If I Were You - 07: Amir Bites Ben (w/Ben Schwartz!)

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

In this episode we discuss movies, live shows, and another rousing edition of Poetry or Noetry.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a head gum original. This is a head gum original. This is a head gum original. This is a head gum original. This is a head gum original. This is terrible. Well, last it's a shitting on you. It's talking about how you guys literally failed in the entertainment industry. You're smiling. Take your dancing like a little boy. Is that what the show is? You guys admitting defeat?

How tiny this microphone is. You guys admitting defeat to put that Tiny this microphone is Welcome back to a brand new episode of segments first guest who this Yes, I was a second very good. No, I mean not necessarily could be anything Yeah, the second could be anything you want we're here with Ben Schwartz our first guest I think ever I guess we had a mystery guest Jillian was on the episode. Oh, how was Jillian? That's right. Jillian was nice. She had 20 questions to guess who it was and did not get it. Guest a lot of people that worked on this at College Humor. None of them. Jill. Yep. I forgot my wife for what they're doing here. Yeah, so you guys both know why I'm here and I don't.

Well, you're here just for fun, but we can do any of the multiple segments we had planned. Oh, I'm just a guest. You're just a guest, baby. Oh, not just a guest. Oh, I'm not just a guest. You're the guest. You're the first guest. Yeah.

Hey, cool. What do we do? It's exciting. I give you options. I mean, I guess first of all, we'll introduce the show. This is segments. And then you, it's people who I am. Tell people why I'm just people who probably don't know who I am.

Everyone knows you. No, they probably think I'm your brother. Look at us. Ben? Wow. Yeah. You do have a brother named Ben, actually. I do. Why him everyone knows you know, they probably think I'm your brother look at Ben Wow, you do have a brother named Ben actually and I've never seen Ben and your brother Ben in the same room I come to do an improv show. Yeah, yeah, okay I'm not okay. Well, I've only yeah, I've only seen that twice then yeah, and then the rehearsal Jake I haven't seen you in since the wedding Yeah, crazy. Not that crazy.

It's been like six weeks instead of getting all that crazy that it happened. We're seeing crazy that it happened. Yeah, it's crazy. I can't believe because we had a we had a backgrowing that Avi Tal was either going to no show or say no on the altar. I guess he lost.

We did both those. Yeah, we both bet that you were going to get runaway bride or that you were going to give your ring to her. And then her ring to you was a middle finger or you're going to throw vanilla yogurt at your face or something like that. But we have another bet going. We're going to let it ride just on the over under how

long you guys stay together. Because I'm giving it six months I don't know been how long did you say you were gonna give it a six days and Six weeks. I was gonna say you guys better go on airplane mode What do you mean? I guess Sometimes there's a little static and so I forgot to remind you guys to go on Airplane it. Why'd you bet on six days? That's such a small amount.

Just the way that you act like a person. And then around women is like even more awkward. So I can't imagine someone living with you. But you're on, so just to make sure that you hit the phone. Yeah, I'm on monster. Yeah, I'm on airplane. I did airplane, and I am just. I do airplane mode.

That's funny. I feel like I'm on an airplane. Why? Because my ears are popping, so fucking upset. You're popping your upset. No, when I'm on an airplane. Why? Because my ears are not so fucking upset Hop and you're upset. No, when I'm on an airplane. Why did they do that? Because the Yes, and then the steam because like more of an out of oil I think I don't think so Did you do that at the opening song is this the show? So what's this new show? I haven't seen you

You see you post a lot of the show is just sort of casual to hanging out But also every 10 to 15 minutes D&D show going Huge yeah, you know we sold out Carnegie Hall right then I know I was it we I can got you I was the first person yeah, yeah, yeah, and yes, I think I need you and Jake you play card I played I would think I was that Ben's Carnegie show sold out I'm gonna say Carnegie deli. I think I got a Carnegie deli. I did like a Carnegie show sold out. I think I'd like Carnegie. You gonna say Carnegie Delly? I think Carnegie Delly.

I did like a two-year-old set. You're joking, you're a white shunt, so I can't. I thought that your thing was really fast and good. It made no sense. I get to see him and then get in. I gave you this. I feel like I'm in an error. I gave you the justification to steam.

You didn't really think that. You just made the joke in the way we go. Yeah. But put me on Do Not Disturb, which is ironic, because I am just, I'm feeling disturbed. That's fucked up. It's not PC. That's totally PC disturbed Name one disturbs song right now and you get a laugh

It's so much better When everyone So what's the show tell me the show the show segments basically every 10 to 15 minutes is a totally new segment We can do one two or three segments. I love this idea. Great idea. Oh yeah, you did it all right. Great. If I were you. Oh yeah.

Legally, how many views do that last one get? That shows you how many people are watching. How many? Huge. How many lessons? It was like 1900 or something like that. And then another 27 on you. And then how many?

Big for us. It's the lowest episode of D&D. What is that kid? Maybe 240,000 to 50. Are we talking about, yeah. A quarter million. And then I think 19 more people on 10,000. A lot of thores today.

If you include all social media, plus my follower. Yeah. So we're doing this because we love each other. Jake, could he do? What are we doing this for? I think we do this because we love each other. I love you.

Yeah, I love Jake. Yeah. It's kind of like old habits. I just like can't, I can't quit him. I wish I knew how to quit you. So what's the first segment? Okay, so I'll give you the options so far. Do you guys know what the second part's hard to surprise? We discussed.

Sometimes it's a surprise, sometimes we discuss. Okay, let's do a surprise. We do what the Jake doesn't know. Well, we've discussed all the options for today. I'll read it so far. You can come up with a brand new surprise one that I won't know. Okay, great. Of course.

Do you want to come up with one? Well, those two, one of yours, so I know what the show is. Okay. One of ours is you guys trying to guess. This is one of our most successful segments yet, which is rare, because we're rolling on episode six. Poetry, or you make it up? Which, you say poetry? Which, you see a poetry?

Yeah, that's right. So I have two real poems written by... Poetry or no poems. Yeah. And then one of mine. You guys have to guess which one is my poem versus a real award-winning poem. How long are the poems?

30 seconds or less. It's long. It's okay. Oh, wait, that's just short of that. I said the word. Honestly, I understood it. They're probably closer to short enough. I said the word. Honestly, I undersold it. They're probably closer to a minute. Oh, I can't do three minutes of poems from you using your words.

No, well, you don't know which one I am. The two of them are award winners. I'm really really great poems. If you're literally giving me two award winning poems, and then some slap you put together in the last second, you think you'll be able to figure that. We should do the first three poems that you read me. No, no, let's do it. I want to a second. Yeah. You think you'll be able to figure that. We should do the first three thumbs that you read me. No, no, let's do it. I want to do it.

