I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 44 - The Gravy Seals Strike Again

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

At this moment, Jim and Amos recap their holidays as well as the recent ICE incident, how Weight Watchers is practically over due to Ozempic, and the irony of the Bondi Beach hero loving Trump. Jim's special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix! ADS Mood: Use promo code ATM when you check out to save 20% on your first order at http://www.mood.com for first-time buyers. Monarch: Use code ATM at http://www.monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That’s 50% off your first year at http://www.monarch.com with code ATM. SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠ FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠   Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠   Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

This episode is sponsored by Mood. Every Mood product is backed by 100 days satisfaction guarantee and listeners get 20% off their first order with the code ATM. So go ahead to Mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover your perfect mood. Don't forget to use promo code ATM when you check out to save 20% off your first order. That's Mood.com and use the code ATM at checkout. for 20% off your entire first purchase for first time buyers.

This episode is sponsored by Monarch. This new year, achieve your financial goals for good. Monarch is the all in one tool that makes proactive money management simple all year long. Use code ATM at Monarch.com for half of all your first year off. That's 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with the code ATM. Hello, everyone. Welcome to At this moment with me, Jim Jeff. I'm here with Amos Gil.

How are you doing, Amos? I'm fantastic, Jim. Good to be back. We always start off with some dates that we have. And I just want to implore everybody. Please, dearest followers. I'm filming a comedy special at the Denver Comedy Works on February 13 and 14, the Valentine's Day weekend. If you've ever thought of getting out to see me, I do love my shows.

They're one of the best clubs in the country. Come out and see me so I can record something that isn't. That is actually a fact. The Denver Comedy Works is one of the greatest comedy clubs in the world. Fact. I will be in Reno, Nevada, January 16th. That's coming up this Friday. This Saturday I'll be in San Jose at the San Jose Civic Center.

And then, look, the next one, New York, New York, me and Amos, January 31st, will be at the Beacon Theater. Tickets are selling good on that one. It will be a sold-out show, but it is not sold out yet. So go get your tickets. Also, I'm playing the plazzo. If you're coming out for the rugby league to watch the rugby league in Las Vegas, I'm playing the night before in Vegas.

So come and see me then. Yeah, I'm also going to be in Helsinki and Warsaw. That's my last European dates. Everything else is sold out. So thanks for that. This week is a tough one. We've been away for two weeks, and it feels like everything's shifted. And there's a million stories to shift through.

But, Jim, we discussed our vacation, Venezuela, ice. year. Ice. Iran, the Golden Globes, we're still spewing that we weren't nominated in the new category there. But we take on a lot of these topics. Enjoy.

Welcome to not even Golden Globe nominated podcast at this moment. Did you watch that last night? When I saw that the podcast were now a thing that you could actually get nominated for. It was embarrassing. I was upset about it. And Amy Paul with the show, I haven't heard it. I'm sure it's very good. She's very funny.

But she won it. And you think to yourself, I think it's just the same as what we're doing. It's just her shooting the shit with other of her friends, you know. With maybe better cameras. Oh, yes. Yes. And her Jack is obviously way more on top of it than ours. I blame all of our failings on Jack.

She'd have a, she'd have a Jack. Yeah. So they won that. And then, you know, I always watch the Golden Globes. Like maybe no one's told me or maybe I haven't kept up with the press. Best Comedy Special. Oh, no, no, I'm not on there again. Just quick. Jack, did you check emails over the?

break? Was there a nomination for us on? We have to respond? Was there a box to tick? Because Amy Polar, how's that? Smartless was nominated. And her ex is in that. And she started her podcast this year and then won the Golden Globe. Tough on the Rogans of the world and the Mark Marins who have been going since about 2009. Yeah. Look, if I just stayed podcasting back with Eddie Yift in the day, I'd have about four Golden Globes now, but I gave up on it. Um, uh, uh, Next year, the Golden Globe for best pitch meeting, which I think you'd do quite well at that. I do all right.

That's my best. No one knows that. I'm good at that. I thought Nikki Glazier did a great job. Did you go to the after party? I went to the after party. I actually spoke to Nikki. I had a long chat with Nikki's father, actually.

I met him one time before. And I had a chat with him. And I was at the party. There was Jennifer Lopez. and I tell you, Heather Graham, holy hell, Carolyn. Heather Graham is aging like a fine wine. She is 55 years old and looks fucking spectacular. But there was lots of famous people.

Does you bring the wife? I brought the wife up. The wife had a dance with people. She was dancer and she had a wonderful time. We had a great time. It was Nikki's after party and we had a fantastic time. I was very happy to be invited. I watched it.

So it was really cool at the comment. seller in New York, they had the show playing, and it was just all the comedians were, you know, gathered around watching her monologue. It is like a, for comedians, it's like everyone's like, all right, let's see how this monologue goes. And a few people in the room had written some jokes for it and everything. And I wanted to bring this up with you. Do you know what Calci is? Calci is like a betting service where you can bet on like, how long does the Ayatala have left? Oh, you can bet on anything, right? You bet on everything, right? one of them was which topics will Nikki Glazer bring up in her monologue at the Golden Globes?

And it was like Epstein, Ice, Trump, Nicholas Maduro, and there was a prize for all of them. There's a lot of scope for insider trading for people in our position that you could just go to the comedy store and watch her workshop. If we still had the Jim Jeffrey show back in the days of this app, the money we would have made. right how much money would I have to put on that before I'm investigated they'll go nah why would someone put

$25,000 on a Nicholas Maduro joke when he's never better on anything else except Chicago Bears football many many years ago I had a friend who was dating somebody who was working on a TV show that was a a miss world or miss universe

type of thing right? Right. And we had, you know Donald Trump, we get this. We had an inside scoop on who might win. And I went down to the Ladbrooks.

Like, I'd like to put some money on Miss Columbia, please. I was a pro comedian. Because in Britain, you can write any bet down on a bit of paper and they'll give you the odds, right? And they went,

no, we've shut Miss Columbia down, mate. But this obviously told to them other people. There's been 50 people walk in that day. Miss Columbia? Yeah, a lot of guys submitting pieces of paper with glitter on it. Where have you got this information? Someone's been backstage.

But you know what? Okay, so I was watching the show going, Nikki did a good job. Nikki did a good job. All through the monologue, Nikki did a good job, Nikki did a good job. Then I saw all the other celebrities present awards. And now I'm saying Nikki did a great job. That room at stages were so fucking cold for people coming up and presenting other awards. it was unbelievable.

So she stormed the shit out of it. Her Leonardo DiCaprio joke where she goes, that's all we got on you, man. When she just said, look, look, your girlfriend's under the age of 28 or whatever, like they always are. That is all we know about that cat. It's all we know. You've got that and you've got big environmentalists, but it takes his private jet to his helicopter to his yacht.

That's about the two bits I know about Leo. Yeah, yeah. That's, we don't know anything. We don't know anything. The guy's kept off social media. He doesn't get anything. He doesn't even do like Graham Norton. He does nothing, right?

You're right, he doesn't, he's not, let's put it this way, when a big event happens in America, I don't go to check if Leo's been tweeting. It's amazing how having the best pussy in the world constantly in your bed de-radicalizes you. You think that's what de-radicalized him? I find it very difficult to be tweeting from my bed about the policies of the US government when I have three supermodels next to me each and every day. I'm sure your fiancé is there's a little tear going down right now like a native American looking at a dried up river.

What was the joke I used to go? Leo DiCaprio is obsessed with climate change and global warming because he's seen what the sun does to his young girlfriend's skin. That's why he has to keep breaking up with them. He's like, I want to love them, but my God, this sun is wrinkling them all the time. Yeah, and you can't live in the Scandinavian country. Too cold. Too cold.

His whole policy is informed on I would love a son soft enough and an ozone layer dense enough that my 23-year-old girlfriend will never age. He was, look, he took the jokes in good jest. I don't think anyone got me really, like, that's the good case. So I'll say it right now. And I believe Nikki Glazier is better than Joan Rivers. And I think she'll be remembered in the same way. I think she'll have that award show.

And when I say she's better than Joan Rivers, Joan Rivers, and I like Joan Rivers, don't get me wrong, but Joan Rivers, when she did a roast joke, you kind of thought for a little bit of a brain that she meant it. Nikki still has kindness on her face when she does it. It's only a subtle difference. But I think Nikki Glazier, as long as she wants that job, she can have it for life.

She can be the Billy Crystal or the Golden Globes. But she's very friendly with it, but I'll take Jervais any day. Yeah, but Javis doesn't want it. I'm not comparing Javis. Okay, so let's talk about Jvase. So we got Wanda Sykes going up there. Javis wins best stand-up comedy special.

And Wanda Sykes, thanks God and appreciates the trans community. I thought, ah, it's kind of funny. It's kind of whatever. You know, there's a few people who are upset by it. Like, like comedians do shit on each other now. And we never used to as much. We used to sort of have a brother or sisterhood or something where we all sort of stayed nicely, nicy, in public.

then we were cunts to each other in dressing rooms, you know what I mean? So what did you think of that? What, when she goes, yeah, I'm going to thank the, you know. I haven't seen any, have you seen, have you seen, you know, I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it, no. I thought the fact that she added the God in there made it more of a bit. If it was just the trans thing, I'd be like, oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought the God bit made it a gag. Yeah, the God bit was quite funny. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to thank God. How Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for, but yeah, he wins. Look, the stand-up comedy, look, I know those people who have been nominated and won it, but it's a kind of a weird thing at the Golden Globes, the best stand-up comedy special because the people who are voting on it have not watched the comedy specials.

