I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 22 - The Mark Latham Rant

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

At this moment Jim and Amos talk about the long, hilarious story about Australia's almost Prime Minister, Mark Latham. They also talk about odd gym policies, waxing, and Jim's pre-show routine. Watch THE SNAKE on FOX Tuesdays at 9pm ET/8pm CT and available the next day on Hulu. ADS: MINT MOBILE Get this new customer offer and your 3-month Unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at www.mintmobile.com/ATM Upfront payment of $45 required (equivalent to $15/mo). Limited time new customer offer for first 3 months only. Speeds may slow above 35GB on Unlimited plan. Taxes & fees extra. See MINT MOBILE for details. SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: https://www.jimjefferies.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies FB: https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies Twitter: https://twitter.com/jimjefferies Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/ Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

This summer don't get burned by your wireless bill. Make the switch to Mint Mobile. Get three months of unlimited premium wireless for 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash atm. That's mintmobile.com slash atm. Upfront payment of 45 dollars required equivalent to 15 dollars a month. Limited time new customer offer for the first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Tax taxes and amp fees extra. See MIT Mobile for details. Hi, this is Jim Jefferies. Welcome to At This Moment.

I'm here with Amos Gill. This is a continue on of last week's podcast. We're away right now, but we have recorded for you a show. What can they expect on the show Amos? Today, we were really discussing Mark Latham's political career. Now you might not know him in America, but we dive deep in what I would say is one of the most controversial Australian political characters who does make Donald Trump at times seem like an establishment figure.

Think about Donald Trump. And if you talked intricately about his sexual prowess. Yeah. We're calling this episode the Australian Epstein Files, because this is one of the big Australian sex scandals. We'll discuss this. I think we did. We're obviously not being as topical in this episode, but we're also just talking

about becoming a man. That's a big thing for us this episode. Yeah. We're talking about growing up and talking about growing up. If you want to come and see me on tour, I'll be touring across Europe right now. I've got a 60 date to it coming up. Also August 12th, put it in the diary. Jim Jefferies to limb policy special is coming out on Netflix.

I'm very proud to be saying that. Other than that, I will see you hopefully next week in another room together. Maybe I don't know. Well, hopefully, or, or are you going to be, week in another room together. Maybe. I don't know. Well, hopefully, or, or you're going to be, or we'll podcast together. When we're going to see Oasis. Actually, let's do that. When we go to Oasis, we'll do a podcast from where we're leaving London.

So I want to talk about John Latham. I know Mark Latham. So we can talk about Mark Latham. How do we, I should probably sum him up to Okay. So Mark Latham was the leader of the Liberal Party in Australia. No, the Labour Party. Labour Party. So the Labour Party, which is the left wing party in Australia. And he was known for giving like a really firm handshake to a person and sort of lost him in the election because he went to shake the other

person's hand and he went in a bit hard and he held on and he sort of looked fierce. And, uh, so he got, he got the, he got the, the shaft from the party. He wasn't the leader of the opposition anymore. He didn't win the election. He didn't get through. So Mark Latham was a, was a rough and tumble union type guy. Back when the Labour Party was more for unionists rather than inner city PR workers, you know, identity politics people.

He's that old world. And John Howard was the long time prime minister there in Australia. And they were in that campaign and he was winning and he was doing really, really well and he was connecting massively. And they met in a hallway of a radio station after an interview and they went to shake hands and John Howard is small and old and Mark is big and young at this time. And the way that he gripped his hand, everyone said, what a fucking bully. Yeah.

I don't like the way that he shook his hand in an aggressive manner. That was what politics used to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, now you've got like grabbing by pussy. Just fucking talking about eating dogs and shit. But yeah.

So he shook the hand. He lost the election. Watch on the line or if we can post it here, but the shake of the hand was very aggressive. He loses the election. He starts his own party. Correct? He got, yeah, he goes and starts working as an independent. He works in the New South Wales parliament and he starts to be sort of at the forefront

of those guys who were once left, who are now railing against cancel culture and wokeness. Okay. So he, I think one of his first scandals was going against that mum who had her kids killed by the, her ex-husband and she was named Australian of the year. Do you remember that? Right? Yeah. I don't remember that, but I think you have to do to become Australian of the

year. Fuck it. I was no wonder I've never won it. Was it Rosie Batty? I think, right. It was her name and Mark Latham kept doing a lot of stuff like, look, love, you married the wrong bloke and he killed your kids. I don't know how you're Australian in the year.

Yeah. But she's been through a hard time. It's been through a hard time and became the voice. Shut up. And maybe, maybe she did, did it with dignity and there's a lot of, there's a lot of things she could have done. Right. Yeah.

She, no, she started the, a movement of, um, you know, the beyond blue, and what do you call it, the violence against women, white ribbon, this kind of stuff. And he was like, you're not Australian in a year. It was kind of, it was kind of the message. And he was like, you're not Australian in a year. It was kind of, it was kind of the message. And he was like, you're demonizing all men. I don't remember entirely what it was, but at the moment he's in the Australian news. Okay. But hang on, we got to do the preamble.

One time, one of the gay politicians called him a disgusting man. And Amos, if you want to read the tweet, this man could have been the prime minister of Australia. Another politician who was a, who was a homosexual man said, said that Mark Latham is a disgusting man. And what was his, what was his response? Yes, Mark Latham was asked, was speaking to Sydney MP, Alex Greenwich. And he said, I'm a disgusting man.

I'm not disgusting man. I'm not the one that's got shit on me. Dick. I'm not the one who has shit on my dick. He goes, what's the exact quote is March 30, 2023. Mark Latham tweeted back. Okay. So he writes, he put it in writing. It wasn't off the cuff.

Yeah. Okay. Here it is. Mark Latham is a disgusting human being and people who are considering voting for one nation need to realize they are voting for an extremely hateful and dangerous individual who risks causing a great deal of damage to our state, Greenwich told the Sydney Morning Herald in response. Mark Latham tweeted back, disgusting question mark.

How does that compare with sticking your dick up a bloke's ass and covering it with shit? OK, he has a good point, but sex is disgusting. And no matter what angle you look at it from, you can be disgusting with women. You can be disgusting with men like, you know, it's yes, we're all we're all we're all grubs. We're all grubby animals. Yes, of course. Right. But for a man who could have been our prime minister, even by Trump standards, even by Trump standards. Well done, Australia.

Oh, imagine, imagine Anderson Cooper saying, Mr. Trump, your comments are considered a little disgusting. Anderson, you know what's disgusting? Sticking your dick in a man's ass. That's fucking that's gross. Right. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people do it. That's why I'm bringing back the plastic straws. Shit on the dick. That's gross.

Anyway, so Mark Latham. So I'll carry this on despite public outcry and calls for one nation leader, Pauline Hanson. I interviewed Pauline. I've met Pauline since, since I've been a medical. Okay. So my life was Latham was asked to apologize and he refused to do so. I've met Pauline since, since I've met her. Okay. Latham was asked to apologize and he refused to do so.

Keep in mind, this is Australia's at one point nearly left-wing prime minister. In an interview with the Daily Telegraph, Latham said, sometimes in public life, when you throw out insults, they come back at you harder and truer. So boohoo, Alex Greenwich. When he calls someone a disgusting human being for attending a meeting at a church hall, like I did, maybe attention will turn to some of his habits. Greenwich goes into schools, talking to kids about being gay. I don't want to be accused of anything similar, leaving that kind of content on my socials, who knows what he's up to.

Okay. So what's he got himself into trouble with now? Cause I've heard a few stories. So he's he got himself into trouble with now? Cause I've heard a few stories. He's got himself. And I need you to do some Googling here. If you can Jack set him up with a computer of light. It seems that he's, he's had a divorce and he has this young chick called Natalie Matthews, who's young, uh, new Mrs.

Right. And she looks like a bit of a, uh, a Cronulla, like a Cronulla, low class hottie. I don't know. Yeah, nothing wrong with it. Yeah. Yeah. You see there.

Right now, Natalie Matthews is currently, I believe making claims and taking out an AVO against him. Here's our bike. Here's our bike, Brian. So there he is. That's him bike, here's our bike, Branson. There he is. That's him in all of his glory. Okay.

So she has an application for an AVO, an apprehended violence order against him. Ms. Matthews claims Mark Latham pressed her to engage in sexual acts with others, which is like the diddy stuff, right? And demanded and kept demanding sexually. She calls him master. There she is. Yeah.

Yeah. Which is a claim that Mr. Latham denies the matter is to be heard in court this month. You can't get into fucking like dirty talk is dirty talk is like any sexual thing until someone goes, no, no holds barred with the dirty talk. Right? So instead of a man who could have been called prime prime prime minister he's now getting his young missus to call him master okay so yeah there's obviously a power vacuum within mark that he needs

field the Sunday Telegraph has reported it has cited three separate payments from miss Matthews to an escort service on the night of mr. Latham's birthday for amounts of 2,700 1,300 and 440 as separate pages. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. It's legal in Australia. Why is this information privy to the public? Yes, we'll get into that. A WhatsApp message from Mr. Latham, days afterwards to his partner, were this. And I just think he writes, what a weekend.

The weekend. And he goes, our orgy is good for the libido, but bad for your health. I'm feeling crook. After a rambling press conference in Camden on Saturday, Mr Latham took to social media to thank the many people, quote, who have sent messages of support for me against the media's voyeuristic smut campaign on my sex life. These are sick people, these so-called journalists, who have so little in their own lives that they need to lather up and pry into others like peeping Toms.

It's an outrage. Everyone says, yeah, it is. It's so outrageous. My mates are so jealous. They keep saying it's my shout every round. Okay. I have to agree with him. He didn't do anything illegal.

