I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 67 - Can You Name These Baby Dictators?

Episode Date: July 1, 2026

At this moment, Jim and Amos see if they can identify infamous dictators from their baby photos. They also go over an embarrassing dinner Jim had in DC, new chants for Egypt, and racist girlfriends.SOCIALS:Jim JefferiesWebsite: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠Amos GillIG: @abitofamosgillFB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the DoohickeysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, I'm Andrew Santino. And I'm Bobby Lee. And we made something completely insane. We took celebrities. We put them in my mom's basement. We throw trivia at them. We hit them with absurd challenges. And then, just when they think they know what's happening, we blow to ho-ting a pot.

Nobody knows the rules. We barely know the rules. It's chaos. It's comedy. It's the bad game show. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Watch on the bad friends' YouTube channel. Or on the bad game show feed on Spotify video.

Follow, subscribe, watch. Share. Play along. Have fun. If you build things online, you know the stack can get messy fast. Docs in one place, project tracking somewhere else. AI tools scattered everywhere. That's why I've been spending more time in Notion lately. It's become the one workspace where I can actually organize ideas, collaborate with people,

and now build on top of it too. Notion just launched their new developer platform and it opens up a ton of possibilities for builders, startups, and teams. You can create integrations, connect workflows, build AI-powered experiences, and customize notion in ways that fit how you actually work. What I like is that it doesn't feel overly technical or locked behind enterprise complexity. I was recently experimenting with automating some recurring workflow tasks, and it was surprisingly easy to get something functional up and running

without rebuilding my entire system from scratch. That's the sweet spot. Whether you're building internal tools, AI agents, automations or entirely new products, the Notion Developer Platform gives you a flexible foundation to work from. Learn more about Notions developer platform today at notion.com slash amp. That's all lowercase letters. Notion.com slash amp. A.m. To try Notions developer platform today. Notion.com slash amp. I thought she was perfect. She was funny. She seemed low maintenance. And then she just said the

N-word and I was like, oh man, she was ticking off all the boxes. And so I asked a black friend of mine and we do this in the sitcom. Our Jackson plays the character in the sitcom. I'm like, am I allowed to go on a fourth date with this woman just to get to the sex date? Are we allowed to do that? And he was very adamant. He said, Gidey, pie lovers. Welcome to at this moment with me, Jim Jeffries. I'm here with Amos Gill. Amos, have you got some gigs coming up? What are you got first? I'm in Philadelphia, July 2nd at Helium. Come out and see me there. I have my European tour as well, plus my Canadian theatre tour. All my tickets are on Amosgill.com.

And Jim's tickets are always at Jim Jeffries.com. The Australian tour kicks off. And I am touring all across Australia. Every corner of Australia I'm going to, unless you live in a really shit bit. And then I am going to be coming back and I'll be going to Germany. I'll also be in Thunder Bay, Rakevick. Rettrovik, Zurich, Stuttgart, Munich, Berlin, Hamburg, Bergen, go to Jimgeoffries.com. There's loads of dates.

Gidey, pie lovers. It's another week and it's another time that I get to chat to my mate and your mate, Amos Gill. The football chanter of the best. How are you doing? Not much to discuss in the chant land. We've done a lot of chant talking. So we're opening a backup to the landscape of. the news.

Well, I want to talk about my own life. I've had some events going on. We were in, we were in Tyson's, Virginia, which is basically Washington, D.C. And sold out show. Great show at the show, though. I do a routine about hemorrhoids. If you've seen the show, you'll know the routine. If you're coming to the show, that's something to get excited about.

If you haven't seen the show that I do a hemorrhoid bit. Anyway, so I do a bit on hemorrhoids. It's not all political commentary, you're at. Sometimes it is. No, no, gun control and hemorrhoids. It's all we get involved with. Anyway, so I do the hemorrhoid routine, and it's quite graphic about when you're bleeding from your asshole and how there's an open wound in your asshole. I'll be honest with you.

I've heard the routine 50 times. Yeah. I like to be in the green room well away from it. My wife, it's a lot for me. My wife won't watch it because she won't have sex with me that week if she sees the routine. So that's her premise on it. But then I remind her that I'm completely unfuckable to all the other women in the room who hear the routine as well.

So she's well up for the haemroid routine. She loves the haemorrhoid routine. Just doesn't like listening to it. Anyway, so the guy, I'm talking about a bleeding anus and shit smearing past an open wound in my colon. And on the third balcony of the theatre, I hear, is there a doctor? Medic! Now, this has happened before.

and I assume as I get older, this will happen in more concerts, more shows that I do concerts. It's something that you'll certainly have to start preparing for it. I've had heart attacks. I've had strokes. I've had everything. And this time, normally we can get the security in there pretty quick. The ambulance people will be there or the medics will be there pretty quick and they'll get them out into the foyer and the show can continue on. We turn the house lights up. This is just what happens, right? This time it was taking a little while to get to the man. I stopped the show. I had a 15 minute interval. of my act and God bless me. A hydration break of sorts. A hydration break. And I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I think, I'm, I think, that they're not here the punchline. Or, otherwise, the bloke didn't die, by the way, but I, I thought that he was dead. Well, this is it. I thought, by the reaction, I thought stroke, heart attack. They're your big two. Epileptic fit has happened before. Epilepsy is another big one, but I thought stroke or heart attack, this guy was in a lot of trouble.

Now, my son, Hank. Have a look at this everywhere. Have a look. As you can see here on the thing, that's, as the show had commenced, you just sat there and the audience was just sort of bewildered as to what to do. It was very eerie because I was backstage and I went, what the fuck's he doing? I was like, he's completely lost the audience. He's lost control. This person's died.

right now, right? So everyone's, and so I said, look, anyone who needs a piss, go have a piss, go get a drink, whatever, I'm going to come back. We came back. The whole show I thought the bloke had died. I made one joke about me killing up here. You know, you have to make that joke. And then I thought, oh, hope he didn't die because that joke's going to seem insensitive.

Well, it turns out he just, they actually messaged me the couple. Yeah. They didn't know how to get on to you, so they messaged me and said, hey, sorry for the intrusion of the night. He's fine. He just fainted. He fainted. Now, my son, Hank, he faints at the side of blood, or if someone's talking about blood, he'll start to get queasy. It's the weird thing. My comedy literally made a person faint, just out of disgust of the subject matter that I had. Now, the night before I had a night off, I'm in Washington, D.C. You had, weren't with me because you had been off seeing the Australian Paraguay game, which he did some wonderful chance. disabled Uruguay, very funny.

And so I was by myself. So I had a night off in the nation's capital all to myself, Jack. Jack doesn't know this story. I had it all to me self. So I booked in at a two Michelin Star restaurant because I could get the booking right away because I was one person. There was just one seat open because it's all counter seats, right? So I went to a two Michelin Star restaurant.

