I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 26 - Why Don't Women Go In The Ocean?

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

At this moment, Jim is about to leave for Portugal for the start of his European tour. Amos is already there. They discuss why women don't like to go in the ocean, Canadian concerts, redneck teppanyaki, and Cracker Barrel's new logo. Jim's new special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix! Watch THE SNAKE on FOX Tuesdays at 9pm ET/8pm CT and available the next day on Hulu. ADS: MONARCH MONEY - Don’t let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use code ATM at http://www.monarchmoney.com in your browser for half off your first year. SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: https://www.jimjefferies.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies FB: https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies Twitter: https://twitter.com/jimjefferies Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/ Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

This episode is sponsored by Monarch Money. Don't let financial opportunities slip through the cracks. Use the code ATM at Monarchmoney.com if you browse for half of your first year. That's 50% off your first year at Monachmoney.com with the code ATM. Hi, I'm Jim Jeffries. I'm here with Amos Gil. Welcome to the At This Moment podcast. Tonight we're going to be talking about how Donald Trump thinks museums are too woke.

We'll also talk about the burning of flags, the rebrands, of American slop houses. Jesse Smollett. Jesse Smollett gets a mention. Geez, we keep it topical Jesse Smollett. Also, we did the best job in the Soviet Union to have. We definitely discussed that one.

Also, I'm in Lisbon because Jim's meeting me there. For the European tour, there's tickets available at Jimgeoffreys.com. I imagine there's very few left. Go to Jim jeffries.com. Most of the gigs now are sold out across Europe. Some have tickets and some have just had some shows. at it so come along come one come all and enjoy the podcast right now hello everybody welcome

to at this moment with jim jeffreys an amos gill and at this moment i'm ahead of you jim i'm in portugal am i paying for your hotel room right now have you already no i see my girl you've cut out already you've cut out already as soon as you're playing for my hotel are your girlfriend's paying for your hotel no we've split a room down here so you're you're in lisbon you Thursday in Lisbon for your European tour yeah I've got in town three days early and I've gone to Lagos and I was looking up well sorry you're cutting out again I don't know what the fuck it is with your stupid fucking microphone you do my fucking head in what to do in my podcast could be a success if it wasn't for

your fuck off microphone it seems to work fucking pretend words and doesn't work it's like it's trying to bleep you before he goes oh he's about to say something racist and we'll just cut it short fucking Saudi Mike is it's it As soon as you said Lagos, it just went, oh, no, he said that with an ethnic accent. We'll have to cut him. Anyway, so you're back? Yeah, so I'm in Lagos with the Misses. She's here for four nights.

It's pronounced Legos. Just to let you know. Well, it's been as painful as stepping on Lego as a trip with the misses. She's currently in the bedroom. She's in the bed. I'm in the corner. I said, go downstairs for a bit. Would you let me have the room so I can do the podcast?

Wait a minute. Have you got a podcast with? two floors. Oh no, you, mate, you would have going to send it to the fucking lobby. Yeah, they're playing some music and whatnot down in the resort. I said, go and have to listen to the Fado music of whatever they're playing. Yeah, yeah. So you can find some Portuguese bloke without, with a button down to his belly button. Go meet my. Can meet my name.

Why are you by yourself? And this is all I remember of Portugal. People walking around like this. Coquen. Coquen. Heroin. Because all the, all drugs are legal in Portugal if you don't know. So the, so the drug dealers are putting not much effort into being discreet. Yeah, I haven't seen any. What we did was we went to a tour of the caves today. And then we were looking around. It's nice to have sex every now and again with your misses, isn't it?

I was doing a bit of spalunking. Put a miners out on there. You went up there, he found his car keys. I'll send you the photo. Okay. Yeah, you found your key to the house. Yeah. So, and I was like, what else is known, you know, in the lighthouse?

So I know Lisbon, one of my best mates is there. this town that we're in is where Madeline McCann was stolen from in 2007. Yes, nice. And I saw something magnificent today, and I immediately thought of you and thought, I wish I was with Jim for this bit, not Anika, because she doesn't even know the Madeline McCann story. She's probably too young. A little kid.

She might be Madeline McCann. We haven't checked. It was running around the resort. Running around the resort. Away from the parents, about a six-year-old, a little six-year-old boy. And the parents are like, get back here now. And he kept running away, kept running away, wouldn't go, wouldn't stay in eyesight.

And then the kid's like, why do I have to stay? Why do I have to stay in eyesight? I'm looking at the dad. And I felt like I couldn't say the joke, but the dad was like, this bloke can tell you. Because it's not, and then I started reading about it. But aren't you worried that they thought you might have been the bloke? Well, that could be.

I was lingering by the bloat. the male toilets. There was a clog in there and I wasn't in yet. Oh, there's a clog in there. The Dutch are visiting, are they? Man, it was crazy to read about the story. I forgot about the Madeline McCann's story. What are you bringing up a child deduction story all these years later?

Okay, carry on. Because true, I've told you many times, true crime pays and podcasts. I don't understand. So it still blows me away. I spoke to a dude about it today on the boat as well. I brought it up and he was like, 35 euros it is here. for an all-night babysitter 35 euros why do they leave the kid unattended because they get a lot of shit for it this town lagos is like it's creeps they're like first of all

was a german guy that did it they reckon but either way they're like we're safe just to let you know the city of lagos took a big dive for tourism no one wanted to come here right and ever since then they're back and i did think now hear me out do you think it would be in poor taste to do a Madeleine McCann, True Crime, Walkthrough Tour. Okay, I see where you're heading with this. Yes, I do believe it would be in poor taste, right? There's a reason that Jack the Ripper actually helps London tourism. It's not kids, man.

It's not kids. It's like... Oh, what, prostitutes lives don't matter? No, but it's not like they had a huge movement that fucking took over COVID. You know what I mean? Prostitute lives matter. No one did that one. And were they all hookers?

I thought they were just like women walking around, weren't they? They found that bloke anyway last year. They found him. They did find him. But no, I think if you could take a trip. Did you ever see that? She was like a Polish girl who just didn't get along with her parents. She's like 25 or something.

And she just said, oh, I think I'm Madeline McCann. She went on the news going, I've got similar eyes. I looked like I would have been her as a child. And we can't find a photo of me under eight. And her parents just were like this. We have tons of photos. of you under eight, stop going on the news. That's so good.

That's some of the best borderline personality disorder I've ever seen. Oh, yeah, yeah, wanting to get a fuck. I just watched a documentary about... I remember my first memory was being bought out of a car boot sale in Lisbon. Yeah, yeah, it still ended up in Poland. I just watched the Jesse Smollett documentary on Netflix. You watched Jesse Smollett? No, I haven't watched that.

Did they cast him as himself? he he's on it he's on it being interviewed the whole time and then at the end they sort of act like he's telling the truth there's like the whole documentary says says oh he's a maniac he's a maniac he's a maniac he's a maniac and then it's like he's been set up he was beaten up but you know the footage on that documentary where you just like come on jesse he he's he's he's basically skipping back into his hotel with the noose still around his neck holding a fresh subway sandwich i can't believe him i can't believe he i I can't believe he went with a subway sandwich.

