I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 3 - Oppenheimer Baseball Cards, Buying Greenland & Canada, The Oscars

Episode Date: January 28, 2025

On this week's episode of ATM Jim and Amos riff on what it must be like to find one of the Oppenheimer baseball cards as well as what would happen if they bought Canada or Greenland. SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: https://www.jimjefferies.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies FB: https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies Twitter: https://twitter.com/jimjefferies Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/ Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

Hello everyone, welcome to At This Moment with me, Jim Jefferies and Amos Gill. Before we start the show, I'm going to promote a few gigs that I've got coming up. Go to jimjefferies.com for all your Jim Jefferies needs. Look, I've got some gigs coming up, Salt Lake City, Boise, Indio, Fort Wayne, Indianapolis, but the most important one coming up, March 21st. If you are in Chicago, I am recording a new comedy special in Chicago for Netflix Chicago 21st at the Vic Theatre Amos will be there performing as well I'm gonna fly from Australia to open for that and if you

want to see me anyone I'm going to Edmonton this weekend to the comic strip and then the Perth Fringe Adelaide Fringe and then I'm literally doing an overnight flight to go see you do your Netflix special it's gonna be a a good one isn't it? Very sweet. You're paying me though. Alright. I'm not doing it for nothing. Alright what's going on at this moment? Episode 3 is it? Episode 3 it's been a big success. I've been reading some comments can I read you my favorite comment? Sure I don't read the comments. Well some people obviously said some very very hateful things about me. This is the thing Amos you're at the stage of your career where you're still reading the comments. No, no, no.

I like to be kept honest. Oh no, no. It brings depression. No one's ever gone, I read the comments and I felt so much better about myself. And I found out that everyone loves me and no one thinks I'm a cunt. There's wisdom in the herd. Right, Gillie's a cunt underneath this clip right now. Here's my favourite comment, it just said this. This is the second episode and Jim has the same guest on and he doesn't seem to be an

expert on fucking anything. That's funny. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's someone who's enjoying it. Yeah, that's better than you've got a fat head and you're an ugly cunt. Yeah, but your mum has to write something. And that is piss me off about these clips.

Fuck it, how I got a big head. Big Slavic head. Big Balkan. Your head's gotten rounder. We're both, like all photos, to quote, who was it? Mitch Hedberg used to do that photo, that joke, when people go, do you want to see a photo of me when I was younger? Yeah, it's all photos, right? So we're literally sitting in front of photos of us when we're younger, right? Which isn't a good move. It's really quite brutal.

With perfect lighting and a tilt and things like that and then your fucking head where you're looking like I'm an edgy type of thing and then you look at you in the flesh you look like you couldn't even deliver pizza you'd be too busy delivering some type of seasoned meat. I've got real booze head at the moment. Yeah, yeah. I got the puffy. Terrible looking fella. Yeah but have you ever looked at the old photos of you before you gave up the grog? Oh We want to find this so there's a there's a couple of photos out me where I'm like

I'm at actual events and stuff and I'm on coke and I'm like just sweaty and puffy and I Showed my girlfriend a photo of you the UK version of you when you were just hammering pints and cocaine doing the road Yeah, it was a fucking bulbous inflamed thing on your shoulders yeah yeah rat like teeth yeah I was but it didn't matter in the UK that's that was when I was getting the best-looking women of my life say what you will about America but fucking hell like you do have to tidy up your acting oh yeah yeah Britain that was just like that's how he looks, isn't it? With his fucking janky teeth.

I like his character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a head for radio, not anymore. Now we have to film these fucking things. Did people tell you that you were too ugly to be on American television, or was it an internal thing where you thought, I don't wanna see myself?

No, I got legit, which as I've said many times, the thing I'm most proud of in my career, I got legit. Season one of Legit, I got legit which as I've said many times the thing I'm most proud of in my career I got legit season one of legit. I was like Fuckin L. This is that's my head is it and so season two legit. I had a hair transplant It didn't really take it sort of took a little bit it's a little bit better and I got on the propisha and I got I got a bit of fat sucked out of there. I didn't get a tuck I just got a little bit of fat sucked out of there. I didn't get a tuck, I just got a little bit of fat

sucked out of there, which now to this day, if I gain too much weight I sort of get bowls around there. And then when I- But why, you're funnier when you're fat. Why do people want, too many comics want to get handsome here. Then when I got the Jim Jeffery show, I got the teeth done. And now I'm just like, I'm about to do the 1% club like next week, and do I dye the hair or not, or do I just go gray? Because I'm just like, I'm back to the 1% club like next week. And do I dye the hair or not?

Or do I just go great? Cause I'm a, I'm a TV presenter. Yeah. And I got a game show host now. I want to be a game show. So you got to, Hey, how you going? Nice to meet you. Very like that.

Give us a look under there. How's it going today? Cause I got the hat on, so I haven't got much, but the color isn't, isn't where you want it to be. So I, I, yeah, look, I went gray you want it to be so I look I went gray during the Jim Jeffries show is when I went gray for many multiple reasons. Also your jacket right now it looks like it's getting zipped up. Yeah I put it from the side because of me belly just hang me little belly under the bottom there but that's not bad. I'm fucking 48 next week man. Well this is what's happened to me.

I'm 48 in two weeks. I'm 33 and I went back to Australia about three months ago and had my bloods done because I was thinking I've got all sorts of cancers as I always do and I found out I have gout. Yeah I never had gout, I'm the king of the hemorrhoids. Which is like, my doctor goes has there been any lifestyle changes? I hadn't seen him in years. I said, yeah, move to America, man. And he shows me my blood counts and my folic acid is. Right, I'll tell you, this is a standup routine. Gout! The standup routine that I used to do that is a true story, right?

So I went and got my blood pressure done. I was living in Britain and I went, oh, I went and got my blood pressure done. You do the same thing. When you go to Australia, you do the same thing when you go to Australia You trust the doctors a little bit more. They're not doing it for profit as much you get a You got a local bloke. I want the last I did semen. This is true. I did semen. Yeah shit Yeah, you're in when I'm in Australia, even if there's nothing wrong with me. I'll take the car over the pits

I went in I went in with a bag full of bodily fluids and just dumped it on there and went, I'll just bulk bill that for 50 bucks. Yeah. Would have bankrupted me here. And it turns out that my semen is too viscous. Can't have kids at the moment because of my bad diet and drinking.

You can fucking mold my semen into play figures. It's so gelatin-like. Yeah, like so gelatin-like. And I can get a woman pregnant by winking at him. So I don't know. Well, my doctor told me that my sperm is basically trapped in a tomb of jello. Oh no no no no there's there's people who have washed my sheets who have gotten pregnant. Anyway so what was I talking about so I go to the doctor in Australia and he does my blood pressure and he's like this your blood pressure

is too high we might have to put you on statins or whatever we have to put you on some tablets Blood pressure is too high. All right. All right, so I go back to Britain He goes get it tested again when you get home, right? So go back to England where I'm living I get my blood pressure done. I get the same results Same results. Yeah, and he goes it's within the acceptable guidelines. The guidelines in Britain were different. So I'm just gonna keep on moving to different countries until I'm the healthiest man in Rwanda. That's the benefit of moving here. The obesity line. You want to feel good about yourself.

They're gonna be like this, they're gonna be like, oh you're fine, you haven't even got AIDS yet. do you want to join the football team? The minister of health. Right. So I, yeah. So another time I went and got my blood pressure done in Australia, it was too high. And the doctor was like this and my family doctor I've had in my whole life, right. Dr.

Pollard, right. And, uh, and he's taken my blood pressure and he goes, yeah, mate, your blood pressure is a bit high. He goes, um, but it could be for several reasons. Now he takes care of my whole family. And he said to me, have you been staying with your mother? And I said, yeah. And he goes, that'll be it, that'll be it.

