I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 59 - Save a Horse, Drive a Golf Ball

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

At this moment, Amos has just returned from a corporate gig with John Daly. Jim and Amos recount their recent mishap with a pedal bar and they talk about the shooting at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner.Jim's special "Two Limb Policy" is out now on Netflix!SOCIALS:Jim JefferiesWebsite: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠Amos GillIG: @abitofamosgillFB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the DoohickeysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Gide pie lovers. Welcome back to at this moment with Jim Jeffries and me, Amos Gil. Packed episode today, Jim. In fact, so packed, we forgot to address a couple of stories. So I thought we'd do a bonus story up the top here. What? Yes. Now, do you remember American Pie, the hot woman that Jim's trying to get with?

I think she had a Russian accent or something. Yes. Yes, Shannon Elizabeth. She's my favorite of that era. She's on only fans, Jim. All right. I thought you wouldn't turn up today. I have to go. I have to go.

She's on OnlyFans and has made $1.5 million in one day. Assumingly, your generation is essentially paying her back taxes for wanks earned in the past. What's she doing on OnlyFans? Like, is she very graphic stuff or like Denise Richards? I don't know how graphic it is. It's got to be for that amount of money. I've got to see a fair amount, right? I've got to see.

For men of your age, I thought I'd pick your brain because obviously there's these, you and I have discussed this a lot. Can someone please leak those photos? I don't want to get a subscription or an account. I don't have an account and so, but I really need to know what's going on there. There's these hot babes of the 90s. If I see a passing in the street, I'll give a 10 bucks for it.

For the 90s, early 2000s babes, before the Instagram era where thoughts can make a fortune, there's all these girls that must be looking at the only fiends era thinking that would have been me. I would have been Sophie Rain making $100 million. So they're jumping onto it late. A little bit like professional athletes who played in a more semi-pro era and are going, look, if I gave you erections in the 90s,

pay me now. Yeah, no, fair doos. She was a winner. I was always a big fan of her. She was always in the Jay and Silent Bob movies as well. Who else from your era do you think around that age where you go, I wish they jumped up and I could reward them. Well, Elizabeth Berkley from Saved by the Bell, she did strip teas, but if she just did it, you know,

she was a winner. You know, Pamor Annison was too big. But this is the thing. Everything was more sexual before we had things being overly sexual. You know, I was watching a documentary in the 90s the other day, and it was like people at concerts and like women wearing like, like groupies wearing like slutty outfits. It was just a bit more because we didn't have porn the touch of our fingers or something.

It was like you watch an episode of, of, um, are married with children. You'll get some nice looking birds on married with children coming into that shoe shop to upset Al Bundy, I tell you. But now you get nothing on the telly because we have such extreme stuff

that we can watch in private that everything else is very tepid. Yeah, well, everything's completely stripped apart. We've deconstructed all of entertainment and you go, well, just have a wank to this and then I'll go watch the driest documentary about Napoleon. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Exactly. There's no, like, remember when you watched a movie and you went, there might be tits, in this. Now we're like, it's pointless. Don't need to stick the story. What are you putting tits in it? I'll go how much point if I need to.

Get the tits out of the screen. Well, anyway, I just thought we'd address the beginning of this episode by letting you know that she's on. Well, I've got gigs coming up. I've got gigs coming up. I've got coming up, Omaha, Nebraska, May 15th. Kansas City, Missouri, May 16th,

Glenside, Pennsylvania, May 29th, and Wilkes Barry, Pennsylvania. on May 30th and don't forget to come along and see me on my Australian tour. It's up and running. And if you're going to the World Cup, come and see me in Amos in Vancouver or come and see us at the Emerald Green Casino in Seattle, which is the Emerald Queen Casino in Tomoka. Tacoma. Tacoma.

Tacoma. And everybody, if you want to come see me, I'm coming back to Wilmington, North Carolina on May 1516 and Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Come and see me June 7 at the improv. I've got more dates coming. Orid Macedonia, Oryd Macedonia, Scopia, Macedonia. I'm going to Istanbul.

If overseas travel is still allowed at the time, and to Athens, Greece. What do we think? Do we think the jet fuel will get so expensive that they're going to cancel summer for everybody and we have to stay at home? No, we just pay more money. Well, let's get into this week's episode.

And Jim, as we began, I began in a more solemn tone as I'm reconnecting with my Christian faith. All right, here we are, ladies and gentlemen. It's been a big week in politics and news. Jim, before we begin, yes. I was just wondering, would it be terribly weird of you? You know that I'm a little more religious now of late.

Yes, I know lately, yes. I haven't done anything. No, of course not. But in case you do, it's good to have it on hand. Would it be okay if I read for you a prayer? Like if I started with my favorite passage. If it's your favorite passage and it applies to this situation right now. Yeah.

This one has left me with so much meaning when I was reading it the other day. What's the gist of it? Like, what's the first two words? How does it start? Well, it's by Isaiah. Early work or is it old or New Testament? It's earlier in the book. Earlier in the book.

Early Testament. It's in there. Okay, so here it is. Near the beginning, there was light. It's quite a long way after light, but not when the guy's on the cross. Has Joseph, okay, before the cross, because that's New Testament. So is Joseph got a- End of the first act?

Has Joseph got a colorful coat yet? Joseph's not around yet. Is there an exodus of people? What's Moses after? What's he done? No, this is, no. Here we go. I know, here it is.

What's the gist? I'm not sure. This is a copy of Napoleon, but I don't have my Bible with me. The fact that you don't have a Bible and you have Napoleon's book, is that Napoleon's biography? Like, did he write it himself? Well, this is what I like to call, because I'm short. This is the short man's Bible.

Oh, yeah. It just shows you all the things that a little short man was able to accomplish. That's the message. They reckon he was taller, but it was the British media that actually was saying that he was a short fella. He was maybe like 5 foot 8, which was a reasonable height back in those days. That was this 5 foot 10 of its day. Oh, yeah, but the Daily Mail just were like, What if we just told the world, he's little and he's got a small cock.

Yeah, yeah, the Daily Mail. You know what I love about that? This world's getting so work. It's now going to be called the Daily Them. The Daily They Them. What I love about tabloid press and leaders, like, yeah, saying that Napoleon was small, because that movie was a real hit job on him. One of the greatest military tacticians in the history of combat,

and they just made him out to be this impotent man that can't root. That film with Ridley Scott, right? But what I love is that they'll be like, he's short, Napoleon's short, and the same way that they're still going on about Hitler having like a bad testicle. And you're like, every time I'm on the Daily Mail, I'll be scrolling, and it'll be like, new report says Hitler couldn't root. His dick was small and shriveled. Hitler has only got one boy.

other. It's like, guys, you got us with the Holocaust. That was bad enough. You don't need to go, yeah, and his breath was bad. Okay. Okay, so if you ever watch them play Germany in the football, what's the chant? You know the chant, all right?

One world, two world wars, one world, what is it? One World Cup? Yeah. Two world, two world wars, one World Cup. Right. Germany's got like four world cups. Yeah, Germany's got four or five of them. I think they've got four, maybe five, right?

And they could win it at any stage. They're always in the game, right? Always there. And the Germans aren't like, Four World Cups. You needed the help of Stalin to beat us and America. Like, it's hard to chant that. Yeah.

We gave you a good going and four world cups and a booming Malta industry. We only had Italy as an ally, and they are fucking shit. Yeah. We did it with the Japs. You did it with Australians. You're saying Japs pad in my own land?

I got to ask my resident Japanese person. Is that bad? He let it slide. He's letting it slide. It's getting through. Oh, no. When England does that, it's like, guys, you held out because you're an island. But like, you know, come on.

They were by themselves. The juries gave it a good ghost on their own for a while there. Let's not overtalk. And they had, when we had to bring in a guy that genocided the Kulex. Like, we had to be like a real bad dude to actually win the war going, all right. He's got the right weather. For the actual war.

Let's get into today's show. I want to address my hat first and foremost. Right. Diet Coke. You went to the Coke factory in Atlanta, I believe, and who autographed it for you? Who autographed that hat? What's that? I did a gig with the great John Daly.

And that day, I went to the Coke factory and said, if I'm going to get him to sign any merch. He loves Diet Coke. That's his thing, right? He's always got a Diet Coke. Famously loves a Diet Coke. Goes out there and has about 20 on the course, as well as his own. boozy drinks. I found that out. He only drinks his own now.

I think it's called Good Boy. Basically, it's a flat white claw. Is that the male version of Nikki Glazer's new special? I've got Nikki Glazier billboard at the end of my street. I drive a living home from school, from my kid's school.

Good girl. Yeah, she's ready to go. That special's coming out this week. Why am I advertising Nikki Glazier? She advertises herself. Friend of the show. Yeah, she does fine by herself. Yeah. So I did a gig with John Daley who really does live up to the reputation. I think he smoked, I'm going to say, three packets of cigarettes. It's very rare now because England's just brought in that rule, right, where if you're born after, I believe, 2006, you can never smoke again, right?

