If I Were You - 06: Fake Ads

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

In this episode we discuss riddles, houses, and doggies.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgema original. I'm not afraid Won't last it's ever To try to stop the crib I'm going to shit Seven Another podcast Seven Each episode from the last Seven It's the Swiss Army Nightbook show

Seven Meet your two pathetic hosts Seven Seven Now make it to pathetic horse Suck it Oh Oh Oh Oh

Let's get started. I'm Jake Kuva. We've been watching a lot of Andrew Tate videos. Who is that? And he's the bald guy that always has really serious interviews and dialogues. I don't actually understand why you say that because to be a man, you need to be able to eat your way in protein.

Men do not attend festivals. That's awesome. That's an impression. You should use that next time we do the impression segment. There's a reason that men do not throw dinner parties. It's because it's a sign of a weakness. I'm in prison. Where's the bathroom?

I actually have to urinate now. It's cold in New York. What's going on there? I'm seeing a turtle neck. I'm seeing a beanie. I'm seeing a fleece on the turtle neck. It is freezing here. Yes, this morning was, well, it's not that cold.

Like, I feel like later in the winter, when it's 30 degrees, I'm gonna be like, oh, that's not too bad. Today was the first, you know, sub 32 degree day. So even though it's sunny, it was 30 out this way. I think it was 30 this morning when I woke up. Maybe it got up to 37. But it's chilly. Sounds like, sounds like something I'd complain about. As a delicate Southern California flower. Yeah. It's cold. It's cold. Tell you what, I wish I were wearing my long johns, but I got some wool socks on. I got the peony. I got the turtle neck.

Things were okay. Well, you can't go, you can't go all in on day one when it's 38 degrees out. Yeah, yeah. I'm still wearing new balance. I'm not wearing boots. Have you done your sauna in the freezing cold? Like, were you emerging? It's just steam coming out of your body. Yeah, I did it two days ago.

Yeah, it's, I mean, it's extra great in the winter. It's incredible. The other night it was like going in and freezing. Yeah, it was like a misty, 40 degree night with like a little bit of spitting rain, and I went in. It just awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

That's probably why it was invented by the Norwegians to do peak, high-key middle of winter. You're entering and it's negative 28. Yeah. That's either a lot better or a lot worse for your body. Right. Yeah, I think that's why they invented it for nights like last night. And in terms of the cold plunge, are you still doing that outdoors? I'm still considering the cold plunge. I'm not doing the cold plunge outdoors. I did a cold plunge. I did plunge a week ago, maybe a week and a half ago.

But it was at a hotel when I was traveling for an ad pod. There was a cold plunge at the hotel. I am considering trying to install, considering trying to install a cold plunge in my backyard. It's a lot. It's like when I want it to want an iPad. Yeah. You're still not fully wanting one. But you are considering to try to want one. I'm considering wanting one. I think I want one, but I'm considering undertaking the actual process of doing it, which is not, you know, then there's, you have like a huge thing,

you have to install, you have to build something, you have to hire a guy to help. And then, right now, the sauna is kind of like the max footprint I want in my house, because like, you know, I'll come out of it and I'm super sweaty and just standing in my kitchen. I have to go upstairs and shower. But imagine now where I'm super sweaty, also freezing cold soaking wet, needing to run inside. So it's, yeah, it's a lot to take on. At a certain point, just be comfortable with the temperature that you have. You're constantly trying to change from hot to cold to in the middle to in between.

It's like enough already. Or just do a cold shower. You know, you could do that. You can do the sauna to the cold shower upstairs and that would be, I mean, I would never, I would never do the cold shower. I mean, the cold shower is great. The cold shower is lovely. They say that you're supposed to end with a cold burst.

That sounds like really counterintuitive and backwards to me. 30 seconds at the end is not too long. And you can, you know, you just count down from 30, you're count up to 30, it's over before you know it, and then it's very invigorating. If you can't do a cold shower, then you're not actually a man. I do an entirely freezing, yes, exactly.

I do a freezing bath. But you get to shrivels up to the size of an acorn. He kind of sounds like the Game Boy to me. It does. Oh, the Game Boy is actually a huge Andrew Tate fan inspired. Yeah, he got radicalized through a series of TikToks that he found during lockdown. And now he's all in on Tate's university.

Yeah. Game Boy is very dramatic. All right. Enough about us. Let's get into the actual meet of the episodes. We're talking segments. Yeah. It's a podcast that's ever changing.

As the theme song says, the small thing of showing a last episode. What last episode was the mystery guest episode. People are loving it. They absolutely adore the reveal. Yeah, it was a very cute reveal. I felt really dumb. I was afraid to ask the guest if we had hooked up,

because I thought that it might not be a cooed to say, but it really would have helped. It would have helped steer you in a specific direction. Right. You still wouldn't have gotten there, but it would have been interesting to hear that. But then I at least I could have corrected. Yes, like a rundown. Everybody I'd ever hooked up with at work.

And then smash cut to reveal your daughter. Yeah, not even, not ever able to get to Jill. I run out of my 20 glasses. Fuck, who could it be? Have you been thinking who you could possibly get for mine if we should ever redo the segment? Yeah, and I need to, I think that I need to get someone that I feel a little uncomfortable texting

because that's how you wanna dig deep. I wanna dig very deep. I wanna dig Dio. Okay. Do you remember Dio Nias? Yeah, Dio who did the triathlon who inspired the triathlon episode of our Chakendomir show.

That's right, that's right, that's who I wanna get. Or Amy, or I could aim Kai. That's where I get Kai saying. Yeah, when they go low, we go Kai. Yeah. That Trisha Della pizza. Oh, wow. I love Trisha. Okay, speaking of being stupid, let's ask each other some riddles, shout out to the Hey Riddle Riddle podcast that inspired this segment in which I found riddles for adults to test your logic. Okay. Okay. Adult Riddle Riddle, a riddle podcast on head gum that we're going to basically steal the idea of for this segment,

which we're calling, I don't know, Hey Riddle Riddle Riddle, so little more extra riddles. I found these on goodhousekeeping.com, of course. A class out to good- That's a good, another plug for goodhousekeeping.com. So if you can either go listen to Hey Riddle Riddle or visit goodhouseKeeping.com

Just for more. Yeah for more riddle action, right? I There's the first section is called easy riddles. Okay, and then the second section is called math riddles So I think you should I should ask you the easy riddles and then I'll ask you the math when we get to the math ones I'll go load it all right and Of course feel free to play along at home. Of course. You're gonna wanna play along. I did, these ones aren't even that easy.

Okay. Let's start with what five letter words typed in all caps can be read the same upside down. Fuck, five letter word. All caps can be read upside down. Yeah. Well, let's start with individual letters. Do you know like some letters can be read upside down

to other letters? Do you know what those letters could be? I has to be. Great. Yeah. There's an I in here. And then I think that's it. Oh, X. Yeah, there's an eye in here. And then I think that's it. Oh, X, well there, okay.