I'll tell you Jake. No, do it. We've done this before. Jake instantly sniffed mine out. Oh, yeah, of course. He knew it right away. Or he didn't or is it a bit? No, I did.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. But I think this one's a little bit harder to sniff out. So are you just trying to like get better writing poetry? I mean, if that's the ultimate goal of this podcast, a mirror and I are poet laureates. Okay. Well, what's the other two ones so I can know what to compare to the other two one is a rotten tomatoes guessing game. We sort of guess a rotten tomato score closer to the actual result wins cash. I mean, I don't care about the cash part. I love that idea. That's a good game. And then the last one is us writing, Jake and Amirup, the so with you in it, with or without you.

And it's sort of improvised on the fly for 15 minutes. Okay. I'll try to think of something better than all those. How? You loved the first two. So that was great. You said you didn't care about the money, but you wanted to do that game.

Well, donate the money to whoever did it with theme song. No, you won't donate shit if you don't like the game. I'll 100% win the game. I bet you 90% do that game. Well, donate the money to whoever did your theme song. No, you won't donate shit if you don't like the game. A 100% win the game. I bet you 90% win. You? You lieutenant Weinberg? Do your good man, pull it up. What do you think?

All right, let's do the poems. Let's do the poems. All right, fine, yeah. Well, wait, if you're pulling up. We're doing audience score or critics score. It's gotta be the critics score for Rotten Tanks. But for the poems, it's audience score. I like guessing.

I like guessing. I like guessing. I like guessing. I mean, both of them are guessing. No, no, guessing a person. Like, I like guessing it was, it was a chilling, but he had no idea. Oh, the mystery guest. Yeah, we can't do that.

You're obviously on the show. No, no, but we pick a different person. Oh, like, we'll call someone right now to a mystery guest. Yeah. There's no way who's available on a moment's notice like this to join a zoom. We all have the same friends. I don't have any. He's texting Don Cheetle.

Oh my god. Holy shit. It's gonna be Cheetle. All right, send him the link, but he asked to join his mystery guest. Otherwise, it spoils the segment. We need to get more information. It would be so much more fun to do with Ben. He has to answer.

We Jillian was answering with a real voice. It was a pick up of hers. No, no, no, she was a chat. It was a chat. It was yes or no questions in a chat. 20 questions he had, yes or no. And he asked 20 questions and guessed. And it was, he never got to Jill.

One of the questions was, did we hook up too, which was really messed up? I was just trying to get your brother. I think that would be funny now. Yeah, that came up. He has a professional job, right? Yeah, he's a real job. Okay, let's do one or the other two people.

Okay, let's start with the poetry. Let's start with the poetry. I'll be able to see by reading it. You can read it, but ideally you won't. But I might as you don't. Okay. It looks like three seemingly identical poems. Oh, then I can look.

You can look. Can I read one? You want to read them all? No, we can read it. Okay, I'll read it. All right. You can look. This first one is called The Funeral of a friend's son by Ann Papsd.

That's right. I made fake names or they're the actual names of the poems. That's risky because Don't I just know that Ann Papsd is a poet? Do you? Jake, why are you doing this? Are you thinking about how much time is left in the episode till you're done? There's no way. You're doing this or you're thinking about how much time is left in the episode till you're done? There's no way. No, I'll glance over at the clock. I'll text somebody and I'll be like, yeah, no we're still.

This is gonna be 10, 15 minutes, but 11 minutes are already going to be coming. Still doing this dumb show. Well, you've been known to sort of delay slash derail podcasts that you're on. Ready? For you and Earl of a friend's son by Ann Papps. Ready, Jake?

Yeah, I'm ready. Through worn, chewed church pews, poured grief. It coarsed and rushed unmoored. No way, is it? As if from mountain scent, as if from a deep voice of the old testament. Oh, wait, hey, maybe. We stood, knelt, prayed, saying,

offered words of comfort. Even certainty we mourners in black, full of holy effort. Our hands and faces, punctuations of light, candles lit, the torn stained hems of our understanding, hung under smooth coats. Okay, that's poem one. No fucking way. You did not write that. I was moved. If you did write it, I commend you. Congratulations. That's an incredible poem. I don't think you

did. poem two is called ha-un. It's a Korean name, HA, then E-U-N, by H-E-KIM.E. Kim. Ready? Yeah, you're trying to fucking, you're trying to dupe me with this one I think. Let's see what happens. Tap as Harrison hopped scotched across kindergarten chalk towers. Clap as Harry graduates now dancing across a stage in gowns and hats. Disguised symbolically at first, then veiling historically,

Ha-un sits now to mourn Ha-un, then Harrison, then Harry. See, now this one, it doesn't, I think there's a chance this could be here, but I think also he probably picked something. Knock it off, thing, though, sorry. Dingo wants to weigh in. Okay, Dingo loves Ha-un. Okay, you're allowed.

Ha-un. Yeah, but I need, I kind of want you to read the last, like, verse. Just because I, I couldn't tell if it was pointing. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough.

The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. The sky isn't wild enough. Harrison, then Harry. Okay. Potential. It's last one.

Cryptic. Okay, yeah. The piece of wild things by Wendell Barry, this one's in italics. I should say, I don't know why maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, maybe the website did it, maybe I did it. Hell, I could have fucking wrote this one.

Yeah, well, I do know that Wendell Barry is a famous poet. I come into the, is that true? Yes. I come into the famous poet. So it's a famous poet. Yours to a famous person's name, would you do that? One or all of these names or titles could have been altered, but yeah.

Whether I wrote the poem or not, it still works. Okay, good. Okay. The piece of wild things by Wendell Barry. How do you know it's W wrap. Okay. The Peace of Wild Things by Wendell Berry. How do you know it's Wendell? When you say Wendell? Wendell. It's Wendell.

Yeah. I come into the Peace of Wild Things who do not tax their lives with fortha of grief. I come into the presence of still water. Ha ha ha ha. You love this one. No, it's just that. And I feel above me the day blind stars some still water. You love this one. No, it's just that.

And I feel above me, the day blind stars waiting with their light for a time. I rest in the grace of the world and am free. Okay. Amir is out of this, the second one of the third one. And you said, and Jake said, Wendell Berry is a poet. Yeah, but yes, Wendell, whoever says, Wendell. I think Mr. Wendell. Maybe I took the name and I don't know how to pronounce it.

I mean, I don't know how to pronounce hot oon either. You nail the perfectly. Think so? Yeah. Okay. Interesting. But it's all so the first one. I gotta go here.