Why is this the public's problem? If he's already broken up with his wife, or is he not broken up with his wife? Divorce with the wife. So this is just a young girlfriend. Of course up with his wife, or is he not broken up with his wife? He's divorced with a wife. So this is just a young girlfriend. He has a girlfriend who, who, who, uh, they see prostitutes with. I don't understand what the issue is here. I don't know. Well, they obviously want to take out Mark Latham.

Now, obviously there's an AVO here too. Yes. Okay. So she's making these claims about him and he's saying, no, no, no, no. She willingly engaged in these, um, sex trists. She got them for me for my birthday. Okay. So I didn't push her into anything. That's what Mark Latham. So he's releasing these messages because it helps prove his case in court. Now the media is running with them. And it's like,

of course they're going to run with that. You were once the prime minister of the country and you're, you know, you're getting girls to call you master or whatever. Obviously people are going to be interested in that. But the other funny part about this is they've backdated the time of a lot of these text messages when he was sexting and it was when he was in parliament. Okay. But once again, is he not allowed to have sex when he's in parliament or, or he needs to be paying attention because they're saying that he wasn't paying attention when they were debating.

That's the whole thing. Like if they, if they found out like how long he was on candy crush, he would have been in trouble as well. You know what I mean? Like you can't get into him because he wasn't like, okay, I guess that's a thing. He was doing this when he was meant to be paying attention, but he could be texting anybody. He could be doing fucking Uber eats.

You know what I mean? Like, like, yes, he was on his phone at a wrong time. Yes. Yes. So he's not paying attention. And then the newspapers have been running with his texts. One thing that they're having a go at him for is, you know, he's sexting with this woman in the office, in the office while the people are debating. But he was also taking pictures of other MPs, like old women MPs. And he's like, Oh, you're so gorgeous. Look at the state of what I'm looking at right now.

But once again, he deserves privacy. You know what I mean? Like everyone deserves to be able to clear their history and no one to go through their text messages. There's a picture of a woman at the dispatch box speaking to parliament. He has a photo of her from the side. She sent a picture of her tits. He writes back, meanwhile, here's the view I have serving the people of New South Wales.

Geez, I'm a loyal servant to be sitting through this. She's got a nice body on her. I can see as a 64 year old man, why he'd be over the moon with this. I, you know, and she was getting prostitutes with him. She seems like a winner. Um, anyway, so why did she turn on him? I don't know why she, why she turned to him. I'm trying to see if she sold the story to any newspaper or anything, or what's,

what's, uh, why is he turned? Why is she turned? I'm kind of getting information here on the run, but let's, let's find a bit more information out about him. And battled independent MP Mark Latham has described a blazing argument that signified the end of his relationship with former OnlyFans creator, there we go, we can't go on episode without OnlyFans, and businesswoman Nathalie Matthews as something from World War Z. The former Labour leader addressed his unfolding

sex scandal for the first time on Saturday, having generally limited his comments on posts on X or 2SM radio. Latham read his defense against the allegations by Matthews from a four page document in Camden, Southwest Sydney on Saturday morning. Ms. Matthews claims the MP inflicted a sustained pattern of psychological, financial and emotional abuse against her for three years. She wants an apprehended violence order against a one-time federal leader,

alleging vile acts, including defecating on me before sex and refusing to let me wash. Yeah. And this is the thing. Right. So he allegedly now, now, now you've spiked my interest, right? So he allegedly is defecated on her and she had to keep it on her whilst he had sex with her and everyone's upset and, and he made me call him master. That's the least of your problems.

That's the least of your problems. The fact that you've got a turd on your chest and that he's not sexy. That's that's where the issue is for me, because he called that homosexual man. He said, that's disgusting. Disgusting. Having that on your penis. That's disgusting. Then this guy's doing it to a woman.

No, no, it's not. It's not on his penis. It that on your penis. That's disgusting. Then this guy's doing it to a woman. No, no, it's not on his penis. It's on her chest. People who live in glass houses shouldn't have shit on their chest. Yeah. You can live in a glass house, but we can suit you in that bathroom. Mark Latham told the crowd his relationship, uh, fell apart during an argument, and this is the most Aussie thing I've ever heard, right? Filled apart an argument at the night of the, at the Rose Hill race course.

Any Aussie who's ever been to the races has seen a couple having a fucking full tilt argument with a drunk woman in a dress with a fascinator. So Australians gamble more than any other nation on earth, but we do get dressed up to go to the horse races. Like women get dressed up and everyone gets blind, blind drunk. People have vomit in their fascinators. They're going for it, right?

So you'll see, because it's a hostile environment. Everyone's drunk, everyone's losing money. Your woman's falling over because she's walking in grass on high heels. It's the perfect storm for an argument. I once had an argument at a race course when I was dating a girl and I was judging fashions on the field because my radio station was a sponsor. I had to be like, you chose that slot.

Was that what happened? She was in tears at the end and said, how come you didn't pick me? I'm like, cause I can't pick my Mrs. And go, who's the best dressed person here to win a thousand dollars from our corporate sponsors? It's my Mrs. You could you could have put her in the final. Don't know, wink, wink and then just go, I think you're the best dress. But because you're my girlfriend, you can't win it.

But you would have won it. You know, you win it in my eyes. But I have to be fair. Right. You wish it was a workaround. You you're going to be a terrible husband. You just don't know how to lay down and die for these creatures. Do you? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I honor the integrity of the fashions of the field of Morphoville race course, and I would never abuse my power and give it to someone that I'm connected to. I actually still have to go. You still have to go, but she doesn't hold a torch to that little lady over there that I'm dating. And I lucky guy do a bit of that. Do a bit of that. That's all you got to do. I was there to do a job. I did my job. Okay.

But how hot was the girl who won? What was all that like? Was she good? Listen, I don't really remember because I just remember my girlfriend screaming at me saying, why didn't you pick me while I was standing next to the premier of South Australia? Who went, you might want to deal with that. I was so humiliated and angry that she'd done that in front of everyone. I fighted a party. I've been involved in a couple of those fights at parties where you're like, can we do this at home? Oh, no, you want to do it here? Oh, gosh.

Almost as bad as the time I judged the another radio contest, the Almost as bad as the time I judged the another radio contest, uh, the Cosmo magazine, teen model search. What are you? Okay. How old are you? I'm like 20 and they got me to judges and I got to the mall. I got to a Westfield and I was like, yeah, this isn't good. Well, it's good to be like,

Yeah, but yeah, I had, you had to be like, you've got great bone structure. You know, it has to be the least perverted. You can't go that one. She's a winner. You have to go, Oh, you walked really well and you've looked really confident and happy. I love when they, they do a model competition. It's so gross that we have teen model contest.

They ask them questions at the end. Like that's going to be the thing that's going to help us. It's like I was in some kind of undercover sting to see if I was a pedo. Like you have to really show. They didn't catch you. You're the, you're the Dexter of pedos. You're so good. So let's get back to Mark.

Okay. One time near prime minister of the great nation of Australia. Yeah. Shits on women's chests. It makes them call him master. So he says one thing is abundantly clear. What we had over two years was a sexed up, consensual open arrangement between adults with a fair bit of other contacts,

such as Funda at the races thrown in. I never made any moral judgments about her. Latham went on to say the pair shared a consensual relationship, adding that probably 95% of the things that she's complaining about that I did, she initiated. So the media disease here is to take this stuff, which is not rational, not true from someone who was obviously not thinking clearly about anything and trying to exploit these salacious, smutty stories of almost having sex with an almost prime Minister to promote our OnlyFans page. He goes, he didn't deny any of the accusations that he had sex with Miss Matthews in his

office saying, yeah, people can write whatever they like. Members of parliament can run their office how they like, Latham said. So he's rooting in there. Yeah. Only fan star. He goes, these are not matters of public interest. I'm the public and I'm interested, Mark. If I'm being completely honest.

Yeah, no, they are matters of public interest. You know, talking about the debt crisis, I find it dry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, the public. I don't even know what's going on with the environmental bills in Australia, but I am interested in this. Like housing is a big problem, but you fucking in an office. The truth is members of parliament have privilege for whatever happens in their

office. It's their own domain during questions from gathered reporters of female journalists pushed Latham on whether it was appropriate to have sex in a workplace. Well, let's have you answer for it. Let's say you're his press. Let's say this, you're Mark Latham's press secretary. Let's practice. So I go, Mr. Jeffreys. Yes. Do you think it's acceptable for your boss, a member of parliament to have sex in his workplace, even if it's consensual? What do you consider a workplace? Because he has so many

administration things that he does over this fair city. So many public and council things that he's pushing forward. I feel like the whole country is his workplace. He does such a good job. So what do you define as workplace? Yeah, for a man who loves his nation, the whole country is an office. Yeah. Yeah. His whole country's initiatives that he's been putting forward has changed this whole nation. So, so what do you consider to be his workplace? I'm sorry. I'm sorry that a man who loves his country and treats it like 24 hours a

day, he had sex in his office. That's just a man who has no time. Who does no free time who, who is working so hard. He doesn't have time to go off to a hotel. He's working so hard for you. The people just got to keep saying the people you think he doesn't want to fuck on a Helix mattress. Yeah. Like he's all like, if you could have sex, would you do it on a hard wooden desk or a comfy bed?

He did on a hard wooden desk for you. She then follows up on another allegation later in the press you do it on a hard wooden desk or a comfy bed. He did it on a hard wooden desk for you. She then follows up on another allegation later in the press conference. Latham launched his own attack, telling the journalist she was shaking. You must be worried about being a voyeur or a shaky fake media fake news he mocked. The journalist pointed out she had been filming

with her phone camera for at least 15 minutes prior, and that's why her hand was shaking. When another journalist pointed out that sex in a workplace would be a saccable offense in the private sector, Latham responded, well, it's not here in the New South Wales parliament. Okay. Latham's. Why is it not saccable?