Yeah, X could be in there though, it's not. And then you have to think of some letters that are like, this is one letter, but upside down is a different letter. Right, but wait, did you say you can read it the same way? So like, if there's a, if there's a like, if the word is wow, then upside down to be mom. So you couldn't be, but is like, if the word is wow, then upside down to be mom.

So you couldn't be, but is that, you're saying that is, that's an example? I thought the word had to be the same. There is a duck. Yeah, no, yeah, it is the same word, and W and M do come into play. Huh? How is it the same word then?

Because the W is second, and then the M is fourth. So when you flip it upside down, the W becomes the M on the fourth. Wow. That's why it's a real confusing. I wouldn't say this is an easy riddle at all. Yeah. What about S? Is that same upside down?

Yes. Yes. And you're pretty much almost there at this point. Okay. So you have all the letters. It's S, W, M, and I. Yes. Very close.

What letter could, what word? I guess he made with those. Is it O in there? No, no, no. There's no O. All right. So you got all the letters. I got all the letters.

S. Yeah. And you borderline almost said the word. Really? When I said wow. Wow. No, when you said S double U, I and S are something. S double U, swine, swim, swim. Yeah, with an S at the end, swims.

Okay, that's correct, yeah. Sw at the end. Swims. Okay. That's correct, yeah. Swims upside down is swims. Oh, all right. Cause the S is stay the same, the I stays the same and the Dolby becomes a them. I feel like this really helped doing this with a keyboard directly in front of me.

I wouldn't have known all of these letters. You needed to do a pen and paper too, but you don't have that. Right. All right, here's a more tricky, so thus easier one. Let's see if you can figure it out. David's father has three sons. Snap, crackle, and blink.

David, what? Oh, David. David's father. Yes, that's correct. It's leading you to say pop, but then you like, wait a minute. David's father has three sons. Yeah, yeah, David's father. Yes, that's correct. It's leading you to say pop, but then you like, wait a minute, David's father has three sons. Yeah, David.

That's a good one. That's a good one. I should have started with that one. That's fun. Yeah, where do you bury the survivors one? Yeah, there were no survivors exactly. You don't want to bury some more of them. Yeah.

Semantic whatever. But what goes up, but never comes down. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous.

You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous.

You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. You don't want to be so nervous. Antiquin. Yeah, because it's not necessarily an object. It's something else that goes up, but never goes down. Hmm. I see. Not not. Don't think of it as like a thing floating in space. Yeah.

So, so if it's not, we're not talking about directions going up. Is it like spirits going up? Like it's closer to spirits, but not quite that. It's thinking a bit more numerically. Oh, what goes up but never comes down. Is it numerically, I see. The population close, it's age, age goes up, but never guessed it yeah, all right yeah, all right that's not

really good. This one is just this one is this one is just true what's full of holes but still holds water this one is very cut and dry you're thinking of something with that as is full of holes but still holds a lot of water. The earth? I guess technically, but this is more of an object. Okay, sponge? Yes, very good. Thank you, thank you. A sponge is full of holes, but it's the old water.

Sometimes riddles are just like interesting questions. And sometimes they're dumb questions. And sometimes, yeah, they're just, and sometimes there's jokes. Oh, is this example? How is Europe? How is Europe like a frying pan? How is Europe like a frying pan? Yeah it's well it's not flat okay what else what other properties does a frying pan have? He's just a frying pan, have. Uh, it gets hot sometimes.

Like I'll give you a hint. Because it has blank at the bottom. Because it has blank at the bottom. At the bottom. Um, okay. At the, so like we're talking at the bottom of Europe or the bottom of the pan the bottom of Europe That's the that's the joy of this joke slash riddle because it has blank at the bottom Italy

Close Greece nice Yes, not my friend fan not my friend fan Greece at the bottom Yeah, the cleanest thing. Here's another one that's more of a sponge style where it's like, yeah, I guess that's true. I never thought of it that way. What's more useful when it's broken? An egg?

That's correct. That's not right. All right, you know that one. All right, let's end your chunk on a high note with the egg. So open this link and then give me the math riddles. All right, let's see. Another one on this list that is a straight up

99 jokes about animals is what fish costs the most? A goldfish. Not true, but gold is expensive, yeah. All right. I'm an odd number. Take away a letter. Oh, interesting. Three. Okay. Okay. Take that again. Yeah. Take away a letter and I become... Sven. A Swedish name. And I become even. What number am I?

Oh, yeah. Seven. Take away the ass and it becomes even. Yeah, that's good. If two, that was really good actually. Your brain is very quick. If two is company and three is a crowd, what are four and five? What is four? Yeah, four and five are the numbers after two and three.

It's kind of close. Or four and five are 45 basically. Nine. Four and five are nine. Yeah, I'm gonna say. Also really good. I add five or nine. Yeah, I'm gonna say. Also really good. I add five to nine and get two. Fourteen.

Oh, wait, we'll say that again. Stop trying to get ahead of the riddle. Let me finish the entire thing. Cause at the very least, you're not letting anyone at home play. You're not letting anyone at home play anymore. Okay. You're very smart.

You got a bunch of riddles really fast. Let's let me read the whole question because that way someone at home can also enjoy it. I add five to nine. Say what you really think. I add five to nine and get two. Yeah. Two digits. Yeah. The answer is correct. What am I? Yes. The answer is correct. The answer is correct. Do you need me to repeat the question? You had five to nine and it makes two. Two digits, one in four, 14. The answer is correct.

Is that it or something like that? I don't know. I don't get it. The riddle stuff. I'm reading it and I see the answer and I barely understand it. A clock, when it's 9 a.m. adding five hours to make it 2 p.m.

That's good actually, I didn't consider that. Okay, okay, stumped me. You stumped me. Lons, because you read it weird. Honestly, you read it weird. Rachel, Rachel goes to the supermarket and buys 10 to 9 Oh, I see me talking about

She goes at 9, but yeah I said to me does unfortunately on the way back home all but nine get ruined how many tomatoes are left in good condition One 10 minus nine equals one good tomato. Nice try, but that one was very easy. You said the right answer at first when you interrupted. You said nine. The correct answer is nine. All but nine, get ruined.

Semantics, not bad. So then I got it right. You did kind of. You got it right. You did kind of. You got it right when you weren't listening. Okay. Give me another. What is? Three sevenths chicken, two thirds cat, and two fourths goat.

Three sevenths chicken. Yeah. Two thirds cat. Yeah. Two thirds cat. Yeah. And what? Two fourths. Goat. Oh.

I guess half goat. It would say, yeah. A and T. Or something like that. Oh, interesting. You look at is two thirds of cat and then a half of goat is the second half is at chicken. Three sevenths doesn't make sense at all. CHI, C-K-E-N.

