I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 63 - The Return of Bonnie Blue

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

At this moment, Jim and Amos break their rule and finally talk about Bonnie Blue again, but this time it's warranted. Amos pitches an idea for a hit romcom and they rant about growing up with bad food.ADS:QUINCE: Head to http://www.Quince.com/atm for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsSOCIALS:Jim JefferiesWebsite: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠Amos GillIG: @abitofamosgillFB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the DoohickeysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What's wonderful about Bonnie Blue is she's able to find where everyone's line of conservatism is. I was so there with her on the whole way. Now listen here, I don't mind you're getting pussy stuffed by 1,000 men wearing Balaclava. Yeah. That's fine. That's whole thing. I was all right with that. That's something that she wanted to do between her and man and Balacabarba.

Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash ATM for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E-D-com slash ATM for free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com slash ATM. Gide, pie lovers. Welcome to at this moment ATM with me, Jim Jeffries, and we're here with Amos Gill. We cover a lot of subjects.

I don't even know what's going to be in there, Jim, because we spoke for ages. We're going to cut some stuff out, no doubt. Imagine, if this podcast is boring, imagine the stuff we cut out. I thought you'd sell it the other way and say it was... Oh, it was so exciting. Imagine the stuff we left in. That's exactly what I was. We'll leave you the outtakes.

You can pay for them on some type of Patreon or something. But Body Blue is back, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, yes. Speaking of patrons, yes. Oh, my. She's doing some... People that have supported someone's career. Jim Jeffries and Body Blue.

I haven't paid a cent. It's the return of Bonnie Blue at this moment. it must have been 30 episodes that we haven't mentioned. I don't think. I think some of our newer listeners wouldn't even know our fascination with the young lady. We also spoke about, God, what else did we talk about? Well, our relationship problems. Our relationship problems raising tensions in Britain after the death of a young man.

And Hillary Clinton, one of us went face to face with. You'll hear that a little later on, but that's what's happening at this moment. But before we get into the episode. we are always touring with the art form known as stand-up comedy, Jim, where we're... And here we are, Vancouver on the 12th of June. The first show is sold out. The 7 p.m. sold out. We had to add a second show.

10 p.m. come and get your tickets. We're both going to be at that one. And then Tacoma, Washington, if you're coming to see the Soccaroos and you want to do something the night before, go out to the casino in Tacoma, outside of Seattle, to the Emerald Queen Casino, June 18th. And then I've got Tyson's, Virginia, that's sold out. Richmond, Virginia, I don't think that's all that.

And then Australia tour, go to Jim Jeffries.com. I'm going to every town in Australia. Love that. I'm coming to Fort Lauderdale this weekend, June 7 to the improv, Fort Lauderdale. Scranton, making my way back there for more she-stance. June 28, Philadelphia, July 2nd, and then, of course, I'm over in Europe again. But I'm going to get everyone here. Vancouver, I'm doing a theatre.

By God, don't embarrass me. have bumped me to a theatre. Who knows if I'll be in theatres again. But if you guys, the pie lovers, support me, you may just say, me from... I think you will sell that theatre out because people are going to come to the show on the 12th and see how good you are and then they're going to come and see your full show. Because he only does 15 minutes of my show, so I don't think if you're coming to my show, that you don't have to go to the other show.

The other show is going to be all the stuff that he wouldn't want to fit into the 15 minutes. But Jim, it's time. We get into what's happening at this moment. Good morning. Hello, pie lovers. Gailay everybody. Look, before we get into some big stories around the world, Jim, we were just in Philly this weekend.

I thought we'd do a little recap. A couple of things. Number one. Oh, hold on. Bloody JJ. No, no, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

I wanted to start by saying many of the people that are fans of yours take their time to build you gifts. Yes. And one gentleman carved a dollar of, can you see that? Yeah, there was a gold. one, there was a gold one and a silver one. He made me sign that, he didn't make me do anything. He asked which one do we like? For whatever reason, the silver one looked cooler, even though the Australian dollar coin, which is trying to represent, is a gold coin. I did not have the

backpack space. I was flying, so I didn't have the space for it, but you were traveling down on the train, I believe. I, listen, I took the train to Philly and then the bus home from Scranton, which does sound like a Billy Joel song. Yeah. The bus, every time I take the bus, it's really, it's an important thing to ground you as a human being. No matter how you're doing in life, get on the bus. It does give you an ego reset. I haven't been on a little. Oh, no, no, I've done it in London for a while.

I haven't been on a bus for a while. But you know what's good about it? And this is what I sometimes look at people who do air travel, who try to get up before their lane is ready, before their row is ready. And they try to push forward. You're like, no, no, no, we're all in this together. And the bus is the great teaches you that you're part of a community. You have to put up with other people's bullshit and you just get on with it. I love the bus for that reason.

Yeah, well, when was the last time? We should sponsor you to have a bus ride. All right, mate, that's all I did. In my 20s, I was on the bus every fucking day. I need you to have the bus again. I didn't even have a tube station where I lived in London. That's how poor I was. I'm just saying you successful people, I think, in the same way that people do detoxes.

I'm not going on a bus in L.A. Okay. I'm telling you, this is my program. I'll go on a scenic tourism one down in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, end of. That's the last bus I'll do. No, I demand you to take a greyhound once a year

and what I like to call Fame Detox. Yeah, Fame Detox where you just go take one three-hour bus ride just reset, just get to see where the economy's at, how people are interacting with each other. So I could be as grounded as you, huh? That's, that's, you're all what I want to reach,

the utopia I want to reach. So you can see the phone. He has a large wooden coin of another man behind his head. That was quite sad. I don't have a penny in my pocket, but I've got a dollar of my boss. We're co-workers. We split all the money we make from here 50-50. What's half of nothing?

That's damn right. But I also had a couple other things I want to tell you about. So when we're in Philadelphia, we naturally had to gain about 10 pounds each. Because I literally gained, not like joking about, I literally gained 10 pounds in three nights. Because we love the Philly cheese steak. Love a Philly cheese steak. It has to be said that these pattern Ginos, the supposedly iconic ones, which if you speak to locals, they will tell you, that's hogswash anyway now. Yeah, one slices them and one dices them.

And it's all the same shit. Look, first of all, I've said this before, Philadelphia, you did not invent putting meat and cheese into bread. That has been done since the dawn of meat and cheese. You're not special. Oh, we added onions. Oh, what else have you done? professor, right? Would you like to be with me right now saying we can put a line through Gnos, at least?

Gnos is trash, and there's a Gnos at the airport, and I, and because I tried Ginos with the provolone, it all was just a loop on top. No season meat, nothing in the season. And then I thought, everyone's like, you don't use the whiz. The whiz is fucking shit, right? Now, Donkey's Place, I get those brought across the country because I saw it was on the Goldbergs and it was also on Bordane, I was eating at Donkey's Place. and I wanted nothing more.

Do you know, we were saying. We drove an hour out of our way to go to this trip. We drove an hour out of our way because we have to go into Jersey to go to Donkey's Place, right? We drove them opposite direction. We went to be going up towards Scranton. We drove out of Philadelphia. We parked the car up. Not open on Sundays.

Not open on Saturdays. Not open on weekends. It's like bloody Bill's burgers. You've got to know, you have to know. If you don't know, you can't go. How successful do you have to be to be closed on Saturdays? Sundays is one thing. Yeah.

Yeah. And it was probably for some good reason, like, oh, the bread's not fresh by then. Oh, you've got pride in your product and everything. They've got me. They've got me the donkeys, but I never had it. And then you had one backstage. It was from a local pizza place that had a sesame seed roll that I had a quarter of because I was, and then I had another one when I went back to my hotel room late at night because I do get high after the show.

And then I like to pig out in, by myself, just with like a cheese steak in. You got raising canes delivered to the hotel. I got raising canes at one. am, they had raising canes. And you know what? I got the, I got the chicken sandwich, and then I ordered another bit of Texas toast, and I would put one tender out and make it like a hot dog. So I had an extra sandwich, though.

Because I had the sesame bun, and you were like, oh, don't get sesame. One of them could get caught in your bowel and you get encephalitis. No, diverticulitis. Yeah. Diverticulitis, that's right. Diverticulitis. It fucking hurts. So I went home on the bus ride with the stuff.

sore stomach. And I said to Attica, fuck, I think I've got fucking sesame seed dug into my colon. That's why I'm feeling so sick. There's little pockets in the side of your colon that goes down and poppy seeds and sesame seeds can get stuck and then they get infected and they get all pussy and red and inflamed

in your colon. That's a new fear that I didn't know I had. Thanks for that. Yeah, diverticulitis. It's better than a kidney stone. But it's, dive articulitis and a kidney stone would hang out with each.

other and have a great conversation. They'd get along really well. Look, he was well the day before. There was nothing wrong. And then boom, I showed up. We also went to Scranton to look at office stuff. And to the people of Scranton, I'm obviously, I'm coming back there June 28. You don't have time to do this before I arrive.

But make something of the office. You can do something. I think there is a tour. I think there's a tour going around. We went to Paul Richards because it's the bar because the office is probably my favorite sitcom. And so I was like very excited to go to. where the office was, everywhere where Scranton was, the electric city and all that stuff. It's a nicer place than I think it's depicted in the sitcom.

