If I Were You - 105: Vibrator (with Milana Vayntrub!)

Episode Date: September 29, 2014

Comedian/Friend Milana Vayntrub joins us to discuss feminism, spirituality, and the future of masturbation.This episode is brought to you by LegalZoom.com and Ting.com.See omny.fm/listener for privacy... information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 If you need some advice for the low-low price of absolutely nothing They can tell you something, it probably won't be good In fact, it won't be good, but we can laugh at it anyway When they begin to say If I were you, I probably wouldn't do that If I were you, I'd probably go back to months ago You should've asked us then If I were you, if I were you
Starting point is 00:00:37 If I were you Alana, you're crying Both my hands are on my heart That's it, that's all it takes, huh? I'm weeping, there was whistling The whistling was really nice, that got me too You're really feeling it I'm really touched that someone made that for you guys
Starting point is 00:00:58 Aren't you guys touched that? Honestly, 105 episodes, I feel nothing That did nothing to me You're dead inside Yeah, I felt like I've been saying absolutely nothing Our fans are more talented than us Yeah We deserve their adoration
Starting point is 00:01:13 That was Mike Labro Wow And you're Milana I'm Milana Veintrub, hey Veintrub? Yeah I would not have said that correctly I would have said Veintrub
Starting point is 00:01:24 That's okay, I wouldn't have corrected you or cared Ouch No, why? No, no, no, this is why Because my name has been translated from place to place And then into English And then tried to make sense in some kind of like German Russian spelling, you know And I don't know what the right way to say it
Starting point is 00:01:42 I just know how I say it Veintrub Yeah, I say Veintrub My sister says Veintrub Really? My parents say Veintrub Oh, that's cool So what's the most original as far as back as you can trace it?
Starting point is 00:01:55 Well, it comes from the German word Veintrub That's what I was going to say It sounds like a Russian saying Veintrub Yeah, that's exactly what it is But they just, it's like when someone said Veintrub with a Russian accent and someone just wrote it They transliterated it Yeah, exactly Does that last name exist anywhere else?
Starting point is 00:02:13 V-A-Y-N-T-R-U-B Like when you Google search that Did anyone else write it that way? Yeah, the people that are related to me Right But nobody that's not related to you that has your last name Not that I know of So you're the only Milana Veintrub in the world
Starting point is 00:02:29 Definitely Are you the only Amir... Blumenfeld? Blimenfeld? Blumenfeld? Blumenfeld? No, I think there is another one Because Amir is a very common name in Israel
Starting point is 00:02:41 Do you have a middle name? No, I take my dad's first name in Russian, Russian culture You take your dad's first name as your middle name So my full name... Is Milana Philip My dad's name is Alec So my full name is Milana Aleksandrovna Veintrub Oh my gosh
Starting point is 00:02:59 But I just... You're a gymnast now You're a dracula You're a dracula gymnast A vampire gymnast Well, thanks for coming on the show My pleasure I'm still so moved by that song
Starting point is 00:03:10 I can't really get past it I know, that was a really, really good one I'm impressed, first of all, that there are 105 people in the world Yeah Care enough about you motherfuckers Yeah To sit down and write poetry To music
Starting point is 00:03:24 Double that, whatever that number is, 210 Yeah, that's right Although there have been some repeats But it is over 200, I'd say Yeah That's a beautiful thing One in the beginning, one in the end Can we take a moment to put our hands on our hearts and be grateful for those people?
Starting point is 00:03:37 This is so weird, I don't even feel a beat I feel this It's nothing It's hollow This is the difference between us Because as soon as she said that, both my hands broke my heart I was like, yes, I want to feel it And you were like one hand in making a joke
Starting point is 00:03:50 We're like Darman Greg The other hand was on his dick and he was like, I feel nothing You couldn't get hard It's like a Ken Mound, it's just absolute polished nothingness How do people know you? You've been in some of our videos before Yeah, I've been in some of your videos What's your claim to fame?
Starting point is 00:04:08 I think people like to call me the AT&T girl right now From the commercials That's pretty legit, it's really fun seeing you when you say AT&T commercials Thanks, it's really fun to make them That's great It's like the equivalent of seeing George Basil in the Budweiser commercials for me too He's so good in those He's so George
Starting point is 00:04:25 And you're so, you're so you in those commercials It's great Lily, right? Lily I'm so Lily Milana That is a very You could be a Lily Thank you
Starting point is 00:04:35 You're a Lily And what's your guy's name on your show? Holy shit You said you were a fan and for what? You feel nothing again Just kidding, I am a really big fan You've actually heard this podcast before You wrote that song
Starting point is 00:04:51 She did the whistling actually That's how it's held in the back of your ears I've seen a lot of songs but none of them got in the air Honestly, when they're all the level of Mike Labrão over here It's not gonna happen I can't even whistle That's how good he is This is my, this is the extent of my whistling
Starting point is 00:05:04 It sounds like a teacat already That's as good as you can whistle? Yeah I can do better than that What's here, Jake? That is better, yeah Thank you I think I could beat both of you but it's been a while
Starting point is 00:05:21 And then it just turns into blowing It's just wind sounds Still poor but a lot better than us Which is all we really need So you've heard the show I would love to learn, sorry I'm like really derailing it Yeah
Starting point is 00:05:38 I won't talk, that'll be it I just wanna do like a taxi whistle Like a really loud Remember when you said you won't talk? Yeah, then I did, then I finished That's my self control You know it'd be cool to do the double pinky fill Jackson really loud Yeah, I feel like that's...
Starting point is 00:05:55 That's it, that's it, that's it I'm gonna edit in a choo choo train whistle For a minute and a half That was amazing She became a choo choo train I feel like that's something everyone should know how to do Like changing a tire or something, you know? Yeah, there's a lot of stuff like that that I don't know how to do
Starting point is 00:06:11 Yeah I feel like that's every popular internet article Yeah, it's like oh, like 11 things you gotta know how to do to be a... Before you turn 30 Yeah Oh shit Every 29 year old must know how to do these 15 things Do you know how to change a tire?