As we just said, me and your comics, we haven't watched the Jervais one, right? Okay, but here's the other thing. Also, when I watched the podcast thing, that really stuck out to me, and me and Anika are on the couch watching, and we were like, this is so dumb because these aren't the best podcasts. These are just famous people that the people voting know. Like the best podcast is the rest is history probably. They're the one that won the Apple podcast.

It's like those two, you know, those two guys from England, the history professors. Brilliant podcast. It's like, so then I started thinking, all, I like podcasts and I like stand-up. And I know that they're getting it wrong for those two categories. So I thought, are there film directors talking amongst each other like, oh, my God, these people don't know fucking movies either. Now, I'm not saying that the stand-up specials weren't good specials, but they were from five famous people. It's all famous people.

It's all famous people and people ticking boxes or whatever that they sort of think that, I like that person, but has people watch that stuff? Is it shit? Are they getting it wrong for the movies? Are they getting it wrong for the TV show? Like my TV show back in the day legit, if you go check on Rotten Tomatoes, if I can

crushed it, we couldn't bloody get arrested for an award or anything like that. You know what I mean? I... I'd have to, I'll go out there and say that me never owning a microphone of professional quality may have hampered us in 25? I think us doing this over the Zoom and on couches in Bookerest is really gone against us. I think we were in the running and then they watched me go through my magnet collection.

The fridge magnet episode was the one that we were going to submit. Do you submit an episode? For your consideration, it's me. I pick up my back. I just want to give a quick shout out to 2025. I had to make funny happen to me. At New Year's, every New Year's, I go like this. they count down to midnight.

I go, thank fuck, that's over. All right. This new year is going to be better. And then I was like, yeah, the other shit year over right now. So a couple of years back, obviously I have my nephew dying. Terrible year. Terrible year, right? A couple of years before that, I have, you know, TV show canceled, not a good year.

We all go through COVID. There's been some rough years. Everyone goes through them. You know what I mean? Personal tragedies in my life and whatnot. And I've got to give it up. 2025. What a fucking banger of a year I had. I had a brilliant fucking year. I don't know how the rest of you went. Yeah, your president took office.

Look, look, I'm not talking world views. I'm just talking to me personally. The world didn't do great, right? The world. Why did you have a good year? I'm not used to hearing you be optimistic. All right, I look back on my year. So let's start off with January, I was filming the snake in Argentina. Right? That's a trip to Argentina. filming a game show. I really enjoyed myself filming the game show. I had a good time. I got to do a different job that I ordinarily wouldn't do.

The movie Him came out, which was cool, didn't get Golden Globe nominated. I kept on checking again, Best Supporting Act. I didn't check me emails. Didn't get nominated, right? But Him came out. So I had a couple of work things that were really cool, right? That was my work life. Personal life.

I always got to tour of Europe with you and Glenn Woolen Andrew Maxwell, my friends and go all around the UK in Europe and went to countries I've never been so. So I traveled. I did TV shows. I did a movie. So that's all it. Personal life, my son turned four, four I think is the best age to raise a kid. That's when they're at their cutest and you don't have to worry about them socially or education-wise or whatever. You just get to enjoy them being a child. Not like that age 12 your repugnant son is right now. Well, no, but my 13-year-old boy, he's crushing. He was 12 during 2025.

So you're right. He's getting good marks at school. He's a great kid. My wife and me getting along better than ever. So family life, nailed, right? Really good. But then, Cherry on the top. I saw fucking Oasis three times, man.

I completely forgot about that. I went and saw Oasis live three fucking times. and they're like those moments, if I could just live in a moment, just watching Oasis at Wembley, what a wonderful moment that would be to live in. You know what I mean? And so, you know, where did you do your countdown? I did it in Perth and I did it at 8.30 p.m. Because I went down to the water to watch the fireworks.

They had the kids fireworks at 8.30. And then they had the regular fireworks at midnight. And then I went back and we were back home in the house by 10. And I was like, I don't want to stay. I was asleep for it. That's where I did my countdown. I'm old and asleep. I did mine.

I was in Obertau and Austria at a ski mountain with my German in-laws. Yeah. And this was the actual German ones. And, you know, they have a nice thing there. As soon as they count down, the fireworks go, but they play a waltz. And everyone just waltzes and you just keep changing partners as you waltz. Oh, that is sweet. That was nice.

And so you're encouraged to, like, dance with as many people as you can. I really bloody like that. That was good fun. And then Anika's father does a thing every year, which I hate now, because it reveals me as the failure that I am. Yeah. Which is at New Year's Eve, when we're having the dinner pre, and he wasn't there this year, but he still texted me. He reads out everyone's income at the table. Dude, close enough.

That's my tax return as I have to submit to him. So the year has ended. Let's see what the results have been. Let's bring in the W-9 forms. So he always makes us, there are three things you want to achieve this year. And we go around the whole table. And everyone says the things they want.

And he writes it down in the phone. And then before we commence what we want to do this year, he goes around and goes, this is what you said last year. And he's not cute about it. Like he'll be like, and so last year you said, you want to spend.

speak German. Go on. Gooden, and I'll go, yeah, no, I didn't really find the time. He goes, that's two years now you fail with this. Okay, second one,

have a comedy special. He goes, and what was the special called? I'm like, I didn't record, I didn't record a special. You know, it's out of my hands. And you can't do one on YouTube? I'm like, I could do one on YouTube, but I'm lazy, I guess. And then the third one is lose weight.

And he's like, and then he just goes, And what do you think about that? And that's how I brought in the new year was going, last year I said I do all this and I didn't accomplish shit. I've gotten fatter. My career seems to have gone somewhat backwards. No, no, your career's gone forward. Oh, mate.

I can see, I can see it because I can you've started selling more tickets. You went around Europe. You sold your own theatre shows in different cities in Europe. Your career's going forward. Only as a parasite to you. This is your year 2025. You saw Oasis twice.

Am I correct? I did. Twice. You got engaged. Do you remember that? Yeah, forgot about that. Let didn't even come up from your dad. Yeah, you got engaged.

You got engaged, right? So it hasn't been great. I moved to New York. You moved to New York, which was a dream of yours to eventually live in New York. And do you know what's quite fun? You've gotten in at the comedy cellar. You've toured all the Europe with me. Have you been to Australia?

I opened my, dude, this is how long ago this year was. I opened my own comedy club in Australia. That's right. You opened. And lost a lot of money. You were a businessman. You were a publican in Australia. Can I tell you one of my worst traits, which I think you'll enjoy?

I think I know what it is. You could go on. So we met this guy over there in Obertown, and his family has owned this ski resort in this small town for three generations, and now he has it. Great guy. And he showed us the entire workings of, so they have four hotels,

Apre ski bars, and then underground, he showed us the warehouse where the food goes, all of the different cables from the beer taps, and how much beer they go through, and how they go through like 300, thousand Yeager Master bottles. The level of industry that it takes to run this hole.

And then I had the audacity to go up to and go, yeah, mate, I run a pub at Australia. And so I go, I know what it's like. I know, staffing's a bloody nightmare. And then Annika cut me off and went, oh, my God, you did a pop-up company club for 30 days. Fuck, you're not involved. I have that trait. I have that trait. Okay, so my mother's worst trait, worst trait, one of her bad trade, not even top

10, but one of her traits, right, was if you ask my mother, how are you doing? She would tell you. She didn't have the, she wouldn't just go, oh, I'm great, thanks. How are you? Or good thanks, you know, or even just something flippant like, you know, it's, I keep on trucking, right? You know, something like that. My mother would go, well, my post-polio syndrome is playing up.

And my back, my back's in constant pain. And I'll have to see. a special or soon about whatever. And I've got that. People ask me how I'm going and I go, oh, TV shows been cancelled. I'm just doing a podcast with Amos Gill now. Seattle tickets are weaker than normal?

No, Seattle's selling good. If you want to go see me in Seattle, Seattle's all but sold out. All but sold out. Portland will be adding a new show in Portland because Portland's looking, it's almost sold out. But come and see us in New York. But what I find really interesting is, do you go on vacation ever?

And then because I knew that's why I'm successful. Yeah, that is, I do vacation. You're always, how many vacations did you have this year? Well, the problem is, is I build comedy around them all so they never feel like a vacation. Oh, okay. All right. You know, but what I'll do is I'll go to Oasis and do one gig at top secret comedy club London and go, oh, God, I work hard.

All over the globe. All over global. Global comic. But I love going on these vacations at the end of the year. I look at the people that work at like a ski mountain. And I do have a condition of like going, man, would that be a good life? Wouldn't it? Would you ever, do you ever do that?

Maybe I would go work on like a ski resort for a two years. No. I'd go work in Hawaii at a surf rental shop. Yeah, I know. But how many people have you known who have actually done things like that? They're always fucking. And then they're like, you know, because you have to grow up eventually. But all those Australians that work at Whistler.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, why is there so many? Australians working at ski resorts. Just because we get the visa and then you have two years where it's so fun, but there's nothing worse than the 41-year-old snowboard bro that's still in Whistler. And he's like, fuck, heaps of powder this year, boys. Dude, like, you're working the lift with your son.