So I gotta get close to you. Yeah. I genuinely thought the first one was beautiful. So if you wrote that, I think that's amazing. And I would happily get wrong. Okay, mountain sand from deep field. Although the Old Testament is very amirish, we still know what's saying.

When do little Barry says the day, the day blind stars? Is that what he says? In that last poem, you mean? Yeah, is that a phrase that he uses? I come into the presence of still water and I feel above me the dayblind stars. No chance, that's gorgeous. You didn't write that. I think you wrote the, then Harry, then Harrison.

Okay. Which was cryptic, I think for cryptic sake, I didn't feel touched by it. Let me see, let me read the same one. Tap his Harris and tap his Harris and hop scotch across the... I mean, it definitely feels like the least lived in. Kindergarten and chalk towers. Clap his Harry graduates now dancing across the stage and get...

It feels like a top-of-the-top pick one. It's also, it's... It's school. It's school. It's a fail in the history of me. It's like, it's kid loves school. That one. It's school based. It's gotta be that one.. That one. School based.

It's gotta be that one. So Jake sang the second one. You're also double downing and saying the second one. Yeah. You're so excited. I don't feel like it is now. I'm just asking if you think it's the second one. You're so excited.

Jake is for sure saying too. Are you saying too well? That is reading now in tears tears the idea of griefing through chewed church pews unmoored. Yeah, I mean, if God, if you wrote that one, I'll be so impressed. I think it's like, I think it should be published somewhere. The presence of still water. I feel the day blind. Day blind start. I tell you, did you like the when you wrote this, did you,

what did I, I think, I think what he did is he looked at other poems and he grabbed pieces of them to make his own. If you, if you like, hacksawed together a plagiarized, windowberry poem, I don't think that. All right, I mean, the easy answer is two, but I can't tell if you're so smart, you make one feel like it could be you. Anything is possible. Can we erase one? Yeah, you make one feel like it could be you. Anything is possible. Can we erase one?

Yeah, you guys can delete one by one. Jake, let's erase one. You think the first one is definitely not him, correct? I think it's definitely not him. Okay, we said the first one is definitely not you. The funeral of a friend's son is in fact, by Ann Paps, you guys are right. I did not write that one.

Well, I mean, it's obviously a hot one, but let's- I had such high hopes. I wanted to just- I wanted to say that you wrote it. So I think he would make like a person of Asian descent, so like it would make you feel like it couldn't be this like very, yeah, like it wouldn't be about a guy named him here.

And I mean, I know that Wendell Berry is a poet. I know this, I believe I've read that poem before, that Wendell Berry, that exact one. I had a book of Wendell Berry is a poet. I know this. I believe I've read that poem before, that Wendell Berry, that exact one. I had a book of Wendell Berry's poems. There's a lies of the fourth. So Jake's second, it's definitely two. Me, the danger. Yeah, but the way you're saying it.

Don't worry about the danger. I tried to fuck with you. I don't think you could, I think you could write two. That third poem, The Piece of Wild Things, is indeed by Wendell Barry. I wrote the second one. The bad one?

Pa-oon for sure. For sure I wrote. Now that we know that you wrote it, read that again. Oh, no! Yeah, now let's pick it apart. I'll read it. You know what, it actually was written by a huge key.

No, it wasn't, buddy. And it was him. Tap. Tap is Harrison Hopscotch to cross kindergarten and chalk towers. And he was him. Tap. Tap. His Harrison hopscotched across kindergarten chalk towers. So that's really beautiful. Clap as Harry graduates, now dancing across the stage in gowns and hats. Instead of capping gowns, it's all over.

Disguised symbolically at first, then veiling historically, hot un sits now, to mourn hot un, then Harrison. Then Harry. Then Harry. Actually, really, it's actually better than I thought. I have enough distance from it now to appreciate the poem as if somebody else wrote it. It's not bad, but I'll tell you the disguised at first, I think that is a little clunky. That was the line that I was like, mm, no, that didn't feel right.

He said it's hot wound by a man named He Kim. Yeah. I mean, I better than my first attempt, I would say. But it's so hard to write poetry, having not read a lot of songs. Are we doing one more thing? Or that's it? That's our segment.

That's the segment. Then what happens first, the show? Do times. All right, we're back. Do you want to do another one, or do you have to go? Or that's it. That's our segment. That's the segment. Then what happens first the show? All right, we're back. Do you want to do another one or do you have to go? What time did it? Come on. Do the rotten tomatoes with us. Come on. You gotta do the rotten tomatoes. I can do one more. Just. Yeah. Read my poem again. No thanks. It's so really moving. Here's how I wanted? I don't think so. Okay, so, Chelsea Gryffindor on Twitter, right? Yeah. Okay, so here's what we're gonna do.

Five movies that we've all seen. We'll come up with them together so that you guys can see that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen.

We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that we've all seen. We've all seen that's what we're gonna do. Five movies that we've all seen. We'll come up with them together so that you guys don't think I'm cheating again. By the way, that second problem is really fucking. Keep going. Yep.

And we'll play closest to the actual score, closest to the whole win. So if a movie's at 50% and I guess 40% and Ben guesses 35, and Jake guesses, yeah And Jake gets is like 80. I'm the closest at 40, but I beat you by five. So you owe me five dollars. Every percentage point is a dollar. Wait, what?

I see. If I bet 40, I bet, oh that's not. What's the percentage that it is? 50%. Okay, and you bet 40. I said 40%. Okay. You said 35.

I'm only five better than you, so it's $5. Okay, let's do it. Three movies, ready? I said five movies, but let's start with three, okay. Home alone. Well, we gotta do like a wide variety, you know, it's gotta be like a classic, maybe a new one. One maybe one you do want to enjoy, does one.

Okay, we'll start with home alone, that's Ben's suggestion. Home alone, man. Okay. Ooh, great one. So just calm the fuck down with the movie titles. That's Ben's suggestion. Home alone. Iron man. Okay. Oh, great one. So just calm the fuck down with the movie titles. We gotta guess the percentages. I'm guessing first. No, you have to pick a movie.

All of us pick one movie. I'll say die hard to. Wow, die hard with a vengeance? No. No, that's the reason. What's two? Die harder? No, die hard to.

Is it too obscure? Have you not seen it? No, I've seen it. I've seen it. Okay. What I'm writing. Yes. Die hard to and I am. I'm great. I love this. Okay. Rotten Tomatoescore. Wow. So we'll start with home alone. Who wants the guest first? Guests in first is kind of, you know, scary. So we'll alternate who guesses first to. It's a great idea. The person who suggested it has to guess last. Okay. So for Ben's all guess first. Okay. All right. I'll guess 83%. Man, I think it's going to be higher. I think it's beloved. I think it was always beloved.