Starting point is 00:06:25 Change a tire? No It seems like you would You definitely have the... You carry yourself with an attitude that says I know how to change a tire That's all I need Have you seen someone? That's why I have a beard Yeah, I would assume that you know how to change a tire, Jake
Starting point is 00:06:37 And what about you? No That's correct That I want to lie and say I can Yeah, you considered it Because that's my attitude Yeah, you're like, I bet I could I could, I could definitely get her done
Starting point is 00:06:49 I feel like I associate you with someone who builds things Yeah, so do I Now you're thinking of Thomas Middlesex? I associate myself with somebody who knows how to build things Yeah It's just, your hands are so callous I do a lot of pull-ups
Starting point is 00:07:04 They're bleeding, they're cracked and bleeding all the time So I assume that you're... Jake's at home watching Netflix just rubbing his hand on a sandpaper Nobody can know I've got the disposition of a Southern Belle I'm a dainty ballerina That's enough, you two Jesus Sorry
Starting point is 00:07:21 We're just kidding Lighten up I have a tire, right? You're changing my tire So you know that this is an advice podcast It's called If I Were You It's an advice podcast People email us questions and we do our best to offer our insight
Starting point is 00:07:39 I've listened to this show before Okay, well I was just explaining it just in case somebody had... You thought she had listened You just assumed I guess because a lot of guests you've had on the show don't listen to your show Yeah, they're like friends or people that our fans really wanted you on the show That's so nice Yeah
Starting point is 00:07:56 Let's put our hands on the heart for a second I appreciate that Everybody put your hands on your heart and whistle Guys, we were out of time This is crazy Didn't get to a question I've learned how to change a tire after this Yeah, I'll at the very least look at a YouTube tutorial
Starting point is 00:08:12 I feel like I'm good at... We'll never mind, we'll talk about this a lot I'm trying to like save face We don't need it I have this... The only time I've ever seen anyone change a tire was when I was driving with my dad from Moscow to St. Petersburg Which is like a six hour drive Holy shit
Starting point is 00:08:28 Through the forest That's amazing, Moscow, Idaho to St. Petersburg, Florida Moscow, Russia to St. Petersburg Florida Wow, long drive Anyway And it was like raining, pouring rain And my dad's car went flat
Starting point is 00:08:46 And he put on like a hat And just got out there and started changing the tire On this land cruiser Yeah, on this shiny car And I get outside and I'm like, hey, Nia, do you need any help? And he's like, get back in the car Dangerous out here The axle broke, he was holding the car with his hand
Starting point is 00:09:04 Stay in the car, Volana I took so many pictures of that because I'm like, he's such a badass Yeah, I'll never be that I'm not that kind of daddy He'll never be my daddy Yeah, I don't even know if my dad can do that I don't know if my dad could do it either But definitely like, my dad is five foot five
Starting point is 00:09:21 But growing up, I thought he was huge Say, my dad is like five, six maybe Yeah, they're just like thick, strong men Yeah Well, your dad is kind of strong And very thick I could beat the shit out of my dad today He actually tried to
Starting point is 00:09:36 The last time you were at home, I saw you He sucker punched me Yeah You tried to break a chair on his back And he caught it at the last second and twisted your ankle That'd be cool That's awesome I grew up like fighting my dad all the time
Starting point is 00:09:48 We would wrestle for fun Wow, how Russian Yeah, with a bear Wait, he only has daughters, right? Yeah, he has two daughters, but he really wants a boy So he kind of raised me like one Or at least a player like one That's cool
Starting point is 00:10:03 My mom only had boys and She made you wear dresses We were wigs A lot growing up Are you crying? No, I'm incapable of doing so Have you talked to someone about that? No, I have not actually
Starting point is 00:10:19 I haven't spoken to anyone ever But we are qualified to give advice Here we go Let's tap into your coldness Oh, that's a good, that'll take more than one episode Okay, I mean, I don't have anywhere to be Aren't you dog sitting? Yeah, but I'm allergic to them, so I'm staying away
Starting point is 00:10:34 Oh, God Dogs is another good example of my coldness I don't feel anything for dogs Oh, really? You don't feel disdain No, I'm neutral Did you grow up with dogs? I had a dog named Chico He was a mean little beast
Starting point is 00:10:46 He was an angry little snowball Well, that explains it You, uh, I really want to get a dog And Amir was like, yeah, that's fine, you can get a dog But like, I'm gonna abuse it You're not around I'm not gonna abuse it, but I'm gonna like lift up my hand You know, when they like squint
Starting point is 00:11:02 Because they were like, a rescue dog has a scary face Yeah, exactly And you would sort of try to remind the dog I want to tap into that I want to just make sure that part of his brain never Mental abuse Yeah, it never dwindles down to nothing Emotional pain with a dog
Starting point is 00:11:15 Yeah, I want to keep that flickering fear You're a monster Just in there I know, I would rather have this potential dog I'm gonna rescue, be euthanized, than in a house with you You actually have euthanized seven dogs Jake, the answer is no, you can't dog-sit the dogs, I'm saying I'll get out, no, he won't be in the house
Starting point is 00:11:32 What, you're gonna kick him out? Why don't you guys switch apartments for the week? Fine, sure Oh yeah, I'll come live with Amir Yeah With dead cold eyes That'll be a good sitcom Uh, should we try to answer these questions?
Starting point is 00:11:46 I feel like you got some good wisdom to impart here I go to a lot of therapy, so There we go, this is a lot like this Just regurgitate what the therapist says Uh, we need Stop talking about your father Sir You never talked about your mom
Starting point is 00:12:01 This question is not even about your father Uh, we need fake names, because we want to preserve these guys anonymity So do you have a fake male name for us? Uh, Schmeg Schmeg That's pretty good Schmeg Schmeg writes
Starting point is 00:12:16 Hey guys, me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a year and a half now And a few months ago, we somehow got on the topic of masturbating She told me that she wished she had a dildo But didn't have any room to put it anywhere As she shares a room with her sister And a bathroom with her family She had the idea of using her phone as a vibrator Being the nice boyfriend that I am
Starting point is 00:12:37 I offer to call her repeatedly Whenever she were feeling horny So that she could use her phone as a vibrating dildo It was kind of hot at first But now she keeps asking me to call her all the time What should I do? Thanks, Schmeg Have you heard of this?
Starting point is 00:12:54 Is this a thing in the female community using your vibrating phone as a... No, that sounds like... Vibrator? Vagina radiation That sounds like cancer There you go, that's what he should say Maybe I love doing this for you But I'm worried about vagina radiation
Starting point is 00:13:09 You should just Google that I bet there's an article Alright, just let me Google vagina radiation Oh my god Vibrators are so small You can tuck it in like a pillow case or something When she said I want a dildo, but I don't have a place to put it I really thought she was like a Barbie doll
Starting point is 00:13:25 She just didn't have a whole place in her I want a dildo, but I don't have a female anatomy I share a pussy with my sister in a bathroom with my family That's... How small do vibrators get? Really tiny You can get one that looks like a little lipstick You can get the egg, right?