That's why he's still there. He had a kid there with a Canadian woman. Give him a break. There is like this fear of growing up where you're like, well, I always have. that and that's the worst thing of the globalized world is it's very hard to choose which life you wish to do you get access to all these other ones where you go maybe maybe i could be a tour guide in prague well i always think i could live in australia again or i could live there or whatever i've got some gary stories i got some stories about my dad that i want to share with with the

podcast listeners if you if you'll let me um so i spent christmas with my dad he was on fine form he he's 84 and uh look it's he's he's being more open than ever if you want to meet a man who's open my dad's here to tell you what he thinks about things i the news was so horrific over christmas that i just turned the news off and we watched russell coy over and over again which was very easy to watch russell coy is a show called all osse adventures which is a piss take of people like the bush tucker man or steve irwin yeah it's a great show if you want to see a man fall over different ways. Yeah, yeah.

And I say that with love. No, it's slapstick. He puts up a bush shower. You know you're going to see his bum. How are you going to see his bum? How is the shower going to fall down? You have to figure it. There's a car that's bogged.

He has to tow it out of the thing. Is the car going to break in half? Or is he going to roll into the car? Or is the car going to roll down the hill? These things, all these things are going to happen. To be honest, the best gag in the whole thing as a kid for me was he would shake the hand of a white guy. Yeah. And they would zoom in and it would be a white and a black hand.

be an Aboriginal hand, which brings me brilliantly to my father. My father, and now I'm going to say this with love, and I hope people don't get, I don't believe, I'm going to tell one story first. All right, so first of all, on the last day, we decided to go out to a golf, like a public golf course that had a restaurant that overlooked a little park where the kids could play down in the thing. A few things happened. First of all, my four-year-old, my four-year-old threw a tantrum, right? because he went to slap his mother. He was like she was trying to dress him.

He goes, like he didn't like slap her, but he just sort of pushes up. And he goes, I don't like that, Charlie. And I said, say sorry to him, other. And he just looked at me and went, no. And I was like this because it's a power struggle, right? Because four year olds don't have any control. They don't have any power in their life.

So when they see a moment that they can seize, they're like, no. And I went, all right, then when we get to the restaurant, you can't be playing in the play area. You're not allowed to play in the play area with your cousin. Oh, yeah. Because you didn't say sorry. And then he shows up and he sees the player and he goes, I don't want to play in that area.

I don't want to play in that area. And then I'm like this. Beneath him, is it? Yeah, I'm like this. All right, mate. Well, no dessert for you. We're all going to be having dessert afterwards. They've got a lovely Pavlova.

I know much you like Pavlova, but no, no dessert for you. You're not going to have any dessert. I don't feel like dessert today. I go, I go, I'm just going to keep taking things away from you to your homeless, mate. That's what we're doing. You're apologising to your mother. He's like, nothing so sweet as slapping a bitch up.

And so eventually, eventually he whispered in his mother's ear. He went, I'm sorry, but don't tell anyone, right? Because he wanted to keep his street cred with the rest of the people on the table that he doesn't relent. And so she goes, okay, you can go play on the equipment. And I go, and I looked at my wife and said, if you've been, is he, being a good boy and she went yes he's been a very good boy and he just looked at he went you told him right then he had a mentown you went so we went from apollo he basically wanted sealed documents like a federal witness who cooperated he was he was rolling on the ground fucking

tantrum right i haven't seen him throw a bigger tantrum anyway i'm a fucking game show host in australia right i'm fucking you know what i mean like everyone's staring and i'm like all right mate, let's go for a walk and I take him out to the car park and he's just there screaming in the car park, I hate you. I'm never saying sorry. People are walking by, hello, Jim. Good-a-mate, hello, like this, right? I can't yell at him because people at this stage are judging my parenting both ways, right?

He's not being strict enough and if I give him a smack on the bum, oh, you know, abusive, right? So I'm just like in public about this. Come on, mate. if you shut up oh so now i'm bribing him to stop fucking making me look like a cunt yeah you don't want to end up on like women's weekly yeah oh right so anyway we come back and uh and and and he sits down that's all fine right we go my father now is on his second glass of wine which is too much for an 84 year old it turns out a crow shows up wang lands on the on the on the railing right my father goes,

oh, the bloody, terrible bird, they're scavengers. They are. They're fucking, they're stupid scavengers, the crows, like this, right? Whereupon my animal loving wife goes, actually, I think you'll find out

that the crows are the most intelligent of all the birds. If one of them is in danger, they squawk and other birds show up, they're actually really, really smart birds, like this, right? Whereupon my dad went, ah, you don't, bloody,

now I grew up with birds like this. And my dad stood up holding a bread and butter knife and lunged at the bird. Get out of here. Get out of here. Right? Kept on poking at the bird. Get out. Get out like this, right?

And we're like, fucking he's gone rogue, right? He's fucking stabbing birds. Charlie. In what level of restaurant, by the way? Is this like formal? No, it's like at a golf course. Like, it's not that form. But there's loads of people sitting around.

It's like the, it's the, it's New Year's Day. Do you remember in Perth, a guy did this to a cooker borough? He got up and he ripped its head off. My dad didn't get to it. He's just trying to scare it, right? The bird flies away and my dad sits back down and I'm just like, fucking. And then my dad decides why he's standing. He'll go talk to other people, right?

He'll go talk to other people. And he rocks up to one of the tape. There's a young couple there, and they're trying to have their New Year's meal. They're probably hung over from New Year's and they're just come in for lunch. They're having a steak sandwich or whatever. and then my dad walks up and goes, normally I keep a pile of rocks on my bed, on my table next to my chair, and I have a shanghai to shoot the birds away. So my dad loves rainbow lorikeets, which are a beautiful little bird.

They visit him every day. They come into his house and sit on his shoulders, and he feeds him seeds. Wild birds he has come into his house, and they mate for life, and he has them all the time. But then the cockatoos, which are the big white birds with a little bit of yellow on the top, they come and bother the thing. So Dad keeps a small pile of rocks and what he calls a Shanghai, which is a slingshot. The Bart Simpson, yeah. Yeah, I think it's called a Shanghai for racist reasons, right, which I will tell you when we get off the podcasts.

I think I've figured it out. You can tell it to me now. I think when you pull it back, you, anyway, so I, but. Is it an eye remark? I'm not saying, I can't, I'm not going on, I'm not going on record, right? I've just, I've come up with a theory. Post your theory. Post your theories below everything.

I love doing cryptic racism from the 30s or whatever. You're like, what could have that meant? Did you know that there's an online cannabis company that ships federally legal THC right to your door? Did you know that, Amos? I do now, Jim. Well, and they've found a way to combine THC with carefully selected functional ingredients to create gummies, bake goods and flowers, or whatever the buzz you want.

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Use the code ATM at Monarch.com for half off your first year. 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with the code ATM. Yeah, so people from Queensland, I googled it, people from Queensland and fucking New Zealand called Slingshots Shanghai's. Anyway, but my dad made one like Bart Simpson that he has. I'll get a photo of it when we get back. Sure. It's just from Shanghai.

Oh, good. So my theory was really bad. Yes. All right. Okay. So they were invented in Shanghai? That's what they call them. They were invented in.

Slinghots were invented in Shanghai. And that's why. And they, yeah, that one. Yeah, the Bart Simpson one. They call it Shanghai.

Okay. Well, there you go. So that's, okay. However, I'm going to now write, but why do they really call it a Shanghai?

Yeah, I'll tell you after this, right. But anyway, so they, so my dad walks up to the table and goes, oh, fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I fucking, I have a Shanghai and I shoot the fucking thing.

He's bothering this couple and I'm just like, oh, God. And Charlie's rolling around fucking crying and, and I'm just sitting out there. Anyway, four fucking crows show up. Paisy's right, right? That crow went off and went, there's a guy with a knife. Right, right, it's called it in. Yeah, yeah, called it in. And now everyone's nervous, right?

Because they're on. So crows are a lot like Lebanese people. is that what you say? They come back in bigger numbers. There's four crows that are standing. People don't get that reference. We'll get in trouble. You put racism in my mind.

A few crows can't. I put racism in your mind like it ever left. Your racism is in your mind on a lazy boy chair in the back box of Pringles, mate. Anyway, so fucking these four crows show up. And my dad stands up and he's like, because Daisy's proving wrong, now he's going to throw the knife, right? He's holding the knife.

I said, you fucking throw it. You're walking home. you old cunt, right? Right? And he, Channel 7's top talent. Yeah, I said, you walk at home,

your old cunt. If you throw a knife with a bird at the golf course, I have to draw the line, right? And so he went, ah, fucking,

you can all get fucked and he went off to have a piss. You know, he goes up to have a piss. Anyway, I say the couple, I go, hey,

I'm really sorry about my dad. And then he goes, oh, I'm a big fan, Jim, and it's my 30th birthday. So now, how good his story

is that cunt got, right? I took a photo with him afterwards. But I saw Jim Jeffries and his dad tried to stab a bird on a balcony. Imagine if you saw that in like Hawaii with Ryan Seacrest and his father. So it gets worse, right? So we're flying home, right? I got the whole family there.

So we're flying all the way to America. That's 20 grand at Christmas business class per person, right? I'm not spending that much. I'd rather do something else with that. So we all went economy. But my dad was flying from Sydney to, from Perth to Sydney. And he had, I gave him business class because he's an old fella and I want him to, you know, relax and that type of stuff. My dad is obsessed with, in a good way, is obsessed with black people, but not just black people.

He's obsessed with African Americans. That's his favorite group of people. It's the one that he's most quisitive about. For some reason, he asked questions. and he goes, what do they like? He goes, when I was in America,

I found a lot of them to be very friendly, right? So it's like, and he's just fascinated by him. I would say that goes for most Australia, for all of the racism, I always tell this to American black people.