How embarrassing. He was a lead on Empire. And so, and the two blokes walking away with his personal trainer and an extra from Empire and that guy's brother, these two Nigerian brothers, right? Well, they've lived in America their whole life. Anyway, so, but yeah, the fact that he got, he got, he got, allegedly he got beaten up by guys in Maga Hats, calling him the N-word and the F-word, and they beat him up. This is Maga country, in Chicago.

In Chicago. Then they had a noose that they were just carrying around with him. They threw around his neck. Then he leaves the noose on and goes to subway. Well, listen, anyone who's going to subway is suicidal, in my opinion anyway. Look, brother, if he had Chick-fil-A, you'd go, yeah, if, look, any time you walk past when they're hard to resist. But if I'm about to call the cops, I don't get a subway like this, right?

Anyway, then when the cops showed up, he's standing there with a noose around his neck like, Huh? Bit right. Remember there at the same time there was that driver from NASCAR who was like, I found a noose in my garage.

Remember that? A noose in his garage. Yeah, the black at NASCAR driver. He found like a noose that was like laid out in his garage. It was around the same time

where there seems to be a lot of fake hate crime. And do you think like his wife was just really depressed going, I don't know how I got there? If I have to watch you drive around in fucking circles all day.

Speaking of false flags, this is one in Australia that we could bring up to start with. Also, also that woman who said she was black, but she wasn't black, who put the polish on her, she put the skin tone on her. Doll's old, Rachel Dollazzo. That was a great time. That was when, that was culture wars, 2015 type stuff. That was, they were good days. Yeah, yeah. So she had a new. Silly times. She had a new, look, I will still argue, and I'm going to say this in the right way. she identified as black.

I watched the documentary. She raised black children. She taught them how to be black. They were her siblings that were adopted into a family. She immersed herself into black culture. She started to identify as black in her head. And then she said she was black. Is it any different from a trans person?

I know that's like a controversial thing to say. But how far away are we from people going? Because I always said like when I first moved to England, I was sort of identified as English because I didn't have to put sunscreen on all the bloody time. You know what I mean? So sending the noose to her work and actually getting a black job, right? It's like it's one thing to identify is another thing, but then to go, you know. Where's my grant?

Remember Elizabeth Warren when she's like the Native American? Andy Askins, Andy Askins. You know, Andy Askins's daughter was the one you sent the flowers to where you got in trouble with your girlfriend. Remember that, right? Yeah, thanks for bringing that up. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so you've got earphones on. Remember that?

that you can't hear me she will you'll be in trouble with this in a week when the podcast is anyway so so and Andy Askins has he has like a little cheruby face and he has a little squinty eyes and stuff like that and he had really dark hair and and he told his misses when he first met her that he was an Eskimo just in a bar just goes oh yeah I'm an Eskimo right thought it was a funny thing to say she's you're all out of pick up lines and that's the go too yeah and she's like oh I've never I've never met an Eskimo before oh oh how exciting an Eskimo? Who's ever? I've never been out with an Eskimo. Like that, right? Anyway, he forgot to tell her that he wasn't an Eskimo. And they, they, they, they dated for about a year or something. And then eventually

she meets the parents, right? She told me the story, not Andy. She meets the parents and she's in the house and she goes, oh, it's so excited. I never dated an Eskimo before I started dating your son. And she, they're like this, what the fuck are you talking about? Not Eskimo. Why are you saying his Eskimo for? He's not Eskimo. He's like, I'm not an Eskimo, but I am addicted to ice. I have a methamphetamine problem. Talking quickly about race is Trump at the moment has, he's decided to de-woke the

Smithsonian museums because they've gotten too woke, which I think is a misdirect. I think that's what he does is there's problems in Israel, Palestine, there's things he's taken away, there's all the ice raids and all that type of stuff, and to stop us thinking about things, he just goes like this. Ah, bloody. So he says the Black Museum at the Smithsonian has gotten too woke and talks about slavery too much. Now, look, I'm not African-American, as you know, right?

Yes. As you know, I'm not. You're not like Elon Musk. No, I'm, yeah, he is an African-American, Elon Musk. Yes. But I'm going to say this. They can go on about a slavery as much. as they want. That's my policy. In their museum, of all things, if you go to the Black History

Museum in Washington, D.C., and walk around and go, fucking hell, they're carrying on about bloody slavery, aren't they? Well, I thought that's the same way at Auschwitz. I thought, oh, God, Jews have done other stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, you know what I mean, well, geez, they won't stop talking about, like, you slavery? Like, what is it meant to be, like, a small little room that goes slavery, and then the next room is Bo Diddley invented rock and roll, right and then the top story the top story is just jesse smollett and peter it's just it's just michael jordan slamming the ball in the hoop and they go let's focus on that hey yeah yeah yeah well i i just googled donald trump smithsonian and uh haven't you been made to look a dickhead

you know not actually you can see this but it says whitehouse dot gov the official white house base of course it's called the white house yes it says president trump is right about the smithsonian that's the headline and it's from the White House itself. Anyway, we'll put that topic to bed. What else was making? How can you say a museum is too woke? Well, let's see. What's he saying?

What's he got to say? Museum is working facts, right? That's what it's meant to happen. It's facts. Yeah. Slavery happened. Fact. Yeah, if you want to talk about slavery in the Black History Museum,

like, like it all leads into. to then you talk about Harriet Tubman and things like that. It can't all just be, as you said, Michael Jordan, Duncan, a fucking ball, mate. You know what I mean? It should be a bit of that. I don't know if there is that in there, but that's all I'm saying. That's the ending. That's the ending.

It ends on a high note. And then, as I said, the Jesse Smellet Room, and then we're done. Yeah. So you're saying, I'm trying to pull this up, but unfortunately I'm not a paid subscriber of any legitimate news channel, which is why I'm so dumb on this show. Isn't that weird? I've got to go to the Hindu times. That we live in a society where we're like, oh, the news is fake, the news is fake, the news is fake, the news is fake.

We used to buy newspapers, right, that were read, like people actually used to, journalists used to ride on it, it wasn't just AI or just clickbait, that stuff. And now, if someone like the New York Time goes, oh, it costs you $199 to subscribe, fuck that. I'll go to truth.com or some shit. There's a really good Aussie comedian called Dan Rath, who has a joke about it this year where he goes on. Love Dan Rath. Yeah, Dan Rexert, Jake Me goes, unfortunately I can't, I can't afford the truth.

He goes, that's why I'm a flat earther is because to read that the earth is round is three bucks. It's so true. That is so true. Like, I will take misinformation for free. I'm trying to see what, I'm trying to see what exhibits he thinks are a bit beyond the line. You know what I mean? They just say he focuses too much on the negatives. Yeah.

I think of you, like, it's like when I go to a museum, you know, and... As you said, if you went to a Jewish museum, it would focus on the Holocaust or not. It wouldn't just be Jerry Seinfeld. But that's also like, let's come from his angle on this. Okay. Sometimes museums are a bit of a doubt. I tell you, those museums in Washington, all those Smithsonian museums are the best museums I've ever seen in the world.

I've been to museums all over the world. They do a bang and do it. I like the one that's just the one where it's like, hey, TV. You like TV? Here's Fonzie's jacket and Archie Bunker's chair. I love that shit. I can see that all day. That one's not too woke. Yeah, that's, that one, we went to the Smithsonian, and you went around there for eight hours. Any other museum, you're out of there in five minutes. The space and air one, where you can see the, the, the Kitty Hawk plane, and then you finish the thing seeing the Apollo that was on the moon. But you know what it is? But you know what it is?

