I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 57 - Are Pistachios Behind the Iran War?

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

At this moment, Jim and Amos analyze the possibility of the pistachio industry actually being behind the reason of the Iran war. They also talk about dangerous drinking water in Australia, Katy Perry at Coachella, and Uranium farts.Jim's special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix!ADS:MONARCH: Use code ATM at http://www.monarch.com to get your first year half off at just $50.SOCIALS:Jim JefferiesWebsite: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠Amos GillIG: @abitofamosgillFB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the DoohickeysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode is brought to you by Monarch. Use the code ATM at Monarch.com to get your first half year off at just $50. That's 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with code ATM. Hello everybody. Welcome to At This Moment with Jim Jeffries and me Amos Guild. Jim, we just finished the episode, covered some pretty dark and bewildering topics this week. It was a fun episode. We had fun topics.

We have, oh, the straight of her mus. What's going on with that? We found a sexual assault allegation against Katie Perry midstream. Midstream. There's a, like her going on. Like, yep. By the time this comes out, it's probably, we're probably getting sued because she's come back against Ruby Rose. But we do cover that.

It's probably not a real thing. We covered that. We covered, what else did we cover? We covered actual reasons behind the Iranian war. Does it have anything to do with the emerging nut market? And helium? What is helium? What do we need it for?

Does the shortage affect us in any way? We covered that in not the most scientific terms. We also discussed the Trump fallout with Pope Leo and what this means. Will Leo make a run? Most of this podcast is pistachio-based. Now, if you want to see me, I will be in Wilmington and North Carolina on April 24th. And then Fort Lauderdale, April 25th, looking forward to that one. That's always a good show.

And then Omaha on May 15th and Kansas City on May 16th. And there's the Australian tour. I'm going everywhere in Australia in July, August. See me at Jim Jeffries.com. Buy your tickets there. I've got shows in Key West coming up. This week, I'm really looking forward to that. Yeah.

I'm sure I'll hear a lot of the village people in Key West, but I'm there at the Key West Comedy Club from Wednesday right through to Saturday. Other dates at Amosgill.com and Jim Jeffries.com, if you want to find more info. But let's get into this week's episode. I thought we've started, have we? It was very low key from you. No, we did a good intro before. We haven't recorded that yet.

That was going to be a lot more high energy, a lot more pizzazz in the thing. Well, let's talk about what didn't happen. Okay, so last week, we were hours away from Iran being flattened, a civilization gone and forgotten, or whatever he said. It was going to, the nuke was going to be dropped. He went Thanos for a second there and said he'll click his fingers and a civilizational end. And then immediately afterwards, we found out they were going to do peace talks. And those peace talks is where he said J.D. Vance out with his son-in-law on a fool's errand that was clearly – just meant to give America and Israel some time to get some more munitions before they start

another campaign. So it was to steady the ship and then obviously Jady Vance had to come out and say, yeah, we didn't agree. We didn't have anything to agree on in the end. So now we're blocking the straight off a moose. Ourselves. So if you follow the timeline, Donald Trump said. But he said he'd give two weeks delay.

He said, I'm going to drop the bomb two weeks. So that gives him another week from now to drop the bomb. I just, this bomb's never going to be dropped. It's just getting very frustrating. So, yeah, they're blocked off the Strait of Hormuz. We've gone from the Strait of Hamos, been opened to Iran blocking it, and then Trump's saying, we don't even need it. To one, I think one day after he said that, he said,

Open the fucking straight, you fucking morons. And now he's saying, we've blocked the straight. So he's essentially saying he, You didn't block the straight. We blocked the straight. So if we can't get energy out of there, no one can. So the aim of this is to put pressure probably onto the Chinese who are allied with Iran where they need the power more.

Well, Iran's blocked it off. They're talking about a toll system. Well, they were doing the toll system, but now America's saying there's no toll. We're in control. Look, if I was Iran, I'd do the toll system. I get where they're going. you know you got a you got to that's that's their biggest card to play i'm learning more about the the the strait of horoose than i ever thought i would know uh yeah the they're unable

to find mines planted in the strait of almost there's a chance that they're just gonna fucking it's gonna be fucked up it's just gonna like like where's diana now to find all the mines walking through you know what i mean but like it's just gonna they're gonna make it undoable. You won't be able to go through. There'll be one bloke will know a little strips theme that I can get a boat through. I can get a boat through. As long as my T-Moo order can make it here.

Well, okay, so I thought we were losing fertilizer. I kept on hearing about fertilizer. A lot of fertilizer comes from there. Well, that's a huge. That is a huge problem. That is a huge one. But now I've heard about the helium. I didn't know about the helium.

Is it Saudi Arabia that has all the helium? Qatar. Qatar. One of the countries, Qatar, that uses. of the straight of Hormuz has the vast majority of the world's helium. We're running out of helium. And I know, I know what happens when we run out of helium? No more squeaky voice, right? We've all enjoyed it. Everyone's had fun with it. Well, you can use AI to do that now. You don't need you don't need. Yeah, but is there, is there anything more fun at a party than whipping out one of

those and going like that. It is fun at any age. Kids love it. Adults love it. If you get a grandma doing it at a wedding, everyone gathers around. It's a winner. We're potentially in an era now where clowns can be called on for contraband that they're using valuable helium that we need for semiconductors and MRI scanners. Well, this is the thing. So I only thought that helium was used for balloons and there'd be some other, but it's semiconductors.

Semiconductors need helium and we're running out of helium. So can we just stop with the balloons? Like, can't we just, we should have stopped with the balloons a decade ago with this knowledge. That means maybe there's a party supplies company that works in the valley that has a huge stockpile and they just made an absolute fortune. It's a straight-up. Party City is laughing. They have panisters of the shit. We should buy Party City stock now.

I've just been told by Jack that Party City has gone bankrupt and shut down. Is that across the nation or just about the road? Because, you know, I use it once a year. I always go in there once a year to buy some Halloween-type stuff. No more Party City anywhere. So is there any party companies? Party City had the market. They cornered the market.

All right. Well, that's where all the helium. So we don't need it right now. That's what Trump should go. He goes, keep your helium. We don't have Party City anymore. Everything's fine. So what do you know about helium?

Well, as I said, I know squeaky voice, I know balloons. I know it makes semiconductors. The way I remember the word semiconductor is that I use word association. I think musical dwarf. So like a little tiny man. Basically it's like a Shetland composer. Dan, dun, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, boom, bum. He's a semiconductor.

That's how I remember it. Hormous, semiconductor. These are our words stick with me. Did you know, Jim, that natural gas of helium, how it is made? It is uranium. Yeah. It's decayed. uranium and thorium in the earth's crust that gets trapped in natural gas reservoirs.

Wells are drilled through sedimentary rock, usually in Texas, Wyoming or Qatar. And then it's... You'll tell me, it's old uranium. And uranium we used to make nuclear weapons. So after Hiroshima, the people in the outskirts were like, that was a big explosion. Oh, does that not look good? That's not so good. Not probably in perfect English

But yeah They would have been No no come on stop Stop doing the helium agent I don't know why it's even more offensive It's Haramokis, hon It's yeah

It's old uranium But it's a fair question Does that mean that Because there's so much helium in the air That everyone just goes It's uranium that's deposited down there So if you think about it's like Coming from the sky

The earth's crushed as a gut And then the uranium has been broken down and in the same way that foods in our stomach, it releases gas and we fart. This is basically a fart. This is uranium fart through the Earth's crust. Is it a fart of uranium? That's what it is. That's sharding.

That's a sharp. That was the original name for Oppenheimer. Uranium sharp. Yeah. A fart of uranium. And thorium. We don't know any about thorium. So it is running low and they do need it for.

these chips and how low i know i've just i've just did some research the helium and balloons is grade four and unusable unusable for other things you can't use that you can't use that for semi-conductors so i can have guilt-free balloons is what you're telling me it says here that yes that is not good enough it's not pure enough for the semiconductor process but it's pure enough for me to suck back into my lungs into your lungs now let me lead you to it's pure enough to give to children that we don't know any scientific reason why it does this. I'm sure scientists, no, but me and my friends. So what you do is, is you get a clown.

Do that. That's a lot of fun. You get an ex-convict who's wearing makeup and a wig and you say, would you mind getting some depleted uranium that has rotted in the earth's core and shove it into my kid's throat? Thank you. I'm going inside for a beer. We'll be back in two hours.

