If I Were You - 105: Vibrator (with Milana Vayntrub!)
Episode Date: September 29, 2014Comedian/Friend Milana Vayntrub joins us to discuss feminism, spirituality, and the future of masturbation.This episode is brought to you by LegalZoom.com and Ting.com.See omny.fm/listener for privacy... information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
If you need some advice for the low-low price of absolutely nothing
They can tell you something, it probably won't be good
In fact, it won't be good, but we can laugh at it anyway
When they begin to say
If I were you, I probably wouldn't do that
If I were you, I'd probably go back to months ago
You should've asked us then
If I were you, if I were you
If I were you
Alana, you're crying
Both my hands are on my heart
That's it, that's all it takes, huh?
I'm weeping, there was whistling
The whistling was really nice, that got me too
You're really feeling it
I'm really touched that someone made that for you guys
Aren't you guys touched that?
Honestly, 105 episodes, I feel nothing
That did nothing to me
You're dead inside
Yeah, I felt like I've been saying absolutely nothing
Our fans are more talented than us
Yeah
We deserve their adoration
That was Mike Labro
Wow
And you're Milana
I'm Milana Veintrub, hey
Veintrub?
Yeah
I would not have said that correctly
I would have said Veintrub
That's okay, I wouldn't have corrected you or cared
Ouch
No, why?
No, no, no, this is why
Because my name has been translated from place to place
And then into English
And then tried to make sense in some kind of like German Russian spelling, you know
And I don't know what the right way to say it
I just know how I say it
Veintrub
Yeah, I say Veintrub
My sister says Veintrub
Really?
My parents say Veintrub
Oh, that's cool
So what's the most original as far as back as you can trace it?
Well, it comes from the German word Veintrub
That's what I was going to say
It sounds like a Russian saying Veintrub
Yeah, that's exactly what it is
But they just, it's like when someone said Veintrub with a Russian accent and someone just wrote it
They transliterated it
Yeah, exactly
Does that last name exist anywhere else?
V-A-Y-N-T-R-U-B
Like when you Google search that
Did anyone else write it that way?
Yeah, the people that are related to me
Right
But nobody that's not related to you that has your last name
Not that I know of
So you're the only Milana Veintrub in the world
Definitely
Are you the only Amir...
Blumenfeld?
Blimenfeld?
Blumenfeld?
Blumenfeld?
No, I think there is another one
Because Amir is a very common name in Israel
Do you have a middle name?
No, I take my dad's first name in Russian, Russian culture
You take your dad's first name as your middle name
So my full name...
Is Milana Philip
My dad's name is Alec
So my full name is Milana Aleksandrovna Veintrub
Oh my gosh
But I just...
You're a gymnast now
You're a dracula
You're a dracula gymnast
A vampire gymnast
Well, thanks for coming on the show
My pleasure
I'm still so moved by that song
I can't really get past it
I know, that was a really, really good one
I'm impressed, first of all, that there are 105 people in the world
Yeah
Care enough about you motherfuckers
Yeah
To sit down and write poetry
To music
Double that, whatever that number is, 210
Yeah, that's right
Although there have been some repeats
But it is over 200, I'd say
Yeah
That's a beautiful thing
One in the beginning, one in the end
Can we take a moment to put our hands on our hearts and be grateful for those people?
This is so weird, I don't even feel a beat
I feel this
It's nothing
It's hollow
This is the difference between us
Because as soon as she said that, both my hands broke my heart
I was like, yes, I want to feel it
And you were like one hand in making a joke
We're like Darman Greg
The other hand was on his dick and he was like, I feel nothing
You couldn't get hard
It's like a Ken Mound, it's just absolute polished nothingness
How do people know you?
You've been in some of our videos before
Yeah, I've been in some of your videos
What's your claim to fame?
I think people like to call me the AT&T girl right now
From the commercials
That's pretty legit, it's really fun seeing you when you say AT&T commercials
Thanks, it's really fun to make them
That's great
It's like the equivalent of seeing George Basil in the Budweiser commercials for me too
He's so good in those
He's so George
And you're so, you're so you in those commercials
It's great
Lily, right?
Lily
I'm so Lily Milana
That is a very
You could be a Lily
Thank you
You're a Lily
And what's your guy's name on your show?
Holy shit
You said you were a fan and for what?
You feel nothing again
Just kidding, I am a really big fan
You've actually heard this podcast before
You wrote that song
She did the whistling actually
That's how it's held in the back of your ears
I've seen a lot of songs but none of them got in the air
Honestly, when they're all the level of Mike Labrão over here
It's not gonna happen
I can't even whistle
That's how good he is
This is my, this is the extent of my whistling
It sounds like a teacat already
That's as good as you can whistle?
Yeah
I can do better than that
What's here, Jake?
That is better, yeah
Thank you
I think I could beat both of you but it's been a while
And then it just turns into blowing
It's just wind sounds
Still poor but a lot better than us
Which is all we really need
So you've heard the show
I would love to learn, sorry
I'm like really derailing it
Yeah
I won't talk, that'll be it
I just wanna do like a taxi whistle
Like a really loud
Remember when you said you won't talk?
Yeah, then I did, then I finished
That's my self control
You know it'd be cool to do the double pinky fill Jackson really loud
Yeah, I feel like that's...
That's it, that's it, that's it
I'm gonna edit in a choo choo train whistle
For a minute and a half
That was amazing
She became a choo choo train
I feel like that's something everyone should know how to do
Like changing a tire or something, you know?
Yeah, there's a lot of stuff like that that I don't know how to do
Yeah
I feel like that's every popular internet article
Yeah, it's like oh, like 11 things you gotta know how to do to be a...
Before you turn 30
Yeah
Oh shit
Every 29 year old must know how to do these 15 things
Do you know how to change a tire?
Change a tire? No
It seems like you would
You definitely have the...
You carry yourself with an attitude that says I know how to change a tire
That's all I need
Have you seen someone?
That's why I have a beard
Yeah, I would assume that you know how to change a tire, Jake
And what about you?
No
That's correct
That I want to lie and say I can
Yeah, you considered it
Because that's my attitude
Yeah, you're like, I bet I could
I could, I could definitely get her done
I feel like I associate you with someone who builds things
Yeah, so do I
Now you're thinking of Thomas
Middlesex?
I associate myself with somebody who knows how to build things
Yeah
It's just, your hands are so callous
I do a lot of pull-ups
They're bleeding, they're cracked and bleeding all the time
So I assume that you're...
Jake's at home watching Netflix just rubbing his hand on a sandpaper
Nobody can know I've got the disposition of a Southern Belle
I'm a dainty ballerina
That's enough, you two
Jesus
Sorry
We're just kidding
Lighten up
I have a tire, right?
