I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 35 - What Did The Irish Do Before Potatoes?

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

At this moment, Jim and Amos talk about which Halloween costumes will and won't get you canceled, the Paris jewel thieves, their gambling addictions, and what in the world did the Irish do before they had the potato. Jim's new special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix!   SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠ FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠   Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠   Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

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That's Quince. Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash ATM, free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com slash ATM. Hello, everyone. Welcome to At This Moment with me, Jim Jeffries. I'm here with Amos Gill before we start the show. Let's plug our dates, Amos. I'm going to be, look, I've just announced all the new dates in America, Reno, San Jose, New York City. They're in January.

Cincinnati, St. Louis, Indio, Las Vegas, in February. Hershey, Pennsylvania, Boston, Dallas, Austin, Portland, Seattle, that gets you up through April and then I'll remind you the rest later on. But coming to New York, where Amos lives on January 31st, the Beacon Theater. So come and see me then. That's always a big one. Amos, what are you got? You can see my extra show in Amsterdam.

We added the extra show there. And I'm also coming to Tallinn, Helsinki, and it just added Warsaw. I love the polls. Big Polish fans are added the show, and they're in January of next year. And I'm leaving this weekend. I will be doing the podcast abroad. I am going on the UK tour, but there's also Istanbul, Sculpe, Oslo has been added an extra show because it was so great the last time. Krakov.

But coming up, there is an extra show, I think is November 2nd in Manchester. There's still tickets to sell. We've sold the other one, sold completely. clean and most of the shows around the UK are sold out but check your town see if there's still tickets on the podcast today we give you a distinctive rundown of which hallowing costumes you can and you can't wear it seems to be a hot topic at the moment of which genocide of maniac is too far where you talk about the jewel thieves and how they got caught we talk about our fuck-ups as students our gambling addictions and what else did we discuss we talked about my wife and

Fields of Pumpkins. Ah, and who created the wonderful dishes of the potato? Yes, the potato. Where's it from? I hope you'll find out. We just started recording now. That was good. We missed some good stuff there.

About us dipping down into the minds of content. We're content creators, that's what we are. When people look at me in the street, they go, I got stopped at the lights the other day were the guy going the other direction. So he crossed over the light, then stopped the car and people honked for a bloke to tell me how much he enjoyed him. He said, I just saw you in him.

That was my first time I've been stopped as an actor ever. I had my money on broken tail light. Yeah, that's what I did. When he was like, wind down your window, I was like, oh, I still got the gas pump. I've left that off all the time, the cap. I leave the gas station where that is dangling down the side constantly. That's like my trick.

If someone threw a cigarette, just well placed, the whole car would just go, like that has that ever happened oh i don't believe in a michael bay movie probably yeah yeah yeah somewhere one of those movies where people are dodging bullets so you know what i you know what i just did no i had a wank because your wife's at work because your misses at work well that's yes that's a given but how many of them did you have this week well today you you want to you want to hear what i was talking what i was reading about today what we start podcast i'm going to say you've had you've had two haven't you just the one for me and i read a

conspiracy theory yeah which i believe I say theory, I think this is correct, which was that porn hub and the major tube porn websites keep a backlog of everything that you watch and stashing it and there's a backdoor for government agencies to blackmail you with your porn habits and perhaps turning on your webcam and microphone for what you're up to when you watch porn to later use against you. Right. But that would ruin the rest of their business model, wouldn't it? If we found it, there was a couple of people who just went, yeah, I'm being blackmailed by porn hub right now. Oh, what I'm going to do?

Go back to magazines? Not everyone. Not everyone wants to come. No, you just put a bit of tape over the camera. A lot of people do that. Yeah, well, that is, you know when you see someone with blue tech over their webcam? You're like, what are you, wank weird or something? But this is also a thing, if they do uncover the countless hours of me masturbating,

no one's going to watch all of it, aren't they? You get the gist pretty early. get the disc you go that's what he's into all right all right the girl's looking up come off a coffee table is she okay now we see what he's up to yeah then unless it's made into one super jump cut of all your cum shots i don't think it's that interesting ah just me just dodging them like the matrix yeah so listen i i think that's something everyone should contend with what someone's watching somewhere we're all i'm more nervous about the chats that we have on here before we hit record that's what i don't want

let out. That would improve the podcast, quite frankly. They can let out as many pictures of me masturbating as they can. People will get bored, I tell you. As opposed to what, us doing voices we shouldn't do? Not voices we can't do. What they call, what do I call is Amos's real opinions. Yeah, in this modern market, I do well for myself. This is Amos go watered down what we listen to, what we get. Anyway, carry on. My poor, my poor Australian friends and I'm very close with the Like, when are you going to start, when are you going to start letting your guard down and being the real you?

Yeah. Where do I don't know how good that will be for me. Yeah, your poor Australian friends, you'd be lifting themselves up by the bootstraps. Now, let me talk to you about our first story for the day. Yeah. And this is coming from Australia. I thought we'll start on a lighter topic and move into the serious stuff. All right, right.

Hello, Australia. How are you going? So this reminded me of a story. of my year 12 history exam. So it says here in Queensland, Australia, all students at eight schools were taught the wrong topic for their final year 12 history exam

before turning up to realize the entire course was about the wrong Caesar. So they learnt about Augustus and they get to the exam and it's all about Julius. So there's been a Caesar mix-up. And so they've done a year... There'd be one kid who focused on the salad.

Yeah. the simplest kid who on that day did just as good as his other schoolmates. Everyone's like croutons, optional. I don't like it, but some people like to have anchovies on it. Which there's a guy that I went to school. This is one of my favorite things that happened in my year 12. In my year 12 exams in history, what happened was is you walk in and each different schools do different topics. I have a thing I cheated on a year 10 history exam.

I'll tell you about after this, but carry on. So, yeah, there'd be like maybe 10 topics that schools could pick and choose which course the teacher wanted to teach. And so you walk in to the history exam and you're there amongst many, many different schools. And I remember the person in charge of the exam room said, okay, history students, there are 10 exam questions about history. Pick one that pertains to the period that you learnt about this semester and write your

essay on that do not write an answer for all topics just pick the one you learned and so you go off you do two hours i finish we did french revolution that's what we learned yeah we got out and this friend i had called patty forkner he's just red in the face and he comes up to and goes Kathleen killed air he's a stupid bitch we didn't learn anything on industrial revolution we learned nothing on russia not a single thing about the witch trials in Salem we weren't prepared for that at all and we said pat did you write an essay for all 10 he goes how the fuck was not meant to do 10

different essays we only learned about france our school's fucking stupid wait to my daddy is about this and everyone said did you not listen at the start where they said pick the one that pertains to you and he goes huh and he just turns and runs back into the exam room

and goes up to the lead examiner and he's like, I wasn't listening. I wrote one for every single one. And they go, sorry, mate. Sorry. And was he a smart kid? Could have he done something with his life? Dude, he's now, this is a true story. He's, I believe, a PhD. How did he get into the university? With that money exam? I think he maybe got an exemption. They kind of said he had an anxiety disorder or something like that. And he was able to go and retake the exam at another time. But he now is a teacher at the University of Adelaide, I think, so anyone who has him is their professor. I bet you he does that all the time.

He's like, he's like, pertain, let's go over that word. I'll tell you what, so this is, this has happened to me in year 10 at school, back when you had to sit in the room, and it was the first exams where your exams were sent off to another board of people to grade. The moderators, yeah, the moderators, right? And so you had to like, write on chicken scratch handwriting, I remember the question was something like fucking um how did hitler rise to power um how did he get the confidence of the german people something like that right and so so i i started off i was like this oh well the economy after

world war one was no good and the the the the the treaty of versailles had very had angered the people of germany yeah angered the people all the type of stuff that there was there was not enough populace blah blah blah blah blah and then i go i go built the auto barn didn't he so he got unemployment up and running built the auto barn and then i was that that was basically where i was at you know he was good at speeches uh used to go around giving speeches and i looked at every other kid and they're fucking they know i've written like two pages everyone else is written like eight or nine fucking pages right you had the number the top of your pages like this and i was like Oh, fuck.

I've clearly not written anywhere near as much as everyone else. So what I did was I wrote one, two on the top of me page, and then I wrote page eight. And I just finished off with like this. And in conclusion, and thus this myriad of factors culminated in the rapid ascension of the Third Reich. As I discussed in page two to five. And then I stapled them all together and I ripped.

off page eight and then I threw them in the pile like that and hoped for the best. And then I heard back from the touching thing that there'd been an error and I could reset the exam or I could get an average mark of the state, which is much better than any mark I was going to get. So I took the average mark of the state. I had a couple of things like that happened in life. I had another one where very sadly my friend died in a car accident when I was 16 and we had the half-yearly exams.

and because the tragedy had happened so soon, the government said that once again, I can sit at the exams at a later date or I can just take an average mark of the state plus 10%. Right? Oh, that's not bad. Average plus 10%. That was my best year of education ever.

