I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 34 - America Needs a New King

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

At this moment, Jim and Amos discuss the possibility of America's new royal family. They also talk about recent robbery at the L'Ourve, Amos' lost magnets, and Jim's rocks. Jim's new special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix! ADS: Monarch Money: Use code ATM at http://www.monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That’s 50% off your first year at http://www.monarch.com with code ATM.   SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠ FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠   Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠   Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

A lot of people can't name all their financial accounts, like where their 401ks are, their properties, their investments, different accounts, different investments. I'm as bad as anyone. I don't know where all my money is. Where's my wallet, Jack? You know what I mean? Showing a lack of awareness leads to leaving a lot of money on the table. Feel organized and confident in your finances with Monarch, an all-in-one personal finance tool

that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your. laptop or your phone. And right now, just for our listeners, Monarch is offering 50% off your first year with code ATM at Monarch.com. That's atm atmonarch.com. Don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use code atm atmonarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with the code ATM. All right. Hello, everyone. Welcome to at this moment with me, Jim Jeff. Jeffries and Amos Gill. A quick plug of my gigs that are coming up.

Manchester, we added a show in Manchester. One show is sold out. Get your tickets to come and see you at Manchester. And I am also, that's November 1st is that show. November 1st in Manchester is the show. Also, all over the UK, I have shows. Some of them sold out. Some of them not.

Go to Jim Jeffries.com. Amos, what are you got? I'm going to be in Phoenix this weekend at the House of Comedy. That's October 23 to 25. I've come out, Phoenix people, I need you there. And then my European tour actually kicks off. Lisbon, where you at? These numbers are slow.

Everyone else, quite good. Lisbon needs you to come out November 30. Amsterdam, we sold out four shows on December 1 to 2. Thank you, but we've added another one on December 12. Greedy little piggy. Greedy little piggy wanted more sales. Some people said, add another one. And that was four people on Instagram.

And all four of them have bought tickets. No one else. There's always you add another. the show and you go to your agents like this. Are you sure because it feels like we've done pretty good? Oh, no, we think we can do it. And then they'll say something. Unprecedented things have happened.

Yes. I've also got to be in Tallinn, Estonia and Helsinki, Finland. But other than that, Jim, we have a big episode coming up where we address no kings. We have a potential solution for an American royal family. We'd love your thoughts on who you think the American royal family should be. We also discuss the biggest heist in the world. world since 1912, The Robbery of the Loos. That and more on At This Moment. Enjoy. All right. Hello, everyone. Welcome to At This Moment. I'm loving Amos has bought new equipment.

He looks like he's had a fresh haircut. I've had a haircut. I've had a haircut. But what I like is, I like that you've got a backdrop. You're sitting in front of a lot of books and that your big Slavic head is big enough to cover your copy of Mind Kampf. How wonderful is that? Well, that's actually Norm MacDonald's book. And Norm did have a big struggle there. He didn't do. His comp was cancer.

Yeah, yeah. We all have a comp. Yeah, everyone's cump. We should call our show at this moment, my cump. And we just say what we're struggling with that week. Our cump. Our cump. Let our cumpf,

comfort you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, how's New York working out for you? Yeah, look at this. Well, look at this. I actually have bought these microphones in COVID. Yeah. And I didn't know how to attach them to a laptop

because despite being the young one in this, I'm as tech savvy as you are. I have that same problem with, I married a young person so I could illegally download a occasional movie or something that all the young people do or that I could rig something up. My wife is as useless at technology as I

I, why do I surround myself with, Jack, like, we talk about, I think Jack's uses technology as well. I'm not sure on this, because around my house, Jack has talked about like he's an IT professional. Like, we're like, oh, we'll get Jack onto it. Jack will know what to do. And then Hank one said to me, he goes, I don't think Jack knows much, Dad. Yeah, that's because every household you go to, like, if you visit your grandparents, just knowing how to put a HTML cable, your grandparents are like, he's a bloody wizard. Our young fellow, he's a smart cooking.

Oh, yeah, my dad's like this. My son, he's sending emails like this. Zoom, wap, woo, off they go. No problem. Cross the internet web. Why can't you actually, you know, you don't send emails? You have Jack send you emails. And isn't that cooler?

Isn't it better to not have to engage with tech? I send emails, but I have a guy that rings me up to tell me I have an email. That's my big thing. Jack's like, you've got an email today. Do I? You've actually got 10,000 monkeys. who are typing 10,000 emails a minute. And one of them's going to be a good one, one.

One of them's going to write another gun control. Bongo was excellent. He could turn out a routine. Actually, that'd be a great name for ChatGPT. You call it 10,000 monkeys. Yeah, yeah, 10,000 monkeys. We should make that as an app. And it's just an AI app that's constantly churning out material.

You'd go eventually. Eventually, it's just putting these letters together. All right. So what's happening at this, How's New York? How are you enjoying it? Well, I've been down to the cellar. You've been down to the seller?

I love the comedy seller, yeah. I'm not in it at the comedy cellar yet, but I've been down there. In fact, I lingered for too long to the point where people said, get out of the hallways. They don't take kindly to people who are blocking it like you are there because I was in awe. I was watching my favorite comedian, Colin Quinn. Oh, I like Colin. You know, I love Colin.

But I've actually been away in Greenville. I just want to have a massive shout out to the people of Greenville. By the way, Greenville, very green. It says what it does on the tin. It's a very green place. It's a wonderful place. And some of our fans brought me magnets. Oh, okay.

Give us a look. Give us a look. Don't leave us waiting. What magnets they give you? No, I don't actually, you know what? Jack, can we edit this? Because I want to say their names. I've drawn a blank right now and I don't have the magnets on me.

But I'll come back to this bit. But you know what? I'll address it in the intro. We're leaving all this in. Fuck. Hold on. Stay there. Why do you have to remember a couple of people who gave you magnets?

They're going to just be happy that, oh, off he's gone. Well, I guess I'll just feel the space. Is that Lewis Hamilton on the top of your, is that the picture on the top of your shelf there, Lewis Hamilton? Oh, shit. I'll tell you what happened, right? No, is that Lewis Hamilton? Is that a picture of Lewis Hamilton?

No, it's the man that fucks my wife. No, yeah, it is Lewis Hamilton. You have such, you have no love in your life, do you? You have a picture. That's not mine. You have a picture of a formula wonder. That's Annika. Oh, she is even less than you.

She has Lewis Hamilton up there because when she worked on the Jimmy Kimmel show, that was her favorite guest. She loves, she's a big, she's German, she loves Formula One. And a big cock. A big fucking black man's cock where

it touches the parts that I never have. Why did it have to be a black man's cock? Well, he's black. Yeah, I know, but you wouldn't go big white man's cock if you was white, would you?

Well, I wouldn't lie. What, you've never seen a big white cock? Well, I only see my own, you see. Oh,

there you go. I'm just assuming. That must be hard for. you to even see you sometimes. I'm really disappointed in myself about this because it was a lovely couple that came from Greenville and they actually wrote down their names and I'm drawing a blank on it right now. But this is really bad. They brought me a magnet and they brought you a Greta Thumburg sticker for me to give to you.

