If I Were You - 101: Bag of Poop (with Mike Schaubach)

Episode Date: September 11, 2014

Our wise friend Mike Schaubach joins us to discuss vengeance, marriage, and poop.This episode is brought to you by HuluPlus.com and MeUndies.com!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

And these for friends like Jake and Demir. You is for you, do you? And these for no blasts. These and she's in hashtag. And here on, if I were you. Childish. Giddy, I liked it. But cute.

Very. That's nice. What? Did you like that? You liked that? Tell me how it works. Do you guys have somebody record a new intro for every episode? Mike Shawbucklid is a gentleman.

And I clearly listen to every episode of this show. You begged us in an email saying, I'm your hugest fan. With love, love, love to be on the show. It would be a dream come true. So you listen to every single one. Yes. Cuddled up at his office. Scrubbing through episode 62 at seven speed.

You couldn't hear anything. No way. Fuck, fuck, fuck. All right, I got it. I got it. Cramming. Cramming for this. I fucking think they, I don't know.

They must do, yeah. We start and end every episode with a new original theme song written by our fans. That's crazy. That one was like, that was really good. Did they come in to like surprise you? Yeah. Some of them are amazing. Yeah.

That one was, that one was like our first one that's like, it was by Rosen Ryan, by the way. So let's give them some credit. Thanks, Rosen Ryan. That was awesome. Yeah. She's got a good Craigie. That's what they call that a Craigie.

What is that? Female singer sings like that. It's kind of like that bluesy bluegrass. Well, you have a, this is, Mike, let's just explain. Mike is a co-worker, a friend, a confidant, a lover. I appreciate that. What's your job, president? I'm the president.

Of post-production? Yep. So whenever we edit. That would be great. Whenever, is that true? No, it's director post. Director of post-production. You deserve to be president of everything.

At least post-production. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. So whenever we edit our videos, Mike's our guy. He's our boss. He's our editing boss. Am I holding this close enough? Yeah, yeah.

Because you guys are the nicest person in the world. Yeah. You're too sweet. That voice is coming from the perfect face for that voice. Oh, you're too sweet. Yeah. You can only have, like even if you're an asshole, it couldn't have lasted for long because you look and you sound like an angel.

Yes. You're an angel to us. You're a doe-eyed Mormon. And you're our first guest with a child. Yeah. Really? The first one? Yeah.

Right? Yeah. I almost was just like, no, Streeter. Streeter's got a daughter. Yeah, somewhere. Why did I say that? Yeah, Streeter's daughter. You must hear a lot of songs like that.

Yeah, it's a lot of kids things going on in my life right now. A lot of kids shows and a lot of kids songs and you start to like it. In the beginning, you get bored. Right. But then you start to listen and then when a good one comes on, you're cranking it up in the car and then suddenly you're cranking it up when your kid's not in the car. Really? You listen to those songs sometimes?

Yeah. You know the CDs in there sometimes? I really kind of want to hear that one. Like, well, what's an example? Well, you have a two-year-old son. I can sing some stuff for you guys. I have a two-year-old son. But before I sing, I will say for the kid shows, I started this new game with Blues Clues

because Blues Clues is still on, but it's old, right? So they're not making new episodes. I'm doing this thing where, and I'm trying to figure out how to like make it into a community thing, but how quickly I can solve the clue. Oh, it's like a mystery. Right? So you get three. So there's three clues.

The third one, like that's for little kids. Like by the time there's three clues, it's like, yeah. I'm fucking nailing it due to two. I swear to God, I get most of them. One is really hard. Two is like, okay, most people could get two. So I'm like really trying to practice. What's an example of like...

Sometimes you'll ruin the show for now. Like, what is Blue... No, Jack, I actually... It's a wallet. Like, you have no fucking idea, but I pretty much know what's going on. He gets it right. He knows what he's trying to say right. Yeah, yeah.

No, because, well, and that was the other thing I noticed too. Like, Rebecca and I were not saying the answers to things. Like, Blue's clues ask you. And so we were kind of holding back. When I realized it's like, Jack doesn't know he needs to like yell at the TV. They're asking him to yell at the TV. So now I yell at the TV, but it sounds like I'm like trumping a two-year-old. But that's a bad lesson to yell at.

That's not what you want the kids to think that it's a restaurant. The interactive show. Yeah, it's an interactive show. They go, what color is this? Blue? Yeah, I mean... Yeah, we're turning them into like little psychopaths. Does Jack...

Has he started yelling? No, he just calls it out. But he'll call it out after me. Like, green. And he'll be like, green. Oh. And now he's starting... He's cheating.

He's cheating. I'm teaching him how to be a cheater. But no, now he's starting to do it. So yeah, Blue's clues in one clue. That's my next challenge. That's your goal. So I'll give you an example. Okay, so it's Blue's birthday, right?

April 19th. And Joe had to figure out what Blue wanted for her birthday. Cake. Okay, so... Sorry, shut up. I'm like freaking out. First clue. It's a shirt.

Sorry. That's it? Green. Money. Apple. Color green. Apple. It's an apple.

Okay. Second clue. An empty aquarium. Oh. Interesting. Algae? Anything? No.

Wait, no, yeah. Give me a second. I got it. I'll definitely get it. An empty... So he's like, the second clue is an empty aquarium. Yeah. And then he draws it in his old book.

An empty aquarium? Yeah, empty. It's empty. That's dark. Empty aquarium. Empty aquarium. What it's... Yeah, what's Steve like at this...

Or is it Joe now? Yeah. It's Steve. Joe was first, because Joe didn't want to go bald on TV, so he quit. You learn all about that kind of stuff, too. The behind the scenes shit. Yeah. Because you want to know what happened.

Everybody said he did drugs and stuff. He just wanted to go work in music. Okay. It's a green, empty aquarium. Did you get it at this point? No. This was the one that I was like... Oh, check this out.

Wait a minute. I need to be able to get these in, too. Yeah. This is ridiculous. This is a green tank. He wanted to join the army. Okay. Interesting.

I have no idea. Okay, and the third clue was a footprint. This is what brought it all together. It was a webbed foot. Oh, is it flippers or a scuba diver or something? Webbed foot. Green, empty aquarium, and a webbed foot. And Jackson was the fucking get this?

He wanted a frog. Right? You're close. A lizard. Close. A tadpole. Keep going. Some other amphibious creature.

45 minutes. Yes. A green amphibian. Okay. What's green? Snakes. Would be in an empty aquarium. An empty aquarium.

Right? Wouldn't have water in it. Because the water isn't needed to keep this... A lizard. A gecko. I guess this one would need water in it. It's not a turtle? Turtle.