It's depicted a bit more grungy in the sitcom, but it's a nicer place. We were there in the middle of summer, though, you know, so. Well, you've got the Pocono Mountains there, and they're all green. I remember I said to you, this can't be the right joint. This is all right. This drive. Yeah, yeah, you were, you were shitting on it on the drive over. What is this?

Why don't they ever advertise this? It was nice. It was all green rolling hills. Yeah, but they have a small window where it's not snowing when it's not shit up there. So I was also going to bring this up with you. You know, I went to the theatre. Since I live in New York, I go to the theatre a lot. Yes, yes.

And death of a salesman. I told you, I messaged you immediately and said, I've cried six times. Yeah, yeah. Death of a salesman. Nathan Lane was in it, who I famously said couldn't act straight. But I found out that the character that I was teasing him about. on my special was a closeted homosexual and Nathan Lang actually nailed the character. Well, Nathan was fantastic as Willie Loman.

And Willie Loman, no one's straight than Willie Loman. Willie Loman has affairs and all that type of stuff. Back in the day when you could, back in the day when you just... A family in another city. When there was, you were just on a pay phone. There was a pay phone and postcards where you checked in with the misses. Now you can't do it anymore. So I said to you something, which I'll go out in the last.

him here. You don't have to go. I used to know men with two families. Did you know that? I used to know men with two families. What, traveling comics or traveling salesmen or whatever? Everyone knows the comedian I'm talking about. There was a comedian in Britain who had two families and he had one up north and one down south and he used to do two weeks down south and two weeks up north. And then he had a storage unit in Birmingham where he'd swap out the baby seats because he had like the kids with the same age and shit, right? And you'd go up and down the M6 or the M1 and then stop off at the place,

trade out all the stuff. Put like, you know, different wrapping papers and stuff or stuff from the other kids in there and take a photograph of it and then, you know, do it again. Wash your inch repeat. That's, what a recession indicator. Jack just went, how do you get busted?

I don't know how one of the women stayed with him, but, look, eventually as soon as, you know, friends reunited came in or any social media of any kind, he was going to be done. Right? Thanks, Zach. As soon as the internet, at the dawn of the internet was when he started to panic. How radicalising is that as a comedian, though?

You go, comedians can't get a family on the wage we make now, yet alone two. It was a better time in the 90s. Yeah, the 80s stand-up comedy was booming. Yeah, so he was doing it all through the 80s. He was doing it through the mid-90s and whatever. But, yeah, there was a few. There's a few people out there. So I'm watching the theatre.

If you want to have second families, I can't even put up with one family. I'm watching the theatre. And I have to say to you, of all the theatre I've gone to see this year, I've seen maybe, have a look at this. Where are all my playbills? I don't know where they are. All of these playbills. And I'm dragged along off. They're like playboys, but for.

For gay kids. I'm sorry, why did you have to ruin? And there was a nuance thing there. What was your nuance take? I was just going to be for, you know, people who. vote a certain. I was kind of like sort of, you know, and you just went for gay kids, you're bloody terrible human being. For the asexual kid, really. Yeah, for the asex. For the artsy kids, for artsy kids who don't want to masturbate too much. Yeah, if I was actually, if I was a

gay kid back in the day, I would have watched, I probably would have got 4-4-2 magazine and checked off to Christiana-Ralda-O. I studied musical theory at university. Musical theater is like a proper passion of mine. I have no issue with, anyway, carry on. This is why I love calling you, because you know, many people, no, actually, fans are. if yours, wouldn't be surprised, but we have a chat about the theatre. Yes,

we talk about the theatre. So we talk about World Cup, then we talk about the theatre. We talk about sports and theatre, then we talk about whether you're getting a fair go in this world right now. Now, what I like about the show that I saw, Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman.

Yes, Arthur Miller, who, by the way, as soon as I mentioned Arthur Miller to my wife, I go, he was married to Marilyn Monroe. I said he was like an old, like, you know how you think everyone's like an old person when you're young? And then I look back and he was age appropriate to be,

married to Marilyn Monroe. It didn't look that. I'm sure the age gap was better than me and my wife. And he wasn't that bad looking a bloke. I always used to think he was this gremlin that had like a pipe. And he was banging Marilyn Monroe. And I was like, how do you become a playwright or a baseball player like the Maggio? How do you do these things, right? She just liked the Argos as long as they had skills. But there's nothing wrong with Arthur Miller. He's all right. I mentioned this to my wife and my wife said, I thought the same thing about the man who did Gungan style. She said she always thought he was an old man and then Charlie was watching Gungensile the

other day. He's just like... He's just chubby. He's just chubby and he's about 30. What's his name? Sai. Sai. Yeah.

Yeah, my wife, when she was young, used to think that he was a 50-year-old man dancing ridiculously and now she feels ashamed of herself as she's a 36-year-old actress. So my view on the play was, it was brilliant. And Nathan Lane was amazing. Biff was the guy that played Biff was top draw. Who played Biff? You keep on referring. to him is the guy that played Biff.

Tell us, give the guy a plug. You've got the book in front of you. I should find, hold on. Let me find his name because he was outstanding. His name was Christopher Abbott. Uh-huh. Was that guy. And Happy was Ben Arles.

Laurie McClough was Linda. She was also great. The whole cast. Laurie Metcalf. Yeah, Larry McClough. Because allegedly Merrill Streep said that she went and saw it and she thought she was a terrible actress afterwards. It was that good of production.

Yeah, it's absolutely phenomenal. And obviously, anyone who's got any family dynamic can watch that. And everyone around you is crying at various points, you know, because it is this thing of understanding your parents and the stresses that they have to put you through. And I said to you, one of the problems, I think, with modern theatre is that it never feel, the themes never feel as broad. There is a hyperfixation on the sexual identity, which I don't think touches as many people. I think obviously the theatre is dominated by gay people.

and so they want to write stories about themselves, which I completely understand. But I've gone to so many plays, which is all about coming out. And it never resonates as much as just a standard family dilemma. Yeah, but not for you, it doesn't resonate as much. No, but I mean, as broad. I know, but in broader strokes, we need plays that speak to everybody, yes, of course. Yes. And the father-son dynamic and nothing to do with your sexuality,

just to do with your hopes and dreams of what your children will become or what. I don't know if children know this. But as a parent, you are terrified that they will be disappointed in you. And they're terrified. They don't know that. They only think that the parent, they're terrified that the parent will be disappointed in them. And it does go definitely the other way. And so that's why, yes, when I was.

And so you go see like Kat Stevens and father and son comes on it. It's not time to make a chance. And you watch like 50 year old men crying. Yes. It's a real thing. It's just a real thing. Because I'm looking at these, yeah, I'm watching these dads, right? older guys, and there's a recurring theme through the play where Biff knows what his dad's done,

okay, and they keep mentioning the trip that he took to Boston. It's because your kids think that you're perfect, and you know you're a bag of shit. So you just have to go like this. You're the best, dad. I do all right. I try. I try me best. And it's unsaid the whole time, but you know because the cackling witch that he's had this affair,

and you know that Biff has gone to visit his dad at the most trying moment of his life. And because Biff walked in on his dad having this affair, he realized his dad wasn't perfect. And he himself had a bit of a meltdown. And Willie Lohman is so mad at his son Biff because he became a loser. And he blames himself, but he's also angry that his son can't get over it. It's never addressed. And I'm watching families crying because every family has some secret or something that happened with them. And the parrot dynamic of, you're not Superman, the facade has collapsed.

And there's cheating that's gone on. And as I walk out of this play, wiping my eyes, I see nine people in black suits with earpieces ferrying someone out. And I go, I wonder who it is. It was Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton was watching the play with me, but she did not bring Bill. Bill wasn't there. Bill wasn't at the play about cheating, was he did he decide to give it a miss?

I think Bill went, what are we watching? And she said, Death of a Salesman. And he went, I'm good for that. I don't need to sit through an production about a man who would be portrayed who he was and let someone down through infidelity. Yeah, I'd rather watch that one about Nixon getting impeached. Put that one on. So I'm crossing the road and Hillary's in a van.

Turns out she came with Anna Wintourn tour. Hillary Clinton gets into this armoured van and she's stuck in traffic. And obviously I was, I have to look. So I walk in front of the van and I make eye contact with Hillary Clinton, who's furiously texting while she's in the van. And all I could think was she was just messaging Bill, you're a piece of shit, you know that? No, I think she's known this for a lot. Do you think right now, Hillary, after all these years?

So Monica Lewinsky was 40 years ago now? Yes. No, no, 30 years ago, 30 years ago. Any relationship where there's been anything to do with infidelity, you can't watch any television program or movie where that happens on the screen and it's not broad. up. Yeah, no, you have to leave the room. You have to start talking loudly over the top of the TV and go, and you know, that actor there, he was in a different film, wouldn't he? That's where you get out IMDB. Who's he? Who's that person? What do we? Yeah, one of the children are talking and you mute it. Sorry, you had something to say, mate. Good. If we've got anything you want to tell

me, just come to me. I'm always here for you, mate. It is, there is nothing to dredge up old shit. Oh, yeah. Like a play or a TV show that involves... Well, that's the thing is like when something happens, if you have a friend who's been in a car accident or something like that, then you turn on the TV, every fucking move you seems to have car accidents and you can't get past it, you know, the whole time.