That's a family doctor. Yeah, he knows her well. But you have to do physicals before you go on TV, which is so weird, because before you do a movie or a TV show or something, the to the insurance companies have to ensure you and you're not allowed to have anything wrong with you throughout history. You're just like, hey, you've been on antidepressants. I'm like, yeah. Oh, well, no, but I mean, surely everyone that's in TV has got this is the thing. Every every actor fucking smokes. I don't smoke anymore. Right. Every actor smokes.

Every actor fucking smokes. I don't smoke anymore, right? Every actor smokes. And they must be saying no. Because I could say very happy. I say I haven't had a drink in four years. I haven't had a cigarette in this amount of time. I don't understand. Can't they just test you and go look at his number? The guy's got emphysema. Who gives a fuck what he's saying? This is the thing. Chris Farley made movies. John Candy made movies. John Belushi made movies. But insurance was a lot better back then.

You know, now he would be uninsurable for a film. made movies, John Belushi made movies. But insurance was a lot better back then. He would be uninsurable for a film. They would be able to see that in your blood. Do you have to do blood tests? Stephen Hawking's did a guest appearance in the Big Bang Theory. How did he get through? Well, I think there was other objections

to you being on television. Right, but anyway, my point is- They wanted to look at a file and say, we're rejecting you because of your- There's a lady you go to and she does all the tests and my blood pressure at the moment, because I haven't been drinking or anything. My blood pressure is, uh, 117 over 71. I don't know. I never know what that means. That's like really good. Yeah. I'm going to live forever. You smoke weed. I don't smoke weed.

I have edibles. You have it. I don't smoke. And nothing goes into my lungs except for air. You have weed and you play a lot of video games. You're doing all right for chill. You're not digging ditches. No, no, no, no, I should have good blood pressure. My blood pressure, my heart should have a heart rate of zero, like just one beat a minute.

Well, if you did track your heart rate, you'd go, there's two times a week that you seem to get off the couch and it's high for gigs. And then there's a big come down off that as well. Well here's something you might not know about. My hemorrhoids are good, good, good until I have to go on stage and then one of them always wants to pop out. There's something to do with the adrenaline or the pressure.

Some of the- I got to tell people the best moments of touring with you is I'll be in the green room and I hear you get your big round of applause and then you come in and you're about to do a meet and greet and you might not even know I'm in the room. You immediately put your hand under the back of your ass and push and then you go, my ass fell out on stage. Oh, the blood's going through the jeans. And then within three minutes you've got your arm around a woman who's paid a thousand dollars for a VIP.

I wash my hands, I wash my hands and also she hasn't paid $300. Don't ask Brendan those fucking rumours. It's about 80 bucks or something. Anyway, I wash my hands and the blood's only come out a couple of times. But I do wear black jeans on stage for that express reason. You'll never see me in a white suit like I'm out of a fucking boy band. You look behind, oh he's got some opinions on Japan, does he? Have you ever done it on stage where you've had to put the hemorrhoid back in? I started talking a lot. No, I just sit on it. You know when you're a kid and you had that pants and you were like...

Is that why you have the seat? Oh yeah, there's a lot of reasons behind the seat, but the seat, no, it's better standing than sitting. I mean there's that donut cut into it, you know. No, no. I've seen on there. You're being Nazi. What's happening at this moment, Amos? Oh, we're moving on from that. I just wanted to talk shit about Spokane quickly because we were in Spokane.

What was wrong with Spokane? I loved Spokane. Denver, my favorite city in America. Denver's a banger for comedy. Banger. Too much snow for me, but like I grew up in the heat. I think we could probably start ranking when we do the worst tourist attractions and the gondola in Spokane would have to be right up there. Okay the folks in Spokane they agreed with me I talked about this on stage. This isn't mean-spirited. Yeah I'm not speaking out of turn here right but they have a waterfall in the center of Spokane we were in the hotel over the road from the waterfall the waterfalls a little tiny one the waterfall is probably the reason that Spokane exists.

They used hydroplaning. Hydroelectricity. And it has a waterfall. It has a couple of little moments and there's a bridge with a whole lot of arches. Someone put up a picture now, Jack, if you're, Jack's not with us today, but if you're listening, of this thing. And it has gondolas, you know, on the cable car, gondolas, right?

Where you sit in them, and they could fit four people in each one? Me and you went on there, we went down there. I paid $15 a ticket, didn't see Amos reach for his fucking wallet, even though we're splitting it half and half, this podcast, but turns out on the road, I still pay for his gondola rides.

Anyway, so we go down to the gondola. I would have bought it for you anyway, you're a good boy, you're a good boy. Anyway so I go down to the gondola, right, and then they go, they were surprised that someone was purchasing it. Not just surprised, there was a guy who has to run the gondola who came out of what was definitely an afternoon nap. Yeah. He was angry that we were there.

He's like, it's very cold. He ran down. He's like, all right. He goes, it's a 20 minute ride. So 20 minutes, you think to yourself, this is going to be something. I thought it would go for about five miles around the town. Yeah, I thought it would go all the way down the river

and then circle back and then they'll go all the way down the river. A kilometer maximum. No. Less? 500 meters. 300 meters. back and they'll go all the way down the river. A kilometer maximum. No! Less? 500 meters. 300 meters. 300 meters from end to end.

300 meters max. The best part about this. Someone can Google this right away, but the gondola is 300 meters. So it's a 600 meter round trip. And it says on there, there's a QR code, and it says scan this to get information. And we thought, well, that's boring.

We don't need to do that. If you ever go on the gondola scan scan it You need to find out what's going on it sits there for 10 minutes in the middle doing nothing So all it is is a waterfall that falls down into a bit where people have put trash and a few other bits of debris Have been dropped and they're just circling around so you'll see like a Burger King cup and a basketball Yeah, and some other bits of litter. I would like people, by the way, to send to us. Let's put together a list of worst tourist attraction in America.

We'll just keep going to tourist attractions when we go to different cities and we'll rank them. Well, it's leading at the moment at number one for us. Yeah, fucking, yeah, the gondola ride in Spokane. Anyway, so freezing cold, you go out there, it stops a bit so you can watch it. Now, the weird thing about is you think You would go

gondola 20 meters gondola 20 meters gondola 20 meters the big part of a gondola is wanting to see what's outside See what's outside, but they put us in that they're in batches of three and these gondolas are maybe three meters apart You know even about two meters apart, and you can't see past the gondola in front of you. So that's how you, I know why they do it. So you can't see how short the ride is. You only know the ride short when you start turning around. Only in the front cart you get it and they never put you in the front cart they put you in the back. Yeah they put you in the back. And you get to look at the sides. Other than that Spokane, very very good. Great crowds. What you do

with Jim by the way when you travel, we haven't taken a flight together in a long time. Jim buys trading cards. This is what we're going to transition into. You buy trading cards and you surprise yourself on a plane by opening up your baseball cards as a way to pass the time. So you sit there ripping the cards. Yeah, I look super autistic when I do it.

You pull out a little box. I get a box of maybe a $300, $200 box of sports cards and I sit there and I rip into them right. Oh yeah that's Aaron Judge. That one's worth a bit and then I put it in like a plastic sleeve and I go tap tap tap tap tap on the sleeve and then I put them through. What's's your problem what are you trying to say? No I went and watched with you yeah you went to a store here in Burbank and I I didn't know the sort of money for these baseball cards I was slightly aware that you so you buy a pack yeah and it's random yeah right and it's like the Willy Wonka golden ticket thing you don't know what you're gonna get in there. It's a bit of fun yeah. Okay so you took me to a

store I wasn't that interested because I'm not a big baseball guy I don't mind it so I don't really know. Any sports, any sports. And then I because of you my algorithm has changed with all the baseball talk you know when you're talking about a topic all of a sudden it starts to pop up on your phone I got sent this by my algorithm which I thought was a lie at the beginning and this is a story that's happening at the moment can we get a picture this is the top card company's secret card for the year. For those who aren't watching it's Robert J Oppenheimer smoking a pipe and they've attached his signature

which is randomly included in a baseball card pack yet to be discovered. Yeah well it might have been discovered because those packs came out at the moment. The pack that comes in is a box that has about 20 cards in it and it's worth about, correct me if I'm wrong, about $3,000. But all I could think when I saw this was somewhere is a Japanese child that loves Shouhei Atani and has bought a batch of trading cards and he's like, Dad I didn't get Atani but I got, who's this Oppenheimer? That's gotta go.

