I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 49 - Bring Back Child Labor!

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

At this moment, Jim and Amos talk about what jobs can kids actually have now? They also talk about Amos' recent special taping, a new cocaine replacement, and penis-gate. Jim's special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix! ADS: SHOPIFY: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at http://www.shopify.com/atm MOOD: Head to http://www.mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for. Every Mood product is backed by a 100-day satisfaction guarantee and listeners get 20% off their first order with code ATM. SOCIALS: Jim Jefferies Website: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠ FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠   Amos Gill IG: @abitofamosgill FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠   Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the Doohickeys

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to At This Moment with me, Jim Jeffries. I'm here with Amos. Gil, say hello, Amos. Gailay, everybody. And thanks to everybody who came out to the Denver show, is my comedy special, which I will be releasing probably in a month. And you might find it on the channels where you can get the podcast. I'm not sure where we're going to release it, but all the ATM fans that came out that was much appreciated. I am coming to the Adelaide Fringe. You'll see me there. But Jim, he's always somewhere. I'm always somewhere. Where is he next? February, 25.

First, India, Palm Springs, Fantasy Springs, a resort and casino. Las Vegas, I'll be out there for the NRL. February 27th, that show is sold out, I believe. Hershey, Pennsylvania, March 13th, and then big, big show in Boston, March 14th, at the Wang Theater. The name always makes me laugh.

You say you'll be laughing going in the building and laughing as you leave. The Wang Theater. What are we going to talk about today? Today we discuss the Olympic penis gait. There is talk about athletes changing their penis size to gain an advantage. We'll explain how they need a special gate. We talk about child labour.

There's a suggestion that kids will start working more jobs as economic times get worse for families. What is the line for you and what is the line for society on what jobs kids should have? We also come up with a business so good. we may walk away from podcasting forever. And if you listen long enough to get to that part of the show, you might steal our idea because we haven't had time to trademark it yet. Yeah. Nora, are we scientists?

Let's start the podcast. Oh, also I've got a trading card that I've got and we talk about Michael Jordan. Let's start the podcast. Good morning, Nam. All the people as Melbourne, as it used to be said, how is everyone going? Hello, Amos. You're looking great, isn't you?

in your Heil Hezley-Hesley Hitler. Top. Yes, I would like to start off the podcast that, you know, I'm on a ski vacation. This is in no way a Tessa-indorcent of the Heil Hitler rebrand that Heli Hansen has had up late. I saw someone yesterday, a friend of me and Janks, more of a friend of Jax, but a good guy I like. And he came in in a Helly Hansen thing. And I said, oh, you're a Hitler fan, are you? I go, all this white supremacist in Australia are wearing that?

You know, like, and he's like, they're wearing this in Australia. I go, only in the cold parks, right? Isn't it sad that like Billabong wasn't an H-H logo where they could have worn it every day? Like the white supremacists who go, what will do is we'll wear Heli Hansen, and then everyone will think we're saying, Heil Hitler, in 40 degrees Celsius. We've got them. Make no mistake, though, was also it's a sailing brand. So that's how you get away with it.

Oh, a bit of a wind sheeter. It's a wind sheeter, mate. Oh, is it from Germany? No, it's, I think it's Norwegian. It's, they make quality products. I hope they still survive, even through all the white supremacy. My favorite, yeah. It would be interesting if they lent into it, though, and they're like, here's the Goebbels,

here's the Goering. They're like, look, this just seems to be where our market's going. We have to lead into this. You know, can I tell you about this? I was telling everyone, so I've done this as a joke before. haven't I, that my in-laws are German, and they all love Heli Hansen. And I first saw them, and I said, this is about five years ago. I said, you guys are a bit gay.

I know you guys are, you know, but bold statement. And they went, Vadil Min, and I said, H.H. H. H. H. Heil Hitler. And they went, oh, my God. And then they changed into archaterics or something. And so, like, this is a long-running joke I've always done. But now it's become reality, which is bizarre that it has become a fascist jacket in Australia. And I'm in Austria over Christmas. And Anika's cousins were there, who are unaware of it.

this and there's a big group setting and I skied in and they go oh you all love that HHH I go you can't wear it in Australia it means whole Hitler and I've never bought like it wasn't even a joke I was being serious the whole thing went that's unpleasant well that was like it was a vibe shift for the rest of the holiday yeah but that's the thing you can say about um the Germans, Hitler was unpleasant. You know, what did you think you were going to ski up there and going to go, it means whole Hitler and they're going to high-five you and go, good times. It means no worries.

Akuna me Hitler. Hey, also we should point out to him. So the reason I'm treating us up to a skitch of me. Akunama Hitler. He would have put pumba in the fucking chamber, the useless fat cunt. his gas bill goes for day. And we all know, Timon's, Timon's quite... I'll get in trouble for that one, were we?

We'll keep tracking. Yeah. Timon's definitely Jewish as well. Smart talking. Yeah. Timoan was voiced by... He was a Catskills comedian. He was voiced by Nathan Lane. I had to apologize to Nathan Lane

because I said that he couldn't act straight and that his character in the Menendez Brothers' things, he seemed gay. I made a joke in my stander. Anyway, he corrected me and told me that the guy he was playing was a closeted homosexual. So I want to apologize to Nathan Lane. You've already done your, buddy. Yeah, but I do it every time I hear his name because Kuna Matata is played in my house constantly.

So I have to listen to Nathan all the time. So Nathan, if you didn't listen to that podcast, I apologized again. But as I said before, you were super gay in the birdcage. Now, I'd like to point out to everybody. I'm in Vale, Colorado. That's why I am. I have just come off the mountain. I had done my comedy special in Denver.

Yes, how did it go? It was excellent. It was truly some of the best gigs of my life. And thank you. There were so many ATM people that came, some of whom brought me village people records to sign. Yeah. So they were holding up signs.

And I didn't know what it said. It said the village people. And then the other sign said, are not gay. It was a whole group of them. And then they got me to sign their albums. And one of them said, I want to get the signature of the front man of the first responders. And I said, geez, that's a deep cut of a joke. But thank you to them.

And now I'm up here in Vale. Look at this. This is a first for me. Can I tell you something that I love? What? Okay. Well, you know when you go on vacation to a small town, be it a beach town, be it a ski town. A resorty town.

The local paper. Now, I'll tell you, I read this thing cover to cover on. vacation, mostly looking at homes. You ever do that on vacation? Yeah, where you think I could live here. Look at how cheap it is and look what you get. Yeah, of course you do that. So I've always looked through the Vail Daily.

Now, you certainly don't look at the Vail Daily and think this is cheap. I'm looking at a home here right now. I'm opening up to a random page, 19,500,000. Right. That's how much the house is. Where rich people live up in Vail, yeah. Yes, it is. But we open to page 12.

what have we got here Jimmy we've got comedy from down under oh I thought it was going to be like a page three model from from from from back in the day where are you performing that is a comedy club isn't because I walked past a comedy club I once went there to do a corporate that's the only time I've been to Vale I'm just performing at like some some beer hall yeah it's like a pub type of thing I saw it they advertise it yeah it's a German beer hall up here so one of my great passions is to speak with the ferocious intent in beer halls. Of course.

But this is, I could get, I could get up there at a Vale beer hall and be like, I was looking in the paper today and the cheapest home I could find is 19 million. Does this satisfy you people? We should go through the streets and kick these billionaire fat cats out. But that's who I imagine the audience is. So I'm sort of hoping to find a sugar daddy of sort,

someone who I find you funny. I tell you ironically what you probably don't find up in veil. Ice. no no you certainly there was a in fact that people certainly blend into the surround that's what I'll say

the snow forget the snow people yeah it's the snow folk it's not it's no one would ever come up here and go it's um it's the diversity that I like about veil I don't think anyone wants to hear more about veil this has become a very exact podcast

we've got to talk about the world a bit more well I was going to lead into the first story, which is tongues were wagging yesterday up of the ski mountain about the penis gate ski jump story, which keeps carrying on now for the whole length of the winter Olympics. Have you heard of Peter's Gate? No, explain penis gate to me. Okay, so I saw this about two weeks ago and now it just carries on. This is from the Wall Street Journal. It says the physics of penis gate and how ski jumpers fly. So this is that event. You know where the skiers just hit a big jump? And then there's ski.

seem to be pointed up and they just fly for seemingly 400 meters or something? That's the whole thing. Yeah, how far you can go, that one? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is what it says. In the run-up to this year's Winter Olympics, and even as the games have got underway, a scandal has been brewing. Allegedly, some competitive ski jumpers may have artificially enlarged their penis area

by injecting their genitals with engorging chemicals or stuffing their underwear to create bigger bulges. the reason to alter their ski suit measurements. Ski-suit jumpsuits are precisely tailored to the jumper's body. And reportedly, to gain a boost in jumps, the allegations first reported by the German press since dubbed Peter Skate have said that athletes are inflating the size of their dick so they can get a bigger ski suit,

which means more parachute-like surface area. Right. So like when you wear those wing suits where you're flying, you'll get a bigger bit in your crotch that will act like a sail, as you spread your legs wide because of your big dong. That's exactly correct. Well, I'm all for it now. And I might be taking up ski jumping. I'll do the first bit first.

So how do you make your dick bigger? So they keep saying stuffing with acid, okay? Stuffing with acid. I've never heard of this in my life. And so obviously this is why this is like acid like you dip under your tongue. Like you take it like the drug, right? Not just like sulfuric acid. Now we're going to get into sulfuric acid later because Jeffrey Epstein bought a vat of it.

