I Will Teach You To Be Rich - 259. "We’re worth $1.5M but I refuse to buy new pants"
Episode Date: May 5, 2026Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Mikaela and Dave, both in their early thirties, parents of two young children, and earning an impressive $278,000 a year. Despite a net worth nearin...g $1.5 million, they struggle to spend money, even on necessities. Mikaela wears clothes with holes, and Dave sits in an uncomfortable chair, all rooted in a scarcity mindset developed from past challenges and recent life events. Ramit helps them explore their money beliefs, encouraging them to redefine their rich life beyond just accumulating wealth. In this episode we uncover: • Their surprising net worth of nearly $1.5 million in their early thirties • Mikaela's struggle to replace workout leggings with holes, even when she can afford it • Dave’s discomfort with his office chair despite working from home • The recent health scares that have frozen their spending decisions • Why Mikaela still views money through a lens of scarcity despite their wealth • The shocking realization of their actual household income versus their perception • The invisible labor dynamics in their financial management • Mikaela's childhood experiences with financial stress and lack of fun • How past trauma and family loss continue to influence their spending habits • The challenge of transitioning from a "hoarder's mentality" to enjoying their money • Their vision for a Rich Life that includes travel and personal well-being • Ramit’s advice to ban the word "need" from their financial vocabulary ⏩ CHAPTERS (00:00:00) Introduction (00:03:08) Why they struggle to spend money (00:06:08) The impact of past health scares (00:14:00) What it means to be "frozen" (00:16:32) The origins of their frugal mindset (00:33:51) The shock of their true income (00:40:00) Rebuilding financial foundations (00:46:08) Mikaela's childhood and money lessons (00:52:19) The profound impact of family loss (01:06:00) Building an amazing relationship with money (01:14:38) How to get help from Ramit (01:16:40) Reimagining the concept of "need" (01:19:15) The value of Mikaela's time (01:27:00) The invisible labor in financial planning (01:31:00) Ramit's challenge for Dave to initiate fun spending (01:35:10) Setting boundaries for family finances (01:37:00) Defining their rich life together (01:44:30) Ramit's parting advice This episode is brought to you by: Facet | As of the date of this recording, Facet is waiving the enrollment fee for new annual members, and for my audience, Facet is offering $300 into your brokerage account if you invest and maintain $5,000 within your first 90 days. Head to facet.com/ramit to learn more about which membership option is best for you. Offer has been extended to 12/31/2026. #FacetAd Fabric by Gerber Life | Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply today in just minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit Wildgrain | Get $30 off the first box — PLUS free Croissants for life — at https://wildgrain.com/ramit Wispr Flow | Try Wispr Flow for free at wisprflow.ai/ramit Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTubeHave you or your partner fallen for a scam? Maybe gotten bad financial advice from someone who didn't keep their promises? If so, I want to talk. Apply to be on my podcast at https://iwt.com/apply
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It gets to me sometimes.
I feel like I need to break.
I don't want you to feel that way.
I really don't.
Aren't you guys pretty rich?
Yes.
Yeah.
We have money, but both of us have a hard time with just spending.
It's probably a bit of like hoarder's mentality.
We don't spend it, and we don't really have a plan to spend it.
I'm scared that Blinkman I were 6570.
We never did anything with some money.
The kids are good, but did we enjoy life?
life. Sometimes on this show, I like to show you what happens when people earn high incomes,
but they struggle to spend their money. And I always see the comments. People sometimes complain
about these couples. They say they're unrelatable. But I want you to know that this is an extremely
important topic to cover. And it's important for you, because if you follow my system, you will
likely have more money than you ever thought possible. I want you to learn from these. You
types of couples who are still stuck in scarcity mode so that you can make changes now.
In my opinion, it is a tragedy to live a smaller life than you have to, and I am determined
for that not to happen to you. Today I'm talking to Michaela and Dave. They're 33 and 32 years old.
They have two young children, and they earn $278,000 a year. That's a great income for any age,
but especially impressive for someone's early 30s. So why do they?
struggle to spend money. So much so that Michaela wears clothing with holes in it because she can't
bring herself to spend money. That's what I want to talk about today. And remember, I want you to
apply the lessons to your own life. In fact, I think as you go through today's episode,
you're going to be surprised at their reasons for being frugal. So make sure you stick around.
Now, I'm looking at their conscious spending plan or their CSP. If you want my help with your
conscious spending plan. Join my money coaching program at IWT.com slash money coaching.
Assets, $545,000. Investments, $1,32,000. Savings, $106,000, debt, $195,000, which is their mortgage,
total net worth $1.488 million. They have a net worth of nearly $1.5 million in their early 30s.
Now, if this were you, what would you be doing with your money? Ask yourself that.
and ask yourself why Michaela might be wearing clothes with holes still in them.
Let's get into it, beginning with our conversation now.
Let me understand a little bit about your day-to-day spending behaviors.
Like, what is something that you wanted to spend on or started to talk about spending on,
but you just couldn't bring yourself to do it?
I'm not going to judge you, I promise. Go ahead.
Just work out leggings.
Like, my leggings have holes in them in the knees.
and from just years of use
and even trying to buy new leggings,
I couldn't do it until there was a sale.
This is an amazing example.
First of all, are those leggings in the room that you're in right now?
I'm wearing them right now.
Can we see?
Okay.
Okay, she's standing up.
I'm going to describe what I'm seeing.
Okay, come closer to the camera.
This is amazing.
It's actually quite a modest hole.
It's like the size of a hole puncher,
and it's directly in the middle of her kneecap.
It's like somebody punched a hole.
Did your little four-year-old punch a hole with a hole puncher in that?
Who knows at this point?
It might have been a pinch from him.
I have so many questions.
How long have you had those leggings for?
Probably four years.
This is amazing.
I couldn't script this.
I love my life.
So one day you said like,
I'm going to get some leggings.
Walk me through that.
What happened?
Yeah.
It's just like a mental to-do list.
Like, add it to the list, I guess.
And then I'm like, do I really?
want to spend that. Oh, and how much are we talking about? Fifty-five dollars. Why don't you just wait
till the whole thing freaking tears apart? Why not? That or a deal. And how much did you get these
beautiful leggings for this time? I think like half off. 25. Wow. 25 bucks. Hopefully it'll
last me another four years. This is amazing. Dave, care to comment? What are your thoughts?
I'm probably worse with clothes. But if you were to say,
the item. It's actually this chair that I'm sitting in.
What, that chair looks like Batman's chair. What are we talking about?
It's a, I work from home. So a chair that I sit in all the time. It's grown very uncomfortable on my back, tight. My hips aren't sitting well into it. And just, I've had it for, I don't know, four years. And I don't know if it's purchased for worse. I have to make it make the value stretch. But I won't go buy another $100, $150 chair or splurge and get one that I'll sit in every day.
All of this is a bit at odds with your own financial situation. Would that be fair to say?
Very. Yes. You want to spend more. My first question is, what's stopping you?
I feel like just the unknown of the future and the expenses that could come with that.
Dave, what about you? It's probably a bit of like hoarder's mentality. Just planning and over planning for retirement, what could be in the future.
You like that?
Yes, I enjoy it. I enjoy it.
looking at like investment vehicles in those kind of pieces, but at the same time, I recognize
the opportunity costs of what we could be doing, you know, what we could do to enjoy now versus
what I'm older and can't move the same way. Probably a good sign that someone might be a hoarder
is when they're talking about saving too much money, they use the word opportunity cost.
Like, I think we're on to something here. I think I get it. Michaela, do you also enjoy planning
for the future? Yes, but not even like the future a year from now.
Like, I can't think of, like, the next two to five years.
It's more so, like, jumping to our kids are in college.
We're retired.
And even that is still kind of fuzzy.
It's the idea more so than, like, concrete details in place.
Is it the idea or the feeling?
The idea more so just because I don't know what the feeling would be not working so hard for what we have.
Oh, right.
Meaning it's supposed to be hard.
We are supposed to work hard.
If we didn't work, what would we be?
What would we be?
Purpose.
Yeah.
Purpose and drives.
Aren't you guys pretty rich?
I'd say so.
Yeah.
Wow.
Talk about an uncomfortable reaction.
Let's try that again.
Maybe we can get in a slow-mo.
Aren't you guys pretty rich?
Yes.
Yes, we have.
money, but you don't, I feel like anything could happen at any point, and that's what scares me.
Well, I understand that you've had some recent life events that have really shaped some of your
pivotal views on money. Would you be comfortable sharing a little bit about that? Yeah, I'll share some.
We kind of talked about a bit of a lack of purpose. I've always been very drawn to work and purpose-driven
work. And I think a lot of that along with surgery, procedure, medications put me into a bit of a
mental spiral. It's an overwhelming place, like time not driven to work, time not driven to purpose.
So do you mean, can I read between the lines? Do you mean that you have always been driven,
you've always been, your identity has been part of work. When you were sick, you couldn't do that.
you question, like, what is my purpose?
Yeah.
Okay.
I would almost say not working, drove the sickness and lack of doing things.
I'm always doing something.
I'm always analyzing and optimizing.
Did I make the right choice?
Were these the right three variables to pull on those kind of pieces?
That always happened since Michaela and I met and even long before.
I've always been very active.
I don't relax, read books those things.
All right.
That's quite interesting.
He was in the hospital for a week and had some heart issue.
and it was scary just for the age that we are.
Yeah, that is scary.
And that was just very sudden.
So it was just a lot of doctor appointments
and trying to get him healthy again
to like just get back to our normal day today.
So it was just like a shock.
I was five months postpartum.
So the stress of new baby and yeah.
That's scary.
That's scary on so many fronts.
Heart rate dropped below, very below normal's mental state, not up to what it was.
And it was ultimately hospitalized for a week as we worked through this and then even coming back,
for me, it was a bit of a confidence drain. Totally.
