I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 68 - Proof of Life

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

At this moment, Jim and Amos finally regroup during two of their international tours. Amos is calling in from Greece and Jim from Australia. They catch up on what they've been up to.ADS:MOOD: Head to http://www.mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover YOUR perfect mood. And don't forget to use promo code ATM when you check out to save 20% on your first order. Try it today at http://www.mood.com. SOCIALS:Jim JefferiesWebsite: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠Amos GillIG: @abitofamosgillFB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the DoohickeysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Australian hecklers are just like, someone's losing his hair. What is it with you? Yeah, we're all about visuals. Fucking mean, spirited cunts, we are. Today's episode is brought to you by mood. Find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for and let mood help you discover your perfect mood. And don't forget to use the promo code ATM

when you check out to save 20% on your first order. Try today at mood.com. Gettay. Good day. Hi, pie lovers. How you going? This is not an episode, Jim. I've decided to call this a proof of life.

We're just like Mitch McConnell, we had to come out of three weeks of hiding to let people know that we are in fact alive. I've had people going, what's happened with you in Amos, you're not getting along anymore, all that other stuff. Now, currently you're in Athens,

and I'm in Perth. I'm in Fremantle, just in a little place in Fremantle. Australia is renowned for its terrible hotel Wi-Fi, as you've seen in previous podcasts that we've done. And I can't imagine Athens is a winner. What's better than Australia, by the way that it's gone this morning for you and I to get this podcast together, the real podcast is Jack having to stitch together, I believe, if Perth

Wi-Fi, Athens Wi-Fi, it's 2am for him, and our Zoom call is going through his laptop somewhere in Glendale, California. Yeah. Is that right? Jack? Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of servers. Right now it's 3.30 in the afternoon for me. What time is it over there in Athens?

It's 10.30 in the morning. I've got a girlfriend who, well, fiancé, I should say, hate saying fiancé. It sounds really gay fiancé. Yeah. But wife is a lot better. Wife gets you out of trouble, right? Because if you ever say, if you're showing up late for a party or you can't go to a party, you go, I'll check in with a wife. I'll check him with the wife. You can't, if you checked in with a girlfriend, that's a weak sentence. And checking in with a fiancé, you want to go, don't get married then if you have to check in. But once you're married, people are like, we know what's happened to that fellow.

100%. I went downstairs and I was like, what times late checkout? And second question, how much is it to just extend another night? And then she told me the figures. And I went, I'll have to confer with my wife. Oh, it's great. I didn't have to make a decision right there. No, no problem.

You can get out of anything. But if I said, let me ask my girlfriend, they'd be like, just pay you bitch. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just pay your bitch. And fiancé, you're just having a go. You've probably been engaged several times. I'm on the rooftop. And there are people looking at me right now with their plate of buffet breakfast.

Like, I'm the rudest man alive because I've commandeered this about one-third of the outside buffet area. but it's the ATM podcast you malacus well this is what we're doing with we're checking in with each other because you're right people have messaged me ad nauseum and by ad nauseum i mean 22 you know you know i don't want to be like i don't want to be one of those instagram girls that so many people are asking me where i got this makeup it's about it's 22 people have said so podcast still exists it does jim's touring australia i'm touring europe and we're just trying to make it work where we can, but it's hard with the different time zones. Every show I've had someone yell out, good-a-pie lovers.

Good-A-Loy lovers is going viral across Australia. People are very excited about that. I had a bloke. I had a scallop pie in Tasmania. As I was eating the pies, I had pie dripping down my face. A guy came up and said, good-a-pie-lover and walked off. You didn't even want the rest of the conversation. I got that in Athens, man.

I got a spannic-a-copate a pie. They were like, this counts. So it is nice to have the pie lovers all around the wilder. I was in Orid, North Macedonia, a woman made us a key chain. So I said I'd shout her out. I forgot no name. Now that's just rude. Anyway, I'm going to go with Doriama or something like that.

Well, I've had some great crowds here in Australia. 56,000 people so far and still more people to come. We're heading, we're on Perth right now. We're going to head over to Darwin, and we've still got all the Queensland places to go. if you live in Queensland, come and see me in Tawulmah or, what's the other place? So anyway, Queensland, I've already done the Gold Goes,

been doing Cairns and that type of stuff. But the crowds have been fantastic. Australian hecklers are the greatest of all time. As I've always said, if you want to get heckled, the Australians will just tell you how you're looking right now. I have stupidly come to this country with a poster from a photo shoot from the Jim Jeffrey show when I was obviously younger and I was taking care of myself.

And then I walk out. Now, I've got superimposed angel wings on my back and everything like that. And then I walk out, some like goes, someone's lost a lot of hair. Okay. You can't even rip into them because the audience is thinking the same thing. They're like, yeah, he's looking a bit rough there, you know. It's like, well, Anna Kerr always says that about Australia. She says that we're the meanest about appearance just about in the world.

That's why she wants to get married in America. Exactly. and the level of judgment about you, the way that you look. At an Australian wedding, if you walk down the aisle, you're not looking great, people make an audible yuck noise.