I'd never done better. 60th percentile. 60th percent on, I didn't have to sit an exam. You know what I used to do? I had very good year 12 results. I've put in so much effort to year 12. And then when I got into law school, I just collapsed. I just was awful.

And I didn't attend. Once it was on me and like you had to go get yourself to uni, it wasn't for me. Like I was forced into year 12. But when I could go to the pub, I used to just bet on the dogs all day at law school. There was a pub that had like the TAB. And I'd go in there with my friends and we'd just sports bet. And I think back to it now because like America's just getting into sports bet. and it's sort of destroying their society.

Like they're wasting. No, they're no idea. I've been doing it since my first year of, my first year of uni. That's all I did. We're more seasoned than them are, where our generation is a bit more responsible than the coming American generation because we have, look, in Australia. We've all been cleaned out already. In Australia, you start gambling, right, as a child, when your father comes in and goes,

there's a horse race, the Melbourne Cup, give me 50 cents, and then you're pick a bloody horse and he'll mark it on a sheet and he'll lay down that my father, my earliest memories of my father is me gambling with him. Matt, not even that. In Australian schools, they used to wheel a television. Whirl a TV and you would leave your class. Yeah. And you would go, the teachers would go, give us two bucks each and we'll win a prize

pool. And if you lived in Victoria, so we learned to gamble. And if you lived in Victoria, you didn't even have to go to school. You got the day off because of the race. A horse race. Yeah, yeah. So I was one of these kids that.

Every pub has a slot machine. Just a little statistic for everybody. One quarter of the world's slot machines like jackpot machines are in Australia. One quarter of the world's whole. Now, think of Las Vegas and Reno and fucking Atlanta and not Atlanta. What's the one? Atlantic City and all these different places. Now think of a little country with 23 million people and now think that we have a quarter of the world's machines.

We only have about five casinos, but we have them in every bar you go into. Love a gamble. We did this in the Jim Jeffries. So the average loss of a human being gambling in the world is $400-something. The average loss of an Australian is $1,380-something per year. The country that's second to us loses $700. We love a gamble. We love it.

Hard to quantify the camaraderie that you do get in the trenches as a poor young man, where you are getting your entire paycheck that I got from working in a great restaurant. I would put into massive multi-bets or palais here in America. I reckon for about two years, I would wake up in, I'd put on a parlay for overnight. It'd be about eight soccer results. So, Serie A, Bundesliga, Premier League, championship. And then I'd throw in two tennis matches from the Kazakhstan open,

a game of women's volleyball happening in Lima, Peru. And then you'd wake up in the morning and just check your sports bet balance. to see if any of them would... You'd always be one leg off. Every day at uni for me was running into my friends and then going, fucking Man United!

If they didn't draw that, five grand. And so I'm kind of immune to gambling. And we're going to get into gambling on today's podcast because it's threatening to tear apart the NBA season. So we'll discuss this.

My son said to me, there was someone I was watching and they were advertising something where I was like, what do you need to fucking advertise something? And my son looked at me and said, What wouldn't you advertise that? I say,

there's not much. I wouldn't advertise, I wouldn't advertise any cigarette products. Now I wouldn't advertise alcohol because I don't drink. I feel like it would be very inauthentic for me to do that. But I wouldn't advertise gambling. I wouldn't do a gambling app or anything like that. I wouldn't do a draft king's ad or anything like that.

Not that they're banging my door down. So, you know, not draft kings, of course. You run those decisions by me, would you? I'll do that other one. Money line.

I'll do them. They seem like a much better. and poker stars. I would advertise a poker's web page, but not the sports betting. And nothing with slot machines on your phone where you could win big, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk like that.

That's just a fucking scam. At least with sports betting, you've got a chance. If the Italian mob said, we'll give you $2,000 to advertise our poker games with Chauncey Billups. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I've never been given the opportunity

to throw a sporting event. People have always thought, I'll throw it. No one ever saw me at a celebrity golf championship and thought, Jim, just hit it into the water. I did it. I did it all by myself. Oh, yeah, you were just unco. I was just unco. So I can't tell you whether I have the moral fortitude if someone comes to me and goes, throw a game, you know.

I'm sure everyone who listens to this knows what I'm talking about. Let me just set up for people who don't. The NBA with the FBI, with Cash Patel, he's moved on from the Charlie Kirk assassination in his next mission, is to break apart the NBA because they've proven that the Casa Nostra, so Italian mob. Nice to see that they're back, by the way. And what have they been up to? And where have they been?

I thought they would have just been doing scams on the phone. Garbage disposal. I knew they had that unlock. Yeah, I don't shake down. People don't have to pay for protection anymore, do they? You don't walk around the neighborhood going, hey, he. You want some, they don't do racketeering like that, do they? But they had gotten a lot of players.

Well, there's two so far who have been throwing, because it's very easy to go, hey, tell us what time you're going to pull yourself out of the game or over and undermarket, like give us four turnovers. Yeah, and also, but the easy one, like over, under for rebounds, where you won't cost your team the game, things like that. Yeah. And so Terry Rosier, yeah, has been busted. Allegedly, but allegedly, I don't know how hard.

But the footage is very clear. The footage is appalling. The footage of him playing is so bad that he would want it to come out that he was on the take because otherwise he's just a bum. And I had him in my fantasy sports last year. So I messaged your son who ended up winning our fantasy league and said, you've got to pay me back $25 because I got fucked over by Terry Rosier, who was throwing matches.

that I think it puts a line. That's my opinion. It puts a line through the season. Well, Billups, the coach of the same team, or he's the Trailblazers coach now, but at the time he was the coach of the heat. He was going to poker games. Now, this is what I love.

This is old school mob stuff. A rigged poker game where you get guys come in the end of the mark and then they go, hey, it's 100 grand to enter the game. But look, Chansy Bullops is over there. He legitimizes the whole game just by going. And they probably pay him a couple. I don't know if that should be a crows.

rhyme. That's just, the Sinatra would do that all day. We wouldn't get angry. Well, I've got written down here, Louvre, dual thieves and NBA rigged mafia card games. I'm thinking, I don't know, man, what a beautiful throwback to a world I thought was lost. What I love is, I thought that with technology coming along and the scams that happen now, the mob would go by the way of the dinosaur, right? Well, AI is going to take their jobs, yes. Yeah, I thought we wouldn't see the mob. There'd be no one in a coat just beating someone up in an alleyway, right?

And they used to have like things, little mirrors under the table. You know what? It's the technology and the mob working together is the bit that I enjoy. Because now they have X-ray vision under the table that conceal the cards and everyone's wearing an earpiece. It's symbiotic working together. But they're saying there's going to be potentially 30 more busts. Hey, as long as this, what does this do for? I'm happy.

Quile Leonard right now is sitting back like this. Oh, it's terrible what they've been up to. Because he's, he's, he's, the heats off him completely now. Everyone stopped talking about it. But his was just that it was salary cap breaches. He was being paid $20 million under the table. Yeah. For, like, and I'm a big clippers guy for a, he was getting a sponsorship deal for a company,

for $20-something million for a company that he didn't post about once. Like, just one tweet, man. That's all it would have taken, dude. Just one photo next to the product. Like, just something. There seems to be a lot of cheating now in the world of sports like that, where you get the sponsor to do it. So, you know, in Australian rules football,

it was Chris Judd used to work for VisiCorp, which is a recycling agency. And they would pay him a fortune to be the lead of recycling and to promote recycling. And to this day, it's been 15 years. and people, whenever he's commentating a game, they'll be like, so, Jaddy, tell us a little bit about recycling

and your passion for those years you work there. He's like, oh, it's bloody important. Got to use the green bin, the blue bins. There's different bins. You've got to use all the different bins. So the NBA could be in some big, I think this Adam Silver, the commissioner, might be time to step away

because Terry Rosier is, and I've seen a lot of players saying, Well, you say that the, you know, you're going to come down on the players, but you take that much gambling money and promote gambling so often that, you know, that the game has become corrupted by your acceptance of it as a, as a revenue stream for the sport. And I remember you and I talking about this on your show a long time ago that when it did get legalized, this was all going to be coming down the pipeline. Yeah, no, no, no, this was obviously, for the longest time in America, they said they couldn't have a team in Las Vegas because the team in Las Vegas would be corrupted by all the gambling there, the legalized gambling, and people would be asking questions and blah, blah, blah, blah, and now the gambling's across the country, they're like this, oh, we can have teams in Las Vegas now. They're going to have a baseball team, they have an ice hockey team, they have a football team, right? So, so the whole world now is Las Vegas, and they were worried about that happening on a small basis. Now you have the whole world can ring up.

We remember Shane Worn. If people don't know Shane Worn, Shane Worn was the greatest spin bowler in history. And he got some money from some Indian bookmakers for weather reports. Now, I don't know what that cunt knew about the weather. Is that what it was? Is that what I got in the end? In the end, he was like, oh, yeah.