I go, you'd want to go to Australia because there's almost no negative stereotypes. It's only talent and humor. Yeah, yeah, hilarious, and you're good at sport,

you're this and you're that, you know what I mean, you're good movies, And, you know, like, so my dad just loves him. He's just, he's just completely fascinated by African Americans, or as my dad calls them, Afro-Americans, right? I don't, he's, this is the term he's come up with. It's slipped in there.

I have to, he thinks that's the appropriate term to call them. Blokes for that Afro. That's where he thinks he's saying African-Americans. He says, Afro-Americans, right? But that's fine. Isn't it, Afro-Caribbean is what you would call a black guy in the Caribbean? Look, I know it, look, I'm not going to correct him because. He said.

So that prefix works. He has other worst things that I have to fix. This is so far down on the line of stuff that I want to fight with an 84-year-old man about that I just go, all right. So anyway, so we're getting on the plane. I have to walk past my dad. We're going to sit right up the back. And Kendrick Lamar had been performing in Perth and his support act.

And I don't know the name of him because I found out the name of the actual guy. I've seen a photo of him. So a famous musician. African American musician who has, who had tattoos all over him and he painted his nails and he was wearing like a really nice Rolex and, you know, the guy,

a very successful dude, right? He's sitting on the plane and I walk on and dad's, I'm going to sit next to him, right? And I'm like, oh, this guy's in for a fuck journey,

this bloke. He's going to be asked so many questions. Right. So anyway, my head immediately goes to the painted nails though, surely. Okay. There you go.

So here we go. We're sitting on the back of the plane. We're up back near the toilet us, right? We're sitting there. There's the five of us all sitting at the back. And my dad walks from the front of the plane all the way to the back of the plane. When I see him coming and I'm like, oh, God, why isn't he using the toilet up the front? He's got a special toilet.

Why does he walk out the back? And he comes in and he stands up in the aisle and he says to me, once again, game show host in Australia, right? Says to me, bloody, I'm sitting next to an afternoon. for our American fellow. He's bloody nice guy. Nice guy. He's funny,

but he's a funny fella. He's got tattoos all over him. And he goes, and he's got painted fingernails. And he goes, is that something they do? Right? No.

And everyone's listening to this conversation. And I'm just sitting there like this going, I don't know, dad, I don't know. It's probably best if you get back to your seat. So I don't know. I don't know about the painted nail.

it's not typically something, but it's not a stereo, I don't know, just probably get back to your sleep, back to your seat. And he goes, oh, funniest thing ever, he goes, I was mid-conversation with him. I was mid-conversation with him, and he fell asleep. Right? And I said, yeah, that's something they do. old white guys do put them straight to sleep dad he'd been asked like

so when you you find that you know he's asked different things about the what type of food do you eat he's being asked questions like this now define soul food yeah exactly he's been my dad my dad was only asking questions because he liked the guy but i can see the guy's like oh for fuck sake i got this old fucking australia and bloke. He's fucking like that. And so he just shut his eyes and put his head down like this.

And my dad went. Dad's going to walk around a people and go, these black fellows, they're like lazy in conversation. Well, no, no, this is, this is,

it's already happened. My dad's already telling people, he goes, Afro-Americans, a lot of them, they like to have painted fingernails and they fall asleep really quickly. Yeah, he calls them the N-word,

narcoleptic. So I'd like to apologize to that, man. I'm sorry, and to the crows, I'd like to apologize. And everyone in the restaurant. So that was my new year's. Can I tell you something quickly that I did on a plane while we're in the plane convo before we get to the news? I did this as a bit of a gag to keep myself amused because I forgot headphones on my flight.

So I was flying from Chicago on Boxing Day, Chicago to Munich. no headphones, everyone in the family, headphones, left me for dead. No one even bothered to talk to me. They were out. So I went, well, what can I do with myself? And I was sat next to the dunny. So I ran an experiment. The experiment was how many people will use a toilet in a flight?

And I put it on my Instagram. I said, anyone who guesses the perfect amount, I will give you a prize, non-descript prize. And I was very surprised, the engagement I got many people. Now, for you, seven hours, 30 minute flight, how many people do you think use a single loo? I couldn't keep tabs. I single loo, so it doesn't matter how big of the toilets. But it was your first class set up. Seven hours.

I believe, I believe, 35. Seven and a half hours. We're talking double meal service. No, no. So I'm talking five an hour, six an hour. Oh no, it's got to be more than that. So it's got to be 10 an hour. So you're saying because people have a shit for like 10 minutes, right?

And then pisses. So 10 and out. So, okay, so 70? It was 90 users. And I had to hear the flush to record it. Because if you're just going in there to like look at your hair or whatever or brush your teeth, I didn't think that counts. So it was on a flush basis.

Right. And this is how I did it, right? Can you see this? Yeah. Lou users. And I would write. And everything. times someone would flush, I'd just put a dash. And I did it. And it got to the point where

when people would go in, sometimes I would take a photo of them going in, just the back of them, for an update. And I'd go, this bloke in a hurry, obviously meal service did not agree. Four minutes he's been in there or something like that. Anyway, the hosties started to see this and then they'd come past and go, what's the update? Because everybody's asleep, it's just me with this glare in my face going. And then I had the best moment. I was talking to one of the hosts. He was a German guy.

And I think I started to nod off. And he comes past me and goes, there's been three users in the time that you have nodded off. Thanks, mate. Thanks, mate. Everyone was super captivated until like two rows around me were like, what do you reckon it's going to be? I'm like, I'm going to go 100.

I thought 150. I thought way more. people. Oh, no, I think 90s them. Because that's being used nonstop. But that's one, two, three, four in the, that's four in the middle and two in the back. That's six dunnies plus the two up front for first class.

That's a lot. An average plane, long haul, is carrying a lot of junk. A lot of turds. A lot of turds. Don't they shoot him out of the plane and they all just, I heard that. I've heard that. They turn into poo crystals and land on people. people's houses in the past, like they've had that happen before.

That might be something I read on Reddit when I was stone. I don't know if that was real. No, I thought it just disbanded and just... Really? Yeah, just, like, I don't know. Would it last the distance through the atmosphere? Wouldn't it burn up in coming in like a meteor? I thought it gets freezing cold and rocks.

Yeah, but I think it burns up when it gets into the sun when it becomes the rocks. We need, if we've got any aerospace engineers, we do that. I need to get back onto the I don't know about that podcast. Someone get me what happens to shit on airplanes. Why don't we do that? We thought we ran out of topics. You having me as your expert guest every week turned out to be a huge mistake for the intellectual capacity of this program. But nonetheless, my scientific research came up with 90, but we should probably move into the news somewhat.

Is there being news? You take two weeks off and the whole world changes. we go from the Republic of America to the imperial empire of the United States. I'll tell you how the news is going, going. My father, my father went, my father's very strict on immigration, and he went, I reckon those ice blokes are taking it a bit far. So that's being the update. As soon as he says it, that means the ice blokes are taking it a bit far.

Well, let's, we might as talk about them. By a bit far, he means murder. Shooting a woman three times in the head. How about once in the shoulder? Yeah, yeah, just once in the shoulder. Call it a day. And also, he was like, oh, she weaponised the vehicle. Well, the vehicle's not going to stop when you bloody shoot him.

You know what I mean? It's still going to keep rolling the extra metre where you are. It's not like she gets shot. She puts the foot on the brake and goes, I've seen the errors of my way. So the Minnesota ice rage shooting, I feel like this is a real Rorschach test for police state. because either people see it as fuck around and find out. Yeah. You know,

the police told you do something, you do it. Or they're like, well, that seems to be an extrajudicial killing and very unnecessary to widows some children over what happened. I'm surprised how many people are really cucking hard

for the cops on this one. Okay, so let's say this guy does get convicted and has to go to prison like the guy who knelt on George Floyd's neck, right? Yeah. Get your tally poll out. Who will get raped more in prison? The guy who shoots the mother in the car or the guy who kills George Floyd.

Oh, no, I don't know, George, what Derek showed me. You don't think there's Mexican gangs that would love to fucking take down one of these ice cunts? Yeah, I know, but it's like... This is a serious conversation. In this. This is not the tally game that I was, I wasn't, I was tallying turds in the sky. Now I'm telling shower rapes for law enforcement in Minnesota. It's slightly more grim.

Yeah. Look, I'll say all of them would have a terrible thing about a shower rape is that you have to take another shower afterwards. It's perpetual. And then there's the PTSD of the shower so then you've got to bathe. You've got to look yourself clean like a cat. That's why, that's why they got soap and a rope. Have it around your neck. Have it around your neck.

What I was amazed at is, like, I was amazed at it. looking at these ice agents. Because on the one hand, we have Delta Force taking a Venezuelan president from his home. Yeah. Highest trained military personnel you can get who are able to do an extraction. And at the other end, you've got ice in Minnesota, which is essentially some guys that saw some camouflage for sale at Bass Pro World and went, I'll give law enforcement a go. Why are they allowed to cover their faces?

Why is this allowed? It's very cold. No, they're not cold in L.A. They cover their faces here. why are they allowed to cover their faces? Trump's let them cover their faces. Cops aren't allowed to cover their faces. Well, this is another one of those.

They should all be wearing body cams. They did have the body cam in the end, and that's how we saw that he was getting run over, but I don't think with enough force that you go lethal force. Again, he could have stepped out of the way. I saw that footage. He could have stepped out of it. He was, he was.