Especially when we're working so hard financially, but also for the family and where we want to go.
It's a bit of, it felt like a large step back and for us to kind of reset them.
A step back from where we, what do you mean by that?
Just it felt like we had, we had direction where we wanted to go financially where we were going kind of as a family.
But being in that situation mentally and physically, it felt like, okay, there's this focus on,
now I'm saying on loud. It's the focus on the here and now and the hate we build from here rather than super focused into the future.
Thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate that, Dave.
And Michaela, what about you? I understand there was a illness in your family as well.
When I found out that I was like three months pregnant, my mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer.
So, yeah.
I'm sorry to hear that.
We don't have a timeline because it's just a rare cancer.
So it's slow growing, which is good, kind of bad because you're just living with the pain for so long.
But also tied into Dave's husband.
hospitalization earlier this year and just like the unknown of that, it just like really
freaked me out on top of everything because just like another person getting sick, she's the only
person that is still alive in my immediate family. So it all falls on me to make sure that she gets
taken care of. How is she feeling day to day now? Good and bad days. Yeah. I'd say like 60, 40,
like 60% of the month, she can move.
walk around and stuff, but 40% she has really rough days.
So I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm really sorry.
How have the two of you reacted to, Dave, your health scare and Michaela, your mom's illness,
her cancer?
We've kind of been frozen.
At least for what I would say is we've kind of been frozen and we're not sure what happens next.
We know something's going to happen, but we don't know.
Like time is the most elusive and yet most valuable thing we have.
It's, it's, we're stuck in where we are because we're not sure what tomorrow looks like.
And I think for a lot of reasons, that's impacted.
A little bit of, you know, strain and stress on what we do, where we do, how we do, who we
communicate with, but also, you know, what we do with our money?
What do we spend it on knowing that there could be other bills that we're, you know,
potentially going to have to look after her mom or for me with doctor's appointments or just
with the family, you know, more check-ins, et cetera.
What about for you, Michaela?
Yeah.
a lot of stress on the foreseeable future.
Like, I know my mom lives three and a half hours away right now,
but we talked about a month ago,
and her plan is to move closer to us within the next year,
just because we will need her close to be able to take care of her
when things decline more.
So right now we aren't paying anything for her.
however, she did not save or do anything really to set herself up to retire, regardless of this
illness. So we know in due time that we will definitely have to pitch in to support some sort
of lifestyle, whether that's the higher rent around our area for her or doctor's appointments,
transportation, et cetera. So it's just the stress of the unknown bills and budgeting that and
how do you live your life and enjoy it versus staying strapped and making sure that you're
financially still saving for the future but paying for these things in the now, I think.
Will your role in her care be her primary caretaker? Yes, probably while working full-time.
I mean, we'll definitely, when we get to that point, when the health declines, I assume we will need
like a nurse that comes around to make sure that she's getting the care she needs.
Dave, what about your health? How are you now?
Progress. I wouldn't say, feel more confident, feeling better, but also still kind of
recognizing that I have a long journey. And respect my own health and keeping up with it.
Okay, got it, got it. Day-to-day basis, are you able to work? Are you able to, you're able to be
mobile? Yeah, yeah.
Okay, good. Day to day. Day to day is really no change. It's more of the, yeah, just foresight doctor's visits and continue to checkups. I'll even expand and say even last two weeks went to the dermatologist because I have a cyst and they're saying maybe it's cancerous, maybe not. So it adds to a little bit of the stress. And yeah, I'm trying not to worry about it until we find out versus worrying about what could be. So, but I think it just compounds to everything. And of course, I'm stressing about that on top of, it's just like another health scare that it's like you've,
got to be kidding me. I want to stop here for a second because Dave was hospitalized in his early
30s. Michaela's mom has a stage four cancer diagnosis delivered while Michaela was five months
postpartum. And now on top of everything, there's another potential health care for Dave.
Any one of these things is difficult. All of them combined compounding. It is devastating.
It's almost incomprehensible what they've been through. When I was at Stan,
I took a class on trauma and disasters.
And I remember this example that I had also studied in my social psychology coursework.
And that was how people take their cues from other people around them.
There was a study where they have people eating in a restaurant and smoke starts filling the room.
And people are sitting there not moving.
And guess what other people do?
They just keep eating.
At a certain point, the smoke is so thick.
You can't even see your own hands and people are still eating their food.
almost unbelievable. But that is what happens. The lesson that I took away from that trauma class
is don't freeze. If something bad is happening, don't worry what other people are doing. Move.
Even if it feels silly, even if it feels like an overreaction, you got to move. That's why when COVID
hit, my wife and I were living in New York City, and I looked around and saw what was happening
with the compounding numbers and I said, we are out of here tomorrow. We left immediately before
others left. And I remember our friends were on a WhatsApp group and we told them we're leaving
tomorrow morning. And they were like, really? Are you sure? It felt like an overreaction. By next Friday,
it was a very serious thing. And I think about that class every time I meet a couple like Michaela and
Dave. People who are not lazy. They're not irresponsible. People who are simply frozen. That doesn't
make them bad people. It's actually deeply human. So right after this, I want to help them start
moving again.
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states. Price is subject to underwriting and health questions. When did money come up for the first time
between the two of you in a really substantive way? The one thing that I can think of is when we first decided
to move in together. We had another couple that was close friends. So the four of us moved into
like a three-bedroom two-bath apartment. The first thought that I can think of is, oh my God,
how much money we are going to save because we're splitting it four ways. Holy shit. Who around
you has called one or both of you penny-pinchers or cheap? Not the word cheap, but definitely
frugal and bargain hunters. Who? And friends, family.
When was the last time that you told somebody how good of a deal that you got on something?
I'm going to guess it's in the last month.
Probably the last week.
Probably like Black Friday sales.
For our oldest son, he's getting a bike for Christmas.
It was like $60, $65.
And then Cyber Monday rolls around.
And Dave goes, hey, how much is it now?
Like, can we get a better deal?
And he was like, we could buy it.
again and return it.
All right.
Well, you guys want to be cheap?
No.
I mean, it got us to where we are, but no, I want to be able to spend our money and not feel
guilty about it.
I just feel like we can't get out of the mindset of when we first started dating and had
like nothing.
And we made that work so well budgeting and getting to where we are that it's so hard to
get out of that mindset of we have the money.
Why don't we use it?
Answer the question for me.
Why don't we do this?
Because what if something happens?
What if we get a random doctor,
Bell, or one of us gets sick,
or the kids can't go to daycare for a week for some odd reason,
or my mom needs it or something else.
Pause, pause, pause, pause.
Let's take a step by step.
How much do you guys have in your savings account?
Isn't it like 20,000 or?
80,000, maybe.
Oh, oh, where I thought I was just talking about mine.
Sorry.
That's also not the number.
It's higher than that.
120,000?
It's $106,000.
You get a $6,000 medical bill.
You write a fat check.
Here, take it.
Get the fucking out of my life, medical industry.
Or, even better, you call them and negotiate it down.
And then you write the check for $4,000.
Yeah.
What's going on that in each of these examples?
The answer is actually quite simple if you have the money.
But the fear of it, the idea of it seems to be quite overwhelming.
What do you think is going on there?
Like I said, my mentality is still stuck in the, like, we just are in the grind of it and we don't have the money.
Like, my mind has not come to terms with how much we have saved and invested and come to have at this point.
I think it's a frugality, frugality mindset and living as if it's a scarce commodity.
Like, we don't have the number in our bank account.
We couldn't cover that cost.
Yeah.
When was the last time you?
you took a trip. It's been five years since we've done a vacation just for us. And even that was
us going and then meeting up with one of my friends in Colorado, which was great. It was fun,
but it's not just us. So like approximately five or six years ago. And how do you feel about that?
Like some people are perfectly fine, traveling once every five years, some are not. What's your
take on that? I definitely wish we were traveling more. Life and timing is something.
unpredictable, like you don't know how long you have. So while we have our health and the money,
I would love to start making those memories together for us and our family and enjoying it
before it's too late. I appreciate that. Yeah. I get jealous of my friends that travel constantly,
but they don't have kids, so it's a little easier for them. Is the reason that you don't travel
kids? I'd say partial just because child care. Dave, what's going on in?
your head. I can see your thinking right now. That's what we used to do in the past. We would just build
not necessarily a big vacation, but just weekend and things to do. What changed? Lack of fun.
Maybe, but what changed? Why? Now kids, different priorities. And we were putting our priorities
into different places. Yeah. And I feel like we are so, we get so head down in the day to day that
you look up and you're like, oh, crap, six months have gone by.
Like just this year, it's like where the whole year go, did we do anything for ourselves?
And then even if it is with the kids, once we start planning, it like hits a point where it's just like, I don't, not that is this even worth it.
But it's like, is this actually what we want to do?
Do you see why?
Yeah.
If you approach something as a to-do list, whether it's buying new leggings or taking a family trip, if you approach.
approach these things as an obligation as an, oh, God, we got this family trip. Oh, God, I got to get
new leggings. Then, of course, you're not going to want to do it or do it well. Yeah. It just becomes
one thing that's just like relegated to, oh, God, add it to my to do-do list. I have things on my
two-do list that have been there for like three months. Deep down, I just don't want to do them.
I think that was quite illuminating when I asked you, why did you use to do that, but you don't do
it now. The answer that you gave me was almost reflexive. It is what so many people in America say.
What was the answer? Priorities and kids. Kids. Now, let's not minimize kids. It's a four-year-old and a one-year-old.
That's a shi-old of work. And you love your kids. You want to be with them. I understand that.
But it's quite interesting that people making $40,000 a year with two kids would say,
say kids. And then we have a couple like you making way more money. And your answer is the same
for why you couldn't take a trip in the last five or six years. I feel like I am, I get in the
details of our family and all of the XYZ of the kids. And then Dave gets on the details of like
the price and like sorting all of that out. Who's getting on the
details of the two of you having a rich life.