You know how much I love Thumburg. I love her. So they got us two stickers. They said stick this on your fridge and every time you go to waste food or something, it says, how dare you? And it's a picture of Greta. and that's good it was awesome anyway so they gave them to me i'd like a how dare you t-shirt how dare you underwear so they gave me they gave me the stickers right yeah and a magnet and the

magnet i do have over there and anyway the waitress at the club no shade to the comedy zone thought that they were rubbish and threw them in the bin with all the chicken tenders and everything post-show and after we'd done our photo together i said oh where'd the where'd you put those stickers and they went we gave them to you and I went I've lost them so they were lost within three minutes of being given to me I don't even get the sticker no no I'm sorry about that but I was so blown away very rarely does anyone come and give me a gift like that it's very nice for years and years people used to just slip me drugs I'd be in the meet and greet and people would just put drugs in my pocket and I'd pull them out and think of myself what drugs this

you'd still take it but you'd have to figure out which one it was i missed out on those years touring with you have to say yeah you'd be like it'd be like a cop from a 1990s movie yeah that's pure i don't know it all tasted the same your audience kind of roofed you yeah yeah and like like i i've actually i've actually been roofied like i've been in a gig had a drink and then afterwards had to stop the car and started puking everywhere like i was just a passenger so i wanted put something in my drink i've had that up Well, maybe they do it at the start of the show and the hopes that you'll be funnier, you know? Like right now, you've got audience members that go, we liked him when he was drunk.

They try to get a little bit sore. That is the worst thing you can say. If you used to like me more when I was drunk, I'm sorry, then just watch the old footage. I hate that whole. You were better when you were drunk. You were better when you were fucking quiet and leaving me the fuck alone. Yeah, a lot of the people who say that to you are themselves drunk. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You're not better when you're drunk. No, it's always drunk people who are disappointed that I've left the party, that they're just like, oh, well, I'm going to be a 48-year-old drunk person until the end. I'm not a quitter like this fella. Yeah, there's no one who hates another person like someone who's abandoned the cause. Oh, that's, that's what? You're an apostate to alcohol. When you give up cigarettes, and there's been saying, when you give up cigarettes,

everyone offers you a cigarette because they don't want you to leave, right? There you go, they go, sure you don't want one, sure you don't want one. Then when you have three or four, then they're like this, buy your own pack. What are you doing that for? And then they stop offering them once you're back in because subconsciously they want one of us, one of us. They want more numbers so they feel good about themselves. So everyone, I've given up elite pussy.

What do you mean an elite pussy? No, I'm just saying so someone will go to eat some elite pussy. It was a joke. I'm obviously embarrassed. You should have just said, you should have just said, I'm gay. that would be a lie though we all know that i'm a raving heterosexual you are raving also here's the thing you asked me about new york i had a thought today i was wondering around uh i get being a Hasidic Jew do you yeah we like i don't even need you to expand that was

enough of a sentence that we can move on I really get it because why do you get it because you don't have to choose your outfit every day well not Not only that, like, I'm currently debating on a closet space. No one's going to pick pocket you because they know there's just like a hanky in there or something or whatever those bits of thread hanging out your pockets. Like, people both leave you alone and they're not like scared of you, but they also have weeded out by you a bit. You've got like a wardrobe for the cold weather. You've got to have it for bad hair days. I think even Jewish people for the most part are weirded out by acidic Jews.

They're their own deal. Dude, I have no room in my apartment for my wardrobe. There is no way anywhere in any book. I haven't read, you know, they do the Old Testament, but I haven't read. There's no way there is any chapter that goes and one should grow sideburns that curl around as much as possible. There's no God that wants that. It's not that dissimilar to being an Aussie man at the moment because Australians have weird haircuts and strange facial hair. And you can always tell an Aussie.

Yeah, well, you can tell an Aussie. With the mullet and the moustache. It's the mullet and the moustache, but also I can tell the women, just by the way, they're looking at everything with disappointment. Australian women just look at everything. Oh. It looked better on TikTok. Yeah.

Oh, damn. I cured up a long time for this cookie. You know, there's always something they've seen. They come to America and they don't love. But I think they are missing a trick because I want to know where the tunnels are. That's what I'm hoping. I said to Annika today, she's got a week off work. So, let's go find.

Do those sideburns work as drill bits? I just want to know where the Jewish. tunnels are like Jewish tunnels. The tunnels. What tunnels? What are you talking about? You've forgotten when all those Jews were tunneling under New York? Oh, I remember the tunnels. What were they tunneling for? What was all that about? We still don't know. They were trying to get to one synagogue to the other or something. I think it was to breach COVID laws. Yeah, that's right. During COVID, they all had tunnels so they could all meet up and they decided to dig under the ground like moles. Yeah, I've got a Jewish friend called Michael Schaffar, right? He's quite Jewish. Does he take jokes? to Shafar. He goes, he called me and goes, the tunnels are killing us, brother. It was like, this is a hard day to be a Jew, man. Just to watch Hasidic Jews popping up from the ground is just, like, if you found out there were lost, in Los Angeles, there was a series of Australians who were camping

inside the sewers. Yeah. That's kind of us in Venice Beach, to be fair. sleeping all over the beach, thinking we're the next Hemsworth. Yeah, do you reckon there was a meeting at the synagogue where it was like, all right, who fucking told about the tunnels? Yeah, you don't come up in the daytime. Yeah.

Or do you reckon they were digging and accidentally met another group? What, you think there was that? You think there was an Islamic group down there and they met into each other? There's going to be a war for the tunnel. We're trying to get to a mosque. We're trying to get to a synagogue. Just dig past. dig around this is our bit of tunnel yeah so i'm yet to i think they should i think they're missing

a trick not having a tourist uh but wasn't it that the tunnels were making the foundation of buildings weak i think so that's how they were found out they were making buildings collapse because they were tunneling they just they tunneled into the f train that's hilarious it's like and where do you get rid of the dirt right that's the big thing how do you get rid of the dirt because i've told you about how my dad built a house on a rock right we know about the house on the rock. Yes. For the audience, he doesn't know what happened.

My father built a house. There was a rock on our block of land. My dad built walls around the rock. So it made it look like we lived in a two-story house. And you'd open a door and there'd be rock and then the windows it'd be rock. And so what happened is my dad bought a jackhammer. It's out of jackhammering into the rock. But then it's like the great escape.

Getting rid of the rock was a big problem. So my dad got rid of all the fences around our house and started building rock walls like if you were looking at farmland in Scotland. right Adrian's wall and he'd pit them all together bits of sandstone he'd put them all together

and bits of rock and he'd make the rock and then what happened was he built a pathway a rock pathway out to our mailbox just to make it more enjoyable to walk and get the mail

but that didn't use up enough rock so he started to make it a curvy pathway then what happened whenever you had like your waste paper basket or your bin in your room you know your little bin in your room

and you went to throw something out. Dad would go, what do you think you're doing? Come back here. And you'd throw two rocks in. Just throw a couple of rocks. And you'd bring them to school every day. Yeah, you'd bring a rock in your school bag to get rid of a rock. It was just like the Great Escape, getting rid of rocks.