I wouldn't do it. Like just, like, speaking. Give me a reason. Give me a fucking reason. Oh, no, no. But no doubt. That gun's been fucking trigger-happy for a long time. But this is what I'm saying, though, is it's like if there's active law enforcement

going on and I'm in my car, I mean, Jesus, that lesbian wife of hers is like, hit that gas or whatever. Man, I as a tourist to America, or as a, I, the matter what happens, I'm fucking hands up like this as soon as the American police are around me and my car, the audacity to hit the gas. Like, man, and we were saying this. with a lot of people, if that was a black person in the car, imagine, imagine like the fallout from that. The fact that a white lady thought she could scream back and be like, fuck you, like they're

getting in the face of the cops like, fuck you pigs. For a side that talks about white privilege, I'm like, there's some white privilege if I've ever seen it. You're going to a police operation, filming them and telling them to go fuck themselves and then hitting the gas when they tell you to stop. What are we doing? you can't be doing like if I've got kids and I'm a mother

I'm not getting involved in that no no I'm not saying the woman's a genius but you didn't need to be shot and the cop is a Gestapo thug but I'm saying fuck man I wouldn't be putting myself in that situation because you're lazy we've figured this out at the beginning of the podcast

you haven't even learned two words of German this year and you think you're going to stop an ice fucking great I'll tell you what those ice soldiers if they learn German that'd be even scarier. Snell! No, but I look at the ice people. I'm like, well, they're not,

these don't seem amazingly trained. You don't call them ice people, because then it sounds like we're talking about a science fiction thing. The ice people. The ice people. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze, he's their captain.

Yeah, he's the captain. The ice people. Well, if you think about it. These fucking ice people, they come over here, they fucking melt. They don't understand the climate. Well, that is kind of, it is in Minnesota, and it's freezing cold up there. So it was ice versus ice lesbians.

That's what it was. It was these angry lesbian couples screaming at these weird guys who were playing third division football and didn't make it to the police. That's what America's turned into at this point is face mask wearing police extraditional forces and ladies with nasal piercings going to board. on the streets. Also, with the ice people, every other form of public servant

that has to do a physical job, apart from TSA, and we've talked about them, right? The TSA, they know they never have to tackle anyone. They never have to fucking carry anyone on their shoulders across a field

for a certain amount of time. They never have to be able to do that many fucking burpees, right? But fire people, police, you know, they've got physiques that,

you know, where they have to keep up their fitness, right? These ice cunts, some of them are just fat fucks. There's been no physical training whatsoever. You know what they call them? They call them gravy seals. Gravy seals, that's funny.

The gravy seals, that's a funny one. I called this guy, this is the term I wrote down for this guy. Because, you know, what is it, Minneapolis, St. Paul is the area. Yeah. So I called this guy St. Paul Blart, Mallcob. But no wonder they're like trigger happy and angry They're like out of shape Probably not well trained

They've responded to some call You know to join ice Because it's expanded radically They are lapping as In their head The guys that work at ice Think that they're Delta Force bringing out Nicholas Maduro Yeah

Like in their wild dreams They're repelling from a helicopter Into the presidential palace of Venezuela But ultimately they're just going after a 49-year-old single mother in Mexico? And in their mind, they're like, I'm the thin line. I'll tell you what. I will, look, I don't believe in illegal immigration.

I believe in due process. I believe that people shouldn't be dragged off the street. But I'll be on board if they start dragging white Swedish backpackers by their pig tails. That's what I want to see. I just want to see just like maybe me. walking down the street, but they heard my accent, I get tackled.

That'd be good. You'd like to be roughed up by us, would you? Someone like, someone liked me, someone liked me. Maybe, what?

Chef Curtis Stone gets his head smash. Yes, if Curtis Stone gets done. You know, maybe Austin Butler's preparing for a character that speaks Russian and he can't get out of the voice.

Don't you think, though, again, we've spoken about the end of the gray area because if you look online, you either are riding the cop sticks or you're a person saying there should be no police whatsoever in open borders.

And this is this hard situation. When we voted as a country for Donald Trump, right, so he won the popular vote. Don't use the term we. I got to vote. But it's like obviously people, and this is happening all around the world, they want control immigration.

is why Europe's going through this. This is why all countries are going through this right now. They want control of immigration. But when you say, and you've already had however many immigrants come into the country, we have to get them out. How do you get them out? No one thinks through that. If they don't want to go, how do you get them?

The first thing is you have to stop them coming in completely. Then you have to go after the people who are the criminals. Then you have to start sending letters to the people who are living in houses and have been hiding in plain sight for their entire life. There's so many cases they go, this man raised a family here, he had a job, he had no criminal convictions,

he's bloody da-da-da-da-da-da. You had a driver's license, all this bullshit. So there's ones they know about that they're trying, then you start sending them letters that you have to have your case actually looked over. This is my point. Because that, because the cunt that has the fucking kids

and the drivers like that, He's not going on the lamb. He's not running around and fucking hiding under bridges and shit. The one who's been living in the same house for 20 years. So you go after them in a very gentle way, in a very gentle way where they actually get to plead their case to citizenship. And you go after like they said, no one would say if you go,

we're going after the illegal immigrants who are committing crimes. Everybody wants anyone who's committing crimes to be captured. But this is what I'm saying. law abiding citizens want. The ice ain't great. Ultimately, there was a lot of fervor for this because there is an enormous amount of MS-13, Trende-Dawagu, the Venezuelan gang group. But they're too hard to go after, aren't they?

Because they're well-armed thuggish. Exactly. So these, these St. Paul Blarts. Yeah, the big fat fucks don't want to tackle a fucking gang leader. Yeah, they're not going to go after Trendi-Dawagwa gangs. But Maria the fruit picker, let's go. So that's why it's like so ultimately. performative.

But also Minnesota just had that. And what's it going on in Minnesota? Why is everything happening in Minnesota? Because they had the Somalian daycare fraud of billions of dollars. So I think they were sending forces in there because that had flared up about these fraudulent daycare centers that were ripping off. If I was president, scams would be the most money I'd put into law enforcement. Fucking capturing people who are scamming people online and scamming fucking old people out of money and people who's, if you fucking send a fucking dodgy text to a person or an email that goes you haven't paid your credit card right now you have to send it to that that fucking that's murder for me now i'm fucking done with these cunts fucking i don't believe in the death penalty but fucking bring back the chair for those cunts if you're fucking bothering fucks in their home if you because as soon as it goes into your phone as soon as it goes in your laptop you're bothering me in my private place i consider that a break in that that's a

stage. You've broken into my house. You've broken into my car. So you would endorse Delta Force landing on the roof of a Nigerian call center? 100%. That would be a big win. It would be a reality TV program that I'd like. We'd go, here we are. We're in Mumbai. These group of lads are making some phone calls. Oh, you haven't paid your bills right now. Just come in. Fucking go for it. No, no, fuck that. I'm sick to death. You get them all the time. My father, I have to talking off the ledger. There's an email I've got to respond to. There's a thing that's come in that I haven't been told that

I haven't. And I don't know what, no, no, they'll never ask for your bank details. They'll never ask for you this. They'll never ask for you that. Like, fucky, you're scaring people in their homes when they're just relaxing watching TV. You're scaring people. The one that I think works for me is, remember when they were doing $1,000 to self-deport?

Yeah. I'd like them to play around with that more a little bit like how airfares are like a sliding scale of how much money it would take for you to deport yourself in the way that they go upgrade you know so if you were like i'm not gone for a thousand but you give me two grand i'm going home okay this might so ridiculous but let's have a reality program right let's have a tv show where we go in or out welcome to this episode of in or out here we are Jose he's lived here for 20 years he's raised a couple of kids he has a gardening company and he but he's

never been legal. Let's go. In or out. Then it would just be 5 million thick Latina women. That'd be it. That's the whole thing. Oh, we've voted Jose out. We don't like the look of him.

He's going back. And now we have another lady here. Oh, size e-breast, lovely little waste. She has committed crime. She is a drug dealer. In or out. And she gets to stay. She gets to stay.

Join us next week. when we do Somalians. I'm a big fan of, I like kicking out lots of, lots of people, like the ancient Greek way. Did I ever tell you about my favorite thing of ancient Greece? He's an Australian comedian. He has a dubious record.

He does crowdwork that doesn't go very well. Yeah, it doesn't do very well. He has explained the difference between you say this and I say this a million times, in or out. Dude, I'd be out so quick. No, in ancient Greece, they used to, they used to, not only would you vote people to be the leader, they would also do something called the ostracism.

And the ostracism was, every citizen who voted also got one vote on who to kick out. It could be anyone. And so, Ostra is the name of a pot. That's where it comes from. It was like clay pot. And so you'd write your name on that.

So the ostracism, they'd go, all right, the most votes this year was Socrates. everyone reckons you're fucking asking why too much you're bothering people with questions you gotta get the fuck out of you go to Syracuse or where you're off to

I think that would I think that de-radicalizes people also where it's like man you're acting a little cunty your name's gonna pop up on the ostracism oh why don't we just dedicate Alaska to all the people that you know

you can stay in America but you have to stay in Alaska I said this to you already on one of our second episodes, I think, and I've been talking about it on stage lately, which is Greenland should become the waitroom. I call it Green Cardland. Remember this?