But as for this, I need to find where this is. It just says injecting penis with acids. You know what? It's the only jumping sport where you want your dick to be bigger. High jump, you don't want it. You definitely don't want it with the hurdles. You don't want it with the hurdles where you're running down, don't, don't, don't, don't as you think you've made,

you've done a jumped over. You want a small wang with the hurdles. Do you remember in the last Olympic Games, the Italian bloke when he's cocked in the pole vault. He got over the top and then his big penis dragged the bar down with him. Yeah, terrible. And that guy was like the start,

because that's be real. This Winter Olympics has had shit all to talk about it. You had Lindsay Vaughn and had that first accident. You know, has there been anyone sort of stick? Look, I'll tell you what, the skiers and the ice skaters, good-looking people. I tell you what,

I would argue. The Dutch ice skaters? The Winter Olympics are your best-looking games out of the two. I don't know why, but I just, there's some, geez, there's some nice looking birds at the Winter Olympics, I tell you. And the fellas, the ice skating men,

it's very hard to see if any of them are straight men. Why does that bother you? What difference does that make? Well, I just think if you were a straight man in the, I would suggest the snowboarders do well with the female ice skaters. Figure skating is a weird sport because it looks like an elegant thing that should be enjoyed by regal people.

but it's done by white trash. Do you think so? Who do you think Tonya Harding was? I was going to say, I think you just see the Tonya Harding movie. No, but all of them, they're all like just, they're from Minnesota and all type of stuff. They're all from up there where they go to the ice skating rink all the time.

And it's like, I'm going to be a princess mama and spin around that thing, right? And that's the guys. It's far north of America toddlers and tiaras. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's toddlers and tiaras for, for snow white trash, which is the worst trash in the balls, being out in the snow.

It's young women dressed out beautifully. You know what it should be? It's called Epstein on ice. Yeah, Epstein on ice. It's just like young women forced into a skin tight suit to dance around. I feel like the Americans, I don't think, I think Tallinn and Dean were probably posh. They were probably a posh couple. Okay, I found what it is, Jim.

It's, okay, I've never heard of it. Hyaluronic acid. a naturally occurring substance uses a common filler in cosmetic surgery for areas like lips and cheeks. Okay, so it's filler. That's what filler is. Oh, so it's the same stuff

that puff up all your lips and everything. The lips. So what the lips is? They've put some puffery. There's some filler in their dongs and then they've got the bigger pants. And then, yes, the gain aerodynamic advantage. And then you got like a sail.

Have they got any footage that can prove definitively that someone's done this? Is there any picture of any of the jumpers where you go, He's juicing. I'm going to write in here, ski jump, chode, because that's what it would be. It wouldn't be length. Okay, so for all the people here who don't know,

there was an Australian runner called Shervo, right? Shervo, who now is the biggest morning presenter on Australian TV, right? Really nice guy. He's interviewed me many times. But Matt Shervington was his name. And what was his nickname, Amos? Shervo's nickname was he was the package. wasn't he? The lunchbox.

Was it the lunchbox? The lunchbox. I don't know why, but the lunchbox. And he, at one stage, I believe, and you can correct me if you're wrong, but we're just spending too much of your own time. At one stage, I believe he was the fastest white man on earth, right? Which meant he would be a category that you do get. Which means he's the 50th fastest man in the world or something. But, you know, he was the fastest way.

I don't think there's been one that's broken 10 seconds. I'm not sure. I don't have any skin in the game. Anyway, so, so Servo, if you go Matt Shervington lunchbox and you watch the

footage in slow motion of him in his spandex outfit running with his cock going, we bang, we're bang, we're bang,

we're bang to either side. It's mesmerizing. You could hypnotise someone and get them to stop smoking. You know what you said there about fastest white man? Yeah. Did I ever tell about

how my dad got me to stop being a hundred metre sprinter? How? He should be pointed at your stubby little legs? No, so I was dedicating He said there's never been a Croatian on earth that's broken the 15 second barrier?

You best believe I ran a 10.9. Okay. I was moving. And we'll watch you the Olympic Games. Beijing. Yeah. My dad just goes, look at 100 meters final. Anyone look like you there?

The summer games you mean. Your summer games, Beijing, yeah. Yeah. He goes, anyone look like you there? No. Yeah, it's a waste of time. No point being the fastest white bloke in the world. There's no special trophy.

no special prize for that. Your race, what you come from, doesn't have it. Waste the time. And there's no reason I should be driving you there at 5 a.m. for training. Do you reckon there's ever a black dad who says it to his son who dreams of being a swimmer? No, there's been swimmers. Not really. Sailing a yacht.

I don't, like, swimmers, there's been swimmers, isn't there? There's been African-American swims. But black people have a struggle with swimming because of bone density. That's why they're not great swimmers. changing it. Get the fuck out of here that they're not great swimmers because of bone. No, that's true. Bone density is a problem. What are you from the fucking 19, fucking 40s and you're writing, 50s and you're writing

about Jackie Robinson and why he hits the ball slightly harder? Like, I've never heard such rubbish in my life. I'm not listening to that. Do you know which sport women have an advantage over men? Nagging. Well, they've top tier of that, but it's long distance swimming because of a natural affinity for fat is all over their body, which makes them float better.

So they save energy in time and less dense bones. Right. So you complimented women by going, they do this one good thing because they're fat. Here's the thing about these heifers. If you have to marathon swim, you're all right. I'll tell you what women are going to get at.

Long distance swimming and producing milk. Kudos. Well, exactly. You've got a built-in snack for the long journey. because out in the ocean, no one can hand you one of those cups. So you give yourself a squirt. Which, which I have to, okay, bodily fluids, I have to bring this up because I've been targeted marketed to recently.

Everything I do right before I, I, okay, if I watch anything on YouTube, you get the ad, right? The ad that I've been getting has been the same ad over and over and over again. Jack just came to my house, set up the computer here, and he got the same ad for the first time. Have you heard of the Sharman Forever Roll? Okay, so you were saying this to me all day, and it's Charmin is the brand. I have Charmin to wipe my ass currently. It's Charmin. Charmin.

Is it? Charmin's the brand. Trust me, Charmin. But like a Sharman wouldn't sell you toilet paper, a shaman would tell you to become at peace with the idea that the assholes meant to be dirty like an animal. And that only with your self-awareness, do you want toilet paper to wipe the pool away and that you should be comfortable? Wipe on, wipe off.

It's all there. what a shaman would tell you to do. Anyway, so shaman, it's not like charming, like charming. I thought it kept saying like, it's charmin. No, no, it's charmin. Anyway, so shaman and they're quilted, lovely toilet paper, lovely bleached white toilet paper, soft to the touch, often with a pattern, advertised by a couple of bears.

Their toilet rolls, everyone has decided that that's not enough toilet paper and that life is too difficult changing the toilet paper. You know when you're halfway through a shit and you go, well, I've only got five pieces here. here. Normally I have next to my toilet a little canister that has more toilet papers in there. But Sharman has invented the Forever Roll, which I'm going to take them to court because, you know, I could get it done in a couple of weeks, I reckon. But it's a toilet roll that's 1,700 pieces of toilet paper and it's about the size of a car tire. Yes, okay, so I'm looking at this right now.

This basically seems like they've decided to put the technology of a public toilet into your own home. Yes. Yes. And they're giving away the stands that it goes on because people go, that won't fit on me regular spoil, right? And they've gone, don't worry about it. We've done a workaround, right?

All I can tell to the people of Charmin, Charmin, whatever it is, you call them what you want. You're entering into the Lou Roll game at a time where we're all meant to be getting in to the water sprays your bumhole game. And I'm sorry to say, but this product is, a waste of time. Surely we're getting into the bidet. You've got to read the reviews, first of all. They're all five stars. They're all things like this. They're all people going, me and my wife, it took three months for us to use the whole spoil. It was brilliant. And then one guy went,

I got through it pretty quick, but it lasted a lot longer than me last one. Have you seen how they're advertising? It's sold out, baby. You can't get it. It's the thing of the few. It's what we're going to be talking about when we go, remember 2020. super toilet rolls. And then any child that's born from this year moving forward won't even know the small roll. They wouldn't have even seen this type of technology. Give me a review.

Look at this. Look at this on the front page. The front page says, by popular demand, order your starter kit includes roll holder, two forever rolls. And then it says this, need a white elephant gift idea?

Give the gift of a long lasting role. Here we go. Essentially you're saying, You've got IBS that I thought of you. Okay, it's got a 4.8 out of five on Amazon, right? And that's 854 global ratings. Just anyone, finally, a role that doesn't run out in a week. As always, the value, the softness, and the thickness and the quality have remained the same that everyone knows from Sharman.

The role is huge. And two weeks with three women, I haven't changed it yet. Right? Wow, this is the complete kit. It makes life easy. It not only saves you on having to switch to another role. Okay, let me just stop again. I've just done some more.

But eventually you still have to switch the roll. You just have to do it later. Like, that's got to be bad when you've got half a turd hanging out your ass and you have to change the forever roll. That's like you've got to get a person from the NRA. You've got to get like AIA to come and help you. Yeah, you've got to wheel it in. You've got to put it out there, get the bolts.

Get up there. Put it on. Look at this. I didn't even notice this. This is a disgrace. Why would you want a forever roll when, yes, there's 1,700 sheets of paper? They're two-ply. How much do you have to hate yourself to want what is essentially a mile long of two-ply bog roll?

