I Don't Know About That - ATM: Episode 69 - Amos Got a Fake Gig

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

At this moment, Jim is back in the US and Amos is in Australia shooting a movie. Amos starts off with an embarrassing story about a fake job of his and then the two tackle some stories around the world like a mistaken murder, mutiny, and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.ADS:MOOD: Head to http://www.mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover YOUR perfect mood. And don't forget to use promo code ATM when you check out to save 20% on your first order. Try it today at http://www.mood.com. QUINCE: Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to http://www.Quince.com/ATM. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.SOCIALS:Jim JefferiesWebsite: ⁠https://www.jimjefferies.com⁠IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/jimjefferies⁠FB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/JimJefferies⁠Twitter: ⁠https://twitter.com/jimjefferies⁠Amos GillIG: @abitofamosgillFB: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/AmosGillComedy/⁠Theme Song: "Rein It In Cowboy" by the DoohickeysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

No. And I'm like this. The karaoke was well delivered. It was a good segment and people liked it. The World Cup comes around every four years. That's much longer than our marriage will be. Today's episode is brought to you by mood. Head to mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for

and let the mood help you discover your perfect mood. And don't forget to use our promo code ATM when you check out to save 20% on your first order. Try it today at mood. Today's episode is brought to you by Quince as the seasons are changing and you're getting new clothes for the full. Upgrade your every day and download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash ATM to get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. And it's now available for the Pye Lovers in Canada and the UK too. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash ATM.

Get yourself some premium outfits. You won't regret it. Gide pie lovers. I forgot to do this on the podcast. I am coming to Tacoma on the 10th. I'm in Vancouver on the 11th, Calgary on the 12th of September, and Washington, D.C. on the 13th of September. Get your tickets now.

Looking pretty bleak. A lot of blue dots on the seat mat. You want these podcasts to keep coming out? I've got to be alive. Amoskeld.com. Gide pie lovers. Nice to be back. Ah, been on tour for seven weeks.

We've been hounded. We've been hounded. People, it's nice to go away for a while. We go, does anyone listen to this shit? I've been getting abused at my shows. You lazy cunt, get back to work. Where's the buy lovers? I have that when I was performing in Australia.

I had people yelling out like, why, why you've been on the show? Where's the podcast? I'm fucking here, aren't I cunts? Now you're in Australia and I'm back in America, but you're in your house in Australia, so you actually have good Wi-Fi. Part of the reason we couldn't do the podcast

before is because the Australian Wi-Fi is so bad, but I've been back in America now for three or four days. My wife is planning a five-year-old's birthday party. So she's been out there cleaning garden furniture and all type of stuff. We're having a lovely themed party for our little boy Charlie turning five. So we're having a party next week. And my wife was cleaning some garden furniture where she found a whole lot of brown widows, right? Not just like immigrants who are hiding underneath our house.

I thought it was... Because their husbands have been taken away by ice. Not that. No, it was your nannies. Yeah, no. There was a... Oh, please. Lucky they don't listen to this.

Anyway, so, there's only one nanny. Anyway, so she just moves very quick. You could think she's in several places. Anyway, so, so... So she found a whole lot of brown widows underneath the chair. Anyway, one of them jumped on her body and has bitten her in the top of the vagina three times. Pardon me? Well, at least you'll be able to find her clit now.

Well, thank you. Thank you. So I know where the top of the vagina. So there's three, there's three double puncher marks in the top where the brown widow has gotten it. But my wife, she's just out a bit of swelling there and it's a bit sore. At first I thought it was. Oh, hot up. How did it get into her puss?

What was she? It's not in her push. Just in the, in the pelvic bit at the top. It wasn't on top of the. I understand a leg. It's not on the lab ear. An arm? Yeah.

Yeah. It's in the pelvic bit above, you know, where your penis would be. right where your penis would be because the hole's lower right yeah where the pubes begin remove your penis remove that that's where that's where she got bit she got bit three times and so she's walking it now at first i think it's because she her period's about to end and maybe she doesn't want me to touch her and maybe she's expanding it by a few days and it was the most wild accusation ever oh we can't have sex i've been bitten three times in the vagina by a brown widow So you won't say Black Widow, because Black Widows will paralyze you and you'll be

foaming from the mouth if you don't die. You'll be very sick. Brown widows just make you go, mm, unnecessary, wasn't it? So call in tonight, listeners. If you've got a similar story, ring in. We want to hear about your pussy-bitten spider stories. Yeah, does she have a pussy pussy now? Well, this is the thing.

Okay, I don't know. I don't want to speak. My wife is half Indian. We all know this. Maybe that's why she couldn't find the spiders walking up. Mate, nothing upsets me more than Brown on Brown violence. Yeah, brown on Brown violence. I couldn't get it.

Like on me, I would have seen that thing right away and flicked it off. Got rid of it completely. It was probably living on her for a week. So that seems quite serious. To be honest with you, you were like, I've got a lighthearted story. And it's like, my wife's vagina was bitten by a sebi-poisonous deadly spider. What an Australian story to start, by the way. She's put on a dress and she's put on a bit of iron dine, a bit of bedadine, you know, over the spider wounds, you know, that stuff that stains everything, right?

Yeah. You gargle it when you have a bad throat or bederine, iodine, you know the stuff, the red stuff, right? She's put some of that and it seeped through her dress and she's doing the school run as we speak. And she's like this, oh, the other mums will think I pissed myself with milky blood. I don't. And do you piss upwards? Do you go upwards? I like that this is the beginning of the podcast because this, there's probably new listeners maybe that we've made along the way overseas.

And they go, let's listen to these two Australians guys talking. And we always try and play down all the dangerous animals. We've started with, my wife's pussy was eaten by a spider. In America. In America. In America. So you think, this is something I learned recently while I was out in Australia. Australia doesn't have predatory animals.

We just have dangerous animals. None of our animals are attack animals except for the Great White, which will have a go at you. But apart from that, it's actually one of the safer countries because things like the funnel web spider that you have to actually search it out. Our snakes aren't going to attack you. It's more dangerous to live in Canada with a grizzly bear than it is to live in Australia. We get a bit of a bad rap. And I think, or a moose, a moose will fucking go you all day.

And so I think we've proven this with my wife cleaning some garden furniture and being bitten three times. I assume it was the one spider who's gone around bite by bite. I assume it's not. If I open my wife's pussy and there's cobwebs up there and we found it would have to be a funnel web living up there, right? It couldn't be like a Charlotte's Webb type of situation. Has to be a crevice. You've been away for a while. It's actually nothing sweeter than coming home having not seen your wife for a month and she's got cobwebs in her pussy.

You go, she's been loyal. If I die, they will call her the brown widow. Well, I'd say what's been going on in my relationship. You know, I got engaged. How long ago was it that we were in Lisbon during that tour? Six months. No, it's a year, I reckon, because it was in, I was post-Edembrose. It was like September.

September. Okay, so 11 months. Yeah, 11 months. So I proposed with a $200 ring from Swavorski. As you do. As you do, boy. Right? So, and the premise of.

of the ring was, we'll get a real one. I just was taken, so taken by the beauty of this city and you in it that I had to propose to you right now and I grabbed what I could, which was a Swavorski ring. Now, the play was that I'd buy enough time that eventually... Save that money and actually get a ring that's... Yes, but deep down my belief was she'll attach sentiment to that ring because that's the one that she was initially proposed with and she wouldn't want it replaced. because there was a lot of talk of when am I getting the new replacement and I'd go, oh yes, yes, the wedding is next year.