No, I'd say, when I got... Grump. Yeah, when I got married, when I got married, I did it in Vegas. We had eight friends.

It was the middle of COVID, and there was a couple getting married, and all the bridesma were there. They were wearing dresses and suits. They were dressed properly for the wedding, even though it was just a little Vegas thing. Yeah. And there was no defining features on them.

And I said, to Forrest, they said, oh, there's some Australians getting married in front of us. And he goes, how can you tell? How can you tell they're Australian? Like this, right? It's because the girls were looking at everything like this. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's not nice. Like that.

They weren't sort of enjoying the tackiness of the experience. They were just moaning. And I said, I can see an Australian face when they're unhappy with something. They're pulling it up completely. Now that you brought up wedding, I might tell you, my brother got married last week. That's where I've come from there in Canada. and I was best man. Now, let me tell you,

how's your speech go? Well, as far as gigs go, I would say it was the, I haven't been able to think about anything else for six months. And you and I, I imagine, are both leave it to the last minute, men.

Yeah. So I'd written down in my phone like five, I thought the speech was written, and then I got there, and all my brother's friends are coming up to me like this. Oh, fuck, how good's the speech going to be?

We're stoked for this. You're going to absolutely cook him. This is going to be the funniest thing ever. And just hearing them say that, I went, how is the speech? And I look in my notes app and it just goes, this is literally all I had written down. Love him, loyal, was a fat cunt when young. That was all I had. I was best man at my brother's speech.

And I did like a couple of sort of hacky, sort of weddingy jokes and stuff like that. And I felt I was really drunk because by the time you start drinking before the wedding. then you have little champagne as you come in, then you have stuff coming out, and then they did it. By the time I got to the wedding, I was fucking plastered, and everybody else did their speech,

then I got up and everyone's phone came out, and I was pretty fucking ordinary at the speech. So, look, I go to your wedding. I was nervous. Usher. I was nervous. Yes, Asher, you can be Usher. I could MC.

I could MC. If you want me to MC, I'll emcee. But I don't want to. But this is the good thing. Your brother can do the best man's speech at your wedding, and he can be shit. But no one's expecting anything from him. Well, that's why I was saying, like, when you're a comedian,

there's already this heightened pressure. So I go home, I actually nutted out and write down as much as I can. And Anika was like, no, no, no, no, this is something you want to get right. My dad, my dad was having panic attacks for about a month. He hates, he's funny, but he just all of a sudden was like, I'm going to fucking ruin it. We got there and he had his cue cards all, his cue cards for his speech. and his misses put a post-it note on there that said breathe, relax, and remember.

Don't fuck any hookers. Remember to be yourself, right? And then, well, here's the problem. There was no microphone stand. So Dad's having a meltdown because he's got a hold with one hand and try and flip cards. So the whole wedding day, it's all he could think about. There was a bloke from Cologne, a comedy club, who I nipped down and picked up a mic stand from him, put it in. And then Dad absolutely nailed his speech, but I'm on after Dad.

And Dad's big speech with my brother was about the time he met Cass, Henry's now wife, and he'd clogged the toilet and there was the strong smell of shit at the house. And he's crushing on this story. And I'm up next. And it's like, how do you follow Dad doing it? I've clogged the toilet speech. But let me tell you, that is where the stand-up skills came to the floor. I'll tell you the opening remark and the closing remark, right?

Right. So my first bit was, you should always say when you first met the groom, and I met him when I was five, I was living with my parents, and they told me, someone else is going to be living with us soon, you're going to love him. It's called Henry. And I go, well, he moved in, and within a year, mom and dad were divorced. So how good could have he been? You know, to be honest with you, he came in, and he tore things up, he ruined it.

I get a decent laugh off that, then I go on the speech, And then my closing remarks were, Cass, you're getting from me the only constant I've had in my life. When your family is broken, all you have is your siblings to share life with. And you guys are going to have a great family. But my recommendation is just have one kid because the second one ruins everything. And I looked at my brother and he was laughing and crying. And it was like, dude, to get that in the can, it was so good. I could actually enjoy the rest of the evening at that point.

And then the videographer goes, do you want me to cut that up for you into reels? You can post on Instagram? I thought, no. I'm not making fucking content. My brother, my brother was like, like, like, I did like a couple's name joke in there. And I was like, so Scott and Claire, Claire and Scott.

Their couple's name would be clot. but now that you're married into the family Claire, I'm going to call you blood plot. Right? It wasn't terrible. And then I'm watching an episode of the office

and Michael Scott's going, Michael Scott's doing a name match to the guy. I'm going to like the biggest hack in the world. But you know, when you have a, the problem with the speech is throughout his entire ceremony, like,

it's all I could think about all fucking day. And then I started feeling selfish about that because I've got the speech in my pocket. I'm watching. watching them get married and everyone's bawling their eyes out. And I am half in the moment, half going, what will I, should I cut that? Should I cut this? What's going to work?