Did you already guess that? No, you didn't. Oh, it's a frog. It's a turtle. Blue wanted a turtle. Why empty aquarium? Because you know, turtles need a little bit of water. Yeah, they need a little bit of water, but the clue was the aquarium.

It's a terrarium, actually. When you have an empty aquarium, that's misleading. It's false. I'd like to pen a complaint. Terrarium. You should have said terrarium. I forgot what they called it on the show. Maybe they called it that.

I'm not sure. Anyway, they went to the pet store and blue got a turtle, whatever. A dog owns a turtle. I don't know. That's our time. Thanks, everybody. Hope this is not going to air. I wanted to also say real quick before we get started that you and Jack are the first father,

son duo to appear on our web series. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, that's so funny. Fuck, of course, Mike's been in our web series. Yeah, you played. Was your name Mike? My name was Mike. Yeah.

For everybody that wants to see what the nicest guy in the world looks like, which was really old California. And then hate his face, which is apparently what everybody did in the end. What was the episode? Do you remember the other they're called? Oh, God. Mike and Amir is one of them. There was four, right?

Yeah. It's like a four-parter where Jake leaves to California, new job or something. Mike and what was the name of the other character? Amy. Mike and Amy. No. Was it Amy? The girl?

Yeah. Yeah, Amy. Yeah, but what was her character name? Oh. Because it was called Mike and... Was it Rebecca? That was one of them. No, I wouldn't.

I would have remembered that. Oh, yeah. Because Rebecca is your wife. But Jack is the baby and baby Bjorn. He's baby Bjorn. We should have him back every year. Oh, my gosh. He's not bald anymore.

Like that seven-up documentary. It's so funny. I love that. So do you know how the show works? Yeah. Do you know what this is? Absolutely. Let me explain it to you, even though you do.

No, I do. It's an advice podcast. Yep. People write us emails, you know? Hundreds of emails. And then you say, just like Jeopardy, if I were you, I would. Yeah. We answer everything in the form of a question.

And we get money for it. Yeah. This is so great because I think... I've listened to a few of them, admittedly. Not all 100 or how many ever you've heard, but I've listened to a few. And I think sometimes you guys are a little reckless. I'm going to be honest with you. That's good.

We got to keep it up. So you know, I'm going to bring a little sincerity to this episode. That's what we want. He's a father. Yeah. I'm a dad. I have a responsibility. This is a unique episode because Mike is the person I would go to for advice.

Right. I was ever in one of these two suites that our listeners find themselves in. It's too sweet. So we're going straight to the boss. That... You can't wait. You can't wait to hear what is troubling your beautiful and wonderful listeners. Well, we need...

You should have a podcast. The questions that we can't answer on our podcast because they're too fucked up or too dark or not stupid enough. You should have a podcast that we should send to you and you can give us depressing. We're like a colander and we let all the interesting stuff fall down to the sink. You should just be there underneath us to catch it. Just catch all of the angst ridden. So these are people who emailed us if I were you show at gmail.com.

I don't want to give out their real names so I'm going to give them fake names to preserve their anonymity. Isn't that nice? Yeah. So can you as our guest on this program come up with a fake name for this lady who wrote an email? As a woman? Her name?

It can be anything. Yeah. Oh, wow. You're letting me get... Yeah. Star bright moonshine. That was awful. Okay.

We can't use that. I love this. It's garbage. It's really fun to see where people's minds go. Like you've come up with your own name for a person. It's so beautiful and pure. Star bright moonshine. Everyone's beautiful.

It really is like a personality test. Murph went straight to naming people after rocks. Yeah. Murph's like magma rock. Ben is on the show and he's like crouched and styrofoam like something you couldn't even understand. Star bright. Yeah.

I'll do hippie names. I don't know. It's good. Don't let us filter in any way. That'll be my stick. Star bright moonshine writes, Hey guys, so I recently went on a date with a Tinder person. We hung out with his roommates, played drinking games, went out later and I ended up staying over slash having sex with him, which I thought was fine because we got along really well.

But the next day after I left his house, I didn't hear from him at all. After waiting the whole day to see if he would text, I sent a casual follow up saying I had a good time. And he replied saying he had a good time too and that we should try and hang out some time. I responded with a joke and he didn't respond. I was pretty upset the whole week that he dismissed me so quickly because even if it was casual, I felt pretty used and disrespected when he didn't even bother talking to me.

Unsurprisingly, the next time I heard from him was a week later, Friday night at 2am in a text that said, Hey, name. What a dick. Hey, star bright. What a dick, right? So I know I don't have much reason to be upset at him or to call him out for being a dick because that would get me nowhere and probably wouldn't teach him a lesson as much as that is my goal.

What I really, really want to do is wait a month until he forgets about me and use this poop sending website to send a bag of poop to his doorstep. It's pretty cheap. They could send a quart of poop for 24 bucks. I think it's the right amount of revenge given the pettiness of my anger and the nature of the crime. Is it going too far or should I do it? Thanks, star bright moonshine.

What a great question. Tinder. What a great Tinder question. Tinder for me, because I've been married since I was... Since before Facebook. Oh, yeah. I got married in 2002. Yeah.

So I missed. Wow. And I married my high school sweetheart. So not only did I miss the web dating thing. Yeah. I missed dating. Yeah, you missed out on so much casual, meaningless, pointless, soul-crushing. I didn't say miss.

Emptiness. I didn't have the experience. You never had candy because you sat down and had a fucking 12-course nice dinner. That's exactly right. And then you blew your fucking brains out and out came Jack out of your head. Out of the turkey way. So I find Tinder to be very intriguing. What do you know about it as a father who doesn't...

I know everything. Who only uses Tinder to hook up on the side. Jake Hurwitz. Oh, Jake taught you about Tinder? He taught me everything and Jeff Rosenberg. That's all right. I didn't mean to rat you out there. No, that's okay.

I am a big advocate. Have you seen people use it? Yes. Have you swiped for people? And I've used it for people. People use it for me. Men and women have handed me their phones to let me swipe. People in relationships love swiping for single friends.

Yes. They love that shit. Because it's a safe way to live vicariously through someone else. I especially like doing it for women because I can see through the guy's bullshit. And I think that that's what this email is all about is the bullshit that people put up with both men and women when it comes to Tinder because the immediacy of Tinder lends itself to one night stands and booty calls because basically that's what happened. They had a one night stand and now he's following up with a booty call.