It'll be replaced. But I thought she'd grow to love this and go, I don't need. I don't need it. Let me guess, at the end of this story, I'm going to hear this ring crunching in a garbage disposal. No, I was in Edinburgh. I got a call. This is something I'll say about the Brits. Just quickly as a side note.

If any fucking country on earth, I know it's on a country, if any. place on earth needs clothes dryers more, it's the British. And everyone fucking hang in their underwear on fucking heaters and stuff. At the At the At Edinburgh Festival you're always just dangling a bit of cloth out the fucking window. Get some clothes dryers,

you dumb fucks. How hard can it be? I'll say this about the UK. I go back every year and at this point it is like visiting your grandfather on Christmas. You only see him once a year? I'm like, he won't be there next year. It was a

Blake year, man. I had that. I just had that with my father. It's like every goodbye is, oh, okay, this might be the last time I see the old fellow. So I throw in the, I love your dad. And I get the, you're a good boy. Good boy.

You're a good boy. So, Anika calls me. Yes. And she says, hey. You're in Scotland when this call happens, great? Yeah, she's back in Chicago area. She goes, hey, um, What's your credit card information?

I said, what for? And she goes, I'm at Westphalia Diamonds. I've got the ring I want and the sale on it is, it's ending now. So we have one day left. So do you just want to buy my new ring now? All right. Let me stop just quickly. I believe diamond sales for the hardest substance on earth that are forever,

I believe that sale, if you went in and go, you had a sale yesterday and they'd go, oh, it's over now. It costs another 10 grand. I don't believe they'd let you leave the store. I believe that that price, that it was the lowest, is the price that you can get it for now in a month, maybe not in a year, but in the near future, within the next three months, you could still get it at that price if they had it at that price. They're not going to let you leave. That's what I said, but she said, listen, I know you said you'd replace it, but when?

now seems the perfect time. You don't get anything done. This is the one that I want. Okay? So I go, how much is it? She's like, it's eight grand plus 1,000. So it's 9,000 plus 10 grand. So do, come on, just give me the details.

And I'm just like, I've been woken up middle of the night. And I'm like, no. No, this is not happening. And then from the background, I hear this. I really think it's the best option. That's her mum. Oh, right. Right.

I really think it's the best option. Yeah. Do you have 10 grand limit on your car? Are you ready to go? I can't do. No, I don't have a bloody 10 grand. I got a credit rating of 680. I don't know where I'm at.

I mean, I get my credit card stolen all the time. I go from 400 up to 800, back down to 400 up to 800, depending on the day. But you know, there was a sports card I tried to buy for $16,000. And eBay said no to me. That card just sold for 180 fucking grand. eBay went, I don't think you can afford it. But I tried to put in a bid. Oh, it makes me angry every minute of the day, Jack.

Anyway, so there was, um. So she's like trying to get the deal done now. And I'm like, what romance is this? You just go to the shop and I purchase it. She's like, listen, you'll fuck it up. You'll get the wrong one and we'll have to do it again. You stuffed it up the first time. You've taken a year to replace it.

I don't think it's ever going to happen. So this, let's just do it now and I'll have the ring I want and we never speak of it again. And instead of being rational and just going, okay, well, let's, you know what, just tell them to hold it and I want to do it because I want to give it to you. It's important to me that I give it to you. I just went, fucking feminism's bullshit. There's no, you get no ring. How about no ring?

It's from a patriarchal time where I had to buy a ring because if I broke my promise to you, you needed to liquidate something so you could afford rent. Well, that doesn't exist anymore. You get one ring and one ring only. Okay? You're in the workplace. Women earn more than men at this point. Men are doing poor.

Rings are fucked. Is there equality or there isn't a quality? And her mom is just listening to this. Yesterday you told me, you said, I have a story about my fiancé. I have a story about Anika, where she comes out of it rather badly. I'm waiting to hear her moment. Because at the moment, you seem to be abusing a woman who's, asking for a reasonably priced engagement ring.

It's up to me to give the rig. You don't go and buy your own. I agree. I agree. But if they left it up to you, it would never happen. We tried to do a podcast for seven weeks. We couldn't get a hold of you. I understand where Anika is coming from.

It's, why have a ring? Let's just play this out right now. Okay. All right. I'll be Anika. You be you. All right. I've gone to buy this ring.

It's, look, it's eight grand plus another thousand in taxes. Plus, you know, had to, to the tariffs, had to come in from Somalia. It's a blood diamond, right? It's a bloody lab-made. It should be 200 bucks. It's lab-made. It's not even a real diamond.

No. But are they real diamonds because they're lab-made like they? Yeah, I think they are. Well, I'm all for that. I'm all for that. I need people to suffer. Yeah, yeah, no, no. My wife was all about the suffering as well.

My wife said no blood diamond, and I bought my diamond from Canada. And she's like, oh, Canada's all right. It turns out it was from the Inuits up north. They got screwed over for the land. But don't tell her. She doesn't need to know that. But why is this the holdover of third wave feminism that we're meant to have all of this equality, but the idea of keeping this ring, he sticks around.

When's this going to go? Well, there's a lot of things. When does third wave feminism start working for me, a man? Okay. This is the thing, right? in theory when you go to dinner with a woman they should pay half and you should pay half that is a quality i have never made a woman um pay for a meal in since i i don't think i've ever made a woman pay for a meal i've had occasionally i've had a birthday dinner where a girl's actually paid for my dinner or something like

that or a celebration where someone's taken me out to the dinner but apart from that i've never made a woman pay for a dinner and so it should be 50-50 but they want the man to pay They all, pay all of that. But when we get divorced, we don't get all of the money, do we at the end of the divorce? They want to go 50-50 on that. You know, there's different things. Now, the problem with the dinner thing is you don't want to have sex with a girl who pays for half the dinner. Do you?

She's not a high-end one. Is she? She's not the pick of the litter. Yeah, but have you, I don't know if you've seen. I was reading some studies the other day. If you want the good ones, you have to pay for that salad they don't eat. No, the best ones are going to say the best ones of all they don't eat anything. Then you have to pay for that dessert they don't want.

Only to see it end up in a toilet. Jack's obviously got some trauma over here because Jack just out of nowhere just went. Because Jack doesn't, we always used to tease Jack for not dating enough, right? Now he's got a girlfriend. And he goes like this, the side of Brussels sprouts they don't eat. Obviously there's been an incident. Oh, yeah, $15 brussels for them to eat one. My wife's like this, and we'll have the cauliflower to share.

I'm not going to eat the cauliflower. You never see me eat the cauliflower. And then because it's a cheap product, they give you a fucking plate of cauliflower like this. And I'm going, you've done it again, haven't you? There was a mushroom salad at Nobu that my wife stupidly ordered three times. I went, you never like it. It's not good. It's just a whole lot of different mushrooms piled on top of each other.

And I like mushrooms as much as an ex-man. But they were like cold mushrooms on top of each other. They weren't even good as a side. But women don't even look at the price of sides. They assume it's $3 for each side and go, we'll just take all of them, shall we? Yeah, yeah. We'll just have all the sides.

You have all the different sides. Women love all the sides. And so do we. Yeah. Side pieces. I'll tell you what my wife's right about me. I am two-sided. I'm a two-side.

I pick a carb of choice, whether it be chips, smashed potato or some type of other carb. Do you do fries and mash. Yeah, I don't do both. You dip your mash into your fries and your fries into your match, you're psychopath. I'm trying to be in a movie at the moment. I am in a movie at the moment. I have not cut weight.

I've gained a lot of weight while I was in Australia, but I'm in the process of losing it. Now, without any GLPs, I'm just doing it old school. Let me give you Anika's resolution to our dispute as we started talking to rings. I'll be back to being an ago. You won't give me a ring. You're a terrible husband. Mummy's not happy. Did she call them mummy?