Have fun. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I've got a new theory about the war. would you like to go down my new conspiracy? Sure, all your other theories have all turned out great. So what do you got for me? So I've started to think that this war could also be about pistachios.

Pistachios? I've been down a pistachio rabbit hole. I'm going to play a clip. Jack, let's play the beginning. I don't digest them very well at all. Of this pistachio theory that people have. If you want to see mice pistachio rabbit hole, I'll tell you what. One of the most bizarre things about California's pistachio industry is that it was born out of America's meddling in the Middle East.

Historically, Iran has always been the world's biggest exporter of pistachios. But the embargo allowed California's tiny industry to get a global foothold. And after several decades of continued hostility and sanctions, the U.S. industry grew from being almost non-existent to number one in the world. As I dug into the details, I realized that this was much bigger than just Victoril. It turned out that a small group of powerful families had ceased control of California's water supply. Even weirder was that the whole thing was being driven by a pair of high society billionaires from Beverly Hills, Stewart and Linda Resnick. They made their money off pistachios.

But what really made them stand out was that they owned more water than anyone else in the planet. More surprisingly, they were on the board of several major think tanks, including the Washington Institute, Institute for Near East Policy. They've been on the board for over a decade. It's an organization that badly wants war with Iran. I frankly think that crisis initiation is really tough. And it's very hard for me to see how the United States, the President, can get us to war with Iran.

One can combine other means of pressure with sanctions. We could step up the pressure. I mean, look, people, Iranian submarines periodically go down. Someday one of them might not come up. Who would know why? Amazing what some classical violins over the top of facts will do to push a narrative. Yeah, I was really very tense through that entire thing. So let me get this straight.

So the pistachios were, for the most part, grown in the Middle East. In Iran, yes. And then is it the POM wonderful people, the people who make that POM juice? Yes. Yeah, that's the company, the wonderful company. They seem to make a high-quality product. I'm not going to be mean about it. They start up a Pistachio farm.

Yeah, we'll probably find out the pomegranates were in. Venezuela. I don't think the pomigramet was from England, wasn't it? Anyway, pomigranet. Pomegranate. It's good material pommigranet. It's the best, isn't it? Anyway, so the pomigrant, the pistachio started getting grown in California.

So after sanctions came on, we stopped Iran being able to sell their pistachio exports and then California took over. So this is about 2003, 2002. Now, we all know that the Arabs love a pistachio if you go through... The bucklevard type dessert. Backlava. I have a idea for a restaurant that just sells backlava called Get Backlava and they're Beatlefans as well and it infuses the music.

But anyway... Misha's good. Yeah. Get back. Get back lover for lunch today. Yeah. That's the song they sing. I'm sure McCartney would just give up the rights because he's not going to fucking.

got enough money. He doesn't give a shit. Although he's just been taken off Reddit. You heard that? Paul McCartney's been banned from Reddit. What for sharing his own music? For what was he doing? Copyright strikes? He was promoting. Yeah, he has a film set and he posted out there. Yeah, he was promoting one of his own products like on, on Reddit. And so Paul McCartney's been banned. So on the, on the pistachios. Anyway, so America now has 600,000 metric tons and they do come out of California. And out of this company. The Resnick family are major donors and on a lot of these think tanks for the IDF.

Now, this is where it gets interesting. Of course, they're a think tank. They own more water than anyone else. The price of pistachios is up nine times since the war has begun because satellite images from March 28 show a destroyed pistachio warehouse near Rafsanajan Airport in command, the heart of Iran's pistachio industry. Iran wants the largest pistachio exporter, but you. years of trade in buggers allowed the US to cut into the market share, and now their biggest

pistachio warehouses have been bombed. I would say that the pistachio is having a moment. The last sort of five years, it's having a real moment. Before, when I was a young person going up in Australia, I don't remember pistachios being a thing ever. I never remember seeing a green ice cream that wasn't mint, you know, and I love a pistachio ice cream. And you introduced me to the, was it, the cream cheese,

The pistachio ham sandwich. The ricotta, mortadella and pistachio. That is a banger of a sandwich. And then when they do it on pizza as well, winner, winner. Because food has gone through different. I would say this is the era of pistachio. When I first moved to America, this was a sun-dried tomato country 18 years ago. Everything had sun-dried tomatoes.

And then we moved into the Chipotle, not the restaurant, but the Chipotle chili flavor. Chipotle was everything. And then... Salted caramel had it today. Salted caramel came in... Well, next was saracha. There was everything was saracha. This mixed with saracha, with a saracha mayonnaise, with a saracha this, with a saracha

that. Then, yeah, putting salt on desserts, on salt and everything. Salted caramel, salt this. Don't need it. It's dessert. Fuck off with your salt, right? But salted things start to happen. And I would say pistachio is...

the 2020s. Pistachio took over with your Dubai chocolate. Dubai chocolate, we made it at home. Piece of piss. They're charging 20 bucks for a little fucking bar. And it's only going to go up with the pistachios going up. Well, this is what it says. It says California pistachio is a central part of the export success. But not just this. Yes, Jim, popularity of Dubai chocolate has become a global sensation since the UAE-based chocolatier Sarah Hamuda first created the recipe. But not just that Pistachio foam has been Starbucks is one of its top sellers which is a foamed pistachia

that goes on the top of the latte pistachio ice cream is one of my choices now I have a lovely scoop of pistachio never would have five years ago it got into my mix got into my mix I'm an old man to start to be fucking around

with pistachios but could you imagine being in a position where you donate to a military and you go I know you're going to war but if you wouldn't mind dropping a couple of people of errand bombs on a pistachio warehouse.

This is the first thing that I think has been worth fighting for in this wall. Everything else I've been like, I've got an electric car, I don't use that much fertilizer. I can do without a squeaky voice, but you take pistachios away from me. I'm all in on pistachios. But you know what this would be? This is like if Xbox donated money to the US Marines and we're like, we need you when you drop the bombs on Japan to hit the Sony factory or the Nintendo Warehouse. house, you understand?

They're using that to build bombs in there. You've got to take out, you have to take out Nintendo. You're essentially using a foreign government to do the bombing of your nearest rival. Yeah. Yeah, that's what war is. Like, if you could make a donation to the US military, who would you get taken out? Is it too late to get in on pistachio? If I was to invest money now, I'm doing it.

In pistachio futures market? Yeah, I'm late, aren't I? I'm late to the game. I've just found out now. Let's have a lot. Pistatio futures market. it. Pistachio prices have hit an eight year high. So look at this. Prices have surged over 50%.

Good heavens. Eight years ago would have been, that was when, that was when I first tried back lower. It was eight years ago. It tracks. You want to know what privilege is. Privilege is doing a podcast in your apartment and getting angry about the price of pistachios during a war. Was this happening in other conversations?

conflicts. Yeah. I guess they were in World War II when there was rations on items. People were furious. I can't get my land prices. I've gone through the roof. I just watched the Beatles documentary again, right? And like that big one they did over five nights, and it's on Disney Plus at the moment.

And the opening thing was like, I was born in this house at this day. And I was da, da, da, da, da. And then it got to Ringo. And Ringo was like this. I was born the day that World War II started. It was always good that my day. that my dad was a baker, so we always had sugar in the house, which most people didn't. And I'm like, what happened with the sugar?

What was going on about the fucking sugar? Someone could give me some rational answer why they had to say. They had to ration sugar during the Second World War. Like, no one was having desserts or anything. That's why carrot cake was invented because they have a natural sweetness to it. That's why carrot cake was brought in because the British weren't having sugar during the Second World War. Do you think they were using it to, for the troops.

Something to do with the troops, just to sweeten them up a bit. That was your only way for you to get sugar was to join and die, you know? I think so. I think it was a little bit of like... I would say that they're also getting the U-Bos... The soldiers need it for their tea. I would say that the U-boats were probably blowing up because sugar is imported. I don't think they have any there, do they?

They don't grow sugar in Britain, so maybe it was hard to get in. I'd say it was, again, the straits of something were closed. The English Channel. The English Channel. The Straits of something. The Straits of something. Well, where does sugar mostly come from? Sugar cane.

Yeah, but where is that? America. And the West Indies. Yeah, that's what it would have been. It would have been the British in the West Indies, the Bahamas, Jamaica. They would have had German U-boats there sinking them because they want to break the British morale by not giving them sugar for their tea. Yeah, yeah. That would have.