One time... I would imagine, though, the Hasidic Jews just polished them up and sell them at their jewelry stores. Well, I'm just saying this. My dad just got rid of... No way, it was, no. They have the Diamond District. Yeah. No.

no no no it's uh yes no it'd be a bloody hell diamond um so yes so my dad that was just a little amount of rock and that took decades well at least a decade of rock removal and one time you put too many rocks inside the bin and the wheelie bin came out with the claw the truck to pick it up and then it lifted it and it struggled and then the whole thing went the hydraulics went bunk like that and the bin hit the ground rock started rolling down the hill we lived in a hill and then the fucking bin man got out and said, you fucking filled the fucking bin. It's always too fucking heavy, you dumb fucking cunt like this. Start throwing rocks at our house, right?

My dad's in the garage doing carpentry, and he just shut the door as the rocks were coming in like Indiana Jones. You don't realize, by the way, until you try to dispose of things, how hard bin space actually used to come across. Like when I had the comedy club and we were trying to get rid of just boxes of booze, you know, just the, man, half my week was disposing cardboard boxes into strangers' bins at the middle of the night. If you miss bin day around Christmas, right, because there's always one day that's just

taken off the calendar and you've done a big meal and everything like that and you've got fucking turkey carcasses and shit in your bin, you're fucked. You're fucked. There's going to be flies. It's going to fucking stink. It's going to be worse in Australia than it is here. But you miss one bin day. I had an Airbnb in Sydney and we missed a bin day.

And each day was just me just driving around. the suburbs trying to find an empty bin or a skip to throw an extra bag in. And you feel real nefarious about loading up someone else's bin as well. It's a terrible move. I wouldn't forgive someone who did it to me, right? Have you been caught putting bin in somewhere? You have to wait and see. The bin's been sitting out a bit too long.

But you try to find a public skip that all, you know, public skip. Like, like, but that's what that's what each town's river is for. And we've always known that. But from the 26th to New Year's Eve, all I was doing was driving around Sydney looking for bins. Comedian Jim Jeffries arrested, filling up a bin with reused prawn heads. Yeah, prawn heads will kill you in the heat. That's a biological weapon. Yeah, that one will fucking do.

Well, see, I have problems in my neighbourhood because my bin days today, actually, the bin goes out. And then when the bin goes boom and dumps it, the lids always left open. And that seems just to be like people who have dog shit bags, they just throw it in there. And so that means I'm starting off my week with a bag of dog shit at the bottom. It really sounds like the troubles in your neighborhood rival that of the south side of Chicago. Let's get some help for the studio city. There's a boat that keeps me. My hood's under strain.

Someone keeps parking a speedboat around town. And so the way to get rid of is we're going to put a sign on it says free boat. You put free anything. Someone will just pick it up. So my point was, is I get the Hasidic Jews, I like uniforms, and I also like the idea of walking and going... Also, you look good in black? He's one of us. That must be nice.

All right. Because when I see a guy wearing a Tottenham Hotspur shirt, I'll always wave at him. Okay, so here's one for you. Are you allowed to dress and do the hairdo of an acidic Jew and just go, no, I'm an atheist, but I like to look? So you're saying Hasidic face? Yeah. Are you allowed to just go... I imagine so.

I just And then they come over and talk to me And they're like, Where's your Torah? And I go, I've bloody left it at home. No, no,

you go, I think it's all rubbish. I'm not into it. I'm not into it. I just, I just had my Norm McDonnellot, which also has that little bit of danglish. But can't you just like the look?

Is it, is it impossible just to go, I like the look? Well, you know, when I was with you in Rome, remember we were walking and we found the, we found a shop that sells the gowns to priests

and to Cardinals. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, Is there a license I need to show to buy this, or can I be? And then we were thinking, oh, hold on, the ones that did have the license are the ones that did all the crimes inside the uniform. No, no, it was like, you know that shop that just sold school uniforms?

It was the school uniform show. Or just a shop that just sells dance stuff. There's a shop up there over for me that's called tutus, right? Yeah. And it just sells ballerina gear for kids who are in dance class, right? Or there's one that just sells your karate geese or whatever. This one just sold Archbishop stuff

But Jack, I'm telling you You think it's just going to be like a black gown He had it in purple He had it in yellow He had collars of different shapes He had pointy hats He had rounded hats He had flat heads

All the best stuff Then he had those incense chains The ones that you swing like that Like I would I'm not a Catholic But I wouldn't mind an incense change Every now and again After my wife comes out

After the bathroom Imagine standing at the front like that With an incense chain They have They have stolen and valor if you wear a military uniform to get on the plane, there must be something like that in the religious world where it's like, you're not one of us. Tell the story your father-in-law on the plane with the seat. It's one of my favorite stories. One day I'm going to buy this

story off him and put it in a sitcom because it's too good a thing. It needs to be head in some way. My father-in-law is sitting at the pointy end of the plane. He works for business. He's always flying around. And he's talking to a gentleman next to him, another businessman. And, and The plane's quite full, and an army guy comes up. Full uniform. Full uniform. And the guy next to him stands up and says, you know what, sir? You serve your country.

I'll take your seat and you can sit up here. And Anton looks and he's like, oh, what a lovely guy. That's nice of you to do that. The guy sits down and then another soldier gets home. Who's traveling with the other soldier? And Anton just salutes him. I'm not a U.S. citizen with a German accent. We were at war once.

They were other cuss in business. They didn't do anything either. You don't have to give it up. Like, like, like, you know, who would I give up a business class seat for? She's not many people. I never understand the giving up of the seat. I got asked the other day. I was sitting on the window and there was a lady sitting on the aisle

and then there was a seat between us. And her friend sat on the aisle in front of us. And they kept turning around to talk to each other. And the lady said, would you mind swapping with my friend so we don't have to talk like this? and I said, well, I actually booked this seat so I can sleep on the window. I mean, it was a night flight. I'm going to sleep on the window.

So, no, okay? Yeah. And she goes, okay, an hour in, I haven't slept yet. And she said, you haven't slept? You don't seem, she goes, you don't seem to be sleeping. Do you think you'll sleep anytime soon? If so, can you do the switch? So then I was like, I'm not going to fight her.

So I went, well, I'm going to. about to start now. And so I just gave up on my movie and was like, I'll fucking show you. I just laid against the window, not asleep. No headphones. You can't. There's too much anger in your blood. Then you can't.

Like I had a 6 a.m. flight and there was, the whole cabin was just that, you know how I am with the window shutter, right? Everyone else is the window shutter down. Make the room black. We are like, make it dark. And I sit there like, I said, hey, we're flat beds. We all bought this flight.

we can sleep on it. This is the express reason. Everyone else is squinting and looking at him and like this. I said, mate, can you shut the shutter, mate? We're all trying to get some sleep.