So they've done the cut off now that there's no smokers after, or 2008 or something like that, right? which was weird because the British really loves smoke. The British used to do a thing with cigarettes that I always used to find. We'll get back to John Lately in a second, but they used to sell 10 packs, which were little tiny packets, and they always just slipped in your pocket, and you go, I'll just have 10. And that's all I'll have for the night out if I buy this little 10 pack. And then if you bought them from the machine, you know, a normal pack of cigarettes,

20 pack, 20 in a packet, right? If you bought them from the machine, they only had 16 in them. It was the only place on earth. They go, because it's a privilege, in it. So we're taking four off you. Just taking four away. And now it's like you have to be grandfathered in at 30 to get a cigarette. Yeah.

Now you've got to be like, like I remember. So when you see someone, and I've got a friend who's a heavy smoker, who lights a cigarette off another cigarette. And it's just so rare these days. You don't see them anywhere. They're not even standing out in front of nightclubs anymore. Vaping killed it, and then it was all sort of over. In saying that, I witnessed a woman.

vape very recently on stage. I'm going to talk about that, but carry on with your story. Well, I do the zins, but not a lot. I like to chuck a zin in here and there, the bags, but I have noticed, if you go to a urinal now, that's all you see is zin spat out. Where is it really? Do you see those little bags? Yeah, I didn't know what they were. Is that what that is? You thought they were just thrown there by the pub to make it less fragrant? I thought they were clumpy piss. What, you're coming out of there going, people and

not well. Yeah, the American diet is that's what I thought it was. There's little tiny, like the little tiny cornhole bags that have been thrown into the toilet. I, uh, yeah, I like some of those. So I'll, I overdo that. The cigarettes, I will, if I'm around a pack smoker, I'll have one with them. I mean, it's, it's always nice to go out there and have a cigarette with John Daly,

and I was asking him about his, his life and relationships with golfers on the road. And he, I asked him about Tiger. And he was of the opinion. He's like, I tell him, just got to wrap it up. You did it all, man. He did it all. He's like, I got to keep doing things like this because I'm flat broke. I spend everything.

But he doesn't need to be doing that. He doesn't require it. Now, my job was to get him out there. All he was doing was taking pictures with people. He wasn't going to do anything else. And I was hosting a karaoke competition at the Steel Conference, the American Steel Conference. Now, here's what the contest was. 25 grand.

So we had 2,000 people invited to this party. It was $25,000 for the best karaoke artist. We asked 10,000 people in the American steel industry, would you like to come up and do karaoke? Here's the conditions. No prompter. You have to know the song by heart with the actual band who's going to be performing. So how many people do you think said yes for a chance to be 45?

would have said yes to that knowing I wouldn't win, but, you know, I like to sing with the band. It's a bit of fun. But I would have said yes. Three? At a chance of 25 people. I would have I said to them, how well are you doing in the steel industry that you will not partake in a karaoke comp? And we already picked the songs. Sweet Caroline, don't stop believing.

Friends in low places. Okay. So, friends in low pace, easy to sing. Don't stop believing. Quite a hard song to sing. Very hard song. but you get a bit of crowd support behind you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very hard song to sing. And what was the other one? Sweet Caroline. Sweet Caroline. Crowd play. So everyone's going to join you. We only had three people. Now, I think the reason is because two years ago I hosted this at the Steel Conference

and they had a karaoke machine that froze as people were singing, it would freeze. And then they didn't know what to do. This was a big deal. This was a big deal. I remember your father-in-law was angry about this frozen thing. That's been a year, has it? No, that's been two years because we skipped it last year because he went, it was shit. It was a waste of time and money.

And I think the only reason he brought it back this year is it's a way for my father-in-law to get me paid in some way to host this thing. And so two years ago, we had five contestants. This is not a joke. Five contestants. On every single one of them, the machine blew up, froze. We were using not even premium YouTube. Ads would start midway through people's songs. It was a humiliation to the people that got up and did it.

And so when I was on stage going, and the winner is, ladies and gentlemen, my father-in-law got in my ear and said, just fucking give it to everybody. You made them all look like dickheads. He goes, give everyone's surprise. So I went, the winner is, everybody gets $25,000. So these four or five people with $25. I meant that you split it between them. You fool.

He literally whispers to me, he goes, you just cost me 75 grand with your shit segment. But he had to pass it off like, ah ha ha. So I would have thought 25 grand for doing this, you know, I'd sign up going, he'll probably give it to us anyway. Do you know what I mean? Like, why wouldn't you? After what happened last time? So I look at the people. How was the quality of the performers?

Well, here's the thing. I saw three, there was three tapes of people that submitted. And two of them were like, just mediocre guys having a fun time singing to a hairbrush. One of them was so outstanding. the guy that was singing friends in low places, that I said to Anton, Anton, you don't work in show business. This is auto tune.

You're an idiot. You and all the board of steel people don't know show business like I know show business. He's put a filter on that. That's not his voice. And Anton said, no, he sounds great. He's going to be a killer. I said, Anton, fuck me, mate.

I work in show business. You don't know everything. He went on first. He was fucking outstanding. Right, right. He's had the voice of an angel. He sings friends in low places and just rips the shit out of it. So good.

Like better than anyone I've ever seen sing live. I later find out that he's a guy that works in the steel industry to support his family, but he's a Canadian man who works in the factories of, in the foundry of one of these shops. And this 25,000 dollar, he's in tears because he won at the end. There was no way to give it to anybody else. And I got to hand him over to what of 25K. If you had like a disabled child or something there, that's an easy 25 grand, right? If it's only a few people.

You just wheel out a disabled, like someone who got injured in the foundry. Yeah, yeah. And someone, they come and sing a song. Well, guess who joined in? Who? John Daly. John Daly. John Daly had to sing?

John Daly. What did he sing? Yeah, I told John Daly, I said, can you believe this, John, $25,000? And only three contestants. And he goes, shit. love to sing. You know, I got four albums. And then I had one of the most surreal experiences of my life, John Daly pulled out SoundCloud and was playing me his new album. So I'm sitting there smoking a pack of cigarettes with John Daly. And I'd go to ask him questions. Like,

so who's your best friend on tour? And he's like, shh, it's my favorite part. Just listen to the hook. How's his album? Is he any good? Dude, he's got a J.R. Cash type voice. It's like a slow country album. It's all he cares about now. Jack, you know country music. He's got four albums, apparently. So I'm hosting the competition. John comes out at the end of these performers after the prize money's being given. And let me tell you, I have to track down some footage of this. Outstanding. This is why you won't get me against John Daly as a singer. What I saw up there was innate talent. I saw a man who's lived a hard life who had a story to tell and his voice told it. Well, you thought it was a good show. I thought it was outstandingly good. I don't know

whether it was just because it was so absurd that here I am with my Diet Coke sign, John Daly Hat, talking to him about the masters the next minute, he's on stage with the band doing a 12-minute rendition of knocking on Evans' door. It was the best. It was the best money you could ever spend. So he did the Guns and Roses version if he did that. Yes, he did the bit in the middle of the middle of it. Hey, guys, you got to get, you know, the phone call. You don't know the song. Anyway, so I saw a concert this weekend, on Sunday, which is the weekend. I went to Lily Allen with the wife. So the wife, this is what I bought her for her Christmas present, or birthday present.

I bought her tickets for Lily Allen. It came around. Here we go. We go to the show. I'm a big fan of Lily Allen. I know that you like Lily Allen as well. She, look, if you don't know who Lily Allen is, You put on the song, LD.

It's not fair and I think you'll really mean. I think you're really mean. Put on LDN or Smile would be her two biggest hits. Her father is a guy called Keith Allen, right, who once tried to punch me out in a bar. And we'll tell that story after we tell this story. I haven't told this story on a podcast, I don't think, forever. So Lily Allen, hugely popular in Britain. It was down at the Orphium.

down at the Orphium, it was all just British people, but all she was performing was her new album. No old tracks, no nothing. She was just performing her new album. And I went on, you know, line as you do before you see a concert now to see the set list. To think, oh, what song is I going to list? I try to ruin it for myself, you know. And everyone's like, oh, she has a backing track and she just sings the album. And I thought after, like, Justin Bieber went to Glastonbury and just had a computer that he was in.