You might as well put it in half because you need to double wrap that. Two-ply. You can't have two-ply. This is for your own home. How many plies do you use? The plies aren't the problem. Are you fingering yourself? No, I'm not.

Most of my poos involve clotting a bit of blood. I use the toilet paper the same way that people use when they cut themselves shaving, but just on my asshole. Look, I call this the weekly roll. Anything could be implied for a certain amount of time to be toilet paper. If it's two ply, it belongs in the public restroom. This is what I'm like. One person started their review with looks. great.

Looks great. You almost don't know when to leave the bathroom as it somehow hypnotizes you to stay glued to the seat. I get a few pinned needles and numbness in my legs for the first day. I've been having it for 90 days. Five-star miracle. All right. The whole world's loving it.

The whole world's loving it. And I know what you're getting for Christmas. Well, I certainly won't be getting it as a lot of, a sponsor gift. Nothing but trash it. I'll tell you what, all your Amazon products are going to be fucking delayed because this is going to stake up so much fucking space in the back of an Amazon

truck. It's unbelievable. But they won't have to ship as much other toilet paper. Well, you install it in your house because you can see here it's a money back guarantee. Well, this is the thing, money back guarantee. When you show the end like just the cone and just go,

forever my ass. All right. Let's play this out. Call me. I work at the Sharman. All right, you're going to the Charmin hotline. Hello. Hi, hi.

I'd just like to make a complaint. Yeah. Which product have you seemed to go to a problem with, sir? And have a Charmin day. You sound very charming yourself, sir. And I'm so sorry that I have to come in here actually be. Look, I don't want to upset anyone. I bought the Forever Roll.

Did the toilet run out? Did it run out? It has run out. It has run out. Read the fine print. Forever Roll is a advertising puff. is not a legal statement. And in many cases, as has been proven by the Supreme Court,

a puff is something that a person would read and not actually believe. We're actually not saying it will run out forever. We're just implying that there is more of it than what is currently on the market. Thank you, good day. There you go. I'd rather listen to a robot. I'd rather have a few buttons. I'd rather get a few buttons like a person.

No, I'd go, yeah, I understand it's not going to last forever. I'm not a moron, but it should last more than a week. If you want, also, if anyone's watching, they've noticed, I'm out of glasses that work. These are a pair of forest ones that were in my house that I found down the couch and it's got a broken arm. This is all I've got that stays on me face. I'm off to the optometrist tomorrow. Yeah, I'm going to, I'll even give you a legal, I'll even give you a precedent on that one. The never-earning story, Batman forever.

Did someone come out of Batman forever and just go, it was long? it was long. I'll give him that. It was long. It was about 40 minutes too long. Yeah, so never-ending story, but also Leonard versus Pepsi. Yeah, that's the, I got a jet from Pepsi with all the tokens. They offered him a million dollars and he still went for his jet. Because he saw that, what was it? It was like 700,000. Oh, seven million Pepsi points to get himself the AV8 Harrier Jump Jet.

I'll go on a wiping strike. I'll just, if it's forever. Look, is it, look, I'm going to get one. They've already sold me. They know that eventually I'm going to buy one, or I have to go over to someone's house who has one. I want to see what the, you know, when you've got a whole new roll of toilet paper, it's just that bit out from the wall, and you're like, oh, I'm going to get a bit of pull on this.

The stuff that the cat's like, the cat's like it where they go, oh, and the thing goes like that. and you go, oh, I've got a big shit, and you go, like that, and then you tear off about eight pieces. What do you reckon the run is in the Forever Roll? Do you reckon it's slow moving, or because of the size of the tire and the momentum and the perpetual energy, that you can really get a good spin on it?

I would say that, like you, at the beginning of my role, I'm having a real fiesta of toilet paper. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're wrapping it around your arm. And by the end. You're wrapping around your arm. You're drying your armpits. I start off with what is essentially a mitt. Yeah.

of that much toilet paper, and I end with an origami. Now I can make one sheet. Yeah, yeah, you do the wipe and then you follow it. I tell you, because Jim Owen, a friend of both of ours of ours, a comedian who lives in Australia, used to have a bit where he goes,

do you reckon when you blow your nose on a bit of toilet paper, that bit of toilet paper considers itself lucky, right? And then he goes off on his premises. But that was the core of the joke, right? Which is true. There's that bit of toilet paper. But you know what I did the, other day, I was on the toilet.

I fucking blew my nose and then I folded it in and then I used it to wipe and I thought, that bit of paper has gone on a journey. That bit of papers, that bit of papers done a bit of everything. It's done a bit of everything. So it looks like your asses sneezed.

If I got it to clean the fungus between my scrotum and my leg, it would have done everything. Well, using that same premise, what about a tampon that goes up a bleeding nose? Is that a good day or a worse day? Oh, that's a... Well, you know what they say about

stampons are all stuck up cans, aren't they? I would say, I would rather be up a nose. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Because you get the bit of, like, I don't want to. Listen, if it's a gay tampons. Let's put it this way. Let's put it this way.

I don't want a fuck a nose. Paginas are quite nice. I would, I'd rather be up, in fact, I think that would be a nice place to be stuck. Nice, warm, wet, tropical. Or topical. It is a tropical. You need topical for your tropical.

It's topical, tropical. All right, well, I'm going to move us along because you were upset with my... You never felt a vagina. So, look, being a comedian isn't just about getting on stage and telling jokes, and being a podcast or isn't it just about talking shit with your friends? I also have businesses, mate. I sell records. I just brought out one of my old albums, Hellbound,

I recorded in the comedy story over 20-something years ago. But I couldn't do it. it without Shopify. Well, actually, Jack couldn't do it without Shopify. Shopify puts everything into one place so you can know what your expenses are. You know who you're mailing out to. What your lists are? What you got to do? Pins labels out for you. Starting something new isn't just hard. It's terrifying. So much work goes into the thing that you're not entirely sure whether it will work out. And it can be hard to make the leap of faith. Trust me, I know. I'm a business guy. I'm a podcaster. I wasn't sure. This podcast. I wasn't sure. This podcast

will work and look at me proving myself right. What if no one listens? What if they fool myself? What if no one buys my products? How will I know what's right and how will I believe in myself when launching my podcast business despite all my fears and hesitations? It also helps when you have a partner like Shopify. You thought I was going to say Amos, but you're wrong. Shopify does all the heavy lifting and Shopify is here to help. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Not everybody like Jim has a jack and even a jack needs a Shopify. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise and everything from managing your inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If you're setting up

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Before we move on from Winter Olympics in Thailand, I'd just like to point out that Australia has three gold medals. Canada also has three. Fuck, you docks. You live in the snow and that's as good as you can do Canada? I went my whole childhood and we never won anything. And then they started venting snowboarding, right? And then Australia went, got it.

Don't worry about it. It's going up and down. Half-pipers. I just wanted to point out to the Canadians. It's like, come on, you guys are weak as piss. You're living it. And you've got three medals. Maybe there's some more events coming up.

How much more of the Olympics is left? because that always used to be the thing is Australia in the summer Olympics, we win all of our medals in the first week because of all the swimming, and then the track and field, we win nothing. You know,

the second week, we're doing nothing, right? The first week, you know, so has Canada got some things coming up? But it does show, like,

in the same way that, like, well, that ice hockey final is going to be amazing. Right. That'll be something. That's going to be a good watch. That's going to be,

America Canada. America Canada. That's only, yeah, you suggest so. Now, I want to go from, well,

we can go from the Olympic Games to another form, sport, which is everyone's got their heroes here in Vale. You can't go anywhere without seeing Michaela Schifrin and Lindsay von framed merchandise everywhere. In fact, the misses today nearly bought a Michaela Schifrin signed Vail Daily newspaper. And you, out of the two of us, are the collectible freak. You've been on your Facebook and your Instagram pitching your card.

Would you like to tell us all what this is about? Because you've got confused people out there that go, what's he talking about? Okay, so first of all, we should talk about what happened, Guinness World Record, If you're in the hobby, which they call it, being in the hobby, which is collecting sports cards, you can also collect Pokemon cards, a Pokemon card sold by Logan Paul through Golden Auctions, went for 16 million. I haven't got the exact figure. It's about 16.5 million, right?

Logan Paul bought it for about 5.3 million, I believe, five years ago. I might be out on these figures, but he didn't buy that long. and go, he then flipped it and turned it. It's the illustrator, PSA 10, which means it's graded 10. It's perfect. It's mint gem. And it's the thing that he used to wear around his neck when he went into boxing

and the wrestling and all that type of stuff. And it is the most, the second most expensive card in history was a Jordan and Kobe Bryant signed Auto Man card. That missed a wonderful purchase. This is great. The wonderful purchased, a consortium.

but missed a wonderful purchase for $12.something million. That record's just been smashed by this Pokemon card. And I have a card. So, okay, so I have a card, a LeBron James card. I'll tell you the story what happened. Over Christmas, me and my son opened a box of Topps Chrome Basketball, which is your premium basketball Chrome product. Chrome means like the shiny type of cards that reflect a little bit and all that type of stuff.

and one of the case it's in there is a helix and I said to my son we opened two books of Christmas got nothing and then we came home and it was the day before school and it's like he's always sucks going back to school after Christmas or whatever you know what I mean it's always like whatever and so I said ah Hank I got another box right I said how about we split it and we we got the 20 packs 10 packs each right we put them into I said you pick your packs I'll pick mine and Hank picked the pile that he wanted right and then we said we said you pick your packs I'm started tearing and we were talking about and what's up of stuff. And then

I pulled out a one of one superfractor. Now a super fractor is got a gold layer over the top. It shines. It's got little circles on it. And super fractor means one of one. There's only one of this card that exists in the entire world. Tops only

print one of it. It gets put in one box. It gets sent it. It's literally a golden ticket, bro. Like it's like a real thing. And I've been there for you opening a lot of stuff over the years and I'm always like, oh, is this going to be the box and we never get anything. We never get anything.