He goes, I'm the only person on the flight who enjoys sunlight, am I? And I said, look around. Yes. You're the only one. Everyone knows you have it up for takeoff so you can see different houses

and then on the way down. And then I laid there, but I couldn't sleep because I was like, that fucking guy. And then he, walks up to me at the end of the flight. He goes, you know what? I had to think about it.

You were right. I was wrong. Good. All right, good. Good, but I didn't get a fucking week. I was too tens. We did have a few flights in Europe where I did think you were going to headbutt someone. And you're in the right.

I, if you have to leave aisle by aisle, you can't just rush through. We're all going to get, and especially if I see you at the baggage carousel and you had to get off before everyone else, just wait, row by row. It's such a simple social contract that we all get off. There's old people trying to get their bags. If you're behind them, you help them with the fucking bag. We all just help each other off and we all get out the bloody plane. But those people, I told you there was this fat fucking bloody Australia with some shit tattoos.

And you know who you are, cunt. If you speak up, people will know that I'm telling the truth, right? He's coming off the bloody plane. He's coming off the plane. And he was like, he was just waiting. he ran past everybody and then once I got up to him I was just like this did you have to get off mate was it important that you got off before everyone else he goes oh got to get to me next flight and I go but I've just caught up to you I've just caught up to you imagine where he would

be I go now I go you didn't save any time all you did was push people out of the bloody way you were going to get my spine and I was like how about I walk with you to your next play he didn't have another flight the lying little fucking cunt right no I I So that guy had to put himself on standby for a flight leaving within the next 30 minutes and hope that you go down to baggage. But then they're like this. They're like this. Oh, what are you even careful?

It is the most simple bit of politeness that you can have. You wait till everyone goes unless someone's bucking around with their luggage and they give you the little go ahead of me, right? And even then you don't save it any fucking time. Just wait. I'm already getting this in New York, to be honest. I don't want to talk too much shit about my new home. But when it comes to the subway, in Britain, we let people off and we line up to get on.

In this, there's a fucking, just a sea of humanity squishing on like it's a train in Delhi. It drives me mad. I'm like, wait for people to get off. I'm not a polite person, but come on. I've done the one where it opens up and I go in. And I'm so apologetic if I haven't waited. If I've just blown me cover. I've done it with elevators as well.

The door's open. I'm all primed. I've walked in. I forgot to let the other people off. You'll never see me grovel and apologize more than when I make that error in society. Jim, it's important to have someone manage your money because you've currently probably got Jack. And I've seen the news quite often a friend or family member who you entrust your money to

and your finances is the thing that ruins your life. I don't trust him. And so this isn't an ad. this is an intervention. Is he siphoning your money? Fair, Income, if I died, there would be lots of different accounts that no one knew about

that they'd never bloody fine. So I'm telling you, I've got to have monarch money just for my kids and for the prosperity of my family in the future. Did you really produce those records for Jack's band?

Yeah, I'm about Nugget Productions. I was just checking. I was just checking. But if you have Monarch money, you'll be able to see where all your money is going and so you won't be ripped off by anything. And by ripped off, I mean, you ripping yourself off

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First up, that's 50% off your first half of the year at Monarch.com with the code ATM. We should crack into some news. So I thought I'll start up. I thought I'll start off, yeah. It's 25 minutes. We haven't touched anything that's happened in the world. Well, that's micro stories. That's the every day.

That's actually what the stories of people's lives are. I'm very tense now. A few stories happening. I'm going to start us off with a big one. Yes, I was in Greenville over the week. And I went for a walk around the beautiful town near the Reedy River Falls. And I saw a lot of people walking with signs. And I went, oh, yes, that's that No Kings Rally.

Now, I looked at the No Kings Rally across a lot of the country, and I feel like many of them looked like what I saw in Greenville, which was the last stand of the baby boomer hippie. The last of the left-wing boomers, it seemed to be the predominant amount of people that I saw there were your booperative. I think I might have a different view on the No Kings rally than you. Okay, first of all, I wasn't a big fan of the name. I thought it was a bit, you know, we might as well just call it the Fuck Trump rally or No Trump or whatever rally, right? I like that for, there was no one arrested or seemed to be

very peaceful and that's what you meant to protest for, but you're not going to be happy with it. I told you, I told you what happened, right? So I was wandering around and I needed to kill a day and I got interviewed. You said day, right? And so the day, yes, kill the day. I didn't know, kill a day. Yes, the Democratic American youth. Okay, all right, okay. And I, I, I I got interviewed and this man who was interviewing me didn't really know where I was coming from. So he goes, the no kings rally. What do you think? And I said, I love it. And I'm on loud speaker around here in Greenville, thousands of people very angry at Trump. I said, I agree. There is no kings. And the crowd goes, whey. And I go, there's one king, King Charles,

the House of Windsor Mountbatten. And it's about time that you guys understood that this country is a failed experiment. We forgive you. Come back. All hail the one king. Charles, Charles, Charles, not a boo, not a clap. This is the problem with the term the no king type of thing. Because kings, for the most part around the world, I think for the all part around the world, now are only heads of state and they're just, they're figures. They don't have any, they can't do anything. They can't change any laws.

They can't do it. There's like Middle Eastern kings who still have some power, but for the most part, and that's what I found funny. What they wanted to say is no dictatorship. We're no dictator, no dictator. Because no one dislikes Trump more than a lot of British people and a lot of Australian people, and we all still live under a monarchy. Well, and this is what I wanted to talk to you about.

A few things that I thought were humorous. Number one. Oh, I'm looking forward to this, if it's going to be humorous. It's going to be humorous. Everyone there, if you talk to a lot of Americans, left-wing people. Yes. They're examples of countries that they respect the Nordic nations.

They love the Nordic nations, the American left countries, very socialist countries. Kings upon kings upon kings. They love a king. They love kings. They love them. Nothing but kings. Yeah. In all of those countries.

In fact, one of them are an Australian queen. Then we've got Canada king. That would be the Australian queen would be. Mary. Courtney Act. No, I'm not a Courtney Act guy, sorry. Courtney Act's a drag queen from Australia. Okay, it's a bit of a joke.

I would have gone with Ida Butrose. I tell you, Courtney Act is, I met him on a plane because he's not a her. He's a him because he's just a drag queen. I met him on a plane. I tell you what, when he's in outfit, when he was younger, not so much now, but when he was younger, very convincing. You were very good sort, Courtney Act. Anyway, the Danish people, I'm going to stop talking about drag queens.

I would. Okay. It's becoming quite regular. It's the new Bonnie Blurt. So a lot of these countries, and I've reflected on it because I myself in my youth and probably the last 10 years was very adamant about Australia becoming a republic. In your youth and the last 10 years. I still want Australia to be a republic.

