If I Were You - 11: Belt of Pain

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

In this episode we discuss our failing bodies and the steps we take to heal them. Also, Amir sold some new ads for Jake to read.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgema original. That's a little bit. Now, let me to two pathetic homes Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna Sagna, Sagna, Sagna, Sagna so I won't get fined. Nice. Marshawn win. Yeah. Marty threatened to sue me last night. If I record this episode with you. You don't do anything at head gum except for host one show. And I barely do that. Yeah. And Marty said, I'm walking with buckets.

And he said, what show? I said, I'm walking with buckets here, and I slammed on the hood of his car. And I asked if he needed a wash. Now we're back. This is our first recording of 2024. Yes. Bicostal recording.

Exciting times. Bicostal, but not in the home zoom setup. This is like back in the recording setup. Right. This is that perfect in-between of effort. Nobody had to fly, but I couldn't just do this from Brooklyn. Yeah. I mean, ideally, it would be in the same room, but that would require one of us moving

across the country. Right, exactly. I'm just down to have you move to New York. Would you ever do that again? It seems kind of called there right now, but ask me again in June. And then there's the... I saw a movie last week. What movie was it? It was called Past Lives, I believe. Oh, yeah, people love that movie. Yeah, it was very, very moving, very powerful. And you know the last scene of that movie, they're walking

down the street. And I'm like, I swear this is a mere's old street. And they walked by a park and I googled the park and sure enough, it was right outside your old place. My old place in LA or New York, in New York, on first and first. Oh really, that park. Wow. Holy shit. Maybe I should see this movie.

Because it's like a top everyone's list. And now that the fact that there's a park near where I used to live, I feel like I got out. You'll recognize the street. I mean, if I did, it'll be, it'll really hit home for you. And it's a very nostalgic movie like that. So yeah, it was so, yeah, well, check it out and then see,

we have a segment where we do movie reviews, but it was really fascinating to see like a flashback, basically like 2012. Right. And I was like, when I lived there, there's no fucking way this movie is made about me, right? Like was there any other homages or sort of hat tips or nods or tips of the cap to the life I used to lead there?

Yeah. Well, the outro theme music was the bucket's theme. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. It's just incredible. The outro theme music was the bucket theme. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah. This is incredible. So it ended with a round ball rock by John Tesh. It is too Bradley Beale saying you're getting bucket buckets.

Buckets. Buckets. That's how it was so bizarre. This Oscar movie ended with a quote stolen from my podcast, which you stole from John Tess. Yeah, which I stole from John Wall. Nice. Thank you.

I thought a good segment just to kick us off here is a quick catch up and update because we haven't seen each other slash recorded since late December. And since then, we've been through a series of medical marvels. Yes. I didn't realize that you got something called a balloon tracheonomir. It does. I had my choice. I had my choice.

Someone had to stab you in the chest with a pen. Breathe for you, right? They had to open my neck as I struggled to breathe with all of that first. I was a little bit sick. Cause I feel like your sounds like it's more intensive. I feel like a balloon entered you. Is that accurate to say?

Yeah, I had a balloon cyanoplasty. What is that? And is that elective? Because it sounds elective. It wasn't, I was forced into the decision by my loved ones. By who's tall? She said, she knew why you're snoring. Is it a snoring based thing?

It's snoring adjacent. So the larger issues that I couldn't really breathe through my nose as I've spoken to about before, I'm a mouth breather, which comes with this own set of problems. You're supposed to breathe through your nose day to day, which I found difficult to do. When you were watching a movie, past lives, for example, was your mouth close the whole time, are you just breathing through your nose the whole time? That's how you're supposed to be viewing things. That's not how I was.

I think I have kind of a resting, open mouth, but I don't think I'm like a heavy mouth breather. Yeah, it's tough to just recall, because it's also subconscious. But at night I was especially mouth-a-gap breathing struggling for air. Like that. Yeah, like that.

So like not even, yeah, like that. Let's have a snore and more of a gasping for air. Yeah. A weez. A weezer, yeah. And so I went to see an ENT who very quickly like did an MRI scan. He's like, yeah, I mean, look at these signal cavities. They're very thin.

Your turbinates, which is like your nostril meat is very overwhelming. You're not getting along a lot of airflow through those. We recommend this procedure that we do here called a balloon cyanoplasty. I'm like, okay, what's that? Interesting that he finds exactly what he needs to do as procedure. Of course. He's ready to go. And it's not covered by insurance, right?

Actually, this one was because, so that was one of the, I was like weighing the options because the basically the procedure is, they numb your nostrils and they stick a deflated balloon in with like a camera, kind of like a little nasal,

small wick. I'm awake, but like valium doubt. Kind of like a dental surgery. So I can't feel anything, but they're like, keeping me alive and well. And then they blow a balloon open and it like cracks some like hardened cartilage wider so that your airflow can be thicker and more robust.

So I'm like, okay, this sounds kind of intense, but like, you know, I've done Lasik before. I'm not scared of changing my face internally for the better. Of course not. And this is felt kind of similar, not really laser. It felt very practical, just like cracking space that I've been wide. And I can understand that.

Yes, I understand like if there's like a tunnel through a cave, but there's a lot of rocks on the side to like try to remove the top. The tunnelers would put a balloon in and it's like, obviously, we know how tunnels are made. But then in addition to the balloon thing, he's like I can also reduce your turban. It's like literally by like scraping like tissue away.

That part sounds painful. Yeah, I'm like, okay, how much does this thing cost? Because it seems like very like, you know, you go to a dentist and they're like, let's recommend this and I could charge you $4,000 in the insurance, we'll play for it. And this is how we make our money. So I'm very skeptical from a capitalist perspective

about these kinds of things. Lazy guy understand, my vision is blurry, I wanna fix it. This is like trusting a guy who can tell me what to do. Yeah, and you like don't really have that. You don't have trouble sleeping. It's more other people that have trouble sleeping around you. So it's not necessarily something you wanna fix.

