I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 47 - The Conspiracy Theorists Were Right

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

At this moment, Jim and Amos talk about the recent batch of the Epstein files and how it's confirming conspiracy theories from years ago. They also talk about smelly food and a new perspective on Star Wars. Jim's special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix! ADS: KALSHI: Download the Kalshi app and get $10 when you deposit with code ATM. Use promo code: ATM when you sign up to get $10 when you trade $100 MOOD: Go to http://www.mood.com, and use code ATM at checkout for 20% off your entire purchase for first-time buyers. EXPRESS VPN: Secure your online data TODAY by visiting http://www.ExpressVPN.com/ATM and find out how you can get up to four extra months. SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠ FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠   Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠   Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

This episode is sponsored by ExpressVPN. Secure your online data today by visiting ExpressVPN.com slash ATM. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com slash ATM to find out how you can get your four extra months. ExpressVPN.com slash ATM. Hi, everybody. Welcome to At this moment.

We've kicked off February. And before we get into the show, we are touring with live stand-up. Jim, where are you going to be? I am going to be in New Zealand this week. I will be February 5th in Christchurch, February 6th in Wellington, February 7th in Auckland. There are still tickets available in Wellington. Then when I come back, February 13th, Cincinnati, and for my birthday, I will be in St. Louis, Missouri.

And then I'm doing Indio Casino on February 21st in Palm Springs and Vegas, February 27. That's all I'll tell you about today. This is what I need from you, people. Denver, February 13, 14, 14. filming my comedy special at the amazing Comedy Works Comedy Club. Come and see me there. New York, we sold out on the 11th,

but I think we have 10 tickets left being added so you can come to those. But our live shows out of the way. Of course, Australia, I'll be back for the Adelaide Fringe also. This is an episode that we had to go back into the Epstein files again. I feel like it's the same story over the last eight years, but a

treasure trove of those was dumped. We went through those. Three million pages, and I haven't been mentioned yet. Yeah, what's the boy got to do? Nick DePolo was in there. Was he? Yeah, he did a private gig for Jeffrey Epstein and then turned down hanging out with him again

because he said, yeah, you got a pretty bad rap. It was amazing. How did we not mention that in the podcast? I just remembered, yeah, there was a photo. Like, Nick DePolo apparently did some show. Like his name came up on a list of comedians who got booked for some function that Epstein was at. Yeah, wow.

So anyway, we did talk a lot about those files. We talked about sex therapists. Jim got his wife on to have a curse discussion. Yes. We have very different opinions. It was about whether or not you'd be comfortable with your partner being a little bit too romantic with their lead actor. Now, you can't understand a lot of what my wife was saying because she was sucking another

bloke off in the corner. She was mumbling. A bunch of other stuff on the episode this week, but let's get right into it. And we'll see you on the road. All right, ladies and gentlemen, we have a lot to unpack here. Unpacked.

Unpack. Unpack. We have a lot to unpack. Jeffrey Epstein, what's he like? There's new files that have come out. Do you remember back in the day when Hillary was going to be the president?

and show us the emails. Why have you deleted so many emails? I think we got some of them. I think we've seen. Yeah, I think we've found the deleted emails. Can she be president now that we've found the deleted emails now that they're out in the open? Well, of her husband on an island making sweet, sweet sex the children. Look, first of all, with all these things, do you believe everything you've read?

I think like Bill's fuck because there's so many photos of Bill. Bill clearly. Bill, Bill obviously had his own mug that said Bill on it. He had his own chair. He had, you know, obviously his own prostitutes.

He had his own thing going on there. He still has a park bench. They put in memoriam to him there, you know? You ever go to like one of those, like, you go to the coastal towns and they have like an old bench and it's like named after a couple that spent the most time?

I believe that's the, we've heard the last time we're going to hear Bill Clinton talk. I don't believe he'll ever verbally say anything ever again. because he can't be interviewed anymore. Because if he gets interviewed and he gets asked questions about Jeffrey Epstein, he has to just change the interview very quickly. This is what I've loved about this is, fuck you everybody that's anti-conspiracy theorists,

because I've had to listen for eight years as they have mocked this idea that there is an international cabal of sex control, blackmailed people at the hands of the CIA and the Mossad. And everyone's like, oh, it's going to fucking mental. And then we see all these files. What have we got? We've got Jeffrey Epstein's relationship with it. Uhud Barak, the president, prime minister of Israel.

We have a island where he is very clearly back blackmailing people with their world's richest and most powerful all on the island. We have the email evidence of it all. Except for Elong, who wasn't invited. He tried to get in. He's on the email's going, any more parties? I'd like to come to one of those parties. I've got more empathy for Elong now.

I've been that guy. It's funny. I'm not doing them anymore. I got invited to the Playboy Mansion. after, after Hugh Hefter had died. I thought, no, I'm not going to bother now. Elon's autistic personality got him out of any real trouble because he was like, there's a party, I'm going to be in that area.

And they said, not even Jeffrey. Jeffrey's assistant said, ah, Jeff's, something's come up. Yeah, sorry, Elon. He's back in New York. So, yeah, on the next one, though. Yeah, yeah. We'll have to do this another time. Yeah, we'll get you in, mate.

Get you in. and then keep him gated out, elongated. He, uh, yeah, so he, he's very happy about these files, even though, to be honest, Elon, it does show that you carried on a relationship of some variety with the man, even after he was convicted of his sex crimes. But also with Donald Trump? He knew everything about Donald Trump. Same as Howard Lutnik, right?

So Howard Lutnik did this thing where he said that Jeffrey Epstein's was the world's best blackmailer, and he told this story on one of this, not 60 minutes, but a show of that ilk, where he's said he and his wife in 2005 lived next door to Jeffrey and they came into the house and Jeffrey had a massage table and he leaned over and said, I get a massage every day. And Howard was like, a massage every day? I wouldn't want to get a massage every day. And Jeffrey Epstein whispered into his ear, these massages are particularly good. And apparently Howard Lutnik and his wife said, we turned around immediately and we left and we said we will never, ever, ever associate with that man. And then they sent him an email in 2012 and said,

we're currently in the, we're near the Bahamas, where you at? Love to come over. Just saw a few people post some photos from your island set up. Okay, no matter what you think of Jeffrey Epstein, look, he must have been a fun fella. Everyone wanted to be his mate. There's no one who wanted to be,

not wanted to be his friend. He must have had some level of charm to the man. Well, his emails, when you read them, they're borderline illiterate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's one of the worst email writers I've ever seen. I, look, I read it like with my own. This prose is despicable.

Okay, okay, so let's start with Bill Gates, right? Bill Gates, he writes. I'll read them. I'll read you, but let's go from fact first. So Bill Gates is obviously one of the big losers out of these. I don't know if I believe this. I just don't believe it. I don't, I know if I believe it.

I'm going to present the case here. You can be the jury, okay? So we all know, by the way, that Melinda Gates, him explicitly because of his relationship with Jeffrey. That's a fact. Was that the case? Yes. That was the case.

All right. Okay. You think there be other reasons, him being not attractive, him being really annoying and talking about computers all day. His glasses fogging up when he go down on the... He's glassing for being the richest man on earth and still eating hamburgers is his main meal. Like, and there's so many things that Melinda might have gone, I'm just done with this

can. I can't. So Jeff Epstein sent this email to himself. He's email, by the way, which I absolutely love, is J.E. Vacation at gmail.com. So he was basically a blackmail travel agent. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you go over and you vacate with J. Yeah, J.E.

So basically, this is a joke I did on stage last night, which really upset people. I said, I said basically Jeffrey Epstein at J.E. Vacations was organizing group sex holidays with kids. You could call it a jelly sandals resort. Yeah. or JV vacations. So you'd have to understand America to get that joke. For all the Australians, junior varsity.