But you know what it is? If you get the job. See, you go see the declaration. of independence and all that type of stuff and it'll be under like bulletproof glass it's literally 20 inches thick right and and that's fun i guess i'm not as in love with looking at a document as whatever but when you can see fonsie's jacket talk about being woke they've got the jacket of a man who was in his 30s used to hang around the milk bar with teenagers you want to talk about it you've rewriting history if there was ever a fucking person who should be fucking strung up it's arthur vonzarelli yeah you think that coat needs to be a He hung out, he lived in a studio apartment above a residential house in suburban Milwaukee,

hung out the local milk bar where the toilet was his office. And he went, hey, like that, with a fucking red-headed kid called Richie Cunningham, who was about 15. The fucking authorities should have been on Fonsie's ass fucking years, years. So you're saying the show jumped the shark when he was a pedophile. actually. He was not caught. I do.

I do think that like when he's, oh, the Spisarelli twins, boof, hit the fucking thing. Like, get the fuck out here, Arthur Fonzarelli. But, you know, Henry Winkler, you can't lose. No, look, I'll say this about some of those museums. Is he talking about how, like, we go to the moon? No, you know, let me bring this up. He didn't just say the black museum.

He said the museums in Washington need to be de-woked. But, like, sometimes I get a bit annoyed with, you go see. some history that we all know and they go, but actually did you know that there was a black woman who stapled some papers together on that mission?

So, so they were, no, they, they, they were equal parts, hidden, whatever,

hidden figures. Hidden figures that was about things like, yeah, or it'll be like five male explorers and there'll be one lady, they'll be like, she was actually the brains of the whole thing, but women were overlooked back then.

You know, Burke and Wills, Burke and Wills had a sister called Sally Ann and she actually Okay, first of all First of all about about one fifth of our listeners are in Australia

and you're mentioning Burke and Wills Burke and Wills are the people who mapped out Australia right, went up and down bloody Australia and he's mentioning Burke and fucking Wills I can't help me references I'm a nosy My point is you've seen that

they do a lot of that in history You think that Pocahontas has got too much press do you? Yes what was the chief up to he was the one that was actually running that village he was the one we call a poker hot ass

hold on let me let me just a hot woman no no she was a cartoon as well yeah who was what's I don't actually know that cartoon Anna because she's asleep what's the name of Pocahontas's book that was written Pocahontas Captain Smith was it John Smith

John Smith played by Mel Gibson in the movie Was it, John Smith? Mel Gibson did the voice of John Smith in the Pocahontas movie. Look, I'm sure Pocahontas was an exceptional Hawaiian leader or something. She wasn't Hawaiian. She was Native America. Was she?

Yes. Do you think Pocahontas was in a Hawaiian woman? You're mixing Pocahontas up with Lilo from Lilo and Stitch. You think she's Moana. She's not Moana. I don't blow American history. Poco. You cut out.

It's the one day I was never interested. You found me out here. It was the one Disney movie led by a woman I wasn't interested in as a kid. I'd tell you what we went. I much preferred Basil, the Great Mouse Detective. We went to Disneyland for my son's birthday party. We had the best fucking day. We did the Make Your Lightsaber thing, which cost a couple hundred bucks,

but it was a fucking banger. Man, we had a fun day. You know what it was good? It was like most of the schools were back, but my son's school wasn't back, and we just went there. And we took my four-year-olds, got a couple of little girls. that live over the road who are his friends and we took them and we got to we went

I've never done this before there's like a princess castle where you go and meet the princesses one by one do a meet and greet with the princesses and they move you along and you get three princesses you don't know which princesses you're going to get till you get in there sleeping beauty she was in no Cinderella Cinderella

was their sleeping beauty was he didn't get the black mermaid did you Donald Trump will fucking spit chips if you got the black mermaid it better have been aerial We had the original Ariel and my son walked in. That's not like it, baby. And he went, he goes, where's the tail?

Why has you got feet? Like this, I go, she's landlubber now. She's loud up there. She's all right. But it was pretty good. There was Cinderella, there was the one that the princess and the frog princess, and there was Ariel. And I got to say, if any of those three are listening to podcasts, which we know they are all doing.

The good thing about living in LA is when you go to kids' birthday parties or you go to Disneyland or something, separate from going to Orlando, the fucking princesses and stuff are banging good actors, right? Oh, yeah, it actually is Lindsay Lohan on a comeback. Yeah, that strung out princess. The L.A. County Jail uses that as an early release program for Hollywood chicks getting off Coke. That's what got Downey Jr. back. Well, it's wonderful. They all talk like, and hello, how are you? Oh, you look so pretty in your dress.

They were just wonderful. And the kids, it's very rare to see children with, what, a quintessentially strangers. Just, can I hug you? Just the little girls just, and that was the best bit of the day was seeing the little girls. You've explained grooming there very, very easily. Right. So all you've got to do is get your three Disney princesses in your house and you're good to go.

Your microphone cut out and I'm glad. I don't even know, I didn't even know what your next sentence fucking was. Just, just stop. Let me just, um, to all the creeps listening, what Jim essentially said is, you're one Mr. Mr. Invincible costume away from getting any kid you want. Yeah. Yeah, well, I look, yeah, okay, yeah.

Right, now I'd like to when you cut out again. I'd like to do some story. I want to talk some shit. Okay. I have to blame the Portuguese internet here. Yeah. Hey, hey, did you also see, I was on TV today. I did a Good Day L.A., which should be called Gooday, L.A.

Why isn't it called Gooday, L.A? Anyway, so I'm on Good Day, L.A. The biggest news story that I had to comment on is Taylor Swift has gotten engaged to Travis Kelsey. Big news. I did say that. A lot of people thought that was a fake relationship. Maybe still is. I don't know.

You think she might be a lesbian and he might just have brain damage or both? Everyone said that the NFL was paying for the relationship to get eyeballs on the league. Well, this is the thing. Now, I'll tell you what, if the Chiefs get to the Super Bowl again because they reckon their team's not as good as they were last year, you know, you have to start the question whether it's just like they need, they need Taylor in the audience. Yeah, well, I was, you know, I was meant to come here and propose to Anna. It's not happening, by the way. She's she listening?

No, she's scrolling on her phone. She pretends she's reading a book, but she's not. Yeah, yeah. You know, she's reading a book about a woman who went through divorce. Just check it's her phone and not yours. No, she's back on the book. She's reading a book by the pool all day about a woman who broke up with her husband. She goes, they broke up because they have nothing in common.