Either one of us have focused on it.
Yeah. I feel like financially, Dave focuses on making sure that we invest right and we save
and everything.
That's not a rich life.
That's just accumulating money.
Yeah.
A rich life is having a vision.
So here you are today.
You've made a certain series of decisions interlocking and you got money.
I want to look at your numbers in a second.
but I'm just wondering if
if none of us change on this call today,
if the two of you don't change a thing,
what happens?
I'm scared that we
like Blink of an eye
were 65-70.
We never did anything with some money.
Yeah, we have a great retirement.
I hope the kids are good,
but did we enjoy life?
Or like,
I hope that God we even make it to 65.
Like with all of the health scares
that we've encountered this year and last year,
I'm terrified that we don't use it
and something happens to one of us
and then we don't get to share those memories together.
And that's really scary to me.
I'm almost more short-sighted
and I could see the burnout, the friction,
the frustration, the stress that happens
if we don't really start thinking about this
in the next five years.
We're going to have money in retirement
and not be able to use it
because we're old and it's just going to go to hospital bills
or health bills or whatever, check in knee replacement, hip replacements.
Yeah, and then we still don't know how to use it in retirement.
So then we just have so much leftover money that that's amazing for our kids.
But I would like to use it and create these memories while they're young,
while we're young and healthy.
And yeah, so that's where my fear lies.
I think both of those are real.
I would like to understand a little bit about your numbers.
So a couple of questions.
What was it like creating the conscious spending plan together?
His stuff is a little more confusing for salary-wise,
so it took a little longer on that end.
But yeah, for the most part, the investment accounts
and all of the big number accounts, I feel like we're on him.
And then I came in with the subscriptions,
what we pay for, daycare, things like that.
Yeah.
Michaela, I was trying to get to the numbers,
and now you diverted me and now we have to talk about this.
Michaela, have you heard me talk to men and women on this podcast?
And then I'll ask the women, what is your role in this relationship?
And what do they always say?
Everything with the children.
Exactly.
On a given day, Michaela, when it comes to thinking about navigating your mom who's sick,
your kids who need attention, work, Dave, all of it,
how would you characterize how that feels?
I feel like I'm on autopilot all the time for other people.
I feel like my me time is when I'm sitting at my desk at work, and that's a little pathetic.
Because it's like I'm doing that for my family as well.
Have you told Dave this?
No.
Do you want to tell them?
I feel like I do a lot for everyone, and it gets to me sometimes.
I feel like I need to break once in a while.
I don't want you to feel that way.
I really don't.
That's me stepping up,
but I also want you to feel comfortable
in sharing and communicating this too.
When you need to break, I'm going to go sit down.
I need you to do this.
Yeah.
I see this a lot.
In most households I work with,
the financial labor is divided the same way.
A lot of visible labor goes to him.
a lot of invisible labor goes to her. Nobody ever sat down and decided this. It just kind of happened.
And it shows up in the small stuff. Who's handling the pediatrician appointments? Who's tracking what
they need for groceries? That's Michaela. I suspect this hasn't been brought up at home.
And there's a lot of discussion happening these days about invisible labor. I think it's an important
topic to have. On the financial side, it reminds me of this famous quote,
that Jeff Bezos once told his senior executives.
He said, there's no reason for you to be stressed out.
If you're stressed out, you should hire someone to help.
And his point was, the more successful you get,
the more you can deploy money to solve problems.
For somebody making $278,000 a year with $1.5 million in the bank,
they can afford to solve some of these problems.
And I think there's a question underneath all of this
that she hasn't let herself ask it.
I've worked this hard, I've held a lot of this together,
what do I get?
That is what I want to show her today.
We're going to get into the numbers right after this.
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Here we go with the CSP.
Holy-Hs.
There's a lot of zeros on this CSP.
Okay, hold on.
Dave, can you read off the word in bold and the number in full next to it for that
entire box, please?
Assets, 545,000 investment.
$1,32,000. Savings, $106,000. Debt, $195,000. Total net worth, $1,488,000.
Okay, well done. What do you think about those numbers? They're amazing. They are amazing.
And I also realize that we shorted assets a bit.
$545,000 of assets, $1 million in investments. You all are in your early 30s, incredibly impressive.
And I also love that both of you said, I said, how do you feel? You said, amazing.
That is awesome. That is like appreciation for what you have clearly worked very hard for.
Where we are is where we wanted to be. We're okay with this forever versus, hey, let's plan for the next thing.
That's where I think we're lacking.
You made it to where you wanted to be in terms of your finances. Is that what you're saying?
Yep. Finances, family, house.
for this age, yeah.
Great. Congratulations. That's really cool.
Did you stop and kind of recognize what you've achieved?
Yeah. For me, quickly and just kind of went like, okay, we're there. Now, what's the next thing?
What's next?
What's next?
I get that. I totally understand and connect with that.
Michaela, what about you?
We recognize the milestones that we've hit.
Like, even when we paid off our student loans, we paid them off a year before we wanted to.
we were excited, like, wow, we actually did it.
And we came up with a new goal, hit that recently.
So it's like, wow, we did that one now, too.
So, like, what's next?
I feel like how we have acted financially back right after college.
It did help us get to where we want to be.
But now I feel like I am living the rich life that I never thought was possible as a child.
and I love that, but now it's like, well, do I want to stay content like this?
Or wouldn't it be more fun or like have another vision laid in place for like the next level of that rich life?
I think a lot of our goals have been so financially based that we haven't thought about the next step of rich life.
We just hit financial goal, financial goal, financial goal.
Well, why don't you guys just keep doing it for the rest of your life?
Come on.
That's what they say, right?
You see how fun we are talking about the planet.
I think that's it.
It's the weak question and analyze spend
as we won't hit that financial goal as fast.
Now, how much did you short your assets by?
I would say probably 30 to 40,000.
Didn't really account for the vehicles in it.
All right, I'll add it.
Wait, what kind of vehicles?
Because if they're vehicles I don't like,
I'm just going to leave them out and see what.
What are they?
What brand?
Toyota and Hyundai.
Oh, my God.
I love it.
Okay, I'll add them in.
545,000 turns into, what do we say?
570.
How about that?
Yeah, 570 is good.
Let's do income.
Michaela, can you read off the combined gross monthly income, please?
23,186.
Great.
So combined the two of you make $278,228.
Last we spoke earlier this year, I thought it was like 170, which I thought was amazing.
Then I was like, oh my God, we make that much.
What is this?
people coming on and not realizing by $100,000,
how much they make per year.
What world am I in?
She actually got mad at me
and thought that I overinflated our number so much
that I had to email you all to change it.
And then we looked back at our taxes last year
and confirmed that we weren't that far off.
Wow.
Michaela, what did it feel like
when you realized your household makes an extra $100K per year?
I mean, I felt like my heart dropped.
I was just like, holy shit.
Like, I was shocked.
Finished a sentence, holy shit, what?
I never thought that was possible.
Okay.
And then?
It's amazing.
Like, but what now?
Well, tell me, what is the answer to that?
I mean, that's kind of why we came on the show and then not just that, but I've been
the last few months trying to cycle through my head.
Like, I need to change my rich life.
How do I do that?
without feeling guilty.
Even seeing that big number
and I know how amazing it is
and I'm absolutely grateful
because like I said,
I never thought that would be possible
in my lifetime to be as fortunate as we are.
But now I feel like I'm so stuck
at a certain level that I can't elevate
and not feel guilty
about wanting to spend our money.
Yeah.
That's really common.
It's really common.
You're not alone.
You're not weird.
You're not broken.
that is very common.
What is rare and what I think is really impressive
is that you are asking for help.
It's not a topic that's talked about a lot.
It's quite taboo.
Hey, we make a lot of money
more than we ever thought possible.
In fact, oops, I underestimated our household income
by $100,000.
What do we do now?
The typical advice in America is like,
just count your blessings and save it
because you never know
what's going to come around the corner.
And I feel like,
we're there now because we have a lot of hardships that have happened and are still to come.
But can I make a point to you that you would be doing the same thing if you had no illnesses in your family?
Yeah. It just heightens it more, I think.
Yeah. But you know that before you received the news about either of these things, this is what you were doing with your money. You're doing exactly this.
Yeah, because even last year, I mean, the numbers might not have been as high.
But I could think of something like we were about to have a baby. So it's like, oh, well, we can't do
anything because all of these expenses with a new baby. So I feel like there's always an excuse.
Yes. Yes. This is a little challenging for some people to hear because for a lot of people,
those are major expenses. Like having a baby is expensive. Buying a house or buying a car or a medical
expense is expensive, no doubt. But one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you and one of the
reasons that I make it a point to find people from all different backgrounds, financial, income,
socioeconomic, racial, all of it, is that there are different groups in different times in life
where we actually do act differently, where sometimes we have to act and think differently.
This is probably one of those times. Let's keep going. So on the application, you listed
270k, but you told my producer that you thought you made closer to 380K. What happened there?
So when we looked back on taxes, it was 340 for last year. And then that is, I think, because of some stock allocations.
Hold on. I need to, I need to like mentally digest what's happening here. McKalea thinks that you made
170K. Then it turns out you made 270K, but actually you made 340K. Am I being
punked right now? I feel like his job confuses me so much that I know he makes more than me and that's
essentially where I stop it. Okay. So you get paid like what? You get a bonus and commissions and
stuff like that? Yep. Commission. So it's irregular. Yeah, it's mostly, mostly predictable.
There's also stock purchase program that I take part in as well as granted some stock.
Have you communicated how your income works to Michaela?
Yes.
Why do you say it like that?
I say, yes, I've communicated how it works, but it's also at a point where our question just goes to, okay, well, are we covering our budget?