You're changing my tire
So you know that this is an advice podcast
It's called If I Were You
It's an advice podcast
People email us questions and we do our best to offer our insight
I've listened to this show before
Okay, well I was just explaining it just in case somebody had...
You thought she had listened
You just assumed
I guess because a lot of guests you've had on the show don't listen to your show
Yeah, they're like friends or people that our fans really wanted you on the show
That's so nice
Yeah
Let's put our hands on the heart for a second
I appreciate that
Everybody put your hands on your heart and whistle
Guys, we were out of time
This is crazy
Didn't get to a question
I've learned how to change a tire after this
Yeah, I'll at the very least look at a YouTube tutorial
I feel like I'm good at...
We'll never mind, we'll talk about this a lot
I'm trying to like save face
We don't need it
I have this...
The only time I've ever seen anyone change a tire was when I was driving with my dad from Moscow to St. Petersburg
Which is like a six hour drive
Holy shit
Through the forest
That's amazing, Moscow, Idaho to St. Petersburg, Florida
Moscow, Russia to St. Petersburg
Florida
Wow, long drive
Anyway
And it was like raining, pouring rain
And my dad's car went flat
And he put on like a hat
And just got out there and started changing the tire
On this land cruiser
Yeah, on this shiny car
And I get outside and I'm like, hey, Nia, do you need any help?
And he's like, get back in the car
Dangerous out here
The axle broke, he was holding the car with his hand
Stay in the car, Volana
I took so many pictures of that because I'm like, he's such a badass
Yeah, I'll never be that
I'm not that kind of daddy
He'll never be my daddy
Yeah, I don't even know if my dad can do that
I don't know if my dad could do it either
But definitely like, my dad is five foot five
But growing up, I thought he was huge
Say, my dad is like five, six maybe
Yeah, they're just like thick, strong men
Yeah
Well, your dad is kind of strong
And very thick
I could beat the shit out of my dad today
He actually tried to
The last time you were at home, I saw you
He sucker punched me
Yeah
You tried to break a chair on his back
And he caught it at the last second and twisted your ankle
That'd be cool
That's awesome
I grew up like fighting my dad all the time
We would wrestle for fun
Wow, how Russian
Yeah, with a bear
Wait, he only has daughters, right?
Yeah, he has two daughters, but he really wants a boy
So he kind of raised me like one
Or at least a player like one
That's cool
My mom only had boys and
She made you wear dresses
We were wigs
A lot growing up
Are you crying?
No, I'm incapable of doing so
Have you talked to someone about that?
No, I have not actually
I haven't spoken to anyone ever
But we are qualified to give advice
Here we go
Let's tap into your coldness
Oh, that's a good, that'll take more than one episode
Okay, I mean, I don't have anywhere to be
Aren't you dog sitting?
Yeah, but I'm allergic to them, so I'm staying away
Oh, God
Dogs is another good example of my coldness
I don't feel anything for dogs
Oh, really? You don't feel disdain
No, I'm neutral
Did you grow up with dogs?
I had a dog named Chico
He was a mean little beast
He was an angry little snowball
Well, that explains it
You, uh, I really want to get a dog
And Amir was like, yeah, that's fine, you can get a dog
But like, I'm gonna abuse it
You're not around
I'm not gonna abuse it, but I'm gonna like lift up my hand
You know, when they like squint
Because they were like, a rescue dog has a scary face
Yeah, exactly
And you would sort of try to remind the dog
I want to tap into that
I want to just make sure that part of his brain never
Mental abuse
Yeah, it never dwindles down to nothing
Emotional pain with a dog
Yeah, I want to keep that flickering fear
You're a monster
Just in there
I know, I would rather have this potential dog
I'm gonna rescue, be euthanized, than in a house with you
You actually have euthanized seven dogs
Jake, the answer is no, you can't dog-sit the dogs, I'm saying
I'll get out, no, he won't be in the house
What, you're gonna kick him out?
Why don't you guys switch apartments for the week?
Fine, sure
Oh yeah, I'll come live with Amir
Yeah
With dead cold eyes
That'll be a good sitcom
Uh, should we try to answer these questions?
I feel like you got some good wisdom to impart here
I go to a lot of therapy, so
There we go, this is a lot like this
Just regurgitate what the therapist says
Uh, we need
Stop talking about your father
Sir
You never talked about your mom
This question is not even about your father
Uh, we need fake names, because we want to preserve these guys anonymity
So do you have a fake male name for us?
Uh, Schmeg
Schmeg
That's pretty good
Schmeg
Schmeg writes
Hey guys, me and my girlfriend have been dating for about a year and a half now
And a few months ago, we somehow got on the topic of masturbating
She told me that she wished she had a dildo
But didn't have any room to put it anywhere
As she shares a room with her sister
And a bathroom with her family
She had the idea of using her phone as a vibrator
Being the nice boyfriend that I am
I offer to call her repeatedly
Whenever she were feeling horny
So that she could use her phone as a vibrating dildo
It was kind of hot at first
But now she keeps asking me to call her all the time
What should I do?
Thanks, Schmeg
Have you heard of this?
Is this a thing in the female community using your vibrating phone as a...
No, that sounds like...
Vibrator?
Vagina radiation
That sounds like cancer
There you go, that's what he should say
Maybe I love doing this for you
But I'm worried about vagina radiation
You should just Google that
I bet there's an article
Alright, just let me Google vagina radiation
Oh my god
Vibrators are so small
You can tuck it in like a pillow case or something
When she said I want a dildo, but I don't have a place to put it
I really thought she was like a Barbie doll
She just didn't have a whole place in her
I want a dildo, but I don't have a female anatomy
I share a pussy with my sister in a bathroom with my family
That's...
How small do vibrators get?
Really tiny
You can get one that looks like a little lipstick
You can get the egg, right?
It's like a vibrating egg
I haven't seen that, but I know that there's a lipstick one
Oh, it looks like a lipstick
You can keep it in your makeup bag
And can you actually apply?
No
Okay
That's the next step, though
That's kind of cool
That's the future
Why haven't they thought of that?
It actually vibrates while you apply it
So you look like a crazy woman
Here's a little bit of research I did
There was an app that vibrates your phone
It turns it into a vibrating massager
But you basically get what it's for
So anyway, this episode is brought to you by
You guys keep talking
I'm going to look up the name of this app
We don't have anything to talk about when you're not here
Yeah, we need you
Come on, bud
It's okay
I think it might be called phone vibrator
Phone vibrator?
Yeah, that's the answer
I wonder if a vibrating toothbrush would work
Oh, didn't that come up once?
I think it maybe did
You talked about it
Yeah, I talked about attaching a dildo to a vibrating toothbrush
You're attaching a dildo to a toothbrush
And making it a vibrating toothbrush
But actually, well, there's a difference
There's a difference between a dildo and a vibrator
A dildo is like a big penis
That doesn't necessarily vibrate
And a vibrator could be...