Starting point is 00:13:43 It's like a vibrating egg I haven't seen that, but I know that there's a lipstick one Oh, it looks like a lipstick You can keep it in your makeup bag And can you actually apply? No Okay That's the next step, though
Starting point is 00:13:55 That's kind of cool That's the future Why haven't they thought of that? It actually vibrates while you apply it So you look like a crazy woman Here's a little bit of research I did There was an app that vibrates your phone It turns it into a vibrating massager
Starting point is 00:14:11 But you basically get what it's for So anyway, this episode is brought to you by You guys keep talking I'm going to look up the name of this app We don't have anything to talk about when you're not here Yeah, we need you Come on, bud It's okay
Starting point is 00:14:28 I think it might be called phone vibrator Phone vibrator? Yeah, that's the answer I wonder if a vibrating toothbrush would work Oh, didn't that come up once? I think it maybe did You talked about it Yeah, I talked about attaching a dildo to a vibrating toothbrush
Starting point is 00:14:44 You're attaching a dildo to a toothbrush And making it a vibrating toothbrush But actually, well, there's a difference There's a difference between a dildo and a vibrator A dildo is like a big penis That doesn't necessarily vibrate And a vibrator could be... It's not necessarily dick-shaped
Starting point is 00:15:00 It just has to be a vibrating It's something that's more for clitoral stimulation You can correct me if I'm wrong I'm not 100% sure I'm right No, I think you're correct But there are also vibrating dildos Right, totally And there are moving dildos
Starting point is 00:15:11 And shaking and grooving ones Ones that play music Oh, dope, really? They tap into the radio stations Do they have those in the form of a strap-on? Like a strap-on that vibrates? That'd be kind of cool I've never used a strap-on, I don't know
Starting point is 00:15:23 Not that I've ever used a vibrator or had sex Anything No, yeah There are these headphones that sort of send music into your ears Like using some sort of radiation So it doesn't actually play music But you put it against your skin and you can hear it Is there a vibrator that you...
Starting point is 00:15:38 It doesn't play music, but when you're using it You just sort of hear songs Through your uterus Yeah Wait, that first thing's real? Yeah, that first thing's real Yeah, I've heard of that It connects through your jawbone or something
Starting point is 00:15:49 Yeah Which is where the vibrator would go too Yeah, on your jawbone It travels down from your jaw to your clitoris, right? If it's like that deep inside you Then you should be able to watch TV Like if you just put something on your face And you can hear music
Starting point is 00:16:08 If you stick something inside you If a vibrator that goes in you You close your eyes and you're watching HD television That's cool Just like a virtual reality vibrator I'm on a beach It's the future of storytelling Take this pill
Starting point is 00:16:24 Alright, let's go I heard like we gave him a lot of solutions there Yeah Buy her a small vibrator Tell her that the calling will give her vagina radiation Yeah I also just love how much time it takes above his day Like he's trying to do his laundry
Starting point is 00:16:40 You're masturbating too much Call me again Oh, God Brian, why do you have 38 outgoing calls every day to your girlfriend? Oh, yeah, you could say that it's racking up your phone bill But does it count if she doesn't pick up? I don't think so, does it? It must, it must
Starting point is 00:17:00 It must, it must count as one minute It must, it absolutely must What am I, I could just call Japan if they don't pick up? We'll have to get them on the line I don't actually work there What? Oh, no You don't just like work in the stores?
Starting point is 00:17:13 No, no, no, I'm an actor So that's not a documentary miniseries about your life as an AT&T employee? No, it's a commercial, it's a paid advertisement I am an actor for hire, it comes into a set It's like on a sound stage I feel like we should know this type of stuff because we want to be writers I want to get paid for sure, like do you get cash for it? Or do they just give you stock?
Starting point is 00:17:35 No, I don't actually own any of the company at all They just They give you points on the back end? I bet you get fucking points Like if the commercial makes a million bucks, how much do you get? Commercials don't make money So why would they make them? Alright honey, let's keep going
Starting point is 00:17:50 She doesn't quite understand how it works If they put the commercial online and then just put like some advertising around it That's how they would make bank I'm impressed with how good you are at keeping the microphone at your mouth at all times I'm touching it I feel the fuzz of it He's obsessed with sound Obsessed
Starting point is 00:18:10 I like things to sound clear Alright, let's go on to the next guy or girl Okay The next dame or lass Ladder lass I'm going to stay silent because I want to hear one more example of guy or girl Ladder lass Lass or lassy
Starting point is 00:18:28 Damer dude Damer dude Chica or chica Oh that's good Thank you Cultured Alright, what you're doing right now, the wire is really freaking me out Okay, I'm gonna stop
Starting point is 00:18:42 That has huge, huge implications Implications, repercussions Beyond the scope of this audience She just unplugged her wire and she's waiting over here I'm lassoing my microphone She just lost out Sounds important to you? Is it picking up this?
Starting point is 00:19:00 No Alright, we need a girl's name Sandra Sasana That's fucking sexy Is that a full name? Sandra Sasana Her last name is Sasana Last name is Dressasana
Starting point is 00:19:15 Her first name is San San Dressasana Dressasana I don't want to be on this date anymore Wow, your name is Shmag Alright, hey guys I'm gonna be short and sweet
Starting point is 00:19:31 I'm a feminist, been passionate about equality and shit my whole life The chef at a restaurant I work at Isn't passionate about equality and his shit I'm really good about equality and shit The chef at the restaurant I work at is a major hottie We get along very well And in terms of conversation, we are pretty platonic Complaining about our boss and teasing each other in a joking way
Starting point is 00:19:50 Here's my dilemma Recently, he started to smack my butt when he walks by me It's always just a casual smack with his hand And we never verbally address it Am I a bad feminist for fucking loving when this happens? Is he a bad guy? I can't go to my friends about this Because they'll get mad at me and unfollow me on Tumblr
Starting point is 00:20:08 Sorry, this wasn't quite short I tried to keep it sweet though Thanks Oh I like her and no, there's nothing wrong with that There is nothing wrong If she likes it and like If she didn't, I think he would trust that she would say something
Starting point is 00:20:22 Because they're friends So you can be a feminist and still like to get your ass slapped Yeah, you can be a feminist and still like to be choked Yeah, it's just that you like it And you're not doing something that you don't like What you're saying when you say you're a feminist Is that men and women Should be equal
Starting point is 00:20:39 Should be equal Or I believe are equal And so She could slap his ass and he could like it And there would be nothing wrong with that Should she do or say anything Or just she's If she's happy with the arrangement, she doesn't have to say anything
Starting point is 00:20:54 I feel like The only thing here is that she has like this weird relationship with her friends Where she can't talk to them Oh, that's where you're seeing is the major downfall Why would they judge me? Because there is that Because when I said he smacks my ass, you're like Oh no, that's like a bad thing
Starting point is 00:21:12 But she said she liked it Yeah, if it was anything like offensive or demeaning Then of course say something to him But she's into it and they're flirting, it sounds like But is it offensive and demeaning to slap a girl's ass If she likes it? No, if she wants it If she likes it
Starting point is 00:21:29 If she's okay with it, I don't know I don't think there's anything wrong with it Because maybe she's done something to open the doors for him To think that that's an okay thing And if it's not, then it's something that she should shut down immediately But she hasn't What about the first time? Because the first time it's a little bad
Starting point is 00:21:45 The first time he just did it, unsolicited So that's bad Hope he likes it But he took a shot in the dark And it was like Is it still offensive to go for the shot? I don't know, that's the conundrum Because it is, right?
Starting point is 00:22:00 You can't just willy-nilly slap people's butts But guys do it to other guys Maybe he's doing it to everybody I slap your butt sometimes, like good game, you know? Yeah, you do slap my butt a lot I get a lot of pleasure at it I grab a lot of girls' butts when I hug them a lot Really?