But I do have trouble breathing through my nose. So I'm like, okay, maybe that's helpful in the long term. So then I go home and I, oh, so I ask them how much they cost. They're like it's $2,500, but I can see on your insurance, you've already met your deductible for the year. So it's actually free, $0 free. You're completely covered. So you're trying to get this in before one, one.

Correct. The last thing you do in 2023, yeah. It's like a $3,000 thing or free if you do it this week. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I don't have any work the week of the 23rd. So maybe I can just schedule it for that. And he's like, instead of Christmas, you'll have a balloon in your ass. And he goes, oh, then a few days you're fine. And he's like, you'll have some congestion.

And that's like the tissue resolving itself, but it'll all get flushed away soon. Okay, so I look online and it's like everybody being like, I went in and they did the scan and they recommended this thing. I went in and they just stand and they recommended this thing. So like, that is a thing that they do. They do the scan for free, then they always seem to recommend because like, I'm looking at an X-ray

and MRI of my sinuses and like, this is narrow, this is the thing, I'm like, sure. I've been really good. You've never seen that before. So they could say literally anything. Like, they could point to the same passageway and be like, so you actually have really wide nasal passageway.

Wow, yeah, for sure. I'm not taking this gantwa, a second opinion. You know what, right for that. This is the 21st of December after all. Yeah. So then between that and the fact that I'm curious about the procedure, plus it's free, I'm like, all right, let's fucking do it.

So I scheduled it for Friday, the December 22nd. And they're like, okay, before the procedure start taking these steroids, start taking these antibiotics, and then the morning of take two volume. I'm like, wow, okay. Sounds kind of intense. Yeah, and I'm like searching, I'm like two,

I've never taken a volume. If I take two, will I be okay? And I call them, they're like, yeah, it's fine. You can take one if you want, but two will help knock you out. So I take two volume, be okay and I call them they're like yeah, it's fine like we you can take one if you are But two will help like knock you out So I take two volume an hour before the procedure and I don't remember the entire procedure like I was the share But I was gone baby God who got you to the appointment?

Obviously told drove me yeah, and like borderline have to carry me into the seat and then I was just it she say that you're She like that's videos of me being like, all right, like, is it in yet? Are you like, you're starting? And they're like, okay, we're gonna have to get in there now. I need to see them. It's basically like the laughing guys that give you the dentist.

You're just like, giving that a lot. Exactly. But during the procedure, so like, she was with me before the procedure and then she had to leave when they actually did it. And then like, I remember like, half dream state

of like them putting stuff and like, all right, hopefully you won't feel this without a snow and I'm like, are you gonna do it yet? No, we already did it. We already did it, you're okay. You can't put it in your nose. Okay. I have like a fucking like gauze under my nose

at the end of it and I'm like, is it over and they're like, yeah, you did great, you did fine. It'll be okay. And then I like went home and I passed out and I woke up and I'm like, oh yeah,? And they're like, yeah, you did great, you did fine, it'll be okay. And then I like went home and I passed out and I woke up and I'm like, oh yeah, like this thing, this is crazy, I forgot, I got this done. That was like half asleep the entire time. Wow, do you love volume now?

I guess I can, I didn't understand why people get into it just because like he was such a unique, disassociative experience. They're like, if you hate your life, yeah. I can understand why people would take to value and just fucking lose a day Yeah, right, right, but I kind of like watching basketball and stuff So I don't want to like forget that much. Yeah, but for this procedure was perfect The next day like as they said blood was coming out. I felt congested so I'm like, oh it didn't take because like now

I can not breathe their my nose at all and like I'm like, oh, it didn't take because like now I can not breathe through my nose at all and like I'm like There say don't blow your nose for three. Oh my god. Yes, you just have to let it leak Okay, like that my nostrils in a star box Kid with a cold who doesn't know how to blow their nose yet Yeah, and it's blood and it's not instead of just blood or nose yet. It's like, yeah. And it's a blood and it's not. Yeah, blood and snott instead of just blood or just not. Waking up with dry, dry, dry blood snott, like crust and dirt mustache. It was a bad situation for two to three days.

But like two weeks later, it does feel like a wider cavity. And I don't know about the breathing through my mouth, through my nose when I'm asleep just because I'm asleep for that. Like, I'll have to do like mouth tape and like try to like literally retrain my body, but I can finally like consider that as an option because like it does feel when I'm not congested like wide enough, wider than I've ever experienced. So I'm happy that it was verified that like,

okay, you're not just being kind of a pansy by saying, I can't breathe through my nose when like everybody has a small sinus cavity. Yeah. And then they did the checkup. Oh yeah, this is a lot wider. Do you feel like they said it wouldn't change anything externally, but do you think my voice is any different at all?

Like it feels the same. I'm very. I'm kind of an important radio guy. is any different at all? Like it feels the same. But it feels the same. But it feels the same voice wise, but it does feel wider up there. So I think all in all, it's been a success though, not like an instant life changer so far, but it's only been doing it.

Right, but you don't regret doing it. I don't regret doing it. The volume story was funny and it was cool to try that drug for free without any kills. Would you consider the scraping? Because if you only did the balloon and they offer scraping for even more relief, even a wider passage, which I did both.

So I don't know if I would have had. Oh, you did, yeah, I did. I ended up doing the scraper but night reduction as well Yes, it's called a turbulent reduction in addition to a balloon sineoplasty Congratulations, I was able to do both yes, and I did get a sinus headache for three days But ultimately since that's in the past I don't think about it anymore Yeah, yeah, so would you recommend this for even people who feel like they can breathe through their nose? I think anyone should get it done once a year like a checkup. Yeah. Yeah.