And that would have fucked them as well. No jam. If the British couldn't have the tea and jam the way they fucking want to, if they were just having fucking, if they were just raw dogging a scone, they would have been very upset. Which is just a biscuit here in America. That's what America is doing. When you came to America and someone said, oh, do you want that fucking that egg McMuffin in a biscuit? Yeah. And you went, ah, what's a biscuit?

No, you'll like it. And it's just a massive scone, scone, and they're not fucking putting any toppings on it. It's just a dry, mealy fucking thing. You only have one. And then you find out the calories are like seven times out of the muffin. For no value. Oh, anyone? I'm just going to say right now, there's no non-fat fuchs who are eating the biscuit option at McDonald's.

The only thing that's worse than the biscuit option is when McDonald's brought out the, instead of the muffin, they made big fucking maple syrup filled pancakes as the bun. Oh, the griddle. Yeah, the griddle. The griddle. I love the griddle. The griddle's a fucking widow maker. Now, the griddle is good, though. The griddell's...

If you're having the griddle, you better have been on one of the biggest benders of your life. If you're doing that sober-minded and you've just woken up feeling well, you've got a suicidal impulse. There was a person on the Jim Jeffery show. Sometimes we get ordering McDonald's and they always ordered the griddle. And I looked at them like, fucking young man, it was. I was like, bold choice, mate. Bold choice.

No, no, old fuck, orders the Mick Riddle. What's the calories on a Mick Riddle next to a McMuffin? I need to know the difference. Like, how much are you willing to risk of your health for that little bit of extra flavor? 550. Okay, so it's 350 for, oh, it's not that much. I might get a bit griddle. Yeah, to be honest with, I thought that was, that's well under.

550? We've got thunder here, baby, here in L.A. Do you think we're going to get to a players? You're not excited. We never get thunder in L.A. He's exciting. Well, I can only hear in my headfords Charlie losing his mind right now. Yeah, yeah, he's got a board game that's missing a dice.

Worst game of Yatzi ever, ever here. Yeah, I've just heard him yell out, snake eye. That was his story. One time I rolled the dice and it came up a one, dad. It's like a four-year-old's brain, right? I'm like, that's crazy. A one. Yeah, I rolled a one.

One in six. They don't know stats yet. It could have been any of the numbers, but it came up a one. How is it to feign interest in those? Oh, a one. Ah, it's just like doing this podcast. That is me. I might as well be, Charlie.

I'm like this. You know, the straight of the moves. I haven't got any pecans. I don't know what pecans. How are the pecans doing? They'll be all right. I don't fucking know. Just check that.

Because I know a bit about the Arab culture and they've never gone pecan. They've never gone pie. They've never gone pie. I've tried to fucking take a lighter angle on the war and you've spat it back in my face. I wanted to find a fucking conspiracy about the Resnick family. I like pistachio farm. I think the pistachio is some of our best work. I think we're doing some really good journalism here.

This is deep diving. This is going beneath the surface that you get at the main. stream media. Who else is delivering you the pistachio fucking story? Mate, I tell you, nine out of ten people love a pistachio. I don't digest them.

I look forward to that green little shit that comes out. Now, let's move to the next story, because I want to I've got more conspiracies that have come true that I want to play, because we've been doing a lot of that lately, which is the conspiracy theorists were correct. One of the conspiracies that I've bought hookline and sink,

which I don't even think is a conspiracy. We all kind of know it, which is that Microplastics have taken over all of our bodies and it's driving a lack of fertility and making people sick, potentially giving them cancers. I think microplastics are bad. You know what I think of microplastics? So I sprinkle stuff into my hair to make it look full. I always think, oh, that's going to get me bloody lungs.

But you know what I think is glitter? Glitter has got to be just little tiny bits of plastic, right? What else is glitter? It's not animal product. It's got to be... It's gay anthrax. Yeah, it's got to be the smallest amount of plastic. And my kids, they're just sprinkling it on a project.

Once it gets on you, they call it a strip of herpes, right? Once it gets on you, you can't get this shit off. And I think it's just plastic. And women were, it's metal. Do you know it's the byproduct of making the nuclear bomb? It's the byproduct of making the nuclear bomb. It's desiccated helium. Did you know that?

That glitter, that glitter was invented. right they were making the nuclear bomb and this stuff was sitting at the bottom of all the little shavings all the little shavings of metal and stuff like that and they go oh geez women will put this on their tits let monarch do your financial spring cleaning for you one dashboard gives you the entire financial life organized no more clutter no more mess no more scattered logins just accounts investments property and more all in one place get your first year of monarch For half off, just $50 with promo code ATM. Monarch isn't your average personal finance app.

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I hear that Monarch may even be able to open up the streets of all moves. Well, I hear a lot of different things. Use code ATM at Monarch.com to get your first half year off at just $50. That's 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with the code ATM. What? When they saw it, they're nerds, they're all scientists. That's where they went to. They went, oh, we can gussy up people with this. Put it on school projects and tits.

It's aluminium, plastic and colouring. Precision cut by machines now to tiny reflective particles. Okay. Yeah, that can't be good for you. That can't be good for you. And women just sprinkle it all on like this, right? It can't be good for you. Little spatsy metal.

Do you remember, I feel, like 20 years ago, hippies in my life were always about the fabrics. They liked the hemp. They liked the breathable linen type fabrics. Yeah, but then they'd like to dress up as a fairy and put little chunks of metal all over them and go up to Coachella. Fucking kids at Coachella right now. And deodorant?

Remember deodorant? Spray deodorant. I remember deodorant. I used to use that back in the day. That was good stuff. The spray cans, they said you're spraying, you know, metal particles into your armpits and it's going to make you sick in the long run. Well, they've improved it.

The original rolling ball, right, so they went from the spray, which I love the spray, then they moved it over to the stick, and then they go, we got these rollers. But the original rollers, the ball used to have too much gap between the plastic and the rollers. And inevitably, you would roll one of your longer armpit hairs into the roller, and it would rip through it like a manual lawnmower, right? But they've improved that over time. It's gotten better now. That little ball bearing they had in there.

I use a bull bearing now. Do I just use the stick. I don't mind the stick. But I've stopped using the spray, but I moved over to female stuff, dove, right? So if a woman said, I use smell, I go just like you. Well, let's play this from Channel 7 News, Australia. Channel 7, of course, Jim's Network. So to do a cross-promotion here with one of your own.

Channel 7 News had this about water yesterday. Couples hoping to start a family are being urged to filter their tap water to make sure it's clear of any sort of PFAS. The dangerous forever chemicals, which are often still used in non-stick pans and food packaging, have been found to reduce fertility. This tap water is deemed safe to drink, but new research claims the chemicals in it are harming our health. Even the very low levels that are present in drinking water do have detectable effects. Trace levels of PFAS, a man-made cancer-causing chemical, can be found in our drinking water. And a study on mice found its impacting fertility. I was quite surprised to see that even these very low levels of PFAS could actually negatively impact the embryos.

It caused high levels of DNA damage and stress, potentially leading to long-term health issues and miscarriage. Worse still, the impacts were seen across generations, even in the mice that hadn't directly consumed. consumed the contaminated water. These effects are transgenerational is because the fetus was also exposed to those drinking water levels. I think that we do need some more attention to our safe water

drinking guidelines. First of all, that was once again miscarriage, my drag name. You know what the good thing about this is, Jim? Is that now if you want to give a woman a morning after pill, you don't even need to give her the pill, you just give her the water to wash it down. Yeah, yeah, you just throw in a tick-tack.

It's just You The doctor's On the box here It says you've got to drink the full glass And saw the The tick of the pill That's how

That's how contaminated Our water is now Is just have shower sex That'll take care of it For you in the moment But it's not good though Is it It's that

I always Okay So we're not You won't remember this My whole life And we were terrified Of the tap water It was about

Purification And everyone would always say to you You're mad You're mad You're mad You're mad You're mad My generation said your generation was mad because we grew, I remember a time before bottled water.

I know that sounds insane. That is full, probably in plastic. Yeah, yeah. My wife doesn't let us drink through plastic bottles of water in this house. We have to have a glass ones. It costs a lot of money. We have a water filter. But I remember when I was in about year seven.