Oh, he was the Hiroshima hitter. Ah, well they should have behaved better in the war, but what's his stats at the back? So it wick. Okay. No, but they've got Marilyn Monroe cards and you can get like, there's lots of people throughout history. I was watching someone do a break the other day.

Like I just watched him online. It's just like a kid, like an unboxing. You, you watch unboxings. Yeah. Yeah late at night Sometimes and I saw someone get Cy Young which is like the Cy Young award or the picture It was just that autograph was in the same batch of that one. But there's yeah, there's Marilyn Monroe. There's there's John Hancock There's John Hancock. You'll get ones you'll get you'll get fucking Washington and shit, man You'll get like all you'll get fucking Washington and shit, man. You'll get like old babe Ruth's and stuff like that. But then there's some of them that they try to go, oh, Freddie Mercury.

And it's like, you can buy a Freddie Mercury autographed picture for 250 bucks. What? Right, so it's a shitty little card. I'm not into those cards. I like just straight up sports cards. I don't even care about the autographs that much. I just like, that's a cool picture.

If I was a kid and I opened that, I'd be up over the the minute and I sort of got back into it because my son started collecting sports cards and I got the little buzz. What's the best you got? Or do you not say because you don't want a home invasion? None of your business. No I don't have the best ones I've got aren't in my house. What you keep them in a vault? I keep them in a vault yeah the best ones but I don't have like real big. Well's your fucking bitcoins. Is it it's like worth proper value Like if you get a Fleur Jordan rookie card, right in a nine That's worth 14,000 bucks main but I want to tap down on that

Why would they include up and it seems so strange to me because the creator of the atomic? No, because it's it sells and because Oppenheimer, right? strange to me because the creator of the atomic bomb. No, because it sells and because Oppenheimer, right, let's go, he probably signed a thousand documents and there's all these bits of bullshit bits of paper that he signed Hiroshima, yes. Right. Nagasaki, do we need to? Didn't they learn the lesson the first time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. More radiation glasses needed for tests. Right? So he does all that, and so all these documents are sitting around, all they do is they just cut out the bottom bit, put it in the thing, like the guy's dead. I know, but he's like borderline on the nose, like, what about the furor? Would you not take a Hitler autograph? Would you not? Oh no, I'd only want Hitler's rookie card when he was a painter. It's actually one he painted of himself. That's valuable. That's yeah that's see everyone always wants to go back in history. What about

dictator cards? No they want to go back back in history. Well see I own a pretty good OJ Simpson card. He's not a good dude. Why don't we just do like serial killer cards then? People do do that shit man, there's horror cards and stuff. Really? For sure, yeah. What if you got like a Dharma? People, people, they would, I haven't seen them but that would be a thing. That sounds like, that can't go ahead.

You could do Idi Amin. Because they put relics in cards, so you have like a card and it'll have like a little bit of someone's jersey or something like that you can put a bit of you know a bit of Dahmer's freezer. What is a woman's fingernail? No no no not the dead that's very morbid but you can definitely get a bit of Dahmer's work badge from the chocolate shop you worked in. Yeah because the stats on the back is... They always say about Jeffrey Dahmer, they go, Jesse Jackson got involved and they said that all the killings were racially motivated. God, I'm a moron today.

So racially motivated. They weren't racially motivated, it just so happens that he was attracted to black men, that's why most of them were black men. It was he wasn't that he was racist It was quite the opposite. You didn't want to be liked by him right because I tell you why it's not racist because no one ever called him homophobic and Almost all of them were gay two or two of them were they were just unlucky. That was his flavor Yeah, yeah, but no one ever came in and went. Oh, this seems very homophobic all these murders Yeah on the hierarchy of his problems. Yes racism and homophobic was further down. Yeah. Yeah. No, he wasn't racist very homophobic, all these murders. On the hierarchy of his problems.

Yes. Racism and homophobia was further down. Yeah, yeah, no, he wasn't racist or homophobic. Well give him that. Yeah, you gotta give credit where credit's due. We wouldn't wanna slander him. Yeah, yeah. Did you see, I saw a clip the other day.

I always follow Earthquake's clips, but if we could put this clip. Is he gonna be a comedian? Yeah, Earthquake the comedian. That's how I get my news is earthquake Right. He always puts up little things that's going on in the world and there's this bloke who it's like a serial killer Killer, I sent you this. Yeah. Yeah put this clip up now. What's going on man? Thanks, so parents have some concerns of some stuff they may have found in your room

Yeah, I believe so. And what would it be? A human head and hands. Like, for real, human head and hands? Yes. From? That fellow who I'm missing recently. Which fellow was that?

Warren Brown. Warren Brown? When did he go missing? The night of the 27th. the night of the 27th the night of the 27th, okay, and how did you end up with them I Murdered him with what a knife Why would you have done that? I've always wondered what murder felt like like that right man How fucking scary is that cat when he just goes, it's a human head and hands. He changes from this meek 19 year old to that fella that went missing.

That was like, I don't know if I've ever seen evil. Well, if you're a serial killer and you're getting interviewed by the news, that is your big moment. That's your last go. That's the last time you say maybe on the sentencing you get another chance, but you've got to, you know what I mean, one shot, one opportunity to go down in serial killer history is the arrest. Mum's spaghetti. Mum's spaghetti. Okay. All right. So, all right, but I was fascinated about you doing the cards because... You know what I like about collector

cards? It's just like... And it's the same thing I like about things like so So people collect watches and the thing about what's too much money that no but watches is the thing about watching I have a couple of watches. I don't have many. I have like I have like two I got a Casio, right? I got one that I always wear and one other one right now the thing about the watches is that They're made intricate They're made of they're made sturdy, they're made sturdy, and they're solid. And the engineering that goes into them,

and the technology, and the fine craftsmanship, and the fact that they're still done by hand with someone just putting in with little bloody toothpicks, putting a little spring in there, and all that type of stuff. And they work perfectly. They work perfectly. That's what the beauty of the watch is, right? It's the engineering.

You know what the beauty of collectic is right is the engineering on so you know what the beauty of collect the causes They're fucking worthless Well, it's only what you read into it, but so is a watch it so is Bitcoin so is worthless so is $100 bill is in quintessentially worthless right that's the fascinating thing that life I mean there was one period in time It's only worth something because we say it's worth. Yeah tulips were once you know we have the tul tulip bust in Denmark. People were trading with tulips. It's just whatever people at that moment like spices. If you have spices in your house today, and you're like a poor person, at one period of time people would have spent

$20,000 for cinnamon. That's half the reason that for the British Empire, right? Yeah, millions, like so many people died for you to go, how long we had that in the British Empire right? Yeah millions like so many people died for you to go how long we had that in the in the cupboard? Yeah. Throw it out. Yeah and then and then you have the the audacity to call them herbs. It's got an H on it. What is that? Americans call them herbs. Herbs. Herbs they don't say herbs. Okay. Herbs and spices. They say herbs, herbs and spices, herbs. Yeah, the... What's wrong with them? Why would they do that? Herbs. So do you know what I collect? Oh, you collect fridge magnets. Yeah, this is my new thing. And you have the audacity to sit there

and just go like this. I find it really interesting that you collect these bits of cardboard that people all over the world collect. And then it's like, what is Amos Gil collect? Fridge magnets from towns that I've visited. I go to a different town and then to remember it, and me and the girlfriend, you've told me this, we have a ceremony where I put the fridge magnet up there and she claps, fuck it, El. We get home and she goes, what's the haul? And I lay them out and then she sits there

and we like go, where does it go? And then we maneuver them around And what you're trying to have like a story going on we have a story of where we've been together Why don't you try to do it as a map of the country? I could do that. I'm I've already had a space I'm onto the dishwasher at the minute. So I'm gonna have to start putting them on your wife You're not even married There's nothing the dishwasher she washes the dishes and And this one, Spokane, I got a pick-up truck. They were pretty fucking ordinary but I just take pictures of them and send it to Annika.