It's important to have a balloon in your face. Yeah. And then a blood test. Cool. So hopefully it just gets better and better for me on that end. Does it keep, did they say if it continually gets better, is like two weeks going to be the apex and it's, and it basically platose and it's just like, that's your life now. Or is it like, you know, you have, it says, why does it possibly will be right now and it's going to, like, does this recur, I guess? Yeah, they did, they said that it doesn't that like, I'm like, how does it, like, because I understand a balloon making something wider, but then how does it just stick like that

once the balloon leaves? And they made it sound like it's like, like a dry wall where wider, but then how does it just stick like that once the balloon leaves? And they made it sound like it's like a dry wall where it's like you crack it open and it stays in that position. Wow. So you're not gonna need this ever again? Uh, in theory, no, but kind of like lactic anything is possible.

And then also, there are like more invasive surgeries. There's like full on, put you under to like do like some real septum internal shit, which is like, yeah, I think my brother-in-law got one of those. Yeah. Well, one of the things, I've heard of deviated septums, right? Like, I didn't really understand what that was,

but the septum is the thing right in the middle of the two nostrils, and if it's like slanted one way or another, that's the deviated septum, and it makes it impossible to breathe through one of your nostrils. My septum actually was very aligned, so I didn't have to have that issue at all. Interesting, you just had the narrow walls.

Correct, I just had the meaty tunnel. It's kind of, I just wanna get one of these things myself. Like I don't think I need it, but I wanna see what my nostrils look like. Yeah, just morbidly curious. They did stick a camera up there a few times, which is kind of interesting. So you can go to this place and they'll do that scan for free

because they're constantly trying to sell this package. And that will include the nasal spray. And that will include the nasal scope. Right. Okay. And there's no way, even if I go in, and they're like, they see that my nostrils are normal. They would probably still recommend the balloon, right?

I would think so, but I'm pretty cynical, because I was like, they're like, do you get a lot of sinus infections? And I said, no. They're like, do you wake up tired? And I said, no. And they're like, well, it's still pretty thin. I like to sort of catch my doctor in things like that.

Like when they say, are're never wake up tired. You're supposed to wake up a little tired. I'm not groggy in the slightest. The alarm goes off and I feel like it's one thing. I shoot out of bed. It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling. Yeah, that's the dream.

That would be great, not physically impossible, but I feel like my nostrils are wide enough, it'd be doable. Right. You think that's the only impediment to your, you know, your happiness and success. Yes, everything you've been, everything else is perfectly fine except my nostrils are nine-percent. We all know in the body, everything is connected.

Well, speaking of which, you had teeth and back issues. Should we take a break and come back and talk about that? Yes, everybody needs to hear about my back. This is a fucking thing. So we will be right back after these ads. And I'll be right nostril after them. Because my right nostril is clogged with fucking blood and spumb. Spumb?

Huh? Oh, I'll actually, here's a real one. I'll discuss my nasal lavage issues after the break as well. Good. Thank you to see the thing is for sponsoring this episode of our show. That's right. If you're a millennial who misses what life was like in the 2000s, if you've had a hard time finding new or curated music and if you're interested in multiple perspectives on relationships,

dating and music, then this show is for you. Thank gosh. You're gonna love see the thing is, it's hosted by Grammy Award-winning R&B artist, Bridget Kelly, and podcast trailblazer, Mandy Bee, they're talking about nostalgic conversations, cultural conversations, honest, it's incredible.

Slightly toxic discourse. Right. And they also have awesome guests that they like to call their friends with benefits. That's true. Are Lennox, Big Freedda, Remi, Ma, Van Leith, and Robert, Clasper to name a few. I mean, very exciting stuff. Each week you'll leave with some new music recommendations too. Or a straight up curated playlist, you didn't even know you needed.

Wow. So, check out, see that thing is wherever you get your podcasts. Enjoy. Thank you to Factor for sponsoring this episode of our show. Damn right. You can get started on your resolution with Factor instantly because Factor's ready to eat meal delivery service takes the stress out of meal planning

and sets you up for success this new year. Mm-hmm. It's easy, it tastes good, it's not dog shit for you to eat. It's pretty solid. You can forget your's not dog shit for you to eat. It's pretty solid. You can forget your frantic lunch prep and rush dinners. They send you these meals. That in two minutes you can heat and eat with loads of snack options. You got breakfast, you got smoothies, juices, lunch, dinner.

They got you all covered and it's really easy. You don't have to worry about take out and delivery fees. It's delivered right to your door. That is true. It's really easy. You don't have to worry about take out and delivery fees. It's delivered right to your door. That is true. It's also flexible. You can change your order up every single week with plans from 4 to 18 meals per week depending on what you've got going on that week and how much meal prep help you need. It's true.

Stress less over meal times this new year. Factors. No prep, no mess meals. They free up time that you can spend much more efficiently. You get chef crafted restaurant quality meals delivered directly to your door. Exactly. So head on over to FactorMeeals.com slash Segments50 and use the code Segments50 to get what 50% off. That code is Segments50 at FactorMeeals.com slash Segments50 to get 50% off. Thanks, FactorMills.com slash segments 50 to get 50% off. Thanks Factor.

like waterboarding yourself, you put a fucking Elmer's glue cap full of water in your nose. Which you have to do that for your nose. Yeah, to heal. I see. So you like this thing. Put a water bottle of one nostril

and squeeze it so hard. I've seen that. It's your eye, it comes out the other side. I've seen it done. I've never felt like I needed that. I told you about the ear lavage I got once, right? Yeah, that's when they flush it your ear out with water. Yeah, but they didn't use water. I think I just like had heard about it and I was like,

yeah, I want to go get that done. I went to like an ENT, but they didn't have like the water. They just did it with tweezers. Yeah, I can't wait to tell the story on the on pod before. Yeah. I did it with Micah and Dave Rosenberg. They'll do that. They'll do that at this place as well. I'll make you an appointment next time you're here. I would love to. I mean, yeah, the lavage was great, but I did hear you're supposed to have

a sum amount of wax in your ears. It's sum is normal, but. Detective, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, you're back. My nose, my back. You're ankle and your tack. My knee.