I've never pulled any. I pulled a couple of $500 cards, a couple of $600 cards. I have no idea what it's worth. At the moment, it's only worth $3,000 at the moment, the auction, but it's got 28 days or 25 days left on the auction. Who knows what it's worth? But the base version of this card sold for $3,300 in a PSA 10. This is the one of one.

and there's about 150 of that base version, right? And this is the one of one. It should go sort of 10 times that maybe to 25 times. But I don't know. It's just a bit of fun. But here's what's weird, right? So I get this big card. I send it to Ken Golden, right?

I write to him right away because I've just been watching the King of Collectibles on Netflix. And who is that? That's golden auction. So Ken Golden is the guy who just sold the Pokemon card with local. and Paul, right? He just made the commission off the $16 million card. This guy, this is the person, if you're going to send any sports collectibles, anytime there's a baseball that has got the record for the most home runs or someone's or

some, Otani's first home run or whatever, those balls itself were a couple of million dollars. When he had his 50-50 game, I think the ball went for $5 million or something like that, right? I'm going to ask you a crass question. Sure. But I think this is a, okay, so any sports collectible? Yeah. Let's say that you're a woman, a Vegas stripper. Yeah.

And you happen to have Kevin Durant jizz on your shirt. Yes. Okay. Yes. You've had a one-night stand with him. Yes. And he ejaculates into your bra. You'd have to get it authenticated.

Would there be a market? There would have to be a jizz authenticator. Well, on the Mori Povit show. Yeah. Yeah. There would have to be someone that would look at it with a thing and check the corners. and all that type of stuff. Okay, so what happened is, I put the card up, right?

And so I'm having sellers remorse. I've got complete sellers remorse. I should have kept this card. I should have kept it. Why am I selling it? It's a once-in-a-lifetime pull. I'll never pull anything as big as that. But also I'm like...

Are you allowed to get cold feet? No, no. It's in the auction now. No cold feet to be had. It's in the auction. So you can't go, I've had second thoughts. I'm out. No, no, no.

Now I just got to sell the bloody thing. I got to sell. Well, the thing is, Also, I have another card in mind if it gets to a certain price that I'll buy with the money instead. But also, that's part of the hobby. The hobby is buying and trading and, you know, having, I only have a small collection. I don't have a massive collection.

I have a collection that has sort of been curated of cards that are interesting to me. I have a lot of them that, all my big cards are kept in a safety deposit box and I go visit them and bring one home at Christmas and things like that. But at home, I don't have a car. Can I ask you a question on this? Yeah. There was, do you remember that documentary Sour Grapes? About the savant who could recreate any wine and then he would print out the labels.

Yes, correct. Yes, yes, yes. He was able to trick the world's finest. I've seen this documentary. Yes. And he made, yes. How much, has this ever happened in sports collectibles on a mascao? Counterfeiting of sports.

cards. Yes, there's a lot of ways to counterfeit sports cards. Yes. How much? Well, people don't really counterfeit as much as the slabs that they go into. What happens is someone will get a Michael Jordan slab that says 10, where the label says 10 on it. And then they will crack that open. Then they will put in a car that's a seven.

So a Jordan 7 is a $8,000. $7,000 card, right? But a Jordan 10 is a $230,000 card. And so they'll put that in. Okay, let's stay on this. They have the 10. They send the 10 back in. Then they get that regraded and then wash and repeat, right?

They just keep doing that. It goes around in a circle. But so that's rather than the counterfeiting. It's the counterfeiting of the grading or something. But if you buy a card, if you buy a car, if you buy a car. If you buy a card of eBay or something, they send it to be authenticated. You buy a card from a reputable store. Look, it'd be very hard in this business to sell a big card for a lot of money

because everyone knows what sales are going on and everybody in the hobby sort of knows each other. And the whole hobby is through building relationships and trying to get along with people. And this guy's a good guy to deal with. This guy's a shit guy to deal with whatever. But I'm interested in what affects price. So obviously, yes, there's the condition of the card, the grading of the card. However, the way that an athlete has currently been perceived is obviously very important when it comes to their price.

Now, what I'm interested in is this story over the weekend about Michael Jordan. No doubt one of the most valuable cards. Okay. First one, just before we leave, the cards are golden right now. If you want to go have a look at it, it's also on my Instagram. If you want to look at it, it's a helix, which is a K-Sip, but it's the one of one of the, arguably the greatest player of all time. some people's eyes. And it's a cool card, man.

It was something else. And my son pulled a Cooper flag autograph out of the same packet. And I'm just want to say this. I'm so happy my son didn't pick the pile with the card that's worth a lot of money because then he'd never get an after-school job. And I'd never be able to, you know, teach him the value dollar. And he would become a gambler for life. He found a car that was maybe with three grand in his pile,

which when you're 13 is no small chump change, right? So everyone's happy. but we found that in the same box that we paid $600 for the box. We found the two cards. And it was one of the greatest days of my life ever. And I've had kids and Carnegie Hall. That was the most exciting. I think I've only ever got about 25 bucks on a scratchy.

So I've never even won a raffle. Now, here's a funny thing about it. I know where you're heading with the next thing. But here's a funny thing. And so I list it. And I go, here it is. Buy it gold. right. As I said, I'll buy a different car.

It's my hobby. It's something that I do to decompress. It's something nerdy and interesting that I can do. I sit there with a magnifying glass and I look at all the stats of the players and stuff like that. It plays into my brain. It's something I enjoy. And then people started writing, you've got enough money. Yeah, okay. But I bought this lottery ticket the same as everyone else. I bought it. No one's telling Logan Paul.

right now because he sold the card for 16 million who's got by the way more money than me by fucking 10x 20x 30x whatever right no one's telling logan paul oh you should donate that money because you have enough isn't this america isn't this one where we're we're we're all meant to you know capitalism yeah but jim wealthy people we're living in communist new zealand right now that we have to give the the money away i don't know how many times i have to tell you this no one wants to hear about a rich guy having a win. I know. The only way that we want to hear about you having to sell something

is that you're paying for an ugly divorce. Exactly. Exactly. Like, I'm selling me watch. Yeah, I can read the time off my phone. Who needs it? Yeah. There's a lot of celebs that have done that.

Yeah, there's a lot of celebs that we want to do that. You should have said, I mean, your honesty is what hurt you here. You should have said something to the effect of, I have been sued by the village people. and it turns out, I haven't told you the full story. I lost millions of dollars defending myself, and all of the money will go to the YMCA is gay fund. Okay, this is the deal.

I'm a gambler. I like to have a gamble. I play blackjack. I bet on sports. I don't have a gambling problem. I don't over gamble. I don't gamble money that I can't do, but I am a gambler, right? And buying a box of cards and tearing them open is the worst odds you're going to get.

That's way worse than a blackjack table or something like that, but it's still at the end of the day. It's gambling, right? And I pull out the pack. I get a card that I like. If I'm playing blackjack and I'm winning at the table, no one's going to walk and stand in my shoulder and go, give that to charity. Actually, I believe Zoran Mamdani just passed a law about that.

There should be a charity at the table. Part of the reason why I should have kept the thing is because now that I sell it, I'm going to have to pay taxes on the sale, and I could have had the asset and blah, blah, blah, blah, right? But look, as long as nothing bad happens in LeBron James' life in the near future, that card should always be gone up in value. So maybe I should have kept the bloody thing. Well, one thing that will affect the card for sure is the Michael Jordan story this week.

Okay. I have been on the front foot defending Michael Jordan. We can't have Jordan go down. No. There's too many pillars of American society crumbling right now. He wasn't in the Epstein Files. Thank God. Yes.

The man is a God. First of all, were there, was there any African-Americans in the Epstein file? Any. I don't know. Actually, that's a good question, but I don't know if they organize them by race yet. Everyone's been showing memes of Obama going, someone wasn't in the Epstein files. I'm like, I don't know.

Wasn't he invited? Because it feels like there was no. Well, they had their own Epstein. They had their own Epstein, which was Diddy. Diddy ran the Urban Island. Oh, he did Urban Island. and then the Epstein Island was for the whites. Okay, all right, just so we know that everyone got something.

And the Asians, do they have their own? I think that's Macau. Macau, all right, Macau, good, good, good. What happens in Macau? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's definitely their place, isn't it? I thought that was just a derogatory term for someone's wife, My Cow. Here's Macau.

Okay, so Michael Jordan went viral over the week, and I saw the video, and let me tell you, Jim, I was desperate to find a reason about why he was doing, this. In the video, Michael Jordan is grabbing onto the arse region of a kid, a little boy. That's what it looks like from first view. And then it looks like he's brushing the legs. I have to stop you right now, Amos. About 20% of my entire car collection is invested in Michael Jordan. So as far as I know, he's done nothing wrong. He can't go down. He can't go down, baby. Imagine being a sneaker head because Kanye got canceled.

If Jordan goes down the sneaker market resell, if Michael Jordan was a pedophile, think about the dent on the sneaker resale game. Okay, so when Michael Jordan retired from basketball, the stock market had plummeted because of different brands losing trust on that type of stuff. All the stock market went crazy when he retired, right? So have you seen the video that I'm talking about. I made you watch it before we did this. I have.