For the pitch or something? Yeah, for the pitch. Is the pitch going to turn and stuff like that? Is it going to spin? And maybe he gave a bit of an old Taylor's knees a bit bummer. today but he didn't throw a game but he gave a bit of info on the team like i don't get why you would as an NBA player who's making like 120 mil on a contract risk at all for a 200,000 dollar brown paper bag of cash now as a walk i'll tell you i love cash yeah the same thing man the same

reason that i say stupid things in a comedy club that could get me in trouble the same as on a big stage you know what i mean why am i doing this there's only 20 people here i could you know of course it's just a little bit more So board a basketball, it becomes a nice challenge to go, how can I limit myself to four assists? I think they probably have been doing this in college coming up. I think they probably have blackmail on them and they've done something. I would be surprised if they've been involved in some nefarious behavior and then they go, you know, you have to do this for us to get yourself out of the whole.

There's a little bit of this. As soon as someone has a wife or family or something, they can be blackmailed and then, you know, and it's like, but we're going to give you $400,000 or you're going to. got to do is not catch the ball one or two three times not a big so you so one night your fingers are a little slippy yeah little tiny yeah what are you going to do oh you go up for the rebound you look the other way there's a flash photographer yeah ball hits you in the face maybe some slavic mook is standing off to the side there's a big pair of titties you're looking at over there who can blame you you took your eye off the ball

That's why there's no Italians playing in the league. Yeah, there's De Finchenzo. Another guy in my fantasy team has done fuck all for me. Who else are they got from Italy? I'm probably wrong. Bencherro, where's he from? He's Spanish, right? I don't, I don't see them as basketball players.

They're not known for their height of the Italians. You see them as fantasy, what, just objects to you, are they? It's my people, the Slavic people are the basketball. They're the best. The best. I mean to Zubats. I'm telling you, the world. versus America is going,

America is going to get annihilated. I'm calling it now. Annihilated by the world team in this, in this, all-star break. Annihilated. If you're starting five is Wembaiamer, Yokic, Donkich,

Shea Gilges, Alexander, and I'm missing someone else fucking, Yokic. Get the fuck out of here. Watching, that beats the dream team. Watching the Slovenians, watching the Slovenians, the Serbians be that good does make me long for Yugoslavia to reform.

Well, this is the thing. And I feel that with the football team. You know you're a good, you're a good basketball player when you have to work out in a gym that you know has been bombed several times. Yeah, we're made tougher. Yeah, tougher. These are guys from refugee camps. You know what I mean?

Like, this is the, but this is like the last generation of that. But we're not known for sport. That's our other podcast, sports. Yeah, we don't do too much. I'll tell you about the wire. This feels like the Bill, you know, in the Bill Burr podcast,

I used to listen a lot, and he would just talk about college football for 45 minutes. And I was like, listen, bro, I gotta, no, no, no. We can't have to do a bit of a skip.

We're sorry to all the people who are not into sports. I want to put on a personal level. So it's Halloween, pumpkin patch season, this weekend, got to drive, we drove 30 miles out to a farm because it turns out women are obsessed with taking,

I did this on a late night show, a version of this, but where I said, I think people, like taking pictures of babies next to pumpkins because no matter how ugly your baby is, it's not as ugly as the pumpkin. You know what I mean? So it's like even the ugliest of children really shine next to a pumpkin.

Well, from that color palette. And they love that. They love that and they put them in a little winter coat and they surround them with like leaves and they love, that's their fall picture as a kid next to a field of pumpkins. They're happy with. Anyway, so we went to a pumpkin patch way out on the hour. skirts. My wife is obsessed. We all got dressed up.

There's lots of women. And now what they do is they go out into the fields and you can pick your own vegetables. There's no ice raid in this place, I'll tell you. This is just a whole lot of women in fucking those great big hats. And they keep telling me white people wouldn't do the job that Mexicans are doing. Well,

it seems like they love it. In a plaid shirt, in a plaid shirt with some tan pants, you know, with that with that fucking that stiff brimmed hat. and that woman's picking up strawberries like it's no one's fucking business. Carrots out of the ground. So you pick all your vegetables, which, by the way, these things aren't fully grown. People have picked all the good ones off already, right?

You pick them all that, and then you go buy them. And so for my wife, who's a very healthy, conscious, organic eater and someone who, there's a corn maze as well. You go through the corn maze. My son thought that was just the greatest thing ever the four-year-old. I thought that was wonderful to walk through a maze made of corn, fields. But here's the thing. I've got to be quiet because she's in the other room. But I'm not allowed to take my children to zoos under any circumstances. It's banned in the

house because my wife says that all zoos are evil. I've had arguments with her. There can be, there can be a conservation thing where they've made a species. So you guys did not come back. Yeah. Yeah. But we're allowed to go to the, to the fucking, to the pumpkin field because of the pumpkins and the corn mace and the picking your own vegetables and sunflowers, cutting your own flowers and arranging your own flowers. This is a 30-something-year-old mum's dream. This is heaven for these people, right? One side, though, fucking those donkeys that are just strapped to a pole

walking around in a circle forever that have got fucking mental health issues. And to ride or? Yeah, to ride for kids that have plenty of rides, yeah? And pig racing. My wife won't eat pig because they're too intelligent animal. But these ones are forced to race before they, actually I love the pig races when I grew up in the Adelaide that's all he used to do at college he used to go to the TAB and bet on the pig racing all day the quinella

hey honey I'm off to the oinkers not again yeah I hear hammies he's Joe anyway so is it the same company it's all the same company right but but uh oh they're turning away from the atrocities. It's, uh, I, I, I, she turned a blind eye to the forced pig rat. Because there was the organic vegetables and the pumpkins. Now, by the way, the pumpkins, right? We in Australia eat pumpkin as a regular vegetable throughout the year. It's not a special vegetable that deserves its own spice or it shouldn't be put into a coffee. I have a particular issue with pumpkin because my dad, you know, single dad cooking.

Yes. Oh, yeah. He was told, he was told by some mum at the school. your boys need pumpkin and we didn't like eating it and so this bitch told my dad you never got that tall did you this this this bitch of a woman told my dad well what do they love they love potato mash so mash pumpkin in with the with the regular mash and so we had pumpkin mix potato mash for the rest of our childhood which ruined the favorite i loved mashed potatoes and it was fucking ruined forever because my dad was like yeah i've been told by women that you need this. Now, I prefer it without as well, but I've got to look after you, boys. Right, because you're having a pumpkin deficiency, right? Now, this is the thing. This is the thing

is, there's no other nation on earth, and we're including England, right? There's no other nation on earth that looks at a child and goes, this child hasn't had enough pumpkin, right? In America, they make it into pie and lattes. So I'm trying to find out, what is, I just googled why pumpkin America. That's what I put in to the Google AI. Why Pumpkin America? Why Pumpkin Australia is what you should be Googling. But anyway, so then people buy, name me another vegetable that people are just buying for ornaments. Is there a bigger waste of corn? Maybe. Or maybe. But like, like, I'm talking about like a rich woman in Beverly Hills just surrounding her door with different sized pumpkins with a different color palette.

Would you accept any other wastage of food at that level? If someone just out the front just like just bags of hot dogs. Bob, what about what about just like broccoli? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, I've made my front lawn broccoli for the broccoli season. What do we, what do we use for a butcher's with the grain? Oh, they put a little bit of grass. You've got to make it so the meat pops.

Yeah, but there's a little bit of plastic grass. We put Australia in the bushes. It's a plastic grass. Oh, they use a kale. They use a bit of kale. Cale. Cale is the other thing that is used as a... And parsley.

As a collage. Parsley and kale have always been used for daycare as well. Well, parsley can be used for daycore because parsley is a wasted thing. It's only ever thrown on top of things for whatever reason to ornament. Because the truth is, pumpkin is shit. I don't understand the pumpkin's class. I never liked this as a kid, but it was always one of your three vegetables, one of your three vegetables. Why don't they do a potato is really the provide, the great provider to the human.

Yeah, but that's white starch. It's white starch in it. It's the shit one, the potato. And listen, I'm a Slavic person. White potatoes for white people. It should be the thing that we value and nurture. And what, who are the pumpkins for then? Donald Trump?

For the Trumps? For the Orpalumpas? Give it to the oranges. I don't see it as a white guy vegetable. I know that. To Americans, it is? Potato is not a white guy vegetable. I'm going to stop you right there.

It's the Irish. There isn't one American that doesn't like to eat French fries, right? Or chips, as we call them. Not one. No, it's our thing. It's a white thing. No, it is not. There is not one race.

You don't ever see the Asians go, I don't eat the fries. That's for white people. You can't take potatoes from the whites. You cannot take potatoes from the whites. It's really what we've got. We might not spice them. Mashed potato in sulfur. food?

Yeah, but it's a thing that comes out of, I feel like this is the Irish's thing. We have to give them that. Okay, where do you think, nothing else? Where do you think the potato is organically comes from in this world? Probably South America or something. Let's look at it. That's the year. Jamaica.

