I'm saying is they did this Psi-Op on the public where they thought Donald Trump was the big nasty evil man who puts kids in cages when they were built by Barack Obama. That's what I mean about media lying. They hid it for the Democratic candidate and then they illuminated it for the Republican. Yeah, but Trump did say a lot of shit. Yeah, he said the truth.

He called them rapists and murderers and some of them might be good people. Of course he's rough but the truth is is that gangs are crumming across the border and you know it moving to America it's really fucking hard for a lot of people to get here and then when you see people had a terrible time. When you see people walking across the border you go is it okay to ask him a couple questions? Dude dude first of all I would want to be a legal immigrant it's fucking stressful being a couple questions? Dude, dude, first of all, I would want to be a legal immigrant. It's fucking stressful being a legal immigrant, right?

I wouldn't want to do it, right? But look, it turns out living in Mexico might suck, right? That's why they want to fucking come over. But I believe people should do it legally. I don't believe in illegal immigration. I believe more immigrants. I believe we should have more immigrants because we need people to do menial jobs, et etc. that people just don't want to fucking do.

Yeah but this is the thing. Like if you go to Australia- But this is why I'm not- I'm actually more left wing than you, okay? If you go to Australia, who builds your new roof? Some Australian bloke. Right? Trades. Yeah, tradies.

Trades. These are guys that get pussy, man. They wear high vis fucking outfits, the women really like them. They're plumbers. They're electricians and stuff like that. Man, my kid's school, they're not telling any of them, maybe go get an apprenticeship. Which they 100% should. We always joke about it.

The high vis in Australia, the clothing gets brighter, because those guys want to be seen, because it's a status symbol to work with your hands in Australia. Women think it's sexy if you can fix things. Dude, the amount of people living in LA who I talk to, and they're like, yeah man, we need illegal immigration because who's going to pick the fruit?

If you're saying that, that is not a progressive left-wing decision. You're essentially saying we need borderline slavery to keep our economy working. People who come across the border illegally are taken advantage of often where they have to work terrible jobs, get paid little because the unspoken truth is if you fuck me off you're gone and you'll be back across the border. What we actually need is people to be paid fair money to do manual labor. So I'm both left-wing and right-wing. People are taking advantage of when they're illegal immigrants. What about we get the same prisoners who put the fires out? Those guys did a great job. Let's get them roofing Yeah, what no no fruit picking we don't have to make them roofers

Don't have to make them roofers fruit picking whatever it is, but you are not a progressive You know what I want to see orange is the new orange Orange picks the orange The new fruit program here in California Orange yes, I stopped saying we need left, we need- And the female prisoners can make jams. We need these people to come across the border because they do the work- That's not gonna go well, that joke.

Make the jobs worthwhile for people that fucking live here. There's a lot of people on the poverty line. Don't just give them more people to compete against and drive wages lower. There's a reason right wingers and left wingers both loved an open border. All right, the left loved it because they're like, we're emotional and we care about people's journey to a new country. And the right loved it because they said,

oh, they'll do anything for a buck. The sensible center. I haven't met a right wing person who loves it. And I don't really. Most big businesses love it. I don't think the majority of people like illegal immigration. And that's why you won.

But they're not fucking... Crime... They're not eating your pets. There's a lot of fear mongering. They could be eating the pets. They're not eating the pets. Hey, Jim, have you ever tried food in Ohio? The pets is probably the best choice. I have a stray cat out the back of my house that visits us every day.

My wife feeds it. Hasn't been eaten yet. We have Mexicans everywhere. Mate, the pets are the only organic food. I take that. Any immigrants, but that's where the illegal immigrants come from a lot. I'm just saying that Mexicans don't eat the pets. How can I get out of this? An ad. An ad. Roll an ad!

Roll an ad. Let's record, do you want to do Icelandic dating app? I'm Guilfy. Hello Guilfy, I'm Biffin. We are the inventor of a new app called Don't Fuck Your Sister. It can be tempting because they're all very hot and there's not much population, but Don't Fuck Your Sister... The country only has 270,000 people. It is very hard not to fuck your sister. That is until we came up with the new app. Don't Fuck Your Sister. You go to the bar, you meet the girl, you think, hey, time for us to have fun for sure.