All right. So Epstein emails himself with subject Bill. Thursday, the 18th of July, 2013, important date. All right. So the email goes for a while, but here's in a very important part. A big part of this email is about their relationship coming to an end. Okay. And the bit that's highlighted here.

says to add insult to injury, you then implore me to please delete the emails regarding your STD, your request that I provide you antibiotics that you can surreptitiously give to Melinda and the description of your penis. You also made it clear to me that I am not to refer to redacted, as that is another topic that must remain between the two of us. So basically, Epstein has secured Bill Gates' Russian prostitutes. He has had sex with them. He has gotten an STD, he has gone home, had sex with his wife, and he is afraid that she now has an STD. And so he is procuring drugs from Jeffrey that he can slip into the food of his wife. It sounds like it's gone to rear, right, is probably what's happened or a bit of syphilis or something.

It's something that can be fixed with an antibiotic. Now, what I like about it, if it's true, which I don't believe it's true, I'll tell you why I don't believe it's true. He's the richest man on earth. You think he needs to get Jeffrey Epstein to get him antibiotics? You think he just doesn't call his personal doctor and says, why would he want a record of this? He doesn't want, why, he wants no record that. What you think, your, your personal concierge doctor, when you say, I need some antibiotics for, I've got, I've got gonorrhea, wouldn't just write that up for you right away and go, give me two serves because I'm going to have to sort out, you know, the wife, right? Yes, there's every, there's every chance there'll be a record of that

being made in a laboratory or the CVS or Walgreen slip that you purchased. No, no, no one's medications have ever come to light what they're doing from the doctor leaking or the pharmacy. Even Michael Jackson, we had to wait until he went to court, that doctor to find out what he'd been giving the person. We got there eventually. Our medical records are a very private thing. And if nothing is a private thing. If there was a leak of all these people's medical records, I'd be very unhappy with that. I think that's a breach of privacy.

More than the fucking other kids. Like, you think that they, you think of these people who's tentacles. Because your medical records aren't a crime. The fucking other kids is a crime. Going into the island is a crime. What I'm saying is, is you think that the people that are trying to blackmail you won't be able to break into everything that your name is attached to. I think that's silly.

I hope not. Yeah. So let's tap into it right now why I think there's something to this story. So that's 18th of July 2013. Now, I saw this floating around on Twitter and I've... What would you do? You've had sex with two prostitutes. You've got a guy, going to rear.

Who do you call? You don't call the guy that the party was at. You don't call him up and go, hey, and he's there just sweeping up like glasses. This man, Bill Gates is a fucking nerdy programmer, and he gets brought into this fucking J.E. vacation sex tourist shop delight. And he's never done any of this. And his glasses are all like... We don't know that he's never done it.

We don't know that he's never done it. You think Bill Gates, when he was designing windows, was regularly going down and going jacuzzi vacations? Do you think the richest man in the world has never had some pretty wild sex? I'm saying that he probably would like a tour guy to take him to depravity. Right. They're not saying that Bill Gates slept with anybody younger, right? The legal age, right? They're saying that no illegal age thing happened.

Well, we don't know. But with these, these are just, these are Russian escort seemingly of age. And obviously, he's been blackmail because at the time his wife. I don't like the Eastern European accent. All the money in the world. we give them dialect lessons so they're not like, here we go, let's do this bill, wanky, wanky, no, no. Don't worry about the green pass.

It makes a smoother entry. What you need to listen to is this. So that was 2013, okay? Bill Gates has written a callout in 2013 around the same time. This is a CNN article verified. You can look this up. The headline is Bill Gates wants geeks. to build better condoms.

Better. What, like, what do you mean better? Like, ones that feel better. I find, I find, I find, they're way to, you, they know what I find with condoms. They're making them too long. Are you, are you, are you burying the lead on this? No, no, no one.

My one's still rolled up like a guy, like a fisherman with a hat. Bill Gates is putting a call out to investors. But they're not wide enough. That tells you a lot about me. They're too short. They're not wide enough, condoms. Yeah, what I need What I need is like a shopping bag

A shop Like scale down But the width and the height Something that's a square bag So you need a zip lock bag And what I do is I do the zip lock right up in the side It didn't work It'd work

An Ancel chode is what you're looking for Yes I don't know what that is What's an an cell chode Well an cell's the name of the condom manufacturer Oh right right right right The chode would be the make and model that would fit you.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. The stump. Yeah. I want the stump. Okay, so Bill Gates has put in a call out to investors. He's not looking for software at the latest high-tech gadgets. With splinters for her. This time, he's in search of a better condom.

Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is offering $100,000 to a startup grant to the person who designs the next generation condom that preserves or enhances pleasure and promotes regular use. So it would seem to me that Bill Gates has had sex with his escorts, got himself an STD. He's absolutely fucking ropedable that his condom has failed him, or that he didn't want to use condoms because condoms are so much of a pleasure killer, that he's gone home and gone,

I'll put out $100,000 to the engineer that can make this feel better so this never happens again. It is a little weird to me that a married man of his age at that time was going, why aren't there better condoms? Why do the condoms suck so much? Because he tries to help out the bit. Like you can shit on this man all you want. Sorry.

Why is... You're getting into a guy, right? For, like, there's pedophiles on the fucking island. Or leave Bill alone. Did he actually mush up the... Because first still, is it drugging a person when it's antibiotics? It's the other way, isn't it? It's the other way.

Well, I mean, yeah, that is an interesting question. Like, is that roofying when it is anti-bacterial? Because I've been putting Omega 3 into girls' drinks for a while, not to do anything with them, just going, your skin looks a bit grey and haggard. I put athletic greens in a girl's bar. I put vitamin C and my wife's stuff just for a nice skin and so that she has a friendly disposition. I was like, why is my drink fizzy? I go, I put creatine in there.

You can do with some tone. Yeah, yeah. Why is the soap fizzing? It's made of barocca. What is this defense of Bill Gates here? I'm telling you right now, Bill Gates wanting to make better condoms. It just doesn't, it doesn't ring true to me. I don't, it doesn't ring true to me.

So his wife divorces him because she says she just finds his relationship. 50% of women divorce men or, did she actually say it's because of Jeffrey Epstein? Yes. Did she? Yeah, because she carried on his relationship. I mean, and then there he is. the Australian Open, like watching the tennis. Fuck me, that was uncomfortable. Did he get booed?

Oh, he got some booed. Not as much as the Australian Prime Minister got, but what we all want to know is Australian Prime Minister, he'd never be invited to the island. Don't worry about him. There's no invite coming his way, miserable little cunt. No statesman. But like, okay, so we have all these different files. Well, another one of the files that I think is super interesting to look at is them constantly talking about pizza again, that they've got seven men looking to share a slide. of pizza and all those conspiracies of PizzaGate looks like they'll be coming back to the floor again this is what happened with Pizza Gate right there was some truth to it and then the conspiracy theorists went too far in one direction and then they started blaming pizza restaurants and stuff

like that and they thought it would then and then they brought in the adrenal glands there was no adrenal glands can we put that one to rest no adrenal glands no no I'm back on it all I think I'm of the belief that a lot of these bizarre people are doing ritual sacrifice to Moloch or whoever that they do their ceremonies to these skull and crossbone Yale University demons that roam around us. Because they say that in the email chain it says there. And these are the names that come up that the prince, Andrew, George Bush Sr. Yeah, George Bush Sr. Okay, look, we all seen Barbara, right?

Barbara Bush. Barbara Bush. When Barbara Bush died, they showed photos of when she was younger, and it was never an improvement. She always had that head on her, right? George, George Sr. couldn't have had a big sex driver who was married to Barb's. Barb's, no way in the world. He was a pretty middle of the road. I don't believe that George Bush Sr. raped the girl, but I wasn't there. He went on the Tuesday. These ones weren't rape. This was torture. It was cutting with a sithe the bottom of people's feet. That was what they said it happened.

And one of them was the eating of people's intestines. Yeah, I don't believe any of this. I don't believe it. Listen, so here's what's going to happen. I just don't buy into it. I just don't believe it. Look, maybe I don't, I've met lots of famous people. I've never met anyone that's like, maybe they don't ask me, but I've never met anyone

who feels like sinister like this. I don't know. I think it's conspiracy theory shit. Also, half the email. I'm sorry, how are you like it's conspiracy shit when we find out that P Diddy's basically running the hip hop version of this? Jeffrey, we have the documents. We have women there saying I had to run away.