Because my wife calls a mother mummy. That's a posh bitish thing. If you've never seen it, it's very disturbing. It's very upsetting. It makes calling me, Daddy, seem weird. They went, okay, so is it a price thing? And then on speakerphone, it's just so humiliating. Anika and her family is all discussing this.

What is your budget, Amos? Go, go. I don't want a table. This isn't like a government budget where I'm, I'll tell you what it is. I'll sit down with everyone to give you the breakdown on price. You're in my way and I can't budget. So the Attica with one of the all-time lines to me.

Yeah, okay, this is great. Because I'm like, I don't know if I can afford that. I go, Jesus, which, our wedding, we're living in New York. Like, what do we need this outdated concept? You're a modern woman for God's sake. You're a bloody breadwinner. You don't need a ring that she said, you know that? that dad got you last year when you at the company where you hosted the karaoke contest and he

paid you like ten thousand dollars and i said yeah she goes that wasn't a real gig i made dad give you that gig so you'd have enough money for a ring but you spent that she goes you spent that on world cup tickets oh god i need a bath oh no no no And I'm like this. The karaoke was well delivered. It was a good segment and people liked it. The World Cup comes around every four years. That's much longer than our marriage will be.

And I go, I went viral in the bloody World Cup. And that was a business investment. Got 30,000 followers for that. Yeah, that is true. That is true. You're only meant to go to two games and you're meant to like five in the end. you kept on trucking. And each time she looked down at her hand and the diamond got like lighter and lighter and smaller and smaller.

It was the most cucked I've ever been because one, they're like, oh, he's got no money. And two, he did have money. He doesn't know how to spend it. But I guess women want us to have a ring now. You go, how about next year you get someone else to do the bloody karaoke competition? I bet you they'll want me back in another year and then I'll get you the ring. I think the only reason we do the ring is just because women want us to financially invest That gives them a sense of like well he's not going to like cheat and ruin it all

Is he going to give a pre-up you reckon because he's lost 10 grand on this You're going to get pre-empt? Oh yes no everyone who marries gets pre-nut because they don't want you to have voting rights on the company I I would take the company in the wrong direction German steel I I'm a pre-up guy I've got a file down in my office, an envelope, in big sharp yet the friend goes, in the front goes, in case it doesn't work out, right? Break open. I prefer a postnup.

I like the postnup, which is where it collapses and then you threaten the person after years of legal action. Yeah, that story was brilliant. You know that money that wasn't a real gig. It was the buy ring. Did she ever hint? Did she ever go, hey, so you know that dad's giving me that money, maybe we could get these rings sorted out. Did she ever do that? That's not even a hint, just by like, did you ever say that?

Now that I look back on it, it's just like, it's a bit of breathing room, isn't it, that gig? Wow. That's an injection of cash you weren't expecting, even though you've got some expenses that are coming up this year. Geez, I'll need that if Australia gets through the group stages. Well, that was here. I go, holy hell, we made it. We're playing against Egypt. Flights aren't cheap, babe.

Every time she's watching me right into my note section, she's like, I wonder if he's writing his vows. I'm like, no. Egypt. You're shit you know you are Egypt. You're hieroglyphixed. Whatever. Yeah, you're doing your stuff.

All to the tune. He's researching, he's researching diamonds. What's that all about? Oh no, honey, I'm just researching Belgium's falling Antwerp diamond market for my chance in case we play Belgium. Have we, because we just sang the village people. Have we, did we mention the passing of Victor Willis on the podcast that we did? Yeah. We did mention.

Okay, good. We got that out of the way. I feel bad about old Victor and what happened to him. I haven't, okay, I've got another observation I'd like to make. Okay. So when I was in Edinburgh, I stayed in student accommodation with four blokes. You can't afford a ring. You were saying in student accommodation with that.

That's called the backpackers. I shared a... Oh, so you had your own bedroom. I had my own bedroom. Oh, yes, that's a shared shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I... You're a student-common Edinburgh, right?

I did that in Edinburgh. Yeah, that's how you do it. Okay, so for people who don't know, the Edinburgh Festival happens in the month of August. It's the biggest comedy festival in the world. 2,000 shows go and perform there in venues ranging from 5 to 10 people up to 1,000 is your biggest venue. Whilst you were in Edinburgh, this is the days before Airbnb. People will rent their apartments out and the rent that you pay them in that month will cover the rest of their rent for the year type of thing, right? They will quadriple.

So maybe not the rest of the year, but four months. They'll get a quarter for free of their year, right? And so it's extortionate how much people charge. So there'll always be three or four comedians living in an apartment or a shared house, mostly apartments because that's how the city is structured. So we're up to date. You're all there. You're sharing, flat sharing a place. How's this for a start?

We go. I get a text message. My mate's arrived first. He says, hey, just quickly. Um, this is awkward. Actually, I'll do his voice because it's George Zacharopolis, the Greek comedian. Oh, no. So George goes like this.

Bro, just quickly, I think I might have left a shit in the toilet. I go, what do you mean you think? He goes, I was on a phone call at the time and I did a shit. a nervous shit because I was about to do my first show and I was on the phone and I didn't want to let that person know I was shitting so I didn't flush and I was like I'll get back to flushing it and then I was late I think I might have left a shit. Okay. I've met George. I'm going to go out in the limbs and say there is no I think about it. George left a shit in the toilet.

Are we correct? It would have been it would have been paper and everything just sitting up high. of his smeared Greek asshole. Yes, I understand it. I went in there and I saw a borderline, not even digested Spanacopter. Oh, spinach everywhere.

Spinachapater will go right through you. That's why I ate it with olives. As soon as I saw the shit, it was like, brother, just say I left a shit. Like this, I might have. Just say, go in there, shut your eyes and flush. I apologize.

Yeah. Give me. Don't give me the illusion of hope. Just let me know. Just say something like, hey, I'm actually going to be home in two hours. Dump the bags. Don't go in there because it was foul. So I go in there and I flush it.

It was a real way of knowing how the month was going to go. Now, I was only staying there for 10 days. So I stayed in the student accommodation. And I took a photo. I sent you the photo. It's a single bed, a desk. It's four students. Man, it's like super grim.

It looks like a prison block. And the first day I saw it, I always say this. You know what? This is good. This is Spartan accommodation. This is for stoics, like, who are working on their show. This isn't about glitz and glam. I'm a humble man who's here to focus on making my hour better.

Yeah. And every one of us in the room had fiancés, right? We're four blokes. And we all took photos and sent it to our wives. And there is nothing your partner likes more when you're away to know that you are suffering in a shithole. Because when you stay in a bad accommodation as a man, your partner thinks he's not cheating.

There's no way. If you're a single man, sorry, if you're a man in a relationship and you put yourself in a five-star accommodation, your partner is 100% like who the fuck is coming out. I mentioned this before. My wife used to hate the hemorrhoid routine, but then realized how unfuckable it makes me and she's a big fan of the hemorrhoid routine. By the way, with a hemorrhoid routine, you ask our manager, I believe the end number was 26 people passed out during that joke.

26 people. We had another woman pass out early on in the show. We're in Rockhampton. We're in a fucking place where they auction off cattle, right? And there's just a big fan. It's a shed.

Open air shed, right? Still blazing hot, middle of winter. I have no... My backstage is I have nowhere to piss. I have nowhere to piss, right? There's no toilet. I can't go in with the public because that's too fucking weird.