And you go, if you tell a comedian, do you want to talk at this event, just know you've ruined the next three to four months for us. Oh, but also, it's not just that. It's, I got this whole, oh, you have fun with it, but don't tease the bride too much. She's going to get up. And it's like, so you're like, the tight walk that you're, the tight rope that you're walking of doing a roast but also a roast that says love at the end of each sentence and then you have to say something in the beginning you go but to see these two together is to see real love

something like that every best man's speech has at minimum but in all seriousness about five where you think you've gone mildly too far that was one of the jokes that did i said i'm the older brother everything i did my brother attempted but slightly worse like i got into law at adlaid uni he got into law at Flinders Uni. I ran the 100 in 10.9. He ran the 100 in 11.5. I moved to America. He moved to Canada.

Everything he did was slightly, slightly shit. Right? And then the Canadians in the wedding just booed me like a minute straight. I loved that one. Boo. Oh, boo. And also like, so I'm the best man. And his other, he had a couple of high school friends who I knew.

But the other groomsmen were Canadian blokes, right? who he's known in his life in Canada. And we're getting ready at the house. And it's so funny to watch his Australian friends versus Canadian friends and me. So my brother puts on his suit and me and his high school friends who I've known forever, we're like this.

Fuck. Did you try that thing on the day before? Boxy? You know what I mean? What is that Ferrari formerware? But then his Canadian friends are doing his bowels are like this. Oh my God, dude.

You're so sharp looking. She's the luckiest girl. Look at that. You look amazing in your shirt. suit but honestly and then I went oh now I feel bad because I spent the whole time going what is that a pin on tie yeah no you went back I'm glad you got it a bit boxy you'll fit you in a few years time I'm doing all that too years this will fit quite snug and then you know what they did right before we went out they gave one of those speech like

you know there's a lot of talk about ships there's ships that follow the sea there's ships that go the sky, but the best ships are mate ships. They all hugged him. And I'm like, I don't have that in me. I don't have that in my kit bag. No, no. Australians can't do sincerity. It's like, if you perform in a gig in Australia,

they won't do the standing ovation. We've talked about this before. I've been doing the jokes about how we do hip hip, and all that other stuff. And I go, you won't stand it. I've been crushing. They can't do it. They can't bring themselves to do it.

I want to talk about a few things that have gone on in Australia. So the prime minister was on a podcast. This is a couple of weeks ago now, but it applies to another story I'm going to tell you. Our mate, Nicky's. Our mate Nikki Osborne, who does a character called Bush Barbie or Bushie. And I did her podcast just read. I was mean to Bushie on the thing. She goes, who should play me? It's on my Instagram. She said, who should play me in a movie? And I said, and she goes, Margot Robbie. And I went, what is this movie 10 years in the future? Like, when is she making this film? You know, this type of stuff, right? This is two friends who are comedians having a bit of banter.

and she goes, I can still consider myself a pin-up, and I said more of a prop-up these days. You know, like that's the thing. I hadn't gotten more, I hadn't gotten more harassment for being mean to a woman since my ex-girlfriend, right? Anyway, so, so she, the podcast before me,

she interviewed, because she's got about 800,000 followers. She interviewed Anthony Albanese, Albo, the Australian Prime Minister. She interviewed him. And she did fuck Mary kill, right? and she said, oh, you can fuck Rhonda Birchmore, who's an old sort of musical theatre actor. She's not old.

She's not that old. She's probably a well put together, a 50, 60 year old woman these days, Rhonda Birchmore, right? Kylie Minogue or someone else. And the Prime Minister went, oh, I've only been married for six months. And then she goes, oh, look, this is just if she dies and you have to remarry. And then he went, oh, Kylie for all three.

Right? Which doesn't make sense. That means you're fucking marrying and killing her. like it's a bit more violent. Yeah. That's really just a crime now. That's kind of very much, yeah, that's kind of against the whole domestic violence thing that they're

saying, which is that the closest person to kill you is the one that you love. So he's kind of proof the point of the campaign is there. This is a crime that's going to be solved in minutes, right? We reckon it might be the husband that just married her and fucked her, then killed her.

Anyway, so he does that. And I felt a bit sorry for him because. Well, that's, You know, they want your politicians to be personal. They want you to be like us, just regular blokes. And then he says something that's a regular bloke would say. And the Australian media were like, oh, we can't believe what he said about our dearest Kylie.

What about fucking Rhonda Birchmore? She must be rolling in her grave if she's not, if she's dead, right? Yeah. She didn't even get a look at it. It's not like after they go, would you want to marry this person? And he went like, like, fuck Mary Kill. He goes, Kylie, but only before. before the cancer.

