I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 58 - Looksmaxxing on a Jet Ski

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

At this moment, Jim and Amos learn about looksmaxxing. Amos recounts his recent trip to Key West with a crazy jet ski instructor, they discuss Australian versus American beer commercials, and they theorize on how slot machines are coming for us.Jim's special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix!SOCIALS:Jim JefferiesWebsite: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠Amos GillIG: @abitofamosgillFB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the DoohickeysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All right, it's the podcast you've all been waiting for at this moment with me. Jim Jeffries, I'm here with Amos Gil. What are we going to talk about today, Gilly? On today's podcast, Jim, we are discussing missing scientists. Are they kidnapped? Are they murdered? Who's doing it? What projects were they working on?

But more than that, we talk about the looks maxing movement and how young men are trying to get handsome. Is this a fad? Is this new? Or have men been doing this since the time of Antonias, the toy boy of Hadrian? All that and more on today's AT. We also talk about me having one too many sex pills. Normal stuff.

Now, I've got some gigs coming up. I'm in Wilmington with Amos, April 24th. Me and Amos will also be in Fort Lauderdale near Miami. If you want to come on April 25th, the comedy store sold out May 5th of the festival. I got Omaha, Nebraska on May 15th and Kansas City, Missouri on May 6th. Please come to those shows. There's still tickets available for those two that ones this weekend and it's selling pretty well. Fantastic.

I am going to be also, after I'm with Jim in Wilmington, I'm going to be in Fort Lauderdale. I'm going to Macedonia, Orid, Skopje, Istanbul, Turkey, Athens, Greece. And then I've got a bunch of Canadian tour dates and maybe some others as well. But I'm waiting to see on fuel costs, Jim, because airlines are starting to shut down all over the world, say that the Euro summer vacations might be coming to an end as Jep fuel goes up and up and up. But there's bigger problems than my comedy tour, which would be attended by sub 80 people. Now, here's what's happening at this moment. All right, it's Wednesday or Thursday or Saturday, no matter, depending on what part of the world you're in right now.

Welcome to the show. Have you had a good week, mate? I have, mate. I've been looks maxing in Key West Florida. You look like you've just come back from Florida. The shirt and the hat. The Concre Republic, my friend. What's the Conk Republic? What's that?

That's where Key West seceded from the Union in 1980, two or five because of a roadblock, and then some local fishermen there said we're our own country. We're a Concre Republic. And when did village people write a song about it that was based in heterosexuality? When did that happen? I think they went down there

and they were just singing songs about Ernest Hemingway and Marlon fishing and boy stuff and smoking cigars. And then some people like yourself with a dirty mind thought of the home of the second. Corrupted it. Corrupted it. I have been down in Florida for amazing place to go down there to Key West. Again, we always talk about foreign people, not understanding the different geographical locations and diversity you get in the United States that you can be essentially on a Caribbean island. Yes.

Still connected by highway. Yes. all the way down there. 90 miles from Cuba I spent this week. No, as you drive down there, it will just have restaurants called the fat pig and things like that and big billboards.

Like, you still know you're in America by the billboards. I thought of checked the whole time. The scenery, you're like, you're like, I could be anywhere. I could be anywhere. Oh, gun mart. All right.

I don't know where I am. Firework warehouse, you say. It is cheeseburgers in paradise being sold. Yeah. Cheeseburgers in. The Margaritaville is as far as the eye can see. That is the home of Margarita. That's the first Margaritaville.

Is it really? Is it really? That's where he came up. That's where he came. So Jimmy Buffett was unsuccessful in Nashville. And as it was a failed musician and made his way down to Key West and was performing in bars working on shrimp boats. Then he had this little place there called Shrimp Boat Sound. And that's where he started to get his original success.

Jack would know this. He had a song called Let's Get Drunk and Screw. Yeah. Why don't we get drunk and screw? Why don't we get drunk and screw? Why don't we get drunk as screw? Which was a big, which was a naughty, naughty hit. They didn't like Jimmy Bubba.

They thought he's sort of corrupting the youth. How many times have you seen like a comedian do a joke about the, it's only half past three, but I don't care. It's five o'clock somewhere, right? It's only half past 12, is it? It's only half past 12, but I don't care. It's five o'clock somewhere. And there's always a comedian who'll reference that song and go,

I think you'll find that it's not five o'clock anywhere because it's a half hour. Maybe in Adelaide. Maybe in Adelaide. I want an American comic to go down to Adelaide and give that routine a go and hear the fucking crickets. Do a cricket. I love those stickers and t-shirts you get down in a place like it is a lot of, it's five o'clock somewhere, have a margarita, ignore your job. It's a lot of t-shirts that say this, I'm not gay, but $20 is $20. No shirt, no shoes, no problem. But what you don't expect is that, so the people that live in Key West,

it's a lot of sort of runaways, Peter Pan types, old fishermen, like the people that run the comedy club, some of the kindest people from all over America have settled down there. And their motto is one human race or something like that. So it's some big inclusivity. whoever you are. That's why the guys went down there to begin with. For sure, right?

So that's the atmosphere. But then all these cruise ships come through in the daytime, and they have all these t-shirts there for sale for the cruise ship market, for people that have come down from usually the south or, you know, wherever else they're on vacation. It's just t-shirt shops selling, Gulf of America. Yeah, golf of America. Just pictures of Trump being a doctor?

Dude, it's, it's, yeah, it's, it's, Dr. Trump. Dr. Trump. Trump playing golf. And it's like him hitting the Ayatollah, and it's like, hold in one. It's the most picturesque Caribbean island and then the most vulgarly violent right-wing t-shirts. And you've got to think, there isn't that many, the right-wingers really do the t-shirts the hardest.

Right. There is some lefty t-shirts, which is, but there's a more like hippie love each other. Yeah, no, one large, all equal BLM. Coexists is a big one where you put all. the different symbols down, even though all the symbols don't want to coexist. Shut up, faggot. The ones that you get in gas stations where it's like, out of my cold dead hands. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like, yeah. The thing I find so funny about it is it's just like big fat American tourists buying merchandise T-shirts of the U.S. Constitution. And I thought, of all the different countries out there, America is the only one that blokes, just fucking dumb beer drinking blokes, will wear a legal document and be like,

yeah. Like, there's no guy from Belgium that's like, I've got my articles of the EU constitution. Yeah, my first amendment protects the second amendment or the other way around. I'm not quite sure. Like, even English lads, then I

got my fucking Magna Carta slippers on. Yeah, look at this. Look at that's the queen that is. I guess they do to the queen. Yeah, they go for the monarchy. They never have a queen t-shirt. You never see a queen t-shirt. I've never, I tell you what, the British don't wear the queen stuff, but fair income, if you go around London, any time we caught a corner store, they slap on Charles, they slap on Diana.

Anyone who's royal will get on a plate or an ash tray or a fucking like a tray that you put your keys on. Or a Prince Andrew, babies rattle. Oh, your babies rattle on. A crib. Bibs. He does bibs. Yeah, yeah. Wouldn't that be funny if Prince Andrew was on MTV Cribs?

Oh, I thought you wanted to look at my house. No, no, it was more of a catch-a-preditor type of show we're doing. Yeah, Prince Andrew contact, contact film for your school books. Is that a dying artful? Because my son doesn't do that. So you used to get your books, for the younger people who don't know this, you used to get your books because we didn't all carry computers around with and then you used to have to get like a plastic sheet of sticky paper to cover your books to protect them.

And some people would do it. My mum would do it very good with a rule or that. You had the other kid who had the janky parent who didn't help out. There'd be bubbles all over the book like that. And the way that you decided. Mine were just like this. I had nothing on mine. We didn't have the time to do that.