So it would have been about 13 when it came out in Australia, right? 1988. They brought out bottled water. and people were like, my dad couldn't get it through his head. He was like this. People are paying for that. Fucking hell, what are you? One's born every minute.

Bottled water. Mount Franklin came. He's there turning on the tap. People are paying for this. Look at it. Look at it. We've got tons of it. Right, that, right?

And it came through. And I remember there was a kid at school who brought a bottle of water. And I was like, how does it taste? And he's like, oh, it's so much better. And I couldn't taste the difference. But mind you, within six months, I was drinking bottled water. It worked a minute. I went, all right, I'll get bottled water.

It's more meant to be pure. It's meant to be from some mountain. It's meant to be from glaciers. It's meant to be from a spring or something like that. There's a thunder as well. There you go again. Anyway, now that means that you have to, because back then, obviously, we didn't have as many of these chemicals in the water.

Maybe not at all. We didn't have those ones. Now it's like, fuck, yeah, you have to just drink bottled water. You can't drink the stuff from the tap if it's filled with little chunks of plastic. Most cultures throughout history, the idea of just having you, you know, the water is that's why we have beer. That's where we have, that's why people were drinking like a water down wine all the time

is because you had to ferment and cook water all the time to get the dangers out of it. And we live through this brief period of time where because we, our worship, our God is science. And so we're like, well, all this water that we've got and these perfectly made plastic bottles, they've got to be great for us. And now no one can have kids because seemingly they've got these

PFAs that are coming into them either one through the water supply or two the way that we store it. And now third, I think this is, I wanted to tie this off, the state of Texas just started a lawsuit today against Lulu Lemon. Jack, do we have a clip on that? I won't, I won't have this. Lulu, what Lulu Lemon have done. What?

I didn't send that one? Okay, well, so just tell us manually. But what Lulu Lemon has done for our society can't be taken away. I don't care if it's giving us cancer directly. the underwear and the softest underwear you can have what they have done for women's I'll say this

it's made the lazy woman sexy in an instant right you can go to do the school run and still have your ass look good it's like done what sweats have done you think it's sexy I think it's I don't I think it's ever looks good

you don't think that women's asses look good in a pair of Lulu lemons no because they're like most people are out of shape who are wearing them let's be frank Oh, yeah, but my, well, my wife, I've seen more atrocities in Lulu Lemons that I've seen dull, dull pieces. Come on. You just, could you imagine them without the Lulu Lemons on how much them sagging down?

I live through the bloody Wonderbra, young man. Don't tell me about garments and holding things up and atrocities like that. The Wonderbrar, that was, they were just pushing women's tits together and making them look good. And then it was all a bloody scam it was. It was all fraud. I don't want to do it. I never bought a pair of underwear with. the big padded cock in it.

I don't want to be a PR. They should be ashamed of themselves in what they did. An Iran agent of PR. But I'd love to know, is the burqa and the other Muslim clothing for women made of natural fibers? Because if it is, you could say that the West, once again, poisoning women with their leggings. I would say that the burger is made out of pistachio hemp. What is the burqa made of? I need to know.

Well, it depends. Because you know you can't swim ones. I've seen them at Wild Wadi's Waterpark in a burker in an inner tube floating down the river. Like there's the swim ones. There's the casual ones. They're made of cotton and silk, you see. Cotton and silk. Breathable.

Here we are telling women they can wear what they want and they've chosen to wear something that's giving them cancers, allegedly. Let's read what Ken Paxton Attorney General of Texas has posted. You ready? Ready to go. Ready to go. Attorney General Ken Paxton launches investigation. into Lulu Lemon over potential presence of toxic forever chemicals, PFAs. This is the word you keep hearing everywhere, PFA's.

Attorney General has offered a civil investigative demand to Lulet Lemon, USA, Inc. as part of an investigation into whether the company has misled consumers about the safety quality and health impacts of its producers. Lululemming is a leading active wear brand that generated over 11 billion in 25 alone. Is it just the pants or is it all the clothing? Because I wear the T-shirts and the underwear. and I'm very fond of them. I don't know, let's keep going into it.

However, emerging research and consumer concerns have raised questions about the potential presence of certain synthetic materials. Is it just up your vagina or it can go up your pee hole and your asshole? I think if it's just vaginally taken, I'm okay with that. But if it's pee hole anal, I have to get a whole new set underwear. Well, it can't be good that... I'm sorry stopping it. I'll come back at the end of your statement with more questions.

However, it says here, chemical compact. in their apparel may be associated with endocrine disruption, infertility, cancer, and other health issues. I don't know what the others are. Attorney General Paxon's investigation will examine whether Lulu Lemon Athletic Apparel contains the PFA's or other forever chemicals that their health conscious consumers would not expect based on the brand's marketing. The Office of the Attorney General will also reveal the company's restricted substances

list testing protocols and supply shame practices to determine whether Lulu's products comply with safety standards. Have I ever talked to you about the name, Lily Lemon? I was talking to Mick Malloy about this. You know about the name? No. Oh, you don't know. Okay, so it's a Canadian company. All I know is that the CEO was forced out because he said he didn't want to make clothing for fat people and the board said that's offensive and gave him the sack. The same dude. The same dude who invented the company who, I believe he invented it out of Vancouver. It may be in Toronto, but it is out of, I think it's, I think it's Vancouver, yeah. Yeah, out of Vancouver. Now, if you know, if you know,

anything about Vancouver, what is high population in Vancouver of people, the non-white people in Vancouver? A lot of Indians, Chinese. A lot of Indians, a lot of Asian people in Vancouver. The guy who invented Lulu Lemon called it that name because he thought it was funny because it was hard for Asians to say. What? Because of Ruru Remen? Yes. Particularly when they've got helium. Yes. Is that real? That is, Google it. Google it.

Because the guy, and he said it in an interview, he thought it was funny that it was hard for Asian people to say, Lulu Lemon. And Asian people love Lulu Lemon as well. Here we go. It contains, yeah, a letter he believed was difficult for native Japanese speakers to pronounce finding it funny. Isn't that madness?

You've built a brand that is like, global that everyone likes, that everyone relies on, and now it gives you cancer and it's racist. I'm still going to wear it. It's the softest under where you can get. But it'd be all the other companies as well. Well, it's like you with your chick-fil-a. Yeah, chick-fil-a. I'm sitting there me lulu lemons, eating me chick-fil-A.

Look, I can't change the world. In your Tesla. I'm one man. So we'll see what happens with that because think of all the athletic wear, that spandaxy stuff that you wear most. I mean, even jeans now are like synthetic. They're not real fabrics. Most of the stretch.

I would say there's more chemicals in jeans than anything else. Like if you bought a new pair of jeans and then taken them off and your legs are like blue. They run down. My shoes, my shoes get stained with my Levi's now. You're like, they run. They haven't washed these enough. They haven't put enough time into this. Yeah.

So if you just have active wear and a bottle of water, you think I'm killing it. You'd be better off with like just a pair of linen track pants and a Coca-Cola. Mate, when I was in school, when I was in high school, the most popular pair of jeans you could buy were acid wash. Acid. Like this stone wash where they were put in the machine with stones. And then this one, they just went, this has been washed with acid to make this effect.

And then we put them on our body. I can't imagine that acid-wash jeans were good for you. but we were all smoking so much in the 80s it didn't matter it just didn't matter now that everyone stopped smoking we're going people are still getting cancer check your pants but doesn't it make you just want to have a cigarette where you're like everything it seems like everything on this planet wants to be gone yeah it does feel well they did a thing once where they showed the lung of a smoker and then they showed the lung of a smoker in the city, which was even worse. And then they showed the lung of someone who grew up in, like,

L.A. or New York. And they had the same lung as a person who was a smoker in the country. You know what I mean? So it's like, we're kind of fucked. But, you know, we have nice restaurants here and you can go see the Dodgers. Well, this is why the whole idea of going, I want to look into all this stuff. There's a reason it was suppressed for the years is because you do find out how fuck you are and does it benefit you because now I know that my cheap fucking running pants are killing me I won't change I'm not going to be I'm not going to be the guy in Hesham if Lululemon makes you infertile back before I had the vasectomy that would have been more attractive to see a woman in a pair of Lululemon's someone's someone doesn't want a kid too

soon but now it's like I can't I can't get infertile anymore I'm already infertile so So as long as it doesn't give you cancer, I'm still going with the lemons. All right. Next topic I think we should discuss is millennia. In fact, before we get into millennia, I want to. Which I assume a lot of people have done for a very reasonable price. We, I'm on a temporary visa, so I don't endorse that. But what I would, I'd like to point out to you is Kalshi.