I feel she really dropped off age-wise afterwards. The chemo really affected her skin. He didn't say anything like that. He was pretty forthright about the whole thing, right? So I was more of a fan. Well, that's what content has done to the world, though, is that normally Prime Minister's, you know, John Howard would not have appeared on talk radio show,

and they're like, Johnny, who would you fuck? Who would you marry? There's the whole thing. There's someone who's gone, someone from his advice is going, she'll be down with the young kids, and this will get your young votes. and you just got to go on there. And it's just, you know, like Trump did Rogan

and you got to do these type of things. And this is how, you know, she did a bit of that to him, right? And he went on against his better judgment when okay. So cut to part two. Now, I want to say before I tell this story, and I've been coming and aering whether I tell this story or not, but I want to say before I tell this story, that I believe the prime minister,

or any leader of any country has a very tough job. And I don't begrudge some things that happen in this story, nor do I blame him for the death of my nephew. So you know where I'm heading for the people who have listened to this. But I had a window of time. I was invited very nicely by the people of Nova, and I respect the office. You know what I mean?

How nice was it that I was welcomed into the house to play some backyard cricket? Some charity money was given out. And I was there. It was Julian Morris, fucking Amy Shark was there. Shervo was there, you know, the lunchboxy was there, the TV presenter.

Richard Wilkins actually ran me out. A ball gets bowled down. It was hit and run. Richard Wilkins is about 70 years old. He collects the ball up. He moves like C3Pio when I was run out by Richard Wilkins. That's a fuck. That's disgraceful.

I thought I was pretty dynamic in the field. I've got some meta glasses of me fielding the Prime Minister. I've got footage of that as well with me in the slips ready to go. So anyway, so I go to the house. And I'm standing there. We all know what's happened with my nephew. What's happened with my nephew is that they didn't want to release all the stuff from the investigation.

And both the liberal and the label government voted against it and kept it all buried. If you see me talking on Theo Vaughn's podcast, I spoke about this. They buried over 40 helicopters in an undisclosed area. And it's now the two-year anniversary right now of the incident. And they still haven't finished the investigation or given compensation to the families or there hasn't been any resolution. It's getting harder and harder to move on. So it's a sore spot for me.

I'm sure you can all imagine why I'd be upset by this. Once again, I don't blame the Prime Minister. I think he was a pretty decent bloke to me when I met him. So I meet the Prime Minister, I shake his hand, right? And it's just me and him all of a sudden. We're just standing there. And my brain's like, do it. You know?

And I just read, my nephew was Lieutenant Max Nugent. Right? I was like, I might as well have gone, I'm Maximus Meridius. I'm a son of a wife of a murdered war. Uncle of a slam pilot. I know. And I just went, my nephew is Lieutenant Max Nugent.

And he looked at me and he thought I was just going, my nephew's in the military. And he went, oh, that's great. And I went, thank him for the service. Yeah, he went, that's great. And smiled at me. And I went, do you know who that is? And he went, no, I'm sorry.

I don't. I don't. And I went, he was one of the four helicopter pilots that crashed into the, with Sundays. And his eyes went around. He looked around for advisors like,

oh, fuck me. And I went, and I went, look, mate. He's been done in by a Nova. Imagine going to a Nova celebrity backyard cricket event,

and then having to face an inquest about it, a helicopter cover up. Like, fuck me. Yeah, I feel a bit comfy about it. That's what I'm saying. I respect that I put him in a difficult position,

and he was pretty cool about it, right? Of course. You have to take that moment. Yeah. And so I go, look, mate, we're here to play a bit of cricket. And I said, and I said, I'm not going to bother you. I'm not going to ask you where the 40-something helicopters have been buried. But I just think I should say that I feel the inquiry has been going on a bit long. Two years is a bit long.

We need some resolution on this. We need to move forward. We need to move on. You know what I mean? Something in that effect. And then he went, okay. Yep, yep. And he's looking around.

And then he went, oh, it's time for the cricket. He starts walking down the hill at Kiribati. really house down the garden it's just him by himself right i fucking tail him i walked down he can't get any faster he's like oh no this bloke and then i thought i i i sidled up next to him and i go but between me and you tony i would have fucked kiley monogues as well and he went and he went thank you so he was he was all right i got the samey peace well you know like like you were saying to me, you were still probably easier on him than Dave Hughes. Oh, no, I said that to him.

I said that to him after us later on. I said, it could be worse, mate. I said, it could be Dave Hughes, right? And he goes, the tax plan's a good plan. Like that, he says, it's a good plan. So, yeah, after that, we had a sausage sizzle where we all sat around with it. Some bloke who won the best sausage of the year, got the barbecue at Kiribili House. And then they gave us tins of Milo with all of our names printed on them instead of the

Milo sign. It was quite an honor. Well, that does show the difference between Australia and America is America's got a fucking UFC fighting event on the front and we've got to fucking our cricket game. So afterwards I get interviewed by the press

on the lawn. I'm in me cricket outfit. They put me in a whole blazer and I'm not a uniform on it. They go, they go, can you imagine this, Jim? Imagine this, playing sport and Kiribilly House. I go, this is madness. That would be like bare knuckle fighting

in front of the White House. Could you imagine? So it was pretty timid. There was people hitting tennis balls into the harbour. It was probably an environmental nightmare. And what was the general vibe with the Prime Minister? He was all right. Look, I like him more after meeting him

because he could have just had someone ushered me away and he did listen to me. And as I said, it was unfortunate for him that he didn't recall the name, but I forget people's names all the time. And so when I said, when he said, oh, that's great. I said he was one of the four soldiers in the helicopter. He went, oh. He wanted to go, you wanted to look at me and go, you can't.