Where is the potato native to? Here we go. Potatoes are native to the Andean region of South America. Well, I did call this. I'm going to I'm going to. Well, in the same reason. They're not even indigenous to Ireland, is this?

Peru and Bolivia. Yeah. What the fuck were those people eating before? Why were the Irish starving? They had no reason to be starving. They never had them to begin with. What were you pricks relying on them for? What the fuck did they eat before?

Google it. What did the Irish eat before potatoes were introduced? What did the Irish eat before potato introduction? It's in the same way that in Italy, they only got the tomatoes from the South American region. Jacketius said this. Jacketia said this. With the Marco Polo's bringing it in.

All right. What vegetable is indigenous to Australia? Before the potato, the Irish diet primarily. Probably an onion. The Irish diet primarily consisted of grains like oats, barley. So they had porridge and oat cake. Dairy was a huge part of the diet as long as pork beef and mutton. They also ate root vegetables like cabbage and seaweed.

That's grim. Yeah. Bacon and cabbage with rice sauce. And I guess that's the same as the UK. And then people have the audacity today to say, why did the white man go and colonise the rest of the world? Well, if you had those ingredients and you'd go looking as well, wouldn't you?

I've always heard that. It's like the British go over to India and they found out about all the spices and all that type of stuff and they brought the spices back to England. What about, I've never seen the movie of bringing the potato back. Where's that one?

Where's the first bloke? Where's the first English bloke? He's sail the ship all the way down to South America. Right? He's come in, he's obviously done what he does. He's killed a few natives. That's what they do, right? And then just picked up a.

solid ball or just like what this rock what are you doing with this rock and then you bite into it nah this is no good i'm literally typing now what did the latin americans do with it because i'll say i don't think they gave it as much different shapes and sizes as we they would have put it in tapas they were they use them in soups and stews but but look let's be honest the fry is the superior there's a superior way yeah they think threw them at people's heads in a... And then one of them landed in a boiling water and here we go. We were off to the races.

When they were offering up a child in a pot to the Sun King, they threw some potatoes in there for good news. I don't know. You're being a bit bigoted about the Inca's now. You've got to be, come on, be cool, man. They liked murdering the children. It was their favourite thing. All right.

So what vegetables... What are you worried about losing the Inca market and the Azte? Oh, no, the Aztecs I lost years ago, but the Inca's I'm hanging on to for grim death. But I used to a joke about that. What vegetables is indigenous to Australia then? Name me one. Like, what were the Aboriginals eating before we got there

and introduced all the stuff? Oh, it's all sorts of berries and roots and... That's fruit. Well, no, name you. I don't think we have. You googled the other thing. Just do me a solid. What are native, what, vegetables?

Vegetables in Australia. I don't know me, Bush Tucker. Here we go. We haven't offered a lot in the world. Warrigal Green. The Murmong. Yeah, the Murmong. You're fucking, you get a plate of them next to a burgo.

You're over the moon. You know how my mum used to fix up some Murmong after a cold day? Murmong sounds like some type of insult at school. Like a sea animal that washes up when there's been a hugged moon. A guy who can't swim very well. Just swims in circles. Mermong, a yolk, which is a root vegetable from the carrot. Yeah, okay.

And kangaroo grass. Yeah, so it's not a lot. We had no onion. Did we have an onion? No onion. Seen parsley is the only thing in every cuisine, you see. Native potato was called the hairy milk vine. Oh, yeah.

That sounds like a name for a cock. The hairy milkvine. Come and milk me hairy milk vine, would you? That was going to be name of one of me special. but Netflix said no. Too salacious. That sounds like something that Captain Cook's like one of the sailors said when he saw a naked indigenous man.

He goes, look at his, look he's hairy milk vine. Yeah, yeah. And the hairy milk wine. What time of vegetables are hairy milk wine? It's a native potato. I always find. We had potatoes. We were more advanced than the Irish.

White people are often criticized for lacking spice, right? And it's like, so my take of that was always, people now go, What about the spice girls? What were their spices, ginger? Well, this one was scary spice. My son found out he was like, scary spice, why is the one black one called scary fights? And my wife was like this. They gave themselves their nicknames.

Yeah. So one of them is an actual spice, ginger. Ginger? And the rest is, is sporty. They're all in the abstract. yeah so it's not cardam and yeah baby spice which which is you know yeah you have to get a shredder and a baby and put it over the top of pasta yeah that doesn't see that doesn't work at all yeah yeah but white people always told him and here's it there's a new spice girl

being added turmeric hello tumic I'll tell you what I want what I really really want a seat please that is such a funny thing for like the UK fucking DIY Cardi Cardi Cinnamon spices joined a group. Well, that's like when they got rid of Moe and they brought in his brother, Shemp, or whatever, or whoever Shemp was, right? They just brought in, they brought in another one. If you could get rid of a spice girl and bring in a different spice girl, cinnamon would be a good one. You know, but we, so many people died so that we could get cinnamon, for instance, nutmeg. Cinnamon, I tell you, I'll go back to Seinfeld, cinnamon and the against chocolate bobcar, the cinnamon bobcar.

I got high the other day and post-maided a cinnabund to my house, just pure piggery. Since I've come home from the European tour, I've gained 10 pounds. I'm fasting today, and I fasted yesterday. I'm on a two-day fast right now because I went, I came back from Europe, being on the road with you for six weeks, and I rang you up and I said, I only gained five pounds, only gave five pounds. And we were eating at lovely restaurants everywhere. And then since I've been home, which has been three weeks, I've gained 10 pounds, and a half weeks i've gained 10 pounds uh cortisol bloat from and just swelling probably from

american food my joints have all fucking gone again um and uh i've got too much salt in my diet but i'm going up to see the dodgers playing the world series tonight so i will be uh doing more of that i've been fasting for two days just to go i i don't think the nacho helmet is what you need right now no i i i'm very excited about the world series like if you haven't been following Shoah or Tony, but we can't talk about sports but it's been doing things. I was up to 3 am watching your team sport. But here's the thing about Spice I'll end on that I think is a

nice thing that all of our listeners can do. Yeah. I guarantee I don't care what social class you are unless you are borderline homeless. You've probably got cinnamon or nutmeg in the back of your shelf in a master foods or

a whole foods disposable $4 cinnamon shaker. Yeah. And if you had that in the 1600s, you're a fucking aristocrat. Oh, I thought you were going to go, get some milk, get a spoon, off you go. No, it's just one of those things where, like, you would have been, you would have been in the 1% in almost every other time period. They always, every time you watch something, a documentary on food or the history of food, there's always this comes up. And people would bring pineapples to parties and a pineapple was worth $500 and people would

Bring a pineapple to show off wealth. Yeah. Idiots. What do you bring to show off your wealth at a party? What do you order? An edible arrangement? I don't wear pants. See how long I can get away with it.

Show how famous I am. Remember that Billy Connolly joke about walking around with your dick inside a chakutery plate that you hold at waist level? Yeah. Yeah. He's too old and he's got too sick to be me too. So that story's fine. That story works. No one's going to get into that.

I re-watched it the other night and I was like, the whole story is that he's got his dick in a meat tray walking around offering people charcutory. Back then we were all like, that's fucking good idea. That's right up.

They were putting your dick in the popcorn box. Yeah. You put your dick in the custard for a fancy dress because I'm fucking disgusted. I'm fucking disgusted. So I want to ask you a couple of things. Some people do the joke with an Indian accent, but I don't think it needs it. I think you can just say it regularly.

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and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Quince. Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash ATM. Free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com slash ATM. While we stay on the food, I'm going to talk about something

that a lot of people are discussing here in New York. We have the mayor election right now, which is going to be quite a pivotal election overall, I think, which is Zoran Mamdani up against... I love you. I love when you say different names. You are like a Latino weather girl who speaks normally until she has to say, and I am Jennifer Rodriguez when she does that.

When you say a different name, you really go for. I said Zoran Mandani. Zoran Mandani. But it's not like, it's not like, okay, I've thought about this, right? So I was traveling around with you. We're in France and you would say, when you had to say something in French, you would go, you'd do the accent. and then you'd go

someone's name. But no one ever, when they come to Australia, no French person goes, I'm not just going to speak English to this person, but I'm going to do it in an Australian accent. They never actually go that next to step. They never go, they're bonjourner, bossier,

but they never go like that. Amos Gill? Well, even when you watch football, right, the commentators now will be like, but they don't go, like, Moikuloshina see. Yeah, exactly. They never irish it up.

David Fennerty, Louie. Yeah. But here comes Mark Beduka. Yeah, we do feel the need to foreign it up in that regard when it comes to Latin names. I think it's because it's fun. Ah, you don't think the Australian accent's fun? The problem with the Australian accent, people can do it. People can never nail it.