Yeah. Which for him is completely normal because hey, baby, we met on Tinder, what'd you expect? So how should we attack this problem? Because it's too facet, right? The first one is I feel like we're not even going to be on this show. It's like everything he says is right. So clearly she has an issue with the one night stand and she felt like there was something more there and he was giving the messages back that it wasn't more than just a one night

stand. Then there's the question of sending the poop, right? So should we first talk about maybe some of the issues that she's having on a maybe on a global level with with men in relationships or should we just go right to the poop and say, if I were you, I would send poop. Let's do the global one first. Okay. Well, zoom out a little bit.

Get the picture. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So my opinion on it is if you're using Tinder, you can't go into the situation thinking you're going to marry that person ever, right? If you think that you need to delete Tinder from your phone right now, especially if you're a woman because almost all the guys I know that use Tinder use it for hookups, right?

So know your enemy, right? Right. The cards are stacked. Yeah. Poor hookup. Like guys aren't going to go, oh, I just had 18 beers. Time to find a wife. God, I'm so fucking fucked up.

I can go marry tonight. I really can. Is that girl hot? I'm going to treat her right. Just beer goggles at my wedding day. I feel like I just want to get married or something. I just hit a grabbong and I'm ready to meet my fucking soulmate. There's someone that freaking challenges me and shit.

At the very least, let me swipe on Tinder and look for someone who connects with me on a fucking every other level other than physical. So this guy found this girl and they hooked up and then she's like, ooh, I'll send him a... What we're saying is that that is to be expected, a shallow meaningless hookup. And that's not saying that it's guys versus girls on Tinder. That's right. It's just like this is what the playing field is.

It's only shallow hookups. If you guys like having sex and if you connect, then that's great and you can continue dating and who knows, maybe get married. That's a bonus. Yeah, bonus. Right. But we're starting from less than zero. Everybody should go into it with no expectations that you're going to meet a troll and fuck

them and then never talk to them again. That's it. Which is what happened. Not that she's a troll, but she met someone and they boned. But you'll meet somebody that's not really going to blow you away. So does this guy deserve poop and should she send him poop? Well, wait, there's one more thing about the girl. So I think compounded on this issue is that maybe she is not as sexually experienced as

the guy. So maybe she hasn't had sex with as many men, which made this more special for her. Because sex is like a hundred and then the more times you give it, the less every single one of them is worth. That's right. I don't believe that at all. But... Okay.

Fair enough. If we want to discuss this point or if you want to just keep, because I know you're making a larger point. I just don't think that your sex diminishes you. This is where she... You don't think so? Do you think so? What?

Does sex diminish the more partners you have? If you have sex with a hundred women, is each one worth for one? I can't answer that question. I've only had sex with one person. And that was... Yeah, that's so exactly right. So I can't answer that question. That's my theory and Jake, you're telling me that it's not true.

So I have to say you are the professional in this situation. Well, you guys represent both sides of the range. First of all, let me just say I love you and where I think he's the best. But I'm just like, this is just, this is my experience where I haven't had sex with just one person and I think that I'm capable of loving just as much as if I had been with less people. Sure. So you're saying in this situation then, it was probably not that great for the guy.

Well, I guess I'm just... And that's why he was sort of hands off with her. My theory is that... If he fell in love with her, he would have texted her right back. I just think it's always easier for guys to have sex and be like, that was one thing that happened. Now I want to have sex with somebody else. And for women, I think more often they'll have sex and they'll have a good time and

a good experience and say, I would like to do that with that person again. The emotional connection. But a guy is... We're more into like... Quantity than quality. Yeah. It's like, oh, that was good with that person. Let's see if it's good with another person.

Yep. There's not as much return. And I think the problem is that she took that to feel used when she had a one night stand with him too. She used him. That's interesting. It's a two-way street. I think she could look into her soul and be like, you know what, that didn't mean a lot

to me either. Whatever. Fuck this guy. But it did mean a lot to her. It did mean a lot to her. She's saying she felt used because he was sort of... He sounds like a dick. He's like not being communicative after.

Oh, and then he... I'm an asshole and even I would do that. Yeah. You would have called her. Or you'd slept with someone and then you've given them a little and then you, like you said, fade away. Yeah, but this dude was a very hard fade. That was one text.

He didn't send a single text. He did. He responded to the first text. Then she made a joke. That's what I'm saying. He didn't send the courtesy text, which he should have. Do you always send the courtesy text? Yeah.

You always do, regardless of how well it went. The same day the next day? Always, yeah. Next day, same day? What if she just wants to chat all day, like this girl wanted to? Then I would fade it away. Then I would be like, oh, this is... And then would you have booty called her next weekend at 2 AM?

I don't know. I never really sent those booty call texts. I would try to line stuff up way earlier than like... The desperate late at night. Oh, shit. Nobody's... The thing that you have to realize about a booty call is like, I guess sometimes it works, but nobody's fucking you at 2 AM.

It's so clear to see through that. Interesting. I think you have to be like, all right, it's Saturday afternoon. I know I won't have sex tonight. There's like the things I'm going to do. Or I'm going to commit to going to a bar and trying to meet somebody new, but you can't go to a bar, try to meet someone new, fail, and then text somebody that you fucked two weeks ago at 4 AM and be like, hey, how's it going?

And they're like, what are you doing? Yes, but what if you're really horny and you have a boner? Then you could, right? Yeah, but then it's like... I think he was just... He was just... I was going to answer that seriously. I'm sorry.

No, because I want to segue... No, if you're horny and you have a... We have people to help. We have people to help. So I want to segue what you're saying, Jake, into, I think, my opinion. If she should send... I feel like we're on your podcast. I really do.

If she should send... Everybody just... Yeah, get in line here. If she should send the poop. I think sending poop is funny. I think there's better people to send poop to. I think poop is funny. Amir, you were in my movie called Poop, and I really appreciate that.

That's why I chose this question. This is great. I think that the best thing she can do is move on from this guy. The real way to get him is completely forget about him. Don't waste any... How much money did she... 24 bucks for a quart. That's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous. All right, because you're going to order that poop. Wonder when it's coming. Pun intended on shitload? Oh, yeah. Did I say shitload? Oh, shitload... Yeah.

You're going to... All right, but you're going to... So pun not intended. But you're going to stress and keep this guy in your life because you're going to track the shipment. You're going to wonder what he thought when he opened it. Then you're going to want to know if he knew who sent it. You're just going to keep wondering about this guy.

You have to think about it as a currency. What have I already spent on this guy? I've given him my vagina and a week's worth of worrying. I'm also going to drop $24 on him. What kind of shit is this website? Is it not human feces, is it? I think it's food safe poop. Yeah, I think it's something you can eat.

Like cow. No, I don't know. Food safe. Food safe. It is boatable. It is edible. I'm sure it comes from Russia. I'm sure it's not legal.