And one time I saw Beck and he just had a beatbox machine and then he was fucking hopeless, Beck. Terrible show. One of the worst shows I've ever seen. Anyway, I thought, oh, this is going to be fucking crap. And so before, the first half of the concert was a trio of cellos, right, a string trio. And they played all of her old songs and they had a screen up behind where you could sing along with the lyrics. Now, all of the songs are really catchy, but most of them are about fucking, ex-boyfriends who she really hates and well she's had that relationship that

tariff relationship with david harbour fuck you very very much right and so all it was just a roomful of women singing these songs going fuck you fuck you fuck you very very much when i see you cry yeah it makes me smile and the girls were going for it and i thought this isn't my place to be singing or anything like that i just apologized sorry women sorry for everything but you've There's just one thing that's getting in the way. When we go up to bed, you're just no good. It's such a shame. Yeah, yeah.

It's all just about blokes who are dud roots. Who can't come. Who are douged roots who fucking have fucked her over. And then when you're crying in a heap, I enjoy by smiling it and all this other stuff. And the next album is all she married David Harbour. We all know from Stranger Things. She married him. It turned out that he was having a ton of affairs.

He had a separate apartment, which she calls the Pussy Pound. Alice, which he thought was a dojo, dojo, dojo, right? And so it turned out that he was shaggingle his people. Then there was a girl called Madeline who he found the phone. So she has a song like, who the fuck is Madeline, right? And then they're like, yeah, the audience is like, who the fuck is Maloney? Women were, if David Harbour, right, walked past that theater just by accident. He just gone down to the shops to pick up a carton of milk.

And then he just walked past that. he would have been just mauled, just completely just, well, it is, spat on, just, the women were angry. You would suggest that that audience would be mostly on their second or third marriage, that age, it's like women who were 40 something. David Harbour is in a, is in a TV show at the moment called Down to Fuck, right?

With him and Jason, whatever, on Jason Bateman on HBO, down to fuck or Apple, down to fuck. That's not a good show for him to be on, down to fuck if you're a Lily Allen fan Like my wife will not watch that show My wife is furious Now I'll tell you So she comes out

It's like her She's in a bedroom And it The show was brilliant The show was fucking brilliant She just does it like You're watching a musical Or a one woman play

Or something like that She doesn't speak in between The whole album Is obviously And it's scene change Scene changes A thing will come out the pussy palace comes out.

There's a song about receipts and a big receipt kind of. Everything sort of moves around and you follow the story of her getting divorced from her husband. You know, they moved off to New York and she was from London. Put the kids in new schools and da da da da da da da da da. But ba da da da da da da da right. It was fucking brilliant. Anyway, so her father is her brother, if you don't know, is from, is Alfie from Game of Thrones. and he was the guy who killed John Wick's dog, right?

So both of these kids have become very successful, right? And there's the song Alfi about how he was just a stoner in his room all day, doing nothing. She has a song called Alfie, which is about him. Her father is a guy called Keith Allen. Now, if you don't know Keith Allen is, he played the father in the movie Eddie the Eagle, played Taran Edgerton's father in that movie, is Lily Allen's dad.

Was he a comic also or that's just Tom Holland's father? He was a comedian. Keith is a comedian. Now, he also is he, at the Groucho Club in Soho, which is a member's club, yeah, there he is. You'll see that prick.

There's Keith. You'll see him. He'll be there all the fucking time, right? He's propping up the bar, right? And when he gets a few fucking drinks into him, he turns into a right fucking cunt he does. Right. So, old Keefie, right, gets on the fucking piano and plays a few cockney fucking ditties, doesn't he? Right. And he fucking plays on the piano. No one asks him to, right? And he'll make them turn down the music as Keith plays. And no one's really singing along or anything like that.

So I'm there, I'm there, Lily Allen's at her peak, her first or second album, right, at her peak. Keith is on the piano. We're in the Groucho Club, right? And, uh, and, uh, and, uh, and, Keith finishes a song to no applause and then he turns to no applause and then he turns around and goes any requests and I say thinking you know he's a father he'll enjoy this right I go play some Lily Allen right now if he was smart and got that piano and went dun dun dun dun dun don't if he just did that much the place would have lost its fucking mind he would have been a hero but he snarled and he went, who the fuck said that?

Who the fuck said that? And I just sat, because he's a very unhinged man, I just sat back to me, and everyone's looking at me and I'm like, I don't want to fucking own up like this way. And then he went up to one by he goes,

was it fucking you? And he goes, no, it wasn't me. The guy didn't top me in. Anyway, so Keith has to be fucking taken out for the fucking day. Right? I go out later that night for a fucking cigarette. he's still fucking waiting to go in, right?

He's so angry, right? He's fucking like, yeah, you're going to let me back in like this, right? And I go, and I said the next amount of cigarette, I went, fucking, what, what cunt would yell that out, eh? Well, was he in the press at the time for having a bad relationship with it or something? No, I think he was just a drunk guy, and it was his little moment to shine. You're like, oh, yeah, that was that. Yeah, I think, no, I think they always got a lot. They weren't estranged?

Look, look, he is obviously clearly a heavy drinker, but, you know, must have something to do with his fathering. Both of his kids are remarkably successful and creative and really good at what they do. So whether it's just inherent talent he's passed on to him or whether he's given them some level of drive or creativity is given to him. So I can't, I can't, you know, speak shade on the cun. He's produced two bangers of kids. Speaking of people who are big drinking, crowd-pleasing party people. Oh, the old days, I'm not bad anymore. Why don't you tell, why don't you tell the pie lovers of this podcast?

Gide pie lovers. Gide pie lovers. I think we should make merch for pie lovers, by the way. I've decided that should be our thing. Yeah, good-a-pie lovers is a great thing. Anna said that to me. She goes, we should start every episode with get-a-pie lovers. Good-A pie lovers.

The pie lovers out there. Now, you can't drink anymore, you know, for, For better, people would say, you know, but I am still vibrant young. What do I do? That was so wrong for better people. Better for me, not for the general public. I was a fun drink. It's wonderful, wonderful drunk for the rest of us.

But what about me and how cool I was when we were in Wilmington together? I thought you could just tell the public. What happened in Wilmington? With the pedal bar that went past. Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay. So we're in Wilmington, North Carolina, or is it South Carolina? It's North Carolina.

We're in Wilmington, North Carolina. And we're walking around. We've been out for sushi. Sometimes we have like an early dinner at like four o'clock because the show's at seven. So that's our dinner. We have this sort of four o'clock dinner if we can find a place, you know. So we went off, we had a four o'clock dinner. And then we're walking back to the hotel and we're just, you know, talking, you know,

about the industry or whatever we were talking about. And one of those pedal bars where everyone rode by. And they were listening to Sweet Child of Mine by Guns and Roses. I remember it distinctly, right? And they were all fucking drink. And they were just lads that were getting fucking hammered. There was no one else in town. It's not like when you see one of those things like in Nashville or Vegas or something you see him riding around.

Vegas, they don't do it because there's a strip again. But in Nashville, riding around or Miami and you go, oh, this is a party town. This is all people here. Appropos of nothing. No, this was like the only vehicle on the street, right? This is the only thing going on. There wasn't a car behind it. There wasn't a car in front of it.

It wouldn't matter if there was lights. You could just keep right. No one was a dead town. And they came by and we gave him like the devil horns as they went by because they were playing guns and roses and they were all like, like, way, like that, right. They went, you want a beer. You want a beer.

And then I was like, ah, I can't. Jim did the N'ah, and they go, ooh. Yeah, I did that, because I can't get into it. They're pedaling past me, right? I've all the sobriety you've been able to keep now for seven years, if you cracked because of a random Wilmington pedal bar. It was the closest I've gotten to crack in. Peer pressure gets to be every time.

Yeah, 12 lads on a bike. Who we don't know at 5.30 p.m. on a Saturday making noise. The vibes were immaculate. The sun was coming down. Yeah, the sun was, the sun was. coming down. It was about five o'clock. It was, they were all a...

It was a Friday. Yeah, it was a Friday night, and these lads were all about 23 to 26 years old. They were right in the meat of... They could have maybe been younger and been in a fraternity together or something, you know what I mean? Now, we're walking along. We've got a show starting in about 25 years. We've got a show starting. They were, yeah, you, boy, you guys watch some berries.

We're the only people on the street. By the way, I've got a mouthful of ice cream at this time, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've bought a scoop of ice cream on the way back. because as we pass by the ice cream store, you like the smell of the waffles, as I do as well. They were making the waffles,

and then he went in there, oh, that smells good. And then he bought the eye cream and they go, do you want it in a cone? He goes, no, I'll have it in a cup. Who goes into the store because the waffle smells so good? And then goes, I'll just have the fucking cup. You can have the ice cream at home.

The waffle cone is the reason you leave the house. They shouldn't have advertised the calories. Yeah, yeah, because you saw the calories. You went, oh, no, and then he's like, oh, I could put a bit of waffle in the top for you. went, no, I can't do that. I can't do that, right? Yeah, it was an ice cream pile that had the calories of each ice cream on it.