It's not necessarily dick-shaped
It just has to be a vibrating
It's something that's more for clitoral stimulation
You can correct me if I'm wrong
I'm not 100% sure I'm right
No, I think you're correct
But there are also vibrating dildos
Right, totally
And there are moving dildos
And shaking and grooving ones
Ones that play music
Oh, dope, really?
They tap into the radio stations
Do they have those in the form of a strap-on?
Like a strap-on that vibrates?
That'd be kind of cool
I've never used a strap-on, I don't know
Not that I've ever used a vibrator or had sex
Anything
No, yeah
There are these headphones that sort of send music into your ears
Like using some sort of radiation
So it doesn't actually play music
But you put it against your skin and you can hear it
Is there a vibrator that you...
It doesn't play music, but when you're using it
You just sort of hear songs
Through your uterus
Yeah
Wait, that first thing's real?
Yeah, that first thing's real
Yeah, I've heard of that
It connects through your jawbone or something
Yeah
Which is where the vibrator would go too
Yeah, on your jawbone
It travels down from your jaw to your clitoris, right?
If it's like that deep inside you
Then you should be able to watch TV
Like if you just put something on your face
And you can hear music
If you stick something inside you
If a vibrator that goes in you
You close your eyes and you're watching HD television
That's cool
Just like a virtual reality vibrator
I'm on a beach
It's the future of storytelling
Take this pill
Alright, let's go
I heard like we gave him a lot of solutions there
Yeah
Buy her a small vibrator
Tell her that the calling will give her vagina radiation
Yeah
I also just love how much time it takes above his day
Like he's trying to do his laundry
You're masturbating too much
Call me again
Oh, God
Brian, why do you have 38 outgoing calls every day to your girlfriend?
Oh, yeah, you could say that it's racking up your phone bill
But does it count if she doesn't pick up?
I don't think so, does it?
It must, it must
It must, it must count as one minute
It must, it absolutely must
What am I, I could just call Japan if they don't pick up?
We'll have to get them on the line
I don't actually work there
What?
Oh, no
You don't just like work in the stores?
No, no, no, I'm an actor
So that's not a documentary miniseries about your life as an AT&T employee?
No, it's a commercial, it's a paid advertisement
I am an actor for hire, it comes into a set
It's like on a sound stage
I feel like we should know this type of stuff because we want to be writers
I want to get paid for sure, like do you get cash for it?
Or do they just give you stock?
No, I don't actually own any of the company at all
They just
They give you points on the back end?
I bet you get fucking points
Like if the commercial makes a million bucks, how much do you get?
Commercials don't make money
So why would they make them?
Alright honey, let's keep going
She doesn't quite understand how it works
If they put the commercial online and then just put like some advertising around it
That's how they would make bank
I'm impressed with how good you are at keeping the microphone at your mouth at all times
I'm touching it
I feel the fuzz of it
He's obsessed with sound
Obsessed
I like things to sound clear
Alright, let's go on to the next guy or girl
Okay
The next dame or lass
Ladder lass
I'm going to stay silent because I want to hear one more example of guy or girl
Ladder lass
Lass or lassy
Damer dude
Damer dude
Chica or chica
Oh that's good
Thank you
Cultured
Alright, what you're doing right now, the wire is really freaking me out
Okay, I'm gonna stop
That has huge, huge implications
Implications, repercussions
Beyond the scope of this audience
She just unplugged her wire and she's waiting over here
I'm lassoing my microphone
She just lost out
Sounds important to you?
Is it picking up this?
No
Alright, we need a girl's name
Sandra Sasana
That's fucking sexy
Is that a full name?
Sandra Sasana
Her last name is Sasana
Last name is Dressasana
Her first name is San
San
Dressasana
Dressasana
I don't want to be on this date anymore
Wow, your name is Shmag
Alright, hey guys
I'm gonna be short and sweet
I'm a feminist, been passionate about equality and shit my whole life
The chef at a restaurant I work at
Isn't passionate about equality and his shit
I'm really good about equality and shit
The chef at the restaurant I work at is a major hottie
We get along very well
And in terms of conversation, we are pretty platonic
Complaining about our boss and teasing each other in a joking way
Here's my dilemma
Recently, he started to smack my butt when he walks by me
It's always just a casual smack with his hand
And we never verbally address it
Am I a bad feminist for fucking loving when this happens?
Is he a bad guy?
I can't go to my friends about this
Because they'll get mad at me and unfollow me on Tumblr
Sorry, this wasn't quite short
I tried to keep it sweet though
Thanks
Oh
I like her and no, there's nothing wrong with that
There is nothing wrong
If she likes it and like
If she didn't, I think he would trust that she would say something
Because they're friends
So you can be a feminist and still like to get your ass slapped
Yeah, you can be a feminist and still like to be choked
Yeah, it's just that you like it
And you're not doing something that you don't like
What you're saying when you say you're a feminist
Is that men and women
Should be equal
Should be equal
Or I believe are equal
And so
She could slap his ass and he could like it
And there would be nothing wrong with that
Should she do or say anything
Or just she's
If she's happy with the arrangement, she doesn't have to say anything
I feel like
The only thing here is that she has like this weird relationship with her friends
Where she can't talk to them
Oh, that's where you're seeing is the major downfall
Why would they judge me?
Because there is that
Because when I said he smacks my ass, you're like
Oh no, that's like a bad thing
But she said she liked it
Yeah, if it was anything like offensive or demeaning
Then of course say something to him
But she's into it and they're flirting, it sounds like
But is it offensive and demeaning to slap a girl's ass
If she likes it?
No, if she wants it
If she likes it
If she's okay with it, I don't know
I don't think there's anything wrong with it
Because maybe she's done something to open the doors for him
To think that that's an okay thing
And if it's not, then it's something that she should shut down immediately
But she hasn't
What about the first time?
Because the first time it's a little bad
The first time he just did it, unsolicited
So that's bad
Hope he likes it
But he took a shot in the dark
And it was like
Is it still offensive to go for the shot?
I don't know, that's the conundrum
Because it is, right?
You can't just willy-nilly slap people's butts
But guys do it to other guys
Maybe he's doing it to everybody
I slap your butt sometimes, like good game, you know?
Yeah, you do slap my butt a lot
I get a lot of pleasure at it
I grab a lot of girls' butts when I hug them a lot
Really?
Yeah
That's your little calling card
It's just like it's a mushy part of their body I could squeeze
Yeah, of course, I'm a butt grabber too
But not like, I would never do it to somebody that I didn't think would like it
Right, so maybe this guy is sensitive and in tune enough to know that she would like it
Right
And she, it's okay that she likes it
There's no need to be like, I stand up to you
You aren't allowed to do that, that being said
Keep doing it
Go for it
This was bad
It's fine
I really think she should have the conversation with her friends of like, I mean if she feels like she needs to even
Right
Who cares?