And I said, yeah, we've got things in common. And she goes, well, you didn't want to do water aerobics with me this morning. And that made me feel small. Well, because you're not fucking 80 years old. It's meant to be for people with bad joints. Fuck me. Water aerobics. even you with your three knee reconstructions still shouldn't be doing fucking water aerobics

you're in your early 30s now while she's sitting here let's just be honest i want to talk about trips with the misses yeah okay this is one for the boys yeah all right relationships to summarize they're not fun no i do i'm like imagine if there was three lads here and i was going out tonight yeah the good thing about having a wife or a girlfriend or something you do live longer Because if you holiday with men, each holiday takes a year of your life. A lot of heartbeats from final act. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It takes a lot of, just the stress alone. No, I'll tell you what drives me up the fucking wall. We've spent good money to be here. Yeah. And my whole life with a woman is telling them to get in the fucking water. You see the ocean? You wanted to come here. You made me look at 35 different Pinterest pages

about how nice it was going to be, all the TikToks, and then you get there, I'm a bit cold. And she just stands her up to the ankles. And I'm going, come on, go for a swim. Oh, and then it's 40 minutes of coaxing her into a attic. Don't even get me fucking start. I have a swimming pool, which is five foot deep.

It has been 40 degrees Celsius for the last fucking week. We're having a huge heat wave in L.A. The pool, to put it in 90 degrees Fahrenheit, 995, it's been every day, right? And the pool is sitting at 87 degrees. You're meant to swim in a pool between 78 and 8. is the optimum pool temperature that my wife still requested that I heat it up.

It costs 60 bucks to heat the fucking pool. The environmentalist. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, the environment. For some reason, women can go in showers that will melt the skin off your fucking bones. If you go in a shower after a wife, you will fucking die of fucking welts. But if they get in the ocean, it's too cold.

My gosh. But they base their, women base their whole. personality on beach vacations and then don't get in. No, no, they can't handle it. They can't handle it. My brain, dude, I just start. I've never seen one of them run into a wave and jump. That's why Pam Anderson.

Pamela Anderson is the best actress in Hollywood because she pretended to love coming in and out of the water and did it quickly. That's the hottest thing about her, was that she was running in the water. It was like something we'd never seen. Every other woman is going, oh, the shells, my foot. Oh, it's all something touched me. It's sticky in here.

Oh, no, no, no, no. My wife, it's all about the temperature. Her feet can fucking, she can walk on the sun. Don't worry about sharp objects. I've seen my wife crush a diamond. Yes, that was the first argument of the day. You won't get in the water. You won't get in the water.

Yeah, yeah. And then she goes, no other boyfriend is yelling. Look. she goes you're just so mean you're always so mean were you yelling no i got at this i go come come i start off cute come on oh get in there and then the next one is oh hurry up come on and then the next one is it's a lot of money to stay here did you did you use the saying it's nice once you get in

it's nice when you get in my wife says that to me before six come on it's nice once you get in you're like it's so cold What's right? Are you dead? Oh, it's slimy. It's cold. I'm going to get shrinkage. Something touched me in there. I don't like the rocks.

This is all fairy. Yeah, that is true. They like to, my wife is big on, okay, so my four-year-old does impersonations of me and the misses, right? And does presentations of everyone in the family. The impersonation of my wife is like this. Ooh, yummy. Food, food, food, food, food.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I want to eat this. I want to eat chocolate, chocolate. That's his impersonation. His impersonation of me is this, like this. He goes, he goes, like this. I am so angry about the thing mommy says. Most people don't know about their financial accounts.

They don't know what they're worth, with me their 401k, how much their properties are worth, how much their investments are worth, how much all those things together are worth. Amos doesn't even know. know how much money he has. The answer is 15 bucks. Then, you do it.

That is almost close. Jim, I actually message. I was, actually, can I tell you the truth? Yeah. This would be actually quite funny for the ad.

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use the code ATM at Monarchmoney.com in your browser for half off for your first year. That's 50% off for your first year at monarchmoney.com with the code ATM. Get on us. You know what Anika said on the boat? We were on a boat trip and she's always organises a boat trip. She always wants to do things on the vacation. Oh, no, no. Me and my wife have stopped doing tours.

They're never good. As soon as you get on a tour, they're never good. They never live up to what you want to do. Private tours, yes. Tours with others, no. We're always doing a group to her with like, there's always one Romanian family. Yeah.

That's brought their own sandwiches and then like an Indian family of eight and then a couple from England that hate each other. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. And it always ends with somebody patting a dolphin and my wife crying. And I'm like, why did you bring me to the dolphin? You know what she said to me? She goes, because it was just caves.

We were just going. And we've been to every Mediterranean country, the blue cave, the green cave, the yellow cave. It's just rocks. You went spalunking, yes. It's just rocks. You're just looking at caves. And then I said something like this.

I guarantee you, when we get around that corner, if you're lucky, there might be more rocks we can look at. Okay. And she goes, do you want to know something? She goes, I'll tell you something. When Kerber enthusiasm came out, I hated that because I thought he was just a whinging asshole. And then I'm marrying that guy, a show I wouldn't even watch for free. and also he's worth a billion dollars I bet he's actually very pleasant to take a trip with

yeah so that's the hard thing it is funny the idea of men and women being together I've talked about this in my last special two-lin policy which is out on Netflix but the the idea that we have nothing in common we quintessentially want to do the different things

if me and you went on vacation what would we do we would go to a bar we would drink we would we would go to well i don't drink but we would go see a sporting event in the local town that we go there's some certain club we want to see might look at a couple landmarks maybe and then it would be about nightlife big feed big yeah go to a restaurant that has some item of food that you can't get anywhere else right they do this thing where there's unlimited kebabs where they slice them in front of you or some shit like that and you go you'd have to eat that where women aren't like I want to have five pounds of food and watch a guy kick a ball yeah and if we do go for food we were in some place that was on TikTok there was a 50 minute

line to go for pastor in Portugal I said we're not going there okay here's a here's a relationship question for you because I was seeing that this other day I went to Oasis again and and I got to talk oh I got to talk about Canada it's hilarious Did I? Okay. Okay. So I went and saw Oasis in Toronto. Oasis were amazing as always. The venue is a dump. It was like this makeshift venue. Now, the relationship thing quickly, do you and your misses, do you and Annika have any common music interests? Because me and my wife don't have any. The only common music interest is we have slightly pop music from the early 2000s in Britain because that's when I was living there. But there's not like a band.

We listen to German. We both listen to what is called party slag or German music, which is like DJ Otsey. Right, well, that's sweet. Hey, everybody, it's time to party in Majorca style. Oh, is it? Hey, baby, I want to know. If you be my girl.

Come on, everybody, time to party. There's a lot of great German songs, which are like, there's one called Lila, which is just songs. about prostitutes and her and I sing along. There's one, there's one that says, um, uh, I think it's Erica and the lyrics are Erica, you horny pig. Erica, you horny pig, but it's got a beautiful little beat behind it and we sing that. Is it in German or is it just you yelling Eric it's like, it's like, um, it goes like, uh, you de Gaile schlau, Anika, Anika, take your headphones off. What's the song about the horny

pig in German. Joanna. That's the one. Joanna. To guide a soul. Whatever. It's something about you're a beautiful pig. So I always said that to her.

If our relationship's going well, I can say Annika, you horny pig, and she'll be into me. But if I've been a bad boyfriend, she's like, they call me a pig. It's not nice. They shouldn't do that. They're sensitive like that, the pigs, aren't they? Yeah. So you went to a.

Anyway, I'll just end on this note before we do oasis. I'll never, I'm sick of and I have to make, I need you to hold me to account. I'm not going to order octopus again. Every time I get sucked into thinking octopus will be good. This is the time. Octopus. Oh, I hear the octopus is good here. I always order the octopus and then everything else that comes out.