Are we covering our expenses?
And then it's, okay, well, then we should be good.
As long as the budget and the bills are getting paid, we can do our day to day.
buy the things we can for the kids and stuff.
Like I'm not thinking a higher level than that.
Look at my hands.
Look at my hands.
It's interlocking.
Everything about the way that the two of you interact with money is interlocking on the frugality basis.
Even knowing your household income, do we cover our budget?
Can we keep the lights on?
Like that is how low of a bar that you are setting.
You think I'm walking around like, ooh, do we have enough money in our checking account
to cover our electricity bill?
way. That's not a concern. I've accepted that. I'm never going to be concerned about our electricity
bill, ever. I'm trying to elevate myself. So the way that you two even talk about your income is
interlocking to force you to not even dream. How could you dream if you don't even know within
$200,000 how much you make per year? I think it goes back to just living well below the means
and staying below the means in order to be able to do other things with money. Can I ask you a question?
Like, why never did you probe him and say, like, hey, I don't understand all he's vesting and this and that.
Like, give me a number.
Why did you never say that to him?
One, because I trust him because we've been together for 10 years.
Have you heard these stories and videos where women notice that their husbands never ask about their medical conditions?
Like, woman might be taking medication or she might see an OB.
And the husbands are just kind of like, whatever.
like you take care of your medication, whereas wives are often making sure their husbands are taking
their medication and supplements as to. Have you heard this before? Yeah. Okay. How about if that were
happening here? And you were taking like 20 different kinds of medications because you were sick and stuff like
that. And then I ask Dave, like Dave, like, Dave, how come you're never curious about it? How come
you never asked Michaela? And Dave goes, I trust her. I trust her. As long as she's alive and
I trust her. How do you think that would have been received? Not good at all.
It's like why you love her, why aren't you looking into the details more?
Yeah.
So what do you make of this?
Why have you not asked those questions?
Think hard.
Because I'm just comfortable with him doing it and doing it for us.
Yeah.
He's the money guy.
I focus on the kids.
And that's it.
I feel like if I understood the numbers more and had like clear numbers put to them,
I think I would be celebrating more or being like,
Wow, that's awesome.
Yes.
Great.
Whereas when he says, I have stocks that are besting, I'm like, okay.
What the fuck that?
It means nothing.
Now, guys, I want to point something out to you.
I respect you a lot.
I am not meaning for any of this to be condescending.
I think both of you are very intelligent, obviously very successful.
So the way that we are talking about this, it might seem like we're like bringing building blocks.
You know, when we're playing with these very juvenile building blocks, it's actually not the case.
It is not juvenile.
to connect with your partner.
Even the simplest thing of like,
this is how much I make.
That's not juvenile.
It's not pandering or condescending.
We need to start at the basics
and maybe the person gets it.
Okay, cool.
Then we move faster.
Michaela, in part, you came on here
because you're like,
why do I feel this way about leggings
and travel and we struggle
to spend money
and we want to live today and tomorrow?
And a lot of people,
maybe including both of you,
thought that I would wave a magic wand and go like,
you should just buy the leggings, it's okay, you have a lot of money.
Maybe, but that's so simplistic.
Like, you already know that.
What is really going on is we are trying to take this interwoven set of beliefs
and attitudes and behaviors that you have put together
and we're trying to unwind them and you can see that how far you have to go back.
You don't even talk about your income.
And so this is the level of rebuilding that we are doing.
And I hope you can see that when you start to build this solid foundation,
things like should we buy a watch or leggings or take an extra few days in New York
become quite easy.
How does that strike you?
I would love to get to a level that and if it means that we have to start from ground zero again
and try to work our way back up there, I'm willing to do it.
It means that we can feel freer with spending and not question every purchase that we're doing for.
ourselves. Fantastic. And Dave? Yeah, I can see how it unlocks the future of us actually planning
and getting descriptive about what the rich life is for both of us and then getting invested in
each other's rich life, not just like, here's our rich life individually, but also here's
our rich life together and how they can join. Yeah. Amazing. Can we go through some of the rest of your
numbers? Okay. All right. Again, I want to reiterate, you have a net worth of about 1.5 million,
early 30s, of that $1 million is invested, which is really, really impressive.
So we already know that this will turn into a lot of money.
Very good.
This is not just a high quantity of money, but it's a high quality of money, the way that you
have apportioned or allocated it.
Very well done.
You also have an extremely high income.
That's fantastic.
And let's take a look at the rest here.
So your fixed costs are at 60%.
That's a little higher than I would have thought for a couple with a very high income.
Let's dive in here. You got your rent. Is it rent or mortgage? Mortgage. It's mortgage, but I will say for that category, we included daycare on that because we didn't know where exactly to put daycare. So our mortgage is not that high. Oh, how much is your daycare? It's probably almost 50K a year.
I think for me, I categorize it as a rent payment. It's almost like you're renting for four years, the space for your baby.
All right. I think there's something there, but I don't know what it is, but whatever. All right, moving along here.
your car payment is zero. What's the story with that? We've just paid mine off. Right. I'm sure your gas is
quite nominal. We can add it. We'll make a zero difference. But you have $106,000 in savings, which is great.
That's more than 12 months of emergency fund. But I noticed that you are still saving $1,500 a month
towards an emergency fund. What's behind that? Just haven't...
thought of what to spend, like, not what to spend the money on, but like, because, yeah, we could
go out and spend it on stupid stuff any time we want. Like, we could splurge and get a whole new
wardrobe or on our children and do some insane stuff, but it's like actually spending it on
quality time and quality things that we want. We're stuck in that. So it's just going to
savings. It's a lack of vision and leftovers. Do you appreciate that there,
is a point where you do not need to keep saving money. I do. I actually think it's far too much in savings.
Okay. Yeah. Wait, is the next line that you're about to say, I think we should move it to investments?
That's always what Chris said in my head, yes. Absolutely for him. Spending. I mean, the reason that you
came to me, because there are a lot of other people who can tell you to invest more and be more frugal.
There's a lot of people out there. You came to me. And so,
So you know that I specialize in showing people how to use their money to live a rich life.
So I note that neither of you have said, hey, spending it is something we've thought about.
These are our three things.
What do you think?
It just kind of feels like you're like, I don't know, we have this extra money.
We haven't really thought what to do with it.
We have all these reasons we don't want to spend on, quote, stupid stuff.
But what about actually spending it on cool stuff, meaningful?
stuff. Yeah. I feel like our rich life, the one vision that we have is it's not really things,
it's experiences, but we're stuck on trying to create that experience because once we actually
start planning, it's like, well, do we really need that? I don't know. Like, we just still get
hung up on the money. Can I just answer the question? No, you don't need that. You don't need any
experiences. So there's your answer. What do you think is behind you asking the question? Because the answer
to that question is very obviously no. I don't need to take a pizza tour in New York,
but I did. I don't need to go to the museum that I just went to over the weekend, but I did.
Ultimately, like, am I still just look back, like, am I going to feel fulfilled at the end of the day?
at the end of my life, like, am I going to be satisfied with just working my ass off for nothing?
Like, not for nothing. We have a beautiful life, but, like, my whole thing with our family and our children is doing as much as we can with them and making those experiences and memories because I didn't have that as a child.
Can I understand a little bit more about how you grew up, Michaela? I think it would help me understand your views on money today.
So if we go way back to when you were a kid.
One sec, one sec.
I notice you're already tearing up.
What's going on?
Well, it's just stressful to, I mean, to look back.
I mean, it just brings up a lot of emotions.
Because like I said, I'm very grateful for what I have now
because I came from nothing.
So do you mind if I ask you a few questions about it?
Sure.
You need to pause it or is anything uncomfortable?
Yeah, let me get a tissue really fast.
Sure.
I'm pausing to give her a hug as well.
Sure.
A little peek behind the curtain here at Money for Couples.
We ask our guests to sit in separate rooms so that we get clean audio and separate camera feeds.
But it also means that when things get emotional, they can't just reach across the table and hold each other's hands.
So sometimes they leave the room to hug each other, to hold each other.
And it's actually one of the most touching moments between couples because it's almost like there's an irresistible magnet bringing them together.
They're putting each other first, not this podcast conversation.
So I especially appreciate it.
Now, they're back.
Listen in as Michaela shares her story.
What do you remember about growing up when you were young?
What did your family say about money?
It was always stressful.
It was always the stressful topic.
My parents got divorced when I was fourth grade, so like eight or so.
My mom had to file for bankruptcy during the divorce.
My dad had his own company, like a construction company.
So it was very up and down depending on.
on like season and everything.
What do you remember your mom saying about money
as she was going through that financial hardship?
I mean, she was always stressed.
Like there was never a positive conversation about money
because it was always paying something off, paying bills.
Like, after my parents got divorced,
I can only think of one or two times
in her life she never actually took a vacation.
So that's, I think, another reason why I look at our,
of life. And I essentially, especially now that she's sick, like, I don't want to look at myself
at 65 and think I never traveled, and then I'm too sick to actually do these things.
When you say she never took a vacation, was that a sore point with her?
Yeah. I mean, she, especially after getting sick, she has definitely said, like, she regrets wasting
time and that she never did anything, like, fun for herself. And financially, I don't even know
if she budgeted to even allow herself to do those things. Do you think that if she had had a little bit
more money that she would have traveled? No. Yeah, I agree. Why do you think that is? What would
she have said? She would have spent it on something else. They also had addictions and stuff,
so both my parents, so they spent frivolously on things that I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I
don't think we're needed.
It's quite interesting.
What kind of message is looking back did you take away from your upbringing with money?
I mean, if I want something, I have to do it myself.
Okay.
Like I had to get a job at a young age.
I was 14, my first job working under the table.
And then I had to, my ultimatum was I played softball growing up.
And it was, it's either choose softball or get a job.