The Tumblr followers
Well I think
Is she like a Tumblr feminist?
If her friends are good feminists, because you're a feminist and you're saying
Actually, you're a feminist too
I'm a feminist?
Yeah, because you think guys and girls should be equal
I think guys and girls are equal
I just don't think that they should be
I think that they are
Unfortunately
For guys it's a lot harder to be feminist because I never know when I'm being equal or when I'm being like condescending
What do you mean?
Like, I'm trying to give myself an example
Can I jinx you on this podcast and you can't talk for the rest of it?
Episode 206
Mira has to go buy Milana Coke
This is fucking amazing
He has to run down this giant hill
It has to have your name on it
I have to go to Russia to get it
What do you mean by that?
I guess I'm trying to think of an example
Okay, so wait, no this isn't a good example because this isn't, I don't know, you have to come back to me
No, no, we'll wait
Really? Can we edit the long cause out?
No, we don't have to actually wait
Great
So, advice for this girl is that it's okay
You can do whatever the heck you want
Being a feminist and getting your ass slapped aren't mutually exclusive
Totally
But communicating with your friends and feeling not judged is nice
Yes, definitely open communication
I'm all about honesty
I believe that if you're honest and you have good intentions, you can do no wrong
And it sounds like this guy has good intentions
It sounds like she is honest and has good intentions
I think that sometimes you're only as sick as your secrets
And if she feels like
Have you said that before?
That was really good
You're only as sick as your secrets
It's beautiful
It is amazing
I just don't know what it means
I haven't quite figured it out yet
I was doing your sister's pronunciation
That's not even how she says it
Vine Trub
Okay
Vine Trub
Okay is never the great way to say it
Hey, if you have your feet on the table, can I put my feet on the table?
Sure
Do I have to take my shoes off?
No
Thank you
We don't own anything here
What do you mean?
This is all
It's all came with a place
You lucky motherfucker
So are you going to buy new furniture for your new place?
No, because the place we're going to, we're moving to, is equally fully furnished
How charming
What we've done is beat the system
I'll never have to buy any furniture ever again
How does that sound?
All we have to do is pay more money and rent
It's amazing
It's like paying someone else to go to Ikea for you
What was I going to say?
Oh, you're only as sick as your secrets
Yeah, I feel like if she's like a little torn up about this
Because she can't talk to her friends about it
I'm a really big fan of being the most you
You just continue being you at your highest self
You're, like, be awesome
Right?
Like, when I am the most myself, when I am the highest me
I feel most happy
You're unabashed
Yeah, and I don't want to sacrifice that for anyone else's benefit
Because then I have less fun
Exactly
Maybe I should go to therapy
Can I tell you about the pure heart rule?
Have you heard about the pure heart rule?
No, what does that tell me?
A little PHR will go a long way
It's something I said on the podcast before
Where you just, like, communicate your intentions
And where you're coming from and then say, like, to anybody
And I have no expectation for, like, what you're going to do with this information
But this is where I am
And it's a lot like what you're saying with just being open and honest
And have good intentions
I think getting rid of expectations is a really great way to move
Through the universe in general
Yes, what does that mean?
Just, like, not, like, going on to a date, for example
And not knowing what's going to happen
But just being present and enjoying the person's connection with you
Or lack of connection with you or whatever the moment is
And then not knowing what will come of it
Because I think there's so many times where, I mean, disappointment
In its essence comes from expectation
Expectations not being met
So if you don't have them, you're never disappointed
Yeah, and just go along for the ride
Because any kind of, like, fear you have of outcome is just builds anxiety
Yes, it's true
I'm often anxious about the end of a date during a date
Right, because you're like, what's going to happen at the end?
You're writing a movie in your head that no one's watching
Well, maybe with a vibrator, you can just close your eyes and check it out
That'd be great during the date if you just pop one
I just need a second
Tic-tac?
Administered vaginally?
Anyway, my point to San is that
She should just continue being herself
And life is a self-sorting process
Like, if she needs to lose these friends
Because they are so not on board with her enjoying this
Then, like, get out
There are way too many awesome people in the world
For you to change yourself or be ashamed of something
And her saying that they're going to unfollow her on Tumblr
Is her having expectations
And they might just be, like, happy that she's happy
And she met somebody that she digs
And enjoys getting her butt spanked
And that's great
Yeah, and why shouldn't a feminist enjoy what she enjoys?
I feel like men enjoy all sorts of perversions
Yeah, that's the whole point
That we're all perverted and we are allowed to just be, like
This is what gets me off
Totally
And if somebody's, like, awesome, I'm into that
Or somebody can be, like, that's cool for you
It's not for me
And that's it, that's a pure heart
Then get out!
Yeah, there are too many options
Not judging
I don't know
Good button there
Not judging?
Period
Actually, let's go to this next question
And it's okay that we don't know how to change tires
I can learn if I need to
In fact, I'm going to
So let's get this part out
Grease stains all over your face
My hands just shattered
This one's kind of along the lines of
Honesty and expectations
So I feel like it's a good next question
We need another female's name
I thought you were just running from the emotion of that previous question
You were like, oh, this is getting heated
Yeah, this is too real for me
It's amazing that someone who is so numb
Has an advice show
Yeah, but then who better to give it
Than to someone who doesn't feel anything
It's cold, surgical
Erase this person from your life
Break up with this person
And then I'm just like
He talks and can download new people
Delete these people
Remove that human from your existence
Gone, be gone, you
Another one enters the fray
For what? Who cares?
You weren't programmed to speak well
Of course not
I have banana
Chortles
Should we keep talking or should we move on to the next one?
What do you think?
I'm ready
I'm ready
Milana's yes
Okay
I'm ready
Great
This is kind of a story question
But we do need one lady's name
Oh
Jamaica
Jamaica what?
Jamaica shakes
Very nice
I want that to be my name
I feel like I was in a Quentin Tarantino movie
For three seconds right then
Jamaica
Jamaica shakes
That's a good title for a movie, isn't it?
Jamaica shakes
Jamaica shakes
It's about a businessman
I got it
Okay
I'm just saying
He's a real buttoned up businessman
Doesn't like to party but all of a sudden
He's got to go to Jamaica for work
Jamaica Queens
To make milkshakes
Decides to open up a little hut on the beach
Doesn't he?
I don't know
The first act break is him loosening his tie
And undoing the first button of his suit
I guess I have a note about that
That's a bad act break I guess
Just to loosen a tie
That's not a moment
He's very buttoned up
It is a moment
You guys want to be writers you say?
No
Not more
I disagree that that's not a moment
If he's very buttoned up
That's what it's all about
So the opening montage
This opening sequence of the movie
Is him buttoning all the way up
It goes all the way up to his nose
It's a shirt that's way too big for his body
Alright
This is expectations
Because when I pitched that
I thought everyone was going to love it
I really did
You know with the podcast you don't know
Maybe there are people at home
That are just fucking enjoying it
Writing this down
I hope so
Guys is this going well?