That's as fancy as food gets. I know there are three Michelin Star restaurants, but I've never been to one. So this restaurant was outstanding. It was 20 courses of little tiny bite of food, little morsels of food. And you're high. Oh, yeah, of course. I forgot to mention this. I took an edible.

This is a bender for me now, right? I don't drink. Sometimes, you know, this is going to be like a $600 meal, $600 meal. But I was willing to spend it because this is the same as going to the casino. I'm blowing $600 or if you're a gambling addict or if you're into sex buying an escort for that. If you just buy a few rounds or something. Yeah, or you're buying drink. So this was a big night out for me all by myself.

I was going to get high and have the best food that money can buy, right? I sat there at the counter. There was 20 people all at the counter around the chefs. We look at the chefs the whole time. There are four waiters who would walk around and talk to you all individually and make small talk. Now, these are career waiters. Because, you know, if every head, and I'm not including alcohol, let's say that every head's $1,000 and everyone's tipping 20%.

they're getting 200 bucks a person, 150 bucks a person. These are the people who in, when we make fun of America's tipping culture, would hate to see the end of tips because it's actually a high net worth job for them to get. Yes, they're not getting the tips of the people at the Waffle House are getting. These are career people. These waiters are so good. They are so personal. They are so warm.

Okay, so for example, right, the woman next to me, they were on their 10-year wedding anniversary. The people to the left of me, they were, she was a diplomat from the Lebanese. embassy and she was there with her son who I believe it just graduated right and we're sitting having the meal the the first course was a little like you know consummate little soup with a foam with a thing with a this and then the next course was a bit of fish and they they let us select our chopsticks and they put that little chopstick holder down right with that little metal dish that you can put it on so you pick you you you poke the box and your chopsticks come out and they put the little metal holder down and they put the metal hold down on the left hand side

of this one woman. And she goes, how do you know I was left-handed? And the waiter goes, I saw you use your spoon in the first course. Like this is, this is the attention these people pay. And each waiter comes up and talks to you individually, the first way to it comes up and goes, hello, sir, he goes, what are you doing in our nation's capital? Are you here for business or pleasure? And I said, well, I've got to, I'm working tomorrow, but I'm here tonight for pleasure. What a wonderful meal this has been. I can't imagine what the next dishes are going to be like. Everything's been a 10 is what I said. And he goes, well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Right. Then another way to comes up, he was maybe a between 20 and 25 year old British lad, super posh English. And he comes over and he's like,

so our next course is going to be a quail. And the quail is going to have Fragua with a crispy skin on top. And I like this, I went, we're in England here from me. And he goes, I'm from New Castle, England, like this, right? Now, I've lived in England. So he's decided to glow himself up when he does food service? He has up a posh. There is no such thing as a posh Newcastle accent, right? This guy has given himself this accent so that he can, you know, work in this field of excellence, right?

He has made himself better. It's the same as me getting different teeth or whatever. He's posh up his accent for the American people, right? And I went, I've never heard someone from fucking Newcastle speak like this lake. like that right you didn't get a single Y-I out of him yeah and and he goes he goes oh you know about Newcastle

I said Y-I man fucking hell I know about of course I know about Newcastle and he goes he goes what have you been doing in Newcastle Mr Jeffries like that right so Mr Jeffries he knows who I am and so I go there used to be a comedy club back in the day in Newcastle called hyena probably from before you were born

and I used to perform in there about once every two months. I've been up to Newcastle many times. I've had a good night out on the big market and we chatted about Newcastle for a bit. Anyway, another course, another course, another course, another course. I'm still high eating all my food. Now they have a 5.30 seating and an 8.30 seating. And the way they make this work because it's a three-hour meal is at about 7.50, they move you, Jack, into a dessert room. So they move you and into the dessert room. Into the dessert room. It's another counter. Let me tell you, when the revolution comes, if you find yourself in a dessert room,

get out of there, you'll be the first to beheaded. Oh, yeah. Deservably so, right? So the people who were working there, and they were like, there was two ladies who were the dessert chefs, and they were like, how have you enjoyed your meal so far? Sit down, there's dry ice and stuff going on, and they're making things in front of you and just a mouthful of this, a mouthful of it. I ate a melon that's only ripe two months out of the year that has to be rotated in a

greenhouse, so I made a perfect sphere, right? It was the best melon I've ever eaten, right? There's things like this going on. I prefer a Costco melon, ready to go all year round. Right. In the other kitchen, in the other kitchen, in the other kitchen, they're trying to get the, you know, the room ready for the next seating, right? I get a chef come up, a waiter come up and leaner over my shoulder and he

whispers in my ear, Mr. Jeffries, the chefs would like to have a phone. to with you. Like this, right? And I'm like, I'm a bit high. I'd have to fucking talk to me. I went all right. I said, right? I got up and I went into the kitchen and I came in clapping. I said, that was amazing. What a great meal, lads. What a privilege. I am honored. I'm on it. I pointed at the jooty lad and I went, fuck, you've been talking, eh? You're talking about, oh, that's right. The jooty lad early on goes, oh, fuck the story out. The jolly lad early on goes, what are you doing here? I said, I have a show on tomorrow, right? Yeah, yeah. So I go, you've been talking, you've been talking.

Well, he knew, he knew me, he knew me, right? And so, so I go in and I'm like, wonderful meal, wonderful meal. I found the chef and I shook his hand, brilliant, mate, two Michelin Star chef, this guy's a genius, right? shook his hand, and then he stood next to me for a phone. I said, come on, everyone in, right? And I got all the kitchen staff, and they all came around. I said, everyone getting, come on, get in close. Go on, I put my arms around him. And then I said, I said, look, I don't normally do this.

But, and I know you're probably all working tomorrow. But if anyone wants tickets for the show tomorrow, just let me know. I can get your two tickets. The show's already sold out, but we'll make space for you. It would be my pleasure to have you there. So if anyone wants tickets, I assume you're all working tomorrow, but hit me up. And as I left, I went, tag me. Right?

As I left, I went back down. and I had my next dessert. Then at the end of the dinner, they bring you out a bag with a little chai latte that you can drink in the morning as a little going away present. And on that bag

was a photo of me with all the kitchen stuff. And everybody's bag has a photo of them with the kitchen staff. Everyone was invited in to take a photo. They didn't know who the fuck I was That's their gimmick. That was their gimmick is that you go in and meet the celebrity, who is the chef?