Yeah, I, you know what, like I had, the last time I threw out my back was, I believe September of 2019. But who's counting? Not since COVID. Yeah, not since COVID. I was like, I was traveling all the time. I had, I had like lost a bunch of weight before my wedding. I felt like I just, my body wasn't about that.

Like I totally didn't even mention that. You look, yeah, I sent you my registry in 2018. I totally forgot to give you a gift card. Yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna give you a gift card to, you can do that. Still, John Zolo gift card. Yeah, nothing has to be to John, But they dropped the juice by the way. I don't know. I gave you like, I don't know, $300 to your honey moon fun.

Namaste. Which I actually, yeah, I ended up using it on an nasal lavage. I ended up getting beat. Yeah, I got the porcelain lavage, which is a upgrade from the plastic bottle. Yes. I didn't travel, but I was transporting it. It looks like an Aladdin's lamp

that I stick up my nostril. So deep that it comes out of the other side and also my ass a little bit. So yeah, mausoletopic and crats. So yeah, I've been feeling pretty good. My back had been feeling very good. And I don't know, nothing really had changed. And then I like, I felt like I was getting stronger,

had no issues for like three and a half, four years. And I still am not entirely sure what happened, but I think based on what I explained to my doctor that I was playing tennis. I sprinted, pulled up short, and got like a tiny little tweak in my right quad. And I know this about my body is that I have larger quads than glutes,

so I use my quads a lot. So I had this weird little quad strain. I should have rested. I rested for two days, but then it was really nice, and I wanted to go on a bike ride, and I was like, I'll take it pretty easy. But then we ended up riding like 40 miles. And I got home and I was just like, it looked like I was like popping a hip in a photo. Like my right hip was just like sitting like three inches higher than my left.

Three inches. Yeah. Even while you're standing straight. Yeah. Right. The same head. I could stand straight. I like, when I was standing straight, it looked like I was just like poking my right ass cheek out to do it. Yeah. It was like, you were giving my spine almost like a little S. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I was like, all right, I'm going to really take it easy because that doesn't like it. And I like, you know, felt a lot of tightness in this leg. So I rest that a Sunday, Monday I relaxed. Tuesday I was like, or buddy Miles asked me to do a CrossFit class.

Okay. And I was like, so you took two days off and then you did it again. Yeah, I took Monday off. And then I was like, I'm really gonna have to take a full day off, even though you had already taken two. So you were not listening to your body. No, I wasn't listening to my body at all. So I go to this CrossFit class and I'm like,

whatever it is, I'm just going to take it, I'll take it easy. That CrossFit class, the wad was like, it was back squats and then the mech, it's like the warm-up jump ropes, so just really going at my legs, jump rope, then squats, and then the metcon. You kind of, you know, that like high intensity thing at the end. It was just as many rounds as possible for 10 minutes. That means you just don't stop of walking lunges. So just, for 10 straight minutes, I did walking lunges. So CrossFit really, CrossFit finds what kind of hurts you and then sort of enters it all. Spose is injures you.

Yeah, yeah. Which is what a lot of people don't like about CrossFit. Right, but this is, I don't think this was CrossFit's fault. This was my fault. Like I got it injured on your normal day. I can walk, I can do walking lunges for 10 minutes and you know, have a normal soreness, but when I have a leg injury and I just try to do it anyway.

Just slightly tearing your muscle every second for 10 minutes straight. So I still don't entirely know what happened, but I'm sure anybody listening can just understand that there were like other muscles in my leg that were overcompensating for my injured quad. Maybe my weak glutes or... You have a small ass, just say.

Periphalmus. There's some, yeah, there's some, there's some like other muscle down there, like a stabilizing muscle that I don't have a lot of. So whatever it was, the net result was that I woke up and my ass, it was like I was wearing a belt of pain. And it was like my hip flexors, so tight, my glutes, so tight, my spine completely in an S.

It looked like my right ass cheek was trying to kiss my shoulder. And I couldn't, if I like, to get it, they were succeeding, they were friendship. Your ass stretched your shoulder for a week's time. And the worst part was they were succeeding. They were friendship. Your friendship. You're a friend. You're a shoulder for a week's trade. So yeah, if someone could fucking put a balloon in my nose or my ass to fix this.

So when you wake up or you're like, oh wow, I'm really sore from those lunges or you're like, oh no, I did something. This is the bad soreness. Yeah, I woke up and I was like, oh no, this is really bad. I'm like, I think that day I went and I like, you know the bathhouse near us. I was like, I think I just need to like, oh no, this is really bad. I'm like, I think that day I went and I like, you know the bathhouse near us? I was like, I think I just need to like,

sauna, steam, cold plunge. I still felt like it was just muscle tightness that first day. Cause you want to believe. Yeah, and I was like, I just need to like stretch, put some myosonic, get some heat on it, go into the cold plunge. Yeah.

And you know, it'll be okay. I just need a little more rest. Yeah. Then on Thursday, I like the cold plunge. And you know, it'll be okay. I just need a little more rest. Yeah. Then on Thursday, I like literally couldn't get out of bed. Like walking to my sink from the bed was just like making my back spasm in all of these different areas, like the lower back. So you didn't crossfit that night to try to loosen up. Yeah.

Crossfit was a thousand sink touches. So I had to walk from my sink to my bed on my ass in a lunch for an hour's break. With a rough vest on. Yeah, the lead vest. So yeah, normally you can take a few days. Basically, I felt like I needed, then I was like, all right, so you need a week of rest.

But with the baby, with the dog, there's just, there's stuff that you physically have to do that I rested, but I couldn't be completely immobile. I think on Thursday, I didn't get out of bed and Joe was, Joe like did everything. But then the rest of the week, I was like, all right, I'm mostly going to rest, but sometimes I'll have to give Gemma a bath or like change her diaper, you know, because otherwise, what do you get for? That's not fair, you know. Her body comes before mine.