Yeah this is going great
This is one of those like cool ones
That are like
It's not only funny but it's actually real
Oh
I think you actually do go to therapy right?
Because it shows your advice
Is very sage
I also really love like self help books
Yeah
Well you've been on a journey
I've been on a journey on a soul journey
For a while
Really is that true?
Should we talk about that right now?
Should we take a break and not do this question?
Sure yeah
I'd like to know about this soul journey
More than anything else
I mean I think
If you feel comfortable talking about it
Yeah
There have been so many levels of it
Like since I think I was like 18 or something
When I was actually when I was
Yeah when I was 18 my cousin passed away
Okay
And that was like a huge thing for me
Where I needed to figure out the meaning of the world
And kind of had an existential crisis
Which I've revisited a couple times
Of like what is the point of anything
That's a really fast thought
Yeah and so that's when I started like
Someone gave me a book on like reincarnation
And past lives and souls
And I don't know that I bought all of the stuff in it
But I liked believing it
I feel like that was my first introduction
Into spirituality was
Believe what you like
Because there's no point to any of it
And one of my favorite Neil DeGraw Tyson quotes
Is that the universe isn't obligated to make sense to you
And so that was kind of like my
Thing is just like
Well I'm just gonna believe what
Gives me the least amount of fear
That's great
And um
But you don't
You're not like saying
Other people should believe that
You're saying that's just what works for you
And what works for me
I think everyone should believe
What gives them the least amount of fear
I think that's what I do
What gives you the least amount of fear
Well I'm just like comfortable in the fact that
Like once I die nothing will happen
So I might as well be as happy as possible today
Right
That's great
I only act on what will make me the happiest
And I believe in Jesus, Muhammad
Whatever the Jews do
Buddha, Hindu, everything
Just in case
Because I really really really
What would happen
I need
You're like at a roulette table
Putting money on every number
And because maybe they were like crystals
Like I don't actually know
But like
My roommate hurt his ankle the other day
And so I put a bunch of crystals around him
Just in case
That's a good bone stimulator
Yeah well I mean
That thing is fucking science
And it definitely works less than crystals
So like
A bone stimulator
I broke my heel and there's like
I have this little bone stimulator
That like pumps magnetic waves
Into my calcaneus bone
To stimulate growth
But my heel still hurts all the time
So this thing means nothing
And I also think crystals mean nothing
But
There's science behind crystals
I don't know any of it
But I know it's out there
And then also
I think some people
I think the power to believe
That's what I'm saying
Like
I think energy is undeniable
Cause like I
You feel
You feel it all the time
You feel turned on
You feel scared
And it's all like
At times that it makes sense
Right
So there's no
There's no denying that
Energy doesn't like flow through us
So whatever gives you positive energy
Then I guess that is worth believing
I think the brain is the most
Powerful thing in our bodies obviously
And so
We could
Hold a crystal
And believe that it has these properties
Of like
This one will engage your crown chakra
So that you will think clearer
And have better focus and whatever
And so if you believe that
I really do think that it's like a
Placebo effect
Placebo effect
Yes, when you can just like
Think that it works enough that it does
Yeah
Your body can convince itself
It's like mind over matter
If this medicine doesn't really work
But you think it does
It might as well really work
True
And so that's how I feel about
Spirituality in some ways is like
I believe that this is
Working for me and so it is
Like
Do you align yourself with the religion?
I was born and raised Jewish
And I think
Culturally I still very much am
But I
Oh, Shanatova by the way
Shanatova
Yeah
And Shabbat Shalom
Of course to all of us
To you and yours
Thank you
I
Yeah, so I
I love my
My ancestry
But I also like really love
Parts of Buddhism
And I'm like a avid yoga person
And
I read about all sorts of
Reincarnation things
And energy
But I also love like astrophysics
And you know
Science
Science
And Neil deGrasse Tyson
So where are you on the science
Versus spirituality spectrum?
Or do you not consider those things
Opposite ends of the same
Field?
I think
I don't
I don't think that they're like
Isolate
I think everything kind of
Makes sense together
The thing that I really
Only find solace in
Is that I don't know
And I don't have to
I don't feel like I need to figure it out
I think that the universe
Isn't obligated to make sense to me
And the only thing that I can appreciate
Is this moment in front of me
And this is my world
You too
In this like lovely
Sunshine-y red-curtained room
Like this is
The moment
I wonder if I feel that same way
And I just never verbalize
Or think about it
Okay, wonder it
And then answer it
Okay
No, not at all
No, no, no
Yeah, I guess I do
I think that I don't know
How everything works
But I'm sort of blissfully ignorant
On this rock
Floating throughout her space
Ooh, yeah
And I don't have to think about it
You're a tool
That's, you know
Even that image
There was a time
Where I went through another
Essential moment
Where I was smoking a lot of weed
And watching a lot of cosmos
This was two days ago
This was like March, yeah
And I did just the image
Of like how tiny we are
In time and space
In the universe
Is enough to make you feel so insignificant
Yeah
That in a like liberating way too
See, that's what I can get into
Is like the math behind it
Where it's like
If you take a look at the grand scheme of things
We're just like less than a pixel
You know, nobody articulates it better
Than Dave Matthews in this song
Crush
We actually have to go to the next question
Just knowing that the world is round
And here I am standing on the ground
Am I right side up
Or upside down
Is this real or oh
Am I dreaming
It's kind of beautiful
Anyhow
Did I answer all the questions?
I think so
I have so many thoughts on this
But the final answer is that I
Do you like talking about it
Or you're like I'm over it
Just let me be
I love talking about it
I'm a little worried about sounding ignorant
On the air to be honest
I don't think it's ignorant
I think it's always good to get advice
From people who have like
Worked through all of their shit
And like found ways to be happy
I have definitely not worked through
All of my shit
You've figured a way to navigate
Through the world that like keeps you happy
And I think so many people
That write into our podcast
Are like just starting out on that journey
Or like they're either just starting out
Or they're starting out
Way past the time that they should have
I think that it's constantly a challenge too
Like there have been flows
I haven't like figured
I haven't unlocked happiness
And now I'm going to be happy
For the rest of my life
You know like moods are a weird thing
That take over you that have
Like have a chemical thing
That you can't control
And like astrology has an effect
Like mercury and retrograde
People can feel that
And when they call it out
I'm like oh that's why
Do you think
Do you believe in like signs like that
Like you're a Capricorn so X, Y, Z?
I...
Yeah
Freak!
I'm just weirdo free
Yeah I do
I don't know that
Which one are you?
I'm a Pisces
Oh I was going to say
Why what are you?