People never nail it. And they have a go at it. I sat at a restaurant last night. with some people went to an Irish bar here that's been around since I think the early 1800s it was awesome it was a brilliant night what I loved about it there's only two options which was light beer dark beer that's all they said to you light beer dark beer and they just walk around give you your pint right uh the thing that stood out about the place was the Harry Houdini put handcuffs on a man and locked him to the bar and he was stuck there for a

certain amount of time the handcuffs remain his aeneas never returned to the same show But all these people from America were sitting, and it's communal tables. I haven't sat at one of those for a while, so it's just like beer hall tables and so we were just stuck with a different group. And these drunk Americans just kept being like, hello, I'm from England, listening to me.

Or what you say, mate? I go, I'm Australian. They go, what's what we said? Oh, from the UK. They did it. Yeah, they did it. to you all the time. Good-A-mate.

I told you, I was at my kid's little league game, and there was a, it was a child impersonating me, and I was looking around like, are we going to do anything, parents? He's like, oh, I'm a dad in the stand. Good, good strike, dead. Like, that he was standing next to me. I was like, we fucking, is this cool, is it? We're not a protected. We're not a protected class from Australia.

No, we are. I wanted to talk about Mundani for one topic, and this came up at the table I was at last night. So there's some attacks against Mondani that are just sort of just out and out. This topic, I think it's just out and out racist. Okay. I would even say racist. It's just like

culturally. So this is a column you've written, is it? So on my substack, I wrote this. Mamdani, he eats with his hands, yack. No, this is the topic. It is about eating with your hands. Oh, I thought this was your poem. He eats with these hands,

yuck. What did he get voted in New York be stuck. There was people out here who would essentially say, you know what? Because there was a video where he's eating his rice with his hands. Yeah, that's how you meant to. As they do. Yeah. And they were like.

What do you mean they do? What do you mean that they do? We're Indian people. Yeah, well, he's Ugandan, but I may be Pakistani background. I don't know what his full background is. But as culturally you're meant to eat the food. That's how you do it. Yeah, but as you do.

But Anglos find it gross to eat rice with your hands. Oh, now you're fucking. and me a name, Anglos. Anglos do find it gross to eat with their hands. However, we do hamburgers. What do you mean? Anglos find it hard to eat with their hands. We have more finger food than many other cultures.

Yes, exactly. But for some reason, that's what I meant to say, is for a society that has finger foods. They're not called chicken, knives and forks. We have so many foods where we have essentially bread and carbohydrate napkins. But we are, for some reason, people that eat like curry and rice, we find revolting. No, no, if we can put bread and enclose the food, we're all over it. But also, I learned when I was, sushi's meant to be eating with your hands. Negiri is meant to be face down.

And the thing, I learnt that in a fancy Michelin-Star restaurant in Tokyo. But seaweed-wrapped rolls, everyone's eaten with their hands, right? But if I went to a little takeaway sushi shop and got Nagiri, and I was eating them with my hands, people would think that I'm... No, Nogiri's meant to be in with your hands. Nogiri, with the fish just on top, you meant to go flip, fish first. People put it in, the thing, and then the rice falls to bit, and it falls in your soy. That's wrong. It's with your hand, boom, one bite.

That's what you meant to do. That's in the fanciest restaurants, how you meant to eat nagiri. Okay, so what about curry? If I was with you and I was scooping a curry and slurping out of the cup. have done the curry when in India, but this is the problem because culturally it's meant to be you have one hand to wipe your ass and one hand to eat with. I wipe my ass with both hands, man. What am I meant to do?

I didn't even, I thought you were just sort of using your fancy toilet. Ones for wiping, ones for pushing the hemorrhoid back up. But it's also like one hands for jerking, one hands for opening up doors in bathroom. All the hands are filthy. I don't understand. Like, just wash your fucking hands and then use both. What are we doing? I wash my hands and then still eat with me food

But that's what I When people come from those cultures where they go This is my wiping hand This is my eating hand They never say that They never say that This is something that we've been told But I've never had one person

Ever say that sentence to me My whole life But we've always been told that Yeah we've been told that Does that mean it's right But my question is why don't they just fucking Hand sanitise and go at it with both I love those HSBCs

To have a run of commercials About things that like Are rude in different cultures right and there you go do you know in such and such a culture it is rude to stand up before it is it is nice to burp you know every time you burp

there's always some cunt he'll go in some cultures that's a compliment yeah right that's a compliment to the chef and you're like I've travelled the world I have not met the burping people

who are they who are the burping nations probably the Icelandic I have not seen one like table where they're all burping like compliments to the chef can you please bring him out Never seen it, but I've been told this all the time

that there's cultures where burping his thing. Now, the other one is HSBC. Well, you'll find it's China, Taiwan, Turkey. I'm going to be performing in Istanbul coming up. Thanks for bringing that up. When I'm there, I'm going to burp at the end of the show if I can. If I got one. Well, you currently fart into the microphone on tour.

If I've got one, if I've got one, that's one in five or ten shows. And don't ruin the surprise for some people. But if I have a big fart in the chamber and I am on stage, without talking, I will just whip the microphone. This is why I don't wear the headset. Other comedians wear the Madonna microphone headset. I like to yell and then get in and out and like, I do things with the microphone. I use it as a dick. I use it as a sword.

And if I need to fart, I whip it around the back and it always kills. It always kills. I've never failed to fart down the microphone. I just put into Google. in which culture is it polite to fart while the paying audience watches and this is what it's come back with

in virtually all cultures farting is impolite particularly during a performance however the French stage performer Joseph Pouillon known by the stage name Le Petomann

built a career about his ability to control his flatulence He performed in the late 19th century Paris to large and enthusiastic audiences. Okay, you were missing out on the great Mr. Methane, the greatest of all the fattors, the little Yorkshire who used to come dressed as a superhero with his butt cut out of his thing. Then he would lay on his back. He could fart the national anthem. He would put talcum powder at the end.

He'd have a dwarf performer that would come out with Mr. Methane, and he'd put all the, he'd keep spraying the talcum powder, and then he would fart different notes. He toured Australia a lot, Mr. Methane. And this is coming from your generation that's like, ugh, comedy was better back in the day. It was. I'd go see Mr. Methane in Vegas right now. Right now I'd see it again.

Look, it's not a show that you want to see for more than 20 minutes. He needs opening acts and he needs like a mentalist or whatever. Yeah, yeah, he needs to do a bit of things. He needs to, but he used to go on Mick Molloy's show, Mick and Tony Martin show. And I think he farted the Swiss. Swiss National Anthem in Parliament. I didn't even know they had a national... Google Mr. Methane.

Google Mr. Methane. He can do it on command. I only do one fart if I have one in the chamber. It's a special gift. If you've been to one of my shows where I fart down the microphone, you're welcome. That's a cherished bit of history. Now, I actually did a gig once with Jack.

You ever Jackass went on the road, but not with their main stars. It was with sort of the... It was Stevo and a few other people, yeah. Yeah, Steveo had dropped off, but it was the others. And they got me to open for them in Adelaide at Red Square. Oh, I remembered this. I remember you had to open for jackass.

Yeah, carry it. So it was, they brought me on, right? And I got there like three hours early because they said, you know, get down here early to... This was about 13 years ago, right? So long ago. I was super new. And one of the blokes, I can't believe I'm forgetting his name. I wasn't a big jack-ass guy, but they were lovely, lovely fellas.

was eating an extraordinary meal. And I said, what are you doing? And he goes, I have to time out my meals because I do a shit on stage every night. So I eat the same thing on tour and try and keep everything the same. So my shits are the same. And he was the one I was bringing out.

So I would do my stand-up. And then I would go, anyway, folks, here's the man you want to see. Give it up for blah, blah, blah. Was it Ryan Dunn or something, yeah? One of those. And then he would come out. This was his act. This was his act.

He would get out of towel. He wouldn't talk to the ointz. He'd get out of towel. He'd lay the towel on the stage. The crowd would go, like a bowler running in at the cricket. He would take off his pants and he would do a perfect cable shit. And then the crowd would go crazy. Then he would pick it up and he would eat all of it.

And then he would wipe his mouth with the towel like a napkin. And he would take a bow. and leave the stage. He didn't eat it. Yeah. And so what was his meal? Because he wanted to deter that it was from this meal. He was like a protein shake, some fruits.