And some of them, yeah, it was like salted caramel was like 300 for a scoop. And then there was other ones that were like 600. What are you putting in this other one? Butter Pekan's got a lot to answer for. So I had a butter Pekarne. So he had this ice cream in a cup and he was just finishing up his last thing. The bike lad, we can see him coming over the hill. She got smiles always seemed to.

me riding towards it closer and closer they're pedaling they're pedaling they're drinking they're drinking hey and i go oh the boys having fun and they want a beer i go no and then and then you go yeah give it to me they throw him a beer he catches it one hand like a man right and he fucking cracks it open and he skulls a bit and these boys on the bike lose their fucking mind amos is their god right right and he's scarl in the beer And then he goes like this, and he throws it up in the air because he's all done. But you weren't done, were you? It was not done.

You'd only drunk half the beer, and the other half of the beer just spiraled up in the air, and then the can made a definite donk on the ground. Jack, I went from like, like, I felt like an Australian. I was like an Australian Prime Minister at the cricket. That's how loud the applause was for me sculling a beer. And they can't believe it. They're like, A, he got involved and threw an ice cream away. B, he catches it immaculately one-handed.

Two, he quickly rips open the can. I go, yes, I can drink, boys. I put it down the gullet. And then I was like, I don't know whether to smash it on my head or throw it back at them. And in the end, I decided to just put it somewhere in the middle and toss it in the air. And so much beer came out. You went with gay abandon, you just went, wah. And as soon as I did that gay, beer just hit me.

And it was spinning around all this type. up stuff. And you could hear them be like, oh. Yeah, yeah. And then it hit the ground. Way. Ah, hero to zero. Seconds.

But that was that. Seconds. That was where having a sober friend, A, what a bad, um, supportive friend I am. I've just covered you in. Yeah. I'm all right with it. And then B, uh, I was a bit like that. I've never more wished that you weren't sober though, because he's down.

After catching a beer one-handed and sculling it for the, the cheer of the boys. I could have wrecked my life that night. I just wanted to follow them and have 38 cans. To be clapped for a beer is one of the greatest. Like to be with the boys. Like you're very rarely around the boys anymore. When was the last time you were with a group of 12 lads?

And that's the thing about male friendships. You know, women make friends in the toilets. But if we're out and about and you willingly scull a beer with a random group, I could have rolled with them like we went to college together. Yeah, yeah. They would have let you out all night. I would have had to go back to me hotel. That was the end of it.

We finished the gig. We finished the gig on the Saturday night and there was this play because we're in Fort Lauderdale, which is basically Miami and all type of stuff. And this guy comes up and he's like in the meeting greet and he goes, hey, you guys, I got some group ones. Now, if you haven't seen my show, group ones are the hot girls, right? That's what a group one is, right? And he goes, I got a booth at this nightclub with a whole lot of group ones if you boys want to come.

And I'm like, what? I'm a sober married man. You think I want to go to a nightclub and sit with a whole lot of good-looking women. That's like my nightmares. That haven't been to the show that they'll be like, who's this guy? He's the guy.

He's the bloke who tells the gun thing. What, this old, 50-year-old guy in our fucking nightclub just hanging out? No appeal for me whatsoever. Yeah, well, you know, these... But I could, if I was to break booze, It would be like that. It would be drinking with some lads and shots and just,

and telling stories and having everyone cheer. Because there's no world I'm going back to my room there and just cracking a beer. I don't want a beer. I don't feel like a beer. But once the first one goes down. Yeah. If those guys told me that they were on a road trip to Chattanooga, I'm like, yeah, lads. That was always the thing with the drinking was if you had that first beer and it just went down like water,

you're like, oh, I'm in danger. And then you have those other nights where you started the first beer and it took you for it. Even Coca-Cola is a bit like that. You have a Coke. And then you have a Coke. And then you have one, you're on an airplane, can't have a Coke. You get two sips in. You go, this is a bit much.

The whole can. Well, no wonder there's a sobri-there's so many young people aren't drinking. All the beers are these fucking crap. Have you noticed that craft beers killed drinking? But a cause light thrown to you from a pedal bar. Anyone will say yes to that. But you can't do that with a heavy IPA. No, anyone, patea.

Pate beers are all shit. At the end, all I was drinking was Hyneker. and tequila and vodka. Dude, that is like a, now that I think about it, you can't catch a heavy, hazy IPA in a can and shotgun it? There's no fun to it.

No, no. Beer was ruined by flavors and supposed master craftsmen. And you want it as cold as possible. Now, the English theory on beer was always that. You can't taste it once it gets cold, right? And I've watched enough bar rescue that you don't want

a frosted mug. Don't get it. get a frost. These people are serving it on a frosted mug. Why can't you get a frosted mug? Because when the frost goes down, what is the condensation? What is it? It's water.

You're watering down the beer. That was that silly. I've never done impersonation before, but it's pretty spot on. That was the guy from Bar Rescue. Well, we'll have to take your word for it because Jack and I haven't seen it. You know what it's Bar Rescue? No, never. That's all I want.

Is it a kitchen? It's at Gordon Ramsey, but for pubs. He's the good. Gordon Ramsey of pubs and it's so much better than kitchen nightmares because all the stuff are fucking hammered. Most of them are on the take. Some of them are just jumping up and just flashing their tits and spinning around the bar when they don't need to.

Bar rescue. Look, you love a kitchen nightmare. My favorite, yeah. You love a bar rescue. You would love a bar rescue. And then he always like, I've been the bar visit.

He's always like, you are ruining your profits. You're giving them away. Do you think she's, like. does that. He really just leans into the yelling, yelling, yelling, yelling. He does a little bit of the kitchen stuff and the kitchen's always better because the kitchens in a dive bar are always just like, you're reheating.

Like, you think it's bad in those restaurants. Like, there's, he put a knife into raw chicken. Now he's cutting the sandwich with it. That's cross contamination. He's obsessed with cross contamination. You'll never. Because the Gordon Ramsey show got bad because they respect him now. It was always better when they didn't know who he was.

No, no, no. They, they had. They have it on the Paramount channel, which is always a channel you're getting hotels, and they run it all weekend non-stop. I think I've actually got to segue into the news. Can I try a segue? So when you're on the road, last forest. Me and Forrest, we go in our hotel rooms.

We watch kitchen, we watch, what's it name, Bar Rescue, and then we talk about the episodes. But how do we get in the Bar Rescue? We're just talking about how pubs. We're talking about pubs. We're talking about beer being too cold. Yeah, yeah. So you said Katie Dirk, she used to work on the Jim Jeffries show. He used to do the field pieces.

She used to do the bar rescue thing. And I was telling her about something because this guy does some things in bar rescue because some of them are nightclubs where he goes, so when it, like dance floors, he'll put like metal bars, right? Put metal bars that make it sort of say you have to filter out through a bottleneck out off the dance floor. And he goes, I call these butt funnels. He goes, that way you're leaving the bar, the girls leaving the same.

same time she rubs up against you. It's a conversation starter. So he forces people into body contact. Yeah, because she now, she did the gym, she did that show, she did the Jim Jem Javish show, and now she works on Gordon Ramsey show. So she's been around the trap. And I asked her one time the Jim Jambi show, I go, how many butt funnels did you ever put together?

She goes, oh, we put them together a few years and then the TV showered no more but funnels. Something happened. Maybe I don't know what year it was. Maybe the Me Too movement could have come along and the butt funnels. went out of fashion. We need the butt funnels to come back because people can't meet each other anymore. There's a genuine issue with people being in real life fucking. And I think the lack of the pubs in the butt funnel.

I don't understand how they're not off-fucking when they have the apps. If I had the apps, my alcohol would be substantially less than what I had drunk in my life. If you could just get to talk to a person for a while, that would be like that. Well, I'll tell you what's happened is, you know, what's the, what's the super, Supergamy, which is basically the top 1% males, fuck like the thousand women, and then the mid-tier guys get no pussy whatsoever? This is the problem. We've all decided that we're only going to have sex with elites.

And so the math doesn't work. Argos have to start shag and Argos again. But we can't do it. Hypergamy. That's what it's called. Hypergamy. Because everybody has a porn machine in their pocket, so they're masturbating to good-looking people all the time.

So the uglies aren't having sex anymore. Yes. And then the guys that are good looking with money just have a harum of women and everyone who's in the mid-tier it doesn't want to fuck down. Dudes don't want to fuck down. So in the end, they go, I'd honestly,

I'd rather just masturbate than fuck someone who I think isn't up to my level. While the top-tier guys out there rooting everything. It's the world we are living in like, It's a life I had to live. It's fucking, it is grim. I look at like, Loki, I'm so glad that I've been a long-term relationship.

for that reason, because... Once you get in the groove of being married or engaged or in a long-term relationship and you get off, when you get properly off the market, there is a freedom there that is a delight. Well, I was actually contemplating the other day about... Like, good-looking people can't get in front of lines of me. Like, when I was single, if a good-licking go, do you mind if I just... Oh, go, go ahead. I can happily say, fuck you to a good-looking person.