Cause he's saying it might be in the private sector. Like you can't have sex. Okay. So are you allowed to have sex in your office? If it's not a coworker, if it's just like your wife comes to visit you at work, you're allowed to do that. Well, you know, JFK did it. Yeah.

Well, yeah, yeah, but that wasn't, that wasn't what he got in on. That wasn't, that wasn't the reason he's fucking brains were blown out the back of his head, was it, you know what I mean? Like he's, you know, like, listen, it's high stress. As you said, he's doing all nighters, you know, he's working hard to ban drag queens or whatever he's up to over there. Like, so like if the shoes on the other foot, the people who work in brothels,

are they not allowed to talk about politics in their workplace? You know what I mean? For the most part. Yeah. You don't go there to get a lecture. She's like, do you vote liberal or labor? You're like, I'm so sorry. This is against the policies of the building.

We don't talk about that here. I'd like a brothel that had a room that just looks like Latham's office. Oh yeah. You walk into a brothel. It's just a library full of conservative documents. You're allowed to read in peace. You go, I'm going into this room to read Ayn Rand. Leave me alone.

She falsely claimed in her private application to the court, I'm going into this room to read Ayn Rand, leave me alone. She falsely claimed in her private application to the court that I made her have sex with other people. So this allows us to interrogate the people that have said that we had sex with. So he's getting the sex workers onto the bench to say whether or not she looked like she was engaged and enjoying this. Okay. So this is the most juicy Australian story. And then what does he say about his girlfriend in the defense?

Because look, I have this same punchline as one of my jokes. You've seen me do it, but like anyway, what does he say? Oh yes. He does say in there, oh, okay. Like I don't even know why she's angry at me for this coming out. Most men in Australia will hear this and go, oh, Mark Latham only dates one of the coolest women in the country. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I've got a bit of respect for this guy.

Look, I don't know where she seems like a bit of fun, but women scorned. You don't want to score them. Well, let's go into more details. The Daily Mail Australia exclusively revealed Ms. Matthews passed as an OnlyFans content creator earlier this week. She posted it. You have to pass to do that. You can just go on the site and just go creator earlier this week. She posted it. You have to pass to do that. You can just go on the site and just go, I'm just going to do it.

Like they have to go. I have, I'm no, no, she, she had it in her past. She didn't pass the slutt exam. I didn't, she didn't get her undergraduate degree in nudes. It's not like, it's not like they have to go down to the combine and see like, like get a salami and see the market off where they got it up to it. You know, like that, right? She, she posted graphic images and videos of herself under the, so her suggestive

name, if you ever wanted to look her up from 2019 to 2023, she was known as the Bondi cum slut. Really? So Mark Latham is been in this relationship with the Bondi cum slut. That's his first lady. That would make sure that was her name that she called herself. Right. This is her only fans name was the Bondi.

Okay. All right. Well, Bondi is very expensive rent. So good for her. Very, very expensive places in the country. I mean, looking at her, I think she's a little bit more manly, but no one wants to call themselves the manly comes. Manly comes.

I mean, I reckon Manly Beach is nicer than Bondi personally. I'm a manly guy. Okay. I like to go to Bondi to watch Chinese people swim in jeans. I love, send me down there at Christmas to watch all the British people getting cancer. That's my, I sit there eating fish and chips laughing. Put some sunscreen on, you're all burning.

Mr. White is not, where's this here? Okay, yes, Mr. White is not accused of any wrongdoing in this publication. He's not suggesting Mr. White and Miss Matthews engaged in sexual relationship only that Mark Latham joked about her performing sex act on a tech tech billionaire. Okay. So this woman's obviously like being in that world, you know, I don't need how she meets Mark Latham.

That's interesting. I imagine is she escorting? I don't know. Are we going to get sued for saying that? No, she'll pop into his DMS or something like that. He would have met her in some way. Yeah. Just imagine, just to put this into like American terms.

Yes. Imagine if you found out that Mitt Romney or Tim Kane or who's another, like Walter Mondale is dating. Hillary Clinton. Alabama Cumslut. Who's another like Walter Mondale is dating Hillary Clinton, Alabama. Come slut. Hillary Clinton is, is dating, uh, James Dean only, okay. Only hours later, a series of texts, the changes revealed by the Australian

newspaper, like I've never seen Australian journalism that goes this deep. We're normally not very, in which he joked Ms. Matthews should perform oral sex and Mr. White to celebrate after four board members left the firm. And he was appointed to executive chairman. Latham joked Ms. Matthews was owed big money by the seven-year-old executive and should get that compo DNA on her.

He does text in a gruff way. He is a man of the Australian people. That I look, he's to the point. You know, it's my, my dad texts like that. Like, how are you going? Gary, you know what I mean? Like the old blokes, they have no finesse. I text like a caveman as well.

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And here we go. Now we've got the actual text messages that are going to be read out in court, what he was texting while he was working in parliament. So just imagine someone's going, uh, the clean water act. My learned colleague has just introduced here, subdivision, uh, and byline now one point a B where it does rule out. He's down there on his phone and this is what he's writing. February 20 2025

very hard thinking about you He wrote to miss Matthews shortly after 11 a.m. Before following up with a series of suggestive emojis Need badly to taste you He wrote that afternoon alongside an emoji of a tongue alongside an emoji of a tongue. It's not that bad. But that's because it's an old bloke trying to sext. Okay. It's just the emojis in here.

I, you know, Oh, I don't emoji. No one emojis. No, like old people using emojis. That's where it looks bad. Could you imagine Kim Beasley or John Howard doing this? Kim Beasley. I haven't heard that name forever. He's got to be dead.

Kim Beasley, right? Well, Kim Beasley would I haven't heard that name forever. He's got to be dead. Kim Beasley, right? Well, Kim Beasley would be into tasting. He was fat as fuck, buddy. 25 years ago when I left the country, Kim Beasley, Kim Beasley is a boy. We've got to ask for Kim Beasley. Let's have it. Let's have it. Is he still alive?

Kim Beasley? I think so. He's what we pull up. He'd have to be dead. Kim Beasley. There's no way that he's outlived. No, he was there. No, I got to check this out.

Yeah. That Kim Beasley is alive. Bullshit. Oh shit. Born in nine born 14th of December, 1948. Kim Beasley is, uh, he's alive. He's alive and kicking. He's lost a bit of weight.

Kim. Has he been on the OZMPIC? He's 76 years old. Well, Kim used to, Kim used to be a big fat fucker. Now he's just one of those skinny guys with the buddy, the turkey neck. Oh, he looks good now. I'm good on you, Kim. Well done mate.

Well, obviously a big listener of the show, Kim. I came where we're happy to have you. The last message that we have here is he goes, I're happy to have you. And all the Beazley's. So the last message that we have here is, he goes, I need badly to taste you in the afternoon. And then obviously he goes out of parliament. Does he say in the afternoon? And also the idea that he's hard in parliament. Suits are unforgiving.

Unforgiving with the penis, unforgiving. And then the next text is, I just made it back for first vote after dinner. Thanks, really needed that. Latham has claimed the communications never impacted his work. Ms Matthews declined to comment on her OnlyFans past, but her lawyer told the Daily Mail that her client has been subject to character assassination, reputational damage and trial by media. So Latham's essentially saying, look, I'm an old bloke. I've been through a divorce.

There's a male loneliness crisis. We're all stressed out. A lot of men are killing themselves. And I was, I was having a very sex filled environment where I was able to get out a lot of my negative energy. And actually it helped me do my work better. Yeah, I, I, at the moment I don't, I'm on, I'm on Latham's side until I hear further evidence. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. The shitting on the chest is the bit that I have the problem with. That's the bit where I'm like, yeah, we have to know for sure. Yeah. Cause I mean, this is the Australian Parliament, not the Reichstag in Berlin. Okay. There's got to be videos of it, right? There's no way this guy hasn't filmed himself.

There's no way he's done all this and not had a little bit of footage or she sent him some footage or something like that. And he has got to at least be a dick pic. Let's have a look. If he's made, I think he made a statement this morning. Yeah. I don't know if there's a dick pic out there. What I do love is that America is currently going through this Epstein files

where we know all these politicians. There's blackmail about them. Australia is such a smear. We've got the Diddy. We have what's the- it was Donald Trump on the island. Bill Clinton's on the island. In Australia, we have a ex leader who's like, yeah, I fucked the Bondi cum slut, what about it?

He's shaking with the Bondi cum slut. And he's being resilient. He's essentially doing what I think they should do in America is go, I was fucking around. It wasn't a kid. Yeah. Like if it's not a kid, just come out. You know, the bond I come to like, you got to give credit where credit's due. She's not a child.

You know, she's an adult who made her own choices. You know, first of all, she named herself that the bond I come slow. Yeah. I hope, I hope that he's electorate is bond. I don't, I don't think it is Mark Latham Twitter. Okay. So let's see what he's saying about it. Uh, we should move on at some, I can't just, yeah, we've got one more topic.

We will wrap it up. Um, this has been a two week process. This one phone conversation, Mark, Latham, let's, let's, let's do a kind of the week. We got a kind of the week. We always say we're going to do a kind of the week. We never do a kind of the week. Do you have one?

Nah, just I'm still American airlines. I'm still fighting with them over that fucking thing. And, um, the bloke who installed my original air conditioner, he'd installed it wrong and only the last eight years. And now I have to spend 10 grand to fix it. So the guy who installed my original air con unit is Canada. Yeah. Kind of the year. Well, yeah, I personally, I didn't even tell you the news.