You are correct. This is the right line of thinking. And three sevenths, chicken, CHI. CK, you are correct. This is the right line of thinking and three sevenths chicken CHI, yeah two thirds and C8. Yeah, and oh Chicago. Yes, correct All right, let's let's go to the end of these. These are terrible. What's a single digit number with no value? Zero. Yeah, that's not even a riddle. And I'll tell you why because zero is nothing.

So it has no value. Yeah. All right, absolutely. Let's see. I'm gonna go to funny riddles and see if you can get a funny one. Who has married many women, but was never married? A priest, I don't know what qualifies to make that funny. How can you hold your right hand, but never in your left hand? I got it right, and you just didn't say anything. It was really good. You made fun of the writer, but not necessarily that. And so you don't know what is it so and what is a riddle.

Let's try that again. And I said priest and you say, amazing job, you got it correct. Correct. You also got Chicago correct once I walked you through it. Good stuff. If two snakes marry, what will their towels say? His and hers.

How did you get that one? That's correct. Because it's the noise that a snake makes. And so I thought, how can that be on his and hers? Oh, his is already his. You read these riddles, man. Did they wait, but it's hers with multiple S's. Or is this your business? You actually made it better. Yeah, I punched it up.

Yeah, good job. That's all the riddles. I care to read. There were a lot, a lot more on Good House Keeping Dumbestay. Yeah, not must stay. Not must stay. Dumbestay. Dumbestay.

Dumbestay. All right, we're back. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of positive comments about the show. Some negative comments that I see are people not liking the interstitial insults. Oh, interesting. What do you mean? I'm not saying that's widespread. Some negative comments that I see are people not liking the interstitial insults. Oh, interesting.

What do you mean? I'm not saying that's widespread. I'm just saying I have seen some people say that they're kind of mean or that, like they don't necessarily like them. I don't know necessarily why. Interesting. It's just dealt deprecating Cuba.

We've always done that. Yeah. Some people thought the theme song was a little too mean. Wow, that's funny. I love them for that. Let's toss in some more interstitials that are nice to us, and we'll just kind of mix it match. So sometimes,

well, that's good. Be praising ourselves, and sometimes we'll make fun of ourselves. That's good. All right, wait a take the note. Okay, we'll get Ferris on the horn. Cool, guys. Or whatever.

Yeah, they're not that bad. Yeah. Okay, so'll get Ferris on the horn. Cool guys, or whatever. Yeah, they're not that bad. Yeah. Okay, so what I've done is I've conceived, well actually I should give credit to my wife, Jillian, who was trying to do this long before we even had segments. She was trying to make some kind of like TV show format around Zilla, basically a game show that was sponsored by Zilla where the contestant eventually at the end

won a house based on like all of their search criteria. Solid. So just as it seems like a logistical nightmare. Yeah, I think that's fun show to watch. That's ultimately why she didn't do it. She was like, this is too hard. But anyway, now I'm going to really dumb down her idea for our show. I made a random wheel. I'll share it with you now. So you watch, watch me spin this thing. Okay.

For those of you following along on YouTube, I'll help narrate, I guess for those of you not. It says, Jake chooses bathrooms. Yes, so Zillow has a lot of filters, you know? So I'm basically going to spin this wheel to decide who chooses what filters, amenities, bedrooms, price, all that stuff. I'm gonna zoom out on the country

because we're gonna, I think zero-end Game Boy style by the end on one house that will be our collective dream house. Okay. So let me load up Zillow and mirror this isn't a private browser so I can't see the Zillow. That is correct. Zillow window right on. You cannot. So and the second wheel that just says choice one through seven that's just the default one that you haven't edited yet. Yeah, that's like a sample wheel.

That we just don't know how to get rid of. Yeah, exactly. I just Googled, I didn't even know if I could actually do this. So it's kind of interesting to see that I could make up my own, my own custom wheel. I feel like we can use it in the future. All right, let me give this thing a click and see what choice. So when it says Jake chooses bath, what are you choosing there? How many bathrooms your house will have?

Oh look, Jake got it. And you don't square feet. And you're not saying what that is yet. No, we can say it out loud. That's fine. Okay. All right, so I'm going to choose your square footage. That's a really bad choice to have,

because I'm gonna make the maximum kind of small. Let's say you're sort of working against me. Yeah, exactly. If we were both just like choosing the coolest stuff, I'd make the minimum six square footage, 5,000 square feet, but I'm gonna make it 1250, a really, really, like, you know,

a really standard amount of square feet. But you've already chosen the bathrooms too. So like, no, no, that's not an sample. I haven't chosen the bathrooms yet, so don't worry. That was a sample role. I didn't allow that to count. Okay. All right, so now we're playing for real.

Jake is choosing the square footed, which is 1250. Yeah, not that big. Oh, it's me choosing the square feet of you. But not that small, either. Yeah, I believe it's a little bigger than your current house. Why is there confetti after every time that it chooses one? It's so celebrating. Yep, oh Jake chooses your built, that's fun.

You can do that in Zillow, is choose what year the house was built. Yeah, and let's see. I don't want you to have a very modern house, and actually this is good, they didn't build them very large in the 1800s. So we'll say 1865, and this is anywhere in America because that predates California.

Not all of California. Let me see if there's 1865 houses in California. I'll scoot over. I would think not. There are, yeah. Absolutely, there are. Okay. We can keep it in California for a while if you like. Alright, let's let's

give this thing another spin. Live in a place that was built for gold miners. So this thing, it does seem to like to spin the same thing. Repeat a lot. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't consider that. And there we go. Wow. You're going to choose the amount of dead bedrooms. And, oh, there we go. Wow! You're gonna choose the amount of bedroom. Your choose the bedroom. Okay, for 1200 square feet, I would rather have like sizeable rooms

rather than like three bedrooms. So give me two bedrooms. That's nice. For a 1,250 square foot house. That's great. Good thinking. It looks like you have some options in California still. Actually a lot of options.

That's great. Let's spin this again. I imagine it'll be oh Jake chooses an amenity on amenity. Yes, so the amenity example of an amenity you can turn your on as a filter must have AC must have pool or waterfront What about must-love dogs? I could not choose that because there's not really a right in your own option. I'll say, I think waterfront makes it kind of interesting because then you can see the water for where the front is

and then you are actually in kind of a dream house. And I'm worried, with that amenity, I feel like I have just unlocked the promise of this game because now we're looking at some really beautiful houses Is there a world where you or I purchased this home and live there together or it's this were the actual game show? Zillow eventually, you know, it's like who wants to be millionaire, but instead of giving you a million dollars They just give you a house. I wonder how the taxes works on that. A mere choose is an amenity.

I've already, you've already chosen waterfront, that sounds great to me, but yeah, I guess air conditioner, if you're gonna talk about living in California, that's kind of necessary. That's okay, and now we are really, we are getting to not a lot of houses. There are nine houses in California right now for you. Wow, are they more northern California?