Yeah, yeah, green card land, yes. Once you take Greenland, just have that as the wait room while we sort people out. As soon as you're caught, you go there to Greenland, we process you, we see whether we think you're going to make it or not,

then you progress your way in. I'm a big believer on this. But at the same time... It's not a terrible idea. It's not terrible. Australia started as a convict island and became the best country in the world. but green card land would be rough man because how would people be earning money while they're out

there like it would become mad max in the snow i told you their job is a pickaxe they've got to pick away at the ice to get to get to the ground no it would it would be a murderous land greenland let's talk about greenland do you think the people of greenland want to become american or they're happy yes yes i do see there's a lot of people who are saying this that they actually want this well it's a very weird position from i don't you know in line that the Amos and his mates. It depends on who you get, Jack, because ultimately there's like Inuit people there

who aren't exactly looking at the Danish people as kin. Yeah, but there's only 50-something thousand people there. That's what I'm saying is in this era of anti-colonization, the Danes have taken that island and those people are like, what are you doing for us? Now that it's an open marketplace, if I was living in Nook and I was a Nookian and Donald Trump said...

Is that the name of the city? Nook? It's Nook. No. If I was living there and Donald Trump said, we're going to buy the country and you will get a quarter of a million dollars US. No, they said he offered between 10 and 100,000 is what he offered. Between 10 and 100.

That's his initial deal. They're defacing the currency very quickly. That's a big fucking range. I'll make you $5 or $500. What do you want? Which one of those would you like? The thing, I've paid $40,000 in legal fees to become American. What I would do if they would accept me and give me money.

No, because also once then you live in, okay, so do you get your health care taken away? So this is the thing, you get your health care taken away. The Danes were giving you health care, right? I don't know what they're. I assume they would be, right? You'd probably get your pension taken away from the dates. There's a lot of benefits that you would get paid away. But there's also this.

So America could just take it. But then also, I love America. Like, like, then you get to go to fucking, you know, Los Vegas without having to get a visa or anything. You're part of America. That's a lot of fun. Because we're all reflexively anti-American for some reason, but there's always that part of me that's like, hold on. I did everything to get to America. Right.

American fucking rules. It is. It is everything and nothing all at once. It is the tempteress of a girlfriend that you're fucking like, why? She treats me so mean, but I can't leave her. I love her badly. Yeah, I need her attention. Does it get its own star on the flag?

If I was like in Nook, I'd be holding out for that. Like I want to be a, if I'm in, I'm like a state. No, you're not a state. You're going to become a territory. You're like Puerto Rico. Yeah, territory. Territory. Hold out for us.

I think if I'm from Greenland, hold out for a star on the flag. Yeah, I. But then they get votes. a green star on the flag. Okay, so Greenland votes, they get brought in by Trump. Do you reckon they're a red state or a blue state? Oh, it depends on how much he pays him in the takeover. If it's near the 100,000, that's Trump country.

Can he just, yeah. But I don't want to show. America, it really is. It's amazing country. Okay, so what I was going to say to you is, we haven't really addressed Venezuela. Yeah. Well, we did on the phone at the time. Amos, we're trying to stop drugs.

There's nothing to do with oil. We're trying to stop drugs. I love that. They were doing it forever and then Trump was just like, no, oil. No, we want the oil. I said on a podcast we did right before Christmas. I remember this, right before it happened. We're going to get back to the days where, and it's more honest,

because American imperialist foreign policy has, we've always gone, it's about the oil. And they would say, no, it's about democracy. It's about guaranteeing. the human rights of the people that live under the region and that they would take the oil. We all knew that. There's something about just going, look, we're heading towards World War III. It's a mad scrap right now for resources and we need to control as much oil as we can because the Chinese or the Russians will get it.

So we're just going to take it because we can. And you kind of just go, all right then. Like what is there to do? That's where we're at now. So this whole years ago when I was performing in Iraq, They give you a little coin each time you get to each base. Like this is the coin for this operation. This is the coin for this one.

And they give you little collectible things as you go along, right? And they had some coins that they printed up to begin with that originally it was called Operation Iraqi. Operation Iraq Liberation or anyway, it's spelled oil, right? Operation the hijabs are off. Operation radical feminism to the Middle East. That's what it's about. All right. So,

my point being, it does feel, so Trump's saying that the budget for the next defense is going to be $1.5 trillion. It's $900 billion at the moment. So obviously, they're looking at the state of the world and thinking we need to really get a little strong right now

because it's seeming like we're coming to a head. And this period, you know that there is no war period we lived in, where in the 90s when I was a kid, it was like, oh, history's over. We'll just do trade deals with each other and go to conferences and have like sporting events where we have a bit of rivalry about sport. That's how we thought the world was going to be forever. Like there'll be a McDonald's in every country. How good was the 90s?

Let's give it up for the 90s. all we had to talk about was a bit of AIDS, you know, good times. Wonderful time. But now we're sort of going back to, so like, you know, it's very difficult, I believe. If you look at Russia, Russia is in this border conflict with the Ukraine where they say for their interests, they have to secure the Russian speaking parts. And we condemn them for that. And now we're like, well, for our, we need to protect ourselves with these oil assets and

also these drugs that are coming into our country. So we're going to steal your president from the palace. Very hard to lecture the Russians. What's the justification on stealing the president and his wife? That he is not fairly elected, that he didn't win and that he's overstayed his welcome. And that he's not stopping the drug cartels. That he's not just, I believe, not stopping them, that he's the king pin. Okay.

And do you believe this is the case? When I saw him in that all-narky track suit, I started to believe it more. he looked. Have you been to Venezuela? I think that's just the national outfit. I don't think that's anything. Do you know it's sold out? The track cannot buy the grey Nike tech fleece.

Good for them. Like dictator influences is the way of the future. I hope he gets, as bare minimum, I hope he gets a piece of that rev. And it's on it this far ahead of Halloween. Well done. People wanted it.

I'm filming my comedy special in Denver. I thought I might do it all in Nike Tech Flores. And how cool it? crazy to me. You're filming a comedy, especially that make your father-in-law happy? Yeah, I knew. That's, he really pushed me into it. What was he going to say?

Yeah, but me and... He really runs comedy careers. Really great. Nick Maduro is one and a half miles from where I live, which I think, I didn't have that on my cards that me and Nicholas Maduro would be both taking on New York at the same time. Oh, isn't, uh, isn't old Ahmed, um, had come out to America and he loves Trump?

Dude, Ahmed, the hero of Bondi, nothing made me happier than knowing that all the lefties of Australia are like he's their hero and then he was interviewed here in New York and he goes, I want to meet Trump, he's number one guy in the world. Strong man, great man, I love Trump. He's loving his celebrity.

He's been getting into, you know, like paid interviews and all sorts of stuff. I'm surprised he didn't present a award of the globes. Look, the fucking dude did what he did, man. Enjoy the right son. I'm all for it. And if he likes Trump, Trump, he likes Trump.

That's his prerogative. But it is funny to watch left-handed people go, and this is what real immigrants are. This is what real Muslims are. And these are the people we need to have in the thing. And what are you like? I love Trump. Oh, no.

Give me. Will he go down? Give me a knife. I'm going to stab that crow. Is he going to get less love now back in Australia from the typical types? Okay. So he should have, because he got a couple of million dollars in donations. Was that correct?

A couple of million dollars in donations. and, you know, like, I don't expect you to go back to selling fruit, mate. You know what I mean? Like, like... But I've always found this funny, coming from an immigrant family, is the more hipster woke, lefty,

we're all together, baby. Like, I just, like, we all need to hold hands. And, like, everyone is, like, eagle. And, you know, these people, the worst kinds. Yeah. Just like the performatively middle-class white, hipster woke. Mm.

As soon as I knew this was a middle-aged ethnic man that was about to be thrust into the limelight and they were lionising him like, he's my dream, he's the immigrant that like saved us all. I was immediately laughing because I thought, none of these people ever meet immigrants and old ethnic men. And I come from the stock of them. I love when they find out, we never meet immigrants. They do not. Dude, much of sipping white liberals do not spend much time talking to 60 or old,

Middle Eastern men. They get their fruit from Coles or Woolworth. They don't go into his special store. They're not going out there. I reckon Ahmed probably sells a few illegal vapes under the table.

Let's be honest. If you sat down and spoke to a 60-year-old man from the Middle East or from India, wherever, the chances that they have any worldview

in alignment with a Pilates girl from Bondi, that's pretty slim. So I knew this was coming. I knew that they were going eventually when they had to get to know Ahmed. And you'll watch them now be like, well, Ahmed's been through a lot. Hey, Ahmed, I'll get you on the 1% mate.

You want to come on the 1% club? See how you go. Listen, if you go, that's a good. Okay, no, but celebrity. Channel 7. Celebrity, big brother. I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. He must be getting all the offers.

Okay, so within the year, do we see Ahmed? Celebrity, Big Brother, I'm a celebrity, get me out of here, or dancing with the stars. He's going to be on one of them. He's definitely, it definitely, I think I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. You don't think he's going to dance? I don't think he, no, I think, I think dancing would be too fruity for him. What do you, it's all the way that guy steals a gun from somebody and he gets to the dance with a nice looking woman.

I know, come on now, come on. Yeah, well, I could see in a nice choreographed thing where, like, Like, they have a guy. She's dressed as a terrorist. And then he slides in on his knees. And yanks the gun out of the hand. And then he's like, shh, let's dance. Then they dance, the forbidden dance.

The power of dance. Yeah, yeah. Could heal the world. The philippina, is that the tango? Do you remember the Lombata? Do you remember when the Lombata came out? You would be too young for this. So the whole time we've had, we've had the one where you put

a rose in your mouth. What one's that one called? The tango. The tango. You've had the tango and that was the big one, right? And then we had the Lombarda, which was just dry humping that came in. And we were told, this is the new dance that everyone's meant to be doing. And we all did it for one year. People in nightclubs were Lombardying. I've never even heard of the Lambardi. The Lambarta. They had songs about the Lambata. Google Lambata. It is just what you do is you put your, the woman puts your leg in between your legs and your crotch.