I got approved my visa. I'm an American again. Are you American again? You're back in. Oh, that changes everything. I thought you weren't going to make it. I was worried about you. I thought American again? You're back in. Oh, that changes everything. I thought you weren't going to make it. I was worried about you. I thought we'll always be talking to him on the run.

And now that my visa has been approved, I would like to say that I've said some statements over the last month that were vaguely anti-American and I'm back on board. You know? Really? The immigration system isn't broken, it works swiftly and quickly and then they understand good character

and they know a good man who is an asset to a country. Right, yeah, as you drink, spilling it down your chin like a fucking moron. Yeah, like you tried to say what a wonderful guy you were and you couldn't put the bottle to your mouth yet. That was a little bit of slapstick comedy. I swear. Oh, you think you did that on purpose? No, so I still haven't got I Purpose you're not that good actor. I know when you're acting I've seen you act That was good that was commitment to the bit that was commitment to the bit that was good to the bit

That was good. That was commitment to the bit. That was commitment to the bit. That was good to the bit. Uh, yeah. I was just, I need something because I honestly am, I'm so tired from talking about Mark Latham's fucking swollen cock that I needed a gear shift, but, um, I still have to go have my interview. So one thing I will say is my interviews in London to actually pick up the passport.

And they asked me to go watch Oasis. We're going to go see Oasis. We're going to go watch Oasis together. But they also asked me to put down my social media. So I think in my interview, they're probably going to be watching our podcasts to see what I say. Right. What did you say that was so bad? No, I'm not just, I don't know.

You may have some things that you think about, but. You can give opinions on politics, right? You're allowed to give a hundred percent. Well, and thankfully for me, I've always believed that Jeffrey Epstein did kill himself. So it's like, yeah, I don't know if you can give a bit like, like, like, but you're being pro Trump. No, I've been very anti.

Haven't I lately? Oh, not in comparison to the rest of the world. You're as, you're as pro as you could. You're like, you're like, you, you still are happier that he won the election over, over Harris, right? You still have. No, I look, I, there's a part of me that thinks of the deep conspiratorial things that I'm worried about. I think that these things are going to be ushered in under his administration. And if it was a Democrat doing them, we would have kicked

up our fucking feet and fought and been like, we can't do this. But because it's him, all these right wing dudes are going to been like, we can't do this. But because it's him, all these right wing dudes are going to be like, trust the plan. And we are going to have like a tech dictatorship that gets us in. And I think that would have happened under anyone, but at least if Kamala was doing it, we'd go, no way. We're not, we can't go to war or we can't have all of that data handed over to Peter Teal and these weirdos from Silicon Valley.

And I think that we're going to probably not investigate these things enough. So, all right, because this is the first time we've done a podcast episode, we're a corporate pre recording it. The podcast has got at this moment. I'm going to give you a little challenge right now. Predict what's going on in the world this month. Let's see if you get anything right this week, two weeks. Yeah.

In two weeks. What's going on in Yeah, in two weeks. What's going on in the world in two weeks? What can you foresee going on? We turn up at Oasis and they don't. Oh, you think that they don't make it onto the stage at Wembley? You reckon that's the concept? Because I heard that they're going in separate cars in and out of the stadium and everything.

Yeah, but that's because they're rich, famous people. You show up at different times and some people like to eat before a meal. And so like, just because when you know, you're backstage at my gigs, I always let you sit in the same room with me and we have a, we have a steak on a bit of styrofoam. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't mean that, that like, do you think one day, do you think one day you'll go go to your room and I'll, and I'll just be sitting there by myself. No, because at that stage I would have already fired you unless we're doing a

double headline when me and Jimmy, when me and Jimmy card did the double headline. We had our own rooms, didn't we? We had our own rooms and we traveled in separate cars, didn't we? That is true. We went and said hello to each other and had a meal and chatted. And then we went out afterwards to a bar or we went to a late night place to have a drink or what have you, but we travel in separate cars. So what are you getting into?

I'm just, I was just guessing. What card is Bonehead getting? That's the big question. What card is Bonehead getting? That's where you see where all the popularity lies. It takes the underground. I think we're going to have a great time at Oasis together. Okay.

Uh, what's going to happen in the news is you're saying, okay, so here's what I think. We don't go to Oasis for more than three weeks. We got it in three weeks, but anyway, come on. So what I think will happen, I think the pressure has mounted so much on the Epstein papers. I think he was probably surprised at the state of how much pushback he's got from long time supporters. He did say on Truth Social, we are going to put out whatever we can find from the grand jury. I think there's going to be a massive campaign to get

Ghislaine Maxwell on the stand. Get her out of prison and get her to testify before Congress. I don't think they'll agree to that. I'm going to say Ghislaine Maxwell. If that is, if there is a movement for that dead suicide. So you reckon Maxwell dies of suicide in the next two weeks. Yeah. I'm going to say that it's a heart attack or something like that.

Well, she has, or she, or she gets shivved by, uh, you know, orange is the new black lesbian. I reckon she's doing a right in prison. I reckon she'd be a bit of a local celebrity. Okay. I also think, uh, do you think we get more evidence of Donald Trump's connections? I don't, I think that's getting squished. I think, I think there'll be another war thing going on.

I think there'll be all these missiles will go to the Ukraine. We'll have a few problems with Putin and we'll drop a couple of bombs on Iran. That's what my prediction for the next two weeks. So he says something buffoonery and, uh, it gets proven wrong. And we all move past it the next day. Yeah. It is the pattern that I've been seeing. Did you read the evidence they found on him printed in the Wall Street

journal, which was a private letter that was supposedly sent? I'm done with Trump. Okay. Okay. What's the private letter? What is, what is with Trump. Okay. Okay. What's the private letter? What is the private? Okay.

So it's just really, this is really, really strange. If this is real, it was a letter that Donald Trump had given to Epstein and it was written in the third person as a gift in like a book that Galen had put together for Jeffrey Epstein's birthday. And it goes voiceover there must be more to life than having everything the note began Donald yes there is but I won't tell you what it is Jeffrey nor will I since I also know what it is Donald we have certain things in common, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, yes we do. Come to think of it.

Donald, enigmas never age. Have you noticed that? Jeffrey, as a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you. Trump, a pal is a wonderful thing. Happy birthday and may every day be a wonderful secret. Where is this from? The Wall Street Journal has reviewed a book put together for Jeffrey Epstein's 50th birthday.

This was okay, but these are texts this is written in there. This is written as part of that book. A letter was submitted by Donald Trump. I believe to Ghislaine Maxwell who was getting letters to give to Jeffrey about what his friends meant to him. Trump's letter features a drawing of a naked woman and this text, which imagines a conversation between Trump and Epstein together. Donald Trump is saying it's completely fabricated and made up. And he's suing Rupert Murdoch and the Wall Street Journal for the publication of this letter.

Is it, is it, there must be handwriting specialists. I, I, I'm always very skeptical about things like this, because if that is made up, that's the perfect thing for, for, for Trump to go, look, it's all bullshit. Right. So they better be fucking sure that this is a real letter. Well, yeah, that's some people are saying this may end up being the, he's handled it so poorly, but if this isn't correct and the papers have run with it, it will be his out and he goes, see, this is what they do. It's like the Russia gate thing again. Yeah.

Yeah. No, no, no. I'm like, I don't think this is a positive. I think this could be bullshit, but if it is true, you know, it's going to happen. Nothing. The same as everything else. He's made a teflon this man. It'll just be like, whatever. And we'll keep fucking trucking. There's no such, there's no such thing as impeachment. Impeachment's a load of bullshit. It doesn't do anything. Nothing will happen. We have three and a half more years.

Keep trucking. Well done, America. You voted the cut in. It's all there is to it. JD Vance has written, forgive my language, but this story is complete and utter bullshit. The Wall Street Journal should be a shame for publishing it. Where is this letter?

Would you be shocked to learn they never showed it to us before they published it? Does anyone honestly believe this sounds like Donald Trump? I will say that is a strain, like to write a play. Does that seem like something that he would do? Write a play with voiceover and then lines is looks very fishy to me. Yeah. I don't think the guy's his grandmother pussy is eloquent enough to write actual dialogue, write actual dialogue.

Write a dialogue. Like he had a ghostwriter, right? Like the art of the deal and allegedly like he's never read the book. Like, cause he, cause if it is true, he's a, like, this is a, that's a very thoughtful gift to a pedophile and write a note. Yeah. Like I've never done anything. You've never written me a fucking card.

I, I, you're lucky if you get a text message on your birthday. I didn't get one this year, not to bring it up. Didn't I? When was your birthday? June 22. Oh, that was recently. How old did you turn? Don't worry about it.

But it's not, I was of age. You're allowed to, it wasn't, it wasn't a special birthday. Was it? It wasn't like you didn't turn 40 or 30, 33, 33. It's nothing. No one cares about a 33 year old. The old 30. I can't believe you didn't.

I thought you'd leave with that this week. 30 was this, this week. Okay. Well, I didn't know it was your birthday. No, no, no, no. I'm saying this Trump Wall Street general thing. Like this. Oh, I haven't even read that.

But back to your birthday, your 33, no one cares about 33. You know what 33 is? 33 is a shit age. 33 is the age where you can't act like a dickhead anymore. People go like this. You're too old to be behaving like this. If you show up drunk and fall out of a pub, you'd get in trouble. Someone in their twenties is just like, oh, they're kids.

Kids have fun. You're in a shit age. It is, it is a, you know, you're in a grow up or get out age. I am a grow up, get out age. I'm also at that age where you either have made it is a shit. You know, you're in a grow up or get out age. I am a crop, get out age. I'm also at that age where you either have made it as a young, amazing talent. But I'm in the, I'm, I'm in the mid period, which is I have to be like a bill Burr and make it in my, when I'm 40 or something as a disgruntled, pissed off old guy. Like I'm not going to be a Pete Davidson.