I, they did sponsor the show. I know that they're sponsoring us at the moment. But I was watching the Masters yesterday. We're not Andy Kashi. And Anika and I were betting. Just watching the game, we predicted a Scotty Sheffler comeback and a Justin Rose collapse. So he had a little win there. And then I had some leftover dollars, not much.

And this was the bet that I saw. It says on Kaushi, you can bet mentions, which is what will someone say in their speech this week at all. And I saw one that I thought, bang, that is a dead ringer for a win for me. This is what the bet was. Will Donald Trump say this week rigged election, stolen election? Mm-hmm. Okay. It gave me a 4% chance.

4% chance he'll say that this week. He says it every week. I just won from $4. I put on it. $93.70. That's a win. I was watching. Now I watched the news in the morning.

He had a press conference? Why did you only put four on? You should have put all your money on it. You've learned now for the next bet. Is that not one of the better payouts you've ever seen? For him in a week to mention a rigged election. Yeah, no, he mentions it every week. And so he's mentioned a lot of stuff this week.

I thought before we go into the millennia stuff, because he did, I don't know whether millennia came out on our own, apparently. It's Melania, in it? Melania. Melania, yeah. According to Trump himself, he didn't know. Millennia's doing Lego with Boren.

He didn't know that she was going to do this. And in the end, the Iran war was going so bad that he used Melania being trafficked as a distraction. So with the Epstein files, and then there was Iran to distract from the Epstein files. Then Iran was a cluster fuck. So he was like, millennia, go out there and make people seem like you were, you fuck Jeffrey Epstein. that's what it's caused.

I think she did that on her own accord because she has been looking online a lot and she's just trying to get ahead of it. Yeah, well, I said, okay, so here I am again telling you, I called you as soon as this happened. Every single time that Donald Trump has de-escalated in a situation with Iran over the last year and a half, you will notice that, A, Bibby Netanyahu comes to America

and two, things leak out from the Epstein floor. Doesn't the name Beebe Netanyahu sound like a hot chick who's an influencer? If you went, oh, yeah, you send these chick, BB Netanyahu. Yeah, her tits right at Coachella. Yeah, yeah. And just walk around. Hey, Beebe. So every single time that Trump would de-escalate on Iran, there'd be like a drop.

Okay? And then America would re-engage in the war. And then Donald Trump would pull back. Do you remember when he said, they don't know what the fuck they're doing? Then there was more Epstein files, more dumped, more dumped, more dumped. Then we go to war and then what is it? a few weeks into it, it's so unpopular that Donald Trump agrees to this ceasefire, of which a day later, Israel starts bombing Lebanon and the pressure for the deal to collapse happens.

And then all of a sudden, right after we get a temporary peace deal, Melania comes out and says, I did not fuck children. I did not know Epstein's. I was never there on the island. I don't have anything to do with my husband. There's lots of pictures of her. And you never know what's real and what's not real anymore, but lots of her with the girl Maxwell as well.

They seem to be more chummy than her in Epstein because obviously Maxwell, you know, ran the books for her. Well, as she did this, people were linking to Amanda Ungaro. And Amanda Ungaro was once a friend of Malania and married to Paolo Zampoli. Amanda Ngaro, she walks around in bikini with old Bibby. Netanyahu, two of them. Amanda Ungaro is married to Paolo Zampoly. Oh, Palo.

Who was the one that introduced Millennia to Donald Trump. Okay. And she posted this underneath Malani's statement. She said, I have nothing left to lose in my life. I will tear down the entire system. Be careful with me, bitch. I will tear down your corrupt system, even if it's the last thing I do in the life.

I will go all the way. I'm not afraid. You should be afraid of what. I know of who you are and who your husband is. She then says, I have known you for 20 years. You knew I was detained by ICE. You were present in my life every year on my son's birthday, even sending Secret Service and being the first to congratulate him back in 2016. Something was clearly wrong, but I am not part of any evil mission involving children. So what did you do, Malania? You tried to involve me, but you failed because I have character.

So Donald Trump's friend Palo, who's like a model agent, marries this chick. And then she just got deported by ice. So Trump's mate has obviously reached out to him and gone, I got this crazy, bitch. She took my fucking head in. Can you get any? Like, she's a real pain in the ass. She's being kicked out of the country. Now she's saying, I'll fucking burn the system down after Melania has come out with this one.

And then who's that guy, Michael Wolf? Do you know, him he writes all the books about Donald Trump's White Houses? No, I don't know anything about him. He's a journalist, and he says that. Jeffrey Epstein bragged about fucking Melania for a year before she was with Trump. Right. Well, that would have been Melania in a prime. Well, worth bragging about.

You can't hate the man. She would have been of age. You can't hate the man for doing that. He's done so many other things. Not being a gentleman isn't one of them. Yeah. I'll tell you the worst thing about that, Jeffrey Epstein. Kiss and tell.

A real gentleman doesn't do that. That locker room talk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It says Michael Wolf's, so the first lady is trying to sue him for a billion dollars for putting this in the book, saying that essentially she was one of Epstein's girls and then Epstein palmed her off to the Donald. And that's why she's getting ahead of this is because she doesn't wish for this to come out. But you know the administration, you're not doing well when your wife is denying that she's, fuck the children on an island.

It's not where we thought this was going to go this time around. Maybe some did. This is this generation's I'm not a crook speech, right? I didn't fuck kids. It was sick. They talked about the Barbara Streisand effect. I don't think, I was sitting there thinking,

I just thought, because you had said to me, you had said to me a couple of weeks ago, oh, the rumor is that Melania is, used to be one of Epstein's girls, and that's how he met Trump and all that type of stuff. And I took it with a grain of salt. and I also didn't particularly care because I've got other problems with Donald Trump

and how he met his wife and it wasn't my main thing, right? And also she would have been of age. That's not really a problem, consenting adults, etc., etc., right? But then when she came out and she did the speech, what was the first thing I texted you? She did it, she did it. Because I was like, I didn't care before that.

She's got me on board now. Now I need to know. It was a bad strategy to come out there. I did not ever sacrifice children to the God ball. When you're famous and you have rubbish said about you, you just fucking ignore it. If it's not true, you just ignore it because if it is true, then take me to court, right? But if it's not true, then I'm not going to fucking comment, right? Because it just puts a spotlight onto the actual topic, right?

and if if it truly, if, if Melanie is truly innocent, she fucking blew it the other day, she fucking blew it. And she's not a great talker. And because, you know, English is a second language. Well, she sounds like all of my aunties because she's from Slovenia. So yes, yes, yes. I've stood in front of the house where she grew up. She did a right.

Dad was like a car salesman or something shit. Local businessman. And, we have great ads in Croatia right now with Malarie. And it says it's a picture of Malani with Donald. And it says, it's an app for learning English. And it says, learn English, you never know where it might take you. Babel. So she, um, so yes, I, I'd listen.

Donald obviously said that this whole thing was a hoax. And there's no reason to investigate it. Then she comes out and says, we need an investigation. We need justice for the victims. So I would imagine that those two aren't getting along at the moment. What do you think? I don't think that Malani. That's why I was thinking that Donald didn't send her to do this.

I don't think that Melania and Donald share a bed. I think that she just hangs around the house going fucking hell. And then she just looks at her fucking seven foot two fucking son just doping around the fucking house like I'm going to take over the world. I'm going back to my laboratory in the basement. And that's her life now. If she's not fucking, like, I reckon if you went there, if you went and spent some time in the White House,

you could meet some really nice looking 50-year-old women. I reckon Malady would have some friends there. They'd just be doing the cocktails and sitting back and having fun. What do you think happens if she leaves him for a celebrity man? I think she leaves him after the presidency is over. And I think it is no different than, you know, what's going on with Trudeau now and Katie Perry. I think that she just starts life again and then because she, from all accounts, she's probably, like, Kay, so if she's probably a really fun lady, you don't get to marry a billionaire without being a bit of fun.

Who do you think it would really hurt Donald if she, she leaves him, let's say in the next year and then she hooks up with another leader. Bernie Sanders. If she moves out to Vermont and she gets away from all of the toxic chemicals in the one. I figure out what to do. We've got, I've got this wife. She's good-looking woman. She's a little bit tainted. I just washed it out.