He was like, we've worked out the perfect foods for me that keeps it rigid but also squishy enough that you get like, it's not going to hurt my asshole on the way out repeatedly. You know, because he goes, it can't splatter. That ruins the whole show. too much caffeine and I'm doing diarrhea and then many many years ago I was performing at the Edinburgh Festival and stop me if I've told you this story before and before me was the Jim Rose Freak Show in the same venue so they had the 8 till 9 I had the 9 till 10 or the 7 to 8 and the 8 to 9 whatever right and so all the freaks there was Mr. Lifto he was the one who had piercings all

through his cock and all that type of stuff and he would lift up like bowling balls with his dick while his dick was fucking dangling down with a piercing through it and then he had things of his nipples and they were dangling like you know it was freak show right there was another young lad who just learned how to do freak things he was eating glass bulbs and stuff like that i think this show went on to become um kill tony yeah but anyway so so there was all these freaks right and um uh then there was a girl who was like this artsy sort of hipstery chick from like New York

and you know I hadn't even been to America at that stage and I was like she was like this New York girl who was in the art scene or whatever like that

and she would put paint balloons up her ass and she would come out and fart out a Jackson Pollock type of a painting right

then I believe she may have put a pen in another hole to sign the painting right I believe I might

be mixing two acts together there right and i think if i'm not mistaken i think one of those works was stolen from the louvre last week yeah so anyway so so this girl and i was selling the same i was like selling the same room as they were selling it was like a four five around cedar i was selling the same room as them so i was doing it by myself i didn't need anyone i i was doing it just with words not even fart and pain out me ass right i was just doing it with words selling the same tickets yeah anyway that girl i used to talk to the freaks. It was called a freak show.

I used to talk to the freaks before I went on, asked him how their show had gone, chat to her, see how she farted out of painting. And I had a bit of a crush on this girl, right? And I said, do you want to come and stay for my show? And, you know,

maybe we could get a drink afterwards. It was very innocent, you know, asking someone on a date type of thing. She went on to just pretty much will tell me that she thought that she was out of my league. It was a woman who farted, paintings. Now, she was very cool. She was very funny. She was very attractive. And under any other circumstances, I would say, yes, she was out of my league. But I, she saw me perform each night and

she was farting out paintings. I feel like, come on, man. You went in for a kiss and she squirts you with tit milk? She was like, no. No, not for me. Yeah, she's like, I'm from the trendy New York sea. I think she thought I was nice enough, but maybe I was a bit too awkward. I used to, like,

because it's really weird because you'd see a fart out of painting and then you'd have to talk to her like, that was normal. You'd have to just go. How were they tonight?

Were they, yeah, as a classic Friday night crowd. Yeah. They're just locked off work. They're a bit drunk. Yeah. What did they think

they were coming to see? Do a bit of research. Such a, you know what? This is, I don't know, everyone's saying it this year. It's just a flat year.

yeah like they look they got it in the sense that i farted onto a canvas but what they they were missing the undertones but whatever yeah my critique of modern art went completely over their heads yeah anyway so so if she's out there i'm married now you missed your chance el farmo that was our take on the new york mayor election let's talk about donald trump is he's torn down your boy you love him you love him he's torn down the East Wing, and he's building a ballroom. Now, I'm in a couple of minds about this one. The East Wing, the least successful television show.

Yeah, yeah, that's the whole thing. What was going on in the East Wing before that? They just have smaller ballrooms, because I always remember them having ballrooms and stuff at the White House. Like, they have some big rooms, right? Well, apparently so often, when they had major functions, they needed a tent to be put up all the time to house the amount of people. And so Trump keeps saying they're one.

it a big one for years and I've secured the funding for it so they have a private investor. It sounds like a fucking scam because all these donators and I feel like he's going to get his construction guys and I feel like this is a complete nut of fucking scam. But, I mean, two minds,

I don't begrudge the White House having a ballroom, right? I don't begrudge of having a ballroom. It's the fucking White House. I think they should have a room for pinball machines but no one listens to me. Well, Nixon put a bowling alley in there. Yeah, yeah. Obama did a basketball court.

And Kennedy put some shallow graves. No, he put some whore tunnels. Yeah, for, yeah, whore tunnels. Hore tunnels and disposal areas. You know, to each president their own. Yeah, yeah. And it was funny. I think it was Don Jr. that did a clap back on that.

So everyone's like this. They go, oh, they've torn down a part of the White House. that's 150 years old. America, that's not very old. I've lived in houses in Britain that were older than 150 years. I think substantially older. I lived in houses in Edinburgh

on normal main streets. They were substantially older than 150 years old, right? And they're going, oh, they ripped down that bit. As long as it's just a wall, it wasn't the whole White House. You can build extensions on the fucking place.

The place can't, obviously it can change. Of course, everyone makes changes over it over time. And I think everyone's just a little worried that it's going to be gaudy shit. That's the problem, is that he is going to decorate it. And his taste in decorations, I like Scandinavian Minimalist. So can we do that? Scandinavian Minimalist, just wooden chairs and just like cubes and shit like that. That's all I want.

Just all wood paneling, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood. And he's going to make it all. The Obama's Library? Have you seen Obama's Library? Why, what is it? Is he just got like five? Obama's Presidential Library. Oh.

You just Google it. Get it up. It is the most hideous thing I've ever seen in my life. Look at this. Obama's Library is... What's wrong with it? Just a brutalist bizarre shape. Oh, the outside of it.

Look at it. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to... of shit, it's so offensive to me. What's it? Listen, they're keeping it. I hate buildings like that. And Donald Trump's, I'm going to read you a story that I saw, which I could not support more.

And so it says this. Political analysts have criticized President Donald Trump's plan to replace the east wing of the White House with a gilded ballroom. I'm sure the next president will come and probably make it less gouty. I don't like the gold leaf. I find it tacky. That's just me. But while this scheme has dominated the headlines, it's not the only way in which the president wants to exercise authority over architecture in the nation's capital from a wide-ranging

executive order to plans for a massive monument. Trump appears to be looking to make an indelible mark on Washington, D.C. And so he's said here, he's starting an executive order, or he has already in August, to make federal architecture beautiful again. It mandates all federal buildings embrace the classical architecture. So that would be the neoclassical style you see around, I think columns, domes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they're going back to building. Florida. Like, every city I go to in America, I love going to their town hall, and they always kind of look the same. They're all the play on Roman and Greek architecture with the pylons. You know what?

My favorite architecture in America. What are you like my favorite architecture in America? You probably like, knowing you, you probably like the Miami or the Palm Springs. Palm Springs. Palm Springs is a banger. It doesn't get better architecture than that. That 1950s, 1960s houses

they're the best with palm trees around them. That's America at its fucking peak. And then you give us like a California fucking car wash sign. That's well done. The fluoro lights and everything, that does go very well. That was a nice 1950s

American period there where corporatism matched well with an aesthetic of clean plain, plain lines big fan 1950s it's kitschy though American kitsch

is their best is they're very bad brutalism is horrendous 70s and 60s brutalism in all countries right so London's beautiful Birmingham is too much 70s stuff

type of thing like that so we all don't like the 70s 50s early 60s pop art American Art Deco in the 1940s 1920s Miami Art Deco, that's cool as well. You were right about that, right?

But where am I heading with this? What's the point of this conversation? Oh, the Australia, with Australia, the best, Victorian pubs. That's us at our best. Yeah. Putting tiles out the front of a pub with like fucking having the iron facades.

The iron facades, the lattice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's Australia at its best. But I think to me. Corrigated iron roofed houses. Queenslander on stilts. Come on. Get in there.

I don't care how much you hate Donald Trump. When you go to Chicago and you see the Trump hotel on the rivets. Mate, I will tell you something about a whole lot of lefty comedian people that we all know, who I'm one of. I did a show called Odd Ball once and we were in Chicago. And there was people on the bill. There was Dave Chappelle, Florida the Concord, Sarah Silverman, Crystal Leia, with Michael Che loads and loads of people on this Bill. Kirsten Shull, we were all put up in the Trump

Tower and I'll tell you what, it was a good hotel. It was a good hotel. You can't fault him for the hotel. It was a fucking lovely hotel. I had a wonderful time. This was before he'd run for the elections or anything like this. This is way before. But we were all very, oh, we were big fans at the Trump Hotel. I remember all those famous comics walking around going, it's all right, isn't it? But the thing you notice about buildings is right wing and like right wing corporatism and left wing communism

both makes ugly buildings but for different reasons so on the left they make hideous buildings in communism make brutal blocks which is about mass functionality and giving you know housing to as many people as possible or reducing the cost

because it's on the public dime and they're ugly concrete blocks I don't know if you've ever seen like ABC studios in a lot of Australian buildings horrendous and then on the right and then on the right wing side the corporate side they also build these fucking gross apartment complexes all over the world they just look like glass and they make it as boring and as like with dry wall low ceilings and that white light that puts you into a

psychosis well they try to maximize profit either way it it it uglies up the country and so if there's one thing i could get behind i am moved heavily by architecture in every city that i live in. And I think buildings that you build say a lot about who you are and what you guys believe in. And if you make things beautiful, you do feel proud to live in that city. And it's not worth nothing to live in a place that has nice buildings to look at once in a fucking while. No, that's the most important thing. The architecture of the land isn't that great. The architecture is the most important thing. You make something nice, people treat it nice. I just think of like this hideous new buildings you see popping up everywhere. And the whole world

starting to look the same with those glass towers that are just crows. The problem is with the beautiful old buildings is as gorgeous as they are. You're like, if you want to live in them, the air conditioning. Because which is comfort over here now. How many gargles do you reckon are manufactured now? How many gargall companies? How many gargles are like, what do you reckon the drop in gargall manufacturing has been over the decades? There's one family probably still doing them.

in the Notre Dame church, they needed to buy some new ones. They need to buy some new ones. How many gargoyle? Where to buy a gargoyle? They're not going to steal a blake. Gargol manufacturers. The Rust Belt.