And I think it was made for a young audience. So they're going to grade it a little bit on a curve. And I'm going to say 95%. Oh, all on a curve and I'm gonna say 95% Oh, all right Ben, I'm gonna say 90 split the diff okay, so I said 83 Jake said 95 and I said I really think it's gonna be like I forgot that you could do like 91 I yeah, I don't know why I was like I'm only going in increments of five. This is exciting. I like this game I bet it's 88. 65. Wow. So I'm the closest and I beat the next closest by seven.

So Jake, you said 95. Yeah, do I have to pay you that much cash? 12. Yeah, well we're not done, but right now you are. Between 12 and you are. Between 12 and you are. Uh, seven. Okay.

I'll write it down. Wow, 65, that's low. Really low. Yeah, down. I'm gonna. Wow, 65, that's low. Really low. Yeah, down. I'm gonna write this down so we don't forget. Okay. You gonna keep this in podcast? No, definitely not.

I'm so young, I'm bored. I don't think so. We could do way more than three movies. Okay, two, five movies. Okay, so far, Ben owes me seven. I got a year goes between 12. That's the next thing. You don't even have time to eat food. I have eaten in weeks, ready?

Yeah, Jake said Ironman. Yeah, Ironman. Okay, so this way I don't have to guess first. Okay. 78. I'll say, oh wait. okay, I'll go second. 82. I was gonna say 82. I'll say, I'll say 85. Oh, so we're all pretty close. Ironman one. 94. awesome great that so Jake said 90 for five that's at 85 85 you said 82 and Benson 78 yeah so Jake's the closest okay iron man you owe me four bucks Jake hey you're

Hey, I thought you owe me four bucks. I said 82 you said 85 huh? 885 yeah, what I say 78 yeah, so I have five you owe me three bucks to seven Yeah 88 you guys 78 and it was Jake said 85. So he was seven closers. Rich, I'm not gonna play anymore. I got a quick little in my hair. Technically down to me, because you owed me 12. So, well, now I owe you a lot less.

Last Jake for a second. That's fine. We don't need him to get out. Okay. Die hard to. Die hard to. Oh, Jake, are you back? I'm back.

Your internet's back. Die hard to. Die hard to, yeah. I guess. So Jake guess his first time. Yeah. Okay, die hard to. They made a couple more after,

so it couldn't be terrible, terrible. Or it did really well. Yeah. I'll say 79%. Hi. Would you do a bad movie next? But I'm gonna say 70. Four, 72.

I'm gonna go 72. I'll go low. I'll go low. I'll say 69. I'm sorry. It's so hot. Where is your thing? Yeah, I was gonna do it, but it ends up. There's my thing, actually. I sort of had a system and then you sort of cut it.

Hold on, let me read the poem again. Hot-oon by a mere blooming fell. Oh shit Okay, wait, what did you guys guess Clap hot oon hop scotches across chock towers Oh 70 oh, I guess 73. I guess 69, you mother fucker. I guess 69. And I was one-off.

So pay the fucking piper. What'd you guys? 120? 73. So I have a question though. Is mine then three from what it was? It's four away from me. I guess that's three percent closer than me.

I'm so much closer. I'm closer on my side. Yeah, yeah, you're three. You're three. You owe me three. Jake, who are you? What do I owe you? This is flawed.

I owe you like a $17,000. I owe you like a $17,000. He's making up the rules. I was one away and you were four. So you owe me three. What'd you guys, Jake? $79,000. Okay.

So Jake, you are nine away. So you owe me eight. And who's donating this money? Yeah, but you owe me three bucks from before. So we'll call it a wash. I think so so do I? I owe everybody Jay yeah, Ben has yet to win Ben knows I'm here. Let's choose a let's choose a bad movie. Yeah Just like the social network From Justin DeKelli Just like the social network

From Justin DeKelli I But I feel like that's so bad. That's gonna be like 3% or something Cars to people didn't know okay, I think cars three was the people don't like really all right What's a really bad animated movie that came out and people were like that was about Hidalgo starring Vigo Mortensen? I didn't really see that one or hear about what happened there. Yeah, he has a horse. I don't know if they do that. World War Z is that the Brad Pitt movie?

Yeah, but I think that was good. Was it? I don't know, I never saw that. I tried to think of a bad movie from 10 years ago. It's literally impossible. Because every movie is awesome. I think I'm not. I think I'm not.

I don't know. Oh, how about, what about the rocks movie? really impossible because every movie is awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, about what about the rocks movie? Like Joe, what was like, he's like King Kong movie or whatever. Rampage? That wasn't the one I was thinking of, but it was one of the Kim and the gorilla. Okay, Dracula with Leslie Nielsen. Dracula dead and loving it with Leslie Nielsen.

Jake's cheating. Okay. He's fucking looking at him. No, I was looking at Provely. I probably looked at him. Oh, you do the gorilla one. What's the gorilla one? I guess it was.

Wait, maybe it was Ram Page. It is Ram Page. Okay, great. So let's all do another one. I'll do Ram Page. Ben's doing Dracula dead and loving it. We gotta go. Sure.

We do. Ram Page. Ram Page could be anything. It could be 30. It could be 80. You don't have time for this. We gotta go. Sure we do. Rampage could be anything. It could be 30. It could be 80. We don't know. 28%. All right, yeah, go ahead. He's fucking, he fucking guessed 28. There's two layers. I didn't see it.

I'm gonna be back in the tube. Of course he cannot do that. 28% then. 29. 23%. Ooh, he's going even lower. Ugh. 28, 23.

I'll say 33 in a third. Actually, I want to go, can I please change mine? I want it to be 14%. I saw the image and it was really bad. 14%. I never saw it. Wait, where is, where are you? Yeah, just the browser.

Just click on the browser. Just because there's one screen that's not it. And that's the browser. OK, here we go. So James is crying over your phone. So James is 14%. Because there's one screen that's not it and that's the browser. Okay, here we go. That's crying every opponent Sanit yeah, this is the right page for looking for Wow, okay 51 what yeah

Holy shit, but we were so close to each other. I guess they'll got it. What'd you guess, 28? I guess 29. I guess 29. Now you guys, you changed it to 14, my God, you owe me. You're not allowed to change it. And I ain't changed it. You're not allowed to change it after you say 29? You owe me 19 dollars for that. I mean, what'd you guess, 20 something? Okay, let's do another one.

I can't even contract with this one. Let's do, wait, what did you guess for rampage, do you remember? 23? 23? No. Yes. Yeah, I think it's a 23. Okay. So I was 10, you owe me 20 minutes.

We're about Eddie Murphy, routine. That's the stand-up comedy movie. That's beloved. And you clicked enter. So it's going to show us. You haven't seen it. Okay. So it's a stand-up comedy special.