So, yeah, so Bill's not going to see that play. But maybe he texts her back like this, maybe we should see a play about you. I hear there's one called Wicked. He would... I hear it's about a witch who can't win. So there I was a theatre man and my first person... You exactly thought that would have been up your alley of the weekend.

That's my first person I call. And you know what happens? Every time that I call you, Anika goes, here we go. You're going to kick and scream about me dragging you to the theatre. But the first thing you do is call up Jim and go, I was at the theatre this evening, Jim. And I thought you might want to know my take on rag time or... No, if I was... If I always lived in New York, that would be my big thing.

That would be like I'd go to the theatre all the time and really enjoy it. Because you live in LA, you have one musical at any given time, right? Whatever's going on at the Pantages, off you go. There might be another one in a different theatre. But for the most part, it's the touring production of Lame Mears or the touring production of Back to the Future or something like that. But actually, like, for the place that's meant to have all the actors, I'm surprised there isn't more theatre here. I'm mystified by it. What else are they doing?

Aren't they bored? In between jobs? and you don't have to leave your house. Everyone goes, I'm going off to New York to do a play. Stay here and do a play. I'll go and see you a play. It just needs corporate partnerships. Starbucks proudly presents.

And they call them the Starbucks players. The best baristas in the city form a theater group. No, but also it's just actors like, you can get any actor. They're all not working. None of them are working. There's actors are plenty sitting around. You don't even need up and comers. You can have ones that you go, this one's off the telly.

That one's off the telly. But why is it? Is it just not the audience in Los Angeles? And also, why don't? Actors who don't get work? I know, I know, like, famous actors who are struggling to get work in Hollywood right now. Yeah. Why don't they just fuck off to Sydney and do a play or something?

Why don't I do that? Maybe they don't have an, a huge work ethic. Oh, me neither. Yeah. Oh, God, we were close then, weren't we, Jack? We were going to be in Sydney doing a play. Ah, there's going to play. I'm already doing shows there anyway, which,

alive and on stage, I'm pretty much all there. So as I'm walking out of there. So I'm just happy to keep the arts alive, really. You're welcome. I had a bit of an argument with the misses over, I can't remember what it was, but she said that I am too much of a contrarian. We always fight when we leave a film or a play. Right, because you have different opinions?

Yes, and she thinks that my opinion, I'm only ever having to argue with her for the sake of it. And I always say, no, I just see the world differently. And she says, you don't know how to have a conversation unless it's trying to agitate. Right, because you're coming out of the theatre going, that was a good play, no gaze. Like, that's what happened. That's what you said, didn't you? Yeah, he said, the other ones, if I have to watch rent again, oh, geez, 300, $24,000, $6,000, just die already. How long is this hate?

I did come out of there and say, for God's sake, wasn't it refreshing to see a play that was just focusing on what the ancient Greeks understood, father and son? Ancient Greeks, what do you think anal's called Greek style? They're all about bumming. And now, of a sudden, you're using the Greeks, you're holding them up as the example of heterosexuality, are you? Of family dynamic. Just be cool with people. Of Edipus concept.

Just be cool with other humans living amongst you. Just give it a go. Anyway, we were arguing about that, and she did a storm off, which is my wife's, well, my soon-to-be-wife's favorite thing. Pardon because you live in a city that's all ubers, taxis and public transport. You see, it's hard to do this story. So I'll tell you a storm off story. One time I went down to a comedy club and I went up to the door and it was New Year's Eve and my brother was in town. I won't say the comedy club because we're all cool now, but it was my brother was in town and I took my wife and it was New Year's Eve.

And that's what we're going to do. We're going to go down to the comedy club, do a couple of jokes and then we're going to go. out and find somewhere to eat or something that was going to rain in the new year. We show up and the girl behind reception goes, goes, she goes, I go, hi, I'm Jim Jeffries. I'm one of the comics I'm here to perform tonight. I'm on the, I'm on the, I'm on the lineup, right? And she goes, great. And then she goes, oh, no, only you're allowed in.

It's very packed in there. It's New Year's Eve. Comedians aren't allowed to bring guests. And I'm like, I'm not allowed to have my wife and my brother with me on New Year's Eve. No, and I was one of the bigger names on the building. right and I was like no my my wife's coming in it's New Year's Eve I'm not spending I just won't do the gig then she goes sorry that's the policy I said all right well you tell them that Jim Jeffries just went home like that right now my car was parked over the road it was invisible

distance it was it was very close to the venue but me my brother and my wife stormed out and I just took a left because I could if I still if I if I stormed out too quickly and got my car I would have gotten away I need them to chase me down the street you see That's what it's about. It's about knowing if you'll be chased. Yeah, so I've turned down the core. I've turned around and my brother's going, while we walk in this way, and I go,

they'll come after us, I'm sure of it. Sure they will. I got pretty far down the road, and I started to think to myself, oh, no, I'm going to have to walk back in front of the place to get in my car after doing the storm out. So I'm like, too, my wife, walk slower, just slowly. Just everyone just shuffled down the street. They came out.

They came out. My point was made. Oh, you got them in, did you? They ran down the street and my family was allowed in to the comedy show at New Year's Eve. That was a few strings I pulled as a celebrity. So we're having a chat after the argument. You just weren't allowed in your office. It was the dressing room.

It wasn't even the packed area of the showroom. I said to her because she goes, well, you know what? I don't know if I just, I don't think I can get married to a person who just annoys me this much. And then you should have said, well, well, I'm doing it. Then I said to her. Why didn't you say that? It's a funny situation. The idea, because her dad's already paid for our wedding.

It's all deposited, all the money. It's unrecoverable. Do you think there's a rom-com movie in this? Hear me out, this is my pitch for a rom-com. It's about a woman who is getting married. She's got a year to the wedding. Her dad spent a fortune of the wedding. It's all paid for.

She can't live with a guy anymore. The wedding's off. But the dad is like, I fucking spent the money already. And so the movie is about the dad A, trying to find her a new husband within a year. year, so she's got one year to get married. I'm telling you. It's a wedding that's prepaid.

Or the dad tries to put the relationship back together purely to save cash. In my experience, the bigger the wedding, the short of the marriage. Everyone I know who's just, everyone who's just done it in Vegas that I know is happily married. And I know people who have had big elaborate with horses and carriages and this and doves and shit. And the marriage has lasted a month. But you're not going to have that.

Are I doing a speech at your wedding? If you want. Oh, yeah, well, I'll just do type five. You said you wanted to emcee the thing. Yeah. When I asked Amos if he wanted me to do a speech at his wedding, he said, if you want, and then he pitched me a rom-com about a guy who didn't want to get married, but got married anyway because it was too expensive, not to.

Well, that was, she took it well because she said, he falls in love with the wedding planner. Isn't that already like a movie with Jennifer Lopez? Is this a wedding planner is? Yeah. No, but this one's about a couple that breaks up and the wedding's happening anyway and so the Dad tries to put it back together. That's what the wedding's about.

That's what the movie's about. Yeah, but what's the, where's the resolution at the end? Do they fall in love at the end because they work together as a team? No, well, I don't know. That's what I've got you in here for. Are you attached to this producer or not? Yeah, I'll do it. I won't start.

So the dad goes, well, you're having a wedding anyway. Can I play the Dad? Yeah, you can play the Dad. And the Dad's like, You have to have a wedding anyway. I've paid for the fucking thing. So you've got one year to fall in love. So the movie starts on this wedding's not happening.

Yeah. And then the day goes... Okay, so either you're marrying him or you're marrying someone. Yes. You're marrying someone on this day because I'm fucking pay for it. Or I'll never pay for a way or you're on your own. But you've got one year to be in love. Annie, I'm just pitching him the movie I came up with about how you've got a year to get married after we get hours annulled.

Oh, she gave me the thumbs up. She's naked. She's naked. Sadly, that wasn't her thumb. So you know why she's naked? Was it at Wastite? She gets so grossed out by taking the subway when she gets into the house. She rips off all of her clothes because she won't sit down with subway clothes on the couch or on our bed.

Greatest city on her. Summer always changes the way I get dressed. I want pieces that feel lighter. and more breathable and say things like summer to the public. And that's why I'm going back to Quince. You like Quince? Jim, I absolutely love Quince. In fact, I was going on a rampage for the summer spring wardrobe.

European linen pants and shirts. And you know how I'm one of those people that when I go over to Europe, I lose track of who I am and I start wearing flowing shirts, whites, things like that. Also because you're gaining weight as you go along, yes. I have to go up and down. And I use quints. I don't know whether we're allowed to say this. And I like quints for one simple reason.

It's high-end designer stuff that comes at a price that doesn't bankrupt you. It's the same quality, amazing European linens. There's a suede jacket there, the espresso brown, which I bought for $200. You got pants and shirts starting at $34. Most things are 50 to 80% less than similar brands. It is high-quality stuff. It is high-quality stuff. and you elevate your summer wardrobe by going to quince.com

slash ATM for free shipping on your order. It's not just clothes anymore. It's custom, appulses, sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding, all sorts of stuff. Go to quince.com. We're now available in Canada, too. And let me tell you, I love our Canadian fans, but they do not dress the best. Get out of the Edmonton Oilers hockey jersey and get yourself into some quints. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash ATM for free shipping.

and 365 day returns. That's quince.com slash ATF. So, Jack, you heard that you're into this, right? So it starts with Dad, the Weddings off and he's like, well, you've got a year because it's paid for. Yeah. Or you're on your road. Right.