Everyone had a respectful photo standing next to the chef like this. I was the only bit. Now, everyone else's bag said, happy graduation and a picture of them with the chef. The couple next to me, happy 10 year anniversary, and a picture of them with the chef. And my bag said,

best of luck tomorrow, Jim. So this is one of the most David Brent things I've ever heard That you've come back there All right, I'll make time for the chefs You know, I might be an artist But you're the real artists Yeah? I'm more scared of you than you are at me

Don't worry You've got to close up on these guys These are people who very clearly don't know Who I am Some of them Never been in the photo before That bloke there's the chef That one there

he's the bloc that everyone else had the photos with and this bloke here the rest of them were like weren't quite sure so who do you think when you left let's play out what the fuck do you think they were saying when you left like what show got a toll that three better um what show yeah like what does he mean they've gone like this what does he do he said he was a comedian he has it best of luck tomorrow now i'm not nervous about doing gigs i do gigs every fucking week best like like like i've got a big show tomorrow i'm pretty nervous about it no i gotta that's how you know

it's like when you dine out alone you realize like that these people have saved up or traveled there for the michelin restaurant experience and they've been waiting for the world they come to these restaurants they travel the world so they can go to these different restaurants one of the top 50 restaurants in the world it's an experience i don't do stuff the shame i could not after that bag arrived what if you didn't have a show after that after that bag arrived and i saw everyone else's bags with the chefs. And I just sat there going,

oh, no. And I was like, oh no, they all think I'm a fucking way. And I was like, I need me check. Please check. I couldn't get out of the fucking building faster. If you didn't have a show and you're still dining there alone, you're like just in town for the night. It's like, happy eating, fat cunt.

Yeah, also, at least they got to write that, you know, on their best of luck with tomorrow. Because otherwise, what were they going to right, I was dining by myself. Everyone else was celebrating something. Everyone was like, even if they were just celebrating life with their, you know, you're glad that we could have made you a night or whatever like that. What would have they written for me just by myself?

Just like, just like, sleep it off, mate. Well, the best part about this, by the way, is you're calling me throughout this experience. I text you with every meal because I wouldn't have taken you. And I was like, this is a good meal. Look at this one's a good one. This one's a good one. You were so, so high. And the best part is, is when I went to visit you the next day to your hotel room,

I knock on the door. You're asleep. Jack, did I not call you and say, Jim is dead? This is shame, Phil. I said, Jim is dead. He's not answering the phone. We're meant to be watching the England game and the Croatia game. You finally pick up around 2 o'clock.

You open up the door. You ordered a two-for-one barn me. After a 20-course digustation, you fucking. swine. Okay, I ordered a barmee sandwich. I only got the one barmee sandwich. It was a two for one deal, but you could just get the one. It was very good. It was a French dip barmee with oxtail. And I, look, I eat my feelings and I was feeling a lot of shame. And that was the five o'clock meal, 5.30 meal that finished at 8.30 and then I bought the barme at midnight. That is a man who was at the playboy house and banged everything by the pool and went home and had a wank.

Like just done that. It's like you're reading my biography. Sensori overload. Try not giving into every desire you've got, you've absolute hog boy. I'm a fucking big of a man. Yeah. So that's, that's what you do. But that's true.

These are your benders now. As a sober man, that's what you've got. That's my, that's my big benders. having an edible and fucking cut and leave. And I was having a great time by myself. The people next to me thought I was nice company, at least I think they did. You know what I mean? Like I was friendly and polite.

And the Geordie bloke was happy that he met someone who knew what Newcastle was in England. Like it was all good stuff. But, no, the shame. And it was, I remember there was a guy, one of the staff there was cleaning a pot. And I was like, come over. Come on. You get it as well, mate. We're all getting in.

I was doing my meet and greet. Don't be shy. I was doing my meet and greet persona. Like when you, you know, you meet people after the gigs and you go, come on, have a photo. Photo with you. Come on. Let's photo together. Let's do a fun one.

Where are the front of house girls? They won't want to miss out. Get them out. Get them back here too. There was only male waiters. There was only male waiters. And they were great. They were like wonderful conversationalists and they acted.

They all had this quality that they liked you and that they liked you and that they wanted to be around you and lots of stuff and you got swept into it. Yeah, it's a strip club for the gut. It is, yeah, jaunt. Go to it. If you're in Washington, it is worth a fucking visit if you can, you know, if you, if you can afford it, have a go. Well, I was at that time, uh, I was watching, I'd gone to watch the Aussie game.

I went alone. You were spending more money than I was. You were spending more money than I was. You were seeing football. You went to a restaurant alone. I went to a football game alone and that was, it was awesome to be at that game. the nil-nil afterwards. I've never felt more Aussie

when we just sung at the stadium for two hours. But I did say to you, man, it's weird going to a game by yourself. Like I did need someone to talk to. Yeah, I was an old Chinese lady next to me. And I was like, she didn't have a lot to say about the fixture. And she was also like,

why does this guy keep yelling out things about Paraguay? I don't really understand. I had at the gig, the night that you were at the Paraguay gig, there was a girl who had come to the show by herself. Now, lots of people would come to your comedy shows by themselves. you meet them in the meet and greets. And it's like,

I like to go to movies by myself because you get to relax and, you know, you're not bothered by another person. Some people like to see comedy by themselves. This girl, she was a little bit punk rock, pretty girl.

She's in about the third row. She's just on her phone, just texting every five minutes. She was looking down, texting, looking down, texting. She was by herself. And I went, hey, hey, come on, go on, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop,

hey, let's all do it. Get off the phone. Get off the phone. Get off the phone. Right, like this is right? And then she goes, she gave the worst answer I've ever had out of anyone ever

she goes I'm really enjoying the show but I'm finding it hard to keep concentration because I have very bad ADHD and I'm like no I'm not fucking taking that I'm not taking I have ADHD therefore I can't turn my phone off

you being a prick isn't a medical condition did you say a crowd turned on you though and I went ADHD I think you'll find you have CUN right but so now I've just called a woman a cunt which would have been fine if she was with friends who's in the meat and grate

yeah yeah she's in the meat and green she's just by herself and I've gone you're a cunt and the audience went oh a bit much just on a just on a phone wouldn't it so here's what's happening maybe she has a real medical condition she's ADHD

here's what's happening I'll wrap up the rest of our personal struggles there and our week. We did the game. Australia goes through. I've bought tickets with one of my high school friends. He's flying. He managed to convince his wife.

His wife is Japanese and he said to me, there's no chance I get to come. She says I can't spend money on that. It's crazy. But he'd already pre-bought the tickets and had been selling them on Stubb. But he said to her, if we get through, can I go to the round of 32? And she said, fine. So we got through and he went, mate, we're doing it.