And you're just growing up against each other. Hey, that's a Middle Eastern guys, two favorite things. Lamb and bartering. Come on, folks. I'm here all week. There was Lambarta songs that came out. I can't believe I'm the only person who remembers the Lambarta. How old are you?

You don't know. The Lambard. No, I can't even see it, dude. It's not even coming up on my thing. But yeah. Or you do, or you do like a, he'll, he, because he did an American stuff immediately, which I love. He didn't even fuck around with Australian media.

Just like a comedian. from Australia, he went, I'm not going here. I'm going to America where I can make some real money. He pissed off quick. Here we go. The forbidden dads, the L-A-B-A-D-A. All right. L-A-M-B-A-D-A.

There's so much footage of lambattering, it's unbelievable. How you bloody morons couldn't find the lambartar is beyond me. I don't even know technology. I've got another funny story about me, Dad. Another funny story about my dad. So it's fucking Christmas. My dad has a girlfriend, right? It's Christmas.

New Year's, and my dad's like this, bloody here, women, high maintenance. She expects the text at fucking Christmas and at New Year's. I told her I was going away. He's never dated in the era of having a mobile phone. The last time my father dated a woman was in 1966 when you would go on holiday, send him a postcard, and you'd come back in two weeks, right?

Were you using the... Okay, so back in that day, when you were away... Yeah. Was it like immediately get to a pay phone and call me or was it like that cost too much money? Was it write me a letter? What was it? It was you just didn't talk to people. Even if like I went away in a school camp or something, you didn't hear from people for whatever.

You didn't call your parents or anything. Yeah. So like relationships. There was a girl I dated and she lived in Queensland and I was like really into her. The girl actually I lost my virginity too. She lived up in Queensland. and and I is so expensive to call across the country from that bit to that bit, right? That I would get on a pay phone, put 50 cents in, which would give me about five, 10 seconds.

And I go, I love you so much, I'll miss you, talk. And the coin would cut out. Because that's all the money I had. I remember that. Or you can do the 1-800 reverse as well, the reverse call charges. Yeah. But like even, okay, with my girlfriend now, if you keep. seeing me look down to the left.

It's because I'm getting text from her. And she's just texting me about her day. Do you want to meet up after this? Let's go get a thing. Oh, no. So, like, today, today, if you look at my talking with my fiancee, someone's going to freeze that and see every single one of that makes you moron.

Oh, shit. Quite a few disparaging things about you in there. But I always tell. I blow that out. I don't know if you can. No, it's all right. Don't worry about it. It's just us planning our vacation.

Still. We're back. We're going skiing again. I said to her sometimes, you've got to stop talking to me in the day. We've got nothing to say when you get home. It must have been a different world before texting with your partner because it's like, you would sit down at the dinner table and go, how was your day? I know your day.

We're just going to be going over the bullet points. You've texted me everything that's happened. I've texted you everything that's happened. I feel like we're sacrificing that I haven't seen you. can't wait to sit down and have a chat, uncorked a bottle of wine and get it out. I, me and my wife text each other in the house. Yeah, well, that's like I've told you before. If you were to do that in my house, this is the whole house.

Yeah, but I always find with arguments it's best to go to another room and then just text each other because you can explain yourself and you don't say hasty words as much. Right. Well, what do you think of this for your father? What? I think there should be with AI there should be AI boyfriend that you can sign up for and it just analyzes the messages you've been sent

and sends back the perfect response. Well, can you time a text? So it comes like, you know, like on social media, you can plan a post? Yeah, scheduler. Right. So I might schedule for him all the year. I might just set him up for Valentine's Day

thinking of you, one of them. And then another one. and then like just occasionally one, have you seen the news? This is crazy. Well, that does work for every day. Yeah, yeah, you just put that text out every now and again. Have you been watching the news?

This is crazy. Black guy fell asleep talking to me today. Spot on, Dad. Your dad is struggling to maintain the standards of modern romance where you have to be in constant contact. He thought it was. a bit much that he had to text at Christmas and New Year's. Yeah, so he thought he could get away with the woman that's having sex with his 84-year-old

body that he could go, happy New Year, Merry Christmas, that's it. See you soon. Yeah, he said, I'm going away for two weeks. But he's never been reachable when he's been away. So he's like, but I'm away. But you're not away. No one's away anymore. That's what I'm telling you.

No one's ever away from work, from work. from the news, from interpersonal relationships. The only way... You're not allowed to be. Even if you say, I'm turning my phone off for two weeks, then it's like, you miss out on all this stuff and it's your fault. What do you mean you miss out and all this stuff and it's your fault? Well, like, you kind of, like, people would go, that's unacceptable.

You can't be away. Like, if you're not near your phone. All right. So I was, one of my good friends, Steve Hughes, one of the most amazing comics ever. We've spoken about Steve before. but Steve, when we live together, I love TV, right? So we had TV. Then Steve moved into his own apartment and lived by himself.

He got no new information for many years. He was sitting there without a laptop. He had a mobile phone that didn't have the internet and he just used to play drums, sitting in the room. I think it was the best mental health he ever had, right? For sure. But if, if like a terrorist attack happened, my first thought was like, I've got to call Steve so he knows.

You can't get on the tube today. Really? Yeah. It was that blacked out. Yeah. Do you think if I took your phone? Maybe not years, but for a little while, you had nothing. No telling you.

Do you think if I took your phone away from you for the entire year, you'd be a happier person? Because you have Jack who can attend to the business. So realistically. If I can still have Jack and I can still have. Yeah, you've got Jack. Yeah, you know, I would be a happier person. but I have responsibilities where I need my phone, such thing as picking kids up from school. I fucking miss the school run today.

That's a terrible feeling. I went to Nicky's party. I didn't even drink or anything, but I'm still jet lagged from Australia. I go to sleep and then I woke up and I was like, because I normally wake up just like around 7 o'clock to take my kids to school and normally it's still dark during winter, you know, a little bit. It's a bit of light, but it's not really light, right? And I was like, oh, it's very bright, a little too bright.

then I looked at my phone. I didn't even do the, like that, I just went, oh, no. So did you hurry, Hank along?

Or were you, I had to wake him up. Like, I made, you missed your school. It's my fault. I'm going to call the school, and then I'm going to take you in.

I thought kids would wake up, like at 6 a.m. or something. He's still jet lagged as well. Right. He's still jet lagged as. And also, he's not a kid.

Little kids do. He's a teenager. Teenagers is a teenager. Teenagers want to sleep in. You've got to, fucking prod them. And they go, you know,

they're in, they're in no rush to get to school. How many, how many days can you be like, how many days in a row could you do that before the school contacts you? The school that Mikey goes to are on you right away. This will now be on his report card missed period of class, right? His attendance record will not be perfect moving forward.

Yeah, ice might come for you as a neglectful parent. Yeah, I can imagine. And then the shame as you drive into the school. school you go past the security you go sorry about that we we slipped in yeah you got to you got to like tell hanky had a dentist appointment or something uh this is the thing is so i you know i used to lie a lot as a as a kid like in school i was a bullshitter right as a lot of kids are but you know

what my mother was my mother was a liar she lied about fucking everything like my mother would buy dresses and then say to it like for 50 bucks and go tell your father is on special and i had to pay 10. So I'd walk in the house. Mom bought a dress. It's on special. She only paid $10. Right? Can you believe the savings that she's made? Yeah. So I would have to lie all the time. My mother would just tell me to lie. Just you have to lie now. So as an adult, I try really hard not to lie. And I try really hard not to lie in front my son. You know what I mean? And so I was, my first instinct in this situation was to lie. And just to go, I had a flat tire or whatever I needed to do.

Just this is why. But nah, I contacted the school, slept in, my fault. Sorry. Was that Nikki Glazer's party? What are you going to do? Other parents were at that party as well, and their children all showed up on time. But yeah, I just went, yeah, really sorry about that. And Hank goes, what should I tell him?

I go, just tell him the truth. My dad didn't wake me up in time. I set the alarm to 65pm until 6.5 p.m. until 6.55 am, you know, you fucking, you get that, you do that in life. Well, this is, yeah, what about Tasey? Where was she at? Well, okay, so as much as we all co-parent and all type of stuff, I do the school run for Hank, if it's my week that I have him, I do the score run for Hank. When Charlie gets school age in the morning, I don't know, I don't know, I think,

I think the responsibilities might shift a little bit. She's listening right now. She was doing dishes before I could hear. the plates all rumbling and the plates just stopped as soon as we mentioned this. This is a conversation that needs to be had because the school, I fucking hate the school run. I work at nights. I work at nights. I'm always in and out of time zones. Please don't make me wake up early.

It's nothing personal. I'm not interjecting your relationship, but I understand you coming from there. Yeah, it's like, you know what? So what, worst thing that happened to me as a teenager was when I graduated, I had a car and the old man went, well, you've graduated now, so you take your brother to school every year. And I was four years older. So I remember finishing school and been like, I'm fucking done with this joint. I never have to come back here again.

Don't have to wake up for school anymore. I graduate. My brother's in grade eight. My dad goes, well, you've got a car. I'm going to the office. So I had to drop my brother at school every single morning. And that fucking broke me, dude, when you didn't have to be it. And it's like, it's not even my kid.

It's my brother. I drove him there every morning at like eight. I am. It took him to cross-country at 6.30 in the morning. What was it? I remember, and I would drive him. No,

there's no school buses. What do you mean? There's no school buses. I had a school bus. We didn't have a school bus. We lived in like the foothills of Adelaide. It was like a 20 minute drive. And I, dude, my brother talks about it all the time.