Why didn't you get the cable cards? Why didn't you go in the cable cards? They didn't have a bloody gondola. They've given up on the gondola. They know it's shit. They know it's shit, right. If you're in Spokane, take a photo of the gondola for you. Right, I want to move on to some other things. We haven't talked about anything yet. I'm making news, yeah. What's happening at this moment? A few stories that are happening at this moment. There's one that I wanted to do with you which I thought I'm finding very fun. So there's a lot of people discussing this nation of Greenland which is part of Denmark and

Donald Trump keeps sort of insinuating a that he wants to take Canada that's been his joke it's the 51st state. And I was just in Canada and you actually asked the crowd and I'd say 75% furious, 25% they want it, you know, because they think it's good for their economy because the GDP of Canada, if it was a state would be the, it would still be the smallest economy, even worse than Mississippi. But they have diamonds and shit there. Yeah, they just fuck.

They're useless at extracting their own goods apparently. They found diamonds for the first time in the 1990s. Did you know that? Where? So my wife's engagement ring, my wife wanted an ethical diamond. So what a Canadian guy that drinks Tim Hortons was the ethical way to get them. Don't tell her. Don't tell her.

Right? She's like, oh, I don't want a blood diamond. So she was like, my wife's so batshit crazy. She said something, I want an engagement tree. She wanted a potted tree that we could see grow in the house, right? I get the symbolism of it. And I'm like, I'm not doing the tree.

I said, I'll get you a ring. And she goes, well, I don't want a blood diamond. And I go, not all diamonds are blood diamonds, right? A lot of diamonds come from Australia. I said to her, we haven't got blood diamonds going on in Australia, right? And she goes, and I go, if I get you a ring at Tiffany's, they'll give you a certificate, you'll know exactly where the diamond's from, and it won't be, you know, a blood thing, right?

Anyway, so I get one, and this one's from Canada, right? And so I tell her it's not a blood thing. It turns out they might have fucked over a lot of and this one's from Canada, right? And so I tell it's not a blood thing. It turns out they might have fucked over a lot of innuents to get it, right? Because it's... Well, everything's blood something eventually when you look back at it. And they're diamonds way up in the top of Canada and they can only mine them for a couple of months out of the year because the ice has to melt, right? They didn't know that they had any diamonds until the mid 90s.

They left them in the freezer at the back. Yeah, and now they have tons of them at the top there. That means that the first bloke to find diamonds in Canada, plausibly, was listening to Nirvana, right? And going, I gotta get home to see what's happening with Russ and Rachel. They reckon they were on a break. Hey, I tell you. And where did they, like, where did you, you like get this advertised to you because it doesn't sound sexy Canadian diamond. It sounds like something that was made in a lamp. My wife wants to know that the diamond was cut by a bloke like okay let's go

diamond we go. Some lucky lady's gonna love this one. Yeah that's a shiny one for sure now. I'm gonna put it inside a tin, I'm gonna put it inside a tin bit and propose to my wife. That's a gym bit. That's a gym bit, a tin bit. So I saw that you know the Canadians are on the feds but mostly fucking angry. No, Canada is a great country man, Canada doesn't have to be part of America, Canada can stand at say two feet. Sure. The Canadian, okay you're saying the, you always go on about different things. You said something to me the other day about Australia. Well, I'm a little offended that they're not asking

to want to buy Australia. Like, you think Canada's better than Australia? I'd fucking take Australia down. I was saying to you the other day that during COVID, that Australia gave more money to their citizens than all the other countries, right? Because Australia got a lot of flak for arrests and the lock-in laws.

But actual money-wise, they got a lot more money than Americans did and then you being all bloody right wingy you fucked our economy. The Australian economy goes the same way all the bloody time. It's the same as New Zealand, it's the same as Canada, we're at the mercy of what's going on with the American economy. Also the Chinese because they buy, the Australian economy is, I found a rock! And then the Chinese buy it and then they stop buying it. I think Canada can say, the Canadians, they don't want to join America.

It would be nice if they had a relationship where they could go back and forth. Okay, so Australia and New Zealand, our passports are reciprocal, right? I can go live in New Zealand, New Zealanders can go live in Australia That's a thing. I think Canadians would like that to have the option, but I still think they would like to keep their sovereignty I can't tell you how fucking angry I was as a Commonwealth person and you'd know this bloody well as an Australian In my passport, I had pictures of the Queen We have their flag on our flag and then when I try and go to the UK It was a picture of her fisting herself in the anus

That's why they got a thing Well I shouldn't have drawn that in there Yeah yeah That was found offensive at the border and control immigration man Oh that's a bit rough that isn't it? What have you done that there for? What are you doodling that about the Queen? Yeah fucking Lizzie had big hands and all didn't she?

I mean the work is very good, you've got talent but that's very disrespectful Yeah fucking, you know the difference between yoga and Australians Yoga has culture. Culture. No, but I did go in there a few times and couldn't get the work permits, had to line up for like an hour and a half. And you know, my girlfriend has a German passport. And when they were in the EU, straight through.

Straight through, no. And you go, well, hold on, her grandfather was in the Luftwaffe bombing this city. Yeah, I'm with you. Fucking. I've been in Britain so many times, like, we're meant to be mates. Hold on, her grandfather was in the Luftwaffe bombing this city. Yeah, I'm with you. Fucking fuck. I've entered Britain so many times like, we're meant to be mates. We've subjugated ourselves to be friends, bitch. Mind you, we made their people fruit pick. A lot of people don't know this about the English and we stopped it after Brexit because

we've got closer ties with... So after Brexit, after the United Kingdom left Europe, they had to make some other ties for trades and they made some ties with Canada and Australia. We've got closer relationships now than ever. It's easier to travel between the three countries than it has ever been, right? Without permit, with permit. Now the Gold Coast just has about 10,000 Geordie Shore people. Yes, they were always there.

I like it here. They were just like that but with a different accent, weren't they? You say nice here, what are you complaining about? That's not Geordie, that's Southern, you're doing Southern. No, I'm just saying- Geordie's like, dear number five in the big brother house. That's the voice.

I'm just doing any old British shrag. They all came and became PTs. The British, a lot of these British lads came over and you know like you know the British lads they either go to Dubai or to Australia they're those kinds of like PT guys they flooded our country but yeah there's no says us living in America oh immigration that's going over there is terrible right now but that's not even what I wanted to discuss the one that gets my attention the most sure which I just have been having a lot of

fun with, just talking with a lot of my mates, is the idea of the purchase of Greenland. And when you immediately say America and Donald Trump wants to buy Greenland, it's like scoff that as something that someone on Coke would come up with, like, can we just buy a country? No, no, people have done this. So I just wanted to go with you over the history of purchasing countries. OK.

OK. So first of all- It's not even countries. Sometimes it's like the little Louisiana type of, you know. OK. Yes. So delay the land on the Greenland thing. I was reading about, so the local people there

are subjects of the Danish. The Danish have owned it for 800 years. OK. And many of them want freedom from Denmark. They like dairy more than any other nation. Did you know that? I learned some things off the I Don't Know About That podcast. The Danes have the biggest dairy intake. Well, they give 600 million a year to Greenland as a loss leader.