I should have had that. This is fine at best. The octopus, okay, Kalamari's good. Calamari in Australia's second to them, but Kalimari's good. an octopus is just too much a big tail that you have to slice into it's never good it's an alien and also people never really

you never get like an octopus curry or an octopus something it's always just lightly dusted in something and then they've gone it's like they don't even give you a fucking vegetable they just throw a few tentacles out there like oh the octopus maybe maybe if I could have an octopus

cabb right like an octopus sandwich I don't know. Every time I get it, it is just one big tentacle. And they're like, and that'll be 30 euros. Yeah, yeah. So I'm not doing that again. Get into Oasis because I was on Twitter, everyone was saying,

compared to the UK, it was not the same. It wasn't the same. They did. Okay, and Oasis brought it, right? They did not phone it in. They were great. A few problems. This Rogers Center, not the stadium.

The Rogers Stadium is where the Blue Jays play, and it's right downtown. And that's where I got the hotel next to thinking that's where we were. were going. It turned out no. I was 11 miles away at the wrong place. We were going to the Rogers Center. Now the Rogers Center is what happened is they were building a whole lot of apartments on the outskirts of Toronto. The apartment boom ended. No one wanted any more apartments. So the person who had owned the land made a stadium to build concerts. They've had cold play and no ACEs at this stadium. It's just a rectangle of seats, like a rectangle of seats. The floor is too big. And because of, you know, Canadian health and safety, yeah, you know, that's like.

Now, I've got a lot of love for Canada, right, to a Canada a lot. Canada's always been good to me. I've procreated with a Canadian. I'm all Canadian up. And the thing I've always loved about Canadians is you can take the piss out of them. They're good to go, right? They've got a good sense of humor about themselves. They're a little bit like the Saudis in that regard.

Yes, yes. Well, we're not to talk about that just yet. We'll mention that in the next podcast, maybe. anyway, so we show up and it's in a rectangle and on the floor

and I've got photos of this you could have fit I'm not kidding 40,000 more people 20, 30, 40,000 more people they did the COVID spacing they sold it out and then just like

okay so it just looked like a little bunch of people in the first section and a little bunch of there so when the needle drops on fucking in the bushes like at Wembley and like that right everyone started drumming we brought this festival together like this they're all like oh it's about

to study i better get me please right so they all they all sort of it looked bad because the stadium was bad right i had another friend who was in the so-called corporate box right the corporate box was a makeshiv wooden shed that was on the floor on the floor which was one foot higher than the floor seats and if you were in the box but you couldn't see the concert because it was on the side because the wall was in your way you had to go lean your head out of the fucking balcony. Organized by fucking morons. Anyway.

And it rained. And it rained, which I kind of was cool. I brought a hoodie. I'd never seen anyone buy more merchandise at a concert. The lines to buy merchandise for too much. I said to my son, I said, don't worry about getting a hoodie. I'll buy your hoodie when we get there. And we just couldn't wait for the lines.

I gave my hoodie to my son, and it was raining during lived forever. And I hit maximum wetness where it was just like, I might as well have jumped in a swimming pool, who gives a fuck now? You can make, he wasn't cold, so who gives this shit? Can make it, let it rain. Anyway, as we're leaving, we leave the concert. They open up the end of the, now, we're not even walking along the street. We're walking along a field, a field that would have been 50 meters wide, right?

Then we keep walking down this field. Eventually, you would hit the train station where we all wait for a train. Now, I've got more problems with the train station. I'll talk about that later. As we're walking along, there's a guy standing on a small podium, so he's about four foot higher than the rest of us, waist up maybe, right? And he has not even got a fucking megaphone or anything. He has a little tiny lightsaber that's about this big that can flash green or flash red,

right? We're all walking along leaving the stadium. I have left stadiums like this maybe 50 to 100 times in my life. this is not an irregular thing for me we all know about it we're shuffling on we weren't entering a street we weren't entering anywhere dangerous but the powers that be in canada had decided that we should stop for a minute every couple of minutes and let the crowd dissipate a little bit let him breathe a little bit yeah let it breathe a little bit so we're wandering along we're wandering along and then this guy's just like he's like this okay everyone red light and they all stopped not a barrier not

not any like the old joke how do you get 200 Canadians out of a swimming pool can you all please get out of the swimming pool right everyone knows that gag right i had never seen a crowd of this many people leaving the guys just like time to stop and they all stop not even people were like even jokingly like oh boo none of that they were just like ooh like this there's a british guy next to me and i went what the fuck's going on he goes uh he goes mate this is what happens here yeah they follow rules don't they don't they imagine telling all the british people as they were leaving Wembley, a guy with no gate,

no security guns. There was no security guards. Just a bloke with a red, light, green light. It's just, stop, and they stopped. Well, no, you know, I was in Scotland and, and then once you got, once you get past him, you're allowed to move as fast as possible. So even people that were right up to him,

never thought, I'll take a few extra steps and get on like this. They'll just. And did they know, did they know the songs properly? Or did they come for Wonderwall? and don't look back in anger. During the encore, when we had Don't Look Back in Anger, won the wall and Champagne Supernova, the crowd was as good as they were in Wembley.

But like half the world away, they didn't know the lyrics and like Noel's trying to sort of sing with him. But Oasis were cool. Me and the son, look, it was the best guy. It was the best guy I've been to. Is that your first trip away with your son? Me and him two at Australia once

when he was very little and stuff of that. But it was the best concert I've ever been to because I was there with my son. and we were having a banger of a time and he knew all the fucking words man I brought this kid up right I had a 12 year old stand next to me that knew every fucking Oasis tune

because he's been listening to his dad in the car and what I said about Oasis before I'm glad I've been proven right all these years that they are the best band in the world but yeah the Canadians and also it's one of those things like you know when you do a comedy gig and you're like that was shit

and then the audience was like that was the best show I've ever seen and you're like oh they so and then you want to go, no, it was fucking crap like that. But you don't want to ruin their night, right? Yes. I think the Canadians thought they rocked.

But there was, you know how, you know how like people hold up signs? No, okay, first of all, not one person got on someone's shoulders, right? You know how you went to one of the Oasis concerts in the middle of Wembley and it can't just let's a flare off? Of course. Let, let off a flare. Everyone's doing a stacker. Yeah. You know how everyone in London was just smoking?

Yeah. Because they can't throw us out. there's 80,000 people here. No one smoked. No one vapeed. No one got lifted up on shoulders. There was definitely no flares. And then there was one sign and the guy holds it up.

This lady's holding it up. And the sign's about, oh, two foot by one foot. Right? So it's like, I don't want to make anything too big. That would ruin the experience for the people behind me. And this sign was just of the Canadian maple leaf. And all it said was this. Canada missed you the most

It's such a It's such a dwey country isn't it It's not really generally the oasis fine Canada missed you the most You can check the others We really missed you, eh I'm not even here for Rock I'm here because it's nice to see brothers make good

So you know what was funny right So me and Hank really went for it We were jumping around And having a great time And a few people around us I'm not saying every most people were really into it but there was a lot of faux

oasis fans and also got to give it up for Canadian women no one makes them finer well done Canada the girls there were very good looking birds you know what I mean and the men not as you know

but anyway so you know just stop there does that mean you were you doing are you doing this with your son yet yeah you know what my dad my son says when I do that I go bloody check that one out bloody that one over there

because that's what my dad does and my son turns me and goes all right granddad or he just calls me directly gary my dad's name he goes all right gary like that every time i'm doing i go buddy that's a nice look at that one over there you see he's wearing short shorts anyway so so anyway um uh you know the bit where you lost your key remember when you lost your key okay where everyone turns around and they jump up and down well the posnan yeah we did the posnan they don't know what the fucking is there. Yeah.