I'm of the belief now that even like men's politics. If you're a guy whose life's work is to be single and try and fuck as many hot girls as possible, your entire personality shifts to be like, what about my personality? Can I shave down so it appeals to the most amount of women possible? And that's why like you don't take any stances that you actually believe in. You just say what you need to say to get fucked by the most women possible. And that's why.

That's why married men have a lot of opinions. This is why if you're a married man, you can be yourself. Because you're like, I can be as repugnant to the outside as possible. It's really hard. If you're a conservative young man, good luck ever getting laid. Having right-wing views and no life partner. But the ones you do get winners, those blonde republic fox ladies, you've got to give a credit. You've got to be a great success.

You can't be on the couch smoking bongs and get Megan Kelly. No, no. I've never fancied Megan Kelly. You've always liked Megan Kelly with blood coming out of her eyes and whatever. All right, speaking of that and political journalists, here's a good segue. Let's get to this week's news. The White House Correspondence Dinner. It was under attack this week. Yeah, okay. So this is probably a bigger news story than me seeing Lily Allen in many ways. Well, to each of us, we have our own feed. Yeah. So there was some shots fired. outside the,

it's a hotel they're in, right? Yes, the Hilton in Washington, D.C. I think it's been enough years that I can tell the public something that I never told anyone. When we were doing the Jim Jeffries show in the first year, I was asked to host that dinner. That would have been 2016? 2017.

I was asked, it was Trump's first year. I was asked to host the quote. And you said no. I said no. Because I already felt like with the TV show I was alienating a lot of my fan base anyway. And then if I get up there and it's just, you know, Trump, Trump, Trump. And also, I've never been a roast comic. I don't like doing that thing.

And that's somewhat what the job is. Right? And I thought the. So Michelle Wolf did it? I think Michelle Wolf did the year that I said no to. And she did a really good job. And I just don't think I was going to do it. So to all the people who think that I say yes to every job, not every job,

almost every job, but not every job. And the money wasn't that great. And you know what I mean? And I thought, I just didn't want to. It was just a job. I didn't want. Maybe I was a coward about the whole thing. Maybe I should have gone up there and done it.

Yeah, but you talked about political topics, but you're not interested in politics at large. You don't sit there and pay attention to what's happening on a daily basis and what Senator McConnell said. So I like social. issues and I like to talk on social problems, right? Like the gun thing or something like that. I like to talk about things that affect you day to day in politics rather than, yeah, oh, can you believe that Mitch McConnell said this?

And Lindsay, Graham, blah, blah, blah, I didn't really have much. Do you know what the White House Correspondence dinner actually is? It's, I haven't been. In my, you know what it is? It's essentially like Andy Cohen's watch this live, but for people who tune in to politics rather than, reality television.

I would like to see a history timeline. If Obama didn't tease Donald Trump at that correspondence dinner and say, here's the Donald Donald, and this is what he'd do to the White House, and they put up a prop, and he rose to Donald Trump. And Donald Trump sat there very silently, just sort of nodding along. I think that was his origin story. I think that was the moment. Donald Trump is running as a Republican.

That's funny. I thought he was running as a Joe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Seth Myers. Same dinner, right? Same dinner. And I feel like that was, you know, his origin story. And I don't know if that, if that didn't happen, would we be where we are in the world right now? Is that a sliding doors fucking moment in our society?

I don't know when that was. Was it maybe 2014 or 15? About 15. 15? So he runs, he wins. All these years later, he's at the White House Corros. correspondence dinner, and we're going to do a few stories that come out of it. Cole Thomas Allen, a Californian teacher and engineer, is being charged with attempted

murder. He's put his manifesto out there. I've got a few clips that I'd like to play. He just so you know who he was, he was from California. He's, I believe, from Los Angeles, and he got the train all the way to Chicago. Now, this is the bit that I find amazing about the whole thing. There's a train to Chicago? You haven't seen that before?

All the way from L.A. You get to get the train to Chicago? They're not high speed, though. That's why people talk shit about them. And I don't imagine it's comfort. I took like a week, like, because that's like, because he carried his gun. So, so you think like way back, Mark Chapman, right, kills John Lennon. He brought his gun, I believe, from Honolulu.

And they just weren't checking back then. You know what I mean? Like things. He just, he just, he just, so this guy got to fly from Hawaii with a gun all the way to New York. I may be wrong, but I believe that's what happened. from why. And this guy, because he had to bring his gun, oh, get the train to Chicago.

Now, you don't need to get the train to Chicago. Really easy to buy guns in Indiana. Get the plane there, buy your gun, save your time. Of course, this guy was never going to achieve his mission of assassinating the president. He couldn't even fucking get that bit right, the dumb fuck. Well, you can write him a letter in prison and go. Just a few points. I'm not going to moralize you, but just on an organization, you're a fucking clown.

Just get it. Get it right. Like, I imagine he was just writing his manifest for the whole week as he was on the, on the train, because they found a manifest, right? He would have had a few other words. We're going to get into that a second. He would have been like this. And also, Donald Trump's this.

And you know what? Fucking pickles on hot dogs, unacceptable. Yeah, fuck that dog. That is the worst hot dog of them all. The Chicago dog goes down as the worst fucking hot dog of us. Discrace, when New York dog stinks. The one from those little umbrellas with the blue and the thing, that's a smelly fucking hot dog as well.

There's so many good hot dogs in this world, and they fucking stink those two. You and I are all about the Kaiser Cheyner from Austria, Vienna. You got to have a snap on the casing. If it doesn't have a bit of a bite and a bit of a like that. Like the Dodger dog, they would tell us, or Farmer Johns, Farmer Johns for years, the best dog.

The Dodger dogs used to suck, and now they brought in the new Dodger dogs, and they're a little better. The casing has a snap. So I want to play you some clips from the White House correspondent's dinner. I feel like we've covered this story now. Here is my favorite clip. Yeah, we've moved on to hot dogs.

If you didn't get your information in before the hot dog chat. I like that you and I host two different shows. That's the problem is I get given notes on a show about the news and you get a a food and cooking network show. And we both have to try and pull this together. And you'll never be asked to host the White House corresponders tonight. That's why I would have been terrible. I would have been like, what did you choose?

The chicken or the beef? I had the chicken. It was pretty good. So, here is the journalists after and while they've been told to get down by the Secret Service. This clip's gone viral. So the guns happened, there was never a gunshot inside the ballroom. I think that's important to mention as well because they got down there. It was outside in the hall.

This guy was fucking hopeless. He was hopeless. He couldn't assassinate himself, this bloke. Jack, play the clip of the journalist taking the bottle of wine. All right, unopened. That one's opened. Okay, that's enough. So this clip...

Okay, what's the problem? So here's the thing, that's gone viral with about 8 million views. And this is a huge Australia, Britain versus America divide. Yes. All these American outlets are like, oh, these journalists are scum. There's a shooting going on, and the first thing they do, after lecturing America about behavior and Pete Hegseth drinking too much, the first thing they do is take a bottle of wine for themselves.

They're scum and degenerate. Meanwhile, the UK and Australia is like, fuck yeah, that's what I do. It's like you've just been in a situation that even though they weren't gunshots inside the room, you're probably a little bit shaken up and you need a stiff drink, right? you probably feared that there was going to something, you know, something bad, it was going to happen in front of you or at least or two. So you get the wine and you just, and also it's a fucking, it's the correspondent, all the drinks are free anyway.

You either get it at the table or you go and get at the bar. No one's paying for these fucking things. If you want to drink, get a bottle and drink it from the fucking lip, drink it from the fucking lip. I don't care if it was Melania who did it or it was some politician I fucking hated or, or a journalist. And I'm not a big fan of the fucking journalists, right? I think they're all a bunch of pricks.

So there was that one. And then did you see the clip of the CIA? I'll defend that until I die. Did you see the CIA agent? I might have taken a bottle and gone, I'll take that home to the wife. You want to talk about peer pressure for drinking. If I was in that room and someone threw me a bottle of my way, I would down that. Yeah.

And that would be the big story. Then you throw the bottle in the air and it's smashed on the ground. It's Nancy Pelosi on a edge, guys. I kill Nancy Pelosi because I throw up the fucking beer can. The answer on the head. So there was also the CIA Super Agent who sat there eating his mashed potatoes the entire time, didn't move, unflinching. Just an old guy that was like, whatever, they're not going to hit me.

Who am I? He's right. Like, there's a lot of aura points to game by just sitting there in those scenarios. Like, RFK didn't move. But now they're saying, oh, he left his wife for dead when the Secret Service came. Did you see the Secret Service in the order in which they rushed the people out? They took Vance first, which was weird. They took Vance first.