But yeah, for then it was two and a half, almost, yeah, two and a half weeks with literally no improvement at all. I would like, I would wake up in pain and look forward to the night because I was like, I think I'll sleep and wake up and I'll feel better, but it just never ever happened. And this was over, what were the dates of these 17 days? This was like the 16th to just after New Year's, I think. Oh wow. So you don't even receive your, your in pain.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The. Yeah. Um, the worst I mean the worst time just like spending time with the family hanging out all singing Christmas kill, but I'm sort of like laying on the bed with a ice pack on my back. Oh holy night guys, can you sing louder? I can't hear you down here. I was like truly convo less than I was just lying on the couch with my feet up on a cushion, ice pack on a ton of ibuprofen and just like Jill would bring Gemma over.

I would sit around the cushion and bouncer and then it'd start to hurt like, all right, someone can take her now. It's like so sad. And then so I also, I did a cold plunge. I went swimming in the Long Island sound on the 27th of December. Was that good or bad for your back, would you say?

It was good, it was good for the back. That felt really nice. Yeah. But more of it. I was like gonna say about it. It seems like that's more of a band-aid than a perma-sol. Yeah, yeah. The cold stuff say about it. It seems like that's more of a band-aid than a permissal. Yeah, the cold stuff definitely is it just makes it?

But it cold and numb a little bit for a second. Right, but then it would kind of come back with a vengeance. And my mom convinced me to go see her chiropractor. The seaward. Yeah, and I've heard bad things about chiropractors in general because they're just like, you know, you pay them 50 bucks, they just like crack your backs severely

and say that you're better and you walk out and you're more injured than before. But my mom like really trusts this lady and she's like, she's like more of a holistic. I think she's just a chiropractor because that's like, you know, the broadest term of what she does. But she worked on my body for three hours. Wow. Three hours. And when you're when you're with her, where you're like, do you see stuff that's wrong? Like,

do you see what's physically and not good shape? Yes. Yeah. She did. And so she had me like, she was like, bend over, touch your toes. And I did that. And then she was like, all right, and now, and I can do that with no pain, no, no issue at all. And then she's like, stand up straight and put your arms over your head and like lean back. And that just like made my whole back spasm. And then she's like, you know, you're sacrum and you're at the bottom of your spine, they're supposed to be like this, right?

For anybody watching a video, I'm doing it with my hands. You're like interlocking, so you can go forward and you can go back, you can go forward and you can go back. So when you're going forward, they're stretching apart and it goes back and they're supposed to all tuck together neatly and you're not supposed to have any pain. So that was what she kind of showed me that like,

when I, when I bent forward, they're separating. That's fine, because nothing's crunching on anything. But when I'm going back, they're all just hitting each other. Because I'm not aligned. My pelvis is twisted forward, meaning my right leg is shorter than my left right now. I'm all kind of just out of sorts. Right. So, but why did it take a holistic chiropractor in Connecticut versus like a doctor in New

York to figure this shit out? The doctor in New York also figured it out and I started going to physical therapy and they're trying to like strengthen my muscles to kind of get everything to stabilize and work into position over time, which I think, which I have to imagine is what the doctors need to recommend because they don't want some random person just shoving your spine into a lung because maybe that's bad. Yeah.

But this lady was very, very careful. Three and a half hours, she's like massaging my micro fascia into place. And I wouldn't say this if it was, like I'm very skeptical of doctors too. And I would never have trusted a chiropractor. But I like literally left the office, and I was laughing with relief.

It felt like I never had a back issue. It was 100% better. I texted Jill. Yes, I texted Jill and I just said, I am fixed. And like, it was... Nothing since either? Night and day completely fine. Completely fine.

Which is crazy. Like you have to leave her a yelp review or something. I, yes, it's absolutely insane. Like completely fine. Like it never happened. And she's like, yeah, I expected that or she's like, okay, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, I'm glad it's fine.

No, she was like, she was like, yeah, like this, and she even called it, she was like, okay, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, I'm glad it's- No, she was like, yeah, and she even called it. She was like, this is a patch job. She's like, if you really wanna like fix your alignment, it'll take three weeks or whatever. You see me once a week for three weeks, but she was like, you're gonna leave here with no pain. I was like, how did this even happen? And she was just like, you, nothing was aligned.

And now I aligned it. You know they see that, but I never really believe it. And the entire time of that three and a half hours, I think she only did two of the big loud cracks, where you're like, I feel like, what I thought a chiropractor was, and I'm gonna get in trouble for even recommending chiropractor.

So which I don't think I do recommend chiropractor was, and I'm gonna get in trouble for even recommending chiropractor, which I don't think I do recommend chiropractor, but I recommend this one. For your specific problem too, because I'm sure there are people who have had back pain for like 10 years and they've seen chiropractor in the past. Right. I think what I couldn't get through to my doctors

was that like my spine didn't always look like that. Like they seemed like they thought it was a chronic problem. And this lady was like this, you know, there wasn't a kind of an event that made you injured. And she, and she was like, you asked your muscles to work for you while this one was hurt. So all these other ones were overcompensating and they pulled your pelvis up. She got it to go back down. Like, my body looks different in the mirror now. And then when you go to your physical therapist the next time, do you sort of just fire them on the spot?

Do you sort of laugh at them? Do you say that they're completely useless and broken? I was like, why are we having me do clam shots? Idiot. Why did you give me the little yellow plastic band when you could have just yanked my hip into alignment? There's so much like weird medical things that I'm learning as an adult now that like things are going wrong.

Like some doctors totally disagree with other doctors. Some doctors just don't know what they're talking about. Some are actually good. And like unless you go to Reddit or Yelp or like hear what 50 people have said, like you just have no idea. And some things will work for you and some things will not work for you.

And they never do agree. Yeah. It is very weird. And then you start sort of like self-diagnosing. Like now I'm just convinced that I have like tight hip flexors. And I like, you know, bought a weird little hip hook thing that I'm going to try to work on to make my legs better. But I feel like all of this stuff is so like you got on this nasal tip a long time ago.