Then you take the picture of her and it scans the face and with AI it says, tsk tsk tsk That's your sister! Now we were going to call the app Don't Fuck Your Cousin, but then we realized that's an unreasonable request. Because we are all cousins in a very small land. Obviously you can go diverse and pick someone who doesn't look like your sister. One time, Guilfy, I tell you what for sure. I had sex with a brunette girl. Wild wild.

Diversity. Diversity. The brown eyes? Oh, no, she had blue eyes, but the hair was dark as dark. I was going to say, yuck! I think it, but the hair was dark as dark. I was going to say yeah I think it was died she was she was doing Latino head what about questions that we got from the customers often Hey, is it okay to fuck my dad's mother? That's your grandmother. Yes, still I know well It's a no, but it's not as bad as your sister plus Grandmothers are okay because you cannot impregnate them. So fuck away!

That's right! We need to make sure that you can still sleep with people but not ruin the genetic pools too much. Go to... Don't fuck your sister. I am Biffen. This is... Guilty.

Night night. Because it's always dark here. Starbucks has finally decided to reverse its open-door toilet policy yeah you can't just go in there and have a piss you gotta buy a coffee of cinnamon cake or a cake pop to take a shit yeah at Starbucks now yeah which do you also there's a way around this you go in I need to have a shit I'm gonna buy something on the way out and then you don't buy anything on the way out they can't police it I'm thinking you buy a Starbucks keep cup and

That way you walk in you sort of show like it looks like you've purchased before You know and that's like your ticket into the toilets Well, you don't have to buy you just have a voucher in your pocket like an old like one of those plastic vouchers Yeah, well I go to the Starbucks card I go to the Starbucks near me a lot and this open toilet policy has been rough. I would hate to have a business in LA and have every homeless person come into your business like can I have a shit, can I have a piss. But what is the...

One of the big problems with LA... No toilets. No public toilets. No bins. No bins. They need to have those toilets that just wash themselves where the floor just goes sprays the whole thing and then you open it up and it's good to go. Well, yeah, that is that is very true is because Americans constantly complain about the smell of piss in their major cities. Yeah. But then they don't want to spend any money

producing toilets so people can piss where it's not on the street. In the UK they have outdoor urinals where you stand sort of facing each other and there's a little hole where women can sit, where men can stand up out the front of night clubs so they're not pissing in the street and they have a piss. But here in America- But they only keep them for the night by the way, they're not there all day. Yeah they're not there all day, yeah for the night so they're not pissing in the street and they're always being used and everyone's oh, I'm just catching up to you

Hold on. I'm glad we're fucking pissed man. Like that right? No problem. Everyone's fine with it, right? But in America, they're too fucking there's such pussies about their dicks man Americans are such fucking pussies about the dick. Go to a urinal in Australia or Britain You just get a trough and we all stand next to each other. It was mean. Quite often your piss is spraying into someone else's shoes. Yeah yeah and you just you just have a piss and you look at each other you make a bit of a joke if there's a cigarette bud you tried to wash it down to one end or you try to eat away at a urinal cake as a bit of a job. In America they just have the little urinals and it's it's not enough that you have your own urinal you've got to put a barrier

in between. What are you all worried about? It's it's a you have your own urinal. You've got to put a barrier in between. What are you all worried about? It's very, I mean, that's America for you right there. It's freedom. It's privacy. Yeah, yeah. It's having your own car. It's not being close to the general public.

Yeah. Whereas Australia, socialist, communal, public transport, and one big urinal block where we all piss on each other. Yeah. As common men together. No problem. You've got far more respect and love for your fellow man when you've done a bit of fucking water play with each other. Is there anything better than having a piss and you finish your mate's still pissing and you sort of bump your hip into him and it's sort of You know what used to happen in Australia? I remember when you'd go out for a night and

you'd go to take a piss, if you walked in to the toilet stool and just to take a piss you would be fucking mocked. Like, this guy's got a little cock. What are you doing? You're not even taking a shit there mate. Give us a look at it, it's fucking tiny. There was a comedy club in Britain that had a dressing room of sorts. It was just a wardrobe next to the stage, but there was no bathroom in the thing. Right, sometimes right before I go on stage and right after stage I like to have a shit. of sorts. It was just a wardrobe next to the stage, but there was no bathroom in the thing.