I'm sure there's a lot of... It's 100% human shit. It's just bad. You can save money by just dropping off a bag of shit at this guy's door. It can be your shit. Let's cut out the middleman. Yeah, wait a minute. So she...

Oh, I see they hook up at his place. At the very least, I advise you to save your money and shit on his doorstep. They hooked up at his place so she knows his address. Got it. Yeah, really, she should just stock him and tell him he marries her. If she's not going to think... This is an itch that needs to be scratched, though. What is it like if she needs to get him out of his head and she just wants to do something

like egg his car. It's like something mildly aggressive just so he knows that he's annoyed. I don't know, that's kind of fun. I like a nice casual egging. But annoyed... Oh, God. Doesn't that give him the upper hand? Imagine getting a package and being excited about the package because we're all excited

about packages and you open up the package, you're this guy, right? You're this guy. Yeah. No idea. This girl's like number 364 on your to-do list, right? You probably don't even remember texting her, you were so wasted. This shit shows up. What do you think?

Is he going to go... It's anonymous. It's anonymous. That's exactly right. So is he going to go, oh, that girl? No. Yep. And you know what?

I deserve this. I think she just wants to ruin... No, he's going to go... This is disgusting. She wants to ruin her... She wants to ruin his day. That's what she wants. I see.

But I think that... I actually think that the poop showing up on your doorstep is a funny enough story that it doesn't ruin his day. It makes his day. He'll laugh and tell people. He'll laugh. He'll be a conversation piece. And he'll use it to hook up with somebody else.

Yeah. I think you just have to let time run its course on this guy, because he's not going to be able to hook up with people forever, or there's going to be some girl that breaks his heart. Karma's real. Yeah. I mean, if he boobies for her again, she should just respond, like, fuck off, and then he'll know. Or what about say, yeah, I'll come over and then she never comes over.

That's funny. That's true. Yeah, you could leave him hanging like that. But I really think living well is the best revenge. And if not, then a bag of poop is the best revenge. It's for you. And that's the tagline for the website. A bag of poop is the second best revenge.

If you're not living well. And you're not because you're on a poop shipping website. Let's say some more people. I'm excited. That was good. I think we changed our life. That was good. You feel the rush now.

Star bright moonshine. Baby. Hey, guys. Oh, we need another guy's name. This is Edward Hors saddle. He's British. I went Western. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know where I went with that. Your eyes got so wide. Yeah, yeah. I was, I was gone. I went, I channeled. Where did I go? Channeled something.

There's sand on your shoulder right now. Like you would just emerge from a real dream. All right, ready? Yeah. Edward writes, Hey guys. So my girlfriend of six months or so broke up with me recently. It's almost her birthday. And before she finished with me, I got her a 50 pound iTunes voucher and a lot of Yankee

candles. I'm wondering if I should give her the gift or be a total diva and sell it slash keep it for myself. P.S. lost the receipt so I can't take it back. Lots of love, Edward Hors saddle. Well, I'll tell you, I'll tell you a story. So I, I, I dated, I dated my wife in high school and then she was a year younger than me and I was a senior and I was like, okay, well, I'm going out to college.

I got to get rid of this high school chick. So I'm ready for college women. And so I dumped her and it was like three days before my birthday, July 22nd, July. Yeah. Three days for July 24th, something like that. I'm an asshole. Okay. So I dumped her and she had purchased all of these birthday presents for me and she

brought every single one of them back to you or to, she brought them back to the store good for her. So I've experienced this and she did that and she brings it up to this day. She keeps reminding me all those fun things that she, I don't remember when it was. I was into golf. It was about that. I think this guy, she keep them. Yeah.

What is he going to do? You can't give it to her. That's weird. He's going to come off creepy. Yeah. Definitely don't give it to her. It's clear to me that what is a lot of Yankee candles? Can we just spend a moment on that?

I was like, can I just mention that's not a good gift? I got her a lot of fucking Yankee candles. The worst. Good, good for her. She really dodged a bullet. She, I gave her the most generic gift. You can give someone a 50 pound iTunes voucher, which means you know nothing about her. Nothing.

$15 worth of shit you can download for free and let's say shit that's going to take up storage on your computer that you don't want and 11 candles. I mean, that's just, I'm sorry to put this guy in blast for gift shopping, but that's legit not good. Unless she's into candles. I mean, I can see that. Nobody's into candles. It's into candles so much that they want a lot from Yankee.

I can see like, oh, I like candles and there's like a one cent that I enjoy. It sounds like he like mattering Yankee candles. It sounds like he likes the candles. He was hoping that she'd break up with them. Fucking Yankee candles and oh, I'm single. So I might just be a diva, have a little day, run a bath, I don't know, light all the candles at once. Wait, isn't that the receipt right there?

You said you lost the receipt. No, it's, it's, that's for, that's for something else. I guess I got to keep them. This guy's house burns down with all the candles. It smells amazing. People are going to fight the fire, but they're like, ah, shit. Is that watermelon or vanilla bean? Pomegranate.

Don't put it out, you fool. Chard corpse. My nostrils. Uh, so. Yeah, keep it. Keep it. That's easy. I mean, he doesn't want to be a creep.

He's a creep if he gave it to her. That's too many candles to give somebody. That broke up with you. Even when you're in a relationship, that's too many. It seems, the best thing you could do when someone breaks up with you is pretend like you don't care until you don't. Yeah. So if you still give them a gift, it's just, it's weak.

That's right. You're showing weakness, especially if she broke up with him. Yeah. She's not over you. Yeah. It's like, oh. But I gave you $68. She's not going to believe it.

Yeah. She's not going to believe it. Yeah. Yeah. Or whatever the exchange is. I don't know. Yank and candles are expensive. I don't know.

This dude broke the bank. He dropped 100 pounds on her. Yeah. 100 pounds. I'm using them. Yeah, it's good. We have a lot of English fans. Where did he went?

How interesting. Where did he went? Western, because these guys from England. Although, Edward Horse Saddle sounds like. Yeah, it sounds pretty British. Yeah, I gave him a Western name. Okay. All right.

Let's go live. Shall we? Yeah. I love that we call it saving lives now. We're saving lives. Absolutely. Baby. All right.

Oh, another girl. Christy Housefly. The fly writes, Hey guys, so I met a guy on Tinder. Things were going well and we moved it to text. After we agreed to meet in person, he tells me he has a podcast. Obviously, I had to investigate and my verdict is it sucks. I hate his voice and the content is boring. I don't mean his voice like his style of comedy, but like the actual quality of his voice irritates me.