The way, yeah, but you still. Single dad. The way that you showed your individuality was you cut pictures of people out or brands of like, you know, converse or something like that. or bands, and then you put them on and then you put the contact over the top, and that's how you showed that you were a, you were a fun type of person or what you were all about. Yeah, I'd put up, Blade Crow's stuff on there or something.

Yeah, yeah, North City Bears. North City Bears. And then there was just an era where I was just like, I want everyone to know that I'm really into chicks. I had that period. I went from Layton Hewitt on everything. I had a period where I had like a, I had a massive poster in my room, and it said, congratulateons, world number one.

and it was him holding the US Open. And I think three months later, it was just Heidi Klum's tits. My brother... I remember my dad walking in and be like, nice. My brother worked as a bartender, right? And he would bring back the Miller posters

and stuff like that from different beer company. The Australian ones never did it. The American ones would send out Miller girls standing next to a bottle, like in like a Baywatch type bikini that said Miller on it, right? And I had a Miller poster these two girls standing exterior,

a giant beer bottle that I thought was just the best thing. And I remember thinking, when I start drinking, I'm going to drink that beer. They've given me a lot of joy. Never really got into it. You know, because Australian beer commercials,

if you're pulling a cap and you're wearing a hat. Matter of fact, I'm a bit fat. V-B. Yeah, Aussie beer is more about like, you've had a, you've had a can of a day.

Australian beer? Whereas American beer is like, this woman will suck your cock if you drink. Yeah, it was like, it's like you go and you won't get fat. And they're like, and the Australian beers are like this. This isn't for chicks, mate. This is, this is just for men. You have a beer with your mates.

Don't kill yourself. Try this first. There's much doubt. So why we're talking about substances this quick, okay, so I just did Jason Mews podcast and it hasn't aired yet. And it's about a, so Jason is Jay and Silent Bob Jason, right, from the movies. Island Bob, right? No, he's not sign Bob, he's Jay, right?

So, so I met him, really nice guy. We had a few things in common. I had, I was meant to do the podcast fucking a couple of weeks ago, but I had the flu, had to be delayed. And his whole thing is you walk around a convenience store. It's more a web show, yeah. You walk around a convenience store and you pick up five different things that mean something to you.

And I picked up the soy sauce that was on the shelf because I'm a kidney stone. and then I went to some, sometimes the convenience source would have European chocolate and, you know, I went on my rant about chocolate when you walked around. Anyway, you know those pills that are up at the counter

of, they're all like, like sex 69 pills and all this type of stuff, right? It's funny because I used to hear people say Bona gas station boner pills and we didn't have them in Australia, but now that I'm here and I've been traveling on the road, there is a lot of five-hour energy boner type set up.

There's a lot of bono pills. There's a lot of... And I always thought they were bullshit because you need a prescription for blue chew, Viagra, psialis and all this type of stuff, right? You need a prescription for these things. And I was talking about, like, these things had to mean something to you. And I said, you know, these pills that mean nothing?

Because when I was 18, there was a thing called pheromone wipes. Because pheromones are what people are attracted to you by. It's the... It's the... Your X factor, whatever it might be, is your pharomones. your pharamones are submitted and that's what people sexually look at you and all type of stuff. So in the 90s, in Australia, if you went into the toilet of a nightclub, they had the condom vending machine where you could buy your box of three, right?

The ribbed. Yeah. And then on the other side, sometimes they'd sell like a little vibrator or something like that for the girls in their machine. But over in the men's machine, they had pheromone wipes, which just came out like in a single moist towelette, like you've come out of KFC and you didn't have, you know, a, you know, tap or towel, right? So I'm moist towelette, right? And they said, this contains pheromones in it, right?

And so I went, oh, fucking two bucks, right? Two dollars Australian. I go, what can I lose, right? I put it in. I got the wipe. I, but he took it off. It was just a wipe and I sort of, I just wiped it around me. Anyway, for whatever reason, that night I got lucky.

So I was sold on this product. You're hooked on that. I was like, well, that has to be the deciding ex-factor. So what? They get toilets somewhere at the factory. And then the men who work there, they sort of wipe it on their pits. So you smell like a man? They're meant to be genetically made pheromones that you could get.

And it was a thing in the 90s that we've made pheromones. And if you put it on here, people will be more attracted to you. Right. And I was nervous 18-year-old in a nightclub trying to meet girls like anybody. Chemical trickery. Yeah, yeah. Borderline wrong. If actually...

Oh, what... Is the same reason we dress nice? So we're perfume. Don't start... Like, oh, oh, that was... You should... I shouldn't have gotten away with that. Right.

Anyway, so... It was a different time. Yeah, it was a different time. Yeah, Cosby wipes, they called it. No, anyway, so I had this, I had these pheromone wipes. And ever since then, I knew deep in my heart that it was just a moist talent. But it was the placebo effect that gave me the confidence, talk to girls because I thought I had this extra chemical on it. And so I'm telling him all this.

And then I'm like, like these pills here that are fucking bullshit, that are just fucking vitamin tabloat. that are just fucking vitamin tablets or something like that. There's nothing in them. And I picked up one. One was a honey satchel, right? And I said, let's eat this together. Like this. He goes, oh, I don't want to.

You're not going to get a bono. It's from a, we're in a 7-Eleven. This is not going to, this is a convenience store. You're not going to get anything. And so we drank back the whole honey thing. And then there was another one that was called the rhino. And the rhino was inside a little tiny plastic rhino. And then there was a big pill.

Like you split it open. It looked like the size of a Kinder Surprise toy, right? And inside it was this big pill And I went, I went, this is nothing This is not prescription. This is just fucking, we're just in a bloody convenience store. This is pointless rubbish that people buy, right? So I took the rhino as well.

I was walking around with an erection for the next 24 hours. I had too much going on. My heart was fluttering. You called me with anxiety like I have not heard from you in my entire life. You said, hi, I just need to talk to somebody. I had two dick pills from the gas station. And then I started Googling it and it said that they don't get FDA approval, but they basically sneakily put a hodgepodge of cock ingredients together.

And the thing was common. And the other thing was like, oh, what do you drink backstage? And I go, pineapple juice in Red Bull, right, which I've discussed before. So I had like one of these big Red Bulls, two cockpills. I was bouncing off the fucking wall. Like the fact that people still go to drug dealers When you can go to your 7-Eleven And just get these pills over the counter

Is beyond me So they do they do work And did you go home and give them a good go? Ah, bloody I wouldn't leave the wife alone She had to hide in the end Oh, would you incorporate them into your routine And can we get them in response? No, because I've been very proud of the fact

That I never take the tablets Because I am Generation X, the men that can still use our imagination. They can close our eyes and think of happier times and knuckle on down and have sex with ugly women, charitable. You know, good people. Let me ask you this about vacation because I was doing comedy shows in Key West, but I still turned a vacation into it.

My girlfriend came down, my girlfriend, my fiancé, I've got to stop. I'm a girlfriend. I stupidly said on Jim Norton's wife that I've been married a few times. I go, you're talking about married women, I've had a few, right? Like this, I talk about marriage. And I think I've had a kid with someone that's as good as married. Yeah, that's what I was talking about.

Like, I've had a few relationships. I always call Kate your ex-wife. Yeah, yeah. But you're not. But you're not. So anyway, so my wife left a comment underneath, like, you've only been married once. And I went, okay, well, sorry about that. I've only been married once everyone.

I want to be very clear about this. Why did I just bring that? Because you just got in trouble for, you don't fuck that up. Once they've got a new title, once they get promoted. They can never be demoted. You can never move your wife back to fiancé, and you can never move your fiancé back to girlfriend. Once she's a queen, she's not a princess.