You've changed your mind, have you? No, so I, listen, I was always for the Republic. However, what I think is good about the monarchy, now that I reflect on it. Because I was doing a lot of that thinking on the day and talking to people on the day. You get the Queen's birthday off. That's a good one. One of the benefits of having a royal family is all the pomp and ceremony that comes

with being the head of state of your country is given to this hereditary line of ornamental people who have no power. This family that we gossip about and they have all the jewels and they sit there and they're meant to be a throwback to a age of glory and conquest. But the actual running of the country is done by people in the parliament who we shit house and make a fucking mockery of constantly. And so none of our prime ministers really have any of that autocratic feel about them because we're like, mate, we'll fucking knife you and throw you out within 50 days. Whereas the royal family gets all of that adulation of love. Donald Trump

does get adulation of love from his fans because he's their only head of state. There's no one else. So I was saying, maybe we need an American royal family. And I called you about this and said, here's my pitch to America, is they need to become a constitutional. monarchy, but with a royal family of their own. And I went, well, who should have been the king of America, George Washington? There is no Washington's today, except for one, Denzel Washington. Yeah. Could we make the House of Washington where it's Denzel? And I said, I think he's probably the most popular American celebrity. I think across the spectrum of people in America, Denzel Washington ticks all the boxes where everyone's happy with him. And it's a great, and if there's going to be a royal

family name, Washington is probably it. Yeah. So then I Google. Because Denzel's not up there for the royal family names. King Denzel. King Denazel. Yeah. I did some Googling on George Washington.

Okay. He had wooden teeth. So other than his wooden teeth, I went living descendants of George Washington. This I found interesting. Yes. Lady Diana, Princess Die, is. a relative of George Washington. Okay.

How? Second cousins, third removed. Let's get it. George Washington, Prince, I'm going to pull this up. Princess Diana. So, Princess Diana of Wales is the 10th cousin. Oh, everyone's there. I'm your 10th cousin.

Like, George Washington could have slipped it into Princess Diana and still had a kid and no one would have been bothered. That's how I know. because, which is kind of crazy, because she's also related to the Churchill's, going back to the Anne Churchill, which is, she's had an amazing lineage. Okay, so then you look at this and you go, well, she's also the mother of the future king. You're like, you're saying, and it turns out that Ozzy Osbourne's a second cousin. Again, that connects it to the people, people's princess.

So my point is, I went, let's get Denzel and Princess Diana and create a new bloodline, which would be Denzel's daughter, Olivia Washington. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You said that Princess Diana was related to George Washington. Okay, Denzel Washington isn't related to George Washington. It's just the same name. I know, but what I'm saying is, is we need to blend together. So I think Denzel Washington is the, is the black part of this, because black people play an important part in America.

Is he always thinking of someone else? Who is this bloke? And then George Washington represents the white America. Yes. And that's Lady Diana. She's obviously dead. So we go to William. So William marries Olivia.

You want, okay. So now, again, so William shags Denzel Washington's daughter. Yes. And that's how we create the new House of Washington, which is also a subset of the British crown, and so in many ways, we do revert back to them having an English king. I don't see how this wouldn't happen. I think this is pretty much in the bag. Well, unfortunately, Kate's in the way at the moment. This is the problem. Okay, so as I said, the march should have been called no dictators.

I agree with the sentiment of the sentiment of the actual march. I think the no king's thing was a bit of a silly, but I do appreciate that that many people showed out. I like when the people hit the payment. But the royal family thing. The Americans enjoy the British royal family more than the British people enjoy it. They fucking love it. And also, throughout history, this isn't the first time. The Democrats had the Kennedys.

And the Kennedys were seen as the royal family to go on a... It's Camelot. Yeah, Camelot, right? And then what did we have? We had... The Bush family had two presidents come out of it, right? Another bloke ran for it. We always went Clinton, Bush, Bush, Clinton at one stage, right, if he beat Obama.

Yes. So we've had this idea of families that are going on forever. And we know Baron is going to be the Augustus Emperor of America. That's why I think King is wrong. I think Emperor. I don't see him as a dynastic king, Donald. I see him as Julius Caesar and Baron Trump as Augustus. Would it be cool if Baron Trump couldn't have kids?

The Crypto King. just so you can be called baron. I've always thought Baron was the harshest term ever to give. There's certain, look, I'm hardly a feminist, right? Hardly. I do my best. But whenever they call women baron,

we have to come up with a better term than Baron, right? Barron is as offensive thing as you can say to a person who... To a man, it's a beautiful name. You're a Baron of industry. A Baron. Oh, no, no. A Baroness? you don't want to be barrens right and then the other one is if you're pregnant over 35

they call that a geriatric pregnancy they've got to change that one just call a old over 35 pregnancy geriatric is a terrible term to give to a pregnant woman who may have had to have eggs put in up because she's barren the dusty womb dusty womb that's a good name for a book that's a name for the sequel to Angela's Ashes. I don't even know it. What's Angela's Ashes about? Has anyone read that? It's like a book for my.

It's a famous book, Angela Ashes. All right. Okay, but I'll tell you what I also thought was strange walking around because I went. I was there for five hours. It sounds like you didn't help. It sounds like you're a hindrance. It sounds like you're in the way of people having a good time. I used to like going for a little marches every now and again because it always

used to be a good place to meet girls, isn't it? because people thought you were. I love rallies. I love rallies. I've always been, I've always, I'm drawn to them. You've been to that one, the one in Charlottesville you participated in. You've been to lots of them. No, I forgot my tiki torch that day.

Then I was awfully embarrassed to show up empty-handed. But the rally that I saw, it was interesting to look at the signs and everything there. It was like, what I found interesting was they've co-opted this 1776 thing. Okay. But a lot of the people on the American. left have spent the last 10 to 15 years of my lifetime telling me that all of these founding fathers were pieces of shit and their statue should be torn down. And now all of a sudden they're like, what would Thomas Jefferson think of this king? And you go, you wanted him removed from

libraries and thrown into the bin. That's not everybody who thinks that. That's not everyone who thinks that. But a lot of the more radical people were very happy to tell us at the founding fathers were white men evil slave owners and all of a sudden they're very happy to say who didn't like kings i go hold on don't co-opt though you hate those guys don't bring them out and try and use them to win an argument you don't like them come on now you're being silly you're very silly you're just saying things now you're all right who are you talking to I'm talking to a mythical left-wing person who's right. There's a woman in front of you with a fringe that's cut like this, right, that's cut all the way like this, that you've got like, come on now.

Admit you're wrong. Admit you're wrong. You're all right. Tell me you love Thomas Jefferson. You love him. You love his plantation, do you? You love it. No, it was just fun to watch them.

Everyone maneuvers so quick. to win an argument, you know, we're all hypocrites. It doesn't, you know, okay, so, so what would, what would Thomas Jefferson think of Trump? Why would, why would they have a, look, he's keeping some of the right side deals there, you know, he's, he's keeping the guns, they love the guns, all the things. He might bring back slavery, they were into that. If he has his way, you could do that.

You also, like, you can't talk about getting rid of guns and then say you're ready to have a violent revolution, like the American. They never said, they never said it was a violent revolution. Who said it was going to be a violent revolution? Oh, they want a fight. The violent revolution is coming. Who are they? Who are these groups?

That's why they made that movie Civil War and why they're making that Leonardo DiCaprio movie, which is about people on the left wandering around with guns, taking on the government because the evil government's coming to take away your next door neighbors and you have to arm yourself and be ready for a fight. That's why you have the guns in case there's a tyrannical government that you need to turn on. Trust me. That's what I'm saying. I've had this yelled in my face. many times.