There is one in Los Angeles. Oh, that was built in 1860 something, wow. But the other ones, yes, mostly built in northern California. I imagined during the gold rush, a gold rush, yeah. I already chose your shoes. What's left of your shoes? I don't honestly know. Oh, price.

Oh, price. Okay, this will eliminate all but one. Jake chooses the maximum. I do unfortunately need to give you a low price house. Yeah, cause you got to eliminate the other eight houses or something. Yeah. But if it's on the waterfront, are any of these under a million? Yeah.

And I have just, I'm going to go with the cheapest house here, which is in Callahan, California. I've never heard of that, but it sounds nice. Is that in between here in San Francisco? It's a fixer. It's a fixer. Yeah, because it was built 150 years ago. Yeah. And let's see where this is location-wise.

Are you looking at my computer? I think I shared it with you now. Oh, it's very far from us. I still see the wheels. Yeah, okay. All right, so this is, it's borderline, copy paste that Zillow.

Okay, into the wheel browser. I'll show you the location now. Right, really, really, I've never been to this, I've never been north of San Francisco in California. I imagine it's cool up there. It's like right on this orgy border. There is a lot here. If you zoom out, there's like half of California

as above San Francisco, like it's so much of it, maybe not half but a third. Basically, and like it's very, very low population density up there. It's the equivalent of like DC to, I don't know, God, DC to Maine. I've just, yeah. It's the size of Missouri above San Francisco.

And there's a huge borderline separate state. Yeah. And California just seemingly only has three cities that anybody knows. San Diego, LA and San Francisco. But yeah, there's a lot going on. When it says waterfront, this one is by lake or something. Let's find it. River.

It's next to a city called Weed, California, which is pretty funny. That is good. Oh, wow. Third, let's check out state in New York. It looks like I'm in New York. 24 South Fork Road in Callahan, California. Zipco 96014. We're talking two beds, two bath, 1106 square feet, nine acres. That's not bad.

Historic Charmer. At the south end of Scott Valley, this 1903 farmhouse is located on nine acres with multiple outbuildings, including a detached studio and large pole barn with some enclosed area and a lot. That's, yeah. It's a classic farm yard with free trees and wildlife surrounding the picturesque two-story home. It looks hard to get there. Yeah, once there's just two exterior shots.

I mean, but on this hill, there's a wood fence surrounded by trees. It gets into this looks like where forest ran away from Jenny. Wow, it looks like where Jenny used to live. Yeah, it looks pretty haunted on the inside. We're inside. I think the floors obviously need to be refinished. The electrical condoms are outside the wall. So we're, I think it was like, I imagine that it's cold in here. Yeah, but for no reason.

Yeah. Yes. Like why is it really cold in here? The cold air has been trapped in this room since 1902. Yes, yes, since World War One. Okay. Panel's kitsch. Scary.

I think that's actually kind of charming. This is a nice warm tone. You're gonna want to rip up the linoleum. Panel's kitsch. Scary. I think that's actually kind of charming. This is a nice warm tone. You're gonna wanna rip up the linoleum. That's for sure. It does like a Quentin Tarantino movie took place here. Yeah. Honestly though, like this, the arch on this breakfast look is really, really compelling.

And the molding here, that's the molding is mold. I should say. Yeah. I think the molding here. That's yeah, the molding is called I should say, right? Yeah, I think the molding is kind of nice. I think the floor is obviously redone. That looks like a linoleum floor. And that's floor. Yeah, yeah, that's scary. That's a little bit scary. Yeah. Well, this is the mudroom. And that's fine. It can look like that. This one's this one's bad. This is an office. This is where the former blues bring it out. Yeah. The bathroom has haunted slash scary vibes to be sure. I bet that toilet seat is really cold to sit on. The flooring is just not ideal, but look at this outdoor. It's quite charming. These, the out buildings, really nice. There's a greenhouse.

There's a stone house, an outdoor stone house, and another cottage and a little brook. Can we look at a, can we, can we, oh, that's a really big barn. Can we look at price history? I wanna know how much the person who lives there paid for this. Yeah.

And was it under a dollar in 1898? So, so right now this is $249,000. The price history, I believe they just dropped this price, which is really, yeah. Oh, we're looking to sell it. Okay, it was last sold in 2012 for $100,000. That makes for us. So someone's trying to turn a profit,

they listed for $299. Now, to do our thing. I'm trying to make, yeah, yeah, they're trying to make $150K on it in about a decade, which is a great return for a house, considering clearly in the middle of nowhere. They clearly spend no money. And it looks like they've done nowhere. Yeah, absolutely. They've done nowhere. No way. Nothing has been done to the house. Yeah. Well, the tax history is really good. Yeah, we'd have to look at the comps to really understand if this is zero out of a hundred walk score

Which is rare you never see a zero for walk score. It's like do not leave this house on foot Yeah, I want to say what year was it actually? Oh, it doesn't even say what year was built so maybe that just has the vibe 1903 gold minor so this is actually technically not even in our scope. I dream house. Yeah. And then just for fun, I also pulled up this other one that we could have gotten if you had maybe chosen the price, which is a six million dollar house,

two bedroom, two bath, 1067 square feet in Malibu. That's, it's a really nice home. two bath, one thousand sixty seven square feet in Malibu. That's, it's a really nice home. I'm a little worried about the value at, what is it, $50 a square foot, $500 a square foot, because it's a one thousand square foot house, but it costs nearly six million dollars. But it's literally on the ocean.

It's on the ocean. It's hard to put. It's all about the location at that point. Yeah, the location location location. Congratulations. You are going to get a house in Callahan, California. Kind of cool. I wanted the Malibu one, now that I see it,

because it was really nice with the Pacific ocean as your friend, yard. Because then, and also, if you win it, even if you're like, I gonna I'm gonna Sell this for four million fire sale. Yeah house. That's a pretty good come up for you The other house looked like where I will die if I went there Like yeah, it seems like I have to Find a Blair Witch style specter in that room. Right. Yeah, where you you and Avi Tal go up there to do some DIY projects. You know, like, let's get this NorCal cottage, a writing retreat for me, but then you go

mad. Yeah, my aunt left this in her will. That's funny. I didn't know she lived here. Wow. How could you do? Well, we don't really talk about her that much, but basically, she was part of a gold rush family. Oh, here's an old photo of her.

Oh, wow. It looks like she's crying. And it looks like you, Avi, tall. How is that possible? Wow, you guys really looked alike. Let's just be a dirty picture. Let's get out of here. Door flies shut.

All right. Let's buy this house and shoot a fucking horror film. And is that what you wanted to hear? It's actually, it would be a good location. And honestly horror movies are being made now more than ever. Horror comedies especially. Alright, let's do it. But that's for another segment. Thank you to ORA for sponsoring this very special episode of our show.

So special. Jake, you know that the holidays are about connecting with loved ones. Of course. And there's no better way to connect than by using what wire cutter called the best So special. Jake, you know that the holidays are about connecting with loved ones. Of course. And there's no better way to connect than by using what wire cutter called the best digital photo frame. Yeah, you can connect with anyone from any distance. This is a great gift.