And then what they didn't take Heinz? What's his name? They took RFK and Cheryl Hines was chasing after them. Oh, did they play the curb music? Someone's made that clip a million times, right? Yeah. Now, obviously the conspiracies begin, and I'm deep down in this dirt. So, wait a minute.

Did he not put his arm around his wife? No, he was ripped off by his team. Right, so it's nothing he could stop, right? Well, I mean, people are saying he could stop. Well, Donald Trump was able to stop and say, let's take a photo. I hear he was yelling out to tell him to stop, but no one heard him. Yeah, they thought he'd been hit and his stomach was bleeding out. Did they realize that was his voice?

So, yeah, the clip of Fox News reporting beforehand, and it gets covered. Listen to this clip here. This has caused a little bit of conspiracy talk. Have a listen to this. Jack, this is the Fox News clip that was cut short. I want to just quickly tell you, I was sitting next to Caroline Levitt, the press secretary's husband. He was one of our guests. He was seated right next to me.

And, you know, right as the dinner was starting, you know, the national anthem happened. And then he kind of leaned over and said, you know, I watched you on TV. You do a great job. You need to be very safe. and he was very serious when he said that to me. And he kind of looked around the room and he said, you know, there are some... Sounds like we lost Aisha's phone there. And this happens, by the way,

especially when you have so many people attempting to utilize the same cell service at the same time. I did want to add this while we had a moment. I was just... What do you think? What do you think? Isha got snatched away? Or what happened there? It's just very unusual that she didn't go back on there.

She was essentially say that the press secretary's husband said, you've got to be careful at one of these events. You know, there's actually tonight, and then it just goes off. It was very strange, don't you think? Well, you're saying the press secretary knew this was going to happen. Well, there are a lot of people on the internet, of course, that think this. Oh, I didn't know there was anyone on the internet. I thought that was a dying fan.

Well, there is the dead internet theory that people think it's all just bots on the internet now, but that this has been a false flag operation now to achieve one thing, and that one thing is the ballroom to be built. Because as soon as this happened, there was thousands of tweets from Trump reps, and then he himself in the press conference, he gave that night, said, this is why we need a ballroom.

You gotta have a ballroom. We wouldn't have to worry. We wouldn't have to worry. And now Congress is pushing through a bill right now to get the ballroom past, citing the dangers like we saw at the, last event. Well, this hasn't happened before. Well, you know, Robert F. Kennedy got shot in the kitchen going from a ballroom thing. But that's been a while. That's the thing is about,

about people in the olden days. The world wasn't safer. They were just dumber. They were just dumb as a rock. It's like, what the fuck was Kennedy doing driving in a convertible? Like, What, was he, the fucking head of a parade? Never, we have bulletproof glass now with the doors, in the doors of the car, they have the president's, the president's blood in the doors in a refrigerated section. So if you ever needs his own blood and all that type of stuff,

ready to fucking go, bulletproof glass. And we thought, in Texas, of all places, we'll just let him rock around with his head sticking out the top of a vehicle. No problems here. They're just fucking dummies. And it's like, I was watching a, thing on like, what's his name, Cooper, the guy who hijacked

the plane, got all the money and then he parachuted out, took off again and parachuted it out. You know that guy? Right. It turned out that hijackings were constant all through the 70s. We were having them like fucking daily. It wasn't reported in the news all the time. There was someone wanted something when they

fucking land. Yeah, it was like being in a taxi when people would put a gun to the back of the taxi driver's head and go drive. Exactly. They just bought ticket 1A. Yeah, they put ticket 1A. They just went all the time. There was no mental. Detectors no nothing. When I lived it, when I went to university, it used to be, I went to university in Perth, so I'd buy a return ticket. The return ticket would last, you could use the return

leg of it within three months of buying the ticket. But I wasn't going to use the return bit, but the return bit only cost you $50 more than buying the one-way ticket. So then you would sell the return bit for 200 bucks. You just put it like those things where you rip off phone numbers. You'd always fucking sell the bloody thing for 200 bucks to some other student who was going back to Sydney, right, so they could have it. Right? I remember getting on a plane for Christmas going back to Sydney under an Indian woman's name.

So you were saying that non-judgmental back then? This is in, this is in the year 2000. Who am I to prejudge? I don't know what happened in 2001 that changed everything, right? But in 2000, life was easier. I'll tell you that much. After the Sydney Olympics, they got Titan security. Yeah, that's what happened.

It was the bloody Sydney Olympics. There's a lot of terror threats there. So there was, okay, so have you started to see this theory about this cold, Thomas, Allen and Henry Martinez circulating on the internet? Who's Henry Martin is? So there's the one shooter. All right. So I'll give you some baseline information. Henry Martinez worked at NASA in 2014 and wrote a paper.

We've lost other scientists this week as well. case anyone's not been following, we've lost another one. Yes, so this guy worked at NASA and wrote a paper. At the same time that he worked in NASA in 2014, Cole Thomas Allen, who tried to assassinate people this weekend, the man in question, he also worked at NASA. He was working there as an intern, as the summer intern, working alongside Henry Martinez.

In 2023, Henry Martinez opened up... What's that? It's Martinez. What am I saying? You were saying Martinez. Martinez. This is the note. You don't have to do the accent.

You can just say Martinez. In 2023, Henry Martinez. All right, I must go. Wrote his first ever tweet. And the tweet is his only tweet, which is Cole Allen. That was what he wrote, 2003. And the picture in the background that he used of his Twitter profile is this jumbled artwork. which has been backdated and checked to come from,

time machine. which is a European Union project to build a time machine. Oh, come on. If you're saying that this guy was a time bandit, you don't come back to kill Trump during the correspondence dinner and you fuck it up outside if you've invented time travel. Well, they're nerds. No one says that they can build the machine,

but their problem is they try and get themselves to do the killing. No, no, but go back further. got a time machine. Go back further. Become a contestant on the apprentice. Right? On the original, not the celebrity apprentice, because then you have to become a celebrity and that's a whole thing, right? Must go on the regular apprentice and then he goes, you're fired. Go, am I bitch. Okay, well, I got the picture, Jack. Can you, I sent through to Jack his Twitter page. So you think it's a time travel. Just hold the image. We can't put up images? No, we can only put up video. You know that about us.

Oh, I think one of them is a video, but never mind. Just pause it. That'll become a picture. Okay. So this is the guy's profile. Because it's that thing where the... Yeah, well, obviously it is time travel. If the sound that it makes is that. All right. So Henry, this is the guy who, this isn't the shooter. This is the bloke who worked for NASA. Yes. And what did he write again? Just the name, Cole Allen.

on the 13th of December Cole Allen's the shooter and Cole Allen is the shooter they worked together in NASA 2014 okay now this picture here I'm sure I said this to Jack has this video

that's the picture he put in there oh that's a condone oh no it's with the flag yeah yeah yes but this was uploaded two years before the Butler assassination happened what like oh that picture there

yes like when it was thinking and then you take it backwards and you can see the picture. And they're saying if you take out the saturation, you can see the Butler assassination picture. All right, let it go all the other way again. Okay, all right. So there it is there.

What happens to the flag? Does that mesh away? Oh, it's a bit of a leap, mate. It's a bit of a bloody leap. That's the fucking shroud of Turin all over again. You ever seen the shroud of Turin? How people went into that product. It was like, it was a bit of cloth that had a picture of a blood.

that's Jesus's head. That's Jesus's head. And you just go, oh, that's Jesus. Hold on. I've got a passage about that that I love, actually. It's not Jesus. They all, look, it was a fashion at the time. Every bloke had long, greasy hair and a beard.

Every bloke. So what does your immediate gut say? Because this has got like 25 million views and people go, well, that's odd. What is that? Can it be backdate? Can someone at works at X backdate that? You know, okay, they always show you. time travel, right? And so they'll see a picture

and it'll be a guy like this, right? And you'll go, oh, there he is. He's on a phone. He's a time traveler. Bullshit. He's just scratching his ear and he's holding something else up. Right? He's not a time traveler. Because it's not, you can go back in time and get this, but what you actually

need is the whole network opened up and the cellular bloody programs. What if all these scientists that are being killed? Yes. Are being killed because they are involved in this project. then their family should go back in time and warn them.

I don't know if it's a time machine. Do you believe in time travel? Let's get the bare bones here. Do you believe in time travel? Well, should we pull up the time machine in you? No, I don't want to know what, what, uh, okay, you believe in time travel. This is fucking, you're a moron. Do I believe in time travel?