No, no, no. I believe something happened with the girls, but then when it starts to be like we're all cutting feats and eating intestines and stuff, I believe there's truth to the story. I believe that 70%, 80% of this is all true. And then there's this embellishment that makes it seem fucking. Yes. Well, a lot of the embellishment is disinformation. that is put out there by the powerful people to make it seem ridiculous.

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. I believe the bad shit went down with Jeffrey Epstein and teenage girls. I believe this is all true. I believe that there was Bill Clinton. I believe there was Donald Trump.

I believe there was Bill Gates. I believe all these things happened. I believe Elon didn't get invited. And then I believe that more shit has been put out there into the world to make it plausibly denial for people like. Trump? Well, also, the next question has to be, because everyone just stops at these rich people are doing these horrible behaviors. And the next question is, why? You know, why, why? And the real answer is, and if we look at Donald Trump, for instance, he runs on no foreign conflict.

I thought it was Adderall. And before you know it, you have Bibi Netanyahu coming over to this country four or five times. Donald Trump isn't going to attack Iran. Bibi, he does. turns up. They talk about releasing the files. Donald Trump says the files don't exist. The files are a hoax. And all of a sudden, he bombs Iran on the behest of Israel. Those files are no longer talked about. Then the drums of war start beating again. Guess what? We want you to bomb Iran. Donald Trump doesn't bomb Iran this time. What happens? The files are released. Isn't that funny that when Donald Trump didn't do what the Israeli state was hoping to have happened, which was finally take out the regime over the last few weeks,

Suddenly we have a drop of millions of emails that are very incriminating for Mr. Trump. Almost as though when he doesn't do the behest of certain foreign governments, they have the sort of Damocles hanging over his head. Yeah, but you know the saying too much as nothing? Yeah. Right? Too much is nothing. We've heard so much shit about Donald Trump for so many years or so much shit that he's allegedly done.

This is not going to hurt him. And now what is the Israeli government or whatever government you think that are controlling him? what are they going to do now that the information's out? Like, like, what more can we say about Donald Trump to get him into more trouble? Everything's been said. Well, we have, we know that. This makes him more powerful. There's no tapes yet.

Well, when we get the footage, but then we start going, oh, that's just AI generated. It's not true. Yes, and that's why these people try to muddy up the waters. But you're telling me that the files, the tapes don't exist. Obviously, when the FBI raided his house the first time, when he had the sweetheart deal from Acosta, which should never have happened. A lot of this evidence was probably locked up, taken away or destroyed. But those people were clearly filmed doing what they were doing.

And that's out there somewhere. So we all heard at the beginning with Donald Trump that there was him urinating on a Russian prostitute. Yeah, that was bullshipped steel dossier. Okay, that one's not true. So that one's not true. But people cutting feet needing intestines. That CIA, that was a, I've been to a lot of parties.

As soon as someone starts going, we're going to cut feet. everyone. I just don't, I just can't see the whole party joining in. Yeah, if it's a couple of people, if it's two people, you can get together and go, I like the intestine. I do too. Let's do it. But the whole party, like, everyone, all right, enough for Twister. We're doing intestines now. It's like, I don't buy it. Don't buy it. It doesn't feel, it doesn't pass the bullshit. All I can tell you is humanity does not change and ritualistic human sacrifice has been going since the Great Mine civilization. Do you have at any stage in your life wanted to sacrifice an animal or another human for some type of demigod or something?

Have you ever thought about it? Have you ever been around anyone who's done it? Have you only ever seen it in movies? Dude, I'm an Adelaide kid from fucking the country. I don't think I'm not quite sure I run in an elite circle. Although, mind you, the best, the worst pedophile rink in Australia was from. Was in Adelaide. was from Adelaide in the country.

But there's a genuine force of good versus evil in the world, and there's something about the defiling of children which these dark forces love to do as the ultimate expression of power, because it's like, it's the ruining of purity. You know what it is? I just don't think Bill Gates is a bad dude. He's helped out so many people in Africa.

He's given up half of his money. Have you ever watched a movie about a villain? He always has a charity, and at the beginning in the first act of the film, James Bond is at one of his fundraisers and then goes out the back and there's a person being eaten by sharks in a pool.

All right, you've sold me. I mean, come on. Jesus, you're one of those idiots that's like... You know a place to me hard is just to reference James Bond villains. You've sold me. He couldn't be bad. He's donated to charity.

He's a nerd. We know nerds. I've grown up with nerds. He just doesn't seem like, you know, look, he could be a pedophile. He could be something like that, right? Right, maybe, like anyone could, right? But he, you just never, I just, I just never took him as a bad dude.

I just never took him as a bad dude. Like, maybe he is, I don't know. Well, if anyone's listening from the State Department, drop it. Jim's felt him out. I'm just, look, I'm just saying my bullshit meter is going off right now. And it just seems, okay, did they mention Stephen Hawking? He's always at these things. Does he get in there?

Yeah, well, that's, but that's old news, isn't it old Steve? which again, that did show that our great friend Jeffrey Epstein was at least inclusive to say. He put a ramp

to the rape dungeon and credit where credits, due. And I hear after the allegations that Stephen was bent out of shape. Here we go. Thank you. Here's another one.

Thank you. Stephen Hawking's was bent out of shape, everyone. Is there anything else you saw? Well, no, you were going to tell me. You've read all these things. I haven't read them.

more. Well, it is funny when people say I read the Epstein files and you're like, you saw seven tweets about the actually. No, you didn't. You saw seven highlighted fucking pages and you didn't even read the whole page. It's 3,000 pages, right? People made out like, three million pages. And more. Yeah. There's, there's a audio file release. Who read it? Well, they still reading it. Are they still read it? Every now, now, like, who's done the highlighting? I don't just go out because of a

right. Yeah, it is funny when people say I read the files and in your head, you know, they think they're there with yellow manila folders

with a cup of coffee. I used to do a stand-out routine when I was a young, plucky 20-something-year-old comedian when I was in my early 20s, I used to go, look, ladies and gentlemen, I've read the Bible

from cover to cover and I can tell you this, I haven't read the Bible from covering it. Why did I used to say that? What did I get out of such a stupid fucking comment? I'd read the little

passages that I was writing the joke about so I could get the wording right, but I didn't read the fucking Bible. Right. Next story. Does anyone read the Bible? Do you reckon there's anyone, like, I know there's a few people, anyone who just sat down and gone, I'll give this a good read. It's a fuck, have you given it a go?

It's me. It's rough. You ever been in a hotel room and gone, I'll give the Bible a go. It's a great read. If you get, if you can simplify it. It's all over the place. It's all over the place. You don't know what's going on.

And then occasionally, like one bloke will be writing really good. And then we go, oh, Matthew's going to give it a go for the next 20 pages. Okay, he's fucking a caveman. He can't write for shit. Give it to John for a bit. It is interesting having, you know, the four different people tell the story of one guy because if you asked four of your closest friends to write the story of Jim, that'd be very varying accounts.

Yeah, yeah. And it depends on what side, what reporter you've got. Out of me, me, Jack, Forrest and JJ Whitehead, which one do you think would give you the most glowing? tale of your life. Jason would give me the nicest one. He'd be the nicest about me. Jack would be factual.

You'd have a lot of emails to support him. Yeah, yeah. And you'd be like this. He ate pizza all the time. I'm not saying he was up to no good, but he always ordered pizza. No, I'd be like, most of it would be, if you were the prophet,

I actually, I was actually in the wings of that speech he gave. And I thought I had a better sermon that day. I had a better sermon. I told him, do unto others, as you would have done to yourself. And he said, don't be a cunt or something. It was very close, though. Yeah. Jim handed out fish and bread,

and I'll be honest with you, the other guys aren't going to say this. That's another thing about Jesus. All the Jesus stories are pretty, even if they're true, they're pretty weak. Pretty weak. He fed a whole lot of people with fish and bread. He turned some water into wine.