You know what I'm saying? Like you're in that middle. No one gives a shit about you at this point. Ronnie Dangerfield sold aluminum siding, aluminum siding, right? And didn't get famous until he was like 50 or some shit like that. Yeah. Giving up on standup or whatever, but it didn't get famous till he was later. And they reckon that for him, I like I've spoken to people actually know him.

That was one of these things that he hated getting famous after it didn't matter anymore. You know, you're already married and old and you've got kids or whatever. I never got to enjoy anything. Never got to enjoy the fame. You don't want to go out all the time and you know, but it also fame isn't an enjoyable thing anymore because the camera phones and all that type of stuff, you can't really just ever be yourself when you're out. So all famous people just stay at home and invite other famous people over. And they just sort of sit and hang out.

And so, yeah, if you want to have a wild time now, you have to be an independent MP in this Sydney parliament. Well, that's why I get upset. Why is this woman bloody? What like is it just a it's just as far as I can tell, it's just sex. Also, I was thinking about this, if it was a young woman and he'd released all these, they can tell, it's just sex. Also, I was just thinking about this. If it was a young woman and he'd released all these, they'd almost say it's revenge porn or something to leak those private moments. If he did it the other way, it is humiliating.

Yeah, it's humiliating. It would be a bad thing. So I think it's because he's putting it in court. That's why it's become a fair game. So I was saying about 33, which is, yeah, well, it is a shitty eight, like this middle age because, because I want to have a family. Yeah. Yeah. But I also, I realize now I have like wedding and wedding planning and then like having the little tiny kids. What I would love right now is that like, I just want to be wake up tomorrow and I'm married.

I've already had the wedding and I have a eight year old and a seven year old who are awesome. You don't want to miss out on the good things in life, mate. They're like when they're little kids, some of the best watching, watching a two year old start saying words and this, watching, watching a four year old and you start to figure out this person likes this type of ice cream and that type of food and seeing their personality develops, you don't want to like that movie click by Adam Sandler.

You don't want to fast forward through your life, mate. His life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans. You're busy making other plans, man. But 33 is also this time and not to be too real about it, but we know all these people in comedy and you can sustain your life. If you want to keep your life small and keep a small target for your life, you can kind of be a kid forever and you get your you earn just enough and I travel around and I have some fun and I still keep doing the festivals and I'm doing well as a comedian. But

as you get to this age, you're like, this needs to be the work that provides a safety net for my children and for my partner. And so it is the death of the childhood. Really? Once you decide, you're not paying into a pension, you're not going to have any retirement fund. If you die, it's very bad for your family. You're kind of stuck.

Yes. No, it's daunting, but there's a lot of people feeling that. And there's a door right now that my friends and I are walking through in that age bracket, which is, and you can see it, you can either really grit down and walk through the adult door and go, this is what I need to do. And I've had a good run of enjoying a lot of this laissez faire lifestyle. And you have to look back at it and go, you know what? I explored a lot in my laissez-faire lifestyle and you have to look back at it and go,

you know what, I explored a lot in my life at a good time. Or you just become an eternal child and you think that that's fun, but what you need to do is see your friends who are 50, who have done that and it starts to get pretty empty. You can start making money as the manly cum slut. I rub it on my nipples. All right. So, so you, you look at other men who are 50, who didn't have the kids. Well, yeah, who didn't have the kids or they just didn't, they didn't commit to actually growing up.

Like I'm really fascinated right now with my own wrestle internally. Right. So you're committing to growing up or not? Of course. That's why. And I think that's why a lot of young and it's, it's, it's, it's hard. It might not be the right choice for you. Well, I I've decided that that is, that is a hundred percent what I want.

But what I, what I mean to say is we do live in a very youth, like we have a very stunted adult society, like even walking around Montreal, I'm watching. And maybe this is good. Maybe this is bad, but around Montreal. I'm watching. And maybe this is good. Maybe this is bad, but I'm watching like men. There's like bars here that have video games in them, like an arcade and it's not for kids, it's for adults. Like you drink and you play like NASCAR. And I just looked at it and I thought, ah, fuck like no other time in history.

Would it be acceptable to go, honey, I'm just going down to have a few beers and drive a NASCAR car. I remember going into nightclubs at 18 in Australia and seeing guys that were about 30 in the bar, 30 and going, what the fuck are they doing in here? Like, all right, well, let's talk about this. There is a gymnasium in the UK. This is happening at this moment. There's an amazing in the UK that, that, uh, during peak hours from four till seven in the gymnasium, only women, only women under 24 are allowed to

work out the gym from four to seven. From four that's peak hours. Yeah. Four under 24s only? Women, under 24. And first of all, I was like, well, that seems a bit weird because my wife was like, who's your age? Why not the 20? My wife was like, I wouldn't be allowed in that gym. And I'm like, you're too old. You're too old. You're too old. I kind of get it now. So if you're a teenage girl, you got to work out the gym and you don't want guys bothering you or whatever like that.

Yeah. They've given them a little window of time. I kind of think it might look, it's an experiment. What's the, but what's, why can't you want to work out next to a 40 year old woman? Cause now fucking body miserable cunts. You don't want one of them around. You're still full of life and vinegar. Yeah.

You're still full of vigor. I personally would love to have an old woman who's out of shape and you'd exercise so much harder. Like I don't want to become that. You know, I'm going to keep it. Yeah. I, I, I, I was saying with you, if they just made it's just women, uh, during peak hours.

So we can just have a women's gym, but just women under 24. It's such a, like to feel like you're 25 and you're not allowed to work at the gym. You don't meet the criteria anymore. And can you think of all the dodgy blokes that would be standing, having cigarettes out the front of that gym between three and seven? That's, that's where, if I was a taxi driver, they were, I'd be pulling up at seven. You can imagine a few creepy fucking blokes. Yeah. Yeah. All right. up at seven. You can imagine a few creepy fucking blokes.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, my point, that's that seems like a weird request. They changed the whole policy. And also a gym in England. I've known the British. That wouldn't be a very full place at the best of times. You know, you know, I think you had a kebab store in England, a kebab store that was only girls between the times of four and seven. I think all the people that the girl wants to get drunk and have a meal in peace without being harassed, but a gymnasium, there's probably more staff at an English gym than there are people working out.

I think anyone who wants to work out, who lives in the UK moved to Dubai about three years ago, it's like every PT from the UK. It's so much better out here in Dubai now. Make a quick little cut here. Cause I want to, I want to name the actual, uh, UK gym girls only. Oh, while you're looking for that, let me give you something. Let me give you some cool news and I can put this out on the podcast. So I'm friends with, uh, some people in the Norm Macdonald family and they have a charity as part of the SPs and they asked me to get you to give some tickets, which was two tickets anywhere in the world.

Plus you sign a record and I just got to thank you from Laurie Joe, who runs it for the, from the charity. Anyway, how much do you, the current bid, if anyone wants to buy this, right. He's $2,025. So I said, thank you so much. For two tickets to see me. Yeah. And they've had 37 bids, 30 tickets for that. Actually bought a whole lot of people. Okay.

Well that's I'll take it. One time I donated a leather jacket and I signed it and I bought the jacket back because it was going so low. I didn't even know about it. Well, actually, actually, let me give you some, this is going to make you feel unbelievable. Right. Okay. This is going to make you feel, and I'm actually, I'm questioning whether or not I'm even going

to tell you this. Okay. Why have you donated something? No, just because the ego on you is going to be out of control. I'm up for it. A 2008 Tesla roadster is going for $51,000 right now. Okay. Okay. An evening with Steve Martin and Martin Short plus VIP meet and greet with Martin Short.

$710. You get the fuck out of here. I'll out-pitch to meet Martin Short. I don't get to meet Steve Martin. Why does Steve Martin doesn't meet you afterwards? Get ready for this. Steve's not in. Steve doesn't give a fuck.

You got things on. A very British voicemail plus a night with John Oliver. So John Oliver will do your voicemail. Yeah. Yeah. And you meet him. $800. You'll be like, oh, what's with plastics?

Oh, I'll tell you what happened. Oh, like that. Right. A conversation with Billy Crystal. Yeah. Yeah. $500. I, I used to work with Billy Crystal's daughter.

Used to work on the Jim Jeffries show. Very nice lady. And she told me a story about one time that someone bought a, uh, like a phone conversation with Mike Zizimski or whatever the monster out of monster's ink that Billy Crystal plays. And, and he's like, Hey, how you going? I've been working out with, you know, all about over at Monster Industries. You know, he's doing all that stuff and stuff.

It was a great, he thought it was going to be a little kid. It was a grown ass adult. And the conversation was like 15 minutes. This is what I told you. People can't grow up anymore. Okay. So I'm a little bit worried watching this. I don't want to, I'm not talking shit, but like 37 bids, $2,000 so far is incredible.

Here's why I'm a bit worried. Why? Cause I organized this and it said, you can get two tickets to watch Jim Jeffries anywhere. Have they included that as we pay for their flights? No, no flights and hotels not included, but it's just if I visit the town that you're in, that's, that's how the ticket. I know, but I'm just wondering if it, but it's just if I visit the town that you're in, that's, that's how the tickets. I know, but I'm just wondering if it, cause it's so expensive right

now. Have they accidentally said that we will be very fucking hurtful right now. I mean, it's Martin short for 700 bucks. Yeah. But you don't get to meet Steve Martin as well. You don't get to be Martin short. Come on. No, you know, I don't have any three amigo stories, but I'll, I would have taken an edible by the time you meet me. And I'll have a bit of a chat. Like, like if you've come, you've been backstage at my gigs. It's pretty exciting atmosphere back then. If you want to see two blokes eating off a styrofoam plate, having a fillet

mignon with a, with a red bull, you know, if you want to see it, if you want to see it, you're going to have to pay the big bucks. Well, they've asked me right now, the charity says, thank you for organizing this. It's bringing in some big dollars. Annika, my girlfriend wrote, wow, I'm so surprised. It's so much more than the other ones. Oh, fuck it. It's because she's met me. She loves Martin Short.