If time travel was invented, no, I don't think we can do it right now and know about it by now, because someone would have travel back in time. Now, the guy tweeting that name, I just believe it's got to be fake, right? It's got to be fake. But it's all, it is dated to 2023. And they're saying,

and it's Pepey the Frog. How would we ever fake that tweet? How would we put a wrong number in a corner? With all the AI in the world, I can't even imagine how that would be done. And then the display picture is Pepey the Frog in a black tuxedo holding a wine and Donald Trump was holding a wine

with a black tuxedo, you see. He does have a wine. How dare you, Jack? He doesn't drink booze. I know. He has a wine glass. He does it. Bullshit.

Yeah, you're fake news. Fake news. Fake news. Okay, so let's talk about the assassination attempt. No, no, no, no. You want to ask about a time machine. We'll talk about a time machine. Okay.

So let's hear about it going. So look up. Time machine. I wish I had one. I could go back before I fucking met you. No. Come on now. Let's have a look. I used to me this advert where this guy was walking along the street, he's like,

hey, I'm just you in 30 years. And he's like, what? I'm you in 30 years. What you got to do is you have to invest your money. Invest your money in this stock, this stock, this stock. Trust me, you're not going to have a problem. Oh, and by the way, that bar over there has your wife. Your wife is in that bar over there, right?

That was the advert. Remember that advert? Yes. Right? which I always thought would have been funny if you goes, that Barrow Bear has your wife. Never go in there. Run!

My views on the time machine are if we are in a simulation or in multi-dimensional world and we're essentially just a program that's running in some grander game, then it'd be like rewinding, wouldn't it? Wouldn't you kill him during his first term? Why would you wait until the Iran war to do it? No, I'm no one saying.

that this is someone was being sent back in time to kill him, it's that maybe Henry Martin knows who tried to do it and they're dropping clues. I'm not saying that the man's jumped through space and time. Jack says it's not about time travel. What do you mean? He says the website's not about time travel. It's about data. Yes, but it's about building, it's something about building a 3D world out of all of the data.

Isn't this under the, this idea that if the world is a simulation, you collect all of the data and then you preserve everything that's happening right now so that in the future, people can go back in time by actually revisiting everything because we're under constant surveil. That you could actually go back and visit if everything's been filmed

in the way that if time, like a movie, you can rewind a movie and you go back and watch it again. But if the world that we live in now has so many data points in putting into it and can record everything, that technically you could access a point in time where a camera was and go and live that again. So you're saying,

that this is an important moment in history and that, like, maybe, maybe someone went back in time to stop this guy. I mean, I've obviously saying I've got no fucking idea, but I was thinking about that, when I looked up that, that project, that is an interesting thought. Like, if you could rewind everyone's, if everyone's camera and everything that's being filmed and recorded is stored in a database somewhere, and in 50 years, you could go back to this and watch what was happening in this person's day from their... kitchen, from the cars, from the traffic lights, from their iPhone, and you could map out

everything that's ever happened, and technically you could time travel. Do you reckon, just as the assassination was happening, that Matt Friend was like, but I was about to do my Mitch McConnell. That's my best one. Well, he did it to King Charles today. Did you see that? Matt Freene went up to King Charles and said, I have been working on my impression of you, and he did it.

And King Charles said, keep working. Well, it's rather... keep working. I must say, I watched his speech to the Congress, just the second English monarch to ever give a speech there. For all the no-kings protesters, they seemed quite positive to a king. Dude, they fucking, the Americans love the royal family.

Absolutely love it. And for Donald Trump to have been going on for all weeks, oh, he's not Churchill, not Churchill, this guy, the English, we're not like, be a president. he fucking loves the royal family. He said meeting the queen was one of the greatest moments of his life. And then hanging out with Charles, who's probably exactly the same age as him, you know, like a couple of old blokes.

They went around the White House and fucking talked about beekeeping because Charles and Camilla are big arbitrists. Is it arbitrous? Abitrists? People who keep arborists who keep bees, right? And so they're like, we've got to be, Colin. here at the White House and I want to see to be equal. And they've got a little bee

hive that's the shape of the fucking White House. But we'll talk about it later. I want to talk more about the assassination. I've got the last clip to play. So in the manifesto as we finish which has been released to the public you can see what you said. It's never called a woman festo, is it? No. They don't do enough killing. Yeah, yeah. You guys can be,

we'll non-gender it when you guys start killing. Yeah, because they can never call it a woman festo because they had never be able to invent a time machine. It's Lee Harvey, not Leanne Harvey. So get to work, you bitches. Lee Ann Harvey nobles. So it was read out on 60 Minutes to Donald Trump.

Watch this reaction when the journalist on 60 Minutes reads some of Thomas Allen's reasoning. Check this out. The so-called manifesto is a stunning thing to read, Mr. President. He appears to reference a motive in it. He writes this quote, administration officials, they are targets. And he also wrote this. I'm no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes. What's your reaction to that?

Well, I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would because you're horrible people, horrible people. Yeah, he did write that. I'm not a rapist. I didn't rape anybody. I'm not a pedophile. Do you think he was referring to you? Excuse me. Come on now.

You read that crap from some sick person. I got associated with stuff that has nothing to do with me. I was totally exonerated. Your friends on the other side of the plate are the ones that were involved with, let's say, Epstein or other things. But I said to myself, you know, I'll do this interview and they'll probably, I read the manifesto. You know, he's a sick person. Right. So what's you, what did you?

I actually think he defended himself pretty well. Because she goes like this, she goes, she goes, you thought it was you. You thought it was talking about you. That bit bothered me because it's like, of course, he's the president. She was trying to kill the president. Like, let's not back lying me. Oh, so you thought he was talking about you. Oh, I thought he was talking about one of the waiters at the hotel.

The matri-D at the Hilton is a pedophile. That changes. everything. No, she fucking was being a dick then. Look, look, I'm no Trump fan. Don't get me wrong. But I'm no Trump fan. But like, shit, that was a bit of a bait and bait, not even a switch. Well, so he's coming under fire there from 60 minutes. And 60 minutes is on, is it CBS? Yeah.

Yeah. CBS 60 minutes. Now, ABC, though, is the channel that's coming under fire because Jimmy Kimmel hosted his own White House correspondents. Okay. So just three days before. How many is, because Trump said, he said, he said, He goes, he goes, oh, it was pretty scary. The first lady was pretty scared, but I've had this happen to me a few times, right? So we've had the one that was in the, where he lost his earlobe, right?

Where we don't know. There was the golf course in Florida. Let's not get into that conspiracy theory right now. That's a whole different podcast. That one, there was the golf course in Florida and this one. So I've counted three. Now, maybe there's been a couple that we don't even know about. I remember Tucker Carlson saying he'd had a.

couple more which they, people in his ear had said was because of Iran, Iran was funding these. Right. Which has anyone in history had more, like, I know Hitler had loads, right? Hitler had all the people within his own ranks actually doing it to him, planting bombs and all these people trying to, you know, the Valkyry thing and, you know, all that type of stuff, right? Roadrunner? It's not a good sign. Yeah, roadrunner.

It's not a good sign. he's like, ah, I've had this happen to me loads of times. Not something to be proud of. They should be a new roadrunner Wiley Coyote, which is Donald Trump being taken out by autistic trans people. We had a black guy in charge for eight years whose name was Obama, right? Barack Hussein. Barack Hussein Obama, a black guy for eight years. And we didn't remember one of them happening to him.

Now, I'm sure there was ones that were forwarded. But like Donald, people are, look, people are passionate about him. We'll say that much. Well, and all of them usually are highly educated, strange individuals. As I said before, right. People that wreak of MK Ultra type folk. Right now, Luigi Manjone is in prison right. It's going.

But guys, remember, ah, being forgotten. Also, let's be completely honest. We talk about the rhetoric in the United States that's hot, and we're going to get into the Jimmy Kimmel thing. But I find it rich as a foreigner from both sides. I do this in my act a little bit where I say, America loves to have an assassination or something really vicious, and then, yeah, we'll go, this is not who we are.

Exactly who I agree. This is who you are. But even the left are like, your constitution, bring arms up against a tyrannical government. It can be people who interpret the constitution the way. That guy doesn't, that guy didn't think he was a villain who was coming in with the gun. He considers himself a hero during the whole. doing the whole thing. But this is the thing with Mungioni is both sides obviously have extreme rhetoric in the United States

as far as we feel. Like Mungioni killed a guy in cold blood in the streets because he didn't agree with American corporatism in health care, blew his back of his fucking head out, and he's become a darling of the American left. I don't care what anyone says. I'm around the comedy scene in New York. I'm around young people in New York. People fucking love Mungi and think there needs to be more people like that. So it's fair to say the rhetoric.

is hot in the United States. I couldn't imagine anyone in Australia or Britain being excited and celebrating people that have publicly executed someone. No, no, there's no, there's no situation. We don't have that in us for better or for worse. I say for better, but we're not inclined to want to assassinate because we don't think anything really matters that. And also, we're not as divided.