He once walked on a bit of water. right? It's like it's good but if it was a Cirque to Sale show you'd give it three stars you wouldn't fucking go this was the best one well the bread and fish

I mean that was just people hadn't seen tapas back then it was actually just cut up into small pieces yeah that's what it was it was the invention of tapas and he fed them all

with two fish and a loaf of bread and we were all happy well done Jesus it was just little brusquetta just for a bloke For a bloke who they all knew he was going to fucking, you know, the last supper, and he got 12 people to come. Couldn't have been that popular.

Mate, you don't want any more people. Look at that. Twelve was too many. You had Judas. Keep your tight circle. Yeah. All right. What else you got in the Epstein files?

What, what, I'm Epstein exhausted like everybody. What I want to know? Okay, so who do you, who categorically, who are bad blokes who went there? Is Bill Clinton a bad person? Is Andrew Windsor a bad dude? is Jeffrey. Andrew Windsor. Andrew Windsor is a bad dude.

The bit I worry about, yeah, I agree. But I'm just saying, I wonder about, like, someone like Prince Andrew. Because Fergie was still friends with him till the end. So if my, if, okay, if I'm married, if my, if my wife knew about a bloke that I went on vacations with, which was on a hooker island, right? She wouldn't be fucking, like, chatting to the guy. Like, it's so good to meet you, Ted. How's things going?

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It's a lot of fun. I'm a big fan of this. If you were to build a Kelsey right now, you could probably do the Super Bowl. Right. And Elvis would come back on that day as well and be alive. That's a longer odds. Yeah, but I'm here.

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Love it. Well, a lot of these people, half the issues they're resigning on is because they carried relationships on after he was convicted, right? So that's a big one. What did she get out of the relationship? What did he give the women? Because it seems like Hillary was still involved, Fergie was involved. Other people were still like, obviously Molina Gates wasn't up for it, right? Yeah, listen, I will never forget. I had a professor at uni in politics in my first year,

and he told me, you know, everyone feels disappointed about these political figures, don't they? Once they go in, why do they do what they do? They had this track record of saying they were going to do X, Y, and Z, and all of a sudden they're corrupted by the system. And he said, if you can't find a profit motive, on any of these people, always remember that many of them are blackmailed and are doing things

that they would never do because certain individuals have information on them that they don't want to get out. And they will change their behavior to protect their family's legacy, their children's legacy. And when it makes no logical sense that someone goes in one direction, just know that there's probably something that someone holds over them that they don't want to get out. And I think that's the case for a podcast with you, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, because I've got all the text messages. Yeah, yeah, all the text messages I've sent you. You have a full album of my shits. I could easily do you in, man. He made me look at his poo. I'm not on TV anymore, brother. You can't blackmail me anymore. I have no boss.

I have no boss. You can't come after me anymore. There's no boss. You know what's funny? The Sun King of France, King Louis, right? Yes. Of Versaite. I was reading this book about him.

him in his reign and they talk about him being, you know, a king of absolute excess, you know, in the golden palace of Versailles. And one of the things they said is that he would take a shit in the morning and there'd be a man there who would hold the chamber pot. And that was the most prized possession to have that job was to be the man who gets to look at Louis's shit, right? And he would make all of the people of his court come in and look at his shit in the morning.

That's what he got off on the king. He'd be like, who wants to have a look at me turds? and that I remember thinking, man, Jim makes me look at his poo. In many ways, you have a King Louis the 14th. I don't. People are going to think that I send these to you daily. I don't. It's about once a month, maybe.

Only usually when there's an olive that was completely not digested. And to be fair, you've got to see it. Not chewed on. If you want to see a whole olive come out of a man. Yeah, and a potato chip that was like, this long. that I ate like a duck that just went straight down into my gullet and then went through my colon without dissolving, a full potato chip. Yeah, it's less defecation, more a magic trick, the ones that you sent me.

It's just, I think, I don't think I have stomach acids anymore. They're not breaking anything down. I had a shit the other day and a hamburger came out in the bun. Was it McDonald's? Because you know that they don't break down. McDonald's makes me shit bad. There's something about McDonald's. If I ate a Big Mac, the lettuce goes through me.

Why does the lettuce not break down? It's just fucking water. Whatever chemical they're putting on the McDonald's lettuce is not going through my system in America. It goes all right in Australia. As we're on the food topic, I thought I'd go into our next topical story. Sure, sure.

This one coming to us from the BBC reporting on the United States. Here's the headline. Indian couple wins $200,000 settlement over food racism at US University. What university? It was in Boulder. All right, Boulder, Colorado. Okay, so Boulder,

famous for that young girl who was killed, that apart from that it's the second biggest city in Colorado. And like a hippie company in town. Yeah, very granola hippie town. It says, A dispute that began overheating a dish in a microwave has ended with two Indian students winning a $200,000 settlement from a university.

Aditya Prakash and his fiancé Hermi Batacheria told the BBC they filed a civil rights lawsuit against the University of Colorado, Boulder, after they faced a series of microaggressions and retaliatory actions following the microwave incident. The harassment began the lawsuit, alleged, after a university staff member objected to Prakash heating up his lunch of Palak Panir, one of Northern India's most popular dishes made of puread spinach and panir. in a microwave on campus because of the way it smelled. I'm with the Indian couple here.

You can call me woke if you want, but I'm with the Indian couple here. Everyone, look, if you lived in share accommodations, you have to put up with people. You have to fucking put up with people. That's just what it is. If you live in shared accommodations, you have an obligation to have bland cuisine

or go off campus. I am a big lover of sardines and tuna. And when I worked at the office, I was banned from my tuna sandwiches because everyone said it's disrespectful to my fellow employees to have my dirty stinking tuna roll every day. Look, look, I think probably it was a couple of incidences and then the racism took over. I don't think, look, I personally, if I walk into a building and curry, I'll go, ooh, I get hungry. I'm all down for that.

But you went through my building. I showed you my apartment in New York and you're like, oh, stinks, because there is a couple next to me that's always cooking. Asian food, but I'll tell you this, they're not Asians. So if they were Chinese, everyone would be uncomfortable with me saying that, but they're a white couple from, like, Portland, and I'm like, they're on the fucking walk again. It stinks in here, the broccoli smell with the soy sauce and fish sauce. But there's give and take in this world, right? Like, I've lived in shared accommodation.

There was a bloke that I lived with who just played music. From the moment he woke up to the moment, like there had to be a soundtrack to his life all the time, had to have music on in the fucking background. It drove me fucking crazy. But, you know, I put up with another person. So I just put up with it, right? I lived in student digs where there was people who put smelly food on and all that type of stuff.

And by the way, I'm not immune to stinking. I'm not fucking, I don't smell like fucking roses all the time. I'd hate if someone put up, you know, fucking try to get me kicked out. You just put up with it. This is Israel and Palestine all over again. I will say this. Noise complaints are acceptable, right? Yes.

No. I find noise more egregious than smell. No, but I'm saying you can call for noise. If your neighbor is just getting out the drum kit at midnight, you can call the cops, right? Right. But smell, you can't call for smell. Is there any smell on earth? That's not racialize it. Any smell on earth that you're emitting from your domicile.

I have been down on some women that the authority should have been called, right? Come down to the school right now and just with a damp cloth and a fucking ski mask and get that girl out of here. What did you say? With a damp cloth and a ski mask. You had me come to the school. Yeah, because it's a university. I was talking about, oh, yeah, okay, I can see where I've made an error there.

I can understand why you're going so soft on your gates. I'm thinking about the dormitory, the dormitory, the dormitory, dorm staff university kids fucking hell you're bloody sick you are you got a problem you I just wouldn't have thrown school in there man

but I've also had I've I stunk so I came off stage once at a gig I think I've talked about I spelt so bad that Kitty Flanagan had to make me get out of the car because I was after Montreal and I just was and Will Anderson

was in there and I was in a leather jacket and I had a bad gig and I just had a bit of that fierce sweat and I was very young comic and I just stunk and I had to get out of the car. My B.O. was too fucking bad. I had to get myself home. My mum once, there was a kid called Tom

who stayed with us once. He was an English kid. And his shoes reeked. You go through that stage as a teenager though where my feet don't smell but as a teenager and my feet stunk all the time and I used to do everything. I used to wash him in this and I tried to come on him less.