Your computer's low in disk space. Of course. Yeah. But beloved. Comedy special your computer's low in disc space of course. Yeah But beloved a beloved stand-up comedy movie Okay, I'll guess how can you review that and also is before rotten tomatoes existed? So was what alone So was any movie before 1999 I'm gonna say 78 I don't think people probably understood what was happening Like how good it was, you know what I mean?

Yeah. But I bet it was controversial. I bet there were a lot of people that were like, hey, this is too much. I'll say 65%. Wow, 13 bucks for me, yep. Ah, I guess 85, pretty high. Just, you know.

77. What did I say? 78. Wow. Wow. Ha, ha, ha. Wow. Meer better have my money, I guess.

So I use a $870. We also did a deal with calculations from the last one. Oh, of course not. And then Jake, what did you say for the last one? I think I said 65%. So tell me what you think people are, when they And then Jake, what did you say for the last one? I think I said 65%. So tell me what you think people are, when they're watching this, what do you think they're thinking? I'm thinking, wait, why didn't they keep reading the poems?

Those were so incredible each one better than the last. I wonder what Ha-Une is up to now that he's reading it since. Write a poem right now. Why was Ha-Une mourning? I don't really understand. I don't really understand. Channel Ha-Une and do one more poem, bro. Do you think that I urge you to write a poem,

and we'll try to play this game with you next time? Because it's seemingly easy to put then a lot harder, because every time I fucking write a sentence, I'm like, that sounds like me. Give me four sentences of Ha-Une. I want him to talk about it. Yeah, I mean, I can just fart out a poem, sitting symbolically entering a room,

not knowing the time or space from when he came. Ha-Une sits diligently and morose. Entrarying a room not knowing the timer space from when he came How Eun sits diligently and How he always talk about himself how and put himself how and cameos How it is a weirdo. Why is he just sitting there diligently not knowing where he came from? Yeah, that's a common fucking soul search that you're like, okay, I don't necessarily I don't I And he's probably how you could be my Harrison who is he he's from Baltimore

I know he's from Baltimore He goes by Harry that's fine. Oh. He goes by Harry. That's fine. Who goes by Harry? Yes, did you fuck with that? Yeah. Then Harrison, then Harry. Yes, and he mourns the loss of his father, the original.

Who need to decide it to take on his name? You couldn't Google a single ingredient in a Korean dish and set the scent of something from the kitchen. You know, like something. Don't act like I didn't guess your poem, by the way, which I did do. Can I use Jake's poem? Wait, give me a real poem. I've told him that Jake's poem.

I want to see if I can do it. I don't know if I can put him here last week. Yeah, no, I'm saying I don't think I have it. I genuinely don't have it saved anywhere. She's one of those guys. I wasn't proud of it. He burns it. He burns the poem. No, no, I mean, it was just that a mere got it saved anywhere. She's one of those guys. I wasn't proud of it. She burns it. He burns the poem.

I don't know. No, no, I mean, it was just that a mere got it so fast. Are you at your house or at your office? The office. God, you brought that ship all the way to the office? Yeah, I had to. That's awesome. He was glad in the house.

Jill got it for me for something, for some reason. And where else can I put a ship? I have to bring it to the office. Wait a minute, I can just send it again. First how else can I put a ship? Then how else can I put a ship? How do you choose dreams of the open sea? Oh, wait.

Oh, and was recently I searched common, day bright, that didn't know how and of course That was research you're talking about the Korean dish or whatever the fucking spice that only exists And honestly when don't bear his boat was kind of sucky too now that I think about it go higher I love it sucky Well, a little bit of a sucky. Oh, you're shining voice. Oh gotta go sucky gotta go fast Oh, a little bit of a sucky. Do you, Sonic voice? Oh, gotta go sucky.

Gotta go fast. I have those sucky, honk honk. Doesn't he fucking talk like that? He's like, gotta go sucky. He came to both of the premieres. He's been to both. He's been to BD Gonzalez, like, you met Jim Carrey of one of those premieres.

He was really friendly. He was, and that's what I had. He did that stupid fucking, whatever that was. Like, somebody meet me. He's gonna stop me. Hey, I'm a mirror. No, I, when I met him, I just said, I'm just your savior, somebody stop me. Hey, I'm a mere. No, I, when I met him. I'm just your favorite.

Somebody did stop me. Somebody did stop me. Yeah. Somebody did stop you, right? Actually, Ace Ventura would have been a good life. Yeah, good security girl. Not in Tomatoes. Ace Ventura can be all over the place.

You guys left it over 78. Oh, yeah. I think Ace Ventura was, you're right though, it was a comment that made me didn't get respect at the time. Right, like we were 11, so we loved it, but like the, the jeans to school, like, Ace Ventura, there's no way. I'm guessing. 55%. Oh, I'm guessing 19.

Wow. I'm gonna say, wow. 55 and 19. Yeah. Have you ever heard of those two numbers? I feel like they must, in the Rotten Tomato stuff, they must take into account like new, new discussions about the movie, right? I'd say 64 feet, right? There we go. And I just press the mouse. No, it's, it's's when a movie predates rotten tomatoes They just aggregate all the reviews that came out that time. Are you yelling at him? What did you think?

What is it? I guess what I just cast it. I just said it alone. Oh I don't know was guess it again before he fucking look at me so you put that as like the the thing when you click on like the Ben yeah, yeah, you didn't say anything fucking guess it again I did say something I was gonna see it. I Did say something what I just say oh you thought I said I said 19 he said 55 he said 55 and 19 and then I said I've ever heard of those numbers 64 64 Bite him again. That was a maze 48%

64 Again, that was a maze 48% Wow 55 55 wins 55 55 I think I did 55 wins. I have to I can take a look So you always do you own we money? I don't know what you guessed because you instead of guessing a number You said what did I say and then you scroll down? What did you say you said like 16% I said I said 48 rolled down. What did you say? You said like 16%. I said, I said 48. I said 57 audios.

Let me read you this text of a mirror asking me to do this podcast. Sure. Because you knew I was so busy. Today I was like, I really don't have time, but I love you so I'm going to do it. Okay. I promise you. No, that was next. Are you free for a podcast around 11 a.m.?

It's going to be about 10 to 15 minutes. It is 36 minutes and 32 seconds. Well, we did two segments. It's 11.44. Okay. That's fine. That's in the zone. I did say 11 to noon. Did he also promise that you get food afterwards?

No, he must have, right? There's no way. There's no way I promised that. How long do you guys go for this? 36 minutes. Yeah, we're gonna stop right now and do one last segment. Thank you to ORA for sponsoring this very special episode of our show.