But where's this world where he doesn't get half of his money back? It's all unrefundable, 100%. What are these companies? Who are these companies? They're bastards. They're bastards, are they? Where are you getting married again? Where are you getting married?

I'm getting married in Keir Island near Charleston. And there Charleston. All right. I've never been there. He was nice. So I just want to know the exact date so I can do a gig before and sort of, you know, plug it to all the people on your Facebook group that I can get a gift. Every single comedian coming is doing the exact same thing. They're like, I need the dates.

Give them to me before you give them to anyone else because I'm going to call up the Charleston Comedy Club and get a weekend. Well, yeah. July 24, 2027. I want to get in there before McCann gets there. Yeah. he's probably already asked. Alas, here's another thing. So what does your Mrs.

do before she goes to bed? Oh, she puts our child to bed. And this is, so she puts our child to bed. Does she have a beauty routine? I know you have. Yeah, my wife walks around the house with kiwi fruit smeared on her face. She thinks does something. Just chunks of kiwi fruit.

It looks like she's been a pawn with a guy who's had an infected semen. It's just green chunks all over her face, and then she's like... An Auckland Bukaki. Yeah, I've never met anyone else who does this Kiwi fruit thing. Who else does this Kiwi fruit thing? I don't even heard of this. So my lady does the mask. Do you know the red light mask?

The red light mask, yeah, I've seen those, yeah. Is your missus got one of those cranking? Yeah, yeah. They're always a fun thing to look at, aren't they? They make you want to have sex with that person. Yeah, that evil face. The man in the iron mask. Look at the state of that.

Yeah, the man in the iron mask. I can't, what is it meant to do? Is it meant to, I feel like they're killing skin and they're making the new skin come up all of a sudden. Here we go. So my wife, Kiwi fruit skin benefits, anti-aging priorities, natural skin brighter, hydrates, rejuvenates your skin, fights acne and blemishes, protects against sun damage. I can't read an ad this good, protects skin healing, exfoliates, And that's why all the New Zealand women are so beautiful.

Imagine if it wasn't the home of the Kiwi fruit, how rough the New Zealand women. And there's one of them in a car right now. I'm turning this off. No. This is really fucked up. I can take so much. He always says we have hoofs on stage as well. It's really rotten racism.

This makes me so mad. Dong, dong, dong. You know what? I don't understand about the red light therapy, though. Yeah. Okay. Who sleeps on a red, in a red, under a red light? Oh, prostitutes.

The red light district. Isn't that what you meant? That's true. No. Oh, I thought that's what you were heading towards. It's called a red light district. I understand what you're saying. No.

Now I've been made to look bad. You're like this. The thing that sleeps, the thing that sleeps most underneath red lighty lights is lizards and snakes, notoriously the worst skin in the animal kingdom. Yeah. And they live under the red light. Imagine how bad they look without the red light.

They look horrendous. Is that what it is? The red light's the only thing holding them together. So if they had no red lights to sleep, do you think it would just shed? No, they're cold-blooded, so they like, well, they're warm-blooded. Whatever, they like the heat. They like the sun. So it's all about warmth.

It's not about the light. They just like the warmth. But you can get that from a yellow glowing lamp. It's something about that the red that must do something. I don't know. No, I think it's that you can have the red in your bedroom in a, like, a terrarium, and it's not going to bother you too much. If it's a bright one, then you can't have it in your room.

Because I keep telling, because when she wears it, that's my argument to her. She goes, it's good for your skin. And I said, if it was good for your fucking skin, then have you seen lizards? Yeah, but if it was really good for his skin, she'd be marrying someone better than you. You've got to take what you can get. Now, I've done what you asked. You told me to do more personal content. Yeah.

clear of my grim news stories. Yeah. So I've given of you my life. Yeah. And in summary, my girlfriend's skin is shit and the gays have got to stop writing theater about themselves. Yeah, the guys are going to write stories that are more engineered to Amos and what he's going out to do.

The boy from Croatia. Yeah. The man whose ACL stopped him from being a football pro in his own brain. Yeah. And that was what stopped him. Not his hide or ability. The ACL, the musical. that's not a bad play

and then it ends with intermission ends like this ah fuck it I'll tell jokes and the light goes down and then half time someone comes around with oranges how good is intermission

in the theatre though how good is it you get to chat about how things are going whether you like it whether you'll want to go back in again I love intermission have you ever given up on an intermission

I gave up I gave up there was a grove What's his name, Dave Grohl? Not Dave Grohl. Who's the Grohlun? The guy who sings Grohlon. Groban? Groban.

Josh Groban. Josh Groban. There was a Josh Groban one that fucking, that Scott Zabelski took me to, that was in New York where it was all about Russian bread or some shit. And you were in a restaurant. And then he came and sang in the middle. And then like the other cast came in. So you were part of the actual show, right?

Very hard to sneak out when you're part of the. show and they gave you food while you were doing it. I would have walked out on... It may not have been him. It may have been a dinner restaurant. I would have walked out on the George Clooney when I went to six months ago. I thought it was the worst piece of shit I've ever seen. And what was George doing wrong?

They did that thing that I find rotten, which is he did that good night and good luck, which was a play about McCarthy era politics. It was a movie first. Yeah. And it was just so, I hate when they do a play like about McCarthyism and they do overtures to what's happening in politics today in a ham-fisted way. And you just think, like, it's... Oh, so they were going back going, well, you know what's wrong with this administration?

Wink, wink, wink. They'll never be an administration this rotten, and then everyone on the cast turns to the crowd. You go, that's tacky. Yeah, oh, there you go, we'll never let a TV personality become president. And I don't mind one, but it was like 20 of those. Also, the tickets were $900, which I would never have paid. My lady really wanted to see this.

And then half of the performance, George is on screen in the theatre. And it's like we can watch George on screen for free at home. Staging was a mess. Anyway, here's some things that I love and then we can move on. Staging was a mess. Listen to you. They write musicals for you, mate. Staging was a mess.

Staging was a mess. Staging was a mess. I can watch that man on TV whenever I want. Staging was outrageous. No one writes any musicals that affect me directly. You fucking... You're a dramatic fella. There's just nothing for a queen.

All right. Here's what I love. Steve Coogan has a new TV show on Netflix. Yeah, here it's good. I hear it's good from you. British Narcos is what I would describe that as. It is the story of British customs infiltrating the biggest importation of heroin in the 90s ever. It's like two tons that they managed to get in with the Turkish mob and the Liverpool mob.

Steve Coogan plays the head of the customs agency that's with people going undercover. And the legend is each person's backstory as they go undercover. And it's fucking great, mate. It's like, it is British Narcos. fucking British there. Yeah. Oh, fucking it.

It was so good. And it's got a lot of scouses in it are here. It is scousers. It's a scouse gangsters, yeah. Yeah, scouse gangsters. They're the good ones. Yeah. Fucking got heroin coming in.

I haven't, I watched all six episodes yesterday. I haven't had that in a long time. Yeah, you, I would do that, but I have what they call children. So. Oh, yes.

You, you never waste time ever. If you're not being a dad, you're at the gym or writing scripts. No downtime from you. Man, I'm recording a TV show this week. I got two gigs last. I'm a fucking busy man. I'm buddy.

I'm doing, there's things I'm doing down here with my feet that you can't even fucking see. You can't even see. I'm right in a fucking play with me toes because I'm trying to do two things at once. Is it that gross thing where you can cross over your toes? Yeah. Right then, Jim. If you've got nothing to share from your personal life,

figured we should get to the news and what's happening now. I might have something new. I had cheese steaks all weekend and I'm writing a play with me feet. And my wife, I'll ask me wife, Tazey, are you happy with me? All right. Well, she's going, right? She says, very, all right. Well, she didn't ask if I was happy with her, but we'll have that conversation later.

Jack, this is where we could have like a sting for like, and now for the news and we get out of this into the next segment. Okay. Right. So, Jim, let's get into the news. Here's the top story in the world. Sounds like heavy rain. Okay.

That was clapping. All right. News story. Okay. Oh, sorry. Sorry. The story that I wanted to do after that drum tish, I don't think I can go into the murder of that man in the UK. Oh, I'm not going to.

I wasn't going to, you're going to mention the murder of the guy in the UK and I was going to go like this, you reckon. No, I wasn't going to do that. Nor would I. have I done this. It's timing that makes you the best in the world. It's not working. It's not working. Okay, well, given that you've taken us in this direction,

I'll have to move it somewhere else into a lighter area. Yeah, make it a more jovial one to start off. We'll go to that one later. It's the return of Bonnie Blue to the show. Bonnie Blue's got a new stunt, ladies and gentlemen. Let's hear it in her own words. That was the diagnosis of what she has. Did I hear right that you have a stunt planned for June?