I did everything I could. My mother bought Tom a pair of sneakers. other people's come on them. Could you imagine how... I did everything. Left him alone, didn't wash him. I did everything. Can you imagine how bad the foot has to smell for my mother to go out to Rebel Sports

and buy him a fresh pair of sneakers. Yeah. And then his mom picked him up and went, you got new shoes. And my mom said, yeah, your son's feet smell so badly. I threw his old ones away and bought him a new pair because that was, he, he'll have a bad name if he carries walking around life with feet like that. And what did the other mum do? This is great.

That lady was like, you're a bitch. Oh, she said you're a bitch to her? Basically was like, well, you know, I don't think that's appropriate for you to like shame my son. My mum said, shame him. He's got a new pair of Adidas now because his foot was so fucking smelly because he's getting around with dirty socks and shoes.

And how is you seeing him at school the next day? How did that go down? First of all, annoying because I'm looking at his new sneakers and I've got an old pair of fucking beaten up Asics. That was frustrating enough. He was like, he was like, oh, my mum hates your mum. You know, that mum took it like we were poor and my mum was kind of like, I'll do the parenting. But really, my mum's just got a very, very sensitive nose. What was the guy's name?

Tom. Tom what? Tom Cullen. Tom Cullen. Hey, shout out to Tom Cullen. Hope your feet are all right. right now, mate. They ring into the pod sometime.

He's a county cricketer. I'm thinking to taking calls. I just did Jim Norton's podcast and we took calls. It's a bit of fun. We should take some calls every now and again. Yeah, we'll give us a call on 131060. That's my old radio number. Who you think?

Let's rate the top five worst people on the list. What smell do you think is so egregious that you could call the authorities? Ring in now. We want to hear from you. So you don't think, because hotels have signs. I don't know if you've seen it. Hotels have signs that say no making food in the room. Right.

Do you remember when he used to walk on the smoking level and the whole floor just stunk of cigarettes? And I remember like people who smoke. I remember there was a comic that I knew. He's dead now. But he was a smoker and he used to go, oh, I don't stay in the smoking rooms. They smell too bad. Then he would go into the regular rooms and smoke. Like that's a cunt's move, right?

That's a cunt's move. Like going, I can't stand the smoking. of other people's smoke, so I'll stink up this room. I just googled, can you call the police on someone for smell? Yeah, yeah. So this is what it's come up with. Yes, you can call the police for smell, but the likelihood of action depends heavily on the nature of the odour and potential

safety risks. Gas is an immediate call out by the police. Yeah. Yeah. Marijuana or methamphetamine smell will also get police responding quickly. unpleasant food stuffs is something you should sort out with your own neighbor on an interpersonal level before involving authority. That is something with marijuana they've got to figure out, like, because I eat the edibles, I don't smoke it, right? And with the edibles, it's like, can't you stop these things from stinking?

Haven't we got the technology moving forward that we can make these gummies without reeking of fucking skunk? I hate the smell of weed all through the cities. It is, it's such, you can't go through any major. city anymore without just walking through plumes of weed. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a Whiz Caliphate concert, the world now. Yeah.

And either that or, you know, cherry blossom, rainbow-flavored vape. Yeah, the smell of vapes. Look, it's funny because I was a smoker and now to the smell of cigarettes, I'm like, oh, disgusting. Like anyone, how can you stand that smell? And I must have stunk for years, but here we are. Well, because when I was at school there, we had an incident like this with Chinese exchange students.

And I had a friend called John and he made comments that their food stunk so bad. And then they, you know, obviously someone overheard it and he got a suspension for racism, right? This was so funny because all he said to them was, your food stinks. It stinks out the calf. You have to stop. Just bring a fucking sandwich. Right.

And then they were. I forgot you're a fucking private schoolboy. Stinks out the calf. I can't go into the cafeteria. I used to sit out in 40 degrees Celsius with my skin fucking melting off my bones, eating my meal every day. In senior school, you had to think. But this is what was awesome.

So John got in trouble. John got in trouble for racism. I remember that. They said this is racist to attack Jardese people. So you can't come to school tomorrow. You know what they made him do instead? This is one of the funny. I've just remembered this.

They took the fucking guy to Chinatown. One of the teachers, Mr. O.D, took him to China town. and they had a buffet Chinese lunch so that he could have cultural awareness. So he's just sat there with Mr. O'Dockity on a fucking lazy Susan having a sweet in South Pork with Mr. O'Dokety going,

you've learnt now, haven't you? Have a dumpling. You have to appreciate the Chinese. You see, they like a different type of spice to their food. The soy sauce sauce that comes from a bean, I believe. John was like, I don't have issues of Chinese food. I was just saying it stinks.

And then the Chinese kids, to be fair, They were, did you have Chinese kids at your school from overseas, like actually visiting from China? Okay, so my school was 60% Asian when I was in school. Yeah. And I would like to say that we,

we were all together as one unit. We weren't. It was quite divided. It was, at that stage, it was, these were kids who were, they were a lot older than us, right?

They had come over. We had a school next to us, which was for languages. right so the kids would come over from china, Japan, wherever they would come over with their parents their parents would come over here for some work and they would have to go through the English school for a couple of years and then when they got good enough

in English they were moved over to the regular school so we were 13 and it would be like a 17 year old guy because he was English was at a 13 year old's level you know what I mean so we felt very disconnected from but I remember like like out of the Simpsons like us going, like, no, you're full of shit. That never happened. No, I'm not kidding you.

They eat raw fish. That's like, that's how primitive we were as kids in the mid-1980s where I was going to, they eat raw fish. No bullshit. I've seen him do it. They would pick their names, which was my favorite thing. Oh, yes, yes, yes. So all Asian kids that come to Australia would pick their names. We had four Felix's in my year, four Felix's.

Felix the cat or whatever, they'd see. They're always all called Johnny or Felix or, you know, Frankie. We would have like a graduation ceremony and it was always the funniest part when you'd get to the IB class, which is the international baccalaureate at school. And so they'd be getting their certificate and they'd say, in the graduating class of Mr. Wu's class, and it'd be like, Jaling Wu, known affectionately as Ronaldo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Beckham. They would always just pick as a good name. And then there was one chick called Seven. She called herself seven. She picked a number. And she was just like super like punk looking Chinese girl that would be in like history class with us. And she didn't really talk to many people.

Her English wasn't great. And she would sit in the class and she never seemed to be paying attention. She had like a very advanced like Blackberry phone. I remember back then. Right. And she was always texting. And she'd just pull out darts and light up in class. And the teachers would be like, oh, seven.

Can't we don't smoke in schools in Australia. and she'd be like, just pretend she couldn't understand. I'd tell you what, my son just plays basketball with the other schools around town. So sometimes we go to basketball at his school, sometimes we go to another school. You get to visit the other schools. It's always interesting. Went to an Armenian school the other day for a basketball game, right? The Armenians like the basketball.

It was a good game of basketball. Well, we know the Armenians like basketball because the Kardashians have been through all the NBA. Hey, all. Anyway, so we go out into the car park. We go out to the car park. On the school premises, because Armenians love a tab, they're all smoking fags out in the car park, all the dads. Yeah, good game, good game.

Hey, hey, Frank, good game. This right, it's like so weird to see people smoking on a school ground in 2026. It was really odd. And I made some comment. I'm like, fucking hell, they're smoking tabs over here. And they looked at me like, what about it? What are you going to do? So the Armenians are still going.

They're still going. Also, here's a lot of it. good, a bit of Armenian news. Did you see just then, Lewis Hamilton and Kim Kardashian, official couple. Really? I wonder how Kanye is going to take Lewis.