And apparently Greenland has a lot of natural resources and Obviously Donald Trump intends to drill baby drill which means the fossil fuels are going to probably add to climate change So as a long play, you know, he might make Greenland green again by melting the snow cap So it's a good real estate plan. You believe in climate change. I believe in climate change. Yeah I do. Okay, good. I like when you have some lefty views on you. I like that. That was good. That was very good of you. That was very good of you. Don't liberal pat me on the head. To believe in basic science. Well done you. But they've got, what do you know about Greenland? Let me ask you that. Ah lots of trees I imagine. And there's 55,000 people there and they did a straw poll

of a few, about 2,000, and said, how do you feel about that? That was actually when they pulled straw out of their chairs. It's a very old system. The one who got the shortest ones gets to be their Prime Minister. So they said, how would you feel about joining America? But it was a two-pronged question. The first part was, do you want to leave Denmark? Would it be like USA Samoa? Like it would be a territory, right? It would be a territory. Well, the deal that I read, which to me sounds amazing, was they buy it off the Danish for God knows how many billion it was, but each citizen, there's 55,000 of them, would be

given 100k and US citizenship. So all of a sudden you've got $100,000 as like you're an investor in a company and you just got bought out by a bigger company. So they get 100,000 and now they're looked after as part of the US because China's been sniffing around They tried to build an air and they come in there and take away your houses Say we need this land because it's you have to be removed I think they really just want to go in there and take the natural resources Which are trapped under ice that cost a lot of money And that's why Elon Musk and all the tech bros are excited about this is because there's for their EV cars there's like a lot of money and that's why cross consensus of left-wing and right-wing people on the purchase. We rename it Green Card Land and every immigrant that wants to come to America has to go there

first. So me included. You've got to do three years of hard labor on Greenland to make that country into something. And only if you last three years in Green Card Land do you get the Green Card and then you move to like Alaska. It's like gateways. And then you go down slowly. So that's like purgatory.

I came through the proper channels. So that's like purgatory. I came through the proper channels. Right, yeah, I get you. Because we're going to need labor. OK, because you have countries where you have to go into the military, and you have to do things. And the Australians, when British people came to Australia,

they had to pick fruit for about two months or something. And after they finished fruit picking, they were allowed out into the country because we don't have illegal immigrants coming over to pick our fruit right okay so what you're saying actually has some strange merit to it how much do you want it go to green card land and make that city like because let's let's be frank the history of every place in America I mean it takes cheap labor to build beautiful things.

I mean, every country on earth has exploited labor. I'm here saying, I want a green card and it's not forthcoming. Send me to green card land and I will do whatever they fucking tell me to do. Well, you have to do hard labor. You could be the... What building? You could work behind a bar or something. You just have to contribute to the economy and not be unemployed.

I think living in Nook, the city in Greenland is pretty hard labor. It doesn't seem... Nook! It's a lot of the name of the thing. Nook! Nook! That's what it sounds like. It sounds like Buddy Ray's done it. Buddy, all these nooks everywhere. Fucking you can't get anything done with all the nooks. Man, I live in Greenland. It's all right. But the nooks. But I think other countries would like to do the purchase. The Chinese want to buy it. How about this for a system.

The United Nations auctions it off. Highest bidder. Well, isn't that what's basically going on? Because America's just going, we're going to fuck it and you'll listen to what we say. So you're saying America's doing a hostile takeover where they're trying to go and here you get paid out here's severance. Yeah like each all the people that live there they're going fuck Denmark off what have they done for you. Okay do you think the Danes are going to have a military pushback is it gonna be like

the Falklands for example because the Falklands that was one of those things where you were like what are you up to? What's the problem, Britain? They wanted, what's on the Falklands? You know what that was? That was Britain going, we've already lost everything. We're not losing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Falklands was just having one little argument at the end.

It was like a petulant cry. Like someone who's got divorced and they're like, I'm taking this mug. This is my mug. Cause Queen Elizabeth- I was the one who got it. Queen Elizabeth had looked at the map and saw everything she lost under her reign and she thought, Give me...

I don't want to speak because I know people lost their lives in the Falklands and Prince Andrew no longer sweats afterwards. So he went through his bloody tragedy there. So I'll go through the list of territories purchased. Okay. Okay. So, the Isle of Man. Yeah, the Isle of Man. Yeah, Isle of Man. Yeah the Isle of Man has the TT races and my dear friend Rob Heaney comes from the Isle of Man. He's the only comedian

to come from the Isle of Man. Give it up for Rob Heaney. Who do you think the Scots bought that from? Oh I thought it was owned by the English but the Scots would have bought that from the Irish, right? They bought it from Norway. What? How? That's not even near Norway. Because the island man is in between Ireland and Wales. Well you know, Vikings have been in there. Okay, alright, yeah, okay. So they bought it for 4000 Marks sterling. Yeah. What year?

1266. Yeah, it went a lot further back then. Went a lot further. Not like today. 4000 Marks sterlings only gets you a couple of, you know, a watch or something. But back then it was a couple of watch or something but back then it was a lot of money. So we go to 1662, Dunkirk. Yeah. The French bought

that off England. Really? That was five million livres. Okay but Dunkirk is actually attached to France. It's a beach off France. Yes but you know how the French and English you know it was like they had French kings and English kings that ruled over Brittany and it was very complicated. Yeah, not that interesting that one. Okay, what about Estonia, Livonia, Ingria and southwest Finland? What, why Estonia and Finland aren't the same thing? Why am I? Southeast Finland, it's called Keksho Mollsson. Yeah? Yeah, the Russians bought that from Sweden. Okay. That was 1721. Saint Croix, Denmark and Norway bought that from France and now

we get to something more recent, Louisiana. It's bought from the French. Bought from the French. How much do you reckon you'd pay for Louisiana? The Louisiana purchase I fucking I've learned I think I did a podcast on this. I can't remember but it was it wasn't much. This is your new podcast I still don't know about. Yeah I can't remember. Didn't we talk about this? I've learnt this but I can't remember but it wasn't a lot of money. 15 million USD yeah 1803 that was. Yeah okay so in today's money what's that a billion dollars? I'm not a maths guy. One billion? Florida? Is there someone want, is there a buyer? Spain had that. Yeah.

Sold it when? Ah, it would have been before Louisiana. We had that, Louisiana, no it was after. No it was after. Oh crikey. 18, 19. That was an organic crikey everyone. You don't hear them very often. I hope you enjoyed it. Five million. So they paid ten million more for Louisiana.

I think they got fucking ripped on that. It didn't fucking have Disney World yet, did it? Like Orlando is just a swamp. Yeah, so is Louisiana. Fucking hell. Singapore! Um, Singapore was bought from China. By the Singapore... I thought Singapore was independently owned. Who bought Singapore? The UK bought it off Johor. Ah that whore. Johor. You and

Johor. Johor. Johor for 60,000 Spanish dollars in 1824. Then... Okay so what's the last purchase in the world? Well, you want to know the most recent one. Yeah. Yeah, because I thought, well, that just ended. And now it's, it's really, it's like war, and then you take the land. But the idea of like doing a deal is very rare. I think, there's nothing, buying land is buying land.

I'm a property owner, you know, it's, it's, it's what you do. I imagine if you're buying, you know, let's say that you wanted to sell off an island, you would, it'd be like buying and selling a house where you've got to go to the locals and say listen The Chinese are coming to buy us. Can you get all the homeless off the streets? It's like they're gonna be there between 12 and 4. All right, we're set dressing We're gonna fly some beautiful people in so it looks like it's a good neighborhood. Me and you live back in Australia, right? Australia's being purchased. Who do you want to buy it? Well, I think China's already bought a lot of it. They've bought a lot of the land in total.

China's buying so much land that when we hand over the deed they'll go it's not even yours to hand over to whatever country. That's the thing I'd prefer America to China. Or Britain. Fuck the British. No no. You don't want the British. I'd rather the Americans than the British. The British got nothing. You get the healthcare. The healthcare won't pay for itself soon, They're all fucking old. That's why they've fled. The NHS is collapsing. They got no fucking money. No, no, no, but we're still Australia. We still have to pay taxes within the country. It just means that someone else owns it. We should have like... It's not like we're gonna be living off the tax dollars of the British. It would just be the name.