And so Liam got and goes, I was just in the hotel before I fucking come out here and a French guy called Hugo. Hugo went to me, he goes, hey, have a good show, Mr. Gallagher. But, you know, they won't do the Polansdown, not here. You can't make the people in Canada do it. They just won't fucking go, well, let's prove them fucking wrong. Now, I don't know if everyone did it because me and my son were doing it, but the guy next to me, I was like, come on, mate.

You know, you put your arm around everyone next to you. I even said, my son, the strange next thing, put your arm around. We're all going to do this as a communal thing. The Canadians to our left and our right were like, oh, okay, someone's touching me, all right. I saw the videos didn't look good online. Oh, look, it was raining. The band was amazing.

And the fans that were fans were really loving it. But I suspect this isn't a Canadian thing. I suspect this is a North. American thing where the band arguably was never anywhere near as big as they were and I think Australia will have the same problem everyone's going to come for four songs and when we're in Britain everyone knew every word to every song did they not every song a hundred percent I mean there wasn't one song that everyone wasn't singing along to every single song it was a religious experience that concert that was incredible that's why we went and watched it there didn't they

yeah yeah that was the idea now I've got a couple stories to finish on for us here okay now you already did a trump but right it's time to stop red light Okay, go, go. I love this today. Donald Trump and the MAGA people, you know, who brought him in, free speech lovers. Yeah. Well, Donald Trump today has signed an executive order penalizing with a year in prison, the burning of the American flag. Yeah, I've heard of that.

Which is a direct contravention of the Constitution. And even just the Scalia, the most conservative of the judges, was like, you could never, you can't do that. That's an expression of freedom. And that's what the flag does stand for is even being burned. Now, I don't like, I don't love people burning the flag. No, I've never, I've never burn a flag. I don't think you should burn a flag. I think flags are stupid.

But as I've said in the past, you're allowed to make one in a bikini and whip it up your asshole. You can allowed to have an American flag G string, just to put it in context. I think that people put too much emphasis on flags and how dare you burn the flag. and the thing. I think that the people who get upset about a burning flag are people who are just up for a fucking argument. And I think the people who are burning the flags are just stirring the shit out of those cunts. Because I don't think anyone's like, I hate this flag. I wish it would burn. I don't think anyone's like that. It's an incitement. Look what I'm doing, cunt. Look what I'm doing. I think that's why people burn flags because they know they can upset fucking set thin skin cunts. And by putting, by putting, I've never wanted to burn a flag more than hearing that I can't burn a flag. So, you know, I have no intention of burning the flag. I won't be burning the flag, but I've never wanted to do it more because you've just told me I fucking can't, right?

So how easy will it be for people to get on the internet and go, hey, we're all going to burn a flag at 4pm, do it online in your backyard, right? You don't have to show your hands or anything like that. You're going to get that. Wouldn't be a great look for the left. You're going to get it, you're going to get it, though. No, no doubt. So I thought we could all agree on that one.

And then Donald Trump, another one, portraying the America First Agenda once again. This story was incredible. He has, today approved, 600,000 Chinese students to now come into the United States to study. And they're saying without an influx of 600,000 students. We need them to do all the work from the tariffs have fucked off. Who else is going to make our happy meal toys if we don't bring in a whole lot of Chinese kids? Like, you know. It is insane to say that you're coming in to be America first

and then selling out the university spots to American kids. The 600,000 Chinese is crazy. 600,000 students is, I don't know what percentage of university students, but it's fairly high. In the 2000, okay, so in 2023, 2024 academic. But it's good because it stops all the American kids becoming university graduates, which will make them go work in factories,

America first. America first. Make that stuff. Make those how else are we going to get people to pick our fruit if we got all the university graduates? Okay, so that was that story.

India last year had 330,000. China had 277,000 and then they're upping it another. How many Australian get? How many Australia get? 21 people that made the market as camp counselors. Yeah, it'd be one.

Yeah, I'd start. If there's a counsellor, there'd be one bloke who's like, oh, I invented a robotic arm and Harvard's made me fucking work over here. So I've got that fucking contracts. That's pretty good. It is very hard for me when I'm in Lagos in Portugal to be like, oh, yeah, so people are angry about that in America, are they? What else are they angry about?

Oh, crack a barrel changing its logo. At the moment in my house, I'm in trouble for swearing because one of the kids has started swearing a little bit every now and again. So we've implemented a swear jar back into the house. and my eldest boy is driving a Ferrari. Who's that in the background? I thought I just heard fuck off, come. Anyway, so you were saying, what were you saying before that?

Yeah, crack a barrel story. Yeah, the cracker barrel. Okay, so I don't know how this has become a right and left wing thing. Okay, so there used to be an old man leaning against a barrel, and then it said in a very exact font, with maybe the ugliest brown and yellow coloring of any logo in the history of things. The old bloke sitting in a chair, leaning against the barrel, it said cracker barrel.

We're just going to have been the word cracker. It would have made more sense next to that fella. Anyway, so it said crack a barrel, and now they've gotten rid of the old bloke, and now what have they given us? Show us what they've got us for all the non-American people. Cracker barrel, right? They're still the same ugly, brown and yellow, but a more succinct, beautiful logo that makes sense, right? and people on the right have gone,

oh, that logo is too woke because we've gotten rid of the old white guy. Who incidentally was yellow. He was never white. He was a fucking Simpsons character. No stage do we know that that guy's white. He could be Asian or anything. But now he was a yellowy orange

and now he's gone. Well, this is what's so funny about America and just the world in general. So a change of a logo does, become political when what this is is everything that I hate in business which is the they're doing the simplification of all logos they do this across every company now everything has returned to a minimalism so instead of having like a cluttered floor and picture frames all over the wall and lots of brick-a-brack everything is sleek Scandinavian design and minimalism and I fucking

hate it I think I think the new logo looks better and also you don't like you like the old logo Jack's fighting against it. Jack, Jack's like character. Jack's the most woke of us all and Jack's there going, you can't get rid of the old yeah, because you want to keep the old white man. That's what you want to, yeah, the old white man. If you made him black, would you be okay with him?

All right, okay. What if he was a gay guy and his hand was limping off the end of the barrel like this? Okay, I just want to know. It's not like, overtly, I've never eaten a cracker barrel. No one's ever eaten a cracker barrel. No one's ever. I think Dusty Slay does the commercials, right?

He sits there and, I've seen the commercial. He gets like a mill that's brought to him in foil. You know what I mean? And they open up the foil. Like, here's the shit we've cooked you in foil. A hungry man dinner? Yeah. No, have you seen it?

Like, it's sort of wrapped. It's like, it's a bit of steak with some carrots around it that's been sitting in an oven in foil. And then you're meant to peel it back. And good luck with your fillings. You know what happened is I think the woke. CEO wants it to become more like a Japanese tepaniaki joint, so they're bringing each table their own microwave to heat the meal up.