And it's at his house. So there's really no way for him to go. He's just have to imagine if he just locked himself in his bedroom. Anthony, you've got a lot of guests here. You have to come down, Anthony. He had his little dog there in a South Jersey. He's just like this. Trump's calling.

Iran's fucked. I've got to go. I'll be back. I'll be with you in a minute. Hold on. Great of all, booze. So I should mention that to you. We haven't been on in three weeks,

and I haven't been paying attention. Literally, I've had the wedding, and then I've been traveling over here in Europe. I've not been paying attention to the news. I flip open the news because I was like, let's just see if there's anything to talk about with Jim. Fuck me, mate. It's like, top story.

Donald Trump to negotiate peace deal with Iran. Do me a favor. Do me a favor. Like, they've got a strike report. What about now how we just have the Israeli military as part of our budget? No, they're trying to forge the two together. Forge the two together. Let's just have it as part of the Australian budget.

And every other country that you're an ally's love, just making the budget for everyone. As a taxpayer, I'm a little bit bothered by the... I hated paying this much for the American military, little on Israeli military. As an American taxpayer, if I go to Israel, do I get protected by their military like I'm one of their own? I doubt that. You remember our treatment when we were there.

This is like having like you pay for state of the art security and your neighbors are like, hey, can we use your alarm system as well? Can you link? No, no. And give us your Wi-Fi password too. Not a neighbor. A guy six blocks away.

Who's fighting with a bloke who's seven blocks away. Give me your Wi-Fi password from over here and your Netflix log in. Yeah. And I know you've got a security guard when you're going to it. Can you send him over here? Send Slav over here to protect us. I'll tell you, I had the greatest Heckel story.

I don't know if I should tell this story because I'm telling it on stage, but I don't think this will be one of our most renowned podcasts. And Jack, don't clip this story. But Jack, you can tune in for this story if you want. Have I told you this story about the lady Hekler? Yeah, you called me. Oh, I called you. I called a lot of people.

I enjoyed it too much. But I'm going to tell it again, even though you two know the story. It's good. So I'm in Geelong. Now, Geelong is about an hour and a half drive out of, Melbourne. It turns out to be a pretty white part of the world, right? If that's what you're...

What would you put an equivalent of Geelong in America? I'm going to go like, Detroit, because of the car industry. The car industry, but it's also... It's nice. It's about a drive to Anaheim equivalent from L.A., you know what I mean? So it's, you know, I don't know.

It's Jersey to New York, maybe. Yeah. Right? So, so anyway, so I'm in Geelong. And I'm there and the gig's going great, beautiful big theatre and everybody, the audience is going great. And I was doing some crowd work about where are you from? What are you doing? I just want people to say, I've got to joke about it.

I'll give you a bit behind the curtain here. I've got a joke about Canada and a joke about New Zealand. So if anyone says those, I'm ready to go with those routines, you know what I mean? Otherwise, I'm just doing crowd work. Did you know that there's an online Panama's company that ships federally legal THC right to your door, Amos, right to your door? they've found a way to combine THC and carefully selected functional ingredients to create gummies, faint goods, flowers and whatever type of buzz you like. I'm talking about mood.com.

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And then I go, all right, that's everyone. And then I just hear 20 rows back. Now I have to do the voice so the story doesn't work. This lady goes, I am Asian. And I went, oh, great, where in Asia are you from? And she goes, I'm from Vietnam. I'm Vietnamese. Like that, right?

And I said, and what's your name? And she goes, no. Now, obviously that's her name. But my brain goes in. to Abbott and Costello, who's on first, what's on second, right? That's where you got to go with that, right? So I go, sorry, can't you just tell me your name? No. Well, there's no need to be rude about it. I just want to know your name. No, enough of this, right? I'm killing. And then she's like, fuck. And you're like, oh, settle down, lady. She's like, no, that's my first name.

And then I go, oh, all right, your name's no. And I said, I said, what do you do for a living, no? right and and as she's about to talk a lady in the second row a slightly older lady white lady goes nails they do they do nails and i went what and she held up her hands and went they're the best the best at nails five of be it menese woman who does my nails none and i said well that's a bit of a stereotype now no was the only woman of color in the whole room right in this part of the country. And so I said, no, please tell me,

please tell me what you do for living and please, please, please, let it not be nails. And then she goes, I work at Bunnings, which is Home Depot, right? She goes, I work at Bunnings. And the old lady, as quick as a whip, goes, in the nail section.

That's elite. Now, no one liked the lady says she'd love. If I said that, they would have brought the room there. She was faster and quicker and smarter than I. But that's an elite comeback. And you told me, yeah, she bombed. How does she bomb with that?