Yes, I have a baby shower on Saturday. next Saturday and I'm inviting the public to turn my baby shower into a golden shower. Why? It's just fun. It's a twist on the baby shower. I'll be having sex with the people as well as and it's going to be like a mixture of wholesome baby shower games like the traditional trying different baby food along with other fluids added in there. Now I'm uncomfortable. This is your baby. This is your child. Yeah. Again, my body. This is what I'm choosing.

Do you not see that in any way as a denigration of your baby? No, like, it is difficult because I don't want to sexualise the baby. Well done, Bonnie. Well done, Bonnie. Okay, so, yeah, so you got to, okay, you told me about this story. I haven't actually seen her talk. You said it was going to be everyone pissing on it. Some of them are going to be having sex with her.

Some of them are going to be coming into baby food, and she will be eating the baby food. Bonnie, she's very pretty girl, but she's a fucking grub. She is. Fair income, she's a grub. Like, like, we have to draw the line somewhere. It's like, don't bring babies into the situation. Don't talk about babies. Like, what are you doing?

I like that every, what's wonderful about Bonnie Blue is she's able to find where everyone's line of conservatism is. I was so there with her on the whole way. Now, listen here, I don't mind you getting pussy stuffed by 1,000. men wearing bali clava yeah that's fine that's how is all right with that that's something she wanted to do between her and man and balaclava then when they said she was taking one thousand bats in bottle i thought to each their own it's a free country yeah but this here is disgusting yeah it's too much the baby will look back at that and go was that me or my older sister like come on man the baby involved what do you but this is the thing it was like okay these are gangbanks what's

anyone who would want to turn up to that though that's the thing i understand going oh yeah i can shag bonnie blue to put my dick in that but you go i'm going to turn up and urinate into mashed up apple one of the up one of the upsides is you can't get her pregnant again so those other thousand blokes they could have been on the line for that one they could have lost out in the you know are you telling me there's no demonic spirit that's taken over that woman she knows how to make money um look it i'm not i'm not a fan of this this is this is I've been a fan for so long and I've never paid for anything

but I've always been a fan of entrepreneurialism. Is that the word? So is it fair to say this is like when Dylan went electric for you, is it? This is where you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll go turn it off. Go back to the acoustic. I'm going to have them beers on my belly and eat baby food. Well, I'm pregnant. You don't want that. It is rotten getting the baby involved in anyway. But also like, she's sort of running out of our dear.

She's like, it's a shower, but baby shower. There's going to be wholesome. There's going to be wholesome things as well. Wholesome things are going to be happening. Like we're going to play all the baby shower games. How many people can piss on the woman. I put the holes in wholesome. Yeah, like, there'll be plenty of things you want to fast forward through.

I don't, like, like, you know, the problem is, the problem is this will lead to other. Okay, so when you look at this, you've got to look at it from a point of view, has this ever been done before at this level? No, it hasn't. Is she breaking boundaries of cinematic history that, you know, Spilberg did originally with ET? You know, is it like that level of, will we look back on this and go, it was really groundbreaking? Because remember when there was a flood of stand-up being? I'm not at comedians who were doing their specials when pregnant. Yes.

And I kept on thinking like... So you're saying Ali Wong has led to this moment. She's... Aliying the two of them and then there would... And I like both those comedians and Schumer and others. And I think there were some other people as well. But like, do you think it just fell like, oh, I was going to do my special now? Or someone went, all right, get a room ready in one month I'm showing.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Well, it does show it's a spate of pregnant women having to do work, which, you You could say is a big, another recession indicator. Look, I want to be very clear about this. Pregnant women should be allowed to do what they want. I should be allowed at the house to do whatever activity that's legal. They can do whatever they want.

At what point is it child labour? I'm not saying these people should stay at home. They shouldn't be looked at and they definitely shouldn't be touched by others. Disgusting. No, I'm all, I've turned around. If you want to be pissed on while, pregnant, Bonnie. Go do it.

Who am I to stop dreams? Okay, I just wanted you to weigh in this. I just wanted to know where you're at. I don't know. It's, it's, look, I'm not going to watch. Where does she go from this? I'm not going to, I'm not going to watch it. I'm not going to watch it.

Well, let me ask you this. You're her, you're in her team. I think she's very pretty. I think she's very good looking. You need to keep escalating. Everyone who goes, she's 33. She looks like she's 62. No, she doesn't.

She's a good looking girl. Shut up. People who want to. You don't know like that. But if you continually have to escalate, right? This is the problem with escalation culture. Yes, yes, yes. Where does one go next?

If you're, if you were, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're next to body blue. What is it? I know what's next for body blue. I'm going to, I'm going to have the Caesarian Scar open for 24 hours. 24 hours it will be open. And whoever can get in there before it's stitched up, well, come on, boys. Have at it. That's where it's going next.

C-section porn. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's as far as you can go. Okay. It's called C-section and it's guys in prison from the C-block from the C-section, fucking has C-section. Okay, okay. That's what she could do. She could do a fulsome prison where Bonnie Blue takes on a prison and it's called conjugal visit. But it's only the worst criminals in Britain.

Actually, that would. And they're all rapists. Oh, no, you can't, you can't have that. No, they wouldn't, they wouldn't like that. That's what she does. Why have you had to fucking, oh, we went edgy with a joke already, and you went, I'll out edge him. I went as far as we could go, and then you fucking brought it down. We were trying to defend, we were trying to defend women's rights to do whatever they want with their body, and then you're like, yeah, and this will end up being disgusting.

I'll just say there's a slippery slope, and that is where it will end up. If she said she's doing her Folsom Prison Blues, that's where it would be. Yes, yes, yes. And there'd be a slippery slope just to slide in there. I think Nigel Farage could run on this. Nigel Farage, oh, God, the world, I know what we're about to head into story now, and I'm a bit nervous about this one after. Well, obviously, Britain.

Britain is our love, Jim. You and I are... We have ancestral... We identify British in many ways. We came from similar type of households in Australia, and it's the motherland is old England. Let me talk to you about the UK, because I've realised my closest to the UK,

because we are going to get into a really grim story, but I want to talk about my love with the UK. If you see this map here, it's that way. It's up there, the UK. It's over that way. No. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I was looking at the wrong bit.

I thought that was Western Australia because my head was covering Tasmania. That's Papua de giddy. That's the ancestral. Either way, it's that way, but you have to go a bit longer to go around, around the top, come down. So UK, okay,

So my blood mix is obviously creation on my mother's side. Then my dad's side is English and Irish. Okay. Now the Irish side, we know how they feel about the UK. And I believe your mother is one quarter lizard person. Lizard person? Or is she, was she, what was the other one? Nordic.

Insect or Nordic? Insect or no. That turned out to be bullshit, didn't it? Turned out to be bullshit. It was all a hoax, wasn't it? Because why do you say we're going to release? We're going to release the files then. Stop telling me what you're going to do.

Either do it or don't do it. You know what I mean? Like, just release it. The buildup doesn't give us anything. He needs that there to keep distracting from the other distractions, which fail as distractions. I think that's all bullshit because he just goes like this. Oh, they just bombed Iran. And then he's like this.

Ah, alien DNA, I reckon. I've read stuff. So the UK. Bullshit. Let me get it at this point. I don't believe the alien DNA bit. I've gone off it. The UK, when you're in Australia,

is our rival, our great rival. We love competing against them. And then you move here and there's not that many Aussies around, but there is Brits. And so then you resort to being a Commonwealth person, Henshti Pie lovers. And so I got a lot of British pubs. I like the English Premier League, the culture. When you live

in the United States, you know, when you grow up in a country like Australia and you were born when I was, there was this big tendency to say, Australia's got no culture. And I always tell those people, move overseas and you'll know what our culture is when you're not around it. Okay. So, there's something that we do miss when we're away.

And the UK is much closer to our culture than America. It just is. They're societally more closer. The people are closer to it. The way we interact with each other is closer than the Americans. The Americans are their own thing. And they have, you know, also they have Canada to chat too. So what's really weird is when I'm away from home for ages, if I go to a British pub,

for some reason that seems like, oh, I'm a little bit more home. I don't know why, but that's just homesickness. The UK pub will be my thing. So here in New York, I go to a place called tea and sympathy, and me and the missus get a high tea. We just have a cup of tea and some scones in a restaurant with pictures of coronation place. Does she wear the mask and just mash the cucumber sandwiches against the face? And yesterday I'm in there.

And we're chatting about the number one stories to the UK. Now, the first one, Chank Yuga and what's his name, Hassan Piker, left-wing bloggers from the United States, denied entry to the UK. Not allowed in. Again, mental. A home of liberalism and free thought, and Chink Yuga and Hassan Piker not allowed entry. There's all this talk about America stopping people from coming into the country, expressions of speech have been held back by Donald Trump, which, no, that is happening.

That's happening all over the world. That's been happening for a long time, people who... If they don't want you in their country, they'll find a way. They'll find a way. Yeah, exactly. It's happening in Australia as well. You said this. You said this in a book.