Right, sometimes right before I go on stage and right after stage I like to have a shit, right? Then my body does something, the adrenaline or whatever. I had a really ropey gig and we had to use the same toilets as the general public, right? And there's intervals in between the acts. So I'd come off the MCs on, I've run straight to the back, I'm in the cubicle, I'm having a shit and I have to listen to maybe 30 different men saying how shit I am. That's the way. Or at Comic Slange in Melbourne, has that. I'm just sitting on the toilet, it's just with half a tooth.

That guy was fucking hopeless. Fucking hell, he was fucking bad, like, I don't know if I've ever seen something so bad. Fucking Aussies. Not funny. Fucking, he didn't have a point to any of it. It was wetless. It was just ramble, ramble, ramble. Oh, I've done this, I've done this.

Fucking bragger. And so then you... He's an alkeolic. And then you just crack the door and you walk back out and you wash your hands with as much dignity as you can. Who was that? That's an executive order for you. I think maybe, what's Starbucks' opposition? I don't know but I've always thought that... The coffee bean and tea leaf. Coffee bean, yeah. The coffee bean and tea leaf should do an ad where the CEO just goes, you're gonna have a

shit here for free. Take a piss, have a shit, it's on us. You must be able to have a shit in a taco bell. They can't be turning people away. Well, that's entrapment if they don't give you a free fucking... Like, like, like, no, you gotta be able to shit. You gotta be able to empty your bowels before you buy the food. Del Taco. I've had Del Taco. Del Taco's appalling.

And I'm a fast food guy, but Del Taco's appalling. It's really bad. It's like, how do you fuck that up? It's a shit meal, Del Taco. I've not even bothered to pull in. You know what one's underrated is El Porto Loco the stuffed quesadilla with the avocado It's not bad. It's all right. They got one thing on the menu. It's good. There's a sponsor for us. There you go El Porto Loco, it's all right It's all right. I've had worse.

What is it? El Pollo Loco. It's one of those places where you check the maps and you're like it seems to be the only place for a while. I couldn't get to a paquito mass. El Pollo Loco. Well that's pretty much us for the time. We've waffled around for a while.

I have more money than going to Taco Bell. Taco Bell's always reasonably priced. I don't even know how to even order a meal at Taco Bell. I just sort of say five things and then you get a sort of a big bag that congeals into one. They've got one at the moment which is two burritos that sit next to each other. They've grilled cheese across them so you have to pull the burritos apart. It's Mexican Kit Kat. Oh yeah it's Mexican Kit Kat. El Kitty Kato. Which we said they don't eat cats by the way. You don't actually want to see a Mexican Kit Kat. But all they do is they get into the office at Taco Bell and go give me shapes, we're going to change the shapes and I'm going to put the cheese in the middle, in the outside,

I'm going to have it melted, I'm going to have it melted on top, I'm going to have it sprinkled to the side, I'm gonna put the cheese in the middle in the outside. I'm gonna have it melted I'm gonna have it melted on top. I'm gonna have it sprinkled to the side I'm gonna have it so you can dip it. Yeah, and you know what Australia would do 100% we would do like a It's cooked with Vegemite That's what that's what Australia does is every country their fast food comes to us and we make a Vegemite version Well, and again, that's it sort of just gets press What they do is they always whip a bit of beetroot. Fucking bullshit. Beetroot on something and then just go the Aussie something or other.

You know what they don't have in McDonald's? They have in Australia. What's that? The McFeast. Isn't that the McFeast? I thought that was standard everywhere. It's just a whopper. It's just a whopper.

Yeah, it's just a normal burger with lettuce, tomato, onions, lettuce, cheese. Yeah. Alright, well, I mean that's what's happening at the moment. Ladies and gentlemen, that's what's happening at this moment.