So I have to piss into a red solo cup. Right? Right, and then I kept on pouring it into this pot plant. I went back to this pot plant. This plant was half dead on one side. Every artist who works there pisses on this pot plant. It's just, it's wilting and bending over. Oh, don't admit that.

Some female comedian will out you and try to destroy you because you urinated into a cup. All right, Mel Bottle was there. She'll tell you what happened. I had to piss into a cup. Mel Bottle knows. Anyway. Just quickly, let me finish on one thing. Okay, sorry, so sorry.

I just wanted to shout out one thing about Edinburgh. Oh, yeah. And then we can move on. Our fans, the amount of times I did a show and I got, gai, Pye, Pye Lovers. Now, I didn't have big shows. I was doing a work in progress, barely advertised it. I have to give a shout out to a fellow, and I've forgotten his name, and I feel terrible

about it. He brought me a movie poster. Yeah. And it said, A Pye Lover's production. Yeah. Pye lovers productions. Yeah. Greta and Bonnie.

And it was about a riff we did years ago about Greta Thunberg and Bonnie Blue, living together in a sharehouse where I had a beer with the bloke afterwards. We played out in movie where Greta. Greta Thumburg is like, we need to let all the migrants in. And Bonnie Blue's like, yes, we do. And she opens up her leg and she just takes a load of Palestinian cum. I thought you're saying a whole lot of migrants walked out. We'd be bringing them over the border.

It was like the beaches of Dover, but Bonnie Blue's legs are open. And all these people coming off rubber dinghies are just going straight through it. Moot. What do cows take when they're feeling down? Mood. Functional gummies. Did you know they're an online cannabis company that ships federally legal THC right to your door?

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I absolutely love quince and we are now approaching the change of another season. Jim, we're entering fall. You wouldn't know that in Los Angeles. but for us east coasters and midwesterners, we need to change our woodroes. The changing of the environment. The mood is picking up. Quinn specialised in everyday stables.

Oh, that harder worker like the organic, soft, ultra-cotton teas, the premium Mongolian cashmere sweaters, the versatile, timeless and transitions seamlessly from work to day. Look, you can wear them all day. It's quince. It's good stuff. What are you got for me, Amos? Well, I buy a lot of quince stuff, and here's the reality.

If you want to buy nice pieces, like there's some suede jackets that I like, there's some leather ones, there's some sweaters. And I look online and they're like $2,000. But every time I go to Quince, it's the exact same product just as well made with premium materials. But it knocks off because you're not paying for the crazy brand name. What you're paying for is quality. I would say even better quality. Well, you know, I love the Ralph Floreen American Flag Sweater and I spent like $500 on that. And then I found it on Quince for like 18.

99 and I was kicking myself. And so now I get everything on Quince. Brilliant stuff. Upgrade you every day and download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash ATM and get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. And it's now available in Canada and the UK. And I saw a lot of people in the UK and their outfits could do with the spruce. That's quince.com.

They have the perfect weather for Quince. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash ATM. Let me read you a review or this will wrap up by Annenborough thing. Yeah.

I like this one. This goes, Amos-Gill, you ready? This will be a nice review. Amos-Gill has the potential to be a great in comedy.

He has an edgy but easy-going manner and riffs seamlessly from topic to topic. It's a lovely review. Unfortunately, he has definite racist undertones which made me extremely uncomfortable.

Hmm. This is not good. she hasn't even noticed the misogyny yet. I think it was because I was doing, after that movie idea, it sparked me this idea where I'm like, they say immigrants keep raping, but if Bonnie Blue did bang them at the beach,

they'd be satisfied and wouldn't have to. And that's probably the racist undertones they were. We should have her working at border control. No, the fact of, I got loads of the good A pie lovers. Someone yelled out to tell me, tell the story about you. you go into the restaurant and the photo that I did on the podcast.

And, you know, it's a long story to do if it's not a bit, if it's not a routine. And so it added like 15 minutes to the show. But, mate, we had a woman. Oh, yeah. So anyway, the pie lovers, but love when you come out. I love when I get heckled with pie lovers. It's bloody fantastic. Can we take Pie Lovers Productions and start that up?

I love Parlovers Productions. Like the way that Tom Segura has like your mum's house productions. Yeah, yeah. Like, if we make something, pie lovers productions, I've already got Nugget production. People don't know why I have Nugget because we're all. name is Nugent. We all get nickname Nugget when we, I also think I've got a couple of other names that I won't, in case people take them. Anyway, so I'm on stage in Rockhampton and it's the late show. So we did two shows in this barn. The first one was like an eight o'clock. Like they weren't, we,

we didn't think we'd sell a full one, because it's a small town, right? Something like three percent of the population of the town came out to the show, which is quite a lot of people, right? Anyway, so, so the first show sold out and then we had to have a late show that we were putting on it. Oh no, that's mean seven and then ten was the late one, right? So 10 o'clock show. I get on stage after the opening act and after people were roughly, you know, I'm on stage before 1030, right? I'm on stage before 10.30. I'm gigging for, I'm pretty tired. It's, it's the second last gig of the show. My voice has only got about one more show left in it. I'm screaming on stage in a barn. Great audience in Rockhampton. The first show was awesome. All the audiences were great,

by the way. Anyway, I'm about 10 minutes in and this woman fucking, she passes out cold, right? She's out cold, just like, I heard about this. She's laying there, right? Every other place we've had people feigning during the haemorrhoid routine, 26 people feigning during the hemorrhoid thing. Some people do it politely and quietly, right, where they just sort of do it and they just sort of lean back in their chair. So this is like the Alfred Hitchcock thing. It's exactly the same as psycho. People, I should have, we had to have ambos in the show. And as I said, it was always men who were passing

it. It was always men because I was talking about blood and women don't. They're not freaked out about blood because they have that period blood, which is the grossest of all the blood. As I said, my wife's period blood looks like it has chicken bones in it. I don't think she choose a food enough. Anyway, so so, so, so, but this

time was the only time. So it was 26 men who fainted all during the haemorrhoid routine, all young men, because old blokes are used to putting their piles back up their asshole with their fingers. It's not a big deal for them. Or they know someone who's done it or they, you know, old blokes can handle it. Young blokes can't handle it. I can handle it.

I haven't had a shit without blood for since I moved to America in 21. You can handle it. Your body's not in great, Nick, right? I imagine your assholes as hairy as a fucking spider web. Right? I don't know if there's a spider. It could just be the brown widow I got when I lived. at your house. Yeah, exactly. Ask the pussy. Anyway, so, but this one had nothing to do. I'm about

10 minutes into the show. A lady passes out. Now, because we're in a shed, they're all fold out chairs. There's no functional chairs. So, so she's passed out, fall into the ground. And now everyone just smashed all the chairs away. Give a room, give a room, give a room, give a room. I'm on stage and I'm like, I can't heckle, this person might be dead, right? Turn the lights up. You have to break character for a bit. So I, went off to piss in a solo cup for a bit and then I came back up and I said how we're all going. I talked to people who were standing. I took photos with people on the edge of the stage.

Took photos with maybe, I'd say 60 people that came up. Go on, I'll take a photo. We waited for over half an hour. The Amboes came in and they checked the, but during that time, the woman just fainted. During that time, another woman came in and just started doing chest compressions on the woman who fainted. just started pumping her fucking chest. Everyone thinks it's a heart attack, don't they? They very rarely believe that someone's fainted just at the idea of your fecal matter going inside.

Well, this one was a female. This was the only one that had nothing to do with the hemorrhoids. This was just someone who fainted. This was early on the show. Anyway, so they get the girl, Andrew, our manager, who you're living with right now. He can probably tell his side of the story. Andrew! Andrew.