You've been talking about breathing out of your nose instead of your mouth for a month, for a month, actually. Yeah, and I've been doing that as such. But do you feel like all of your health problems stem from the way you breathe? I feel like all of my health problems stem from my weak ass. Yeah. Mine was localized to my nose, I think, but like, yeah, maybe like dental things, like you said, you got a root canal recently.

Oh, yeah, this was the other, so this was the thing that happened when it was, so while your back was hurting, you got a root canal, which is, yeah, my back people say is the most painful thing in the world. Right. My back is flaring up, my back is super painful. I am going to do that cold punch with my, we're at Starbucks picking up breakfast and just all of a sudden out of nowhere,

I said like my tooth just started throbbing. I was like, oh my God, like what could that possibly be? It felt like so much pressure. I couldn't even touch it. It hurt so much. Out of the blue from zero to that. Yeah, and this was, and I was like, I need to see my dentist immediately.

I'm calling them, they're closed because it's Christmas. I can't see them for six days. And I'm like, what can I do in the meantime? They're like, all you can do is take Tylenol. Which, I've noticed that a lot of your medical things happen around Christmas. Like your foot surgery was also around the holidays. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like the last time you had a weird two thing where it was like really paint, you said it was the worst paint of your life. That wasn't that possible. Yeah, when you like COVID around the holiday. Around December, yeah, right around just after Christmas or maybe right before yeah Yeah, I got my wisdom teeth out. I don't yeah, that is we I wonder I think I shouldn't live in a cold climate Yeah, though

I think it's the freezing air that's sort of changing your body chemistry or something You have to move to Mexico during the cold winter months ideally But yeah, then I I went to the dentist after Mexico during the cold winter months. Ideally. But anyway. Then I went to the dentist after the chiropractor. So my back was good at that point. And I was a little sad because I'm like, well, now I'm gonna have like,

my mouth is gonna be completely fucked. Right. But it ended up, the root canal ended up not being nearly as bad as I thought it was gonna be. What is your way of building it up? I think I'd built it up. Exactly. Instead of like a filling like on your actual tooth, they're actually like drilling inside the tooth to the nerve and giving you a filling on the inside of your tooth. On one tooth?

Yeah, on this, on my insizer right here. I can see why they would say and like that's a prevent the nerve ending from ever feeling pain or something. Yeah well I have not entirely sure or like there's a cavity inside there and like I think what had happened to my tooth was the nerve ending was dying. They called it an acrotic tooth. So I was I was lucky. The pain that I felt for that three days, leading up to the dentist appointment was actually my nerve dying. So by the time they did the root canal

and they drilled into my tooth, they didn't, like, I couldn't feel anything in there anyway. But I think it's very painful if you still have a little bit of nerve, like, if your nerve is exposed or something. Yeah. Yeah. So you had a bum back in a dead tooth. but now you have a fine back in the tooth is still

dead, but it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. Yeah. I was sitting there just as they were drilling into my mouth, thinking how tragic the human body is. Like, especially as we gear towards, you're almost 40. I'm past that hill. Yeah. I just had such an envision of like, you know, there, I'm past that hill. Yeah, we're all just slow down.

I just had such an envision of like, you know, there's some day there's gonna be like, one of those surgeries where you're getting wheeled in and they're like, maybe you'll make it, maybe you won't make it. God bless you, I love you. You actually sound really sick. It was also dying. You're not long for this early.

You're not long for this early. But yeah, so it's, it is like just sitting there so helpless with like somebody just drilling your mouth. Yeah. I hope this dentist knows what they're doing. Actually, you probably should have gotten the chiropractor to just sort of realign your tooth and then you would hate to see the root canal at all.

Or at least keep the dentist in a line so if you can slip or anything. Okay, so how does it stand right now? Your back still doesn't hurt? Yeah, my back, my back feels fine. I have like, it very intentionally not started doing like the exercise that I was doing before though. Yeah. Like no more, no more lunges or tennis. I still don't trust gunshots. Like it feels good, but it feels like it's on a hair trigger. Like I could do something to, to fuck it back up. So I've just been doing my PT religiously and strengthening my pure formus

and my pelvic floor, my hip flexors, the old ass. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot to this medical world that we still have to learn. Like every time I research something, it's like, actually, this thing is caused by this thing and don't listen to your doctor, do this thing instead. It's just such a huge mysterious world that's going on inside of us.

Yeah. But hell, nothing a couple, I'd be profan and a positive attitude can't fix. I took four value in this morning before I started recording and they're starting to wear, I don't feel it at all anymore. Now this is just what I need to get by. Amazing. I would love to realign you. I can get your neck on straight.

I can get your nose curls on correct. Yeah, if I went to your chiropractor and she looked at me, would she be also like, ooh, there's some work to be done? Or she's like, if you don't feel any pain, you're fine. No, she would say there was work to be done. She note that when I took off my shirt, she was also like, oh, your right shoulder

sits a little lower than your left. That's probably like an old injury. But she was like, it's good to address all of these things now because you know, people would be 70, they'll be like, what is my shoulder hurt? It's like, well, because you've been walking around with it not in alignment for four years or what. That's what I need. That preventative back pain thing because yeah, it's comfortable. Have you ever had a sword, but I don't have ever seen your, you in back pain. I've never had like, sword back like you had where I'm like bedridden,

but I've had like sword backs like, yeah, like from tennis or whatever. My, my strains are like more like lower leg, like hamstring tightness. Oh yeah. I can't touch my toes. Right. Yeah.

I can touch those. I can touch your toes. I can kiss your toes. Fuckin' I would like to. Can I kiss your small toe on the next podcast episode? I think that's what's ailing me. That I haven't gotten to kiss your pinky toe. I can't lie to you. I can lie down here.