Yeah, just. The only thing you can move them back to is acquaintance. Yeah, yeah. I'll leave that. You can move. They can be demoted to enemy. They can't go any higher. I'm down there in Key West,

and she wanted to make a vacation out of it, so we booked a bunch of tours. Yeah, yeah. Did a jet ski tour. Did a sailboat. Jet skis a phone. Now the jet ski tour was... I'm amazed there isn't more accidents.

Quite hilarious. So we sign up for this thing. We take a course three minutes before we get on. A boat safety course. 50 questions. You have to get over 40 correct. And I'm just Googling the answers on her phone, doing it on my phone. Pass the test.

We jump on. And the instructor is maybe a 40-year-old bloke. It's from Colorado. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, my God, all we hear is this, my God, those people were fucking animals. Animals, I'm just dumb with this shit. I can't, I just can't wait to finish. And we jump on the jet skis.

And he's like, that last group was fucking awful. I hope you guys are going to be chill. And we're like, yeah, man, we're, you know, it was all, we're all just couples here. It was three couples that looked identical. Fat, Texas husband, six foot four, at least. Was that you and your wife? Oh, that's not you. Okay.

And then Anika and I. And Anika was going to do the driving because it was what she wanted to do. You just had the one thing and you were going to sit on the back. The moment I saw these three dudes from Texas and their wives holding onto their back, I said to Anika, I'll cover this. I can't. I can't be the one guy who's like, actually she's driving. Like I couldn't be that. You can swap out in the ocean.

It's not hard to get on enough of these things. We said we'll swap out. So Anika's clinging on to me. We take off. And every time we stop, the guy starts, I just want to get to know you guys, where you're all from and what's going on in your vacation. And one of the ladies says, and what about you? And he goes, yeah, I'm married. I'm married.

And she says, oh, yeah, you're working on getting divorced? And they all laugh. And he goes, yeah, actually, that's why this is going to be my last week. He goes, we came here five years ago. And she wanted to be a boat captain. and six months ago she became a boat captain and that's not my journey I don't want to spend my whole life in Key West

she wants to be in Key West the entire time and we've drifted apart emotionally big time and I miss my family and she only wants to work on a boat now that's it and she basically says her boat family is her new family and you know I mean it's cutting me to pieces it's cutting me to pieces

I just I don't know whether to laugh or not. And he goes, you know, these jet skis, they got enough fuel to go to Cuba. And, you know, this is my last week. I think, fuck it. I got nothing left here. We could all, how about we got enough gas to get to Cuba, not enough to get back? I sure shit got nothing worth staying around here for.

And the ladies are like, oh, why did you get divorced? And he goes, well, you know, I'm a pretty forward guy. But honestly, a woman just, if her dreams take over a relationship, you're doomed. It's what it is. He goes, in our relationship, she was also the captain, and I don't want to be the first mate. I'm a captain, too. So my sister told me I've got to be my own captain again. So I'm moving back to Colorado.

Maybe I'm going to be a ski instructor. And then he goes, anyway, you see manatees around here sometime. Hopefully we're going to see manatees in the... And then we just start hammering the jet skis again. and I'm just fucking dying and then he goes Hey everyone See that big sailboat coming by

Let's all give him the finger That would be hilarious So we do And everyone gives the finger When we stop he goes Did y'all see my wife He goes You gave her the finger

So yeah Anyway thanks for coming And tips or Venmo Cash app Just to watch these two go And I thought to us. You know what? Have you... It's a great...

It's a great character that, an actual character for a sketch or for like Little Britain or something like that, the tour. Because I had a guy many years ago in Cairns. I went whitewater rafting, and it is you stuck on this boat with this guy. And just going down. And then it's the sleepy bit. And the same thing. Yeah, I used to have a wife and I bought a big house out here. But now I just go home, don't I? Go home and it's empty. You can feel it as soon as you come in the house. Like that, right? Well, this is the thing, dude.

Yeah. It's the ones that are like 22 are what you want as a guide. Because they're like, I love Key West. I'm getting drunk every night. It's a real party. The ones that are 40, things are not going well. Things are collapsing. Oh, yeah, yeah.

If you're not in a stable relationship or you've got kids or something like that, you're fake. This guy was like at the end. So are you guys all going out for drinks? Afterwards. And it was like just me and my girlfriend. I was just like, you know, coming out with the two of us, we're going out to dinner, mate. Well, Anika fucked me over because she told everyone on the,

on the two tours. Amos is a comedian. He's got a show tonight. And we ended up having a couple come and watch my show and they wanted a photo afterwards and they go, you know something? You were not funny on the tour at all. Nothing. You didn't say a thing. In fact, there was like, she was funny than you had nothing to say. But up there on the stage. And then she goes, But then I said to my husband, when we stopped the jet skis, you leaned over to your wife and you said, well, there's my vasectomy. And I thought, oh, he's one of those witty ones that's quiet. She doesn't know you.

She doesn't know that I'm wittles. I'm wittles. I went out to say, so the witless thing comes from our friend John Leahy, who's a TV producer. And John Leahy, really good guy. I consider him a friend, not a work. colleague. But he, religious fella, right?

He doesn't talk to me about religion because he knows my one, right? But he came out to what you do stand up and you did some stuff about, he's a Catholic, you did some stuff about archbishops and whatever. And he said, I found the things that you said about the archbishops to be witless. And that's why we always say witless, if you're wondering where witless comes from. So I went and had dinner with him. He was in LA to do another show. And so I host the 1% Club in Australia.

And we get like really good ratings. The show is pretty well. receive. People like it anyway. It's a popular show, right? I'm not going to take credit for it being popular, but the show's popular, right? Sure. And he goes, he goes, because a lot of people write to me, and they also show the British version in Australia. Now, we outright the British version, because people want to see Australian contestants. I'm not taking credit for that either. And everyone goes to me, they go, oh, I'd prefer to watch the Lee Mac version. I hate you. Whenever you come up on my screen, I get that message a lot of times. And I was talking to him about it, and then he goes,

He goes, yes, I saw that forum on Facebook with the people who want you off the show. I didn't know there were so many of them. And I'm like, what are you fucking telling me that for? Why did he give you that info? I don't know, but we get good ratings. But it's not just your television hosting. They find your stand-up wawful. You're like, what?

And I'm like, I got a great extent. Like, every now and again, the internet gets me, and I'll comment on something. And I regret it instantly. Every single time. I did one of these the other day. I regret it instantly. But I looked at the, there were,

there were so many people who were just like, how can we get him off this show? If we all write to seven at once, surely they'll listen like this, right? It was so many people who were all the same person. They were the same person. They weren't old ladies. They weren't old ladies.

They weren't old men. They liked me, right? The elderly liked me, right? It's the, it's the, the, the, the, the, 40, 40, the 50 to 65 year olds that were just like, this guy's bloody, you're crass. He's so crass all the time. Why does you have to be crass? I'll tell you something about the 1% club and me being crass.

We record for three to four hours. I just act like myself and they edit in what they fucking want. I never watch the edit. I don't know what the edit is. There are plenty of moments where I'm not crass. But there are times that I, if you see the actual live show, I'm very crass. So blame the editors. Yeah, it does scrub up.

Yeah. Right. I want to, like we said in the beginning, I'm just, I'm just noticing my own tan there. And I think, Jesus, that's, you do look better with a tan, particularly when I'm just just sitting next to me. And I'm a very pale man. And then you can sort of tell the difference of the ying to the ying. So what I want to, I want to, I want to the stage where my gray hair is the same color

as my skin. My whole body's just gray. It does make a translation. I want to bring up this young topic for you because I haven't heard you discussing it.

I don't know whether you're into it. Now, we want to look our best, I would say. And every generation has a line of what we think to be male maintenance of appearance and then that's gay.