The first time she met me, she would have paid two grand and now over time, the diminishing returns. And then I know that's so awesome. Amos helped. He more than helped. He did it for us. See, I get all the credit. Yeah, you got all the credit.

I didn't give a fuck. Do I get it? Do I get a tax deduction for this? Do I get $2,000 tax deduction? Does that count to me? Do I get the, do I get the deduction of the tickets off my actual live show to actually go, oh, these were given away free to charity. I must get some tax deduction.

Well, screenshot that send it to Jack and you can put it in there. If you can currently get a tax deduction on a full private jet in the new Trump tax bill, I think you can get two grand off. Yeah. I'd like to donate a full private jet. So what do you think? What do you think about this? Yes. Not good.

I didn't think this is what this was going to be, but we've actually done a double episode, so now I'm actually, I'm actually just being real rather than trying to talk about anything in the news. Hold on. Hold on. I got to find that find where these gyms from. Hold on. Uh, uh, but, um, I can't read it. I haven't got my glasses it's bad I'm always

concerned when you find the news story because this could be a meme I just want to know if it's how I just want to know what town it is I think it's like a meme that's like only women under 24 should be able to exercise and Jim's like, this Jim's got an outrageous. You were high when you saw this. I couldn't, no, it was made the news. It's on the news. It's a real thing. Jack's reading it right now, but it's one of those things where my wife was upset.

And then my wife thought about it and she goes, actually, when I was a teenager or a 20 year old girl, I would have actually appreciated that time to go work out. But it's doing a very, like your only problem is, is it like if there's one staff member that's just like, yeah, and I'll be the personal trainer. Oh no, no, this is what it's saying here. This, okay. I'm in Montreal right now. I just typed in gym only allows under 24s.

Yeah. It says here, the gym in Ville Marie, Montreal has an age restriction policy, potentially limiting access to individuals under 24s. The gym in Ville Marie, Montreal has an age restriction policy, potentially limiting access to individuals under 24, as in you have, you're not allowed to be under 24. Yeah. This is, this is in the UK. This is under 24 is workout.

It's a real thing. I'm not making it up. Why would I make that up? It doesn't even sound like that fun of thing to make up. That's the perfect thing to make up. That's the perfect thing to make up. That's what I do all the time. I just lie about nonsense like that. And people go, really?

And you go, no, what do you think it's going to be like when the listeners find out there's no guy named Mark Latham? Yeah. I'm just getting ahead of a current scandal I've got. Yeah. Yeah. We're just, we're just like an old lady on the bus telling you about a second cousin you've never met and he shook this man's hand hard, you see, terrible.

Shake, terrible. Shake. Anyway, the young girls work out at the gym around the corner. I'm not allowed to go in. So I think it's only young girls allowed in there. Cause I'm not allowed to go in. So you never found this story. It is.

It's true. No, it's a real story. They won't, they won't say, Well, read it to me. I know you can't fucking read. Okay. UK bans women over 24 from training at peak times and people aren't happy. A British gym has banned women aged over 25 from training during peak hours and people aren't happy. That's the first verse, right? Uh, uh, Mumsnet user, uh, took to the site and fellow parents thought, uh, about the situation, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm 36. Why can't I work out at the gym? Another woman went, I'm 32. Why can't I work out at the gym? It just seems to be women. Very unhappy. Yeah. Well, what's the reasoning? What are they?

at the gym, it just seems to be women very unhappy. Yeah. Well, what's the reasoning? What are they? Maybe they should be allowed to because curves don't let in the things. Don't they? They go, you're too hot to be here. Curves is for fat chicks, right? That's the gym for fat girls, right?

Or maybe fat men as well. Is it fat men and fat girls curves? Right. And I just think that like, let's say you've, you've got anorexia and you consider yourself curvy when you look in the mirror, you know, like the workout at fucking curves. We should have a chain called slobs just for fat blokes that want to say they went to the gym, but they don't really work out there, you know, it's like,

yeah, like a cafe, just guys with our body, which you just like, let me self go a bit. Jim's. I was at the hotel gym down here and all the comedians are working out and my workout routine. That's not what the festival used to be. When I was there, there was no one in the gym. Not that I ever went to look, but it felt like no one was there. Felt like no one was there.

It was, I, I, I remember, uh, coming back and, uh, uh, they given me a newspaper. This is back when they give it newspapers every day. Right. And they used to give me a newspaper. I used to throw it in the door as I went. And I literally did that thing where I pushed and all the newspapers went back and I was bringing a girl back to my room and I was like, yeah, I haven't had to clean for a bit.

Yeah. No, no. That is you in the, in the Delta, what hotel they put you in the Delta, Montreal, the smells of cigarettes, the Delta, Montreal. That was where it all happened. That was the Delta? What hotel they put you in? The Delta Montreal, it's smells of cigarettes. The Delta Montreal. That was where it all happened. That was, that was the hotel room. I spent weeks in that bloody hotel room. It's a banger.

I don't remember there even being a gym. Did they, there was even a gym. Remember this place? That's the one that's the room, different artwork now. And they've changed the bed head, but it's, uh, I remember that was the hotel, the Delta. So all the comedians are working out downstairs now and my routine is so bad. I'm the work.

Like I just go down there. I do bicep curls, like 10, then another 10. Then I do that pull the pull down for your lats, triceps, triceps, tris. Do a few leg presses. I'm on my phone and then I wander around and a few people saw me and they're like, you have the least dedicated workout routine. Yeah. But still, I always say about that.

Still better than nothing. I did something still better than nothing. Still better than nothing. It's like, it's like those people who, who, you know, go to the gym and then they fucking circle around to get the best parking spot and it's like, well, you go to the gym, why don't you just walk a bit further? It's like when I first met you, you know, in my head, I just know you as this time leather jacket wearing big drinking guy that I'm at the go to your house.

And when I saw your Peloton, it was a funny thought to me just that you, Jim Jeffries are on a Peloton. I don't write it a lot. I've purchased it. It's in there. I've got it. I've got a tonal as well, but they brought out the tonal too. I want that one now.

It's I would pay if we set up a page, I would pay just to watch you. Palo Alto. Cause you're doing the nasty show in, uh, in, in Montreal. And you said, uh, what did the French guy who ran the club? Cause I did it 20 years ago, seven, 18 years ago. What did the friend he was like this? He was like, so, uh, friends with Jim Jeffries. Yeah. Comedians now they're so boring. No one is drinking Jim Jeffries, he was like, so you are friends with Jim Jeffreys? Yeah, comedians now, they're so boring, no one is drinking.

Jim Jeffreys, when he was here, he was crazy. He was so drunk, always drunk. He was wild. You didn't know if you could get him on the stage. But I got up there, I never missed a gig. Everyone now in comedy? They're so professional. We are missing.

We are missing. Who is the drug riddled, uh, unprofessional comic who's just good. Who you just like this guy's get that. That don't exist anymore. Do they? Where's that guy? John Mulaney. Like if that's our version of a coke head, like that's the whole thing. Now I have no problem with John Mulaney.

I think people think he's a very good comic and stuff, but that's if you want to say that's a coke head, you never bloody worked in England. You never worked in England in the early 2000s. Like, holy hell, that guy would have run an AA meeting in that state. You know what I mean? Imagine him in Australia going, I have a problem. Everyone, even the counselors would be like, we've got bigger fish to fry. No, I've never seen someone with nicer skin.

I haven't had a drink in coming on five years and I look more decrepit than that fella, right? No way in the world. No, no, no. He, he, I maybe look, I don't know, but it doesn't, you didn't. The point being, it isn't the kind of industry of like your Belushi's and hard drinking coke taking like that's over. And it has been replaced by people who think this is a legitimate career option.

Yeah, but there was something to the camera phone, the rock star comedian. There was something to that character that you didn't quite know. There was something dangerous about it on stage, but it is it's camera phones have ruined it, made the whole thing more professional. Also people reviewing your shows. Like, like, like I had someone write to me the other day and they were just like, I went and saw you 10 years ago in Manchester and you were too drunk and unprofessional.

I actually went, you know, you were right. I remember it. So I was too drunk. And then he was like, Oh, okay. Well don't do it again. Yeah. We also, I think there's also comedy goes in waves. And so now we had so much of like our party, I'm fucked up that the new

wave was, I don't do that. That's how you stand. We always had them. Andrew Maxwell used to call them the milkshake boys. All right. We always had these like nerdier guys who didn't do anything. And then there was the guys who party like at the Edelman festival. Are there people still partying?

I think so. Yeah. Oh, you know what I think it is? I think it's more the gay people now. Okay. If every time I go to like a comedy event, it's always like the gay and trans comedians are going to some fucking pill popping MDMA night that's like a drag show. And all the straight guys are like, fuck that shit.

I'm not going there. Yeah. We just like, just have a Guinness and watch the football. But our, that's what's happened is with the LGBT community, breaking off into their own was before it was just the comics. Now they have like drag night, LGBTQ night. They were always pushing the culture going hard. When we were together, we got dragged into it.

Now the straights are just left at a bar together like, no one's forcing me to dance. All the women, all the women want to be at the drag show. So they've left it. It's just us standing there. Like, when was the last time as a 33 year old man, when was the last time you had a legitimate dance? I go hard. I understand. That's my one thing that I can do. I love it.