Here we go. Shine. Timu. Timu have them for $10.6. It's fucking over for us. How big are these gargles? Is there a full gargle? Could you put them on the side of a New York building?

You could put them on the side of a New York built. That's because they're plastic. They're plastic. Oh, a plastic one. No, a stone mason built gargle. Is there any bloke who's doing it? Not that I can see off here. Oh, here we go.

It's called The Soothing Company. And they're doing them for $3,650 apiece. That seems better than I would have thought. Well, it seems pretty fair. But back in the day when the gargle industry was more competitive, I bet you could have run that price down. And you would have got better work. You would have got better work.

These guys are probably apprentice gargaw makers. But my hope is anyway, I would love to see more buildings. Do you reckon they take on apprenticeships at the gargoy factory? I don't think so. I think there'd be a backlog. I think it's a father-son business. I don't think they've got any room for new people. It's one of those things you learnt from your dad.

We can't make a lot of these buildings. How much can you vary up a gargoy? Can you have a gargoy who has his cock out? Or are they always like a standard size, standard look? Well, it was like what was terrifying in the medieval period. So it's like demons. Now it would be like a guy with dirty track pants with a knife on the subway. You put that on top of the building to scare people off.

Like what would be a modern gargoyle? What's scary to us? Public masturbator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a school shooter. Someone like that. A school student, yeah, it's a guy. It's a guy with a backpack at an AI.

15 on the room. Made out of stone. You can't because people would shoot him back. And a white woman with a blog, a thing like that. With glasses and a fringe. A high up fringe. High up fringe.

High up fringe and she's just looking over the screen. I want to know from any man who's married to a woman with a high up fringe. Is that good for you? You can do that? Is that fun for you? I don't even think the high fringe is a bad. Look, I just know I'm in trouble around a high fringe.

I don't think I've ever been loved by a high fringe human. Also, I've got a widow's peak, so a high fringe would look terrible on me. I do very well. You need to have a nice hairline to really pull it off. I've only ever got pussy in the ponytail department. Ponytail, I've, not many pixie cuts have come through my life, but I've had a couple. I've had a shaved head before, but she didn't have many options. Bless her soul.

all right well we've gone we've overstayed our welcome i was going to do some stuff other news stories but what other news stories you go give me one more oh you'll be shocked to find out that israel's uh broken the ceasefire they've broken the ceasefire they got the hostages back israel got the hostages back and went all right and then they broke the ceasefire and they go oh we're just targeting now why weren't you always just targeting that could have been your whole thing just targeting them us like that was what you said you said we're just targeting a must and then we were like oh but a whole lot of civilians are being getting killed and then you're like nah we're just targeting them us and then you

do the sea fire and you go oh but this time we're just targeting them us also tom and jerry still at it's just like what are we doing yeah it's itgy and scratchy it's just like that doesn't end so that's the other news story we had uh have a happy Halloween everyone what's your outfit Jim what's your okay so have you got any ideas for people I'll tell you what happened so we I've professed my love for Chris Lilly over the years. And so me and my wife, it's one of the things we bonded on

when we first started dating was our love of Chris Lily. And so my wife dressed as Jemay private schoolgirl. So it's quite layered that because my wife was dressing as a man, dressing as a woman, as a woman, right? So she went as Jemay private school.

And then my wife just bought me a wig and said, you're Mr. G, who's the gay drama teacher. I just looked like Moe from the Three Stooges. I did not pull off Mr. G in any way, nor did I have the rest of the Mr. G outfit. I kept thinking you looked like a beetle if the band didn't take off and they got into accounts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was bingo. But so I didn't look good, but my wife pulled it up really well. We went to a Halloween party, and it was a friend of hers, and then we had to get back babysitter, and we actually got there quite late, et cetera, et cetera. And then it was on a private estate type of thing. And the first time we got into the,

the not probably the state what are those suburb gated community right was a gated suburb and so the first time we got into the party was because the car had arrived and we just walked in and then my wife decided to irish goodbye right where irish goodbye or i decided to iris goodbye i was and uh and we just we were leaving the party and we got back to the gate and there was no way to get out of the gate and my wife said to me uh she'd rather die then walk back there and go we left uh we didn't say sorry but we didn't have the can you please let us out of the gate so like a couple of teenagers we jumped the gate it was pretty exciting don't do those things at my age wow did she drink she was drinking yeah but we got up on the fence i gave her a leg up threw her over the bloody

fence off she went and we both not ideal for you to be honest because she was dressed as a school girl so if people saw that it looked like you're stealing a girl from a house it did look like the wig made me look even older than i look now it looked like a mid 50s man throwing a schoolgirl over a fence. Actually, given that you are in an expensive L.A. area and you're getting a school girl out of a mansion, you could probably be like, I just rescued this one from one of those weird parties

they have. I'm a hero. I'll tell you what, if a crime happened in that area and they went through the surveillance footage that thing, we'd be suspects that day. No doubt about it. So I've been told I'm going as a, my girlfriend bought me a black skivy

and a beret and some jewels. So there you go. You're going as a French dual thief. I was just looking at the, they have been caught, they've caught two. One of them, this moron,

they caught one via DNA evidence. And then another one, he went to the airport, was flying to Algeria. You wouldn't fly to Algeria from like Brussels? Get on the train. Get a train and go to like Warsaw or something. Moron.

Like get, what would you go straight to Charles de Gaul? With a brown bag with dollar sign. on it. I'm fucking insane. So I don't want a Monday morning quarterback dual thieves, but you did the hard part. Come on. Lay low for a while, for Christ.

If you've got on enough trains, you could have gotten all the way down to it, a certain, yeah. Well, you could make your way into Russia or something like that. Very hard to do elaborate crimes these days with the AI and the facial recognition. Did you see the Nazi costume that's caused furor? What, around my house? No, I haven't seen it. I've heard about it, but I haven't seen it. What party was it?

I don't know. I think it was in Mississippi or something, but it was a young man walking around and he was getting attacked because he was wearing his, and it wasn't just a regular Nazi, it was a very well-tailored SS uniform. And I was thinking,

like sort of administrative type SS, like a man involved in the, you know, the planning of operations. He was, did you see it? Wonderful silhouette. get me up the Nazi costume Hard to know. Well, Prince Harry did it.

Prince Harry did it. I'll tell you where you get the best Nazi outfits, movies. There has to be a warehouse somewhere in Hollywood that is filled with so much Nazi stuff, just a huge war house that's just the Nazi closet. Yeah. Has to be.

There has to be thousands and thousands. For think of all those movies. Does Mel Gibson still live in California? He does. But you get like, I'm telling you, like big red swastikers, all the different things, right? They're conservative. Oh, it is a nice.

No. No, the tailoring is, I mean, he's getting cancelled for it, but I'm like, if he tailored it himself. That's Hugo Boss all day. That's no, that's none of the cheap shit. Anyway, but my point is, there's got to be a warehouse and artsy stuff, right? no doubt i mean that for the spilberg movies and everything like that alone yeah like the movie and for all the indiana jones the movie valkery indiana jones like it has to be the same place

right they just get it all and they go uh nazi there'd be a company called nazi props yeah they'd make it they'd make it very good living from that like seriously though yeah no i know but i think they've probably made enough for now now don't they do no i think they'd I think they destroy it. I'd rather you do this. Oh, you second they get tailor made for each movie

and then they destroy it. I think that they deserve. I think they just. Get the fuck out of here. They keep it and they rent it out to other. Can you rent Nazi clothing for movies? Hold on. Look,

it will just be in your search history. Listen, I would have gone on Facebook marketplace. They go, it says they go back into storage, but like, Nah, who, okay, who can make me a Nazi uniform for my upcoming indie film? Can I rent, can I rent Nazi uniform for Sound of Music, musical, community theatre?

Can I rent a Nazi uniform for my kids play? Yeah, for a play. Fura Tots All right While you can rent a World War II German uniform Costume rental companies often have strict policies of restricting rentals

to legitimate film theatre and TV productions due to the uniforms association with genocide These companies refuse to rent them to the general public for parties, Halloween and other personal uses So if you want to be a Nazi you have to come up with a pitch deck What you've got to do is

you've got to be doing the sound of music community theatre show in October it's all going to line up right you're going to go we're basically doing the producers

the productions from October 29th through to November 6th because okay is what is the point of Halloween we're Ozzie we didn't grow up with it you're meant to dress up

as terrifying things slashes violent criminals right what's scarier than the Third Reich I know know, but people got in trouble for dressing like Raygun.