I use Giff. I put it up there. If Bernie has to become materialistic because he's fucking a Balkan chick now. If the next time we see... I'm buying handbags. Next time we see Bernie, he's fucking shirtless with a cowboy hat at Coachella. Then we know things that have gone tits up. That's the real war of our minds, right?

But so does that bring us along nicely to Katie Perry and, uh, Well, you're sure. I mean, that's the celebrity couple that everyone was paying attention to this weekend other than the First Lady. This is what I don't get. I don't believe that she was performing at Cachello. Was she performing at Cicello? She's just hanging out.

I'm sure all her friends. I've been seeing a few posts. I know that Justin Bieber got a $10 million payday and he's dumped all of his representation and he just brokered that deal by himself. Good for him. Good for him. And he just played his songs off a laptop, I saw. Yeah, and he just went up to a laptop and played him.

and he just sang, and then at one stage, he just had footage of him, but sort of 16, and he sang a duet with himself, and that was his whole show. 10 million Buccournys, right? I like Sabrina Carpenter. I think she had a huge big set and dance or something.

I think she has catchy tunes, and she doesn't take herself too seriously, and she's a bit of fun. And I only found out that she's Bart Simpson's niece. Did you know that? What? Like Nancy Cartwright? She's Nancy Cartwright's niece, niece.

Sabrina Carpenter. I thought you were going to bring up the fact that they're really going, after her on the internet because she was playing a piano and a woman went la la la la la la la and she goes what is that don't do that and the lady goes it's my culture and she goes i don't like it yeah i don't like that sound either let's take the culture out of it look i've told you any language that goes fuck off right if your language goes not a good language you haven't put any effort into it and at no at no stage la la la okay you know what i do like i do like i do like we used to talk about this

and the other podcast when Mexican people do their they've all got their own what's it called? Grito. That one when they do that one. You like that? Yeah, when they do that

because everyone has their own little thing like that right they have their own little thing right so when we used to do the I don't know about that people used to send in like oh here's my uncle's one that he does at a party

when you're at a Dodgers game and some guy slaps one of those out and like it pierces out over all the other cheese is, hey, like that, right? As soon as I hear that, I'm fucking in. I'm like, this cunt's awesome. He's given atmosphere.

But the... Are you saying that the Arab sound, they don't do it individualistic? It's just a mass-produced sound. The problem with the Arab one is it could be followed with something more dangerous. I've got a Pavlovian dog response to hearing that noise.

You're saying, if 9-11 was done by... If 9-11 was done by a Mexican guy, you wouldn't be as chill with. that. It brings your joy. It's only done at parties. They never do it before. They don't do it before a fight.

You never see, you never see like a guy like arguing with his wife in the street and they go, I forget who's that, but like the white person equivalent to that is, let's go. Oh, yeah, yeah. And Australians,

all we've got is how much shame do you feel when you're on stage? Ozzy, Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie. Yeah, like, do I, do I, have to go, oi, oi, oi, back at you? Do I have to call in response to your oi, oi, oi, or the equivalent thereof of drinking out of a shoe? Oh, it's, I mean, particularly when you're going up against the English and they're like, all right, lads, we're going to, we're going to do a full song talking about his affair with his teammates' wife, and we're going to get it all to Rex Mozart's Requiem. One, two, three, and Australia, Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozie, Ozie, Ory, Ory.

One of my favorite memories, by the way, was seeing a guy try to start an Aussie-Ozzie, and if you don't get an ooi-oi, it's like nature telling you you're a beta male. Oh, I've told you that. I've spoken about this before, but the Americans don't do hip-hip at the end of happy birthday. They just seeing happy birthday. And it took me 15 years of living in this country of a couple of failed hip-hips where, like, because it's a bold move to be the hip-hip guy, even at Australia or Britain. So they finish happy birthday.

and then you go, hip-ep, and you're like, I'm the ringmaster of this room. I'm fucking done it. And then to be a, he's a jolly good fellow, it really. Oh, it goes on too long. The Americans are right. Once the song's done, the song's done, right? But I did one hip-hip at a party.

Hip-hip! To fucking nothing. And then I just left early. I was just like, no, no one likes me here. I didn't know it was a cultural thing. And then I did, I did, hey, at a Mexican party. and they didn't like me there either. Have you got one of your own?

Have you got one of your own? Do you remember who was that one that was? Yeah, fucking nah. It was Luis's uncle. Yeah, squeak. He had one where he started with a squeak. Squeak! It's a fucking winner.

If you're at a party, if you're at like a Mexican party and someone does that, it's a fucking winner. It brings joy to your heart. But anyway, Sabrina comes. We're talking about, so Katie Perry and Justin Trudeau are now made it official, of course. They've made it official a while ago. But no more official than going to Coachella together. And this is my problem with going to Coachella.

I have grown it. I'm too old to go to Coachella and have a good time. The only old blokes that go to Coachella are ones that are dating younger women who are like, all right, this is what she wants to do. I saw David Hasselhoff go there once with his wife. and she was like 30 and he was like trying to dance with all the kids and everything like that

it's just it's not it's there's an episode of friends where Ross goes off to spring break and he's 27 and it looks pathetic me at 49 going there I would feel pathetic I would go on this in the music but I would not at any stage dress up or put any paint on me

or anything like that and I would have to be in a VIP bit or something like that it was only one year ago that Justin Trudeau was a long serving Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Canada. And now he has a backwards hat on like he's in 21 Jump Street. Yeah.

And now he's hanging out with Katie Perry, who I've never understood. This is why I understand the appeal of Sabrina Carpenter. I understand the appeal of Christina Aguilera in the day back in those dirty videos. I never got Katie Perry. I never understood it. We've talked about different porn stars that we've liked and stuff of that. But I've never understood Katie Perry. I understood that the cream coming out of her tits in California, because that

was fun for people to watch. Can I interrupt you with breaking news on Katie Perry? Sure. Because the couple's gone viral, Ruby Rose has made a comment. Do you know who Ruby Rose is? I do know. Ruby Rose is an Australian singer, correct?

Good-looking, they-them. She has written, Katie Perry sexually assaulted. Am I right with a day-them? Am I that she's a they-them? She was in Orange is the New Black, correct? A hot androgynous. She's written, Katie Perry sexually-exually-asseled. assaulted me at Spice Market Nightclub in Melbourne.

Who gives a shit what she thinks? The Orange is a new black star, who recently turned 40, explained why it took her almost two decades to speak out. Though I'm so grateful to have made it long enough to find my voice, it just shows how much of an impact trauma and sexual assault takes. Okay? So she's saying that Katie Perry in a nightclub came up to her and rubbed her pussy on her and it stunk.

back then she was still dating Russell Brand so it would have had the smell of several different pussies in there that would have been butchule oil and pussy that would have been like when you when you like actually break down mince meat and you find out there's 300 different cows in there you know what I mean let me see exactly what she's saying

because I could so she is saying sexual assault where Where is this smelly pussy allegation? There was a female artist who is in the comedy community, who is a bigger woman with boobs, right? And she sort of does a thing where she has a tits out all the time and dances around. So she came backstage once, and I was sitting there, and she just got my head and went, and she was wearing a tank top and just went, boom, with a big tits, right?

Now, I'm not going to say I was sexually assaulted, but it was unwanted. It was unwanted. I still think about it. I was still like, what the fuck? Why did you do that for? But then I've gotten drunk and kissed men on the lips. So let's see what Justice Trudeau has to say about this. I'm not writing anyone off.

What I'm saying about the pussy backstage, what was their relationship like? Let me give it to you. And I would have had to have been there. I've got, this is what she's written on. threads. Someone wrote underneath it, you kissed a girl and you didn't like it. And then Ruby Rose has written, she didn't kiss me. She saw me resting on my best friend's lap to avoid her and bent down, pulled her underwear

to the side and rubbed her disgusting vagina on my face until my eyes snapped open and I projectile vomited on her. Well, that I don't have to see. What she's saying is correct, there was projectile vomiting. that's got to be, I've never had a woman smell my penis and vomit. So that's got to be some stinky ass pussy. Someone's written, so you have the balls to make accusations? Yeah, that's insane.