Australia has no justice. Well, I really have actually had a little bit of laugh. But she should have, because everyone was feeling so tense about her being rude to the Asian woman, she didn't get a punchline. But I feel like the punchline outweighed the rudeness that she should have destroyed. I believe in America, that woman would have had in a career and she'd be on the next roast. So you got one Vietnamese lady. That's your, that's Geelong's diversity.

And she was married to a local bloke. She'd come over working at the Bunnings. Fuck, man, I miss. Honestly, that's the one thing I miss about when I, and I not been in Australia is Vietnamese. It's like Vietnamese food is the elite flavor of Australia now. The Bar Mee. Yeah, the Barn Me.

Yeah. If they got rid of the Bar Mee, you wouldn't be going bring over more Vietnamese people. You're like, Oh, the bar me is second to none. It is the great sandwich for $15. I don't want to, I want to get them and get their recipes off them and send them back. Teach us your recipe and go away.

No, they're doing it. Vietnamese are fucking funny ads. Yeah, yeah. They're truly hilarious people. I remember I used to do that Vietnamese routine and the Melbourne Comedy Festival were like, you can't do the Vietnamese voice, it's racist. And I did it on the Melbourne Comedy Festival. hour despite that. And then I think I sold tickets to 400 people with the name New Yen. And I was like,

see, it's not always racist. It's not always racist. Sometimes people like to be spoken about. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no wanted to be talked about. No one yelled out from the middle of the darkness in the room. Now, there is a chance that no wasn't real. It was just a bloke doing the voice. We can't be 100% positive, but we're pretty sure, pretty sure. Have you got any news stories you'd like to share? Before I move us into the news, I'll tell you one thing about my misses is downstairs. I always love a traveling together bitching story. So wherever I go, if it's nice, Sanika wants to come now.

So she's like, you're in Greece. I'll join for Greece. I said, yeah. My wife is very supportive of my career in Las Vegas, Miami, and New York. She's not supportive of my career in Buffalo. She's decided she cares not for my Buffalo shows or how I perform. So I had I just had one of the great flipouts at her where I was like but here's the thing I'm I'm sick I'm about to go to Edinburgh I just want to relax we I'm going to a small Greek

island that's not fancy that's the plan okay and she's like yeah yeah whatever I just want to get to Greece the moment she was stepping on the plane she's like well I've decided I really actually want to go to Santorini I'm not doing fucking Santorini sent I'm like Santorini is just hot it's just tourists it's rich cunts it's not the Greece I'm looking for it's for Insta models I'm not fucking doing it and I said we're going to go to this island okay and she's like where did you get that from and I said well Constantinos Stephanos and yourgos you know the Greek promoters who live here the best the best promoters told me this is the best island you have to go to this island it's traditional

tavernas it's relaxing it's not too much tourism it's where the Greeks go Don't appreciate the voice, but continue on. She said in earshot of these guys who I'm having dinner with, yeah, I know, but like, I don't think Greeks know what, like, nice actually is. Like, their version of nice is very different. And wait for, wait for this one, I put it into chat GPT, and it actually disagreed with them.

And it said that I would much prefer it if I went to one of these islands. And I went, are you arguing with locals with chat GPT? She goes, the chat GDP knows me better. Chat GTP doesn't know anything about me. I type things in about myself and it gets it all fucking wrong. Chat GPP is just what is the most amount of comments that we can compile together to make an opinion? So the more popular that you said was over fucking crowded with too many Instagram models who went there's so many places for photos. The food was so good.

The badadadadda-da-da-da-da-da-da-dha. Versus the five comments from the people who actually know what they're fucking talking about. No. So I go. So you fucking think you know more than Constantinus over here, do you? Right? Unbeli- I'm like, this is unbelievable arrogance. And then she's like, well, what would we do on that island?

Like, I want to make an itinerary of things to do. And then the Greek said something amazing to her, right? They go, you're getting Greece wrong. Greece is not a location. Greece is a state of mind. Don't bring your German, don't bring your German behavior. You need to be Greek. You sit, you eat, you fuck, you lay.

What's wrong with just being there together? And then Anika, to her credit, goes, what makes you think Amos and I's relationship is best when it's just the two of us? We need some. She's essentially said the trip will be shit in the small town because we need the distraction of strangers. And I thought I'm the unromantic. Well, I enjoy it way of kids.

I'm traveling around with my children. And so every restaurant I'm eating at the moment has to have a kid's meal. has to have some type of thing that someone can eat because someone won't eat it if the other person doesn't fucking eat it. And it's a pain in the ass. So enjoy these last few holidays you have before you impregnate that woman or someone else does and you get blamed. All right. Well, before we wrap, anything in news you've seen, I'm just going to go through things we've missed. Okay, I'll just pitch at you a scatterboard of, I believe, things that have happened since we've been away.