Really? Well, Lewis Hamilton's cooler than Kanye West. You think? Yeah. I mean, I look, hold on. A black Formula One driver who's won all the trope. Like, yeah, that's, he's way cooler. Oh, this fella.

Yeah. No, he's into the Kardashians. Yeah, he's, doing well. And Pete and Pete Davidson just had a baby with another woman. So he's moved on. He's okay. Anika said to me this morning, I told her because she loves Lewis Hamilton. I said he's dating Kim Kardashian. She goes, oh, really? I thought, I thought Lewis Hamilton was like deeper than that. Well, you have to get in pretty deep with that woman. You have to get a running start to get past the ass. I tell you. He was so funny. She goes, he does like our waist. I reckon when he goes, I reckon when he ends it, he goes,

boom, boom, rum, boom, boom, , well, you've given me

the hayo, that was, that sounds, you've made yourself sound like the biggest simpleton in the world. Vum.

That's what I would do. I'm a fun guy. Because you'd come quick, is that why? I don't look, man, me coming, those days are over.

I've never missed an erection. Amos, I'll tell you this, I've never missed an erection. You know, they go away, and I don't talk to them ever again. No, I've never missed one.

But with ejaculating, it's a roll of the dice. One day I can, one day I can't. You know, I used to come too quickly in my 20s. It's a fucking evil world out here. Well, that leads us to the next story I have for you. This is the number one trending story in the Daily Mail in the last three days. I always have a look on the Daily Mail. I was absolutely bunkum on there.

Daily Mail will do a news story about you off a tweet that you said. and then the AI will just write it and then they'll just slap it up. There's so many Jim Jeffery's daily male stories that I know it's just online. It doesn't actually meet the magazine, but they'll do anything on anything. It says, this is from it. There's always like a sex therapist, which I don't ever understand these sex therapists. Okay, first of all, sex therapist, whenever it's a female, they go, hey, you know, if you've got to have a condom, sort of make it interesting, make it sexual, run it over his body. Anytime they start going, have fun with food.

Do you remember where there was chocolate body paint? and they used to sell that and that was a big thing in Australia. You bought chocolate body patty and had a little brush next to it. You were meant to, in the end, you just ate it with a spoon, right? You put a little bit on a woman's nipples, you painted it on, and then you went to eat it. You went, I don't feel like chocolate right now. I'm into fucking, I need water. That was, you are right.

That has stopped. You don't see anyone talking about like edible lube or any of that shit anymore. That was the ultimate gluttony period of humanity where they were like, how do we, how do we put fucking in food together. Edible underwear? Like if you had an edible G string on and a bloke came in and bit into it, right,

and then ripped it off and then sat there and then finished the whole thing, you just be like, what's going on here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you get, strawberry.

These tastes better than I first thought. Hold on, give us a sec. Sarah Milligan used to have a joke, one of her earlier jokes, very funny joke, with Sarah Milligan used to go, when they go flavored condoms.

Do you want a flavored condom? Only if it's flavored like cock. That's cock flavor is the flavor I'd like to get to make it more realistic. No one was to go down and they had that synthetic watermelony type of flavor. I'm just thinking of like a fat man eating underwear of like candy heart underwear and then having to shoot himself with fucking antibiotic, what do you call it? Insulin. He's shooting himself with diabetes.

But do you remember the chocolate body pain? we should put that up because that was in there was one Christmas in the in the mid 90s where they invented this chocolate body paint and the brush got all matted and stuff like that you'd write like a heart on a wood I gave it a go for about five seconds and went I told you I didn't want to do this yeah is it from Australia they tried to turn sex into fondue it was horrible period yeah it's also like um um when you were seven and a half weeks six and a half weeks. What was that movie? That was a sexy movie with Mickey Rourke and all that. You never heard that movie? Kim Bassenger and Mickey Rourke, you can leave your hat on.

And it was a lot of like they went to the fridge and then they dripped honey on each other as they fucked and all this type of stuff. And it's like, you're just going to get ants. You're just going to get ants. All right. So here's this one. I've also got an anal policy only in hotels.

Never at home. Never at home. If you see me and my wife out, like in another city, you know what's happened to her. Never at home. So you're saying, be kind to her on the way out.

Yeah, yeah. If you see it in you or coming down the lift, just give her a good, tell her it'll be okay. All right, so here's the story for this week. It says,

I make men write letters to their penis. Yeah, it changes their sex life forever. Yeah, I'll be like this. Sorry when you're young, I took that hat away from you. Would you like me to read you what the mission statement is from the world's number

and sex therapist? My letter would be like this. I get that there's hair all around you, but why on the shaft? Why do we need that? You know that random hair in your dick shaft that's halfway up? And you're like, at the base I get it. And then you get the one that's growing halfway up. And you're like, I just have to pluck this one.

What is the evolutionary reason for that being there? I don't know. And it gets, I get an extra hair every two years that's gone a bit first. that's gone a bit further up. Eventually, I have one out of the I'm, cock when I'm like 90. Yeah, it'd just be like ear hair, just growing out of the head.

None of it's grown out of the head yet. The heads remain the same, but I'm getting ones that are going dangerously high up now, like a growth chart. Dude, when you get hair coming out of your dickhole and your penis looks like a palm tree, that's a real difficult period in your life. Yeah, yeah.

It's like ear hair and nose hair. I'll have to eat fucking Molina Gates fucking meal. to get better. Good of dinner. As I... I just sound like my dad then trying to get a joke and I forgot a name. The girl gates. Hair growth on the penis shaft as you age is common, normal and a natural process driven

by hormonal changes. Yeah. So, mate, every year, every year you'll get another one. Have you got some now? You got shaft hairs now? Not quite. No. I mean, we're right on the base, but we're...

Oh, no, no. No. I'm moving up to the penthouse. My shaft hairs. what was the point of this? And also you pull them out and it's like an open paw there. It's not a good place. There's few things in the body.

Puber care. I guess that's for cavemen to keep their genitals warm, I guess. I guess, right? Although I've been naked. I'd ever felt warmer with the pubs. I'm like shaved them off. And oh, a bit chilly on the balls. Earwax.

Fucking pointless shit. No one's ever been happy to have earwax. No doctor's ever gone. You're not producing enough. ear wax. Okay, I just actually asked AI overview why pubic hair, and it doesn't even mention warmth. Right. You know what it says? Where else would lice live? Where else would crabs live? Where are they going to live? Because they're becoming extinct crabs because everyone's trimming their pubs. Isn't that nice that we're making an STD extinct? You could start a charity for that.

Save the crabs? Rescue crabs. Yeah, yeah. That's why I don't use plastic straws around a penis. It says pubic hair evolved likely as a signal of sexual maturity, a mechanism to trap scent-carrying pheromones to attract mates and a protective barrier against friction and pathogens. Appearing during puberty was a way that the tribe knew that you were ready to have children. So basically, the old, if there's grass on the wicket. It's time to play cricket. Yes, we've heard this theory. Yeah, okay. So essentially, in prior times before the world we live in now, they were, like she has hair, he has hair, you should fuck, you need to make kids.

Because that was probably middle age though back then. And is that where the term hairy situation came from? Yeah, that's, that was, you know, when you were marrying off your daughter, you'd go, it's time to go. All right, steer away from the kids. This is a new topic. Anyway, you wrote a letter to your cock. How did it go?

Although this is, I mean, I am on grok, which is Elon's AI. So this could be reverse engineering him to sound okay. No, it says here that all men, this lady says all men should write a letter to their penis to apologize for being so harsh on it and to forgive it for when it has let you down. She says, what follows is the most emotionally honest moments you've ever witnessed in your work. Many men realize they need to apologize to their penis for the pressure, for the resentment, and for the years of treating the body like a machine that failed him instead of a part of. of yourself that has survived lost stress and change. And cigarette burns. I later wrote a book called Harder, Better, Stronger, Longer.