We'd still be... We should be a republic, right? Everyone knows we should be a republic. Not everyone. People get so upset. It's the only time my mother stopped talking to me was when I voted Republic. My mother was a monarchist. Stopped talking to me for a couple of months. I've told you this many times. Any right-wing Australian that loves the monarchy, it's like, what kind of a cuck country are you to have another nation's flag on your flag? Yeah, no, we agree. When you go to the Olympic Games, you go to the Olympic Games and you're like, we're Australia, we're better than you and then we wave our flag and it has their flag on it. It's humiliating. Okay, so right now we're recording this episode on Australia Day, right? Is it the 26th today? No, it was yesterday, mate.

Oh, okay, so it doesn't matter. The bloody patriot next to me here. Yesterday, yesterday was Australia Day. Australia Day 26, very controversial thing. I am a fan of Australia Day, maybe they should move it to a different day. The problem is it's the date that the white people came in and so a lot of people call it Invasion Day. And I understand how that can be hard for people because, but when push comes to shove, countries are always going to be colonized and that type of stuff. You want to have a day where the whole country comes together so maybe move it to a different day or wait till there's a Republic, we become our own Republic and then we have Republic Day

or Independence Day but I mentioned it in front of a crowd full of Americans the other day because someone went happy Australia Day Jim from the crowd and I just said oh well it's a bit controversial these days a lot of people think it's invasion day blah blah blah blah I personally still celebrate Australia Day but I found it quite offensive that the Americans were all like oh the day that it was invading. Fuck off like Thanksgiving there was never a pleasant meal no way in the world was that meal them sitting down and they were all like ah come here Pocahontas enjoy the yams enjoy these

blankets yeah we had a few fellas coffin them yeah yeah yeah mean-spirited mean-spirited type of you know yes trying to make a point well that's the point is and this is where I feel about Australia Day, which is everyone's very angry about it and they say change the date. Now the reality of the situation is that's not what they're really saying. What they're really saying is we don't want to celebrate Australia at all because if you change the date and call it Australia Day, it still represents dispossession of the land. So you're not really asking for a changing of the date because the new date would mean

the exact same thing. No, it doesn't have to date. But I would like it to shut some people up. I'm sick of fucking hearing about it. I'm sick of hearing about it, yeah. Because when I was a kid, Australia Day was just a... Because I'm an immigrant to Australia. My family loves Australia.

We came from the Yugoslavia. Also, I say to all the people who hate Australia Day, alright, get rid of it then. You don't get that day off. There's one extra day holiday. Why are you complaining about a day off? Even racists like Martin Luther King Day. You get what I'm saying? holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, holiday, just because she's dead. Yeah, but we haven't, it's always the same day. The King's birthday. I'll do anyone's birthday. I'll do all the Royal Family's birthdays.

I'll celebrate them. I'll bloody put the picture of them up on the bloody wall. Give me a day off work. I'll do Zara Phillips birthday. Are you coming in to do the 1% Club today? Oh, I would, but the Sultan of Brunei just turned 50. Yeah, yeah. Prince Andrew, it's his 17th

birthday. Well not him, but the person. Yeah. Alright, so let's go to the most recent purchase. Okay. Saudi Arabia. Yeah. They purchased Tehran Island and Sanofi Island. Don't know them very well. Haven't seen them on Expedia for holiday packs. They bought it off Egypt for 22 billion dollars in oil and development aid. It's 113 square kilometers and it was done in 2017. 22 fucking billion for the Tehran. How did that not make the news? It probably did make the news. Is that a big story? Do you remember that happening? I don't remember uproar. I certainly haven't heard free Te Tirahan. There's probably a rally

somewhere in downtown LA. Yeah no I haven't heard about that. Are people angry or upset? Because I don't imagine. Have a look at it. Because Egypt they're not. It looks beautiful. Looks like it's probably just where the shags go to fucking do some horrible things. It looks alright. Look crystal clear waters. Got a few broken boats. Oh there'd be quite a few global prostitutes on some yachts. You're always suspicious, you're never happy. Never happy. Don't you go on the reddit threads about women that go to Saudi Arabia?

What happens there? I think they do some nefarious activities. Oh and the people on reddit know? They poo on them. The people on reddit. You've never gone down these rabbit holes where the sheiks are paying women to take a dump on them. I'm sure they're doing it but there's regular people who pay women to have a shit on them. Regular people. What Norman Rockwell painting people are taking a shit on. No I'm just saying that is, look you don't know what anyone's sexual kink is unless you are in the room with their sexual kink. So if I told you Jim here's the thing about me. I've never shat on anyone. I want to shit on someone. There would be if you saw a shit coming out my asshole and the fucking prolapsed fucking hemorrhoid coming out that woman's... no that's not fun for anyone. The level of

therapy. Yeah. Yeah no no. You know because you've got you know the hemorrhoids. Has your wife seen? No no I tell her not to look. She asked to look once I said no no no no no. It's like the predator's mouth. look. She asked to look once. I said, no, no, no, no, no. It's like the predator's mouth. We still have to have some magic. I told you, I'd make a movie out of it where you'd start close up on it and you go, oh, that's a lovely rose. And then you'd pull out and then you go, what?

What? Oh, beautiful opening to a film. Okay, so we can go to the next topic. Greenland, what you say we should try and put in the bid? I haven't got enough information to see whether this is... I don't know how much information you can get. No, no, no, but you know what I mean? I would like to speak to some people from Greenland

or watch some Greenland news or something. What you're saying sounds like a pretty fair deal. CNN, the central Nook network. Yeah. The Nick-Nack-Nooey network coming to you live. The Nook Times. Nook Times. Nook, Nook Network. Yeah. The Nick-Nack-Noo-E network coming here, coming to you live. The Nook Times. Nook Times. Nook Nook. If there's any Nook journalists out there, I want to know the truth. Do you like Denmark? Are they colonized? Is that where we invented the Nook? Like in the corner of a kitchen? Oh yeah, in the corner. Because it's the corner of the planet.

Yeah, yeah. It's out of the Nook. It's hiding in the Nook. Yeah, so anyway, so any nooks who want to speak to me, any nook-tobians, nook-nook-nookians? Nookettes? Nookettes? Yeah, any nookettes, any nookettes who want to talk to me and tell me their point of view, I'm here to learn. Okay, now speaking of Australia and Australia Day, everyone has been celebrating, you know, the elements of, well, not everyone, but the people that are celebrating, are putting together a list and news.com.au did a survey of 2000 Aussies about what our national dish was. I thought I'd get your reaction to this.

Number one. Yes. What do you think? Meat pie. You would say the meat pie. 24% of the country agrees with you. Meat pie is our national dish and we do it better than anyone. Other countries make pies. New Zealanders seem to go on like their pies are better than ours. They're not. But they're

good pies in New Zealand. The British, I don't know where they've gone wrong because they sell pies but they're horrendous. But they do like a slice of like a big slab of the shit. No, no, they'll sell you a pie. Pork pies. Pork pies are dreadful with jelly around them and then you eat them cold from a gas station. It's a terrain sandwich. Like I eat them. Anyway so yeah and then they had another one called Pucker Pies, this company called Pucker Pies which you put it in and Pucker Pies are fucking dog shit man. Anywho the Australian pie with a bit of tomato sauce or ketchup to you Americans is one of my favorite meals and I found a place locally that

did them there was a guy that used to come down to... Miss Melbourne pies, they're alright. There was a guy that used to come down to fork in pies right, fork in pies right, fork in pies, they were the best pies and he used to do them with mushy peas and mash potato. But that's not Aussie. That is if you go to... Fuck off. A mushy pie has got no place in a pie in Australia.