So I stopped softball and I got a job to pay for car insurance, gas, like going to the movies
or something.
And then it trickled into, I lived with my dad mostly full time when they divorced, but it turned
into my dad saying, well, can you pay for your cell phone bill?
Can you pay for cable?
So I moved out early because I'm like, well, if I'm going to pay for these things,
things I'll pay for myself and be independent.
Is your dad still with us?
No, he passed away six years ago.
How was he with money?
I would say a little better than my mom, but it was essentially, yeah, like, as long as he
has money to budget to, like, pay his bills, the rest of it, he's spending on himself
essentially, like, with his friends at the bar.
That was his, like, social.
He didn't really care about vacations.
it was more so the social aspect of like the neighborhood bar hangout.
So, yeah.
What part of the country did you grow up in?
The South.
Any siblings?
I had an older brother, but he passed away when I was 19, so almost 11 years ago.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah.
Thanks, Steve.
Did your dad's passing and your brother's passing, did that affect the way that you look at life?
Absolutely.
There's no way it would have.
Not. So. Like in what ways if you can share? Um, my brother passed away when I was, or he was 24, so I was
19. So you're already going through a huge transition anyway because you're like, independent
college, like trying to find yourself. So I think it just really shook me and made me realize
that like life can be short and it can end instantly. So that kind of freaked me out. But I do,
remember my father saying when my brother passed away, that maturity-wise, he said, like, I grew up
very fast that year. Like, he could tell how fast I grew up. When you think back and when you were
younger, when you were a little girl, do you remember having fun? I think of more of the negative,
more than the positive. I feel like a lot of the positive I can't remember because you think
the negative, like it outweighs more.
Yeah.
Yes, there's like bigger moments, like a Christmas or something here and there, but for the
most part, it was very stressful.
Right.
And I felt like I had to be the parent to my parents more.
So I was doing that from a young age and still continuing to this day.
I feel like I am more of a parent than the parent.
You've heard the phrase parentification.
And I think about it as a young girl and then as somebody who watched their parents get divorced when you were young, mom struggles, get older, got to get a job or play the sport you love.
And then continuing on to your brother tragically passing away, your dad passing away, now your mom is sick and you are the primary caretaker.
that's pretty serious.
It's quite striking that when I asked,
do you remember having fun,
you essentially said, not really?
Yeah.
Because I just was always,
I always had a goal in mind to like,
I had to get this done.
Like, I mean, it was on me and I'm fine with that.
And I am the person I am today because of that,
which is good.
But yeah,
It's like, oh, I want to go to college.
I need to do it myself.
I need to work full time the whole time.
Like there was no, I remember in college, like people going,
even Dave, like, went to a different country to study abroad for a semester.
That was never an option.
It was like, I can't afford that.
I can't, like, I have to do this and this to have the life that I want.
And it was always just like, yeah.
making sure that I'm good and in a place because if it's not me, who's going to do it?
And now that you have reached the life that you never even dreamed of.
Yeah.
Do you have fun now?
It's sad because it's like I'm having more fun than I imagined I would, I guess, at the time.
But I know now that I'm in a steady place, we're at this income.
We have been for a few years.
It's increasing, if anything, which is fantastic.
But now it's like, okay, well, what's next?
Like, that's, yeah.
Right.
And then I even feel guilty a little bit that I'm not happy with being at this place.
Because I am, I'm so happy that we aren't struggling.
But it's like there's got to be more than just being happy that we're not struggling.
Yeah.
She's right.
There is more.
Michaela did what you're supposed to.
She watched her family struggle.
She took notes.
She made sure it would never happen to her.
But in the same way that a child grows up, their voice changes, their height, everything,
it becomes immediately obvious when their clothes don't fit anymore.
But with money, there is no such signal.
You can go from struggling to having a lot of money.
But there is no direct signal.
that you have made it.
How many couples have come on this podcast
and they have tons of money
in an investment account or savings account
and the couples that I speak to
still cannot internalize the idea
that they're doing okay.
Here we see her money psychology
still stuck in a scarcity mindset.
Remember, those scarcity instincts
worked for her in the beginning.
They got her to where she is today.
But those very instincts are now
harming her. That is what we are here to change. Here now, we fast forward several years,
quite a few similarities here. What do you take away from those? I mean, yeah, it makes a lot of
sense as to why I am the way I am. But then it's a little upsetting because it's like, well,
I don't want to always be like that. I don't want to just be serious and always thinking about
like keeping the family, like household running and all of the checklists, just the day-to-day
or our children. Like, I want to experience life as well. One of the big trips that we want to take
that both of us has talked about and just never implemented is like a Euro trip. At least a week,
two weeks, Europe, traveling, being things. What else? That's the hard part. I, like,
we, I feel like I'm still trying to envision what that could be. At one point, Dave and I were like,
do we buy a second property? Like, do we buy a vacation home? And the more I thought about it,
I was like, no, I don't think that's really what I want my rich life to be. It's great that, like,
we have brought it up a couple times now. But I don't think a second property would make me,
like, that's not. Why are we talking about what you don't want? I don't know. I feel
like my whole life that's, I've been more so negative mindset than the positive. There's things that I
won't buy for myself, like let's say a massage. I like getting them as gifts because buying them for
myself, I'm like, I don't need that. But knowing we have the income, why can't I get a massage
once a month or once every two months instead of like once a year? I feel like it's almost
spend comfortable for me to try to overarch and get into a new mindset of a rich life.
I'm glad to hear you expressing. See, what you did was quite typical, which is people who struggle
to spend money, when I ask them what they want to do, they give me very lofty answers.
I want to travel to Europe for one to two weeks. I mean, if you haven't traveled for six years and
you don't take any trips, that's almost like me saying, I haven't worked out in 20 years. I want to
play in the NFL. It is so unlikely that it's just another way of deferring my dream. What would be
much more reasonable would say, you know, I'd like to be able to go to the gym like once a week
or one hour. So I can get you to Europe. If you want to go to Europe, I will help you do it. No
problem. But sometimes it's as simple as I want to go to lunch and be able to order appetizers.
And it seems so silly to say, I want to get a massage for myself. We make $278,000 to $340,000.
But it's that N-word. Oh, God, I'm going to get canceled again. It's the N-word you said, need.
Do I need it? If I can offer one piece of
directive advice, it would be, in my opinion, that word should be banned from your household.
Probably, yeah.
It should be banned.
And I would make it a whole theatrical thing.
I would take a piece of paper.
I would write need.
Dave would videotape it.
Well, Dave, you say it too.
So both of you should take it.
Let your kids videotape you.
And you both write need and you put it over the fire and you rip it apart and throw it in the
fire and say like, that was our past chapter where we had to ask, do we need?
it. When you're making $35,000 a year or you have $250,000 of student loan debt, that is a question
you need to ask. Do we need this? But when you make 10 times that, it's actually causing you to
play small. Yeah, I want to get out of that mindset for sure. Okay. Thank you for sharing that.
I am really, I really appreciate it. And I'm also sorry for a lot of the things that you have gone
through. Dave, can we talk about your upbringing with money? What was your family socioeconomically?
How would you describe them? Middle class. Middle class. All right. And do you grow up with mom and dad?
Yep, mom and dad. And did one work or both work? Both work. If you go back in time when you were young,
what do you remember your family saying about money? Early days, there was a deep conversation about money.
I don't think I paid attention to it much, but there also wasn't having a hesitation around it. I think the
earliest thing that I've kind of caught from them is, I think they were talking about money,
and I grabbed a bunch of stuffed animals and went around the neighborhood trying to sell,
you know, $5 to the neighbors.
And I came home and they made me go back, give all the money that thick, and get my toys and
stuffed animals, but there wasn't, there wasn't a deep scarcity.
What age did you get your first job? I'm guessing young.
Yeah. First job was, I think, like 10 years old. Maybe earlier than that, doing newspaper out,
would just kind of hoard the cash trying to milk it as long as I can.
Wouldn't really go out spending it, but just started getting early days.
Well, what does a high school kid spend their money on anyway?
Yeah, well, and I wasn't much like a soda drinker, candy, that kind of stuff.
Like the normal stuff, I'd get a new bike.
Like, that was the biggest splurge that I can remember putting the money to.
So what'd you do with the money?
Do you save it, invest it?
Saved quite a bit of it.
A lot of it, the cash sat in a shoebox for quite a long time.
the rest of it just went into a savings account.
Whenever I hear about someone stashing cash in a shoebox,
it tells me a lot about how they grew up.
There's a scarcity mindset that makes people feel money needs to be held tightly,
where you can see it or even physically touch it.
Typically, people who grew up with these beliefs either grew up poor
or they grew up with parents from a different country.
Dave and Michaela came in with that instinct,
and what's interesting is that when they found each other,
this scarcity instinct doubled.
They're like a supercharged scarcity couple.
One plus one equals 10 on the scarcity scale.
And they've spent years actually building impressive wealth,
but neither of them has let themselves enjoy the money.
They're still operating with that same mental script.
Most people never change their financial scripts.
They just keep going and their account changes, but it has no correlation to how they think or feel about money.
The question now is not just, hey, do you have enough?
They have more than enough.
It's obvious.
The question is whether they can give themselves permission to truly believe it.
Until now, what has your money identity as a couple been?
I'd say save as much as possible, like for retirement.
Okay. Dave?
Yeah, long-term planning and saves.
save. Did you ever think about when you would stop? Yes. Yes. What? Really?
I've thought about it, but never executed on it. Aren't you the guy who has $102,000 in your
savings account and you're still contributing $1,500 a month to that emergency fund? Yeah. Y'all are rich. Do you
know that? Yeah. Yes. Wow. Okay, cool. That's cool. Even though it's a little painful for you to say,
I love that you both said it. That's great. Yes. I'm just telling you that as you change, as you start to make more,
as you change socioeconomically, your attitudes and behaviors often shift.