Should I still go out with him? Well, no. Yeah. No? Why? I mean, unless he's so handsome, you can just tell him not to speak. Okay. Well, you know what?

The question goes on. Let's see if this gives us more details. We got along pretty well before I discovered his amateur hour podcast. Maybe it's not fair to judge him solely on this one thing. On the other hand, it is just a candid pop culture commentary podcast, so I feel like it's probably a good indicator of who he is in person. If I don't go out with him, how do I tell him I'm no longer interested without telling him his podcast sucks? All right.

Can you love someone whose podcast you hate? Let me try to take this. I'm going to do the first answer, first pass, because I think you'll be able to tell me if I'm right or wrong. Okay, go. All right? Yeah. So one, I will say, I believe that in the beginning of a relationship, she should feel smitten and adore everything that he does.

If she is like immediately irritated by his voice, that's already not a good sign. The animal inside your body is telling you that you're not compatible. You're not attracted to this guy. Second thing, I will just say in defense of his podcast that if he's just starting out, that's okay. He might get better. He might find his stride and his podcast might become better. I think it's cool that he's like taking an artistic risk. Thirdly, if you're not feeling him, you can break up with him just for the sake of breaking up with him.

You don't have to say it because I listened to your podcast. But she just, she agreed to meet with him. And then she's just going to change her mind on a dime and not explain. Yeah. Yeah. It's tinder. You can do that. Absolutely.

The other way to think about it is, are you done? Yeah. That was my three pronged. The other way to think about it is- You're just going to do his, and then you tell us which one of us was right. Okay, good. I like this. What can you lose in going out with him?

At worst, you waste a night, but you validate your doubts. At best, he turns your opinion around and you go out on more dates and maybe get married. So the worst is where you already are, and there's only upside. It's just one date. And that's a big thing to waste. That's all. You mean- And if I could rebut.

Because Jake had the last word and I don't think that's fair. I didn't have the last word. I don't want to fight in front of children. It's so nice today, and I don't think that's fair. I already complimented his pants, so don't even go there. And I complimented your body. I said he's lost a lot of weight. He did.

He's lost 15 pounds, of course. I know. We talk exercise. We talk workout. He went from a size 34 to a size 32. So I have my rebuttal. If you absolutely have to have the last word. I don't have to have the last word.

And I think my argument is sound enough that I don't. All right, go ahead. Okay, here we go. A night is not a huge deal to waste if the potential is finding a future mate. All right? Okay. How was that? And now I'll pick.

I think you both bring up a valid argument. Who brings up the more valid argument? Yeah. I think it has a lot to do with this girl. I'd be shocked if you trust Jake. All right, let's go. And her value system. Heartbroken, too.

She definitely doesn't have to tell him his podcast is bad no matter what she does. One thing, of course. And I didn't even bring that up. It's not an issue. A night is just a night. And she's the girl, so she's going to get a meal out of this. Free meal. Right?

Yeah. She's going to get a meal and maybe some drinks. So what? That's too much, dude. Somebody who's coming to see us on the way. I guess that's fun. Yeah. Go ahead.

Marriage is... Yeah. Everything is true. Choose me officially, because as of right now, I just feel like you're leaning towards it. I'm your first married guest. Let me just... Let me try to intertwine a marriage, a sage-like marriage advice into this.

Okay. Marriage is a long road that's... There's lots of wonderful things that happen in a marriage and they're great, but marriages are also very hard, full of compromise. And at the end of the day, everything cute, everything that you guys did when you were dating is completely stripped away and you are literally standing in front of each other. Bare bones, you're seeing the real human. You can't BS.

I've been married for 12 years. You can't BS for 12 years. Rebecca has seen the worst of me. So if she's already finding his voice annoying, it ain't going to happen, because... She could produce his podcast and turn that around, but she can't change the tone of his voice, which is the thing that she's finding most annoying about him, the way he speaks, which is how people in a relationship communicate and with nude pictures. Of course.

But it's just tonight. God, you guys, you made this hard on me. It is tough. You actually do have a hard on me. I will say this. Okay, I'm going to go for it. I will say Amir's right. Bullshit.

Oh, sorry. I thought you said Jake. What? Because tonight is just a night. She's going to get a free meal and sometimes when people do podcasts, they put on a voice. So maybe that's his podcast voice. Even if it's a 1% chance, it's worth that risk. What else is she going to do?

Say yes to life. Go meet somebody now. I just think you should look into your heart and you're talking to Mike or her now. I really think you should look into her heart. Think back on all the times you trusted your gut and how many times you were right and I think you'll find you insane. Almost 100% of the time, your gut is right. I think me and Mike might have convinced you.

Would you change your mind right now? It is just worth one night. Free meal. Free meal. Cocktail. I don't know. A night is a big thing. No, it's not.

It's two hours. It's not even a whole night. I don't think I entirely understand their relationship. I thought they had already met and then she listened to the podcast. No, they just chatted over Tinder and before they met, she heard the podcast. Oh, I can't wait to hear about this date. I hope she goes on it. Please follow up.

What did I call her? Christine. Housefly. Housefly. Please follow up with an email and tell us about the date. Go out on the date and let us know how it was. You can go out. That's an incentive to go on because then we can call in and tell us about the date.

What's that TV show that used to be on where they go on a date and then they all voted in the 80s? The Love Connection? Love Connection. It's like that and you come back after the date and tell us about it. So if you go on the date, let us know, email us and we'll have you call in. We can talk. This is so exciting.

We can chat. Maybe Mike will come back. We'll interview her. What a joy. Let's take a breaky poo. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional

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Wow. For years and years and years we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace because it's the best way for dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design to create a professional looking website. So if you're building an online portfolio for yourself or a loved one or you want to sell stuff online, you can do an online store. They have 24 seven live customer support, email campaigns, data. You can even purchase a domain name through Squarespace.

For example, I didn't even look this up but there's no way you can't buy a mere Blumenfeld is a good dude.com. I bet that's available and you can have it today and you can buy it through Squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life and maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season, a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want a website? So the best way to do that is to go to squarespace.com slash if I were you for a free trial and

when you're ready to launch, just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain again, squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial. Everything looks good. Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you Squarespace. Let's talk about more about marriage since we've never had someone with such experience in wedding, in wedded and wedded bliss.

Not only are you married, but you are a, you're, what is it called? You're in your, okay, hold on, I'll get it. You're faithful. No, you're, what is it when you can marry people ordained? I'm ordained. Yeah. I've married, I've married two couples, three couples, three, one divorced. That's not bad though.

That was my first one. Still below the national average. And then I married my cousin, my cousin and his wife, I told everybody I was marrying my cousins. I thought that was funny. Yeah. And then, and then I just married my, my best friend here in just up on the hill actually at the Japanese restaurant.