So we're going to Dallas together. I don't think anyone should be in a marriage where you have to ask permission to spend money. Well, you know, a lot of people are tight on a budge, you know, and we were discussing this. We were like, no, my wife has to ask me. I just don't have to ask her. Well, you've got to be a provider in that case. Someone has to ask. I'm just saying I wouldn't be in that position.

I'm saying I would find that position to be awkward where you have to go, could I go to the football? But we were both saying, we're like, I have to ask my permission. A lot of women don't go away. A lot of women don't go on trips together that much. Lads, because even my missus will be like, you're always wanting to go away with the boys on some trip. And I'm like, get some friends, mate. But anyway, a lot of people are getting it in the neck from their.

And also, you know what? You know what men can do better than women? I'll tell you what we can do better than women. We can be in a group of men and there can be 10 of us. And we could dislike two of the blokes in the group and just keep it to ourselves. Oh, I mean 100%. I mean, look at women in their bachelorette parties. It's an absolute battle of control over who's the better friend and who gets to organize what's going on.

And you don't know her like I know her and I should be the one that organises where we go. You don't even know what she likes to eat for brunch because you guys don't catch up anymore. Because she's even said that you guys are distant. I'm very happy that you're going to make your brother your best man. I want nothing to do with any of this. I just want to show up. So, can I be an usher? Let me be an usher at your wedding.

I just want to. I thought that was at funerals. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Bride or groom. Bridal groom. That's actually quite funny. You're a single man leaving the group. It should be like a funeral where you get carried out in a coffin by your boys.

You're like, I'm not allowed to go and do anything fun anymore. You don't think you're pool bearers. That's here, pool bearers. You should have marriage pool bearers, which is all your best friends taking you out of the church like he's gone, boys. That should be the bridal march Darth Vader's walk in music So the usher just goes bright or groom It's left hand or right hand

I've done it at a few weddings It's a banger of a job You're still official You get to wear the outfit You get a seat You don't have to stand up the whole time like a groomsman Wonderful job Wonderful job usher

I'm going to get into the news I can also be MC Master ceremonies. You know what? You're going to give it to James McCann. You're going to give it to James McCann. I don't want any comedy. I'm not funny.

People say it all the time. Read the internet. The comment section is adamant that I am not funny. Yeah, but I don't want a Lib Tard, flog, wanker, toss pot hosting it either, which is you according to the comments. That is, that is true. Well, you know what I, you know what I wish for your wedding? Well, best of luck.

Best of luck tomorrow. Best of luck tomorrow. In fact, I might actually put that your wedding gift in this bag. Hey, so are you ready for the chance I'll be doing for Egypt? All right, here we go. This is, and so goes like as this. That's the tune? We go.

We all know the tune. We're here in Dallas. We're scoring a goal. We're deadly from the grassy knoll. The boys from Egypt are having a day. It's worse for them than Jay. JFK. Do do do do do do.

We're here in Dallas. We're scoring a goal. We're deadly from the grassy knoll. The boys from Egypt are having a day. It's worse for them than JFK. Australia. Australia. It's a good one.

It's a good one. Now, this is where I'm going to get into you. I like it. Okay. Okay, when you watch Australian country Western singers, right, country music singers, and they sing... Yes, I'm doing a British accent. You're doing a British accent, right?

Just better. So often Australians sing in American accents, you seem like, go, when tomorrow never comes. And they do that, like, affected country. And you'll go, we're going, Australia. Oh, oy, oh, oh, oh, Australia. Bumble, bobo. La lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo. Now, try it again in an Australian accent.

Let's have another go. We're here in Dallas. We're scoring a goal. We're deadly from the grassy knoll. It's better. The boys from Egypt are having a day. Oh, I already went back with Avina. Avina.

Having a day. The boys from Egypt are having a day. It's worse for them than JFK. Yeah. Do do do do do do. You do do do do the English. Do do do do do do I can't help it

La la la la la la la la la la la la I was just talking to my best friend from London And one phone call with him And I'm already 10 minutes into the call like this Jog on mate Yeah I've got to go get some scrant Fuck it L So I've got that one I've got

I'll be just I'll be talking about Egypt's history Right give us a go of that one What does that sound like All right so It's a long history It's a long history. It's a bloody long history to wrap up.

So I'm doing everybody wants to rule the world. If you don't believe in the alien theory. Okay, so it goes to this. History lessons from Australians. Pyramids were built by aliens. Romans banging Cleopatra. Books on fire in Alexandria. British Army and Napoleon.

All your treasures have been stolen. Everybody gets to rule the Nile. And then you go, what are your sphinx? What do your sphinx about that? What do you think about that? What about your shit, but your sheets are nice. Your shit, but your sheets are nice. I'm already in on that one.

That's fun. And then the one that I really want to do, which I don't think people will get, is the hieroglyphics joke. I want to be like, give me a half man, half cat. Give me a bunch of snakes. Give me a human eye. Give me a staff. What does it spell? Yoshita.

That's good. That's good. Is there something that you can do to the Bengals walk like an Egyptian? There is. People sing that about Mo Salah. I score like an Egyptian, but they're always like positives. Mo Salah, I've got a Wiggles one for him because he's heard his hammy. It just goes,

Mo Salah, dodgy hammy. Yeah, that's it. For people who don't know, that is from the Wiggles, fruit salad, yummy yummy yummy. I said to my mate, it's got anything on that one and all they could come up with, Mo Salah,

fucks a mummy. I'm like, I don't know about that. I think there's something about chicken Mosala. Well, Mosala, the one I had for him was

Mo Salah, Salah, he's two years past, he's best, but somehow better than Egypt's rest. Mo Salah, Salah. Yeah, that's good.

But that's like a positive Moe song, but we love Mo. Mo's high quality. Well, you did, positive Mosung. You said he's past his best. He is past his best. And the rest, and then he's better than the rest, which is all true. Yeah.

But it's not positive. That's as, that's as, that's as positive as I can get. That's about as good as I can do for them. I don't know what else to do with. I've also got the namanamana, eh, whaka, waka, eh, fuck the pharaohs and king tut. The Aussie goal is shut. That's for nil, nil, nil. Not bad.

Not bad. That's a good one. Anyway, let's move on to the new. news because I know people are sick and tired of the fucking chance. They're not. They're not. They're not. People are reaching out to me about your chance.

Everyone loves it. You're the weird our Yankevich of chance. I like to call myself Josh Amos Myers. Our friend Josh Adam Myers has started to do parody songs out of nowhere. He's Jewish. He's Jewish. He is Jewish, by the way. Yeah, he is Jewish.

and his biggest hit is Randy Newman's You've got a friend in me And what's the lyrics? Jews are the enemy Yeah, yeah, that's right. Jews are the enemy. And I'm like, and I

know Josh very well But I wasn't sure if he was Jewish And I was watching his I didn't know And I was watching his social media Like going, Oh, geez, Josh is taking a big swing He's gone for it

He's got troubles The Jews cause them to Because Jews are the air The Derby. Yeah, this is not our opinion. This is Josh Adam Myers' opinion. I could easily be cut out there. They'll go, Jesus, the German wife's got to him.