Okay? And now that window, I think, is getting wider and wider and wider and wider. You're talking about the metrosexuals of this world. My age group

and I think your age group was the metrosexuals, was the man who, We were called... We were called... I've never moisturised my life, but we had... David Beckham was the quintessential for men my age. He was the metrosexual.

He would wear a skirt every now and again or a sarong, right? And people would go... The headline would be so wrong, right? And then there'd be a big debate because that was back when the mirror and the sun used to hold poles. And they go, has he gone too far with his outfit right now? And it was obviously Victoria was dressing him because before that he was just a lad

who used to wear soccer jerseys and have a few different haircuts and all that type of stuff, right? Yes. But this is a tale is all this time. David Belly. I want to show to you the new looks maxing movement. Now, clavicular is this big online sensation.

Now, this is the young man who turned himself from a very, very mediocre looking dude to quite a quintessentially chiseled, young, attractive man who takes a daily dose of, He micro doses methamphetamine and hits his jaw with the hammer. Is this the guy who thinks he's going to live forever and he looks like a kendall? No, that's the guy who's trying to do the health thing

and he doesn't look any better than an old man who lives in Italy. I want to show you, Jack, let's roll a few of the clips. Do the first one, which is the news piece, which sums up what this young looks-maxing movement is. Bizarre trend that's hard to believe. These young men are hitting themselves in the face with hammers, even sauce pans. Get this. They think it will improve their own. looks. It's called looks maxing and it's being promoted on social media by 20 year old

Braden Peters, a controversial influencer who calls himself clavicular and has 800,000 followers. You got to hit the chin hard. He spoke his off the wall message on 60 Minutes Australia. When you break down a bone, it grows back stronger. So you're intentionally creating these traumas typically on your cheekbones, your chin. But he walked out of that interview moments after he was asked about links between looks maxing and incels, guys who hate women. How do you feel about being linked to that group? Thanks for the time. Appreciate the interview. I spoke with Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, Dr. Michael Zarabi.

What do you make of this trend of looks maxing and taking a hammer to your own face? You can damage muscles and cause permanent muscle injury. You can even damage nerves that can result in facial weakness. Let him do it. In areas of numbness, and in extreme examples, you can, even damage the brain. All right, you can stop there for now, Jack. Let them do it.

Let them do it. We're at the hit yourself in the... Remember people? You should say, go hit yourself in the head with a hammer? Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just sit next to that guy. Oh, there you go.

Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Why are you hitting yourself? So, but I think what it does is if you keep smashing micro holes. The dude's 20, Amos. The dude's 20. He's meant to look handsome and young.

20-year-olds are good looking. That is just a thing. Their skin is nice. Their bone structure is good. Nothing is sagging yet they have no bags under their eyes and their hair is still full. Well, let's look at what they do with their hair, Jack. Play the clip that I saw today go by all of another junior looks, Maxer. You know if I think this works, I'll do it to me hair.

You know, there's me weakness. I yield at my four-year-old the other day because we were wrestling. That's what you do with four-year-olds. He comes up and he goes, ah, like this. Anyway, he pulled my hair and I went from playful dad to going, not the hair like that and then

and then Hank looked at him like yeah that's dad's weakness don't fuck around with his hair you don't touch Samson he's paying a lot of money to make it look that shit take a look well if you do get hair back at any point

you might want to style it like this check this kid out so the thing people don't know about climaxing is like you actually have salt in your tears so what I do is I take the tears and I put it in my hair and it's almost like sea salt spray it's not fucking

funny stuff I don't can play that much? If that was the case, I would have the fullest head of hair in the world. Just, like, just crying myself to sleep on the regular and just letting my head back. And just, and just, my wife just crying over me while I'm sleeping. You know, on my head, my hair should be as full as full. If that was the elixir?

Yeah, yeah. If that was a neutral fault? Look, I've got a four-year-old downstairs. He cries all the time. I might just follow him around with a little tray. Kind of scoop him off his cheeks. Okay. So there's that guy.

Play one more, Jack. I want to get the full gamut here of some of these dudes. Check out this weird unit. Look how squared out this guy's jaw is. Do you do it with a hammer? Okay, okay. For the people who aren't watching on YouTube, that was the most irritating 10 seconds of their life.

I'm sorry. Apologies. So what I find interesting about this movement is obviously... That is a weird looking fucking head. Do you reckon that's from the hammer? I think he's hammered it out. Yeah, I think he's smashed his bones and regrown them in strange ways. Yeah.

But what I... I was going to say is every generation. So this is our generation's version of what are these fucking blocks? Like, what a little gay boy? How, why would a man want to look like that? And obviously, it happens to each generation. So for my dad looking at me, it was when we would pull out, like, if anyone was really flipping their hair over in quiffs.

And I remember when we were told to get sunscreen was a bit much for dudes in the country, always got moisturiser and sunstreet and aloeira after a day in the sun the little bloody puds. That was like too much. And then I remember people were shaving their legs. So I had friends who shaved their legs or they would wax their back so they were smooth and hairless. And that was unacceptable. So that was the thing with David, David Bowie used to refer to himself as a closeted heterosexual, which is a good term, closeted heterosexual. He reckons that when he started doing Ziggy Stata, he thinks,

And he was like, okay, so he does the thunderbolt on his face. And then he did the eyeliner and all that type of stuff, right? The rest of the band were all northern blokes from Sheffield. All right, we're going to play with David Bowie. Right? And they all went kicking and screaming. And he's like, it's my band, it's my vision. We're all wearing high heel boots and we're wearing eyeliner and we're frizzing our hair

and we're all going to look like androgynous. We're that, right? Allegedly the women went wild and all the band got laid on the first. bloody day. And then the next day they're like this, where's me eyeliner? Someone left me fucking eyeliner. Well, that's the thing is,

the baby boomer generation that were having a go at us for these little metro poofs or whatever. They grew up idolizing kiss and hair metal and David Bowie. I never seen more flamboyant men than Motley crew.

When I saw Motley Crew, Nikki Six and all that type of stuff with the big hair and the thing and the makeup and the, I like that. I saw a meme the other day. In the 80s, heterosexuals looked like this and it was a hairband with like lipstick and all the type of stuff. And gay guys looked at that. It was just like a shirtless picture of Freddie Mercury that was buffers all balls with

these tash just with a hairy chest, right? That's true. In the 80s, gay guys looked hetro and the hetro guys looked gay. That was what was going on. I was watching that on my phone as I walked through in the Ernest Hemingway Museum today. Now, I hear Ernest Hemingway might have swung both ways, supposedly. But Ernest Hemingways.

Did you, did you, do you ever look at those photos of Ernest Hemingway? And that era of men who covered what World War I to World War II and died in the 60s and 70s, you smoked three packets of cigarettes and drunk nothing but whiskey. That kind of skin that they, their skin was so leathery and coarse.

And their heads were, they seemed to have like these big heads, impossibly tanned. The darkest looking like strange tanned. and big beards. People age a lot worse because they're drinking and the smoking and the sun. Yeah, they weren't using sun. But no one looks, but people still say, like, don't women still say that's like the sexist

era of man, that sort of Connery man? You look at my old dad, George Lazybe, right, in that movie. I think he's like 26 in that film. He looks like he's 40, but you look like he could put a cigarette out in his dimple. And it wouldn't hurt him. he'd still be sleeping like that was something in me cheek

looks maxing in the Sean Connery and Lazenby era was like you just want it you want to be laying at the beach you get sunburnt for the best part of 30 years yeah

you want to smell like cigarettes that means you're you know a man you want you want everything to have that sort of smoky by hard liquor I think that was the thing they weren't it wasn't beers it was always about the hard liquor Sinatra Sinatra just

He was just smoking and drinking and smoking and drinking Him and Dean Martin just that leathery fucking looking but they age beautifully They were tough And in the end all that guy was doing was singing love songs all the time And picking up all these forget me nuts Because you and then in the end You wouldn't fuck with the guy

Because I look at those guys that have made Those young looks maxes there Who are like you know dorks who have rigorously tried to get a jawline and they don't have that. They're pushing the don't drink because it gives you man-tits and it makes you fat. And, you know, don't get fat at all. Don't go out eating with the boys, fucking state nights, all that bullshit. They're like, this is the way your food.