So tell me if you think this is true. I don't, I've never been married, but would you say this is accurate? When you first meet someone, you're on your best behavior. Yes. That's the best version of yourself. First, you're like, I'm trying to project. This is the 100% the best person I can be. And you keep that going for as long as possible.

Yes. After a certain amount of years, you know, you start farting in front of the other person. Well, that's, yeah, for me it's days. You start doing the other thing that you've been hiding doing behind the back of the person. And then within, I don't know, X amount of years, how long does it take for you to be like you are when you're single in front of her? Oh God. Like just you, the real you.

Yeah, the real you. Well, I mean, for me, I, she saw that before we were even married because we dated for five years before we are. You can't keep up the ruse for that long. No, you can't. I mean, it's impossible. And you turn into a crazy person. I feel like you're talking about two different things, things that are like, that are disgusting,

like picking your nose and farting. And I'm talking about like, but then, but then like the real or shit is like, oh, I told you that I had, that I like was attracted to a girl who had a career, but I'm actually attracted to a girl who's going to raise my kids. That's like, that's like, that's like, oh, our relationship is fundamentally flawed now. But then the other thing is like, okay, I don't mind watching you pick your butt. That's, or like at first in the relationship, you love like, you will, where do you want

to go eat? What do you want to do? I want to do everything for you. And then it's like, oh, I want to do some of my stuff on a career. The flower stop. Yeah. And that's like the classic. Oh, you never do anything nice for me anymore thing.

Statistically they say that the honeymoon's over after three years for a marriage. Most marriages end that we're, that are not going to make it after three years. And that's such a short amount of time of a marriage. So like when you're making your decision, you're basing it on like 2% sample size. Because the next 50 years are just who you want to, I don't know what's the most important thing. But you also, I think you also transform for the person too. Like there are things that they don't like about you that in order to stay with them,

you change in yourself. So you do in a way become a better person because you become a married person and a married person shares everything, right? And you don't do that when you're single. But yeah, like the gross stuff, that happened for me like very quickly. We were in high school. So I mean, like we like fart in front of each other and stuff like that. But yeah, like big time stuff after three years, definitely.

I mean, I'm 12 years in now, like I don't know, I can't think of anything she hasn't seen or heard out of me, you know. You're not hiding anything. I have nothing. What helps that you're like a good person through and through. Well, that's pretty sweet. You have no demons to hide. I mean, I have body stacked in the basement, but like it's better that she doesn't know

about that. But it's adorable when you kill people. Yeah, right? It's fucking charming. Yeah, you like slice smiley faces into their fucking skin. Oh my God. Here's a question. When I meet a girl today, how long will I have to be with her for her to know me better

than my best friends that I've been friends with for 10, 15 years? Oh gosh. Like does Rebecca know you've met more than any friend you've ever had? Yeah, I think so. So like if I meet someone now, this girl has this girl's out of 15 year disadvantage. She is if she's very possessive just a year. Oh, she'll know me more than any other my guy friends that I've known so great that she does the context always so different.

Like you spending time with a in a relationship, you're doing things that you would not be doing with friends. That's right. Like you're like actively trying to learn and communicate with friends were sort of more like passively entertaining each other. Right. The relationship you're like fucking. Right.

Like you see each other naked and like crying. Right. You do a lot more intimate things, but maybe they don't know you in exactly the same context because like they're not doing your inside jokes and the things that you like find important with your friends. But then your friends aren't well, I don't know, I'm fucking an idiot, Mike's the married one. You're absolutely right.

And you had a good marriage. You have separate experiences. You have separate friends and you're going off and doing things separately. And then you share those experiences, but you're not having everything with them. You know, okay. So also not living together two years. If you live together in one year, she's gonna know you better than your best friends. Wow.

She might not. It depends on how much you're willing to share too, because there might be that story that you're not willing to give up. Of course. Right. So that in that case, that's, there's a tipping point. There's a one story. There's a one, there's that one girlfriend you haven't brought up yet or whatever that

one thing is for the moment you tell her that, then she knows you're the best. What about phone voice? Phone voice? Mm-hmm. As an example of putting on airs, when you're in a new relationship, if someone calls me, I'd be like, Oh, hey, hey, how are you? Yeah. Yeah.

And it's like, whoa, why is it me you're talking like that? But then by the 12 year mark, if Rebecca calls you or your buddy calls you, will it sound the same on your end? No, I have a, I have a phone voice for Rebecca and I, because I always like to bring a positive attitude to the marriage. And I feel like the way you present yourself, the facial expression in the morning, maybe when you're a little hungover or whatever, like it's pointless to just kind of come out all grumpy and bleary eyed.

So I'm always trying to be happy and cheery and positive and even on the phone. Hi, honey. Yeah. That sounds great. Just keep it going. Right. Keep it going. But if it's your friend, you're just like, yeah.

Every little thing. Right. Yeah. Hey, what's going on? Hey, what's going on? Because of friends. All my friends are Matthew McConaughey. All right.

All right. All right. Would you say your friendships are less? But yeah, it's not fake. It's like you're doing them a favor because now at, you know, when you're in a marriage, you're sharing your life and you're sharing all the hardships. So there is enough like bullshit in the world that just attacks you on a daily basis. Your home is your safe place and make that the happiest place possible.

And when you're not happy, don't fake it. But like if you're, if you're neutral, take it up a couple of clicks, throw a smile on, pop a Mentos, give a little kiss on the cheek. This is, this is my talking to Jack in his crib. When is, when is Jack going to have a little sister? I feel like she really, he really deserves a little sister. So that you got an email from my mom. Oh God.

And you know, if you have another baby, it's not going to be another boy, right? Is that statistically, is that right? No, I just can't see Jack having a little brother. He's going to have a little sister. He's got to have a sister. Wouldn't that be sweet? He'd be the best older brother. I don't know.

Am I getting baby fever? A little, I guess. I wanted the kid, so I'm happy about it. I convinced her. That's good though. I convinced Rebecca. Nobody wants kids. I did.

I did when I was 27. Wow. Because I'm from the Midwest. So all my friends were having kids. And when I was 27, I started to really start to, my talk, my clock was ticking. Wow. But I just like, let's have a kid. Yeah.

Every single year. Year until four, five years. Wow. But I'm glad we waited. We were married 10 years before we had a kid. I highly recommend that. Have a marriage. Have a marriage.

Now, some people are especially. Depends on how old you are. People are getting married so much later now. Yeah. But yeah, pay attention to the clock. But if you have time, be married without children as long as you possibly can. Because once you have kids. Game over.