Go to Harry's Cafe to Wills, my friend. That's Sydney shit, mate. Yeah, that's it. Go to Queensland, they love a mushy pea. Up in Queensland, my father was eating those as a child. Just in your pompous little fucking city of churches. Balfas and Villies all the way, just a basic steak pie with tomato sauce. I'm all for it. I hardly ever do the... a pea floater? You never had a floater? We have a pie floater in Australia but I think they're shit. In South Australia we

have got the pie floater. It's one of our steak dishes. But you're saying it doesn't exist. I met an Australian woman the other day who I said g'day and she was like this, she was in the line at the meet and greet and she said, I said g'day how you going, g'day how you going, g'day how you going, right? And then she said, oh he's putting it on, we don't really say that in Australia. You're wrong, you're wrong, we do. That's classist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she was too posh for it. She's one of those people that hates her Australian background. You know, she wants to seem... She's one of the Australian people who speak like this.

Oh, no. Did you say? I'm sorry. Did you say fair dinkum? Oh, my God. That's really gross. So random. What a bogan. Super bogan. What a bogan. Fucking bogan for the win, man. 23% is the second place. So Pye at 24%. What do you think came in at second? It'll probably

Be sausage rolls or lambingtons or it'll just straight-up be Vegemite. So 23% was Vegemite on toast. Okay, so Vegemite I eat three times a week. I order it in You can get it at Whole Foods I order it in, you can get it at Whole Foods. It's a quiet, if you grew up with it, you want it your whole life. 18% roast lamb, 16% sausage sizzle, and 8% for the pavlova, which I admit is kiwi. So let's take that one off. And then the sausage sizzle. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, why do you admit it's kiwi?

It was named after... Anna Pavlova. the Russian play dancer. Anna Pavlova. And there's a place in Fremantle, Western Australia, that claims to have invented it. And now I know... Vented it. Vented it? It claims to have invented it.

And Russell Crowe is Australian, you know? I'm sorry, we can't claim everything to those... Oh, no, no, no. Look, look, look. Sometimes when I'm sitting back listening to Crow crowded house, good Aussie band, I think to myself about how good was Russell Crowe and everything about how we, we bowled underarm in 1981. The Chappell brothers did it.

It was their fault. And how good's, how good's the Hobbit, mate? Central Queensland, one of the best locations for a film. Yeah, the Hobbit's a banger. Yeah. We steal everything from them. They've got very few things and we try and claim them. So I'm gonna give them the pavlova. But the sausage chisel, I have to say, I grew up as an Australian kid who loved nothing more than, look I played like footy. So I'm half, half Aussie, half

WOG. And you have to explain again. You know, Eastern European, ethnic, whatever, Mediterranean. And so on the Aussie side, the sausage is at a footy club like just a fucking shit barbecue Even like the bacon and egg sandwich. That's like three bucks at a community sausage Bunnings sausage the onions are grilled very nice. The sausage is just a decimated fucking average sausage But you know what the way you can't have them in America because American bread fucking sucks Australian bread is the very best in the world. I've traveled the world. An Australian loaf of white bread,

just generic white shit bread, is as soft as soft and just meshes down. And it can wrap around the sausage. Like, you know, like the old Chick-fil-A buns that used to mold to the chicken that was sort of softer. They've gotten a bit more grainy now. But the Australian bread just sort of bends around the sausage.

You couldn't get that bent. The sausage of Bunnings, it's 90% romance, 10% flavor, because it is shit. And now that I have a German girlfriend, and I go over there and they pump a lot of sausages. And you know what the Germans are like, do you know how embarrassing it is to be an Aussie who goes, we've got the best sausages.

And it's essentially white bread and charcoal dust with tomato sauce. Yeah, but the bread's the genius. You can't do it. OK. And my father-in-law is like, yeah, that's sausages. It's not so good, huh? Oh, yeah.

OK. So in Austria, I was eating that crank and whatever, the one with the cheese in it. Oh, the Kaiser Gehnen. Yeah. I was eating like five of them a day because I knew that my day, I was only there for three days and I wasn't going to get it again. And then I came home and googled where to buy one in LA.

You can't fucking get one. And now in every corner... We wanted to start a business, I remember that. That was the classic, you go to Europe and you come back and we were like, why don't we do sausage carts where we do German sausages on the street? Well, I'm serious. That would fucking... Okay, you leave the Clippers or you leave Staples Center and there'll be maybe 80, 90, 100... Mexican sausage grill. ...Mexican street vendors. Yeah.

Right? And it's completely legal, but they're all serving the exact same meal. Right? It's a bacon wrapped sausage in a normal just store-bought hot dog bun with jalapeno With like like peppers and onions and stuff like that, but it's a bacon wrapped sausage. It's not bad I've never gotten sick off one. I've seen other people get sick off them, but I've never gotten sick of one But if you don't like bacon or what are you like? There's no variety out there Imagine you have the Kaizen who can who can the Kaizen it's a nice crisp

It's a red sausage with a bite with a snap to it with cheese running through the bloody thing fucking brilliant not only that the chicken parma which is really to me the real national dish of Australia yeah yes and that's just the chicken schnitzel with cheese and marinara sauce melted over and it and and if you're an American listening to this that that is our number one meal and if it came here yeah but they always think here my other chicken parm it blah blah blah it's not the standard Australian one. It's not even Italian, it's a pub food, like it's a pub food thing. But I thought you'd find this interesting, that was, this list I gave you was for people 40 plus.

They also asked under 40s what's Australia's national dish and number one was the avocado toast. Yeah, that'd be right. That's the cosmopolitan left taking over this country. What you don't understand was that right up until about the year 2000 we didn't really have avocados in Australia in a main way. The bottom of prawn cocktails, I remember trying an avocado in the 90s and going what the fuck is this? I used to do a joke about it where I go, because we never had any at all, and the first time we had it I go, my dad used to think avocado was a Brazilian soccer player from the eighties.

Like, it was nowhere. It was nowhere, nowhere. And now we're avocado crazed in Australia, but it was nowhere. No one was putting it on toast, crushed avocado on toast, gotta have a crushed avocado. But it wasn't a thing until about 2000. But the last one I wanna say on this is,

I grew up as a very ignorant Australian, you know, I love my barbecues, don't get me wrong. Yes, but we but we would always we love a barbecue But the barbecue to us is not about the meat. It's just about the vibe. It's backyard cricket It's a communal shed and here you are saying I'm too much of a fucking right-winger I do believe in the socialism of the communal barbecue by the beach Oh, you've got everyone else's grease, and then you put together a barbecue, and you fling a sausage to the birds, and you have that as the sun goes down

on the Australian beach, there's nothing better. But the food itself is dog shit, and I come to America and go, I love barbecuing. And then you meet Americans who like barbecuing, and it's some kind of autistic science for guys with neckbeards in the South who have machines. American barbecue and having things and brisket and that. I always find it weird that like brisket is like a Jewish thing that blokes who might not enjoy the company.

Right, so it's better. It's the barbecuing in America is fucking next level. It's a real dining experience. Sometimes it can be overrated. You got to get it really, but when get it really but when it's really good it's really good now in Australia it's just heat steak sausages and that's it right there's nothing else going on and it's all just not there's no finish but I'll tell you what you made me just think of them backyard cricket is there a better sport on earth that can be played by families in the backyard I say no. Backyard American football with the tagging and stuff like that. I've seen people do it on Thanksgiving

stuff. Don't do it. Backyard baseball is no good because you're trying to hit the bloody ball over the fucking fence. Right? We have it. We have my, you know, my grandma has really severe dementia, the Croatian one. And I haven't spoken to her in 10 years as where she could speak, right? And I'll get sad thinking about this, but my brother has, from our last Christmas with her, she was like 78, barely mobile, but she she went up to bat in backyard cricket. Never played cricket, she was sort of vaguely familiar, she held the fucking thing and my brother came in

and bowled and she swung and she hit it and it just Deflected perfectly and it went for four and we all ran over and everyone was lifting up our bubba and like that is the last Memory I'll have of my grandmother who could have she can barely speak English and she's celebrating the fact that she hit a four runs It's simple. Everyone loves to play it. It speeds along. It's something, women and men play it, it's not just all the boys get it, their kids play with adults, and I tell you something, because cricket, unlike baseball, and I love baseball, but cricket is more of a finesse game than baseball, you know what I mean? You're not hitting it for the fair. So it is just tapping it away and moving the ball, I tell you something. And backyard cricket is played with a tennis ball, not with an actual cricket ball.