I have. It doesn't look good, but you don't know what the relationship with the kid is. Because if you don't know, it turns out that it's Tyler Redick's son. If it was his own son, if it was his own son doing it, no one would say anything. Because allegedly the kid had a bit of ice that had gone down the back of his shirt. And then it popped into his pants and he was trying to flick it out of the kid's pants. But it's not a good look. Yeah.

So what it was is the Daytona driver had had a win. And then celebrated by tipping like a Gatorade thing and all the ice has gone over the boy. Because his shirt looks wet as a starting point, which is good. Good. Yeah. And then obviously ice is clumped up in the lower region of the boy's shirt. Ice again causing trouble. This is way more damaging to America's reputation than ice on the streets of Minneapolis.

If Michael Jordan gets done for anything dodgy. So what he's doing? And he knows this kid. He's trying to crunch up the ice, they say, so it comes out of the shirt. But then it runs down the leg and he's sort of brushing it away. But I think just because the Epstein files are out at the moment, everyone's hypersensitive. I have heard so many stories of Michael Jordan being a gambler and a bad tipper and rude and not always, you know, I'm not saying any of these are true.

These are rumors I've heard, just rumors and they're probably not true. Not a great dad, this, that and the other, right? I've heard all these things, bit of an asshole, right? Greatest basketball player to watch, you could ever watch. The greatest shoe that was ever invented, just, I still still. love to go, right? I collect his sports cards. I think he's a bank. My top

card is a LeBron James PSA 8, Fleer, Jordan. No, Fleer, James. Okay, no LeBron James. I've got rid of that card. But I have a Jordan card that's like my pride and joy, right? Look,

I've never heard the slightest inkling of a rumor or anything that he was ever inappropriate with anybody. like in that one. No, no, neither have I, but the video, I'm just saying this video, not anything. But do you know how there was like, when was the first

petto boom? And what I mean by this is, people always describe who are older than me that there was once a time. I think it was the invention of the ice cream truck. Whoever the composer of them, dun da, da, dun, green sleeves, it's cool, but they don't have, they don't do that song here in this country. That's an Australian thing. Only Australians know that when you hear the song Greensleeves.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Because people say that there was once a time where as a man, you could, you know, you could be, you could say, I love kids, I love playing with kids. I'm a guy that likes to, I'll go to the park and have a kick of the ball with the kids because it's lovely to hear kids laughter and muck around with them. That is like gone. Yeah, I like, I like, I like, kids. I like being, you know, I've always liked children. I would say that if I wasn't a comedian, I would have done something that, you know, I don't know. I, I used to babysit kids when I was a teenager and stuff like that. I like playing with my own children when their friends come over.

I always think that's fun as well. I, you know, but you, it is a different world now because the pedophiles fucked it up for the nice blokes who just, Jordan might just be being helpful. He was being helpful in this. What I'm saying is... Just flicking a bit of ice out. It's not like, if we can see an erection at the same time, then we have an issue. Does anyone check if you put any acid in his dick? Because there's two kinds of videos that go viral.

Number one, athlete doesn't high five kid walking into stadium. What a dickhead. Yeah. Athlete is a little too friendly with a kid. He's a pito. Yeah. I mean, what's a man to do? Well, high five is the right thing. That's it.

Yeah, high five, high five. Five-five is where we're at with children. High-five, good work, man. Boom. High-five is perfect. No patting on the ass anymore. Just a high-five. Quick and simple.

Look, I was more disturbed by the Dalai Lama than I was from Michael Jordan. Let me put it that way with the... His sports cards went to shit after that. You can't even trade them anymore. I tried to trade one away for a Gaddafi. They wouldn't give it to me. So this era of children... Why did I go for a dictator?

I said, I'll do the joke again. I try to trade one away for a Gandhi, and they wouldn't give it to me. Boom. Now, here's the telegraph. And I think the telegraph author Angus Colwell, in this new story that's gone viral this week, is worse than Michael Jordan. Here we go. Even though, do kids make Jordans in China? I'll get into that in a minute.

Because here's the story in the telegraph. Angus Colwell, author, he says, in defense of child labor. It says, young employment is good for youngsters and for the country. Okay. Here's how the story starts. When I got a text from where the newspaper comment editors asking me if I wanted to write a defensive child labor, I chuckled. Nice try. First of all, how bad is the economy that we're now soft launching through mainstream newspapers,

how it isn't so bad that kids should be out there working? I had a job from age very young, 11 or 12, very young I was working. And then McDonald's at 14. I believe that a kid should have an after school job. How many hours after school? No more than 10 for the week, 10 hours, because they've got to do homework. They've got to do sports. They've got to do things.

There's other things they need to do. You don't have to work. But I think school, we spoke about this. School's becoming useless because, you're not going to be a lawyer, doctor, surgeon, engineer. So maybe it's like, at what age can kids learn a trade? Can kids learn to be a carpenter? School was useless when I was there because even though I learned the things and did the exams,

I don't remember any of it. I don't remember last week. Who remembers anything? Like, you just look it up on your phone. They just look up information on your phone. Here's something on child labor that I, this is one of my favorite. I believe it's good for children to get work. It puts a good work ethic into them.

the problem with LA is you go into McDonald's and there's like a 60 year old working there, you know what I mean? All the 60 year olds have taken all the, because there's no social services in this country, all the 60 year olds have taken the teenage jobs. Yeah, the teenagers should get together and go out the front of old folks homes and go, they took her a job. Yeah, but it used to be working at the yogurt store was a teenager's job.

It wasn't for Gertrude. What's going on? Hey, hey, you're gray. You keep stealing my pay. Hey, hey. I tell you what, I land in Cincinnati at 5.30 in the morning the other day, and I got picked up by a dude who was in his 80s. I asked him, I said, yeah, you're a bit old to be working this time of day.

And he goes, I'm semi-retired. You know what people tell you they're semi-retired because they should have to work because they're broke, right? This guy was in his fucking 80s driving through the snow. Right? And he had to have the navigation up so loud so he could hear it. And I was very close. And I was high at the time.

I was very close to going, I think I should drive. It would be safer for the two of us. I'll get you home. That's tough, man. But that's, again, the economy is so bad. And then he's like, I'll get your bag. No, sit.

Buddy, sit down. I've already been served by a 70-year-old air stewardess on the plane. Enough of you people. We've got to let these people stop working. Yeah, there is like a, you know what it should be? They're looking for a rich guy to buy them out. That would be a nice story. It's for someone rich enough to go, how much do you need?

I'm going to retire you right here. Yeah, yeah. If I give you $25,000 to $50,000, will you promise me you will go home and enjoy what is left of your life? This guy, like the fact that he was driving, but the fact that he picked me up at 5.30 in the morning, like he had to get up for that or stay up for that. and that was his job that he does the night shift because no one wants him during the day at night you'll accept anyone. So he does the night shift.

He drives like a proper, like a Chevy sedan type of thing. Do you know the phrase? Miss the hotel by 50 meters. Do you know the phrase light a fire under somebody? I know of the phrase, yes. Yeah. So my dad used to say that to me all the time.

Need a light of fire under you how to get you going. Okay? Do you know where that comes from? I found this out quite recently. The phrase to light a fire under somebody was what Victorian masters would do to chimney sweeps if they thought they were acting a bit slow up the pipes. That phrase is they would light the fire and go,

better fucking move it, son. Isn't that brutal? Although I've lived in houses that have had chimneys and I've never had a chimney sweep. Do they just sweep themselves these days? off. And also, what is the point of the chimney sweep? Like, you sweep the whole chimney and then you're going to have a fire the next day. It's like washing your car and then having it parked outside and it rains the next day. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how much soot thickens it out.

I could imagine my father if we had the chimney sweep and then I came home that afternoon, can we start a fire? You're not starting a bloody fire. Just had that thing fucking swept. Our dads would sit there freezing going, I just fucking, I'm not going to get the bloke in here again. I'm not going to clean it. It cost me an arm and a leg because your mother wanted the fireplace. I never even wanted a fireplace. Stupid thing. I have to bring that bloke over with the eight-year-old. I don't feel good about it. And he gets stuck up there. The problem is the six-year-olds are no good at the work and the seven-year-olds. There's a fine-night amount of time that they're any good at the job. Do you know when, okay, when do you think they stopped

kids in factories? I'm reading about it right now. In Asia, still going. But in our world, in the In our world, I believe we had factory workers until the 1940s. Well, this one that says here, it's the 1833 Factory Act. No, come on. You reckon during the Second World War, we didn't have like some, I'm thinking you're in this list when they kept the children because they could clean the bottom, the end of the thing with their little hands. Yeah, yes, there's a lot of bad dictators that have got kids to work.

Where I'm saying, when did we all band together and go, I don't know about this? these kids shouldn't probably be up there in the chimney. This is the Nickelodeon argument right now. Look, I've told you for this. Every time there's a child actor, they always come out like this. It wasn't a good experience.

I was molested a lot. It was really, really bad. I did one commercial with Michael Jordan. So would you say a chimney sweep that put his time in and enjoyed the labor? Had a better time than like Amanda Binds. They always said kids who get abused, then go on to become abusers, right?

which is a sad cycle that keeps on going. And so, so, you know, you push one kid up the chimney, then you get a bit old, and then you find another small kid, go,

the bloody chimney, you're little bastard like that. You become a chimney, madam. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'd go, this one, he's got weak little arms,

but he can scurry up a pipe like no one's business. But I think we are going to end up in a period where, like I said, if there are jobs sort of are no longer needed for kids to have schooling, can you see a world where families who are struggling,

end up taking their kids out homeschooling them. But the kids are like doing online work or the kids are like, would you ever see an economy so bad? I think school is important that everyone will always need to be able to read. Not everyone will need to be out. Okay, so like my son done a great handwriting. I got terrible handwriting as well,

but they don't need to anymore because they just type, right? Because in New York, he gets good grades, man. Imagine going to school and just typing out stuff. Can you fucking imagine? That would be awesome. Have you seen no one questioning your spelling? and all that.