Andrew! I haven't had to... Andrew, you've got to tell your side of the story. It's good. I don't get to call my manager ever. Anyway, so... We're talking about the rock-hantom, and faint woman.

You can take over this part of the pot. All right. This is Andrew, everyone. He represents both me and Amos. Look at him. Look at him. Sit down. Your buddy, look like a...

Get him a chair. Amos sit on the bed or both of your chair when you hunched over like the old man who lived in a shoe. I am an old man who lives in a shoe. Anyway, so I'm at the stage of the story so the woman faints, right? And in the crowd, we clear away chairs,

we turn on lights. I said I took photos with maybe 60 people who came up to the edge of the stage and started taking photos with different people. And when I say 60, a lot of them were group photos with four people in them and stuff like that. And I was just sort of crouching down the stage. Meanwhile, another woman comes up, and gives chest compressions to the woman.

Now, you saw the lady. You claim that maybe the lady was still squinting through her eyes and she was kind of okay. But was there need for chest compressions? I don't think there was. Frog didn't think there was. She was breathing. She was just very pale.

And then when the woman gave her CPR for maybe a minute, maybe not even that. and then kind of realized it wasn't, uh, it wasn't necessary. Then the ambulance people arrived. It's crazy. Then the ambulance people arrive and they plug her into all the machines that go ping. And then they're all sitting there. And the woman who was doing the chest compressions is a nurse.

So they're all comparing notes and they're all just going, oh, right, okay. Yeah, well, that looks all right. So everything looked all right. She just had a bad turn. Anyway, then they waited for another bunch of paramedics to come with a gurney. Remember, we had to move more seats to get the gurney in. We had to move more seats because they brought a gurney. Now, as I was saying, I believe we had 26 other people faint during the course of the whole tour,

and they were all men that fainted. But they didn't make a big deal out of it. Did they? They fainted and moved on. The only other time we had to stop the show was in Canberra. They fainted and actually moved on with their lives. Or they were respectful with their faint. They leant back and then they woke back up.

You know, all the Amboes came in the, in the, I was at an oasis. concert at Wembley where someone died because they fell up the balcony. They didn't stop a song. They kept on going. It's just show business. Anyway, so they come in, the woman gives the compressant. At the end of the show, by the time we had to do the pause for 30 minutes for the show, by the time we, yeah, by the time we had to do the pause for the 30 minutes for the show,

then I had to come back out. And so it takes a while to win the audience back after the lights being turned on, et cetera, et cetera. By the time we got a stage for a 10 o'clock show, it was about one third. Correct? Yeah, it was very late. And we were rugged because we had to go back early morning flight the next morning. So we're all like, let's get out of here.

1.30. And on the other side of the... Because you got... You received a phone... I don't know what happened here. But on the other side of the barrier, there was a woman going... Who was pissed as a fucking new. Right?

Going, going... I fucking... I fucking gave that woman CPR and saved her life. I want a fucking photo. That's all I could hear. This is this woman. I want a fucking... photo. I saved a fucking life today. Like this, right? Now, I don't know who, but somebody that

worked on security that was there said, oh, fuck off behind the curtain. No, that was me. Oh, I was trying to protect you, Andrew. I was trying to protect you. I very well, I very well know it was you. I very well know it was you. But I was standing next to you. Anyway, so Andrew tells it, oh, fuck off like this, right over the curtain. Because after my show, I take photographs with disabled people, which I still honored at that show. There was some still disabled people. They got brought backstage. And I took some photos. And then

we just hear this woman just screaming. But you know what's so funny, she then sends Andrew a letter, an email. And the email, you know when people, when you're drunk and you're speaking like this, are you fucking cunts, I want a fucking photo, you fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And then the letter reads like this, I was so disappointed in the actions of the staff and

crew at the evening show. As a registered nurse, I I'm used to blah, blah, blah. There was not like, listen, you fucking cunts. I wanted a fucking photo. She'd gone, she'd gone to the hospital that morning because the woman who fainted had been left in hospital, and Frog and I were laughing about it.

We're like, well, she's probably still in hospital because she's got a broken rib from your CPR. All right, you can put Amos back on. You're holding the microphone weird. It's clicking. It's his first time to podcasting. Thank you, AT. Andrew Taylor, everyone. He's been at the bloody gym.

He works his ass off this bloke, I'll tell you. Yeah. Anyway. What's the crackling? Was it from, Andrew was holding it weird and was crackling the whole time. He was holding his hands over the bit like this. He's an old man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We want to talk about someone leaving shit in the toilet. You know what? He looked at me when he first got on the thing and he went, Are you in the same room? You can't understand what's going on with this fucking Skype and all this type of stuff. He calls it Skype. Where were we? Oh, okay.

I wasn't, I wasn't going to blow his cover and go, it was Andrew told him to fuck off. I was going to go, I'm one of the staff there told him to fuck off. And he's like, it was me. Let me, I'll tell you what's going to happen. In an hour, he'll think about this. And he'll come up to me and go, ever, ever throw me onto that thing again. Ha ha ha ha, ha, ha, ha. He's good value.

He was good to travel with this. trip that was he was him and his finest he's got a new girlfriend you see so he's got a new girlfriend and uh very pretty lady that he used to date many many years ago like 20 years ago he used to date her and now they're reconnected it's a very sweet story but she has uh he's in a good way i'll tell you yeah yeah she's a she's uh she's uh she's uh got some teenage sons and a teenage daughter real nice kids they all came to the shows and all that type of stuff but fuck and ever i can see that Andrew's got a chink in the armour where I can really go for it, right? It was, I saw him meeting her sons for the first time, two teenage boys, one's about 17,

one's about 15 or 18 and 16, something like that, right? And he came in, and for the first time ever he'd spiked his hair up with gel. He looked like Bart Simpson because he was trying to act younger and more hip for his new girlfriend like this, right? He looks maxing. And I walk in, they just go like this, you don't have to call him dad today, boy. You don't have to do it today. But have a think about it.

See how it feels. Maybe when you leave, say, I love you. I'm not putting words in your mouth. I feel really bad right now because I've come home. And this technically, look, he rents this off me, but I come home to my old bedroom. But his son's here at the moment. And because I'm here, his son's sleeping on the couch. His son just got married and is moving to New York and he's going to have to get used to sleeping in small spaces.

Right? That's what New York's all about. True that. So would you like to talk about what's happening? at this moment. Can I whip us into the news? We've got about 20 minutes left. Okay, go on. You ready?

Yeah, why is it still crackling? Why is it still crackling? What did he do? Because he's got old fans. We think it's your Wi-Fi. Is your Wi-Fi strong? I mean, it's as good as I'm going to possibly get in Adelaide. I'll tell you that. Is this no good still? You're a bit better now.

It's just popping a little bit. But carry on. Carry on. Let's see your news stories. So I'm going to start us off with... He did something. He did something. He did something. He just, that's what he does to our careers.

But he's so charming. It's so crazy. It's so crazy to watch how your manager lives. It really is. Andrew, have you managed to get on to Channel 10 to try and get me on that show? I'm there everyday calling. Are you? Because you were playing golf yesterday.

Oh, he's allowed to play golf, you mean, bastard. I don't give him much. He just finished a big tour with me. He can't be fucking working on you. He does well for you, doesn't he? Oh, Jim, the golden boy. The golden boy. The golden boy's in town.

Yeah, you can afford around a golfist, man. I am honestly so happy that you guys work together because obviously he makes some money off your tour, which means I benefited from that yesterday because he brought back a steak from the supermarket and goes, don't worry, mate. Just had a gym tour. Trickle down economics.