I do love a, like every wedding. I'm there the whole time. You're on the dance floor. I love the dance floor. If I get the killers, what song do you hear? And you're like, all right, I got to go out. My number one always is when I hear Valerie, I always run to the dance floor and I notoriously will find an old woman to dance with like a grandma.

This is an Amy Winehouse Valerie, or is this the Zutons? Amy Winehouse Valerie, love an Amy Winehouse Valerie on the wedding dance floor. Once the killers kick in. Easy sing, Valerie on the wedding. Yeah. Once the killers. Kicking Valerie. Easy sing. It's a fun scene. Once the killers kicks on. I love that.

This is funny. The gate. So I at the goddamn comedy jam, which is like where you'd perform and then you do a bit of stand up my three things have been icing the Zutons, Valerie, or I do all the things that I've done by, uh, um, the I got sold. I do that one. I do that one.

Or I do, uh, any Oasis song. That's what I've done. The monkeys daydream believer, but you're listening, you're listening off my tracks. These are my karaoke hits. I think these micro with this. We have the same music taste, which is why we're going away on a trip together. If you go see me at karaoke, you won't stop dancing boy.

You'll go every song is a banger. It has been, you know, it's been really interesting for me as I'm, I'm hanging out with a group of people that. And I love this about standup and always have. Yeah. Okay. As I'm hanging out with people that I would never hang out with as a crew together. I have, I've always thought it was weird that we were called these bigoted

people who weren't good or whatever. I remember once being in Hong Kong with like a dwarf, a black lesbian and a tall white cockney black, right? Gangstree type of like thinking. And we were all getting along great. And I was thinking without standup comedy, these four people would have never, would have, I was, I was on a balcony here in Montreal the other day with all the crew of my nasty show and we're smoking a joint. There's a trans black trans woman called pink Fox. There's a gay black guy called Jay Jordan. Then there was a Zhao Yong summers Chinese comedian, her partner and me.

And we were just like chatting shit. And I walk in and they're like, Hey, Tucker Carlson's here. Right. That's because I was wearing a blue blazer I walk in and they're like, Hey, Tucker Carson's here. Right. That's what I, cause I was wearing a blue blazer and chinos and they were like, what do you get? What are you here to do? Tell us that the funding's been pulled for the festival. That's their bit to me everywhere I go.

Right. And you know, I'm giving them shit. They're giving me shit. And it did remind me well before the hardcore culture was kicked off inside comedy, what I loved about it, which was you did you I was exposed. I would not be hanging out with a black trans woman in my day to day. And we were having so many roasts to each other. And as the first conversation in a while,

I've had where I felt like I could we I could speak openly and they would laugh and then they would attack me or not even attack just the comedy community. Got along with each other substantially better before people could start putting comments under each person's clips. So if you have, let's say I'm backstage at the comedy store, they take a photo with me and I'm with a couple of female comedians or something, they'll write, Oh, he's a piece of shit. You know what he said?

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they have to make a stance or decide whether they can be friends with you or not, or whatever, where it used to just be, we did all sort of muck in together and people didn't like each other because certain people were cunts and certain people weren't cunts. This is my, I had a dream speech. Right. I remember a time where you knew someone's politics.

Were they or were they not a cunt? I have a dream where it wasn't about whether a man had cut his dick off or not. It was whether he was a cunt or not. Right. That's how we used to judge. Oh, I had, and listen, not by the shape of their cunt, by the cuntiness of their nature. I'm obviously not that adapt to talking in these crews. So I obviously say things.

I was super drunk and I was talking to the trans woman pink. I go, yeah, I know a bloke that used to have sex with trans people. I go, he started off getting pissed on and getting into all the kink stuff. And next thing you know, he had a, you know, he was, he was dating trans women. And as soon as I said it, I was like, Oh no. And then she goes, then she goes to me, are you saying that you get into trans women by being pissed on, like it's the next grubby thing to do? And I went, that does sound like what I said there, wasn't very good.

What I just said. And she just laughed and goes, yeah, I know you ain't comfortable around people like me. She's like, but she, just to let you know, one day you're not, someone doesn't piss on you at the urinal and you go, I need a manmade pussy. It was just like funny. Yeah. Yeah. And she has a good sense of humor because she used to be a man. I'm kidding.

I did a faux pas the other day. So we were off. We went off to see, uh, me and my wife were walking around a studio lot and we had to be pointed in the right direction to go somewhere and an African American girl who met us was so nice. It was like, I'll take you to wherever you want to go. Where do you want to go? We go, we're trying to find this theater and she goes, where's your accent from?

And I said, I'm Australian. And she goes, and's your accent from? And I said, I'm Australian. And she goes, and where's your from? And she goes, my wife goes, she's British. And the lady goes, that's a weird mix, isn't it? Which is not a weird mix at all. So like a very, that's like, oh, you're from, uh, you're from New York state and you're from Connecticut. That's literally like having vanilla ice cream with cookies and cream. Like that's just slightly different. You know what I mean?

And they're blending. We literally have their flag on our flag. Oh yeah. We have the same queen and on the currency or those stuff, but I was like five. And then she goes, and she goes, uh, she goes, how'd you all meet? And I sort of went, I wanted to say what I w what, what I wanted to come out of my mouth was a bit of history. I wanted to go, Oh, well her people brought me over as a bloody convict. Right. That's what I wanted to

say. Convict didn't come out of my mouth for whatever reason. I said slave. I went her people brought me out as a slave. And then she stopped. I went a convict Australia and she didn't know. I'm like Australia used to be a penal colony and hurt people. And what colony? I just, you know, when you just and hurt people. And what colony? Penile colony.

Yeah. Penile. Not penile. That's a penis. What did you say in the last podcast where you messed up a word? We all make mistakes, you cockford. Anyway. Men only.

You'd be checked when they come in. Show us your coffee. He was fine. But you know, when you say something in you, you're like, Oh, this time I didn't mean it like that. I'm like, Oh, that was me the whole time. Cause I keep talking about how slaves. Yes. Cause I have this on stage and bringing it up.

Okay. I keep saying that the word slave comes from Slav, which is my, you know, my ethnicity is Slavic and I go, we were enslaved for 500 years by the Ottoman Turks and the joke that I say on stage is, so that's where the word slave comes from, from us, um, which is what I say to my black friends after I've said the N word and they don't seem to think it counts is the joke. Okay. And I, I did that the first night.

I do my whole bit about slavery. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Go. And it is interesting to like walk downstairs and there's just like four black comics. And if you don't get the fist bump on their routine, but they were, they were like, that was good.

Like, I like, I like how African-Americans will sign off on your jokes. Like you go, huh? Cause I do that thing about two years of slave, right? We're about the way we could get rid of racism is bring back slavery. You have two years of slave where every race slaves up for two years. And then, you know, how good would you treat your slave if they were going to be in charge of you in a year or so's time? And it was a whole bit, but I remember I did always because the policy on comedy, and I don't know if you

agree with it, I always say the policy is you can say whatever you want to say, as long as you're comfortable saying it in front of the subject. Right. You can say whatever you want to say. But I do when I used to do that joke, I used to look at the different races in the room, just checking that everything's going all right. And, and I, but I will say this, whenever I make a joke about lesbians, I can't make eye contact with them because not until the punchline's over,

leading up to the punchline, they're too angry for me. Okay. The stern face of where is he going with this? That one. And you're like, I've got this. I'm not going to do you wrong. I'm not going to do you dirty. I've got a punchline. And then I do the punch line and check. All right. Okay. When I do that joke, I'm doing at the moment about slavery and the premise of which is just, if you aren't a vegan today, you're unable to see the biggest issue of morality in your time.

So you would have probably underslaved. My favorite couple to watch is interracial couple, black man, white woman, because he's like, yeah. And she's the whole time in the buildup looking like, how dare you. And then she watches him laugh. And then she's straight into the clap, you know, just not watching the show at all. She's only studying the face to be like, what do I have to do here? Well, I'm doing a routine at the moment about how, how, if you could be anything in the

world, being a good looking woman would be your preference. If you could come out of the womb and the choices of good looking man, good looking woman, ugly man, ugly woman, if you could pick out of those four good looking woman, you know, it's, it's the most privilege you can get in society. People will give you good looking man, ugly man, ugly woman. Oh, no, I go ugly man, ugly woman. I think that the ugly man has more privileges in society. Yeah.

Yeah. So I didn't, I said I was an ugly woman at the bottom. That's that's, but there's a whole routine about it. But, but, but when I start doing that routine now, good looking girls get angry. They get, they get angry at the idea that I say, if I could be anything in the world, I'd be a good looking girl. And they're like this. You don't know.

We all don't know what each other's been through, but yes, I would, that would be my preference in life. Yes. I'm doubling down. I've never had a period. I don't want to be Pat Sajak. I want to be Vanna white. I just want to be going up and touching the letters. I don't want to be Pat Sajak. I want to be Vanna White. I just want to be going up and touching the letters.

I don't want to remember fucking things to do. That's what my girlfriend just sent me this. She got a waxing and sent this through to me. This is what it is to be a woman. Oh yeah. She goes $90. She writes, think about how much money we would save for our future. If you weren't so sexist and needed everything to be hair free.

Yeah. But if she, if she appealed to my cheapness, yeah. But if she, if she grew out the hair, think of all the money you would waste owning the two houses. I do like it. Sometimes she's very, very funny. Oh, I think you think she meant she meant she meant that as a joke. She didn't mean that.

I think she meant that as a joke. Okay. So this is, this is your future wife. Was she always, uh, was that, uh, yeah, that was being done before you got there. Right. So you can't blame you. You didn't do anything that was already part of the deal. I would agree. But, uh, yes, she, she also says you're, you're currently in what is essentially France, she's saying like, why don't you get them to teach you about it? Oh, because you're saying the French girls have the hairy, French girls get the, not my experience, not in my experience.