If you did, you could stop others from be victimized. Ruby Rose wrote underneath, I've just left the police station. So Justin Trudeau has gone from negotiating trade agreements with the Trump administration and ferrying the nation of Canada through this crazy global time to being in a crisis room with Katie Perry right now drafting a response to her pussy smelling so bad that she smashed it on an unwilling pop star's face and made her vomit.

Right now, right now, Katie Perry is looking at Justin Trudeau and is going, can you re-release the pictures of you in Blackface? I need a bit of heat off me. Can you put Canada into the war? You must be able to ring someone. So if it's called a turkey slap with men, what is it called with a woman when they take their underwear to the side and smash the lips on you? Well, okay, let's be honest.

The amount of, I've never done it because I've, I've, but the amount of men. A bologna sandwich? The amount of men who have slapped their scrotum on top of their drunk friends' heads whilst they've been asleep, look, the line up at the police station will be like the lineup at McDonald's when it first got to Moscow. Like, I'm not condoning it. That's an aggressive maneuver. To pull the pants to the side is where she's lost me.

Where she's lost me. You can see how our relationship with Russell Brand was built on a shared foundation of values. Oh, I just put my penis on someone's forehead. Oh, I might do that myself. They both started talking like that. I don't know why. I take to the side, my underwomen. Oh, awful underwear.

Howseing the penis. Had you free it, liberate the thing. I pulled it to the side. Smell it did. Knock, knock the old Willie. He wanted to have a chat. Oh, you're asleep down there. And me, Willie came out and did a whisper.

You think I'm trimmed it all? Just the sides. I love that. That should be the way she comes out. And she says, I'm so sorry. I just, my response to the trauma of my husband was that I would pull my underwear to the side and squish my pussy on people. It became the

norm. But I've said this forever about women. And I remember I told I thought that long ago on here. Ruby, not smelling like a rose. Women do do this wild shit to each other. When they get loose, they just, there's been, like, remember

I said that stripper friend that I had who said girls would come in to watch her dance and when they'd get lit, they just wanted to poke and smush and they rub their tits on their face. You could never make a comment against this female comedian that did that to you. Because it wasn't that, it wasn't that bigger deal. I don't want to, maybe, it wasn't that bigger deal.

But it wasn't wanted. It wasn't, I wasn't over the moon about it. I was like, why do you that for me? You know what I mean? Like, you know, but. I'm going to throw a few scenarios at me and you tell me where they go. Okay, so rubbing tit to the face, turkey slapping, no good. No, no, no, no.

All these things unconsensual. Okay, what do you think the price should be for this? Let's just say, I'm drunk, and I'm at a bar with some girls, and I'm blind, and I fart, and I cutcake, and I go, bleh, put it in their face like that. Look, if they take away cupcaking farts and putting it in people's faces, I retire from comedy. Because, to me, cupcakes may be worse. It's not good, cupcakes, but...

It's a gas. You're invading someone's space with gas. Yeah, but once you ban that it's a bloody, slippery slope, well, if I hold your hand without asking or something like that is something bad. You know what I mean? Like, you've got to have cupcakes. If we had a trial. It's the fabric that holds society together, cupcakes.

If you were a Supreme Court justice and there was a trial here where someone was suing over a cupcaking, because we can't say it's sexual in nature, or is it? I was once watching a thing about, like, a guy like, these are my sexual preferences. I like a woman to be completely submissive to me, which is fine. That's fine as long as the girl is up for it, right? And so he goes, this is my sexual preference. And it was just him fucking, she was dressed like she was from the 1950s,

and he was in a thing. And then she walks up and gives him a pipe and slippers and then tells him what he wants. And I'm like, no, no, that's just your preference in a woman. That's not your sexual preference, because no one. coming at the end of it, right? Yeah. Right? That's just, you want a slave.

You want a 1950s housewife, and that's what you want. And if she's down for it, that's, you know, it's between you and the other consenting adult. But don't start saying, oh, it's my, it's my, my, my, my kink is my wife showing up on time. Yeah, I'm into three square meals a day and spotless carpets. Yeah. What else is kink?

I like her buying me expensive gifts. And missionary. It's just sex to me. It's just how sex is. I'm actually very, I'm very curious about this, about this cupcaking thing because I don't think it is, I don't think it is sexual.

But then again, if someone likes anal, it is sexual because the anal aroma is. Yeah, as long as, as with most things, if you're doing it without an erection, is cupcaking a crime? Anything, anything,

you're doing with a direction is sexual in nature. So you're saying we'd need to ascertain whether or not you were aroused at the moment. I believe I've cupcake you. It sounds like something I've done to you. I believe so. Yes. Yes. So this is why I'm not against the person who whack their tits in my face, right?

We all make mistakes. I believe I've cupcake you. You wouldn't have cupcake me or we wouldn't be doing this podcast right now. I'm a sensitive soul. but I'm definitely with my brothers. Have I ever a cupcake you, Jack? Oh, fucking. Well, you're a directly employee.

Jack, yeah, Jack, when you no longer work for me, a cupcakes are coming. On your farewell party, that's what you're getting. That's your severance pack. When I say goodbye to Jack and the doohicies are off on their own world tour, a cupcake is in the mail. Right, last topic. I'll be eating a fucking can of beans before I show up to that party.

Last topic. is the Pope Leo versus Donald Trump. Now, Catholicism is firming up here as a enemy of the Trump administration because the Protestant evangelical seems to have taken over

with their dispensationalism and desire for the end of the world and the rapture and whatever nonsense. They're spouting out over time, praying over him like this. Pope Leo, the Pope of the time, the man from Chicago has been criticizing what the administration

has been doing both with ice raids, but now also with war saying that we need to give peace a chance. Donald Trump so angry about this, he's been doing truth socials saying that the Pope is an idiot. He's said an array of things. Jack, let's play the clip first of Pope Leo talking about why he has spoken against Trump. I don't want to get into a debate with him. I don't think that the message of the gospel is meant to be. have used in the way that some people are doing. And I will continue to speak out loudly against war,

looking to promote peace, promoting dialogue and multilateral relationships among the states to look for just solutions to problems. Too many people are suffering in the world today, too many innocent people are being killed, and I think someone has the stand on. Okay.

There's a better way to do this. Okay, first of all, just pause there. Just pause there. Okay. First of all, reporters, you don't want to get on a plane with them. It turns out that they, if they know you're on a plane, they're going to fucking ask your questions until the flight fucking ends. Every time Trump says something stupid,

well, one of his many stupid things, he's always on Air Force One, right? The Pope's flying. There's a couple of journalists, so they got him. You know, at no stage could the Pope just look up and just go, I'm watching the new Superman movie? I just, I'd love to. But I'm in the middle of, I'm right in the middle of this film.

Sorry, guys, the seatbelt sign's still on. Yeah, oh, a bit of turbulence. Everyone sit down. You know, the reporters know they've got you in a fucking airplane. It's not like you could hide out in the toilet for three hours. All these quotes you get down on. I'm just watching your neighbors and friends. Sorry, I said with my brother that we'd watch it at the same time.

It's good in parts, but I have a couple episodes to catch up on. But it's good in parts. Okay, so then Donald Trump responding to. the Pope here? Play this. I don't think he's doing a very good job. He likes crime, I guess. He hit us, think of it. He's worried about fear.

What about the fear when the ministers and the priests and all of those great people that were arrested during COVID? And in many cases, they're outside 10 feet apart and they were arrested. So we don't like it. We don't like a Pope that's going to say that, it's okay to have a nuclear weapon. We don't want a Pope that says crime is okay in our city. I don't like it.

I'm not a big fan of Pope Leo. He's a very liberal person, and he's a man that doesn't believe in stopping crime. He's a man that doesn't think that we should be toying with a country that wants a nuclear weapon so they can blow up the world. I'm not a fan of Pope Leo. He's not a fan of Pope Leo. Why does he think that Pope Leo?

Leo likes crime? What is he said that makes him like crime? Because he's saying that the ice raids have been too harsh and that there hasn't been a lot of humanity. So he likes crime and he wants Iran to have a nuclear weapon. What Leo has been saying is, is Blessed are the peacemakers and that if you're going to use the gospel, it has to be a just war and he doesn't think that this is a just war and too many innocent people are getting killed in Gaza and Lebanon and in Iran. and Donald Trump says he's a liberal. He's a liberal.