And this was happening when I was around as well. This was the shredding for the music festivals guys that would take the ecstasies. They would do ecstasy because they were like beer makes you fat. I remember dating a girl when I was about, I don't know, 30, right? And I was dating this girl when I was 30, and I had definitely beer face and beer gut and beer. There was a height of my beer drinking, right? And she was like, as soon as I took my shirt off and it was just my podgy little pale body and she was like, yes. And I was like, why? And she goes, the last bloke I dated had abs and a six, and all he did was go to the gym and talk about, I've got to have this level of protein. I've got to eat six times a day. I've got to do the thing. That's nauseating for.

women. They don't want to be with that guy. They might want that body, but only for the night. They don't want to live with that body. That body's a painful body to live with. That body judges the fuck out of your body as well. That body is unrelenting. In the same way that the extremely doled up woman, that's three suitcases you've got to check in on vacation. Exactly. If you're going to get that girl who wears a different outfit all the time, it has to, there's, I watch, you know, I watch 90 day fiancé. If you haven't watched the new season of 90 day fiance, it is the greatest telegoing. It is our family

TV night where Kate comes over and Hank and we all watch it together. But there's a girl that went out to Australia and she's from Miami and she's got a couple of bolt on tits and she just wears like midrifts and fucking little mini skirts. Her clothing is

close to the size of a pair of swimsuits, right? Everything she wears is that size. Yet she muscled out four bags for a three week trip. How did she do it? What did she have in there? Right? But anyway, I'm going nowhere with that story. No, I was, I was taking Anika today. Actually, I had one, I had one suitcase to carry down the stairs. And that to me was, that's your nickname for a one suitcase. That's how I, the suitcase.

And I, we were having an argument because I said, what are you fucking got all these for? And she goes, well, you know, I'm not like, all those other girls you've probably dated that have heaps of outfits. And then, you know, I always have that near moment where I go, how can someone one who dresses so fucking plain, have this much. I, Anika, I think very differently of you if you're listening to the podcast. I respect you very much, and I'd carry your bags down the stairs. I'm afraid of her right now. What if you are fucking fearless, bro?

You have the confidence of a man that thinks his wife does not listen to the podcast. Don't worry about your wife leads to the podcast. It's the father-in-law. There's going to be some little rat who's going to fucking count you out there. I'm just saying I have my, I have spazette. When I'm carrying a suitcase downstairs, it was heavy. I go, what the fuck looked so nice that I had to carry this down here?

I saw you wear a sarong for a week. Where's the weight? That's my theory on suitcases. It's hills. That's what she brings this. Can I just quickly? I'm on to a head of steam. She brings vitamin C, elderberry, echinacea.

And she doesn't bring a little amount of, she brings the big tubs of each one. She brings it all from home. All from, and what are we doing? And then she's like, well, when you don't get sick next week because I force you to take echinacea. I know I'm getting old because I'm really considering buying one of those pill things that say Monday to Sunday, where I'm going to divvy them out before trips. Because now I'm taking tablets and I'm like this, did I take that tablet already today? I'm not sure if I took it already today. I don't know if I took it.

Right? And then I'm like, I can't double down. I can't remember. I think I took it. So I'm about to get the Monday. I mean, I'm sitting there. I'm currently taking a tablet to stop the fungus on my toe now. So I'm no catch.

Nice. Nice. But that's the thing with the heavy bag. As you're saying, so we have bags upstairs here. My wife packs upstairs. We have 20 stairs to get down to the second story. Right? So you're bang, bang, bang, you've got to walk down him.

Then you've got to take it out to an Uber. And then you lift it into the Uber. And the Uber drives you to the airport. You take it to the airport. The airport makes you put it on a fucking thing and put your own bloody bit of paper around it now. And then you put it on the treadmill. And then you wait for it to come back on the baggage claim.

And then you put it into another Uber. Then you get over. Then you lift it up off the gutter. then you bring it into the hotel and then some cunt wants to carry wheel it across a marble floor and he expects 10 bucks. That's not, no. It's a tap in mate. We built up all the gold.

You're just doing the marble floor to the lift. To the lift. And then I don't even get to touch it. The first thing I do when I get to a hotel room is have a shit. And inevitably, I'm sitting there and then the knock, knock, knock. And I've got half a turd hanging out my ass and my bags come. and I have to pay for this privilege, do I? Well, all I do is if I have to carry the suitcase,

I'm very judgmental about the clothes that come out of it. That's my little catty thing. I go, if you carry your own suitcase, you wear whatever you like without judgment. But if I had to carry it up the stairs, I'm like this. In her defence, she had to bring winter and summer because she was going back there, so she has to bring a big winter coat,

plus all the summery stuff. What were outfits like? Were they worthy? How many pairs of shoes? is always the big one, because you should only really have three pairs of shoes maximum. I only take two on the road. I take one pair of shoes for a weekend,

and then I take two for a holiday. I can't complain. You know what I mean? It's like, you can. You do it better than most. She's the best I've ever, of any woman I've ever dated.

She's easily, takes the least photos and brings the least amount of luggage, and it's still a noise to fuck out of me. Because I travel by myself. She'll appreciate that. That'll be a lovely thing to do. Yeah, yeah. You know that old saying, if you want to get somewhere fast, go alone.

That's true. The end. The end. If you want to go far, if you want to go far, also go alone. What bothers me is she fucking has been taking photos of us all the time because we're in this nice location. Oh, that must be horrible. You know when you're a fat, like I'm so, I'm so fat at the moment. You look right.

This is why I keep bringing up the looks maxing thing is I've seen some photographs of myself. You look like you've been hammering your nose from side to side. Look, she took this picture of me from down here. I always sit back in the podcast because I can lean forward and have my face like this and look more handsome. What is you? It's not as much the chin. Did you know you were cross-eyed? When did that happen?

Because you're always squinting like a mole, right? And now that I've seen it, now that I've seen the actual photo, is that what you look like with white eyes? So we're all very ugly a lot of the time. And then we occasionally look decent. You could be in a romantic movie called Eyes White Apart. Do you ever think about that with your phone? Like, do you get some photos of yourself where you accidentally catch yourself from this angle on the camera and you go, fuck I'm hideous? Do you think Brad Pitt, does George Clooney and Brad Pitt, do they have horrors like that on their fucking?

I can tell you that Brad doesn't know. He doesn't know. He doesn't know the plight of the ugly person. Do you think he has never had one where he's like, oh, I've got to cut salt out of my diet. I'm looking puffy and shit. I got a weird neck beard. Never? No.

Not ever, not once. He's never wanted a photo removed. No, I don't. I think if he saw an ugly photo of himself, he would think it's hilarious in the same way that when we put a filter of ourselves to make us look fat or something. And you go, that's a laugh. He just thinks, that's, what? I'm a 60-year-old man who's allowed to be a race car driver in a movie.

Move over everyone else. Yeah, fucking hell. Well, I spend most of my life now just like, just, and she goes, why are you so angry about taking photos? And I realize it's like, I don't look good in them anymore. Like, that's why I don't like photos. It doesn't improve in time. And then you'll get to the stage where I am and a lot of comedians where you're like this, why do I have to take photos?