Here's what's in the news, folks, that is making me laugh. I'm going to start with some sports stories and make my way through. This one is a wild story. This is about an Italian player. So he's not at the World Cup. It's a down time for Italian players. So he's spending his time, tossing himself off talking to girls on the internet, do what you've got to do.

It goes by the name of Muteo Mateo Ruggieri. Now, I would never report on someone's private life like this, although it's made the news because he has a particular kink, which is getting him in some trouble, which he's paying these women on the internet $150 to give him sexual audio messages. Do you have, before we start, do you have any kinks that you haven't told anyone about? Certainly none like Matteo Ruggieri.

Yeah, yeah. You've got to tell someone about him. Otherwise, what's the point of the king? I've got a foot fetish. Yeah. I like people who are 12 inches tall. That's probably a pedophile joke, is it? I didn't even mean for it to be.

12 inches, dear, it's not good. It's a foot fetish. Yeah, yeah. I got a foot fetish. Is there anything in that? Yeah, I dated a woman with diabetes. She keeps it in a jar. That's good.

That's better. Okay, so Matteo Ruggeri. His DMs have come out for this reason, not just that he's asking a woman to guide him through his wanks. Yeah, because that's all it is. Let live. That's what it is. It turns out

Mateo's got a particular kink, which is making the women who he's sexting, say the N word repeatedly, and make racist comments about black people. After they would do so, he would send back audio of him coming while wanking to that.

Yeah, you don't want to leave a trail. He jerked off to racism, folks. Let me guess. He jerks off onto white sheets. Like, let me see. That's good.

Hey, Mateo, Reddit is free. So, like, like, he must be hard during an entire game of Call of Duty. That's all you hear is the end word during that. If you got your headphones on. There's a guy that would have loved to have lived in the 20s and 30s. Oh. Oh, it was too accessible back then. He wouldn't have enjoyed it as much.

So he says this, he made requests for racist statements and insults particularly directed at God. He would say things like, say it with a hard D. Say it clearly and enunciate it, clearly. And then he would write, does it bother when I touch myself to you being racist? Okay. There must have been a lot of girls who turn him down. They wouldn't have all said yes.

Sure. Well, yes. Well, that's what I don't know about. This one. I'm like, well, you must have done it. So like, you're all having. You go of Mateo, but you sold racism for 150 bucks. Yeah, so the ones that are reporting it, if they actually did it, it's like,

you don't have a leg to stand on. Well, you'd enjoy her with your foot fetish. Yeah. And then... Do you know what this is? This is Jersey Shore cameo. The people from Jersey Shore have not said these things. Don't tar them with the brush.

Just saying that people who live in Jersey Shore say these things. I'm not going to condemn Snooki on this show. What's Snooki done? She's just a mum like the rest of us, just trying to as mull. all her way through life. She's a fun lady, Snooki. So what's your, what's your views on this gentleman? God. Where do you come? If you work for him. Okay. Okay. So, so it's not, no, I'm just saying for judgmental things. So it's a sexual urge. There are worse sexual urges in the world. We know, right? The animals and children, never work with animals and children. That's one of the,

it's one of the laws in porn. bedroom rules. Never work with animals and children. Old show business rule. But, yeah, it's not good. No.

This is obviously, he obviously is a racist. It can't just be like, I'm just, it's just a fantasy mind. It's nothing that I would play out or anything like that. It's obviously a preference for him. Well,

okay, so women would say, I don't want to be raped, but I have to be raped. How did it come about? Was there one woman who did it for him once and then he went after the races? Yeah. I guess he maybe he was watching.

Or was he having sex one time during Diango Unchained? He was playing in the background and he was like, it all morphed into one thing in his head. Listen, I wouldn't be surprised that there was some overlap like that. He's had some positive experience overlapped with racism. sexually or he was with a racist chick once. I had an episode of Legit where the end of the first episode or the second episode of season two and it was based on a real thing. I was dating a girl.

I went on a date with a girl. She was Australian actually and I met her in America and I went on a couple of dates. This is 18 years ago, something that. And I went on a couple of dates with her and I thought she was perfect. She was funny. She was a heavy drinker like me. That's what I was looking for at the time. Someone to drink with.

She had a great sense of humor. She was fun. She seemed low maintenance. And then she just said the N-word. And I was like, oh, man. She was ticking off all the boxes. And then you think, and so I asked a black friend of mine, and we do this in the sitcom. Our Jackson plays the character in the sitcom.

I'm like, I'm like, am I allowed to go on a fourth date? this woman and I'm like just to get to the sex date are we allowed to do that because and he was very adamant he said you're allowed to have sex with racist but you're not allowed being a relationship with them so I'm like all right that's okay that's the rule so I need like like like there like there like you know remember that who is that girl that you can't kiss them on the mouth though I think because that's where the racism comes out of yeah yeah true that You'll do that. That's extra complicit.

But it was difficult because I was like, I was like hoping. I was like, maybe she just said it once and she was drunk and she was trying to be funny, but the joke didn't pay off. Then she said some other things. No, you know, you did little test things like, you know, you walk past a building site to see if she'd say anything about a different race. And she had them all. I have the rule.

You can fuck a racist girl, but you have to take the knee before. what he has before the national anthem no just like as when you go on her room and she's on the bed just take the knee yeah yeah just do a 30 seconds of silence and then you can fuck her oh i but here's here's another one okay so so so i think i think possibly i'm not allowed to have sex with that girl as a white person but i think a black guy would be able to have sex with her no problem and it would be liberating of course no that's it there's certainly hate sex out there. So there's any anti-Australian people who want to have sex for me, just drop into

and they'll marry them. You don't think there's any, like, think of it from the American angle to Matea Ruggieri, like a, you know, like a Magery type guy that gets off on like a chip in like. Okay, so this is the thing is... We need a border. I mean, that's literally Tammy Laren. Another fun one about online sexual appetites. Yes.

Hilarious story this week, the goldkeeper from Cape Verdi, Volzina, who's become. a international star. He's become a Star, Cape Verdi. No one knew where Cape Verde was. Now we all want a holiday in Cape Verde. It's to the left of Africa. Who knew it existed? Well done. Good luck for him. I hope he's using his fame and his celebrity for a positive thing. What's happening with him? So Vosinia has been followed by about four million people and it looks like he's followed 2,000 Instagram thoughts immediately. Yeah, this is what happened when my father found Instagram and he found out the like button and the follow button. So this guy's using his powers for bad.