So special. Jake, you know that the holidays are about connecting with loved ones. Of course. And there's no better way to connect than by using what wire cutter called the best digital photo frame. Yeah, you can connect with anyone from any distance. This is a great gift.

You actually gave this gift to your mother. Did you not? Not just my mother, but Jill's parents, Angel's grandmother. So how does it work? You give them a digital picture frame and then before long they plug it in and they're seeing photos that you took.

Yeah, you have access to their picture frame. I can upload any new photo that I take of my daughter. I can just pop it on my mom and dad's frame. And then you can send videos too. That's cute. And can you upload send videos too. That's cute. And can you upload like a little silly cheeky message? Like, help, I'm trapped in the photo frame. I, yes, you could do that.

That's fine. I don't think anyone would like it. Because it looks like kind of like a weird cry for help. They'd rather just see pictures of love just just to send videos. And they don't even want to see me. That's fair actually. Yeah.

Okay, so if that's not personal enough, you can even upload a video message to play as soon as they plug it in. Like I'm trapped in the photos. Or whatever. Whatever you want it to say. And this holiday season, ORA is having the best sale of the year.

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the perfect gift for the perfect family members. Yes. Terms and conditions obviously apply. Always. But again, that's aura frames, a-u-r-a-frames.com promo code head gum to get $30 off. Amazing. Thank you, aura.

Thanks. Jake, it is the season. Yeah, it is. So, thank you to Uncommon Goods for sponsoring this episode because it's just in time to kickstart your holiday shopping. That's right. But, if you're listening to this, good news. There's no need to panic.

Thank God, I was about to lose my shit. Uncommon Goods is the perfect way to buy gifts because you're supporting artists in small independent businesses and their fine products made in small batches Okay, beautiful. So they're high quality they're unique and they're often Handmade or made in the US. That's right. It's gifts for every person in your life We're talking art and jewelry to kitchen home in bar. They have something for everybody It's not like a random lackluster gift card to a thankless place.

I mean, we're talking about unique and awesome gifts that you can give to people that are affordable. Yeah. And they've got a really nice gift guide. So if you're struggling for ideas, they give you some nice little like brainstorming, get your thoughts moving, start thinking about exactly what you want to get somebody.

It's really helpful. They even have uncommon experiences, which is more than just a virtual class there, unexpected opportunities to have fun and connect in new ways from tarot readings or romantic map making, cooking, and mixology classes, and more. Amazing. And you're doing a good deed because with every purchase you make at uncommon goods, they give back a dollar to a nonprofit partner of your choice. That's awesome.

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Nice. Thank you. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show, oh my gosh, one of our day ones. That is true. I think giving the gift of a website is great because it's not like a physical thing that you have to store any place and they can share their gift with anybody

by just texting or emailing a link to your gift. Yeah, it's pretty perfect. I told you I just got my domain back, right? I used Squarespace to put my own website back online. Holy smokes, what is it? jicherwoods.com. That's right. Oh my god.

Five to ten years in the making. I don't know when it was that I lost it, but is back. I only had to pay $28,000 for it. But after that, Squarespace let me set it up nice and easy on the cheap, because I did spend a bad amount of money getting that URL back. Yeah, well, if you want a URL that's available, Squarespace can help you get it for low-low prices.

You're not gonna be paying $28,000 for my guess, somebody that's squatted on jacarwoods.com, hoping to God one day you'll actually pay him a lot of money for it. Yeah, it was actually your brother. Geez, I'm so sorry to hear that. I feel like I could have broke or did better deal for you. Yeah, it would have been nice.

What's an available.com though, Jake, if somebody wants to buy something? Buymytie.com. Buy my T-Trusting. That's a pretty good one. That's like if I was wearing a tie, if I started wearing ties in these videos, yeah, and somebody wanted to buy them,

and I would just list them for sale on buymytie.com. That's a good website. That's good URL. That actually, it reminds me of the website that I was thinking of, which was buymytie.com. So it's like, it sends you a mix to build an assemble and trigger your tie. There's no way you were really sends you a mix to build an assemble and there's no way you were thinking of that before you heard my independent way in buying my tie.com and my time.com. Yeah.

By my tie of my tie. See, purchase a tie and you burst that tie a drink. Yes. So go to square space.com. You'll be able to see everything with a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just go to squarearespace.com, you'll be able to see everything with a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just go to squarespace.com slash segments to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Yeah. Again, it's very easy to use. Jake used it in just a few minutes.

Created a professional looking portfolio. Yeah. They have very simple pre-made designs for you. You can even build an online store. Yeah, they have 24-7 award-winning customer support. Everything you need to launch an awesome looking website. Right. Again, just go to squarespace.com slash segments to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Right on. Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you. This episode of our podcast is brought to you by another podcast called See the Thing Is. That's right. It's a podcast hosted by Grammy Award-winning R&B artist Bridget Kelly and Media Personality podcast director, Mandebe.

Right on. Uh, these two have nostalgic conversations. In their grown segments, they have political pop culture conversations and their honest segments. And yes, relationships slash hot-take conversations in their slightly segments, they have political, pop culture conversations and their honest segments. And yes, relationships slash hot take conversations in their slightly toxic segments. Beautiful. The opinions on the show are real and each week,

you'll lead with some new music recommendations. That's pretty fun. Mm-hmm. And it's not just those two ladies, they also have awesome guests like Big Freeta. Wow. Van Lathen. Huge. Chloe Bailey. Let Latham. Huge.

Chloe Bailey. Let's go. And more. My God, there's more. Yes. Yes. So if you want another podcast to add to the rotation, check out see the thing is. I mean, you know how to find this podcast. So I assume you know how to find that one. Yes, your text. The thing is, exactly. It will be an issue wherever you get your podcast. Right. Well, congrats on the podcast.

Hey, thanks, man. I hope this episode does well. I hope so too. And I think it will because this is technically our first guest, our official guest. To work. Yeah. And with that thumbnail of Amir biting you on the shoulder,

it'll be called Amir mere bites Ben, the new podcast from Headgum Studios. It'll be like a dead-eye style deep dive into me deep diving my teeth into your fucking tricep. The bite. Ha-un sits. Looks at the day bright. You're right, a fucking po-wam. Great. Give me a name.