And that's not a bad thing.
In fact, it's quite counterculture because in America, we really regale those who are like,
they stayed true to their roots.
They didn't get too big for their britches.
We've all heard these phrases.
The idea that your identity would change, of course your identity will change.
Your identity changes when you become a parent.
your identity changes with your health as you get older, if you get super fit or the opposite,
of course your identity changes.
And so wouldn't naturally your identity change as well, you can still retain some of your
core values and you can perhaps adapt.
Maybe you don't want to spend three hours looking for a discount deal on a chair or a shirt.
Maybe you want to travel a little bit easier.
So what do you think about that?
Both of you kind of smiling and nodding.
I'm curious.
Dave? It's strikingly accurate.
Yeah, I feel like we are in the mindset of like, well, if we're going to spend, we have to get the best deal.
And it's like, why are we living, like you said, why are we living in that mentality still when?
We can afford like the things that we want.
So why are we so hesitant to pull the trigger on that?
Like you said, if we want to start doing these trips or even smaller things like
Dave always goes on a yearly golf trip. And that's something that he really enjoys. And so he's been doing it for like five years now with some of his buddies. They go for a weekend long golf trip. And I love that for him. I don't have a mindset of something that I do for myself like that. And why shouldn't I? Like find something that I want and not have to second guess the budget or second guess the price on it before just saying,
yeah, I'm going to go for this.
Is there a part of life where you're both really confident,
like supremely confident you don't second-guess yourself, Michaela?
I feel like being a parent.
I feel like I am a good parent, so.
Wow.
That's power.
I love that.
Okay?
And Dave?
Yeah, I would say finances, but also parent.
Wait, finances.
What do you mean?
You told me you second-guess.
You didn't tell your wife your income.
You're planning based on logistics.
I feel like saving for him is the worst thing.
Well, that's actually quite intriguing because in order to get to the next level of personal finance,
you're actually going to need to radically change your relationship with saving.
You're actually probably going to become a failure at saving.
That's really, really hard.
Especially since we've been in this mindset for so many years.
Yeah.
Yeah, even just you saying that, the stress kind of mounts of like, really,
that's going to be just different, not seeing it kind of get socked away.
But you're actually going to build something amazing. What would it be for you, Dave?
If you're going to build something amazing in terms of your relationship with money, what would it be?
If I'm building something amazing in terms of my relationship with money, it's being a better husband and parent in the freedom of finances.
Okay. Keep going.
So not worrying, not limiting the experiences, not limiting date nights, not limiting vacations, not limiting
things that
I was blessed enough to experience myself
as a kid, not limiting
our kids.
Give me the opposite.
I don't want to hear what it's not going to be.
I want to hear what it is going to be.
It's going to be being proactive
in finding things to do with our family,
being proactive in scheduling weekly date nights.
Just go to a fun cooking class
or go bowling, do something that we used to do
as like teens and fun and...
Great. Here's how I would describe it.
I want you to start using
in language that
is intentional. So instead of saying, I am not going to, you know, want to be stressed out by my,
I don't care what you do not want to do. We're taking that out of our vocabulary. We're going to talk
about what we do want to do. What we do want to do, perhaps, is I want to be consistent. We are going
to have a date night every week, every two weeks. And each date night is going to be magical.
Now, magical could be we're going to get a piece of cheesecake because we both love cheesecake.
It could be we're going to go bowling because we used to do it as kids.
It doesn't have to be expensive.
Once in a while, it can be like, you know, really cool, perhaps a little over the top or extravagant.
But each is going to be magical and meaningful.
What do you think?
I'd want to do things that show, yeah, the people around us that we can have fun.
Like go to sporting events.
Like what? Can we get specific?
Yeah. Go to the World Cup would be awesome.
I think would be awesome.
Okay. What else?
I'd love to do a trip just the two of us at least once a year.
Great. And how about something more mundane, something more day-to-day?
I'd love to change out some of our rooms.
Okay. Some of the layouts, some of the furniture actually get to decorating one of our rooms
so that we can enjoy living in it versus just being a room that's got stuff in it.
Good.
it. People who have money are decisive. What's the worst that happens? You get a headboard you don't
like? Donate it. Get another one. I'm not encouraging you to waste, but I'm saying at any system of any
sufficient complexity, there's a little bit of waste. It's okay. Michaela, what do you take away from
Dave's responses? I feel like he wants to do these things, but I feel like he's still a little
hesitant, just because I see where he's trying to come from. In your back of your head,
both of you are going to have a voice, I suggest, or I suspect, telling you that's too expensive.
We got to start smaller.
Like, we don't need to do all this crazy stuff.
Nobody, especially me, is telling you you have to go and drop $150,000 on some crazy trip.
I'm not saying that.
Bowling sounds amazing.
I love bowling.
Take money out of the first part of your thought process.
That makes perfect sense.
Number one should be, we want to do this.
This is fun.
And number two, it's like child care, where are they coming?
And then number three is money.
Like, it's not.
We need to swap out these.
Number five.
Number eight is money.
Yeah.
Okay.
I would like to talk about your rich life over the next three years.
I'd like to do small and I'd like to do big.
So I'd love to start off with your home.
Day-to-day life, what would a rich life look like?
One thing I can think about is cleaning.
Like last year, right before we had the baby,
I did a deep clean, like hired someone outside, and it was amazing.
We realized that with my bonus for the year,
that I could essentially pay once a month for a cleaner.
So we've been doing that the last year,
which has been really nice, maybe up a year.
maybe upping that to not just once a month, but biweekly.
I love that.
Can I give you a little suggestion on this one?
We're talking about our vision and our rich life.
Let's start off by saying something like, imagine.
I love that phrase, imagine, I wake up every Monday morning and our house is clean.
And what that does is allow us to feel it, see it, smell it, notice that it keeps us out of the weeds.
What else?
I would love to have a proper office.
This room slash bedroom slash stockpile of stuff room that I'm in every day is aggravating
frustrating.
What do you want in this office?
I'd love to have a better background.
I'd love to have better lighting set up.
I'd love to have a different chair that's better for me.
I'd just love to have it feel like an actual office and utilize in a way that we are going to
utilize it day to day versus the once or twice a year.
that somebody comes to visit and stay with us. Great. Back to you, Michaela. The closet has been on
our to-do list for a couple of years now. We just haven't gotten to it yet. But just like
organization, get it to a place because it's very outdated and we have not touched it since
it's just chaos in there. So it would feel, I'm sorry, I'm getting lost in all the negative
stuff. Can you get me lost in the positive? Imagine a very organized closet with shelves.
and just clean, stress-free, everything has a spot for it.
How would you feel every morning when you opened up the closet?
I can find things easily, and I'm in and out.
Yes, great example.
So one of the ways that you have, in an interlocking way, created a strategy to not spend any
money is that you focus on the negative.
And I don't know if you notice, but people don't like to hear about the negative
or talk about the negative.
It just sucks.
So you just go,
let's not even talk about this.
Casket,
it's been two years.
You haven't done a thing.
You could have that thing
knocked out in seven days.
But part of it is you actually
have to start talking about
the things you want.
Unapologetically,
I want a closet.
I want a clean house.
We both work really hard
and we make a lot of money.
I want a clean house.
I'm not going to apologize for it.
And you need to talk about
what it would feel like.
What would it mean to you?
It would allow me to wake up on Monday and actually be ready to go to work.
That means I'm not kicking freaking Legos out of the way.
Having a closet would mean I could finally see what I have to wear.
That would feel so good.
It would be the first thing that I do in the morning and it would set me up for the rest of the day.
Isn't there a difference between those two examples, negative and positive?
Yeah, definitely.
Good strategy for you to implement both of you.
Give me another one.
I'm big on my coffee.
I want to get a.
new coffee maker that works properly. Like what kind of coffee maker? Right now we have a ninja,
which is nice, but maybe not, I don't need an espresso machine for anything, but just like
another elevated ninja or something along those lines. And like what kind of coffee beans do you get?
We just started buying a nicer brand of coffee. Completely and have noticed the difference. So I think
now we're stuck in our ways of buying nicer, which is a good thing. Yeah, great. Can we,
we shift to bigger ideas of a rich life. You mentioned travel? Yeah. So first I'd like to understand
this Euro trip. We talked about Spain, definitely, Portugal, Italy. I love that. Sounds amazing.
Dave, you want to add anything? We both enjoy food. I mean, you know, good breakfast and sitting and
relaxing to enjoy the breakfast. Good coffee, Spanish coffee. I'd love to go to like a vineyard,
do a lunch and then a vineyard somewhere to explore. Is this the two of you?
you or your kids as well? I am open for either. If it's two weeks, there's realistically no way we can
know without them. But we have talked about bringing them on bigger vacations like Europe.
Could you bring anyone else with you to help with the kids? We could, but then I almost
am like, well, like I want it to be focused on our centralized family. But we could potentially
invite my father-in-law since he's retired and then his girlfriend. I see. You want to have
time for you four, but there's also something to be said for, hey, we also want some time as
adults, like the two of us. Okay, so how do you reconcile all that? How do you make that work?
Right now, everything's focused around the kids, but for a vacation, it would be planning
two days where we don't have the kids. We get to do some exploration of historical sites.
Who has them? Your dad? Yeah.
We could invite his dad and his dad's girlfriend maybe for a portion of the trip.
Nice.
Like the last four days and see if they could take them for a full day.
Great. Love it. We're getting creative now.
So here's how I would think about a trip at your income and net worth level.
And with the constraints you have over young children, you want one-on-one time.