Why don't the post to be a cartoon of me? I am already in cartoon. I'm already doing images of me. Well, you're like, do a drawing of me that's very clearly me. You're like, like, like that, right, with the eyebrow pumped up. And then, fucking, let's move on. But the older you get. I'm upset that fucking podcast had to become bloody TV show.

I'm angry the whole time. All I do is do this podcast where you just stare at yourself the whole time, because I can see me in the screen and see you in the screen. You're looking at you. I'm looking at me. And we're just having a miserable time. I don't look at you at any time during this podcast. I'm just like, I just lean back and go, all right, well, maybe if I really ugly myself

up, people will just fucking move past this. This is the thing, man. Even to be mid-level, like to be not even that thin, just to be not a fat piece of shit is starting to become hard work. Dude, dude, I am five pounds away from being what my version of good looking is, right? Anyway. And then five pounds heavier. I'm ugly, right?

It's not like, it's not like, oh, and it's a little bit different. The current season at the 1% club, I'm chunky as all balls, and they want me to promo it all the time. And they go, put this ad up. And I'm like, don't want to put the ad up. Big fat fuck. Tell them, quick. My point for this was, we're all trying to look smacks.

This generation's just going out it a little harder. Your generation's going to Turkey and getting implants done on the teeth and the hair. And so we're all just making the best we can with the shitty stock we were given. mate, I had me chin, I had a little bit of fat taken out of there. I had her teeth and I've had the hair. The hair's falling out since I had it. The transplant didn't really work for me a long time. Mate, it's, look, I don't begrudge any.

I hate when people go, oh, she's had some work done. Was it good work or bad work? That's the whole thing. Because it's like, now with the facelifts, I looked at like, what's her name, Chris Jenner? Or what's her name, Chris, what does she call herself now? Yeah, she does. She still calls herself Chris Jenna? Yeah, I think so.

All right, so she kept the married name, okay? So Chris Jenna had a, I don't know if it's a good facelift or whatever, but she fucking looks young. It's like, even Michael Jackson, the things I used to say about Michael Jackson, they go, look at all the terrible plastic surgery you had. You didn't know what age he was. If that was the goal. I don't know if that's the goal. That's the beauty of our bird victims. So they can really sort of slip through life.

Right. I want to move on to some stories. Have you ever seen like a fat person who looked really young and then they lost all the weight and then that made them look old? And terrible. That's the one. And then they got the crease down the side and they're like, oh, no, I thought I'd be pretty. No, what you want is you want to keep the facial fat so you don't have the sag here and then lose it down there. But sadly, you can't do that, you know?

You can't tug it. But, you know, we're all working on ourselves. Now, I want to get into a very grim story about gambling. I thought we were doing about a grim story. But quite funny. Check this out. This is a new slot machine system where the slot machine is on wheels and is chasing you out of the casino just to tempt you to keep playing. Watch this. Casing you out. Some weird I will marry that. Bring that up to your room. Okay. I don't get the benefit of it. I don't get the benefit of the moving slot machine. Like, like, what do you think that's going to make you want to do it more? That it's still like, mm-hmm. Behind you.

It depends on the machine. If it's like six showguns, you're like, I'm getting fucking pushed into a corner by six samurai. You show up at the buffet with your last 70 bucks and you go, I'm going to have the all you can eat and you turn around. It's just behind you with a tray. Yeah, it's like, because we get harassed enough. Like this is the thing we talk about with gambling. I'll have four megabytes, please. When you gamble, now that the phone's in your pocket, it kind of is everywhere at all times.

But in the past, if you want to engage in vice, you had all these friction points where it's like, well, I just won't. I've just got to walk out of the room. I'm not going to go out of the room. I won't go to the strip club, but now you can see someone on a live cam. Now you can gamble right away.

Every vice is in your hand. The most important thing about vice, I think, in the past, was you looked at the other people engaging in the vice and thought, well, I don't want to be one of those creeps. So it kept you out of there. But when the phone is the gambling institution, you don't get to look at it. You don't get to look at the old winos spending their last dollars on the dish flickers.

Whenever I gigged in Vegas with Forrest, it's well documented, Forrest had a gambling addiction, right? And he'd go, then Forrest is from Miami, and he got like, I got like 20 friends that want to come to the show. Can they come to the show? And it was always like just like a guy with like a cravat and then like an Asian bloke with a ponytail. And it was very clearly his gambler anonymous friends. Yeah.

They were the most motley crew of like, just, hey, Jim, how you doing? Hey, Duchess fan, how do you think they're going to do tonight? But seriously, how do you think they're going to do tonight? They were a twitchy bunch, the gamblers, the twitchy bunch completely. In Australia, I think we've talked about this before, a quarter of the world's poker machines are in Australia for a country of 23 million people. That's a lot to have a quarter of machines. Our machines also do double or nothing on every single.

bet you can go always you you can bet red or black on a card and just hit a button and keep doubling the money so i don't know anyone that says no to that yeah yeah so you're just like i'm gambling well it's again so so the money always goes to zero there's no way if you're a proper gambler that you can fight against that do you think do you think we'll eventually have like so this machine moving around they're all going to have cameras do you think very quickly the camera will be able to do face recognition on you know who you are build a profile on you and then the machine's able to talk to you like, hey, Jim, 100%. 100%. I'm looking forward to...

You're flush right now, Jim. To the realistic robots that you can fuck. We're all looking forward to that. Like the next generation. The end of humanity. The next generation, because we've already got the dolls that are looking quite good. Once they get the ones that are really realistic, like out of Westworld. Do you remember Westworld, that movie with Yule Brenner?

Right? And how old am I? Remember the Yulbreda movie? Anyway, so... Yeah, I didn't watch the TV show. standing in. I watched the original movie. It was one of my favorite movies as a kid that I didn't watch the TV show.

I watched like one episode where there's no Yule Brenner. Anyway. But anyway, so once we get the robots, maybe there's a tray in the stomach. It just flops out and bling, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling, ling, ling, ding, ding, oh, Campbellbot. Oh, you think you'll be able to put there. You'll be able to play the woman. So we make everything happen on this.

Sure. You don't think that our robot mistresses in the future, right? And the wife will get used to us. She'll be, because she'll do chores for the wife as well. The wife will be like, all right. She has to be a girl's girl. Yeah, yeah. She has to be a girl's girl.

And then as soon as she leaves, she turns in and looks at you with an evil wing and goes, thank God that bitch is gone. Ah, hello. Hello, robot. She's not just the cleaner. So you're saying you'll be able to do a tap and go on her and then you lodge bets. And then afterwards. And like I say in my stand up, her nipple becomes a projector.

And then you watch. the races. Oh, you already say this and you stand up. Oh, well, there you go. It's a bit.

Or just, just, no, just a bit about, my bit is, um, the algorithm of your girlfriend will know you say,

well, that when you come, she'll be like, should we watch World War II in color? And you go, yes, Siri. Yes, we should.

No, but I thought those, those videos were absolutely bizarre, knowing, like, but then again, everyone was saying, oh, they shouldn't be able to chase you in the casino

and keep tempting you. But when you got the phone, You can't outrun that machine. I saw the speed. Yeah, but old people are being hunted by them. Old people, they won't be able to get away. They're getting corralled like that's a central defensive midfielder. If you're old, gamble it away anyway.

You're hurt and just have a go. You're getting pressed. Yeah. You like that. I do have it. You like that ending to life, the old person who just rolls it all in there? It's the Colonel Parker, just shoving it in a slot machine until you die, man. That's all you got to do.

Answer a few questions about Elvis and in it. interviews, go, give me $10,000. I'll do an interview about Elvis. All right, I'm back up to the machine. Ding, ding, ding, ding. That's all you want. Jack, have we got another story there to play? What else did I send you?