With tape applied if you're a serious family. And then, and every house has their own rules, right? So we had in my house, there was like, if you hit the wall, it's four, but if you hit the window, you're out. So you really didn't want to hit the window, which was in the wall, even though it wouldn't break the window, because you really have to smash it. Everyone has this rule, six and out. If you hit it over the fence,

you get six runs and you're out. I've fought against this my whole life and one of the reasons I left Australia is because of the six and out rule and I'll tell you why. Why? Six and out sums up Australia. What it is, how dare you think you're better than the rest of us. You get six runs. Well done. I hope you feel good about yourself, but go over the fence pick up the ball Come back and you're out for people who don't know about cricket if you if you hit the fence It's four runs if you get over the fence equivalent of a home run is worth six runs

But the reason it would be if you hit a home run you've lost yeah But that's because you're hitting it into someone else's yard. Don't care America is all about succeeding come here bring your best Bring your best try and succeed get rich and Australia's energy is fuck you reckon you are mate It's because you're hitting it into someone else's yard. Don't care. America is all about succeeding. Come here. Bring your best. Bring your best. Try and succeed. Get rich. And Australia's energy is, what the fuck do you reckon you are, mate?

No, no, no. He's a show off. Okay. We only have two balls. If we get rid of all of them. One hand, one bounce is also, it's a tax on the successful because you're like, he's too good. So now we've got to try and make it harder for him.

No, no, no. You've got to go one hand, one bounce because one hand, one bounce because you can catch the ball out. But if it bounces, you and make it harder for you. You've got to go one hand, one bounce. Because one hand, one bounce. Because you can catch the ball out. But if it bounces, you can catch it with one hand. We used to do it one hand, one bounce. But it had to be your non-dominant hand. Yeah, that's all right. But I don't like any of the rule changes.

Here's the worst rule. Auto wiki. Because that's the automation of people's jobs right there. People went, oh, that's a boring job. That's been the catcher. Yeah, but you have to play to the dimensions of people's jobs right there people went. Oh, that's a boring job. That's they've been the catcher Yeah, but you you have to play the dimensions of your yard. I'm just saying I liked I like what you had to actually be caught by Not the wall. I think the game went downhill. That's what I'm saying. Anyway backyard cricket wonderful Talking about backyard cricket from the fucking 80s Right, there's edit points. don't you worry about that.

What else did I want to talk to you about? What were we even discussing? The Oscars. The Oscars. What did we talk about about backyard cricket? You were talking about Australianism and then you started crying about your grandma. Oh yeah, because it's very, this is the thing I like most about the old immigrant story in Australia and why I like Australia Day is my

grandparents came to the country and what they do in Australia back in the day is they used to split people up so you didn't ghettoise with your own group and so you got to all different towns so then you're a foreigner but you have to learn the ways of the new culture you go to and every time I see Australia Day I think of immigrants that have come to Australia and how much they've loved to adapt it. No when I see Australia Day I personally and I'm not Aboriginal so I can't speak to how they feel right but I personally just think of you know how multicultural and how what a great country it is and it's meant to be a day where we all band together have a barbecue, play some

backyard cricket, eat some food that we synonymous with us. Yeah, everyone thinks it's like a white nationalist day, but it's also a Sudanese guy that escaped a war wearing an Aussie flag as a cape doing a fucking shoeie. Exactly, right? So I celebrate 4th of July here in America I wasn't fucking there. If anything, I would have been on the English side, right? Back at that time in history. Right? You're a fucking loyalist scumbag. No, but my genealogy comes from there. Like my family would have been in England during that period. That's why you don't want Americans to have guns.

Yeah. Because you didn't want the country taking from you. Yeah, yeah, I'm a fucking red coat. That's why I like guns. I've been a red coat the whole time. We needed guns to fucking kick your kind out of this country. The red coats, historically, are the dumbest cunts in history. One of the great losses.

What? How long did it take for people to figure out camouflage? No, but do you know why they wore red coats? Because I used to do a bit about this and I've been lectured in the comments. Okay. So the enemy never saw you bleed. Please. Their fucking shirt underneath was white. That leg was also blown off by a cannonball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were fucking... Shut up! You get shot in the head like,

I've got my red coat. Like, get the fuck out. If that was the reason, the reason's fucking dumb. Also, why have you got a drummer? Well, that's why I always said Paul Revere, letting everyone know the English is coming, wasn't that's why I always said Paul Revere, letting everyone know the English is coming wasn't that much of an accomplishment. It's like, mate, we can fucking hear him

and we can see him. Yeah, yeah. Like, right there. He should have been in the corner on a bloody blues session. Say what you see, Paul. The English isn't coming. All right.

So what the fuck were we discussing? I was gonna go to the Oscars. Oh, the Oscars was? Okay, so at this moment. Give me the movie was going to go to the Oscars. Oh the Oscars! Okay so at this moment... Give me the movies. Sorry, here's our edit point. Edit point. Because I'd like this to be bloody sharper than we've been doing it.

I've been a buffoon. At this moment the Oscar nominations have come out. Yes. And what do you think? I've only... Have you watched any? I've only seen Wicked. Wicked was really good.

I've watched two. Oh and I've seen some of the animated movies because I'm kids. I just saw The Wallace and Grobbit. That got nominated. You gotta say... I haven't seen the one. I want to see the Demi Moore one,

but you know what one I don't want to watch? I don't want to watch Conclave. And people say it's really good, but the trailer couldn't put me off a movie more. Like, is it about them being pedophiles? Because if it's not about them being pedophiles, I don't want to watch. It's about them selecting a pope.

Yeah, it's about them selecting a pope, which I think is all a load of rubbish and bullshit. But also, the trailer's like this. So when will this happen? I'm like, is that one of the best bits from the film? Because everyone's saying it's really good. It's the English patient all over again. Remember Seinfeld?

I remember watching that Seinfeld episode where Elaine hated the English patient cause I hated the English patient. And I went along and saw it. And this, I think Kong's like- Wasn't it also star Ray Fines? Yeah, yeah. Ray Fines Oscar winning movies,

fucking suck dicks. They all fucking suck. I don't even see- I watched The Real Pain. What's The Real Pain? I really wanted to, I was like, I'm gonna watch these Oscar movies because I feel like, and I think we spoke about this in the bloody first episode,

but you used to have seen it like naturally, you would have watched every Oscar movie you probably saw. You see, if there was five of them, you would have seen four of them. And now they do like eight because they want more people. But you don't fucking know any of them. No, I don't know. None of them are good.

Don't know any of them. You can tell that a culture's in trouble when they're not making any good fucking movies. My wife refuses to let the wild... it gets really good reviews but she won't watch The Wild Robot. What's The Wild Robot? The Wild Robot is one of the animated ones and people think it might get the Oscar for the best. Okay, for animation it's going to be between Inside Out 2, which is meant to be really good, and The Wild Robot. The Wild Robot is about a robot getting lost out in the wild and animals helping it out and stuff like that.

But my wife is like, fuck robots. Well, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, I don't want to watch anything where I'm meant to have empathy for robots. I'm not doing it. What about Amelia Perez? I didn't even know what the fuck this was. It's a trans drug lord in Mexico that has 13 nominations. Well, they're saying it's got the most nominations almost in history, never heard of it. What's it called? The can't tell?

Come on folks. The can't tell. That's the out. Where else are we going with the can't tell? That's a big problem in America is all the cantels that are out there. Clip it. The amount of times that I've been in a bar and I've been assaulted by a cantel. You've got to worry about the cantel.

Fuck I went home with a cantel. When I could tell it was too late. Music