It comes all the way down to me. So here's a good Australian story. I want to start off with this one because we're going to get to Iran and some stories about ice and the grimness of the world. But Australia had this false alarm of a murder mystery. Jack, play that clip. Less than 24 hours. That's all it took for police to backtrack on what started. There's a homicide investigation south of Galban.

And in a bizarre twist, the body that was thought to be in. a suitcase was in fact not human. It was thought to be the latest grisly murder mystery 60 kilometres south of Goulburn at O'Allen and police tell the public a body has been found stashed in a suitcase on the side of the road. I mean the mind runs wild of what could have happened but we just don't know. The discovery made by a passing driver at lunchtime yesterday, Wogan Road shut down, forensics and the homicide squad move in, a strike force set up and police

go public, first writing, the body is yet to be formally identified. It is believed to be a female, then appearing on national television. We are relying a lot on forensic evidence. Unfortunately, the female remains have been subject to a state of decomposition. But at 9am, the twist, no one saw coming. Look, there is some breaking news. There's no body in the bag. What?

There's no body in the bag. In the last hour or so, they've actually tested it and worked out it's a doll. It's a doll. The news filtering through to offices on the ground, the crime scene then packed up before an admission. Everyone ready to go? From Superintendent Linda Bradbury. We can confirm that the remains found at O'Allan Ford Road, O'Allen yesterday, are now identified as not being human.

What remains unclear is how a doll... came to be confused with human remains. But despite the initial blunder, locals we've spoken to are relieved and say it's the best possible outcome to a very brief homicide investigation. Police have described the sex style as realistic, with piercings and marks that resemble bruises

as for how the release of the distressing news was handled. We followed our processes to that tea to a high level. Oh, yeah? No regrets at all. Bailey Kenzie, 9 News. There's the Netflix crime doc I've been looking for. Police find a bruised sex doll and go, the remains. She actually said the remains show decomposition.

Yeah. I think you'll also find if you do a rape kid on that one, you're not going to have some happy news. Also, can you order a bruised sex doll? That's fucking grim. I don't know if it was actually bruised. So those rubber sex dolls that are the realistic. looking ones where they go, oh, it was a woman in a phone. Okay, before the

media finds out, do a smallest amount of autopsy. Maybe even touch it and see if it feels like rubber or flesh. Wouldn't it be funny if it was just one of the blow-up ones? It's just just a full blowout dog. Oh, you're one of those old ones.

The victim, listen, the victim definitely died in a state of shock. Yeah, yeah. The victim was popped and flew across the room. what are we doing? What an impact... Like, your brother works for the New South Wales Police.

I do need you to get a comment out of your own brother on this. At first, when they went like this, they went, ah, it's assumed to be a woman, like that, right? Okay, first of all, yeah, it had silicon. It was all made of silicon. But, like, you've gone because of long hair and the fake boobs and that type of stuff. Assume to be a woman. Touch it.

Touch it. Actually, actually, actually, have someone do something like a kid on it? Like how quickly did they report it from the moment they reported it? They must have rushed off to the news. Have I got a story for you? Have I got a tip for you? There's been a body family.

My mother collected dolls more than any other human on earth, right? If that house burns down, it's going to look like a fucking genocide. They're just going to go, we've found 200 dead women in the house. Yeah. So let's play this out. Is this, you know how they're. say like pedophiles should have childlike sex toys so they get their dark fantasies out and no one gets hurt and then people say well that's wrong. Is this like a person that has a

rape and murder fantasy and they've taken a sex doll, fucked the shit out of it and then chopped it up, put it in a briefcase and thrown it into a park just to get it out of the system? It's as simple as this. There's a bloke, right? He's had a sex doll. He's been fucking it for years. Never thought he'd get a new girlfriend, got himself a new girlfriend. She's found it and he's going, oh, fuck, or she hasn't found it, and he can't just throw it out in the regular trash. Well, he's gone to the Salvation Army first to see if they want it, and they rejected it. Oh, of course.

For the option. Got to help the salvage. A homeless guy that might fuck this. He's done some tipping, illegal tipping. That's what it's called, right? When you get rid of a couch or you get rid of a washing machine, you throw it in the L.A. River. The L.A. River is probably filled with millions of sex dolls of folks who have actually got their

relationships up and going. You can't throw it out in the regular. the trash bin days only once a week. They only give you one fucking bin. That'll take up all your space. I do see a future when there's hard rubbish where dudes are driving around like this good pussy around here somewhere. People toss out sex dolls all the time.

Also, you can't just ring up the council and go, I'm going to, I've got a big thing I've got to throw out. They go, what is it? It's a suitcase. It's filled with stuff. Well, you've got to tell us what's in it. It's just, um, I'm just going to be on the side of the road. Just, but the cat, you can't.

She's a fixture upper. You have to take it down. The problem is it. take it all the way to the tip. And now he's caused a lot of police resources that's taxpayers' money that have gone pissed up the wall because this cunt won't go down to the tip. So legal dumping.

I think we... He dumped his girlfriend. I think we keep... No, seriously. I think we keep the investigation going. I think it's going to be very easy to find this guy, right? First of all, run a rape kit on the actual thing. You'll find DNA all over this thing, all over, through the hair.

Every crevice will be... DNA's dream, right? Detective's dream. But also, just check the top lid of the suitcase. He's probably written his address. Also, he's probably still got a tag on it with his name. I don't think this guy's a savvy criminal. There's no doubt if I was working at the company that produced that sex toy,

I would be running with that as an ad. The sex doll, so realistic, it launched a murder investigation. Yeah, don't leave her in a bag. They'll think you're a killer. That should be the slogan. Yeah, they go, we're going to have to work on the sex doll and what she says because she's obviously upsetting people. Do you reckon if...

It needs to be improvement on the software. Do you reckon if you file one up into hand luggage, this might be a fun thing for a YouTuber to do. You could get it through airport security pretty easy? Oh, yeah, and they go, so just open this up for us, would you? Yeah, yeah, that's got to be a great YouTuber thing to do. like, yeah, I take on anything bigger than a iPad? Well, this is, no, but you just leave it in the suitcase.

You have it all folded up and I think, we're just going to check what's in your bag there. Oh, yeah, no problem. I always go like this. I go, what are you looking for? Maybe I can help you. Because they go, there's some toenail clippers. I'll go, they're in this pouch. They're in this, whatever, whatever, you know what I mean?

Do you have any bottle water? I try to help them out so they don't rip your whole bag apart, right? But it's a good YouTube idea. Maybe, maybe this should be Pie Lover's production's first clip. But travel, yeah, we do a travel show where you go with your sex doll to see how sex doll friendly the travel is. Well, no, I just think getting through security would be, because there's no way they wouldn't open it up.

And it's not illegal. You're not doing anything illegal, taking your sex doll with you. Because I've known a girl who got pulled up for having a sex toy inside her bag when we were going through security many, many years ago. And we all laughed about it afterwards, but a full doll in front of it. I've told you the time that I went through the X-ray machine with me. You've told you this one, right? When they first brought in the X-ray thing, empty your pockets, nothing in your pockets.

You know, nothing in your pockets. Now, stand up and you do that stance like this or the one where you put your arms down where you look like you're in the quantum leap machine, right? And you stand there like that. And then they go, you've got something in your back pocket. Do you mind if we pad you down? And I'm like, I've just realized what happened. I had an extremely bad hemorrhoid pop.

my ass was bleeding and I'd wedged a bit of toilet paper in my crevice that had been just, just drenched in blood. Does everyone have to faint at all times when you talk? If you're driving, if you're driving and you're feeling, just pull over, pull over or turn the volume down right now. And I just, they went something in your back pocket and obviously it's something shoved up my ass. So that's even more, you know, worrisome for them.