I can lie down here. But you're good. Same time next week. I'll let you kiss my feet. It means I don't feel pain at all. Yeah. Okay, let's take another break now that we're still alive. And I guess we'll do a comedic segment in addition to the medical updates.

Yeah. Thank you to Rocket Money for sponsoring this episode of our show. That is correct. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. Then it monitors your spending and helps lower your bills. Uh, amazing. Anybody can use lower bills. That's just universally helpful. Yeah, that's just good to have.

We're not even asking you to buy anything. We're technically asking you to save money, I guess. Like, I mean, this is just a no-brainer. We're just asking you to be responsible with your finances. Like, how many subscription things have you just kind of willy-nilly signed up for just so you can watch that one show so you can catch that one game and you're like, oh cancel my free trial later and then you forget. This is keeping track of all of those things for you. That's right, we've used rocket money and also five million other people have. So that's a lot. It's helped people

save an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in cancel subscriptions. Holy smokes. Amazing. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscription by going to rockitmoney.com slash segments. SIGMENTS! That's cool.

Rockitmoney.com slash segments. To cancel your unwanted subscriptions again. Rockitmoney.com slash segments. SIGMENTS! Thank you to Helix for sponsoring this episode of our show. RocketMoney.com. Slash segments. Segments. Thank you to Helix for sponsoring this episode of our show. Love you, Helix. You sleep on a Helix mattress, Jake. Yes, I do.

So you know that their unique lineup of 20 mattresses includes award-winning Luxe collection, and their newly released Helix Elite collection is incredibly comfortable. Wow. Stylish, affordable, and awesome to sleep on. So I am on a luxe, but I did not know there was an elite, and if there's a level above my luxe,

then I need to have that because what they make is fucking gold, and if they make a platinum, if they make a diamond, then that's what I want. I need to elevate. That's right, well, first you just need to take the Helix Sleep Quiz, and then in two minutes, they can find your perfect mattress. That's so fast, because that's how easy and simple that quiz is.

For some. For some. Yes. It's super easy, super simple. You answer a few questions. And some people take it seriously, because they actually like to get all the answers correct. They like to know what they're sleeping on.

They like that elite mattress that they deserve, that they will be sending me soon because I am just on a lowly, little lux right now and I really do need that elite because I am elite. Yeah, I took the quiz. Well, everybody, everybody is unique and they everybody sleeps different. That's why Helix has several different mattresses to choose from. And by taking that simple quiz, they know which one to send you. That's cool. Not that quiz. Yep. And now Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Two free pillows.

Amazing. Just got to go to helix sleep.com slash segments and use code helix partner 20. Amazing. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. So remember that's helix sleep.com slash segments and use code helix partner 20 That'll give you 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows with helix better sleep starts now now now Thanks helix

All right, we're back One last medical thing I didn't even mention because there's been so much happening You have cancer. Yeah. Just a real flippant. I totally forgot to mention this part. No, not cancer. It's a fake fully yet.

But I got my COVID booster and for whatever reason, this one hurt me more. Like I always have bad reactions to the COVID booster, but this one had me vomiting a lot. V have bad reactions to the COVID booster, but this one had me like vomiting a lot. Vomiting. Yeah, throwing up. Wow. Yeah.

So I was sort of shaking and cold, really hot, but shivering, throwing up, and feeling like this was my life now. Like maybe the COVID booster got me sick. That's the interesting thing about being sick. When you're sick, you can't imagine feeling better, and when you're well, you can't really imagine what it feels like to be sick. Yeah, The cool thing about the COVID booster, in addition

to the fact that it hopefully keeps me from ever getting serious COVID, is the fact that as strong as it is for the day after, which was yesterday for me, one day after that, I feel fine. So like it's sort of like, it's sort of like a hangover where you're no longer hungover. You're like, I feel like I have a newly-songed life. So while it's happening, I think I did, right. And I think I read that if you have a really strong reaction to the vaccine, that's actually good because it means your antibodies are building up.

That'd be great, because that means I have maximum antibodies, because I was sort of half dead, half alive for a day. Yeah, and that wouldn't give you any pause on getting the vaccine next time. I like going out today. It would today, like I would want to get one tomorrow, but I bet in the year I'd be like,

oh, I forgot that I couldn't open my eyes for a day or I would have a migraine. I guess that sort of sounds familiar, but I'm not really sure. That's me in the T-dap vaccine. And six more years when it expires, I'll be like, oh, that was bad. I just thought I was dead for an afternoon.

You actually were dead for an hour. That's the only difference. Yes. Yes. OK, enough about me in my body. I sold two ads. In addition to the ads that we just did during the ad break, I've been monetizing this show as you guys know.

In a segment we liked as a side hustle. A mere selling ads. And I wrote the copy for you to read. Okay. These were ads that I sold and wrote the body of the actual advertiser. So you provided the copy, and you do this outside of gumball headgums proprietary ad tech. It's all part of the fucking Marty lawsuit.

Like he wants me here and gone at the same time. I can't sell ads to the show because I asked to work through the system. Okay, well, he doesn't listen to them. You're doing it in cash on the side. Yes. So that way we can get paid in addition to the payment that we received during the ad breaks.

Okay, so it looks like this one is from your ENT, the nose balloon guy. Yep, yep, yep. Hahaha. The nose balloon guy. Yep, yep. Yeah. That was balloon guy. Okay. I'm ready. It looks like you, so you're reading this along with me, right? Oh, yeah.