But if you're going for like 10 days, they have to come.
one way or another. One, you can just go for a short amount of time, the two of you. So literally
you go for four days, find somebody to take care of the kids, make it so easy for them,
and you all are on your own, and at least you just have that time for the two of you. And if you go,
hey, we'd love to do that, but I think Europe for four days would be a little tight. Maybe you
take a two-day trip for just the two of you somewhere close by in the U.S. Just do that. Get your feet
wet, and then you can decide about Europe later. Okay, that's option one. Another option,
I love what you said about bringing your dad, bring him, and he can overlap.
So maybe you take the kids for a couple of days first.
He then comes, has them for a couple of days, and then all of you are together for the last day or so.
Right?
You really craft that emotional experience.
What do we want to feel?
Yeah, we want to experience Spain with our kids.
There are kids.
We love them.
And then we want to hand them over for a couple of days so we can go do something cool.
Beautiful.
And then finally, at your income level, there are travel nannies.
there are actually people who can come with you either from here or you can hire them there and you can find them.
Now, that involves a lot of trust and things like that, but I'm just opening up the possibilities for you.
How does that strike you? I'm not asking for you to make a decision. I'm just saying how does hearing those options hit you?
I think it's more options than I ever thought were possible, especially the travel nanny. I never would even, I know I've heard of it. I've seen it done.
before, but I've never thought of it for ourselves. I like the option, like, because I love
spending time with my in-laws. It's not, it's not me not wanting to spend time with them, but I do like
the option of, hey, we would love to experience this place with you that you guys also haven't
been to, and we're open to, like, all expenses paid for your end. We just want your time.
Very generous. I hope that as we're talking about this, you're actually getting more
excited because you go, oh my God, all these things that seem like insurmountable, there are a lot of
solutions we can have. It's just up to us to decide if we want to do this, then the question is just
the details. How long? Who do we want to take? All that stuff. Yeah. How much you think a trip like
this would cost? Ballpark. I'm not asking you to even be completely accurate, but just ballpark.
10 to 12. Okay. I don't know. This is two weeks? Yeah, 14, 15.
I would have said 12, but 15 is fine with me.
Okay, cool.
Look, I don't know the answer because it depends on what you want to do,
where you want to stay, how you want to fly, all those things.
But what if it was 25K?
I feel like as long as we get the experiences and do things that we want to do and make it fun,
I'm fine spending that money.
It's high in my head, but I'm also looking at it as not a,
not scrutinizing the budget and say, we have to do this.
I actually see this as we have to do this.
on here for a reason. We talked to each other for a reason. We already made a plan even without coming
on here that we were going to do an international trip. Now it's a stop shutting in the doors. There's so
many more options we hadn't thought about going into it. 25 is the number. 25 is a number. Put the money to
it. Damn. I think you guys are ready to start using your money for a rich life. I'm very impressed
with both of your answers. That's really impressive, especially for the two of you. I want to recognize that
because that has been how you have been living for a long time. And so for you to be,
be able to do that with this example, which is a big one, is really, really impressive.
Can we go to your numbers, your CSP, and can we make some changes to make these things inevitable?
Are you down for that?
Yeah.
Okay, cool.
So here we have your fixed costs at 60%.
We have your investments at 17%.
you're investing quite a bit, plus pre-tax, so almost $6,000 a month approximately,
which is extremely impressive.
Your savings are at 13%.
If you were to stop saving right now, I'm not saying you have to, it's your money,
not mine, but if you were to just turn off the savings that go every month,
how would you feel about it? Dave?
I'd wonder where it's going, but as long as there's a lot of it,
plan for it, I'd be okay with it. What if there's not a plan? I'm uncomfortable with the amount of
money we have in savings. You're uncomfortable with it because you don't think you're getting
maximum return on that money. This is the wrong way to think about it. Again, I'm trying to
systematically deconstruct the way that you think about money. I have a lot of money in savings.
I like it because it allows me to sleep well at night. If something happens, I'm good.
Okay, am I losing potential return or yield? Yeah, that's the point. It's supposed to be
liquid. It's supposed to be there in case of emergency. You know, when people were
were going through COVID early on.
They had elderly parents, things like that.
They were themselves immunocompromise.
And they would message me all the time.
I have this emergency fund, but I don't know if I should use it to stay home from work.
I'm like, it is literally the defining emergency of our life.
And you are so concerned that you won't even use it to save your own life or your mom or
dad's life.
That's when you know personal finance has gone very, very wrong.
And although we are not talking about life or death,
we are talking about serious health concerns
and we are talking about building a healthy relationship with money.
So the fact that you are concerned you have too much in savings
but only because of yield really shows how trapped you are
by this view that I need to be optimizing all the time.
What would you like to do about your CSP
to make these things you talked about inevitable?
I feel like the only place to really take out
is stop allocating so much to investing every month and start putting it into a specified vacation fund.
All right. Let's do it. So vacations right now is at zero. No surprise, you have not taken a vacation
a long time. It all makes perfect sense. Let's change it. How much you want to put in vacations,
Michaela? Honestly, this might be a big jump. But since we're putting 1,500 into savings every
month, can we do at least a thousand a month? Sure. 1500. I would say let's do 1500. Wow. Nice.
God, this is so cool. Next year, I would love to not pull from our actual savings and like,
we do it. We do it now. Okay, guys, so I just took the 1500. I zeroed it out for your emergency
fund and I switched it over to your vacation. Okay? You have 1500 bucks a month going towards
your vacation. Well done. That's awesome. So,
your vacation is going to happen when? Do you know?
Let's say like end of summer next year before our oldest goes to kindergarten.
Within the next two years. Here, let me just tell you straight. When I'm rich and I don't wait,
no fucking way. I don't say like two years, five years, no fucking way. When? And you're in a big rush.
Both of you have health issues and all these things in your family. Why are you waiting?
Say early summer next year before, because our oldest goes to kindergarten. And then we don't have to worry.
about school. Beautiful, six months. I think you need to put a little bit more than 1,500 in,
or you will just draw some out of your savings, which is totally fine. You have way more than
you need in savings. You're investing $2,000 a month. Why we drop that to $1,500? How about that?
And then raise this to $2,000. We're still good. Same thing. Yeah. I honestly think you could
go way down, personally. I'm just going to, just as an example, I'll go to $500 over here.
I would love for you to make those plans together.
And it's not a question of, are we going?
We're going.
We are a decisive couple.
We have millions.
We are going to create these memories.
So you got the trip.
You got things in your home that you talked about.
Fantastic.
What else?
Date night.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Date night every other week and allocate 300 bucks for that.
Are you guys actually spending this guilt-free spending money right now?
It just kind of goes to like Target and Amazon.
That's not guilt-free.
There's not really a guilt-free spending category.
Yeah, no kidding.
That's why we're talking.
I actually think you should just commit to using the $1,400 a month first.
On ourselves and not-
Exactly.
Store stuff that we need.
Not diapers.
Cleaning.
Yeah, diapers don't count either.
Cleaning a person.
That would be date night every other week.
How much is your date night?
250 just because that's sitter included. Yeah, great. You got to include the sitter. How much
is it a babysitter cost? 20 an hour. So that's like 60 bucks or something like that?
Yeah, like 80. 80 bucks. Okay, great. Perfect. So yeah, that sounds very reasonable. There you go.
So you got that. Is there something about a little self-care? I'll say a massage. It doesn't have to be.
Don't tell me what it doesn't have to be. Hey, everybody, in my dream, it doesn't even have to be good. It doesn't
have to be a human being. A raccoon can push on my back. I'm great. I'm so happy. I just want something
to touch my back. We're not doing that. No. Okay. Massage monthly. Thank you. As long as I get a
cleaner every other week at least. Great. You could do it all. Yeah. All of this, this is not hard.
You actually can do all of these things. And then Dave, what about for you? Is there something around
self-care or something you enjoy doing? Oh, God, not this man thing again. Oh, no, I just like,
like to sit at home with my new office. I enjoy golfing. Can't go every time. So hobbies of like
playing a sport, which I do weekly, um, or golfing. Okay, I love it. Already with like minor just shifting
money from here to there, we've already funded the vacation. It is now an inevitability. So you will have
many, many thousands of dollars for that vacation. And honestly, if you need to pull out an extra
5K from your savings, go for it. You have so much in there. It's,
fine. You're still continuing to invest aggressively, which is very, very impressive. Do you all know
how much you're going to have at retirement? Four million? Oh my God. This is going to be the best
moment of my life. Michaela, how much do you think you're going to have at retirement? I didn't even
think as much as what Dave was saying. 2.5, maybe two. So you all have been saving aggressively
for years and years without calculating how much you're going to have? Not in a simplified manner, no.
It was more so hitting the milestones of like paying the student loans off. Oh, we did that. And then trying to hit X number. Can I interrupt you? As it currently stands, you will have $18.2 million when you retire. Yeah. I honestly don't, I don't want that. I want to use it throughout my life and not just hoard it at the end. What am I going to do with $18 million? I want you to process it for a second.
I can't.
I want you to just listen.
Dave is processing it.
Dave, what's going through your head right now?
I saw you really thinking about what I just said in taking it in.
Honestly, it's going to come off the wrong way, but embarrassment.
And it's embarrassment of how little we've given to ourselves and those around us in the time that we've had in 18 million and we're talking.
What are we going to do?
Pay for a cyber body.
Like, what could we possibly do?
I don't think we have a plan to leave.
A wild legacy for our kids and like, sure, some well, some generational wealth, sure, but it's, it's almost like sad and embarrassing to say, why haven't we done this?
Why haven't we committed to each other in this way?
I think that's a really powerful reaction, Dave.
I really appreciate it.
That's not easy to say.
It's not easy for anyone, especially for men to admit that something they have done, something that you have been in charge a lot of is embarrassing.
So I think that takes a lot of courage.
I really appreciate that.
And Michaela, I noticed that you're tearing up.
I'm curious why.
It just kind of goes back to, I'm grateful for what we have.
But, like, I feel like I'm taking it in and realizing, like, why am I so stressed about, like, the day-to-day?