And what I'm telling you is the left is finally starting to sound like the right from years ago where they're like, we need to arm ourselves because the tyranny is coming. So everyone chops and changes depending on where the power vacuum is at the time. That's all I'm saying. It's funny to watch them finally loving guns because they're like, we're going to need them to protect ourselves. Don Lemon was saying the other day that people of color should get guns in case ice comes to take them away.

well if that is if your government turns against you and you are a citizen in the country that I would argue that is a time that it should be used now if it does happen if some ice agent gets shot that's going to be a sound bite of mine they're going to play but that's when people use the gun argument that's what they say they say defend yourself against a tyrannical government and unfortunately you and I can agree on one thing which is good luck when your iPhone has been taken over by Palantir and the government blows up your head by calling your phone because they've got a pager like the IDF

I'm turning on the government that has drones and all this type of stuff and that you're going to do something is ridiculous but people believe it so I've fought these arguments many many times there's no way around it that's what people think yeah and I don't know so you didn't did you see much of the of the rally

it was peaceful I watched bits of news. There was no arrests. That's pretty good. It was peaceful. I love, personally, I'm, I like anyone who's engaging. And I thought, look, let's let's give a shout out to the left and the right at the moment. Let's give them a little shout out to the left and the right.

Because with all the hysteria that's happening in the government, after Charlie Kirk was assassinated, the right didn't write. They didn't kick off, you know, and they didn't do anything. And then during the no kings march, no one got arrested there either. I'll tell you something right now, though. You can't help. I think the public are behaving better than the politicians.

You can't help. When I was in a bowl, right? Why were you in a bowl? By the bowl, I mean, like, in the way that the Hollywood bowl, you know what I mean? Like, there's a failure. So you weren't, like, surrounded by salad or anything. No, I was not. I was not.

Everyone who was listening to you thought you were in a large bowl. I was smoking an enormous amount of meth. You need to be more exactly. Zach, that was ridiculous. I did think about it a few times though, mate, because there was a lot of police. It was a tree line. And I just thought, like,

there's all these people protesting. If there was one fucking lunatic in the town of Greenville, which does go both ways, South Carolina, and a state with open carry, I think they have open carry, or they have very lax gun laws. Because it's the kind of American town

where when you walk into a cafe, they go, you know, please don't carry your gun. And out of all the heads I've seen, in my world. Yours is the biggest target. That's what I was afraid of. People would use...

I'm a decay mode. People would use your skull to shield for themselves. Gather around the Slavic head for protection. That's what I felt like, dude. I felt like this could kick off. It felt like a time. Don't be a travel man. I didn't want to be down there,

make it a fool of herself, yelling about King Charles, which I did do for too long, to the point where the bit was over. Do you think these protest do anything or do you think in a modern era of social media where people can just flood comment sections and you can make a petition and get them all signed in an hour that like you can get so much done on the internet right do you think that that i think it's so important

to see people out and about i think it is too but i'm just playing devil like do you think trump saw that and gave a fuck no i think he gives a fuck about everything i think maybe you did i i i think he would probably be zooming in on them going ugly, a lot of uglies there. Look at this. Old ugly bitches. Who are these hairdresses? They can't cut a fringe.

Wow, that's a really fat guy. How much did George Soros pay that guy? All right. Let's off the Kings. What are the news stories we go? No, there was one last thing I wanted to say on that, which was if you spoke to a lot of people at the rally, which I did, because I wanted to talk about it on stage,

I would say to everyone. And this is, what I'm deeply fascinated with about all countries, not just America, is they all said, you know, fight for democracy, preserve the system. And then you say to them, how do you think the system works? And everyone says, it's shit. Everyone you talk to on every side says, the country's failing, democracy's failing. And that's in the UK, Canada, Australia, most of the Western world is going. Democracy aren't working anymore. They're failing. And that's what I find really interesting is no one seems, we're all fighting for this system. But at the same time, we keep

saying that the system is no longer able to, it's not fit for purpose. And so that's why I do believe something is coming that is autocratic. And that's either on the left, the right, or the technocracy, where we simply can't have this towing and froing, particularly fighting against China, which is a powerful state that has one party rule. When we go left for a bit, and then we go right for a bit, and we're kind of unable to fight against these autocracies when we're tearing ourselves apart in turn. I think we just all vote through our phone. our phone. Like, seriously, our phone has like an IP address like anything else. It has your thumbprint. It has your facial recognition. We don't need to do anything. Just vote on your

phone. Yes or no. And we have elections once a month. Just see everyone goes. Throw in a new bloke. Once a month. Bang. Off we go. Yeah, not working. Don't make me swipe left on you. Oh, you're gone. Yes. You think what? But it depends because direct democracy. is great, but on the big issues, but if they're also like, dude, I've got to get home today, I'm voting on a water salinity law that's being passed about how much fluoride go into the L.A. County River. So they go in Congress and half the people don't vote and all that type of stuff and in the Senate and all that types of stuff. So how about we just have those votes for

everything? We just have votes for everything. Do we think this too much fluoride? Go for it. Yes, no. Well, that was the Greek way of democracy is you have an educated public where, only the men can vote. And I think they're on to something. Okay, so I went, I went to the movies with my son to see a movie that he's already seen, which is that movie with... That's what I was talking about, the Leo one, the one battle after another. One battle after the other, right?

And my son, he shouldn't have, his mother took him to see the film to begin with. He says, Dad, you've got to see this movie. It's the best movie ever. And then he took me in there as just blowjob scenes or something. I'm sitting next to the 12 year, going, and he goes, don't worry, dad. The sex scenes are only in the beginning. Oh, good, mate, good, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I'm sitting there going,

fucking, what are we at this film for? And he goes, yeah, it's rated art. And I go, what did you? He'd already seen it, right? So anyway, we're in there, and in the cinema was, I'm not kidding, 30 other people. And those 30 other people were in one group. And they were very clearly from an extremely low rent rehab facility,

and they were allowed out for the day to, that was their outreach i had different ages different races all the same amount of teeth right they they they were they they were just sitting there like that right and this like sean pen's character's like no one's coming to get you you're not no one's gonna come and get you and this woman next to me this big white bloody crack addict of a woman right she goes Leonardo DiCaprio Will yeah she's watching it like the wrestling right yeah and the other the other crack addicts all looked at her like

oh come on man come on right right then when they realized it was just us it was me and my son and the 30 crack addicts they were like oh we'll just talk to each other like we're watching it at home oh again the breakdown of society Yeah, like, if I could have voted, but my point is, they're allowed to vote.

Their votes are the same as my vote, same vote. And my son can't vote at all. Well, you know, we had this phone call yesterday about this movie, and I went, I'm going to go watch it. So Anoka and I, we went down to the movies. Just like what of the chat, Regal or one of those chains? Yeah, yeah. So we go, we'll just get two tickets, please, to one battle after another. The guy goes, okay, no worries, $72, US.