I feel like that's a bit of a myth. I think so too. So I wanted to wrap up when we were talking before about growing up. Hairy arms though on them, like such watches, the French study. Not a good thing for comedians to discuss. And I see that you have a Pac-Man machine behind you. So you don't have to growing up. Doesn't mean it's get boring, but every culture has a ritual that you become a man.

There it is. I haven't got pants on. Every culture has a coming of age ceremony. Yeah. Yeah. So we don't have that anymore. I guess we did for like when you, that's what your 21st was. And there was so much expectation that you get a house and you have a wife and kids. Maybe at 21.

So in Australia, we used to turn 21 was the big birthday, which was weird because we're already 18 and 18 you could drink. When you turned 21, you got given a key. So in Australia, we used to turn 21 was the big birthday, which was weird because we're already 18 and 18 you could drink when you turned 21, you got given a key. You'd given a great big like card. That was a key that was like the key to the house. Like you're a man now you can get into the house with a key. I don't know.

What was the big fucking thing? We trust you with this key. Yeah. It's cardboard cutout key. It's almost like you're an equal. Now you can come and go as you please. It's, it's almost that, but I don't know. You've got the key to the house was the, was the thing you get 21.

And I remember it was a party that everyone got dressed in tuxes. Cause I remember going to my cousin's ones and being like overly excited. Cause there might be girls there. And I was like 14 or something like that. And you know, I thought that would be a fun thing to look at. But yeah, what's your point? It says here, key to the door historically meant recipient was considered an adult and could come and go without parental supervision.

Large decorative keys are given as keepsakes. The tradition is still practiced in cultures with some incorporating unique designs, the Fiji muzzy patterns. But other other things have all these rituals. I think ritual is really important for people to realize where they're at in life. And we haven't updated that because we live in adolescence. People in their thirties are still living like, right. But there needs to be, there needs to be a happy meeting.

Like you can't be doing like Kinsanieres and bar mitzvahs too young, too young. That's what I mean. They're too young. Both of them are too young. These are from fucking medieval time when people were dying younger. We can't have 13 and was Kinsan Yere like 15, 16. What is it? Like, I don't know. It's too young, right?

Yes. And 21 is too old. So you think there should be some type of. Well, I think men, men around 30 is really when you transition from, like you said, make fucking grow up. It's time for the fun's over. So my thing is, I believe now in a, put your video game console in a bucket and set it on fire.

Oh no, no, you need it when you have kids. It's the only escapism you've got. You just, you've got to smash all of the video games and you're only allowed to get them again when you've got your family up and actually running the next video games you have are the ones you play with your kids. True. I didn't, I didn't have a video game system until my kids got a bit older. And it was also the Jim Jeffery show set me on the video game path as well.

Because in my dressing room, they put a PlayStation and an Xbox, never understood what was going on there. It was, it was a fucking company central treated me good in those years. I tell you, I had a pinball machine in me fucking dressing room. I go to a game show in Australia and they give me a little bowl of Alan's snakes. You know, it is just some gummies. Yeah. If, and I was happy to have him happy to have him.

Yeah. I was going to make a call back to the woman who ate them out of the ass, but all right, we've done, we've done two podcasts. I don't know if this was our best work. No, but if you haven't enjoyed it, listen to the other ones again. I don't know if this was our best work, but if you haven't enjoyed it, listen to the other ones again, I was going to, I was going to get like, before we finished, let's, I wanted to go through a couple. So my thing is actually, I think young men, men in their late twenties smash

all the video games, get out of the fictionalized world and try and carve a path and then get back to it. Once you actually own a home or something. Okay. Maybe, maybe like there should be a facial recognition thing on your phone that you can't look at porn until you're married. Yeah. I also think that no dog, I said no dog until you have kids.

I, yeah, you can't have, because that's methadone for a family. And if you don't have a dog, you can't refer to your dog as your kid and stop posting pictures, you lose me completely. You know, completely. The dog. I have some furry children. Piss off. So these are the coming in age ceremonies that are out there right now. Okay. The Masai, coming of age tradition from Tanzania and Kenya. The Masai of Kenya and Tanzania have several rites of passage that carry boys into manhood. Boys between 10 to 20 come together to be initiated as the new warrior class of the tribe, placed in dozens of houses built for the occasion. The night before the ceremony, the boys sleep outside in the forest, and at dawn they return for a day of singing and dancing. They drink

a mixture of alcohol, cow's blood and milk while also consuming large portions of meat. After these festivities they are ready to be circumcised. That's old, isn't it? Making the official transformation into a man, warrior and protector. Similar to other rites of passage, the boys cannot flinch because doing so would shame their families and discount their bravery. So they get, hold on. It's all right if you've got a boat who hasn't been drinking the cow's blood and stuff with you or not before. Is it done with a rock or a sword or a knife? How are they doing it? Scissors? Scalpel?

So you're getting your cock chopped with no anesthetic and if you flinch, they're like, what the? You're all pissed up. You're drunk. You're drunk. Right. Yeah, you're drunk. And you still can't flinch. No, there's that other one where they they bungee jump off the Africa, they bungee jump off the side of buildings and they have to tie their own vines.

This is like, it's not a, this is Vanuatu. I can, it's called the land divers. Oh yeah. Vanuatu is not Africa. I'm sorry. The Vanuatu is in the Pacific, but anyway, yeah, they jump off and they have to do it themselves and they have to do it just the right length so they don't smash their head

into the ground. Fuck me. They start doing this at age eight. Yeah. Yeah. In the first dives, the mother holds an item representing their childhood. Fuck me. They start doing this at age eight. Yeah. Yeah. In the first dives, the mother holds an item representing their childhood. And after the jump, the item will be thrown away, symbolizing the end of childhood.

Yes. As boys grow older, they will jump from Tula towers, demonstrating their manliness to the crowd. So putting it out there to the people that listen to our show, what is the new rite of passage because the Western world is in a crisis of masculinity. It's, it's hot dog eating tournaments. Probably you need to do a Joey chestnut. 30. That's that's that's what, like even when Jack was a young man, we were doing like

the, you know, the Jim Jeffries show we're in Asia. Every time there was something disgusting, he'd, I just, he just ate it. And I gave him 20 bucks. You know, that was, that was, that was the right of passage. That was the type of thing. Hot sauce. I think it's hot. It's hot sauce in this country.

Doing those, those chicken wings. Yeah, that is it. That's the hot ones. You go on the hot ones is the actual ritual. No flinching. Yeah. Doing the hot ones. And like, I think, yeah, the one ship challenge, Jack wanted to do the one ship challenge. And my son was like this.

He's like two years ago. He goes, I know where they are. They're at the Sherman Oaks Mall. I know the shop where you can get them. And then like before I know it, the two of them drove off in the car. They made a special journey to get one hot chip. Oh, you got four hot chips. Did you, where are the other two? Is they all been eaten? Yeah, the two they all been eaten? Yeah. He ate two on the show and then he was vomiting bile and he was sick.

He had like also like feelings on the way home. Like he was sick, sick, right. And he still made it to the concert. Well, that's a right. A passage. That's that's a right passage. I, and I, and I like any, I'm moving into the next phase of my life. So whether I need a hot chip or I just need to leave it in and start the family,

I am contemplating all those things right now. Yeah. Well, okay. So you'll be, let's say you'll probably be 35 when you have your first kid. Yep. Right. That was this age I was when I had my first kid. Well, my jizz currently doesn't work. So how do you know it doesn't work again?

I did a test. What was it? Just leaving it in your girlfriend's eye. Yeah. Now you come in the, I see if it's things. Yeah. No, I did a jizz test when I was back in Australia. Cause when I go back to Australia, cause it's free, I shit piss, bleed

jizz into a cup and go, go, what have you got? But they didn't say they, they were useless. Did they? No, what they said is that my semen is viscous and the sperm can't escape the gelatin that it's fired out in. I'm a very gelatin light come as well, but I, I, I can wink at a girl and get him pregnant, but my boys are trapped inside the vehicle. You guys are like, like, like to call back last week's episode, like dwarfs in a clown

clown car. They just got, they claw at the windows and they can't get out of it. It's too thick. So I don't know what I meant to do for that. And neither is my girlfriend, but now she's like, don't eat chicken wings. It keeps your jizz thick. I'm like, you don't know that. Why does chicken wings keep you?

No, but she's like just bad food. She's like, you need to be healthier. It's just a lot of water. You've got to drink a lot more water. Right? I think it is. I don't drink it. That's what, look, did you notice?

Yeah. But the, the, the clumpy cum is the first shot and then, and then as you go shoot throughout the day, it gets less, less and less clumpy. Yeah. I don't have, I don't shoot ever for a second time in a day. That's the most decadent behavior I've ever heard. Oh, on the road three times times, four times a day. I have zero lib, I jerk off once maximum and I'm like, ugh.

Oh, on the road. I'm, I'm, yeah. I'm aware. I go out and explore cathedrals and you're in there spanking it senselessly. Not senselessly, four times maybe. It keeps me relaxed before a show. The crowd appreciates the work that I do. Yeah. I fucking I do it. So I don't walk out and go, Oh, can't suck off. You know what I mean?

So I'm all mellow up there and I can, I can get a joke out. Hey there. Hey, I think, can you come back in three minutes? Five minutes. Thank you very much. Oh yeah. He was five minutes. That's when I'll be wanking.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You'll leave the do not disturb sign off. Just do it. Just fall straight into my trap. I don't think she's going to be back in three or four minutes. She's like, whatever this comes up to, he's not going to be carrying a dog.