You said this in an interview, whatever. They'll find a way. So Bonnie Blues getting pissed on her, you know, at her baby shower. She gets banned all the bloody time. She gets banned all the time. She gets banned all the time. Didn't the Australians send her home, didn't they? Chink Juga and Hassan Parker can't get in because they've done some criticisms of Israel,

it would seem. And then I see this story, which is blowing up today, which maybe is going to be one of the most radicalizing stories in the UK, which is all about the young man who was 18 years old, who was killed by a Sikh guy, okay? Yeah. And he stabbed him. And he died of his wounds. Indian or Pakistani fellow, yeah, he was wearing the Sikh knife, the ceremonial knife,

which is the only weapon that's really allowed to be carried around the UK because it's a religious artifact or religious belief thing. So Henry Nowak, 18 years old, killed by the. this guy in his Vikram Digwa, who was 23 years old. When the fight went down, the man who did the stabbing said he was racially abused. So when the police arrived, and you can look at the, we're not going to play the footage. You can watch the body cam, yeah. The body cam from the police is just truly horrendous where his young man says,

I hate to say, I believe it's worse than watching the George Floyd thing. It's really fucking bad. So the kids on the ground bleeding out and he says the police, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe. He says it eight times. On four occasions, he says, I've been stabbed. And when he says, I've been stabbed, the police officer says, I don't believe you have, mate. Yeah, I don't think you have, mate.

Simply because the police came there under the pretences that the man had racially abused the person who committed the murder. The man who, I think he was in a group, the murderer. And so someone in the group has actually rung 911 and said, hey, come, there's been a racial incident. Please come and help. But they're more worried. this cunt's going to die.

He's going to die. He's going to die. We can't let this happen. This is going to, you know, you know. Yeah, so the police obviously were worried more about the racial ramifications of someone having been racially abused, which didn't end up even happening. It was a hoax and there was a cover up from this guy. And so the police let this guy die in their custody while he kept saying, I can't breathe

and I've been stabbed. Not only when he said, I can't breathe, I've been stabbed. They started to handcuff him. That's why I'm saying it's worse. It's just, yeah, this is a. dying person and they're just so they don't look racist. They've, yeah, yeah, it's pretty weird. So when people say what are the ramifications of wokeness? Well, the ramifications are, and you and I talk about this all the time as people who have been on the left, we would call

ourselves classical liberal left people. I'm a left wing guy, yeah. I'm the anti-gun guy. You've heard the material. Yes. So it's like if you're principles first, the whole idea of racial identity being the driving force of a society is evil and toxic because that means we live in a pendulum swinging situation where instead of saying we're principles forward and that all people, when all lives are very important and we do go by the law, we live in a world where we go, yeah, but white people have privilege.

And so therefore we have to be more accommodating to the idea. Exactly. You say that you've had too much of a head start in our society. Sooner or later, it might take another buck and people. 50, 60, 100 years, then the other group going to have too much privilege. So the police are going out to this situation going, well, fuck me, if there's been a racial thing, we have to be hard on the white kid here, as opposed to, let's get the facts. This person looks like they're bleeding out.

Yeah. Oh, he died a minute later. He died a minute later. Yeah, yeah. He died while basically the police didn't believe he'd been stabbed and he's been handcuffed. Also, the handcuffing a guy that's laying on the ground almost passed out. That's who they're handcuffing. Like, like, where's the police work?

Where is the, you don't just take one person's side. You can't just run out of a person's house and go, that person tried to do A, B, C, and D to me, and they have to believe you. There has to be police work done. There was no police work done. They just took the side of the, the Asian fella and just said, and I mean that in the British sense of the word.

And he stabbed him with a ceremony of life. Now, this is the problem I have here is it's going to make the UK into a tinderbox. And we saw what happened here with Black Lives Matter and all that type of stuff. And, you know, people aren't going to be fucking happy. My wife is of Indian descent and British. So she wasn't, you know, happy about the whole thing either. And she was completely in shock about what happened to the poor age. But this is what happens, Jim, right?

This is where all of the disharmony also comes from. Never mind just the incident itself, okay, is the Tinderbox element. And when I say why wokeism? and by that I mean being so hyper-fixated on identity over just what happened in all scenarios, okay, is that the idea that this was, because they had to fight to get this badge camera out there. This happened in December. So this has only just come out now and the guy's got life in prison is when the public feels

like things are being swept under the carpet, because woke people essentially would say, if this story gets out, there's going to be backlash against the community and people are going to be more racist. And Nigel Farage will use this, okay? So they try to hide the story and downplay the stories. It makes it worse. It makes it so much worse. I've always said with all the, you know, ever since 9-11, you need people within your community to speak out against what your people are doing.

My biggest hate is when there's a terrorist attack and then you hear someone go, this isn't what Islam's all about. This isn't what being a Muslim is all about. The Islam faith is about love and you go, not to that fellow, it wasn't. It wasn't about that. Now, I know Sikhs a different thing. So I have been, I have liked it. seen a lot of people of Indian and Pakistani descent in Britain on the TV condemning this. They've actually gone, you know, gone, this is completely wrong.

We don't agree with this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But can I ask you a question? So they said that I was watching the police commissioner saying that after George Floyd, they're now saying we swung the pendulum too much the other way and we made our police officers think race first. Yes. Because of George Floyd and there was this global outcry of, you know, taking the

knee and I can't breathe became the catch cry. of that movement about police brutality towards black people. And now this kid has exactly said the words, I can't breathe. We know for a fact, this will not be a thing that footballers are taking a knee for. People are not going to do demonstrations. This is not going to capture it in the same way.

I think you'll be surprised, but what will happen is it will go, there'll still be the anger there. There might not be that, that's a tough one in it. Like, what are you going to fucking, what's the answer now?

So they're going to stop these people. they're going to stop Sikhs carrying the knife. No, no. The Prime Minister today said that the exemption for Sikhs carrying the knife will go on and that this is a bad apple using it. Now, what do you think of the... So the Sikhs, it's weird that this happened

because about three weeks ago I was doing stand up in New York and I had Sikhs in the front row who had their knife. And I always talk about the Sikhs how like, it is sick that you get to walk around with like, you know, that curly knife. And they have to have their hair in the, turban. They wear the bracelet. There's five Ks. You can't cut your hair. You have to wear the turban. Have to wear a silver band. You have to carry a comb. Don't know why you have to carry a comb if your hair's coming. It might be for the beard. Get things out of things and all the type of

stuff. It's good to have. And then you carry the sword. I carry mine around in that blue liquid as well in a pouch. Oh, you do? Yeah. So what I want to, oh yeah, the, the hurt that, what is it, insecticide for the barbersol. Parbosol. Barbicide. Babeside. Babesite. Is that, wait, is that shaving cream?

Shaving cream. All the same shit. So what I find interesting about this is, it's their culture, so you get to keep the blade, despite the fact that the UK is trying to ban every other kind of blade. Yeah, but, okay, first of all, we live in America where people can carry guns. So let's put this into context, right? Don't go like, it's so outrageous.

But no one else is carrying weapons in the UK, no. If a religion, because we say it's a religious exemption. Okay? Yes. How new does the religion have to be or how old? Because if you were a Texan and you were like, I carry a pistol. I get what you're saying because, you know, you've got young religions like Scientology and all this type of stuff. So if you start saying that I have to care.

And look, how big a weapon can we go for? I think you can't bring any new ones in. You have to be grandfathered in, right? Religions. Yeah. Yeah, you can't be bringing. You couldn't say you're like the Church of Cowboy and you take a Desert Eagle pistol. It's ceremonial.

Yeah. And we all carry them on a hip. You can't have a ceremonial... But my people have been doing it for 300 years. You can't be doing it. No, no, no. Can't do it. Can't do it. No.

They would never let that get up. I think the maximum you could go is slingshot from here. The ceremonial slingshot is as much of an exemption as you think you could be for. Yeah, you're like Bart Simpson in your back pocket, just hanging out and you've got some pebbles in your other pocket. You could say it's like a radical form of Judaism and it's like, it's for Samson. Getting David. Getting David. David. Why was David such a cunt? No, Goliath. Goliath was a cunt. David was a good guy.

I've got another couple topics and then we are done. Okay. Jim, there's a lawsuit going out there. I want to get your opinion on this. Drag Queen Paddygonia is being sued by Patagonia company for copyright infringement. Really? What, you can't have a drag name that's similar to a, to like another name? They said you can keep the drag name. You cannot sell your merch. Have you ever tried to trademark something? It's a fucking nightmare. I trademarked high and dry, the term high and dry after we tried. Fucking nightmare.

And now all I get is random texts all fucking day. Your trademark on high and dry is about to run out. Do you still want your trademark? The prank calls I get because of trying to do this fucking activity. Anyway, carry on. Yeah, so Patty Gonia. Yeah, she's going to get texts all the fucking time. your trademark for Paddy Goni is

running out right now. You better to act quick. Better out quick someone else is trying to take it. It starts texting you. Fucking pain the arts. The outdoor appellate. Then buys a meal at fucking Applebee's the cunts. An environmental activist for trademark infringements

arguing that Paddy Gonia moved away from discrete use of a persona to engage in activism and transformed into a commercial enterprise. In doing so, Patagonia is causing irreparable harm to Patagonia, the company said in a lawsuit filed in January. Ms. Gonia, speaking publicly on social media last week for the first time

this lawsuit was filed said the company was trying to take away their name permanently and a raise an activist and called on Patagonia. So what if a clothing brand came out and called themselves Bonnie Blue Balls? Would Bonnie Blue be able to sue the clothing brand? I would say that she has a trademark on him. Do you remember Yahoo Series? You're too young to remember Yahoo! Yes.