You actually gave this gift to your mother, did you not? Not just my mother, but Jill's parents, and Jill's grandmother. So how does it work? You give them a digital picture frame and then before long they plug it in and they're seeing photos that you took. Yeah, you can have that be healthy.

You can have access to their picture frame. I can upload any new photo that I take of my daughter. I can just pop it on my mom and dad's frame. And then you can send videos too. That's cute. And can you upload like a little silly cheeky message? Like, help, I'm trapped in the photo frame. I guess you could do that.

That's fine. I don't think anyone would like it. Because it looks like kind of like a weird cry for help. I, yes, you could do that. That's fine. I don't think anyone would like it. Because it looks like kind of like a weird cry for help. They'd rather just see pictures of love. Yeah, of baby. And they don't want to see me. That's fair, actually. Yeah.

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I'm serious. It's a term used mostly in Britain for having a friendly convo or a chat. You know, just shooting this shit. And that's what our friends, that's what I use my friend to. Paul Giamatti and Professor Steven Asma are doing over at their hit podcast, Chinwag. You heard that correctly. Frickin Paul Giamatti, award-winning actor and producer has a podcast. Unbelievable, and as co-host, Steven Asma is a professor of philosophy.

Holy smokes, so it's kinda like our show, in that they discuss and dissect multiple topics, except they focus on strange and bizarre things. So Paul and Steven met during the pandemic when Gianmatti reached out to the professor after hearing an online lecture that Steven did on the imagination and creativity of the human mind. And then they just started to get to talking and the professor thought he was being pranked,

but it actually was Paul Gianmatti. They started having regular talks about books and esoteric shit and then they're like, wait a minute, this could be an awesome podcast. And you know what? They were right. Most episodes have a prominent guest to discuss the subjects that they talk about. Sometimes it's field experts, sometimes it's celebrities like there's an episode on phobias with Paul Rudd, but then there's an episode on human sacrifice with Egyptologist Dr. Kara Cooney from UCLA. So it's a wide breadth of awesome subjects with awesome guests who are both famous comedians

like Stephen Colbert talking about sci-fi, but then also professors and stuff like that. So episodes release weekly, for free, on Apple Spotify, YouTube, and wherever you get your podcasts. And all episodes like their cover art have this rad psychedelic animation that you can see on their Instagram. So listen and subscribe to Paul Geomatti's Chinwag with Steven Asma at apple.co slash chinwag or wherever you get your podcasts.

And to learn more you can go to chinwagpod.fm or follow them on Insta at chinwagpod. Wagon weirdos. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Indeed. Namaste. Man, we love Squarespace. Always have, always will. Been using it for probably over 10 years at this point.

At least. And they've only gotten better, right? Everything that was great about them a decade ago has gotten even actually better. Didn't think it was possible, but here we are. Yes, they have a award winning 24.7 customer support. They sure do. Which you probably won't need because their technology is so simple

to use. It's so easy. Anybody can build a beautiful website. Yes. So if you're building a website or like an online portfolio or an event is coming up that you want a website for. Yeah. A storefront. Yes, you can buy and sell stuff online.

You can even purchase a domain name through Squarespace. That is right. For example, dinky.com is currently available, dinky.com. Wow. That's like if you're a woodworker, but the stuff you make is kind of dinky, little dinky, but you still want to sell it, you got a dinky donky.com. Sounds like a bad website, right?

But at least it'll look beautiful. That's true. And it'll seem professional. Mine is Heather Feathers.com. That's pretty good. I'd like a bird named Heather or something like that. Yeah, yeah. And we'll sell it feather.

Or if you're selling like a feather pillow, but it's like a feather laid in. But it's gray, it's kind of like the head custom merch. Yeah. Building online store. like the head. It's a merch. Yeah. Building online store. Because to birch, we're your brother friend. To rest upon. You can do it all at Squarespace.

Just go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segment. And when you're ready to launch use the offer code, segments to save 10% off their Arty Lolo prices. Damn, very good. Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you. All right, we're back.

This next segment, something we've done before actually on our, I think it was on our, if I were to use for Patreon. Yeah. In which I sold some ads without telling you. But they had very specific requests for the copy, you see. So we have to read it. Usually they give us bullet points or talking, we're supposed to put it in our own words.

So you say you wrote exactly. But these advertisers, they wanted full approval of the script as if like, they didn't want us to go off book at all. They needed this air check to be verbatim, is what you're saying. Yes. Yes. And so I wrote these scripts for the advertiser, for you to read, and me as well.

Okay. And if they're good enough, I'll send it to the brand and hopefully they'll be approved. But these are the scripts they wrote. And again, try to sell it as though it's an ad, right? Because these are actual brands, actual products. So the less you can laugh, the better, because they don't want it to be seem like some sort of like cheeky or I read the first sentence.

And it's, yeah. Why don't we, we could trade roles. Do you want to trade roles? We're all read your own. No, because I read, I wrote them for you and they were approved as in kind. Yeah, okay, great.

So I'll get it started. Sure. Yes. My dick slit. Okay, so I'd hate to give you a note this early, by the way. Yeah, but it's just, oh, my dick slit. Basically, you're saying dick slit instead of God. I see.

Okay. Any gotten the less you can laugh the better. I see. Okay. Any guy, unless you can laugh the better. I don't know why I thought it. Just because we wanted to be able to sell this is a real. Okay. So I'm saying, oh my God. So let's pretend we got a commercial. All right, let's take a break right now.

We'll think of you sponsors, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, my dick slit. What? Our next sponsor is one of my least favorite brands. Whoa, you can't say that. Let me finish one of my least favorite brands to choke on. It's Drumroll, please. Duh, what's the brand? Sorry, I tried drum roll please.

What's the brand? I already told you, fat fuck, it's drum roll please. And the world's first soy free patty. And guess what else? What? Come on, you can do better than that please. Sleeve. Ah, I don't know, it's also GMO free.

No, it's the world's first soy-free patty for me to choke on. Is that good? It's great. No chewing means your teeth are free to do whatever you want while you swallow this soy-free load. And guess what else? What? If you order with the code, if you order now with the coupon code, went farting, be back on or before 9-11 come on man. We'll throw in 10% off your next order for the drum roll please party pack. Say that 10 times fast and you'll get another 10% off the drum roll please party pack. That's 900 Jesus. Soy free patties, two wafers and a little pill that's basically in molly. Without any fentanyl laced into it or is there? Are you okay?

I'm finally fine. You're sweating a lot. I'm choking. And I'm choking. Thank you, Party Pack. I mean, drum roll, please. Nice. Yeah, That's a good. So the brand is soilist patties. Is that just yeah, it's a soy free patty. So it's a party pack.