He's just like, hey, oh, you want to, you see me in the girl? Any of the good looking ones that are following him, he's fine. If you started following this guy and he hasn't followed you back, that's a real blight on your looks. Mate, he's got 17.3 million. Yeah, yeah. If you're not one of the 2,000 girls he's followed back, he's looking through all of them. Here's one.

Can we catfish him? It wouldn't be hard, I don't think. Oh, yeah, that's a bit of fun. Let's get one of those. Let's get one of those. We'll just do an AI chick. What's his name? And then when he responds, we'll say really racist shit back.

And then when he goes, how did this happen? How did this get past the keeper? How did this get past the keeper? That would be the segment. What's his name again? What's his name again? Vosignia, but he's searching for a... Cape Verdi Goldkeeper.

Yeah. went mentally. He had like, he had like 5,000 followers and now he's got millions. You know what part of it is as well? I've been watching the sports with, you know, my wife watches a bit of the World Cup. Kate, Hank's mother, watches a bit of the World Cup. And when they watch it, they're trying to see who they fancy, right? That's how women watch sport. I fancy this one. You get a little crush for the game, right? And they both liked him because he was age appropriate. The other men seemed too young.

He's 40. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, oh, yeah, 40. Women don't want to shag young blokes. Well, some, older women don't want to shag young blokes. Another couple stories coming out of the World Cup. Uruguay eliminated. And this one made me laugh a little bit,

was they cancelled their private flight and put them back on commercial. That's the way the country responded to them being knocked out in the group stages. Next story. I'd cancel a flight completely in defecting. to America and say that I was a refugee escaping Uruguayan war. No one will check. That was a chant I'm waiting for someone which was, you're only

here to seek asylum, only here to seek asylum. Well, that's what always happens at the end of like the Commonwealth Games. The Commonwealth Games, some marathon runners don't come back from the marathon. They just keep running. So another fun one was New York Post reported on this. Apparently the Argentinian government

has sent the Department of Homeland and security a list of 13,000 deadbeat dads who owe child support back home and put their name on a blacklist so they're unable to enter World Cup stadiums because they haven't kept up with their child support so they're not to go to games.

I didn't know Argentina had child support. It wouldn't be a big amount of money. It's a pretty impoverished country. What's your immediate reaction to that? If you haven't paid child support, you're not allowed to go to the World Cup. I feel the same way as when, Okay, so I'm watching the Knicks game, and Chris Tucker is sitting on the court side.

He hasn't paid his taxes, right? So why should he be court side? He made a deal with the American government to pay his taxes, and he paid half the amount of taxes. So, so, you know. Here's my caveat to that. It's okay if you're taking your kid with you. If you're taking your kid with you. If you're a dead dead dead, but you're spending the money to take them to go watch

Messi's last World Cup, you'd have to be a bum of a judge to ban. that person. That's good dad-based. We were in a bar in a casino recently with my 13-year-old son, me and you, and we were in there. And I can tell you how dodgy this bar was. It was just me, you, Hank, and six dads bitching about child support. Yeah, yeah, it was hilarious.

And Hank's listening. Yeah, Hank's listening. And then I piped in. I pay for everything. Don't forget of it. Don't forget it. Well, these guys were like, man, she's like making me pay a thousand. Like, what a bitch, a thousand.

And then Jim just looks next to Hank and he goes, you cost plenty more than that, I assure you. He's got a high transfer fee. I sometimes say that to my son, I go, you're as an expensive a human being that has ever lived on this planet. Let's see how this experiment works out whether you become great.

You shouldn't do that. That's like telling a football signing that you bought him for a lot of money. It's a lot of pressure to people. perform. I fucking look. It's the truth. It's the truth.

Because my son got to that age when he was about 12. When he said like this, he goes, yeah, mom bought me this. And you go, she buys you nothing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It all comes from you. Here's another World Cup story that went all around the internet was the American reporter trying to dis Bosnia. Play this clip, Jack, of this annoying American lady.

Have a look at this. Okay, the next round. Team USA will play Bosnia next Wednesday. And one thing about Bosnia, I could not point out where it is on a map. I don't know the first thing about Bosnia. And I don't want to know that's because Team USA, we're back. We're better than ever. That's next Wednesday.

Get prepared, Bosnia, because you don't want it. You don't want it like that. But you're going to get it. That's next Wednesday. We're now reporting live in Long Beach. Abby Gilles ABC 7. But that's the thing. She's a racist.

She's a racist and a bigot, but you'd still sleep with it. See, that's how the rule works. That girl is on TV going, I don't want to know where Bosnia was. Who gives a fuck about Bosnia? Fuck yo. That's basically. Yeah, she's from Long Beach. She doesn't know where L.A. is.

This woman here, you bent in much. She flies out of Ontario Airport, I tell you. She's ended up apologizing. Has she? Oh, they always apologize. And when we, let's think. We love Bosnia and we love Chavapap. Let's think back to the.

the drunk Australian girl at the Winter Olympics who got so much grief, and she was just a delight. She was just a little bit sloppier. She didn't say anything bad about anyone, and she had to apologize for her actions. Yeah, listen, I mean, at the end of the day, Bosnia, this is, we've got to get behind Bosnia here, surely. I mean, as a Balkan person, I'm, I'm not for Ed and Jekko to score in the last minute.

America has given me a lot in my life. I have to go for America. I have to. When they play Australia, I got to. I've got to go home to the homeland, right? I got to go USA. I don't ever want to go for the U.S. I love America.

I'm marrying an American. America's been good to me. But in the same way, I feel like a Scottish person who lives in London, where it's like, it's good nature to never want them to win. No, they don't deserve to win the soccer World Cup. They don't deserve, they're not passionate about this. Like the people of Bosnia have been through ethnic cleansing. I want them to do well.

been a banger and the Americans have gotten behind it, but that's not how the World Cup started. If they didn't, if they didn't win that first game, that first game where they pounded, who did they fucking pound, Paraguay? Paraguay, yeah. When they pounded Paraguay, right, then the whole nation went, oh, maybe we were quite good and Lexi Lawless goes, oh, wah-waw-w-w-w-w-w-w- Yeah, they don't deserve to win, but I'm going for them. Okay, here's the next stuff. But Bosnia, I couldn't even point it in a map.

Fuck them. Well, you know, I'm Croatian. If you know anything about a map, it means that we stole all of the ocean. They can't swim. You've ever seen that mean? Bosnia. I want to go for a swim? Croatia, no.

Okay, so Phil Mickelson, next story. Oh, Jesus, my books came down. Oh, your books came down. What are you back in L.A.? What did that happen? No earth breaks in New York. What happened? I think I banged it when I smacked the floor there.