Redneck tepaniaki's table side microwave. It's called my MI MI. Microwave. Yeah, crow wave. Here's a promise to their guests they've put out. Are you ready? Yeah.

If the last few days... We're still as big it is as we've always been. Don't let the last. logo for you. In the last few days, if it's shown us anything, it's how deeply people care about us at the Cracker Barrel. And we're grateful for your heartfelt voice. You've also shown us that we could have done a better job sharing who we are and what

will always be. What has not changed and what will never change are the values of this company that was built on when Cracker Barrow opened in 1969. And all you can eat sides. Hard work, family, diabetes and scratch cooked food with care, a place where everyone feels at home, no matter where you're from or where you're headed. I mean, God, I hate companies. Don't you just hate companies?

I would imagine that Cracker Barrel would be something like owned by Wendy's or something. There'd be a bigger company, Pepsi owns them or something like that. There'd be a bigger company involved. The stock has plummeted 17% from a reroute. That's how silly the world is right now. That's terrible because I had so much Cracker Barrel stock. Let me tell you.

If your Cracker Barrel was the Bitcoin of my generation. If your stockbroker calls you and says, this cracker barrel logo rebrands really hurt us, you've got a bad guy, man. I don't think anyone at Goldman Sachs is making that call this week. If my stack guy went, look, we got out of Tesla when it was all going tits up and I moved it all over to Cracker Barrel. We thought Southern Comfort, Low Quality Food was going to be the future.

We did a big fuck up here. This is the Cracker Barrel bubble. Yeah, yeah. But now's a good time to re-buy. My stock guy's called Enron Musk. Okay. All right, next story. This is an interesting one.

I love this story. And I think, obviously, there must be some fuck-ups to applying this to everyone. But there was a man in Britain who was trying to sell his house. Yeah. And he wanted 500 grand. He actually listed it for 650, but 500 pounds, pounds. 500,000. pounds. He could not get anyone to purchase it. It just kept going out for no bids and then

he'd stop and then he'd put it up again a few months later. And then he had an idea. He's going to raffle his home off at $2 a ticket and then do an official draw for his home. He sold 500,000 tickets. So got a million dollars. Million dollars, yeah. And someone who bought the house. Is that not brilliant? Brilliant. Brilliant. So desperate to get rid of his Georgian abode, Lowe started to sell raffle tickets to virtually give away his country home. He basically themed it up online as a British manor paradise. After talking to many estate agents and quick buy companies, we believe it's our best interest

to take sale of the property in our own hands, offering it $2 a ticket. The hope was he would break even, but he found he'd made a million in ticket sales offering a win. Isn't that man, oh, should I do that for my house in Australia? bad idea. It's not a bad idea. Now, people are saying that in America, the problem would be. I think in my house, I can get $10 a ticket, right? You think you get more than that.

You theme it up, right? Yeah. Because I, here's a sad thing about me. I think a lot of people wouldn't want to live here because I've been here, though. That would put a bit of stank on the house. A grime? Yeah, yeah, a grime, yeah. Well, I do this thing, hold on, just before I finish, it says here,

while the tactic is useful in the UK, it won't fly in America. While the exact terms will vary from state to state, many errors will only allow property if they're held by a non-profit or government entity. Plus, in order to do so legally, you'd need to have the rights permits and follow tax regulations, blah, blah, blah, or it would be viewed as illegal gambling. A bit boring, that. Let people raffle off the house. Yeah, and also, I think it's, what do you mean, it's illegal gambling?

I guess it is a legal gambling. But companies do it all the time with cars and stuff, and I've seen companies like win a house. What do you do it? Each year, this is sad as fuck, every year I spend $700 on the South Australian Home Lottery, which is for Cancer Council charities or the Red Cross, where they have a mega mansion and I buy $700 worth of tickets. And so much faith do I have that I'm going to win the mansion, I really start to think about what I'm going to do with the property, how much I rent for it.

I've heard you doing this before because. You bought her that furniture last year. How much I'd charge? How much, like, I go, I'll probably 2,000 a week. What wing would Anika live in? How hot the pool will be so you can swim? Yeah, which room would hold the Nazi memorabilia? Oh, that's the front room.

I want it visible from the streets. That warns people off from door knocking. Yeah. Why is Amos put up his Christmas lights? Oh, no, it's just a rotating swastika. All right, well, that was one other silly story before I get into a dark one. And then we can go, oh, no, here's one more fun story from the week. Okay.

This is actually two weeks old, but again, worth bringing up. Sure. I loved this story about the Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meeting. And of all the talk about the war, I'm looking for something a little sillier for our show. And this one caught me, which was Vladimir Putin's body. bodyguard carries a poo suitcase to his summits. Here's why. There we go.

To poo in or it carries poo? It carries his poo. Russian President Vladimir Putin's bodyguards reportedly carry a poop suitcase to collect his faecal waste and urine during the Alaska summit with President Trump. The unusual security measure was said to be aimed at preventing foreign powers from obtaining information about the Russian leader's health. Putin's bodyguard, bodyguards collect his faecal waste. and bring it back to Russia.

During Putin's meeting, strict security measures were in place to protect Putin. He's surrounded by bodyguards and a number of steps are taken to protect him. So I would have liked when they had to get back through the TSA and there would have been a bloke. They would have gone, have you got a liquid over 100 mils? Diplomatic immunity. Yeah, you're not allowed. You've got a sack of shit in there and a jug of piss to you.

Because it would be in a remarkably bit. How long was he out for a couple of weeks? out for a week. Yeah, a few days, I think, in Alaska. Okay. And so a few days. They said that the KGB used to do this. How many liters do you think you piss in three days?

I reckon you get two liters. Yeah, maybe more. Yeah, two liter jug of piss and a nice little sack of shit. A briefcase of shit. Yeah. Something, you put your duty-free stuff in the middle. Because apparently, because apparently back in the day the KGB, when they would have world leader summits, they would open up the pipes of the rooms that each of the leaders

were playing in and then they would get their shit and then check it to see whether they're disease, how long has he got left to live, to try and get information on each leader and like pressure points on them. Oh, I've had some shits where you think I'll be dead by the end of the day. Because right now people are saying Donald Trump's sick because of his hand, you see. What's right when he's saying that? Well, it's gotten smaller. It's his massive bruise. So it could be a massive bruise, but it is a small hand, as he say. But he has his huge bruises on his hand. And online, they're saying, oh, that's the bruise.

He's getting infusions done or something. He's got bruises on the back of his hand. And Melania has bruises on her face out of sympathy. From those stairs, she keeps falling down. Has Melania spoken in this whole administration? We heard a talk. The first administration, the first time she was like, she was in charge of Christmas trees.

That's all I remember. She did that one speech And bullying Don't bully Yeah don't bully And I've selected All the Christmas trees For the White House

But she's spoken this time I don't know We've heard a talk right I don't You don't see much out of her these days Yeah She's hanging on for dear life Yeah

Yeah Okay So and Baron Barron does he talk He's at NYU Is he smart Baron? I don't know He's apparently a little crypto whiz

And by that I mean, I just hear he's got millions of dollars in crypto. Yeah, that doesn't make him a whiz. That means it. He was certainly good for, he was certainly good at running his dad's campaign and getting him on all those fucking streaming shows. That's for sure. Oh, did he do that, did he?