Yeah. It's not a party back. It's the wafers and the pill. Yeah. The real confusing part is that it's called drum roll. please, so it always kind of sounds like you're setting up the name of a different thing. That I actually kind of don't hate. Like the name drum roll, please, is kind of, it's like naming your bar, I don't know bar or something. Yeah, anywhere but here, yeah, where you guys are. I don't know, anywhere but here, yeah.

It brings you into the conversation. Okay, so that one's. I got one more ad for us. Yeah, that one's polished final. Here's the ad number two, because there are usually two midrules. Yes, exactly. This one's a little coy. Hey, I'm here.

Can I tell you a really scary secret? Uh, okay. This episode is brought to you by a highly offensive brand and they live in a space that's nasty and targeted towards teens. What? What? What is it? Well, you know how you can order free COVID tests and the government has to send them to you? Yeah, well, if you wait at your mailbox until the postal worker, I refuse order. I refuse order. I refuse order. Three times just like that. They have to legally give you another test, but this test is really secret. What is it test? So supposedly, it knows. When you're going to die, and how? And that's you sponsored this episode? That's right. My cousin was a Marine with 10 confirmed kills in Hawaii. And they all know about this life hack, but now it's free for our listeners.

You want to know his name? No, I don't want to know. James Pelt. He killed Hawaiians. So you remember the COVID test? I refused to order the rice. So this is a recap. Yeah, so remember. we're almost there.

Yeah, we're bringing it home. So, remember, COVID test, I wait. I refused, okay. That's why we're reading it by the way. This is super confusing at the end, okay. The grammar's all all off, there's multiple spaces. The punctuation is bizarre, but I guess this is what they want. Okay, so remember, COVID test. I refuse order,

Thrice, take the test and find out how you're gonna die. Thanks, Jamie. Jamie, we called him that because he pronounced it wrong once when he was four. Scenes, scenes. All right, that's great. That one's more of a life hack, but like sometimes they're like rocket money where it's like, we'll save you money. It's not necessarily like a product that you get in the mail.

It's just this service that helps you figure out how to save money how you're gonna die, and when. And when? If you could know, would you? I would not, but at the same time, I don't wanna like prevent other people's from finding out. And also like, it seems like once you know, then that old, I guess once you know the old way,

that's not necessarily where you're gonna die anymore. Like now it becomes avoidable and some sort of bizarre fashion. Well, no, I think, oh, you drown when you're 29. And it's like, okay, I'm 28, so I'm just not going to go swimming next year. Right. But then it'd be like, in the movies where like, you're avoiding how you're going to drown

is how you drown where you're like, okay, well, I'm going to go to Kansas where there's no bodies of water, but then go there and you like, there's a hurricane. Yeah. And you drown in your basement, your septic backs. So like, there's a hurricane. Yeah, and you drown in your basement, your septic backs. So like, there's, and like, wow,

Woody of Drown, if he didn't go to Kansas and run away from his death, you know, maybe. Yeah, this isn't the kind of stuff we want to avoid just because the product, now we're like sort of steering people away from you. I thought we were back to our show. Yeah, we have the edit, we have the ad clean. We're just talking off mic about how you're gonna do that.

I don't want people to like find out this part and be like, oh, by the way, just so you know, they were talking kind of shit about your product during the meet at the episode. Yeah. I know the product by itself. It seems like it was just an idea sent to us by Jamie who is my cousin.

Yes, exactly. Your cousin is how you found out about this entire thing. Okay. But I guess you could refuse the order on the COVID test. Right. I refuse order. I refuse order. I refuse order.

At the mailman. You know how to get a good advantage. Yeah. All right. Good work. As long as. All right, Jake, what do you got for the last segment? Okay.

I had an idea where we might be able to use our platform to help a cute little dog get adopted. No, what else we got? Come on, we can do better than that. Okay. Why don't we do some more ads? I have one about a pill that makes you poop out of your dick that I can write up for quick. That's pretty good.

Yeah, a poop too. All right, fine, let's help a dog. Yeah. All right, so it's actually, it's gonna be similar to the zilo game with no spinning. Okay, that's probably better. A little easier to follow for sure. the Zillow game with no spinning. That's probably better. A little easier to follow for sure.

I'm going to check out PetFinder. I'm going to go to PetFinder. All your ideas are very visual. I have to do the heavy lifting with describing everything I see. Which is why I'm going to share my screen with you. You can start describing PetFinder. First of all. Okay, is this how you found your dog?

Yes, actually. Okay, so it does work. It does work. And Dingo truly is my absolute best friend. I love him like a brother, like a son, like a cousin, like a father, like a comrade. Okay. So first of all, for us to really be able to help facilitate this, I feel like we want this dog to be close to either Brooklyn or Los Angeles.

So that way we can just our biggest cities. Yeah, and also this would allow you could go to Silver Lake Dog Park someday and maybe see this dog in his happy little hole. That's right. I could do it in Brooklyn. Okay. So let's flip a coin.

Do you have a coin? I do not. Actually. Okay. I'll roll a 20-sided die. Okay. And if it's 10, I'll re-roll. But if it's above 10, I win.

And it's Brooklyn. If it's below 10, you win. And it's LA. Okay. Okay. I hope it's 8. If it's 8, you have and it's LA. Okay. Okay. I hope it's eight. If it's eight, you have to adopt a cat, 19. So let's say Brooklyn.

Okay. And it's going to be a dog. We can do it. We'll play with cat next time. Yep. All right. So now we're, let's skip breed, obviously. You don't need it yet.

We're not going to be breed agnostic. We're not discriminating. gonna be breed agnostic. We're not discriminating. I feel like we wanna go adult actually, because then their behavior's kinda known. We're not recommending somebody get a pump, which is a handful, and then the last thing we wanted somebody sending the dog right back

into the shelter. So let's go ahead with an adult. Do you ever look at pet finder now that you have dingo? Like is this secondary dog dog or do you? I do, yes, because it's kind of like when you buy a house or when you rent an apartment, you continue to look, at least I, you probably don't do this. But I sometimes just keep tabs on things

that I had been interested in. I said my brother, I said my brother dogs, I said friends who like, they are thinking about getting a dog dog every once in a while. It's just kind of fun. Okay, I'm more into the names than the faces. Totally. I'm a huge name guy. Okay, so we'll rattle off some names and I'll let you choose. Maybe actually, so don't look at any of these. I'm also going to say good with other dogs that way I can go to a dog park someday and see this dog. And Karen behavior. Let's say house trained. And this is the big one. Days on pet finder.