Remember the people dressed like Raygun, they got called misogynistic. And then, like, they reckon after the Dharma killings that everyone was dressing like Jeffrey Dahmer and there was kids getting expelled from school. I'm going to name to you villains from history. Yeah. And you tell me whether I get cancelled for them, yes or that. Whether you're allowed to wear it or not. Are we going to end on this? Okay.

No, no, I have very exact opinions on this. And you will get, you will get away with a couple of more. outfits than me because of you being ever so slightly not, you know, normal. So these, we're going with like sort of conqueror dictators. Okay, so Attila the Hun. No, you can't get rid of Atila the Hun because Atila the Hun is a different race and you can't get away with wearing a different race. It's not because he was a genocidal maniac.

It's because you can't. Hungarian? You might, I can't. I'd have to see the outfit. you can't do any shades of skin. You can only wear the outfit and you can't do anything with your eyes or anything like that. So Attila, no, when I explain it eventually, people won't go,

that's disgusting. You can do the outfit. Gangus Khan. No fake. Gangis Khan. He was Asian, right? Mongolian, Mongolian. No, you can't do Genghis Khan.

You can't do Genghis Khan. Julius Caesar. John Wayne once did Genghis Khan in a movie. If you ever look at that picture of John Wayne. playing gangers karn get that up for me john way with the sticky tape yeah john wayne playing gangis khan you'll see why you're not allowed to do it one guy gave it a go back in the day from now on the rest of us out is out yeah okay so uh julia caesar easy there you can't you can't you can't you can't you can't john wayne is gangers can't you can't do it yeah so julia caesar

is fine killed three million killed three million celt you can walk around giving casino coupons to high rollers, yes. What about doing the Caesar hand? The Caesar hand, it's too close to the Nazi salute. So Caesar. All right, let's, we go over here.

Napoleon. You can do Napoleon all day. You can show up as Napoleon. In fact, you can get on your knees and put shoes on your knees to do Napoleon. You can both mock him for his stature and also, like, be, you can be a proud Napoleon.

Yeah, you can do Napoleon all day. Okay. Joseph Stalin. Stalin's a hard one to pull off. I'm going to say, you would have to explain it too many times. See, the things with Napoleon, not hard to explain.

You wear the hat. You wear the outfit. You act like you're short. Off you go. Hitler, you wear the mustache. You push your hair down to the side. Off you go. Right, Genghis Khan, we know,

all these different ones. But then Stalin, what? I'm just, like, you arguably look like Stalin, right now. I just get the strong moustache and you get the the Politburo jacket. Way, listen,

committed way more murders than Adolf Hitler. I don't believe you can pull off Stalin and I don't... But am I getting cancelled for Stalin? I believe people at the party would be upset with you for Stalin but you wouldn't get cancelled. But I believe there would be

some people at the party who would pull you up on what happened to the Kulaks. You can do Saddam Hussein all day. I have a friend who does... Mick Molloy, the comedian. Just as Saddam Hussein in a movie. Get Mick Maloy in a Mick Maloy Saddam Hussein picture for me. And he looked fantastic and we all enjoyed it.

It was a good one. And also Saddam Hussein, who else has done impersonation? Oh, our friend Mickey D, wears a shirt, a wine shirt, with pictures of Saddam Hussein all over it. So what about if I do Uday Hussein and Kusay Hussein? Look at our mate, Mick. like our mate, Mick, has pulled that off all day. You can't say that's a cancable Saddam Hussein.

If that showed up at the party, you'd be over the moon with that at your house. But that's what I'm saying. These are genocidal thugs. So why can't that kid walk around with a Nazi outfit? You couldn't play one of Saddam Hussein's foot soldiers, I guess. I don't know. If I walked around like, I'm a bathless soldier,

loyal to Saddam. Yeah, because also the SS were the particularly, yeah, look, we all know why. Carry on. Next one. I'll tell you whether you can do it or not. You can do Saddam Hussein at the moment. Yes to Napoleon, Saddam Hussein and Caesar.

Okay. Bashar al-Assad. No, no, you can't. But it's him in Russia working as a eye surgeon. No, no, no, no, no. That was going to be my costume this year. It was Assad. Okay, fine.

Yeah, yeah. What about Gaddafi? I think it's been long enough. I don't think, I think early on, and I think you could do Gaddafi. Gaddafi is a fun one to sort of pull off because of the curly hair and he always had the good general outfits I think Gaddafi

What about Idi Amin? We can't do the blois. Yeah, you can't do Idi Amin You can't get the eye or wonky like Forrest Whitaker Even if he is the last king of Scotland He appropriated from us So we can do it like face Okay, last one

Which I think will be the Halloween It gets people in trouble. Luigi Mungioni or Tyler Robinson. How many of those will you see? You're going to be able to get away with it. No one's going to be cancelled for playing Luigi. You can't do Tyler Robinson. You can do Luigi.

You can't do Tyler Robinson. And you definitely can't do Kirk. They are cancelable. I've seen a few of those. I know, but that's... Walking around in New York, it was no good. Enter at your own risk. Wasn't funny.

Yes, it's not In poor taste Not for me No No Sad Yeah Yeah

Yeah not good Um I Could you do him in a few years Like can you do now Can you do Kennedy With the bullet mark Can you do him

I'm gonna Probably yes Alright okay Here's one for you Because I saw A friend of mine A guy You know Kevin Bridges

Right Him and his girlfriend Did the classic John and Yoko, right? She wore the big glasses. The John and Yoko, when they went and got married and they, you know, peace and love. I saw her their post.

I thought, that's a very good John and Yoko, but can you do John, like zombie John? Yeah, definitely. He can do zombie John. You can do bullet John? There was a couple of people in Australia who got cancelled last year because one guy came as Tower 1, another guy came as Tower 2, and one guy came as a plane. Yeah. That's not good.

that's yeah I thought that was yeah but it's not it's not be a cunt day you can be like you know what I mean like I get it I get why that would I take part

that personally doesn't upset me because I wasn't as directly affected by the Twin Towers but like imagine you or Pete Davidson his father died you show up at the fucking show up at Halloween and one cunt's dressed as Tower 1

and one cunt's dressed as Tower 2 the other one would be oh fuck Pete's here and then you know what I mean like what are you what are you that no that one's what I'm saying what I mean is it just feels like we're such a nihilistic society that everyone's as soon as there's a tragedy

could you still show up within 10 minutes within 10 minutes after a tragedy someone's going or wear that following could you show up to a party dressed as Princess Diana with a dashboard on on your forehead listen I wouldn't

put the effort in but if it was available on Amazon like do you think you you get away I'm not going to craft. Princess Diana dashboard on the forehead. Do you reckon you get away with that? Well, what do you mean?

I get away. And just like you put just to the side of your seatbelt that obviously hasn't been put on. Well, I just wanted ideas for our listeners. Yeah, but do you get cancelled for that one? Of course.

If you're famous, I don't get cancelled, what am I getting cancelled from? Well, this young bloke who showed up as a Nazi wasn't famous, was he? Or was he? No,

he's been made famous now, but he's getting invited on all these different shows. None of them, good shows, but people are saying, people are saying, well, if you're so scared of Nazis, the fact that he's wearing it for Halloween suggests that he recognises them as being bad. That's the whole point. But I also think he might just want to be fucking Nazi. All right.

How many people, what do you reckon the outfit of the year is going to be? I reckon I'm going... Jewel thieves. I think that's why I'm unhappy about doing the Jewel Thief. I think we've gone for the most hack. I'm going Ed Gain. All right. Ed Gain will be a popular choice.

I'm going to go with, I'm going to go with whore. Oh, that's my favourite outfit. That wins every year. It's good every single year that one. Every single year. Look, is there a better day on Earth than November 1st when you wake up and you've just had a little sleep and you wake up and you rush downstairs and you grab your phone because you have to trek all the women's Instagrams after Halloween?

It's the greatest day of Instagram. November 1st Here we go Here we go All the girls are lined up We have we have We have chefs Made it sexy

We have sexy wookies We've done everything All right I have to go to the book of Mormon Because I'm a theatre guy as you know That's what you've done You've moved to New York You're dressing like a jewel thief

You and your misses You sit in front of your bookshelf Where you never pull a book off Think of all the space That's taken up And there you go see musicals How was chess? Did you enjoy chess?

we didn't go one night in Bangkok We opted against it But I'm going I do love New York I have to say I know you said that I would hate it I'm loving my life

I've been drinking a lot of Guinness in pubs Well guess what ladies and gentlemen I'll be performing in the Beacon Theatre When am I performing in the Beacon Theatre Jack 31st of January 31st of January And I think there's a young lad

We're going to give him We're going to give him a rally on the drums We're going to get him a chance 31st of January is that quick that's soon that's right we got a bloke who's going to open up for me well what a great Christmas gift

well I might do that at the top of the show let's record the top of the show well that's what's making news at the moment everybody have a happy Halloween send us your pictures You know, I'm going to be.

Thank you.