Phil Mickelson, stories come out about Phil. interviews with 19 sources reveal two incidents of lewd language and unwanted advances by Phil Mickelson and the behavior that has led to his departure from two additional golf clubs. There is somewhat of a canceling of Phil Mickelson from country clubs for being a little inappropriate with some of the women who work there. Not in a criminal sense, but just if you're a creep, Phil. But this story, I thought, was interesting. This is something that came out in the story.

In the wake of leaving the Madison Club, Phil consolidated a lot of. of his golf at the Bridges and became close with a fellow member who owned a big house that overlooked the golf course, which Mickelson frequented. Another member of the club who regularly played golf with Mickelson said, Phil would give his phone to a young man in the pro shop and pay him $500 to drive around the course for three to four hours as Phil's wife Amy was tracking his phone. That way, she would think he was playing the golf course while he snuck over to this guy's house and had his secret rendezvous with women. The things you have to get up to these days.

This is what this kid's job. Back in the day, you just paid $5 to the bartender for him to say, he's not here. This kid, how was your day today? Yeah, pretty good, actually. Phil Mickelson paid me $500 to pretend I was him on the course. But also, 500, $500 is nothing. Right, that's three hours, right, for the round of golf. Yes.

Yes, to drive around for three fucking hours with the phone for 500 bucks from a guy that's worth 200 million? Yeah, the divorce is probably worth 100 million. I'd say Phil probably should have spent some more. And also, this bloke can just tell the story to people, right? Just tell the fucking story. Give the kid five grand. Well, I also hear, because you hear a lot about this with the phone been tracked. also for tax reasons.

You know, there are people who live in states like California who get people to take their phone over to Florida, Texas or Nevada and operate their phone over there, so it seems like they live in that state. Really? Is that how you get the taxes off? Yes. I'm just not inventive enough. Yeah, so what you'll do is you get your phone.

You get a burner phone and you use that while you're in the state that has the high taxation. And the people, you get your actual. planned and you give it to someone who lives in the Nevada lines and they act like you're there. So you can say, look, I was there. There should be the same. You literally have to sneak across the border. There should be no state income tax and all the federal tax should be divvied up equally,

but don't get me fucking started. What are you knocking over now? Oh, I've got, my ADD is peaking. I'm sorry. Just like the lady in your show, I'm fiddly. Yeah, you text in movies. Timmy Texter. Timmy Texter.

Tommy Texter. Right, Jim, I'm going to give you a quick fact to keep your brains sharp. Okay. There is an official rankings of popularity of fast food joints. Someone just lost it who had it for 11 years. Someone just gained it. Who are those two that just change places? I am going to say that number one was in and out burger and it has now been taken over by

Keynes or its Chick-fil-A has been taken over by Keynes. You're one correct. Chick-fil-A was number one. but the person that has beat them or the campaign has beat them has blown me away here. Who is it? Jersey Mike. I like Jersey mics. Jack has a theory on Jersey Mike, so he reckons women don't go in there.

What do you mean? Yeah, you said, he said, have you ever seen a woman in Jersey mics? Maybe at the airport. I've never gone into a Jersey Mike's on it. Is it shit or not? You came home and you said to me, he said, women don't go to Jersey. It's a hot take. It's very hot.

It is. Women will go to Chick-fil-A, but women don't like large, long sandwiches. Look at this. Jack used to be such an innocent boy. Now he's hung out with you for years, and he's got takes like women don't eat Jersey mics. They don't have hobbies and they don't like hot sandwiches. We'll be right back.

Yeah. His name's old Mount Rush Limbaugh. Another. Another fact for you, America becomes the first country to host a World Cup and bomb one of its teams on the same day in Iran. That's a record now. I think it's a bit much that the Iranian players have to stay in Tijuana. They're not allowed to stay in America. Like, go on, get the fuck out of here.

They can't stay in the bloody country. They can play a game, but they have to duck off all the time. They are home back now. That's a weird one to go back. So I've just been handed a bit of breaking news from Jack right now. Oh, Jack says, sorry for us. There's a 359 million settlement for clergy, sex abuse for survivors. Good way.

That gives us a bit of frivolity. Yeah, yeah. So that's, so straight off the... Finishing off strong. Straight off the Jersey Mike's take. He sent me this. You should comment on this with. any thought, Jim.

You should go straight into this conversation and just make jokes about it without having time to think about it. Also, if you haven't got your claim in now, it's a class lawsuit. Get them in. Get them in. Those priests should have given their mobile phones to bishops to be acting in different dices. You know those ones where you've got mesolpilioma there is a class lawsuit. It's like, we're going to get now on TV.

Are you Catholic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't even need to have been touched. Even if they just said something inappropriate, me won't have money for you. I'm just looking at other stories we've got here. New Jersey Middle School Yearbook called after Hitler photo published amongst student baby pics.

Come on now. That's just a bit of fun. That's just someone has sent in the baby picks of themselves and someone sent in Hitler. That student, you can't bloody recall the whole book because Hitler was a... Like, you know my opinion... That seems like a good gag to me.

My opinion on Michael Jackson is, he was a child molester. Some people don't agree with me. I think he was. But I still listen to the Jackson Five. Because he was a kid then. He wasn't a child molester back then. So I still enjoy the Jackson Five. I can't condemn.

I can't condemn this little baby here. He hasn't done anything yet. he hasn't hurt anyone leave him be so if other kids did it like okay so i could do this for instance so i could submit that okay who do you think that is what baby is that's me as a baby that is not you as a baby you didn't live in black and white things i'm going to say that that is gurbals starlin musilini everybody musilini was he was he or is like this is a good game quiz game guess that dictator. Yeah.

All right, have a look at this one. You tell me who this is. If you give me a skinny Indian baby, I'm going to go Gandhi straight away. I'm just going to do it. Guess this dictator. Can't it just be famous people throughout history? Now, that is a cute baby.

That baby is a cute baby. I'm going to say it's Donald Trump. It is Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin. But he's got a bit of the. Trump's about. He had a little bit of a, like, he was about to call someone a loser and say that they were hopeless.

Okay. Well, this is a good game. I'm going to keep this going. Okay. I'm going to guess before you put it up, Gaddafi. This one here. Oh, that, I think that is Trump. I think that is.

I think that's Trump. Franco, I don't know. Okay. No, that's Trump. Kim, Kim, Kim Jong-in. Hill. The Old Square Club is it. Trump was a good-looking baby.

That was a handsome baby. It was very hard to find because the first 30 entries on Google are just this. I mean, yeah, okay. We might as well see Mao as a baby and we call it a day on the episode. Marcy Tongue, Pohlpott, give me Pau Pot. I want communist leaders. Give me them all. Give me Gorbachev.