I didn't expect the book to raise eyebrows. I assumed to be one of the Quarito's private and effective, almost unremarkable. But I do suggest deeply that every man writes a little thank you note to the penis for always giving it a go, even if it's not always there back for you. Well, women could write a letter to their vagina, I guess, like that. But I will say this about penises and men. At least we know. At least we know what's going on.

There's no man that's under the illusion that their dick is bigger than it is, right? Because we have measurements. We've all Googled dick sizes. We've had women comment on, you know, what they think of it, etc., etc. But no woman on earth knows the size of their vagina. I'm sure of this. The amount of women I have had said to me, you like that type pussy? And I'm like, yeah.

Well, yeah, because they're visually, sometimes the ones that look bigger are actually tighter, and then, you know, it doesn't depend on the size of the human being. So what you're saying is, because men always, as you're growing as a teenager, you would whip out the ruler. We know. You know, there's no.

I know that mine's slightly bigger than a regular iPhone. That's how you do it. There's no. There's no. Not as wide as an iPhone. More like a Nintendo Wii controller. So what you're saying is that women basically need one of those sonar fish finders on themselves where it does the map. Have you ever seen a fish finder? It shows you the depth. Yeah.

It's not a depth thing. It's a width thing. The depth isn't the problem. It's not like you go, oh, she wasn't very deep. No one's ever complained about a shallow vagina, have they? Yeah, but like one of those machines that show you the, the geometrics of the cave. Yeah, sonar. Yeah, it's a sonar. Yeah, you get a sonar reading. Or you drop one of those weighted tape measures that they do wells. If you want to be more analog with it, the reel's just going, yeah.

That was that joke when you're a kid about like you'd go down, like there was a guy and he was going down on this bird, right? And he goes down a vagina. It was so big that he got one hand in, and then he got another hand in, and then he fucking got his head in. And then he's whole body. And then he was inside the thing.

And then he wandered around and the whole clothes behind him and he was fucking lost. And then he found another bloke. And he's like, he goes to the guy. He goes, fucking hell. How long have you been in here? He goes, yeah, he goes, follow me. I know the way out. The guy goes, wait, I'll get my car.

What fucking bizarre perverted J.R.R. Tolkien is that? Because when you're like 10 years old, you think that's like edgy material, right? Because you're talking, you're inside of a vagina, right? So you think I'm under something here, right? another story for you jade i'll get me car you've never heard that joke i'd heard variations of it no doubt when i was you know 11 12 yeah what if you just live what if you just lived what if you just lived in a pussy you're yeah because that's why i remember i remember

thinking about sex going i don't need to thrust back and forth i just think it would be nice to be in there just well that's what i thought it was i thought it was just docking and you just put it you just go in and then you just you guys yeah and then if the woman was gifted she would make it move a little bit around it and you could just sit there. Next story, Margot Robbie and Jacob Allorty. Well, now I don't have to. Oh, they're doing Weathering Heights, right? Yeah, so we've got two Brisbane kids.

Yeah. Two people from Brisbane from, like Queensland are playing the lead roles in Wuthering Heights. Heathcliff. Your wife is an actress and so I wanted to ask you this this week. Yes. So Margot, and we know they like to promote movies, they make people love up a little bit, but Margot's married. and had a kid or having kids, I believe had a kid, right?

Yeah. And here she is with Jacob Alorty, their arm in arm, and she bought Jacob Alorty a matching ring that they're both wearing on the press to her, and inscribed on the ring is, whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. And then she said in all these quotes, I'm obsessed with him, I can't go on in my day without thinking about Jacob. She did a thing when she was in

There was a movie that she did with Pitt I think it was the Not the Not the Once Upon a time in Hollywood The other one that she did That was like Babylon and she was like

I kissed him even though it wasn't in the script Yeah it wasn't even in the script And I kissed him Who wouldn't girls If the shoe was on the other foot And it was a guy saying that about a woman A guy who was married Saying that about a woman

There would be a very different situation situation. But I'm with the rest of the world. You can do whatever you want, Margo. Don't let me fucking dampen your light, love. You keep going. You're wonderful. But like, isn't it so fucking demeaning? The husband. Oh, it's terrible for the husband. But I assume two to three times a year, he gets to put his dick in Margo, Robbie. So he... Yeah, but that's not worth it. He deserves what he's getting. It's so demeaning to the male psyche to have your wife out there. And then she'll be like, it's just promotion of the film.

It's like what? You telling everyone that you want to get fucked badly by your co-host and that you're in love and your souls are entwined and you wear matching jewelry? And why is that the strategy that works? I'm a man. I'm looking at that going, fuck this chick. And this Jacob guy, he's got, he couldn't be a fun hang. He doesn't seem like a fun hang, does he?

He seems like a serious fucking good looking bloke. I was in a movie with him, you know? With who, Jacob Allorty? Yeah. Yeah, didn't do a scene with him, but I was in a scene with him. but I was in a movie with him. Did he get you any jewelry? I never met him, but I was in a movie with him.

What movie were you in? He plays Paul Hogan's son with Linda Kozlowski in the great Mr. Dundee, the Marvelous Mr. Dundee movie, which I think is on Prime, which is Paul Hogan's last movie, and Jacob's like 18 in it, and I play myself. So my question to you was,

if Tasey gets cast in a movie. Yes. Okay. And she's in the movie, with who'd be the worst case for you. I'm trying to think of somewhat like a leading guy. And it's her, Taze and him. All right now.

We'll ask her. Come here. Now, now. Yeah, get Taze on because we need actress perspective on this. And she's a proper professional. All right. So you can get, do you want to be on camera?

Okay. So you can just answer off to the side because she's not done up right now, ladies and gentlemen. I know she looks very cute in that outfit. That's a fun one. you might as well just bring the body around and leave the head at the top of the whatever you want to do. Can Tazey hear me?

Yeah, okay. So I pass the microphone. Tazy. Right. So you're a professional actress. You get a big breakthrough movie. Okay. You've got to go out and you're with Jacob a Lordy or another hunk.

Pick your hunk. You give me the hunk. Jacob. Okay. You're with Jacob. He's very attractive. Yes. You know, oh my gosh, I would never want to date him.

He's not funny. And I mean, he seems lovely, but he doesn't seem to be funny at all. This has already gone off the rails. Okay, one night, one night. One night. Yeah. Roll, Jacob. And Ronnie.

So I'm saying that Margot Robbie, when she's promoting her movie with Jacob, she's buying him a ring and it says two souls, you know, and wrapped together. I was obsessed with Jacob. Jacob is putting his hand up and down her thigh on chat shows. They're like holding each other. They're talking about how much they love each other. Tom Ackley, the husband, has to sit there at some point and go, I know we have to sell the movie.

But you're a fucking married woman, okay? If you were in the situation where the studio told you that you're going to be in this big movie with Jacob Alorty, but you basically have to intimate to the world that you and Jacob are in love and you're so horny for him and you guys are a deep romance, even though Jim's waiting at home all sad. But it's your big break. are you doing it? Are you letting Jacob Allure you rub you up on the red carpets and whatnot

where you look like you're a couple? Yes, 100% because it's part of the performance. It's not real. And I think my husband, I think my husband is cool enough to understand that. Okay. Ask the same question, but I get to fuck Margot Robbie. Ask her the same question. If Jim has to act like he's into Margo and like touching her thigh consentfully. And I understand. She wears a ring and I wear a ring and my ring says that we're sold

to be together. They don't say we should be together. Okay, so here's a story. So Jim is doing a Chevy Chase role. Okay. And he has a, and Margot Robby's his wife in this Christmas vacation movie.

And they're going on all the late night shows and Margot puts her legs across him and goes, the best fake husband in the world. I loved him so much. And you know what? A man that is able to make you laugh really is what home is. And I've never felt so connected to another human being.

And I just love him so much. And he got me through that really difficult time filming. And then Jim, his job is to put his hand on her leg. And then... Right place than footage. And you're backstage. Are you like, God, he's professional for the studios? I love how to do.

dedicated he is to his craft. Obviously, I can't really comment unless I was in this situation because it's one thing to say something and then to experience it, the whole different thing. But I think I'll be like, yeah, it's chill. Okay, follow up question. How big does the movie have to be? Because you'll do that for a mega blockbuster, but an indie film from Cannes? I'm not doing it for a shitty low budget under a million shit.