I'm going to go 30 plus. And now why would a dog be on pet finder for so long Maybe because they're struggling to get adopted Abducted yeah, yeah struggling to get abducted by their new best friend and owner Okay, now I'm gonna so read up the bat the first dog is seemingly perfect for me because it's a Scared Chihuahua with an under bite so severe it has two reverse fangs from the bottom up. His name is Brain and he's chubby. I should also say I do like fat small dogs. Okay, all right, so I am gonna randomize it just

because right now it's basically a little never-seer brain ever again. I will open a new tab for Brain just in case. Let's read the profile of three dogs, make a recommendation, and then we'll, maybe people adopt three dogs. You never know. All these dogs are available. I don't know, but I'm not gonna click an out of town pet

because that's gonna be too much to many logistics. I'm right off the bat. I'm a fan of dogs with hair. So out of town pet, I don't know which, it says it's a Labrador retriever, you know, like the kind of dog you can just sort of slap on the rib cage and it feels like a nice rug. Yeah, I don't like that kind of dog.

I need a little hairy dog. Yeah, okay, so you want, I need a fat, small hairy dog. That's just for me, of course, these aren't my dogs, so people can do it every day. Here's a very thin hairy dog, Maggie, the miniature poodle, but I am assuming you don't. I like, I mean, not a huge anime.

Matthew seems pretty, yeah, Matthew, Matthew kind of looks like you, quite frankly. Yeah, he's got to know how to describe this dog, but it's got her with facial features. Yeah, it's kind of got like this awkward your fucking cousin. Yeah, got Auburn hair. Oh, yeah.

Definitely has the her with swirl. And then freckles, let's open a new tab for Matthew. Okay, I mean, there's no way that that's like a cousin that turned into, oh my god, like a gem. She's eating a puppet chino and it's really, really all over her face. Yeah, good. Are you more inclined to get a dog named after your daughter?

Yes, for sure. Whenever I see things described as a gem now, I'm like, well, I should get it for Gemma. I should get her that dog. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There's a lot of happy boys and girls here. There's too many good dogs, so we're just, I'm just scrubbing through them.

I guess I'll look for, tell you what, give me one more amenity. I mean, that's how I left one. It's pretty great. Simba, you look like a fat, a fat joyous lady. Yeah. A beagle and pecanese mix. All right.

I don't know why the W2. We have to choose one more dog because there's just too many. We are on page two of 45. There's so many. Oh wait, let's go back up. There was one that looked like Luke a little bit that guy. I know. Speckles is John. Special. Yeah. J.U. Capitol M. They did him dirty with the name. They did him dirty with the name. The photo looks pretty good. All right, let's read about these guys. Meet brain. We can all see brain as a tool.

Again, brain is the fat shawal with the reverse things. I mean, this is a perfect dog. Look at that under bite. Doesn't get better at the brain. Absolutely. Really does not. All the bottom teeth are. I must not have time to expose.

I was not having time to expose. No. Let's see. Brain. Brain was found wandering with a sibling, Pinky, who is also up for a doctor. I see. Ideally, we would love to have them adopt it together.

This is probably why they've been on for so long, because the bond pair is so- Bond pair. Yeah. Talk about it too, for that one. While they may have their arguments, who doesn't, they do seem bonded. Love sleeping in the same bed all snuggled up and seem to always want to get attention

together. You tell us if that doesn't screen package deal. Brain may look teeny, but she can be spunked around big dogs that don't give her space. Otherwise just seems to ignore them. We love a queen that protects her peace. She is very food-motivated and you'll have to make sure she doesn't get at her siblings' food. She's super sweet and loves attention

and no barking at people or showing any typical Chihuahua behaviors. Okay. Honestly, this is very, like I have a dog that's very similar to this. Luke is very food-oriented, treats-oriented, hates big dogs. The other day I was walking with Luke and we saw Coyote

and I had to lift Luke up because he was barking, screaming, trying very, very hard to get. To kill the coyote. Yeah, yeah. To be brave. He wanted to die. Yeah, to death wish. Okay, so I like brain a lot.

It sounds like brain does have to come with pinky, even though it also sounds like they are gonna fight in your house. So. But who doesn't? That's an option. I wait, sorry. Can you go over again exactly what happens now

that we've talked about these dogs? How are people adopting them and what are we doing to help that? So I think we'll have to post the winner who we think is the most adoptable dog. Okay. I guess we should maybe post these all of them somewhere for people to adopt them

if they're interested. Though you can also search on petfinder by name so you can do all this on your own. And then I think we can only do this for one but we will cover the adoption fee. Right, and then how much is that? It depends. Brain's adoption fee is $250. God, so if that's a limiting factor.

I mean, Matthew is very handsome as well. And from Milford. Do you know where that is specifically? Yeah, it's in between here in New Haven. It's Connecticut coastline. It's super easy. You can take the Metro North, right to Milford, and bring this happy guy Haven. It's Connecticut coastline. It's super easy. You can take the Metro North, right to Millford and bring this happy guy home. Let's read about Matthew. Everything is a game for Matthew.

He loves to play. It's good, sir. He also would love a family of his very own. Matthew loves other dogs and is fine with cats as well. Great. He is a smart boy who has some energy. He would love an active family who will take him on hikes. A securely fenced yard will let him run and play a nice weather

as well. Okay, so we're maybe not looking at Brooklyn for Matthew, but it's not far outside of this. I mean, you have a securely fenced yard. I do have a securely fenced yard. So it's still possible. His ideal family. And also, you know, if Matthew loves other dogs, there are plenty of dogs to play with in the city and a lot of dog parks. His ideal family will have a quiet lifestyle inside the home. Great. He's not a dog who makes friends instantly and would have to be introduced to all new people gradually. We're looking for one or two persons.

What do you think happened? What do you think happened that they had to write that in the description? He's an ideal people once and free it out. He's not a dog who makes friends instantly would have to be introduced to all new people gradually. So, I guess, yeah, maybe it just doesn't like high energy environments where there's a lot of people. If you have a party, it's a bad idea.

But he looks very, very... We fostered a dog at the beginning of lockdown and it didn't take JoJo. She was nasty and bit Luke a lot. She would try to claim her territory and would snip, yell, bark at Luke when Luke's like trying to get to his bed or the couch or our bed. Yeah. You do have to read between the lines in a lot of these, Yeah, you do have to read between the lines in a lot of these things. Unfortunately, people have fucked up dogs, and it makes training them very, very hard.

So you have like, sometimes you have to be somebody who's very good with dogs to take on one of these, one of these rescues. It sounds like they have to serve a home. Of course. It sounds like Matthew is maybe a little reactive. So that's, and also in Connecticut, let's go on to,

I mean, look at this messy girl, yeah. Yonkers. This is the one you just absolutely covered in a puppuccino. Yeah, she's part pit bull and part lab red door. She is very cute, has a nice brown coat, short hair. Oh, she's got the forehead wrinkles, and she loves this puppet chino.

Okay, let's read about her. We tell you meet this gem. Gem is a young labby mix who's about 60 pounds. That's a big dog, folks. She is house trained, great trained, and extremely laid back. She enjoys a long walk when you're able to and really just enjoys the company of her people. She doesn't mind the company of other dogs and is also cat friendly. When passing them on walks,

she was excited and curious. She's just an overall sweet and happy girl looking for a place to see her value. I mean, that's nice. I think for the descriptions, Gem right now sounds probably like the easiest dog for a time dog owner. Yeah, Gem is an actual gem. Yeah, I'm down to it. Let's eliminate Matthew. Not that we're gonna, obviously.