Did he always have the birth mark? He should have. It's a birth mark. Yeah. That's Kim Jong-un. Is that one? That's Mao. Mao.

Okay, that's Mao. Here's Kim Jong-un. Yeah, he's never been a looker, has he? He's never been a looker. How can anyone go, that's the most divine person in our country? Does you, okay, in your yearbook, Do you remember what you said or what you were voted to be? I can't remember what I was voted to be.

There was no voting to be anything. I can't remember if I, my brother's quote was good. Scott had a good quote. His quote was because it was the year they were getting rid of the one and two cent coin. And his was saved the one and two cent coin. You know what I mean? But I could get my yearbook. I'm going to be in Australia and I'll be in my bedroom in four days.

and so I'll get it and we'll find it and I'll see what I actually said because I honestly can't remember I can't remember ours we had awards okay now this is I'll say two things here that one of them is not flattering on me

okay one of them was I won most likely to be prime minister which because I was the school captain and debating debating debating politics as well you didn't shut up yeah

so it was a big loud mouth and then someone won most likely to pay AFL. Okay? Now, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is really cunty of me. I was like, hold on, you can't give that to Olly.

Because I won football MVP. So that diminishes my award. So he shouldn't get that. The, he can't be the most likely play AFL because I won football MVP. So why is he getting that? That seems to take away from my MVP. And they're like, it's just a bit of fun. I'm like, don't know about that.

Yeah, but was he tall? Was he tall? all? No, no, no, he was runner up in the MVP and they go, you can't have all the awards. I go, I know, but that one's specifically bothers me. You would never most likely to pay AFLM. Too small. Well, at the time, having, uh, being

adjudicated as the best and fairest player of the season, I thought it was a, yeah, but you were in some prissy private school. There was some public school kids who were doing a lot better than you. Yeah, but these were the awards from, they were all pussies. No one was like, I'm not saying this is a good story. Let's say that no one was likely

to play AFL at your school. Would that be fair to say because no one did. I would have preferred that. Thank you very much. I'm just saying as a award for everyone, none of you are going to make it. They offered you prime minister of the country, the highest position in the whole fucking country. Not good enough for Amos, is it? Yeah, that guy called Louis won funniest at school and I was like, hold on, I'm a laugh as well. I mean, let's get this adjudicated. Did you get class clown? Was there class clown? Who got that? My mate, Jimmy Palmer, got it actually, and he's genuinely fucking the

You can't be the class clown and also most likely to be prime minister. I think that was a dig, to be honest. People thought I was a fucking... One of those comments that hurt me like this, like, when I first became a comedian and I got a bit of traction and things were going well for me, one of the comments underneath was this, I went to school with this guy, never laughed at him once. And I was, I was like, I was funny in school. You weren't, obviously you went in all the bottom classes because I was killing it down there with all the dumb kids. This is right.

Exactly. Because you're like, all your funniness at school is to your group. Everyone's funny in their group. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's about breaking out of the group.

And that's what I find when you, on the internet, you post what you think is funny. And your friends will find it funny. But all, you know, I still have this thought. When you go viral or something,

what you're actually doing is, they're showing your sense of humor to groups at school you would have never hung out with anyway. And they go, this guy fucking sucks. And you go, oh, come on. And then you think,

I don't like you either. Why just bother me? We wouldn't get along. Yeah. Why do I need this person to like me? I've had, since I finished school, I've had a lot of people who I went to school with who didn't like me at school asked for tickets to come and see me.

And I've always wanted to go, well, why don't you fuck off, cunt? Right? But I always think, I'll be the bigger man because it has been, because it has been 32 years. I'll let it rest. I'll let you come.

It gives me a lot. It's nice that you're. want to come and see me and be nice to me now? Why am I still holding on to something that happened 30-something years ago? Why? What are I care for? We've all changed. You're probably a nice guy.

But there's one cunt that you still need. I'm not giving tickets to that cunt. Fuck him. He's still a piece of shit. I've fallen off so hard. I can't believe I honestly I've gone from likely to be a PM to a moral. I was so much better at school. You are likely to be Prime Minister of the country and now you are most known for doing

football chant parodies. that's where your life's gone your books are falling down because you haven't got bookends that's where you're at this is my favourite book too the great book of Australia yeah folklore, legend, humour and yarns

we love a good larrican we love a good yarn someone who can tell a story you know I'm disappointed I told that story about the restaurant. I didn't tell it good enough. I'm going to tell on stage it's going to be better. Did you enjoy it, Jack? It's still funny. It's nice. Best of luck tomorrow, Jim. Best of luck. Well, that's pretty much what's happening. They didn't know who I was, Jake.

I know, but you never know. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No. Even after saying I've got a, it was like me going, I've got a big show tomorrow. I've got a big show. You want to come to my big show? It was like that I was so proud that I was You know, like, when you first start doing comedy and you have a show, and it's in front of 50 people, you tell everyone all week. You're like, I've got this big show coming up. Oh, you should come. Yeah, and it's down at this bar. Yeah, oh, entry's $4, but there's going to be some other bigger acts, you know, like that.

Oh, fuck. I was a loser who was advertising myself to some waiters who didn't know who I was. Only because they called me Mr. Jeffries, I assumed. I assumed. Well, we know you here, Jim. you know you're here. Maybe I gained one extra listener at the podcast. If you're one of the staff that work at Jont and you remember me, feel free to comment underneath

and say something that will make me believe that you were the actual waiter. Because there was a lot of thing that went on that night. There was a few other things I didn't put in the story. So bring it up. Free tickets for life. As we take on... I'm still pushing it. I'm going to read a little excerpt from German...

field marshal, Irvin Rommel, describing the Australian soldiers that he and his men fought when they were in Egypt. Yes, because we're about to play Egypt. We're about to play Egypt. Yes. So this is going viral in Australia. It says, a batch of some 50 or 60 Australian prisoners were marched, or do it as a German, a batch of some 50 or 60 Australian prisoners were marched off close besides us.

Wait, wait a minute. You know, you know there's that soccer player right now is masturbating. as you do. He's listening to this recording going, this is good stuff. Okay, carry on. They were immensely big and powerful men who without question

represented an elite formation of the British Empire. It was a fact that was also evident in battle. The Australian was the best the empire had. And may we and our big boys, led by suits, show the Egyptians on a field again. Now, we might have...

For podcasts coming up, they may not come out on the right day. I'm in Australia. We know how the Australian internet is. We're going to do our best. Jack, pack me a little bag of things that I have to carry around with me to make it all work. Can I do it on my phone?

Maybe. All right. Good luck, everyone. Pie lovers. We hope to talk to you next week. Until next time. And go Socaroos, go. Let's see how it goes.

Good night, Australia.