Starting point is 00:22:18 Yeah That's your little calling card It's just like it's a mushy part of their body I could squeeze Yeah, of course, I'm a butt grabber too But not like, I would never do it to somebody that I didn't think would like it Right, so maybe this guy is sensitive and in tune enough to know that she would like it Right And she, it's okay that she likes it
Starting point is 00:22:37 There's no need to be like, I stand up to you You aren't allowed to do that, that being said Keep doing it Go for it This was bad It's fine I really think she should have the conversation with her friends of like, I mean if she feels like she needs to even Right
Starting point is 00:22:54 Who cares? The Tumblr followers Well I think Is she like a Tumblr feminist? If her friends are good feminists, because you're a feminist and you're saying Actually, you're a feminist too I'm a feminist? Yeah, because you think guys and girls should be equal
Starting point is 00:23:09 I think guys and girls are equal I just don't think that they should be I think that they are Unfortunately For guys it's a lot harder to be feminist because I never know when I'm being equal or when I'm being like condescending What do you mean? Like, I'm trying to give myself an example Can I jinx you on this podcast and you can't talk for the rest of it?
Starting point is 00:23:34 Episode 206 Mira has to go buy Milana Coke This is fucking amazing He has to run down this giant hill It has to have your name on it I have to go to Russia to get it What do you mean by that? I guess I'm trying to think of an example
Starting point is 00:23:53 Okay, so wait, no this isn't a good example because this isn't, I don't know, you have to come back to me No, no, we'll wait Really? Can we edit the long cause out? No, we don't have to actually wait Great So, advice for this girl is that it's okay You can do whatever the heck you want Being a feminist and getting your ass slapped aren't mutually exclusive
Starting point is 00:24:14 Totally But communicating with your friends and feeling not judged is nice Yes, definitely open communication I'm all about honesty I believe that if you're honest and you have good intentions, you can do no wrong And it sounds like this guy has good intentions It sounds like she is honest and has good intentions I think that sometimes you're only as sick as your secrets
Starting point is 00:24:36 And if she feels like Have you said that before? That was really good You're only as sick as your secrets It's beautiful It is amazing I just don't know what it means I haven't quite figured it out yet
Starting point is 00:24:51 I was doing your sister's pronunciation That's not even how she says it Vine Trub Okay Vine Trub Okay is never the great way to say it Hey, if you have your feet on the table, can I put my feet on the table? Sure
Starting point is 00:25:04 Do I have to take my shoes off? No Thank you We don't own anything here What do you mean? This is all It's all came with a place You lucky motherfucker
Starting point is 00:25:13 So are you going to buy new furniture for your new place? No, because the place we're going to, we're moving to, is equally fully furnished How charming What we've done is beat the system I'll never have to buy any furniture ever again How does that sound? All we have to do is pay more money and rent It's amazing
Starting point is 00:25:28 It's like paying someone else to go to Ikea for you What was I going to say? Oh, you're only as sick as your secrets Yeah, I feel like if she's like a little torn up about this Because she can't talk to her friends about it I'm a really big fan of being the most you You just continue being you at your highest self You're, like, be awesome
Starting point is 00:25:49 Right? Like, when I am the most myself, when I am the highest me I feel most happy You're unabashed Yeah, and I don't want to sacrifice that for anyone else's benefit Because then I have less fun Exactly Maybe I should go to therapy
Starting point is 00:26:04 Can I tell you about the pure heart rule? Have you heard about the pure heart rule? No, what does that tell me? A little PHR will go a long way It's something I said on the podcast before Where you just, like, communicate your intentions And where you're coming from and then say, like, to anybody And I have no expectation for, like, what you're going to do with this information
Starting point is 00:26:19 But this is where I am And it's a lot like what you're saying with just being open and honest And have good intentions I think getting rid of expectations is a really great way to move Through the universe in general Yes, what does that mean? Just, like, not, like, going on to a date, for example And not knowing what's going to happen
Starting point is 00:26:38 But just being present and enjoying the person's connection with you Or lack of connection with you or whatever the moment is And then not knowing what will come of it Because I think there's so many times where, I mean, disappointment In its essence comes from expectation Expectations not being met So if you don't have them, you're never disappointed Yeah, and just go along for the ride
Starting point is 00:26:59 Because any kind of, like, fear you have of outcome is just builds anxiety Yes, it's true I'm often anxious about the end of a date during a date Right, because you're like, what's going to happen at the end? You're writing a movie in your head that no one's watching Well, maybe with a vibrator, you can just close your eyes and check it out That'd be great during the date if you just pop one I just need a second
Starting point is 00:27:20 Tic-tac? Administered vaginally? Anyway, my point to San is that She should just continue being herself And life is a self-sorting process Like, if she needs to lose these friends Because they are so not on board with her enjoying this Then, like, get out
Starting point is 00:27:39 There are way too many awesome people in the world For you to change yourself or be ashamed of something And her saying that they're going to unfollow her on Tumblr Is her having expectations And they might just be, like, happy that she's happy And she met somebody that she digs And enjoys getting her butt spanked And that's great
Starting point is 00:27:54 Yeah, and why shouldn't a feminist enjoy what she enjoys? I feel like men enjoy all sorts of perversions Yeah, that's the whole point That we're all perverted and we are allowed to just be, like This is what gets me off Totally And if somebody's, like, awesome, I'm into that Or somebody can be, like, that's cool for you
Starting point is 00:28:09 It's not for me And that's it, that's a pure heart Then get out! Yeah, there are too many options Not judging I don't know Good button there Not judging?
Starting point is 00:28:19 Period Actually, let's go to this next question And it's okay that we don't know how to change tires I can learn if I need to In fact, I'm going to So let's get this part out Grease stains all over your face My hands just shattered
Starting point is 00:28:35 This one's kind of along the lines of Honesty and expectations So I feel like it's a good next question We need another female's name I thought you were just running from the emotion of that previous question You were like, oh, this is getting heated Yeah, this is too real for me It's amazing that someone who is so numb
Starting point is 00:28:52 Has an advice show Yeah, but then who better to give it Than to someone who doesn't feel anything It's cold, surgical Erase this person from your life Break up with this person And then I'm just like He talks and can download new people
Starting point is 00:29:06 Delete these people Remove that human from your existence Gone, be gone, you Another one enters the fray For what? Who cares? You weren't programmed to speak well Of course not I have banana
Starting point is 00:29:21 Chortles Should we keep talking or should we move on to the next one? What do you think? I'm ready I'm ready Milana's yes Okay I'm ready
Starting point is 00:29:31 Great This is kind of a story question But we do need one lady's name Oh Jamaica Jamaica what? Jamaica shakes Very nice
Starting point is 00:29:44 I want that to be my name I feel like I was in a Quentin Tarantino movie For three seconds right then Jamaica Jamaica shakes That's a good title for a movie, isn't it? Jamaica shakes Jamaica shakes
Starting point is 00:29:56 It's about a businessman I got it Okay I'm just saying He's a real buttoned up businessman Doesn't like to party but all of a sudden He's got to go to Jamaica for work Jamaica Queens
Starting point is 00:30:08 To make milkshakes Decides to open up a little hut on the beach Doesn't he? I don't know The first act break is him loosening his tie And undoing the first button of his suit I guess I have a note about that That's a bad act break I guess
Starting point is 00:30:23 Just to loosen a tie That's not a moment He's very buttoned up It is a moment You guys want to be writers you say? No Not more I disagree that that's not a moment
Starting point is 00:30:33 If he's very buttoned up That's what it's all about So the opening montage This opening sequence of the movie Is him buttoning all the way up It goes all the way up to his nose It's a shirt that's way too big for his body Alright
Starting point is 00:30:46 This is expectations Because when I pitched that I thought everyone was going to love it I really did You know with the podcast you don't know Maybe there are people at home That are just fucking enjoying it Writing this down
Starting point is 00:30:55 I hope so Guys is this going well? Yeah this is going great This is one of those like cool ones That are like It's not only funny but it's actually real Oh I think you actually do go to therapy right?