Yeah. Because they turn you into something different. You're no longer. You're no longer the single married man. You guys are like getting a kerf on that. Right. Now we're like just making the kid happen. Brother's an arm.

Yeah. And what's also nice too is, you know, a lot of divorces happen after the kid goes to college. Because in those cases sometimes, I'm not going to do a blanket statement. But people have the kid right away. And so they've never had their mommy and daddy time. And so when the kid's gone, what they realize is they've built their entire marriage around the kid.

So when the kid's gone, their reason for being married is gone. So what's great about having the marriage before the kid is that when the kid leaves, you just fall back into the marriage you had before you had the kid. Is that why people have multiple kids? Because it's like, oh, you have a two year old and now you're like, oh, I miss having a baby. That's it. So you just want.

That's what I'm feeling right now. You want to like restart. And like just becoming a big boy and like I really missed like holding him and like cradling him and, you know, feeding him a bottle and I can see you doing that with Sarah. That would be his little sister's name. Yeah. It's Rebecca's middle name, baby. No, we actually already have a girl name.

Picked out. What is it? Molly. I can tell you. Oh, Molly. Molly. It's Rebecca's grandmother's name. Starlight Moonbeam.

Starlight Moonbeam. I'm dying. Are we going to save another life? Okay. We're going to save one more before you have to go. Okay. And not that you have to go, but we are telling you. I do need you.

Oh, yes. Okay. You said, you were in a meeting and you left for like, you said, oh, hold on. I have to run to the bathroom. And then you walked into here and it's been over 50 minutes. People are just waiting for you, twiddling their bags in the office room. Yeah. I actually started a thought.

Yeah. You're like, you know, like guys, can you just hold on one second? I just have to go outside and burp. And then you left and you just started the podcast. Yeah, exactly. They're just waiting for me. Can you give me one more guy's name? One more guy's name is Christopher Sunnyside.

You're excited about it. What a fun name. I'm Chris Sunnyside. And he writes, so I've been going steady with this great girl for about six months. It's all been really great. Recently she broke her iPhone. She hatched a plan to go in and joke flirt with an Apple genius to try to get her phone fixed for free.

It was just a funny joke at first, but this Apple store guy put his number in her phone and followed her on all forms of social media because she's just so nice and she accepted all the requests. Now they're texting back and forth all day, it seems. He's 20 something and she's 17. He's a homeschooled ex heroin addict. Not going to lie. He's not exactly horrible looking.

I talked to her about it and she said she's trying to just be friendly, but it's still weird. Should I be afraid that my girlfriend is going to leave me for this Apple store guy or should I just trust that she's being nice or is there another option entirely? I would love your advice. Thanks, Chris Sunnyside. Three some. Shit.

You finally got your girlfriend and he gave that advice. This is a sticky situation. You'll know after a three some. You'll know. Yeah. If he did heroin or not. Yeah. Yeah.

He's got that heroin dick. That syringe dick. You'll know as soon as she agrees to have that three some. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's tough because you don't want to be the jealous guy that's like, stop texting

this guy. But then it's like, maybe stop texting this guy. There is like, there's something so unattractive about jealousy. And I think there's always the danger of him prodding this relationship along more than his girlfriend would. If like, if he is jealous, then it gets in that girl's head and she's like, oh, this is sort of like, why is he jealous? Maybe there is something here.

Maybe like, maybe I'm with like this fucking loser who gets envious so easily and I should be with this ex heroin dealer who really overcame adversity and got a good job at the industry. He's a really good guy. Yeah. If he could fix my phone, imagine what else he could fix. I mean, he did probably one of the hardest things ever, which is kick heroin. Yeah.

And I'm not going to lie. He's not horrible looking. Yeah. That means the dude's a goddamn smoke show. She's flattered because he's older, right? She's still in high school. Probably. Flattered, flirting, yeah.

She probably thinks this is funny. But it is like, what do you, I don't know. I think that is like a weird situation because you would, I would say leave it alone, don't do anything. But then what if he's just like behind his back, this relationship grows and fosters a. You don't want to be a cuckold. Well, this is my thing with like the meddling.

Cuckold with him. This is like the meddling thing. I'm like, if your relationship is strong, then nothing can break it, even the sex heroin addict. Do you just trust it? That's not true. I like, relationships can be strong and then be meddled with. But to the point where it'll ruin the relationship.

Can you imagine being in such a great relationship that there's a guy out there that can steal your girl from you? I can't imagine meeting such a great relationship that there is, but I can imagine him being in one that's like comfortable and good and fine and gonna last. And then some weird little meddler comes in and he's like, Hey, well, look at me. Look at me. And then like the people, I don't know, I just think it's fucked. But like you have, what do you think about meddling?

I can't like, I hate meddling. I have some of the skeesiest guys have taken girls away from me. I hate it. I like it. Renaissance guys, carnival guys. This is all Rebecca too. No, I met Rebecca, my senior year in high school. So I had some girlfriends before her.

But if some guy was meddling with Rebecca, well, I hate, well, I'm sure she gets hit on. She's been with you for 15 years. She probably wouldn't say it. I always said that he was a meddler, but a guy in college, he was starting to move in on her. Mikey meddler meddlesome. And I had to, I had to, you know, we had conversations about it, but I didn't go crazy.

I don't think she could listen to this and be like, you were crazy, but I don't think I was. I just bunched a wall. You know, I think, I think any way you put it, this relationship is probably over because whoa, listen, he's a jealous person. So that means he needs to be with somebody who understands jealousy is maybe just as jealous as him. Or as soon as he's jealous, like shut down, whatever it is making him jealous.

That's the kind of person he needs to be with. This guy doesn't sound that jealous. Well, he's just like this. My girlfriend. Yeah. Okay. So what you're saying is he's having just a normal reaction to my 17 year old girlfriend. We get some like serious jealous jealousy.

I don't want my girlfriend to go to a party because she might meet someone like that level. Oh God, that's crazy. Yeah. That's insane. But I think this guy is like, he was down for the girl to try to flirt with the guy to get the, get her phone. And that that part was a little weird. And that's like, no, it's, I think, I think it's gone too far.

I feel like you're justified in saying something. And she's justified in, I think you just have to say it without any expectation. You're just like, look, I. I thought this was funny. Not that you guys were going to be texting. I'm not cool with this. So either you stop or you're, you know, this is, or I'm, or I'm not going to. Is that fair to say?

Yeah. For a guy? Absolutely. Does that make him a jealous creepo? It makes him jealous, but not a creepo because this is, I, I would react the same way. And I don't think that I'm a creepo. Maybe I am. I don't know.