What? And I went, I looked at Anaker and I said, I'm sorry, when I'm, going. And she went, I'm with you 100%. I went, what do you? I said, what do you mean, mate? He goes, well, it's the big screen. It's like a special screen or some shit. I go, you've got to sell me harder on it than that. He goes, yeah, it's like a heaps good, a loud one. It's a loud one or something. I went, mm, are you, okay, do you know how much it cost me to see it in L.A.? The two tickets came to under 20 bucks. Under 20, under 20. And you paid 70. I don't know. I abandoned it. I said, that's ridiculous. And we walked out and went to an indie

theater, okay? We went to a small independent. We walk about three blocks into the West Village, go to one of those small art house type cinemas where all the other posters were for French movies or Italian pornography, you know, those kinds of cinemas. Yeah, yeah, I know that was yeah. And we bought the tickets for $15 each and we got popcorn and we, and Anika goes, can I get my butter? Because, you know, she's a Midwestern swine. We've discussed this. Yeah, yeah, she wants to do. They go, we don't do that. They gave her a salt shaker.

Okay. This is how low rate this theater was. They're trying to help people out. Yeah. We walk into the theater. The screen was at most 70 inches. Oh, really? It was one of those ones where you're like, I'd be better off watching this at home.

So I sat down and Annika goes, do you need me to Karen? I said, yeah, I think so. I don't want to sit here for three hours. So she went out and said, we were under the impression that it would be a bigger theater. And he goes, yeah, we hear that a lot.

I'll refund you. So we just ended up walking around New York with our popcorn and Twizzlers and saw no movie. And you still haven't seen the film.

Still haven't seen the movie. It's a really good movie. I'll tell you, one battle after another starts with watching the movie for a fair price. The fucking dystopia that I live in. No,

New York. That's 70 something. That is criminal. That is criminal. I've started saying things. That's how you I know I'm getting old ago. Imagine if you had a family.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Back in the day, because I always used to say this about, like, like one of the famous things for old men my age is that when we see kids, we tell them that we had no trophies. My kids, my, back in my day, we didn't have trophies. We didn't get participation trophies. You had to actually win something. Load of bullshit.

We all had trophies. My room was filled with soccer trophies. You had ribbons. You had ribbons and trophies. Every time I played soccer, they gave me a trophy at the end of the season. I was the worst soccer player in the world, and we all got something. I wasn't a bad goalkeeper. But it's more the baby members go, you guys got participation trophies,

and you go, you got a house for $23. So, you know. My dad bought our house for $16,000, and it still took him 30 years to pay the mortgage. Yeah. It's like, mate, I participated in the soccer league. You participated in the economy and got a fucking home. you settle down, son. Yeah, and they were just fucking ruining the ozone layer

and throwing garbage out the window of their cars. They were fucking hopeless. I got to move on to another story before we get out here because I know you've got a heart out today. You've got a life. I've got to go see me some play for sport, yeah. Which is lovely. The Louvre, this is probably the biggest story

in the world of heists for 100 years. I feel like it should be a bigger story than it is. No, they stole some diamonds, crown jewels, right? Literally the crown jewels of France. Now, I know they, you know, they probably don't value their crown jewels the same as the Brits do, given they killed and beheaded their royal family. However, it was, they say priceless, but then other websites say $102 million in jewels. But what got me was, 9.30 a.m., this happened.

They got a car with a ladder, angle grinded into a window, walked in there, and they were out within six to seven minutes onto mopeds. In which case, they stole nine jewels, dropped one, got away with the eight. And the one of they dropped was... Made one car crash in a tunnel. And then they think they've already broken up the jewels. Yeah. Well, it's tough to break up the diamond.

How do you break the diamond? Another diamond? No, you just get them out of, like, the crown. Oh, yeah, you know, they're breaking them out of the crown. But, like, you've got to reshape them and polish them and all that. Well, you bring them down to the tunnels of New York. That's where they're at. You want to hide them.

I, okay, so, so I was talking to the wife about this. They only stole the jewels because they can do it. Like, do you need any protection for the Mona Lisa? All you need is protection so that someone won't throw paint on it, right? I think the Mona Lisa was actually stolen before. I know, but at the end of the day, you can't sell it on. There's no point. Even if there's some Dr. Evil who wants to have a basement where he gets to look at it whenever he wants.

Yeah, it'd be like Roman Abramovich on his Russian yacht. He has it in the toilet. Yeah, yeah. As a fuck you to Europe, you know what I mean? But you can't, I don't believe that, I believe artwork's very hard and still. We have a friend, an Irish friend who knows a lot of information. And what did he say the other day when I said artwork?

No one stills artwork. What's the, you said, no. In the underworld, your narcotics dealers, they use them as collateral for deals. They use them for collateral for deals. But original pieces of art, you can't fucking move them because it's just like, this is the original piece. And there's like, wasn't this just. reported stolen? Yeah, but what are you going to do? What are you going to do?

Pretty good to have it in your house though. You know what I mean? If it's just like you're in a two bedroom flat somewhere and out of France. If you could have any piece of art stolen and in your house, what would you have? The blue boy. I love the blue boy. I'd have starry night. You'd have starry night. You're a big starry. You get you're a lot and I'll get the daffodils. All right. We'll trade. We'll do six months. The sunflowers, you mean? The sunflowers, sorry, not the daffinels. Oh, so this. This is a lot. Oh, so, this is what I wanted to tell you about this, because I can't let a story go without a bit of sexism in there because it's our brand.

Sure, sure. So let's just... Do you hear that, ladies? Good. Hey, you've got to have a unique angle to the podcast. Can't just be two guys talking. Okay. We should change the name of the podcast to the Greta Thunberg experience.

How dare you? So the Louvre was. rated and unfortunately the chief of security only quite recently was appointed and it's its first ever female head of security oh no dominique buffin 46 was recently hired as the first female security chief by lawrence desgas the female's first director last september so she's been in the job for a year and the crown jewels of france have gone missing Is she given press conferences? All I'm saying right now is, it's a disgrace.

Is the Louvre still open or if they shut that down completely? They've shut it down. Yeah, they haven't been like, and what's your comment? And she just goes, we have lots of other jewels. The Mona Lisa are still there. I don't understand the complaints. I was bored of seeing them myself. I see them every day.

They're not so special. I don't baguette it. they're not like they're from Tiffany or something like this they're old they're old they're old I love a jewel like because of technology

I thought we would never get a heist again it feels like something that was resigned to the 1960s Pink Panther type films and we all love a jewel thief so much so that I was watching CNN before and they go joining us now all convicted jewel thief blah blah blah gives his expert opinion.

This guy has a fucking scumbag robbing stores all over America. We had a jewel thief on the show. It's one of those things that if you, it's one of those things. If you steal jewels, people go, fair enough. Like, it's not a hit and run. It's like the highest end where you get plaudits. But also, yeah, you still the crown jules. Who are you hurting?

Who are you hurting? There's not a person who's hurt. It's not a person who's like, oh, my grandmother gave me those. And that was the last living memory I had over. But you think, and this might tie up the whole podcast for us, it's called, it's called the No Kings Rally. And these people took it seriously. And they said, no kings, no queens, fuck the crown jewels.