Yeah, I used to call Hannah Gadsby Yahoo 2 Series. Yahoo 2 Series. Yeah, yeah. I call him Betten Netting Yahoo. Are you serious? Yeah. My other joke started all over it. Anyway, so Yahoo Sirius was before Yahoo.

And he tried to sue Yahoo because he had trademarked the name Yahoo. Because Yahoo was just a sound that Cowboys made. Was it a cowboy thing? Yahoo! Yahoo! Like that, right? That sounded like Mario. No, it wasn't Mario.

Yahoo! Yahoo! That's Wahoo. That's Wahoo. Yeah. You'd call someone a bloody Yahoo's. It was like cowboy noise. Get me the definition where Yahoo came from.

Fucking hell. Anyway, so he tried to sue Yahoo and Yahoo told him to fuck off. I reckon he should have gotten a mill. A couple of mill. It's not like he made any other movies. If you're listening, Yahoo series, I'll have you in a film. What are you doing now? It's from Gulliver's Travels.

Oh, well, fuck off, Yahoo. unsophisticated Oh, the Yahoo's. Your bloody Yahoo's. Oh, it's from Gulliver's travels. So Yahoo Series can go, fuck himself. Yahoo! He is 72 years old.

He is still alive. Of course he's still alive. What's he do with himself? He made all that money of young Einstein. And then he did another movie called Reckless Kelly, where he was Ned Kelly, but he wore a bin on his head. Yeah, he's done lots of things, Yahoo! He's done lots of things, Yahoo!

But how come he, like, he's got... Could you recast him in anything? Do you reckon he worked last? Let's look it out. It also stands for yet another hierarchical organized oracle. Oh, yeah. Oh, Yarrow. His last film was Mr. Accident.

Mr. Accident in about 2004? This is just 2000. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's been a while between drinks. He did young Einstein in 88, Reckless Kelly in 93, Mr. Accident, 2000, and nothing else. He's a slow worker. Yeah, he's serious.

Don't push him. He's going to get him something else out. He works. He's like Michelangelo. He has to wait for God to tell him to write. Is it worth you casting him in something? How does he look now? What's he look like now?

You know, do you take a look? I don't. I'll try and find him. Yahoo! Serious. He looks like... You still got the red hair all fluffed out? Here he is on the beach.

No, look at him. He's fucking... You'd be a weedy, fellow. Yeah, it's Yahoo. all day. Yeah, you get him. You could get him to play your dad in the sitcom. Get him to play a biker or something?

Yeah, so, oh, he's actually, he's actually fucking ripped. He kind of looks like Iggy Pop. Yeah. Yeah, I'll fucking, I'll get Yahoo series in a movie. Come on. This is all shit this.

This is a good, this is a good podcasting. Well, we're coming out the back of, stabbed by a fucking Sikh sword. Yeah. But I was really just trying to get into some other drag queen names. All right. What other?

What's the drag queen names you got? Kathy Mandu? Kathy Mandu. Okay. Peter Northface? Peter North. Like, do these ones that you wrote? Yeah, these are my...

Oh, right. Okay. Okay. What do you think of Peter Northface? I want to do Sandy Bullocks. Yeah, but they've got to be outdoor companies. Oh, they've got to be outdoor companies. Oh, okay.

Bill is wrong. Bill is wrong. He's a self-hating. Quick silver, he's a prebutary ejaculator. Bill is wrong is he just hates himself and he just dresses like, I'm not happy about me wearing this dress. My name is Bill is wrong. Okay, well, we could lose that as well, then, if you're happy.

No, Bill is wrong. There's got to be other companies. Anyway, yeah, cut all that out. I don't even know if we should put in the thing about the UK. I'm just nervous about fucking, You're never going to say the right bloody words. Everyone's going to think you're too soft or too harsh. Well, that's why I wanted to just talk about the Sikh swords rather than getting into the actual racism.

All right, well, the Sikh swords, all right. So we'll finish up that where the kid on the road, Jack. The kid crosses the road. The parents cut. He goes through the park and he has to lie to his parents. Let me think about that when we're actually done. Okay, all right. Yeah, and the thing about the numbers.

Unless there was any other part you wanted. Because I figured we could do the story and just. just be like, listen, I'm just curious in being a Sikh. And do you have to have the sword or are you thrown out of the religion? Like, how important is the sword? Well, when do you get given the sword? Do you get given the sword like on your 13th birthday or something like that? There you get your sword.

And then by your 14th birthday, you're circumcised. Like, when do you get the sword? So all I know is, don't they also have the same surname? Does the sword, does the sword get passed down from your father, do your father's father? Do the women get to wear the sword? What do they get instead of a sword? Do they have a sword?

Okay, there are five Ks and five items. The Guru Gobind Singh in 1699, commanded seeks to wear at all times. At all times. Is he the blue elephant with the arms? Is that him? He's the one with the multiple arms, right? Is he? Well, you'd need multiple arms for all the items you carry.

He needs them to hold the five things. The holder five things. Okay. So it says here, I said this from the top. unshorn hair and beard. Hmm. What do you think the reasoning behind that originally was? Mate, I have theories on all.

There was one guy who had a real good head of hair. And that's what he had. And he's always competing for a woman. He's competing for a woman. His mate has thin, wispy hair. He's at the head of the religion. And he goes, you have to grow your hair out as long as you can grow it out.

It's not my rule, bloody God. It's the same thing as it was a Jewish fellow. who had a bald spot at the back. You cannot do the Jewish bold cap joke. It was, no. But it's the same thing. It's the same. All the things had to do with men feeling good about their hair.

Well, here we go. So the first item is called Kanga. Combed the hair twice a day. Cover it with a turban. That is to be tied from fresh. It's a lot of maintenance. You've got to tie it fresh every time and comb it twice. Yeah, do you think they do that, though?

I don't know if they do that. How do you talk? I thought the turban was just like one that you could pick up and put on your head like Kahn. The Janak that Johnny Carson used to do. Is it one that you have to actually wrap around, is it? You've got to wrap it yourself. Oh, I thought you just sat there and you just put it straight on.

You got to tie it. Like, what's his name? Who's the guy, the guy who used to be married to Mariah Carey, has 57 kids? Nick Cannon. How that bloke, and I've met Nick, he's very nice fellow, right? How did that bloke just start wearing a turban? He's wearing a turban? You've never seen pictures of Nick Cannon.

He's doing it to raise awareness for Sikhs. He's been doing it for about 10 years now. Maybe a long time. Since he left Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, just put Nick Cannon Turban. This is worth watching. I'm going to, I'm going to, all right, here we go.

There you go. What? I'm reading it now. He says that it shows his, his study of the Sikh faith. He's just randomly read up about Sikhs and gone, I like that. but his one is just he was not rapping that one he just likes the look of it doesn't he

he's got a reverse engineer but he basically he wore it to a costume party and people said that's not right he must have about 20 of them he definitely is shaving um yeah he's definitely shaving so he he gets rid of the facial hair keeps the turban eyes and like there's one for white outfits yeah no jim this is 100% if there was a photo of me from a costume party where I'm wearing a turban, I would also reverse engineer my study of the Sikh faith. Here we go. Dane Cook shames Nick Cannon for wearing turban.

That's when you know you've done something wrong when Dane speaks up. If Dane's come in and gone, I'm not for this. Yeah, no, I don't agree with the Nick Cannon wearing the turban, but do you reckon he takes it off today? Do you reckon he's walking around after the thing in Britain and just going, I just won't wear the term. If ever they need solidarity from Nick Cannon, it's right now. Yeah.

This tests Nick Cannon more than ever. Do you reckon like when Nick Cannon would do stand-up gigs, like a whole heap of Sikhs would show up and go, way, ooy, o'y. Well, you know, I get a lot of Indians turn up because of my surname. Really? Yeah, Gill is a Punjabi surname. Oh.

So I've had Indians turn up and then within five minutes look very disappointed. I did get a slightly more Indian influx of audience members after I married my wife. They went, oh, this guy's all right. He might do some jokes about us. Okay, here we go. It died off pretty quick, though. The crowd, not the marriage. The marriage took ages to dive.

I know, for a person like yourself, you could have, you could have. I'm joking, I love you. You could have opened up an Indian audience for yourself with an Indian wife. You're a buffoon. You've got a billion people you could have placated to. What have you done? I'm still going to do it, but, you know, you. she's hard to present at times, you know, she might do something.

You bring her out and stage and, I don't know, what do you want me to do? What do you, what do you, you want me to get an Indian audience because I married a woman who's half Indian. You want me to go out and go, come on. I know you guys. And then they're like, do that. You want me to do that. And go, you guys must know.

If you want an interesting back half to your career, you becoming like a Joe Koi for Indians who are half. I'll tell you what happened that bad to me. So pretty green, which is Liam Gallagher's clothing brand for a while. while they were making these really boss fucking caftans that looked like the ones that the Beatles wore when they went and saw the Maharishi. I had some. In the summer, I became a caftan guy. I just love caftans because they're so breathable if you have to go out to do something hot or whatever. I used to wear cap tans. Then I started dating my wife and now I have married and I have

an Indian woman standing next to me and I'm wearing a caftan. I just want people to know the caftans came before her. It's not like I've met her and I thought I'm going to go really into this. and kaff tan up next to this lady. I just want to know that there's separate things that happened at separate times. So I never, God forbid you be influenced by your wife. I never, she doesn't wear caftans.