We're just not as divided. Like, people might think they are, and there's a lot of extreme Australians. trust me. I've met a few of them. With their profile pictures of their sunglasses and Southern Cross. Thing like that. And it just pictures of their car. You've argued with a few motorbikes, haven't you?

Oh my God. Fucking. You're fat. I have fans in mine that fucking hate me like that. You know, I canceled a show for sickness or something like this. You're a piece of fucking shit. I keep, I've been doing this as a joke, but fuck it. I'll try on you.

I keep being called a cuck lately because of some of my, my, my, me becoming more left wing, me becoming more left wing again. They're like, you're fucking cuck. And I've been saying, what's wrong with being a cuck, mate? It means I own two pieces of furniture. Have a wife and a friend. Better than you. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't have to shake me wife today. Not a bad deal. Okay. So let's play the Jimmy Kimmel joke first. Okay. Let's hear the joke. Our first lady, Melania, is here.

Look at, so beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow. Now, what people aren't saying about, because how dare he? Because the president might be assassinated. That joke was made days before the actual assassination attempt. It wasn't made after the assassination attempt. And I don't think he was implying that because your husband's going to get assassinated, I think he was implying that there's a big age gap between you and your husband.

Your husband seems to be looking more frail by the day. And you're still a good-looking young woman, comparatively, that, you know, the merry widow. That's what's going to happen. You know, I look forward to seeing who millennia will date in the future. It's going to be interesting. Watch, remember when Jackie Onassis, well, she's name was Onassis. She went up with an oil baron.

it'll be the tabloids. We'll love it when Melania starts dating. But I don't think it had anything to do with your husband's going to be killed. I don't think that's the thing. And I think it's very rich for Trump to clutch his fucking pearls. And as you said, for the right wing who call you a cuck, you're the least cuckie fella I've ever met, right? And to call you a cuck, the right wing and now have become the biggest bunch of fucking

Pussies if they're being teased because they're on their back foot because the war's going on. They're in a corner and they're fucking scrapping because Donald Trump only, let's go over this year, things he said this year. He said that Rob Reiner was killed by his son because he didn't like Donald Trump. He was, remember he was applauding the death of what was the guy's name from the FBI. He was happy that the guy was dead. Mueller. Mullah.

He was happy that Mullah was dead. He was saying that Rob Reiner was, after he'd been killed by his own son, he was essentially saying that Rob Ryder was a piece of shit. Yeah, he was killed because he couldn't get along with Donald Trump and people were just fed up with his shit. And then he said that... He was going to commit a genocide on the entire population of Iran. Yeah, he said if you don't do it by the end of the day, open the fucking straight

of Hamas, I think with the exact terms. he did that on Easter Sunday. Then there was the other one where he said that Tucker Carlson, Candice Owen, and Alex Jones, far right-wing people, were all fucking losers, were all losers, they know it, the TV networks know it, their friends know it, and their family knows it, right? That's when you're getting real personal. This is the thing about Donald Trump.

Even your family thinks you're a fucking loser. And then someone says, your wife looks like, She's someone who is going to be happy when she's a widow or whatever the fucking joke was. Get over it, cunt, right? You talk this way. This is how the world is now, mate. You fucking brought it into the open. I used to be edgy before you came along.

I'm a tepid comedian now. Well, 100%. And the Trump that people enjoyed would be Donald Trump would say that. And, you know, Jimmy Kimmel would say, oh, your wife is a glowing, expectant widow. Trump would be like, you're a loser, your ratings suck and your wife, your wife, she's a doll. or something like that. That's the old Trump. He would have gotten into like the Kimmel's wife as a writer on his show or a producer that he's run by his wife.

You let your wife write your material. That's why it's so bad. Yeah, yeah. A bit of that type of stuff, right? But instead is Melania going, oh, no, none of this. Well, Melania said that. Since they've let Melania go rogue ever since she came out for the Epstein thing, they've got to pull her back. She's coming in with some pretty weak premise.

is of late. Well, ABC's broadcast license is breaking news according to the New York Times right now is under review and they really want Jimmy Kimmel to be fired on this. Millennia Trump has a post with 600,000 likes, it seems here where she says that Jimmy Kimmel has vicious rhetoric. And of course, Jimmy Kimmel came on his show and said, in fact, Jack, I think you can play the clip of what Jimmy Kimmel said in return. So on Thursday, three days before. the event in order to keep that cherished tradition alive. I did my own version of the correspondence dinner on my show. I put on a tuxedo. We pretended we had an audience of luminaries. We used old footage of the trumps of Pete Heggseth, J.D. Vance, kid rock, vanilla ice, all the members of his

cabinet. And we made it seem like they were all together in a room. We had a little roast. Again, this was Thursday, and there was no big reaction to it until this morning when I greeted the day facing yet another Twitter vomit storm. And a call to fire me from our first lady, Melania Trump, saying I should be fired because of a joke I made. Again, five nights ago, it was a pretend roast. I said, our first lady, Melania is here.

Look at her so beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you'll have a glow like an expectant widow, which obviously was a joke about their age difference and the look of joy we see on her face every time they're together. It was a very light roast joke about the fact that he's almost 80 and she's younger than I am. It was not by any stretch of the definition a call to assassination, and they know that. I've been very vocal for many years speaking out against gun violence in particular,

but I understand that the First Lady had a stressful experience over the weekend, and probably every weekend, is pretty stressful in that house. And also, I agree that hateful and violent rhetoric is something we should reject. I do, and I think a great place. start to dial that back would be to have a conversation with your husband about it because um okay you can leave it you can leave it there jack right right right trump is allowed to say whatever he wants so this is what this is what's fun that's good he went on the front foot i like this is what's funny about this though so today i'm watching charles and donald talk donald talks about his love of

his mother and father who love the royal family so keep in mind he's furious about that joke being made. He then says this. He says, my mom came to America at 19 and met my incredible father. We loved him so much. We loved him. We loved her. We love Fred. They were married for 63 years, Trump said. He turns around to Malani and says, and excuse me, if you don't mind, that's a record you and I won't match, darling. I'm sorry, it's just not going to work out that way. We'll do well, but we're not going to make it that long. He said before moving on to reveal that his late mother had a keen interest. So essentially, Donald Trump has done the exact same thing. He's done it. I'll be dead soon because I'm old. Okay. My wife is 13 years younger than me and I do that

joke with my wife about once every couple of weeks. I'll be sitting next to her going, oh, you're going to have a lot of time to yourself because my wife exercises and she eats better than me, even if we were the same age, she would still live longer than me, right? And so with me being older and her taking better care of herself, that's the ongoing joke in our houses. And I, and I want you to know, I always say to my wife, I go, I want you to know that when I do, if I die suddenly, people will say to you, he wants you to be happy. You should date other people. He wants you to be happy. No, I never want you to be happy. And I'm not joking. Well, why was you, what it to change from how it is now? Yeah, I don't want you to be dating after I'm dead. And if you do, know that I'll be

very disappointed in you. Another thing I do with my wife is occasionally like I go, I love you, we'll only better. I love you, I love you, I love you. I give you a little kiss. And then the last thing I say before I go to sleep is you smell like farts. And then I don't say another thing. So in case I die in my sleep, when someone asks what's the last thing he said, he'll say, I smelled like farts. Well, you know what I think you should do on this? Have you, have you seen there's this new tech where you have a photo of a person like a loved one? And then AI would have a loop and like Harry Potter, the picture would talk to you because it has like the voice down. So you could record a message of you, right? And it's like your family photo.

And you just expect that she's going to remarry. And it says you go, slut. Just a picture of you go, how could you do it? You fuck it. I paid for everything you like, like when we have the photos that knows when she walks in the room with a man and then not the photo just goes, him? Really? Him. I knew you'd betray me like that. Hey? What if it's me? What message would you have if it was me? I'll live past you. You're dying before me.

I'm a vibrant young man. Yeah, you'll try to catch some beer being thrown at you from a fucking thing. You'll trip over, crack your head on the... Some junkies will throw me a needle, and I'll be like, all right, boys. All right, boy, give me that spoon. You've got to hit it up first. I'm just shoving it in. If there was a charming pedal bar for men shooting heroin,

and they threw me a needle, I'd probably inject. If it was like a... If you saw the needle come out of a clean thing. If it was just a clean, like, diabetes needle? And I could twist the top. Yeah, so if it was just a Zempic pen for heroin, in a measured dose. And a bunch of fucking rock and roll dudes on a pedal bar going very slowly.

Yeah, yeah. Through that at me, I'd inject. As long as they go, woo, but I don't know if they've got a lot of energy to produce a, woo, you know. Well, I think that wraps up the podcast, just to know that you would do heroin on the side of a street if enough people cheered. All right. Thanks, pie lovers. Thanks, pie lovers.

There'll be a podcast next week, as always. Talk to you then. Good night, Australia. As Isaiah always says, don't rate.