Fine, fucking Ha-un. I don't know. You're fine fucking haun. I don't know Okay, your name can be David darkness Darkness everywhere, okay, but inside me light First time Darkness everywhere. But inside me light first how own in Harrison Then a Harry The stars stealing souls understanding life The universe bigger yet smaller inside

How own stirs We think the rotten tomato scores for hot wound to when nature calls I'm so tired. I'm excited. Dave. I'm gonna sue It's bleeding you broke the skin you sick fuck He's not even gonna let me have a goddamn race. I have no water. I'm dying out. It is hard. It is hot in here It is hot out here for how in shits I wouldn't do now All right, well, thanks for having me of course. I didn't a plug. Oh

When did this come up Monday next week December 11th Christmas I guess Hanukkah Yeah, for me, um Christmas. What do I got a good rejector jokes that come back slash tour I'm touring Ben Schwartz and friends which just recently sold out radio city musical and B.D. I was there Jake did come music good boy. He was good. Oh, when he was there. She's been very happy. I played all time You don't care about anything. I don't think I'll think you come any show that I know I also Jake bought tickets I would have come to me easily and he bought tickets. I'll then you a thousand more boy

What I'll then you a thousand dollars right now to write a poem for me you said support you What does that mean support you reading right poetry for us for a thousand dollars and I'll said support you. What does that mean? Support you. Read and write poetry for us for $1,000. And I'll come to you to show in Dallas. Dallas, what happened? When? Last week. Quick to go. Really?

Yeah, Jake was there. He took a picture of it. Actually, hot, and he shot the entire picture. Rejectedjokes.com backslash.tore. There might be new merch soon. A gentleman named Josh Dick, who's amazing, is taking over my merch stuff. And he's already getting ready to.

It's a hot dick. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm sorry. Soon a gentleman named Josh dick who's amazing is taking over my merch stuff and he's already getting ready to dick I'm sorry. This is like a really cool guy that's probably had to deal with that nonsense all the time. No, I was saying have you learned nothing from Howon? You're gonna make them change his name to Harrison then Harry Then penis That's not a bit though Josh is amazing and he also- But his last name is Dick. Was that fair to say?

Yeah, but what? That's not what this is about. I'm just saying his last name is Dick. That's a fine last name. Josh is- By the way, now I get why he doesn't want me to say his name on things. Josh Dick. God.

Anyway, so there'll be new merch at each show and I think we're going to have new merch coming out. But, uh, Rajesh Jo's about- about- Rajesh Jo's stucking on Baxle, I'm going North Carolina, going to San Diego, and then all sorts of new places that I haven't announced yet. But coming to New York City twice this year. In 2020. I'll be there. 2024 coming twice. I compete this time, Jackie.

All right. Are we going bigger than Radio City? No, I'm doing the opposite. I'm gonna do two to four shows instead of one big show. And what would happen if me or Jake was on stage during one of these performances? Jake would probably improv. Jake's absolutely destroyed because he knows what it's like to be in a big stage. He knows what it's like to make people laugh. He's a hitmaker.

He is yet. Yeah. If the rise to the occasion, ha-un style. Style. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what you would be like. If I had done anything of what you would be like? I would be on stage and I would be having a fucking blast and I feel like we would have a lot of fun

together and I would be able to set you up and support you, comedic. You have been blinked in days. I don't have to. What? I'm with you on stage at fucking Madison's Super Garden. It's not Madison's Super Garden. Where are you gonna play instead? I think I can say it. We haven't announced yet.

Careful, he's about to bite you. Stop it! Barclays. Bar. Careful he's about to bite you. Stop it. Barclays. Barclays like a hundred thousand people. All right guys, thank you so much for having me. Remember um a mirror.com. What's your thing? Rejected jokes. Rejected jokes.com for me. Slash Tor you can see there. I'm a reject jokes and Instagram Twitter. Oh, you know what? Let's do a TikTok right now.

What does that mean? To a TikTok. So instead of leaving you would just lean into some a vertical Viral vid. Isn't that what you do? Is that your whole thing? You love TikTok? I love TikTok and I do like going viral, but it's hard to sort of do it. It's a TikTok right now And people know like oh, this is what happened. Sure. Get your phone to a TikTok. My phone is currently Oh, that's good. This is a good segment. Yeah, do a TikTok. I'm here in Ben, do a TikTok. Why is it us two, aren't you doing a TikTok? Well, you came in your own home, man.

Well, because I'm kind of directing. Of course, you'd have to record it and send it to me. No, that's not a TikTok. Oh, you want to meet a recorded in app. Hot, un-sit, unaware of what the world around him brings, silence, depth, weight, feeling, hunger. Without hunger, what are we? Food is sustenance. Is sustenance life? Sitting, waiting. Birth, hot wound, is Harrison in a Spike Lee joint with Harry, Oh, how good. Six.

You're doing it. Just commentary on mine. You talk about, thank you, Jay. Bravo. It's the come up with an idea that you guys take care of. I'm going to have fun. I'm just saying I was difficult. Jakey love you.

Come here. I miss you. I miss you. What? I miss you. I see you in New York in March. Maybe I see that dingo. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. We got it. Dingo. Come here. Come here, buddy. Good thing, Emure here come here come here come here come see that is beautiful dog Dc's out good dog, okay, here we go. Okay beauty. It's just the head. Oh my god Just the head. Oh, no, it's a full dog. It's a full Can you see my baby? Yeah, that's what a good dog. He's a good dog. Can you see him, Ruby? Yeah. That's kind of a good dog.

He's a good boy. I am, I am, this is not a bit. I am probably 30% responsible for J.K. having that dog. Really? What do you, I think, wait, can I get the percentage? 55. Oh, you owe me 20%.

Well, yes. We should ask Jill. I feel like she would give, she would maybe give you 75%. Maybe that's the tech. I feel like, yeah. Can she would maybe give you 75% maybe that's the take feel like Yeah, can we? I have an idea. Can this be the next segment when I leave yeah, a mirror has to do one of the dancing take talks Like one you know how everybody dances. I don't know how to do the dance

Well, you watch it once then you have to do it Watch it once Watch it once To literally I joined a workshop For me to go from zero to care guys fun to hang out. I love her a month You're the guys. I'm out to do I think later guys When I do a dance wait, tell that 44 minutes. Do you even need a second? Do you have enough? We need one last one eight minutes? Super short right now. Well, let's go quick come up with something improv style

Guys are on a bench and fucking one of them as a hemorrhoid or something. I don't know how does this shit work I have to be oh god. I'd so much work to do. I can't believe this is so long This is taking 30 minutes longer than you promised you know I said 10 to 15 minutes and it's been 45. I have a meeting at time that I had to write for two hours for it. Yeah, that's at two from two to four. I got one that I got a dentist to 130 across the universe. Where? At Beverly Hills. Across the universe. There's a dentist that exists on our side of the world right where we are right now. Wow, actually. Wow. Okay, I look at your teeth. Eight minutes can we get food? Yeah. All right, let's do a take-top. One last segment. Jake do a take-top is what it's called. Okay. Where's

your phone? But my phone, well my phone is filming me. Yeah, every phone do a tiktok. Jake do a tiktok is what it's called okay, where's your phone? But I my phone well my phone is filming me Yeah, every phone is being used except for yours. You want the tiktok right? You're obsessed with tiktok's or some shit. I can't even keep track I'm down to do a dance. All right Jake does a dance. I'll do a tiktok We're I mean the phones filming me so I'll just do a dent you guys describe a TikTok dance to me. I can do it and You guys hearing no, I think it's really love. Oh, are you hearing this? Are you seeing this? Yeah, they're definitely stop This is what's gonna happen. Okay. I know what the segment is yeah