Starting point is 00:31:08 Because it shows your advice Is very sage I also really love like self help books Yeah Well you've been on a journey I've been on a journey on a soul journey For a while Really is that true?
Starting point is 00:31:22 Should we talk about that right now? Should we take a break and not do this question? Sure yeah I'd like to know about this soul journey More than anything else I mean I think If you feel comfortable talking about it Yeah
Starting point is 00:31:34 There have been so many levels of it Like since I think I was like 18 or something When I was actually when I was Yeah when I was 18 my cousin passed away Okay And that was like a huge thing for me Where I needed to figure out the meaning of the world And kind of had an existential crisis
Starting point is 00:31:50 Which I've revisited a couple times Of like what is the point of anything That's a really fast thought Yeah and so that's when I started like Someone gave me a book on like reincarnation And past lives and souls And I don't know that I bought all of the stuff in it But I liked believing it
Starting point is 00:32:08 I feel like that was my first introduction Into spirituality was Believe what you like Because there's no point to any of it And one of my favorite Neil DeGraw Tyson quotes Is that the universe isn't obligated to make sense to you And so that was kind of like my Thing is just like
Starting point is 00:32:25 Well I'm just gonna believe what Gives me the least amount of fear That's great And um But you don't You're not like saying Other people should believe that You're saying that's just what works for you
Starting point is 00:32:35 And what works for me I think everyone should believe What gives them the least amount of fear I think that's what I do What gives you the least amount of fear Well I'm just like comfortable in the fact that Like once I die nothing will happen So I might as well be as happy as possible today
Starting point is 00:32:49 Right That's great I only act on what will make me the happiest And I believe in Jesus, Muhammad Whatever the Jews do Buddha, Hindu, everything Just in case Because I really really really
Starting point is 00:33:02 What would happen I need You're like at a roulette table Putting money on every number And because maybe they were like crystals Like I don't actually know But like My roommate hurt his ankle the other day
Starting point is 00:33:12 And so I put a bunch of crystals around him Just in case That's a good bone stimulator Yeah well I mean That thing is fucking science And it definitely works less than crystals So like A bone stimulator
Starting point is 00:33:24 I broke my heel and there's like I have this little bone stimulator That like pumps magnetic waves Into my calcaneus bone To stimulate growth But my heel still hurts all the time So this thing means nothing And I also think crystals mean nothing
Starting point is 00:33:39 But There's science behind crystals I don't know any of it But I know it's out there And then also I think some people I think the power to believe That's what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:33:49 Like I think energy is undeniable Cause like I You feel You feel it all the time You feel turned on You feel scared And it's all like
Starting point is 00:33:58 At times that it makes sense Right So there's no There's no denying that Energy doesn't like flow through us So whatever gives you positive energy Then I guess that is worth believing I think the brain is the most
Starting point is 00:34:09 Powerful thing in our bodies obviously And so We could Hold a crystal And believe that it has these properties Of like This one will engage your crown chakra So that you will think clearer
Starting point is 00:34:22 And have better focus and whatever And so if you believe that I really do think that it's like a Placebo effect Placebo effect Yes, when you can just like Think that it works enough that it does Yeah
Starting point is 00:34:33 Your body can convince itself It's like mind over matter If this medicine doesn't really work But you think it does It might as well really work True And so that's how I feel about Spirituality in some ways is like
Starting point is 00:34:45 I believe that this is Working for me and so it is Like Do you align yourself with the religion? I was born and raised Jewish And I think Culturally I still very much am But I
Starting point is 00:35:00 Oh, Shanatova by the way Shanatova Yeah And Shabbat Shalom Of course to all of us To you and yours Thank you I
Starting point is 00:35:08 Yeah, so I I love my My ancestry But I also like really love Parts of Buddhism And I'm like a avid yoga person And I read about all sorts of
Starting point is 00:35:20 Reincarnation things And energy But I also love like astrophysics And you know Science Science And Neil deGrasse Tyson So where are you on the science
Starting point is 00:35:29 Versus spirituality spectrum? Or do you not consider those things Opposite ends of the same Field? I think I don't I don't think that they're like Isolate
Starting point is 00:35:41 I think everything kind of Makes sense together The thing that I really Only find solace in Is that I don't know And I don't have to I don't feel like I need to figure it out I think that the universe
Starting point is 00:35:52 Isn't obligated to make sense to me And the only thing that I can appreciate Is this moment in front of me And this is my world You too In this like lovely Sunshine-y red-curtained room Like this is
Starting point is 00:36:04 The moment I wonder if I feel that same way And I just never verbalize Or think about it Okay, wonder it And then answer it Okay No, not at all
Starting point is 00:36:15 No, no, no Yeah, I guess I do I think that I don't know How everything works But I'm sort of blissfully ignorant On this rock Floating throughout her space Ooh, yeah
Starting point is 00:36:25 And I don't have to think about it You're a tool That's, you know Even that image There was a time Where I went through another Essential moment Where I was smoking a lot of weed
Starting point is 00:36:34 And watching a lot of cosmos This was two days ago This was like March, yeah And I did just the image Of like how tiny we are In time and space In the universe Is enough to make you feel so insignificant
Starting point is 00:36:50 Yeah That in a like liberating way too See, that's what I can get into Is like the math behind it Where it's like If you take a look at the grand scheme of things We're just like less than a pixel You know, nobody articulates it better
Starting point is 00:37:02 Than Dave Matthews in this song Crush We actually have to go to the next question Just knowing that the world is round And here I am standing on the ground Am I right side up Or upside down Is this real or oh
Starting point is 00:37:14 Am I dreaming It's kind of beautiful Anyhow Did I answer all the questions? I think so I have so many thoughts on this But the final answer is that I Do you like talking about it
Starting point is 00:37:29 Or you're like I'm over it Just let me be I love talking about it I'm a little worried about sounding ignorant On the air to be honest I don't think it's ignorant I think it's always good to get advice From people who have like
Starting point is 00:37:39 Worked through all of their shit And like found ways to be happy I have definitely not worked through All of my shit You've figured a way to navigate Through the world that like keeps you happy And I think so many people That write into our podcast
Starting point is 00:37:50 Are like just starting out on that journey Or like they're either just starting out Or they're starting out Way past the time that they should have I think that it's constantly a challenge too Like there have been flows I haven't like figured I haven't unlocked happiness
Starting point is 00:38:03 And now I'm going to be happy For the rest of my life You know like moods are a weird thing That take over you that have Like have a chemical thing That you can't control And like astrology has an effect Like mercury and retrograde
Starting point is 00:38:15 People can feel that And when they call it out I'm like oh that's why Do you think Do you believe in like signs like that Like you're a Capricorn so X, Y, Z? I... Yeah
Starting point is 00:38:27 Freak! I'm just weirdo free Yeah I do I don't know that Which one are you? I'm a Pisces Oh I was going to say Why what are you?