You just use spell check. Fuck, life is easy for the... I remember when I got a calculator at school going, this is a fucking cheat code. I've been carrying the one all this time. A calculator. Get the fuck out of here. What do we have to bother with maths anymore?

I got this fucking magic object. Have you seen kids in New York with their parents selling chocolate bars? First abacus. That was a big day. Yeah, I've seen the kids selling the chocolate bars, of course. Yeah, so everywhere you ride, these kids would come out and sell your twixes and whatever,

and they go out as a family. Yeah. What do you reckon the return on investment on that is? And is there an argument to be made, given that the job market is going to be wiped out? As a working class family, you'd be better off as a father, son, duo, like the pursuit of happiness, heading out there selling door to door as a family, learning how to be a salesman. Is that better? I believe I learned more in the workplace than I learn at school. Okay, so tell me this.

It's 10 years time. As a child, I believe I learned a lot more about work ethic, working at McDonald's. I ever learnt from any sort of lifestyle type of class they taught me at school. So would you judge me if in 10 years, I took, I took my son and I go door knocking, selling vacuum cleaners because I'm like, I need to teach him how to be good at closing deals. Always be closing. Yeah, yeah, ABC. I can see that being a thing of the future.

Families that roam around selling. Yeah, the problem is it's unregulated and how do we know if people, we're abusing the children. It's sort of we need schools, so we need to see if kids have bruises every day. That's what we, no, seriously,

though, we need it. So, like, if we don't do that, child abuse will go through the window, through the roof, right?

We need schools so the children are reporting somewhere each day where the public can see them and go, that one's safe, that one's okay. What would you buy from a child at the door? Oh, golly. Girl Scout cookies.

I've done that. So Girls Goat Cookies is fine. Yeah. A kid coming around selling you a subscription to a television cable network. No? Okay. If they're raising money for their blah, blah, truth.

Okay, stop. Or they have a sporting team that needs to go compete in Canada. I'll buy anything. We're selling vacuums so we can go play ice hockey. What you've said. is starting to come to my point. We are comfortable with kids selling, being on the road in pairs, being at malls, kids, as long as it's, oh, we're raising money for a Cambodian farm so they can get more cows,

which means they can get more milk. And you go, that's fine. However, the economy is so fucked. Why is it so bad? You go, I'm raising money for my dad because we're struggling to make ends meet to get the mortgage through. All right. Or even just something more vacuous.

just like, I want extensions. Yeah, exactly. Just, I need money. I just need money. I would like money. I want a swimming pool and dad doesn't have the fucking gumption to get up and go and get on. I always, okay, I don't keep, girl guide cookies, they're okay. I don't mind the Samoa's, which are the coconut rings that I got a bit of chocolate on them.

If you haven't grown up with them, the docey does and all this type of stuff, I don't know if you have the hunger for him. Each time I'm at the mall and there's like a girl set up a card table and she's there with the parents, if they're being a little bit entrepreneurial. Like the kids next door to me open up a lemonade stand. I buy, and it's meant to be,

it's meant to be $1 for a glass of lemonade like that, right? They set up a lemonade stand. I bloody just slipped money, right? So when I saw the girl guy selling cookies the other day, gave him $100,000 said, I don't want any cookies, right? Because I'm already fat, but he is $100. Appreciate you, right?

This is what I'm saying. So it seems to me, as a businessman. I would want truths of them everywhere. Is that getting to the girl guides, or do they pocket that? Because I don't know. I think even the parents would go,

that's tax-free. That's good. That's the good stuff. Okay, so if I was able to get 10,000 adorable cute children, put them on a retainer. What, with your looks. I've got 10,000 kids.

We put them on a retainer. We get excellent cookies, real top self shit, right? through Los Angeles, and I get them out there hustling and working. Through Los Angeles or New York. Oh,

I'm talking, we've gone bi-coastal. We've just lost all the fucking other, the flyover states. We shouldn't even call them fly-over states. You know, where all the good stuff comes from? I'll tell you,

I'm going to tell you something of nothing, right? And the audiences were great this weekend. If you are in for an ugly drive, Cincinnati to St. Louis is one of, it's the Rembrandt. of ugly drives. It's fantastic. That's skyline chili.

Oh, Skyline. It's just a flat. I spoke about the Skyline chili with him. No other city is taken up your food. Just you, not even Cleveland. It hasn't gotten to other cities in Ohio. That's how shit it is. Anyway, so you've got 10,000 kids.

Tell me more. I'm just saying, like, could you set up a business where kids go out and sell all the cookies? And I think much like you, people will give way above market rate for the cookies. Then they have to bring the money in, and then we're turning over quite a good business. All right, Fagan. What are you? Robin Hood, what the crook gave away, what he took? You got to pick a pocket or two, boys.

All I'm telling you is that the Telegraph, one of the top papers in the UK, is saying 13-year-olds are on the grill, that they make better workers. They love the work. They find the work interesting. They're thrilled to be better than their elder counterparts. They're learning on the job. They're loyal. They're saying this is the future.

Not me. They moved me to make Big Macs, but that was too busy a station. So I just fucked up a couple of Big Macs, and they thought I was mentally challenged. They moved me back to fillet a fish. You only have to sell about four of them an hour. All I wanted to know is,

let's have a new conversation on what jobs kids can have. because I'm starting to come to the understanding. I once almost burnt all the hair off my head because I had to clean out the vat and then you fill it up with like ice cream scoops of fat, right? They just give you a block of fat and you fill it up. And you emptied out the bottom into a bucket. Now, what I forgot to do was turn it off.

Turn it off. So I emptied the vat and then I got my rag to clean it and I reached in. It was like striking a match and the whole thing went, and the whole thing went. this big fireball went and I'm 14 years old and a bit of my hairs burn it like this right like that and all for $4.95 an hour Australian. Skills though.

Yeah. And I'll tell you what, if ever I empty out of that, I will have dementia and remember that. Turn it off. Turn the temperature off. Skills for life. It's not enough just to empty it. a lesson learned. Lesson that I've never forgotten. I learned more there than school.

Well, because I'm a wog, it was very common in my community. To sell some type of chicken or to sell hubcaps. No, so many of my mates would work for their parents like fish and chip shop or their restaurant. I think that happens in the Asian community a lot in L.A. in all the donut shops and stuff like that. Like the kids work, man. I think the kids work really hard.

I don't think they get given money from the family. It's just like, you're part of the family. this is what we do, we work this shop. And you get good grades, cunt. That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. Happy, good. Not only is your Chinese friend at school,

kicking your ass on the violin and the homework. He's also currently running, his stage managing and general managing the floor of a Chinese restaurant. That's 24 hours a day. A dinkies donuts, he invented the cronuts. But doesn't it show you, though, like a lot of my friends, I had a guy called Nijib.

His family made the Lebanese. They ran this restaurant. And now the guy's a fucking whiz. He's worth a fortune. He's got a bunch of restaurants because his dad taught him the procedures on how to run a restaurant for so long. Admittedly, he does occasionally tweak out and go, I wish I was able to play football. I never got to play football. Every Saturday I was doing the brunch shift.

I feel completely disconnected from my mates. But now he's also like, my mates are all poor. And I'm running the successful restaurant chain. I used to find it funny when Michael Jackson used to, Have you seen my childhood? He's like, I never had a childhood. Yes, you did. And it was fucking awesome, son.

Right? You didn't want my childhood. My mum used to beat the shit out of me and I couldn't dance. Right? You got the shit beaten out of you. Millions and millions and millions of dollars. Millions of adoring fans screaming at you. You probably got to eat at some fancy-ass restaurants.

and you've got to travel the world with your brothers. My brothers wouldn't hang out with me. You think if I was with my brothers, do you want to dance around and learn a song? No. All right, then mum slaps you across the face. Fuck, I would swap my childhood with Michael Jackson's childhood, the whinging little bitch. And that brings us to the end of our point, which is in defense of child labour. And I'd like everyone to think about what the new parameters are for what kids can do.

And do they have a responsibility in tough times like the Great Depression? I'm all four children, child labour. I'm not for children being in labour. And I think that's a good stance. I think I'm, thank you, Jack thinks on the right side of history. I'm on the right side of history. Okay. Speaking of young, speaking of children, here's one that's going to upset you.

Heineken today lay off 6,000 staff members because of falling beer demand as Gen Z. And then even the next gen. I'll tell you what happened there. someone gave up alcohol for almost six years ago and Heineken was his beer of choice. I bet you that's been that I was, I was doubting Heineken's. And so I, yeah, so that might have been a big dent in their profit. You know what I've got, Heineken tastes the same everywhere in the world. Not all beers taste the same everywhere in the world.

I could always rely on Heineken, very crisp and it always had a big head on it. Big fan of Heineken beer. And I drink the Heineken Zero is a case. but I found that they don't get you drunk. So I thought Coca-Cola is more tasty. But if I want to act like an adult at a party, I'll pour a Heineken into a glass so I can look like I'm hanging out. Let me ask you on.