He was like, I was so scared of you because I'd just, I'd just be in like pajamas. And I'd be like, get in the car. And then I'd be fucking, you know, I had a manual Honda Civic and I'd be reviving. I get, man, the school run is not a pleasant morning. It's not an easy way

to wake up. It's like, Sucks. Get up. Get up. Like this. And then like he's in a shower. Yeah,

fuck, because I make, I always make eggs in the morning. I make like some scramble with eggs or something like that. I make him a hot breakfast. And then I'm like, they're cold now.

They're fucking cold. Eat them. Hit him in the car. Could you imagine this? I did rowing at school and my mom had to get me there for 4.30 in the morning. My mother, my mother had to take me to school every day because she worked at the same fucking school, right? So, so my mother was a relief teacher, a casual teacher. So she was there three to four days a week. The other days I got the bus. But the days that she actually

drove me in, my mother was never ready. She was always running far worse behind than I was, right? my mother would be in the car, you'd be driving along, and she'd go, hold the wheel. Driving, not of the lights. We'd hold the wheel like this while my mum's doing lipstick in her. My mom did the mirror makeup as well. She loved that, yeah. She did all of her makeup in the car. She's doing the whole thing.

I'm steering the vehicle, about 14 years old. Just bloody old, she's still got the pedals. That's giving me huge flashbacks because my mom would be doing makeup and she used to, and we'd be going, mom, mom, focus. And she would drown us out by turning up Fleetwood Mac as loud as possible in her car. And she'd be doing this. Oh, here it goes again. You say you shut up.

And then she'd be doing it a makeup. I'm driving. She'd have a hot coffee. My mom used to do this. This is how deranged she was. She'd never had a thermos. She had her coffee in a regular mug that was just fucking. And she would be burning her leg.

if we'd be sitting there like Mom, you can't have a I remember thinking it's illegal to have an open container that's hot. I thought you had to have a thermos. I really thought thermos were like a legal condition but she's just burn. Oh, you got fucking coffee everywhere, your little shit.

And I go, because that was my big thing about my mom was my mom I've never been with anybody where I had all the shame for our family. She has none. Yeah, yeah. So I'd go, mom, like, go.

People are looking. Fuck them. And I was just always like, I know, we'd have people honking. Every morning, my mother, have I told the shoes? I've told you about the shoes, right? Yeah. I've told on the podcast, every morning she'd wake up and she'd go,

Jeffrey, come in here. And she'd go, right, now she had a little gap in the bed that you had to reach under, to pull her shoes out, a little strappy shoe, because she'd tell you that you'd been kicking. Did I tell this just recently? I told this somewhere. So I was reaching under the bed. I'd grab the shoe like that and she'd pull it out. She'd go, the other one with less straps on it. And she goes, you boys come in my room every day and you kick the beds under the shoes under the bed to spite me. Why the fuck could we do such a thing? Who's coming in to kick shoes under your bed so that the morning I'd have to lay on my stomach with me little hands up there trying

to reach fucking a fat woman's shoes under the bed. Brutal times. Now, have we been going for an hour and a half? Yeah, we have, yeah. I was just looking at that. All right, well, we should finish. Before we finish, I mean, we could also talk about Iran, but that's for another day.

We can do that another episode. I don't think Iran, Greenland, Venezuela are going away. The subjects. The subjects. The subject is. Yeah, the actual places. The sovereignty might like that. Yeah, the actual places are going away metaphorically and physically, we think.

I also don't know enough whether that's an actual uprising or astro-turfed by the CIA and Mossad. So I have no comment yet. I saw a photo of a woman smoking a cigarette and setting fire to the Supreme Leader. But then I saw other people saying that that photo was taken in Canada. And I'm like, I don't. They're like, that's a digital image. Oh, man, it's going to be so hard to know what's real. Yeah, AI needs to be watermarked.

They need to have a law that we have a little thing in the bottom corner that says AI. Yeah, because now TikTok videos aren't fun. I used to love watching a fucking cat jumping off something. And now I'm like, that's not a real cat. I'm really worried because I'm 34. And even like everyone on our vacation was like, here you go, Amos is going to show us another AI video. And I went, what do you mean?

I don't show AI videos. And everyone went, everything you share is AI. Just so you know, you're so bad at recognizing. That why you're sharing is 100% AI. There was a girl and she's meant to be like 20, an AI girl. There's AI girls or something else. I don't know where country are they're from. They're wonderful.

But mine will be like Brigitte McCron's skateboarding and a huge penises out of her skirt. I'll be like, I knew it. There was like, this girl perfect looking girl in every photo, perfectly looking girl. Obviously AI girl, right? And she went, just deciding to be myself today without makeup. And then there was a huge birthmark over her face. like this, right? Like, I normally cover this up, but I'm like,

so the AI was trying to get sympathy, right? Right? Like, I'm not wearing me. Imperfect day I go. Yeah, imperfect day I go. She had a birth bank like this, right? And the first comment was like a bloke. This girl would have been about 19, 20 years old.

There was a bloke who would have been in his 60s underneath, big fat bloke. And he goes, and I would still proudly take you on a date. Would you mate? Would you mate? Even with the birthmark, you're fucking chariot. can't. That's where the internet has ended up is us building up the confidence of an algorithm. We're so fucked. We're so, so fucked. Yeah, now it's become, I don't know, baby. So listen,

if Donald Trump kidnaps leaders and the gas price goes down, I think that's one way of getting inflation under control. He tried to do the tariffs. That didn't work. Now we just go, steal the oil. Unfortunately, left-wing people don't like cars and oil anyway that much. So I thought we were using less oil. What's happened with our oil? Are we using less or not? Because everywhere I go, I see wind turbines. I see solar panels.

I see Teslas. Have we not dropped our amount of oil? The war machine needs oil. We're going to grab oil. Maybe pretty soon we kidnapped the president of Brazil. We take the asai. That keeps the lesbians in Minnesota happy. How's Bitcoin doing?

I haven't checked on it. Is it going all right? Is it going up during the war? Yeah, look, we're basically moving into the age of empires. Things are once again. So let's, just before we finish this episode, predictions. Predictions. We'll look back at the end of the year.

Okay, no, it's just Iran. Let's just do just Iran. Just Iran? Yeah. Does Iran topple or does the, does Kamini get it all under control again? I believe Iran topples. I think it, I think it stays. without, and then America might do some more bombing again.

I think they don't want to miss their moment. Greenland. More threats and then eventually a deal is made to put more military bases on there. We get a military base there and we get a lot of... I think there already is, but yeah. Yeah, we get some control of the area, but it doesn't fully sign over. And we make Nook Scott Talent. Yeah.

on the Fox Network Look at me Yeah Everybody look at me All right And lastly Is there another ice I think

I think ice Does an ice protest get to an enormous level No I think ice carries on the whole year I don't think anything changes with ice I think ice is just going to be as it is Maybe it'll be less rain and stuff like that, but ice carries on for the rest of the Trump administration in its current form.

And the last, but not least, Venezuela happened. There's a lot of threats for Cuba. Do you think we do anything to Cuba before next week's episode? We haven't done shit to Cuba forever. What about Taiwan? Well, this is why I mean. I think Russia is looking at its Europe. I think China's looking at Taiwan and we're looking at Canada, Greenland and South American

countries. And there's going to be three major powers vying it out for. control of the future. And Australia is looking to take Vanuatu. Well, this is... Cook Islands better fucking act, right? We found a mineral in Vanuatu. All those French-speaking islanders are just like, what?

What's going on? Yeah, what's that place that you go to on cruise ships? New Caledonia. New Caledonia. Yeah, New Caledonia is lovely. And we call it Newer Caledonia. I don't even know where old Caledonia is. Where's old Caledonia?

Caledonia is Scotland Oh is it in Scotland I think that's the name for Scotland Isn't it? Caledonia Oh maybe I thought of Scotia Nova Scotia New Scotland

What's Caledonia? Let me We can finish it What does Caledonia What does Caledonia? Caledonia meaning Caledonia is the ancient poetic and Roman name for Scotland

Oh okay New Scotland Right That's us That's what's happening at this moment That's what's happening at this moment. It's a lot. To be honest with it, we didn't really,

not that capable of doing it all, really. I don't know if 2026 can beat 2025 for me. It was a banger of the year, but let's have a good go at it. And let's go out with one last story that will keep Jim and all of you happy is which country spent the most on Onlyfans? Per capita? Just total spend. Do you ready?

I'm going to give you the 10. then we can sign off. Total. It has to be America, right? The United States, 2.63 billion. The UK, 531 million. Canada, 355 million. The Italians at 355 million.

Mexico, 291. France, 237. Australia, 237. Tied with the Germans at 237. Well, they've got a bigger population than us. Australia is going for it. Brazil at 194 and Spain, writing it out at 194 million. Put that together.

we're looking at about $7 billion. And they ruined porn. They've ruined it. We used to have high production quality and now we're paying for garbage. Yes, yes. What did you do? We've heard this lament.

I just want to take that on the stat. Get off it. Young kids, get off it. Go back to the old school porn. Drive them out. Drive them out. Yeah, send canaries down the fucking mine shafts. You're saying you want an ice,

but for only fans, chicks. Where the police are doing undercover stings, looking for ring lights. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. We're going to dehorrify the country. What are you doing with that ringlight? Look, if Trump gets rid of only fans, he's got my vote.

That's all I'm saying.