Starting point is 00:38:36 Can't you tell? No I don't know I don't know it well enough But when I read like astrological reports I'll show you one after this That I like It'll blow your mind
Starting point is 00:38:46 I'm like this is like dead on every time How? So you are totally bought into the whole I think Josh Rubin is the same way He's like really into like the signs The astrology I love Josh Rubin so much Have you seen Josh Rubin and Vince
Starting point is 00:38:59 Read each other's minds? Yeah That was the thing that I did for you I sort of ruined it I did it poorly but Oh you know how to do it? Well yeah Do they just meld it to each other?
Starting point is 00:39:09 No no no We'll tell you after We can't tell you about it Oh my god you guys I fell for it so hard My mind was blown They were ten for ten We did it
Starting point is 00:39:20 Me and Vin do it Well when Josh isn't there I can do it There's a bunch of you that can Read Vinny's mind But we were at this cabin last week And there was a bunch of people there A couple people could
Starting point is 00:39:31 Read Vinny's mind And then the other five people Were just fucking freaking out I was freaking out And I came home I was in New York with them And had this night Of just asking them to do it
Starting point is 00:39:42 Over and over And then drawing people in at the bar You never found out what the deal is? No I totally bought it And no please do tell me Because then I went home to my roommate And I was like You're the closest person in my life
Starting point is 00:39:54 We could do this And so then He was like I think what they do Is just meld it to each other And I was like No And then we had a friend over
Starting point is 00:40:06 We had Rosa over And Rosa said a name And it was Angelina Jolie And I just meld Angelina Jolie And then he was like Okay I see like a brain Did it fool Rosa? Yes
Starting point is 00:40:19 It was also our reaction to Like yes we got it Mouthing it That's the best shortcut That probably is a better way to do it Oh my god I can't wait to hear what it is It's gonna be so good
Starting point is 00:40:32 I hate them They tricked me so hard We have to take one quick commercial break And then we'll be back With more Milana goodness That's a good last name This show is sponsored by BetterHelp Thank you BetterHelp
Starting point is 00:40:49 If you're finding yourself in a difficult Anxious, stressful situation Talking to a professional license therapist Is the best way to navigate yourself Out of that difficult place And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist Especially one in your area But BetterHelp makes that all easy
Starting point is 00:41:08 Because it's online therapy designed To be convenient, flexible and suitable To your schedule Fill out a brief questionnaire And get matched with a licensed therapist And you can switch therapists at any time For no additional charge It's incredibly helpful
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Starting point is 00:42:01 Slash if I were you Check him out Thanks BetterHelp Thank you to Squarespace For sponsoring this episode of our show Wow Years and years and years We've been ranting and raving about Squarespace
Starting point is 00:42:12 Because it's the best way For dummies like me And potentially you That don't necessarily know how to code Or design To create a professional looking website So if you're building an online portfolio For yourself or a loved one
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Starting point is 00:43:25 Thank you, Squarespace A lot of goodness There was a moment when I was thinking about Changing my last name Oh really? And everything, yeah Everything I thought of just sounded like a stripper name Milana
Starting point is 00:43:38 You wanted to change your last name? For a second Can I guess some Ones that you chose? Yeah Miller? No Milana Miller
Starting point is 00:43:46 I hate it No alliterations, right? I'm down with the alliterations But it just sounds like I don't know, American Alright You want something close to the wine trub? Maybe just something that sounds like it could be
Starting point is 00:43:59 Of Uzbek, Russian, German descent Just try to gather all of those cultures Lev Milana Lev It's not bad Not bad Where'd you get that from? Is that your lawyer's name?
Starting point is 00:44:11 It is Everything is my lawyer's name Milana Danny Passman Can we use this part on the show Or you don't want to talk about that either Yeah Okay cool So we're back
Starting point is 00:44:23 Talking about names We're almost out of time But we want to get to one more question Oh no Uno más Please I don't want to be out of time I know
Starting point is 00:44:33 I'm enjoying this moment It's so nice It is nice We can't be out of time Time is infinite Well, TJ Miller thinks time is the only god We don't have to get into that Oh gosh, thank you
Starting point is 00:44:46 That scared me I want to play with this chord As soon as we're done recording We'll let you take it home I'm going to give you a dummy chord It's just like getting in Just on the ground at your house Wait, did we get this person affecting me?