The energy in here is like we've been trapped for 24 hours 46 minutes the first five minutes have been setting up, but I had an e-mournable amount is like we've been trapped for 24 hours. It's been 36 minutes. The first five minutes have been setting up. But I have an e-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m He's four minutes, okay. Okay, this is what we do. We all say one non-PC joke. No, first time. Okay, this is what we do. Not so easy to come up with the segments, is it? Really? You know what would be good is the same one word

and not laughing one. Great, okay, everybody's not gonna say one word. You go back and forth. And we all say this, we all choose the same word and we say it until one of us laugh. Let's say. Okay. I'll say. Let's start with howoon. Howoon is two words. Well, it's one word sort of one name. Okay. So the game is already hog. I'm saying howoon until one of us laughs. Hogwash is actually a pretty good one. Hogwash. Okay. Great. But I'm so close laughing. I'm like, yeah, you're right. Yeah. Let me go first. I'm already and if you left while saying yours, you lose.

Okay. Are we doing hog wash or how? It could be either ready. Is the game going? It could be either hog wash or how? Hogwash or how you like this is a good. It's a good news. Okay, so this segment is called Jake has made a career of laughing at your terrible joke. So you know, he's going. Well, someone that we're pretty funny.

Ready? They were all pretty laps. Yeah, I'm going to go first. Ready and this game this segment is called hogwash or hot. hot. Yeah, I'm already laughing. It's too far. I'm gonna get going a little bit It's too funny. I'll start. I'll start hogwash your hone is too funny smiles are fine the verbal laughs you can't do Yeah, he never laughs. I don't need to laugh because I already know that I'm going to win go first go He laughs once okay, you you blew it nobody thought that was funny ready ready. Yeah Hone Nobody thought that was funny ready ready yeah How Okay, Jake's terrible

Verbal you at smiles are fine. You're it Okay, go Jake go. I'm not laughing at the well I'm laughing because you guys are fighting I was in line commentary no I just say the words only say one the game is called hogwash or how when that's how the game goes You're all not a see-out if you say we know the rules of hogwash or how It's a fucking known game. We've all right. We're playing we're playing we're about to start playing Okay, we're playing starting now any any sound that's not hogwash or how you're out, okay, right and yeah No miles are falling. Yeah, get ready smiles are fine ready three two one

hogwash hot on All right That was the end of that I was eliminated so. So it's you guys in the final battle. This one's for $100. Okay, ready? Hang me. Yeah. Hogwash.

Hoon. Hogwash. I can't believe I won the first game of Hogwash vs. Hoglish. I think you lost. If we wind it back viewers we're wind it back, put it on TikTok. Okay. Alright one more round. If the new hogwash or ha-oon challenge is trending on TikTok.

This one definitely. All of the kids are doing it. Please, please, stitch and play at home, okay? Ready? What is stitch and play at home, me? You can like add it to the video, okay. Doesn't it have to be vertical? I don't know nothing about social media. So I'll tell you, you told me I'm doing Instagram wrong. Okay, ready? What is Stitchin' Playin' Home Me? You can like add it to the video, okay. Doesn't it have to be vertical?

I don't know nothing about social media. So I'm like, you told me I'm doing Instagram wrong. He called me, goes, you're doing Instagram wrong. Call do. No, I DM'd you and I said, you only post about shows. That's yours. You were right, I don't know what I'm doing.

All right, haggwashau. Ready? That's how haggwashau and your average. Three, two, one. Ha-un. Ha-guash. H-1 H-1 H-1 H-1 H-1 H-1

H-1 H-1 H-1 H-1 H-1 H-1 Ha-un. Ha-un. I think that was a tie. You guys both laughed at the same exact time. Fine, bonus round. Are you crazy? Just ha-un. Ha-un only. Ha-un only. I've never seen this played one. How old? How old only? How old only?

I've never seen this played one. I'm so tired, I haven't slept in so long already. Ready just how old? How old is only? Just me and a mere. How old is only? Ready? I want to play.

You just said his bonus round because we both tied. All right, fine. Three, two. I'm going to lose. Let me play. You go first, Jake. Hey. I'm gonna lose let me play Ha-un ha-un ha-un Okay, you're out. Come here ha-un ha-un

Ha-un ha-un ha-un Ha-un. Ha-un. Ha-un. Ha-un. Ha-un. Ha-un. He's a champ. He's the robot. I got close. I really had to stifle it. Yeah, the smiles were fine. It was a really good roll.

We got a great ride. I was getting cried left and so long. It's not that nice. Have we played that before? Ha-guash or Ha-un? It sounds familiar. Did we do that before? I think we maybe put, we used to play on the old show.

It's the first segment we did with it, but yeah. Yeah, I hope this episode gets the most view. What number episode is this for you guys? Seven. I hope it gets the most views. And you have to play Hogwarts, I wouldn't have. And then I hope you find out that how wound is like, you can't say that.

It's a mess though. You said you can't say that. It's a popular Korean name is how I found it. But Kim Ki-hong, my friend Rob Kim, his Korean name is Kim Ki-hong. And so all the Korean that I know is from him. So it's him saying my comedy. It's like and he used to tell his dog to play dead. So say is dogs in the coconut. So the only words I know are like, dead grandma, hello. But I know I'm pretty good. And Ha-un.

I spent so much time in that house with that wonderful Rob Kim is the best. Do you mean Rob Kim? I didn't mean Rob Kim, but can you send him my poem and see if it brings false proof for him? Cause I feel like you're... Thank you guys so much for watching.

He goes by Harrison, right? He goes by Rob Kim Ke-Hung, but his name is K. Hong. First Robert, then Rob. I hope this wasn't mean to anybody. It was Hacquasharon mean to anybody. I wouldn't think so, but I've never played before, so it's hard to say.

Right. Well, thanks for having me. You're late, Jake. You had a hard out at noon. I have to go. I have a 10-b-lesson. I love you. Oh, 10-b-lesson.

That's why he doesn't want to work. Unbelievable. I know. All right. Look at this boat to work. Unbelievable. I know. All right. Look at this boat behind me. Yeah. Jake, I love you. I miss you. Love you boys. Thanks for watching. Bye everybody. you