I'm more Indian than me bloody wife. She never wears, it's not like, I see my wife coming out in a sari or anything like that. She's not like that Indian. Well, I think you've made a big mistake not leading into that the both of you. It's a big market.

So you reckon we try to sell it to the mass people? I think you need to go like Russell Peters level Indian. where you're like this. Oh, I was at Diwali the other day. Oh, you guys are the best. No, I have to go to this. My mother-in-law is like this. Why didn't you become a doctor?

Like that. She does a bit of that. Your mother-in-law is a white woman from Brighton, but you just keep saying that. You know how disappointed she is. Yeah. When her daughter brought back a comedian and not a lawyer or a doctor, whey-ve.

And she's always trying to feed me. Yeah. Scons. Eat. Crumpets. Yeah. We bake these scons today. Here, you have some mushy peas.

You're wasting away. You do notice that, that the whites never try and force feed you anything because they know about their own cuisine. I have a pet hate on watching food programs that involve anything but white people when they say this sentence. In our culture, food is very important. food is where the family gets around the table and we all converse. Food is where we, you know, yes, food's important in every culture. Stop acting like we're just sitting around eating tubs of mayonnaise over here. We're all doing it.

We're all having meals. Are you having a nightly shared plate dinner or are you eating in front of the TV? No, we don't do family style, but we order sushi or something like that. And it's important to their culture. They eat that food. So we eat theirs. Yeah, I hate when I go to a restaurant and they say we do food here. your family style.

And I think, what? Eating it in separate rooms because mum said something unpleasant. Oh, yeah. What? What is the waiter going to come over and throw a knife at me like dad did? Like the privilege to say that your family is doing it family's style for dinner. Like, that's not an inclusive word. I want to do a travel documentary where it's just like me going,

bake beans and toast, fond memories of this. This is where you would eat when the family wasn't around and you had to make yourself a meal. Yeah, yeah. It's just like Mama used to make. And by that, I mean, she's calling me saying, I'm going to be home late. There's a frozen meal in the fridge, put it in the microwave. I don't care if you don't want to eat it. I'm working hard.

If your father cared, he'd take you out for dinner. But I bet he doesn't do that either. You know, like Mama used to make. Okay, name me some dishes that you used to have as a kid that you don't think any other family used to eat. Because every family has like that eight dishes that are on rotation, right? There's ones that come around all the time, all the time. There's spaghetti bolognese.

Everyone's got one. Everyone's got one of them, right? Okay, so I can give it to you, mum and dad. So there's mum's house and dad's house. That was my whole life, one week on, one week off. Yes, yes, yes. Now, dad baked a lasagna on Monday. Yeah, that would feed you for three days, yeah.

Huge. It was four days. He would put alfoil on the top of it. And in a blue text day, he would go Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, underline, free. which was after we've served ourselves for three days, you just go at that when you will. It was big slabs of lasagna. And he would put chutney in there and I thought it was magic.

Other than that, I really did. It was brilliant. A tomato chutney? It was a tomato chutney. And I never going to an Italian restaurant and getting a lasagna and thinking, this would be brilliant and thinking, fuck me, my dad's a whizze.

Dad's lasagna is way better than this. Where's the chutney? We have a lasagna that's on rotation in this house. We have a lasagna. We have a spaghetti and meatball that's on rotation in this house. Spaghetti for sure. I'll give you a mum meal. My mother used to make a tuna casserole, which was the most diabolical meal you've ever met.

It was just like a Mornay sauce. Mornay's a whera. Yeah. It was canned tuna and then peas. My wife put peas in everything. My wife puts an unreasonable amount of peas in everything, right? But it would be peas. And then my mum would crush up crisps.

on top. Chips, so you had a bit of crunch through the morning sauce. That's low class. Yeah. And so you'd crunch through the chips and you eat it and just slop onto your plate. And that was part of your rent you paid, right? You had to pay rent that you lived there because she cooked all your meals. That was the all inclusive, was it?

Yeah, that was all in the all inclusive. The tuna casserole. We were poor, man. The tuna casserole was fucking shit. Then my mum used to also make a sausage curry. So we'd have Indian. I'd have that. I'd have that.

Keene's curry with cut up. sausages. Yeah, sausages all through it. Fucking banged up. I love that one. Yeah, but for some reason, my mum put fucking saltanas in the curry. Why are you doing this? That was popular at the time.

Yeah, why were you trying to upset everyone? So it's just Keene's curry powder, off you go, and then you'd have the sausages and the bitter onion, and you'd have some things. Another thing was called chicken volvon's. Do you remember volvvvons? Volavons where your mother would buy. She'd make, no, she'd make, that'd be pastry circles, right? that you buy pre-made, you'd heat them up in the oven,

they'd have a base on them, there'd just be a circle of pastry with a base on them, and then you'd just pour in, like, chicken stew in the middle and be like, dish. Never had that. Oh, the volubon. My mum couldn't cook, so, like, we would be at our grandmas,

the Croatian grandmother would cook, and that was brilliant food. It was for stuffed capsicans, yeah. There was a lot of cabbage-type dishes, the chavapi. But my mum did not get any of the ethnic mum things. So all these other ethnics are like, Mama's food. My mum was a salesperson who was outworking all the time.

We'd be at our grandparents. So we'd either eat at the grandparents. If my mum would cook, this is an all time. My mom loved bacon and eggs at all times. So we were a bacon and eggs would be a dinner, breakfast, lunch, whatever. But my mom used to cook that bacon and eggs all in the microwave. And to this day, I think is one of the rancest things about our family is she would put eggs in a ramekin and bacon just, just, just,

Out of the fridge and zap it for three minutes. I'm going to tell you some shame from my family that I have never spoken about. Okay, so in Britain, what's a roast dinner? Roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, right? Carrots with the little, you know, there's rustic carrots, gravy. In Australia, what is it? Leg of lamb. Right?

A leg of lamb. Mint jelly. A bit of mint jelly, right? You wouldn't have the Yorkshire pudding. It would just be lamb, three veg, off you go, a bit of gravy. maybe, right? Anywho, the microwave was invented. I remember the microwave coming into life and us just watching it like, fucking hell, this is the best thing that's ever happened. This is like 43 years ago or something like that, right? When we first got a microwave, from that moment on,

my mother went, oh, this is wonderful this new invention. We no longer have to put the roast leg of lamb in the oven. She would nuke it. She didn't nuke it. She knew it. She knew it. We'd have these grey fucking chunks of meat that was like really like cold in some bits and really tough on other bits. It was fucking horrendous. To this day, I don't want roast dinners. She was hopeless. You know what my, you know what my mother did for a living?

She was a home economics teacher. She taught cooking to the next generation. She was fucking hopeless at cooking. Hopeless. Has there ever been a stronger argument for immigration than that sentence? Yeah, my, I'm telling you, there was no spices. My parents, my mother didn't even cook. was salt. We were fucking bland, bland, bland, bland, bland, bland, bland. There was

one I didn't mind was called chicken pancakes, where she'd get crepe pancakes, and then she'd just get chicken breast, cook it up, put it in mayonnaise, a bit of curry powder, add some peas, put it in the crepe, fold them up. That was a banger of a meal. That's why I loved having a single dad's... It was like coronation chicken inside a pancake. Having a single dad is one of the funniest experiences, I think, in the world, is to have, because this is the first generation was my generation, really, where it was dad's house and it is just you and your dad, who never thought in his life plan he'd be cooking for two kids. Like when he was growing up as a kid in the 60s and 70s, he didn't think one day, I'll have two children I have to provide a meal for every night, every single evening. When my mother, my mother did another thing where she used to have this heated skillet, which was like a big frying pan, but it was plugged into the wall. It was a big rectangle thing.

And she used to put pasta in there, red sauce and a bit of cheese and bake it like that, like in the thing. Anyway, so my mother's, you know, on her last legs, right? But before my mother died, my father got all the recipes, you know, so he could make the bland food. Keep it going. Yeah. These were the foods that he was used to. And he's like, all right, because my dad's. only started cooking now after my mother passed away seven years ago. So he's like new to cooking.

And he's just discovering things all the time. I cook the perfect egg. He knows how to do it with a soft yolk. Your mother couldn't do it. He'd never cooked an egg before. Fantastic. But anyway, you were saying your dad used to cook dishes. Yeah. And his favorite, the day that his life changed was the wok. Oh, yes. He bought a wok. Was it an electric wok or one that he used on the stove? An electric. I only thought walks were electric. I couldn't believe what I saw the real heat. being applied to wok because dad had a plug-in walk. Yeah, plug-in walk. And as we were leaving for school, he would just get chicken, throw it in there,

throw in vegetables and a can of canned tong flavoring. And he'd hit simmer and he'd be like, when you get home from school, just put that on a plate. Done. It was his favorite, the slow cooker and the wok was a miracle to my father. That's the slow cooker, yeah, the pressure cooker. Just like cook on top. Yeah, when you get home, it'll all be done.

He believed you could put anything in there, and by the time you get home, you serve up your own food, and don't fucking bother me. Done.