Starting point is 00:45:05 Not yet Oh wait, no it didn't A female name Oh yeah you did Jamaica Shakes Starring, I don't know I see Matthew McConaughey Matthew McConaughey
Starting point is 00:45:15 I'm flexible Interesting, I was thinking like Who's the guy that was in Shawshank Redemption? Tim Robbins Tim Robbins I think would be really good Gerard Butler Gerard Butler
Starting point is 00:45:26 Oh, really interesting That guy can open a movie He really can Watch it fail I just like the I was thinking accents And then Jamaican accents I feel like if I write a good enough script
Starting point is 00:45:38 Liam Neeson could do it He needs to do Like a silly struggling No, not that he's struggling He's just kind of one He's becoming one note I'm afraid I think if I get into region wise
Starting point is 00:45:49 I think I could say Hey, you can't do another Did you see my extras? Did you see my extras? Guys, remember when I said Gerard Butler That was a joke That was a joke That was just so recently
Starting point is 00:45:59 Yeah, of course We need to edit one thing out of this podcast Can you edit that part out? That was a stupid suggestion Remember when I said Beep Joseph Gordon, love it That looks good
Starting point is 00:46:09 Thank you You look pretty good buttoned up That's charming Thanks Alright A few weeks ago I went to see a performance Of Shakespeare in the park
Starting point is 00:46:17 With my family While I was there I couldn't help but notice One of the actors was really cute And we kept making eye contact After the show I approached him And we talked for a bit
Starting point is 00:46:27 But didn't exchange numbers or anything Kicking myself I decided to go back To another performance next week In the hopes of finding him again And getting his number This time he saw me And approached me
Starting point is 00:46:36 But I still didn't get his number Anyways, to skip to later that night I'm pretty drunk with friends And we decide to find And message him on Facebook Using the name from the program He tells me that unfortunately He has a girlfriend
Starting point is 00:46:48 But he's interested In hanging out in the future A few days later He messages me Asking if I'm free And we make plans The day of He ends up sending me
Starting point is 00:46:56 A ridiculously long Super apologetic text Like boyfriend long Saying how he unfortunately Has to go back to his hometown And can't see me He lives in a neighboring city However, he insists that we get together
Starting point is 00:47:06 In Toronto As I'm going to be there In a few weeks So what's this guy's deal? Neither of us Are going to be living In the same city this year So there isn't much potential
Starting point is 00:47:14 For a friendship But does this guy Just want to hook up? Does he really have a girlfriend? Is he not interested In just being polite? Help He's definitely not just being polite
Starting point is 00:47:25 He either wants to bone Or wants to be friends You think he wants to be friends? I don't think there's a chance He wants to be friends Really? I don't think you'd go through That effort to make a friend
Starting point is 00:47:35 Guys don't make friends Interesting, I'm so dumb You're not dumb You're the girl in this Oh, this guy's talking I don't think it is He just wants to be my friend I believe that guys want to be my friend
Starting point is 00:47:45 No, too many guys Are manipulative and mean And that's what he's doing right now He's being mean to two people He's being mean to his girlfriend And he's being mean to this girl Who has crush on him And he's being mean to you
Starting point is 00:47:55 And he's being mean to you Because he's making you feel Oh my god, you fell for this actor How big is my bottom lip right now? It is hitting the court You're a cartoon raccoon right now Cartoon raccoons cool That's a really cute couple of words
Starting point is 00:48:09 Cartoon raccoons Alright, that's another movie That I can write No, no, no, no Jacob, don't Jacob Just, I don't have to say it I used to know your middle name
Starting point is 00:48:19 Hold on Is it Alexander Nov? No No It'll come to me Jacob's something her way That's right It is in between
Starting point is 00:48:32 It's from the last name Yeah, yeah, I'll think of it I don't know, you guys know guys better I think I've said this to people before When they've said Sorry, I should hold this closer Yeah I'm making you nervous
Starting point is 00:48:45 It's like you were reading my mind Who's twitching? We're Josh and Ben You can see the energy There's energy, it's real You think it's annoying to people That we talked about Josh and Vince for so long
Starting point is 00:48:53 And they don't know who that is No We have Josh on the podcast So I think people would Maybe at least know who he is I love them Me too, I love Josh and Vince Me too
Starting point is 00:49:02 Vinny Love you bud Shout out And hey Josh Josh, hi, how are you? Vinny? Vinny Josh, did you make this mess?
Starting point is 00:49:13 Mr. Vinny Vinny What's confusing to me Not as like if a guy messages a girl on Facebook Probably he's interested in bone zoning To some extent But why did he drop out at the last minute? Did he just feel guilty because of the GF?
Starting point is 00:49:29 Yeah But then he still wants to hang out with her? Well, my theory is And speaking as somebody who's Done this exact thing multiple times Yeah Minus the having the ability to do Shakespeare in the park Oh yeah
Starting point is 00:49:40 Or the ability to Go to Toronto But he can't drive Yeah, he's a convicted felon My microphone might have just Oh my god The level's good Yeah, they're back
Starting point is 00:49:51 Okay, so Your eyes got so big So what's happening to my eyelid moving with those green bars? You're Shit, that machine's plugged into you I'm small under Are you number one? Yeah
Starting point is 00:50:04 No, I am Oh, no, Jake is I'm two, you're three Okay So yeah, he made plans Yeah Wanted to see this girl Last minute, the girlfriend needed him
Starting point is 00:50:14 The girlfriend wanted to do something with him He was going to do something with the girlfriend So he made a long-winded apology Dodging the hangout But also not mentioning that it was for the girlfriend So I have to go home No, it's Okay
Starting point is 00:50:27 Now he's saying let's meet up in a few weeks in Toronto Where my girlfriend will be Nowhere near there Oh, so he's setting up a little affair Yes So should she go for it? Is it okay to be the other woman? What are your thoughts on being the other woman?
Starting point is 00:50:40 I think it's horrible You would never This is the other thing I think I'm very naive in this topic Because I've never cheated on anybody And I've never been cheated on As far as you know I'm certain
Starting point is 00:50:50 I'm certain And I really am And I just don't believe Like my first instinct isn't to believe that someone is cheating Right I've never cheated or been cheated But Jake has
Starting point is 00:51:03 He's sort of an expert in that regard A lot of And I'm only speaking from the emails that we get No, like I don't actually know anything But just in terms of the emails that we get Guys are almost always trying to cheat And girls are almost never
Starting point is 00:51:17 And also, guys are almost always the most suspicious and jealous And girls are always the least suspicious and jealous Which makes me come to my conclusion that girls are great And men are evil And I'm happy that I am a guy You are a feminist You're plus size negative Plus size negative
Starting point is 00:51:37 Yeah, I'm like the What is it? The stereotype of a feminist I really hate men And you don't shave your armpits Actually, I do Completely shaved So anyway, yeah, this guy's evil
Starting point is 00:51:55 This guy's trying to cheat on his girlfriend And I think she should have no part of it But what if he's like, oh, we're not together anymore Or actually, did he even tell her that they were in a relationship? You did, he said, unfortunately, I have a girlfriend Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, yes? Call him Alana
Starting point is 00:52:10 Why does she want to hang out with him? Like, does she still want to hang out with him If she likes him and he doesn't like her? I think he does like her But I mean, if she likes this guy And he says, I have a girlfriend Then why does she still want to hang out with him? She shouldn't want to
Starting point is 00:52:27 But the heart wants He's good at Shakespeare And he reached out to her She did the right thing She like, found out he had a girlfriend He said, let's be friends And she's like, okay, didn't contact him And then he messaged her
Starting point is 00:52:40 Now he's meddling with his own relationship Can you be friends with people that you meet That you're attracted to when you're in a relationship? I think you can be, but not in... I don't think you can be specific, lone friends Like, say, I'm in a relationship And I meet like a new group of people And there's like an attractive girl in that group
Starting point is 00:53:02 And we all become friends That's okay, that's nice And I should hang out with everybody in this group But if I am like, in a relationship I go somewhere, I just meet one girl I get her number and we like, are texting And going and getting ice cream or something That's just dating somebody
Starting point is 00:53:18 But why is... I agree with the fact that you shouldn't do that But also like, if you're faithful to your girlfriend What does it matter if you're hanging out with a girl or a guy? It's like, if she was a lesbian You'd be able to hang out with her But since she's straight, you can't I don't think there's any rules
Starting point is 00:53:36 I think the only thing you should listen to Is what you're feeling And I can't imagine going on friend dates With a girl and not growing attracted to her So I would say, I shouldn't do that Then you shouldn't do that But I think that I'm all about honesty
Starting point is 00:53:53 And I also don't want to keep the person I'm with From doing anything that makes them happy I think that just builds resentment And all sorts of poisonous cancers inside of you So I think if I... Hmm, let me think about this Because what if the guy's like, I don't like you hanging out with this other dude Would you say, okay, I respect your honesty with me
Starting point is 00:54:11 And I don't want to make you feel bad So I won't hang out with this other dude? It would depend on my relationship with this other dude But it would be really hard for me to do that Because I know that my intentions are pure And it would be him doubting my intentions That makes it hard for me If I were dating a guy and he was like
Starting point is 00:54:28 I met this awesome girl on a plane or whatever And I'm gonna go have coffee with her I would think that was fine And I would look forward to meeting her, yeah That is... I'm sure of it, this has happened I picked the plane thing because it's really... That has happened? Oh, I met this awesome girl
Starting point is 00:54:44 And you're like, oh, that's awesome You don't feel that twinge of jealousy As long as I'm cuter and funnier Whether she's the cutest and funniest person in the world Second to you, obviously Everything is a case by case basis There's like... If this guy meets a cool girl on a plane and they get coffee once
Starting point is 00:55:01 And you're like, you don't have to be jealous But what if they're getting coffee, then they're going to the park Then they're gonna go to the zoo and then they want to go on a weekend trip together The weekend trip together is definitely crossing the line But if they wanted to spend a day hanging out I really think I would be okay with it I think you have to look at it through the lens of Who this person's other friends are
Starting point is 00:55:17 And what their entire life is like Yeah, and how much do you trust this person And how open... And then came home and was like, we had this great day We did this and we did this and we talked about this And was like communicative And I didn't feel like there was anything like hiding But he's being shady
Starting point is 00:55:33 But also I just know myself and I couldn't do that Because I know that I would Start to have feelings for someone What if you had a lady friend and she's like Oh, I spent the entire day with Roger He's like a nice, tall, handsome guy And I'd be like, okay, and he's gay, right? Tell me he's gay!