Can't you tell?
No
I don't know
I don't know it well enough
But when I read like astrological reports
I'll show you one after this
That I like
It'll blow your mind
I'm like this is like dead on every time
How?
So you are totally bought into the whole
I think Josh Rubin is the same way
He's like really into like the signs
The astrology
I love Josh Rubin so much
Have you seen Josh Rubin and Vince
Read each other's minds?
Yeah
That was the thing that I did for you
I sort of ruined it
I did it poorly but
Oh you know how to do it?
Well yeah
Do they just meld it to each other?
No no no
We'll tell you after
We can't tell you about it
Oh my god you guys
I fell for it so hard
My mind was blown
They were ten for ten
We did it
Me and Vin do it
Well when Josh isn't there
I can do it
There's a bunch of you that can
Read Vinny's mind
But we were at this cabin last week
And there was a bunch of people there
A couple people could
Read Vinny's mind
And then the other five people
Were just fucking freaking out
I was freaking out
And I came home
I was in New York with them
And had this night
Of just asking them to do it
Over and over
And then drawing people in at the bar
You never found out what the deal is?
No I totally bought it
And no please do tell me
Because then I went home to my roommate
And I was like
You're the closest person in my life
We could do this
And so then
He was like
I think what they do
Is just meld it to each other
And I was like
No
And then we had a friend over
We had Rosa over
And Rosa said a name
And it was Angelina Jolie
And I just meld Angelina Jolie
And then he was like
Okay I see like a brain
Did it fool Rosa?
Yes
It was also our reaction to
Like yes we got it
Mouthing it
That's the best shortcut
That probably is a better way to do it
Oh my god
I can't wait to hear what it is
It's gonna be so good
I hate them
They tricked me so hard
We have to take one quick commercial break
And then we'll be back
With more Milana goodness
That's a good last name
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp
Thank you BetterHelp
If you're finding yourself in a difficult
Anxious, stressful situation
Talking to a professional license therapist
Is the best way to navigate yourself
Out of that difficult place
And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist
Especially one in your area
But BetterHelp makes that all easy
Because it's online therapy designed
To be convenient, flexible and suitable
To your schedule
Fill out a brief questionnaire
And get matched with a licensed therapist
And you can switch therapists at any time
For no additional charge
It's incredibly helpful
Therapy has helped millions of people
Over thousands of years
So give therapy a try
It can give you the tools to find a more balanced life
I've tried therapy
It's been very helpful
So you can find that balance better
With BetterHelp
All you gotta do is
Go to betterhelp.com
If I were you
You do that today
And get 10% off your first month
So the prices are already affordable
Because you're not paying rent
For a building somewhere
That you have to drive to
And wait in a waiting room
This is done entirely online
But you're still getting professional
Licensed help
And it's extra affordable
That's betterhelp
H-E-L-P.com
Slash if I were you
Check him out
Thanks BetterHelp
Thank you to Squarespace
For sponsoring this episode of our show
Wow
Years and years and years
We've been ranting and raving about Squarespace
Because it's the best way
For dummies like me
And potentially you
That don't necessarily know how to code
Or design
To create a professional looking website
So if you're building an online portfolio
For yourself or a loved one
Or you wanna sell stuff online
You can do an online store
They have 24-7 live customer support
Email campaigns
Data
You can even purchase a domain name
Through Squarespace
For example, I didn't even look this up
But there's no way you can't buy
Amir Blumenfeld
Is a good dude.com
I bet that's available
And you can have it today
And you can buy it through Squarespace
And build an awesome website dedicated to me
Or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life
And maybe you wanna give somebody a gift
This season
A summer birthday coming up
Who doesn't want a website
So the best way to do that
Is to go to Squarespace.com
Slash if I were you
For a free trial
And when you're ready to launch
Just use that offer code
If I were you
To save 10%
Off your first purchase
Of a website
Or domain
Again
Squarespace.com
Slash if I were you
Free trial
Everything looks good
Let's launch it
Just use that offer code
If I were you
To save 10% off that first purchase
Thank you, Squarespace
A lot of goodness
There was a moment when I was thinking about
Changing my last name
Oh really?
And everything, yeah
Everything I thought of just sounded like a stripper name
Milana
You wanted to change your last name?
For a second
Can I guess some
Ones that you chose?
Yeah
Miller?
No
Milana Miller
I hate it
No alliterations, right?
I'm down with the alliterations
But it just sounds like
I don't know, American
Alright
You want something close to the wine trub?
Maybe just something that sounds like it could be
Of Uzbek, Russian, German descent
Just try to gather all of those cultures
Lev
Milana Lev
It's not bad
Not bad
Where'd you get that from?
Is that your lawyer's name?
It is
Everything is my lawyer's name
Milana Danny Passman
Can we use this part on the show
Or you don't want to talk about that either
Yeah
Okay cool
So we're back
Talking about names
We're almost out of time
But we want to get to one more question
Oh no
Uno más
Please
I don't want to be out of time
I know
I'm enjoying this moment
It's so nice
It is nice
We can't be out of time
Time is infinite
Well, TJ Miller thinks time is the only god
We don't have to get into that
Oh gosh, thank you
That scared me
I want to play with this chord
As soon as we're done recording
We'll let you take it home
I'm going to give you a dummy chord
It's just like getting in
Just on the ground at your house
Wait, did we get this person affecting me?
Not yet
Oh wait, no it didn't
A female name
Oh yeah you did
Jamaica Shakes
Starring, I don't know
I see Matthew McConaughey
Matthew McConaughey
I'm flexible
Interesting, I was thinking like
Who's the guy that was in Shawshank Redemption?
Tim Robbins
Tim Robbins
I think would be really good
Gerard Butler
Gerard Butler
Oh, really interesting
That guy can open a movie
He really can
Watch it fail
I just like the
I was thinking accents
And then Jamaican accents
I feel like if I write a good enough script
Liam Neeson could do it
He needs to do
Like a silly struggling
No, not that he's struggling
He's just kind of one
He's becoming one note
I'm afraid
I think if I get into region wise
I think I could say
Hey, you can't do another
Did you see my extras?
Did you see my extras?
Guys, remember when I said Gerard Butler
That was a joke
That was a joke
That was just so recently
Yeah, of course
We need to edit one thing out of this podcast
Can you edit that part out?