Okay, so American lettuce gives you diarrhea. Donald Trump is now threatening to tariff Mexico because he's blaming Mexican lettuce. More tariffs have just come into Australia, and I'm saying to think, if I perform here on my American passport, do I get more money? Or do I have to pay? What am I doing? Is there a way that I can tariff the Australians? It's gone up to 15% here. This week, this week, it's gone up to 15%.

He just bumped like 4% on the Australian one. Did you know that? I did not know. I knew who was raising a lot. Bumped it up like from 11 to 15 or something. Okay, another one I saw. Elon Musk says that money will be irrelevant by 2040. Did you see his economist interview where he was crushing out of that journal?

But Elon has been quite a... Give it to me, mate. If you think it's irrelevant, give it over here. Exactly. People were saying that about... You know, so Elon was very worried about AI. Now he's saying it's inevitable. And the best thing we can do is hope that the machines make such abundant wealth

the world that there is no shortage of anything and so that the state actors who own the AI will create so much abundance and wealth that having any money will be pointless because you'll have everything you need. That being said, yes, A, give up your money and B, can you imagine backing that strategy in now and then it gets to 2040? First of all, the issue is it's the same as like, why don't we just print more money because then everyone's rich, right? So even if you have all the money, there'll still be some cunt who gambles all of their money away. Even if everyone gets given $5 billion, there'll be some cut who's broke the next day.

It's always going to happen, right? We can't all have a Lamborghini, because every cut having a Lamborghini doesn't make a Lamborghini special, and then some cunt won't take care of his. And then who am I paying to repair the fucking thing? Because that cunt's only repairing his Lamborghini, because he's got too much work. I know the robots.

So next one, speaking of Lamborghini, we must have got to that. The Tate brothers are in prison. What happened there? I only had just heard about this. They've got to take. You're not allowed to be misogynist anymore in certain countries? Believe the sex trafficking ring that they were running.

Ah, good. I haven't sex traffic. So I'm all right with that. Misogyny is still a okay. For now. Oh, now. But if more of these fucking female politicians get into power,

God knows the repercussions for some of your early specials. Yeah. Do you think one of your, do you think we'll get to a time when Netflix has a warning on one of your old specials? like this was a this was art of its time yeah yeah please remember this is a different time in history okay uh so the tates who knows what will happen with them they could be imprisoned for the rest of their lives uh like i said the iran war carries on terror attack in berlin guy drove it did you

see some of these germans though muslim guy drives through the pride parade and kills them and then some of these uh gay left wing germans there were like, oh, we're so, we were so upset that it wasn't a white person. Now we have to deal with the fact that people are going to be racist. It's like, how about you just deal with the fact that this radical Islamist wants you dead? What do you mean? Yeah, yeah. It doesn't matter what color, are they?

Just a homophobe. Don't make it about race. Make it about sexuality. Next story, the next story that I saw over here was when Donald Trump threatened the Canadians with more tariffs because the smoke was getting over to America? All right. Did you see that? Do you think that Trump is going to cause a state of emergency

and stop the midterms? I haven't. I mean, they're going to get absolutely bolted in the midterms. But Steve Bannon the other day brought up again that he thinks Donald Trump will run for a third term. So I don't know what they're not in. I think they're going to go state of emergency, stop the midterms or delay the midterms.

And then he's going to have war still going when the elections go on and you're going to have to, You got to want to stick with the, you know, the path. Yeah. I think he's going to go. I've been skeptical. I've always gone, no, he's not going to bloody go for a third term. Everyone just gets two.

He's old. Two's enough for anyone who'd want to do it more than two times. I think he's going to go again. I've swapped in the last two weeks. I think he's going again. I don't know if he's got the juice. He looks like absolute shit, you know. But they're really trying to, I mean, Lindsay Graham died,

and then they replaced him with his fucking sister. Let's talk about Lindsay Graham. So now I feel bad about me and you mocking him for going to Disneyland, right, Disney World. Because you know what he was doing? He obviously knew something was up. And he was like, all right, bucket list. Never been to Disney World. Going to fucking have a meal with a princess and Mickey Mouse.

Why not you only live once? Yeah, I don't know. I just watched that. They did a nice cleanup of his reputation. And then I watched that video yesterday when Donald Trump first agreed to bomb Iran. And he was in his office like, Yes. He was clapping like his team just won the fucking Super Bowl.

His life's work. So he died at the end, really to see. He died happy. He died around that there was death and chaos around the world. Yeah, he was like the straight of Hormuz has been shut off. I've been to Disneyland. There's nothing more to see. I've seen it all, everyone.