Starting point is 00:55:49 He's fucking gay I don't know, I also maybe I just have the desire I would, I don't know, fuck Everything's hard And that's our time But you would say that makes me uncomfortable I don't like you hanging out with this guy one on one
Starting point is 00:56:05 I think it would depend, it would depend Like what she was getting out of their relationship And if I felt like it was fulfilling certain needs That she had that were like If it was an emotional affair Yeah, I don't, I, maybe If it was Like if he were impeding on things that I could
Starting point is 00:56:21 Take me up too much time Sorry Just say what you're actually thinking If I have a woman, I should own her Oh my god Fuck Milana, I'm so sorry we have to end on that sour note I feel like I just confessed to a murder
Starting point is 00:56:41 Yes, they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell I don't want this to be over I know, we should do another one soon Like right away Yeah, a part two Yeah, you would do part two with other people We did do part two with Ben And Middle Ditch
Starting point is 00:56:57 The truth comes And I'm the cutest and the funniest You're getting jealous right now We're podcasting with other people I brought you guys cupcakes Yeah, that was really nice, thank you What did you guys get me? Hey, that is literally
Starting point is 00:57:13 You can take them to court and Did we finish this I feel like we kept it a little open With this girl, I think I feel like at the very least she should know this guy's intentions And I don't think they're pure Let's do a quick rundown If you or her, would you meet this guy?
Starting point is 00:57:29 No No, Jake? No? I would say yeah You're becoming the monster You can meet him I'll tell you why no, because I once Have fallen for this I didn't know a guy was in a relationship
Starting point is 00:57:45 But he definitely pursued me And then I found out he was in a relationship And it just felt so dirty It felt really wrong And it felt like cheating And it felt like I was mean to this girl That I don't know You can have all the pure intentions
Starting point is 00:58:01 That you want, but you are also vulnerable To other people's impure intentions But let me ask you this You do whatever makes you happy What if this girl is like, oh, I don't care about that When I say what makes me happy I think that means like Listening to my intuition
Starting point is 00:58:17 And luckily what Makes me happy is being a nice person And if she doesn't care Is she free and You're fine with it? There's definitely a line, you do what makes you happy Unless it's like hurting other people Because then you're a bad person
Starting point is 00:58:33 Oh, this really makes me happy to murder and steal It makes me feel good I feel like I can't judge her I can judge her Watch this Judged I wouldn't judge anybody, but I do think that There's no need to get involved
Starting point is 00:58:49 Know that he wants to hook up with you And then decide, do you care or not What did you say? This guy does want to Like she's like, does he want to hook up? Does he want to be friends? Go into it thinking he wants to hook up with you And then if you care that
Starting point is 00:59:05 You're ruining a relationship Go into it thinking that he wants to be your friend This is the exact opposite And then if you feel like There's like a sexual You're telling this girl to like walk through The woods with a wolf Don't worry, just go into it thinking he's not hungry
Starting point is 00:59:21 He just wants to hold hands And then you guys are going to walk hand in hand There's some sort of gingerbread house I probably wouldn't meet this guy, I'm just saying Because like there's a bunch Of other cool things to do in Toronto There we go, there's lots of Shakespeare to see Uh, cool
Starting point is 00:59:37 Milana, you killed it I miss you guys when I'm not with you Oh my fucking god, that was amazing Thank you, we're together and you still miss me Yeah, that was the first time I ever felt the warmth Put both of our hands on our heart And be grateful for how well this podcast And that we can all be friends
Starting point is 00:59:53 Both hands, feel the energy, feel it Search through you Would it surprise you to know that I've never done yoga? Nope As it shouldn't Jake What are your thoughts on me not doing yoga? Do you want to do yoga?
Starting point is 01:00:09 I'd like to try it You should come with me You should come to my therapist Can you do that? You can't go with somebody else You can't come with me, but she's great She actually works with a lot of our friends I don't know if I want that But I don't want one person to know everything about everybody
Starting point is 01:00:25 I want to go to somebody nobody knows I would go to your therapist Really? No Cool The opening theme song and the questions were submitted to us If I were to show at gmail.com If you have your own questions or own theme songs
Starting point is 01:00:41 Please Email us as well We won't always have the wisdom Of Milana here We'll always have the stupidity Of Jake and Amaya The opening theme song was from Do you guys remember his name?
Starting point is 01:00:57 Oh, Michael Labrao And this closing one Is from That's cool By Ali Burnett We'll be back I think on Thursday this week Thanks one more time Milana
Starting point is 01:01:13 Do you want to say or plug anything before you go? No That was perfect I'm going to cry during this song Alrighty, here we go Don't know what to do Then write into the show If I were you
Starting point is 01:01:35 You can bet your ass on those dirty shoes Cause you really need advice When you're feeling low Jake and Amir in their podcast show They'll help you from their house And along the road With each episode We'll be back
Starting point is 01:02:29 Hey guys, it's Kristen It's Marnie from the Ask Women podcast And make sure to check out our podcast For all the advice you need to get the women That you want And yes, I say women plural Because we even talk about polygamy Not polygamy, what's it called?
Starting point is 01:02:45 Pollyamory That's right It's not polygamy It's not polygamy It's not polygamy It's not polygamy Pollyamory, that's right But if you want to know all the advice
Starting point is 01:03:01 That you've been waiting to hear Directly from women on how to attract Date, seduce and get the women you want Then check out our podcast The Ask Women podcast right here on Podcast One

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