He was supposedly was directing his dad to do. He was like, hey, dad. And by smart, I mean, he was like, hey, do Theo Von. Yeah, do Theo. That's not exactly like a genius. I did Theo his podcast. He's a good dude. When are you running for prime minister?

Me and Theo get along fine. You know, he's a good. dude um half of his fan base obviously hate me so i had to put up with that rubbish but uh you know if we've got a few more eyes on my podcast happy on my special happy days here's this last one southwest airlines new policy will affect plus size travelers here's how much what's the policy because i need to buy two seats i'm getting a little bigger yeah southwest southwest airlines will require travelers who don't fit within the armrests of their seat to pay for an extra one in advance, part of a string of recent changes the carrier is making.

First, it was you don't get the free bag. Now, this is what I want to know. How do you know you don't fit in the seat? Is it like on Ryanair where they make you put your bag in the parameters and if it doesn't fit you have to pay? Do they have a demo seat? I think a demo seat would be the way to go. Sometimes they do that out the front of roller coasters so you can see what it would feel

like you can sit in the seat, right? Are you telling me? I think that would, I think that would be the, do you remember when it at carnival? They still do this where there was just like a bloke who would guess your weight. Like, they guess your weight, sound like that's going. Then he'd look you up and down and go, fucking 180, like that, right? And then if he was within five pounds, you lost. If you're outside of five pounds, I always did good because I look,

I'm heavier than I look because I've got little tiny legs. That was always my jam. I'll go win myself a cuddly toy or just stand on that scale. Boom, one again, right? But, yeah, I think you're right. I think they would have, just at that beginning bit, they'd see a fat fuck and they'd go, All right, mate, you've got to sit in the seat. And then he'd squeeze in like that, and it would all push up over the armrest.

And he'd get like, I'm very comfortable. I'm very comfortable. Or do they disguise it and go, right, we're just going to check you in here. This might take a moment. Feel free to have a seat. Look from out to the checkout. What if you're just a big fuck, like Andre the Giant, but you're not fat? What if you're an NBA player?

Do they have to pay double? I guess you've got to fly private. Yeah, I'm telling you. If you're over six foot six and you're not in the NBA, you're just disabled. It's true. It's true. You're just a disabled person. You can't fit in cars.

You can't be in a bloody proper bed. Your heart has to work a little bit harder. It's just a kind of a thing if you're over six foot six. Here we go. That's really what they've got to say. If a passenger who needs an extra seat doesn't purchase one ahead of time, they were required to buy one at the airport according to the policy. If the flight is full, the passenger will have to be.

re-booked on a new flight that sucks like you've got the last seat and they go you're too fat to fly on this one you've been delayed oh jason vaughan an orlando based travel agent well you know that man's got to be having a lot of upset people he'd be in a lot of trouble he'd fucking the mobility scooters alone that he's fucking rented out

you'd be in trouble the only worst job would be to be a san antonio travel agent that's no no if you've been to disney Have you been to Disney Orlando and seen the mobility skirters? Come on, get the fuck out of here. The best page, just for everyone out there who hasn't already discovered this, the best page on the internet is the park, plus size park hoppers. You ever been on that?

Not with me pants on. Plus size park hoppers, obese women who go on rides at Disney. And men. Oh no, I know, you're watching, it's an actual page. That's an actual page. It's a few women. It's not sneaky photos. Okay, so we can promote this.

I know this page. Yeah, yeah, this is women. A couple of big girls. They just go, and the weight for this line was good, and you can get in the chair, and here we are. And then there's a chiro stand right next to it. They have a limited edition nacho hat, and even though I ate all of that, plus I ate all of Mickey Mouse's dessert bar, I was still able to ride this one. It's a great one. It says here, plus I have people on social media, he has a website.

So let's give this plug again, just for any of our. I was at just a comic con the other day in Canada and six packs galore is there anything better than a plus size Jedi knight you know the real fat guy

who's got all the robes and he's brought out the sword and he's just boom and he always has like the quagon gin haircut you know because he's the he's the comic book guy right they always got like the fat guy with the long hair

who's gone and I'm a Jedi who just hasn't had to work out at all. Like, I'm just, my Jedi powers are so strong that I need to keep fueling. I do a lot of sitting and thinking, levitating things. Jason Vaughn has a website called Fat Travel Tested. So if you're a fat fella over there in America,

and you want to travel and you want to find out, go on Fat TravelTest.com. And why is it that sometimes they go on planes, oh, you can't have a bag over there. this weight because it's really because the baggage handlers shouldn't be carrying something that heavy but they give you this bullshit about it's because of the weight of the plane get the fuck out you ever been on those planes where they make people sit left and right because we have to evenly distribute the weight of the plane yeah that's always that's scary that's the sea

planes that you the indiana jones planes yeah and like oh you sit over there you sit over there and hey fat fuck sit in the middle sit in the aisle we got to get it on my flight over here to europe they made me they asked me if i'd like to spend eight dollars for 50 yeah and you said to buy to buy green fuel right now it used to be like a carbon offset of a dollar yeah i remember this was eight this was eight dollars 50 they go so we use a better grade bio fuel how do i'm sorry how does that work well so they put eight my they give that what they put they put one liter of my fuel in do they is that how this works i think if enough people do it they'll go ah we'll have a go

I like an island where they just sell scratchies in the plane. Ryanair, walk up the idea and go, anyone want a scratchy? Well, Americans do credit cards, but the Irish, that makes more sense. Yeah, for like two pound, two pounds you can buy a scratchy. And they know that they're going to, if they sell a hundred of a thing for 200 quid, and then they give back $100 worth of prize money, they're always going to come out on top. It's like a gamble where there's no risk whatsoever. And you're on the plane and you're like this, I've got nothing to do.

I haven't got a telly. Yeah, go on then. Yeah. If catching the 4 a.m. flight on Ryanair from Dublin to Malta wasn't a gamble enough, I'll take a scratchy. Yeah, I'll take a scratchy. I'm not living risky enough. And no one, and it doesn't even know how normal scratchies at the top say you could win 20,000 pounds?

This doesn't promise shit. It's just a straight-up scratchy. You go, oh, I've got three bells. What does that mean? There's a bit luck in it. Free checked-in luggage on the return flight. Yeah, yeah. You can bring two friends or a fat person on your next trip.

All right, well, I guess we should wrap up. Well, that'll do me. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow in Lisbon, and I'll get in the ocean with you, mate. Would you get, were you jump straight in? I'll jump straight in. Straight in, no problem. Yeah.

Will you let me root you for two minutes? Uh, double it. I can't do that, but I'll sit there staring at him. No, no, no, no, because then when you're finished, I want to have a go. It's a charming time. What a charming trip it is to date me. God, I feel sorry for the poor woman. I didn't know Anika was on the trip with us.

I'm quite excited. She's in there somewhere. Where is she? What time is it? What time is it? It's 10.30 p.m. Hold on. We'll get out of getting out of going to say goodbye to everybody here at the podcast.

It's a big bag of fucking diabetes there. Don't call it that. Anyway, that's what's happening at this moment. Hi, Jim. Good night, Australia. Good night, everybody. You know, I'm going to be.

Thank you. Thank you.