They think they're about to find heroin in a sack. They've gone to pad me down and I go, if you'll just let me, and I pulled out this his blood soaked in a fucking toilet paper like this. And the guys like, yeah, you're good to go, mate. Yep, yep, yeah, yeah, yeah. You go. That was about 10, 15 years ago. My ass is better than that now.

So that is the Australian police force at their best. That's what I say. Australian news is the best because we report. I watch Australian news every night. It's 6 o'clock till 6.30 and then we show in a current affair. 630 till 7, right? And Australian families all watch the news. The number one rated show on Australian TV and we have four channels is always the news. The news is always number one in the ratings, right? And because Australian news is good. You know what Australian news is? Australian

news is good because we have a small population and there's not much to report. American news is like this. Oh, we've just endorsed the genocide. We've just done this. We've just bloody blown up this one. We're taking over the straight of hormones. There's ice ages, about that. The Australian ones is rubber doll found in suitcase. Before we do our due diligence and find out what this story is.

Like, TMZ put more work into a story than this. That cop, mate. Having to front up after you've launched a murder investigation and go it was a sex doll. And this is going to happen more often. And that cop, you can tell she's

a plonker. You can tell she's just a, like she hasn't got a bad bone in her, but she's just like, oh, and then they're like, like, we're all concerned about it. You've got to go back out there and tell everyone it's a doll. Do I? Can't we just leave a statement?

No, no, no, no. Off you go. What suburb was it in? If it's in my brother's jurisdiction, I have to call him. Please call him. Please get your brother's opinion on that, although he probably can't break rank with special intendant. Yeah, but he'll tell me and I'll tell you privately,

but we won't. He listens to the podcast when he jogs every morning, so he's a big fan of our podcast. Okay. Right, let's get on to some American news, global news. I saw a couple of stories. This won't be as fun. This won't be as fun. No, no, no. And I should have probably ended on the, on the sex doll, if I'm honest with you. It's one of the best things I've ever seen. Love it. No doubt about it. I'm regretting now the order that I picked me. Might even change it around. Well, actually, let's do, let's do, we're going to talk about the Logies at the end, because that's light again. But let's go into now, ICE, our favorite agency that hires only the best. Look to be employing a new tactic or a new weapons. You're crackling a lot right now. You're crackling a lot.

Fucking internet's gone to shit. His bloody Andrew touched it. Andrew! Oh, you can't hear through your earphones. I was about to tell him off. Are we okay? Because I've noticed it's getting slow for me over the last five minutes. Apologies, everybody.

It wouldn't be an ATM episode with that absolutely bare, minimum tech, bad Wi-Fi and a product that deteriorates as it goes along. I've just noticed I can see Jack in the map of Australia. Wave at me, Jack. Yeah, good. There is. There is. Now, ice.

Can you hear me now? I can hear you, but it's popping a lot, but we'll just power through it. Okay. Ice plans to spend up to $20 million to purchase thousands of conductive distraction and de-escalation devices. Let's cut through the bullshit. It's called glove. That's right. G-L-O-V-E, which is a glove, generated low-output voltage emitter.

It is shock gloves. They have taser gloves. They're tasing machines that you wear on your hand. So like Michael Jackson, when he grabbed these crotch, and went, ooh, like that would have been like a little taser, taser glove. Jack, can you please play the Fox News piece on the shock gloves? It's designed to be applied directly to the skin to deliver a pain stimulus of up to 380 volts. The Kentucky company that makes it, compliant technologies, says it can help an officer

gain compliance in seconds. Now, borders are Tom Homan told Fox the force is non-lethal and is needed in the field. You just can't go from zero to 100, right? And first thing you go for is lethal force. So, you know, we have OC spray. We have tasers. So the glove is, you know, the latest thing they're looking at to help in situation. This would be a tool they can use and make someone compliant. DHS is proposing spending $10 to $20 million on the gloves with the goal of equipping agents by next March. An agency spokesperson tells Fox,

ICE is constantly assessing the needs of our officers in the fields to ensure they have the tools and equipment necessary to safely arrest and remove criminal illegal aliens from our country. Now, the ACLU has a different opinion, stating to Fox News, giving immigration agents a concealed means of delivering terrible pain is a recipe for more harm to the problem. public and less accountability.

Now play the other clip. Just show you what it actually looks like. They've been tested on people at these sort of weapons displays. This is what it looks like when you get hit by the glove. Yeah. So after the death of Renee Good and the shooting of the people, they've gone, right, that was a bad look. How about we go for the Emperor Palpatine approach?

Yeah. Thank God their eyes and not water. They'd kill people. This Imagine having a wank with that While you're standing in a bucket of liquid That will be used in sex No doubt

There will be If we went on Pornhub right now And went ice glove There would be someone choking someone With that glove There's someone There's someone fingering their misses And then just turning it on

Get the spiders out So that's That's going to be the sound of the summer By the way As the end As summer winds down And we go into the fall it's you're just going to be hearing the

as people are shocked all around you with gloves this is this is you know what I'm calling this program this is the Tony Stark from Alabama I know what I like it's for the first time I feel like my tax dollars are being spent well well you know it's either that or you shoot people so it is a de-escalation yeah but we've got the spray

we got the spray you we all know that the gloves are going to be used on some bloke who's already laying down down. Some like he's already been detained. There's someone who's going to reach up on the ankle and you know that's going to happen. There's no way that's not happening. What would you rather, though, because the pepper spray maybe is worse, is it? Yeah, but how long can the glove keep shocking you? Like, could you have a heart attack? Is it the same? Remember, it was a long time ago, we all had that game where we all held onto the buzzer and we waited and one person was going to get shocked and you, and then that was bad. That was bad.

And that was a little vault. So I have to assume this is bigger than that, right? One time many years ago, I was an opian Anthony, and there's some Australian DJ. I can't remember his bloody name, tattoos all over him. And he brought in fucking dog collars, shock collars, dog collars. And he wanted us all. It was his hide of jackass. And he's like, hey, we all put these on.

I was like, I'm not doing that. Like, I don't want to be shocked in the neck fucking dog collar. I don't want that in my life. Even if it makes for good radio. I'm not going to do that. You know what I mean? So I got to assume it's worse than that, and that fucking sucks. Well, it seems to drop people immediately.

Yeah, and so is it a three-second, or is it as long as you're holding it on? Can you just keep shocking the person as long as you're holding on? I think it just sort of knocks them to the ground, like I said, like a Sith. I don't think it keeps going like zzz as they sort of fry in front of you. But remember when police, remember when we used to have police officers who were sort of, you know, We've gone from chubby Irish guys with a baton, whacking you on the head, putting in the drunk tank to shock gloves. And like, would you always have your shock glove on? How do you activate your shock glove?

Can you shock glove malfunction? Do you ever wear two of them so you can really get a person? Like, if you want a good strangling. Yeah. Not a great look. You know, as we go, is America getting more fascist? And the response is we've now got. gloves to distribute voltage through people when we touch them.

You know, we need a community reach-out program, and we're reaching out and we're strangling with an electric glove. If you're right-handed, do you wear your left-hand glove like golf? Like, because, you know, you know what I mean? Like, you're catching, you're catching glove in baseball. It isn't what hand you are. It's your opposite hand. You have to have it on your left hand because you throw with your right, right.