Good night. And the last thing He could have gotten If he didn't die there He would have been killed in the Pride parade in Berlin And last story Is a fun one Just because I know our internet's dying

And whatnot Keep this short This story I saw Because I've been going to a lot of You remember when you were over here in Greece You go to a lot of these ancient amphitheaters The Home of the Olympics You go to Parthenon

And it's good money in that There's a man called Franco Malozo, who is an Italian man, who is just being convicted of building a fake Roman amphitheater in his town and charging 35 euros to come and visit this archaeological fraud. This is the claim. Meloso claimed he discovered the Berico Maritime Ampitheater near his town of Vicenza, Italy, after a 2005 landslide, stating it dated back to AD 393 and was once visited by Julius Caesar. Investigators have revealed he leveled a hill in the area and built the 5,000 square meter site using modern concrete, fiberglass, paper mache columns and artificially aged stones. And cutting how steel I've been told. Yes, he charged visitors up to 40 euros and even convinced the local authorities to feature

the bogus site in the EU-funded tourism guide. Police have just instructed the area and unmasked that it was modern materials. Miloso has just been sentenced to two years and four months in prison for illegally constructing art forgery alongside a $3,000 fine. Now, you got to say, is art forgery? Because then you go, who's to say what anything is, right? I know this isn't anything, but then you've got the shroud of Turin, right? You've got a blanket that has a little ghostly sort of Jesus-looking bloke, and we have to say that's something. We've got a picture of Jesus in a side of toast or a bit of mold on the wall, and we've got to go,

that's something, this is something you can charge to see. If he goes, my backyard was visited by Caesar, why not? I say, you know. Who says that Caesar didn't go to his backyard once for a barbecue or something? People don't know for the most part. And I'm sure they left there thinking they saw something amazing. Leave the man, B. I feel like this is a hustler who did.

There's no victims in this hustle for me. Yeah. If you're too much of an idiot to fall for that, which I probably would have been. And it would have, it's perfect for people like me, people who think they're educated but aren't, who would, I would have dragged you there on tour and gone,

come on, Jim, you fucking heathen. You're, you're going to stay in the hotel all day, I, and just watch porn. Come out and see this site in Vecenza where Julius Caesar came.

And I would have had a good time. Nothing wrong with it. And in fact, I wonder how many historical sites, like, well, I was just in North Macedonia, you know, they're claiming that

and I don't want to hurt the North Macedonians too much. It's a harmful idea to them, but apparently they've 3D printed a lot of their statues and artifacts and Alexander the Great wasn't from there and the Greeks say it's a lie and the North Macedonians say it is.

So, you know, but when you're there there's not much else to see. So if you go to Florence, there's about eight different Davids around town. Now, the real ones in the museum, Statue of David. But there's lots of people who don't go the museum because I saw one of the replicas and it looked pretty good, right? Yes.

I'm sure they'd still get the same little chills and experience. Oh, they'd all sit there and all that type of stuff. Wonderful. Wonderful. I want to go see it more. I want to see how he aged it up. You know, when you were a kid and you had to do it, do a project. A project. And you're like, we're going to make this a treasure map. And you'd be there with a lighter in the side of your room, burning the side of your homework to make it look good.

That's, I think he's exactly freed. He shows it to you. At the end, he does a reveal. By the way, this is all bullshit. Yeah. And let me, now watch this film about how I aged it. It's like, if they bring in the sex robots, right? And you have sex with one.

You pay to have sex with a sex robot. And it feels just as good, if not better. And at the end, and at the end, they go, robot, you're not going to go. Oh. Perfect analogy. Well, I'm at, can you even see the view here that where I'm, am I'm absolutely caught and my laptop okay so you just got a parmets you can you show us the acropolis hold on let me see look I can but I'll have to unplug my thing but let's

fucking do it anyway right let's see if we get the and we'll say here I'll unplug here we go we'll have a view off all right no on oh these shit this laptop's burnt oh you're in Fremantle right we're in Fremantle yeah here we go all right One second. We get the Acropolis to finish a site that could have been forged by some, but maybe the Ottomans forged it. Do you see it? There it is. Is it visible? You've got a close-up in. You can't zoom in on it? Can you? No. That's about as good as I can do. There's a bold bloke. You got some mouldy rocks I got there?

There's some women who are about to sunbathe. So what? Where? there we go there behind me so uh not much to look at all right well it was good to catch up it's good to talk Gary um i've i don't think i've ever sweated more than that podcast it's like 40 degrees so uh the podcast will be back to something of a more regular state everybody sooner than you think i'm going to head and bruce so I'll be desperately sitting inside wanting to do the podcast. They won't be transiting as much.

I bet there'll also be places that are podcast rooms over there. And I'll be back in two weeks in America. I'll be back in 20 days in America. I'm also going to Australia to shoot a movie. What movie are you doing? I'm doing James McCann as a movie. Oh, that's fantastic. We love James McCann.

James McCann's a great comic. And he's a smart guy and he's a good writer. I'm happy you're doing a bit acting. That's the best news. I've heard all day. Wonderful. I'm in the movie. It's probably time for me to read the script. I've had the script for a month.

I haven't read it. You know what I do in movie? I don't read the other bits that my characters aren't in because he wouldn't know about what's going on. If it doesn't apply to my character, I try to step out of it because then I don't want anything behind the eyes. Also, I'm lazy. There is that too, yes.

That sounds like you in life, actually. If it doesn't apply to me, I'm not paying attention. You bring your authentic self to acting.