We think France is better off without him. We'll get them out of there. Well, do you think they're going to show up? No, I think they'll be made into smaller diamonds and just sold off to, you know, billionaires at one of those weird private auctions that you see in movies. that take place in like Tangiers, Morocco or whatever. Or do you think they'll be buried somewhere? And then the criminals will say,

oh, it's going to be underneath some crossed over palm trees or something like that. And then we'll have like a rat race type of movie. That'd be good. We haven't had one of them for a while. Also, consider this. This is my other take on it. They don't,

there doesn't seem to be urgency. And I'm not seeing sackings. Is there a chance they're fakes? And the real ones are hidden in the vaults at the louis. And that's why they're like, oh, no, oh, you took our jewels. But actually, secretly, they've never actually been on display. Do you think there's like all the stuff, all the real stuff's in the basement and all the stuff upstairs is all fake?

All fake. All fake. So you reckon downstairs is a Venus de Milo, but she has arms. The fake had the arms knocked off. I don't know. It feels like it's an inside job of some degree. Maybe someone who's working there knows it's like an insurance hit. job or they're going to get a cut.

I don't know. But I always heard that it's lots of fakes that are always shown in the museum and the real stuff is hidden because you can't have the crowd jewels of a fucking country like France accessible on the, what, the third floor? Haven't you seen, okay, you've seen that, okay, the British jewels are unbelievable and you can see them at the Tower of London and you can just walk past them and have a look at them and you get quite close up to them. Of course you can have a, the taxpayers paid for these fucking things.

You think they're real? I think they're really, yeah. Yeah, the queen's crowns and stuff are taken out of the Tower of London and then brought over to her every now and again, like Lizzie, you've got to wear the hat. You don't think she was able to just request it for a night out? They're technically not hers.

Like, could she go, I'm going out, I want to feel good about myself today? I've always had this theory on like women want to be, well, white women want to be princesses, right? They never want to be the queen. Because the queen, you know, it's because tiara's a better looking. And you say black women like to be queens.

It does check out Queen Latifah. Yeah, Queen Latifah, Queen B, Queen this. White women want to be princesses. They want to be taken care of. Black women want to be in charge. They want to be in charge. And men, even when white men become women, we're the queen. We never become a princess.

No, no. We're still in charge. We don't want to be a prince. Very rarely we want to be a king. Most white men are like, just let me be a duke. I'm a Duke of Hazard, the thin duke. We've got money and lack of responsibility. But I think it's because women think they look cute in tiaras.

There's no girl who's like, you know what, I'm the queen, and then she wears a big fucking crown. No one's ever looked hot in a crown. Or at there, Queen Victoria. You've never seen someone in a crown and thought, that's a fuckable person. Well, let's have a look. You're trying to find a porn picture.

a woman in a crown. It doesn't exist. Well, hold on. What if you win Miss Universe? Do you wear it? It's a tiara. It's always tiara.

Tiara's cute. Crowns are ugly. Well, that's the thing. There's Miss Universe. There's no Mrs. Universe. Yeah,

there's no Miss. Which is where it should be a crown. There's no. Why don't we do Mrs. Universe where it's for married women in their 40s? And where's Ms. Yeah, where's Miss Universe?

Who never got married. Why are we not doing that, dude? It should be divisions like that. It starts off with Miss Universe. Then it goes misses and then Ms. Like heavyweight, flyweight, all that type of stuff. Actually put them in weights as well.

Well, we can all agree that the MIS would be the heavy weight. Oh, yeah, the MIS would be the heavy weight. It would take a few rounds to knock her out, I tell you. At the Mizz universe, they don't debate or give their, you know, they don't speak about what they would do for the world. They fight each other. Yeah. Or how about the them they universe?

No one ever has the them they universe. Until, yeah, until they start to, we have. haven't got a non-binary beauty pageant yet. There would be. I reckon there would be. Just without big... I reckon it's the same as the normal pageantry, but no bikini section. Their universe.

Yeah. They call it the tucket. No, they hold it in-man tucket. All right. So that's what's happened. We're in trouble for several reasons now. Time to go. so anyway bring back male security guards at the Louvre that's all we wanted to say

in the same way that they had a female secret service agent and the White House got raided and breached for the first time when that was under Obama remember that yeah I try look I I don't remember that to be honest with you I'll take your word for it I'll take your word for it you're saying that because it was a female secret sir this is the you're just Donald Trump and going oh the plane's hit because there was minorities doing the planes. Are you telling me, he's not going to go, you know the Louvre, it's a great museum?

So you're telling me that the Louvre was knocked off because there was a woman in charge, even though conservatively, on any shift at the Louvre, there would be a 50 security office, 50, that would be conservative, security people, but it all comes down to her because she was too busy doing a nails or some shit. Is that what you're telling me? Well, would you like to know the truth? I feel like it's a team effort. I'm just saying, man.

I feel like you can't just go on one person. They made some changes. Would you like to hear the changes they made? Now, this was not on a woman's watch. But this is why, because my immediate thought was, why isn't there smoke and lasers? You know,

you would have thought that there would be roller shutters that shut down the museum as soon as the glass is breached. But it says this, and I'm going off Twitter, so you know this is real. It says, the theft of the Polyonic treasures in the Louvre

followed a change in the display case in 2019. Before then, the Rococo display cases had armored glass and if it disturbed the treasures, they would drop

underneath into a safe. They were later replaced quite recently in 2019 by modern displays with normal glass as director said they wanted a clearer more sleek view

for the public. So that's where the fuck up has occurred. Right. So they got rid of the drop down to the safe and they just had normal glass. Just normal glass

for the crown jewels. I can't imagine that this didn't happen earlier. So you really, like, who made that decision? Some slut. It must have been a male, probably a male director, to be fair. How have I become the feminist of this podcast? I was just kidding.

That's what I found out about comedy. The way to make yourself look good is to find someone worse than you. That's why you brought me on the road for a long time. Okay, well, that's the way. what's happening at this moment. We could have gone into Kevin Rudd, the Australian ambassador being mocked, but if you haven't seen it,

just watch the clip. It's hilarious. He's not a liked man in Australia. So the Australian left and right kind of enjoying watching Kevin get his pants pulled down. Trump was doing his best thing that he does is where he just says things off the cuff that's a bit stupid and goes,

he's not a very nice man. Don't like him. He doesn't like me. I don't like him. So in summary, it's time for an American royal family. Did he tell Rudd about the guy from four quarters? who a few weeks earlier was asking him about money. Is that guy been busted?

That guy hasn't been busted. Donald doesn't like us, as he's at the moment. No, he doesn't like Australians. He does not like Australians. He thinks that we talk shit about him all the fucking time. Look, I had some Donald Trump routines that went fairly viral for me, right?

I have no doubt in my mind he's seen the routines. If I ever met Donald Trump, he would have opinions. I'm sure of it. He's a nasty guy. Nasty guy wants to take away your guns. not a good guy not a good guy yeah all right well all i can say is arise king of america denzil washington good honest time