So you're catching with your left. I assume your shot glove would be your opposite. If you're a right or you have a left, if you're a right. So you're calling this the migrant mitt? I'm not calling it the migrant mitt, but as an immigrant myself, who at any stage could be detained by ice, if I don't have my papers on me, just from this accent, the prejudice that comes towards me every day is insurmountable. And Jack has seen it firsthand, and he said things that are very hurtful. So as a person who goes through this, like, you know, like how women are scared to walk the street. an immigrant who scared to walk the street.

Do I want glove or pepper spray or old-fashioned taser with the wires that dangle off it? That one always looked like it was ready to mouth. That was very unpleasant. That was very unpleasant. Yeah, we're going to look back on those ones and go, remember when we had those before gloves?

Remember when we just wanted to build a wall and we didn't want just a spate of fat dudes to wear mitts to shock people like the Sith? Why don't they electric the wall? Make the wall all electric. We've got a detention centre with alligators, and we have men wearing the voltage gloves. This is getting into the range of sort of Dr. Evil, like, board meetings.

I just want myths with lasers and voltage. All right. I'm looking forward to the porn. And we've got robot dogs coming. We've got flock cameras, where everything has been recorded. all times. It does seem like potentially the government is getting us ready after things get worse in the war in Iran and AI takes our jobs and people are wandering around the streets with a collapsed

economy and instead of saying, hey guys, we'll find a way to look after you all. They're like, we've got gloves. Get back. We're recording you. It's like, I think the billionaire class is ready to keep us under control. Something bad's happening. What happens if one glove shakes another glove? World peace. I don't know. Some kind of... Because if you're an immigrant, you should get your glove yourself. So we're all like...

You brought a glove to a glove fight. You should go down to the streets for sure from now on. Yeah, once they get it, there'll be illegal gloves coming out the wazoo. And yeah, they're probably not limited, are they? Because we're allowed to buy tasers. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're allowed to buy tasers as a right to bear arms.

What's the wrong with the right to bear... If you're allowed to bear arms, you're definitely allowed to bear hands. Yeah. Well, that'll be like girls are walking home now late night and they put gloves on. That's the new, like, pepper spray taser. A girl has to get sort of dainty theater gloves with wiring through them to shock you. No, I don't think there's, there's not a battery that has to, you have to charge him? I would imagine so, yeah.

Yeah, I'd be no good. I'm not good at charging me headphones when I have to have a long haul flight. Why would I get that ready for a walk? Another story about America right now is all the talk about the U.S. We might have to cut this short because your sound is... Whatever Andrew did, he fucked it. He fucked it. It was working right up until then.

And then he did something. There was some greasy thing on his hands or something that seeped in through the mesh. Can you tell? Because he held it like this and it never quite worked the same again. How about now? Talk to me. Because you can see my enthusiasm's been killed because you've been on delay for me for 20 minutes. That was after Andrew came in, wasn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Something's happened. It was all coming good. He sat down. He fucking, he did something. It's the same time he broke my fucking stereo, which still hasn't been completely fixed. All I did was play a record, and now the stereo doesn't bloody work.

He's got the touch. Next story. You have to live with him, so you know he's going to be very temperamental about this. Next story that I would like to discuss is the USS Abraham Lincoln. where supposedly soldiers are threatening to jump off. In fact, one of them tried to jump off and was restrained from doing so. It seems like there's mutiny aboard the boat

as these sailors have been left out there for super long deployments on the boat. The morale a little off. Turns out these soldiers don't really believe in what they're doing. The war's been called off 64 times. They're starting to think they might not be doing it to defend the home. Land.

So, so ladies and gentlemen, we had a little cut out there. Sorry for that collapse. We can't even tell you where we're up to at the story right then. We can jump onto another story or we can wrap it up, Amos. We're wrapping it else. Wrapping it up for it. He's furious. He's in Australia.

We can blame Andrew Taylor walked in and bloody he taught it. But then he's a computer crashed. Then he couldn't download his sign, all to get rid of the popping noise. I tried to be professional. I bought the equipment. The Wi-Fi lets you down. You've traveled around. with it. I traveled around Australia. My luggage was always weighing over for the podcast.

And in the end, we had to record it over me bloody phone. I was being charged by the fucking day for this equipment. I was bloody taking it around like an Egyptian. And it was terrible stuff. Would you like to hear? Here's the story. The USS, Abraham Lincoln has men wanting to jump off because they've been at sea for too long. They don't believe in the mission. The whole thing's fucked. And we're about to have a mutiny. Who gives a rat's toss bag, Gavin? I'm sick of the Iran war. It's probably going to end the American Empire the way that the Suez Canal crisis

ended the UK. Ladi fucking da, we move on. But the big problem is Australia needs better internet. Yeah. So in dust they've been writing things on the plane wings though. So I was talking to this on the phone

recently. What happens if the military decide fuck this war, we're not down for it? If they just go, no. Have you ever watched enemy at the gates? No, I haven't. That's when the Soviet soldiers are retreating on the Nazi attack,

and the Soviets set up a Gatlin gun, and they go, Desartos will be shot! And they just strafe their own men. I would imagine that's what Donald does. We don't like traitors. We don't like people that take a backward step. We have to shoot him. First, we used an electric glove.

I know, I know. I've lived in this country long enough to know something about Americans. They love their military. They support their troops. If the Trump turns on the troops, look, what does it make difference? Does it make his last term, allegedly, you can't go again. Or is it?

So in the dust of the plane, this is what the soldiers have been writing. These are the messages. Bibby's cucks. Be a good goy and do what Israel tells you. Operation Epstein Fury. Peace deal 64 in coming. All for what? I love Israel.

I'm a good goy. What else are they writing on there? This is lots of pictures of penises. Oh, yes. I love flock cams. And then there's one bloke who's just there going, I thought we were just going to write Wash Me. I didn't know I was all going to get political.

Hey, just like Twitter. I thought we were going to do a cock and balls and a little bit of piss and wash me. Yeah. The soldiers certainly not happy. Morale low. They're thinking, well, what are we defending because we're turning into a dictatorship at home with flock cameras recording our every moves

and electric gloves to handshake us welcoming us home? They have sworn to protect the United States against foreign and home enemies. Right? So what happens when they just decide that, no, this government's the enemy? It's very interesting. I tell you what

Let's podcast again in 20 years I want to see how this war is remembered I want to see how we look back on it whether we were the bad guys or we were the good guy Honestly to me this is this is My analysis and I know people love my analysis Because I've been nothing to do love it Love it, love it

I do see this this is this You know so you know the British Empire Officially probably ended at the Sewers Canal crisis Haven't really heard much about that Live there a while don't know a lot about what went on But I know I speak English for a reason No, so the sewers canal was under British control. They could no longer guarantee the shipping through there.

And they had that massive crisis. And that's when America took over. And they started to guarantee the Middle East. And they became the arbiter of what happened there, which was the death of the UK. And it is ironic that now the Strait of Hamoos, and if they can't get that under control, is probably what kills them in an endless war and the death of their dollar. And the oil prices continue to go up and we see an economic collapse. Well, I don't like this.

most of my money is in Australian, in American dollars. It won't work out well for me. Well, this must be fixed now. So let's wrap up the podcast, Jim. It's good to be back. I'm about to have a fucking crash out. I'm sure if you can tell. I've lost the plot.

The microphones don't work. But it is good to see you again. It's good to be back with the Pire Lovers. We are doing episodes as normal now. The holidays are normal. We're back. I am making a movie. I'll do it on set.

I'll do it at the, in midnight, if I have to do it. The pod moves forward. Movie star. All right, pie lovers. Thanks for listening. Join us next week. Hopefully my wife will get bitten by another animal and we can talk about that. Good night, Australia.