That was a stupid suggestion
Remember when I said
Beep
Joseph Gordon, love it
That looks good
Thank you
You look pretty good buttoned up
That's charming
Thanks
Alright
A few weeks ago
I went to see a performance
Of Shakespeare in the park
With my family
While I was there
I couldn't help but notice
One of the actors was really cute
And we kept making eye contact
After the show
I approached him
And we talked for a bit
But didn't exchange numbers or anything
Kicking myself
I decided to go back
To another performance next week
In the hopes of finding him again
And getting his number
This time he saw me
And approached me
But I still didn't get his number
Anyways, to skip to later that night
I'm pretty drunk with friends
And we decide to find
And message him on Facebook
Using the name from the program
He tells me that unfortunately
He has a girlfriend
But he's interested
In hanging out in the future
A few days later
He messages me
Asking if I'm free
And we make plans
The day of
He ends up sending me
A ridiculously long
Super apologetic text
Like boyfriend long
Saying how he unfortunately
Has to go back to his hometown
And can't see me
He lives in a neighboring city
However, he insists that we get together
In Toronto
As I'm going to be there
In a few weeks
So what's this guy's deal?
Neither of us
Are going to be living
In the same city this year
So there isn't much potential
For a friendship
But does this guy
Just want to hook up?
Does he really have a girlfriend?
Is he not interested
In just being polite?
Help
He's definitely not just being polite
He either wants to bone
Or wants to be friends
You think he wants to be friends?
I don't think there's a chance
He wants to be friends
Really?
I don't think you'd go through
That effort to make a friend
Guys don't make friends
Interesting, I'm so dumb
You're not dumb
You're the girl in this
Oh, this guy's talking
I don't think it is
He just wants to be my friend
I believe that guys want to be my friend
No, too many guys
Are manipulative and mean
And that's what he's doing right now
He's being mean to two people
He's being mean to his girlfriend
And he's being mean to this girl
Who has crush on him
And he's being mean to you
And he's being mean to you
Because he's making you feel
Oh my god, you fell for this actor
How big is my bottom lip right now?
It is hitting the court
You're a cartoon raccoon right now
Cartoon raccoons cool
That's a really cute couple of words
Cartoon raccoons
Alright, that's another movie
That I can write
No, no, no, no
Jacob, don't
Jacob
Just, I don't have to say it
I used to know your middle name
Hold on
Is it Alexander Nov?
No
No
It'll come to me
Jacob's something her way
That's right
It is in between
It's from the last name
Yeah, yeah, I'll think of it
I don't know, you guys know guys better
I think I've said this to people before
When they've said
Sorry, I should hold this closer
Yeah
I'm making you nervous
It's like you were reading my mind
Who's twitching?
We're Josh and Ben
You can see the energy
There's energy, it's real
You think it's annoying to people
That we talked about
Josh and Vince for so long
And they don't know who that is
No
We have Josh on the podcast
So I think people would
Maybe at least know who he is
I love them
Me too, I love Josh and Vince
Me too
Vinny
Love you bud
Shout out
And hey Josh
Josh, hi, how are you?
Vinny?
Vinny
Josh, did you make this mess?
Mr. Vinny
Vinny
What's confusing to me
Not as like if a guy messages a girl on Facebook
Probably he's interested in bone zoning
To some extent
But why did he drop out at the last minute?
Did he just feel guilty because of the GF?
Yeah
But then he still wants to hang out with her?
Well, my theory is
And speaking as somebody who's
Done this exact thing multiple times
Yeah
Minus the having the ability to do Shakespeare in the park
Oh yeah
Or the ability to
Go to Toronto
But he can't drive
Yeah, he's a convicted felon
My microphone might have just
Oh my god
The level's good
Yeah, they're back
Okay, so
Your eyes got so big
So what's happening to my eyelid moving with those green bars?
You're
Shit, that machine's plugged into you
I'm small under
Are you number one?
Yeah
No, I am
Oh, no, Jake is
I'm two, you're three
Okay
So yeah, he made plans
Yeah
Wanted to see this girl
Last minute, the girlfriend needed him
The girlfriend wanted to do something with him
He was going to do something with the girlfriend
So he made a long-winded apology
Dodging the hangout
But also not mentioning that it was for the girlfriend
So I have to go home
No, it's
Okay
Now he's saying let's meet up in a few weeks in Toronto
Where my girlfriend will be
Nowhere near there
Oh, so he's setting up a little affair
Yes
So should she go for it?
Is it okay to be the other woman?
What are your thoughts on being the other woman?
I think it's horrible
You would never
This is the other thing
I think I'm very naive in this topic
Because I've never cheated on anybody
And I've never been cheated on
As far as you know
I'm certain
I'm certain
And
I really am
And I just don't believe
Like my first instinct isn't to believe that someone is cheating
Right
I've never cheated or been cheated
But Jake has
He's sort of an expert in that regard
A lot of
And I'm only speaking from the emails that we get
No, like
I don't actually know anything
But just in terms of the emails that we get
Guys are almost always trying to cheat
And girls are almost never
And also, guys are almost always the most suspicious and jealous
And girls are always the least suspicious and jealous
Which makes me come to my conclusion that girls are great
And men are evil
And I'm happy that I am a guy
You are a feminist
You're plus size negative
Plus size negative
Yeah, I'm like the
What is it?
The stereotype of a feminist
I really hate men
And you don't shave your armpits
Actually, I do
Completely shaved
So anyway, yeah, this guy's evil
This guy's trying to cheat on his girlfriend
And I think she should have no part of it
But what if he's like, oh, we're not together anymore
Or actually, did he even tell her that they were in a relationship?
You did, he said, unfortunately, I have a girlfriend
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, yes?
Call him Alana
Why does she want to hang out with him?
Like, does she still want to hang out with him
If she likes him and he doesn't like her?
I think he does like her
But I mean, if she likes this guy
And he says, I have a girlfriend
Then why does she still want to hang out with him?
She shouldn't want to
But the heart wants
He's good at Shakespeare
And he reached out to her
She did the right thing
She like, found out he had a girlfriend
He said, let's be friends
And she's like, okay, didn't contact him
And then he messaged her
Now he's meddling with his own relationship
Can you be friends with people that you meet
That you're attracted to when you're in a relationship?
I think you can be, but not in...
I don't think you can be specific, lone friends
Like, say, I'm in a relationship
And I meet like a new group of people
And there's like an attractive girl in that group
And we all become friends
That's okay, that's nice
And I should hang out with everybody in this group
But if I am like, in a relationship
I go somewhere, I just meet one girl
I get her number and we like, are texting
And going and getting ice cream or something
That's just dating somebody
But why is...
I agree with the fact that you shouldn't do that
But also like, if you're faithful to your girlfriend
What does it matter if you're hanging out with a girl or a guy?
It's like, if she was a lesbian
You'd be able to hang out with her
But since she's straight, you can't
I don't think there's any rules
I think the only thing you should listen to
Is what you're feeling
And I can't imagine going on friend dates
With a girl and not growing attracted to her
So I would say, I shouldn't do that
Then you shouldn't do that
But I think that
I'm all about honesty
And I also don't want to keep the person I'm with
From doing anything that makes them happy
I think that just builds resentment
And all sorts of poisonous cancers inside of you
So I think if I...