Well, let me, I have to interject at a certain part because that was the approved ad copy. Okay. You can start. There's two ads. We'll start with the first, of course. Hey, chuckle fuckers. By the way, that's a derogatory term for a comedy club groupie that hangs out

with the hope of fucking a comedian. This episode is brought to you by a completely new thing. You know anal fizzers? Yeah. That's a small tear in the thin, moist tissue that lines the anus. Okay. So this is a pizza fissure. That's right. A small hair in the

moist tissue that lines the anus. I really don't understand. Rabbit fissures are the ones are the one-stop shop to let mom and pop adopt and buy sell trade hares. Pig me rabbits and yes, even Jersey Lops, the way it works is simple. How? Simply put, the buyer and seller agree. Simply put, the buyer and seller agree on the price, value, joy, cost of the mammal in question. Once 10 vendors have placed their bids,

the Chinese auction or penny raffle for short can begin. Lois bid is worth one, then three, nine, nineteen, and so on until all bids are bumped. Winter take all and the rabbit is executed. Sorry, rabbit deal is executed. Oops, that would have been one messy mistake. Wait, I'm confused. Of course you are. Just sign up today with our coupon code ChineseOction or penny raffle for short. That is coupon code ChuckFucker for one free bid on all Jersey hoppers or better. Thanks China.

Okay, that was good. How much cash did you get for that? That one was $190. Split. That's not worth it. I feel like any of that could be clipped and spread. And I could easily be canceled for some of the stuff that I that I was saying. I was just reading the copy. But at the end of the day, it was even after we split, that's like 80 bucks for me. And that's not really enough. me. Well, we split with head gum. So it's half the head gum. You sell these on the side and why does that even go to head gum?

It gets a lot of part of the life. It gets a lot of the life. So you're still giving 80 dollars to Marty and you and I are splitting. So we were walking away with 40 bucks. 40 to 50. For me to, what? 42.50 each.

42.50 each for me to advocate for the death of a rabbit via a Chinese ox. This next one is not really a product, but a service. We've all read the tweet from crypto bore for 20. I'm started. Okay, let's stop. So the last one I have to do, thanks China. Now this one's a new ad. Yeah. Okay.

We've all read the tweet from crypto bear 420 from here until 48k is complete bear trap range until the announcement. And if the ETF is approved, Dildo to 51.9K, ETH Dildo to 4K, solve Dildo to the moon. Excuse me.

Why do you get to be the excuse me guy? I think for whatever reason, that copy that I choose, they usually cast you as the supposed. You get to be the confused party that doesn't approve of this stuff. And then they want you to, and I'm the one saying,

but how can we tell which cryptocurrency to buy? Some are weird shit coins like Elon come coin and some are legit like Elon come rocket But how can we tell which cryptocurrency to buy God that's redundant? Why are these things so pornographically titled? We're not plebes. I have a newsletter that will guide you on your journey to getting rich quick Jake's cash newsletter for turning pennies into nickels is available right now. A lot of these technically require the user to use Binance to see the forest from the trees,

but that's a quasi legal site that requires Social Security Number 2 factor authentication. So maybe it's better if you give me your Social Security Number and I'll handle the rest. So you want people to sign up for the newsletter or to hand you their social security number. There's socials may work better because I'm honestly not sure I have the where with all mighty than to get this juice letter off the ground. But why don't we make it even? My social security number is 84349. I'm not going to read the rest of it, bud.

That's right. Come on. Then you want me to repeat it. That's 84349 and then I'm not reading the rest of it bud that's right come on. And then you want me to repeat it that's eight four three four nine and then I'm not reading the rest. Now give me yours and I'll give you cash but first you need to give me a little juice worth squeezing myself. I'm sorry what? Yeah why do you get to say what?

You wrote this. I don't even have. Meaning I'll be your money manager, but you need to do something for me. So here's the final offer. Asked and answered. You give me a thousand, and I can turn it into half a mill, and you can keep a hundred K, and I get the rest. These are high-risk, low-reward, wish they were penny stocks. Odds are, they're going to zero and fast, but the risk is pretty low for you, thousand bucks, and the reward is great. But if I'm not willing to, how do we say financially share it? Okay, what's the call to action? What is the call to action?

Zeller cash out me a thousand dollars and include your social security number in the notes portion, but there's a chance I will spend it on cigarettes. Nice. All right, thank you. I was obscene. I hated reading that. Well, usually we get to have weird stream of consciousness. A lot of these come in and we can like,

yeah, we can like say yes or no. Yeah. I didn't get to approve the advertiser on that one, which I think was just me asking for people to sell me or Venmo me their soses. This one's like a multi-level thing. So if you get a thousand dollars, we owe them 900. We keep the hundred and then they invest it. But if they actually do turn it to a level,

it seems really surface. It's not like a pyramid scheme. It's a trap is going. Yeah, so it is a pyramid, but then it's a pretty flat. It's a whole, I think. It's a mesa on top, like a flat sort of top mountain. Yes. The layer above it is a cousin of mine

who does do this stuff, the investing of the money. So we would keep, yeah, exactly. We would keep, we would keep $300 of the 400K that he wins, and then we would give the other people the $100K. We would get $300. Why am I reading these ads? We're getting nothing. I think, because in success, slash perpetuity,

they end up like, it's passive income basic. Host red ads are like built on trust. Like, we're not gonna be able to keep on selling ads if we're talking about, I think murdering cares and just selling coal. Asking people to Venmo is cash to buy shit coins. Yeah. But these are, I would say these are separate

from like the Better Health Athletic Greens normal standardized ads that go through the gumball service that we use. These ones are sort of side hustles that we are able to get through me and Jake's personal connections. Me and yours. Yours alone, mine specifically. I'm nothing to do with this.

All right. I think we learned a lot today. Yeah. We did. We did. Between fixing my back and fixing your nostrils, I feel like we're one step away from being the perfect duo. Yeah.

We learned about our bodies and our character. And our minds, really. Feeling better than ever. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. These are of course on YouTube so you can watch as you listen. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Or listen as you watch. We really don't care. It doesn't matter to us. It's all cash from Binance in the end of the day. Again, leave your social security number in the comment section as a YouTube video and sell Jake or cash app $1,000 today. Thank you. In advance. For more of us, you can check out our Patreon Patreon.com slash J.A. There's actual content there for you guys to watch. So speaking of giving us cash, you can do that for content over on Patreon.

And we'll be back of course next week as always. Yeah. Stay alive everybody.