We're gonna eliminate a dog. Yeah. Okay, I'll tell you what, if we have a Gem and Brand are the top two. Yeah. Okay. I'll tell you what, if we have a gem in the top two. Yeah. If you're interested in Matthew, who is very cute, and if you're a homebody, and you don't need to, and you want to just hang out at home with your dog,

it sounds like Matthew would love him. So you can go over to furryfriendsct.org, and you can find Matthew. I see. For furry friendsct. Especially if you're in Connecticut. Yeah. Forory friends. Especially if you're in Connecticut. Yeah, for the best dog, if you're in Connecticut. Okay, so Jim Simba W is just a nice fat little furry friend. I mean, this is just the ideal looking dog.

Yeah, he's so funny. Like a serious fat little weiner man. He does have that like the docks and body or the corgi body. He is long and pudgy and has the color with his cow. And he takes a serious weiner cow. He has poise and he has pomp and he has circumstance. And he's named after you know after this whole thing.

It's really a very long description. He's almost three years old and is a peagle. What is a peagle? So I guess that's a beagle in a peagle. Peek-a-me-me-me is beagle. That second paragraph is kind of alarming. You're gonna wanna read the second paragraph. Really, Simba does have a senior friend named Denver.

He has a beagle mix as well. Denver is a dog's dog and doesn't much care for people. So if you're up for the challenge, Denver would love a home with Simba to call his own for the time he has left. So it's a two-for-deal. Simba, yeah. Well, Simba is just sort of friends

with this really old asshole. And they're like, you really want the asshole too, but the asshole doesn't like people. Yeah. It's like, okay, can we just break up Simba and his random old friend? Yeah, that's, of course, Simba. Oh, no, of course, Simba. That's Simba. It's like, okay, can we just break up Simba and his random old friend? Oh no, of course Simba. That doesn't like any people.

Some history of behavioral problems and is looking for his forever home that will love him with all his faults. They did him so dirty on this. Yeah. I think that's what. I almost want to bring him in and try to fix him. I mean, look at this sweet little pudgy asshole

who has an old, he honestly already looks like an old grump And he has a friend that I think is a bad influence like I think he should be down to have Denver around I think it seems to be the bigger issue here It's also very this is the highest adoption fee we've seen yet at $475 so $475. So for $475, you get this dog that has behavioral issues, and his mean old best friend, they shouldn't have. And it's also Sympa W is the name.

Why Sympa W? Sympa was fine. Sympa is both the best and the worst dog we have on here. Yeah. I love Sympa. If you love Sympa 2, check out out friends with four paws in Belleville, New Jersey And see give Simba Andrew Denver a home speckles jump Are you ready to read about speckles?

Jump he's a happy big dumb loser Look at that happy dumb loser. Got the Yoda ears. His name is Speckles and his last name is Jum. Wow. This is a combination of Jizz and Spum. This is a, so Speckles is my name and love is my game. I am one of the sweetest dogs.

I'm about four and a half years old with a frosty mug to show for it. You know that some of us, Gray, prematurely, I am one of those sweetest dogs. I'm about four and a half years old with a frosty mug to show for it. You know that some of us gray prematurely, I am one of those. And I try to accentuate my super gray highlights. I mean, if you got it, flaunt it. So they're really, yeah. The speckles wrote this himself for sure. She hired a local jump.

Wow, so this is like couch, this is the best of both worlds, they say sometimes a couch potato, sometimes a fun, fun girl who can go hiking or napping, camping or couching. I can go running or not LOL. Keep your way. This is a level walk during this day.

A very casual lady, I guess. Yeah, this is awesome. Given my flexibility, I'm okay with dogs of any energy level. I don't need to meet my other dog friends to do the lab sniff test before accepting them into my pack. Oh, I do need to perform the sniff test, I see. All right, but yeah, this, she's in Texas. What? No. Yeah, it looks like, uh, it's an out of town friends, which means in Texas, it's $200, but I guess they'll, if you can get

Which includes the transport, it's $400. I see. I see. All right. Well, these are she's in Texas, but we can drive her anywhere you want. Right. So she's in Texas and they're doing a swap with this with this place 10 miles outside of the city near Trenton, New Jersey. Okay. So what are we thinking? These are all I guess tweet all three of these links the the day the episode comes out. And then if people wanna see it, they can just look on my or your Twitter. And if they want it with Doct, then adopt them and we'll reimburse them on Venmo or Zell for the fee.

And then you send us a photo of you with gem, with brain or with speckles, jump. And those sort of be the unofficial dog of segments. That's awesome. So are we willing to reimburse three different adoption fees? I love that. Yeah, probably.

I mean, I'm kind of skeptical. Anybody will get any of these dogs, but should it actually happen? It would be really nice. Yeah. Okay, great. So if you guys want to bring... And if you take one into your house, who would you choose? For me, it's be really nice. Yeah, okay, great. So if you guys want to, and if you need to take one into your house,

who would you choose? For me, it's far in a way, Jim. She seems incredibly sweet, very mellow, very relaxed, and it kind of looks like a pitful version of Dingo. So I think they'd get along really well. Yeah, I would, I'm more of a brain situation. Although I would like to take speckles, jump the name and give it to train if possible. Speckles, jump.

So it's the under bite. Although speckles, jump is also pretty sweet. Yeah. But Luke basically is a speckle. He is a speckle. Yeah. A smaller speckles. Right. Minus the jump for sure.

Yeah, right. All right, so hit us on Twitter if you want to adopt a dog or if you have any segment ideas of your own. Yeah, exactly. Any feedback, really, you can just leave it on the YouTube video or adopt a dog and let us know via email. Yep, and for sure, if you adopt any of these dogs, let us know.

We'll cover the adoption fee. And I will introduce them to my dog in a dog park someday. And we have more of us, if you want more of us on video, it's on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J.A. We're watching Jake and Amir videos, giving a new spin on an old classic. Yeah, right.

We even wrote a Thanksgiving scroll on Thanksgiving. So if you wanna watch us write an episode, people seem to really like that one too. I would really like that one. I was watching it and laughing very hard. We found gold in my shoe. Yeah, we found gold in my shoe. We should. Okay. And. We might be gold. We should. We should.

Okay. And thank you guys for listening. If you're listening, watching, if you're watching, and of course we'll be back next week, having had a dog maybe, I would love it. Could you imagine a dog in Callahan, California, if people end up buying this note about it? If you end up wanting that house, we'll also cover the down payment. Can we say that? And two property tax payments.

Yeah. The taxes are very low in Galliant. Yeah. But a tax right off to be sure. Okay, thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week. Goodbye, everybody.

That was a hit, dumb original. Goodbye, everybody.