So let's do this then. How big a budget film does it have? have to be for that. Okay, let's not, let's not talk budget. Let's talk exposure, like, amazing director or something. Yeah, if Jim went out all over, what's the lead in him? Oh, Julia Fox. No, Tyreeke.

Tyreek. If you went all over, Tyreek in an interview, I would not be mad. If it was Julia Fox, I would not be mad. Okay. No, that's funny because Jim's not even the lead and they're not even romantically involved the film, but Jim is doing, Jim's doing press and he's like, I found it hard not to fuck Julia Fox. And he's like, I'm just promoting the film.

I think about Julia Fox every time I masturbate. Am I doing this right? Julia's awesome. She's also a lesbian. So I don't think we have to worry about Jim and Julia. I'm going to pass the mic back. She's a lesbian. She's not going to.

I don't know about that. I'm not speaking on someone's sexual preference. that's my wife. Her name is Tazy or, as she will now be known, Dirty liar. Fucking lies. Go take your lies down. I'll remind you of that when I'm in a movie.

Yeah, I think I have to fuck this woman. It's a porno. We have to promote the movie. Like, get the fuck out of here. You wouldn't have a problem. If I was wearing matching rings and then I was like, yeah, she's everything. Oh, I just think about her all the time.

It's hard to keep my mind off. You're out of your mind. if you think that you would be tolerant of that. Yeah, I think my wife's about to leave me. It seems like she's pretty calm with me going off to another woman. She's just like this, yeah, you can move down the road. We're all good. We're all good here.

I do love that. The shoe is on the other foot never fails to entrap women every time. Oh, yeah, no, the shoe on the other foot, they can't even imagine. Like my wife understands it because we have the same size feet, right? So she actually gets it. Dude, I don't know a woman that's ever survived shoes on the other foot. They pretend to, but they always walk away. And then they come back an hour later like, you're right, that's fucked up.

She says you wouldn't have a problem with it. Let it be known that I would have a problem with it. If you start blowing Jacob on a movie and then, and going on Graham Norton rubbing your feet on his face as he sucks on your toes, there'll be words. I love that people have kept the marketing strategy of the two co-stars are fucking, like, since the early 1900s,

right? It's the one thing that they think works. Yeah, yeah. If they think there's chemistry off the camera, then we'll think it's on. Because Glenn Powell's wife left him for that because of the Sydney, Swini rumors.

Really? They weren't, yeah, she was like, You know what? If the film's that fucking important to you, mate, we're done. Because you're degrading our relationship on chat shows by not saying that you guys aren't sleeping with each other. Like, I don't care if the fucking studio tells you, be a man and just be like, it's a role. We played the role.

Enjoy it. But I'm happily married. Yeah. I think it's cool. I think it's really awesome. I think it's a better promotion of the movie if you go the other way. Because I saw Marcelo Hernandez on SNL. He did some fucking show and they kept, he was doing Dax Shepard's show.

And they kept being like. Oh, you should hook up with Sabrina Carpenter. You're the hot thing on S&L. She was on there. You guys should get together. And he was like, yeah, she's cool. But like, I love my girlfriend. She's awesome too.

She's not famous, but like, she's got an architecture degree. And they were like, yeah. But you should fuck Sabrina Carpenter, mate. And he was like, again, no. I'll get a bit of trouble for that. Like, what are you doing to me right now, brother? They would never do that with Pascal, the Mandalorian. fella.

Oh, Petro Pascal. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's applauded that he's gay, right? It's applauded. Right. They would never get a gay guy who plays heterosexual on camera and then go, hey, did you? Was it hard not to fuck that woman? They never did that.

But if it turns out, if it turns out that he did anything inappropriate with baby Yoda, I'm fucking going to lose it. What happens on Tatouine stays on Tattooin? You don't want those choruses. files being released to the public. Oh, what Palpatine was up to me. Oh, fucking Cloud City. Cloud City.

Bad shit. Dude, if Jabber the hut, the amount of blackmail he's got on a lot of people from the Galactic Federation. Imagine Jabbers' files. Can you imagine what Jabber the Hut did to Princess Leia? Like, she wasn't there just to be a slave, just like chain linked to her fucking chain or sit at his fucking tail. he fucking, that big tongue split the fuck out of Harry Fisher, I tell you,

would have been a horrendous scene. I'm glad it was cut out of the movie. I didn't think it was necessary. That's why Tatooine always got a sweetheart deal, because Jabba had a lot of tapes. He had a lot of emotional damage that he'd done to people. Jabber Island. Yeah, Jabber Island is, dude, he would make people fight on that sand planet.

The Starlake Pit, man. Imagine if Epstein had a Starlack Pit. All of the... If it turned out that Jeffrey Epstein was finding young men and bringing them to the Starlack Pit on Little St. James where they would fight to the death before being eaten by a beast. Like, why does it always have to be sex? How about a bit of that?

Let's go back to that. We were finding fit young men and doing a fight to the death on the Starlack Pit. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like bum wars or homelike. people or runaway teens having to race doing that cup challenge. Oh my God. These fires have just come out. Elon Musk worked with Bill Gates to build a Starlack pit.

Am we saying it wrong? Starlack. What are we saying? Starlack. That's what it is, right? Sarlack. A Sarlack pit, is it? When I was a kid before they brought in the CGI, it was just a hole with a few teeth.

coming out of it. Then they had that thing that like a mouth that, like that, it was just a hole. And they used to throw people down there. If you watch the making of the movies, it's just like mattresses underneath where people fucking fall down as stormtroopers. Yeah, and that's why the Jedi Council didn't do anything because I think Paupertine maybe did, he got some incriminating stuff on them. Carrie Fisher. Yeah, that's what the dark side is. man.

They've got a hologram of you fucking, at the end of the scene, I'm sure she had some Kerry fishes. Right. Well, is that an episode? Star Wars, yeah.

Yeah. But anyway, I guess the message Jim and I have for the billionaires is next time you're going to do one of these operations. Like, have a bit more fun. Don't always go with the weird sex stuff.

Get taught, get like bum fights. Lo, it's on an island. You know what I think as well? Get rid of camera phones. If we get rid of camera phones and everyone's just allowed to fuck out in public again and go to nightclubs and meet people without being fucking told off.

They won't go to creepy islands. I blame phones. Well, you hit it there. They created. It's your own fault, Bill. It's your own fucking fault, Bill. All this information about you being spread around right now is through your own inventions. Hey, yeah.

Hey, Bill Gates. If you don't want people to see your private business, don't make windows. yeah yeah yeah yeah he literally made windows and we peered through and we didn't like what we saw no windows he should have created a software system called blinds you need to put the blinds over the windows you know Steve Jobs middle name for a VPN's hands dude that would be funny if Steve Gates did do that he goes all right a new operating system blinds cover up your windows Blinds.

All right. That's a good thing to end on. That's what's happening on February 2nd for us, February 4th of you guys. Before we do get out of here again, let's reiterate where people can see us. Jim Jeffries is going off to New Zealand. Almost all shows sold out, but of course Jim Jeffries. Still tickets at Wellington. And a bunch of other tickets for Jim around America.

I filmed my special in Denver on the 12th, 13th, 14th. Hey, hey, we haven't announced something big that me and you are doing that's happening. We are going to the World Cup to see Australia play America and Australia play Paraguay. And we have shows. The show in Vancouver is almost sold out. The pre-sales almost sold out. We're doing a show in Vancouver. We're also doing a show in Seattle and a casino slightly out of town for the World Cup.

So if you're from Australia and you're coming out for the World Cup, you can see me. in Amos the night before the games in the in the respective cities it's going to be amazing I'm so pumped for the world cup it's something else it's going to be something else but uh we'll see you guys on the road I'm paying Amos in tickets to see the world cup that's how it's going to go down I think all right have a good week everybody good night I'm