Scientists. This is right. Oh, yeah, we've got to talk about the scientists. The scientists. Neither are you or I know a thing about this, but you can't help right now if you're watching the news, but constantly hear about these nuclear scientists or these top, yeah, NASA, top secret, classified, generals, scientists, engineers who are going either missing or have been killed?

It's getting so bad that Saudi Arabian comedians don't want to do comedy festivals in America because it's a bad look. Nah, Ahmed, don't go over there. You know what they do to their reporters and scientists? How can you stand by what they're doing to these engineers? And they're like, shut up, Muhammad, you didn't get offered the money I got offered. That's why you'll go on the YouTube. say terrible things. I'm off to

do yuck yucks. Now, Jack Donald Trump has addressed this interestingly, and some people are saying this could all be connected to the UAPs, the UFO program where he said he was going to give us some information about it. People are pressing Donald on the missing scientists, and this is what he said. The doctor. Ten missing scientists with access to classified stuff, nuclear material, aerospace,

they've all gone missing or turned up there. in the last couple months. Based on what you've been brief, what do you think is happening here and do you think that this is connected or totally random? Well, I hope it's random, but we're going to know in the next week and a half.

I just left the meeting on that subject. So pretty serious stuff, but we're going to be now. Hopefully, I don't know, coincidence if you, whatever you want to call it, but some of them were very important people and we're going to look at it over the next.

So I'm going to say, I'm going to say this. He looks good in pink. That tire looks nice on him. I just want to put some positivity out there. Pink's a good color on him. This is from Representative Eric Berluson, who says it's possible that American adversaries are involved.

I would not be surprised if our adversaries, China, Russia, Iran, or any other adversaries saw an opportunity to take out some of our nation's top scientists. Because don't forget, we've been supposedly targeting, well, I know the IDF had. They were targeting weapons scientists in Iran, and other countries who are building their advanced programming. And so maybe these other countries are taking our scientists and killing them because, or kidnapping them to get them to build whatever these anti-gravitic propulsion systems are

or whatever they're, we don't know what they're building. What do you think when you're... Okay, so first of all, the ones that have been found dead, how are they found dead? Is suicide heart attacks? What's going on? It says nearly a dozen researchers, or people, with links to aerospace or defense programs have disappeared or died in circumstances that some observers have deemed suspicious.

The highest profile person in the list is retired Air Force Major General William McCasland, who is said to have overseen the government's program that intersected with unidentified an ominous anomomulus phenomena. Anomulus phenomena? Anyway, UAPs. Fuck. I've heard you AP. I've never seen that A word before.

And all credibility in this segment is now gone. The way that you can't say her moves. A recent addition to the list, 34-year-old scientist, Amy Eskridge, is reported to have died by suicide. Hmm. Her father told NewsNation he accepts that, saying scientists die also just like other people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She, look, that's one person, though. That's one person. but they are continuing to investigate a string of mysterious tests. Now, it could also be that they were part and parcel of a secret government program and then are being killed off by people inside the government.

Or, hear me out, because a lot of people think that they have, the people who have worked on alien spaceships, right? And they're the reverse propulsion or whatever stuff, right? Reverse gravity. Reverse engineering, which is the anti-gravatic propulsion. anti-gravity propulsion systems, right? There may be a chemical in the paint that's giving them problems, or there may have been an alien there,

and they've got an alien flu that's gone through the group in a horrible way, right? Oh, an alien asbestos, alien COVID? A alien mesothelioma, and right now there's a law firm that's about to make a fortune. Did you come into contact? Have you been working on anti-propulsion, anti-gravity things, and have problems coughing right now. Even if you don't have systems, symptoms, you could be part of a class lawsuit.

Yeah. Area 51 workers. It's, yeah, we get it. We get you a result or it's free. Has there ever been a thing that needs to move more than Area 51? Move all the alien shit to Area 53. We've all cracked Area 51. It's the worst kept secret in the fucking world. It's in movies.

There's a TV show. show called Area 51. There's another one called Roswell. There's all this type of stuff. Indiana Jones movies. Move it down a couple of areas. And are there other areas? Is Area 51 the only area?

What's Area 52? Is that catering? I'm going to go with Denver Airport. They reckon underneath Denver Airport is everything's going on. They reckon there's special tunnels and stuff like that. That's why they built it so far out. And then on the, it is once you watch the conspiracy theories on that, then you go to the airport, you go, fuck me.

There's something to it. There's like weird. like insignias on the marble floors and shit like that. They're trying to bait us at the Denver airport. Plus, they have Taco Bell on the way before you get through the checkpoint. So then you think to yourself, do I have Taco Bell now and then go through my checkpoint?

I'm going to be late because they won't have Taco Bell on the other side, and they don't. Wow. You've taken that to it. I've been to Denver. I've been to Denver. I've been to Denver. Yeah, so essentially you and I know fuck all about this.

And as we were discussing, on the phone before. We'll wait for the documentary in 15 years. This is how I feel about all news now. I watch all news 10 years later. I'm a documentary watcher. I'm not a news watcher. You watch the news, you don't learn anything. You learn lies and bullshit. I can tell you about World War II, but not when I lived it. I'll go for Iraq was probably a better example. Yeah, but you also, you can see how whoever does win can write history, because most of us, you can't keep paying attention as it goes along. There's so much disinformation and propaganda.

I can't, I don't know anymore. It's not even worth talking about the Straits of Hamos anymore. I don't know where we're at with that. He seems to just say we have a deal. Then there's no deal. The stock market bounces. And then the Iranians are like, there is no deal.

We didn't even fucking go to the meeting. There is a world where in 20 years time, we're told that Donald Trump was the greatest person who liberated the whole world. And I'll be sitting back with my grandkids going, it's not what we thought at the time. We thought he was a cunt at the time. No doubt.

You could easily see in 50 years everything being scrubbed. And there's like a... Loads of people hated Churchill during the war. Loads of people hated Churchill. They weren't like big Churchill. Yeah, they thought he was a warmonger and they loved Neville. Yeah. Yeah.

But I don't see... I mean, I'm seeing a conspiracy right now saying that one of the... They're saying that Raisin Kane, General Dan Kane, talked him out of using a tactical nuke on the weekend. On Saturday. Oh. What he took, because they reckon that he had his finger on the button. That Donald Trump had requested to see.

And then the chicken strip guy came in and went, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, that's absolutely nonsense. Now, he's been so all over the place, Donald Trump, when it comes to this. The Mike Pillo guy, how's he going right now? I haven't heard him talking about. He's running for governor somewhere.

But I wanted to play you at some AI slop that I enjoyed about this. Someone has taken Donald Trump's tweets about the Straits of Hamoos. and turned it into a mid-2000s emo pop punk song. Have a listen to this. All right. Operation Epic Fury. The whole song. That band should be called The World is On the Brink 182.

On the Brink, 182. D-Day instead of Green Day. D-Day. proud to be an American idiot. But that's where I've regressed to. I was actually originally at the beginning of this war, trying to read competing newspaper stories, and I'd go, I think I've got to grasp of what's happening.

And then I watch a AI slot band put together Donald Trump's tweets about the straight of a moose, and I go, that makes more cohesive sense to me than anything I'm seeing on the news. Yeah, at least it has a narrative and it has a through story. line that we go, this is what's going to happen. You crazy bastards. If you meet up with dads at this point and they ask for your opinion on it all, have you regressed to, ah, well, Dodgers are back, so. Oh, no, my dad, my dad was very excited about the cars.

I think we talked about last week, the cars catching on fire. Or is it the B-Y, do we talk about this? I think you sent it to me about the B-YD electric car factory catching on fire. The B-Y-D electric car factory, I'll just hold my phone up to the screen and show you, because because it made me laugh because my brother had just come, just gotten off a phone call with dad. And he went, fucking hell,

dad's gone. He's bloody, he's loving this. Right, hold on. Let me see where it is. Here it is. So,

so that's the BYD, Build Your Dreams factory. Right, one of the floors is caught on fire. Now it might be AI, who knows, it probably is a real thing. I believe this is in China or something like that.