I think the only problem ever comes when like, if he goes up to her and he's like, you have to stop texting this guy. I won't stand for it. Yeah. Like just be honest with what like, you don't have to be fake strong when you say it. Why don't you just go and be like, this is making me really upset. It's making me uncomfortable. It's making me feel insecure.

I don't like the way it makes me feel. And if you're going to keep doing it, then I think you don't treat me well and I don't think I should be with you. That sounds logical. I agree with that. You're staring at me. Cause I don't know what you're going to say. This whole thing about the guy with the podcast voice because I really think I can tell you

got my answer. What about stealing her phone, setting up a date? And then when he either, Oh, like setting up a sting. Yeah. Sting operation or just having him show up and she's not there. Or what if you're like, all right, if you trust this guy, why don't you ask him out and see if he still dates you.

And then if he wants you to go on a date, you'll believe me, see, he's trying to fucking break himself. She knows that he's trying. He's trying to like flatter. She's just being like, I'm trying to be friendly. I don't want to ignore the guy, but I'm sure he's aware that he's like, did he fix the phone for free? That's like what?

A couple hundred bucks right there. Right? Yeah. That's pretty. They need to watch in decent proposal. So like, how would you say? Woody Harrelson, Demi Moore. Uh-huh.

James Kahn. No, James Kahn's in the, in the other one, Nick Cage one. Who was the guy in that anyway? You know, he lost at the poker. Oh, he offered his wife at the poker table. Yeah. And he's like, for a million dollars, could I just sleep with your wife? Yeah.

Robert Redford. And so how did it go? What happened? Well, she probably just falls in love with the guy that offered the money. Well, yeah, she did. It got real. It got real. Oh, cause like they slept one night together.

They slept one night together. They took the money and then their marriage was like a wreck. And then I don't know how that one ended. I always like to combine that one and Honeymoon in Vegas. So in Honeymoon in Vegas, James Kahn turns out to be kind of a creep and then he has to go get Sarah Jessica Parker, Nicholas Cage, and he becomes, he becomes a pair. They should just combine the movies because like infusion proposal, it has nudity, which is awesome.

And this guy's girlfriend watching with the apples. Honeymoon in Vegas, Honeymoon in Vegas has the best ending. So combine those, watch that with her and just see how she feels about it. Honestly, honestly, like this is a real, this is real. Get in decent proposal and watch that together. Don't say anything. Just be like, I heard this is a really good movie with what do you hear also give me more? Robert Redford.

So bad. And would you fuck that guy for a million bucks? I think you should walk into the Apple store and just like pick up an iPad and like, so what's the deal with this? Boom. Boom. Boom. Smash it.

The piece is on the counter. You text my girlfriend again. That's your face, dude. Sir, you owe me $499. Actually, that was a $64 gift. You are a heroine. You homeschool junkie. I don't do heroine.

I'm pretty into climbing. I'm pretty into climbing. How does he have so much detail on this guy? Yeah, because that's how jealous he is. He's just learning everything about him. He's so jealous that everything about this dude is disparaging. He's like fucking 20, he's texting a 17-year-old, he's an ex-hairwin addict, homeschool loser. We're not going to lie, he's actually fucking hot.

That's it, too. He's feeling a little inadequate, I think. Yeah, he's definitely got black or brown hair and blue eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like you. 5'8". Yeah, 5'8". That's not very tall.

162 and a half. You're just describing yourself. Your piece of shit. Think sure. I would be nervous. Any girl should want Mike Shawbuck. I'm going to tell you what. Too sweet, too sweet.

That's it. How'd you like that, Mike? That was fun. I think this is good. We always say that these episodes get real, but this was a really real one. I appreciate that. I would love to have Mike back. I'm the Mike dude.

Oh, I would love it. Dr. Mike. Do you want to plug anything by any chance? I have nothing to plug. People do listen to this. They do. So what about your movies? Is there a place people watch anything about?

Yeah, they can go on YouTube, search Poop, actually the best way to find it is if you search on YouTube Poop, Amir Blumenfeldt, because Amir's got such a presence on YouTube. That's the easiest way to find it. Amir Blumenfeldt, Poop. It was a short film that you wrote and directed. That was a short film that I wrote and directed, and it was nice enough to be in it. Yeah, it was a lot of fun to make. You actually never run did a, we'll talk about slavery, you never run did a paying for me

for that. Yeah, I, yeah. You said, no, I did. I think I did. You did, but not my full day rate. Yeah, not your, yeah. You said, here's a couple hundred for now. And I said, okay.

So I need 1500 today. So much money. And then you're like, I don't know if my LLC has that quite yet. I'm like, okay, let's revisit this conversation. That's exactly right. I said rain check. And then you said, yeah. And then you said, I have a son to raise.

And you said, I don't give a fuck about your son. I don't want my fucking dating. I need another $600 right, or I delete the footage, the source material. And if you guys have your own questions that you want us to try to answer, probably without Mike, unfortunately, send that to, if I were you, show at gmail.com. So if you have your own theme song or thumbnails for the podcast, send those over to the opening one was written by Rosen Ryan. Remember that classic kids diddy.

And this last one was written by Justin conclaves. And he wanted me to pimp out his YouTube channel or his something else called sketch films for life. So thanks, Justin. Thanks, Rosen Ryan. Thanks, Mike. Thanks. And we'll be back soon later, guys.

Kill yourself in a star block. Ha. Dinner. Hold on. This is if I were you. Show real emails. Fake names. Hosted by Jake in a mirror.

Ha ha ha. The two best views. Chilling. Making fun of you. Showing truth. Breaking up the couples online and locally. Hopefully. They can help you do you.

Make you see. Plus their advice is free. Guaranteed. Because you know how much you love it when you listen to the voices trying to make them like choices. Coming from the studio or Jake's dad. Shed. Making you laugh in bed.

This show is hashtag this. Even said by the Pope. Taking jokes too far. Toda. Jake loves his porn star. Here's a cool nerd. His voice shall be heard. Seize the fucking cheese, please.

If I were you. The fucking show. Ha. Hashtag dope. Ha ha. You guys are the best. It's Mike Catherwick. And this is Dr. Drew.

We are from Loveline. We're the world's longest running and best sounding advice show. Which up until last year was only available on your radio if your station carried it. But now you can listen to us when you want. When you want. Where you want. Because every Loveline radio show is available as a podcast. That's to ship medical questions and hang out with cool people.

Like say Jason and Jenny Big. Darrell Strawberry. Darrell Strawberry. Pesquel Rotella. The man behind EDC. You don't have to ever miss the show because you can download Loveline now at Podcast1. That's podcastone.com.