I'm a fragile man. The Heineken Zero. So Zero Alcohol Beer is meant to help you get off booze and also deal with the social pressure of everyone drinking. Yes. Does anyone do this for cocaine with like castor sugar where you're like, I've just sit me having a zero Coke? I've done cocaine.

I did a pilot in Britain where all the people were smoking and doing coke. And I was smoking and doing, and I think we did cocaine and legit. It was definitely a Coke. Yeah, there was the episode where we had the, Brad Williams, we had the Coke party during the intervention.

The intervention episode, it's well worth watching. And we were sniffing fake cocaine. I'm telling you, real cocaine burns less. It's vitamin B powder. Oh, it's just clogged up your nose the whole time.

You have a lot of energy. Very positive. Have you ever heard anyone's, say as force a habit, I go out with the boys. I don't want to do Coke anymore. It's the social element, cutting up lines. They brought out vapes that have no nicotine so you could get off, zero this or that. I don't think it's a terrible idea.

We know the placebo effects of if you have a container of tablets and most of them are sugar tablets and one of them really works and you get told they all work, you'll feel something happening to you. So I don't think it's a terrible idea. Let's market it. What I was thinking, what about this? We could become the fake Coke guys. As two guys, we've enjoyed cocaine in our past.

Yeah, in our, in our past. In our long past. And if they ever check on your citizenship, you've, in our past, come on. In our fictionalized version of ourselves. Yes, yes. It's a thing we do. For the characters that we've put out there on. The characters that we've portrayed on stage, exactly.

It's all been jokes. What about that for it? And I think this is actually a really good business. and it's taken us fucking two hours of nattering nonsense to come up with something good here. Jim, we know people in the business who are struggling to get off cocaine.

Why cake? Because it's got sugar in it. No cane. No cane. No cane. No cane. No cane. Or Coke zero.

Yeah, Coke zero is already taken. No cane. Cone. No cane's not bad. No cane. No cane. Okay. Okay.

Or focane. Focane. I'll tell you, the Venezuelan bikes in the boat, we'd only had four cane. It wasn't even really. It was kilos and kilos of four cane. Okay, let's say it's no cane, all right? And the whole pitch of it is, yeah, you wanted, you did coke. It was the way that you would get around.

And listen, you don't want to do that anymore. It's very harmful to you and you're making all these terrible decisions. But when you go out, you'd like a cheeky line. But you don't want it to ruin your life anymore. You don't want to make crazy decisions like putting all your money to Bitcoin because you spoke to a guy at a party who told you. that, you know, you'd end up owning a yacht. So you get to do a vitamin B line.

Now, this is, what about the vitamin B powder? I tell you, I tell you what should go in it. That's actually good for you. The laxatives, so you still shit yourself a little bit? I tell you, I'll tell you something that I could do it. I could do it a party tomorrow. I was wonderful at cutting it up. Oh, I'd cut it fine.

And now that I've got like an Amex that's got metal. I've always wanted to give it a spin. But I never did cocaine in the time of the metal credit card. But with our no cane rocks, you'll be able to chop that up. Yeah. Okay. And you know what it is? It'd be like a Celsius.

We'd put some caffeine in there because it's going to give you something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got, it's got Turin. It's like a red ball of cocaine. Yeah, a bit of, yeah. It's a red bull for your nose. It's not fucking terrible, man. I'm like, I'm coming around.

This started as a joke. Like, this isn't terrible. I don't know. Nasal Red Bull. This isn't, yeah, like nasally sort of little. Like, hey, do you? remember when we were in Bucharest, right?

And me and you had a bit of a cold and we bought some cold and flu medicine. Yes. That was as heavy as any drug anyone could have taken. Grinding our teeth like Hitler at the Munich Games. Yes. Yeah, yeah. We were, I found, I have that in my top draw,

the remaining tablets for a rainy day. I'm waiting for a cold. That was so good, man. You want to get cold and flu tablets in Bulgaria, You go to Bulgaria? Or was it Estonia? No, I think it was Bulgaria. I think we got it in Sofia, Bulgaria.

Severe, Bulgaria. I said, I've got a cold. I got a sore throat. I just need stuff to get me through the show. They said, we got you. This is a cold and full medicine. And it looked like a strepsels packet. It was the same orange.

In fact, hold on here. I'll be right back. Make a pause moment here. I'm going to get the packet. I am not going to be paid for this endorsement. But I've still got a whole. I've still got a whole tray and I've got one tray of tablets

it's called I boo cold I boo cold Ibu cold and it looks like it's just going to be broca or strepsels or vitamin C I thought when they gave it to me I went this is always going to be some local

fucking Estonian shit it's no bloody good and I'm going to still be around a cold and they're going to go what do you're going to do we have remedy for cold here where you take this tablet, then wait three weeks and it'll be gone. This is one that you could melt down and probably make some proper methamphetamine or

something like that for people, which we don't endorse. Off our tits, off our tits on ibupol. We love to ibupol. If you've got ibupol, if you've got ibup cold and you can't compete in the Olympics, you'll be banned for life if they test you. Well, would anyone reach out to us, would anyone like us to start investigating our no cane Bumps. No cane.

No cane. Oh, Bumps is a good company. Bumps is a good company for the whole company. And no cane is one of our products. Okay. Okay, I've got it right now. I actually, I really, this is actually coming to me like a motherfucker. Liquid,

liquid death was like, it's water and vitamin water, delivered in like a hardcore way. And it was a bit of a kitsy thing to be like, oh, you're not a drinker, but you're drinking liquid water. Okay. You and I, we want people to be healthy and we reformed ourselves. We used to be a little bit more.

grubby and now we're finding the light and wanting to be healthy for our families, okay? But we still hang on to that edge a little bit. And so our new company, Bumps, we give you all different vitamins that you snore. That's our unique selling point is where we snore our vitamins. You snort your vitamins and they've got a bit of caffeine or terrain in them. So have you got a group of friends who you're going clean and sober with? Invite them over and then buy Bumps and you can do cheeky lines of vitamin A, B, Tureen, caffeine.

which is there for you to not only get your everyday vitamins, but also you're having a polka night. It gives you a little bit of focus and stimulants that are all legal and above board FDA approved. Bumps. And also, I'm not telling actual cocaine dealers what to do, but if you cut your products with bumps, right, we get rid of the fentanyl.

They're helping everyone. How long will it take for fucking bumps to unfortunately have a fentanyl overdose because there's a mix-ups? And then we're liable for that. Yeah, please don't cut bumps with fentanyl. We've changed the company's name to rack already, just for legal purposes. Rack.

What do you like about rack or bump? Rack or bump. Just what about rack and bump? He's rack and I'm bump. Yeah, yeah. Go to your room. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to see a heroin alternative.

I think it's a little hard. No one wants to be shooting up. No one wants to shoot up their vitsy. That's not practical. Okay. I think rack or bumps. I don't, I look,

I honestly don't think it's a terrible idea. And I think, is it like those candy cigarettes? This is fags. Yeah. We had as kids. Okay. They're called fads in this country.

in Australia we had candy cigarettes called fags they did change them later yeah they we all know those candy cigarettes I still love those and there was another one that was like chocolate with the rip-off chocolate paper but fags were just like a candy sort of like a must stick never happened to must sticks they were they've definitely gone out of fashion but anyway listen I we're going to wrap the podcast up at this point but I think we've covered a lot of good stuff there's definitely a world in which like I said, zero alcohol beer is there to get people off the naughty source. And I think there are people out there on cocaine who are just begging for an alternative

so that they can stay a part of the party, but also stay clean. So it in the little vials, remember the little vials that used to have the little spoons that you turned around and then you like that? And then also it would be so good because you'd be able to do it on planes. Like if you're a Coke head, it would be something you could do on planes.

So if anyone works at a company, that makes pharmaceutical type goods. Please for a chance to be. Right now, Johnson and Johnson are sitting on a pile of baby powder that have been sued for for cancerous reasons in a class lawsuit. And they're gone, we've just had an offer from a company called Bumps. We might be their way back. Yeah.

What was the problem with the charcoal powder before? It was getting in people's lungs. What do you want to do with it? Never you mind. Snort it. Okay. Well, that's almost our final story. I mean, I was going to end on the beer story just to say, I myself was for a while,

they're saying, yeah, you know, it's probably a good thing that kids don't drink and whatever. Do you think they're in some ways, they, because kids don't drink at all, that they are missing out on a sort of social lubrication to get out of their shell in their 18, 19, 19, 20, 21, 22 years where you do make friends on a weird night out? The problem is, okay, so there's a few problems here. So I believe that for me, it made me more social. I look, without alcohol, I definitely wasn't having the confidence to be able to kiss a girl, walk up to a girl, you know what I mean? And the problem is when you say kids aren't drinking, a lot of them aren't drinking.

There's still a few that are having a go. And now they're going to be seen us, oh, you know what's happened to Tom? Tom's got a problem. Oh, what are you saying, Tarquin? Yeah, Tom, he had four beers the other day. Oh, we need to get, you know, it's going to be that type of thing, right? So I never remember the pressure, okay, that's a weird one, I never remember the peer pressure of actually saying to a kid,

oh, you've got a drink to be cool or whatever, because I never said no to a drink. So, but no, I think it's a right of passage. I think you should have a few times you're drunk and a few times you come home and you're a little bit sloppy and your parents go, all right, up to your room. Dave Johns, one of my favorite, Dave Johns, little David Johns, Dave Johns, one of my favorite people

in the whole wide world, Dave Johns, who is, I, Daniel Blake, the BAFTA winning, Palm Door winning, he used to have a good joke, he goes, he goes, you'd come home drunk and, you know, you'd have to act straight in front of your parents that you weren't drunk, you'd come home, you'd be like, oh, yeah,

yeah, yeah, that was good. Good night, a bit tired, bit tired, I know, yeah, it's fucking, yeah, we, yeah, we dance a lot, so I'm pretty tired from all the dancing and stuff. Anyway, I'm just going out to my room. Good night. He goes, and you'd always stuff it up by going, I love your dad.