Anyway, my dad thinks this is the greatest thing to ever happen in the news. I told you, I've been calling it for fucking years. These electric cars, depth traps, 40% of them catch on fire. 40% of them. Was I telling you about this? So obviously we're at this position now where, I mean, particularly in Australia and Europe, this whole idea of relying on oil in these geopolitical areas where you can get jacked by the price,

a regime can come along and close Australia. and then everything can be turned off eventually. I look at the environmental movement that was pushing solar panels, wind power, and it was all like Greta Thumburg, right? It's all about like, save the planet, how dare you, protect my generation, climate change, be a good person, love dolphins, love turtles. And I intrinsically know no one gives a fuck deep down to their core about environmentalism. It's a nice thing to say, but as soon as the hip pocket gets hurt,

then no one can. She should be going, cheaper for you. you. What I'm saying is now we need a new baby Greta which is like a young girl that's essentially you need a racist man to be like we don't want to be beholden by them

goddamn camel jockeys down there in goddamn in Iran can't have them turban heads charging us crazy prices. That's a far better strategy to say it's patriotic to have battery and wind. Wind and hydro is American

and Australian owned and no regime can ever hold this over again? Why doesn't the left go for that opportunity to say let's not let despots use us again? And we're all going with patriotic battery cells. So don't go with green battery cells. Just call them the Patriot battery. All the Democrats have to do to get voted back in is to go, we agree with all of our democratic views, but we are now hard on immigration. And then you would win all the people that didn't like Trump and they would win by. fucking landslide. Because it's, but don't you think, like, because there's people here in America, I know my,

my dad's generation, they thought wind and power, solar power was fucking stupid. And then the government was like, if you get enough solar power, you can sell it back to the grid. And then all of a sudden, they were like, it's fucking marvelous technology. Well, selling back to the grid. So, so I watched a good documentary on Jimmy Carter, and Jimmy Carter put solar panels on top of the White House. And then the day that Reagan was voted in, the first thing he did, that.

day one, because he was talking to big coal, he took the solar panels down off the White House. Day one. Day one. Let's see how much the spider he had. Don't worry. They'll be down. He got up there himself. He sent a couple of secret service blokes up there, and they fucking, they went up there with a ratchet, and off they did.

But day one, that was the first thing he did was he walked into the oval offices, take the solar panels down. And that, imagine a different world if he didn't do that. Imagine if Carter sort of kept on pushing that. Pushing that agenda, pushing that agenda, we might be a lot further along now. Who do you think, whoever the next president is, let's say it's Gavin Newsom or whoever, what do you think it's the first thing that he does when he gets in there to Donald Trump's Gowdy, gold, and would you just go in there and just chip it all off, ripped out all of those portraits he's put up of Joe Biden's auto pen?

You know, we still got that? I would wank on some gold-lilted furniture. Do you put it in a box and send it to Marilago for him? I look there will be a refurbishing of the White House after he's gone because he made it look so gaudy that they have to go the other way right you know so it just I if I was president I'd like the classic fucking Kennedy looking white house that's what you want you turn it into fucking pinball machines oh one of the rooms you also look like a 50s diner one of the rooms posters of tits there'd be another there'd be another room for collecting baseball Ball cards? You'd have a room where instead of all the president's portraits, it would be Miss Universe America every year framed. Tell me people wouldn't have a more fun time visiting.

If they said, each year we have Miss Universe and Mr Universe portraits put up into a room. You just go, because that's quite fascinating. I think that's historically fascinating. Well, you've got to, you know, we've got to be somewhat progressive. Mr. Universe, what, like a bodybuilder? Just like you just, every year the country should pick the hottest man and woman. And then as a time capsule, you can go and go, what did they think was fuckable in 23? I got to call out a friend of mine.

Someone I'm friendly with, right? So, Martin Leachies, who's the strongest man in the world, who did the old podcast, the I don't know about that podcast. He contacts me. He goes, I now live up in Portland. Can you get me tickets? And I said, sure, I can get you four tickets. No problem. I'll put them on the door and that type of stuff.

Here's your backstage passes. Then he didn't show up. Now, that doesn't bother me that if you want to buy your ticket. It bothers me because you made me do an effort. You made me put them on the door. And then because they were free, you didn't respect the tickets enough to actually pick them up, right? So I sent him in text the next day.

And I said, where were you? And the strongest man in the world wrote back to me, he goes, oh, I've been working out a lot lately. And as soon as I came home, I just crashed out because I was so tired from working out. What do you mean you've been working out a lot lately? That's your whole fucking gig, Martin. He's going through a new thing. That's your whole fucking gig.

He's going through a phase. Don't tell me that you lifted one extra fucking boulder that day onto a podium. Therefore, you couldn't show up to the show up to the show. Just say your wife and you had a fucking fight and you couldn't go. Give me the real answer. Don't piss around. I've been working out a lot lately. Who else can use that as an excuse except for the strongest man on earth for being late to something?

I've just been lifting too much. heavy things. That hurt you, did it? It annoyed me. Imagine if I didn't show up to someone's show and they go, Jim, where are you? And I go,

she's been thinking about comedy too much. And I came home and I had to crash because too many jokes were running through my head. There was enough time I had to go to bed. I'm a fucking, I'm an algorithm of riffs. And sometimes the head gets fried. It was pun Tuesday. And that's not a good day for me.

Right. I have to wrap. I'm finish on one hopeful story for me. I'm ready to go. I think we've entertained the public enough. All my brethren out there that are never going to make a lot of money but want to live a good life, want to go down to Key West and enjoy themselves. They want to be Hemingway and go deep sea fishing,

but they don't want to be on a charter with a man who's having a mental breakdown because his wife's leaving him. I just found this out. A Chinese billionaire boat company is making a pledge, and they've just launched on Wall Street, I think, the cap raise. They want to make affordable yachts for the every man where you could buy a sleep-on yacht for $14,000. Imagine how good it would be, but then my initial thought was,

but I don't want people like me to own yachts. It'll be fucking crowded out there. It'll be fucking packed. And then someone will go, you know, most of it's styrofoam? And you're like, yeah, that's why it floats. And when that happens, that's when the real rich go to space.

Once the pores take the sea, the rich have the sky. Look, it'll still cost the same to more the bloody thing. And so people don't know what they're getting into it. Buying the boat isn't the expensive thing. Keeping the boat is the expensive thing. Repairs of the boat is expensive thing. All right, dad.

It's a whole in the ocean you just throw money into. I'll tell you the two best days of a man's life. The day he buys his boat, the day he sells his boat. And there's no trouble words than that. I'll end you on my favorite quote, actually, is there's two good days buying a boat. The day you buy the boat and the day you fuck a Russian supermodel on the Malfi coast on the boat.

That was a good day. That was a good day. That was a good day. Why are we discounting that? Selling it was also pretty good. But we have to remember Positano. Well, to end on a Positano note. That was a good podcast.

We both continue to no longer. By the way, I've dropped out of the news cycle completely. So if you're looking for news, you've come to the wrong spot. Look, all these things happen at this moment. All it is. It's two Aussie guys who are upset they're getting fat and unconstitutional. unfuckable, whining for 30 minutes. Look, if we could call the show Fat and Unfuckable, we would.

But iTunes, they stopped with it. Did you just hold up a snicker that said satisfied? Yeah. Satisfies. Oh, okay. All right. I'm just trying to get some new sponsors on board. That's what's happening at this moment.

That's all right. Good night, Australia. Good night, everyone. God bless America. And up the Congress.