We don't like him. We don't like this. Pope. He's doing a bad job. What he says he's doing a bad job? Walking around in a dress like a trans woman. He's gay, right? A white dress.

What is it your wedding day to a man? He's a really girly guy. And right after that, obviously a lot of people are saying, you know, you're picking a fight with the Catholics around the world. And Donald Trump seemed to double down by posting a picture of himself on truth social where he was clearly dressed as Jesus Christ, where he's healing people. And the bullshit that came out of this man's mouth when he realized it didn't go down

as well, even with his own base. Because even with the Christians, you shouldn't be dressing up as Jesus. That's, that's, that, yeah, even the far right wing mag of people, they love Jesus. don't fuck with Jesus. So have a look at him coming up with a new bullshit reason why he wasn't Jesus. Check this out. Mr. President, did you post that picture of yourself

depicted as Jesus Christ? Well, it wasn't a picture. It was me. I did post it, and I thought it was me as a doctor and had to do with Red Cross as a Red Cross worker there, which we support. And only the fake news could come up with that one. So I had just heard about it.

And I said, how do they come up with that? It's supposed to be me as a doctor, making people better. And I do make people better. I make people a lot better. As an example, the 11,000, I understand your husband's going through treatment. Yes, sir. He's going to do some very serious cancer treatment. So this goes a long way.

Yes, sir. It sure does. That, fuck, fuck him. First of all, it's, you're not a doctor. So you're not Jesus Christ And you're also not a doctor So either one you shouldn't have posted Because these aren't your occupations

Right? Just two things on that This is a man who last week said We're going to have to cut back on Medicare And Medicaid To use the money to bomb Iran more And he's saying he makes people feel better If you're a doctor, you're a fucking shit doctor.

Secondly, you're in a fight with a religious leader And then you happen to post a thing where you clearly are meant to look at Jesus Christ. I don't believe in blasphemy laws. You can post that all you like. But it's the fact that he thinks people are stupid enough that they're going to go, oh, it's a doctor. As told you, he wouldn't have done that.

It's a doctor. Yeah, my show at the moment is called Son of a Carpenter. And the poster is me with wings coming off. And a lot of people are thinking that I am trying to say that I am Jesus or that I am an angel in that. No, I consider myself to be hawk man. The superhero, hawkman with the wings and everything. Anyone who says different is, okay, so him going, oh, I heal people and a type of stuff and all that.

There was fucking angels in the picture. There's people on clouds. There's spirits and stuff up in the thing. Go, I thought I was a doctor. What if your doctor came in, dressed in fucking linen, a cloak? A cloak with fucking like tassels hanging out of the side. I'm here for the surgery. My whole outfit's made of hemp, right?

No, get the fuck out of here. Put on scrubs, you can't. If he was wearing scrubs and a mask or whatever, if he just, he was wearing a pair of crocs, that's the footwear of the nurse, right? I could buy into that. But then the worst thing he does is, and I'll just, I'll just subphrase or whatever,

I'll paraphrase or paraphrase, what he said. So your, your husband's got cancer. This one. This one over here. The husband needs treatment. And is he getting the treatment?

Is he getting it? No, he's got to get it. He's got to get it, though. You know what I mean? Just to go, this woman's husband has cancer.

Eh? Yeah. So that lady was. Everything's a misdirect. He's a fucking magician. Everything's just a. That lady was, works for DoorDash.

And the reason she was there, she delivered him McDonald's today. But it was like a stage thing where she was, saying thank you so much because you got rid of the tax on tips and it's helped me. And then as he was talking to, he says, he was talking about transgender swimmers and athletes. And he says, you must be happy. I got rid of the transgender athletes, huh?

And she goes, I don't got an opinion on that. And he can't believe it. He's like, you've surely got an opinion. He's like, anyway, she's happy with the tips. Oh, you got that clip? I want to play this clip. They want to have men playing in women's sports. Do you think that men should play in women's sports?

I really don't have an opinion on that. You don't, I'll bet you do. No, I'm here about no tax on tips. He gives it a tough. Okay, she's shit talent. Who got her reading? And the thing is where he moves around is, I'm sure you do. Come on.

You can lean forward, whisper it in my ear. They're weird. right, weird. Say the word tranny. No one's going to stop you. He, she, they weird. You got a short haircut. You know, you know.

Like, he was so upset. Like, come on, go with me on this. He got left out for dead. It was like, oh, I can't believe I went to this woman for that. Anyway. Yeah, but also, also, why does this woman have to commit to a fucking opinion on national TV that she will be remembered for for the rest of her life? even now that she has said, I have no opinion on that,

maybe within her small town community or wherever she's from, her group of people that she goes to church with her saying, someone's going to give her opinion. So you don't have an opinion on the fucking thing. Now she has to be in this debate for the rest of her fucking life. Imagine going to the Whitehouse. What if it's like a seven foot tall guy and then he wants to be a woman and then he plays basketball?

What do you think about that? You have no opinion on this. What if, and let's be a hypothetical person here, What if you're watching and the testicles are coming out the side of the speedo and it's really gross? Yeah. What if they're trying to do synchronized swimming and they do that bit where they kick their legs up in the air and they do the scissory things like that and there's just a dick poking out the top of the water? How would you feel? Give us an answer.

Imagine going there because you've got a, like let's say it's me and I'm working for Uber Eats and they go you've no tax on tips. And I'm standing there and Donald Trump is. speaking with me about how great this is. And then next minute, he's like, what do you think? We're going to bomb Iran. We're going to wipe them off the face of the map. We're going to kill them all with a nuke. What do you think about that?

You'd be like this, gang. I hope you enjoy the new Big Mac, double Big Mac for you for a limited time. Do you like the Big Arch? People seem to think it's a good meat to sauce ratio. I reckon there'd be a lot of plastic in that food. Enjoy. So that's where he's out of the moment. decided to take on the Catholics.

The Catholics seem to be stepping up the challenge there. A lot of calls for Marco Rubio and J.D. Vance, who are both Catholics, they're saying to be excommunicated if they go down a darker path in Iran. I don't think that's going to happen. But what do you think, do you think that? What if Pope Leo ran? The Pope can, the Pope can excommunicate, um, Vance and all that. Remember back in the day, the Pope excommunicated Madonna after like a prayer, right?

So she was taken out of the Catholic Church. I didn't know that like a prayer was about blowjobs as well. It took me until I was in my 40s to know that that song was about blow jobs. Now that I look back as a kid, it was pretty sacrilege. It was, they had like a black guy who was meant to be an angel as a poster. And then he starts crying. And then she's like, she's like, I'm down on my knees. I want just like a prayer.

I'm down on my knees. I want to take you there. In the midnight hour, I can feel your power. just like a prayer, I want to take you there. It's all blow jobs. And I was at the time going, why the Catholic Church being so mean to Madonna? Totally get it.

Yep, totally get it. Yeah, good banger. Banger of a tune. Banger of a tune. I'm waiting for my letter from Madonna that she's going to sue me. It's not about blow jobs. And anyone who says it's about blow jobs. I wrote to Karen Willis.

We didn't talk about this. I've written to Karen Willis. Ever since Donald Trump said that, The YMCA was the gay national anthem. Gay national anthem. I said, I have offered my help, and I stand by it. I have offered my help to Karen and Victor Willis that I will, if they want to sue Trump for defamation, I will be, I'll be there for them.

So it's out there, Karen. If you need your help, I don't, I, look, you told me, Karen, that it wasn't about homosexuality. And you're a nice lady, and I've taken your word on this. and so if you want to sue me and Amos for defamation, then you should definitely get him. I didn't call it a gay national anthem.

I just called it a gay anthem. Never called it a national anthem. I've been waiting for the press. If she'd like to go after me, that would be great. Jim, I think we've done long enough. That is what's happening at this moment. It is indeed. And next week, let's do another prediction,

be like we did last time. Do you think bombing recommences in Iran, or do we just block the straight? I believe that the straight will be blocked, not by us, but by Iran. I believe he'll kick up his heels, and then they'll go kick up his heels like he's having fun. I believe that he'll get very upset about this.

I believe the end of it will be. It'll just be covered in fucking minds, and the whole thing will be fucked. And we'll have to look back on this time in history and go, if we fuck that. I know. You've got to feel for the other straits. Panama, sewers, all these other canals.

They used to be in the press, but... Panama sewers. Victor Willis. All right. That's what's happening at this moment. All the misunderstood straits.