Hmm, let me think about this
Because what if the guy's like, I don't like you hanging out with this other dude
Would you say, okay, I respect your honesty with me
And I don't want to make you feel bad
So I won't hang out with this other dude?
It would depend on my relationship with this other dude
But it would be really hard for me to do that
Because I know that my intentions are pure
And it would be him doubting my intentions
That makes it hard for me
If I were dating a guy and he was like
I met this awesome girl on a plane or whatever
And I'm gonna go have coffee with her
I would think that was fine
And I would look forward to meeting her, yeah
That is...
I'm sure of it, this has happened
I picked the plane thing because it's really...
That has happened? Oh, I met this awesome girl
And you're like, oh, that's awesome
You don't feel that twinge of jealousy
As long as I'm cuter and funnier
Whether she's the cutest and funniest person in the world
Second to you, obviously
Everything is a case by case basis
There's like...
If this guy meets a cool girl on a plane and they get coffee once
And you're like, you don't have to be jealous
But what if they're getting coffee, then they're going to the park
Then they're gonna go to the zoo and then they want to go on a weekend trip together
The weekend trip together is definitely crossing the line
But if they wanted to spend a day hanging out
I really think I would be okay with it
I think you have to look at it through the lens of
Who this person's other friends are
And what their entire life is like
Yeah, and how much do you trust this person
And how open...
And then came home and was like, we had this great day
We did this and we did this and we talked about this
And was like communicative
And I didn't feel like there was anything like hiding
But he's being shady
But also I just know myself and I couldn't do that
Because I know that I would
Start to have feelings for someone
What if you had a lady friend and she's like
Oh, I spent the entire day with Roger
He's like a nice, tall, handsome guy
And I'd be like, okay, and he's gay, right?
Tell me he's gay!
He's fucking gay
I don't know, I also maybe
I just have the desire
I would, I don't know, fuck
Everything's hard
And that's our time
But you would say that makes me uncomfortable
I don't like you hanging out with this guy one on one
I think it would depend, it would depend
Like what she was getting out of their relationship
And if I felt like it was fulfilling certain needs
That she had that were like
If it was an emotional affair
Yeah, I don't, I, maybe
If it was
Like if he were impeding on things that I could
Take me up too much time
Sorry
Just say what you're actually thinking
If I have a woman, I should own her
Oh my god
Fuck
Milana, I'm so sorry we have to end on that sour note
I feel like I just confessed to a murder
Yes, they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell
I don't want this to be over
I know, we should do another one soon
Like right away
Yeah, a part two
Yeah, you would do part two with other people
We did do part two with Ben
And Middle Ditch
The truth comes
And I'm the cutest and the funniest
You're getting jealous right now
We're podcasting with other people
I brought you guys cupcakes
Yeah, that was really nice, thank you
What did you guys get me?
Hey, that is literally
You can take them to court and
Did we finish this
I feel like we kept it a little open
With this girl, I think
I feel like at the very least she should know this guy's intentions
And I don't think they're pure
Let's do a quick rundown
If you or her, would you meet this guy?
No
No, Jake? No?
I would say yeah
You're becoming the monster
You can meet him
I'll tell you why no, because I once
Have fallen for this
I didn't know a guy was in a relationship
But he definitely pursued me
And then I found out he was in a relationship
And it just felt so dirty
It felt really wrong
And it felt like cheating
And it felt like I was mean to this girl
That I don't know
You can have all the pure intentions
That you want, but you are also vulnerable
To other people's impure intentions
But let me ask you this
You do whatever makes you happy
What if this girl is like, oh, I don't care about that
When I say what makes me happy
I think that means like
Listening to my intuition
And luckily what
Makes me happy is being a nice person
And if she doesn't care
Is she free and
You're fine with it?
There's definitely a line, you do what makes you happy
Unless it's like hurting other people
Because then you're a bad person
Oh, this really makes me happy to murder and steal
It makes me feel good
I feel like I can't judge her
I can judge her
Watch this
Judged
I wouldn't judge anybody, but I do think that
There's no need to get involved
Know that he wants to hook up with you
And then decide, do you care or not
What did you say?
This guy does want to
Like she's like, does he want to hook up?
Does he want to be friends?
Go into it thinking he wants to hook up with you
And then if you care that
You're ruining a relationship
Go into it thinking that he wants to be your friend
This is the exact opposite
And then if you feel like
There's like a sexual
You're telling this girl to like walk through
The woods with a wolf
Don't worry, just go into it thinking he's not hungry
He just wants to hold hands
And then you guys are going to walk hand in hand
There's some sort of gingerbread house
I probably wouldn't meet this guy, I'm just saying
Because like there's a bunch
Of other cool things to do in Toronto
There we go, there's lots of Shakespeare to see
Uh, cool
Milana, you killed it
I miss you guys when I'm not with you
Oh my fucking god, that was amazing
Thank you, we're together and you still miss me
Yeah, that was the first time I ever felt the warmth
Put both of our hands on our heart
And be grateful for how well this podcast
And that we can all be friends
Both hands, feel the energy, feel it
Search through you
Would it surprise you to know that I've never done yoga?
Nope
As it shouldn't
Jake
What are your thoughts on me not doing yoga?
Do you want to do yoga?
I'd like to try it
You should come with me
You should come to my therapist
Can you do that? You can't go with somebody else
You can't come with me, but she's great
She actually works with a lot of our friends
I don't know if I want that
But I don't want one person to know everything about everybody
I want to go to somebody nobody knows
I would go to your therapist
Really?
No
Cool
The opening theme song and the questions were submitted to us
If I were to show at gmail.com
If you have your own questions or own theme songs
Please
Email us as well
We won't always have the wisdom
Of Milana here
We'll always have the stupidity
Of Jake and Amaya
The opening theme song was from
Do you guys remember his name?
Oh, Michael
Labrao
And this closing one
Is from
That's cool
By Ali Burnett
We'll be back I think on Thursday this week
Thanks one more time Milana
Do you want to say or plug anything before you go?
No
That was perfect
I'm going to cry during this song
Alrighty, here we go
Don't know what to do
Then write into the show
If I were you
You can bet your ass on those dirty shoes
Cause you really need advice
When you're feeling low
Jake and Amir in their podcast show
They'll help you from their house
And along the road
With each episode
We'll be back
Hey guys, it's Kristen
It's Marnie from the Ask Women podcast
And make sure to check out our podcast
For all the advice you need to get the women
That you want
And yes, I say women plural
Because we even talk about polygamy
Not polygamy, what's it called?
Pollyamory
That's right
It's not polygamy
It's not polygamy
It's not polygamy
It's not polygamy
Pollyamory, that's right
But if you want to know all the advice
That you've been waiting to hear
Directly from women on how to attract
Date, seduce and get the women you want
Then check out our podcast
The Ask Women podcast right here on Podcast One