Because I shouldn't be.
I shouldn't even, like, it makes, it gives me relief, too, just knowing, like, next year when I have to take care of my mom, like, it's not going to be stressful.
Like, why am I giving myself future stresses?
Yes.
when the place that we're at right now, like, it will all work out.
You have more than you will ever, ever need.
Ever.
And, like, I thought I had a rich life now in the, like, current present without knowing those numbers.
Yes.
Like, the things that we could do long-term for ourselves, for our children, for family,
it's like it's
yeah
it's way more than
I thought possible at all
so I want to just make a couple of suggestions
now because as you get to see you get to have
these conversations in a totally elevated way
number one you don't have to wait until
your mom gets even sicker
to move her there you have the money
throw it towards her
yeah there is nothing like being able
to take care of your family especially when you have the money
to do it don't wait be overly generous
you will as my
wife says, she always reminds me, how do you want to have a relationship with your family and
your loved ones? So if money is not a concern, which it's not, get the place right now. When you're
talking about a vacation, go, don't wait. Start with a staycation. Have somebody come and take care
of your kids. Next time, take them with you. Bring somebody with you or not. It's up to you.
Go to a nice theme park or restaurant. Don't think twice. The cleaning every week. The closet,
have it done. The office set a deadline. It should be done within X months. Get it done.
The Europe trip. Start to dream together. And if you can't plan all of this yourself because
it's the first time taking a trip in a long time, get some help. There's travel agents who do it
for free and or you could pay somebody. There's lots of options. The point is, lean forward in your
rich life, not back. Yeah. I also want to point out one last thing, a number that should be
incredibly startling to you. If you stopped adding money to your
retirement right now, you just went to zero. You took all that money. What is it? Around $6,000 a month
and just spent it on freaking dinners and cleaning supplies, whatever. You know how much you would have
by the time, Michaela, you turned 65? You want to guess? I'll go with my original number again,
like 2.5. No. You'd have $9 million. That's wild. That still also seems like more than what we
will ever need.
Yes, it is.
I can tell you from speaking to you,
that is more than you will ever need.
So the point is,
it is now part of your job
to learn how to responsibly
spend this money,
responsibly, meaningfully.
But simply hoarding it,
what do you want?
$9 million, $12 million, $18 million, $36 million?
None of it matter.
It's irrelevant.
I would rather you all set up a charity
or start to give to your community.
There's so many things you can do.
But seeing the surprise on your faces,
when I told you the number,
a number which, by the way,
you have been able to find out your entire lives.
But because you were looking at the world
through lenses of scarcity,
it just never occurred to you to look for.
And now just taking that off
allows you to see the world is crystal clear
and you can shape it the way you want it to be.
Yeah, absolutely.
We did all this work to set us up.
for this point to have optionality.
And you crushed it.
You both crushed it.
Like, can we just take a second?
And a round of applause, please give yourselves a round of applause for what you accomplish.
This is very, very impressive.
I do not see this that often.
We are lucky.
We are grateful, but we worked our butts off for this.
So why don't we appreciate what we have and use it and create these memories?
Now, can I ask another question?
Considering the fact that you two are,
wealthy and are going to be incredibly wealthy. How does that affect hearing that your wife feels
like she's on autopilot and she's doing everything for everybody else? It's demoralizing a bit.
It's almost like I've failed in ways of being a great husband, a better husband than it could be.
One, I think it's a recognition, appreciation, and also understanding to allow me to step into it.
some of the small things she does in the morning,
she's up earlier than I am getting us prepped for the day.
Yeah.
And then at night,
she's sometimes I'm working late because of the job,
and she's also settling the kids,
getting them down.
What can I do to step into some of that,
even if it is not the true action,
but meal prep,
or if that's, hey, I already have DoorDash.
I already have this taken care of for the night.
I'll do dishes.
You sit down, enjoy a movie, enjoy a show.
Nice, nice, nice.
I like this teamwork.
Like, do you see how fun,
and empowering it can be to use money.
And I'm not saying waste it.
I'm not saying that you got to start spending
a million dollars a date.
That's not going to happen.
It's never going to happen for the two of you.
Never.
But you could increase your spend
by $5,000 per month.
And you would still have more money
than you ever know what to do with ever
in your entire lives and for your kids' lives.
Yeah.
I find that as we talked about the experience
and the experience with it's like,
this is an experience of daily life that we've sacrificed ourselves in for so long.
It's like, y'all don't have to go to Disneyland to have a magical experience.
You can have a magical experience at home every single day.
A clean house, parents who are relaxed.
Yeah.
I know you love your kids.
I can tell by the way you talk about them, but parents who are relaxed.
That's a big one.
But yeah, this was even better than I imagine.
I feel like we hit on things that we have.
unconsciously been struggling with for years and now bringing them to the surface, I feel like
there's no other way to go back. It's more so how do we communicate better and work as a team
to actually have fun in our life. Like we've worked so hard for this. Now is our time to have fun,
have fun for our children, do things for my mom before things get worse. So it's just like so
rewarding to realize that.
When I told Dave he was on track to retire with $18.2 million,
did you catch the word he used? He said, embarrassed.
Embarrassed. Let's talk about that. Embarrassed at how little they had given themselves,
despite having so much. I thought that was quite self-aware.
Embarrassments, a very powerful feeling, particularly for a man. Very powerful.
Here's what I want you to take away from Michaela and Dave.
Scarcity is so powerful that it will talk you out of leggings without holes.
It will talk you out of getting a cleaner or a vacation or an espresso machine.
It will convince you that the number in your account is never quite enough.
And it will do all of this so quietly you never think to question it.
In fact, it will convince you that you're being responsible.
But what got you here won't get you there.
What they needed was not a better spreadsheet.
To put it very simply, they needed someone to tell them it was okay.
They were okay and they were going to be safe.
As for Michaela and Dave, I don't expect them to transform overnight.
This is an incredibly difficult transformational journey to go through.
From scarcity to abundance, it's really hard to do.
But hopefully from going from level 10 scarcity to maybe level 9 scarcity, level 8,
level eight scarcity to maybe level six scarcity.
I do think they're going to wake up one Monday morning to a clean house,
dinner taken care of.
Kids are settled.
And the two of them finally with a little space to breathe.
In that moment, my wish is that they look at each other and they think,
why did we wait so long?
That is when their rich life truly begins.
Here, I'm meet following up with the biggest surprise
from the conversation, I think it's just how freeing emotionally, leading with the vision
really becomes and how much more fun it is to talk about things rather than starting with
the cost and fitting within the confines, whether it's planning our rich life together or even
vacations. Just the conversation is a little bit lighter of a mood overall. My biggest takeaway is
really just leaning into Michaela's ideas a bit more as well. I encourage it to be a little bit more
fun and playful, keeping costs as really like a fifth consideration.
in things and really, I think the biggest takeaway and probably the biggest area of work for me
is also being very intentional with guilt-free spending.
Something that surprised me was definitely just how much we will end up having in retirement.
I just never knew that number, never thought it would be close to that.
I knew that we were aggressively saving in order to retire.
So that was just a huge exciting surprise, but just shocking the number because I don't feel like we need that much for retirement.
And then the biggest takeaway is realizing that we have definitely been kind of working together against ourselves and spending any money.
We're so good at budgeting and being conscious of.
the numbers that we're buying and the numbers on the shelf that it's kind of hindered us spending
any money and enjoying the money on anything we want, especially trips.
It's been three weeks since we last spoke with you and just want to share some insights.
Michaela and I, the conversations around anything around money, we're quick to point out
when we're talking about the negatives and really trying to make it a positive of, hey, what do you
want?
and that vision and creative aspect rather than exclusion or cost focus, albeit very hard to change.
A lot of things are still very cost conscious for us.
But it is definitely led with a bit more of that future vision of what we want things to be like in our life.
Literally we'll point at each other as we're talking about things say, hey, you can't say need or can't say certain words.
And I think that's really helped kind of refine what we want in our rich life and also planning for vacation too.
Look forward to giving you a future follow up.
It's been three weeks since we spoke to our meet,
and I feel like we've definitely tried to make some changes in our household,
including myself.
I'm trying not to make the price of something the first thing I look into on a purchase and the priority.
It's definitely taking some getting used to,
but I feel like I am trying to purchase things that I want,
not based off of am I getting a good deal or not.
I also have a deep clean scheduled with the cleaners, and then after that we'll have them
be coming more regularly to our house to help me and take that lift off of me.
But thank you again for the conversation.
I feel like it was definitely a huge help for us to realize to just enjoy life.
And we have the money to be able to do the things that we want, and we don't have to just focus
on saving, saving, saving.
So thanks again.
And I have a very exciting update because six months later, here's what they have to say.
Hey, Raleigh, we just wanted to let you know that we actually did book the trip that we talked about on your podcast.
We ended up going to Spain and we are currently in Valencia.
We did 10 days and when, yeah, 10, 12 days, did Madrid, Barcelona, Valencia.
and then we'll end back up in Madrid.
We did bring our kids, but like you recommended,
we did invite some family to help us just coordinate travel
and then help let us get some days and dates in and dinners.
And so that was very nice.
But, yeah, we've been having a great time.
Almost no museums, but looking at a lot of the architecture,
eating food, not wearing about a bill,
or prices or anything. The kids have been spoiled with ice cream and churros every day, pretty much,
and coffee. Coffee for us. It's been an exciting one. We have you to think because before this was
always a what-if, like, wanting type travel. But now after the podcast, you definitely made us
realize, like, what are we waiting for? We have the budget, and we were able to have the stream vacation.
and you've definitely changed our lives and how we think about our budget and just our rich lives
and not stressing so much over the money.
So thank you again for that.
Extra nugget for you.
We're averaging 19,000 steps a day.
So exploring a lot.
And it's been awesome.
Listen up.
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