You'd fuck it up right at the end. I love you, dad. Come back here. I wasn't a huge drinker as a younger dude because I was such a football nerd that I was obsessed with like how my performance was going to be. My dad would mock me coming home. Like, you're fucking. you're fucking sober.

You meant to be you meant to be necking a few beers and trying to root. I tell you, my mother was the strictest woman on earth. I always had the strictest childhood you can imagine super strict except for booze

where she never said anything to me. I was getting drunk at 14 and my parents let me and my brothers drink. I wouldn't advise it to my children now, especially since none of the other kids are bloody drink. Well, I have an interesting thing without alcohol. If I was in Australia, I'd suggest it to my kids. You know, you know how people will talk about their parents like, oh, my dad, you know,

when he'd start his drinking, you know, there's always that story. My childhood story is, oh, when dad wasn't drinking, fucking, he was uptight, fucking nasty, nasty bloke. When my dad had had three beers. Who! What's going on, boys? Come on, let's get on the table tennis table. Who needs their ass kicked by their old man?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the thing, this is the thing, my wife, whether she'll admit it or not, and I don't believe she'll ever admit it. She prefers me high. But she's like, you're having an edible tonight? She just leaves them like in front of me. Just know if you want to have an edible. She thinks I'm a bit, I'm less stressed.

So I have less agro about me. I think she prefers me that way. She never preferred me with the drinking. But she definitely prefers me with the weed, I think. Oh, no, no, no doubt about that. Listen, I've seen it. She basically uses weed on you the way that we use sedatives on pet tigers in Thailand that we can pet. She got herself a wild creature from the jungle and she found out that she needs to give it a couple of edibles here and there and then it'll cully in the bed.

And other women are like, how'd you get that thing not to bite your fucking head off? She goes, yeah, yeah. I sit back. I watch a Pixar film with the kids. I'm dad of the year. But I tell you what, they don't want to catch me the next time I get a cold.

All right, well, I don't know how long I've got left in this conference room. They're very doubt about it. I told the person in the hotel, I said in the hotel, I need the conference room.

And he goes, for what? I said, I'm doing a podcast. And he goes, right, well, just don't swear loudly

because we've had other people come in and do podcasts and they're effing and jeffing everywhere. I don't know who that. was. Fing and jeffing. Oh, can I tell, I was going to tell you another thing, but we have gone over.

I had a big fight with the misses. I got to hear this. Two days ago. There's always enough time for this. It's correct. So we had a massive fight before we went to dinner. Okay. That's always fun.

So we went and had a beer at the bar before we went to the restaurant. And it was going well. And then I brought up something about living conditions in the future. A wedding. It was wedding related. And I said something to the effect of, I'm on vacation. Can I not hear about this. fucking wedding. I don't care. I don't care what the cake is or whatever.

Stop, stop, stop, stop. I can't believe that an argument started. Carry on. What do you mean? Our wedding is in July of 2027. Yeah, but you can't be going, I don't care about the fucking wedding. I know. I know I'm wrong. You got to find a way to do it. You got to go, honey, it's not until 2027. Don't stress out. We're going to have a fun night tonight. Bob, but I just steer the conversation. Don't say that the wedding is not important. No, I don't. I start up.

I go rude. Your wife's a professional organizer. That's what she does. She organizes shit. This is her in the gym. This is Jordan practicing three throws. So I'm just trying to have a fucking drink. And then she's like talking about the wedding.

And I said, what I like to call is my shot across the bow, which is I said, what jocks should I have on? Should we fucking get over that? Let's make sure that details down. Should I go for McAlvins or because it's the wedding day? Do I have to buy something better? This is important stuff. and then she's like, you're rude.

I reckon that should be there's something borrowed. Can you give me that? Yeah, I'll give you a pair of old underwear. And the blue is her depression for knowing that she's marrying me. The blue can be your testicles going into the wedding. Okay, so anyway, she got a bit mad at me, and then I went, oh, God, great to pay a fortune for a vacation and have an argument. And I went off to go to have a piss and I came back.

And then we were a little quiet. And then we walked across the road to where the restaurant was. and we were seated so close to another couple that there was no time to diffuse. Normally I'd go, sorry, I'm a bloody, I'm hangary or something like this. So then right next to us. You got that one where they've put this, they've got, just enough that you slip through,

but you're basically sitting at the same table. You've got a booth along one edge, right? Yes, and I was next to her. I was next to the other guy's wife. And like, we look like we're at dinner with each other. And I can hear everything they're saying as a couple. And I've got nothing nice to say at this point. So we did a whole dinner texting each other.

And I'd say, going to keep quiet, eh? Then she'd say, you had a chance to resolve this outside. And then I'd say, well, this is, I've never had this. I wrote this to her. This is the only response I got that was good. I go, I hate you right now and you hate me, but we still seem to have better chemistry than these freaks to our left. I get somewhat of a smile off that.

but still not one word has been said and do you ever have this moment with your partner and she's not even, she's doing this. So I start taking pictures of her because I was like, I'm going to show her later

how difficult it was to have dinner with her. Okay, I'll show you a picture of the head. Here you go. Here you go. Let's see it. She was so uncomfortable. You're in so.

much trouble right now for showing it to me on a podcast. We have next week's story. We have next week's story. No, we're leaving this in. This is too good. Okay. So, I'm not even finished. I've never, last time I saw her angry,

he didn't bring back a fridge magnet. We now do this with each other. We take a photo and go, that's what I was looking at. What do you think I was thinking, looking at that? So she would do that to me also, you know? Grump,

looking head you've got. So we sit through this dinner the entire fucking time, not one word. And then do you ever have this moment as a couple where you guys are saying nothing but short things like, yep, it's fine. The waiter comes over. How was everything tonight, guys? Oh my God. It was so nice.

It was delicious. I even do that when they go, I go, this food's slop. This food's complete nut of shit. What do you bring me this fucking restaurant for? I have very distinct opinions on food, right? And then the waiter comes up, we went to some nice meals across Europe. And we had one particularly bad meal in London, right? For the price, it was a very bad meal, right?

And, but when the waiter comes up, it was wonderful. Wonderful. Thank you so much. Such a wonderful day. You know how this ended? I'm sitting there looking across at her and I'm like, I just want to go home. We need to get to a private space to talk this out. This is so silly.

this, the tension in the room. I'm eating this meal so fast to get the waiter. Like, mate, can we get the check to get out of here? What do you think happens next? He comes through with an apple strudel with a candle in it and goes, I believe it's someone's birthday. Did you lie about birthday? She lies on every meal.

Every time we go out, Anika says it's his birthday, so we get a free piece of cake. So you get the free piece of cake? So meanwhile, we haven't spoken. This guy comes out and goes, happy birthday to you. I did that once. I lied about the dessert.

I was high with my wife. I said I lied about the dessert. My wife's like this. My wife's like, how did you like, don't lie about the bloody dessert? We can afford to get a dessert. Like, I don't know.

I just said it. I just said, I just said, in the reservation, it says, are you celebrating something? And I said anniversary or birthday. I just tick one of the boxes.

Here we go. And then she's like, you can't have no, what are you talking about? You can't have no bloody, you can't have dessert. Anyway, The dessert comes over and it says, it says, happy birthday written in cursive writing.

And my wife looks over at the waiter and goes, what, no candle? You can, mate, you can celebrate easy. What, no candle? It's a bare minimum. Mistral sings the song, someone's going to sing. You just type that in and I sing. What are we doing? So anyway, listen, we're all back, but night one of a holiday.

I'm always a nightmare because I've had to travel and I'm always grumpy. I haven't been able to depressurize. Well, of course she's going to talk about wedding stuff. You went to a holiday destination called Vail. Also, why did you leave the snow of New York to more snow? Like, shouldn't you go to a beach to break things up? Exactly. In fact, New York is much colder than even Vail is.

But that's where we are right now. And if you are in Vail or the surrounding area, is I'm performing tomorrow night. Look that up. You can buy tickets on my website. Jim, it's been a good one. I don't know how they've got to edit this down. I feel like we've spoken for three hours.

Hour 29 minutes. Your card again, available. Go to golden auctions, man. Go to golden auctions and put in LeBron Superfractor Helix. LeBron Superfactor Helix. It probably won't do anything for a couple of weeks, and all the votes will come in in the last second. But it's exciting.

It's exciting. And come and see me in India at the Fantasy Springs Casino this Saturday. and I'm happy to say that the gig in Vegas for the NRL sold out that they actually opened up the top balcony in the theater, which they normally don't do for comedy. So there's another 100 seats or so. Anika's just called it. Hey, you're on the podcast right now. I was just talking about our fight at the restaurant and how we didn't say a word to each other.

And then the birthday cake that was fraudulently obtained came out. I have no comment. Are you okay? I showed Jim the photo I took of you on the podcast. The world the photo. I'm going now. Goodbye. Okay.

What's the good? Oh, there you go. Good stuff. Ding, ding, ding. That means round two, ladies and gentlemen. Come back into the ring.